Original subtitles

Lorenzo. Lorenzo!

Lorenzo!

This is gorgeous!

Valentina loves pretty things.

We all do. If you please, Valentina.

Gorgeous. She's the goddess of love.

She speaks to me. Do you know what she's saying?

"Put me down, I'm worth a thousand florins."

Uncle Piero, you can be such a funny, bossy boots.

She's talking about love, about two hearts beating as one.

Yes, Papa?

Ah, Lorenzo. Show Valentina Florence, would you?

Sounds divine.

But I was just going to... Not any more.

Yes, but...

All right. Come on.

Gorgeous.

Daddy, my heart weeps until it sees you again.

Arrivederci.

Mine, too, mia piccola poppettina.

HE KISSES HER HAND

SHE GIGGLES

It's the finest gunpowder I've ever seen.

People died to get it here.

Cousin...it was worth it.

A succession of small explosions power the bike forward

at phenomenal speed...

I hope. And that'll work?

Of course it will. Just need gunpowder, then zoom!

Imagine, everyone whizzing through the streets on them.

Not quite flying, but close.

I might be able to help you on the gunpowder front.

Can I ride it with you? Girls and speed?

On to a winner there(!) Not a good idea.

Load/speed ratio - the less that's on there, the faster it'll go.

Yeah, course. Load/speed ratio.

Puff sleeves are so last year, wouldn't you say, Lorenzo?

If you say so.

Let's try it on, shall we? Yes.

Yes, try it on.

Can't wait to see what it looks like.

Ah. Finally deigned to join us, have you?

Sorry, Maestro, we're late. We were just... Save your excuses,

I'm not interested.

While the rest of us capture the beauty of the hills,

you two will stay here,

sketch folds of cloth and think about your timekeeping.

Your practice mannequin awaits.

Can't believe we're missing out on a trip.

Where are you going? My bicycle.

What about the dress material? In the alley if you want me.

Why would I want you?

There's a consignment just arrived in the city. Thing is, it belongs to...

Never mind. I'll tell you later.

Tell him what? You would not believe the morning I've had.

Completamente orrendo! Got lumbered with my dreadful cousin.

Such a girl. All pretty and charming and tinkly laughter, "Oh!"

But really, she's spiteful and nasty and...

and...

She's behind me, isn't she?

Valentina! Thank heavens! I thought I'd lost you.

Grazie, signore. What for?

For being the best-looking boy I've seen all year.

Me?

And you've got an adorable way with words.

Do I?

Do you like my bicycle?

Oh!

What a gorgeous pile of...bits.

I like it so much.

I'm going to marry the words bicycle and like and call it a licycle.

Or bike.

Even better. Well, what does it do?

Um, er,

you ride it.

But, er, it's not finished yet. Oh, what a pity.

I could show you my bell. Bells are divine.

I adore dinging and donging.

Bet she doesn't even really like him. She's just pretending.

Lorenzo, who are you babbling about? Valentina, my cousin.

She's unbearable. I know girls are silly, but...

Thanks(!) Not you, you don't count.

I mean girls in general. Forever talking about their clothes or hair.

But Valentina, she's the devil, in a dress.

Harsh. You don't know her. She's all over Leo.

"Ooh, Leo, you're so handsome!"

And he's lapping it up. He's even going to show her his bell!

BELL TINKLES

It tings. Cute.

Warns people when you're coming. Why don't you just shout at them?

Oh, I hadn't thought of that.

Valentina, strictly speaking this is a workshop. No girls allowed.

Well, who's she, then? Who's your friend, Leo?

This is... Valentina. You must be the servant girl.

No, actually.

Leo and I go way back.

And you're allowed to be here because?

She is my girlfriend.

How lovely. A street romance.

Anyway, we were just heading off, weren't we, sweetheart? Nope.

I'm staying right here.

Oh, are you? Oh, that's a shame because Lorenzo's

just about to take us out for some ice cream,

so perhaps we'll see you later.

SHE GIGGLES AND LEONARDO LAUGHS

There's also a saddle.

What's that for? You sit on it.

Santa Maria, you're a genius.

You've thought of everything.

We could, er, we could go for a ride on it, if you, if you...

When it's finished. I would love that more than life itself.

Really?

But before that, the shops await.

So, Leo, who'll take me?

I will.

I'm sorry. You are?

Tomaso. From Leo's workshop. Haven't I seen you somewhere before?

Bit of a corny line.

No, I'm sure I recognise you.

Oh, you might've met my twin sister Lisa.

That stroppy girl with a face like thunder is your twin?

She's not that bad.

Doesn't love shopping the way I do.

How divine.

See you later, Leo. OK.

She is so beautiful. When I look at her I can barely breathe.

I need to show her how I feel.

Lorenzo, are you all right to...?

Get the bill? Yeah. I'll catch you up.

Fur trimming is so last year.

Is it? Mm. This season it's all about ornamental jewels and slashing.

Slashing?! Cutting the dress to show the undergarments. It's so in.

I love the bodice. Great shape.

Yes, it is. It'd really suit you. You should try it on.

I was always going to.

Boom bike?

A bike powered by gunpowder.

What else would you call it? Oh!

We're going to zoom through the streets,

her arms around my waist,

wind shocking our faces,

wrapped up in each other as the world just...whizzes by.

She's amazing, isn't she?

Not my type. Bit girlish. Oh, yeah?

So what's your type, then?

Come on, there must be someone. There's nobody.

All right, suit yourself.

About that gunpowder... Here we go. Whose is it?

The Medicis.

We can't steal gunpowder from Lorenzo's dad.

Course not. It would be awful if at one of their many parties

they were missing a few fireworks(!) Exactly.

But as a matter of interest, any idea how we'd do it?

Bella.

If you're a girl and like that kind of thing.

I am and I do.

Would you, er,

help me with this hairpin?

Sure.

LISA LAUGHS

What's so funny? You, flirting.

Yes, but with you it's pointless.

You're different. Normally I can twist any boy round my little finger.

Can you? Oh, yes. Drop your handkerchief, they come running.

Twirl your hair as they talk.

Catch their eye, hold, look away.

They fall for the lot. Do th...we?

Of course. You're gullible fools.

SHE GIGGLES

What's it for?

Erm...nothing much.

Just an idea I'm working on.

I suppose it's something to woo Valentina. You're mad.

She's a complete brat.

What? I'm nothing like her!

Leo, did you miss me? Er, I...

Look what I bought for Tomaso. Dah-dah!

It's called a houppelande.

Very in for both men and women. It's much snazzier than mine.

You've got one of those, have you?

He has, but his has a lot less snazz, apparently.

Valentina, lunchtime. Oh, but you've only just got here.

I'll be straight back.

You dropped your handkerchief.

Oh, yeah. Can you pick it up?

You all right?

I've got something in my eye.

Could you...?

Why do you keep looking over there? I wasn't. Yes, you were.

Well, sometimes girls just do that.

Look in another direction for no reason.

Oh, yeah.

Valentina does that all the time.

Isn't she beautiful?

Yeah. Lovely. Oh!

And her eyes. Have you seen her eyes?

Greener than the...greenest green. Mm.

And that hair, and nose and mouth.

Yep, she's got all of those. I'd love to paint her.

I could just never do her justice.

Tom, you got on really well with her.

Do you think you could ask her out for me?

LISA GASPS

Daddy?! Daddy?!

Trust me, this is not a good idea.

How right you are. Out, now!

Daddy, I had to see you. I'm in love.

Who's the lucky chap this time?

It's a surprise. I'll bring him here later.

I know you're going to love him as much as I do.

I'm sure I will, poppettina.

I'm so pleased that's settled. Now, out.

So, shall we test it?

Delightful prospect.

GUNSHOT AND BREAKING GLASS

They're coming.

Look, Leo, I think it'd be better coming from you.

I get nervous, I go blank. You don't know what it's like.

Made of stone, me.

Ciao, Tom.

Tomaso! Valentina...

Er, I need to talk to you.

How intriguing.

Someone from the workshop has feelings for you.

Tomaso, you needn't say another word.

I feel the same way.

I'll go and get him.

I too am passionately in love with you.

No, I didn't mean me... You understand girls,

you're cute and you know more

about feather trimming than any boy I've ever met.

Santa Maria. Erm...

Can you just give me a second?

You're supposed to be asking her out for me.

You think I want this?

I asked you to do me a favour, not steal her from me! What?! Calm down.

Just tell her you can't go out with her

because you're a lowly artist and she's a lady.

Actually, that's quite a good idea.

Valentina, our love can never be.

For I am a...a lowly artist whilst you are...a lady.

Who cares about that?

Love conquers all.

Does it?

Erm...

Would you mind if I just...?

Now what? Just tell her you don't like her.

Oh, big help(!) Stab her in the heart, why don't I?

She's in love with me.

When she should be in love with me!

Tell her you haven't got time for romance because art is your life.

You're very good at this, Lorenzo.

My hobby, thinking up excuses.

Valentina, art is my life.

And I shall share that life with you, mi amore.

Erm... Look, I'm very flattered, but I really must say no.

Oh.

Well, in that case, I shall leave.

Would you be so kind as to walk me home?

Of course.

Wearing your houppelande?

You look so good in it and it's how I'd like to remember you.

OK.

Right, I'll say arrivederci.

Tomaso, I feel terribly faint.

Well, you're home now. Could you help me in?

Couldn't one of the guards?

I could, I suppose.

We need to get under the palace, get that gunpowder.

We'll get it. It's my only chance.

We'll find the exact spot and drill through, yeah? Yeah.

Right, I'm off, then. I won't let you.

You're the love of my life even if you don't know it yet.

Daddy will see that.

What? No, I can't meet your father.

I told him that tonight he would smile upon my fiance.

I must be such a loser

for Valentina to choose a girl disguised as a boy over me.

Mate, you're not a loser, and that boom bike's going to win her over.

Right, are we in the right place?

Oh, cavolo, there's a bush in the way.

Another hole? No, you'll weaken the ground.

Wait. Hang on, hang on.

I can see the gunpowder store. We need to drill under there.

Mac, I told you, stop drilling there, the ground will cave in.

What are you doing here?

We're waiting for Daddy to bless our engagement.

No, but seriously, what's...? Oh, you're serious, aren't you?

Daddy! Daddy!

Yes, I'm coming, poppettina.

It's my dad as well. You need to get out!

Oh, and here's me thinking what an ideal son-in-law I'll make.

Don't worry, belle bambino, Daddy will love you as much as I do.

I wouldn't count on it.

Help! Help!

It's the gunpowder.

Daddy! Come back!

Make a run for it?

Go! Go! Head for the side door.

Ah, there's the trunk.

Got the soot? Yep.

Help, Excellency, help! Help!

The ground has swallowed me up.

Come to Papa.

Help!

Quick, roll the soot in, someone's coming.

Please, signorina.

Oi! Signorina!

Daddy, you're keeping me waiting.

Sorry, poppettina, we have some business here. I'll be right out.

Make sure you are.

The gunpowder's fine.

That's a relief.

You overindulge that girl.

Well, she's all I have.

Please help me! My legs are floating underground!

Would you be so kind as to help him out,

show him to the gate and tell him he's fired?

You're sacking him? Of course.

I'm not having him guarding my gunpowder

if he can't get himself out of a hole.

Oh!

Sorry, sorry.

Valentina, the boom bike is ready.

Out of my way. Tomaso? We can go on it now.

You and me, whizzing down the streets together on the...

What? You said you wanted to go biking with me?

Do I look stark staring mad? Look at the state of you.

Do you expect me to come anywhere near you

and risk my life on this contraption

when I could spend every precious moment with my darling bambolino?

Tomaso, poverino, are you hurt? Poverino!

Don't talk to him like that. Tomaso, why are you running?

We're destined to be together. I want to marry you.

But I don't want to marry you.

You don't mean that.

Imagine our wedding day.

Me stunningly gorgeous, as the bridesmaids drop petals at my feet.

Lorenzo a divine page boy

and your sister my maid of honour. Lisa and I will be best friends.

Oh, come on, don't be coy.

Let's seal this deal with a kiss.

Get off, get off! I can't marry you!

There is no sister Lisa. I'm Lisa!

Look, I'm sorry.

It's all a horrible misunderstanding.

I didn't mean any harm.

You have to understand, you're a girl.

It's the only way I can paint.

Daddy, this person is a girl.

Mmm. I can see that.

No, she's a fraud.

This girl is working illegally as an apprentice pretending to be a boy.

We must report her to Signor Verrocchio.

Poppettina, that's highly unlikely.

Daddy, get your horse. We must report her this instant.

That's utter nonsense. Come on, Daddy, it's our duty.

I WILL ruin you.

What did I tell you? The devil in a dress.

We can't outrun their horses.

I'm finished! No, you're not.

Leo, there's nothing we can do. Want to bet?

Mac, light her up.

Leo, it's too late.

What's wrong?

EXPLOSION Whoa! Whooh!

So, Signor Verrocchio, you have an impostor in your ranks.

Impostor? Is one of my boys posing as a real painter?

You misunderstand, signore.

I refer to one Tomaso Gherardini who, in actual fact, is a girl.

Ridicolo, signore. It's true.

We have just this second left a girl called Lisa at the Medici Palace.

She says she's Tomaso's twin sister but in fact they're one and the same.

Let me get this straight. You're saying that boy over there

is really a girl and you've just left her at the Medici Palace?

Apologies, signore, for disturbing you.

Valentina, this time you've gone too far.

My cousin Piero is right. You are spoilt and you need discipline.

Daddy, I'm telling the truth!

Your detention tasks finished?

Si, Maestro. Si, Maestro.

Hmmm, it would appear that Tomaso's depiction is superior to Leonardo's.

I would imagine this is because, being a girl,

she knows all about dresses(!)

LAUGHTER

This gun could only work with the premium gunpowder

that I have had specially imported.

My friends, prepare to be amazed.

GUN FIZZLES PATHETICALLY

I can't believe I fell for Valentina.

I was so stupid!

We all fall for people we shouldn't.

She didn't care about anyone other than herself.

She would have ruined you.

Not all girls are like Valentina.

You're not.

No, I'm not.

But then I guess you're one of the boys, eh?

Night, Tom.

Night.

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