All language subtitles for Pramface s01e02 Pregnant Rapist.eng

Exams are over, life begins!
Life begins.

Sasha's party is going to be
a generation-defining event.

You have to be there.

You are not going out.

Why don't you chuck me out,
like you did with Dad?

Oh, my God, it's like Narnia
but sexy.

The girl from last night?
We did it.

You are pregnant.
This one even thinks it's twins.

Did you even use protection?
Of course I did. I used a condom.

Yeah, but it really didn't look like
you had it on right.

How old are you? 16.

Arggghh!

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Oh, my God.

I'm a rapist.

I'm a pregnant rapist.

You're not a rapist. I'm 16.
And I consented.

A lot.

Towards the end,
I'm pretty sure you did too.

Oh, OK. This is such a mess.
I'm going to go.

But you asked me to come here.

That was when I thought you were 20.

Right now, I'm an ice cream and a zoo
trip away from being on a register.

So, what am I supposed to do?
Get back on your BMX, go home,

and just forget about
the whole thing.

Hey, I didn't come here on my BMX.

My mum gave me a lift.

Come on, quick!

So? He was 16. Oh, little bastard.

What am I going to do?
It's going to be all right

because I have got you these.

No, I'm not ready to talk about
this yet, Danielle.

Laura, you should
at least consider it.

I know.

Oh, God. I just didn't think that
I'd be the one having the abortion.

Yeah, I know. My money was on Naomi
Rushbrook. Naomi Rushbrook.

Yeah, exactly. What a slut.

Not that you're a slut.

God, that's what people are going
to say about me, isn't it?

No. Well, actually, yeah.
But they weren't there.

I know you're not a slut.

Maybe they can fit you in tomorrow.
Yeah, OK.

Yeah? Because it's not just you
this affects, you know.

What about me?

I don't want to go to uni without
my drinking buddy. Yeah, I'm sorry.

See, your irresponsible actions
have real consequences.

Yeah, I've noticed.

Oh.

Jamie's out somewhere
but Mike's upstairs if you want him.

I'll wait.

All right, Beth love.
You know, Mike's upstairs?

Yep, so I heard. Off to work.

You asking or telling? Telling.

OK, see you later.
Have fun. Unlikely.

Is it his birthday?
Wedding anniversary.

Oh, right, doing anything nice?
I'd be very surprised.

Keith's forgotten our anniversary
for 14 years straight.

Oh, right. Sorry. No, it's all good.

As long as I remember and
he forgets, I have the upper hand.

This is mainly tactical.
In fact, you should know this.

Look at this card.

Yeah, it's nice.

No, it's not, it's awful.

However, Keith is a sucker
for anything with penguins.

He will adore this card

and that'll make him feel really
guilty that he didn't get me one.

Aah. Then he reads the message.

Two kisses.

I don't get it. One's casual, three,
everything's fine but two...

No one does two,
very unsettling number.

So, consciously he will realise
that he's in big trouble

and he'll start trying very hard
to make it up to me.

Oh, that's clever.

You see, Beth, relationships are
basically strategy.

You accumulate small advantages

until your opponent has no option
but to take you out for dinner.

Why doesn't my mum tell me
this stuff?

The mystery man returns.
Weren't up to any trouble, were we?

Ah. No.

Come on, Jamie. Mike's upstairs.
Let's see how his morning went.

Here he comes.
Beth, get out of the shot,

I'm trying to capture
the moment here. Capture this.

So, how did it go? Wait, let me see
if I can see from your expression.

Just tell us. It was awful.

She basically said she never wants
to see me again. Yes, jackpot.

She just dismissed me. What a bitch.

I'm just saying, you should
probably respect her wishes.

Yeah, it sounds like you got
a free pass, mate.

I don't want a free pass.

I'm willing to take
the consequences like a man.

Or, or, or you could avoid
the consequences like a smart man.

I think we should just draw a line
under it and move on.

It's not like you're going to marry
this girl.

Oh.

That's brilliant.

If I propose. If I do the right
thing, she can't just ignore that.

No, no, no. You can't do that.

I was saying not marry her. Not.

No, no, no, it's perfect.
No, it's not.

Yeah, I mean she'll turn me down,
she hates me.

But if I show
that I'm willing to marry her,

she can't just write me off.

And what if she says yes, Jamie?
Where will we all be then?

If she does say yes,
I'm best man, right?

So, Janet, Alan has said that
he has regrets about his actions.

Yeah, well, so he should.

Can you tell us, what are
you hearing when he says that?

I'm hearing that Alan
is acknowledging that he has regrets

but I think his main regret is

that he got caught
bending his PA over his desk.

I don't think that's what he's
saying. I think it is, actually

I think Alan is starting to think
this is a bit of a waste of time.

No, no, no, this is good.

A healthy amount of confrontation
is good here.

Er, naturally, you'll both have
unresolved feelings

about the affair.

Don't you mean affairs?
No, he means affair. Affairs.

It was one affair. Well, forgive me
if I don't take your word for that.

OK, can anyone see
a negative pattern here? I can.

Is it the one where Alan sleeps with
people from work and lies about it?

Is it the one where Janet is
a cold bitch all of the time?

OK, let's try and de-escalate
for a moment.

Can you remember last week
when I asked you both to sit down

and draw up a list of positive
aspects of your family life?

Yes, we didn't really have time.
I did.

OK, Janet, what was on the list?

Well, it said Laura, university,
her law degree. Hmm.

Good, good.

Yes, because it's an exciting time
for you both, isn't it?

And for Laura.

So, for homework,
I'd like you to organise

an activity around Laura.

Is this something you think
you could both do?

I can, if he can.

Fine by me. Yeah, fine. Fine. Fine.

OK, good. Good.

Fine.

We generally say that a good price
guide is one to two months' salary.

Do you have anything in a Kinder Egg?

What about these ones?
Are they engagement rings?

Technically, yes.
They're obviously smaller

and of a slightly lower clarity.

But still very nice rings.

No, no. I definitely wouldn't say
yes on the basis of this.

I'm not asking you.

But if you thought this was all
I was worth, I'd be heartbroken.

I mean, this is supposed to be
the happiest day of my life.

That's the wedding.
There's not going to be a wedding.

Yeah, not with this piece of junk,
there's isn't.

Maybe it is a little bit small. It
needs to look like I really mean it.

I need to see it on.

Not on you. If you must.

No, you've got tiny, little,
toddler hands, Beth.

I need to see it
on a normal woman's hand.

You see, that doesn't look so bad.

Wow.

You've got lovely hands.

I'm not authorised
to give discounts. Yeah.

So, what d'you think?
Think Laura'd go for that? I thought you didn't want her to.

No, but, in theory,
does it look good enough?

Don't ask me and you shouldn't be
supporting the diamond trade anyway. It's immoral.

Actually, all of our rings
are certified.

Oh, and you've confirmed that
with head office have you, Julie?

They run the whole supply chain
past you first, do they?

I suppose you check
the provenence of every diamond

to make sure they're not funding
African warlords.

Is that how you get your perfect tan,

brokering peace deals
in Sierra Leone?

How many more have to die, Julie?
Julie, answer me!

Nice one, Beth. Couldn't you have
waited till we'd bought one?

And join the web of complicity
like the bloody UN?

You didn't have to call her
a child murderer.

She is a child murderer.
And you're an idiot.

Beth? Is this because
I said you got toddler fingers?

Come on. Doesn't matter anyway,

even the cheapest ring would
have cleaned me out.

Just get online. Put it on
your parents' credit card.

Then you've got seven days.
Pop the question, get the no,

send it back and get a refund.

And your statutory rights
are not affected.

Can you do that?
Yeah, I do it all the time.

That's how comes I got this camera.

Look.

Come here. What you doing?

Come on, Jamie.
You can't put a price on memories.

Going in to town?

Er, yeah. So are we.

Oh. Both of you? Yes. Together?

Yes, we're going to do
some shopping.

Oh. OK, well, have fun.

No, actually, we thought we'd go
together, you know, pick up the stuff you need for university.

Oh, no, no. I can get all that
myself. Thank you though.

Oh, come on. It'll be... fun.

Really? Yes, like a family outing.
Like a family outing, exactly.

Um. Well, you haven't got anything
special planned, have you?

No. No, just meeting Danielle.

Well. Great. Hmm.
The more the merrier.

OK. We're all going. OK.

Ooh. Here we all go. Together.

Cheers.

No, Mum, please. I don't need
any more bed linen.

Laura, we should get going.

We promised to meet
Naomi Rushbrook at 12:15.

Yes, we should go, because
we don't want to be late for her.

I thought you didn't like
Naomi Rushbrook.

I always thought
she was a very nice girl.

Thank you for everything,

but we should go. She's only got
a 20 minute slot. Oh.

But we've still got to get
your toaster.

Well, that was 300 quid
well spent.

Hi, I'm Laura, I have a 12:15
appointment. Take a seat.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Can't resist a sale.

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's much more
the sort of thing I had in mind.

Although I think the phrasing of
the question is going to be crucial.

So, as best man, I've written down
a few options here.

'Hi, this is Laura, leave a message.'

You promise she's not going
to find a better man,

especially now she's up the duff.

16-year-olds have a lot to offer.

Discounted bus travel,
cheaper cinema tickets.

Oh, this is a good one.

Right, if it she looks like
she's not going for it,

say you'll throw in a rolling,
six-month, quickie divorce option...

'Hi, this is Laura...'
No questions asked.

Laura, it's Jamie, again.

Just in case you didn't get
my other messages.

I'd really like to speak to you.
So, just give me a call, please.

No, don't say please.
Just call me, OK?

She's just ignoring me.

Right, we're going to have
to go stalker on her,

bombard her with texts
until she calls you back.

No, Mike. Give it back.

Mike, Mike, give me the phone.

Mike, don't! Jamie, yes.

No, Mike. Mike!

Mike! Don't. Trust me.

I'm the only one thinking straight
in this equation.

I really doubt that. Open the door.

Someone has to take responsibility
here, Jamie.

You'll thank me for this later.
No, I won't. Mike!

Argh!

And do you know an approximate date

of when you think
you may have conceived?

Yeah, I think I can tie
that down pretty specifically.

Well, initially, we'll take you
for an ultrasound scan.

That'll just confirm how many weeks
you are into the pregnancy.

Sorry. It's OK.

It will affect the type of procedure
that we use for the actual abortion,

if you do decide
to go ahead with it.

Sorry. Sorry. That's OK, it's fine.

Now, obviously you'll want to take
some time to think this all through.

There may be other people
you want to discuss it with.

I mean, you parents
or partner maybe.

Medically speaking,
the sooner you choose, the better.

Sorry, I'm going to turn this off.

Laura, you understand,

we can give you
all the support you need

but the decision
has to be yours, OK?

OK. Maybe you should
just answer that. Thank you.

Hello? 'Mike, I swear
I'll fuck you up.'

Ah, ah. It's for your own good!
Give. Give it!

Give it! No. Everything
I do is love of you, Jamie.

God, you're strong. Ah!

Something isn't working.
I don't even know why we bother!

Don't bother with any of it!

Laura!

Jamie! What the hell are you doing
here? I wanted to talk to you.

Now is not a good time. Look, I know
you think I'm just a kid.

But I want to prove to you
that I'm serious.

Oh, my God, what are you doing?

The right thing. I'm asking you
to marry me.

Oh, my God, stop being such an idiot,
get up! No, no, no, I'm doing this.

Laura, I want you to know
that I'm here to support you

and be involved
and do whatever it takes. Yes!

What? Yes!

Yes? Yes, let's get married. Yes.
A thousand times, yes.

I'm totally in. Ah!

This is the most thrilling moment
of my entire life.

Now, what?

What do you mean? Well, obviously
there's going to be a big wedding.

Well, yeah, eventually, I suppose,
but it was more about me...

Are you saying I'm not going to get
my big wedding? No. My day, my way.

I, er... Good. That's the wedding
planned. Then what?

I don't know. I hadn't really
thought that far ahead.

Oh, you hadn't thought
that far ahead.

That surprises me, cos
this all seemed so well planned.

No, I just wanted to show
you that I'm here for you.

Really? Yeah, whatever you need.

OK, I need to find a way of telling
my parents that I'm pregnant

without them disowning me.
Could you sort that out? Erm.

Also, I need to find a way of
supporting myself in university

whilst paying for a baby.

Or were you planning to cover that?
I hadn't. I don't know.

No, you don't
because you're just a kid

and have no idea
what the hell you're doing.

Who's that? Don't know.

You know?

This isn't some little fantasyland
where you can give me a magic ring

and suddenly everything
will all be OK.

This is real, OK? Erm.
I am having a baby!

Oh, she must really hate you.

First you get her knocked up,

then you pick the worst way
to tell her parents.

Technically, I didn't, she did.

Yeah, can't see
what her problem is!

Well, at least we all know
where we stand.

Apart from your mum and dad.
I notice you haven't told them yet.

Yeah, well, I want to pick
the right moment.

Wouldn't want to get the timing wrong
on something like that. Shut up.

Hey.

Where's the ring?

Oh, God, I thought her dad
was going to hit me

so I used one of your lines.
Oh, God, what was his line?

What the hell is this?

It's a sign of my commitment
to you...

Laura, I mean Laura and
our unborn child. Hers and mine.

Not yours and mine, obviously.

And I'm not saying it's forever,
let's just see how it goes.

Oh, and I'll throw in
a rolling, six-months,

no-questions-asked divorce option.

And that didn't win him over? No!
It just made him very, very angry.

He threw the ring away and
then chucked me off the property.

Jamie love, can you make yourself
scarce tomorrow evening?

Uh, yeah, why?

By some miracle,

your father has actually remembered
our wedding anniversary. Right.

It's so sweet. He's spent a fortune
buying a piece of jewellery online.

Really? Are you sure?

I found out when the credit company
did a security check

to authorise the payment.

He almost pulled it off, bless him.
Aah. That's so...

You haven't told him
that you know though, right?

Oh, no, no, I'm playing along.

But I'm going to do
a little surprise of my own.

I'm going to cook him steak,
his favourite.

Can't let him outmanoeuvre me, eh?

Oh, God, I need to get
the ring back!

All right, calm down.
Don't go all Gollum about it.

I can't go back.
Everyone there wants to kill me.

Hey, don't worry, Jamie.
I'll get the ring.

After all, it's part of
the best man's responsibilities.

Mike, I'm not getting married!

Hey, come on, don't give up hope.

Sooo,

how did the shopping trip go?

I'm sensing it wasn't
a total success.

No, it went swimmingly, Jeremy.

Right up until the point our
daughter told us she was pregnant.

Right.

OK, so how do we feel
about this news?

How do you think we feel?

We're absolutely furious.

And somewhat disappointed.

Hmm, Hmm.

Yes, well, taking the positives,

I suppose there is
some common ground there, at least.

You know what, Jeremy?

I think our time is up.

Oh, my God.

Yes? Have you got it?

Negative, but I have found
a lot of weird stuff.

I'm not sure this is the sort of
family you want to get involved with.

Why? What's wrong with them?

Well, from the case I'm building,

I think they may have killed one
or more old women.

What are you talking about?
Serial homicide, potentially.

We're through
the looking glass here, Jamie.

Wait. I may be compromised.

Abort. What are you doing?
Abort, abort, abort.

They're not even talking to me now.

No, it's a relief.

I don't know
what I'm going to do.

Get out, you.

Hold on, something's kicking off
next door.

I'm going! Argh!

Blimey, San, you look nice.
What's the occasion?

Very funny. You not going to change?

Nah, got another day
or two left in this.

See you later.

What?

Keith, do you not know
what night it is?

Yeah. Course.

It's darts night.

See you later.

Hiya, Mike, you all right?

Not really.
I've torn my tactical vest.

Great. Jamie, your mate's here.
See you later.

See ya.

Hi.

I have to say, Laura's dad moves
pretty fast for a 70-year-old.

That's not her dad.
Come out of her house.

Is that a seven or a nine?

Here you go, boys.

Griddled fillet steak
with a beetroot rosti.

And if you need me,
I'll be on the couch having tiramisu.

Oh, bollocks.

So, I was thinking of booking us
a table... Don't bother.

What's this?

It's a credit card statement

saying that you have spent 600 quid
on jewellery.

Can you shed any light?
And, before you answer,

bear in mind,
I still have one dart left.

I've no idea what this is.
Oh, come on, Keith.

It came to this address
and I never use that card.

Who else is going to spend
600 quid on it?

Oh.

So, you start, yes?

Hmm, yes. And you can just jump in
when you think. It'll be fine.

Oh, we're not going
shopping again, are we?

Now, we've had a chat
and discussed all the options.

And we want to deal
with this together.

Now, your dad's been on the Internet
and he's got lots of information.

Now, it's entirely up to you,

you can go NHS or private,
we'll cover everything.

It might be better not
to go through the family GP.

Jim Norris is a good friend. Hmm.

Obviously, there is a time limit.
Completely up to you, darling.

But when you've made your decision,
just let us know.

Why does everyone keep
saying that to me?

Everybody keeps saying it's my choice
and you all tell me what to do.

If you're all so bloody pro-choice
then just let me decide.

And what do you want to do?

I don't know what I want to do!
I don't know what I want to do. OK?

That's my decision. I don't know!

Oh, shit.

You idiot. I know.

I should have told you, but
I was trying to do the right thing.

Oh, come here, you dozy sod.

It will be all right.

Oh, that poor, bloody girl.
What's her name again? Laura. Laura.

I'm sorry if I've let you down.

Say something.

Hey, come on, son.

We all make mistakes.

It's not exactly like
you were planned either.

Oh, great!

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