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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,823 --> 00:00:04,941 What do you think, Mickey�? 2 00:00:04,997 --> 00:00:07,852 Dress or suit for my big return to "The Tonight Show"�? 3 00:00:08,408 --> 00:00:09,967 I need to eat, red. 4 00:00:11,436 --> 00:00:14,308 Well, we're almost there. Can you hold out�? We're almost at Neimans. 5 00:00:14,409 --> 00:00:16,018 They've got that salad we love. 6 00:00:16,515 --> 00:00:19,594 I'll try, but you know how I am when I'm hungry. 7 00:00:19,848 --> 00:00:22,036 I'm severely hypoglycemic. 8 00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:25,399 Well, all right now, but, Mickey, don't think about it. 9 00:00:25,642 --> 00:00:27,317 Let's talk about something else. 10 00:00:29,548 --> 00:00:31,813 I got your invitation to your "Comeback" party�? 11 00:00:32,076 --> 00:00:34,654 - Very fancy. - Yeah. I'm tenting the whole yard. 12 00:00:34,759 --> 00:00:37,033 It's a chocolate fountain party theme. 13 00:00:37,146 --> 00:00:38,537 - Fun�! - Yeah. Well... 14 00:00:38,643 --> 00:00:41,090 It's not every day your series debuts. So... 15 00:00:44,642 --> 00:00:46,419 Jane, did you get your invitation�? 16 00:00:46,554 --> 00:00:49,177 Yeah. How'd you get my address�? 17 00:00:49,654 --> 00:00:52,418 It wasn't easy. I had to make four calls. 18 00:00:53,644 --> 00:00:56,058 I wanted you to get your own personal invite, you know. 19 00:00:56,164 --> 00:00:59,797 Not from star to producer, but from Valerie to Jane. 20 00:01:00,674 --> 00:01:05,189 You know, I just feel like we've gotten really close over these past 20 weeks. 21 00:01:06,124 --> 00:01:07,379 Don't you, Jane�? 22 00:01:07,895 --> 00:01:08,969 Yeah. 23 00:01:09,972 --> 00:01:10,889 Yeah, me too. 24 00:01:10,963 --> 00:01:12,558 Could you keep your eyes on the road�? 25 00:01:12,615 --> 00:01:14,349 Oh, no, yeah. No, I am. I am. 26 00:01:14,494 --> 00:01:16,229 I'm not going to make it to Neimans. 27 00:01:16,334 --> 00:01:18,178 Everything's starting to swirl. 28 00:01:18,482 --> 00:01:22,347 All right, well, let's find a 7-11 and get you a bag of nuts or something. 29 00:01:23,993 --> 00:01:26,929 Can you talk about your feelings about "The Comeback" premiere�? 30 00:01:27,943 --> 00:01:30,617 Well, I'm beside myself with... 31 00:01:31,743 --> 00:01:33,838 I'm sorry, Don. I'm gonna wait for Jane. 32 00:01:34,052 --> 00:01:36,188 Okay. I'm sure you're very competent, 33 00:01:36,393 --> 00:01:38,417 but it just doesn't feel the same. 34 00:01:38,992 --> 00:01:41,148 She wanted us to start without her. 35 00:01:41,615 --> 00:01:44,449 Did she�? Well, I'm gonna wait. 36 00:01:45,122 --> 00:01:47,268 Thank you, I'm gonna wait. Mickey�? 37 00:01:49,583 --> 00:01:50,548 Fix me up. 38 00:01:50,652 --> 00:01:52,639 How am I supposed to open up to a man 39 00:01:52,743 --> 00:01:54,558 who shows up today out of nowhere�? 40 00:01:55,284 --> 00:01:58,767 Jeff�? He's here every time we do a studio interview. 41 00:02:00,053 --> 00:02:03,607 Well... I don't know how I'm supposed to know who anyone is with these lights 42 00:02:03,715 --> 00:02:05,740 shining in my eyes. 43 00:02:05,845 --> 00:02:07,440 - I can't tell. - There's Jane. 44 00:02:07,543 --> 00:02:09,217 I'm here. Sorry I'm late. 45 00:02:09,285 --> 00:02:10,877 I got held up doing another interview. 46 00:02:10,933 --> 00:02:11,757 - Did you�? - Yeah. 47 00:02:11,784 --> 00:02:14,690 Well, why would you schedule another interview the same time as mine�? 48 00:02:14,755 --> 00:02:16,449 It was the only time he'd give us. 49 00:02:17,004 --> 00:02:18,268 He�? Who's he�? 50 00:02:19,134 --> 00:02:20,080 Paulie G. 51 00:02:21,484 --> 00:02:23,649 You interviewed Paulie G�? 52 00:02:23,914 --> 00:02:26,540 - Why�? Why would you�? - Jason Silver wanted it. 53 00:02:26,662 --> 00:02:27,927 And he agreed�? 54 00:02:28,652 --> 00:02:30,180 They are lawyers involved. 55 00:02:31,013 --> 00:02:33,120 So... so now�? 56 00:02:33,244 --> 00:02:36,937 Now is when they decide to force him to talk about me�? 57 00:02:37,045 --> 00:02:38,860 Now, after I punched him�? 58 00:02:40,554 --> 00:02:42,428 And you brought him during a hiatus week. 59 00:02:42,535 --> 00:02:44,349 I'm sure he was thrilled about that. 60 00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:48,120 So what�? Did he trash me�? Did he say bad things�? 61 00:02:51,885 --> 00:02:53,727 Yeah, well, that's fine. 62 00:02:54,172 --> 00:02:55,809 I was trying to take the high road here 63 00:02:55,842 --> 00:02:58,218 by not saying what I really think about him, but... 64 00:02:58,913 --> 00:03:00,299 I need to go on the record. 65 00:03:00,795 --> 00:03:02,760 Okay�? I'm gonna go on the record now. 66 00:03:02,954 --> 00:03:05,719 I have tried everything I could to be nice to him, 67 00:03:05,833 --> 00:03:08,299 but Paulie G. has got it out for me. 68 00:03:08,503 --> 00:03:11,729 From the first minute he saw me he has been nothing but hurtful. 69 00:03:11,983 --> 00:03:15,288 He is abusive. He is threatening. He's a monster. 70 00:03:15,533 --> 00:03:18,480 And I hate to say that about anyone, I really do, 71 00:03:18,632 --> 00:03:20,279 but he leaves me no choice. 72 00:03:20,685 --> 00:03:22,038 He has a problem 73 00:03:22,255 --> 00:03:25,968 with actresses or success or something. 74 00:03:26,283 --> 00:03:29,380 Maybe he has a problem with a woman that he doesn't want to have sex with. 75 00:03:29,485 --> 00:03:31,340 I don't know, I'm not a therapist. 76 00:03:31,934 --> 00:03:35,119 All I know is that after months and months 77 00:03:35,303 --> 00:03:37,879 of personal attacks, yes, I hit him. 78 00:03:39,712 --> 00:03:43,948 But only after he made a very painful remark about my scoliosis. 79 00:03:44,083 --> 00:03:47,090 And yes, I'm ashamed of what I did, I am. 80 00:03:47,712 --> 00:03:50,429 But after everything he did to me he had it coming. 81 00:03:54,254 --> 00:03:55,538 Anything else�? 82 00:03:57,894 --> 00:04:00,768 I gave him a first show gift from Tiffany 83 00:04:00,903 --> 00:04:03,730 and he never even acknowledged that he received it. 84 00:04:06,794 --> 00:04:08,798 There, yeah, I'm done. I'm done, Jane. 85 00:04:09,275 --> 00:04:10,138 Yeah. 86 00:04:11,114 --> 00:04:11,949 Okay. 87 00:04:13,475 --> 00:04:15,410 Yeah. How was that, Mickey�? 88 00:04:15,674 --> 00:04:16,989 Are you sure that was wise�? 89 00:04:17,094 --> 00:04:19,979 Well, yeah. Let's fight fire with fire. 90 00:04:21,863 --> 00:04:24,688 But we did have one night where, I don't know if you know this, 91 00:04:24,803 --> 00:04:27,578 but lions have sex for like 10, 12 hours straight. 92 00:04:27,685 --> 00:04:29,738 - Tell me about it. - No, I swear to God. 93 00:04:33,575 --> 00:04:36,190 Yeah, I know, so, they... 94 00:04:36,303 --> 00:04:37,100 - Billy. - Yeah. 95 00:04:37,204 --> 00:04:38,917 - Billy, this is going over. - Wait. 96 00:04:38,965 --> 00:04:40,838 There's not gonna be enough time for another guest. 97 00:04:40,855 --> 00:04:42,677 Well, Val, let's just wait and see. 98 00:04:44,452 --> 00:04:46,099 I've made a big decision, red. 99 00:04:46,744 --> 00:04:49,347 I'm bringing Robert to your chocolate fountain party. 100 00:04:49,482 --> 00:04:51,029 That's great, Mickey. Yeah. 101 00:04:51,544 --> 00:04:52,637 Who's Robert�? 102 00:04:54,293 --> 00:04:55,369 My lover. 103 00:04:55,905 --> 00:04:58,767 I'm using your "Comeback" party as my "come out" party. 104 00:04:58,944 --> 00:05:01,718 And all these years I've never brought him to a work function 105 00:05:01,822 --> 00:05:04,909 - and I think it's about time... - Mickey, put a pin in that. 106 00:05:05,014 --> 00:05:08,200 Billy, she keeps trying to wrap it up and he keeps going. 107 00:05:08,304 --> 00:05:09,169 So�? 108 00:05:10,033 --> 00:05:13,020 Hi. It looks like we're going long. 109 00:05:13,165 --> 00:05:15,619 - Oh, no. - No way, Zoe, no, you can't go long. 110 00:05:15,723 --> 00:05:18,189 I mean she's here to plug The Comeback and it premieres tomorrow night. 111 00:05:18,194 --> 00:05:20,630 Yeah, I'm plugging "The Comeback" and it premieres tomorrow night. 112 00:05:20,635 --> 00:05:22,130 I know, and we feel awful. 113 00:05:22,235 --> 00:05:25,908 So, we're gonna make Valerie Jay's first guest the night after it airs. 114 00:05:26,014 --> 00:05:26,849 The night after�? 115 00:05:26,955 --> 00:05:29,907 Yes, everyone will be all buzzed from having seen the show 116 00:05:30,013 --> 00:05:31,900 and you can talk about the reaction. 117 00:05:32,002 --> 00:05:34,537 And then Jay will have a lot more to say. And... 118 00:05:34,682 --> 00:05:35,899 it'll be great. 119 00:05:36,024 --> 00:05:38,448 Not as great as tonight. You know... 120 00:05:38,564 --> 00:05:39,657 I'm sorry. 121 00:05:40,143 --> 00:05:41,887 No, I understand. I get it. 122 00:05:42,143 --> 00:05:43,400 Yeah, what can you do�? 123 00:05:43,784 --> 00:05:47,318 You can't go out there and grab a movie star off the couch by her hair. 124 00:05:47,505 --> 00:05:48,298 Right�? 125 00:05:50,213 --> 00:05:52,628 You know, so... Thanks, darling. Appreciate it. 126 00:05:52,735 --> 00:05:54,049 Okay, good. Awesome. 127 00:05:54,153 --> 00:05:56,370 - Then, I'll see you then. - Yeah, thanks, Zoe. 128 00:05:58,613 --> 00:05:59,690 Well, first guest. 129 00:06:00,384 --> 00:06:01,598 - That's something. - Right. 130 00:06:01,603 --> 00:06:02,959 - Right�? - That's good. 131 00:06:05,822 --> 00:06:07,370 Couldn't have worked out better�? 132 00:06:07,475 --> 00:06:09,827 I got to rest. I had my bath, you know. 133 00:06:09,932 --> 00:06:12,740 I need all those things to happen, it seems. You know. 134 00:06:12,965 --> 00:06:15,297 Just, that's the truth, you know�? 135 00:06:16,245 --> 00:06:18,580 Well, I better run home and change. 136 00:06:19,622 --> 00:06:21,847 - You're beautiful, red. - Thank you. 137 00:06:21,972 --> 00:06:24,998 Back in a flash with Robert, my lover. 138 00:06:26,225 --> 00:06:27,147 That's right. 139 00:06:27,644 --> 00:06:29,877 That's right. Oh, did you get that�? 140 00:06:29,985 --> 00:06:31,309 That looks so good. 141 00:06:32,535 --> 00:06:33,858 I need to wire you. 142 00:06:33,963 --> 00:06:34,777 Well... 143 00:06:34,878 --> 00:06:35,773 Oh, no. 144 00:06:36,246 --> 00:06:38,624 No�! No smoking in the house. 145 00:06:38,989 --> 00:06:40,623 Not inside. Not inside. 146 00:06:42,446 --> 00:06:44,317 Why don't you go put that out right now�? 147 00:06:47,975 --> 00:06:50,260 - You want to hold on to this�? - Well... 148 00:06:54,644 --> 00:06:55,629 I don't... 149 00:06:56,834 --> 00:06:59,129 Jane�? Jane�? 150 00:06:59,612 --> 00:07:01,690 Hi, I'm standing in for Jane. 151 00:07:03,052 --> 00:07:04,360 Jeff from the studio. 152 00:07:04,464 --> 00:07:06,529 Oh, yeah. No, I knew that. Yeah, sure. 153 00:07:06,635 --> 00:07:07,627 Where is Jane�? 154 00:07:07,735 --> 00:07:09,708 She wasn't feeling well. She had to go home. 155 00:07:09,814 --> 00:07:12,740 Oh, no. Well, what's wrong with her�? What is it�? 156 00:07:12,845 --> 00:07:15,287 I have no idea. She just called me to cover. 157 00:07:16,262 --> 00:07:17,838 Okay, well, Jeff, listen, 158 00:07:17,943 --> 00:07:19,697 Jane and I don't like that sound guy. 159 00:07:19,803 --> 00:07:21,457 All right, he creeps us out. 160 00:07:21,562 --> 00:07:23,819 I didn't know. We needed extra help tonight, so... 161 00:07:24,332 --> 00:07:26,427 Yeah, no, that's your right. I know that. 162 00:07:26,534 --> 00:07:28,680 But just, you know, never again, huh�? 163 00:07:28,783 --> 00:07:30,030 Ever again. 164 00:07:30,162 --> 00:07:31,997 And make sure he doesn't smoke in the house. 165 00:07:32,032 --> 00:07:35,558 All right�? Mark and I quit five years ago and the smell makes us sick. 166 00:07:36,522 --> 00:07:37,800 Yeah yeah. 167 00:07:37,902 --> 00:07:40,930 - Miss Val, it's me. - Oh, okay, hello. 168 00:07:42,393 --> 00:07:43,317 Look. 169 00:07:44,262 --> 00:07:46,198 - Great�! - Open in and look at the camera. 170 00:07:46,675 --> 00:07:48,338 That's great. Come on in. 171 00:07:49,395 --> 00:07:51,278 Don't you all look so nice�? 172 00:07:51,615 --> 00:07:54,890 This is... okay, this is Esperanza's husband Carlos. 173 00:07:56,092 --> 00:07:57,618 And their three girls. 174 00:07:58,444 --> 00:08:00,907 Why don't you all go out and enjoy the chocolate fountain�? 175 00:08:00,992 --> 00:08:03,489 - Okay, I'll be with you later. - Yeah. 176 00:08:05,424 --> 00:08:07,230 - Miss Val�? - They look so pretty. 177 00:08:08,522 --> 00:08:11,079 - This is for you. - Oh, you shouldn't have. 178 00:08:11,183 --> 00:08:13,890 - Thank you�! Thank you�! - Good luck with your Comeback show. 179 00:08:14,103 --> 00:08:16,189 Why don't you go have some fun now�? 180 00:08:18,683 --> 00:08:20,339 I did it�! I did it�! 181 00:08:20,735 --> 00:08:22,977 - You did it yourself�? - Yes. 182 00:08:23,104 --> 00:08:24,619 I was gonna do you. 183 00:08:26,175 --> 00:08:28,337 I'll gonna put this away. 184 00:08:30,762 --> 00:08:33,878 You can use pretzels or the grapes. Or marshmallows. 185 00:08:36,755 --> 00:08:38,297 If you don't love, you don't have to. 186 00:08:38,405 --> 00:08:41,330 There are no rules. Have fun, that's right. 187 00:08:42,925 --> 00:08:44,987 - Hi, girls. - Hi. 188 00:08:45,944 --> 00:08:47,857 Franchesca... you're at the wrong table, kids. 189 00:08:47,965 --> 00:08:50,450 You're supposed to be at that table. You had place cards 190 00:08:50,552 --> 00:08:53,990 and everything. That's all right. Yeah, just move over there. 191 00:08:54,095 --> 00:08:56,397 Careful, don't get me with the chocolate. 192 00:08:56,505 --> 00:08:58,569 I'm glad you came. Oh, good. Come on. 193 00:08:58,674 --> 00:09:00,739 Listen, we need more clean plates over there. 194 00:09:00,982 --> 00:09:04,828 'Cause the girls sat there by accident. Gigi, welcome. 195 00:09:05,223 --> 00:09:07,677 Thanks for inviting me. This is so fun. 196 00:09:07,935 --> 00:09:10,539 You think this is fun, wait till you see the chocolate fountain. 197 00:09:10,642 --> 00:09:12,760 Oh, I see it, but keep me away. 198 00:09:12,865 --> 00:09:14,660 I just started on the zone. 199 00:09:15,122 --> 00:09:17,600 Good for you�! That's wonderful. 200 00:09:17,705 --> 00:09:19,938 What was it�? The dress ripping on the red carpet�? 201 00:09:23,105 --> 00:09:24,059 - Yeah. - Yeah, well, 202 00:09:24,163 --> 00:09:25,640 onward and upward�! 203 00:09:27,485 --> 00:09:29,898 I haven't seen any of the other writers here. 204 00:09:30,002 --> 00:09:32,957 So what happened�? Big bad wolf wouldn't let them come�? 205 00:09:33,083 --> 00:09:35,018 I don't... I'm not... 206 00:09:35,123 --> 00:09:36,939 - Oh, there's Eddie�! - Hi, Val. 207 00:09:37,044 --> 00:09:38,810 - Hi, Eddie. - Thanks for inviting us. 208 00:09:38,914 --> 00:09:41,028 My pleasure. Oh, Esperanza. 209 00:09:43,473 --> 00:09:45,948 Put those down. Put those down. Enjoy yourself. 210 00:09:46,054 --> 00:09:48,017 You're a guest at the party, not... 211 00:09:48,864 --> 00:09:50,147 Peter, how is it�? 212 00:09:50,253 --> 00:09:52,177 Ain't nothing wrong with chocolate, baby. 213 00:09:53,624 --> 00:09:56,237 Well put. Really going over big. 214 00:09:56,343 --> 00:09:58,419 The video guy said we're all ready to go. 215 00:09:58,525 --> 00:10:01,657 Good. Tom�! Oh, Tom, you came. 216 00:10:01,764 --> 00:10:04,168 - Oh, so glad to see you. - Hey. 217 00:10:04,273 --> 00:10:06,928 - You look great. Real healthy. - Thanks. 218 00:10:07,352 --> 00:10:09,309 - This is my wife Sarah. - Hi. 219 00:10:09,412 --> 00:10:11,829 Hi. I feel like I know you. 220 00:10:11,934 --> 00:10:14,209 This is silly. Give me a hug. 221 00:10:14,975 --> 00:10:17,527 Good. Good. Pretty perfume. 222 00:10:17,634 --> 00:10:19,969 Oh, thank you. I make it myself. 223 00:10:20,482 --> 00:10:22,947 It's frankincense with a little patchouli. 224 00:10:24,362 --> 00:10:25,507 Is it�? 225 00:10:26,082 --> 00:10:28,517 Wow, Val, you really went all out here. 226 00:10:28,794 --> 00:10:30,679 Well, it's big night. 227 00:10:31,123 --> 00:10:33,687 But Tom, I'm sorry, but I couldn't invite Paulie. 228 00:10:33,852 --> 00:10:35,298 Not after the incident. 229 00:10:35,804 --> 00:10:38,087 I just couldn't do it. Did you hear what happened�? 230 00:10:38,242 --> 00:10:40,999 - No, we don't talk about work - Yeah, you know... 231 00:10:41,105 --> 00:10:43,168 Now's not the time or place to get into it. 232 00:10:43,272 --> 00:10:45,677 But he made an off-Color joke about the rod in my back. 233 00:10:45,785 --> 00:10:47,398 I have a rod in my back. Metal rod. 234 00:10:47,503 --> 00:10:49,289 So, I lost it. I lost it. 235 00:10:50,492 --> 00:10:54,110 And he just went too far. Just went too far. 236 00:10:54,332 --> 00:10:57,038 But don't worry, it's not gonna stop me from continuing 237 00:10:57,145 --> 00:11:00,528 to give it my all at "Room & Bored. " It won't. It won't, okay�? 238 00:11:00,632 --> 00:11:02,490 So don't worry. Enjoy the chocolate. 239 00:11:02,595 --> 00:11:04,187 Oh God, I love chocolate�! 240 00:11:04,293 --> 00:11:07,268 Those chocolate fountains are making a hum. 241 00:11:07,933 --> 00:11:09,958 What do you want me to do�? Turn it off�? 242 00:11:10,062 --> 00:11:11,967 It's a chocolate fountain party�! 243 00:11:12,074 --> 00:11:14,199 - You have to... - Look who's here�! 244 00:11:14,303 --> 00:11:17,317 - Robert�! - Congratulations, Val. 245 00:11:17,422 --> 00:11:21,457 - Thank you, doll. - America, this is Robert Fanzini, 246 00:11:21,833 --> 00:11:23,269 and we're lovers. 247 00:11:23,863 --> 00:11:25,788 There you go. All right. 248 00:11:26,163 --> 00:11:27,318 That's done. 249 00:11:27,794 --> 00:11:30,349 Listen, everyone, I have an announcement to make�! 250 00:11:31,053 --> 00:11:33,427 Stop�! Stop, stop�! 251 00:11:34,932 --> 00:11:36,318 Not yet�! 252 00:11:37,174 --> 00:11:39,617 Now, unless you've been living under a rock, 253 00:11:39,882 --> 00:11:43,017 I have a new reality show called "The Comeback. " 254 00:11:43,883 --> 00:11:44,729 Mickey. 255 00:11:45,654 --> 00:11:47,859 I would like to thank everyone here 256 00:11:47,965 --> 00:11:49,669 for your love and support. 257 00:11:49,773 --> 00:11:52,038 And I need to give an extra special thank you 258 00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:54,007 to my husband Mark 259 00:11:54,473 --> 00:11:56,637 and my producer Jane, 260 00:11:57,113 --> 00:11:59,259 who is home sick tonight. 261 00:11:59,673 --> 00:12:01,370 But she's with us in spirit. 262 00:12:02,503 --> 00:12:05,359 And there is no talking during the show. 263 00:12:07,835 --> 00:12:09,717 Save it for the commercials, all right�? 264 00:12:09,823 --> 00:12:12,587 And now, please enjoy "The Comeback"! 265 00:12:17,384 --> 00:12:20,010 And I'm on "The Tonight Show" tomorrow�! 266 00:12:25,642 --> 00:12:27,800 This is my comeback. 267 00:12:35,423 --> 00:12:38,238 - That's adorable. - Yeah, it's funny. 268 00:12:41,742 --> 00:12:44,517 Hollywood, the land of dreams. 269 00:12:44,742 --> 00:12:46,667 My name is Valerie Cherish 270 00:12:46,772 --> 00:12:49,030 and I'm an actress. 10 years ago, 271 00:12:49,133 --> 00:12:51,699 I starred in the hit sitcom "I'm it. " 272 00:12:52,462 --> 00:12:55,037 Mark, I'm very fond of you. 273 00:12:58,064 --> 00:12:59,660 Never thought I'd work again. 274 00:12:59,765 --> 00:13:01,690 - I never said that. - What do you mean�? 275 00:13:02,065 --> 00:13:04,957 Mickey, you were there. I told them I wouldn't say that, right�? 276 00:13:07,432 --> 00:13:09,038 I love Valerie Cherish. 277 00:13:09,144 --> 00:13:11,939 - Oh baby girl�! - I have ever since I was nine, 278 00:13:12,172 --> 00:13:15,517 I used to try and stay up past my bedtime to watch "I'm it. " 279 00:13:15,625 --> 00:13:18,300 Valerie has been in the business forever. 280 00:13:18,662 --> 00:13:20,828 Forever... forever 281 00:13:21,013 --> 00:13:23,138 When they told us who else was in the show... 282 00:13:23,242 --> 00:13:26,047 - I was like, "Valerie what�?" - Yeah, who's this has-been 283 00:13:26,152 --> 00:13:28,558 - with'80s hair�? - Val, that was the first day�! 284 00:13:28,662 --> 00:13:31,517 That's all right, Jesse. Everyone, I'm fine with it. 285 00:13:31,624 --> 00:13:33,500 Reality TV... I was expecting it. 286 00:13:33,602 --> 00:13:35,847 But for the record, I always thought I'd work again. 287 00:13:35,952 --> 00:13:38,039 It's okay, Red. We all know that. 288 00:13:38,142 --> 00:13:40,268 Try not to take it personally. 289 00:13:40,375 --> 00:13:41,847 Valerie's a star. 290 00:13:42,184 --> 00:13:44,859 I love being in an ensemble. 291 00:13:45,183 --> 00:13:46,209 That's true�! 292 00:13:46,312 --> 00:13:49,438 Surround me with a great cast and I am in sitcom heaven. 293 00:13:49,544 --> 00:13:51,219 I love black. 294 00:13:51,775 --> 00:13:53,337 Everyone on the set knows 295 00:13:53,443 --> 00:13:55,510 I'm just wild about black. 296 00:13:56,073 --> 00:13:57,029 < i>Delicious�! 297 00:13:57,134 --> 00:13:59,070 I was talking about hair color�! 298 00:13:59,174 --> 00:14:01,110 That's out of context. 299 00:14:01,214 --> 00:14:03,740 Hey, Mickey, what's up�? 300 00:14:09,985 --> 00:14:11,830 And she's the perfect stepmom. 301 00:14:12,035 --> 00:14:14,749 Franchesca�? Franchesca�? 302 00:14:16,333 --> 00:14:18,540 - Are you smoking�? - Not anymore. 303 00:14:18,784 --> 00:14:21,089 Don't throw it in the pool�! What's the matter with you 304 00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:23,538 Is that wine�? Put your clothes on, right now�! 305 00:14:23,643 --> 00:14:26,157 They take something that happened one day 306 00:14:26,264 --> 00:14:28,819 And then they place it where it wasn't supposed to be. 307 00:14:28,925 --> 00:14:31,997 Do you think they're gonna use that thing I said about us doing coke�? 308 00:14:33,353 --> 00:14:35,998 What does it matter now�? You just did. 309 00:14:36,715 --> 00:14:38,219 And you have to talk to your daughter 310 00:14:38,322 --> 00:14:41,068 Jeff, this means stop. Jane knows. 311 00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:43,829 What do I think of Valerie Cherish�? 312 00:14:44,333 --> 00:14:45,547 Here it comes. 313 00:14:45,604 --> 00:14:47,327 Children and those who are weak at heart, 314 00:14:47,382 --> 00:14:49,498 you might want to run for the exit�! 315 00:14:49,972 --> 00:14:51,250 Not my biggest fan here. 316 00:14:51,352 --> 00:14:53,899 But don't worry. I'm ready for this. I am. 317 00:14:57,083 --> 00:14:58,968 She's a terrific comedic actress. 318 00:15:00,013 --> 00:15:01,768 She's always very professional. 319 00:15:03,113 --> 00:15:04,888 We're lucky to have her on "Room & Bored". 320 00:15:04,992 --> 00:15:07,089 Paulie G. has got it out for me. 321 00:15:07,193 --> 00:15:10,479 From the first minute he saw me he has been nothing but hurtful. 322 00:15:10,623 --> 00:15:11,868 He is abusive. 323 00:15:11,972 --> 00:15:14,387 He is threatening. He's a monster. 324 00:15:22,822 --> 00:15:24,338 Yes, I hit him. 325 00:15:25,132 --> 00:15:26,760 But he had it coming. 326 00:15:28,602 --> 00:15:31,050 He has a problem with actresses 327 00:15:31,153 --> 00:15:32,980 or success or something. 328 00:15:33,082 --> 00:15:36,339 Maybe he has a problem with a woman he doesn't want to have sex with. 329 00:15:43,153 --> 00:15:46,018 Cut the cameras�! Get them out of here�! 330 00:15:47,584 --> 00:15:49,159 That's quite enough. 331 00:15:52,224 --> 00:15:54,227 Did you know that Mark was married before�? 332 00:15:54,333 --> 00:15:58,280 When they got married, Franchesca wanted nothing to do with her. 333 00:16:00,552 --> 00:16:03,230 Val, you can come out. Everybody's gone. 334 00:16:05,823 --> 00:16:07,999 Come on, Val, open the door. Let me in. 335 00:16:09,254 --> 00:16:11,358 All right. No cameras. 336 00:16:11,463 --> 00:16:12,878 Just you. 337 00:16:20,525 --> 00:16:22,808 - You're smoking�? - I'm upset. 338 00:16:23,624 --> 00:16:25,290 Give me a drag. 339 00:16:30,232 --> 00:16:33,189 - See that�? See that�? - Yes. 340 00:16:33,492 --> 00:16:36,247 They made that asshole look like the good guy and I'm the bad guy. 341 00:16:36,354 --> 00:16:38,879 He's guy, Mark. He's the bad guy. 342 00:16:39,493 --> 00:16:41,379 - Give me another... - Give me another drag. 343 00:16:41,485 --> 00:16:44,628 Get your own. I stole that sound guy's pack. 344 00:16:45,694 --> 00:16:47,348 Oh, God. 345 00:16:48,364 --> 00:16:50,618 I knew they would manipulate things, I knew that. 346 00:16:50,743 --> 00:16:51,979 I knew it�! 347 00:16:52,392 --> 00:16:53,870 But they cut out everything�! 348 00:16:53,975 --> 00:16:57,559 Everything that he's been putting me through for months and months�! 349 00:16:58,045 --> 00:17:00,509 And then they made it the crazy actress show. 350 00:17:03,723 --> 00:17:05,808 How am I gonna show my face on "Leno"? 351 00:17:06,755 --> 00:17:08,457 How am I gonna show my face anywhere�! 352 00:17:08,562 --> 00:17:12,130 At least they didn't show the thing about us doing coke. 353 00:17:12,482 --> 00:17:14,727 Not this week, Mark�! Not this week�! 354 00:17:14,893 --> 00:17:16,759 We've got 12 more weeks of... 355 00:17:16,865 --> 00:17:19,610 God knows what kind of humiliations in store for us. 356 00:17:23,275 --> 00:17:24,668 And Jane's not sick. 357 00:17:24,773 --> 00:17:27,229 She's not sick. She knew. She knew. 358 00:17:27,413 --> 00:17:30,128 Just always standing around, not saying anything 359 00:17:30,232 --> 00:17:32,710 with her mean spider eyes. 360 00:17:33,725 --> 00:17:34,928 Yeah�! Yeah�! 361 00:17:36,293 --> 00:17:38,548 - No�! No, not fair�! - What�? 362 00:17:38,653 --> 00:17:40,217 That is not fair�! 363 00:17:40,323 --> 00:17:41,140 No�! 364 00:17:41,243 --> 00:17:43,337 How would you all like it if I came to your house 365 00:17:43,445 --> 00:17:45,587 with a camera and snuck up on you, huh�? 366 00:17:45,694 --> 00:17:48,289 - They say keep filming. - No, that's fine�! 367 00:17:50,445 --> 00:17:53,339 - What are you looking for�? - My address book. 368 00:17:53,825 --> 00:17:54,588 Here. 369 00:17:55,425 --> 00:17:57,180 Where are you�? 370 00:17:57,284 --> 00:17:58,808 Spider eyes. 371 00:17:59,104 --> 00:18:00,839 Okay, yeah. Good�! 372 00:18:01,282 --> 00:18:04,219 Good. You want to do a reality show, let's do a reality show�! 373 00:18:04,904 --> 00:18:06,829 Let's do one�! Come on, Jake�! 374 00:18:07,234 --> 00:18:09,557 Jeff whatever the hell your name is�! Let's go�! 375 00:18:09,664 --> 00:18:12,109 - What are you doing�? - I want both cameras. 376 00:18:12,214 --> 00:18:14,067 Both cameras with me in the navigator�! 377 00:18:14,174 --> 00:18:16,668 No, no, no, no. Don't do this. You're too upset�! 378 00:18:17,922 --> 00:18:19,018 Christ�! 379 00:18:21,643 --> 00:18:24,277 Come on, everybody, let's get in the navigator. 380 00:18:24,692 --> 00:18:26,698 Come on, let's go�! 381 00:18:33,044 --> 00:18:34,550 Upstairs. 382 00:18:47,262 --> 00:18:49,567 - Val�! - Let's see how she likes it. 383 00:18:49,802 --> 00:18:51,518 Guys, I need one of you at the door�! 384 00:18:51,625 --> 00:18:53,028 One of you on the door�! 385 00:19:07,994 --> 00:19:10,809 - What are you doing�? - How do you like it, Jane�? 386 00:19:10,915 --> 00:19:13,300 - What are you feeling right now�? - Lucy, no�! 387 00:19:13,404 --> 00:19:16,200 - Can you get the dog�? - Is there someone in there with you�? 388 00:19:16,305 --> 00:19:18,400 Who is it�? A man�? A woman�? We want to know. 389 00:19:18,502 --> 00:19:21,389 - Get a camera in there. - This is insane. Jeff, stop. 390 00:19:21,704 --> 00:19:24,130 - You betrayed me�! - I didn't edit it. They did. 391 00:19:24,233 --> 00:19:26,830 I can't show my face on "The Tonight Show" tomorrow. 392 00:19:27,032 --> 00:19:29,170 I have waited 10 years to do that�! 393 00:19:29,365 --> 00:19:30,337 Val, 394 00:19:30,582 --> 00:19:32,310 let's go. Fuck them�! 395 00:19:32,412 --> 00:19:34,440 Yeah, fuck them�! That's right, fuck them. 396 00:19:34,545 --> 00:19:36,587 I quit�! You tell them I quit�! 397 00:19:37,033 --> 00:19:38,100 I'm done�! 398 00:19:38,792 --> 00:19:41,379 - You're an asshole, Jeff. - It's good TV. 399 00:19:42,205 --> 00:19:44,119 Keep the navigator. Keys are inside�! 400 00:19:44,202 --> 00:19:46,787 'Cause I don't need it�! I don't need any of this�! You can tell them that. 401 00:19:46,795 --> 00:19:48,717 When you tell them I quit�! No, no�! 402 00:19:48,825 --> 00:19:51,688 You know what on second thought, don't tell them anything�! 403 00:19:51,795 --> 00:19:55,120 They can watch me quit tomorrow night on "The Tonight Show"! 404 00:19:55,385 --> 00:19:58,029 All right, I'm going to tell my friend Jay everything. 405 00:19:58,302 --> 00:20:00,880 Everything you deceitful people did to me�! 406 00:20:01,263 --> 00:20:03,589 America's gonna know�! They're gonna know. 407 00:20:03,694 --> 00:20:05,799 No, that's it�! We're done�! 408 00:20:05,903 --> 00:20:08,078 Yeah. That's right�! We're done�! 409 00:20:08,573 --> 00:20:09,800 We're done�! 410 00:20:11,775 --> 00:20:13,987 I don't get it. Didn't she sign up for this�? 411 00:20:14,983 --> 00:20:15,690 Thank you. 412 00:20:18,973 --> 00:20:21,968 Oh, you know what�? I don't need this mic pack anymore. 413 00:20:31,115 --> 00:20:32,687 Here they come. 414 00:20:52,113 --> 00:20:53,947 What are you doing here, Jane�? I quit�! 415 00:20:54,014 --> 00:20:56,118 I have to follow you. You're still under contract. 416 00:20:56,194 --> 00:20:58,469 Fine, fine. You can shoot me quitting�! 417 00:20:59,354 --> 00:21:00,688 Shame on you, Jane. 418 00:21:00,794 --> 00:21:03,828 You're lucky my lover Robert has a sense of humor. 419 00:21:06,672 --> 00:21:07,358 Go. 420 00:21:22,364 --> 00:21:24,470 Oh my God, Valerie, I saw your show last night. 421 00:21:24,572 --> 00:21:26,409 That was the grossest thing I've ever seen. 422 00:21:26,513 --> 00:21:28,018 I almost threw up watching it. 423 00:21:28,132 --> 00:21:30,518 My boyfriend Tivo'd it back three times and I kept... 424 00:21:30,622 --> 00:21:33,277 That's right. Let's not want to talk about the show. Thanks. 425 00:21:34,095 --> 00:21:36,517 All right then. They're gonna come in to wire you in a few minutes. 426 00:21:36,525 --> 00:21:37,430 Thank you. 427 00:21:38,974 --> 00:21:40,650 "The grossest thing I've ever seen. " 428 00:21:40,753 --> 00:21:42,187 Thank you for that, Jane�! 429 00:21:42,453 --> 00:21:45,427 Valerie, I'm sorry you're upset, but people are talking about it. 430 00:21:45,595 --> 00:21:48,317 You know what�? I don't want to hear another word from you, ever. 431 00:21:49,245 --> 00:21:50,230 Ever�! 432 00:21:51,652 --> 00:21:53,679 And I need to know I am being heard. 433 00:21:54,834 --> 00:21:56,380 Am I being heard�? 434 00:21:58,022 --> 00:22:00,517 - You told me not to say anything. - All right�! All right�! 435 00:22:00,704 --> 00:22:03,319 How about we not upset Val 2 seconds before she goes out there�? 436 00:22:03,323 --> 00:22:06,307 Don't upset me two seconds before I go out there. 437 00:22:06,885 --> 00:22:09,540 Billy, do me a favor, go out and make sure Mark's got his seat�? 438 00:22:09,644 --> 00:22:12,130 - Oh, yeah, of course. Break a leg. - Thank you. 439 00:22:33,524 --> 00:22:34,870 What are you going to say�? 440 00:22:34,974 --> 00:22:37,217 I'm going to say that... I'm going to tell them 441 00:22:37,325 --> 00:22:39,779 reality TV is humiliation TV. 442 00:22:40,232 --> 00:22:42,120 That people's characters are being destroyed 443 00:22:42,124 --> 00:22:44,199 just so other people have something to Tivo. 444 00:22:44,305 --> 00:22:45,967 And then I'm gonna quit "The Comeback. " 445 00:22:46,073 --> 00:22:47,727 You sure about this, Red�? 446 00:22:47,833 --> 00:22:49,747 It did get you back on "The Tonight Show. " 447 00:22:49,853 --> 00:22:52,797 There's the good way to get back on "The Tonight Show" and a bad way. 448 00:22:52,902 --> 00:22:54,550 This is the bad way. 449 00:22:55,544 --> 00:22:57,917 Doll, you go sit with Mark. Make sure he's okay. 450 00:22:58,025 --> 00:23:00,258 And then I'll see you after. Thank you. 451 00:23:00,542 --> 00:23:02,030 This is you. 452 00:23:05,162 --> 00:23:07,787 You may remember my next guest as the star of "I'm it. " 453 00:23:08,183 --> 00:23:10,218 Enjoy this. This is your last shot. 454 00:23:11,443 --> 00:23:14,749 Please welcome Valerie Cherish, ladies and gentlemen�! 455 00:23:31,042 --> 00:23:33,329 - Have a seat. - Yes, yes. 456 00:23:33,463 --> 00:23:35,487 It's nice to see you again. It's been a while. 457 00:23:35,595 --> 00:23:37,707 - Yeah, thanks, Jay. - I gotta tell you something. 458 00:23:37,813 --> 00:23:40,748 I'm not a big fan of reality shows. 459 00:23:40,855 --> 00:23:43,389 And I'll tell you something, after last night, neither am I�! 460 00:23:44,595 --> 00:23:47,519 I come into work today, everybody, everybody is talking about. 461 00:23:47,624 --> 00:23:49,949 - What happened your show last night. - Yeah... well... 462 00:23:50,144 --> 00:23:52,299 How many people saw "The Comeback"? 463 00:23:56,013 --> 00:23:57,910 That's about half. Let's show the other half 464 00:23:58,015 --> 00:24:01,090 what all the hoopla was about. Let's put up the monitor. Check this out. 465 00:24:01,384 --> 00:24:03,597 - Oh, no. Oh, god�! Okay. - What's that�? 466 00:24:03,704 --> 00:24:06,218 Nothing�! If I could say one thing. 467 00:24:06,323 --> 00:24:08,588 Sure. But first, let's show people the clip 468 00:24:08,692 --> 00:24:11,640 so they know what we're talking about. Take a look at this. Here we go. 469 00:24:11,654 --> 00:24:14,248 Last night... Last night on the show. 470 00:24:26,205 --> 00:24:27,948 Just when you think you've seen it all 471 00:24:28,052 --> 00:24:30,368 here comes the rare double vomit. 472 00:24:31,922 --> 00:24:34,350 Vomit on TV�! I mean, look... 473 00:24:34,453 --> 00:24:36,438 Yeah, there you go. 474 00:24:36,644 --> 00:24:38,627 That's right. Come on, let's... 475 00:24:39,564 --> 00:24:41,459 We're all adults. We've seen vomit on TV. 476 00:24:41,562 --> 00:24:43,880 But the rare double vomit�! You never see that. 477 00:24:44,344 --> 00:24:47,260 Now you're talking. Plus, it's a giant cupcake vomiting. 478 00:24:47,365 --> 00:24:50,367 That's what I call quality television, isn't it�? 479 00:24:52,705 --> 00:24:54,579 I've got to say, Valerie, Valerie 480 00:24:55,002 --> 00:24:56,568 let me tell you something�: 481 00:24:56,674 --> 00:24:58,697 You have got a right hook, young lady. 482 00:24:58,805 --> 00:25:00,930 Look out Hillary Swank�! 483 00:25:01,945 --> 00:25:04,088 You should know that it's all taken out of context. 484 00:25:04,153 --> 00:25:05,750 Hold on. I got to get ready 485 00:25:05,853 --> 00:25:08,730 in case I say something you don't like. 486 00:25:08,864 --> 00:25:10,997 Now, I think I could take you. 487 00:25:11,104 --> 00:25:12,799 But, just in case, I've got a little 488 00:25:12,905 --> 00:25:15,409 air sickness bag here. 489 00:25:16,873 --> 00:25:19,088 You like that, audience�? Look under your seats, everybody. 490 00:25:19,154 --> 00:25:21,229 Check under your seats. We have a little surprise. 491 00:25:21,334 --> 00:25:24,230 There you go. Everybody in the audience has one. 492 00:25:25,352 --> 00:25:27,457 In fact, I've got gloves for you. 493 00:25:27,955 --> 00:25:30,368 Try those on. Try those on. Let's see. 494 00:25:30,874 --> 00:25:33,260 - That's what I was wearing. - There we go. 495 00:25:33,365 --> 00:25:35,809 - Let's see what you've got. - Where did you get these�? 496 00:25:36,375 --> 00:25:38,267 "The cupcake kid". You think I can take her�? 497 00:25:38,312 --> 00:25:40,397 You wanna give it a shot�? Come on. 498 00:25:40,503 --> 00:25:43,230 Hit him�! Hit him�! Hit him�! 499 00:25:59,594 --> 00:26:02,087 Valerie Cherish, ladies and gentlemen�! 500 00:26:12,604 --> 00:26:14,129 What are you feeling�? 501 00:26:14,665 --> 00:26:17,309 Complete this sentence, "I am feeling blank". 502 00:26:24,752 --> 00:26:25,637 Hello�? 503 00:26:26,612 --> 00:26:27,928 Yeah, I can hold. 504 00:26:28,032 --> 00:26:30,018 It's Jason Silver. 505 00:26:31,713 --> 00:26:33,868 - Hey, awesome job, Val�! - Thank you. 506 00:26:33,973 --> 00:26:36,100 - Oh, you can't smoke in here. - I'll put it out. 507 00:26:36,204 --> 00:26:38,440 Oh, it's okay. All the stars do. 508 00:26:38,543 --> 00:26:40,949 Just close the door. And anytime you want to come back, 509 00:26:41,052 --> 00:26:43,107 - you let us know. - Thank you�! 510 00:26:43,895 --> 00:26:45,750 Jane, the door�! 511 00:26:46,855 --> 00:26:49,020 Oh, okay, here she is. It's Jason. 512 00:26:49,125 --> 00:26:51,430 Val, congratulations on the show last night�! 513 00:26:51,532 --> 00:26:53,709 People can't stop talking about it�! 514 00:26:53,813 --> 00:26:56,039 The network's going to replay it on friday at 10�:00. 515 00:26:56,145 --> 00:26:58,379 They want to give this thing a chance to catch on. 516 00:26:59,082 --> 00:27:00,597 - You there�? - Yes�! 517 00:27:00,704 --> 00:27:03,577 This crazy vomit thing has pushed it over the top. 518 00:27:03,783 --> 00:27:06,730 They're picking you up for another season. How's that�? 519 00:27:06,924 --> 00:27:07,799 Great�! 520 00:27:07,905 --> 00:27:09,889 Keep up the good work. Gotta go. 521 00:27:10,372 --> 00:27:11,779 Okay�! 522 00:27:12,345 --> 00:27:14,249 Jane, we got picked up�! 523 00:27:14,645 --> 00:27:17,077 He's picking us up for another season�! 524 00:27:17,443 --> 00:27:19,007 After one episode�! 525 00:27:19,312 --> 00:27:20,139 What�? 526 00:27:20,244 --> 00:27:21,868 That never happens. Never�! 527 00:27:22,062 --> 00:27:23,400 Never happens�! 528 00:27:23,604 --> 00:27:26,078 Oh my God. Wow. I know�! 529 00:27:30,455 --> 00:27:32,460 Did you see that�? 530 00:27:32,992 --> 00:27:34,207 Cracked wide open. 531 00:27:41,013 --> 00:27:42,857 I don't know how I'm going to keep this up. 532 00:27:43,502 --> 00:27:45,688 What am I going to do next year�? Explode�? 533 00:27:51,353 --> 00:27:52,427 Oh, no, I don't... 534 00:27:52,913 --> 00:27:54,749 Jane, I don't smoke. 535 00:27:55,815 --> 00:27:57,330 I don't smoke on camera. 536 00:27:59,492 --> 00:28:00,660 Maybe you better... 537 00:28:01,702 --> 00:28:02,859 Yeah, for now. 538 00:28:04,142 --> 00:28:06,620 Here she comes�! Valerie�! 539 00:28:12,812 --> 00:28:15,497 Get higher�! Climb up on that car�! 540 00:28:19,014 --> 00:28:20,770 Thanks, darling. 541 00:28:28,494 --> 00:28:30,170 Valerie, I love you�! 542 00:28:43,454 --> 00:28:45,017 I love it�! 543 00:28:47,133 --> 00:28:48,649 Here you go. 544 00:28:52,614 --> 00:28:55,097 That was very good�! Very good�! 545 00:29:02,152 --> 00:29:04,707 Thanks, darling. Yeah. 546 00:29:10,484 --> 00:29:12,429 Anyone else want a picture�? 547 00:29:19,273 --> 00:29:21,589 That'll be a good one. 548 00:29:21,703 --> 00:29:24,399 I'll look for it on Ebay. You better not. 549 00:29:28,923 --> 00:29:32,089 Thank you. Is that everybody�? Did I get everybody�? 550 00:29:33,382 --> 00:29:39,580 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from OpenSubtitles.org 551 00:29:39,630 --> 00:29:44,180 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 42937

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