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00:00:07,486 --> 00:00:09,303
How Lionel Got Me Laid,
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00:00:09,328 --> 00:00:11,947
the audio book
by Henry McCarthy.
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00:00:11,972 --> 00:00:14,133
narrated by David silver.
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00:00:14,158 --> 00:00:18,596
I owe a special thanks to everyone I knew
at West Rockwille High.
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00:00:18,621 --> 00:00:21,198
Without those experiences,
I never would have become a writer.
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00:00:21,223 --> 00:00:22,886
And, let's face it,
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00:00:22,911 --> 00:00:25,634
not everyone gets the opportunity to
write their shoulda, woulda, coulda's
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00:00:25,659 --> 00:00:28,707
and pay the bills
at the same time.
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00:00:28,950 --> 00:00:34,014
Yes, the cheerleaders,
jocks, stoners, geeks,
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00:00:34,039 --> 00:00:36,653
the soon-to-be out of the closet
token gay guys,
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00:00:36,678 --> 00:00:40,593
and faculty members
created who I am today.
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00:00:53,930 --> 00:00:57,601
Someday I'll go back and
thank everyone personally
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00:00:57,626 --> 00:00:59,415
and, of course, Lionel
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00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:01,485
for showing me the magic.
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00:01:08,043 --> 00:01:10,216
Girl, we are late, late, late.
How late?
16
00:01:10,241 --> 00:01:12,103
Fingers and toes late!
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00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:16,506
After 20 years, you'd think Henry could
at least get picked up at the gate.
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00:01:16,531 --> 00:01:18,964
Wino, listen to this.
19
00:01:18,989 --> 00:01:20,565
If Henry asked us about
his new book,
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00:01:20,590 --> 00:01:23,012
we're gonna be in big... here!
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00:01:24,866 --> 00:01:31,190
"A fictional tale of an awkward teenager navigating
his way through troubled waters in high school"
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00:01:31,215 --> 00:01:32,768
Sounds like non-fiction
to me.
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00:01:32,793 --> 00:01:35,375
Chapter one:
Say you, say me.
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00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:38,208
Misery thy name
is high school.
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00:01:38,233 --> 00:01:39,776
The first day in West Rockwille High
26
00:01:39,801 --> 00:01:41,332
I felt totally alone.
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00:01:41,357 --> 00:01:42,598
I was the nerd,
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00:01:42,623 --> 00:01:44,746
the geek,
the invisible.
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00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:46,392
until I met Brian and Wayne.
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00:01:46,417 --> 00:01:48,018
We became instant friends.
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00:01:48,043 --> 00:01:49,937
We calculated that a pack of misfits
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00:01:49,962 --> 00:01:51,454
had less chance of being beaten up
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than one solitary dork.
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00:01:52,750 --> 00:01:54,486
Henry, Henry!
Oh my God!
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00:01:54,511 --> 00:01:55,774
Safety in numbers.
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00:01:55,799 --> 00:01:57,680
Oh, look at you!
Ok. Hey, girl.
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00:01:57,705 --> 00:01:59,131
Good to see you. Let me
look at you, come on.
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00:01:59,156 --> 00:02:01,734
Mm. Where do I sign for this package?
You look good.
39
00:02:01,759 --> 00:02:02,770
Look at that hair.
40
00:02:02,795 --> 00:02:04,315
Your bags?
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00:02:04,340 --> 00:02:05,858
Lost.
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00:02:05,883 --> 00:02:07,530
Let's just go.
Damn it!
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00:02:07,555 --> 00:02:09,520
Look at you.
Oh, I'm sorry.
44
00:02:09,545 --> 00:02:10,939
Oh, it's not you.
45
00:02:13,484 --> 00:02:14,817
If it ain't wino.
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00:02:14,842 --> 00:02:15,839
Yeah!
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00:02:15,864 --> 00:02:17,711
Hey!
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00:02:17,736 --> 00:02:19,296
What's up, buddy?
Henry!
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00:02:19,321 --> 00:02:21,669
I was bored stiff
in my classes.
50
00:02:21,694 --> 00:02:23,856
Nobody knew who I was
except for my 2 friends
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00:02:23,881 --> 00:02:27,947
and the football jock who threatened to
separate my head from my body daily.
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00:02:27,972 --> 00:02:29,081
That's what happened.
53
00:02:29,106 --> 00:02:30,619
Didn't I tell you?
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00:02:30,644 --> 00:02:33,314
That's a passe driving hazard.
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00:02:33,339 --> 00:02:34,654
Here it is.
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00:02:34,679 --> 00:02:37,018
Homo sweet homo.
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All right.
Thanks, guys.
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00:02:40,223 --> 00:02:42,467
Oh, yeah.
don't forget your balloons.
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00:02:42,492 --> 00:02:45,544
Well, one for Henry.
One for me. One for wino.
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00:02:46,290 --> 00:02:47,490
What time tomorrow?
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00:02:49,473 --> 00:02:50,312
6 a.m.
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00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:51,427
ouch!
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00:02:51,452 --> 00:02:53,329
Uh, yeah! We'll...
Yeah...
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00:02:55,658 --> 00:02:57,443
Zombie hour.
See you then.
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00:02:57,468 --> 00:02:58,930
Welcome home, Henry.
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00:02:58,955 --> 00:03:00,322
See you tomorrow.
Bye!
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00:03:00,347 --> 00:03:01,265
Later, h!
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00:03:01,290 --> 00:03:02,645
Ow!
Stupid.
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00:03:06,096 --> 00:03:08,639
Oh, my baby's back home!
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00:03:08,664 --> 00:03:10,104
Hey, mom.
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00:03:10,129 --> 00:03:12,349
"Hey, mom."
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00:03:12,374 --> 00:03:13,560
How are you?
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I'm good.
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00:03:14,741 --> 00:03:16,940
You look great.
Thanks.
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00:03:16,965 --> 00:03:18,011
No dirty laundry?
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00:03:18,036 --> 00:03:19,661
Plenty, but airlines lost it.
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00:03:19,686 --> 00:03:20,723
It's headed to Tokyo.
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00:03:20,748 --> 00:03:22,663
Sweetheart, I'm sorry.
Yeah.
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Well, we'll go shopping.
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00:03:24,941 --> 00:03:25,726
How's dad?
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00:03:25,751 --> 00:03:27,217
Oh, he's dad, you know.
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00:03:27,242 --> 00:03:30,899
I felt like a stranger
in a strange land at home.
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00:03:30,924 --> 00:03:32,580
Mom treated me
like a 3-year-old,
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00:03:32,605 --> 00:03:34,467
and dad obsessed
with his hobbies.
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00:03:34,492 --> 00:03:36,141
Hey, dad.
Good to see you.
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00:03:36,174 --> 00:03:38,550
Henry.
You look good.
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00:03:38,575 --> 00:03:41,196
So, what would you like to eat?
I have all your favorites.
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00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,554
It's all right, mom. I'm not that hungry.
I'm really tired.
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00:03:43,579 --> 00:03:45,616
I've got to get up early
and do the speech.
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00:03:45,641 --> 00:03:48,769
What would you like for breakfast then, dear?
Pancakes or waffles?
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00:03:48,794 --> 00:03:50,200
Waffles would be good.
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00:03:50,225 --> 00:03:54,084
After graduation, I took my toothbrush
and a pair of shoes
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00:03:54,109 --> 00:03:57,412
and bailed as fast as I could.
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00:03:57,437 --> 00:04:00,923
But I left one big what-if behind.
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00:04:02,391 --> 00:04:06,372
And I knew that someday I'd have to go back
and find out the answer.
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00:04:08,883 --> 00:04:09,805
Hello?
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00:04:09,830 --> 00:04:10,900
Where are you?
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00:04:12,793 --> 00:04:14,538
I'm in my bedroom.
Oh, dear.
99
00:04:14,563 --> 00:04:16,034
Hold on a second.
I don't get very good reception.
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00:04:16,059 --> 00:04:18,761
I've read your handbook on heartbreak
5 trillion and 2 times.
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00:04:18,786 --> 00:04:21,156
I know this is a painful place
for you to be right now.
102
00:04:21,181 --> 00:04:22,497
Right here.
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I'm your manager.
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00:04:23,495 --> 00:04:25,987
Ok. You call me asap if there's
anything Javier can do.
105
00:04:26,012 --> 00:04:27,180
I can be there in less than 24.
106
00:04:27,205 --> 00:04:28,584
All right, I got ya.
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All right, Javier.
I'll talk to you soon.
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00:04:29,963 --> 00:04:31,195
Bye-bye. Ok.
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00:04:40,159 --> 00:04:43,618
Hey, you're listening
to John-Tom in the morning!
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00:04:43,643 --> 00:04:45,944
KRAC 88.1, the home of...
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00:05:00,359 --> 00:05:02,103
Girls were a mystery to me.
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00:05:02,128 --> 00:05:06,228
I didn't know how to smell
or what to say to them
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or how to dress for them.
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00:05:07,928 --> 00:05:10,715
Did girls want a guy
with boxers or tidy whities?
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00:05:10,740 --> 00:05:12,468
I stuck to the tidies
for comfort.
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00:05:12,493 --> 00:05:14,223
I mean my body was still changing, and...
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00:05:14,248 --> 00:05:17,571
my testicles wouldn't drop like
the other guys in gym class.
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00:05:17,596 --> 00:05:20,422
Then I discovered Lionel.
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He was cool and knew things
about women, secret things.
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00:05:24,428 --> 00:05:25,829
Lionel said things like:
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"You mean more to me
than words can ever say" and...
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00:05:28,590 --> 00:05:31,457
and "you are the rain that makes my life
this foolish game."
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00:05:31,482 --> 00:05:32,876
I studied him.
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He became my crash course
in getting laid.
125
00:05:41,500 --> 00:05:42,478
Morning.
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I'm bringing sexy back.
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00:05:48,730 --> 00:05:51,288
KRAC 88.1.
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00:05:51,313 --> 00:05:53,891
All right, hey, let's welcome
to the studio live this morning
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our local talent best-selling author,
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Henry McCarthy.
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Let's talk about your book
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How Lionel Got Me Laid.
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00:06:01,278 --> 00:06:05,065
Folks, I've got to tell you this is a serious
look at high school heartbreak here.
134
00:06:05,090 --> 00:06:06,891
Hey, how about that girl
in your book, Lauren?
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00:06:06,916 --> 00:06:07,988
The cheerleader.
136
00:06:08,013 --> 00:06:09,694
Was she a real heartbreaker?
137
00:06:09,719 --> 00:06:11,037
You can't name names.
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00:06:11,062 --> 00:06:12,671
Think she... think she
read the book?
139
00:06:12,696 --> 00:06:14,065
I would be surprised.
140
00:06:14,090 --> 00:06:15,361
Uh-oh!
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Hey!
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00:06:17,116 --> 00:06:18,010
Thanks a lot, Henry.
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00:06:18,035 --> 00:06:20,694
Listen, we'll be right back with a pause here
for station identification.
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00:06:20,719 --> 00:06:22,104
KRAC, K-rock in the morning.
145
00:06:22,136 --> 00:06:23,855
Be right back with John-John.
You know who it is.
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00:06:27,371 --> 00:06:31,758
I think I'll have
the t-bone steak and eggs, well.
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That's it.
148
00:06:34,136 --> 00:06:36,530
And the strawberry pancakes.
149
00:06:36,555 --> 00:06:38,909
Just a short order.
And no whipped cream.
150
00:06:39,527 --> 00:06:40,856
Light on the whipped cream.
151
00:06:41,833 --> 00:06:43,266
That it?
Mm.
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00:06:43,291 --> 00:06:44,443
No, hold on.
153
00:06:44,468 --> 00:06:45,735
I'll be back soon.
154
00:06:46,437 --> 00:06:49,077
I'm not gonna eat all of it,
just...
155
00:06:49,102 --> 00:06:50,129
Is that Mike Miller?
156
00:06:50,153 --> 00:06:51,346
Mm-hmm. It is.
157
00:06:51,371 --> 00:06:52,549
I don't think he recognized us.
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00:06:52,574 --> 00:06:54,243
Oh, he knew who you were.
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00:06:54,268 --> 00:06:56,422
He's been here for 2 years.
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00:06:56,447 --> 00:06:58,133
And Stephanie Reid works
at Bank of America.
161
00:06:58,135 --> 00:07:01,123
and Josh Williams works
at the Duffy's Dry Cleaners.
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00:07:01,148 --> 00:07:02,645
Over on main?
Mm-hmm.
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00:07:02,670 --> 00:07:04,509
You will see the entire class of '88
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00:07:04,534 --> 00:07:08,015
scattered around and littered
throughout rockville.
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00:07:08,040 --> 00:07:10,057
If you see somebody
in a grocery store,
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00:07:10,082 --> 00:07:11,985
they won't even
look you in there eye.
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00:07:11,987 --> 00:07:15,310
It's as though you share
some dark, dank, deep little secret.
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00:07:15,335 --> 00:07:17,945
And as long as you don't
register the other person's existence,
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00:07:17,970 --> 00:07:19,873
then you're not losers
for not leaving
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00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:21,499
and doing something
more profound with your lives.
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00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:23,323
It's just embarrassing.
It is wrong.
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00:07:23,348 --> 00:07:26,925
It is self-hating,
and big girl will have none of it.
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00:07:28,075 --> 00:07:30,669
What about, um, Scarlet Smith?
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00:07:33,382 --> 00:07:34,516
What?
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00:07:34,934 --> 00:07:35,861
Oh, come on.
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00:07:35,886 --> 00:07:36,865
No, no, no.
177
00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:39,263
No, no, no, no, no.
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00:07:39,632 --> 00:07:41,433
I'm just asking. Nothing more.
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00:07:41,466 --> 00:07:42,795
You poor, sad little creature.
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00:07:42,820 --> 00:07:45,786
No! No, no, no.
You may not do that.
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00:07:45,811 --> 00:07:46,739
No.
182
00:07:48,073 --> 00:07:48,952
Forget about it.
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00:07:48,977 --> 00:07:49,975
Yes, I will forget it.
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00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:52,862
That's exactly what you should do,
forget it.
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00:07:52,887 --> 00:07:54,291
Forget it. Henry?
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00:07:55,210 --> 00:07:56,430
Forget I asked.
187
00:08:02,146 --> 00:08:03,229
This is our high school?
188
00:08:03,254 --> 00:08:04,574
What happened?
189
00:08:04,599 --> 00:08:05,566
Gone!
190
00:08:05,591 --> 00:08:07,296
They tore it down.
191
00:08:07,321 --> 00:08:09,636
Didn't want it to serve as a reminder
of all the lives it ruined.
192
00:08:09,661 --> 00:08:10,503
Come on, let's go.
193
00:08:10,892 --> 00:08:12,152
I'm not going in there.
194
00:08:12,956 --> 00:08:14,027
No, sir.
195
00:08:14,354 --> 00:08:16,566
That, my dear friend,
is a teenage torture chamber.
196
00:08:16,591 --> 00:08:19,247
I wouldn't go back in there
if you paid me a million dollars.
197
00:08:19,272 --> 00:08:20,295
Wish me luck.
198
00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:21,539
45 minutes.
199
00:08:22,111 --> 00:08:23,499
Is that good?
45?
200
00:08:23,524 --> 00:08:24,523
45.
201
00:08:25,043 --> 00:08:26,569
Pull your pants up.
202
00:08:35,085 --> 00:08:36,885
That's mine now.
203
00:08:41,109 --> 00:08:41,894
What's that?
204
00:08:41,919 --> 00:08:43,731
Use your imagination.
205
00:08:43,756 --> 00:08:44,994
Let's go.
206
00:08:50,766 --> 00:08:52,270
It's a pen.
207
00:08:54,663 --> 00:08:57,321
Stop talking.
Keep the line moving. Let's go.
208
00:09:05,623 --> 00:09:06,623
Henry!
209
00:09:07,233 --> 00:09:08,336
Principal Marshall.
210
00:09:08,361 --> 00:09:09,127
Good to see you.
211
00:09:09,152 --> 00:09:10,153
Good to see you, too.
212
00:09:10,178 --> 00:09:11,109
Thank you for having me.
213
00:09:11,134 --> 00:09:13,113
Well, you know, when they told me,
214
00:09:13,138 --> 00:09:15,357
we have an alumnus who's
a best-selling author,
215
00:09:15,382 --> 00:09:17,729
I knew right down there you're the man
for the commencement speech.
216
00:09:17,754 --> 00:09:20,468
Forgive me. I haven't read any
of your books, but...
217
00:09:20,493 --> 00:09:21,027
Yeah.
218
00:09:21,052 --> 00:09:23,102
You're the prime example
219
00:09:23,127 --> 00:09:25,383
of what a student can do
with his or her life
220
00:09:25,408 --> 00:09:28,332
after he or she graduates from
his or her high school.
221
00:09:28,357 --> 00:09:29,301
Thank you.
222
00:09:29,326 --> 00:09:31,302
You are a winner.
I always knew you'd do well.
223
00:09:31,327 --> 00:09:32,067
You're a winner!
224
00:09:32,092 --> 00:09:35,668
And these students need a winner to tell them
how to be a winner.
225
00:09:35,693 --> 00:09:37,205
Yes, they do.
226
00:09:37,230 --> 00:09:40,012
And I want you to feel free to use
any of the facilities here.
227
00:09:40,037 --> 00:09:44,131
Of course, the library,
the cafeteria, the gym.
228
00:09:44,156 --> 00:09:44,964
Ok.
229
00:09:44,989 --> 00:09:48,470
Whatever you need to connect you in some way
in the commencement.
230
00:09:48,495 --> 00:09:52,004
Ok, so would there be any parameters or guidelines
you'd want me to follow?
231
00:09:52,029 --> 00:09:53,795
Well, profanity's out.
232
00:09:53,820 --> 00:09:55,934
We really don't want
to offend anybody.
233
00:09:55,959 --> 00:09:59,696
I wouldn't use the word
"shit" or "penis."
234
00:10:01,033 --> 00:10:02,408
But, yeah, as I said,
235
00:10:02,433 --> 00:10:04,437
we just don't really wanna
offend anyone.
236
00:10:04,462 --> 00:10:06,430
No, we don't.
No. Right.
237
00:10:06,455 --> 00:10:08,375
Now, there's something
else I forgot.
238
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:10,321
Here are some
sample speeches,
239
00:10:10,346 --> 00:10:11,943
some of my all-time favorites.
240
00:10:11,968 --> 00:10:13,250
Ok.
Yeah.
241
00:10:13,275 --> 00:10:14,096
These ones?
242
00:10:14,121 --> 00:10:15,072
Be good to look at, yes.
243
00:10:15,097 --> 00:10:16,805
I mean, think gettysburg!
244
00:10:16,830 --> 00:10:19,674
Think Martin Luther,
"Can't we all get along?"
245
00:10:19,699 --> 00:10:22,476
Or, you know, Bette midler,
"Wind beneath my wings."
246
00:10:22,501 --> 00:10:24,164
Ok.
Whatever she needed.
247
00:10:24,189 --> 00:10:26,422
And whatever invigorates you.
248
00:10:26,447 --> 00:10:29,706
You just go with it, invigorate,
energize our students.
249
00:10:29,731 --> 00:10:30,855
Make them feel confident.
250
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:33,341
Make them feel "I want
a higher education."
251
00:10:33,366 --> 00:10:34,532
Of course.
252
00:10:35,033 --> 00:10:37,164
By the way, the senior class committee
253
00:10:37,189 --> 00:10:39,471
will be charge of the schedule and events.
254
00:10:39,496 --> 00:10:41,960
So I want you to meet with them
after you see me,
255
00:10:41,985 --> 00:10:43,541
and you're seeing me.
256
00:10:43,566 --> 00:10:45,435
Ur, they're in room 502.
257
00:10:59,537 --> 00:11:02,080
And I understand you
all have other obligations
258
00:11:02,105 --> 00:11:02,907
and commitments,
259
00:11:02,932 --> 00:11:05,405
but this is a crucial time
260
00:11:05,430 --> 00:11:07,622
for the senior class committee.
261
00:11:07,647 --> 00:11:08,934
Oh, man!
262
00:11:08,959 --> 00:11:10,168
Mrs. Looch.
263
00:11:10,193 --> 00:11:11,224
May I help you?
264
00:11:11,249 --> 00:11:13,162
Uh, Principal Marshall sent me over here.
265
00:11:13,187 --> 00:11:13,966
Please take a seat.
266
00:11:13,991 --> 00:11:16,179
I will... see you after class.
267
00:11:16,204 --> 00:11:18,775
Now, everyone needs to volunteer,
268
00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:20,705
give up a little bit more time.
269
00:11:20,730 --> 00:11:23,337
Your families are well aware of
how important this is for you.
270
00:11:23,362 --> 00:11:25,682
Now, wouldn't you like to head up
one of these committees?
271
00:11:25,707 --> 00:11:28,303
That has to go to the yearbook
publishing company.
272
00:11:28,328 --> 00:11:30,293
And...
273
00:11:30,318 --> 00:11:31,324
Shasta?
274
00:11:33,992 --> 00:11:35,337
Pay attention.
275
00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:36,414
Thank you.
276
00:11:40,963 --> 00:11:43,015
I will need to review your speech
277
00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:45,656
prior to the graduation ceremony.
278
00:11:45,681 --> 00:11:47,079
Reason being?
279
00:11:47,104 --> 00:11:49,978
To assure the faculty and student body that
your speech is sufficient
280
00:11:50,003 --> 00:11:52,933
while meeting the necessary
requirements.
281
00:11:52,958 --> 00:11:53,908
And if it doesn't?
282
00:11:53,933 --> 00:11:56,863
We don't need to venture into
that territory this early.
283
00:11:56,888 --> 00:11:58,424
It seems we already have.
284
00:11:59,405 --> 00:12:02,569
Old Liza, we have seen some times together,
haven't we, sweetheart?
285
00:12:02,594 --> 00:12:05,089
Yes, we have. Hey,
big girl, who's your daddy?
286
00:12:05,114 --> 00:12:07,836
Yeah. Mm, mm, mm.
287
00:12:07,861 --> 00:12:09,649
I don't know why
they call it a bra.
288
00:12:09,674 --> 00:12:11,475
Looks like a g-string to me.
289
00:12:11,500 --> 00:12:12,700
What happened?
290
00:12:12,725 --> 00:12:13,573
Don't even ask.
291
00:12:13,598 --> 00:12:14,965
I just walked through
a thousand memories.
292
00:12:14,990 --> 00:12:15,603
I told you!
293
00:12:15,628 --> 00:12:17,060
Doesn't matter that they tore our school down.
294
00:12:17,085 --> 00:12:17,996
It's all there.
295
00:12:18,021 --> 00:12:18,979
I told you.
296
00:12:20,964 --> 00:12:23,131
You managed to get out of there
the first time.
297
00:12:23,156 --> 00:12:24,548
You may not be so lucky this time.
298
00:12:24,573 --> 00:12:25,430
Mm...
299
00:12:26,476 --> 00:12:28,559
Just trying to re-process
these memories here.
300
00:12:28,584 --> 00:12:29,841
Listen I'll be fine.
301
00:12:29,866 --> 00:12:30,975
I told you!
302
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:32,789
That place ruins people's lives!
303
00:12:32,814 --> 00:12:35,502
That's its sole function
on planet earth!
304
00:12:35,527 --> 00:12:36,698
I know.
I told you.
305
00:12:36,723 --> 00:12:39,057
You know what?
When big girl talks, big girl means it.
306
00:12:39,082 --> 00:12:41,318
You see the kimono?
The kimono means I'm right.
307
00:12:41,343 --> 00:12:42,443
You have to listen to me.
308
00:12:42,468 --> 00:12:43,794
Listen to the kimono!
309
00:12:43,819 --> 00:12:46,213
Re-process your stupid
memories. Re-process...
310
00:12:46,238 --> 00:12:47,475
What does that mean anyway?
311
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:50,584
I'd like to process your feelings on
wheat toast, with Mayo.
312
00:12:51,282 --> 00:12:52,304
I told you.
313
00:12:53,118 --> 00:12:54,245
Memories...
314
00:12:57,978 --> 00:12:59,428
Would you like a drink?
315
00:13:00,571 --> 00:13:01,435
No, I'm good.
316
00:13:01,899 --> 00:13:02,595
Ok.
317
00:13:08,973 --> 00:13:10,332
So, how was school?
318
00:13:12,237 --> 00:13:13,937
You know, it's school.
319
00:13:18,265 --> 00:13:19,956
I don't know what I'm gonna write
320
00:13:19,981 --> 00:13:22,430
that's gonna even inspire these kids.
321
00:13:22,455 --> 00:13:23,378
Let me see.
322
00:13:24,090 --> 00:13:24,600
Let me see.
323
00:13:24,625 --> 00:13:26,247
Just flipping through my yearbook.
324
00:13:26,272 --> 00:13:28,230
Oh, the old yearbook.
325
00:13:28,255 --> 00:13:29,369
Who else is in there?
326
00:13:29,394 --> 00:13:30,608
Yeah.
327
00:13:31,028 --> 00:13:32,183
Yeah...
328
00:13:34,924 --> 00:13:40,495
Scarlet. "Thank you
for being you and sweet."
329
00:13:41,295 --> 00:13:42,264
Huh?
330
00:13:43,139 --> 00:13:44,779
"Call me this summer."
331
00:13:45,857 --> 00:13:46,718
Scarlet Smith.
332
00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:49,034
Oh, Scarlet Smith.
333
00:13:50,813 --> 00:13:54,233
You mean, "I'm so in love,
I don't know what to do!"
334
00:13:54,258 --> 00:13:55,612
That Scarlet Smith?
335
00:13:55,637 --> 00:13:56,316
Are you done?
336
00:13:56,341 --> 00:13:57,358
Ooh!
337
00:13:58,753 --> 00:13:59,726
Call her.
338
00:14:00,101 --> 00:14:01,199
Call her.
339
00:14:01,787 --> 00:14:02,280
No.
340
00:14:02,305 --> 00:14:03,097
Do it.
341
00:14:03,302 --> 00:14:05,264
That was 19 summers ago.
342
00:14:05,289 --> 00:14:07,194
Tell her you lost
track of time.
343
00:14:07,839 --> 00:14:08,655
Yeah.
344
00:14:09,252 --> 00:14:10,640
Come on, dig deep.
345
00:14:10,665 --> 00:14:12,584
Ok.
Yes! Henry!
346
00:14:12,609 --> 00:14:13,804
Attaboy!
347
00:14:13,829 --> 00:14:15,262
Oh, yes...
348
00:14:15,613 --> 00:14:16,965
All right. What's her number?
349
00:14:16,990 --> 00:14:19,418
Ooh, she is a cute little wafer.
You know.
350
00:14:19,443 --> 00:14:20,292
There you go.
351
00:14:21,336 --> 00:14:22,233
Ready?
352
00:14:22,258 --> 00:14:23,679
869...
353
00:14:26,849 --> 00:14:28,850
Do you want me
to get that, mom?
354
00:14:28,875 --> 00:14:30,950
If it's Brad, I'm not here.
355
00:14:32,320 --> 00:14:33,495
Is this it?
356
00:14:34,179 --> 00:14:35,955
It's all I could find.
Hello?
357
00:14:35,980 --> 00:14:39,905
Uh, yeah. Um...
358
00:14:41,305 --> 00:14:42,228
Hello?
359
00:14:42,925 --> 00:14:43,958
Oh!
Yeah.
360
00:14:44,377 --> 00:14:45,092
What did you do that for?
361
00:14:45,117 --> 00:14:46,811
Because I shouldn't
be calling her.
362
00:14:47,318 --> 00:14:49,056
Oh, no. no, no, no.
You know what, Just don't call her.
363
00:14:49,081 --> 00:14:50,508
I'll call her for you.
Just what the fuck you know?
364
00:14:50,533 --> 00:14:52,721
Just let me do it for you.
You see, we don't have to call her.
365
00:14:52,746 --> 00:14:53,638
Give it to me.
I'll call her.
366
00:14:53,663 --> 00:14:55,966
Yes! Now that's my man.
There you go.
367
00:14:55,991 --> 00:14:57,225
You just need to
loosen up a little.
368
00:14:57,250 --> 00:14:58,702
That's what it was.
369
00:14:59,103 --> 00:15:00,355
What's her number?
861...
370
00:15:00,986 --> 00:15:01,986
I'll get that.
371
00:15:05,993 --> 00:15:07,715
Listen, freak! It's over!
Shit!
372
00:15:09,864 --> 00:15:11,263
Now, deal!
Just...
373
00:15:11,465 --> 00:15:11,986
What?
374
00:15:12,011 --> 00:15:12,698
Too harsh?
375
00:15:13,092 --> 00:15:13,794
Hello?
376
00:15:15,301 --> 00:15:16,258
Is Scarlet there?
377
00:15:16,283 --> 00:15:18,002
Um, who is this?
378
00:15:18,027 --> 00:15:20,741
This is, um, Henry...
379
00:15:20,766 --> 00:15:22,404
Henry McCarthy.
Who's this?
380
00:15:22,460 --> 00:15:25,531
Um, this is her best friend of
30 years, Darcy.
381
00:15:25,926 --> 00:15:26,729
Who is it?
382
00:15:26,754 --> 00:15:28,124
Henry McCarthy?
383
00:15:28,149 --> 00:15:29,089
High school?
384
00:15:30,002 --> 00:15:30,778
Oh yeah.
385
00:15:30,803 --> 00:15:32,300
I was just, um...
386
00:15:32,325 --> 00:15:34,460
I was flipping through
my yearbook, and...
387
00:15:34,841 --> 00:15:37,125
She had written in the yearbook...
388
00:15:37,150 --> 00:15:38,275
"You're a great, sweet guy.
389
00:15:38,300 --> 00:15:40,080
and you better call me this summer."
390
00:15:40,105 --> 00:15:43,455
That was with one of those exclamation
like you're screaming thingies
391
00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:44,206
kind of thing.
392
00:15:44,231 --> 00:15:46,833
Ok, well, she has no idea
who you are.
393
00:15:46,865 --> 00:15:48,748
She doesn't...
394
00:15:48,780 --> 00:15:50,273
She doesn't remember me.
395
00:15:50,298 --> 00:15:52,417
Hold on one second.
Just...
396
00:15:52,442 --> 00:15:54,879
If you turn the pages,
you look and turn the pages,
397
00:15:54,904 --> 00:15:55,901
Twelve, one, thirty...
398
00:15:55,926 --> 00:15:57,417
Ok, well, we'll have to
take a look.
399
00:15:57,442 --> 00:15:58,170
Get your yearbook!
400
00:15:58,195 --> 00:16:00,031
I don't think I even
have it anymore.
401
00:16:01,825 --> 00:16:03,138
There's... it's 132.
402
00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:05,138
There's a pretty good
picture of me there also.
403
00:16:05,163 --> 00:16:06,184
But it's not listed.
404
00:16:06,209 --> 00:16:07,341
Ok, great.
405
00:16:08,010 --> 00:16:09,109
Ok, well, listen, Harry.
406
00:16:09,134 --> 00:16:10,528
She doesn't have it right now.
407
00:16:10,553 --> 00:16:12,043
She can't find it.
What?
408
00:16:12,068 --> 00:16:14,221
Uh, no, it's sounds like it's sitting
on her nightstand
409
00:16:14,246 --> 00:16:15,650
next to her retainer
410
00:16:15,675 --> 00:16:17,416
underneath her unicorn poster.
411
00:16:17,809 --> 00:16:19,938
All right, if you'd just tell her
412
00:16:19,963 --> 00:16:21,416
that Henry McCarthy called.
413
00:16:21,441 --> 00:16:22,976
Ok, I'm gonna get off
the phone now, Harry.
414
00:16:23,001 --> 00:16:24,706
But thank you so much
for your interest.
415
00:16:24,731 --> 00:16:25,409
Bye!
416
00:16:25,434 --> 00:16:27,356
That's all right.
Bye... bye.
417
00:16:29,116 --> 00:16:30,365
OMG!
418
00:16:30,390 --> 00:16:32,508
I don't know.
But he's in love with you.
419
00:16:33,239 --> 00:16:35,280
I'm so weak.
420
00:16:35,305 --> 00:16:36,834
Yeah.
I'm serious.
421
00:16:38,209 --> 00:16:39,305
That sucked.
422
00:16:40,971 --> 00:16:42,137
You did what?!
423
00:16:42,162 --> 00:16:43,286
I called Scarlet Smith.
424
00:16:43,311 --> 00:16:44,668
Well, we did.
425
00:16:44,693 --> 00:16:45,817
You did not!
426
00:16:45,842 --> 00:16:46,727
He did.
427
00:16:46,752 --> 00:16:47,703
I can't eat.
428
00:16:48,794 --> 00:16:50,204
No, I can eat.
429
00:16:50,229 --> 00:16:51,232
Yeah.
430
00:16:51,257 --> 00:16:52,145
Henry.
431
00:16:52,616 --> 00:16:54,768
Please. Let it go.
432
00:16:55,274 --> 00:16:57,229
You stop being such an enabler.
433
00:16:57,254 --> 00:16:58,778
He has nothing to lose.
434
00:16:58,803 --> 00:17:00,690
He has nothing to gain
either.
435
00:17:00,715 --> 00:17:03,133
Look, I was just wondering
what she's up to. That's it.
436
00:17:03,158 --> 00:17:04,661
I'm sure she was wondering
the same thing about you.
437
00:17:04,686 --> 00:17:06,093
She was.
438
00:17:06,118 --> 00:17:09,585
Let it go!
Let. It. Go.
439
00:17:09,998 --> 00:17:10,695
Let it go.
440
00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:12,410
Henry, you made me proud.
441
00:17:12,791 --> 00:17:13,678
Self-destructing.
442
00:17:13,703 --> 00:17:16,966
She rendered me down to the geek
like in 2 seconds flat.
443
00:17:16,991 --> 00:17:18,665
We've got some serious power, dude.
444
00:17:18,690 --> 00:17:21,058
That's the first thing you said
that I absolutely agree with.
445
00:17:21,083 --> 00:17:23,396
Rendered you a geek means that
you're not a geek now.
446
00:17:23,421 --> 00:17:25,903
You are, in fact, still a geek.
447
00:17:25,928 --> 00:17:27,235
Let it go.
448
00:17:27,522 --> 00:17:30,512
Let it go!
You do not need that in your life!
449
00:17:30,537 --> 00:17:32,969
All right?
Smoking crack is easier on your heart.
450
00:17:32,994 --> 00:17:34,428
Have some syrup.
451
00:17:34,856 --> 00:17:36,197
A little more.
She's gonna take...
452
00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:37,953
one good look at that year book photo
453
00:17:37,978 --> 00:17:39,991
and remember why she doesn't remember me.
454
00:17:40,016 --> 00:17:43,415
That's positive thinking. That's the
power of positive thinking right there.
455
00:17:44,238 --> 00:17:46,618
I found it!
I've got the yearbook!
456
00:17:46,969 --> 00:17:48,841
These, thank you
very much.
457
00:17:49,328 --> 00:17:50,876
Here you go.
458
00:17:50,993 --> 00:17:52,704
That color works on you, Bob.
459
00:17:54,350 --> 00:17:55,286
You find him?
460
00:17:55,311 --> 00:17:56,365
Is he hot?
461
00:17:56,390 --> 00:17:56,920
Hmm.
462
00:17:56,945 --> 00:17:58,039
Henry McCarthy.
463
00:17:58,064 --> 00:17:59,961
You know him?
We had chemistry.
464
00:17:59,986 --> 00:18:01,635
You've got chemistry with that?
465
00:18:01,660 --> 00:18:03,401
Yeah, chemistry class.
466
00:18:03,426 --> 00:18:05,695
He was such a sweet guy.
He always tried to help me.
467
00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:07,653
No, he's taking advantage
of your lack of intelligence.
468
00:18:07,678 --> 00:18:09,235
That's how geeks work.
469
00:18:09,260 --> 00:18:11,234
Oh, I feel bad now.
470
00:18:11,259 --> 00:18:14,311
Are you kidding me? There's like a
thousand reasons why you forgot him.
471
00:18:14,336 --> 00:18:17,162
Looks like something
from the old days, like my dad.
472
00:18:17,750 --> 00:18:19,632
So you're gonna call him back?
473
00:18:19,657 --> 00:18:22,855
I can't call him. I mean,
he probably thinks I'm a total bitch.
474
00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:24,113
Well, you are.
475
00:18:24,138 --> 00:18:25,059
I mean, come on.
476
00:18:25,084 --> 00:18:27,623
Hey, what'd happen if
I took one of these right now?
477
00:18:27,648 --> 00:18:28,592
Anal leakage.
478
00:18:28,617 --> 00:18:29,407
Yeesh!
479
00:18:34,380 --> 00:18:35,954
Already ditching, huh?
480
00:18:37,577 --> 00:18:38,318
Oh.
481
00:18:38,343 --> 00:18:39,642
Shasta O'Neal.
482
00:18:39,965 --> 00:18:41,377
Senior class committee.
483
00:18:41,777 --> 00:18:42,866
Shasta.
484
00:18:44,818 --> 00:18:46,547
You weren't in class today.
485
00:18:47,236 --> 00:18:48,117
I didn't do my homework.
486
00:18:48,142 --> 00:18:50,853
Oh! That is not good.
487
00:18:51,118 --> 00:18:52,103
No.
488
00:18:52,579 --> 00:18:55,996
I figured I came in here, I'd probably
get better insight in the class.
489
00:18:56,021 --> 00:18:56,876
And?
490
00:18:57,531 --> 00:19:00,154
As far as I can tell...
491
00:19:00,179 --> 00:19:04,442
the library is still the sanctuary
for the socially challenged.
492
00:19:05,705 --> 00:19:06,490
Attention!
Get down.
493
00:19:06,515 --> 00:19:07,288
Get down!
494
00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:09,726
Come on! You know the drill!
Down!
495
00:19:12,156 --> 00:19:13,223
Get down!
496
00:19:14,323 --> 00:19:15,624
Crisis alarm!
497
00:19:16,094 --> 00:19:17,817
Aren't we supposed to
leave with the fire alarm?
498
00:19:17,842 --> 00:19:18,993
It's not a fire alarm.
499
00:19:19,018 --> 00:19:20,430
It's a crisis alarm.
500
00:19:21,012 --> 00:19:22,298
A crisis alarm?
501
00:19:22,323 --> 00:19:22,893
Yeah.
502
00:19:22,918 --> 00:19:25,033
Someone could be on campus
with a gun.
503
00:19:25,058 --> 00:19:25,690
Oh.
504
00:19:26,556 --> 00:19:27,543
Relax.
505
00:19:28,036 --> 00:19:31,404
Nobody has a gun, ok?
It's just a drill.
506
00:19:31,429 --> 00:19:34,692
Oh. How often do you guys
do this drill?
507
00:19:34,717 --> 00:19:36,109
A couple times
a week.
508
00:19:36,134 --> 00:19:36,953
Oh.
509
00:19:37,747 --> 00:19:38,896
Lovely.
510
00:19:47,493 --> 00:19:48,230
Hello?
511
00:19:48,255 --> 00:19:50,261
Oh, I'm sorry.
Is this too late to call?
512
00:19:50,286 --> 00:19:53,012
This is Scarlet Smith
from high school.
513
00:19:53,037 --> 00:19:54,428
Yeah. Scar...
514
00:19:54,453 --> 00:19:56,298
You called me?
Scarlet?
515
00:19:56,323 --> 00:19:57,162
Hey.
Hello?
516
00:19:57,187 --> 00:19:59,374
Um, that's all right, dad.
I got it.
517
00:19:59,399 --> 00:20:01,566
It's for me.
It's a little late.
518
00:20:01,591 --> 00:20:03,091
Dad, it's a girl.
Come on.
519
00:20:04,085 --> 00:20:05,454
Hey.
Hi.
520
00:20:06,161 --> 00:20:07,715
How are you?
I'm...
521
00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:09,859
My life's just a little bit
crazy right now.
522
00:20:09,884 --> 00:20:11,460
I'm... in the middle
of moving.
523
00:20:11,485 --> 00:20:14,292
I'm sort of in the middle
of everything.
524
00:20:14,682 --> 00:20:16,341
It's good to hear
from you.
525
00:20:16,366 --> 00:20:19,254
I'm temporarily living
with my mom right now.
526
00:20:19,656 --> 00:20:22,388
And so I'm dealing
with that, too.
527
00:20:23,667 --> 00:20:25,932
Henry McCarthy.
How are you?
528
00:20:25,957 --> 00:20:27,902
Good, good.
How are you?
529
00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:29,504
It's good to hear
from you.
530
00:20:29,529 --> 00:20:32,789
And then I saw her,
Lauren landers.
531
00:20:32,814 --> 00:20:35,730
And something extraordinary
happened.
532
00:20:35,755 --> 00:20:37,743
But, even though we'd gone
through grade school together,
533
00:20:37,768 --> 00:20:39,255
and she'd never noticed me,
534
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:41,926
suddenly she had blossomed
into a woman.
535
00:20:41,951 --> 00:20:45,351
And from that point on
she haunted my every moment.
536
00:20:46,188 --> 00:20:46,866
She's what?
537
00:20:46,891 --> 00:20:48,090
One day in the middle
of our junior year
538
00:20:48,115 --> 00:20:49,864
Lauren bumped into me
in the hallway.
539
00:20:49,889 --> 00:20:52,513
I copped a feel on my lower arm
near the elbow.
540
00:20:52,538 --> 00:20:54,236
It was lightning.
541
00:20:54,261 --> 00:20:57,782
Tomorrow night.
7:30?
542
00:20:57,807 --> 00:21:00,521
Yeah. That sounds great.
That sounds fun.
543
00:21:00,546 --> 00:21:01,498
That's perfect.
544
00:21:01,523 --> 00:21:02,299
All right.
545
00:21:03,376 --> 00:21:05,352
She walked away,
and I stood there like an idiot
546
00:21:05,377 --> 00:21:07,338
whispering to myself.
547
00:21:07,734 --> 00:21:08,870
Lauren.
548
00:21:09,734 --> 00:21:12,892
I wondered, "so is this
what love feels like?"
549
00:21:29,481 --> 00:21:30,197
Hello?
550
00:21:30,222 --> 00:21:31,728
Henry, wake up.
It's Javier.
551
00:21:31,753 --> 00:21:33,696
Hold on. I don't get...
Hello?
552
00:21:33,721 --> 00:21:34,909
Just a second.
I don't get reception.
553
00:21:34,934 --> 00:21:35,918
Henry?
554
00:21:35,943 --> 00:21:37,200
Hold on.
555
00:21:37,239 --> 00:21:38,666
I have some news.
556
00:21:38,896 --> 00:21:40,912
Hey, man, are you ok?
Henry?
557
00:21:42,107 --> 00:21:43,390
Guess what? Great news.
558
00:21:43,415 --> 00:21:46,840
A major studio wants an itsy bitsy option
on your book.
559
00:21:46,865 --> 00:21:48,451
Uh, I doubt it's itsy bitsy, but...
560
00:21:48,476 --> 00:21:50,287
The only thing is they tested
the name of the book,
561
00:21:50,312 --> 00:21:52,184
and they wanna update
the title from Lionel.
562
00:21:52,209 --> 00:21:53,622
What... what'd they wanna do?
563
00:21:53,647 --> 00:21:54,670
What do they wanna change it to?
564
00:21:54,695 --> 00:21:56,388
They wanna go with
something more modern
565
00:21:56,413 --> 00:21:57,563
like Linkin Park.
566
00:21:57,970 --> 00:21:59,131
Linkin Park?
567
00:21:59,156 --> 00:22:01,103
Oh, I don't think Linkin Park
gets you laid, but...
568
00:22:01,128 --> 00:22:04,122
I guess women 15 to 25
tested best to Linkin Park.
569
00:22:04,138 --> 00:22:07,450
And males 15 to 35 seemed
to like it, hands down.
570
00:22:07,475 --> 00:22:08,918
Hello? Henry?
571
00:22:08,943 --> 00:22:09,385
Yeah...
Trust me.
572
00:22:09,410 --> 00:22:10,819
Remember you wanted to
call your last book
573
00:22:10,844 --> 00:22:12,458
"My Testicles were
the Last to Drop"?
574
00:22:12,483 --> 00:22:13,748
And I said, "I know you
went through that,
575
00:22:13,773 --> 00:22:15,303
"but that's not a great name," remember?
576
00:22:15,328 --> 00:22:16,767
I doubt Linkin Park
gets you laid.
577
00:22:16,792 --> 00:22:17,902
Of course they do.
578
00:22:17,927 --> 00:22:18,738
Do they get you laid?
579
00:22:18,763 --> 00:22:20,515
Great. I'll tell them
you agree.
580
00:22:32,945 --> 00:22:36,511
You treat desiree nice,
581
00:22:36,536 --> 00:22:38,417
She'll treat you nice.
582
00:22:38,442 --> 00:22:41,774
She does like to be...
583
00:22:41,799 --> 00:22:44,841
Manhandled now and again.
584
00:22:45,782 --> 00:22:48,625
I'm not gonna take her anywhere
you don't want her to go.
585
00:22:48,650 --> 00:22:51,433
She needs to get out
and socialize.
586
00:22:51,458 --> 00:22:53,925
Oh, damn it.
587
00:22:53,950 --> 00:22:55,655
If you'd like, if it makes you feel
more comfortable,
588
00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:57,643
I'll just rent a car and it will be easier.
No, no, no.
589
00:22:57,668 --> 00:23:00,334
No, no. This is caviar
on a hook.
590
00:23:00,359 --> 00:23:01,298
Ok.
591
00:23:04,140 --> 00:23:05,144
Oh, dear.
592
00:23:05,169 --> 00:23:07,624
She's already making me
break out.
593
00:23:10,330 --> 00:23:11,591
Let's have a little
look here.
594
00:23:11,616 --> 00:23:12,505
Be careful.
595
00:23:12,530 --> 00:23:14,776
My God. What is that?
Your parasitic twin?
596
00:23:14,801 --> 00:23:16,643
I think I see an arm.
597
00:23:16,668 --> 00:23:17,715
Ok, good. Ladies!
598
00:23:17,740 --> 00:23:18,900
Come on. Privacy please.
599
00:23:18,925 --> 00:23:20,165
This isn't a tourist attraction.
600
00:23:20,190 --> 00:23:21,522
Have a look here.
601
00:23:24,684 --> 00:23:26,004
Ok. Ladies.
602
00:23:26,575 --> 00:23:28,590
I'm gonna need a cold compress,
some herbal tea,
603
00:23:28,615 --> 00:23:31,764
a nice light foundation
and a donut.
604
00:23:32,750 --> 00:23:33,501
Donut?
605
00:23:34,219 --> 00:23:36,500
It's for me.
I know. I know.
606
00:23:36,856 --> 00:23:38,802
Come on. What are
you gonna do?
607
00:23:38,827 --> 00:23:39,926
Well, not much
at this point.
608
00:23:39,951 --> 00:23:41,354
It's subterranean.
609
00:23:41,356 --> 00:23:43,926
I mean, we could attack it,
but the outcome would be disastrous.
610
00:23:43,951 --> 00:23:47,062
And we're talking a 7-day war
that the world would notice.
611
00:23:48,489 --> 00:23:50,001
This is Scarlet-related.
612
00:23:50,026 --> 00:23:52,158
Stress-related. This is...
(If) I do something, what can I do?
613
00:23:52,183 --> 00:23:52,754
Relax.
614
00:23:52,779 --> 00:23:53,912
Do you like a little Tibetan balance
615
00:23:53,937 --> 00:23:55,647
or a little whale sounds?
616
00:23:58,490 --> 00:24:00,996
Let's go! Cold compress!
617
00:24:01,021 --> 00:24:05,548
Senior year, somehow I had the karmic good
luck of sitting beside Lauren in chemistry class.
618
00:24:05,573 --> 00:24:07,277
But all I could say to her was
619
00:24:07,302 --> 00:24:10,979
"would you like some help
dissecting that frog?"
620
00:24:11,004 --> 00:24:11,984
Henry?
621
00:24:12,009 --> 00:24:13,338
Scarlet.
Hey.
622
00:24:13,363 --> 00:24:14,340
Hey.
623
00:24:16,270 --> 00:24:17,374
This is really weird,
huh?
624
00:24:17,399 --> 00:24:19,600
No, no. I just...
625
00:24:20,148 --> 00:24:22,214
I keep thinking about...
626
00:24:22,239 --> 00:24:26,976
Henry from chem and, you know,
like the kid, and...
627
00:24:27,001 --> 00:24:28,683
and I'm sitting across from you.
628
00:24:28,708 --> 00:24:31,404
I'm just getting used to it,
you know.
629
00:24:31,429 --> 00:24:32,469
That bad?
630
00:24:32,494 --> 00:24:34,254
No! No!
631
00:24:34,279 --> 00:24:38,417
It's just, you know,
Henry from class was...
632
00:24:38,442 --> 00:24:39,884
And you're now, you're this...
633
00:24:39,909 --> 00:24:43,233
You know, you're a man
with facial hair and a beard.
634
00:24:43,265 --> 00:24:45,927
Yeah, that just happened
like...
635
00:24:46,706 --> 00:24:49,993
It just... you still look the same.
636
00:24:50,018 --> 00:24:51,159
Ur...
637
00:24:51,184 --> 00:24:52,420
Is... is that good or bad?
638
00:24:52,445 --> 00:24:53,809
You're really pretty.
639
00:24:53,834 --> 00:24:55,784
Thank you.
Yeah.
640
00:24:55,809 --> 00:24:57,067
That was awkward, huh?
641
00:24:59,460 --> 00:25:00,996
I'm a pharmacist.
That's good.
642
00:25:01,021 --> 00:25:02,063
It's depressing
643
00:25:02,088 --> 00:25:03,819
handing out anti-depressants.
644
00:25:03,844 --> 00:25:05,280
It's all right.
I could spin it though
645
00:25:05,305 --> 00:25:05,782
Ok.
646
00:25:05,807 --> 00:25:08,253
and say I was a small town
drug dealer
647
00:25:08,278 --> 00:25:09,981
for the past 10 years.
648
00:25:10,006 --> 00:25:11,943
I don't feel like I'm where
I should be, you know.
649
00:25:11,968 --> 00:25:15,080
Yeah, well, we all kinda ain't where
we think we should be,
650
00:25:15,105 --> 00:25:16,862
but, you know...
Yeah.
651
00:25:16,887 --> 00:25:18,664
Well, you've clearly done something.
652
00:25:18,689 --> 00:25:21,228
They asked you to do
the commencement speech.
653
00:25:21,253 --> 00:25:24,116
Yeah, I wrote a few books.
654
00:25:24,141 --> 00:25:25,438
You write books?
655
00:25:25,463 --> 00:25:28,434
Well, if people actually read it
would maybe mean something.
656
00:25:28,459 --> 00:25:31,911
I'm sure you have many fans out there
who read your books
657
00:25:31,936 --> 00:25:33,762
and I would like to be one of them.
658
00:25:33,787 --> 00:25:35,652
So, I'm gonna get it.
Where do I get it?
659
00:25:35,677 --> 00:25:36,956
Where do I get it?
660
00:25:36,981 --> 00:25:38,029
I'll get you a copy.
661
00:25:38,054 --> 00:25:40,251
No, I wanna buy it
with my own money.
662
00:25:40,276 --> 00:25:41,688
I wanna buy it.
All right.
663
00:25:41,713 --> 00:25:43,524
Well, bookstores have it.
664
00:25:43,549 --> 00:25:45,432
They'll have
the most recent copy.
665
00:25:45,457 --> 00:25:46,417
Ok.
666
00:25:46,975 --> 00:25:49,014
It was... it's good to see you.
667
00:25:49,039 --> 00:25:52,554
It was really good
to see you, too.
668
00:25:52,579 --> 00:25:53,399
Bye.
669
00:25:53,424 --> 00:25:54,569
Bye-bye.
670
00:25:57,569 --> 00:25:59,543
So, what's the name
of your book?
671
00:25:59,568 --> 00:26:02,691
Um, How Lionel Got Me Laid?
672
00:26:02,716 --> 00:26:04,934
Oh. Ok, just a moment.
673
00:26:04,959 --> 00:26:06,325
Um, who's Lionel?
674
00:26:07,221 --> 00:26:08,557
Richie.
675
00:26:08,582 --> 00:26:11,078
As in "dancing on the ceiling" Lionel Richie?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Him.
676
00:26:11,103 --> 00:26:13,093
Lionel Richie got him laid?
677
00:26:13,118 --> 00:26:14,632
I don't... perhaps, maybe.
678
00:26:14,657 --> 00:26:15,671
I have to read it.
679
00:26:15,696 --> 00:26:17,017
Well, sounds like a winner.
680
00:26:17,042 --> 00:26:18,719
Um, the book is in aisle E,
681
00:26:18,744 --> 00:26:20,449
and that's alphabetical
by author.
682
00:26:20,474 --> 00:26:21,907
Thank you.
Thank you.
683
00:26:23,656 --> 00:26:24,656
Ok, fess up.
684
00:26:24,681 --> 00:26:25,631
Nothing happened.
685
00:26:25,656 --> 00:26:28,359
No, you are smiling like
either he was really cute
686
00:26:28,384 --> 00:26:30,744
or you're totally embarrassed you
even went on a date with him.
687
00:26:31,237 --> 00:26:32,142
It wasn't a date.
688
00:26:32,167 --> 00:26:34,499
Oh, come on.
I will not tease you, I promise.
689
00:26:34,524 --> 00:26:35,900
He was bald and fat, right?
690
00:26:35,925 --> 00:26:37,563
No, he was...
What? Mustache?
691
00:26:37,588 --> 00:26:38,475
Hey!
Was he wearing pleated jeans?
692
00:26:38,500 --> 00:26:41,424
He was ok, really. Darcy, he was ok!
So he was like one of those weird divorced guys
693
00:26:41,449 --> 00:26:43,058
...with, like, 18 kids.
694
00:26:43,083 --> 00:26:45,075
Hmm? Well, he must have
been pretty ok
695
00:26:45,100 --> 00:26:47,276
if you're willing to
invest in this relationship.
696
00:26:47,301 --> 00:26:48,744
I'm not. I wouldn't...
697
00:26:48,769 --> 00:26:50,813
You are buying his book!
698
00:26:50,838 --> 00:26:52,905
I would never read
something for a guy.
699
00:26:53,955 --> 00:26:55,662
Ooh! Got it!
700
00:26:55,687 --> 00:26:57,595
Bingo! Author's photo.
701
00:26:57,620 --> 00:26:59,349
Let's see what "ok" looks like.
702
00:26:59,374 --> 00:27:00,584
Does that really matter?
703
00:27:00,609 --> 00:27:02,462
Uh, yeah. It's the only thing
that matters.
704
00:27:02,487 --> 00:27:03,836
Do you wanna dilute
your gene pool?
705
00:27:03,861 --> 00:27:08,415
Well, betting it all on looks got me
living with my mother at 36 years old.
706
00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:09,467
Please, I love your mother.
707
00:27:09,492 --> 00:27:10,884
Wait a second. Is this him?
708
00:27:12,620 --> 00:27:13,971
Yeah. Yes.
709
00:27:13,996 --> 00:27:15,748
Are you sure?
Yeah.
710
00:27:17,510 --> 00:27:19,633
Well, he is actually
kind of cute.
711
00:27:20,019 --> 00:27:21,735
I know.
712
00:27:22,264 --> 00:27:25,305
I wonder whether other geeks
got hot after high school.
713
00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:36,202
You're so pretty,
714
00:27:36,227 --> 00:27:37,836
When we get pretty blond hair on...
715
00:27:37,861 --> 00:27:38,866
Oh, you're so pretty
716
00:27:38,891 --> 00:27:43,143
Why can't Scarlet be 500 pounds
with 5 fat kids
717
00:27:43,168 --> 00:27:45,172
and then all would be fine?
718
00:27:45,197 --> 00:27:46,830
All would be wrapped up.
719
00:27:47,137 --> 00:27:48,606
Life would go on.
720
00:27:48,631 --> 00:27:50,071
Why can't that happen?
721
00:27:50,096 --> 00:27:52,449
World peace depends on it,
my friend.
722
00:27:52,887 --> 00:27:55,211
I'm gonna act like
that made complete sense.
723
00:27:57,133 --> 00:27:58,242
Beautiful.
724
00:27:58,267 --> 00:27:59,550
Nice choice.
725
00:28:02,658 --> 00:28:03,723
Henry, hey!
726
00:28:03,748 --> 00:28:04,825
Hey, Shasta.
Hi!
727
00:28:04,850 --> 00:28:06,205
Hey!
How are you?
728
00:28:08,036 --> 00:28:09,359
Good morning, Mr. McCarthy.
729
00:28:09,384 --> 00:28:11,080
May I see your speech?
730
00:28:11,576 --> 00:28:13,300
I'm still working on it.
731
00:28:14,692 --> 00:28:15,760
Is there a problem?
732
00:28:15,785 --> 00:28:17,859
Indeed, you do have
a problem.
733
00:28:17,884 --> 00:28:20,265
As stated before,
I, the faculty and the committee
734
00:28:20,290 --> 00:28:22,380
will need sufficient time
to review your speech.
735
00:28:22,405 --> 00:28:25,840
Without our review, it is highly unlikely
you will be able to deliver the speech.
736
00:28:25,865 --> 00:28:29,421
That being said, when can we expect
to see something, Mr. McCarthy?
737
00:28:29,446 --> 00:28:30,684
As soon as I do.
738
00:28:44,614 --> 00:28:45,441
I want one.
739
00:28:45,466 --> 00:28:46,653
Every morning...
740
00:28:55,096 --> 00:28:55,976
Hi!
741
00:28:56,280 --> 00:28:57,546
Hey, Scarlet.
742
00:28:57,708 --> 00:28:59,532
What are you doing?
743
00:28:59,557 --> 00:29:01,558
Just seeing what
you're doing.
744
00:29:01,583 --> 00:29:03,356
Oh, this speech.
745
00:29:03,381 --> 00:29:05,633
I'm just trying to get it going.
746
00:29:06,365 --> 00:29:09,467
Oh! How... how's it going?
747
00:29:09,492 --> 00:29:11,371
It's not going.
748
00:29:11,396 --> 00:29:12,181
I gotta....
749
00:29:12,206 --> 00:29:13,705
Well, how about
a distraction?
750
00:29:13,730 --> 00:29:16,542
I could use that.
I could do that.
751
00:29:17,797 --> 00:29:19,342
Meet me out front.
752
00:29:19,367 --> 00:29:20,536
Oh, ok.
753
00:29:22,830 --> 00:29:24,960
I wanna know
who this Lionel guy is.
754
00:29:24,985 --> 00:29:26,428
I'm going out.
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
755
00:29:26,454 --> 00:29:27,774
Oh. Hey.
756
00:29:27,799 --> 00:29:29,065
It's a school night,
dumb-dumb.
757
00:29:29,090 --> 00:29:30,354
I'll be back later.
758
00:29:33,491 --> 00:29:36,679
To Mrs. Looch who's looking for
any reason to crap on me.
759
00:29:36,704 --> 00:29:37,985
Mrs. Looch.
760
00:29:40,346 --> 00:29:43,598
How come we call Mrs. Loochenberger
Mrs. Looch?
761
00:29:43,623 --> 00:29:44,986
Say her last name.
762
00:29:45,865 --> 00:29:47,006
Loochenberger.
763
00:29:47,031 --> 00:29:48,322
Looc-henberger.
764
00:29:48,347 --> 00:29:49,980
Looch...
Yeah.
765
00:29:50,005 --> 00:29:52,636
Like hookenberger.
766
00:29:52,661 --> 00:29:55,163
Loock... Loockenberg.
767
00:29:55,188 --> 00:29:57,586
Yeah, see. Did you not
have a Looch ready to hock?
768
00:29:57,611 --> 00:29:59,849
Totally. Why did you
do that to me?
769
00:29:59,874 --> 00:30:00,955
It's so gross.
770
00:30:00,980 --> 00:30:03,147
That's where she gets
her name, right there.
771
00:30:04,464 --> 00:30:06,050
She's still trying
to fail me.
772
00:30:06,281 --> 00:30:08,052
You've got to let it go, Henry.
773
00:30:08,656 --> 00:30:11,888
Those who can, do;
and those who can't, turn into Mrs. Looch.
774
00:30:15,827 --> 00:30:17,048
Do you think you could drive?
775
00:30:17,073 --> 00:30:18,089
Yeah, sure. No problem.
Would you mind?
776
00:30:18,114 --> 00:30:18,823
No, I'll drive.
Ok.
777
00:30:18,848 --> 00:30:19,991
Hold on. Watch it.
778
00:30:20,016 --> 00:30:22,147
All I need is a DUI.
779
00:30:28,876 --> 00:30:29,560
Oh!
780
00:30:34,231 --> 00:30:36,062
Get anymore lights on that truck?
781
00:30:36,087 --> 00:30:38,501
Oh, it's Brad.
Oh, God!
782
00:30:38,525 --> 00:30:40,487
The Brad? Your Brad?
783
00:30:40,512 --> 00:30:41,892
No. My ex-Brad.
784
00:30:41,917 --> 00:30:42,937
Is he aware of that?
785
00:30:42,962 --> 00:30:45,073
Ah, he will, you know.
He has a disability.
786
00:30:45,098 --> 00:30:48,207
He doesn't hear things that
he doesn't wanna hear. So...
787
00:30:48,232 --> 00:30:49,172
Can you lose him?
788
00:30:49,197 --> 00:30:49,787
Why?
789
00:30:49,812 --> 00:30:51,138
Yeah, just trust me.
790
00:30:51,163 --> 00:30:52,154
If you can lose him, do it.
791
00:30:52,179 --> 00:30:53,662
Wait, you think he's gonna
kick my ass?
792
00:30:53,687 --> 00:30:57,369
Yeah, well, he doesn't want it as a donut and
a tea party and, like, shoot the breeze
793
00:30:57,394 --> 00:30:59,715
about the great times you had in high school.
794
00:31:00,908 --> 00:31:02,449
Maybe have some drink.
795
00:31:02,970 --> 00:31:04,888
Oh. Hang on. Hang on.
796
00:31:06,026 --> 00:31:06,747
All right.
797
00:31:08,087 --> 00:31:09,004
Did we lose him?
798
00:31:09,029 --> 00:31:10,670
I don't see him.
I think we lost him.
799
00:31:12,859 --> 00:31:14,903
Hold right there, driver!
Hands where I can see 'em.
800
00:31:14,928 --> 00:31:15,961
Nice and easy.
All right.
801
00:31:15,986 --> 00:31:16,605
Out of the car.
802
00:31:16,630 --> 00:31:18,063
Come on, come on.
803
00:31:19,595 --> 00:31:20,547
Hands on the hood.
804
00:31:20,764 --> 00:31:22,830
Yes, take it easy and
let's spread 'em there.
805
00:31:22,855 --> 00:31:24,203
Oh, my goodness.
806
00:31:24,228 --> 00:31:26,312
Going a little fast, don't you think?
Yeah.
807
00:31:26,337 --> 00:31:27,693
Sorry, officer.
808
00:31:27,718 --> 00:31:29,923
You know, this is a school zone
through here.
809
00:31:29,948 --> 00:31:31,758
You know what the speed limit is,
don't you?
810
00:31:31,782 --> 00:31:33,670
Uh, drive 25.
811
00:31:34,512 --> 00:31:35,769
Been drinking tonight?
No, sir.
812
00:31:35,794 --> 00:31:37,325
Sure about that?
Yes.
813
00:31:38,051 --> 00:31:39,415
New York. That figures.
814
00:31:43,269 --> 00:31:44,574
What the hell, McCarthy?
815
00:31:44,599 --> 00:31:46,578
Bird!
Yeah!
816
00:31:46,744 --> 00:31:47,740
Come on!
817
00:31:48,054 --> 00:31:49,166
Bird, You look good!
818
00:31:49,191 --> 00:31:50,196
Thanks.
819
00:31:50,221 --> 00:31:51,905
Didn't recognize me dressed like a pig, huh?
820
00:31:51,930 --> 00:31:53,499
Well, it's...
You're...
821
00:31:53,524 --> 00:31:55,397
Yeah, yeah.
I dropped a couple pounds.
822
00:31:55,422 --> 00:31:57,231
Uh, I'd say more than a couple.
Like 2.
823
00:31:57,256 --> 00:31:58,093
250.
maybe... Yeah.
824
00:31:58,118 --> 00:31:59,394
Had the surgery done.
825
00:31:59,419 --> 00:32:01,573
No more deep dish pizzas for me.
826
00:32:02,211 --> 00:32:03,985
I was gonna shoot you
there, man.
827
00:32:04,010 --> 00:32:04,909
That was intense.
828
00:32:04,934 --> 00:32:05,983
Glad you didn't.
829
00:32:06,008 --> 00:32:07,495
Who's your buddy here?
830
00:32:09,167 --> 00:32:10,042
Eh!
831
00:32:10,067 --> 00:32:11,699
That's uh...
832
00:32:11,724 --> 00:32:12,699
Scarlet Smith, isn't it?
833
00:32:12,724 --> 00:32:14,000
Yeah. Scarlet.
834
00:32:14,025 --> 00:32:15,575
Right on, um...
835
00:32:16,993 --> 00:32:18,944
You've got Scarlet Smith
in your car?
836
00:32:18,969 --> 00:32:19,857
Yeah, we were just...
837
00:32:19,882 --> 00:32:20,664
You dick!
838
00:32:21,338 --> 00:32:23,284
Isn't she with Brad Nelson?
839
00:32:23,309 --> 00:32:24,838
I think they broke up.
840
00:32:24,863 --> 00:32:26,740
Hey, I ain't saying nothing.
Ok.
841
00:32:26,765 --> 00:32:28,044
You sleeping with her though?
842
00:32:28,069 --> 00:32:29,832
No, no, no, no.
We're just talking.
843
00:32:29,857 --> 00:32:31,285
Nah, I'd rather not know.
844
00:32:31,928 --> 00:32:34,443
Officer 320 responding.
Sorry, duty calls.
845
00:32:34,691 --> 00:32:36,634
Might wanna take it
a little bit slower there.
846
00:32:36,659 --> 00:32:37,607
It's good seeing you, McCarthy.
847
00:32:37,632 --> 00:32:38,981
You look good, bird.
848
00:32:39,006 --> 00:32:41,368
You do, too.
Watch your back and...
849
00:32:41,393 --> 00:32:44,457
(if) you need to borrow my handcuffs,
you let me know.
850
00:32:44,482 --> 00:32:45,765
Have a good night!
851
00:32:50,267 --> 00:32:51,704
Look, I'm so sorry.
852
00:32:51,729 --> 00:32:54,116
And I should have told you
that Brad is...
853
00:32:54,141 --> 00:32:54,756
Yeah.
854
00:32:54,781 --> 00:32:56,524
Totally still Brad.
855
00:32:56,549 --> 00:32:58,872
Brad, yeah. I've kind of
figured that.
856
00:32:58,897 --> 00:33:01,944
Yeah, he just hasn't really...
857
00:33:01,969 --> 00:33:05,542
accepted that we're over for good.
858
00:33:05,567 --> 00:33:06,398
It's all good.
859
00:33:11,841 --> 00:33:12,675
You can drive?
860
00:33:12,700 --> 00:33:13,726
Yeah.
861
00:33:14,235 --> 00:33:15,639
All right.
Ok, goodnight.
862
00:33:15,664 --> 00:33:17,370
Ok. All right.
I'll call you.
863
00:33:20,961 --> 00:33:22,640
Coach Nelson, I'm free!
Come on, come on!
864
00:33:22,665 --> 00:33:24,547
Come on, Coach.
Coach's going in for a slam.
865
00:33:24,572 --> 00:33:25,145
Foul!
866
00:33:25,170 --> 00:33:26,347
You fouled me because
you're late!
867
00:33:26,372 --> 00:33:28,149
You're standing out there
and scratching your balls.
868
00:33:28,174 --> 00:33:29,282
Chalk it up.
869
00:33:29,307 --> 00:33:31,022
Speaking of a set of balls...
870
00:33:31,047 --> 00:33:32,641
You and I need
to have a little chat.
871
00:33:32,666 --> 00:33:33,516
About what?
872
00:33:33,541 --> 00:33:34,359
About Scarlet.
873
00:33:34,384 --> 00:33:35,129
Nothing's happening.
874
00:33:35,154 --> 00:33:36,365
You're damn right nothing's happening.
875
00:33:36,390 --> 00:33:38,406
And if you're planning on something happening,
876
00:33:38,431 --> 00:33:39,990
you and I are gonna have problems.
877
00:33:40,015 --> 00:33:42,099
Hey! Hey! Coach...
Coach Nelson's gonna throw down!
878
00:33:42,124 --> 00:33:44,243
...I'm not gonna coming at you!
879
00:33:44,268 --> 00:33:45,456
Now just pick one.
Just throw the first punch.
880
00:33:45,481 --> 00:33:47,399
Let's take this into my office.
Come on.
881
00:33:47,424 --> 00:33:49,538
Coach is in trouble!
Ooh!
882
00:33:57,268 --> 00:33:59,134
All right, boys,
what's the issue?
883
00:34:03,754 --> 00:34:05,968
Oh, we can sit here all day
884
00:34:05,994 --> 00:34:07,791
if that's what you both want.
885
00:34:11,671 --> 00:34:13,272
I'll tell you this,
886
00:34:13,297 --> 00:34:16,097
we will resolve this issue today
887
00:34:16,122 --> 00:34:18,355
in my office before either
of you leave.
888
00:34:18,380 --> 00:34:19,458
That clear?
889
00:34:21,714 --> 00:34:23,213
Let's start with you, coach.
890
00:34:25,581 --> 00:34:26,799
No, I'm sorry, Chuck.
891
00:34:26,824 --> 00:34:28,270
I was just minding my business,
892
00:34:28,295 --> 00:34:30,227
teaching my students,
trying to coach my team
893
00:34:30,252 --> 00:34:32,081
when numbnuts decides to confront me.
894
00:34:32,106 --> 00:34:33,917
Really, Brad?
numbnuts?
895
00:34:33,942 --> 00:34:35,343
Can we just stick to the story?
896
00:34:35,368 --> 00:34:38,654
Can you just tell him what happened?
How you were walking the hall without a badge.
897
00:34:38,679 --> 00:34:40,212
He's walking the hall
without a badge, Chuck.
898
00:34:40,237 --> 00:34:41,735
I wasn't issued a badge.
899
00:34:41,760 --> 00:34:42,975
They didn't give me a badge.
I didn't need a badge.
900
00:34:43,000 --> 00:34:43,804
I don't need a badge.
901
00:34:43,829 --> 00:34:46,870
I'm walking down the hallway, principal
Marshall, minding my business.
902
00:34:46,895 --> 00:34:48,637
He's walking down the hall,
pops his head in.
903
00:34:48,662 --> 00:34:50,537
He tries to interrupt my practice.
904
00:34:50,562 --> 00:34:52,385
Just trynna win another state championship, Chuck.
905
00:34:52,410 --> 00:34:54,175
That's so unnecessary, Brad.
Seriously.
906
00:34:54,200 --> 00:34:55,400
Have some knee sleeve.
907
00:34:57,996 --> 00:35:01,840
Now, you have some issues,
Henry.
908
00:35:02,522 --> 00:35:05,003
You really should just be writing.
909
00:35:05,815 --> 00:35:07,840
But zip it, zip it.
910
00:35:11,639 --> 00:35:14,207
I think I understand Brad's frustration.
911
00:35:14,408 --> 00:35:15,467
I do. Think about it.
912
00:35:15,492 --> 00:35:18,604
He's around a ton of hot teenage boys,
913
00:35:18,629 --> 00:35:21,016
half naked, half his age.
914
00:35:21,041 --> 00:35:23,617
Mm. It could take its toll on anybody.
915
00:35:23,642 --> 00:35:25,040
It is. It's taken it.
916
00:35:25,065 --> 00:35:27,799
Come on, I mean, the dude gives
losers a bad name.
917
00:35:27,824 --> 00:35:28,681
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
918
00:35:28,706 --> 00:35:30,280
Know what I'm saying?
Yeah, he does.
919
00:35:30,305 --> 00:35:31,435
So what are you gonna do?
920
00:35:31,460 --> 00:35:33,542
He's gonna stay away.
No.
921
00:35:33,567 --> 00:35:36,419
Henry honey, some people
don't evolve.
922
00:35:36,444 --> 00:35:37,748
He could kick your ass.
He's an ass.
923
00:35:37,773 --> 00:35:40,307
Don't be a young buck and
lock horns with him.
924
00:35:40,332 --> 00:35:43,257
Brad will break your neck.
925
00:35:43,282 --> 00:35:46,742
Sometimes you have to do with
what nature gave you.
926
00:35:46,767 --> 00:35:47,731
All right?
927
00:35:47,756 --> 00:35:49,443
The geek doesn't get the girl.
928
00:35:49,468 --> 00:35:50,652
Sure hoping a lot.
Shh!
929
00:35:50,677 --> 00:35:51,834
Check please!
930
00:36:27,407 --> 00:36:31,783
I have one small announcement to make.
931
00:36:31,808 --> 00:36:34,313
To all those seniors attending the prom
932
00:36:34,338 --> 00:36:35,782
and fellow students attending the prom,
933
00:36:35,807 --> 00:36:37,708
please, please I urge you
934
00:36:37,733 --> 00:36:39,952
use your best judgment.
935
00:36:39,977 --> 00:36:43,543
Don't let this dance
be your last.
936
00:36:43,568 --> 00:36:46,648
And one other thing...
937
00:36:46,673 --> 00:36:48,129
Go wildcats!
938
00:36:53,921 --> 00:36:56,588
I found the nerve
to ask Lauren to senior prom.
939
00:36:56,613 --> 00:36:58,291
But I did it in writing.
940
00:36:58,316 --> 00:37:00,869
The thought of asking her
face to face was terrifying.
941
00:37:00,894 --> 00:37:03,301
I slipped a note
in her chemistry book.
942
00:37:03,880 --> 00:37:06,112
She never even acknowledged
my request.
943
00:37:06,553 --> 00:37:08,624
I began to count not only the days
944
00:37:08,649 --> 00:37:11,613
but the hours until graduation,
945
00:37:11,638 --> 00:37:13,995
waiting for my liberation.
946
00:37:14,311 --> 00:37:15,168
Hey.
947
00:37:16,120 --> 00:37:17,112
God!
948
00:37:18,104 --> 00:37:19,026
Hey.
949
00:37:19,563 --> 00:37:20,497
Hey.
950
00:37:20,801 --> 00:37:23,061
You ok, Shasta?
Shasta?
951
00:37:24,110 --> 00:37:25,684
You ok?
Yes, I am.
952
00:37:25,709 --> 00:37:27,727
Are you ok?
953
00:37:27,752 --> 00:37:28,772
I'm so stupid.
954
00:37:28,797 --> 00:37:29,280
No.
955
00:37:29,305 --> 00:37:30,932
I just need a hug.
Okay.
956
00:37:30,957 --> 00:37:32,253
My boyfriend just
broke up with me.
957
00:37:32,278 --> 00:37:33,099
Ok.
958
00:37:34,180 --> 00:37:35,180
Oh!
959
00:37:36,298 --> 00:37:37,647
Not appropriate!
960
00:37:40,087 --> 00:37:41,213
That good?
Thank you.
961
00:37:41,238 --> 00:37:42,017
Ok.
962
00:37:42,776 --> 00:37:47,466
Please just tell me that your senior ball
sucked butt you regret ever going.
963
00:37:47,491 --> 00:37:48,910
Actually, I didn't go.
964
00:37:49,219 --> 00:37:50,650
What? Why?
965
00:37:52,230 --> 00:37:54,412
It's stupid.
Dumb reasons.
966
00:37:55,179 --> 00:37:55,978
Just dumb.
967
00:37:56,003 --> 00:37:57,707
Looks like you need a hug.
968
00:37:57,732 --> 00:37:59,165
No, it's ok. I'm good.
969
00:37:59,190 --> 00:38:00,784
Are you sure?
Yes. I'm...
970
00:38:00,809 --> 00:38:04,954
A good hug can just, like unlock all those years
of pent-up pain.
971
00:38:04,979 --> 00:38:06,202
Yeah.
972
00:38:07,901 --> 00:38:11,850
One good hug would probably get me locked
up for another good 20 years of pain.
973
00:38:12,339 --> 00:38:15,801
Yeah, I know.
It's ok. We're good.
974
00:38:16,367 --> 00:38:17,836
Let's go.
Ok.
975
00:38:17,861 --> 00:38:18,714
You all right?
976
00:38:18,739 --> 00:38:20,085
Thank you.
Me? Come on.
977
00:38:20,110 --> 00:38:20,772
Oh, you'll be ok.
978
00:38:20,797 --> 00:38:22,060
Thank you for making me
feel better.
979
00:38:22,085 --> 00:38:24,543
Hey, what's...
What's his problem?
980
00:38:26,507 --> 00:38:28,116
So, before we discuss your book,
981
00:38:28,141 --> 00:38:29,938
can I ask you a few questions?
982
00:38:29,963 --> 00:38:30,819
Shoot.
983
00:38:30,844 --> 00:38:33,988
So, is there any truth to getting into a
fight with coach Nelson?
984
00:38:34,013 --> 00:38:34,545
What?
985
00:38:34,570 --> 00:38:36,639
Are you denying that you threw
down with coach Nelson?
986
00:38:36,664 --> 00:38:37,912
There are eyewitnesses.
987
00:38:37,937 --> 00:38:40,705
Would you like to comment on
what exactly happened?
988
00:38:41,346 --> 00:38:42,308
Not really.
989
00:38:42,333 --> 00:38:43,886
Does that mean yes or no?
990
00:38:43,911 --> 00:38:44,901
It means neither.
991
00:38:44,926 --> 00:38:47,411
Well, any truth to the rumors
about Shasta O'Neal?
992
00:38:47,436 --> 00:38:50,314
Sources say they saw
you two embracing.
993
00:38:50,916 --> 00:38:52,535
Embracing?
994
00:38:52,560 --> 00:38:53,375
We hugged.
995
00:38:53,400 --> 00:38:54,016
Ur, no.
996
00:38:54,041 --> 00:38:56,265
The average hug lasts 3.2 seconds.
997
00:38:56,290 --> 00:38:57,766
Witnesses say it was closer to 20.
998
00:38:57,791 --> 00:39:00,076
I would say that the hug
qualifies as an embrace.
999
00:39:00,101 --> 00:39:01,520
She was upset.
1000
00:39:01,545 --> 00:39:03,795
So, are you or aren't you
seeing each other?
1001
00:39:04,227 --> 00:39:04,587
Look...
1002
00:39:04,612 --> 00:39:05,059
Neither.
1003
00:39:05,084 --> 00:39:09,293
you have the opportunity to set the record straight
on both of our findings.
1004
00:39:09,318 --> 00:39:12,311
Tell the truth.
We promise we'll blog it word for word.
1005
00:39:12,336 --> 00:39:13,845
Did you even read the book?
1006
00:39:14,736 --> 00:39:16,273
The back cover's really good.
1007
00:39:17,451 --> 00:39:19,279
I like the title.
I wanna meet Lionel.
1008
00:39:19,304 --> 00:39:20,204
You do?
1009
00:39:24,112 --> 00:39:26,805
Cool ranch. Looking good
like I knew you would.
1010
00:39:26,830 --> 00:39:29,566
Oh! Look at this!
This is sweet.
1011
00:39:29,591 --> 00:39:31,331
This is nice, huh?
1012
00:39:31,356 --> 00:39:33,657
Ah, baby's breath.
How classy.
1013
00:39:33,682 --> 00:39:35,935
Yep, Brad's a real charmer.
1014
00:39:35,960 --> 00:39:37,544
Well, you know you got him
in a jealous rage.
1015
00:39:37,569 --> 00:39:39,729
He called me 20 times today.
1016
00:39:39,754 --> 00:39:42,580
No, that was not what
I was intending to do.
1017
00:39:42,605 --> 00:39:45,348
Oh, really? How did you think
Brad was gonna respond?
1018
00:39:45,373 --> 00:39:47,064
Exactly like this.
1019
00:39:48,440 --> 00:39:49,610
I mean,
1020
00:39:49,635 --> 00:39:53,142
I just... I can't allow him
to dictate my behavior,
1021
00:39:53,167 --> 00:39:54,831
how I live my life
1022
00:39:54,856 --> 00:39:55,889
or who I'm gonna see.
1023
00:39:55,914 --> 00:39:58,073
Ok, listen.
You got him where you want him.
1024
00:39:58,098 --> 00:40:00,307
All right, now just make some demands,
and it'll change.
1025
00:40:00,332 --> 00:40:02,798
Hey, Brad doesn't change
his underwear.
1026
00:40:02,823 --> 00:40:03,597
Hmm...
1027
00:40:03,622 --> 00:40:06,631
Brad's all about Brad.
It's over.
1028
00:40:07,217 --> 00:40:09,969
I think you've got to come to terms
with that too, Darcy.
1029
00:40:09,994 --> 00:40:12,303
Oh, my God.
You really like this guy.
1030
00:40:13,117 --> 00:40:14,123
Yeah. I do.
1031
00:40:14,148 --> 00:40:16,363
Wait. No, no.
You like him like him, don't you?
1032
00:40:16,388 --> 00:40:18,369
Yeah, I like him like him.
1033
00:40:19,245 --> 00:40:19,950
All right.
1034
00:40:19,975 --> 00:40:23,265
Well, just remember what happened to
the last guy you really liked.
1035
00:40:23,290 --> 00:40:24,423
Glass eye.
1036
00:40:27,789 --> 00:40:28,810
All right.
What?
1037
00:40:28,835 --> 00:40:31,005
I think we're being followed.
1038
00:40:31,030 --> 00:40:32,517
Oh, it's not him.
1039
00:40:41,134 --> 00:40:42,028
Henry!
1040
00:40:58,044 --> 00:40:58,930
Hey!
1041
00:40:58,955 --> 00:40:59,395
What?
1042
00:40:59,420 --> 00:41:00,200
You knock this off.
1043
00:41:00,225 --> 00:41:01,733
Oh...
Oh, Henry.
1044
00:41:01,758 --> 00:41:02,896
I can't be worried?
1045
00:41:02,921 --> 00:41:04,994
You can be worried,
but you're being a freak now.
1046
00:41:05,019 --> 00:41:07,763
Look, I just think you need a little more
protection than what's in your wallet.
1047
00:41:07,788 --> 00:41:09,915
I get it. I understand.
I totally appreciate it. But...
1048
00:41:09,940 --> 00:41:11,112
Is that Scarlet Smith?
1049
00:41:11,136 --> 00:41:12,860
Can I say hi?
Just a little hello.
1050
00:41:12,892 --> 00:41:13,723
Merci.
1051
00:41:13,748 --> 00:41:14,660
Stay here.
1052
00:41:17,463 --> 00:41:18,367
Jill?
1053
00:41:19,365 --> 00:41:20,515
How you doing?
1054
00:41:20,540 --> 00:41:21,737
Good.
1055
00:41:21,762 --> 00:41:22,868
Listen,
1056
00:41:22,893 --> 00:41:24,384
girl to girl,
1057
00:41:24,409 --> 00:41:26,884
you break it, you own it.
1058
00:41:28,978 --> 00:41:30,779
You kids have a good time.
Bye.
1059
00:41:31,149 --> 00:41:32,292
Start it up!
1060
00:41:37,518 --> 00:41:40,184
My big strong man.
Come on, you can do it.
1061
00:41:48,898 --> 00:41:50,621
You're being very quiet.
1062
00:41:52,289 --> 00:41:54,155
I've always been quiet.
1063
00:41:54,904 --> 00:41:56,240
You were a cheerleader.
1064
00:41:56,265 --> 00:41:57,191
Right?
1065
00:42:00,322 --> 00:42:03,612
I'm sorry. I'm just...
1066
00:42:03,644 --> 00:42:06,354
just remembering.
just thinking.
1067
00:42:06,961 --> 00:42:08,206
Yeah.
1068
00:42:08,231 --> 00:42:09,833
Are you not happy?
1069
00:42:09,971 --> 00:42:12,049
No, I'm not sad.
I know that.
1070
00:42:12,272 --> 00:42:16,959
I mean, God, I see so many
depressed people every day.
1071
00:42:16,984 --> 00:42:19,042
I mean, no, seriously,
you'd be...
1072
00:42:19,067 --> 00:42:22,186
you'd be shocked at the sheer number
of people in this town
1073
00:42:22,211 --> 00:42:25,593
that are taking something for something.
1074
00:42:25,618 --> 00:42:30,338
I mean, it's just their way
of coping with the mundane.
1075
00:42:30,363 --> 00:42:35,800
I think I've made just about every bad decision
there is to make ever.
1076
00:42:35,825 --> 00:42:36,289
Yeah.
1077
00:42:36,314 --> 00:42:38,669
Well, we don't stop making them.
1078
00:42:38,694 --> 00:42:39,958
You're gonna make one a minute from now
1079
00:42:39,983 --> 00:42:41,116
that's gonna affect your life.
1080
00:42:41,141 --> 00:42:44,799
And the minute you start realizing that
every decision amounts to something
1081
00:42:44,824 --> 00:42:47,154
then you have to start
making them count.
1082
00:42:53,110 --> 00:42:54,078
That's a decision.
1083
00:42:54,103 --> 00:42:55,889
Was that a good decision
or a bad decision?
1084
00:42:55,914 --> 00:42:57,662
Um...
1085
00:42:57,687 --> 00:42:59,044
what do you think?
1086
00:42:59,069 --> 00:42:59,904
A good one?
1087
00:42:59,929 --> 00:43:00,698
Very.
1088
00:43:01,512 --> 00:43:02,604
Very.
1089
00:43:09,598 --> 00:43:12,016
Wasn't Make-out Mountain
right around here?
1090
00:43:14,284 --> 00:43:15,458
GPS voice:
Drive point 1 Miles.
1091
00:43:15,483 --> 00:43:16,162
I don't know.
1092
00:43:16,187 --> 00:43:17,785
I've never been... here.
GPS voice: then turn left.
1093
00:43:17,810 --> 00:43:20,558
Yeah. what do you mean
you don't know?
1094
00:43:20,583 --> 00:43:22,217
Hello, slut.
1095
00:43:22,241 --> 00:43:23,652
I've never been here.
1096
00:43:23,678 --> 00:43:25,743
Oh, come on, please.
1097
00:43:25,768 --> 00:43:27,627
No, you haven't been
here for a while.
1098
00:43:27,652 --> 00:43:30,353
They've, like, paved.
It's like a neighborhood now.
1099
00:43:30,385 --> 00:43:33,388
It's developed and stuff.
But this is definitely it.
1100
00:43:33,948 --> 00:43:36,378
This is exactly the end result
1101
00:43:36,403 --> 00:43:37,602
when you make out too long.
1102
00:43:37,627 --> 00:43:39,110
You already know where you're going.
1103
00:43:39,142 --> 00:43:40,307
I don't even...
1104
00:43:40,511 --> 00:43:41,958
Mm-hmm.
1105
00:43:41,983 --> 00:43:43,500
Whadda you doing?
I can't...
1106
00:43:43,533 --> 00:43:45,811
Come here. We're gonna get a
better view. Come here.
1107
00:43:47,934 --> 00:43:48,944
Shh!
1108
00:43:49,488 --> 00:43:53,881
We're gonna see what's behind
model house number 4.
1109
00:43:53,906 --> 00:43:55,088
Come on.
1110
00:43:56,733 --> 00:43:58,201
Shh! Come on.
1111
00:44:01,610 --> 00:44:02,630
Shh!
1112
00:44:02,655 --> 00:44:03,804
Close the door.
1113
00:44:03,829 --> 00:44:06,015
Come on, come on,
come on, come on.
1114
00:44:07,116 --> 00:44:08,627
Come on. Ok.
1115
00:44:09,701 --> 00:44:10,394
Wow!
1116
00:44:10,573 --> 00:44:11,854
Big screen TV.
1117
00:44:11,879 --> 00:44:12,582
Come on.
1118
00:44:15,958 --> 00:44:18,560
What do you think?
Is that not the view?
1119
00:44:18,585 --> 00:44:20,336
It's not bad.
1120
00:44:20,361 --> 00:44:21,471
Yeah.
1121
00:44:22,232 --> 00:44:25,120
You asked me to senior prom,
didn't you?
1122
00:44:25,579 --> 00:44:26,658
Yeah.
1123
00:44:28,322 --> 00:44:30,022
You didn't answer.
1124
00:44:30,952 --> 00:44:32,340
That's ok.
1125
00:44:32,365 --> 00:44:33,576
That's fine.
1126
00:44:44,004 --> 00:44:46,730
That's what I wish
I would have said.
1127
00:44:47,230 --> 00:44:48,875
That's a good answer.
1128
00:44:53,425 --> 00:44:55,017
How do you activate
this thing?
1129
00:44:55,591 --> 00:44:56,636
I don't have one.
1130
00:44:56,661 --> 00:44:59,960
Here here. You're gonna put the address.
like put your home address in there.
1131
00:45:05,035 --> 00:45:06,075
Auh!
1132
00:45:06,494 --> 00:45:07,624
It's Brad.
1133
00:45:11,742 --> 00:45:12,912
Oh my...
1134
00:45:14,102 --> 00:45:16,176
Can't ignore him
at this point.
1135
00:45:16,201 --> 00:45:17,021
Ah!
1136
00:45:17,046 --> 00:45:18,239
Oh!
Whoa.
1137
00:45:35,852 --> 00:45:37,459
Let me talk to him.
1138
00:45:37,484 --> 00:45:38,088
I'll talk to him.
1139
00:45:38,113 --> 00:45:39,386
Just let me talk to him.
No.
1140
00:45:39,411 --> 00:45:41,095
Scarlet! Scarlet,
I'll talk to him.
1141
00:45:41,120 --> 00:45:44,087
No, just Henry, please
get back in the car.
1142
00:45:44,112 --> 00:45:45,496
Let me do this.
1143
00:45:48,356 --> 00:45:50,421
You know, I can't believe you!
1144
00:45:50,750 --> 00:45:51,306
Fine!
1145
00:45:51,331 --> 00:45:52,919
'Cause I have nothing to say to you.
1146
00:46:00,542 --> 00:46:03,287
This is Linda from On-Star,
Mr. McCarthy. Are you hurt?
1147
00:46:03,312 --> 00:46:04,186
I'm fine.
1148
00:46:04,670 --> 00:46:06,046
Have you been in an accident?
1149
00:46:06,071 --> 00:46:07,621
Are you lost?
1150
00:46:07,898 --> 00:46:08,542
Very.
1151
00:46:08,567 --> 00:46:11,033
♪ I'm not where
I'm meant to be ♪
1152
00:46:13,979 --> 00:46:17,745
♪ it seems like everything
that I love... ♪
1153
00:46:17,770 --> 00:46:21,353
Lauren moved to another seat
in chemistry class.
1154
00:46:22,125 --> 00:46:25,614
It was as if I no longer existed.
1155
00:46:25,639 --> 00:46:27,119
I ceased to be in
her line of sight,
1156
00:46:27,144 --> 00:46:29,754
so I somehow evaporated
into the ethers like a worm
1157
00:46:29,779 --> 00:46:30,653
dropped into an acid bath.
1158
00:46:30,678 --> 00:46:33,379
♪ ... tired of feeling
sick and tired ♪
1159
00:46:33,404 --> 00:46:36,618
♪ it's time to break free ♪
1160
00:46:36,643 --> 00:46:39,721
I would ride my bike
by Lauren's house nightly
1161
00:46:39,746 --> 00:46:42,745
dreaming of the day she'd
realize how great I really was,
1162
00:46:42,770 --> 00:46:46,062
how cool and interesting I was.
1163
00:46:46,087 --> 00:46:49,008
Lauren consumed
my every waking thought.
1164
00:46:49,033 --> 00:46:51,768
And as she continued to ignore me
1165
00:46:51,793 --> 00:46:53,974
the days turned into endless torture.
1166
00:46:53,999 --> 00:46:56,090
♪ I don't wanna die ♪
1167
00:46:56,115 --> 00:47:00,414
♪ I'm getting out of here
alive ♪
1168
00:47:00,439 --> 00:47:02,574
Fortunately, I had my friends,
1169
00:47:03,435 --> 00:47:06,259
Brian and Wayne who are always
there to yank me out of my hole
1170
00:47:06,284 --> 00:47:10,405
and make me feel like I belonged to
something bigger than my self-pity.
1171
00:47:10,430 --> 00:47:13,305
I never told them how grateful I was
for their friendship.
1172
00:47:13,330 --> 00:47:16,725
I wouldn't have survived Lauren
landers if not for them.
1173
00:47:16,750 --> 00:47:18,516
♪ And I'll promise you ♪
1174
00:47:18,541 --> 00:47:21,927
♪ I promise that
I'll run away with you ♪
1175
00:47:21,952 --> 00:47:24,316
They knew the antidote to my depression,
1176
00:47:24,341 --> 00:47:26,341
and they always made me laugh.
1177
00:47:26,746 --> 00:47:30,005
Once Wayne got a tattoo of
a cow smoking a cigar
1178
00:47:30,030 --> 00:47:31,371
just to crack me up.
1179
00:47:32,482 --> 00:47:36,818
♪ You look just like heaven ♪
1180
00:47:39,463 --> 00:47:40,896
Video game voice: On your mark...
1181
00:47:46,443 --> 00:47:48,191
She did what?
1182
00:47:48,216 --> 00:47:49,647
Don't make it worse than
it already was.
1183
00:47:49,672 --> 00:47:52,414
It wasn't that tragic.
We just... we didn't go out.
1184
00:47:52,439 --> 00:47:53,771
It's...
1185
00:47:54,487 --> 00:47:56,210
You went out to dinner.
1186
00:47:56,235 --> 00:47:58,556
You went out in your car.
1187
00:47:58,581 --> 00:48:00,181
Technically, that's going out.
1188
00:48:00,660 --> 00:48:02,348
Did you at least get a souvenir?
1189
00:48:02,719 --> 00:48:03,783
Panties?
1190
00:48:04,073 --> 00:48:05,175
I'm gonna slap you.
1191
00:48:05,200 --> 00:48:06,944
What? It would be nice to get
a little some-some
1192
00:48:06,969 --> 00:48:09,363
hanging from the rear view mirror,
know what I'm saying?
1193
00:48:09,803 --> 00:48:10,791
Ouh!
1194
00:48:11,601 --> 00:48:13,583
She just can't get over herself.
1195
00:48:13,608 --> 00:48:16,188
Hey, man,
that was a long road.
1196
00:48:16,213 --> 00:48:17,844
But you stayed the path.
1197
00:48:18,143 --> 00:48:19,510
I'm proud, man.
1198
00:48:21,816 --> 00:48:23,126
You're my hero.
1199
00:48:23,151 --> 00:48:24,267
Give it up.
1200
00:48:26,217 --> 00:48:27,773
Got to run, rock star.
1201
00:48:29,148 --> 00:48:31,182
It's history repeating itself.
1202
00:48:32,084 --> 00:48:33,291
Everything's exactly the same,
1203
00:48:33,316 --> 00:48:34,503
but everything's changed.
1204
00:48:34,528 --> 00:48:36,872
It's like the day after we just graduated.
1205
00:48:36,897 --> 00:48:39,104
20 years... shooh!
down to the vacuum.
1206
00:48:39,798 --> 00:48:41,244
You know what?
1207
00:48:42,453 --> 00:48:44,879
You beat this Scarlet fever
once before.
1208
00:48:44,904 --> 00:48:46,634
I know you can do it again.
1209
00:48:47,358 --> 00:48:48,814
We were 18.
1210
00:48:49,575 --> 00:48:51,018
A lot younger.
1211
00:48:51,043 --> 00:48:54,371
My genetic makeup doesn't let me
get the girl.
1212
00:48:54,748 --> 00:48:57,080
I know exactly how you feel.
1213
00:48:57,434 --> 00:48:58,237
Come here.
1214
00:48:58,262 --> 00:48:58,826
Ah!
1215
00:48:58,851 --> 00:49:00,161
Come here.
Yeah.
1216
00:49:00,186 --> 00:49:02,058
All right. I get it.
1217
00:49:02,694 --> 00:49:03,518
Do you want a hug.
1218
00:49:03,543 --> 00:49:04,290
Yeah, I need a hug.
1219
00:49:04,315 --> 00:49:05,592
Ok, good.
Is that old spice?
1220
00:49:05,617 --> 00:49:07,060
I think that's your problem.
1221
00:49:07,085 --> 00:49:07,918
You need to change.
1222
00:49:07,943 --> 00:49:10,065
Hold on. Come to the car.
I'll get you something.
1223
00:49:11,084 --> 00:49:16,253
And we will be able to put everything together and have a wonderful celebration.
1224
00:49:16,278 --> 00:49:19,929
Now, who has envelopes
with the completed work?
1225
00:49:20,340 --> 00:49:22,623
Is everyone finishing up
their projects?
1226
00:49:23,583 --> 00:49:24,849
Very good. I...
1227
00:49:24,874 --> 00:49:26,823
I'm sorry, Mrs. Loochenberger,
1228
00:49:26,848 --> 00:49:28,845
but if I could have just one minute.
1229
00:49:28,870 --> 00:49:30,017
It's about the speech.
1230
00:49:30,042 --> 00:49:31,209
If it's done, leave it.
1231
00:49:31,234 --> 00:49:32,424
If not, take a seat,
1232
00:49:32,449 --> 00:49:34,870
and we can discuss this
when class is dismissed.
1233
00:49:34,895 --> 00:49:35,506
Ok.
1234
00:49:35,921 --> 00:49:38,160
Now, we don't have much time.
1235
00:49:38,185 --> 00:49:41,332
I need you all to finish up
your individual projects,
1236
00:49:41,357 --> 00:49:43,002
bring them up to the front,
1237
00:49:43,027 --> 00:49:44,597
so I can cross them off
1238
00:49:44,622 --> 00:49:47,027
and be able to finalize everything.
1239
00:49:47,052 --> 00:49:49,858
This is gonna be a special event.
1240
00:49:49,883 --> 00:49:51,616
And we have got to finish.
1241
00:49:56,103 --> 00:49:58,504
I'll take that.
Oh, I bet you will.
1242
00:50:00,729 --> 00:50:02,366
You have 2 options.
1243
00:50:02,391 --> 00:50:03,917
Would you like me
to read it?
1244
00:50:03,942 --> 00:50:05,601
Or throw it away?
1245
00:50:13,229 --> 00:50:15,079
It depends on what it says.
1246
00:50:18,847 --> 00:50:20,146
I'd be lying if I didn't say
1247
00:50:20,171 --> 00:50:22,737
how disappointed I am
in your conduct.
1248
00:50:22,762 --> 00:50:26,697
You seem to be getting yourself into
quite a few altercations.
1249
00:50:27,204 --> 00:50:29,386
This is the second time
you've been in my office
1250
00:50:29,411 --> 00:50:31,100
on disciplinary issues.
1251
00:50:31,753 --> 00:50:34,582
And this particular incident...
1252
00:50:34,607 --> 00:50:36,545
is quite damaging.
1253
00:50:36,570 --> 00:50:38,247
She passed me a note.
1254
00:50:39,594 --> 00:50:41,001
Are you aware of its contents?
1255
00:50:41,026 --> 00:50:41,716
No.
1256
00:50:44,193 --> 00:50:44,829
Would you like to be?
1257
00:50:44,854 --> 00:50:48,516
I think I should since it was
intended for my eyes only.
1258
00:50:56,012 --> 00:50:56,755
That's pretty funny.
1259
00:50:56,780 --> 00:50:58,869
I'm glad you find it humorous,
Mr. McCarthy.
1260
00:50:58,894 --> 00:50:59,755
I do.
1261
00:51:02,145 --> 00:51:05,572
When I asked that you get connected
with the senior class,
1262
00:51:05,597 --> 00:51:07,982
this was not what I was implying.
1263
00:51:08,384 --> 00:51:10,782
So, you're saying I shouldn't
go to the prom with Shasta?
1264
00:51:11,565 --> 00:51:14,308
I... I can't control
what happens off campus.
1265
00:51:14,333 --> 00:51:16,587
What happens on campus
is my full responsibility.
1266
00:51:16,612 --> 00:51:21,640
I and the district
employ a no-tolerance policy.
1267
00:51:21,665 --> 00:51:25,279
Therefore, I have no option
but to suspend you.
1268
00:51:25,304 --> 00:51:26,745
I'm suspended?
1269
00:51:26,770 --> 00:51:28,044
You're suspended.
1270
00:51:28,069 --> 00:51:29,272
You're suspending me?
1271
00:51:29,297 --> 00:51:30,475
Shh. Shh.
1272
00:51:33,017 --> 00:51:33,974
Beat it.
1273
00:51:34,808 --> 00:51:35,941
Hang ten.
1274
00:51:37,291 --> 00:51:39,925
♪ You lie alone in your bed ♪
1275
00:51:39,950 --> 00:51:42,881
♪ another long day ahead ♪
1276
00:51:42,906 --> 00:51:43,783
Hey!
1277
00:51:44,261 --> 00:51:46,349
Hey. Oh my God,
everything's cool, right?
1278
00:51:46,374 --> 00:51:49,637
Yeah, it's cool, cool.
It's fine, fine. No worries.
1279
00:51:49,662 --> 00:51:51,295
I just got suspended.
1280
00:51:51,900 --> 00:51:52,524
Shit.
I know.
1281
00:51:52,549 --> 00:51:53,227
OMG!
1282
00:51:53,252 --> 00:51:54,551
Oh, I'm so so sorry.
1283
00:51:54,576 --> 00:51:55,574
It's ok. Really.
1284
00:51:55,599 --> 00:51:57,358
It's ok.
It's totally my fault.
1285
00:51:57,756 --> 00:51:58,502
Don't worry.
1286
00:51:58,527 --> 00:52:01,637
He's been wanting to do that
for a long time now.
1287
00:52:01,662 --> 00:52:03,567
Really?
Yeah, he got his wish.
1288
00:52:03,592 --> 00:52:04,857
So what do you think?
1289
00:52:04,882 --> 00:52:05,869
About?
1290
00:52:06,428 --> 00:52:07,764
About the note?
1291
00:52:07,789 --> 00:52:08,911
Oh!
1292
00:52:08,936 --> 00:52:10,242
The note.
1293
00:52:10,267 --> 00:52:11,778
That's funny.
1294
00:52:11,803 --> 00:52:12,934
That's pretty damn funny.
1295
00:52:12,959 --> 00:52:14,479
I can't go with you
to the prom.
1296
00:52:14,504 --> 00:52:15,051
Why not?
1297
00:52:15,076 --> 00:52:17,376
Because it'd go against everything...
1298
00:52:17,401 --> 00:52:18,009
Like what?
1299
00:52:18,034 --> 00:52:19,296
Like gravity.
1300
00:52:19,321 --> 00:52:20,171
Like the way we're walking,
1301
00:52:20,196 --> 00:52:21,803
what keeps us on earth.
Ok, ok.
1302
00:52:21,828 --> 00:52:23,984
Just think of it
like...
1303
00:52:24,009 --> 00:52:25,453
research, you know.
1304
00:52:25,478 --> 00:52:26,961
You just say yes now,
1305
00:52:26,986 --> 00:52:29,414
then you can always
say no later.
1306
00:52:29,439 --> 00:52:31,064
But if you say no now,
1307
00:52:31,089 --> 00:52:36,087
then you may never, ever,
ever get a chance to say yes.
1308
00:52:36,112 --> 00:52:37,657
That's very clever.
Yeah.
1309
00:52:37,682 --> 00:52:39,882
I like that, but no way.
1310
00:52:39,907 --> 00:52:42,335
Isn't there just 100 guys
waiting to take you?
1311
00:52:42,360 --> 00:52:43,583
You're very cute.
1312
00:52:43,608 --> 00:52:45,315
There's got to be 100 of 'em.
Maybe 1,000.
1313
00:52:45,340 --> 00:52:46,722
I have standards, ok.
1314
00:52:46,747 --> 00:52:49,654
And Mr. Marshall did not suspend you
from the senior ball.
1315
00:52:49,679 --> 00:52:50,230
He can.
1316
00:52:50,255 --> 00:52:53,886
So you piss him off and go with me.
1317
00:52:53,911 --> 00:52:57,782
Please. Please, please,
please, please.
1318
00:52:57,807 --> 00:52:59,343
My days of defiance are done.
1319
00:52:59,368 --> 00:53:01,227
They just ended in
those doors over there.
1320
00:53:01,252 --> 00:53:02,400
You suck butt.
1321
00:53:03,215 --> 00:53:03,822
You know that.
1322
00:53:03,847 --> 00:53:05,309
You totally, totally suck butt.
1323
00:53:05,334 --> 00:53:06,401
Yeah. Well, you know what, ...
1324
00:53:06,426 --> 00:53:08,986
I guess that's what happens
when you turn 37.
1325
00:53:09,011 --> 00:53:10,692
Auh. Good.
1326
00:53:10,717 --> 00:53:12,301
Oh, good God.
1327
00:53:13,696 --> 00:53:15,034
What color's your dress?
1328
00:53:15,059 --> 00:53:16,190
Really?
1329
00:53:16,215 --> 00:53:17,208
Teal!
1330
00:53:17,233 --> 00:53:18,407
Teal.
1331
00:53:19,392 --> 00:53:20,353
Great.
1332
00:53:22,679 --> 00:53:25,629
I should have never agreed
to go to this.
1333
00:53:25,654 --> 00:53:26,953
But you did.
1334
00:53:26,978 --> 00:53:30,334
So just accept it, embrace it, own it.
1335
00:53:30,359 --> 00:53:32,608
This is your golden crow bar
1336
00:53:32,633 --> 00:53:36,031
that you are gonna use to pry yourself
from your past.
1337
00:53:36,056 --> 00:53:38,281
And don't let Scarlet keep you
from gonna another ball.
1338
00:53:38,306 --> 00:53:41,194
I'm just gonna call Shasta
and say, "look, I can't go."
1339
00:53:41,866 --> 00:53:42,403
What are you doing?
1340
00:53:42,428 --> 00:53:44,023
Let me explain something
to you, ok?
1341
00:53:44,048 --> 00:53:47,133
Once you achieve
a certain level of success,
1342
00:53:47,158 --> 00:53:49,028
ok, you get celebrity immunity.
1343
00:53:49,053 --> 00:53:50,272
You can do no wrong.
1344
00:53:50,618 --> 00:53:51,091
Well,
1345
00:53:51,116 --> 00:53:52,711
if you do, you just get
slapped on the wrist.
1346
00:53:52,736 --> 00:53:54,071
You can sleep with your stepdaughter.
1347
00:53:54,096 --> 00:53:56,282
You can have a slumber party
with little boys.
1348
00:53:56,307 --> 00:53:57,786
I'm not a celebrity.
1349
00:53:57,811 --> 00:53:59,832
Well, let me explain something
to you, ok.
1350
00:53:59,857 --> 00:54:03,075
If you can do what you want and
answer to nobody but yourself,
1351
00:54:03,100 --> 00:54:05,458
in big girls' world
you are a celebrity.
1352
00:54:07,123 --> 00:54:08,092
Look at that.
1353
00:54:08,405 --> 00:54:09,295
Voila!
1354
00:54:10,030 --> 00:54:11,328
I get arrested,
I'm calling you.
1355
00:54:11,353 --> 00:54:12,878
You should be taking me
and him.
1356
00:54:12,903 --> 00:54:14,878
Corsage. You wanna try it on me first?
1357
00:54:21,429 --> 00:54:22,208
Whoa, Francesca.
1358
00:54:22,233 --> 00:54:23,385
Oh my...
1359
00:54:24,934 --> 00:54:26,834
Henry McCarthy.
1360
00:54:28,737 --> 00:54:29,723
Yeah.
Yeah.
1361
00:54:29,748 --> 00:54:30,568
Yeah.
1362
00:54:30,593 --> 00:54:31,257
Oh.
1363
00:54:31,282 --> 00:54:33,443
Shasta told us all about you.
1364
00:54:33,468 --> 00:54:35,378
Yeah, ok.
Yeah.
1365
00:54:35,403 --> 00:54:36,638
Right.
1366
00:54:36,663 --> 00:54:37,320
Uh, please.
1367
00:54:37,345 --> 00:54:38,352
She...
Yeah,
1368
00:54:38,377 --> 00:54:39,324
We're not...
Please come in.
1369
00:54:39,349 --> 00:54:40,048
She's not my...
1370
00:54:40,073 --> 00:54:41,089
No. Oh!
1371
00:54:41,114 --> 00:54:42,178
Please, No!
1372
00:54:42,203 --> 00:54:43,336
Come in.
1373
00:54:43,361 --> 00:54:43,744
Thank you.
1374
00:54:43,769 --> 00:54:45,461
A monkeycould have caught that!
1375
00:54:57,076 --> 00:54:58,359
What is it that you do?
1376
00:54:58,384 --> 00:54:59,883
Um...
1377
00:55:00,523 --> 00:55:02,088
I write. I'm a writer.
Novelist.
1378
00:55:02,113 --> 00:55:03,396
What do you write?
1379
00:55:03,421 --> 00:55:05,819
Oh, that's a good question.
1380
00:55:05,844 --> 00:55:07,044
Um, it's a how-to book.
1381
00:55:07,069 --> 00:55:08,085
Here she is!
1382
00:55:08,110 --> 00:55:09,476
Looking smashing!
1383
00:55:09,501 --> 00:55:10,595
Hi!
1384
00:55:11,666 --> 00:55:12,493
Hi.
1385
00:55:14,731 --> 00:55:15,842
Daddy, what's wrong?
1386
00:55:15,867 --> 00:55:17,366
You're wearing that?
1387
00:55:17,391 --> 00:55:18,088
Mom likes it.
1388
00:55:18,113 --> 00:55:20,401
She looks so pretty, honey.
What?
1389
00:55:20,713 --> 00:55:21,446
Uh!
1390
00:55:21,471 --> 00:55:22,471
Uh.
1391
00:55:22,632 --> 00:55:23,573
Come on. Let's go.
1392
00:55:23,598 --> 00:55:24,697
Have a good time.
Whatever.
1393
00:55:24,722 --> 00:55:26,263
He's still so cute.
1394
00:55:26,858 --> 00:55:27,652
No!
1395
00:55:29,979 --> 00:55:31,463
Happy place,
happy place.
1396
00:55:35,493 --> 00:55:36,353
Hello?
1397
00:55:36,378 --> 00:55:37,477
You're swimming
in sorrow right now.
1398
00:55:37,502 --> 00:55:39,209
All I ask is for you
to swim to me.
1399
00:55:39,234 --> 00:55:40,011
Swim to your rock.
1400
00:55:40,036 --> 00:55:40,774
Would you want anything?
1401
00:55:40,799 --> 00:55:41,748
No, I'm fine.
You sure?
1402
00:55:41,773 --> 00:55:42,759
Yeah.
Talk to me.
1403
00:55:42,784 --> 00:55:44,157
Big gulp, slurpee?
1404
00:55:44,182 --> 00:55:46,290
Something's going on.
No, I'm fine.
1405
00:55:46,315 --> 00:55:48,125
I'm just at a 7-Eleven.
It's ok.
1406
00:55:48,150 --> 00:55:50,029
What the hell are you doing
at a 7-Eleven?
1407
00:55:50,054 --> 00:55:51,888
I am worried, Henry.
I am really worried.
1408
00:55:51,913 --> 00:55:54,417
Does anything good ever
happen at 7-elevens?
1409
00:55:54,442 --> 00:55:55,909
You're a victim
before you even walk in.
1410
00:55:55,934 --> 00:55:57,848
Don't worry, Javier.
It's gonna be ok.
1411
00:55:57,873 --> 00:55:59,359
I beg you to get out of there.
1412
00:55:59,384 --> 00:56:01,776
7-elevens are the gateway
to life in prison.
1413
00:56:01,801 --> 00:56:04,168
Ok. Bye.
Talk to you later.
1414
00:56:04,754 --> 00:56:06,939
I got us some refreshments.
1415
00:56:06,964 --> 00:56:07,805
Great.
Yeah!
1416
00:56:07,830 --> 00:56:10,006
All right. What did you get us?
1417
00:56:10,546 --> 00:56:12,031
Refreshments.
Ok.
1418
00:56:12,056 --> 00:56:13,111
Come on!
Ok.
1419
00:56:13,136 --> 00:56:14,010
Let's go.
1420
00:56:14,305 --> 00:56:15,635
What did you get us?
1421
00:56:16,251 --> 00:56:17,318
Ok.
Treats.
1422
00:56:21,479 --> 00:56:24,318
♪ Before you try to kiss me... ♪
1423
00:56:24,910 --> 00:56:26,734
Oh my God, I'm so excited!
1424
00:56:27,209 --> 00:56:28,276
Whoo!
1425
00:56:29,843 --> 00:56:30,681
Fun.
1426
00:56:31,156 --> 00:56:32,827
Yeah. Come on!
1427
00:56:32,852 --> 00:56:34,041
Whoo!
1428
00:56:36,223 --> 00:56:38,076
I'm not gonna be
contributing to a minor.
1429
00:56:38,101 --> 00:56:40,242
You know what, you're
not contributing because...
1430
00:56:40,267 --> 00:56:40,926
I paid for it.
1431
00:56:40,951 --> 00:56:42,803
But any contribution is welcome.
1432
00:56:44,124 --> 00:56:45,139
Cheers!
1433
00:56:45,353 --> 00:56:46,411
Cheers.
1434
00:56:47,051 --> 00:56:51,570
Oh, any political aspirations I may
have is gonna end when I down this.
1435
00:56:51,595 --> 00:56:52,788
Oh, come on.
1436
00:56:52,813 --> 00:56:54,157
You better vote for me.
1437
00:57:00,366 --> 00:57:01,381
Whoo!
1438
00:57:02,851 --> 00:57:03,502
Good, right?
1439
00:57:03,527 --> 00:57:04,315
Oh, yeah.
1440
00:57:04,340 --> 00:57:05,687
I'm gonna kill it.
1441
00:57:06,792 --> 00:57:07,851
Let's go!
1442
00:57:15,672 --> 00:57:16,442
I'm gonna get caught.
1443
00:57:16,467 --> 00:57:18,459
I'm not supposed to be
going with a minor.
1444
00:57:18,484 --> 00:57:19,481
Whoo!
1445
00:57:20,087 --> 00:57:21,731
Shasta, how doesw it feel going out
with a pedophile?
1446
00:57:21,756 --> 00:57:22,156
Fine.
1447
00:57:22,181 --> 00:57:22,852
Ouh!
1448
00:57:23,185 --> 00:57:24,418
B! OMG!
1449
00:57:24,443 --> 00:57:26,769
What are you wearing?
You look fabulous!
1450
00:57:29,177 --> 00:57:30,494
Hey, Shasta!
1451
00:57:30,519 --> 00:57:31,594
Hey, how are you?
1452
00:57:31,619 --> 00:57:33,493
You look great.
What are you wearing?
1453
00:57:33,518 --> 00:57:35,274
It's Forever 21.
But, shh, don't tell.
1454
00:57:35,299 --> 00:57:36,387
Who's he?
1455
00:57:36,412 --> 00:57:37,851
You know.
1456
00:57:38,263 --> 00:57:41,004
♪ Everybody have fun tonight ♪
1457
00:57:41,029 --> 00:57:42,546
I'm so excited.
Come on!
1458
00:57:43,803 --> 00:57:44,561
Come on, let's go.
1459
00:57:44,586 --> 00:57:48,338
♪ Everybody have fun
tonight ♪
1460
00:57:48,363 --> 00:57:50,133
♪ everybody have fun tonight ♪
1461
00:57:50,158 --> 00:57:56,139
♪ a million Miles
to be with you tonight ♪
1462
00:57:56,164 --> 00:57:59,409
♪ so if you're feeling low ♪
1463
00:57:59,434 --> 00:58:02,915
♪ turn up your radio ♪
1464
00:58:02,940 --> 00:58:04,230
Wow.
Just relax, ok.
1465
00:58:04,255 --> 00:58:05,736
Feeling Okay?
Got it.
1466
00:58:07,366 --> 00:58:12,288
Spotted, Henry and Shasta dancing in very
close proximity across the dance floor.
1467
00:58:12,313 --> 00:58:14,606
You know, you look so beautiful tonight.
1468
00:58:14,631 --> 00:58:16,773
Ew! Rape! Rape!
1469
00:58:16,798 --> 00:58:18,065
Hey!
1470
00:58:18,090 --> 00:58:18,956
Mary!
1471
00:58:22,034 --> 00:58:23,217
Oh, I've got old moves.
1472
00:58:23,242 --> 00:58:24,647
Just move your body.
1473
00:58:40,880 --> 00:58:43,666
♪ everybody
have fun tonight ♪
1474
00:58:43,691 --> 00:58:47,054
♪ across the nation
around the world ♪
1475
00:58:47,079 --> 00:58:50,116
♪ everybody everybody ♪
1476
00:58:50,141 --> 00:58:53,826
♪ celebration
spread the word ♪
1477
00:58:53,851 --> 00:58:57,060
♪ everybody have fun tonight ♪
1478
00:58:57,085 --> 00:58:59,349
♪ everybody have fun ♪
1479
00:59:02,276 --> 00:59:03,787
Lauren was so beautiful
1480
00:59:03,812 --> 00:59:05,758
I could barely look at her.
1481
00:59:06,603 --> 00:59:10,396
And school politics didn't allow her
to look at me.
1482
00:59:10,421 --> 00:59:12,408
She was too popular.
1483
00:59:12,433 --> 00:59:15,498
She'd become a cheerleader
and started dating a football jock.
1484
00:59:16,508 --> 00:59:19,630
She went to the prom with the jerk;
I didn't go.
1485
00:59:19,655 --> 00:59:22,178
I couldn't stand the thought of
seeing them together,
1486
00:59:22,203 --> 00:59:24,783
king and queen of the ball.
1487
00:59:28,129 --> 00:59:30,786
I anonymously sent Lauren
a corsage.
1488
00:59:31,576 --> 00:59:33,409
On prom night I waited in my car
1489
00:59:33,434 --> 00:59:36,230
across the street from her house
to see if she wore it.
1490
00:59:37,300 --> 00:59:38,210
She didn't.
1491
00:59:38,445 --> 00:59:39,532
It was a ridiculous gesture,
1492
00:59:39,557 --> 00:59:42,967
but I wanted to be a part
of her life in some small way.
1493
00:59:44,154 --> 00:59:46,114
The next day, I pretended to be sick.
1494
00:59:46,139 --> 00:59:48,398
I couldn't face sitting next to Lauren.
1495
00:59:53,166 --> 00:59:55,859
Please! Please, please,
please, please,
1496
00:59:55,884 --> 00:59:57,101
with a cherry on top.
1497
00:59:57,126 --> 00:59:58,471
No, I can't.
1498
00:59:58,496 --> 01:00:00,311
Look, I had a really good time in there.
That was fun.
1499
01:00:00,336 --> 01:00:02,124
No, we're only gonna stay at the party
for 10 minutes.
1500
01:00:02,149 --> 01:00:03,072
10 minutes!
1501
01:00:03,097 --> 01:00:05,092
I've stayed 10 minutes
too long already.
1502
01:00:05,117 --> 01:00:05,846
Henry,
1503
01:00:05,871 --> 01:00:07,448
think of it as doing charity.
1504
01:00:07,473 --> 01:00:10,840
Like, you can just write it off
on your taxes.
1505
01:00:10,865 --> 01:00:12,986
And what cause would this be for?
1506
01:00:13,011 --> 01:00:16,590
Because I want you to,
and because why not?
1507
01:00:16,615 --> 01:00:17,810
Come on!
1508
01:00:19,273 --> 01:00:20,586
Phone's ringing.
Hold on.
1509
01:00:21,421 --> 01:00:22,960
You know what,
just go home.
1510
01:00:22,985 --> 01:00:25,140
I think your mommy's
calling you.
1511
01:00:37,947 --> 01:00:39,399
10 minutes, right?
You just said 10.
1512
01:00:39,424 --> 01:00:41,994
You're gonna wanna stay longer than 10 minutes
when you get inside, 'cause I...
1513
01:00:42,019 --> 01:00:44,839
promise you that
you're gonna have fun!
1514
01:00:45,846 --> 01:00:47,161
You're on the grass!
1515
01:00:48,701 --> 01:00:49,936
Hey! Oh my God!
1516
01:00:52,447 --> 01:00:52,829
Hey.
1517
01:00:52,854 --> 01:00:53,596
Hey!
1518
01:00:54,778 --> 01:00:55,684
Come on!
1519
01:00:57,046 --> 01:00:58,788
Hey, I'll go get us some drinks.
1520
01:00:58,813 --> 01:00:59,802
I'll go get us a drink, ok?
1521
01:00:59,827 --> 01:01:00,188
Ok.
1522
01:01:00,213 --> 01:01:01,669
Ok. All right.
1523
01:01:12,049 --> 01:01:13,816
Chug! Chug! Chug!
1524
01:01:26,072 --> 01:01:26,884
Hi.
1525
01:01:27,119 --> 01:01:28,164
Here you go.
1526
01:01:33,153 --> 01:01:34,049
Ok.
1527
01:01:34,376 --> 01:01:35,327
All right.
1528
01:01:35,789 --> 01:01:36,776
You don't have to do that.
1529
01:01:36,801 --> 01:01:38,615
I don't see a ring
around your finger.
1530
01:01:38,640 --> 01:01:41,274
Yeah, I don't want one
around my ankle either.
1531
01:01:43,423 --> 01:01:44,752
Wow, ok.
1532
01:01:44,777 --> 01:01:45,446
Yeah.
1533
01:01:45,471 --> 01:01:46,601
Ok, how's this? Is this ok?
1534
01:01:46,626 --> 01:01:47,758
Ok, that's fine.
1535
01:01:47,784 --> 01:01:51,025
You know, if you keep your hands to yourself
I can accept it.
1536
01:01:51,050 --> 01:01:52,000
Ok.
All right?
1537
01:01:52,025 --> 01:01:52,744
Mm-hmm.
1538
01:01:54,399 --> 01:01:55,956
Um...
1539
01:01:55,981 --> 01:01:58,860
are you afraid that
I don't know what I'm doing?
1540
01:01:59,819 --> 01:02:02,093
Why would you say yes to this, if...
1541
01:02:02,118 --> 01:02:04,264
you weren't gonna follow through?
1542
01:02:04,289 --> 01:02:06,102
I promise...
1543
01:02:07,636 --> 01:02:09,484
You won't have any regrets.
1544
01:02:09,509 --> 01:02:11,235
Yeah. I know.
1545
01:02:11,260 --> 01:02:12,149
But,
1546
01:02:12,174 --> 01:02:15,996
there is nothing about taking this moment further
1547
01:02:16,021 --> 01:02:18,087
that's gonna benefit our lives.
1548
01:02:18,112 --> 01:02:19,410
What is that supposed to mean?
Ok.
1549
01:02:19,435 --> 01:02:24,543
It means that messing around with an 18-year-old
1550
01:02:24,568 --> 01:02:28,884
won't even come close to fixing the problems
1551
01:02:28,909 --> 01:02:32,051
of the heartbreak I had 20 years ago.
1552
01:02:32,076 --> 01:02:33,090
Oh...
1553
01:02:33,963 --> 01:02:36,095
She is such a bitch!
1554
01:02:36,120 --> 01:02:37,170
Yeah.
1555
01:02:37,195 --> 01:02:38,330
And I have to deal with it.
1556
01:02:38,700 --> 01:02:39,639
I get to pay for her.
1557
01:02:39,664 --> 01:02:40,897
Cops!
1558
01:02:41,136 --> 01:02:42,042
Oh, shi...
1559
01:02:42,067 --> 01:02:43,095
Come on, come on!
1560
01:02:45,084 --> 01:02:46,275
Oh my God!
1561
01:02:59,238 --> 01:03:00,018
What?
1562
01:03:00,360 --> 01:03:01,259
Oh my God!
You gotta jump!
1563
01:03:01,284 --> 01:03:02,135
What?!
1564
01:03:02,751 --> 01:03:04,005
Come on, jump.
Shasta, jump.
1565
01:03:04,030 --> 01:03:04,850
I can't do that.
1566
01:03:04,875 --> 01:03:05,703
Trust me. Jump.
1567
01:03:05,728 --> 01:03:06,431
This is the police department!
Damn.
1568
01:03:06,456 --> 01:03:07,233
If you don't jump right now,
1569
01:03:07,258 --> 01:03:09,399
you're gonna be doing
the same exercise at rehab.
1570
01:03:09,424 --> 01:03:10,156
Come on! Jump!
1571
01:03:15,571 --> 01:03:16,556
The party's over!
1572
01:03:16,581 --> 01:03:17,672
Oh my God!
1573
01:03:32,572 --> 01:03:34,004
Could you think of
anything better to do
1574
01:03:34,006 --> 01:03:35,133
with your Saturday night
than this?
1575
01:03:35,158 --> 01:03:38,726
Yeah, I could be cuddled up
on the couch watching "Cops."
1576
01:03:39,200 --> 01:03:40,361
Love that show.
1577
01:03:40,714 --> 01:03:41,411
Yeah.
1578
01:03:41,436 --> 01:03:43,203
The one thing I thought I could learn was
1579
01:03:43,228 --> 01:03:44,782
never to run from them.
1580
01:03:49,422 --> 01:03:50,470
Whoa.
1581
01:03:51,920 --> 01:03:53,374
He's right there.
He's right there.
1582
01:03:54,391 --> 01:03:55,818
Shh...
1583
01:03:57,441 --> 01:03:59,462
Please come out
from behind the bushes.
1584
01:04:02,044 --> 01:04:04,145
It's not what it looks like,
officer.
1585
01:04:07,760 --> 01:04:09,785
I'm won't be the judge of that.
1586
01:04:10,448 --> 01:04:11,241
You two been drinking?
1587
01:04:11,266 --> 01:04:12,508
No, not at all.
1588
01:04:16,926 --> 01:04:17,940
Vodka?
1589
01:04:18,379 --> 01:04:21,279
When Brian, my best buddy,
came out of the closet that year,
1590
01:04:21,304 --> 01:04:24,440
he became the token gay
of West Rockwille High.
1591
01:04:24,465 --> 01:04:27,997
After that, I was uncomfortable
hanging out with him.
1592
01:04:28,022 --> 01:04:29,395
It was tough enough for me
to be accepted
1593
01:04:29,420 --> 01:04:32,511
without being associated
with another freak.
1594
01:04:33,557 --> 01:04:35,519
In a vain attempt to fit in with the cool crowd,
1595
01:04:35,544 --> 01:04:38,183
I snuck out with a group of guys
during a pep rally
1596
01:04:38,208 --> 01:04:40,229
and egged Brian's car.
1597
01:04:40,254 --> 01:04:43,438
We spelled p-u-s-s-y
in soap
1598
01:04:43,463 --> 01:04:45,878
and covered his entire car
with panty-liners
1599
01:04:45,903 --> 01:04:48,996
implying that he should
have been a woman.
1600
01:04:50,170 --> 01:04:51,509
I'm gonna kill him.
1601
01:04:51,534 --> 01:04:53,793
I will kill that boy.
I will kill him dead.
1602
01:04:54,252 --> 01:04:57,536
Brian. He could have at least
picked a name like Trevor.
1603
01:05:03,872 --> 01:05:04,676
No priors.
1604
01:05:04,701 --> 01:05:05,415
Yeah.
1605
01:05:05,863 --> 01:05:10,633
That just leaves us with a 37-year-old
at a high school party.
1606
01:05:10,658 --> 01:05:11,424
Sir...
1607
01:05:11,449 --> 01:05:12,564
McCarthy!
1608
01:05:13,302 --> 01:05:14,435
Hey, bird.
1609
01:05:15,241 --> 01:05:16,352
I got this.
1610
01:05:21,097 --> 01:05:22,861
Nothing happened,
I swear to you.
1611
01:05:22,886 --> 01:05:24,349
Nothing happened.
1612
01:05:24,862 --> 01:05:25,865
Uh-huh.
1613
01:05:32,570 --> 01:05:33,403
You're the man.
1614
01:05:33,428 --> 01:05:34,223
Yeah.
1615
01:05:35,916 --> 01:05:37,272
Go make it happen.
1616
01:05:37,610 --> 01:05:38,625
Thanks.
1617
01:05:40,514 --> 01:05:41,468
He's good.
1618
01:05:43,038 --> 01:05:45,139
Oh my God,
I'm so embarrassed.
1619
01:05:45,164 --> 01:05:47,341
Well, it's better you do
this stuff now
1620
01:05:47,366 --> 01:05:48,900
and get it out of the way.
1621
01:05:48,925 --> 01:05:49,535
Henry.
1622
01:05:49,560 --> 01:05:50,463
Wow.
1623
01:05:50,911 --> 01:05:52,471
Henry!
Yeah.
1624
01:05:54,309 --> 01:05:55,605
Oh my God...
1625
01:05:56,860 --> 01:05:57,853
Yeah.
1626
01:05:59,186 --> 01:06:01,394
Um, "you suck."
1627
01:06:01,419 --> 01:06:02,379
"You suck."
1628
01:06:02,404 --> 01:06:04,027
Yeah, I suck.
1629
01:06:05,269 --> 01:06:06,327
Yeah.
1630
01:06:06,352 --> 01:06:07,594
Oh no.
1631
01:06:19,953 --> 01:06:20,914
Hi, daddy.
1632
01:06:21,271 --> 01:06:22,725
Come on, come on.
1633
01:06:23,492 --> 01:06:25,433
Young lady,
get in the house.
1634
01:06:25,844 --> 01:06:28,668
My sincerest apologies,
Mr. O'Neal.
1635
01:06:28,693 --> 01:06:30,466
She's in one piece,
at least.
1636
01:06:30,491 --> 01:06:33,666
There's nothing I can do to you
that your dad isn't gonna do
1637
01:06:33,691 --> 01:06:35,565
when he sees that car.
1638
01:06:41,312 --> 01:06:42,459
Oh, God.
1639
01:06:49,445 --> 01:06:50,805
Dad, I'm so sorry.
1640
01:06:50,830 --> 01:06:51,553
Sorry?!
1641
01:06:51,578 --> 01:06:51,986
Yeah.
1642
01:06:52,026 --> 01:06:56,838
Where in the lord's name
did you take her?!
1643
01:06:57,325 --> 01:06:58,581
I think it's just cosmetic.
1644
01:06:58,606 --> 01:07:00,182
Really, I'm sorry.
I'll take care of it.
1645
01:07:00,207 --> 01:07:01,583
You know something, son!
1646
01:07:01,608 --> 01:07:04,856
Your smart-ass attitude is not
welcome at a time like this!
1647
01:07:04,881 --> 01:07:06,916
I'm sorry.
I think it's cosmetic only.
1648
01:07:06,941 --> 01:07:08,895
It's coming out of your allowance.
1649
01:07:08,920 --> 01:07:09,815
I don't get an allowance, dad.
1650
01:07:09,840 --> 01:07:11,956
Well, I mean your inheritance!
1651
01:07:16,957 --> 01:07:18,725
So, how is the speech coming?
1652
01:07:19,179 --> 01:07:21,255
Haven't even started
working on it yet.
1653
01:07:21,280 --> 01:07:21,982
I know.
1654
01:07:22,876 --> 01:07:25,364
Scarlet, something-or-other, called.
1655
01:07:25,714 --> 01:07:26,531
Scarlet called?
1656
01:07:26,556 --> 01:07:28,482
Said you were in
for the night.
1657
01:07:28,507 --> 01:07:29,813
Dad, you're trying
to ground me?
1658
01:07:29,838 --> 01:07:32,438
You don't think you were
gonna take the Cadillac!
1659
01:07:32,755 --> 01:07:36,187
I think I've got 2 feet.
I think I can walk over to her house.
1660
01:07:49,549 --> 01:07:51,628
Pick up the phone.
Pick up.
1661
01:08:00,569 --> 01:08:01,450
Come on.
1662
01:08:06,240 --> 01:08:07,045
Damn it!
1663
01:08:09,361 --> 01:08:11,420
Sometimes you have to take action.
1664
01:08:11,445 --> 01:08:15,380
I discovered sitting in the back of the class
doesn't get you the grades or the girl.
1665
01:08:15,405 --> 01:08:17,044
So, I moved up a seat.
1666
01:08:17,069 --> 01:08:19,863
By that time, Lauren was in
danger of flunking chemistry.
1667
01:08:19,888 --> 01:08:22,622
This was the perfect scenario
for Boy Genius to swoop in
1668
01:08:22,647 --> 01:08:25,725
and rescue the Damsel-in-Distress.
1669
01:08:26,234 --> 01:08:27,795
The token town gay!
1670
01:08:27,820 --> 01:08:29,351
I was 500 pounds, Henry!
1671
01:08:29,376 --> 01:08:30,876
because t took me a while to figure out
1672
01:08:30,901 --> 01:08:33,137
that I was craving the wrong ding-dong.
1673
01:08:34,269 --> 01:08:36,325
Hey, did you like what I did
to your dad's car?
1674
01:08:36,350 --> 01:08:37,450
Stop and wait for me!
1675
01:08:39,872 --> 01:08:41,020
Stop that!
1676
01:08:49,231 --> 01:08:50,200
Hi, how you doing?
1677
01:08:50,847 --> 01:08:52,238
That's right.
What are you gonna do?
1678
01:08:54,176 --> 01:08:56,376
Hey! Hey! Ho! Ho!
1679
01:08:59,531 --> 01:09:00,713
Easy!
1680
01:09:00,822 --> 01:09:02,119
Henry...
1681
01:09:02,144 --> 01:09:03,002
I'm tapping out.
1682
01:09:03,027 --> 01:09:05,529
What's going on here?
Now, let him go, ok.
1683
01:09:05,554 --> 01:09:06,637
Oh, yeah!
1684
01:09:09,295 --> 01:09:10,995
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Leave.
1685
01:09:15,898 --> 01:09:16,853
Bitch.
1686
01:09:17,186 --> 01:09:20,046
I had to make Lauren excruciatingly
aware of my existence.
1687
01:09:20,071 --> 01:09:21,773
When moving up a seat didn't work,
1688
01:09:21,798 --> 01:09:23,407
I became her chemistry tutor.
1689
01:09:23,432 --> 01:09:25,617
But the only thing that was heating up in that class
1690
01:09:25,642 --> 01:09:27,979
was on top of the Bunsen burner.
1691
01:09:28,331 --> 01:09:31,083
I'll admit I made it a little more complicated
than it needed to be,
1692
01:09:31,108 --> 01:09:34,954
but I wanted to spend as much
time as possible with her.
1693
01:09:34,979 --> 01:09:36,459
I was distracted by her beauty,
1694
01:09:36,484 --> 01:09:37,843
her soft pale skin,
1695
01:09:37,868 --> 01:09:39,892
her haunting eyes
and her silky hair.
1696
01:09:39,917 --> 01:09:43,877
Somehow I managed to guide her
to an "A" in the class.
1697
01:09:43,902 --> 01:09:45,999
The day she thanked me with a hug and
a kiss on the cheek
1698
01:09:46,024 --> 01:09:48,904
was the happiest day
of my life.
1699
01:09:48,929 --> 01:09:51,735
I felt as if I'd been touched
by an angel.
1700
01:09:51,760 --> 01:09:54,236
That was the day
she signed my yearbook
1701
01:09:54,261 --> 01:09:55,449
"stay cool."
1702
01:09:58,195 --> 01:10:02,613
I thought it was code for
"I love you forever."
1703
01:10:02,638 --> 01:10:03,614
Henry?
1704
01:10:03,639 --> 01:10:05,264
Yes.
What are you doing here?
1705
01:10:05,289 --> 01:10:06,198
Is it too late?
1706
01:10:06,223 --> 01:10:07,152
No, no.
1707
01:10:07,177 --> 01:10:08,770
Um, come in.
1708
01:10:08,795 --> 01:10:09,879
It's my bike out right there.
1709
01:10:09,904 --> 01:10:11,705
Oh, yeah. Yes.
1710
01:10:12,634 --> 01:10:13,341
Cute.
1711
01:10:13,566 --> 01:10:16,555
One of the reasons that I was calling
1712
01:10:16,580 --> 01:10:19,057
was because I'm reading your book.
1713
01:10:19,082 --> 01:10:22,180
I was just wondering
how much of it was true.
1714
01:10:22,205 --> 01:10:23,204
Uh...
1715
01:10:25,286 --> 01:10:26,840
Everything but the laid part.
1716
01:10:26,865 --> 01:10:27,651
Yeah.
1717
01:10:28,474 --> 01:10:29,549
Ah-oh.
1718
01:10:29,574 --> 01:10:30,502
Um,
1719
01:10:30,528 --> 01:10:32,821
the girl in it that you write about, Lauren,
1720
01:10:32,846 --> 01:10:33,604
Yeah.
1721
01:10:34,110 --> 01:10:38,868
I was really moved
and touched by...
1722
01:10:38,893 --> 01:10:41,460
You wrote about her
so beautifully and...
1723
01:10:41,485 --> 01:10:44,617
And I thought she must be really special
and inspiring.
1724
01:10:44,642 --> 01:10:45,714
She's both.
1725
01:10:46,353 --> 01:10:47,976
Oh, who is she?
1726
01:10:49,729 --> 01:10:51,545
Who do you think she is?
1727
01:10:57,826 --> 01:10:58,960
Scar!
Jeez...
1728
01:10:58,985 --> 01:10:59,894
Scarlet!
1729
01:11:01,121 --> 01:11:01,797
Get out here!
1730
01:11:01,822 --> 01:11:02,220
Brad.
1731
01:11:02,245 --> 01:11:03,568
What are you doing, huh?
Go home!
1732
01:11:03,593 --> 01:11:04,831
Is he here right now?
It doesn't matter!
1733
01:11:04,856 --> 01:11:06,413
It doesn't matter?
Can you just leave, ok?
1734
01:11:06,438 --> 01:11:07,685
Huh?
I'm gonna call the police, Brad.
1735
01:11:07,710 --> 01:11:10,573
I'm gonna beat his ass!
Super tramp!
1736
01:11:10,598 --> 01:11:12,899
No, no, no. don't.
1737
01:11:15,330 --> 01:11:15,941
No, Scarlet.
1738
01:11:15,966 --> 01:11:18,937
Whetherit's tomorrow or next week,
he's gonna come after me.
1739
01:11:18,962 --> 01:11:20,799
He wants me.
He wants to kick my ass.
1740
01:11:20,824 --> 01:11:22,268
So let's go do this.
1741
01:11:22,576 --> 01:11:25,671
Here's your little
pansy-ass BMX!
1742
01:11:26,194 --> 01:11:27,640
How about that?
1743
01:11:32,238 --> 01:11:33,900
That's right!
Kick his ass!
1744
01:11:33,925 --> 01:11:35,481
How about that?
1745
01:11:36,166 --> 01:11:37,501
Yeah, kick his ass!
1746
01:11:51,982 --> 01:11:54,242
Better never catch you
with her again.
1747
01:12:20,407 --> 01:12:21,399
How is he?
1748
01:12:21,424 --> 01:12:22,453
I don't know yet.
1749
01:12:42,511 --> 01:12:43,661
He can see you now.
1750
01:12:46,225 --> 01:12:47,125
This way.
1751
01:13:10,032 --> 01:13:11,159
Hey, guys.
1752
01:13:11,184 --> 01:13:12,309
What did you do?
1753
01:13:16,211 --> 01:13:17,515
Is that it? Just here?
1754
01:13:18,220 --> 01:13:19,144
Yeah.
Oh...
1755
01:13:19,169 --> 01:13:20,451
And a couple ribs, too.
1756
01:13:20,476 --> 01:13:21,818
Mmm.
1757
01:13:22,346 --> 01:13:23,262
I told you.
1758
01:13:23,458 --> 01:13:25,406
Didn't I tell you?
I told you.
1759
01:13:26,065 --> 01:13:27,776
Yeah.
Yeah.
1760
01:13:31,248 --> 01:13:33,248
Let's get some of that
dried blood off.
1761
01:13:34,496 --> 01:13:35,902
We never got to play doctor, did we?
1762
01:13:35,927 --> 01:13:36,429
Mm-mh.
1763
01:13:36,454 --> 01:13:38,809
And you don't make this a chapter
in one of your books either.
1764
01:13:38,834 --> 01:13:39,298
Ok, ok.
1765
01:13:39,323 --> 01:13:40,595
Ok?
Mm-hmm.
1766
01:13:40,620 --> 01:13:41,481
That's good.
Mm-hmm.
1767
01:13:41,506 --> 01:13:43,589
Stay behind a typewriter.
1768
01:13:44,250 --> 01:13:45,032
Fist fighting.
1769
01:13:47,160 --> 01:13:48,474
Now, I'm gonna get a doctor...
1770
01:13:48,499 --> 01:13:49,690
Hey!
1771
01:13:49,715 --> 01:13:51,012
Hey, wino.
1772
01:13:51,037 --> 01:13:51,854
Look at you.
1773
01:13:51,879 --> 01:13:52,920
Yeah.
1774
01:13:52,945 --> 01:13:54,138
Is Scarlet here?
1775
01:13:54,335 --> 01:13:55,776
Yeah, she's outside,
man.
1776
01:13:55,801 --> 01:13:57,666
There, that hurts.
1777
01:13:57,691 --> 01:13:59,209
Check this out.
1778
01:13:59,234 --> 01:14:00,463
Yeah!
1779
01:14:05,097 --> 01:14:06,664
I'll be back in the morning.
1780
01:14:13,574 --> 01:14:14,558
Yes, I did.
1781
01:14:15,133 --> 01:14:16,287
I did, I...
1782
01:14:16,478 --> 01:14:18,743
I told you I read it,
and it's crap.
1783
01:14:19,267 --> 01:14:20,241
It's...
1784
01:14:20,266 --> 01:14:21,954
it's crap.
I told you the first...
1785
01:14:21,979 --> 01:14:23,700
Nobody will care about it.
1786
01:14:23,725 --> 01:14:25,640
It's a story about manure salesman.
1787
01:14:25,665 --> 01:14:27,657
No one will care at all!
1788
01:14:29,076 --> 01:14:30,106
Henry?
1789
01:14:31,620 --> 01:14:34,530
Henry? Henry, if you
can hear me, this is Javier.
1790
01:14:36,608 --> 01:14:37,895
Hey, Javier.
1791
01:14:38,124 --> 01:14:40,169
Oh. So much for being in a coma.
1792
01:14:40,194 --> 01:14:41,884
Your pain killers kicked in yet?
1793
01:14:43,630 --> 01:14:44,704
What is that?
1794
01:14:45,024 --> 01:14:47,890
That is the review
in your hometown paper.
1795
01:14:47,915 --> 01:14:50,772
Uh, "let's hope Mr. McCarthy
doesn't repeat any of his dribble
1796
01:14:50,797 --> 01:14:52,726
"during his commencement speech
this Friday."
1797
01:14:52,751 --> 01:14:54,332
Um, don't worry.
I think she meant "drivel."
1798
01:14:54,357 --> 01:14:55,447
Um, "It didn't inspire.
1799
01:14:55,472 --> 01:14:57,993
"It nearly made me
slit my wrists."
1800
01:14:58,018 --> 01:14:59,519
Who's this?
Who's this fields woman?
1801
01:14:59,544 --> 01:15:01,689
You know, I don't know,
you know.
1802
01:15:02,078 --> 01:15:02,998
I probably did something to her.
1803
01:15:03,023 --> 01:15:04,989
You know, probably egged her house
or something.
1804
01:15:05,014 --> 01:15:06,598
Who knows at this point.
1805
01:15:06,623 --> 01:15:10,568
Well, we need to get you out of here before
your next review is in the obituary section.
1806
01:15:10,593 --> 01:15:12,979
No. I wish I could.
But I can't.
1807
01:15:14,164 --> 01:15:16,018
These people don't like you!
1808
01:15:17,071 --> 01:15:17,508
I get it.
Look,
1809
01:15:17,533 --> 01:15:18,859
I can get you out of your
commencement duties
1810
01:15:18,884 --> 01:15:22,353
as well as this Kat-TV interview
scheduled for later today.
1811
01:15:22,378 --> 01:15:23,761
We can be on the first flight
out of here.
1812
01:15:23,786 --> 01:15:26,058
Javier, if I leave now,
1813
01:15:26,083 --> 01:15:29,025
I'm gonna be writing about this
for the next 20 years.
1814
01:15:30,108 --> 01:15:31,575
I want a new subject.
1815
01:15:32,747 --> 01:15:34,725
"How Lionel Got Me Laid out"?
1816
01:15:34,750 --> 01:15:36,814
Help me get to graduation.
1817
01:15:39,587 --> 01:15:40,988
You can pick up your
prom photos today
1818
01:15:41,013 --> 01:15:43,971
after school in room 113
between 3 and 4.
1819
01:15:43,996 --> 01:15:45,222
And now to John candle
in sports...
1820
01:15:45,247 --> 01:15:46,204
Excuse me.
1821
01:15:47,543 --> 01:15:48,692
Dios mio.
1822
01:15:49,201 --> 01:15:51,877
They'd think we're pushing a book
about domestic violence.
1823
01:15:52,781 --> 01:15:53,864
You know what?
1824
01:15:54,785 --> 01:15:55,892
I got a punch-in.
1825
01:15:55,917 --> 01:15:56,323
Mm-hmm.
1826
01:15:56,348 --> 01:15:58,219
I don't know where,
but I got one.
1827
01:15:58,244 --> 01:15:59,973
Ok, I'm gonna take a moment
to digest that
1828
01:15:59,998 --> 01:16:01,314
'cause that's what people
like in their writers.
1829
01:16:01,330 --> 01:16:04,695
They like a little... sort of
rugged sort of beat-up look.
1830
01:16:04,719 --> 01:16:05,572
I think you're on.
1831
01:16:05,597 --> 01:16:06,701
...Henry McCarthy.
1832
01:16:15,002 --> 01:16:16,531
Hello, West Rockville students.
1833
01:16:16,556 --> 01:16:18,043
Today, I'll be talking
with one more student,
1834
01:16:18,068 --> 01:16:19,694
an author, Henry McCarthy.
1835
01:16:19,719 --> 01:16:22,076
Now, I was wondering if
you could share with us
1836
01:16:22,101 --> 01:16:24,696
how you came up with this title
How Lionel Got Me Laid?
1837
01:16:24,721 --> 01:16:26,944
Sure. It's based on the singer.
1838
01:16:26,969 --> 01:16:28,591
So his music was
influential?
1839
01:16:28,616 --> 01:16:30,670
Yeah, yeah.
He had a lot to do with it.
1840
01:16:30,695 --> 01:16:32,539
though I wasn't as popular.
1841
01:16:32,564 --> 01:16:34,645
I mean, he was popular,
but we listened to other music.
1842
01:16:34,670 --> 01:16:37,661
But, yeah, Lionel.
Lionel shoulda got a lot of people laid.
1843
01:16:41,121 --> 01:16:43,829
I developed a philosophy in my last
days of high school.
1844
01:16:43,854 --> 01:16:46,951
I realized as long as I just concentrated
on being alive
1845
01:16:46,976 --> 01:16:49,009
and stopped worrying about a future
I couldn't predict
1846
01:16:49,034 --> 01:16:50,648
and the past I couldn't change
1847
01:16:50,673 --> 01:16:54,204
then my time on earth would be a
hell of a lot more enjoyable,
1848
01:16:54,229 --> 01:16:56,461
and I'd probably get laid.
1849
01:16:56,486 --> 01:16:58,492
I figured, at least once.
1850
01:17:00,120 --> 01:17:02,576
Years later, I noticed that the lessons
I'd learned in high school
1851
01:17:02,601 --> 01:17:05,969
were being repeated
in my life over and over.
1852
01:17:06,760 --> 01:17:09,717
There didn't seem to be
an end in sight.
1853
01:17:09,742 --> 01:17:10,982
I was an a student in school.
1854
01:17:11,007 --> 01:17:13,525
Why did I feel like a C- in life?
1855
01:17:13,550 --> 01:17:16,901
Did I need to go back to West Rockville
for a refresher course?
1856
01:17:16,926 --> 01:17:19,356
Ow, ow, ow.
Ow, ow? Ow.
1857
01:17:19,381 --> 01:17:21,343
Got you pretty good, didn't he?
Mm-hmm. He did.
1858
01:17:21,368 --> 01:17:22,696
You know, I can help you.
1859
01:17:22,721 --> 01:17:24,275
All you have to do is tell me
who did this to you.
1860
01:17:24,300 --> 01:17:24,907
Ah, ah, ah.
1861
01:17:24,932 --> 01:17:26,722
It's nothing. It's nothing.
1862
01:17:26,746 --> 01:17:28,217
What are you gonna do?
Suspend them too?
1863
01:17:28,250 --> 01:17:29,852
If necessary, yes.
1864
01:17:30,051 --> 01:17:31,242
Look, I'll be ok.
I'm fine.
1865
01:17:31,267 --> 01:17:32,767
Just let me cross campus over here
1866
01:17:32,799 --> 01:17:35,433
and get my speech approved.
1867
01:17:35,458 --> 01:17:36,033
All right?
1868
01:17:36,058 --> 01:17:38,321
There's a running track
goes around the campus.
1869
01:17:38,346 --> 01:17:40,594
Various entrances for guests.
1870
01:17:41,436 --> 01:17:43,427
"72% of the graduating class
1871
01:17:43,452 --> 01:17:45,493
"will be on an anti-depressant.
1872
01:17:45,518 --> 01:17:47,833
"61% will be divorced."
1873
01:17:47,858 --> 01:17:49,021
Very interesting.
1874
01:17:51,645 --> 01:17:55,120
I do find your choices humorous,
somewhat shocking and very clever.
1875
01:17:55,145 --> 01:17:56,506
But, overall, I can't allow this.
1876
01:17:56,531 --> 01:17:57,907
While you will be grabbing their attention
1877
01:17:57,932 --> 01:18:00,109
with frightening statistics about the future,
1878
01:18:00,134 --> 01:18:01,734
ultimately it will be ineffective.
1879
01:18:01,759 --> 01:18:04,111
The truth just doesn't go over
well these days, does it?
1880
01:18:04,136 --> 01:18:07,386
"Speak when you're angry, and you'll make
the best speech you'll ever regret."
1881
01:18:07,411 --> 01:18:08,463
Lawrence Peter.
1882
01:18:09,287 --> 01:18:10,208
Thank you.
1883
01:18:12,363 --> 01:18:14,709
I just don't think time would permit me
to write a speech
1884
01:18:14,734 --> 01:18:16,205
that you would approve.
1885
01:18:19,498 --> 01:18:20,994
You already have.
1886
01:18:21,637 --> 01:18:22,400
Henry!
1887
01:18:22,425 --> 01:18:24,366
Your suitcase has arrived!
1888
01:18:25,601 --> 01:18:26,848
Even when it was uncomfortable,
1889
01:18:26,873 --> 01:18:30,007
high school forced me
to live in my own skin,
1890
01:18:30,032 --> 01:18:32,685
which included my clothes.
1891
01:18:40,785 --> 01:18:44,715
Now, I would like to introduce West Rockville
1892
01:18:44,740 --> 01:18:50,220
to one of my all-time favorite students.
1893
01:18:51,773 --> 01:18:54,192
He attended the school some years ago,
1894
01:18:54,217 --> 01:18:57,324
and he's a writer now doing quite well
I understand.
1895
01:18:57,349 --> 01:19:00,405
Please welcome your commencement speaker,
1896
01:19:00,430 --> 01:19:01,769
Mr. Henry McCarthy.
1897
01:19:04,867 --> 01:19:06,701
Thank you. Thank you.
1898
01:19:07,725 --> 01:19:08,568
Thank you.
1899
01:19:10,272 --> 01:19:13,947
If I could read from
this little book that I wrote.
1900
01:19:13,972 --> 01:19:16,108
"I would eventually learn that every one of us
1901
01:19:16,133 --> 01:19:18,416
"would carry our moments differently...
1902
01:19:18,441 --> 01:19:23,299
"Their color, their shape,
their feeling.
1903
01:19:23,324 --> 01:19:27,184
"They will all be different depending on our
intentions and use for them.
1904
01:19:27,209 --> 01:19:29,997
"I sat with each moment for long periods of time.
1905
01:19:30,022 --> 01:19:32,395
"One moment I will continue to feed,
1906
01:19:32,420 --> 01:19:34,619
"give it all my love and attention.
1907
01:19:34,644 --> 01:19:36,025
"I would worry,
1908
01:19:36,050 --> 01:19:39,911
"was it gonna hatch into a beautiful memory?
1909
01:19:39,936 --> 01:19:43,167
"or would it die on a vine?
1910
01:19:43,192 --> 01:19:46,726
"I stand here today
because of that memory.
1911
01:19:46,751 --> 01:19:51,411
"Every day, it bounces
from my head to my heart
1912
01:19:51,436 --> 01:19:53,843
"to my stomach aimlessly.
1913
01:19:53,868 --> 01:19:55,845
"There is no place
to hide this memory,
1914
01:19:55,870 --> 01:19:57,743
"not even the pages of this book.
1915
01:19:57,768 --> 01:20:01,526
"It has affected the way I speak,
1916
01:20:01,551 --> 01:20:03,073
"the way I talk,
1917
01:20:03,098 --> 01:20:04,360
"the way I live.
1918
01:20:04,385 --> 01:20:08,080
"Remember this, our memories
make us who we are.
1919
01:20:08,105 --> 01:20:11,953
"These 4 years will
only become that, your memories.
1920
01:20:11,978 --> 01:20:14,415
"You can't define them,
1921
01:20:14,440 --> 01:20:16,597
"but they can define you."
1922
01:20:19,215 --> 01:20:20,251
Congratulations.
1923
01:20:25,827 --> 01:20:26,932
Go, Henry!
1924
01:20:32,303 --> 01:20:33,361
Whoo!
1925
01:20:43,185 --> 01:20:44,566
Jesse, right?
1926
01:20:45,553 --> 01:20:46,145
Hi!
1927
01:20:46,842 --> 01:20:48,139
Thank you!
Thank you!
1928
01:20:48,164 --> 01:20:49,478
Such a good speech!
1929
01:20:50,949 --> 01:20:51,745
You be good, ok?
1930
01:20:51,770 --> 01:20:53,040
Does this mean you're gone?
1931
01:20:53,064 --> 01:20:54,007
Oh, no.
1932
01:20:55,169 --> 01:20:56,013
Honey.
1933
01:20:56,038 --> 01:20:56,902
Bye!
1934
01:20:57,621 --> 01:20:58,911
Brilliant. Brilliant.
Jerk!
1935
01:20:58,936 --> 01:21:00,026
Listen, I got a plane to catch.
1936
01:21:00,051 --> 01:21:01,033
Are you gonna be ok?
1937
01:21:01,058 --> 01:21:01,938
I'm good.
1938
01:21:01,963 --> 01:21:03,789
Good to go.
Go. Go, Javier.
1939
01:21:03,813 --> 01:21:04,301
All right.
1940
01:21:04,326 --> 01:21:06,577
Good. Ok. Call me!
1941
01:21:10,029 --> 01:21:11,254
God created IHOP.
1942
01:21:11,279 --> 01:21:11,690
Auh.
1943
01:21:11,715 --> 01:21:13,329
And there was like,
God said, "let there be ihop."
1944
01:21:13,354 --> 01:21:14,622
and there was IHOP.
1945
01:21:16,920 --> 01:21:19,725
You didn't come back here
to talk to 1,000 students.
1946
01:21:20,130 --> 01:21:22,502
You came back to
talk to one person.
1947
01:21:23,055 --> 01:21:24,348
Yeah, well...
1948
01:21:24,874 --> 01:21:26,558
It is what it is.
1949
01:21:27,434 --> 01:21:29,114
She is what she is.
1950
01:21:29,635 --> 01:21:32,453
"It is what it is,"
he says.
1951
01:21:33,293 --> 01:21:35,135
You know what I have
to say to that?
1952
01:21:38,256 --> 01:21:39,333
No.
Mm-hmm.
1953
01:21:39,358 --> 01:21:40,083
No.
1954
01:21:40,108 --> 01:21:44,313
♪ There have been times in my life ♪
1955
01:21:44,338 --> 01:21:48,526
♪ I've been wondering why ♪
1956
01:21:48,551 --> 01:21:51,662
♪ still sometimes
I believe ♪
1957
01:21:51,687 --> 01:21:54,955
♪ we always survive ♪
1958
01:21:57,999 --> 01:22:02,910
♪ you think that
maybe it's over ♪
1959
01:22:02,944 --> 01:22:06,575
♪ only if you want it to be ♪
that's right.
1960
01:22:06,600 --> 01:22:09,240
♪ Are you gonna wait
for the sign? ♪
1961
01:22:09,264 --> 01:22:10,989
♪ Your miracle ♪
1962
01:22:11,014 --> 01:22:14,219
♪ Are you gonna
stand up and fight? ♪
1963
01:22:14,245 --> 01:22:15,971
♪ This is it ♪
1964
01:22:15,996 --> 01:22:18,640
♪ make no mistake
where you are ♪
1965
01:22:18,665 --> 01:22:19,998
♪ this is it ♪
1966
01:22:20,023 --> 01:22:22,937
♪ you've got to
get on now ♪
1967
01:22:22,962 --> 01:22:24,962
♪ this is it ♪
1968
01:22:24,994 --> 01:22:27,294
♪ don't be a fool
anymore ♪
1969
01:22:27,319 --> 01:22:29,008
♪ this is it ♪
1970
01:22:29,033 --> 01:22:31,358
♪ the wait is over ♪
1971
01:22:31,383 --> 01:22:34,681
♪ nowhere to run ♪
1972
01:22:34,706 --> 01:22:36,686
♪ nowhere to hide ♪
1973
01:22:36,711 --> 01:22:40,721
♪ no time for wondering why ♪
1974
01:22:40,746 --> 01:22:44,158
♪ it's here
the moment is now ♪
1975
01:22:45,461 --> 01:22:46,758
Henry?
1976
01:22:48,279 --> 01:22:49,585
What are you doing here?
1977
01:22:49,610 --> 01:22:51,354
Seeing what you're doing.
1978
01:22:51,379 --> 01:22:54,884
I was debating whether to stand outside
1979
01:22:54,909 --> 01:22:57,584
and hold a boom box over my head.
1980
01:22:58,845 --> 01:22:59,922
This is your room?
1981
01:22:59,947 --> 01:23:01,156
Yeah.
1982
01:23:01,181 --> 01:23:02,277
Wow.
1983
01:23:02,720 --> 01:23:03,806
This is it.
1984
01:23:06,451 --> 01:23:09,199
To have Lauren kiss me
1985
01:23:09,224 --> 01:23:10,816
just once...
1986
01:23:10,841 --> 01:23:14,001
I was wondering if
Lionel would get me laid.
1987
01:23:14,026 --> 01:23:16,199
The way I dream of kissing her
1988
01:23:16,224 --> 01:23:19,337
would make my life complete.
1989
01:23:19,362 --> 01:23:20,790
Yeah.
You ok?
1990
01:23:20,815 --> 01:23:23,994
Yeah, I'm just gonna ignore the fact
that I'm shaking.
1991
01:23:38,308 --> 01:23:40,953
Lionel's words taught me about love...
1992
01:23:44,316 --> 01:23:47,447
loyalty...
1993
01:23:47,480 --> 01:23:49,671
desire...
1994
01:23:49,696 --> 01:23:51,776
and romance.
1995
01:23:53,507 --> 01:23:55,314
I wanna get a shot
of you and mom.
1996
01:23:55,339 --> 01:23:56,854
My family taught me
tolerance...
1997
01:23:56,879 --> 01:23:57,835
You want me
to take that?
1998
01:23:57,860 --> 01:23:59,621
Oh, yeah!
Good, good.
1999
01:23:59,646 --> 01:24:01,013
My friends gave me
brotherhood,
2000
01:24:01,038 --> 01:24:04,725
and Lauren showed me
what my ideal woman could be.
2001
01:24:05,806 --> 01:24:07,747
You ought to follow your own advice.
2002
01:24:07,772 --> 01:24:08,746
Did you read your own book?
2003
01:24:08,771 --> 01:24:10,196
Mm-hmm. I did.
2004
01:24:10,220 --> 01:24:14,487
I wonder sometimes if she's even remotely
like the women I used to imagine her to be
2005
01:24:14,512 --> 01:24:17,855
or if I made it all up
in order to stay alone.
2006
01:24:17,880 --> 01:24:20,147
Oh, there he goes.
Wake up.
2007
01:24:20,172 --> 01:24:22,411
Wino!
Henry needs our support!
2008
01:24:22,436 --> 01:24:25,924
Why else would you fall in love with the most
unattainable girl in the entire school...
2009
01:24:25,949 --> 01:24:26,942
Oh, God.
2010
01:24:26,967 --> 01:24:28,834
...who had the perfect boyfriend?
2011
01:24:30,638 --> 01:24:31,870
I love you, Scarlet.
2012
01:24:31,895 --> 01:24:35,282
Ultimately, what I learned from my
imaginary relationship with Lauren
2013
01:24:35,307 --> 01:24:39,363
was to seize and experience life as it happens...
2014
01:24:39,908 --> 01:24:41,012
Henry?
2015
01:24:41,497 --> 01:24:45,999
...override my fears and stop dragging around
the unfulfilled dreams of yesterday.
2016
01:24:46,641 --> 01:24:47,852
Stay cool.
2017
01:24:48,527 --> 01:24:49,517
Ok.
2018
01:24:53,139 --> 01:24:54,674
Some nights I lie awake
2019
01:24:54,699 --> 01:24:57,046
wondering what ever
happened to Lauren.
2020
01:24:57,071 --> 01:25:00,435
Did she marry the jock?
Does she have kids?
2021
01:25:00,460 --> 01:25:02,872
Would she even remember
who I was?
2022
01:25:02,897 --> 01:25:06,875
Well, now I'm not afraid
of love.
2023
01:25:07,299 --> 01:25:09,368
My heart might be
squashed again,
2024
01:25:09,393 --> 01:25:12,611
but at least I know
I'll live to write about it.
139234
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