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1
00:00:05,822 --> 00:00:08,021
He was 16! Little bastard!
2
00:00:08,022 --> 00:00:11,591
Why not chuck me out? Like Dad
when he shagged his secretary?
3
00:00:11,592 --> 00:00:14,021
Stop obsessing about her.
It's pathetic.
4
00:00:14,022 --> 00:00:16,041
Great, it's a date!
5
00:00:16,042 --> 00:00:19,551
It's my birthday
and you've stood me up! I'm sorry.
6
00:00:19,552 --> 00:00:21,151
I just don't know what to do.
7
00:00:21,152 --> 00:00:23,771
You can either have an abortion
or have a baby.
8
00:00:23,772 --> 00:00:27,431
Just make your bloody mind up and
stop ruining everyone else's life.
9
00:00:27,432 --> 00:00:28,791
I can't get rid of it.
10
00:00:28,792 --> 00:00:30,941
You said you wanted
to be involved. So...
11
00:00:30,942 --> 00:00:32,355
you're involved.
12
00:00:32,442 --> 00:00:34,763
Hell. Language. Sorry.
13
00:00:48,802 --> 00:00:52,900
Yeearrrgghh!!
14
00:00:52,982 --> 00:00:54,495
Thank you, Graham.
15
00:00:58,462 --> 00:01:00,851
Well done. Lovely.
16
00:01:00,852 --> 00:01:04,601
Dads, remember, birth is
the most intense experience
17
00:01:04,602 --> 00:01:06,761
your partners will ever have.
18
00:01:06,762 --> 00:01:08,744
Her body knows what to do.
19
00:01:08,822 --> 00:01:12,423
Your job is to concentrate on
what's happening above the neck
20
00:01:12,524 --> 00:01:16,781
We're going to support,
encourage, and reassure...
21
00:01:16,832 --> 00:01:19,221
You didn't have to come, you now.
22
00:01:19,222 --> 00:01:21,011
No, I wanted to.
23
00:01:21,012 --> 00:01:24,761
Your mum forced you, didn't she? Yep.
24
00:01:24,762 --> 00:01:27,851
Oh. For lunch today. For your parents
to give to my parents.
25
00:01:27,852 --> 00:01:29,961
I think they can
bring their own wine.
26
00:01:29,962 --> 00:01:31,971
But this one
my dad will actually like.
27
00:01:31,972 --> 00:01:34,181
What makes you think
he won't like theirs?
28
00:01:34,182 --> 00:01:38,401
Because they didn't steal it
from his wine fridge this morning.
29
00:01:38,402 --> 00:01:40,191
Look, my dad's tricky.
30
00:01:40,272 --> 00:01:42,172
I don't see why we've got to do it.
31
00:01:42,173 --> 00:01:47,071
Because my mum and dad are insisting,
and I want them off my back.
32
00:01:47,072 --> 00:01:50,111
Just show up and...
try and look responsible.
33
00:01:50,112 --> 00:01:52,131
So, shall we role-play that?
34
00:01:52,132 --> 00:01:53,436
You.
35
00:01:53,722 --> 00:01:54,814
You're my Daddy.
36
00:01:56,862 --> 00:01:57,920
Oh...
37
00:02:02,822 --> 00:02:07,000
OK, so contractions are underway
38
00:02:07,082 --> 00:02:10,097
and you're going to help me
get through it. OK.
39
00:02:15,612 --> 00:02:18,801
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
40
00:02:18,802 --> 00:02:22,691
This hurts so much!
41
00:02:26,682 --> 00:02:30,331
It's exciting. The baby's coming.
42
00:02:30,332 --> 00:02:32,821
Arrrgh!
43
00:02:32,822 --> 00:02:34,361
Aaaarrrgggh!!
44
00:02:34,362 --> 00:02:36,101
Keep breathing. Just...
45
00:02:36,102 --> 00:02:37,831
You bastard!
46
00:02:37,832 --> 00:02:40,641
You bastard for making me like this!
47
00:02:40,642 --> 00:02:43,831
All right, I'm sorry.
It's too fucking late for sorry!
48
00:02:43,832 --> 00:02:48,611
Ah! Ah! Aaaah!
49
00:02:48,612 --> 00:02:50,351
Aaargh!
50
00:02:50,352 --> 00:02:54,421
OK, um, let's try some
controlled breathing.
51
00:02:54,422 --> 00:02:57,751
I don't want to do
controlled breathing.
52
00:02:57,752 --> 00:03:02,111
I never want you to ever, ever,
ever touch me again!
53
00:03:02,112 --> 00:03:04,881
Come on, stay with me,
reassure me. Come on.
54
00:03:04,882 --> 00:03:06,561
OK, um, it's going to be fine.
55
00:03:06,562 --> 00:03:08,211
You're doing great
56
00:03:08,212 --> 00:03:09,716
and... I love you.
57
00:03:09,802 --> 00:03:11,179
Aw!
58
00:03:13,692 --> 00:03:15,001
Arrrrgh!
59
00:03:15,002 --> 00:03:17,917
How could you do this to me?
I'm sorry! I didn't mean to!
60
00:03:18,002 --> 00:03:21,017
It was an accident,
the condom wasn't on right...
61
00:03:26,202 --> 00:03:27,281
OK.
62
00:03:27,282 --> 00:03:29,173
Lovely.
63
00:03:29,252 --> 00:03:30,959
Great.
64
00:03:32,202 --> 00:03:35,581
Why do you do it? Why do you
humiliate me at every opportunity?
65
00:03:35,582 --> 00:03:37,971
I'm sorry, but in case
you hadn't realised,
66
00:03:37,972 --> 00:03:40,081
I don't know what the hell
I'm doing here.
67
00:03:40,082 --> 00:03:43,081
You'd better figure it out.
You're no use to me like this.
68
00:03:43,082 --> 00:03:46,171
Is that what I am now?
Just a member of your staff?
69
00:03:46,172 --> 00:03:47,911
Sorry, am I not pulling my weight?
70
00:03:47,912 --> 00:03:51,091
Let me see what I can do to make YOU
feel better. Let me take that.
71
00:03:51,092 --> 00:03:53,201
Oh, no, Your Majesty, I'll carry it.
72
00:03:53,202 --> 00:03:56,771
No, really. You seem tired from
all your pouting and your sulking.
73
00:03:56,772 --> 00:03:58,641
No! Stop! Get off!
74
00:03:58,642 --> 00:04:01,421
Stop fighting with a pregnant woman!
75
00:04:01,502 --> 00:04:03,766
Fine. Have the bag.
76
00:04:05,342 --> 00:04:07,221
Heartburn. Great. Thanks, Jamie.
77
00:04:07,222 --> 00:04:10,934
Well, obviously I'm no use here,
so I'm just going to go.
78
00:04:11,022 --> 00:04:12,399
Jamie! What?
79
00:04:19,642 --> 00:04:23,180
Don't be late. They hate that.
Yeah, they hate everything.
80
00:04:36,512 --> 00:04:38,721
Do you have to do that now, San? No.
81
00:04:38,722 --> 00:04:40,311
You do.
82
00:04:40,312 --> 00:04:43,591
We're going to their house.
Why do we have to vacuum ours?
83
00:04:43,592 --> 00:04:45,281
Try and support me here, Keith.
84
00:04:45,282 --> 00:04:48,661
Our son got their daughter pregnant.
We have a reputation to repair.
85
00:04:48,662 --> 00:04:51,191
What's that got to do
with the bedroom carpet?
86
00:04:51,192 --> 00:04:54,001
I have to go shopping,
I have to go to the hairdressers.
87
00:04:54,002 --> 00:04:55,311
Your hair looks fine.
88
00:04:55,312 --> 00:04:57,476
No it doesn't. I look middle-aged.
89
00:04:57,562 --> 00:04:58,984
Well, you are...
90
00:05:00,092 --> 00:05:02,531
I mean, of course
you don't LOOK middle aged.
91
00:05:02,532 --> 00:05:04,781
Just do the damn carpet.
92
00:05:04,782 --> 00:05:06,561
Come on, I don't feel great.
93
00:05:06,562 --> 00:05:10,031
You shouldn't go getting pissed
with the darts team.
94
00:05:10,032 --> 00:05:13,171
This don't feel like booze.
I had a kebab but it's not that.
95
00:05:13,172 --> 00:05:15,191
Sakir's good as gold.
96
00:05:15,192 --> 00:05:19,361
Yeah, that's why he works the
competitive 2am drunk idiot slot.
97
00:05:19,362 --> 00:05:22,562
You're wearing a shirt today.
What about my smart sweater?
98
00:05:22,642 --> 00:05:25,942
It's not smart
and it's not a sweater!
99
00:05:36,702 --> 00:05:37,731
Hi.
100
00:05:37,732 --> 00:05:40,731
Hey, I just wanted to let you know
I can't come round today.
101
00:05:40,732 --> 00:05:42,511
Were you supposed to come round?
102
00:05:42,512 --> 00:05:46,221
No, but just in case you wanted me
to, I can't. I've got a date.
103
00:05:46,222 --> 00:05:48,001
Oh, OK.
104
00:05:48,002 --> 00:05:50,721
I've got this bloody lunch.
105
00:05:50,722 --> 00:05:54,181
I said yes cos it's not like
anyone else is going to ask, right?
106
00:05:54,182 --> 00:05:57,181
'No, I guess not. Have fun.'
107
00:05:57,182 --> 00:06:00,371
I'll be stuck at Laura's parents.
108
00:06:00,372 --> 00:06:03,231
'Yeah, so, that's where I'll be.'
109
00:06:03,232 --> 00:06:05,531
Out with another... with a guy.
110
00:06:05,532 --> 00:06:06,701
'OK.'
111
00:06:06,702 --> 00:06:08,206
I'll talk to you later. Bye.
112
00:06:08,292 --> 00:06:09,908
OK, I'll let you know how it...
113
00:06:13,872 --> 00:06:16,127
Oh, Beth.
114
00:06:16,212 --> 00:06:19,284
This is a pleasant surprise.
What the hell are you wearing?
115
00:06:20,712 --> 00:06:23,571
Is that your mother's dressing gown?
116
00:06:23,572 --> 00:06:25,871
It's a kimono.
They're a unisex garment.
117
00:06:25,872 --> 00:06:28,921
The Samurai wore them.
Not their mothers', they didn't.
118
00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:33,371
Fascinating group, the Samurai.
I've been reading this book on them.
119
00:06:33,372 --> 00:06:36,091
Jesus, Mike, forget the book!
120
00:06:36,092 --> 00:06:38,851
I wanted to ask you
if you wanted to hang out today.
121
00:06:38,852 --> 00:06:42,281
Oh, I see.
122
00:06:42,282 --> 00:06:43,641
And would we be...?
123
00:06:43,642 --> 00:06:47,951
No. I'm meeting a guy, but keeping it
casual, so we're going in a group.
124
00:06:47,952 --> 00:06:49,311
He brings someone...
125
00:06:49,312 --> 00:06:51,891
And you bring me?
What, like a double date?
126
00:06:51,892 --> 00:06:53,851
Sort of.
127
00:06:53,852 --> 00:06:57,281
Well, I've got a lot on
at the moment.
128
00:06:57,282 --> 00:06:59,991
But maybe I could move
a few things around, you know...
129
00:06:59,992 --> 00:07:02,341
You're wearing
your mother's underwear
130
00:07:02,342 --> 00:07:04,591
and reading about the Samurai.
131
00:07:04,592 --> 00:07:07,071
Take it or leave it.
132
00:07:07,072 --> 00:07:10,211
Well, as the great strategist
Miyamoto Miyashi once said,
133
00:07:10,212 --> 00:07:11,531
'To become the enemy,
134
00:07:11,532 --> 00:07:14,493
'You must first see yourself
as the enemy of the enemy.'
135
00:07:14,572 --> 00:07:16,233
ls that a yes? Yes.
136
00:07:17,342 --> 00:07:19,094
I'm coming.
137
00:07:20,432 --> 00:07:21,524
Don't stand up!
138
00:07:31,722 --> 00:07:33,329
Bloody hell, San, what happened?
139
00:07:33,412 --> 00:07:36,097
I thought I'd go for a younger look.
What do you think?
140
00:07:38,382 --> 00:07:40,965
Oh, God, I have to...
141
00:07:49,062 --> 00:07:51,329
Sooner or later,
time to set her straight.
142
00:07:51,412 --> 00:07:53,301
So I sit her down and so I tell her,
143
00:07:53,302 --> 00:07:56,288
religion is an entirely
human construct.
144
00:07:56,372 --> 00:07:58,124
It has nothing to do with cosmology
145
00:07:58,125 --> 00:08:00,137
and everything to do
with psychology.
146
00:08:00,138 --> 00:08:02,091
And then I said, 'Look, Mum,
147
00:08:02,092 --> 00:08:04,495
'we're all atheists
about most gods in history,
148
00:08:04,582 --> 00:08:06,425
'I just go one god further.'
149
00:08:08,892 --> 00:08:10,951
God. What an idiot.
150
00:08:10,952 --> 00:08:13,951
Yes. Oh, it's great to meet someone
151
00:08:13,952 --> 00:08:17,421
I can talk to
about this stuff. Yeah...
152
00:08:17,422 --> 00:08:19,391
Hey, look who it is. Hey.
153
00:08:19,392 --> 00:08:20,805
Hi, Carrie Ann.
154
00:08:20,892 --> 00:08:22,781
This is Beth. Hi And... Mike.
155
00:08:25,252 --> 00:08:27,177
Hi. I'm Mike.
156
00:08:27,262 --> 00:08:28,502
Hello, Mike.
157
00:08:29,702 --> 00:08:30,794
Can I sit there?
158
00:08:31,812 --> 00:08:32,825
Yeah.
159
00:08:34,152 --> 00:08:37,270
Oooh! Tight squeeze.
160
00:08:44,332 --> 00:08:46,671
You all right there?
161
00:08:46,672 --> 00:08:48,415
I'm just having a settler.
162
00:08:48,502 --> 00:08:51,472
Oh yeah,
the old mid-morning settler.
163
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:54,171
Mum, your hair, it's...
164
00:08:54,172 --> 00:08:56,281
It's nice!
165
00:08:56,282 --> 00:08:59,091
Go and get ready, Jamie,
we're due there at one.
166
00:08:59,092 --> 00:09:01,861
Are you sure we should go?
167
00:09:01,862 --> 00:09:05,335
Dad's not well, you seem... tired.
168
00:09:05,422 --> 00:09:07,971
I'm fine. Get ready.
169
00:09:11,892 --> 00:09:13,391
Maybe we should call it off.
170
00:09:13,392 --> 00:09:15,541
Oh no. No way.
171
00:09:15,542 --> 00:09:18,171
We can't flake out.
We want to be at our best.
172
00:09:18,172 --> 00:09:20,751
Makes sense to let
my stomach recover,
173
00:09:20,752 --> 00:09:23,331
give your hair
a bit of time to grow out...
174
00:09:23,332 --> 00:09:25,451
Not that it doesn't look great.
175
00:09:25,532 --> 00:09:26,909
We're going.
176
00:09:31,952 --> 00:09:34,774
Right, I'm designated driver, then.
177
00:09:38,512 --> 00:09:41,561
Hello! Hello. Hi.
178
00:09:41,562 --> 00:09:44,891
You must be Alan. Yes. Hi.
179
00:09:44,892 --> 00:09:47,371
All right, mate. Nice to meet you.
180
00:09:47,372 --> 00:09:49,061
You all know Jamie, of course
181
00:09:49,062 --> 00:09:52,061
Man of the moment.
182
00:09:52,062 --> 00:09:53,651
Hello again, Jamie.
183
00:09:53,652 --> 00:09:56,561
Hi.
184
00:09:56,562 --> 00:09:59,041
Oh, something for the hosts.
185
00:09:59,042 --> 00:10:01,201
Oh, thank you...
186
00:10:01,202 --> 00:10:02,651
very much.
187
00:10:02,652 --> 00:10:04,111
Hi.
188
00:10:04,112 --> 00:10:05,891
Hello, love.
189
00:10:05,892 --> 00:10:06,921
Hi.
190
00:10:06,922 --> 00:10:10,019
Hi, Jamie. Glad you could make it.
191
00:10:10,102 --> 00:10:12,184
Yeah, and bang on time.
192
00:10:19,012 --> 00:10:22,951
Well, let's not stand here all day.
Who'd like a drink?
193
00:10:22,952 --> 00:10:24,311
Yes! Let's go.
194
00:10:24,312 --> 00:10:26,340
Right. In on the right, uh...
195
00:10:26,422 --> 00:10:28,413
yes, through here's fine.
196
00:10:33,922 --> 00:10:37,241
You see, every culture retrieves
a primitive version of itself
197
00:10:37,242 --> 00:10:41,141
just before its own extinction.
That's happening with religion.
198
00:10:41,142 --> 00:10:42,781
What do you think, Beth?
199
00:10:42,782 --> 00:10:44,981
I think your ice cream's
getting cold.
200
00:10:44,982 --> 00:10:46,621
Oh, right.
201
00:10:46,622 --> 00:10:48,541
So, Mike. Hmm?
202
00:10:48,542 --> 00:10:50,131
Beth tells me you're bisexual.
203
00:10:50,132 --> 00:10:52,711
Why... Why would she say that?
204
00:10:52,712 --> 00:10:53,931
Well, I mean,
205
00:10:53,932 --> 00:10:58,671
you've had sex with an equal number
of partners from each gender, right?
206
00:10:58,672 --> 00:11:00,351
Er...
207
00:11:00,352 --> 00:11:02,511
Wow, Mike,
208
00:11:02,512 --> 00:11:06,042
I really like guys that
are confident with their sexuality.
209
00:11:06,122 --> 00:11:08,580
It is so attractive.
210
00:11:10,342 --> 00:11:14,131
Yeah, Beth's right.
I'm a bi... bisexual.
211
00:11:14,132 --> 00:11:15,784
In fact,
212
00:11:15,872 --> 00:11:18,557
I'm bi as hell.
213
00:11:19,572 --> 00:11:21,142
Mmm.
214
00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:34,343
It's just a kebab!
215
00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:40,010
Yeah, that's brilliant.
216
00:11:43,780 --> 00:11:45,279
Did you find it all right?
217
00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:46,359
Yeah, cheers.
218
00:11:46,360 --> 00:11:48,854
I thought we'd lost you there.
219
00:11:48,940 --> 00:11:52,797
Yeah, I had a bit of trouble
opening the window, so...
220
00:12:00,100 --> 00:12:02,640
So, um, Jamie starts
his new job next week.
221
00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:04,848
Don't you, Jamie?
222
00:12:06,380 --> 00:12:07,599
Yeah.
223
00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:11,719
Yeah, it's just a holiday job
stacking shelves.
224
00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:16,359
But he's getting great experience of
the working world and earning money.
225
00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:19,359
Yeah! The shelf-stacking world.
226
00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:21,479
Stick at it, Jamie.
227
00:12:21,560 --> 00:12:24,575
Soon you could move up to
supervising shelf-stackers.
228
00:12:27,420 --> 00:12:29,629
So, what do you do, Keith?
229
00:12:29,630 --> 00:12:32,999
I'm a manager
at a frozen food store.
230
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:34,689
Right. What does that entail?
231
00:12:34,690 --> 00:12:38,059
Er... I basically
supervise shelf-stackers.
232
00:12:38,060 --> 00:12:39,667
Oh...
233
00:12:39,750 --> 00:12:41,878
Right.
234
00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:47,823
Sorry.
235
00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:51,559
I think I'm in love.
236
00:12:51,560 --> 00:12:54,379
I've never felt such a connection
to a girl before.
237
00:12:54,380 --> 00:12:56,635
She's smart, funny,
238
00:12:56,720 --> 00:12:59,212
seems really slutty...
239
00:13:02,810 --> 00:13:04,919
Beth, can you get rid of Mitchell?
240
00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:07,589
He's really killing the mood.
He's worse than you.
241
00:13:07,590 --> 00:13:10,187
I think he's pretty impressive,
actually. Really?
242
00:13:10,270 --> 00:13:11,544
What are you doing?
243
00:13:11,545 --> 00:13:14,159
Are you... looking up a word? No!
244
00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:17,669
Yes, you are. Oh, Beth, are you sure
he's not a bit too smart for you?
245
00:13:17,670 --> 00:13:18,992
Oh, piss off.
246
00:13:19,080 --> 00:13:21,435
I like him. He's very...
247
00:13:23,110 --> 00:13:24,889
It's time I had a boyfriend.
248
00:13:24,890 --> 00:13:26,669
Who the hell is that? Hiya!
249
00:13:26,670 --> 00:13:29,299
Yeah, I meant to have
a talk with you...
250
00:13:29,300 --> 00:13:30,939
He's moving in on Carrie Ann.
251
00:13:30,940 --> 00:13:33,849
I wouldn't worry about him.
What do you mean? Look at him.
252
00:13:33,850 --> 00:13:35,593
He's incredibly cool. Really?
253
00:13:35,680 --> 00:13:39,639
Yeah. God, she's bound to go for
that. I'd better get over there.
254
00:13:41,680 --> 00:13:43,319
Right, guys, I'm heading off.
255
00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:44,679
What? Why?
256
00:13:44,680 --> 00:13:45,989
Hi, I'm Aaron.
257
00:13:45,990 --> 00:13:49,649
Yeah, hi. Why are you going?
You don't have to go.
258
00:13:49,650 --> 00:13:52,520
I don't want to be the fifth wheel.
259
00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:54,113
The double date...
260
00:13:57,050 --> 00:13:58,129
Oh.
261
00:13:58,130 --> 00:13:59,679
Well, stay for a bit.
262
00:13:59,680 --> 00:14:02,539
We'll give you the signal
if we want some privacy.
263
00:14:02,540 --> 00:14:04,039
Right, Mike?
264
00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:06,534
Ah-ha-ha! Yeah.
265
00:14:06,620 --> 00:14:10,284
Beth, I think your ice cream
needs some more sprinkles.
266
00:14:11,350 --> 00:14:14,869
Aaron's my date?! Good, you're up to
speed. That saves a conversation.
267
00:14:14,870 --> 00:14:16,039
Beth!
268
00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:19,319
I never specified gender. It was
implied. The hot girl was there,
269
00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:21,519
why didn't you say
there was a gay on the way?
270
00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:25,050
Cos then I wouldn't be
enjoying this moment. Fine.
271
00:14:25,130 --> 00:14:27,121
I'll just have to come out
as straight.
272
00:14:27,122 --> 00:14:29,819
I don't think that's an option,
Brokeback.
273
00:14:29,820 --> 00:14:31,459
You're bi as hell, remember?
274
00:14:31,460 --> 00:14:33,385
You're going to have to run with that
275
00:14:33,470 --> 00:14:36,451
or Carrie Ann will just
think you're a fraud.
276
00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:46,219
So I just thought,
"I'm going to go for it.'
277
00:14:46,220 --> 00:14:49,129
No, it suits you. I mean,
I don't know how you had it before
278
00:14:49,130 --> 00:14:51,049
but you look enchanting.
279
00:14:51,050 --> 00:14:53,109
Ah, thanks, Alan!
280
00:14:53,110 --> 00:14:54,353
I feel about 20.
281
00:14:54,430 --> 00:14:58,242
Sadly, none of us are.
Some of us aren't even 18.
282
00:15:00,330 --> 00:15:01,982
Keep it comin'.
283
00:15:02,070 --> 00:15:03,253
Lovely.
284
00:15:05,300 --> 00:15:09,139
That's OK, Dad. Jamie doesn't really
drink. Do you? Well, one can't hurt.
285
00:15:09,140 --> 00:15:13,039
It's all right. We try to promote a
responsible attitude to drink in our house.
286
00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:15,139
Dad, I can have a glass of wine.
287
00:15:15,140 --> 00:15:16,219
Yeah, right.
288
00:15:16,220 --> 00:15:18,908
Look what happened
last time you got leathered. What?
289
00:15:18,990 --> 00:15:20,264
Laura was way drunker.
290
00:15:20,265 --> 00:15:22,129
I... You were totally wasted.
291
00:15:22,130 --> 00:15:26,679
At least I could remember what you
looked like the next day! Ah, don't worry about it, love.
292
00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:29,311
Sure we've all been there,
haven't we? Have we?
293
00:15:29,390 --> 00:15:31,848
Some of us seem to be
heading there right now.
294
00:15:37,740 --> 00:15:40,829
I think I'll get the main course.
295
00:15:40,830 --> 00:15:45,939
Obviously, we won't stop
you and Jamie from seeing the child.
296
00:15:45,940 --> 00:15:49,409
But it's more about practicalities.
297
00:15:49,410 --> 00:15:53,299
We would expect Jamie to more than
do his part. I wouldn't count on it.
298
00:15:53,300 --> 00:15:55,829
I think we need to be
a little realistic here.
299
00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:59,669
Inevitably, we'll be
bearing the burden.
300
00:15:59,670 --> 00:16:02,439
Oh, but Jamie's very keen
to be part of every stage.
301
00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:05,579
Every single day. I'm not sure
I want him here every day.
302
00:16:05,580 --> 00:16:07,919
I don't really see
how that's possible.
303
00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:11,579
I mean, he can't be just jumping
in a cab and earning ever here
304
00:16:11,580 --> 00:16:13,409
every time there's a nappy change.
305
00:16:13,410 --> 00:16:16,269
Perhaps we should look at him
staying here earlier on.
306
00:16:16,270 --> 00:16:17,959
Oh, now... Um... No.
307
00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:20,909
- I don't think we should...
- No, I can't imagine that.
308
00:16:20,910 --> 00:16:23,859
Surely it's better for the kid
to have the father around.
309
00:16:23,860 --> 00:16:27,379
No. I think what Janet was talking
about was the financial burden.
310
00:16:27,380 --> 00:16:30,099
Oh, well, we will help out too
311
00:16:30,100 --> 00:16:32,809
and Jamie will certainly
be making a contribution.
312
00:16:32,810 --> 00:16:35,489
The car fund we set up for him,
that'll go towards it.
313
00:16:35,490 --> 00:16:36,889
I have a car fund? Had.
314
00:16:36,890 --> 00:16:39,799
Look, look, you're both parents.
315
00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:42,139
You know it's not about the money.
316
00:16:42,140 --> 00:16:43,589
What would you rather?
317
00:16:43,590 --> 00:16:47,809
A fancy pushchair,
or a father who's going to be there?
318
00:16:47,810 --> 00:16:52,309
And Janet, I know you're not
particularly impressed with my son.
319
00:16:52,310 --> 00:16:54,049
I never even...
320
00:16:54,050 --> 00:16:56,214
But one, it takes two to tango.
321
00:16:56,300 --> 00:16:57,722
And two...
322
00:16:59,020 --> 00:17:00,419
Don't judge him
323
00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:04,029
until you've got to know him.
Because I can guarantee you now,
324
00:17:04,030 --> 00:17:05,809
from this moment on,
325
00:17:05,810 --> 00:17:09,055
every day for the rest of his life,
326
00:17:09,140 --> 00:17:12,155
he will be dedicated
to that little child.
327
00:17:13,690 --> 00:17:15,351
Isn't that right, Jamie?
328
00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:19,798
Jamie?
329
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:30,449
So although I am definitely a bi,
330
00:17:30,450 --> 00:17:34,809
I find that my sexuality
goes in phases, so...
331
00:17:34,810 --> 00:17:37,949
one week I might be
a massive homo...
332
00:17:37,950 --> 00:17:40,262
sexual, and then,
333
00:17:40,340 --> 00:17:42,377
um, you know...
334
00:17:43,670 --> 00:17:45,589
I'm into women, like I'm straight.
335
00:17:45,590 --> 00:17:48,869
You're pretty gay now, aren't you?
Actually, I'm quite hetero.
336
00:17:48,870 --> 00:17:51,689
But soon you'll be
man-crazy again. It's cye-clical.
337
00:17:51,690 --> 00:17:53,089
You mean "cyck-lical."
338
00:17:53,090 --> 00:17:55,059
Yes, thank you, Mitchell.
339
00:17:55,060 --> 00:17:58,389
You know, I think if you're
attractive, you're attractive.
340
00:17:58,390 --> 00:18:00,869
Like, Aaron's gay but he's gorgeous.
341
00:18:00,870 --> 00:18:03,169
Ha-ha! Thank you, darling.
342
00:18:03,170 --> 00:18:06,589
Why limit yourself with definitions?
343
00:18:06,590 --> 00:18:09,869
You can have a beautiful experience
with anyone.
344
00:18:09,870 --> 00:18:11,229
It's not the parts.
345
00:18:11,230 --> 00:18:13,394
It's the person,
346
00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:14,527
or people.
347
00:18:20,610 --> 00:18:22,078
Interesting theory.
348
00:18:28,100 --> 00:18:29,386
Where can I put these?
349
00:18:29,387 --> 00:18:30,940
Oh, erm, anywhere.
350
00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:35,179
This is going well, isn't it?
351
00:18:35,180 --> 00:18:36,819
Can I offer you...
352
00:18:36,820 --> 00:18:39,309
Oh bloody hell, yeah.
353
00:18:39,310 --> 00:18:40,962
Right.
354
00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:42,553
Hmm.
355
00:18:43,950 --> 00:18:45,702
You all right?
356
00:18:52,530 --> 00:18:54,134
I don't want to be a granny.
357
00:18:58,900 --> 00:19:00,277
Hmm.
358
00:19:01,380 --> 00:19:04,122
Oh. I'm sorry, am I interrupting?
359
00:19:08,420 --> 00:19:11,993
I'll just go check on Keith
see how he's getting on.
360
00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:21,959
If you came out to reassure me,
forget it.
361
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:25,099
There is nothing you can say
that can convince me it'll be OK.
362
00:19:25,100 --> 00:19:26,513
I am officially freaking...
363
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:28,728
Ow! You idiot!
364
00:19:30,630 --> 00:19:31,990
Hmm?
365
00:19:31,991 --> 00:19:33,860
She seemed upset.
366
00:19:33,861 --> 00:19:35,843
You're amazing, Alan.
367
00:19:35,921 --> 00:19:37,207
Any opportunity.
368
00:19:37,208 --> 00:19:40,330
But she just grabbed me.
That's not what it looked like.
369
00:19:40,331 --> 00:19:43,155
It was accidental.
Do you know what I think?
370
00:19:43,241 --> 00:19:45,460
There are no such things
as accidents.
371
00:19:47,271 --> 00:19:49,840
You need to realise
I have just been... just what?
372
00:19:49,841 --> 00:19:53,270
Just realised this is all
a massive fuck-up? Well done!
373
00:19:53,271 --> 00:19:57,160
Have you also realised, Jamie,
you've got a way better deal than me?
374
00:19:57,161 --> 00:20:01,190
That's not true, we've both...
No! No, we haven't both anything.
375
00:20:01,191 --> 00:20:03,200
I've given up so much more.
376
00:20:03,201 --> 00:20:06,630
I'm way smarter than you,
I had way more potential.
377
00:20:06,631 --> 00:20:09,020
I was bright. I was funny,
378
00:20:09,021 --> 00:20:11,220
I was slim, I was pretty,
379
00:20:11,221 --> 00:20:13,665
and now look at me!
I'm just a big fat screaming woman!
380
00:20:13,666 --> 00:20:17,085
Why must I put up with this every
time a woman acts in a friendly way?
381
00:20:17,086 --> 00:20:19,145
I know that's an alien concept
to you...
382
00:20:19,146 --> 00:20:21,535
No, no, I understand.
Some women are friendly,
383
00:20:21,536 --> 00:20:23,225
some are friendly in hotel rooms
384
00:20:23,226 --> 00:20:25,390
while you claim to be
on a conference.
385
00:20:25,476 --> 00:20:26,944
I've got enough to cope with
386
00:20:26,945 --> 00:20:30,815
without being your bloody teen-angst
counsellor, so just grow up.
387
00:20:30,816 --> 00:20:32,365
Maybe I don't want to grow up.
388
00:20:32,366 --> 00:20:33,535
It's not fair.
389
00:20:33,536 --> 00:20:36,015
It's a hell of a price
to pay for a shag.
390
00:20:36,016 --> 00:20:39,065
Nobody forced you.
You could have stopped at any time.
391
00:20:39,066 --> 00:20:41,265
No, I couldn't. I'm a teenage boy,
392
00:20:41,266 --> 00:20:44,785
you're an incredibly fit girl,
and there was a massive bed!
393
00:20:44,786 --> 00:20:46,195
I had no choice!
394
00:20:46,196 --> 00:20:47,925
It always comes back to this!
395
00:20:47,926 --> 00:20:50,365
The biggest betrayal
and humiliation of my life?
396
00:20:50,366 --> 00:20:52,375
Gosh, yes, why does that
niggle me so?
397
00:20:52,376 --> 00:20:55,705
It might be because it stops you
looking at yourself and realising
398
00:20:55,706 --> 00:20:57,597
what a total bitch you've become!
399
00:20:57,676 --> 00:20:58,814
How bloody dare you!
400
00:21:00,156 --> 00:21:01,669
Argh!
401
00:21:05,366 --> 00:21:06,549
Ah!
402
00:21:08,406 --> 00:21:12,485
What the fu... It's the carving
fork. It was in the fish kettle.
403
00:21:12,486 --> 00:21:15,625
What's it doing in...? It's
the easiest way to put it away.
404
00:21:15,626 --> 00:21:19,005
It's gone through. I can't move...
OK, I'll just pull it out.
405
00:21:19,006 --> 00:21:21,345
I don't think
you should pull it out.
406
00:21:21,346 --> 00:21:23,545
ARRGH! OK, we'll just leave it in.
407
00:21:23,546 --> 00:21:27,345
Oh, God. What happened? Your mother
stabbed me. It was an accident.
408
00:21:27,346 --> 00:21:29,645
There are no such things,
remember?
409
00:21:29,646 --> 00:21:32,405
Hi, yes, I need an ambulance, please.
410
00:21:32,406 --> 00:21:35,225
Oh, God, Alan. Does that not hurt?
411
00:21:35,226 --> 00:21:36,725
Of course it bloody hurts!
412
00:21:36,726 --> 00:21:39,765
Jamie, quick.
Use your first aid training.
413
00:21:39,766 --> 00:21:41,075
Er, OK.
414
00:21:41,076 --> 00:21:43,388
You should never remove
a penetrating object.
415
00:21:43,476 --> 00:21:44,568
That's what I said.
416
00:21:44,569 --> 00:21:48,065
Ambulance is on its way. We need to
elevate the injury above his heart.
417
00:21:48,066 --> 00:21:51,402
Great idea. I'll prise up the
floorboards, you can lift his foot.
418
00:21:51,486 --> 00:21:53,659
Pressure on the wound!
Put pressure on it.
419
00:21:56,926 --> 00:21:58,285
OOW!
420
00:21:58,286 --> 00:22:01,985
OK, we'll leave that one.
The only thing left is reassurance.
421
00:22:01,986 --> 00:22:03,729
Can I reassure you on anything?
422
00:22:03,816 --> 00:22:07,537
You can promise not to do
that pressure thing again.
423
00:22:12,833 --> 00:22:15,132
I think I'm just going to go for it.
424
00:22:15,133 --> 00:22:18,642
You're not seriously thinking
of having a threesome?
425
00:22:18,643 --> 00:22:22,062
It might be my only chance to get
with a superfreak like Carrie Ann.
426
00:22:22,063 --> 00:22:24,832
Even if you have to go through
Aaron? I mean literally.
427
00:22:24,833 --> 00:22:26,752
No, I've been thinking about it.
428
00:22:26,753 --> 00:22:30,272
As long as I keep her in
between me and him, it won't be gay.
429
00:22:30,273 --> 00:22:32,242
I think it'll be a bit gay.
430
00:22:32,243 --> 00:22:35,282
No, it's like Samurai dealing
with multiple opponents.
431
00:22:35,283 --> 00:22:38,915
It's about tactics and positioning
I have to gay it up just enough
432
00:22:38,993 --> 00:22:43,464
so she doesn't realise I'm actually
straight until we're doing it.
433
00:22:50,703 --> 00:22:51,898
All right, bum boys.
434
00:22:53,143 --> 00:22:55,398
Tossers. What's your problem?
435
00:22:55,483 --> 00:22:57,053
I don't like homos.
436
00:22:58,253 --> 00:22:59,721
Aaron, come on, leave him.
437
00:22:59,722 --> 00:23:02,522
No, he can't just say that
'What'll you do about it?
438
00:23:02,523 --> 00:23:04,062
Try and bum me?
439
00:23:04,063 --> 00:23:06,272
I think we should leave him to it.
440
00:23:06,273 --> 00:23:09,412
It's a gay thing, not a bi thing.
We shouldn't..
441
00:23:09,413 --> 00:23:11,623
What?
442
00:23:11,703 --> 00:23:13,095
Yeah...
443
00:23:14,423 --> 00:23:17,247
Yeah, well,
if you've got a problem with him,
444
00:23:17,333 --> 00:23:18,564
you've a problem with me.
445
00:23:18,643 --> 00:23:20,543
A partial one, I'm not fully gay...
446
00:23:20,544 --> 00:23:22,812
But the principle is the same.
Yes, thank you.
447
00:23:22,813 --> 00:23:25,812
Bi, gay, it's all the same.
448
00:23:25,813 --> 00:23:26,953
Here,
449
00:23:27,033 --> 00:23:28,933
you fancy trying
a real man, darling?
450
00:23:28,934 --> 00:23:30,592
Hey!
451
00:23:30,593 --> 00:23:32,892
I am a real man.
452
00:23:32,893 --> 00:23:37,342
And real men don't judge people
on who they cheese to be with.
453
00:23:37,343 --> 00:23:38,842
Yeah! Yes!
454
00:23:38,843 --> 00:23:42,122
Whether you're bi like me
or a full-on gayer like him,
455
00:23:42,123 --> 00:23:44,892
no-one has the right to say
who you can or can't be with.
456
00:23:44,893 --> 00:23:46,762
Yeah!
457
00:23:46,763 --> 00:23:48,412
And if you think different,
458
00:23:48,413 --> 00:23:51,044
then you should just piss off
and join Al-Queeda.
459
00:23:51,123 --> 00:23:53,774
Is that what you want?
Do you want to join Al-Queeda?
460
00:23:56,003 --> 00:23:57,234
Come on.
461
00:23:57,313 --> 00:23:59,532
Don't want to catch... gay.
462
00:24:01,393 --> 00:24:02,702
It's bi!
463
00:24:02,703 --> 00:24:04,442
And you should be so bloody lucky.
464
00:24:04,443 --> 00:24:07,540
Nice one! Yeah, well said!
465
00:24:07,623 --> 00:24:08,909
OMG!
466
00:24:12,593 --> 00:24:14,527
Mike!
467
00:24:19,113 --> 00:24:21,832
Where did you find this guy?
468
00:24:21,833 --> 00:24:23,667
He's one of a kind.
469
00:24:23,753 --> 00:24:25,414
Mike, that was amazing.
470
00:24:27,033 --> 00:24:28,392
Yeah, it's nothing.
471
00:24:28,393 --> 00:24:31,622
I'm going to go. There's some
crazy chemistry between you two.
472
00:24:31,623 --> 00:24:33,036
I don't want to get in the way.
473
00:24:33,123 --> 00:24:35,626
I don't mind you being in the way.
Are you kidding?
474
00:24:35,627 --> 00:24:37,812
You are so going to
get some tonight.
475
00:24:37,813 --> 00:24:40,252
Seriously! You don't have to go.
476
00:24:40,253 --> 00:24:43,453
No. Mike, this is your night.
477
00:24:43,533 --> 00:24:44,955
Have a wonderful time.
478
00:24:46,253 --> 00:24:48,838
Homophobes always have
unresolved latency issues.
479
00:24:48,923 --> 00:24:53,247
It's classic repression. For God's
sake, Mitchell, just give it a rest.
480
00:24:56,423 --> 00:24:57,663
Oh, right.
481
00:25:02,043 --> 00:25:04,364
So, then there were two.
482
00:25:08,373 --> 00:25:10,902
You're awful unsteady there, son.
483
00:25:10,903 --> 00:25:12,642
Easy does it, Mum.
484
00:25:12,643 --> 00:25:15,285
OK. You all right?
485
00:25:15,363 --> 00:25:16,785
There we go.
486
00:25:17,933 --> 00:25:20,282
OK,
487
00:25:20,283 --> 00:25:23,512
I think I've got
a ten-minute window.
488
00:25:23,513 --> 00:25:26,752
But if we hit traffic,
I can't be held responsible.
489
00:25:26,753 --> 00:25:29,322
It's OK, son, I've got her.
490
00:25:29,323 --> 00:25:31,590
OK, love.
491
00:25:31,673 --> 00:25:36,144
Thank you for a wonderful evening!
We're leaving now, love. Come on.
492
00:25:41,093 --> 00:25:44,652
Why don't you stay at ours this
evening? Don't put yourself out.
493
00:25:44,653 --> 00:25:47,056
Look, I'm sorry.
494
00:25:47,143 --> 00:25:48,611
I've been a complete arse
495
00:25:48,612 --> 00:25:52,152
and I'm trying not to be
a kid about this. So... come on.
496
00:25:52,153 --> 00:25:55,432
I'll be fine. I can sort myself out.
497
00:25:55,433 --> 00:25:57,492
I'm sure, but, just for tonight,
498
00:25:57,493 --> 00:25:59,657
let me do this. Please.
499
00:25:59,743 --> 00:26:02,394
Argh! Double-check for me,
would you?
500
00:26:04,013 --> 00:26:06,452
All right,
if it'll make you feel better.
501
00:26:06,453 --> 00:26:07,536
It will.
502
00:26:07,623 --> 00:26:09,842
Because I can manage. I know.
503
00:26:11,233 --> 00:26:12,507
Well, help me up, then.
504
00:26:18,823 --> 00:26:20,996
We'll have it out in a moment, sir.
505
00:26:22,153 --> 00:26:24,452
Mum, I'm going to stay at Jamie's.
506
00:26:24,453 --> 00:26:26,602
It was an accident.
It's no big deal.
507
00:26:26,603 --> 00:26:28,255
I can't be around this right now.
508
00:26:28,343 --> 00:26:30,334
It's bad for me.
It's bad for the baby.
509
00:26:30,335 --> 00:26:32,602
One, two, three... Argh!
510
00:26:32,603 --> 00:26:35,232
I really think
you're over-reacting, Laura.
511
00:26:35,233 --> 00:26:37,062
Someone take this, please.
512
00:26:37,063 --> 00:26:39,312
No, she isn't.
513
00:26:39,313 --> 00:26:41,932
THIS is not normal, Janet.
514
00:26:41,933 --> 00:26:43,585
Laura, you should go.
515
00:26:43,673 --> 00:26:46,586
Fine. You do whatever
you think's best.
516
00:26:53,413 --> 00:26:55,522
Oh, thank God!
517
00:26:55,523 --> 00:27:00,072
Laura, I want you to know
that you're a lovely girl.
518
00:27:00,073 --> 00:27:03,822
And if my son was going
to ruin anyone's life,
519
00:27:03,823 --> 00:27:05,982
I'm glad that it was yours.
520
00:27:05,983 --> 00:27:07,152
That's nice.
521
00:27:07,153 --> 00:27:09,262
Oops. Oh!
522
00:27:09,263 --> 00:27:11,518
And don't you mind, love,
523
00:27:11,603 --> 00:27:14,391
you're part of this family now.
524
00:27:19,153 --> 00:27:20,860
So, you'll be OK in here?
525
00:27:23,043 --> 00:27:25,034
Yeah, fine.
526
00:27:40,243 --> 00:27:42,837
So, I'll just be... Yeah.
527
00:27:58,523 --> 00:28:00,505
Ah! God!
528
00:28:00,583 --> 00:28:01,960
OK...
529
00:28:38,413 --> 00:28:41,838
OK.
530
00:28:41,888 --> 00:28:46,438
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