Original subtitles

Tanu, you deal with the kids

I am going to start off with a little song called "Smelly Cat"

Smelly Cat...smelly cat... what are they feeding you?

Everybody, Smelly cat...smelly cat...It's not your fault...

Monica! -They wont take you to the vet. Chandler!

-You're obviously not their favorite pet. Joey!

-You may not be a bed of roses. Rachel!

-You're no friend to those with noses. C'mon!

Ross, those are the only lines we have sorry.

Yeah hello. -Hello ma’am I am calling from HSPST bank.

We have an on going offer for new credit card, so would you be interested in.....?

Sorry I am in a meeting, please call me later. Thank...

Why are you lying Ma'am?

Nobody works on "Valentines Day".

Who is this?

You didn’t recognize me? Its me.

Who are you?

Its me...Mikesh

Mikesh? Wrong number sorry.

We met day before yesterday

When you were fighting with your ex boyfriend outside the restaurant.

We shared the only available table in the restaurant.

We had ordered "Kadai Paneer", I had all the...

Paneer and the only thing left for you was Kadai.

Do you remember? -Ya Mickesh!

From where did you get my number?

There is a technique for that. I will let you know when we meet the next time.

So what's up?

Nothing much to do

I had guessed it that is why I thought of taking you out on a date.

Date? With you?

Yes, but it is not an actual date.

we will just go out, have some food and watch a movie.

We won't have sex.

Maximum, we will kiss each other; only on the cheeks.

Or only the hug will be okay.

Listen Mikesh! I don’t really date...

I mean I barely know you, so... I...I don’t think I can...I am...

What are you saying? We talked about so much that day.

Remember you were getting calls and you were going to the ladies room constantly,

Even then you were concentrating on what I was saying.

Yeah but that's not enough, right?

See, I have just come out of a bad relationship so...

Please just a... You know I cant really go out, so...

Its "Valentines Day" Tanya. All I am asking for is a date.

I will be in the US in 2 weeks.

You will enjoy and I will also get some practical knowledge about dating.

Oh man!

You're sure this is nothing serious?

I told you I am going to US next week.

Do you know how hot the girls are over there?

Have you ever watched FTV in the night?

Okay hmm... Okay fine.

How do you wanna do it? Will you come to pick me up and at what time?

I will at your place in approximately 1- 1.30 minutes

I am right outside your building. -What?

Who gave you my address?

I told you before that there are techincs for this.

I will tell you all about it when we will meet.

I knew you will agree to go out with me that is why I came prepared.

Ok, you are...

It will some take time for me to get ready, so.

No problem. Even I need some time to get ready,

I just came back from playing cricket so I am carrying my date clothes in the bag

I will change them in your bathroom.

Don't be worried. I am a very hygienic person.

I wash my hands with soap even after I pee.

Okay, fine. Come.

We will talk then. -Okay!

She is calling me upstairs.

Leave the bike here. I will see you at home after the date.

Okay, bye!

Is there fuel in it?

Tiwari!

He took the helmet, the traffic police will stop me for that.

Hi

Hi, where are the vegetables?

Change in plan. Lets go out for dinner.

Mickey, you know I just cant go out tonight.

My procedure release is due on tuesday and...

...there is a lot of pending work at home.

Tanu, it's sunday.

You work 11-12 hrs during weekday, have I said anything then?

You have been told not to pick up weights during pregnancy.

Wait, I will take it. -Relax, I will do it.

Mom called.

-Which one? The first one or the third one? Your mom.

What happened? All ok?

She is better now.

But.

I think she was trying to say was that it is going to be a month now and...

...She was not able to speak properly. I think she was trying to ask that..

..What about the marriage?

-You tell me.

Once the project is completed then...

It seems that the maid has not taken all the clothes.

-Tanu! -Yeah! -Let's go for a date.

Mickey, there is so much work to be done. Please.

You are so stingy. You didn’t even give a treat for your promotion.

Let's go. We will be back in an hour.

Where will we go? Wherever you go there are no options for veg.

It's so annoying. -What can I do if there are few veg restaurants.

Do you remember "Shiv Sagar" where we went for our first date?

Yes.

So let's go there. That day also you were not in a mood,

Turned out to be lucky for us.

Ya, we do need some luck on our side.

There is nothing they could have done, it's all our fault.

I know, I know.

You don’t realise how common it is, until it happens to you.

-Are you okay? -Ya, I am fine!

Do you really wanna go or its just because I am forcing you to?

No. It's a good idea. Lets go out.

But we will make it quick

I will shower, change and come.

-Should I join you in the shower? The door will be open.

Say something.

What should I say?

Anything.

I am a very good listener.

There might be a bitch in your friend circle, start bitching about her.

Or if you want to know about me just ask.

No I don’t have any...

What is your full name?

My name is Mikesh Choudhary. I am from MP.

You are Nagpal, right? -Ya.

So how did you end up with Nagpal?

I don’t know, maybe my ancestors used to pet a cobra.

Ok, so it came from there.

Ohhh... I get it.

But isn't your dad a very fainthearted person?

He has a dog right?

All his pictures on Facebook are either with his dog or with you?

But I am not on Facebook...

So that’s your technique.

You got address and my dad's name from my company website

Then you stalked him on Facebook, and that’s how you got my number also right?

No, I took your number on that day itself.

When you went to the loo I took your phone and dialed my number.

Are you getting creeped out?

I am not that kind of a stalker

I have liked many girls before but never had the guts to talk to them.

From where did you get this exceptional confidence for me?

I have this friend Tiwari.

He showed me a documentary film on the Universe.

Did you know from space, our galaxy looks so small,

And earth looks even smaller.

So, I thought, why should I take the girls' rejection so seriously?

Suppose, if a girl rejects me, it doesn't mean that it is end of the world.

And, in our case, I was clear that there was no future.

It is just a matter of one date, good or bad but it will be a experience.

My greeting uncle.

I have ordered a Kashmiri pulao and Kaniyakuwari family dosa,

Its been 15mins since the waiter said 5mins.

Give me just 5mins.

Excuse me! Can you get me a cushion please?

I have a pain in my back. -Sure I will just send it.

Make it fast uncle, madam has to go for a movie after this.

Excuse me! Get one for us too.

I am not a waiter.

-Manager? No..no B TECH

I was supposed to do MBA but I am going to the US now.

Do you come here regularly?

Yes. I use to come here when I was doing my internship.

That uncle behind the counter helped me with the PG room.

Just time-pass

What are you doing? Are you crazy?

What?

You are removing your jacket, I mean..

Can I be frank with you rather than being formal?

Ya ok but what happened?

You...hmm...you... -Tanya

Tanya, you are looking so hot.

If you remove your jacket then it would distract me completely.

I mean there would be a problem.

What will be the problem?

Try and understand Tanya. I have had very few female interactions in my life.

I mean, if a girl just smiles at me, it is enough for me to start planning a wedding,

And you are on a date with me.

Your perfume is so strong that you were sitting

behind and I still could smell the perfume.

So, if I remove my jacket, what thoughts will come to you?

What happened?

I will write it down.

Your worst thought is a kiss.

On the lips Tanya. Not on cheeks, on the lips.

Here, is our food.

Has it shrunk in size, compared to before?

No, it's the same.

Hey, Tanu!

It's a long distance again.

Can you hear me? -Stop it now please.

Do you remember Gokul?

Tiwari's roommate. He got married last week.

He got married to a European girl.

The marriage is in Iceland.

Do you know what happens in an Icelandic wedding?

The bride and the groom get on their knees and look at each others eyes,

If none of them blinks for one and a half mins, then they are married.

He looks so good in the photos, I will show you.

We will hire a professional photographer at our wedding.

Since Tiwari has bought that DSLR camera, he is stubborn about getting the pics.

Something has changed Mickey.

Everything is not the same.

Tanu please.

If few months back...

...I would have seen us here then, it would have been fine

This a normal outing for us.

But I don’t feel the same way today.

-Do you want to go somewhere else. It's not the place.

I am sorry don’t take it otherwise but its you.

Whenever I see you, you constantly remind me of...

I am sorry.

Promotion is not the only reason behind me working overtime.

Mickey, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me.

But you also remind me of the worst thing that has ever happened to me.

We can at least try.

What try? And for what?

We can try to be happy again.

Tankesh cannot give up like this.

Tanu, the thing is that, I thought about this.

Then I understood where the problem lies.

First it was like me plus you is equal to happy.

We use to think that the baby would disturb the equation.

Then we found out that me plus you plus the baby would very happy.

But then.

the baby got minus from the L.H.S.

That is why we are facing problem to come down to happy from very happy.

But if we try then, we could be happy again

Let us give it a shot.

-Madam, something in dessert?

Dessert?

No.

What happened? You wanted something sweet, right?

I will have some caramel popcorn later.

If we are late, then we will have to watch the last show.

And I can't be late tomorrow.

What, you want to watch a movie right now?

On our first date, you took me for a movie after dinner.

Don’t you want to fight for it now?

Bill please.

Excuse me where is seat no F14?

F14 would be in between of F13 and F15 sir.

There would be a attendant at the back ask him.

Where will I find an attendant now? You, please help me.

Sir, I am on a date with her.

This is Tanya. This is uncle

What times have come!

Nobody is ready to help anybody.

I am looking too strict in this shirt that is why everybody is asking me for help.

But the tie, you can get rid of the tie. Aren't you feeling hot?

No, it's about the first impression.

It should look like I am giving in some efforts.

Should I remove it? -Yes.

It is kind of suffocating also.

Better? More casual.

Mikesh you can keep your hand here.

No, it's ok. They should have installed two arm rest.

Everybody fools a consumer in this country.

Listen, we can share this. It's okay.

Shhh.. The movie has started.

Listen, if you keep sitting like then I will feel guilty.

We are on a date Mikesh, you can hold my hand.

If I am holding your hand just like that then

what is the point of watching the horror film?

What do you mean?

Basically, it's Tiwari's funda that a horror film is the most romantic film.

The girl gets scared and holds the boy's hand and then the girl falls for the guy.

If girls fell for guys, only by holding hands then,

All the astrologers and bangle sellers would be casanovas by now.

Ya, you're right.

I thought that you looked smart only in this dress, just like me.

But you will look smart without the dress also.

You always speak exactly what is in your mind, right?

Why, should I say something else?

Sorry..sorry.

I am not talking. She is talking.

Don’t go there.

You, stupid lady.

Who goes to the basement at 3 in the morning?

You, idiot.

Doesn’t she know that this is a horror film?

She looks so rich, why doesn’t she fix her door.

I don’t want to watch this.

Is she dead yet?

Did the lady die?

I am sorry.

Is she dead yet?

What's happening?

Nothing is happening.

Please watch. There is nobody in the basement.

It's okay. You can hold my hand, if you are scared.

-Are you sure? Ya.

Your hands are so soft.

There are no hair on it.

Usually, the girls hand are like this.

That’s why I love girls.

The girls are the best.

You are not scared now?

This doesn’t happen in real life.

All of them are just acting.

There are no ghost in real life.

It's not like that.

You don’t watch news nowadays?

What?

There is a girl,

She takes young boys on a date,to strange dark places

And then she tortures them to death.

Really?

The dead bodies are found everywhere,

In the restaurants, in the theaters.

That is why they keep saying on the news,

That you should not go to the dark places with the strangers.

But the people just don’t listen.

Dad is right about

Watching the news daily.

Firstly guys get attracted to her perfume smell

Do you know how she laughs?

Leave me, leave my hand.

Leave my hand.

Sister, please hold my hand.

Please sister.

Poor guy is scared, hold his hand.

Sister, there is horror movie on both the sides.

Don’t you want to hear the complete story? -No no.

When she is too close, then...

Slowly slowly

The throat starts to dry up.

And then...

What?

You are so stupid.

What are trying to do?

I almost peed my pants

How could you fall for something like that?

Do you believe in anything anybody says?

People will take advantage of you in the US, Mikesh.

You are faking this, too?

No, my back is really paining badly.

The God has punished you for making fake stories and scaring people.

I mean it. I have just shifted in the new apartment,

So there is no bed and I have to sleep on the floor.

Why do you sleep on the floor? Go and buy a bed and mattress.

Ya but I don't get time from the office work.

You should take some...

C'mon, lets buy you a bed and a mattress, lets go.

What about the movie?

The movie is so boring.

Who makes a horror film without casting Bipasha Basu in it?

C'mon let's get there before 11pm or else the store would be closed.

C'mon lets go.

It's nothing brother, Madam needs to buy a bed.

She gets back pain sleeping on the floor.

Please remove the 3D goggles anyways life has the 3D view.

Oh sorry sorry.

The whole caramel is on me.

This is horrible.

Take it, you watch the movie

How will you watch the movie then?

I don’t want to watch this nonsense, you watch it.

If you want to watch some other movie then we can also go there.

Doesn’t make any difference, it is all the same.

It is all fake.

Just watch it Tanu, it is a good movie.

The action scene is next.

I know what will happen,

The hero will be beaten badly,

He will get a power in the end,

And then he will save the world.

This is what happens Tanu,

Everything goes right in the end.

Really?

So you think whatever I am going through,

Will be all right?

Maybe not immediately like them

It will take time.

But someday you will feel better yourself.

Is there a problem?

Nowadays you seem to be much wiser.

I have been wiser always.

People use to go to numerous tuition classes during the board exams,

But I use to do self study.

See, what the result is!

I have come so far.

You will forget everything if you concentrate on the movie.

Okay!

I got it.

What?

You want to recreate our first date right?

Are we going to go somewhere else?

Not anywhere, we will go there again.

Give me the phone, I left mine in the apartment.

Give me. -Its discharged.

Sir.

Can I borrow your phone?

We are leaving, we need to book an OLA cab.

Sir?

The driver Radheshyam will call in 2mins, please let me know.

I would have suffered an head injury.

What is this? It is so risky,

They should put a spring based cushion on the back

So if someone falls then they can bounce back.

Carpenters do not have common sense.

You didn’t like anything?

No it's all ok but...

It's very expensive.

Lets contribute. I will pay the half,

It would be my valentine's gift for you.

You will get a 50% discount.

No need for that.

Excuse me, how much does this table cost?

The price would be mentioned on the backside of that heart.

Is there any discount?

Yes first select the furniture and then go

to the counter, they will give you a discount.

-Ok thank you! Anytime.

What happened?

Nothing.

Tanu my breakfast?

Did you just called me Tanu?

Yes.

Please bring my breakfast quickly

Or do I have to eat Poha, again, and go to the office

At least bring me tea.

What?

What?

I am acting so that you can recover from your back pain.

How can acting...

How can acting help me cure my back pain?

Have you not seen that advertisement?

You will make tea in the kitchen and you will have a back pain,

You will scream because of your back pain,

And then I will bring you that pain reliever cream,

I will massage your back with it, then your back will turn red,

It will heat up, then the arrows will come out of the cream,

And your back pain will be gone.

Role play.

Serve me the breakfast quickly, I am getting for the office.

Hey!

Don’t go to the office today please.

I have also taken a day off.

Let's do something romantic.

There is a lot of work in the office.

Please?

What are you doing Tanu? Chintoo will see us.

Chintoo?

I have already sent Chintoo to school

So that we can be alone together.

As it is Chintoo was asking for a partner to play with.

So I was thinking why don’t we give him a little sister

What little sister? Are you kidding me?

Ask him to play with the maid's son, he comes from the school in the evening.

Who will go through so much trouble for him.

Oh Mikesh!

You were so romantic before marriage. -Excuse me!

-This... We are doing the role play, please come back later.

-Sorry...sorry. Its ok.

Sorry, continue. Action!

Oh Mikesh! You were so romantic before marriage,

You have changed so much.

No, Tanu, its not like that. I still truly love you.

Then, lets do it.

Tanya what are you doing? You always scare the hell out of me.

I thought we would really start doing it on the table.

Look Tanya,

With all due respect,

I want my first time to be special,

I am saving myself for the right one.

What kind of person are you, where have you come from?

It will just be so much fun to, you know watch more of you.

Why are going to the US? Please don’t go.

No, I have to go. If I stay, you will fall in love with me.

Right right, you should go.

Tanya, what I was feeling was...

No, let it be.

What happened tell me?

No, you will start judging me.

Will I judge you anymore after today? I don’t think so.

Okay, I have a proposal.

What if this is not our last date?

I still have 15 days before I go to US,

So, what if we meet at least 15 more times?

Yes, we can do that but what will be the purpose behind it?

You said it yourself that we don’t have any future together, so.

But I can be wrong.

No...no no no I know where this is heading,

I mean listen, I had a lot of fun tonight in a very weird way,

But I had a lot of fun. But,

Lets not spoil it by doing it again and again.

I just got out of a really messy relationship,

And honestly right now I don’t even want to think about

Being in a relationship and love like ever.

You speak so fast tanya

I didn’t understand many things but I just got the last line.

Look what I am saying is, your situation right now is...

...is like this chair.

Somebody would have scratched this chair,

So to protect it the owner had covered it with plastic.

This is a typical middle class mentality,

My dad does the same thing, he puts cover on the remote.

They thinks by doing it its beauty will remain intact.

But look at it, it's still sad

Whatever happened with you, after that

You went into a shell,

But still you are sad.

For your situation this chair is a good...

A good simile.

Good metaphor.

Good vocabulary.

So what do you suggest?

I suggest that let me remove your cover.

I mean let me stay with you for awhile.

Suppose, we are playing a role.

For the next two weeks we are in a relationship.

I don’t know.

Tanya, I am telling you that it would be amazing!

Let us try it once.

I like listening, so you can tell me all your life's problem,

And, I am emotional, too.

I will also come for shopping with you.

Physically, I am safer than a condom.

You wanna be my pseudo boyfriend?

For now, lets call it temporary boyfriend,

If you like my work then make me permanent.

Sir, the van is here, should I take the furniture?

Yes, take it.

So what do you say?

Wait. What van and what furniture?

Take it put it in the van. - No, wait.

Please come back.

He is closing it.

Excuse me sir, stop it please don’t close it,

Sir we need to go inside please don’t close it.

11 pm is our closing time.

Please come tomorrow in the morning, I will show you all the furniture, personally.

We are not here for the furniture, we are here for a date.

-A date? Oh, yes, please come inside I will show you.

I will explain it.

Is this whole thing of iron?

Come, Tanu come.

-But sir. Be comfortable, just come in I will explain it to you.

Listen I have been here before, you were, too, young at that time

Sir, I can understand its a love matter.

I had an inter caste marriage myself.

But sir how can I leave the shop open?

Keep the money first, its just the matter of half an hour at the maximum.

Once I am done, I will call you inside,

After that you close the shop and go home, what's the problem in that?

Sir, you will get a hotel room with this money. Then why here?

We are under CCTV surveillance 24 hrs, everything will be recorded.

Hey, we are not here for that,

What do you think of us?

I explained you the whole thing.

Try to understand the situation. Otherwise I wouldn’t have requested you so much.

Please, sir.

Thank you, sir.

He is gone

Why did you do all this?

This place is very lucky for us.

We had a wonderful first date here.

It all started here.

Everything will be perfect today also.

What will do in this shop?

The same thing.

Tanu please serve me breakfast, I getting late.

Please Micky I am not in the mood.

Tanu C'mon yaar don’t be a spoil sport.

Please, you will feel better.

Tanu?

I feel like it, please.

Here is your breakfast.

I will have my breakfast and go to the office.

Okay.

You are supposed to stop me.

Please don’t go. Stay.

How can I not go the office, Tanu?

If I don’t go to office and do work then how are kids....

How will I manage Bunty's school fees?

I have to go.

You will insist on me staying, Tanu.

Tanu, what happened?

I can't do it Mikesh.

I can't do it, I am sorry. -It's okay, it's okay. We will stop.

I cant do it, I cant pretend to be a happy woman. I am not.

You don’t have to be Tanu I am sorry,

We will stop it, I understand.

You don’t understand, nobody can.

A part of my body has been flushed away from me.

So many books, blogs, articles and videos, I saw all of them,

So that nothing could go wrong.

And then they tell you that,

There is that one in thousand percent chance that it will still go wrong.

Tanu please calm down.

I understand... -How can I calm down Mikesh, I...

How do I calm down?

I have nothing to cling on to.

When someone dies, you at least...

...You have some happy memories of that person.

But in this case, before anything could happen...

This is the worst feeling ever Mikesh.

If a woman's husband dies then you call her a widow,

If a child loses his parents then you call them orphans,

But when your child dies, their is no term for you.

Maybe because it's just that difficult.

Maybe it's simpler for you to move on Mikesh,

But I am not able to do it.

You take me as a completely stupid, Tanu?

You think that I don’t understand anything.

What do you think I don’t know that you go to the bathroom and cry,

You don’t want to act now?

From past one month I have been acting,

To be happy,

Because if I am said then how will I...

When your test reports were going to come,

I prayed a lot,

That I don’t want the baby,

I don’t want to be a dad,

I also feel guilty Tanu.

Maybe my prayers were heard.

If you knew that I am crying in the next room

then why didn't you confront me?

What difference would it have made?

We would have started crying together.

So you will let me cry alone?

When did I let you cry alone?

I always kept distracting you,

I brought you here like the first date,

It, too, didn’t work out.

You are truly an idiot, did you know that?

The first date didn’t work out because of the

restaurant or the theater or this stupid place.

It worked out because of you.

I am glad that I still have you.

Will we always be sad like this?

Maybe it will take time.

But as you said,

We have to at least try.

Wait a minute.

What happened?

Close your eyes.

Tanu, please don’t change the clothes here. There are cameras everywhere.

Mikesh hurry up, look everybody is waiting for you.

Tanu, what are you doing?

In case you forgot, today is our wedding.

Did you take time to get ready or it is just typical cold feet before marriage?

What kind of wedding is this? Neither our are parents nor is Tiwari present?

Everybody is here.

Look, uncle is discussing the meaning of circumvent with papa

Mummy and aunty are here. They are coming back from a fight with the caterers.

Grandpa had three heart attacks since morning

so Purshotam uncle took him out for a pizza.

And Tiwari, Tiwari would be here somewhere.

Everybody is here. -Yes.

Here, Dinesh and Mohit uncle are chanting mantras right?

They are here but they are not chanting mantras,

This is not an indian style wedding,

This is an Icelandic wedding.

Oh, yeah, Iceland! It's so cold.

Now come sit, stare into my eyes for 90 seconds

Oh ya!

Hey, Lleo move, its my wedding.

Think you have forgotten beating from last time.

How do I look?

Very nice. And me?

You look like a babe, top class.

So, ready?

Just a minute, let me do some exercise for the eyes.

Sorry, it's exercising my ears. Ready.

Okay

Start.

How will we come to know that 90 seconds are up?

I will be out if I look at the watch

Just make it long enough so that we are sure.

Marriage is tough.

I will kill you if you blink now.

Tanu we are acting but...

What if we are really married as per Icelandic tradition?

Do have any problem?

No, just clarifying.

Tanu,

I think I felt it.

Feel so married right now.

I think we should have our honeymoon here itself,

I will give him few bucks more, he will switch off all the cameras.

Can't you be quiet for 2 mins?

I am going to have a lot of sex with you on the honeymoon. Please don’t stop me.

I will climb on the cupboard and have sex with you.

That’s physically impossible and I don’t know why we are having this conversation?

Why not? I will try,

I will throw all the clothes out of the cupboard and then climb it,

We will do it once on the dressing table.

That will be our make up sex.

I will say talaq thrice if you continue talking like this.

First, you decide if you are from Iceland or Afganistan.

Keep quiet Mikesh.

My eyes are burning Tanu.

Focus.