All language subtitles for Players s01e03 Barbs Husband.eng

Jesus Christ,
what are you doing?

- Somebody is in here.
- Bruce, it's okay.

No, it's not okay. Somebody
could be ripping you off.

Hey, Barb, you gonna
make some coffee?

- Who is that?
- In a second!

Who is that, Barb?

- His name is Todd.
- Who is Todd?

He's my husband.

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~ Players S01E03 ~
Barb's Husband

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addic7ed.com

We're separated. We're still married,
but we're separated.

If you're separated, why is he in your
apartment at 6:30 in the morning?

He lives here.

I know, that sounds... terrible.

- That's not a separation, Barb.
- I know it doesn't sound like it is, but

he doesn't live...
He doesn't stay here.

He stays in the computer room
next door.

We have totally separate lives.

He's looking for another place
as we speak.

I couldn't just throw him out
on the streets. I'm so sorry, Bruce.

I was trying...
I meant to tell you, it just...

Okay, I get it.

We're good.

You're roommates.

Well...

Yeah, technically, we are.
But, I mean, I...

Imagine this must be
very difficult...

- No.
- for you to hear.

I mean, he's cool with it, you're cool
with it. So of course I'm cool with it.

What do you think
the reservations book is for?

I think it's for reservations.

So you can imagine my surprise
when I found page after page

of hangman
and tic-tac-toe in here.

Well, it's not like anybody
actually ever makes a reservation.

Of course they don't, because think think
that the book is filled up with your doodles.

- I'm sure that's it.
- What are you doing?

I'm writing what you told me
in my journal.

Why would you keep a journal
in the reservation book?

I don't keep it in the
reservation book. I'm not an idiot.

Don't ever touch the
reservation book again. Understand?

Don't go looking
for my secrets.

Don't you squint your eyes
at me in anger... ever!

It was nice talking to you, Bruce,
on our way in from the parking lot.

Wow, that's strange. You guys
both have the same travel mug.

You must also go to that
coffee silo on route 17.

Yes, I went there this morning,
even though it's five miles out of my way.

Yes, but you really love their coffee,
so that would make sense.

I think that's self-evident, Barb.
'Cause I have it in my hand.

Okay.

So let's start the meeting.

Actually, the meeting is just finishing.
So if no one has any other business,

- I move to adjourn.
- I actually have a question.

- Yes?
- I'm curious.

If I were to start working
at a restaurant I used to work at,

how would that make you feel?

Are you working at a restaurant
that you used to work at?

My response to that would be,
why would it matter if you've moved on,

have a healthy relationship with your current
restaurant, then old restaurants don't matter.

It matters because there's an
employer-employee bond, which is sacred.

Now, if there's something wrong with
this restaurant that's not satisfying you,

I think you should
discuss that with me...

- You seem really upset, Ken.
- I think this restaurant is satisfying...

- Very angry.
- Yes!

- I think this restaurant satisfies her.
- Yes!

I'm sorry that we don't have a lot
of fancy brass and fake knickknacks.

This is the real deal, young lady.
And a lot of women would be very happy

to be in this restaurant.
So the next time you feel a need

to take your little order pad
and drag it through town

like nasty whore,
how 'bout giving me a heads-up!

Bruce, that travel mug you have that looks
nothing like Barb's is leaking all over you.

Thank you.

Order up.

- Krista.
- Yeah?

- I need you to do me a huge favor.
- Sure.

I need you to tell Bruce that it's insane
to be in a relationship with me.

Why would I do that? You guys
are so cute and pathetic together.

Thank you.

I told him this morning
that I'm still married

and still living with my husband,
and he had no reaction.

- That's what makes Bruce awesome.
- I mean, it's insane

to be in a relationship
with someone who's married.

If I had stayed away
from married men,

I would have missed out on one of the most
passionate relationships in my entire life.

Larry...

What are you doin' here?
That's so weird.

Larry, who is this? Larry...

Hot dog?

That was a great weekend.

Don't judge me, Jorge.
I know you have two wives.

I don't know. I still feel like if he really
cared about me, this would upset him.

- Do you really want to make Bruce jealous?
- Yes.

Are you prepared to break him in a way you've
never broken another man in your entire life?

- Absolutely.
- Let's talk.

Hey.

Hey, sweetie.

Listen, sorry I was
so grumpers this morning.

That's okay.
Where were you for lunch?

I promised Todd I'd take his
wrestling trophies to get cleaned.

- That sounds tedious.
- Yeah, my arm is killing me.

They're so heavy.
There's so many of them.

There's like a million trophies.

State champ. State champ.
State champ.

It's so annoying.
He's, like, good at everything.

Oh, man.

That's why my bag
was so heavy.

My wedding album was in here.

What? So crazy.

Don't know how that got in there.

Man, this was one of
the happiest days of my life.

Bruce, I did not
want you to see

these erotic pictures
of me and Todd.

These are not for your eyes.
I am so embarrassed right now.

Sorry.

- That is so uncomfortable.
- Barb, this makes me furious.

- It does?
- Yeah.

How the hell
do you get on Google?

Do you know how?

No, I don't know.

Look, if you don't want to clean
Todd's trophies, get Jorge to do it.

Hey, Cal, take this donut
of mine, would you?

What's wrong with it?

I'm looking at gunshot wound website
here, and it's making me sick.

- Hey.
- Hey, Bruce!

- Can I talk to you?
- Yeah, what do you got?

You know that me and Barb have
been seeing each other, right?

You'd have to be a moron
not to know that.

You and Barb
are seeing each other?

- Yeah.
- This is awesome!

Bruce, it may come
as a surprise to you, but

I've always thought of you
as kind of a father.

Like, Barb's like, kind of like
my mom a little bit, so...

It's like my mom and my dad
are hooking up for the first time.

This is awesome!
Can you watch the bar really quick?

- I have to go journal about this.
- Okay.

Anyway, she just told me that
she's not divorced. She's separated.

Which I was fine with, but then I started
picking up this subtle vibe from her that...

I should be more upset
that she's only separated.

Am I crazy?

Well, why would you be upset?

You're getting the milk for free,
and you can't possibly buy that cow.

Yeah, exactly. And who cares if you're
sleeping with a married woman.

As long as she's fine with it.
Even if she's living with the guy.

What?

Even if she's living
with the guy.

- Come here, with me, now.
- Where?

- Lock that door behind you. Got it locked?
- Yeah.

Jesus Christ.

Here it is. It's a Kendrick 500.

Manually operated
pump action smooth bore.

It's got an optional pistol grip.
Saw it off for concealability.

Jesus Christ,
don't point that, Hickey!

Don't worry about it, kid. I never
put this thing away when it's loaded.

What do you have that for?

Hey, I gotta be ready
when the shit comes down, huh?

- Here.
- Why you giving this to me?

Bruce, you're sleeping with
a married woman, no problem.

You sleep with a married woman
who's separated

whose husband's on the other side
of the wall, it's like a time bomb.

Okay. Thank you, Hickey.
I think everything's fine.

Like my grandmother
used to say:

Better to have it and not need it
than need it and not have it.

- Your grandma had a shotgun?
- No, she was talking about her sun hat.

- But it's the same principal, kid.
- No. No, no. I appreciate it,

- but now I know where it is, okay?
- No skin off my dick, but I'll tell you what:

Jump up there and put it away.
My knees are killing me.

Excuse me, is Barb around?

Yeah, I think she's pooping.
She'll be out in a second.

Oh, my God! My husband Todd.

Can't believe he's here.

This is so awkward.

You called me about your car.

I did. I called him.
Because my car was smoking.

- I needed a ride home...
- Really?

It wasn't smoking this morning
when I followed you to work.

- It may have been yesterday morning.
- No, 'cause we drove together yesterday.

- Barb, is the car smoking?
- Can you shut up?

I am so sorry.

This is so awkward right now. I'm...

so uncomfortable.

- God.
- By the way, my name's Bruce.

- Hey, I'm Todd, man.
- Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you.
- I've heard a lot about you.

Awkward, awkward stuff.

You just shook hands
with this man

who I was intimate with
for so many years.

- Don't sweat it. It's done.
- Here, sit down. You want a beer?

- I would love one, yeah.
- Barb, can we get a couple beers?

- So what do you do, Todd?
- Well, I'm in sales.

Interesting.

I do mostly carpet sales,
stuff like that. Indoor-outdoor.

- What is this?
- Bruce, you don't know

- about armpit or vagina?
- No.

Okay, these are close-up pictures.
What do you think: Armpit or vagina?

- This is insane, man.
- Yeah, it's the best.

Armpit.

- Vagina.
- What?

- You got fooled by the deodorant.
- Well, how is that a vagina?

- It's a vagina.
- That is not a vagina, Todd.

- Yes, it is.
- That is not a vagina.

This is getting too awkward to watch.

You guys trying to make
some sort of a connection.

- We should probably get going, Todd.
- What's the rush, Barb?

It's awkward.

Maybe it'd be less awkward
if you said "awkward" a few more times.

Yeah, do that, Barb.

Bruce, I want to pull
up the schedule here.

And you tell me how to go
with these suns games,

'cause I don't know
the team that well.

All right, they're on the road
starting Thursday. Hold on.

- Hickey.
- Yep?

Come here for a minute.
Your Internet went down.

- I'm good right here, Bruce.
- Please give me a hand?

Jiggle it.

Get up.

- Stand up right now.
- Why?

Rough place.

4, 3, 2, 1!

No!

I am not good at pop-a-shot.

- Pay up, sucker.
- Man.

- I'll tell you what I am good at.
- What?

Nut shots.

- Hey, come on.
- Are you gay?

Good. Good stuff.

Todd, I'd like
to go home, so...

Okay, well, I'm into this guy
for 100 bucks. So I'm not leaving.

I would really
like to go home now.

Okay, Barb. Allow me
to give you some cab money.

- That was a good impression.
- I know, it sounded just like her.

Good night, mom.

- She doesn't like being called mom.
- Too far? Too far.

We should do some more shots.

It didn't work. Todd said this morning
that Bruce is his new best friend.

I don't know, there's just nothing
that will make him jealous.

Would you be willing to have Bruce walk
in on you having sex with another guy?

- Oh, God, kristen, no!
- Okay!

Then try this on.

- Why? It's a shirt.
- No, it's a dress.

Cooter cut.

Is there anything else
that I can get you?

No, I think I'm good, if I could just
get the check. That would be great.

Are you sure
there's not anything else?

Nah, I better not. I think
I've had enough. But thanks.

I just thought that there

might be something else

- that I could offer you.
- Nope.

Bruce, check out Barb.
What's up with that?

Just the check, this is fine.
Come on.

- Please don't touch me there. That's crazy.
- Barb, what the hell are you doing?

What? Oh, Bruce.

I'm sorry.

We were just talking.
It's not a big deal.

I don't care about that. You are supposed
to be in the bathroom cleaning it right now.

Okay?

Yeah, I didn't know it was
my turn to clean the bathroom.

It's your turn. We don't have a separate
employee to clean up the bathroom.

- I need to talk to you for a second.
- My God, Barb, why are you dressed like that?

- It's a long story.
- You're wearing a shirt as a dress.

Ken, I don't know
if you know this,

but I'm having an affair
with Bruce, and I need...

Are you out of your mind?
What do you think you're doing?

I don't know. I mean,
we have a good time together.

- No.
- We have a lot in common.

Not the affair.
Everyone knows about that.

I mean, why are you telling me?
I have worked very hard to make sure

nobody has ever spoken
about that in front of me.

I had plausible deniability. Now I've left
myself open for a sexual harassment suit.

- Thank you very much.
- This isn't about you, Ken.

I'm an adult, and I can make
my own decisions.

- Not good ones.
- What I wanted to know...

is I told Bruce that I'm still married
and I still live with my husband,

- and he had no reaction to it.
- Course he didn't, Barb.

As his brother, I'm gonna tell you
that my brother is a sociopath.

He isn't capable of human emotion.
He can't feel empathy.

He hurts everything he loves.
I should know.

He loves me, and all of my worst
memories are associated with him.

You need to get out of this, now.
That's the way to be safe.

And we can also avoid a sexual
harassment suit that way.

That's what this
is about right now?

- A little bit. Mostly...
- I can't believe you, Ken!

I bring my heart to you.

I'm bringing an open heart
that's been wounded to you.

- I know, and I care about it...
- And that's what you're talking about?

- Only part of it.
- A lawsuit?

- Who cares, right? I don't care.
- You do care.

A little bit, I do.

- Ken, I would never sue the bar.
- Really?

Would you be willing to put that in writing
and then we'll get it signed by a notary public

and then no one has to worry
and then we can just relate and I can...

Oh, my God!

This is why they call
you the tin man.

- Who calls me the tin man?
- Everyone!

And I never got it until now.
It's 'cause you don't have a heart.

Maybe it's because
I'm resilient to criticism.

- It's 'cause you don't have a heart, Ken.
- You know what? I deserve it.

Sometimes I don't think how much
I should care about people. I do...

- Okay. I care.
- You don't care.

I want to comfort you physically,
but we need to open that door

for legal reasons, if that's okay.

Bruce, can I talk to you
for a second?

Yeah.

I have been thinking about things.
And I've come to the conclusion

that we should probably break up.

Is this about me not having a big reaction
to you still living with Todd?

Are you having
a big reaction right now?

- No.
- What are you guys talking about?

Actually, Barb's talking
about breaking up with me.

Guys, you can't break up. You're like
my mom and dad that I never had.

- You have a mom and dad, Calvin.
- No, I don't.

My dad is a flight attendant,
and my mom drives a forklift!

I gotta journal about this.

So now that we're broken up,
if there's anything

that you'd like to share with me,
I'm open to hearing it.

Barb, honestly, I don't have
a problem with it. I'm sorry.

Asshole!

Calvin! Calm down.

You're... not... my... real... dad!

What, Ken?

You need to convince Barb
you're jealous to win her back.

- Why?
- Because she's very emotional.

And women like that file
sexual harassment suits.

Why do you think Barb's gonna
file a suit against us?

Because I suggested
that she sign a document

saying she wouldn't file a suit,
and she refused.

This whole thing is me making Barb
believe I'm jealous of her husband

just to protect our ass
from a lawsuit.

- You don't give a shit about us.
- I give a little bit of a shit about you.

You care about her.
I'm looking out for you.

In your own weird,
dysfunctional,

sort of half-not-there way,
you care about her.

And if you want to keep her,
you're gonna have to lie a little bit.

I can't lie about something
I don't feel. I can't fake emotion.

Nonsense. You're the best at pretending to
have emotions of anybody I've ever met.

When we were children, you would cry and make
believe I hate you, just to get me punished.

When I got married, you gave the most
beautiful, heartfelt toast I've ever heard.

- I cried.
- Thank you.

Yeah, and then five minutes later,
in the bathroom,

you told me I need to get away
from that horrible bitch

before she crippled me
emotionally.

I was right.

When we care about someone,
we tell them lies.

It's part of being
in a relationship.

I can't believe I'm taking advice
from an emotionally retarded man.

But I get it.

I'll make her a nice card, and I'll write a
poem and say I'm jealous of her husband.

Jealousy is immediate and visceral.
This needs to be face to face.

Immediate and visceral.

Hello, Players,
a great place to touch down.

We absolutely take reservations.

Just one moment,
Mr. Martell, and that's...

- That's for four? Okay.
- Good night, kid.

- See ya.
- I've got you.

- Night, Ken.
- Hickey, hold on.

What do you got?

- I need you to stick around.
- What?

Bruce is gonna pretend to be jealous
of Barb, so they get back together.

I think it would be nice
if there was a little audience.

Who's bright idea was that?

Me.

- Yours?
- Hook up with some cops.

- You're a single lady now.
- Barb Tolen, hold it right there.

I need to talk to you.

Who the hell do you think you are,

treating me like some kind
of house boy all the time.

Just have sex with me and then
run home to your husband?

Todd.

And what's so great
about Todd anyways, huh?

Does Todd own a sports bar?
No, he doesn't.

Does Todd know the words to every
verse of the super bowl shuffle?

I don't think so!

Does Todd wait until you're
satisfied before he finishes

at least one out of three times
when you have sex?

I don't believe that!

You need to make up
your mind, buddy!

You should have never lied to me!
You don't lie to me, Barb.

You need to make up your mind
right now. Who do you want, me...

or Todd? Or do you think
you can have both?

You can't make up
your mind, can you?

I'm gonna make it up for you.
How's that sound?

Bruce, what are you doing?

What the hell?

It's a gun!

This is what I'm doin'!

Yeah, I'm gonna blow
your fucking head off.

'Cause if I can't have you,
nobody gets you.

Second thought,
I'm gonna kill Todd.

That way, I can have you
all to myself. I'm gonna kill Todd.

- You told me this was unloaded!
- I forgot.

What are you doing?!

My journal!
My journal!

Journal?

Wait a minute!
Just give me the knife.

Give me the knife.
Give me the knife!

God, I can't believe I thought for a second
that you didn't care about me.

I mean, what you did out there,
that was so beautiful, Bruce.

It was like...

I don't know. It was like something
out of Shakespeare. It was amazing.

I don't know,
I was blind with rage.

I mean, Todd had you for
years, and I didn't like that.

I know. You know, Bruce,
I'm obsessed with you too.

I can't tell you the number of times
I've thought about getting a shotgun

and shooting you in the face.

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