Original subtitles

-I need a gun. -Why?

I'm worried he is going to find me and come and get me.

-Neil? -Yes.

Maybe it's a good idea if I find my dad.

My mother, she is moving in here.

-Ricky! -Mum!

You can come here tomorrow at 2:30, and let's talk face-to-face.

Darren's collapsed. It's okay, it's okay, it's just nervous exhaustion.

-Oh, yeah, you're going to be 15 soon. -16! I'm 16.

Why don't you have a party?

-This is your night, man. -I'm going to lose my shit tonight.

-What? -No, you're not. Hey, hey, hey...

-No, you're not. -Cheers, mate.

[all shout excitedly]

Stop! Stop!

Okay, do it again.

[screams and laughs hysterically]

I just love your voice, like, what are you doing?

-Yeah, I'm reading. -What are you reading?

I'm reading an article in an online journal.

Hmm. Read it out to me.

Why are you being so weird?

What do you reckon would happen if you snorted chocolate?

[snorts]

Ah! What are you doing?

What should I do? Wait for it to melt or something?

[groans]

[upbeat music playing]

I'm sorry.

I love you. I miss you.

Listen, you shouldn't be here. Go have fun at your party.

-I love you. -Okay, I love you, too.

All right, bye.

It's a dick.

Holding another dick.

Who is holding a spliff.

-Hey. -Go away.

[club music playing]

Dance, you fuckers! Dance!

[music continues playing]

[theme music playing]

[phone ringing]

[can rattling]

[groans]

Fuck!

[beeps]

-Hello. -Hello, Richard.

A lacuna has emerged in my online schedule.

So I thought we could just smuggle in a supervision session.

Uh... I am...

You're not making any sense.

No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I...

-[clears throat] -Have you had a party?

No, yes, yes, no.

Well, I haven't, but my son had a party.

So I need to deal with this first.

Can I call you back in a couple of days?

There are some professional, ethical issues

-that we do need to discuss. -Yeah.

-Are you an alcoholic? -No.

Denial.

-Have you taken any mind-altering substances? -Paracetamol.

-How many? -11.

[clears throat]

I mean, I do want to talk to you, but just not today.

The thing is, Richard, part of the point of this clinical supervision

is that I'm supposed to see the warts and all.

-Yeah. -So, whatever you're going through right now...

-Yeah. -...I advise you to tell me about it.

-I'm going through nausea... -Uh-hmm.

-Anxiety. -Yeah.

-I could do with a poo. -Do you want to go away and do that? Or...

-Can I? -Um, yeah.

-Okay, thank you, Miss. -[screen beeps]

[phone ringing]

-Richard. -Yeah.

How you doing? You're all right? You're good?

-Did you... -Uh...

-Have you? -What's going on?

Did you mortgage...

-Did you mortgage the house? -Look, I've got something else I need to talk to you about.

-No, no, no. -Wait.

Look, this is really important, man.

I think we should invest in Bitcoin.

-What? -Bitcoin. Let's do it.

-What the fuck is bigcoin? -Bit. Bit.

I don't want a bit of a coin. I want my fucking house remortgaged.

-You're going to need it. -I don't have any money, Ryan.

I don't have any money. I have nada money.

You're the only person who can get me out of this.

I don't want that pressure, man. I can't...

Well, you've fucking got that pressure, Ryan.

You've got that fucking pressure!

-I think you should just take-- -Have you remortgaged the house?

-You should take this somewhere else-- -Answer me!

-I can't do this for you now. -Answer me!

-Answer me! -No, I haven't.

You're fucking kidding me, Ryan.

-You are fucking kidding me! -[exclaims]

I need that money.

I can't-- He's gonna--

[sobs] Oh, God.

I don't know what I'm going to do, Ryan.

[sobs inconsolably]

He's going to kill me.

-Who's going to kill you? -[screen beeps]

- WOMAN: Hello? -Karen Muller or Karen Pitt?

-Pitt? -It's Pitt.

-Castle Pitt? -Yeah.

-Yes, looks like she was discharged. -Discharged? When?

-This morning. -[video call ringing]

Um, okay, bye.

[call ringing]

-Hello? -[incoherent speech] You good?

-Sorry? -[speaks incoherently]

-My bitchaman? -Bitchaman.

-What? -Who?

Pardon?

Is this Sann Travers?

-You've heard about my ear? -Uh, yeah, I'm fine, how--

-What brings you-- -Why don't you help me with my problem, man?

You've got a problem with my voice?

-With the way I speak? -Yes.

[incoherent speech] ...bang on the head.

-You got a bang on the head? Yeah. -Went into a coma.

-When I woke up from the coma... -Yeah.

-I talked like this. -How did you talk before you went into the coma?

Different, yeah.

Was your voice higher, or lower, or--

It was an octave and a half higher. You're being funny with me?

-I'm trying to-- -You're some kind of singing coach or something?

What do you want to know that for?

Well, you said you speak differently now,

I'm just trying to work out how you spoke before.

-My name is Sann Travers. -Right.

And I'm not from Scotland.

I'm from Sevenoaks in Kent.

You're from Sevenoaks?

I've got foreign accent syndrome.

-Right. I mean, it's-- It's a charming accent. -Are you taking the piss?

-What? -Taking the piss?

-No, I'm not taking the pish. -I'm not Scottish.

I don't even want to sound Scottish.

I don't even want to be Scottish.

It's a beautiful country. The Highlands are stunning.

Inverness up to the Highlands--

-I was watching Homes Under the Hammer one time. -Right.

-A man bought a house in Inverness for a pound. -Yeah.

How does that make the rest of us feel south of the border?

-Right. -Like stupid.

How long has it been?

Well, I was in a coma for three months and it's been another...

Year.

Can you help me?

[doorbell buzzing]

-What do you want? -I can smell sick on your breath, Richard.

Okay, fair enough, you can. I've been a bit sick this morning.

-You're like 44 or something... -So?

What have you come around to see? You've foisted mum on me.

And now you've come around to what?

Okay, I haven't foisted mum on you. You initially asked me.

-You asked me if I would take mum at the time... -Yeah.

-You couldn't, 'cause you didn't have a spare room. -Yeah.

-I didn't have a spare room. -Because Chrissy lives in the spare room.

She sometimes sleeps there. She has to get up early for lectures.

Oh, where does she sleep elsewhere? In the youth hostel?

She sleeps with me.

-Does she? -We share a bed.

-Right. -You know, obviously, those are details

that I don't necessarily need to share with you.

But in the circumstance, I need to explain.

It's okay for mum to come live with us. Me and Chrissy have talked about it.

We think that this isn't a good environment for her.

What? What?

-Because of your breakdown? -What? What?

Richard, it's almost like you're blocking her from me.

Why are you holding on to her?

Okay, can I just not have my turn on her?

Your turn on her? She's not a fucking dodgem.

[doorbell buzzing]

[beeps]

-Shut up and listen. -Okay, we're listening.

I'm going to take mum off your hands. We're going to go to Dubai.

What is this? "Rent a Mum" week?

John, it's really fine.

I don't know what Richard said to you.

It's really fine. Me and mum have talked.

She's definitely sure she wants to be with me.

And Chrissy. Yeah, me and Chrissy.

Chrissy and our sister are lovers.

Why do you have to say lovers like that?

Why do you have to make it out like it's some--

Chrissy and Katherine are fucking. Is that better?

We're in a relationship.

And how does that have any effect on mum's death?

Yes. Have you been deaf?

-What? -Three months. Liver cancer.

So, I have used a contact in Dubai,

and I will be taking her to a beautiful hospice

where she can spend the last days of her life with a little dignity,

not fighting. And I think she'd rather be with dark handsome men

than a couple of lesbitarians. No offence.

She's sleeping like an angel.

Ha! Mum. Safely asleep in my house.

-Ah, bless her. -Where are you going?

Mummy, I know you're sleeping.

We've got to go. Mum?

Mum?

Okay.

Sorry, where's my mother?

MAN: I don't know, somewhere.

Richard, she's not here.

Where is she?

Oh, you're looking after her tremendously, Richard. Mum!

-The fuck is she? Jose. -Mr Pitt.

[speaks in Spanish]

-Where is she? -I don't know.

-Have you done something to her? -Of course not.

-You're supposed to be looking after her. -I am.

I'm providing care. I'm really looking after her.

She said you abused her.

No way, Jose.

I don't think we should be arguing about whether or not mum is dying--

All I'm saying is Mum told me she was dying--

Okay, Mum told you she was dying.

But the doctor told me she wasn't. So, she isn't.

-Go look for her. -I will.

Look in all the pubs.

There is one in the corner, and one that's about 40 yards further up.

-Right. -Call me.

I will look in every pub and I will call you, Mr Pitt.

I will solve this problem.

[video call ringing]

-Abs. What news? -Hey.

-Karen's coming back today. -Is she okay?

Yeah, she's fine. Don't worry. I've booked her a cab.

So, you haven't got to worry about anything.

-Is she coming here today? -Yeah.

-It's all fine. -Okay.

-Are you all right? -I don't know, Richard.

-You don't know? -Lost my job.

-I haven't got any savings. -Haven't you?

Fern has been arrested for fraud. So, I think that's the end.

-Right. -Of everything really, for me.

Okay, well, you need to come back

and just get your act together and it'll be fine.

[sighs heavily] Look, man,

I'm just gonna...

-I'm just gonna go. -You're gonna go, okay.

-Well, thank you for looking after-- -No.

-I'm gonna go away, for a long time. -You're gonna go away?

Okay, take a break. That's a good idea.

-I'm just going to walk, Richard. -Fresh air is good for you.

-In the mountains. -Oh, well.

-That's even better. -For as long as it takes.

Long as what takes? Abs?

-What does that mean? Where are you-- Abs! -[call disconnects]

[doorbell buzzing]

Yo, man. Does Richard Pitt live here?

Yeah.

-Dad? -Dad.

-Dad? -Dad!

-Dad? -Dad!

-Jackson. -Hey.

-Jackson, what are you doing here? -Okay.

I've flown half-way across the world to tell you this.

You told me to go and find my father.

-Right. -Okay, and I have.

-Okay, I-- Me and you got on, right? -Yeah.

-You helped me, you changed my life. -Good.

Okay? That's why it brings me overwhelming happiness

to tell you that...

You're my father.

-What? -I found you.

Jackson, I'm not your father.

-Yes, you are. -No, I'm not.

-Yes, you are. -No, I'm not.

-Yes, you are. -No, I'm not.

Okay, I have a photo of the two of you.

-Two of whom? -You and my mom.

-That's not me. No, it's not. -Yes, it is.

-Sorry. -Okay, her name is Shanelle Bailey.

-Means nothing. -I'm from Silver Lake, California.

I have never been there.

-Okay, I'm 24-years-old. -24-years-old.

You know what? It's fine. I knew you'd react like this.

And that's why I propose

-that we do a DNA test. -What?

And let's confirm what I already know. I know that you're my dad.

If you just do the test,

we'll get the answer that I know is true.

-I'm not doing a DNA test. No. -Why?

Because it's weird. What are you talking about?

-JACKSON: No, it's not weird. Don't deny your son. -[video call ringing]

I got to get that. My mum's missing.

What? Grandmother's missing?

She's not your grandmother.

[phone ringing]

-Any news? -No, I haven't see her anywhere.

I looked in every pub, every restaurant, every wine bars...

-She's nowhere. -Okay.

-Who's that? -Oh, that's Jackson.

-I'm his son. -He's not my son.

-We're getting a DNA test. -No, we're not.

Listen, you can buy a DNA test from any chemist in the High Street.

Great.

-Jose. -Oh, I've got to go.

-Hello. -Hi!

-Oh, hello-- Hi. -Look where I am.

-Look where I am. -Where are you?

-I'm at the hospital. -Oh.

My sister has woken up.

-She's okay. Yes, hang on. -She's awake.

-Wow. -I know, I know.

-It's like the best day I think I've ever-- -She doesn't look very awake.

Well, she's asleep right now, but I had a phone call last night

-from the hospital. -Right.

She's basically going to be fine.

She is alive and well.

She's sleeping now, and any minute she'll wake up and I'm going to be here.

-I feel I should leave you two to it. -No, you have to be here.

-This is because of you. You have changed my life. -Oh, it's not because of me.

-I'm not sure about that, but-- -Yeah, oh, my God.

-Hello. Hi, Gorgeous. It's me. -What?

-What's going on? Who are you? -What?

-Hey, what's-- -No, no, no.

Somebody, please help me. Who are you?

-I'm your sister. -I don't have a sister.

-Yes, you do. -What are you talking about?

Don't tell me to calm down, I don't even know who you are.

Please, somebody-- Please, I'll call the police.

-Please stop! -No, don't!

-Somebody call the police. -Calm down, calm down.

I can't be here. [laughs]

Are you okay?

I can't believe you bought it. It's so good.

Never fails.

It's good to see you again.

-Um... -Literally I always do this.

It's like a running thing and she always falls for it.

-She's so gullible. -Hi, my name is Richard, by the way.

-Are you two together? Are you lovers? -RICHARD: No.

-What? No. -Do you want to be lovers?

-I'm her therapist. -Oh, you've got a therapist.

I just wanted him to see you.

No, it's really good to see you too, Jamie.

You know, thank you, and I can't believe this is happening.

-JAMIE: Yeah. -Great.

-Congratulations. -No, it's not--

It's not mine, seriously. Yeah, but, isn't it great

that your sister is pregnant and having a baby very soon?

-You're going to be an aunty. -Very soon? How soon?

-May you can be there with me. -After all the terrible--

Oh, my God, Alice.

Oh, my God, are you okay?

Oh, my God, are you okay?

Nurse! Somebody! Somebody!

-Somebody quickly! -Nurse!

-Nurse! -Nurse!

You've got to admit that is some funny, that is some funny shit, right?

Is the whole family like this?

-[doorbell buzzing] -Dad.

-[doorbell buzzing] -Dad.

-Oh. -Listen to me, hear me out.

If this isn't enough, if you don't believe me,

if looking at me, you don't know that I'm your son,

I got the next best thing. I got a DNA kit.

-Two minutes. -Richard, Richard, Richard.

-Is it about Mum? -No. It's an exchange student.

I am your son. I don't know why--

It'll take you two minutes and we'll be done with it.

-Shut the door. Lock the door. -JACKSON: Oh, my God, why are you...

Why are you fighting this, Dad? God.

-[sighs] God. -[doorbell buzzing]

-Richard, hi. -Oh, hello.

-Sorry, I'm a bit early. -Oh, no, no, not at all.

-Are you excited? -Yes, it is exciting.

-This is exciting. Hellos. -If you go upstairs...

No, it's just...

-Who's that? -It's a client. I'll be right back.

Yeah, I talked to you a lot about the different stages,

-about my relationship with Izzy. -Right, yes.

Okay, like what-- How can I use it in a sentence?

In a reflective sentence, you'd say like, "Za self."

This is actually my house.

-Oh. You're having a party? -No, I--

Nathan, what are you doing here?

-Is this part of the session? -Izzy...

-is my daughter! -[shrieks] Dad!

-Izzy. -It's not important.

What kind of therapy sessions do you run here?

It's just, normal stuff, relationships, everything like that,

-and you really have advanced so much-- Dad! -Dylan.

-Dad. -I'm not your dad.

It'll only take a minute.

-[Ricky gags] -Oh, Ricky, look at you.

-This is tomorrow. -Sort yourself out.

-I just shat myself. -Okay, thank you, bye, bye.

-Are you two sleeping together? -Well, we are.

-You know, in the sense that we're sharing. -I thought you broke up.

I thought it was a one time thing.

In fact, I was left heart broken and that's why I turned to you.

You went with this guy when we were broken up for three days?

-It didn't mean anything. -Izzy.

-You took my virginity. Do you understand that? -What?

-How old are you? -How old are you, mate?

[video call ringing]

Jose, talk to me, any luck?

No, all I know that somebody at 6:00 in the morning used my Uber account

to bring them to King's Cross International.

-King's Cross? -I asked at the ticket office and they haven't--

-No, they didn't tell me anything. -No one's heard anything?

Platform 9 and 3/4 is here, isn't it?

-Yeah. -I'm going to have a look.

-What? Harry Potter? -Yes, Harry Potter.

Jose, pull the wand out of your arse and find my mum.

I was talking to your Uncle John about joining the army.

-You're too small, man. -What?

-You're way too small. -Dude, I'm 5'7''.

How are you going to carry your gun? Look at your arm.

Man, why are you saying all this stuff to me? It's like...

You're acting like it's...

I'm...

-I'm going to miss you, man. -I'll miss you, too.

But I just need to get out of this place.

You know it's a permanent marker on your chest.

-This is permanent? -Everything.

-Man, I've got one burger nipple. -I'm going to be--

I'm going to be sick again.

Get out, get out.

-Nathan? -JACKSON: What is going on?

All right, one second, one second, I'll be right back.

-Richard, we really need to talk right now. -Just give me a second.

-Hi. -I don't understand.

You've known the entire time

that you were giving me therapy sessions about your own daughter?

Did you set this whole thing up?

There are so many things we should discuss. You're absolutely right.

Let's discuss this like adults.

Can I suggest we go into my office?

For a second, is that okay?

Great. Now, look, the thing I was thinking--

NATHAN: Oye, Richard. Let me out!

[banging at door]

Richard!

-Don't go into the office. -Dad, I need to talk to you.

No, Izzy, we need to talk.

I feel like I'm the only one trying to save this relationship.

It doesn't matter, because I'm going celibate. I need this.

I need some sort of a digital detox...

-From me? -Or like a sexual cleanse... from everything.

I...

Daddy, I really need you to help me. Please, just say something.

Uh buh yeah, yeah.

Dad, I need to talk to you about the army.

-Parent's consent. -Yeah, I need to talk to you about soap.

-[banging at door] -One second, I'll be right there.

-Seriously, Dad. -Have a fucking bath.

Richard, you've got a message from Mum.

-Dad, who's that? -Exchange student.

[footsteps on the stairs]

[Mum speaking in French]

Guess where I am.

Think romance.

You're right, Paris.

It's too wonderful.

[speaking in French] Anyway loves, a tout for the moment.

And remember...

[singing in French]

[phone beeps]

[Mum signs off in French]

[video call ringing]

-Hello. -Listen, I'm sorry for banging on the door.

Don't worry. I get it now, you're a genius.

You put me in a room. Aversion therapy, all the things that threaten me.

Bisexuality, with incest, with infidelity,

beefy younger men in closed spaces, that's wonderful.

In this room already, I've had some real breakthroughs.

I have one question.

I have a seminar at 2:00. How long do I have to be in here?

-Mr Pitt, can I stay here when Ricky leaves? -What?

Dad, I want to talk to you about consent! Uncle John has been--

-You just need to fill out some forms. -RICHARD: What forms?

-Dad, I'm joining the army. -Put some clothes on.

-Where are you going now, Mr Pitt? -I'm not going anywhere.

You know what? I'm going to do it.

I'm going to do it. There's no time like the present, eh?

I'm going to do it. This is-- God, this is it, okay.

Okay, I'll talk to you guys soon. Okay.

[video call ringing]

-Don't move. Dad! -RICHARD: Get off of me.

-What are you doing? -I'm not going to hurt you. I love you.

This is for us. I'm doing this for us.

I'm doing it for us.

-This is for me, and for you. Don't touch it. -[grunts]

Yes! Yes!

My God, yes.

RICHARD: [gasps] Neil!

-Richard. -Neil.

-Richard. -Okay.

Richard, wait.

Oye!

-Don't, Neil. -Get off that fucking bike.

Richard!

Richard.

[Richard groans]

NEIL: Stop it.

-Wait, Richard. -No, no, no.

Richard.

-Neil, Neil. -Richard.

I just want to say thank you.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart

for giving me therapy.

You have changed my life.

I'm bloody sorry about being such a twat.

You know I was and you don't deserve it, you're an angel, you are.

-Do I still have to pay you back the money? -Yeah, of course, yeah.

Yeah, you've got to pay me back.

Okay.

Thank you.

Fucking hell.

-In fact, I love you. -Right.

No one's ever been as nice as you have.

I couldn't have done it without you.

-Thank you. -Yeah.

What could possibly-- [screams]

[chuckles] I... I'm pregnant.

[theme music playing]

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