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1
00:00:08,100 --> 00:00:10,236
So what happened after that?
2
00:00:10,269 --> 00:00:12,204
I was attacked.
3
00:00:12,238 --> 00:00:13,640
I am so sorry.
4
00:00:13,673 --> 00:00:15,374
By a mountain lion.
5
00:00:15,407 --> 00:00:17,009
Oh my God.
6
00:00:17,043 --> 00:00:18,611
Big, muscular guy.
7
00:00:18,646 --> 00:00:22,716
The park ranger said he was
attracted to my perfume.
8
00:00:22,750 --> 00:00:24,718
You know, I smelled that
when you came in.
9
00:00:24,752 --> 00:00:26,987
It was very unusual.
What is it?
10
00:00:27,021 --> 00:00:28,790
Mountain lion urine.
11
00:00:28,823 --> 00:00:29,991
Oh.
12
00:00:30,024 --> 00:00:32,761
Have you ever been taken from
behind by a mountain lion?
13
00:00:34,462 --> 00:00:36,264
I cannot say that I have.
14
00:00:36,298 --> 00:00:37,700
It wasn't half bad.
15
00:00:40,102 --> 00:00:43,438
We're going to need a lot
more sessions.
16
00:00:43,472 --> 00:00:45,541
This changed me, Corey!
17
00:00:47,177 --> 00:00:49,012
He dragged me to his cave!
18
00:00:50,313 --> 00:00:52,282
I've had worse dates.
19
00:00:52,315 --> 00:00:54,284
So, two times a week?
20
00:00:54,318 --> 00:00:56,688
I never knew it could
be like that.
21
00:00:56,721 --> 00:00:59,156
His tongue was like sandpaper.
22
00:00:59,857 --> 00:01:02,293
He polished me down there.
23
00:01:03,295 --> 00:01:05,130
Like a bowling ball.
24
00:01:06,131 --> 00:01:08,100
Let's make it three.
25
00:01:08,133 --> 00:01:15,641
* * *
26
00:01:46,308 --> 00:01:48,310
[Locks door]
27
00:02:20,513 --> 00:02:23,549
Oh yes, yes!
28
00:02:23,583 --> 00:02:26,720
[Moaning]
29
00:02:30,758 --> 00:02:35,096
Almost, almost... yes! Yes!
30
00:02:36,231 --> 00:02:38,100
Was it worth the wait?
31
00:02:42,204 --> 00:02:46,842
Here - buy yourself
something pretty.
32
00:02:49,779 --> 00:02:51,514
Oh - but hurry home, sweetie.
33
00:02:51,547 --> 00:02:53,382
I don't want to miss
"Housewives."
34
00:02:55,352 --> 00:02:56,854
Yes, dear.
35
00:03:09,500 --> 00:03:11,369
Excuse me - may I help you?
36
00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:16,876
I'd like to make an
appointment.
37
00:03:17,777 --> 00:03:21,113
* * *
38
00:03:22,382 --> 00:03:23,683
Change!
39
00:03:23,717 --> 00:03:27,087
Hey, buddy, you got a
little change?
40
00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:29,089
Actually, I gave at
the office.
41
00:03:29,122 --> 00:03:31,291
Really, coffee
business is that bad?
42
00:03:31,325 --> 00:03:32,660
Are you finally gonna do it?
43
00:03:32,693 --> 00:03:34,863
I have the rings right here.
44
00:03:34,896 --> 00:03:37,198
You've been carrying them
around for three months!
45
00:03:37,231 --> 00:03:40,101
What are you waiting for,
man-opause?
46
00:03:40,970 --> 00:03:43,605
I'll do it before I'm 30!
47
00:03:43,638 --> 00:03:45,607
Three more months? Whatever!
48
00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:47,609
It's got to be perfect!
49
00:03:47,643 --> 00:03:49,545
I actually have it
all mapped out.
50
00:03:49,579 --> 00:03:50,646
As usual!
51
00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:52,715
Kelse, this is a
once-in-a-lifetime thing.
52
00:03:52,749 --> 00:03:54,584
Not for our parents.
53
00:03:54,617 --> 00:03:56,052
Well, thank God I'm
not our parents!
54
00:03:56,086 --> 00:03:57,888
You're right, our parents
would never wear...
55
00:03:57,922 --> 00:04:00,091
ZEBRA-STRIPED THONGS!
56
00:04:00,124 --> 00:04:01,358
Shut up!
57
00:04:01,392 --> 00:04:02,827
Poor little baby zebra,
58
00:04:02,860 --> 00:04:05,196
Oh, I bet his mommy misses it!
59
00:04:05,229 --> 00:04:08,866
I actually freed the zebra,
about an hour ago.
60
00:04:08,901 --> 00:04:12,304
At the office?
Dirty little whore!
61
00:04:12,337 --> 00:04:14,106
I know, it's unprofessional,
62
00:04:14,139 --> 00:04:15,941
But my heart was in
the right place.
63
00:04:15,975 --> 00:04:17,944
Yeah, that's not your heart.
64
00:04:17,977 --> 00:04:19,946
I believe it's
connected to my heart.
65
00:04:19,979 --> 00:04:22,481
This "perfect moment" thing
has gone on long enough!
66
00:04:22,515 --> 00:04:25,184
If you don't ask him tonight,
I'm going to ask him for you.
67
00:04:25,219 --> 00:04:27,687
Don't, please, you're
going to mess it up.
68
00:04:27,721 --> 00:04:29,189
I will if you make me!
69
00:04:29,223 --> 00:04:30,024
Ow, seriously?
70
00:04:30,057 --> 00:04:32,026
I'm going to call
him at 6:00 AM.
71
00:04:32,059 --> 00:04:33,794
Either I'll say
congratulations,
72
00:04:33,829 --> 00:04:35,596
Or I'm popping the question.
73
00:04:35,630 --> 00:04:38,533
Okay! I'll ask... him.
74
00:04:40,435 --> 00:04:41,536
I'll ask him!
75
00:04:41,569 --> 00:04:43,538
Tonight? Pinky swear!
76
00:04:43,572 --> 00:04:45,341
Don't wait for the
perfect moment.
77
00:04:45,374 --> 00:04:48,777
Sometimes love happens when
you're making other plans.
78
00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:55,952
I don't, uh...
believe in zebras.
79
00:04:55,986 --> 00:04:58,055
Thongs, I don't wear...
80
00:05:00,992 --> 00:05:03,161
I hooked dad up with some
stuff to take care of it...
81
00:05:03,194 --> 00:05:05,296
Babe, I'm home!
82
00:05:06,397 --> 00:05:14,638
Yeah mom, I'll tell him...
Yeah, I'll tell him.
83
00:05:14,673 --> 00:05:17,877
Mom says to tell you that
she loves you.
84
00:05:17,910 --> 00:05:20,812
And that the housewives are
shameless hussies.
85
00:05:20,847 --> 00:05:23,783
Well, you tell that hussy
I love her too.
86
00:05:23,816 --> 00:05:24,885
And dad!
87
00:05:24,918 --> 00:05:26,953
He loves you, too. And dad.
88
00:05:28,189 --> 00:05:30,657
Yeah, dad, just as a friend.
89
00:05:30,691 --> 00:05:32,559
[Hangs up]
90
00:05:34,195 --> 00:05:36,630
Hey, where's dinner, I thought
you were going to make
91
00:05:36,663 --> 00:05:38,032
That French cuisine thing.
92
00:05:38,066 --> 00:05:40,335
Pigeon... foie gras!
93
00:05:41,269 --> 00:05:43,005
The market was fresh out of
pigeon.
94
00:05:43,038 --> 00:05:43,939
And I made brownies.
95
00:05:46,108 --> 00:05:48,043
What are you, like, 15?
96
00:05:48,077 --> 00:05:50,846
From scratch, I'm
not a savage!
97
00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:52,148
There's an order to the
food universe.
98
00:05:52,181 --> 00:05:54,850
Brownies are reserved for
special occasions.
99
00:05:54,884 --> 00:05:56,852
Parties, birthdays...
100
00:05:56,887 --> 00:05:59,523
Well, we'll party on your
birthday, then.
101
00:05:59,556 --> 00:06:01,525
I've got soccer practice,
7:30.
102
00:06:01,558 --> 00:06:02,626
Dinner!
103
00:06:02,659 --> 00:06:04,428
Relax - mama
ordered us a pizza.
104
00:06:04,461 --> 00:06:06,630
Well, I'm starving.
It better get here soon.
105
00:06:06,664 --> 00:06:08,599
I've got something you
can snack on.
106
00:06:08,633 --> 00:06:10,601
Oh, baby!
107
00:06:10,635 --> 00:06:14,872
[Sheep ringtone]
108
00:06:14,907 --> 00:06:16,375
I have to take this.
109
00:06:16,408 --> 00:06:18,577
I've got something you
have to take...
110
00:06:18,610 --> 00:06:19,578
Give it a rest, this
is a client!
111
00:06:19,611 --> 00:06:21,213
It's always a client.
112
00:06:21,247 --> 00:06:22,381
Five minutes.
113
00:06:24,584 --> 00:06:27,955
Hello? Okay, calm down...
114
00:06:27,988 --> 00:06:30,757
No, it's fine that you called.
115
00:06:30,790 --> 00:06:31,925
Baby!
116
00:06:33,227 --> 00:06:36,430
Woah, slow down!
Deep breaths...
117
00:06:36,464 --> 00:06:39,467
Tell me what happened...
deep breaths...
118
00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:42,736
Okay, go to your happy place,
somewhere tropical...
119
00:06:42,771 --> 00:06:43,838
Pizza!
120
00:06:43,872 --> 00:06:46,141
My wallet is in my
coat pocket!
121
00:06:46,175 --> 00:06:49,244
Alright, where are you?
Keep breathing...
122
00:06:49,278 --> 00:06:51,046
[Knocking]
123
00:06:51,081 --> 00:06:53,049
- No it isn't!
- Yes it is!
124
00:06:53,083 --> 00:06:56,886
Keep breathing... Positively
fantasize, good.
125
00:06:56,919 --> 00:06:58,554
And call me back in
five minutes.
126
00:06:58,588 --> 00:07:00,256
Alright, okay, bye.
127
00:07:00,291 --> 00:07:01,458
[Knocking]
128
00:07:01,492 --> 00:07:02,759
You gonna get that?
129
00:07:02,793 --> 00:07:06,097
Oh, shoot, I'm sorry, I know
you hate it when I do that.
130
00:07:06,130 --> 00:07:09,967
My wallet's actually
right here, in my...
131
00:07:10,002 --> 00:07:11,136
Pants.
132
00:07:11,169 --> 00:07:13,671
Hey! Jumbo extra sausage?
133
00:07:13,705 --> 00:07:15,107
Yes, please!
134
00:07:16,074 --> 00:07:18,043
You're not the regular guy.
135
00:07:18,077 --> 00:07:19,712
Yeah, Jimbo hurt his back.
136
00:07:19,745 --> 00:07:20,613
I can see why.
137
00:07:21,547 --> 00:07:23,182
Do I smell brownies?
138
00:07:23,216 --> 00:07:25,918
Yeah - just, how much is this
gonna cost me?
139
00:07:25,951 --> 00:07:28,954
It's all good, bro, I just
need to see the card.
140
00:07:32,359 --> 00:07:35,095
Alright, thank you guys so
much.
141
00:07:35,129 --> 00:07:36,596
Have a good night.
142
00:07:36,631 --> 00:07:37,465
[Door slams]
143
00:07:37,498 --> 00:07:40,168
"It's all good, bro?"
What an asshole!
144
00:07:40,201 --> 00:07:41,469
What's gotten into you?
145
00:07:41,502 --> 00:07:43,204
I'm more worried about who's
getting into you.
146
00:07:43,238 --> 00:07:45,206
Why are you always flirting
with these straight guys?
147
00:07:45,241 --> 00:07:47,209
I wasn't flirting, he just
wasn't what I expected.
148
00:07:47,243 --> 00:07:48,410
I put the tip on the card.
149
00:07:48,444 --> 00:07:49,845
What were the ones for,
a lap dance?
150
00:07:49,878 --> 00:07:51,380
Woah, are you jealous?
151
00:07:51,413 --> 00:07:53,182
Of the pizza guy?
152
00:07:53,215 --> 00:07:56,285
I'd better get to practice, I
want to get an early start.
153
00:07:56,319 --> 00:07:58,388
There's some new plays I
need to learn, and...
154
00:07:59,522 --> 00:08:02,992
But we had plans - it
was date night.
155
00:08:03,026 --> 00:08:04,394
You had plans.
156
00:08:08,899 --> 00:08:12,070
* * *
157
00:08:26,319 --> 00:08:28,121
Keep that coming, my man!
158
00:08:43,105 --> 00:08:44,672
I hate these places.
159
00:08:45,707 --> 00:08:49,711
A friend told me I should
get out more often.
160
00:08:49,745 --> 00:08:51,614
You know, be more social.
161
00:08:54,483 --> 00:08:56,652
With a rack like that, you
don't exactly look
162
00:08:56,685 --> 00:08:58,554
Like you have a hard time
making friends.
163
00:08:58,588 --> 00:08:59,656
Wow.
164
00:09:02,159 --> 00:09:04,894
If you were hitting on me,
that's not a good open.
165
00:09:04,928 --> 00:09:05,662
Sorry.
166
00:09:06,630 --> 00:09:09,466
It's been a long time
since I've, uh...
167
00:09:12,270 --> 00:09:17,007
- Fifteen years.
- Fifteen years?!
168
00:09:17,042 --> 00:09:18,644
Jeez!
169
00:09:19,945 --> 00:09:21,280
Fifteen years ago, I
was like still...
170
00:09:21,313 --> 00:09:22,714
Okay, I'm going to stop you
171
00:09:22,748 --> 00:09:26,118
Before you tell me how old you
were when Kurt Cobain died.
172
00:09:26,153 --> 00:09:27,787
Who's Kurt Cobain?
173
00:09:29,956 --> 00:09:31,924
Look at you!
174
00:09:31,958 --> 00:09:33,926
I asked for that.
175
00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:36,529
Let's start over.
Let me buy you a drink.
176
00:09:44,005 --> 00:09:46,608
- They're real.
- What?!
177
00:09:49,511 --> 00:09:53,415
Jesus, where have you been,
in prison?
178
00:09:53,449 --> 00:09:56,152
In a relationship that
didn't involve boobs!
179
00:09:56,186 --> 00:09:58,354
Yeah, me too!
180
00:09:58,388 --> 00:09:59,622
Awesome!
181
00:10:01,257 --> 00:10:03,726
- Boom!
- Boom!
182
00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:06,163
- Boobs!
- Boobs!
183
00:10:07,063 --> 00:10:11,268
And then, I got...
I got married.
184
00:10:11,303 --> 00:10:15,407
When I was 23. Biggest
mistake of my life.
185
00:10:17,775 --> 00:10:21,213
I mean, he seemed perfect.
He was a musician.
186
00:10:21,247 --> 00:10:23,316
He had lots of money.
187
00:10:24,283 --> 00:10:26,252
And I was so hot!
188
00:10:26,285 --> 00:10:29,154
And now, I'm alone, and...
189
00:10:29,188 --> 00:10:31,257
And you're still hot!
190
00:10:35,229 --> 00:10:38,164
I'll bet you say that to
all the girls.
191
00:10:38,198 --> 00:10:40,166
You'd be surprised.
192
00:10:40,201 --> 00:10:43,771
Okay... sailor!
193
00:10:43,804 --> 00:10:45,640
Surprise me!
194
00:10:47,708 --> 00:10:52,547
* * *
195
00:10:52,581 --> 00:10:58,487
[Moaning]
196
00:10:59,756 --> 00:11:02,225
Oh my... what?!
197
00:11:04,026 --> 00:11:05,828
[Car horn]
198
00:11:10,167 --> 00:11:14,638
Hey, slow... Jesus Christ!
199
00:11:16,107 --> 00:11:17,976
I'm not a grudge fuck!
200
00:11:24,316 --> 00:11:25,750
Where'd you go?
201
00:11:28,254 --> 00:11:29,922
Where were you just now?
202
00:11:29,955 --> 00:11:33,092
Usually you look into my eyes,
it's my favorite thing.
203
00:11:33,125 --> 00:11:35,928
It's when I feel most
connected to you.
204
00:11:35,962 --> 00:11:37,331
I'm sorry, it...
205
00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:39,333
Are you still made about
the pizza guy?
206
00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:41,335
God no, I'm sorry for
being such a prick.
207
00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:42,769
No - it was all me.
208
00:11:43,771 --> 00:11:46,308
All the pheremones, and the
brownies, and...
209
00:11:46,341 --> 00:11:48,610
The sausage fumes, I
just lost my head.
210
00:11:48,643 --> 00:11:50,612
Look, this was a
trainwreck night.
211
00:11:50,645 --> 00:11:54,015
- Let's forget it happened.
- Definitely.
212
00:11:54,049 --> 00:11:55,584
[Text message tone]
213
00:12:01,591 --> 00:12:06,696
I think I know something that
might make it better.
214
00:12:06,730 --> 00:12:09,399
There's something I
need to tell you.
215
00:12:09,433 --> 00:12:11,735
- Corey...
- Jon...
216
00:12:11,769 --> 00:12:14,872
- Will you marry me?
- I think I'm bisexual.
217
00:12:14,905 --> 00:12:18,376
What? You're... wait.
218
00:12:18,409 --> 00:12:23,348
You think you're - oh honey,
why would you think that?
219
00:12:28,286 --> 00:12:30,322
What did you do?
220
00:12:32,124 --> 00:12:34,093
It's more of a "who."
221
00:12:34,126 --> 00:12:35,428
You cheated?!
222
00:12:35,462 --> 00:12:37,397
Calm down, it's not like I
planned it, it just...
223
00:12:37,430 --> 00:12:39,265
Happened, and she was there...
224
00:12:39,299 --> 00:12:41,835
SHE?! You put your... in a...
225
00:12:41,869 --> 00:12:44,338
There is no way, there is
no fucking way.
226
00:12:44,372 --> 00:12:46,340
Come on, you know I dated
girls in high school.
227
00:12:46,374 --> 00:12:47,908
Bullshit!
I date girls in high school.
228
00:12:47,942 --> 00:12:48,977
We watched Buffy,
229
00:12:49,010 --> 00:12:51,245
And french-kissed posters of
James Van Der Beek.
230
00:12:51,279 --> 00:12:53,047
Yeah, well on my dates, we
didn't watch Buffy!
231
00:12:53,081 --> 00:12:54,416
How are you bi?
232
00:12:54,449 --> 00:12:57,085
You're like the least curious
person I've ever known.
233
00:12:57,119 --> 00:12:58,388
Would you just listen?
234
00:12:58,421 --> 00:13:00,423
No, I have literally no idea
who you are right now!
235
00:13:00,456 --> 00:13:03,526
And who is this woman, that
you allegedly fucked?
236
00:13:03,559 --> 00:13:06,295
And does she know you're gay?
237
00:13:06,329 --> 00:13:07,931
Or maybe, like...
flexi-sexual.
238
00:13:07,964 --> 00:13:10,434
I'm not sure yet!
I don't want to define it!
239
00:13:10,467 --> 00:13:12,102
Oh Jesus, no, that would mean
you'd have to make
240
00:13:12,135 --> 00:13:13,336
A commitment!
241
00:13:13,370 --> 00:13:14,705
And there it is - you have
been pressuring me,
242
00:13:14,739 --> 00:13:17,141
And nagging me, and
suffocating me...
243
00:13:17,174 --> 00:13:19,043
So this is my fault?
I turned you bi?
244
00:13:19,076 --> 00:13:20,378
I was upset!
245
00:13:20,412 --> 00:13:23,415
I was drunk, and upset, and I
had... these feelings!
246
00:13:23,449 --> 00:13:24,950
Oh God no, feelings!
247
00:13:24,983 --> 00:13:28,120
And these rings, and the pizza
guy, and you're always busy...
248
00:13:28,153 --> 00:13:34,693
Woah... rings?
249
00:13:34,728 --> 00:13:37,397
You knew?
250
00:13:37,431 --> 00:13:40,967
- Baby, I love you...
- Don't touch me.
251
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:45,505
You knew I was going to
propose to you.
252
00:13:45,540 --> 00:13:47,508
And you did this.
253
00:13:47,542 --> 00:13:49,176
I've got to hand it to you,
mister.
254
00:13:49,209 --> 00:13:50,678
That is the most
creative fucking way
255
00:13:50,712 --> 00:13:52,681
I've ever heard of
avoiding a proposal.
256
00:13:52,714 --> 00:13:55,451
They are going to love this at
the gay bridal shop!
257
00:13:55,484 --> 00:13:58,787
I was scared, okay?
I found them and freaked out.
258
00:13:58,820 --> 00:14:02,323
Everything just started
closing in on me!
259
00:14:02,358 --> 00:14:04,326
Oh God, save me
from happiness!
260
00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:06,328
Christ, I'm only 27!
261
00:14:06,362 --> 00:14:08,898
I'm not ready to become my
goddamn parents,
262
00:14:08,932 --> 00:14:10,233
That's not what I want.
263
00:14:10,267 --> 00:14:11,802
Then what do you want?
264
00:14:11,835 --> 00:14:12,936
I don't know!
265
00:14:12,970 --> 00:14:14,938
I don't have to fucking
know every moment!
266
00:14:14,972 --> 00:14:17,074
Every second of the rest of my
doesn't need
267
00:14:17,107 --> 00:14:18,742
To be planned out already!
268
00:14:18,777 --> 00:14:20,745
Well maybe you should
try it some time!
269
00:14:20,779 --> 00:14:23,515
If you planned harder, maybe
you wouldn't be some...
270
00:14:23,548 --> 00:14:26,551
Part-time, low-rent
gym trainer,
271
00:14:26,585 --> 00:14:28,687
Who tripped and fell
into some pussy
272
00:14:28,721 --> 00:14:32,257
On the most important
night of his life!
273
00:14:32,291 --> 00:14:34,226
- Yeah, maybe it is.
- What?
274
00:14:34,259 --> 00:14:37,296
The most important night of my
life, the night I woke up.
275
00:14:37,330 --> 00:14:41,201
To your love of seafood?
276
00:14:41,234 --> 00:14:44,337
- To you.
- Just go!
277
00:14:44,370 --> 00:14:46,372
You want out, you
get your wish!
278
00:14:46,407 --> 00:14:47,575
I'm going.
279
00:14:47,609 --> 00:14:49,577
Good - and take that AC/DC
bullshit with you.
280
00:14:49,611 --> 00:14:51,979
And don't come back until
you're gay again!
281
00:14:52,013 --> 00:14:54,482
Don't hold your breath.
282
00:14:54,516 --> 00:14:59,420
[Door slams, rings clattering]
283
00:14:59,454 --> 00:15:03,358
[Alarm clock]
284
00:15:03,391 --> 00:15:34,322
* * *
285
00:15:34,360 --> 00:16:04,223
Asshole!
286
00:16:04,259 --> 00:16:09,999
Come in...
287
00:16:10,033 --> 00:16:13,236
[Doorbell]
288
00:16:13,269 --> 00:16:20,243
Come innnnn...
289
00:16:20,277 --> 00:16:38,362
Come innnnnn!
290
00:16:38,397 --> 00:16:39,866
Veggie Delight?
291
00:16:39,899 --> 00:16:43,837
More like veggie despair!
292
00:16:43,870 --> 00:16:47,406
Oh. No brownies this time,
huh?
293
00:16:47,441 --> 00:16:51,245
I gave them up.
They're bad for me.
294
00:16:51,278 --> 00:16:53,047
I'm on a cleanse.
295
00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:55,616
Pizza cleanse?
I want in on that.
296
00:16:55,651 --> 00:16:57,619
[Sniffling]
297
00:16:57,653 --> 00:17:00,789
I'm sorry, I'm a
bit of a mess.
298
00:17:00,822 --> 00:17:03,524
No, don't worry -
this one's on me.
299
00:17:03,559 --> 00:17:05,895
Oh, you don't have to do that.
300
00:17:05,928 --> 00:17:08,097
No, I know. But I want to.
301
00:17:08,130 --> 00:17:09,832
I mean, hey - we're
practically buds,
302
00:17:09,866 --> 00:17:11,367
It's the least I can do.
303
00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:14,003
I do deserve a break today.
304
00:17:14,037 --> 00:17:16,006
Bon appetit!
305
00:17:16,039 --> 00:17:31,655
Feel better, okay?
306
00:17:31,691 --> 00:17:33,926
I always hated that douche.
307
00:17:33,959 --> 00:17:35,928
For two years, you've
been telling me,
308
00:17:35,961 --> 00:17:38,230
"Jon is so great!
You should totally marry him!"
309
00:17:38,263 --> 00:17:39,699
And now he's a douche?
310
00:17:39,733 --> 00:17:41,702
Whatever! Fuckin' "Jon."
311
00:17:41,735 --> 00:17:44,037
J-O-N. Where's his
fucking "H?"
312
00:17:44,070 --> 00:17:46,339
Never date a guy who doesn't
know how to spell
313
00:17:46,372 --> 00:17:47,507
His own name.
314
00:17:47,540 --> 00:17:49,309
You loved him, and
you know it.
315
00:17:49,343 --> 00:17:52,013
Don't remind me!
316
00:17:52,046 --> 00:17:53,114
What?
317
00:17:53,147 --> 00:17:56,150
Are you eating a peanut butter
and jelly sandwich?
318
00:17:56,183 --> 00:17:57,118
Here we go.
319
00:17:57,151 --> 00:17:58,385
I am allergic!
320
00:17:58,420 --> 00:18:01,223
You're not allergic, you just
hate it, there's a difference.
321
00:18:01,256 --> 00:18:03,826
If I get around peanut butter,
I'm going to swell up
322
00:18:03,859 --> 00:18:07,062
Bigger than Precious!
323
00:18:07,096 --> 00:18:09,598
Crisis averted.
324
00:18:09,632 --> 00:18:12,401
I just wanted it to
be perfect.
325
00:18:12,435 --> 00:18:15,138
The white picket fence... the
onyx dishwasher...
326
00:18:15,171 --> 00:18:18,541
The brushed aluminum gourmet
vintage melon baller.
327
00:18:18,575 --> 00:18:21,678
You know what?
Love is a delusional state.
328
00:18:21,712 --> 00:18:24,715
Oh God, dial it back,
Black Swan.
329
00:18:24,749 --> 00:18:27,184
Life is a delusional state.
330
00:18:27,218 --> 00:18:30,188
It's been a week, he should
be home by now.
331
00:18:30,221 --> 00:18:32,190
I didn't actually think he
was going to leave.
332
00:18:32,223 --> 00:18:34,192
- When you kicked him out?
- Shut up.
333
00:18:34,226 --> 00:18:36,628
If he doesn't come back,
I'm moving in!
334
00:18:36,662 --> 00:18:38,630
Fine, okay, whatever.
335
00:18:38,664 --> 00:18:55,081
* * *
336
00:18:55,116 --> 00:18:58,652
I'm so glad you made it in,
finally.
337
00:18:58,686 --> 00:19:00,654
It's been two months!
338
00:19:00,688 --> 00:19:02,656
I thought you moved.
339
00:19:02,691 --> 00:19:04,659
I don't even know
where to begin!
340
00:19:04,693 --> 00:19:07,329
I mean, it's been...
such a whirlwind!
341
00:19:07,362 --> 00:19:09,131
A good whirlwind, I hope?
342
00:19:09,164 --> 00:19:12,667
- I met this guy...
- Excellent, tell me.
343
00:19:12,702 --> 00:19:15,939
Yeah - I took your advice!
344
00:19:15,972 --> 00:19:20,710
I went out with the girls, and
we ended up at a bar.
345
00:19:20,744 --> 00:19:24,448
He was so awkward, you know?
And like... cute!
346
00:19:24,481 --> 00:19:27,651
Muscly! And, um...
347
00:19:27,684 --> 00:19:30,587
He was really into me.
348
00:19:30,622 --> 00:19:34,192
Melissa, how did that
make you feel?
349
00:19:34,226 --> 00:19:37,229
Amazing.
350
00:19:37,262 --> 00:19:41,566
You don't know what it's like
to be alone, and then...
351
00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:45,604
Suddenly be wanted.
352
00:19:45,638 --> 00:19:51,477
Well, tell me about him.
353
00:19:51,511 --> 00:19:53,080
He's younger.
354
00:19:53,113 --> 00:19:55,615
Okay.
355
00:19:55,649 --> 00:19:57,617
He's a personal trainer.
356
00:19:57,652 --> 00:20:01,789
He's an athlete.
An amazing cook!
357
00:20:01,823 --> 00:20:10,731
God, he makes the most
unbelievable brownies!
358
00:20:10,766 --> 00:20:13,135
Corey?
359
00:20:13,169 --> 00:20:15,637
Corey?
360
00:20:15,672 --> 00:20:17,640
- Corey!
- Hi. Corey.
361
00:20:17,674 --> 00:20:19,910
- Yes!
- Melissa. Hi.
362
00:20:19,943 --> 00:20:25,248
I was, I was... just lost in a
thought, for a moment.
363
00:20:25,283 --> 00:20:27,251
Boy, this guy sounds like
quite a catch!
364
00:20:27,285 --> 00:20:31,923
You sure there's not someone
else in his life?
365
00:20:31,956 --> 00:20:34,893
Oh, no - God, believe me!
366
00:20:34,927 --> 00:20:38,297
We talked, about everything.
367
00:20:38,330 --> 00:20:39,831
He's very open.
368
00:20:39,865 --> 00:20:42,134
Actually, the other night
he told me he'd
369
00:20:42,168 --> 00:20:44,804
Been with both boys and girls.
370
00:20:44,837 --> 00:20:46,806
So he's bisexual?
371
00:20:46,839 --> 00:20:49,009
Um, he didn't want to
call it that, no.
372
00:20:49,042 --> 00:20:51,878
He said something like...
"sexy flexible?"
373
00:20:51,913 --> 00:20:53,347
"Flexi-sexual?"
374
00:20:53,380 --> 00:20:56,617
- Yeah!
- Oh! That didn't bother you?
375
00:20:56,650 --> 00:20:57,952
- No!
- Just a little?
376
00:20:57,985 --> 00:20:59,353
- No!
- Just a little bit annoying?
377
00:20:59,386 --> 00:21:02,356
Why would it bother me?
I mean, we all have a history.
378
00:21:02,390 --> 00:21:04,726
I experimented with
girls in college.
379
00:21:04,759 --> 00:21:06,962
Now you're not - we'll
get back to that.
380
00:21:06,995 --> 00:21:09,898
Now, you're not worried
that he's, in the future,
381
00:21:09,933 --> 00:21:12,936
Just going to up and leave
you for another guy?
382
00:21:12,969 --> 00:21:15,471
I'm not worried
about anything.
383
00:21:15,504 --> 00:21:18,507
For the first time in my life.
384
00:21:18,542 --> 00:21:22,779
He's really into me.
And I'm really into him.
385
00:21:22,812 --> 00:21:26,083
That's all I need for now.
386
00:21:26,116 --> 00:21:31,821
You even said: stop obsessing!
And live in the moment!
387
00:21:31,856 --> 00:21:33,824
That's really good advice.
388
00:21:33,858 --> 00:21:36,494
- I like my boobs now!
- That's great.
389
00:21:36,527 --> 00:21:38,863
Yeah, because, um, well...
390
00:21:38,897 --> 00:21:42,301
- He's a boob man!
- No he's not... is he?
391
00:21:42,334 --> 00:21:43,735
He loves boobs!
392
00:21:43,769 --> 00:21:46,472
He's probably an ass man, too.
393
00:21:46,506 --> 00:21:48,976
I told her I was glad
I could help.
394
00:21:49,009 --> 00:21:50,978
She needs me, she's
so vulnerable.
395
00:21:51,011 --> 00:21:52,980
She needs me for support.
396
00:21:53,013 --> 00:21:55,282
You just want to pump her
for information.
397
00:21:55,316 --> 00:21:59,020
Okay, okay, I'll refer her to
another therapist.
398
00:21:59,053 --> 00:22:01,022
I'll be out of town until
they break up.
399
00:22:01,055 --> 00:22:04,458
What if they don't?
400
00:22:04,493 --> 00:22:06,261
So, who is this guy?
401
00:22:06,295 --> 00:22:09,498
Online Love Match.
I have three matches!
402
00:22:09,531 --> 00:22:11,300
Three? I'm surprised!
403
00:22:11,333 --> 00:22:13,602
You're surprised I could
get three matches?
404
00:22:13,636 --> 00:22:16,706
I'm surprised there are three
guys using onine dating.
405
00:22:16,739 --> 00:22:19,775
The guys at the cafe all use
that smartphone gaydar.
406
00:22:19,809 --> 00:22:23,446
Oh, Grindr?
I don't need Grindr.
407
00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:27,084
I have three smokin'-hot guys
on the hook already.
408
00:22:27,118 --> 00:22:29,686
When are you seeing all these
smokin'-hot guys?
409
00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:30,954
Today.
410
00:22:30,988 --> 00:22:34,358
What, all at once?
You're not that limber!
411
00:22:34,392 --> 00:22:35,393
Not all at once.
412
00:22:35,427 --> 00:22:37,395
I've scheduled them in 30
minute increments,
413
00:22:37,429 --> 00:22:38,830
10 minutes apart.
The site recommended it,
414
00:22:38,863 --> 00:22:39,998
They said it's very...
415
00:22:40,032 --> 00:22:42,000
- Crazy!
- Efficient.
416
00:22:42,035 --> 00:22:45,071
I just want to kiss someone
on my birthday!
417
00:22:45,104 --> 00:22:47,073
One of these guys has
to work out.
418
00:22:47,106 --> 00:22:49,508
Which reminds me - what do you
want for your birthday?
419
00:22:49,542 --> 00:22:51,544
I mean, besides cock.
420
00:22:51,578 --> 00:22:52,512
What?
421
00:22:52,546 --> 00:22:55,049
It sounds so wrong coming
out of your mouth.
422
00:22:55,082 --> 00:22:57,217
So, who's the first guy?
423
00:22:57,251 --> 00:23:00,787
25. Gorgeous. Male model.
424
00:23:00,821 --> 00:23:01,989
Oh, you should see his
picture.
425
00:23:02,023 --> 00:23:03,258
Very glamorous.
426
00:23:03,291 --> 00:23:05,726
Liberace took that photo
of me by his pool
427
00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:08,196
At his villa in Palm Springs.
428
00:23:08,230 --> 00:23:11,033
Your profile said you were 25?
429
00:23:11,067 --> 00:23:15,204
Yes, I was 25! When Liberace
took that photo.
430
00:23:15,237 --> 00:23:18,040
Of course, now I deal
in antiques.
431
00:23:18,075 --> 00:23:20,543
You do like antiques,
don't you, Corey?
432
00:23:20,577 --> 00:23:22,145
I... am not sure.
433
00:23:22,179 --> 00:23:24,147
Oh, well you should, dear boy!
434
00:23:24,181 --> 00:23:26,583
I mean, just today, I took in
a fine Chippendale
435
00:23:26,617 --> 00:23:28,018
That's centuries old!
436
00:23:28,052 --> 00:23:30,688
Of course, the drawers
are sagging a bit,
437
00:23:30,721 --> 00:23:32,690
And the poor, dried-out knobs!
438
00:23:32,723 --> 00:23:34,492
Practically falling off.
439
00:23:34,525 --> 00:23:36,794
But there's nothing
quite as satisfying
440
00:23:36,828 --> 00:23:39,364
As spending hour after hour
441
00:23:39,398 --> 00:23:43,168
Lovingly polishing old wood.
442
00:23:43,202 --> 00:23:48,640
Working the moisture into
those musty cracks.
443
00:23:48,674 --> 00:23:53,246
So, when your profile said
"twice the man..."
444
00:23:53,279 --> 00:23:55,781
Identical twins. Yeah.
445
00:23:55,816 --> 00:23:57,551
We'll have you
coming and going.
446
00:23:57,584 --> 00:23:59,553
Well, fellas...
447
00:23:59,586 --> 00:24:02,589
Plural.
448
00:24:02,623 --> 00:24:04,425
This is a lot to take in.
449
00:24:04,459 --> 00:24:09,964
Oh, don't worry.
We'll make it fit.
450
00:24:09,997 --> 00:24:12,934
Ouch.
451
00:24:12,968 --> 00:24:14,737
Wow, you're really great.
452
00:24:14,770 --> 00:24:17,406
This is a relief - to go out
with a normal guy
453
00:24:17,440 --> 00:24:19,775
Who actually looks like his
profile picture.
454
00:24:19,808 --> 00:24:22,978
Oh my God! Tell me about it.
455
00:24:23,012 --> 00:24:28,185
So, Kyle - tell me
about yourself.
456
00:24:28,218 --> 00:24:32,222
I saw on your profile
you have a son?
457
00:24:32,257 --> 00:24:37,395
I do.
Would you like to meet him?
458
00:24:37,428 --> 00:24:40,631
Sure - I mean, definitely,
yeah, at some point.
459
00:24:40,666 --> 00:24:43,935
Well, I mean I ordinarily like
to take it slow,
460
00:24:43,969 --> 00:24:46,838
But I don't know, this
just feels...
461
00:24:46,872 --> 00:24:48,840
Right.
462
00:24:48,875 --> 00:24:51,844
Why wait?
463
00:24:51,878 --> 00:24:57,484
Corey, meet Gary.
464
00:24:57,517 --> 00:24:58,751
Gary?
465
00:24:58,786 --> 00:25:02,523
Are you gonna be my new daddy?
466
00:25:02,556 --> 00:25:08,996
I'm a growing boy, and I need
a strong male role model.
467
00:25:09,030 --> 00:25:11,200
Wow, okay, so you're
a puppeteer!
468
00:25:11,233 --> 00:25:14,002
That is so great.
469
00:25:14,035 --> 00:25:17,506
Puppeteer?
470
00:25:17,540 --> 00:25:21,677
It's happening again.
He's just like all the others.
471
00:25:21,711 --> 00:25:23,846
He doesn't think I'm real.
472
00:25:23,879 --> 00:25:28,918
You know how ANGRY I get when
people don't think I'm real...
473
00:25:28,952 --> 00:25:30,921
I get all STABBY!
474
00:25:30,954 --> 00:25:32,256
[Gary screaming]
475
00:25:32,289 --> 00:25:33,690
No, Corey's not like
all the others!
476
00:25:33,724 --> 00:25:34,558
Are you, Corey?
477
00:25:34,592 --> 00:25:36,761
No no, I'm not like
all the others!
478
00:25:36,794 --> 00:25:46,304
[Screaming]
479
00:25:46,339 --> 00:25:50,008
This has been really nice -
you're so good with Gary.
480
00:25:50,042 --> 00:25:52,811
I'll call you!
481
00:25:52,846 --> 00:25:54,614
Dammit.
482
00:25:54,648 --> 00:25:56,216
He was so cute.
483
00:25:56,250 --> 00:25:58,785
Do you suppose I could get
conjugal visits?
484
00:25:58,818 --> 00:26:02,389
With him, or the puppet?
485
00:26:02,423 --> 00:26:06,160
I am officially destined to
be alone forever.
486
00:26:06,193 --> 00:26:11,031
For the love of - would you
give me your phone?
487
00:26:11,066 --> 00:26:15,337
Gimme!
488
00:26:15,371 --> 00:26:18,206
Is your password still
"Dongmaster82?"
489
00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:21,277
Wow, just tell the whole
world, why don't you?
490
00:26:21,311 --> 00:26:25,181
Here you go.
Welcome to the 21st Century.
491
00:26:25,214 --> 00:26:27,183
Have fun!
492
00:26:27,216 --> 00:26:29,786
Have fun with what?
493
00:26:29,820 --> 00:26:46,737
Oh! Oh...
494
00:26:46,771 --> 00:26:49,941
Maybe... yes!
495
00:26:49,975 --> 00:26:52,345
Ooh, a fireman!
496
00:26:52,378 --> 00:26:55,247
I'm 200 feet away
from a fireman!
497
00:26:55,281 --> 00:26:57,850
I bet I got some matches
around here somewhere.
498
00:26:57,884 --> 00:27:00,186
Do not set fire to my cafe!
499
00:27:00,220 --> 00:27:02,188
Okay, buzzkill.
500
00:27:02,222 --> 00:27:09,095
No, no... ooh, maybe.
501
00:27:09,130 --> 00:27:13,100
No, no!
502
00:27:13,134 --> 00:27:15,703
Oh, yeah... oh my God, yes!
503
00:27:15,738 --> 00:27:16,439
What?
504
00:27:16,472 --> 00:27:18,441
It's him, it's him! He's gay!
505
00:27:18,474 --> 00:27:19,842
- And single.
- Who?
506
00:27:19,875 --> 00:27:22,878
I have to go, he's 100 feet
away, on the move!
507
00:27:22,911 --> 00:27:48,804
* * *
508
00:27:48,840 --> 00:27:51,009
I zigged, when I
should've zagged.
509
00:27:51,042 --> 00:27:53,011
Did you catch the fireman?
510
00:27:53,045 --> 00:27:54,146
Better!
511
00:27:54,180 --> 00:27:56,315
What's better than a fireman?
512
00:27:56,349 --> 00:27:58,150
A pizza guy.
513
00:27:58,184 --> 00:28:01,988
Did you hit your head
or something?
514
00:28:02,022 --> 00:28:03,290
It says he's looking for
515
00:28:03,323 --> 00:28:05,292
"Friendship, love,
or whatever."
516
00:28:05,325 --> 00:28:07,294
That's very specific.
517
00:28:07,327 --> 00:28:09,296
Hey - I know this guy! Pete!
518
00:28:09,329 --> 00:28:11,298
Triple Venti soy
caramel macchiato!
519
00:28:11,332 --> 00:28:13,968
He comes to Thursday
night Poetry Night.
520
00:28:14,002 --> 00:28:15,504
He's a great read.
521
00:28:15,537 --> 00:28:18,172
- Well I love poetry!
- You? Since when?
522
00:28:18,206 --> 00:28:20,241
Since... what time is it now?
523
00:28:20,275 --> 00:28:27,349
People look at me like being a
lesbian is a fashion craze,
524
00:28:27,383 --> 00:28:31,654
When being a lesbian
is my TRUTH!
525
00:28:31,688 --> 00:28:35,692
I lick vagina, and I LOVE IT!
526
00:28:35,726 --> 00:28:37,494
[Bongos]
527
00:28:37,529 --> 00:28:41,098
My aching sadness
echoes endlessly,
528
00:28:41,132 --> 00:28:45,870
Like the DRIP, DRIP, DRIP of
the raindrops flow.
529
00:28:45,903 --> 00:28:49,974
My bitter tears bleed, down in
the puddles
530
00:28:50,008 --> 00:28:52,845
Of the cruel, cracked streets!
531
00:28:52,878 --> 00:28:58,316
[Grindr message tone]
532
00:28:58,351 --> 00:29:01,988
My heart... MENSTRUATES
533
00:29:02,021 --> 00:29:04,858
Looooong and loney
534
00:29:04,892 --> 00:29:08,863
Under the hangdog
moon BELOOOOW!
535
00:29:08,896 --> 00:29:15,302
[Grindr message tones]
536
00:29:15,336 --> 00:29:19,875
My lithe loins birth
a pale horse.
537
00:29:19,908 --> 00:29:24,746
[Grindr message tones]
538
00:29:24,781 --> 00:29:32,088
Born of bitter PAIN
and WOOOOOEEEE!
539
00:29:32,122 --> 00:29:34,091
[Grindr message tones]
540
00:29:34,124 --> 00:29:42,165
[Corey and Pete laughing]
541
00:29:42,200 --> 00:29:45,904
MOTHER GAIA, LET MY PEOPLE GO!
542
00:29:45,937 --> 00:29:51,976
[Snapping]
543
00:29:52,011 --> 00:29:53,479
That's my sister!
544
00:29:53,513 --> 00:29:55,014
- Kelsey?
- Yeah
545
00:29:55,047 --> 00:29:56,448
Oh man, she's really cool.
546
00:29:56,482 --> 00:29:57,850
She taught me how to read.
547
00:29:57,883 --> 00:30:01,220
My first book was "Our Bodies,
Ourselves."
548
00:30:01,254 --> 00:30:03,223
Where are you going?
549
00:30:03,256 --> 00:30:05,692
And now, everybody,
here's Pete!
550
00:30:05,726 --> 00:30:08,294
Here's Pete, everybody!
Thank you.
551
00:30:08,328 --> 00:30:17,538
[Snapping]
552
00:30:17,572 --> 00:30:20,041
There is a place
beyond desire,
553
00:30:20,075 --> 00:30:22,310
Beyond wanting and need.
554
00:30:22,344 --> 00:30:28,150
We join, man to man,
hand to hand,
555
00:30:28,184 --> 00:30:31,387
Strength to strength.
556
00:30:31,420 --> 00:30:36,359
Forever in you, forever in me.
557
00:30:36,393 --> 00:30:38,028
Thank you.
558
00:30:38,062 --> 00:30:40,430
[Snapping]
559
00:30:40,464 --> 00:30:41,666
YES!
560
00:30:41,699 --> 00:30:48,806
[Corey claps, then snaps]
561
00:30:48,840 --> 00:30:51,009
I've never seen you at
this thing before!
562
00:30:51,042 --> 00:30:52,477
Are you a poetry lover?
563
00:30:52,510 --> 00:30:55,747
Well, I... not exactly.
564
00:30:55,782 --> 00:30:57,750
I'm a little behind
on my reading.
565
00:30:57,784 --> 00:30:59,752
Why, what's the last
thing you read?
566
00:30:59,786 --> 00:31:02,421
"Poor Little Bitch Girl,"
by Jackie Collins.
567
00:31:02,454 --> 00:31:06,125
- So you're into the classics.
- Definitely.
568
00:31:06,159 --> 00:31:10,463
I'm just a lit nerd, I've
always got my face in a book.
569
00:31:10,497 --> 00:31:12,700
- I even write a little bit.
- Nice!
570
00:31:12,734 --> 00:31:15,103
Not what you expected?
571
00:31:15,136 --> 00:31:16,838
Well, when it comes to you,
572
00:31:16,871 --> 00:31:20,008
I'm learning to expect
the unexpected.
573
00:31:20,041 --> 00:31:22,010
My uncle actually owns
the pizzeria.
574
00:31:22,044 --> 00:31:25,748
Once his heart started going
bad, I had to help out.
575
00:31:25,781 --> 00:31:28,984
Besides, grad school's a
little pricey.
576
00:31:29,018 --> 00:31:30,986
I had no idea.
577
00:31:31,021 --> 00:31:33,089
Hey, do you think you'd
want to go to...
578
00:31:33,123 --> 00:31:34,891
[Phone ringing]
579
00:31:34,925 --> 00:31:39,462
Oh, duty calls!
I've actually gotta run.
580
00:31:39,495 --> 00:31:41,965
But, I'd love to talk
some more sometime.
581
00:31:41,999 --> 00:31:46,738
Yeah - you know
where to find me.
582
00:31:46,771 --> 00:31:50,341
Sure do!
Alright, I'll see you soon.
583
00:31:50,375 --> 00:32:07,926
I'm... Corey.
584
00:32:07,962 --> 00:32:11,365
- She's pretty.
- Yeah, she was.
585
00:32:11,398 --> 00:32:13,968
What's her name?
586
00:32:14,001 --> 00:32:16,971
Ask me a question I
can answer.
587
00:32:17,005 --> 00:32:37,058
Um, your name?
588
00:32:37,094 --> 00:32:40,063
So, you bag that
poetic Paisano yet?
589
00:32:40,097 --> 00:32:44,167
Who, Pete? No. I...
590
00:32:44,202 --> 00:32:47,271
He wouldn't be interested
in me, not really.
591
00:32:47,305 --> 00:32:48,506
Are you kidding me?
592
00:32:48,539 --> 00:32:50,241
I saw the way he
looked at you.
593
00:32:50,274 --> 00:32:52,443
Yeah, and you also saw what
happened with Jon!
594
00:32:52,476 --> 00:32:54,045
How do I know this
guy's even gay?
595
00:32:54,079 --> 00:32:56,548
He's on Grindr!
He's gay enough.
596
00:32:56,581 --> 00:33:00,753
Get on that thing and grind!
597
00:33:00,786 --> 00:33:05,858
So, the divorce is
finally taken care of.
598
00:33:05,892 --> 00:33:11,732
So how are you doing with the,
um... boyfriend?
599
00:33:11,766 --> 00:33:14,068
I'm surpised I can even walk.
600
00:33:14,101 --> 00:33:15,102
What?
601
00:33:15,136 --> 00:33:18,472
I pulled a hamstring.
We went hiking.
602
00:33:18,505 --> 00:33:23,510
How, um... how is he?
603
00:33:23,545 --> 00:33:24,980
What do you mean?
604
00:33:25,013 --> 00:33:29,484
What do I mean? I mean...
605
00:33:29,517 --> 00:33:33,188
I mean, how is he
with... all of this.
606
00:33:33,222 --> 00:33:37,761
Oh, well - he's the best
I've ever had.
607
00:33:37,794 --> 00:33:41,497
He is like... one of
those army knives.
608
00:33:41,531 --> 00:33:43,801
Of sexual positions.
609
00:33:43,834 --> 00:33:46,170
I meant more feelings, but...
610
00:33:46,203 --> 00:33:49,740
I literally had no idea some
of these sexual positions
611
00:33:49,775 --> 00:33:51,142
Even existed.
612
00:33:51,176 --> 00:33:57,282
The Tokyo Swirl.
613
00:33:57,316 --> 00:33:59,919
The Slap Chop!
614
00:33:59,952 --> 00:34:02,621
God, that was a scary one!
615
00:34:02,654 --> 00:34:09,361
The Bird of Paradise.
616
00:34:09,396 --> 00:34:12,465
One-Legged King Pigeon.
617
00:34:12,499 --> 00:34:13,733
From the side!
618
00:34:13,767 --> 00:34:15,735
I... I don't need to...
619
00:34:15,770 --> 00:34:19,774
Downward-Facing Dong.
620
00:34:19,808 --> 00:34:22,944
One time, we even did
it on my desk.
621
00:34:22,977 --> 00:34:23,644
Desk?
622
00:34:23,677 --> 00:34:25,446
I know, right?
623
00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:28,450
I'm starting to get a little
bit of a migraine.
624
00:34:28,483 --> 00:34:30,252
[Text message tone]
625
00:34:30,285 --> 00:34:32,922
Ooh, I think that's him!
Speak of the devil.
626
00:34:32,955 --> 00:34:34,824
Oh, he wants tacos.
627
00:34:34,858 --> 00:34:35,959
[Text message tone]
628
00:34:35,992 --> 00:34:39,329
No, wait - hot dogs!
He can never decide!
629
00:34:39,362 --> 00:34:41,131
Yeah, listen -
630
00:34:41,164 --> 00:34:43,366
I am going to be really
booked-up
631
00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:44,768
For the next few weeks.
632
00:34:44,802 --> 00:34:50,041
There's a... conference.
633
00:34:50,074 --> 00:34:52,944
So my colleague is going to
fill in for me.
634
00:34:52,978 --> 00:34:54,947
All you have to do
is call her.
635
00:34:54,980 --> 00:34:57,850
Her number's right here.
636
00:34:57,883 --> 00:35:05,423
And she's going to take
great care of you.
637
00:35:05,458 --> 00:35:07,426
Well, I'll try.
638
00:35:07,460 --> 00:35:10,163
But after being with you,
639
00:35:10,197 --> 00:35:18,672
Anybody else is a pretty
poor substitute.
640
00:35:18,705 --> 00:35:20,841
Looks like your
ball's hurting.
641
00:35:20,876 --> 00:35:24,679
You don't know the half of it.
642
00:35:24,712 --> 00:35:32,653
Ahh!
643
00:35:32,688 --> 00:35:34,590
Woah, collision!
644
00:35:34,623 --> 00:35:37,126
Oh, the humanity!
645
00:35:37,159 --> 00:35:39,328
Man, I did not expect
to see you here.
646
00:35:39,362 --> 00:35:41,131
Yeah, obviously.
647
00:35:41,164 --> 00:35:44,134
I sent your goodies
flying everywhere.
648
00:35:44,167 --> 00:35:48,138
So sorry - wow, this is a
lot of pretzels!
649
00:35:48,172 --> 00:35:51,042
204 - not that I've counted.
650
00:35:51,075 --> 00:35:52,676
Two hundred and...?
651
00:35:52,710 --> 00:35:54,478
Four.
Each time, every time.
652
00:35:54,512 --> 00:35:56,680
If there's less than that,
I take them back.
653
00:35:56,715 --> 00:35:59,684
What if there's more?
654
00:35:59,718 --> 00:36:01,653
Just hold tight - I'll
grab another bag.
655
00:36:01,686 --> 00:36:11,396
I'll be right back.
656
00:36:11,431 --> 00:36:16,336
I just lost count - what
number am I on?
657
00:36:16,370 --> 00:36:18,439
78.
658
00:36:18,472 --> 00:36:19,974
112.
659
00:36:20,007 --> 00:36:22,376
Down the hatch, 78!
660
00:36:22,409 --> 00:36:25,246
[Grindr message tones]
661
00:36:25,280 --> 00:36:26,514
Popular!
662
00:36:26,548 --> 00:36:30,986
Yeah, you know me, Mr. Love.
663
00:36:31,019 --> 00:36:34,022
It's probably just my sister
punking me again.
664
00:36:34,057 --> 00:36:36,025
I've actually met a lot of
cool people on that.
665
00:36:36,059 --> 00:36:39,028
Mainly I just use it to
connect with friends,
666
00:36:39,062 --> 00:36:40,696
And people I care about.
667
00:36:40,729 --> 00:36:43,266
What about you?
Do you hook up often?
668
00:36:43,300 --> 00:36:45,069
Me? Uh, me?
669
00:36:45,102 --> 00:36:47,037
You know, like once
or twice a...
670
00:36:47,071 --> 00:36:49,606
- day?
- decade. Day-cade.
671
00:36:49,639 --> 00:36:52,109
- Yeah right!
- What about you?
672
00:36:52,143 --> 00:36:56,147
I guess I'm just a little
bit of a romantic.
673
00:36:56,181 --> 00:36:58,149
I just want to allow
things to happen.
674
00:36:58,183 --> 00:37:02,720
Besides, love can't be
planned, right?
675
00:37:02,754 --> 00:37:06,092
Right? Right! Me too.
676
00:37:06,125 --> 00:37:11,130
Planning, pshh!
I don't even believe in that.
677
00:37:11,164 --> 00:37:13,633
Like for example, my
birthday's coming up
678
00:37:13,666 --> 00:37:14,667
In a few weeks,
679
00:37:14,701 --> 00:37:16,469
I'm super casual about it.
680
00:37:16,503 --> 00:37:18,871
I'm not even going to
celebrate it.
681
00:37:18,906 --> 00:37:20,841
Oh, come on!
You have to celebrate!
682
00:37:20,874 --> 00:37:22,076
Nope.
683
00:37:22,110 --> 00:37:24,945
Well, if it's not too forward,
do you want to do
684
00:37:24,979 --> 00:37:33,321
Something together?
685
00:37:33,355 --> 00:37:35,690
Please tell me you don't
have a puppet.
686
00:37:35,724 --> 00:37:37,726
- What?
- Or a twin.
687
00:37:37,760 --> 00:37:40,696
I'm an only child, and puppets
kind of give me the creeps.
688
00:37:40,730 --> 00:37:44,167
Me too... now.
689
00:37:44,200 --> 00:37:46,836
You're sure you're really gay?
690
00:37:46,870 --> 00:37:50,774
I checked... really
thoroughly.
691
00:37:50,807 --> 00:37:52,176
See, you're funny, too!
692
00:37:52,209 --> 00:37:54,445
Why aren't you married,
or taken,
693
00:37:54,478 --> 00:37:57,548
Or being ravaged by 100
guys a night?
694
00:37:57,582 --> 00:38:01,053
I doubt I could keep up with
100, but I don't know.
695
00:38:01,086 --> 00:38:03,055
The first day or two
would be fun!
696
00:38:03,088 --> 00:38:08,160
- But after that...
- Shut up.
697
00:38:08,194 --> 00:38:11,230
- You want the truth?
- Yeah.
698
00:38:11,264 --> 00:38:12,931
I just really
haven't had time.
699
00:38:12,966 --> 00:38:17,171
My uncle requires a
lot of care.
700
00:38:17,204 --> 00:38:19,173
Relationships can
just be so...
701
00:38:19,206 --> 00:38:26,880
- complicated.
- Oh yeah.
702
00:38:26,914 --> 00:38:29,950
I'll give you a dollar if you
can catch this in your mouth.
703
00:38:29,984 --> 00:38:32,787
Bring it on!
704
00:38:32,821 --> 00:38:38,227
Ahh, no!
705
00:38:38,260 --> 00:38:40,896
So, Bill was pouring the rum,
706
00:38:40,930 --> 00:38:42,699
And I said to him,
707
00:38:42,732 --> 00:38:47,804
"Well yes, I would like a
little Captain in me."
708
00:38:47,837 --> 00:38:51,974
So he rolled me over, bent me
over that big space chair,
709
00:38:52,009 --> 00:38:55,045
And we went at it -
warp speed ahead!
710
00:38:55,079 --> 00:38:56,680
Completely out of the blue?
711
00:38:56,714 --> 00:38:58,182
Completely out of the blue.
712
00:38:58,216 --> 00:39:00,951
Some of the best times
I've ever had
713
00:39:00,985 --> 00:39:03,122
Are completely out
of the blue.
714
00:39:03,155 --> 00:39:06,891
You've got to roll
with the changes.
715
00:39:06,925 --> 00:39:09,728
Leap before you
look sometimes!
716
00:39:09,762 --> 00:39:15,067
Bone a spaceman or two!
717
00:39:15,101 --> 00:39:17,603
So, what's my penance?
718
00:39:17,638 --> 00:39:22,075
Millie, we've been over this.
You know I'm not a priest.
719
00:39:22,109 --> 00:39:24,611
Besides, there's no crime in
giving yourself over
720
00:39:24,645 --> 00:39:30,384
To the love of... a starship
captain... commander.
721
00:39:30,418 --> 00:39:31,719
All of them!
722
00:39:31,753 --> 00:39:33,221
That's a relief.
723
00:39:33,255 --> 00:39:49,837
You should hear what I did to
Dr. Spork!
724
00:39:49,873 --> 00:39:52,609
Wow!
725
00:39:52,642 --> 00:39:54,411
All this for lunch?
726
00:39:54,445 --> 00:39:57,348
My cleaning lady's a klepto.
727
00:39:57,382 --> 00:39:59,350
Sure you're not just
addicted to work?
728
00:39:59,384 --> 00:40:02,052
Hey, I'll do the analyzing
around here, mister!
729
00:40:02,086 --> 00:40:05,122
- Where are we going?
- That's a surprise.
730
00:40:05,157 --> 00:40:08,394
I'm not super-big on surpises.
731
00:40:08,427 --> 00:40:19,971
You're going to like this one.
732
00:40:20,006 --> 00:40:23,210
Wow... so this is lunch?
733
00:40:23,244 --> 00:40:26,414
It's no fancy restaurant,
I know.
734
00:40:26,447 --> 00:40:28,982
But I wanted to share
this with you.
735
00:40:29,016 --> 00:40:31,952
Oh God, It's beautiful!
736
00:40:31,986 --> 00:40:33,255
Epic!
737
00:40:33,288 --> 00:40:39,361
And I cannot stand that word,
but this is truly...
738
00:40:39,395 --> 00:40:41,831
Epic.
739
00:40:41,864 --> 00:40:43,266
It's my refuge.
740
00:40:43,299 --> 00:40:46,769
It makes me feel centered.
741
00:40:46,802 --> 00:40:48,471
No matter what's going on,
742
00:40:48,505 --> 00:40:54,878
Everything's going
to be alright.
743
00:40:54,911 --> 00:40:59,883
I need to feel that.
744
00:40:59,917 --> 00:41:02,854
Look, I know you've been hurt,
and I don't want to...
745
00:41:02,887 --> 00:41:10,328
That was all in the past.
746
00:41:10,363 --> 00:41:15,000
I was with my ex for
a long time.
747
00:41:15,033 --> 00:41:19,305
I knew it was over
before he did.
748
00:41:19,339 --> 00:41:23,076
When a man loves you, it's
right there in his eyes.
749
00:41:23,109 --> 00:41:25,078
When he looks at you,
750
00:41:25,112 --> 00:41:33,053
You can tell you're like
breathing to him.
751
00:41:33,087 --> 00:41:35,055
Hey, let's chow down!
752
00:41:35,090 --> 00:41:37,058
I've got some great
food for us.
753
00:41:37,092 --> 00:42:50,165
* * *
754
00:42:50,206 --> 00:42:53,042
So...
755
00:42:53,076 --> 00:42:57,213
Yeah.
I should probably get going.
756
00:42:57,247 --> 00:43:00,317
Yeah.
757
00:43:00,351 --> 00:43:36,286
I might want to be too...
758
00:43:36,324 --> 00:45:33,441
* * *
759
00:45:33,487 --> 00:45:35,590
A three-layer birthday
ice cream cake
760
00:45:35,623 --> 00:45:38,092
That says, "Happy
Birthday Corey."
761
00:45:38,125 --> 00:45:39,861
Big old letters!
762
00:45:39,894 --> 00:45:42,764
No, no, that's "Corey,"
with an E-Y.
763
00:45:42,798 --> 00:45:45,067
Okay, Friday? That's perfect,
764
00:45:45,100 --> 00:45:55,443
Yes, I'm sure Corey's going to
be very surprised.
765
00:45:55,478 --> 00:45:58,982
Look at you, the hot
mess express!
766
00:45:59,016 --> 00:46:01,251
Yep!
767
00:46:01,285 --> 00:46:02,787
I'm so proud of you!
768
00:46:02,820 --> 00:46:04,488
You've come so far from the
tight-ass lunatic
769
00:46:04,521 --> 00:46:05,522
I grew up with.
770
00:46:05,556 --> 00:46:07,524
I'm pretty much
Mr. Adventure now.
771
00:46:07,558 --> 00:46:09,526
Don't get hung up on labels.
772
00:46:09,561 --> 00:46:11,529
Friendship, love, or...
whatever.
773
00:46:11,563 --> 00:46:13,398
Excellent!
774
00:46:13,431 --> 00:46:14,700
Which reminds me...
775
00:46:14,733 --> 00:46:17,468
I want to talk to you about
the birthday schedule.
776
00:46:17,503 --> 00:46:19,471
I need you to be out of the
house midnight
777
00:46:19,505 --> 00:46:20,673
The night before,
778
00:46:20,707 --> 00:46:22,675
So I can get my birthday
kiss from Pete.
779
00:46:22,709 --> 00:46:24,243
The following day...
780
00:46:24,276 --> 00:46:25,511
Yeah, I'll read it over.
781
00:46:25,544 --> 00:46:27,246
Please initial
where the Xs are.
782
00:46:27,280 --> 00:46:29,249
- Freak!
- I was kidding!
783
00:46:29,282 --> 00:46:33,553
I doubt it.
784
00:46:33,587 --> 00:46:40,560
I emailed you a copy.
785
00:46:40,595 --> 00:46:42,563
See you next week!
786
00:46:42,597 --> 00:46:45,900
Corey!
Hi, do you have a minute?
787
00:46:45,935 --> 00:46:48,503
Hi Melissa - no, I'm
on my way out.
788
00:46:48,537 --> 00:46:49,805
It'll just take five minutes.
789
00:46:49,839 --> 00:46:51,807
I didn't have anyone
else to turn to,
790
00:46:51,841 --> 00:46:54,543
And you're the only one that
would understand.
791
00:46:54,577 --> 00:46:56,546
Come on in.
792
00:46:56,579 --> 00:46:59,115
I'm sorry to corner you
like this, it's just
793
00:46:59,149 --> 00:47:01,317
I called that
referral you gave me!
794
00:47:01,351 --> 00:47:03,319
And she wouldn't understand!
795
00:47:03,354 --> 00:47:04,889
It's my boyfriend.
796
00:47:04,922 --> 00:47:08,259
I think...
797
00:47:08,292 --> 00:47:10,061
He's cheating.
798
00:47:10,094 --> 00:47:14,565
This is the, uh...
bisexual guy?
799
00:47:14,599 --> 00:47:16,568
- "Flexi."
- Really? Still?
800
00:47:16,601 --> 00:47:18,637
That's okay.
801
00:47:18,671 --> 00:47:22,074
Why do you think he's
being unfaithful?
802
00:47:22,108 --> 00:47:25,779
Um, I don't know if
unfaithful is the word.
803
00:47:25,812 --> 00:47:30,283
Um, I don't know exactly
HOW TO PUT IT INTO WORDS!
804
00:47:30,316 --> 00:47:32,085
- I just...
- Okay, slow down.
805
00:47:32,119 --> 00:47:34,088
Take it easy.
Tell me what he did.
806
00:47:34,121 --> 00:47:39,059
We've been arguing, and he
keeps making these excuses
807
00:47:39,093 --> 00:47:40,861
To not be with me.
808
00:47:40,896 --> 00:47:50,205
He just looks at me
differently.
809
00:47:50,239 --> 00:47:51,040
Jon!
810
00:47:51,073 --> 00:47:54,877
What?
How did you know I was here?
811
00:47:54,911 --> 00:47:58,447
I... I saw your minivan.
812
00:47:58,481 --> 00:48:00,417
I'm sorry about earlier.
Can we talk?
813
00:48:00,450 --> 00:48:10,660
Well... yeah!
814
00:48:10,695 --> 00:48:13,131
Corey, thank you, so much.
815
00:48:13,164 --> 00:48:16,835
I didn't mean to take
advantage of you,
816
00:48:16,869 --> 00:48:18,570
I appreciate you listening.
817
00:48:18,603 --> 00:48:48,067
I really appreciate
our friendship.
818
00:48:48,103 --> 00:48:51,539
- Who died?
- I'll take a shot of whiskey.
819
00:48:51,573 --> 00:48:53,776
Why will no one just
order coffee?
820
00:48:53,810 --> 00:48:57,280
I've tried your coffee.
821
00:48:57,313 --> 00:49:00,083
Speaking of which, I need
to talk to you.
822
00:49:00,116 --> 00:49:03,052
I'm like, having some
cash flow issues.
823
00:49:03,087 --> 00:49:04,855
Hey! You ready?
824
00:49:04,889 --> 00:49:06,857
It's really important!
825
00:49:06,891 --> 00:49:09,393
Kelse, whatever it is, it can
wait til tonight.
826
00:49:09,426 --> 00:49:11,962
We don't need to rush off.
We can hang loose.
827
00:49:11,997 --> 00:49:14,199
No, we can't, we're
on a schedule.
828
00:49:14,232 --> 00:49:16,201
The movie starts in
a half hour.
829
00:49:16,234 --> 00:49:19,370
So we get there a little late.
What's the big deal?
830
00:49:19,404 --> 00:49:21,172
The tickets are
non-refundable.
831
00:49:21,207 --> 00:49:29,681
You know what?
Fine. Enjoy your movie.
832
00:49:29,716 --> 00:49:30,951
You didn't need to leave
her like that.
833
00:49:30,984 --> 00:49:33,987
She sounds like she
needs to talk to you.
834
00:49:34,021 --> 00:49:36,023
Honeslty, I don't want
to hear about
835
00:49:36,056 --> 00:49:38,425
Anyone else's feelings today.
836
00:49:38,459 --> 00:49:40,428
Isn't that kind of your job?
837
00:49:40,461 --> 00:49:51,139
Yeah, well - I'm
off the clock.
838
00:49:51,173 --> 00:49:52,808
It was nothing like
the preview.
839
00:49:52,842 --> 00:49:54,609
I thought it was pretty good.
840
00:49:54,643 --> 00:49:56,812
You like that highbrow stuff,
I just wanted a chick flick.
841
00:49:56,847 --> 00:49:58,815
Something simple.
No more surprises.
842
00:49:58,849 --> 00:50:00,483
What are you so wound
up today for?
843
00:50:00,516 --> 00:50:01,617
I don't know, okay?
844
00:50:01,651 --> 00:50:02,853
What can I do to
make it better?
845
00:50:02,886 --> 00:50:04,855
Just quit being so
fucking perfect!
846
00:50:04,888 --> 00:50:06,857
I'm not perfect.
I'm far from it.
847
00:50:06,891 --> 00:50:08,860
Oh my God, seriously,
what's wrong with you?
848
00:50:08,893 --> 00:50:10,527
Why do you even like me?
849
00:50:10,561 --> 00:50:11,863
What kind of question is that?
850
00:50:11,896 --> 00:50:12,964
A fair one!
851
00:50:12,997 --> 00:50:14,966
You're a great guy,
with a good heart.
852
00:50:15,000 --> 00:50:16,601
Yeah and I'm really sweet,
and nice,
853
00:50:16,634 --> 00:50:18,803
But you know what, I'm not
some Pepperoni Adonis who...
854
00:50:18,837 --> 00:50:20,205
Wait, is that how you see me?
855
00:50:20,238 --> 00:50:21,473
Trust me, that's how everyone
sees you!
856
00:50:21,506 --> 00:50:22,440
Guys like you...
857
00:50:22,474 --> 00:50:26,478
There's not "guys like me."
There's just me.
858
00:50:26,512 --> 00:50:29,215
I'm real. What am I to you?
859
00:50:29,248 --> 00:50:31,217
Just some empty-headed
underwear model
860
00:50:31,250 --> 00:50:33,686
Who coasts through life on
his pecs and glutes?
861
00:50:33,720 --> 00:50:38,926
I didn't say you coast.
862
00:50:38,959 --> 00:50:41,661
Come on, you're like the
hottest guy I've ever met!
863
00:50:41,695 --> 00:50:43,663
What could even see in me?!
864
00:50:43,698 --> 00:50:45,466
Don't box me into that.
That's not me.
865
00:50:45,500 --> 00:50:47,568
My entire life I've had to
deal with people treating me
866
00:50:47,602 --> 00:50:48,904
Like a piece of meat.
867
00:50:48,937 --> 00:50:50,471
I didn't expect you to do it,
too.
868
00:50:50,505 --> 00:50:54,042
Wow, that sounds really hard.
869
00:50:54,076 --> 00:50:55,411
I'm just going to
call it a night.
870
00:50:55,444 --> 00:50:56,378
Good.
871
00:50:56,412 --> 00:50:58,580
Call me whenever you get
your head together.
872
00:50:58,614 --> 00:51:12,261
Yeah, don't hold your breath.
873
00:51:12,296 --> 00:51:16,034
Lately I find myself walking
through the woods
874
00:51:16,067 --> 00:51:20,404
With a bunch of raw steaks.
875
00:51:20,439 --> 00:51:21,373
Uh-huh.
876
00:51:21,406 --> 00:51:25,177
The mountain lion at the
zoo got a new mate.
877
00:51:25,210 --> 00:51:27,846
I don't know what he
sees in her.
878
00:51:27,879 --> 00:51:31,783
She's just some plain
Jane cougar.
879
00:51:31,817 --> 00:51:34,420
That fleabag doesn't know
what he needs.
880
00:51:34,454 --> 00:51:35,488
Uh-huh.
881
00:51:35,521 --> 00:51:39,192
Once you go lion, you
never stop tryin'.
882
00:51:39,226 --> 00:51:40,995
Sounds good.
883
00:51:41,028 --> 00:51:44,598
Hell yeah it does.
884
00:51:44,631 --> 00:51:46,600
Wait, what?
885
00:51:46,634 --> 00:51:51,306
Huh?
886
00:51:51,339 --> 00:51:52,707
On the house.
887
00:51:52,740 --> 00:51:54,709
Thanks.
888
00:51:54,742 --> 00:51:55,944
So I guess you heard?/
889
00:51:55,979 --> 00:51:57,947
He called to cry about it.
I hung up on him.
890
00:51:57,981 --> 00:51:59,949
I haven't heard him cry that
much since
891
00:51:59,983 --> 00:52:02,785
They stopped making Zima.
892
00:52:02,818 --> 00:52:04,120
You and I still cool?
893
00:52:04,153 --> 00:52:07,156
Slam poet code, dude.
894
00:52:07,191 --> 00:52:09,159
That's what I'm talking about.
895
00:52:09,193 --> 00:52:11,361
How long have you
had this place?
896
00:52:11,395 --> 00:52:13,163
Three years.
897
00:52:13,197 --> 00:52:16,066
I always wanted a place
where freaks, weirdos,
898
00:52:16,101 --> 00:52:20,038
Artists, and queers could come
get amped up on caffeine
899
00:52:20,071 --> 00:52:24,775
And inspiration, and go
take on the world.
900
00:52:24,810 --> 00:52:27,513
There's a lot of you in here.
901
00:52:27,546 --> 00:52:28,914
It's home!
902
00:52:28,947 --> 00:52:31,317
Hell, I slept in the
kitchen the first year.
903
00:52:31,350 --> 00:52:34,186
Health Department finally
kicked me out.
904
00:52:34,221 --> 00:52:35,122
Why?
905
00:52:35,155 --> 00:52:37,257
I did this one babe
on the counter.
906
00:52:37,290 --> 00:52:38,691
Health inspector walked in
907
00:52:38,725 --> 00:52:42,262
Right before I
ground her mocha.
908
00:52:42,296 --> 00:52:44,565
I just hope I can hold on
to this place.
909
00:52:44,598 --> 00:52:47,901
I'm a people person - but
spreadsheets, ugh!
910
00:52:47,935 --> 00:52:51,739
Me too.
Money just gives me headaches!
911
00:52:51,773 --> 00:52:54,576
I like my dollars
like my women:
912
00:52:54,609 --> 00:52:59,048
Too many to count!
913
00:52:59,081 --> 00:53:04,119
So, are you gonna go over to
our place later?
914
00:53:04,154 --> 00:53:05,788
You think he'd want me to?
915
00:53:05,821 --> 00:53:07,023
God yes!
916
00:53:07,057 --> 00:53:09,225
I'm sure he's hanging
by the phone,
917
00:53:09,260 --> 00:53:11,628
Counting the minutes
and the pretzels.
918
00:53:11,662 --> 00:53:13,064
204.
919
00:53:13,097 --> 00:53:15,066
God, he's got you
doing it now, too?
920
00:53:15,099 --> 00:53:17,068
Unfortunately.
921
00:53:17,101 --> 00:53:20,337
He's been planning his
midnight kiss since 1985.
922
00:53:20,372 --> 00:53:21,506
You're right.
923
00:53:21,539 --> 00:53:23,575
I have to get the
birthday kiss right.
924
00:53:23,608 --> 00:53:24,776
Yeah!
No pressure, dude.
925
00:53:24,809 --> 00:53:27,545
Game face!
926
00:53:27,580 --> 00:53:29,715
I gotta get out of here,
gotta get to the pizzeria.
927
00:53:29,748 --> 00:53:33,052
Here - take our house key.
928
00:53:33,086 --> 00:53:35,888
He loves surprises!
929
00:53:35,921 --> 00:53:41,894
Thanks, Kelsey.
930
00:53:41,928 --> 00:53:47,067
I said to Bobby, "Let's try it
missionary style this time."
931
00:53:47,102 --> 00:53:49,304
You know... "heart to heart."
932
00:53:49,337 --> 00:53:53,141
Millie, have you ever heard of
Münchausen Syndrome?
933
00:53:53,174 --> 00:53:57,378
Heard of it?
Hell, I invented it.
934
00:53:57,413 --> 00:54:03,652
I just wish I had someone
to share it with.
935
00:54:03,686 --> 00:54:06,823
I mean, I wish I had someone
special to share it with,
936
00:54:06,856 --> 00:54:08,825
For free.
937
00:54:08,858 --> 00:54:13,730
You're kind of like a
talk gigolo.
938
00:54:13,764 --> 00:54:20,070
Listen - I've got to go,
it's my big 3-0 tomorrow.
939
00:54:20,104 --> 00:54:24,342
Woo-hoo, the big 3-0!
940
00:54:24,376 --> 00:54:26,345
What is that in gay years, 85?
941
00:54:26,378 --> 00:54:27,546
Hey!
942
00:54:27,579 --> 00:54:33,084
Hey, yeah - those old hard
candies, mentholated ointment,
943
00:54:33,119 --> 00:54:36,922
Adult diapers!
They're all ahead of you!
944
00:54:36,956 --> 00:54:41,461
You know, I remember
when I was 30.
945
00:54:41,495 --> 00:54:46,300
I was so set in my ways, so
sure of everything.
946
00:54:46,333 --> 00:54:52,506
I didn't know about change.
947
00:54:52,540 --> 00:54:55,710
I didn't know how much
fun I could have.
948
00:54:55,743 --> 00:54:58,680
It's about the journey.
949
00:54:58,714 --> 00:55:03,018
The big adventure is
just ahead of you!
950
00:55:03,051 --> 00:55:11,327
Just find someone to share it
with, and you've got it made.
951
00:55:11,361 --> 00:55:13,963
Yeah.
952
00:55:13,997 --> 00:55:19,936
Of course... I do
make things up.
953
00:55:19,970 --> 00:55:44,762
[Doorbell]
954
00:55:44,798 --> 00:55:46,567
Kelsey: I don't need much!
955
00:55:46,600 --> 00:55:49,437
Just a couple thousand to
get me through.
956
00:55:49,470 --> 00:55:52,773
[Knocking]
957
00:55:52,806 --> 00:55:54,007
Kelse, I gotta go.
958
00:55:54,042 --> 00:56:12,261
Kelsey: Call me back!
959
00:56:12,296 --> 00:56:13,964
What are you doing?
960
00:56:13,997 --> 00:56:19,370
I came home.
961
00:56:19,403 --> 00:56:23,874
This place is not your home.
962
00:56:23,908 --> 00:56:26,844
We had plans, remember?
963
00:56:26,878 --> 00:56:28,246
The kiss.
964
00:56:28,280 --> 00:56:30,315
I remember a lot of things.
Like, your girlfriend.
965
00:56:30,349 --> 00:56:31,617
Where is she?
966
00:56:31,650 --> 00:56:33,586
It's - it's not like that.
We have an understanding.
967
00:56:33,619 --> 00:56:35,588
Really?
That's not what she says.
968
00:56:35,621 --> 00:56:37,290
Wait - you're not still
talking to her?
969
00:56:37,323 --> 00:56:39,292
I have to, Jon! You won't.
970
00:56:39,326 --> 00:56:40,827
Jesus, Corey, that's
really unethical.
971
00:56:40,860 --> 00:56:41,728
Yeah?
972
00:56:41,761 --> 00:56:44,631
Tell me a little
something about ethics.
973
00:56:44,664 --> 00:56:47,066
Don't!
974
00:56:47,100 --> 00:56:49,436
I can't help it.
975
00:56:49,470 --> 00:56:52,172
I feel like I can't
breathe without you.
976
00:56:52,206 --> 00:56:54,875
Use your inhaler.
You always forget.
977
00:56:54,909 --> 00:56:57,645
Sometimes you don't
appreciate what you have
978
00:56:57,679 --> 00:57:00,148
Until you lose it.
979
00:57:00,181 --> 00:57:03,051
You! I didn't appreciate
what I had with you!
980
00:57:03,084 --> 00:57:09,291
I didn't realize.
981
00:57:09,326 --> 00:57:13,229
- You do now?
- Yeah.
982
00:57:13,262 --> 00:57:15,298
No matter how scared I was,
983
00:57:15,333 --> 00:57:18,836
No matter how much I
wanted or needed,
984
00:57:18,869 --> 00:57:25,208
I should've never done
anything to hurt you.
985
00:57:25,243 --> 00:57:59,611
I told you not to come back,
unless...
986
00:57:59,647 --> 00:58:05,186
[Moaning]
987
00:58:05,220 --> 00:58:08,056
I have missed this!
988
00:58:08,090 --> 00:58:09,692
That was a mistake.
989
00:58:09,725 --> 00:58:12,428
A mistake?
Are you kidding me?!
990
00:58:12,462 --> 00:58:14,431
This was fucking perfect!
991
00:58:14,464 --> 00:58:16,433
You felt it too, I
know you did.
992
00:58:16,466 --> 00:58:19,736
It wasn't you.
I just need time.
993
00:58:19,770 --> 00:58:21,005
[Car horn]
994
00:58:21,038 --> 00:58:23,874
You should probably get
your clothes and go.
995
00:58:23,908 --> 00:58:25,676
Hey!
996
00:58:25,710 --> 00:58:28,846
I had Jimbo watch the shop, I
didn't want you to miss out
997
00:58:28,880 --> 00:58:29,715
On your birthday...
998
00:58:29,748 --> 00:58:31,717
What the fuck, we didn't
order a pizza!
999
00:58:31,750 --> 00:58:35,721
Wait a minute... the
pizza guy's gay?!
1000
00:58:35,754 --> 00:58:37,523
Pete! Don't go!
1001
00:58:37,557 --> 00:58:40,092
There is some old lady
outside in a minivan
1002
00:58:40,126 --> 00:58:41,093
About to lose her shit!
1003
00:58:41,127 --> 00:58:42,929
Oh fuck, my ride's here!
1004
00:58:42,962 --> 00:58:44,130
Your ride?!
1005
00:58:44,163 --> 00:58:46,132
What did you expect me to do,
walk?
1006
00:58:46,165 --> 00:58:48,134
You've got to be
fucking kidding me!
1007
00:58:48,168 --> 00:58:49,302
Kelse...
1008
00:58:49,336 --> 00:58:51,104
Hello, Jon? Are you here?
1009
00:58:51,138 --> 00:58:54,007
I've been waiting for half an
hour, I've been worried...
1010
00:58:54,041 --> 00:58:55,476
- Corey?!
- Hi.
1011
00:58:55,509 --> 00:58:56,710
What are you doing here?
1012
00:58:56,745 --> 00:58:58,913
He lives here.
Alone, from now on.
1013
00:58:58,947 --> 00:59:01,416
Jon, Corey - oh my God!
1014
00:59:01,450 --> 00:59:02,817
Liss, it's not what
it looks like!
1015
00:59:02,851 --> 00:59:05,386
It's exactly what
it looks like!
1016
00:59:05,421 --> 00:59:08,958
Corey, have you been
fucking my boyfriend?
1017
00:59:08,991 --> 00:59:12,462
Technically, you were
fucking my boyfriend.
1018
00:59:12,495 --> 00:59:14,430
- Boyfriend? Really?
- No.
1019
00:59:14,465 --> 00:59:17,868
I can't believe this, I can't
believe I trusted you!
1020
00:59:17,901 --> 00:59:19,936
- Liss, sweetie...
- I'm talking about him!
1021
00:59:19,970 --> 00:59:22,305
- Me? What about him?!
- Oh, thanks.
1022
00:59:22,338 --> 00:59:24,307
Wait a minute - he was
upfront with me!
1023
00:59:24,341 --> 00:59:26,578
He never tried to be a
saint... Hi.
1024
00:59:26,611 --> 00:59:29,514
He just told me that, um...
No! It was you!
1025
00:59:29,547 --> 00:59:31,716
I... was trying to
protect you.
1026
00:59:31,749 --> 00:59:34,486
Well you should've
tried harder!
1027
00:59:34,520 --> 00:59:36,154
No, Kelse, please don't go!
1028
00:59:36,188 --> 00:59:37,956
I needed you tonight, but no!
1029
00:59:37,990 --> 00:59:40,392
I've been trying to talk to
you for like, a week,
1030
00:59:40,425 --> 00:59:41,860
But you're too busy,
just like always.
1031
00:59:41,895 --> 00:59:42,729
Wait, Kelse!
1032
00:59:42,762 --> 00:59:44,163
Are you happy?
You've totally destroyed
1033
00:59:44,197 --> 00:59:45,298
My whole fucking life.
1034
00:59:45,331 --> 00:59:47,300
Looks like you did that
fine on your own!
1035
00:59:47,333 --> 00:59:48,434
Lissa, wait...
1036
00:59:48,468 --> 00:59:50,604
I bought you these!
1037
00:59:50,637 --> 00:59:52,606
I might still have
the receipt,
1038
00:59:52,640 --> 00:59:54,374
And maybe I can get that back.
1039
00:59:54,408 --> 00:59:56,511
- Baby, wait...
- Oh, I am not your baby!
1040
00:59:56,544 --> 00:59:58,513
And you are not mine!
No, you...
1041
00:59:58,546 --> 00:59:59,714
Can find a ride home.
1042
00:59:59,747 --> 01:00:01,248
Where am I supposed to go?
1043
01:00:01,282 --> 01:00:02,551
I don't care!
1044
01:00:02,584 --> 01:00:07,889
You two are perfect
for each other.
1045
01:00:07,923 --> 01:00:34,049
Give me that!
1046
01:00:34,085 --> 01:00:38,857
Hey, mom...
1047
01:00:38,891 --> 01:01:30,710
* * *
1048
01:01:30,748 --> 01:01:34,184
Did you throw up on
the stairs?
1049
01:01:34,219 --> 01:01:37,155
It looks like a Banksy.
1050
01:01:37,188 --> 01:01:40,692
I go in front of the
licensing board in a week.
1051
01:01:40,727 --> 01:01:43,763
It's supposed to be
confidential, but...
1052
01:01:43,796 --> 01:01:44,831
What?
1053
01:01:44,864 --> 01:01:49,535
Melissa may have mentioned
it to a few people...
1054
01:01:49,569 --> 01:01:51,004
Online.
1055
01:01:51,038 --> 01:01:53,540
Hello, internet!
1056
01:01:53,573 --> 01:01:56,977
Have you seen this man?!
1057
01:01:57,010 --> 01:01:59,412
Don't let him fuck
your boyfriend.
1058
01:01:59,447 --> 01:02:00,949
Cause you know what?
1059
01:02:00,982 --> 01:02:03,618
He might want to FUCK
YOUR BOYFRIEND!
1060
01:02:03,652 --> 01:02:05,620
CAUSE HE'S A BOYFRIEND-FUCKER!
1061
01:02:05,654 --> 01:02:07,789
That's what he is, he's a
boyfriend-fucker!
1062
01:02:07,823 --> 01:02:10,626
So find him before he fucks
your boyfriend!
1063
01:02:10,660 --> 01:02:13,428
Wow, that's a happy lady.
1064
01:02:13,462 --> 01:02:15,998
52,000 views. Good for you.
1065
01:02:16,031 --> 01:02:18,934
Yeah, hating me has
gone viral.
1066
01:02:18,969 --> 01:02:22,438
That's what happens when they
catch you ridin' dirty, hoss!
1067
01:02:22,472 --> 01:02:24,440
Aw, don't be gross.
1068
01:02:24,474 --> 01:02:26,242
Gross? Gross is walking in,
1069
01:02:26,277 --> 01:02:29,681
Watching you work your scuzzy
ex like a Shake Weight,
1070
01:02:29,714 --> 01:02:32,616
That's gross!
1071
01:02:32,650 --> 01:02:36,788
Oh, whatever.
Oh, fuck my life!
1072
01:02:36,822 --> 01:02:39,224
What did you end up doing
on yor birthday?
1073
01:02:39,257 --> 01:02:43,495
Oh, y'know, shotgunned three
boxes of Chablis
1074
01:02:43,528 --> 01:02:46,899
And a case of
Mexican-style Aerosol cheez.
1075
01:02:46,933 --> 01:02:49,535
Officially, I still hate you.
1076
01:02:49,568 --> 01:02:50,804
Okay.
1077
01:02:50,837 --> 01:02:54,240
- But unofficially...
- I'm so sorry.
1078
01:02:54,274 --> 01:02:57,011
I know you are. Dumb slut.
1079
01:02:57,044 --> 01:03:00,681
Sex with an ex, the dirty
dance of death!
1080
01:03:00,715 --> 01:03:03,718
His cock should come with
a warning label:
1081
01:03:03,752 --> 01:03:07,288
"Not to be taken internally."
1082
01:03:07,322 --> 01:03:13,361
Right up there.
1083
01:03:13,395 --> 01:03:15,732
I'm going home to Tehachapi.
1084
01:03:15,765 --> 01:03:18,768
Gonna live in a
trailer with mom.
1085
01:03:18,801 --> 01:03:21,771
Probably sit out on the porch
and play a banjo.
1086
01:03:21,805 --> 01:03:23,774
Contemplate messing
with tourists.
1087
01:03:23,807 --> 01:03:26,777
- What about the...
- It's gone, Corey.
1088
01:03:26,810 --> 01:03:31,181
The coffee bar's gone.
There's nothing left to do.
1089
01:03:31,215 --> 01:03:52,170
I'm going home.
1090
01:03:52,205 --> 01:04:13,226
Oh no.
1091
01:04:13,261 --> 01:04:14,496
[Phone ringing]
1092
01:04:14,529 --> 01:04:16,999
Voicemail: Hey, you've
reached Pete, leave a message.
1093
01:04:17,033 --> 01:04:20,970
I know, I know you
probably hate me,
1094
01:04:21,004 --> 01:04:24,573
But I want you to know
how sorry I am.
1095
01:04:24,607 --> 01:04:30,980
About your uncle, and about...
what I did.
1096
01:04:31,015 --> 01:04:36,486
God, if you were here with me,
I would just do...
1097
01:04:36,521 --> 01:04:37,688
Hey.
1098
01:04:37,722 --> 01:04:39,490
Backflips.
1099
01:04:39,524 --> 01:04:42,427
Hi.
1100
01:04:42,460 --> 01:04:44,963
I'm...
1101
01:04:44,997 --> 01:04:48,667
I'm sorry if I interrupted
your phone call.
1102
01:04:48,700 --> 01:04:52,271
Pete, I am so sorry.
1103
01:04:52,305 --> 01:04:56,309
Please listen, please listen,
please...
1104
01:04:56,343 --> 01:05:09,857
Look, whatever you have to
say, just say it.
1105
01:05:09,891 --> 01:05:12,160
I'm sorry I cheated.
1106
01:05:12,194 --> 01:05:15,530
I'm sorry for being
so selfish.
1107
01:05:15,564 --> 01:05:19,234
I'm sorry about the movie.
1108
01:05:19,268 --> 01:05:22,104
I'm sorry about being so
insane about my birthday.
1109
01:05:22,138 --> 01:05:25,876
I'm sorry about hogging all
the even-numbered pretzels,
1110
01:05:25,909 --> 01:05:27,878
It's not fair when I do that.
1111
01:05:27,911 --> 01:05:33,850
I'm sorry about...
1112
01:05:33,885 --> 01:05:37,021
For the Kennedy assassination?
1113
01:05:37,054 --> 01:05:41,392
"I'm sorry about
global warming."
1114
01:05:41,426 --> 01:05:43,261
And skinny jeans?
1115
01:05:43,295 --> 01:05:46,498
Yeah. My fault.
1116
01:05:46,531 --> 01:05:52,670
"And most of all..."
1117
01:05:52,705 --> 01:05:57,543
I'm really sorry
about your uncle.
1118
01:05:57,577 --> 01:06:01,281
Yeah, he was a good man.
1119
01:06:01,315 --> 01:06:04,651
Look, just forget it.
I understand what happened.
1120
01:06:04,684 --> 01:06:08,722
Well, that makes one of us.
1121
01:06:08,756 --> 01:06:13,094
We had a good start.
We had a great start.
1122
01:06:13,128 --> 01:06:15,997
I just don't think either one
of us were ready.
1123
01:06:16,032 --> 01:06:19,701
In these crazy,
stressed-out times, it's...
1124
01:06:19,735 --> 01:06:22,738
Hard to really know
what matters.
1125
01:06:22,771 --> 01:06:27,009
- I'm leaving town tomorrow.
- What?
1126
01:06:27,044 --> 01:06:30,047
I just came her to say
goodbye.
1127
01:06:30,080 --> 01:06:33,183
To this place.
To my uncle Sal.
1128
01:06:33,217 --> 01:06:37,521
- No, you can't leave!
- I can't?
1129
01:06:37,555 --> 01:06:40,591
Give me one good reason why.
1130
01:06:40,624 --> 01:06:42,393
- School.
- School's out.
1131
01:06:42,427 --> 01:06:45,030
- Poetry reading?
- Kelsey's is closed.
1132
01:06:45,064 --> 01:06:46,331
- Pizzeria!
- Corey...
1133
01:06:46,365 --> 01:06:49,801
Hey, pizza is the
lifeblood of our community!
1134
01:06:49,834 --> 01:06:53,472
The gayborhood will
starve without you!
1135
01:06:53,506 --> 01:06:57,810
You don't want that on
your conscience, mister.
1136
01:06:57,843 --> 01:07:02,715
- What about the bears?
- The bears?
1137
01:07:02,749 --> 01:07:04,986
And the otters...
1138
01:07:05,019 --> 01:07:07,654
And the twinks... the
twinks will be fine.
1139
01:07:07,688 --> 01:07:09,756
They don't eat.
1140
01:07:09,791 --> 01:07:10,993
Think about...
1141
01:07:11,026 --> 01:07:13,328
Look, I'm going to go
to Colorado,
1142
01:07:13,361 --> 01:07:16,564
And then down to New Mexico,
maybe Texas.
1143
01:07:16,598 --> 01:07:19,267
Just, away.
1144
01:07:19,302 --> 01:07:22,705
- What does it matter?
- You matter.
1145
01:07:22,738 --> 01:07:26,309
You matter to me.
1146
01:07:26,342 --> 01:07:28,511
I might be back at the
end of summer.
1147
01:07:28,545 --> 01:07:30,981
That is so far away.
1148
01:07:31,015 --> 01:07:36,853
- Pete...
- What?
1149
01:07:36,887 --> 01:07:41,459
Have a great summer.
1150
01:07:41,492 --> 01:07:47,198
[Phone ringing]
1151
01:07:47,233 --> 01:07:52,504
Jon, seriously, I do not -
I'm not in the mood!
1152
01:07:52,538 --> 01:07:53,772
[Phone ringing]
1153
01:07:53,805 --> 01:07:55,541
Jon, dammit, for the
love of God,
1154
01:07:55,575 --> 01:07:58,511
I am not going to do the dirty
dance of death with...
1155
01:07:58,545 --> 01:08:03,950
Oh. Sorry. Yes?
1156
01:08:03,983 --> 01:08:09,622
No, this is Corey, her
brother, may I...
1157
01:08:09,657 --> 01:08:11,059
No, she's out of town.
1158
01:08:11,092 --> 01:08:15,463
May I ask what this is
in regards to?
1159
01:08:15,497 --> 01:08:20,702
Foreclosure auction?
Tomorrow at noon?
1160
01:08:20,735 --> 01:08:22,771
Tomorrow at noon!
Bye-bye!
1161
01:08:22,805 --> 01:08:33,749
Tomorrow at noon!
Tomorrow at noon!
1162
01:08:33,784 --> 01:08:35,252
Well, here's all this crap!
1163
01:08:35,286 --> 01:08:37,254
Got a match?
I want to burn it.
1164
01:08:37,288 --> 01:08:39,823
Well, there's that positive,
sunshine-y attitude!
1165
01:08:39,856 --> 01:08:41,758
You want to save your place,
or not?
1166
01:08:41,793 --> 01:08:42,860
Yes, but...
1167
01:08:42,894 --> 01:08:44,796
Well then sit back and watch
me work my
1168
01:08:44,829 --> 01:08:46,164
Organizational magic.
1169
01:08:46,198 --> 01:08:49,634
Or, as I like to call it...
crazy.
1170
01:08:49,667 --> 01:08:52,437
This time, "crazy" is going
to save your bacon.
1171
01:08:52,471 --> 01:08:57,643
Bacon! I'm hungry,
let's order pizza!
1172
01:08:57,676 --> 01:09:04,250
Better make it Chinese.
1173
01:09:04,284 --> 01:09:06,520
I don't understand
your system.
1174
01:09:06,553 --> 01:09:08,522
The yellow ones are
accounts payable,
1175
01:09:08,556 --> 01:09:10,958
And the white ones are
accounts receivable.
1176
01:09:10,991 --> 01:09:12,260
These are all yellow!
1177
01:09:12,293 --> 01:09:14,529
I ran out of white paper,
okay?!
1178
01:09:14,562 --> 01:09:17,232
God, this is crazy, they'll
never go for it.
1179
01:09:17,265 --> 01:09:19,234
According to this, you're
not even broke.
1180
01:09:19,268 --> 01:09:21,203
When do you send out bills?
1181
01:09:21,237 --> 01:09:24,240
I don't like to be a buzzkill,
people pay when they can,
1182
01:09:24,273 --> 01:09:25,641
It's totally cool.
1183
01:09:25,674 --> 01:09:28,377
Bankruptcy is not cool!
1184
01:09:28,411 --> 01:09:30,180
Are you updating your Twitter?
1185
01:09:30,213 --> 01:09:33,082
I am making you a
business plan.
1186
01:09:33,116 --> 01:09:35,552
I don't have a fucking
business plan!
1187
01:09:35,586 --> 01:09:39,056
Well, you do now, missy.
1188
01:09:39,089 --> 01:09:41,425
- Bam!
- Blam!
1189
01:09:41,459 --> 01:09:44,162
- Hey, what is this?
- Just leave it!
1190
01:09:44,195 --> 01:09:46,730
This is today!
This is in an hour!
1191
01:09:46,765 --> 01:09:48,267
Your hearing is in an hour!
1192
01:09:48,300 --> 01:09:50,269
So is your auction!
1193
01:09:50,302 --> 01:09:52,271
Call them to reschedule!
1194
01:09:52,304 --> 01:09:53,572
No, it's too late.
1195
01:09:53,605 --> 01:09:55,774
I'll go down there and
deal with it after.
1196
01:09:55,808 --> 01:09:57,577
AFTERWARDS WILL BE TOO LATE!
1197
01:09:57,610 --> 01:10:00,246
Wow! Then I'll learn how
to pour coffee.
1198
01:10:00,280 --> 01:10:02,648
Oh God, I'd kill myself if I
had to work with
1199
01:10:02,682 --> 01:10:03,883
You every day.
1200
01:10:03,917 --> 01:10:06,620
I mean that with love,
sweetie.
1201
01:10:06,653 --> 01:10:21,535
Come on!
1202
01:10:21,570 --> 01:10:24,940
So, who drove you this time?
My mom?
1203
01:10:24,973 --> 01:10:27,676
Funny. Today's the day, huh?
1204
01:10:27,710 --> 01:10:30,546
Yeah, this is it, time to
pay the piper.
1205
01:10:30,580 --> 01:10:36,119
I'm sorry.
I feel really horrible.
1206
01:10:36,152 --> 01:10:40,557
Hey, I'm an adult.
Today's my fault, not yours.
1207
01:10:40,591 --> 01:10:45,730
Okay, I absolve you - go forth
and sin some more, my son.
1208
01:10:45,763 --> 01:10:53,738
You know if I could do
anything to fix it...
1209
01:10:53,772 --> 01:10:55,607
That would be a miracle.
1210
01:10:55,641 --> 01:10:58,277
I gotta go, I'm going to be
late for my own hanging.
1211
01:10:58,311 --> 01:11:01,914
Kelse, c'mon!
1212
01:11:01,948 --> 01:11:43,290
Why am I the damn pack mule?!
1213
01:11:43,327 --> 01:11:45,796
So, as you can see
in Schedule C,
1214
01:11:45,830 --> 01:11:49,267
The projected revenue stream
in the first six months
1215
01:11:49,301 --> 01:11:52,169
Is consistent with growth in
small businesses
1216
01:11:52,203 --> 01:11:56,107
In the area, as foot traffic
increases the...
1217
01:11:56,141 --> 01:11:59,612
During the late...
seasonally, it's...
1218
01:11:59,645 --> 01:12:02,581
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mm-hm. Yep.
1219
01:12:02,616 --> 01:12:06,353
I read all of it's... words.
Words!
1220
01:12:06,386 --> 01:12:08,355
There's a lot of words.
1221
01:12:08,388 --> 01:12:10,490
Did I do something wrong?
1222
01:12:10,524 --> 01:12:13,660
No, no!
It's perfect.
1223
01:12:13,694 --> 01:12:14,795
It's anal.
1224
01:12:14,829 --> 01:12:19,567
It's loan paperwork, and
banking, and it's just... ugh.
1225
01:12:19,600 --> 01:12:21,569
It just makes me want to barf.
1226
01:12:21,603 --> 01:12:22,838
But you're a loan officer.
1227
01:12:22,871 --> 01:12:27,376
That is what I do!
That is not who I am!
1228
01:12:27,409 --> 01:12:31,012
You know who I am?
1229
01:12:31,047 --> 01:12:33,015
I'M A DANCER!
1230
01:12:33,049 --> 01:12:35,652
[Grindr message tone]
1231
01:12:35,685 --> 01:12:39,456
Oh, stop the... you gotta turn
it down, turn it down...
1232
01:12:39,490 --> 01:12:42,092
Please, please, how
do you do it?
1233
01:12:42,125 --> 01:12:44,362
Oh, that guy.
1234
01:12:44,395 --> 01:12:46,864
I know that guy -
that guy came in!
1235
01:12:46,897 --> 01:12:48,866
That guy paid off your loan!
1236
01:12:48,900 --> 01:12:50,001
WHAT?!
1237
01:12:50,034 --> 01:12:51,403
Pete paid off our loan?
1238
01:12:51,436 --> 01:12:53,004
Yeah!
He sold his business.
1239
01:12:53,037 --> 01:12:54,072
He closed his account.
1240
01:12:54,105 --> 01:12:56,074
He paid off your balance.
1241
01:12:56,107 --> 01:12:57,842
With so much money.
1242
01:12:57,877 --> 01:13:03,148
So much sexy, sexual,
erotic... money.
1243
01:13:03,182 --> 01:13:05,150
So what are we...
1244
01:13:05,184 --> 01:13:06,452
- I love money.
- Yeah...
1245
01:13:06,487 --> 01:13:09,122
Sorry to interrupt - what
are we doing here?
1246
01:13:09,155 --> 01:13:11,358
I don't know what
you're doing here.
1247
01:13:11,392 --> 01:13:14,895
But I know what
we're doing here.
1248
01:13:14,929 --> 01:13:18,265
Dancing. Right? Dancing!
1249
01:13:18,299 --> 01:13:24,205
What kind of bank is this?
1250
01:13:24,239 --> 01:13:30,212
Oh, shit! I gotta go!
1251
01:13:30,245 --> 01:13:32,214
Good luck at the hearing!
1252
01:13:32,247 --> 01:13:40,956
I thought he'd never leave!
1253
01:13:40,990 --> 01:13:44,694
It's over. They all left.
1254
01:13:44,729 --> 01:13:46,697
I need to tell you
how sorry I am.
1255
01:13:46,731 --> 01:13:50,901
- I never meant to...
- I withdrew the complaint.
1256
01:13:50,935 --> 01:13:52,770
Why?
1257
01:13:52,804 --> 01:13:56,274
A friend of ours
told me a story.
1258
01:13:56,307 --> 01:13:58,276
What kind of story?
1259
01:13:58,309 --> 01:14:04,416
Well, it was a story about
this great guy,
1260
01:14:04,451 --> 01:14:07,253
Whose heart was
broken into pieces
1261
01:14:07,286 --> 01:14:10,557
By this hot, horny, dumb kid,
1262
01:14:10,591 --> 01:14:16,396
Who was just trying to figure
out what he wanted.
1263
01:14:16,430 --> 01:14:18,398
How does the story end?
1264
01:14:18,432 --> 01:14:22,903
You know, before this whole
situation happened,
1265
01:14:22,937 --> 01:14:26,841
I didn't understand how
far you can go
1266
01:14:26,875 --> 01:14:29,243
When you lose
someone you love.
1267
01:14:29,278 --> 01:14:33,248
Or sometimes... sometimes
not far enough.
1268
01:14:33,282 --> 01:14:35,785
Yeah - I see now that you were
1269
01:14:35,818 --> 01:14:37,787
Trying to get me to see
other people.
1270
01:14:37,821 --> 01:14:40,256
But I didn't!
I didn't do enough.
1271
01:14:40,290 --> 01:14:42,793
When my husband left me,
1272
01:14:42,826 --> 01:14:45,496
I did not have a friend
in the world.
1273
01:14:45,529 --> 01:14:48,198
I don't know what I would have
done without you.
1274
01:14:48,232 --> 01:14:49,400
You would've been fine.
1275
01:14:49,433 --> 01:14:51,202
No. You helped me
get through it.
1276
01:14:51,235 --> 01:14:58,042
You helped me get out,
and try to rebuild my life.
1277
01:14:58,076 --> 01:15:03,682
And it cost you.
1278
01:15:03,716 --> 01:15:12,224
You know, I just hope that
some day, you find somebody
1279
01:15:12,258 --> 01:15:15,529
That helps you go
through things too.
1280
01:15:15,563 --> 01:15:20,300
Whether it be a friend,
or a love.
1281
01:15:20,334 --> 01:15:26,406
Or whatever.
1282
01:15:26,441 --> 01:15:29,945
I gotta go catch him.
1283
01:15:29,978 --> 01:15:32,648
Thank you.
1284
01:15:32,682 --> 01:15:35,251
Um, okay, so I'll
see you around.
1285
01:15:35,284 --> 01:15:36,285
Professionally?
1286
01:15:36,318 --> 01:15:38,287
Oh, not a chance in hell.
1287
01:15:38,320 --> 01:15:39,556
Good call.
1288
01:15:39,589 --> 01:15:59,275
* * *
1289
01:15:59,310 --> 01:16:31,576
[Crowd cheering]
1290
01:16:31,614 --> 01:16:34,082
Dammit, where is he?!
1291
01:16:34,116 --> 01:16:37,219
I think you found him.
1292
01:16:37,253 --> 01:16:40,757
My whole life, I have waited,
1293
01:16:40,790 --> 01:16:44,527
So long, for the
perfect moment.
1294
01:16:44,560 --> 01:16:48,064
The perfect,
cookie-cutter life.
1295
01:16:48,098 --> 01:16:49,166
Corey...
1296
01:16:49,199 --> 01:16:51,535
If you need to go, go.
1297
01:16:51,568 --> 01:16:52,837
Corey...
1298
01:16:52,870 --> 01:16:56,941
But all I want to say, is that
when we're together,
1299
01:16:56,975 --> 01:17:02,413
Every moment is the
perfect moment.
1300
01:17:02,447 --> 01:17:03,715
So...
1301
01:17:03,750 --> 01:17:11,958
Where do you want to go first?
1302
01:17:11,991 --> 01:17:14,526
Anywhere.
1303
01:17:14,561 --> 01:17:15,863
Everywhere.
1304
01:17:15,896 --> 01:17:19,432
Right now? Right this second?
1305
01:17:19,466 --> 01:17:23,070
KELSEY, I'M RUNNING
AWAY WITH PETE!
1306
01:17:23,104 --> 01:17:25,573
And I don't know when I'm
going to be back!
1307
01:17:25,606 --> 01:17:29,543
A few weeks, or a
few months...
1308
01:17:29,577 --> 01:17:36,384
Or whatever!
1309
01:17:36,418 --> 01:17:38,620
Free drinks for all you
faggots!
1310
01:17:38,654 --> 01:17:44,526
[Cheering]
1311
01:17:44,560 --> 01:17:49,700
Ugh, smells like junior high!
1312
01:17:49,734 --> 01:17:53,504
- I love you, sis!
- Love you more!
1313
01:17:53,537 --> 01:17:56,974
Where do you want to go first?
1314
01:17:57,008 --> 01:18:01,979
Surprise me.
1315
01:18:02,014 --> 01:18:04,449
Let's go!
1316
01:18:04,482 --> 01:23:36,548
* * *
1317
01:23:52,502 --> 01:23:56,506
- Thanks for the ride.
- No, thank you.
1318
01:23:56,540 --> 01:23:58,709
For what?
1319
01:23:58,742 --> 01:24:11,288
The ride.
1320
01:24:11,323 --> 01:24:20,031
- Hey, Kyle!
- Jon! Great to meet you.
1321
01:24:20,065 --> 01:24:22,034
I'm gonna have a new daddy!
1322
01:24:22,068 --> 01:24:22,569
Did you say something?
92675
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