Original subtitles

You know the Neil thing? I reckon you probably need to tool up.

[Richard] Go and put the security cameras up quickly.

Izzy, this is Richard,

-an online therapist that I see... -Yeah, nice to meet you.

There's a thing that's worse. I killed someone.

-I'm sorry I can't go through with the vasectomy. -[Screams in pain]

-I love Starsky and Hutch. -Isn't it the best show ever?

-Are you for real? -Waka taka, waka taka, waka taka.

-I just want you to come and see me. -I will, Mum, I will.

You come back now.

-Okay, fine. I... -Okay, thank you.

[Doorbell rings]

Door.

Izzy!

-Morning. -[Woman] Hey.

Ah, wow, what is this?

-Fuck off. -[Chuckles]

-[Both giggling] -It's crazy.

[Grunts in pain]

[Doorbell ringing]

-[Doorbell ringing] -Uh, morning.

[Sighs]

Hi, Jon.

Finally. Honestly, Richard, you want a job done, you do it yourself.

Mummy, Jonny's here.

-Mum! -[Woman] Jon-Jon!

Oh, darling...

It's so good. What... Where you going?

Jesus, Richard. Trunky want a bun?

-Richard -Yeah what?

-I've just been given it some serious thought. -Right.

I think Neil is gonna hurt you. I think he is gonna hurt you bad.

I think he's gonna torture you. I think he's really gonna cut you up.

He is gonna cut off your balls.

I'm gonna get your gonads and your penis in a box sent to me.

Pete...

Have you sorted out the gear for the party tonight?

Leave it to me. It's fine, okay?

-You haven't got long. -Listen,

I've been going through playlists.

Thinking about you know, what goes with what, what comes next.

-It's not that easy being a DJ. -Really?

-Take it from me. -Right.

-I've had lots of experience. -Yeah.

We could start with a kind of Groove Armada kind of thing.

-Right. -And then go into, sort of, some minimal kind of techno.

-What's minimal techno? -We might highlight with a bit of Ace of Base.

that'll be the peak, and then we'll come back down again,

with Kruder & Dorfmeister or something like that, I don't know.

-Play some Fleetwood Mac for me. -Oh, Christ!

What's wrong with Fleetwood Mac? They are brilliant.

They're one of the biggest selling bands of all time.

I think we can be a little bit more edgy than Fleetwood Mac.

-Toto? -Oh...

Now we're talking. Where would we be without Toto.

Do they wanna do the dignity thing in Switzerland?

Well I haven't looked into it but I do know they do it in Switzerland.

But they may do it in Germany,

'Cause you see I don't want to go

and die in dignity if I don't have to.

-No. -You know what I mean?

I don't want to say, "Yes, okay..."

[both] "I'm going to go and die."

And then the doctors suddenly say,

-"Actually, ooh... Whoops." -Ooh...

-You know, you weren't that bad. -You've turned the corner, yes.

-You know what I mean? -Yes.

-I couldn't bear that. -No.

-Whereas, you know, maybe in Dubai, it's not so final. -No.

[Video call ringing]

-Richard, I can't talk right now... -No I need to talk to you.

-I need to... I need to... -I'll call you when I get back...

The best man on the whole world.

-Now, Richard... -Werner, now is not the time...

It does me much pain to say you this now

and I know for you this is very tragic...

-It's not the time. -Karen and me,

-we have a massive relation to each other. -No, you don't.

You know we are very much in love in each other.

-You are not in love with each other, Werner. -No, we are.

-I know this is hard. -It's not hard,

-it's not just true. -No...

I know you feel like this.

-Can I, can we just talk? -[Karen] It's very busy here, darling.

-At the moment, it's quite stressful. -Yeah, it's very...

Busy with the business of loving each other.

-Werner, can I say something to you? This is... -Yeah.

-...unbelievably... -Yeah...

-...inappropriate. It is... -I know it's very sad for you.

-I don't phone your wife... -It's very, very sad,

-and say, "Hey, I pumped a massive log into my pants!" -I know, listen I get a text.

-Yeah, fine, I don't phone your wife and say... -[Mobile phone beeps]

-Shit. Fuck me. -I'd suck the teats of a pig!

In my fucking own shoes.

What is wrong with him?

Something happened, I don't know what it was about.

Okay, listen, Karen.

-I know you don't have long. I need to tell you... -I...

I didn't go through with it. The vasectomy, I didn't do it.

-I'm sorry. I'm saying sorry... -Oh, for goodness' sake...

The one thing I needed you to do.

I know, I know. I waxed everything

I was gonna do it, have a look at that.

I mean I...

Oh... Oh... Oh...

That is something I will never unsee

-I'm so sorry. -Look...

When I get home we'll rebook the appointment and we'll go together.

All right? Maybe it wasn't a good idea to...

Excuse me, what are you doing?

[Richard] Who's that? [Karen] That's mine. That's my laptop.

[Richard] Hey, hey, hey, put that down!

-Put that down, please. -Put that down. Hello...

-What are you... -Hey... What?

[boy] "The church of scientology."

-You're gonna join that? -I think so.

-Get the fuck out. -Ah... Hmm..

[Both laughing]

-Let's get some other suggestions. -Uh.. Join...

The Army.

-I mean like... -Have a look.

Yeah, let's do it.

[Mobile phone beeping]

[Video call ringing]

Richard, Hi. [Exhales]

How are you today?

[Stammers] Yeah, not, not, not, not terribly well.

-Oh. -I found a message on Izzy's phone,

um, from someone, saying,

-"I lick you forever." -Oh, no.

And I don't know if it was, "I like you forever,"

-or it was actually just misspelled. -Oh, Nathan, I'm so sorry

-to hear that. -And it's probably just like slang...

That is, what a...

-It is awful, isn't it? -What a...

-What a... -I thought maybe I was overreacting.

No. You are not overreacting at all. That sounds pretty damning to me.

What I can see, though, is a person who is incredibly anxious.

If you are feeling like this,

then it's a good chance that there is a manipulation going on,

an emotional manipulation.

-Do you think she wanted me to see that message? -Well...

On some level, possibly, yeah.

But you met... You met her. She is very sweet.

I don't know her from a hole in the road,

but she struck me, I have to be honest, as a little manipulative,

a little scheming, a little controlling.

And, I think, the time has come maybe, to try...

to try,

life apart from this woman.

You cry, if you wanna cry, you cry.

-I've been such a fool. -I know, you have.

-Why would she do this? -Because she's so young.

-She's so young. -My God, she's young.

-She is so young. -Disgustingly, wrongly young.

-What shall I do? -You have to end it.

-I can't. I can't. -I know.

-Just write a text. You don't even have to say it. -I can't write a text.

Let me help you to be free of it.

-Okay. -Okay?

Pick up your phone. Pick up your phone.

Okay. Go to text messages.

Click on Izzy, and this is what you are going to say.

"It's over..."

Do it. "It's over, I'm sorry.

"We can't see each other again.

-"Ever." -[Crying] Oh...

-Send it, send it, send it... -[Groaning]

-Send it, send it, send it. -[Crying] Argh!

-It's sent, it's sent. -Good, good, good.

It's sent.

[Izzy screams]

-[Shrieks] -[Door slams]

[Chuckles] that worked.

[Video call ringing]

-Ryan. -Hi, Richard. How you doing?

Yeah, great. Listen, I've just had my house valued,

and it's worth a lot more than I thought it was originally.

-And what I love you to do is remortgage for me. -Ah, why?

Because I need to do some things with the money.

Your wife is on the mortgage, isn't she?

Yeah, well we own the house together.

-Um, so we are gonna need... -Yeah.

...her permission as well.

Ryan, I don't wanna tell her because it's a surprise for her birthday.

Do you know how to do her signature?

Yeah.

We could do that.

[Pen scribbling]

Sort of like that?

You're a fucking genius.

Fill out the form now, fill it out, send it off.

-Send it off. -How old are you?

Forty-four. How old are you?

-Oh, I see, for the form, sorry. -Forty-four.

-Right. -Okay.

So, next question, gender?

-Income? -My income, or my wife's and my income?

I need yours and I need hers

and then I need you to add them up.

Her's is $90,000 a year.

And mine is $9,000 a year.

-So, let me just get a calculator here. -[Exhales]

Sorry, one second.

Nine,

-zero, zero, zero, plus... -You're gonna add those together?

Nine, zero, zero, zero...

It goes, oh sorry now I... Yeah 99,

99,000.

-Oh, no. -What?

It says, um...

If you made... If you think you've made any spelling mistakes

or you have not used block capitals.

Then you have to... Have to do this again.

[Video call ringing]

-Hello. -Hey, man.

-How are you? -I'm good. How are you?

One sec, just hold on a sec.

Ready for this?

[Piano playing]

Oh, my god!

You are... No way.

Dude, oh, my god.

[Both laughing]

[Clapping] Are you for real?

Yo, that was tight!

-Oh, my God. -How good was that?

How long that take you learn?

I knew you'd be the only person to appreciate that.

Yeah, I appreciate that to fuck!

-Oh my god. [Laughing] -I have got a lot of grief of my family for play that

-so much. -No way. Oh, my god.

Your family need to get with it, bro.

-That was great. -Thank you.

-[Laughing] -Um, so tell me you know, how are things?

Yeah, man, things are good, you know.

I've been thinking,

maybe it's a good idea if I find my dad.

-That's very interesting. -I just think if I find him...

-Mmm-hmm. -If I, I mean if I go and I say,

-"Look, here I am." -Mmm-hmm.

"I'm your son." What I hope is that

he'll be as excited as I am.

But even if he's not,

at least I'll know. Do you know what I mean?

I think it's a very exciting prospect

-You're excited by it? -Sure.

I'm excited for you and the prospect of you

finding your father, but do you know even where to begin, to look?

Yeah. I know where he is.

Wow.

Listen, dude, like, thank you.

-You're welcome. -Without you,

none of this would be happening, okay?

All right, well, listen, good luck.

Thank you, man.

I love, can I just say that, I love the shirts.

Oh, dude. Thank you very much.

I thought you were, uh,

sorry, it was stupid. I thought you were gonna say I love you. [Chuckles]

[Chuckles nervously]

But not in a weird way, just kind of like, in a

family kind of way, you know?

Oh, right, I'm fine.

I was actually, um...

I was actually thinking of joining the Army.

-Good idea. -Yeah.

Grandpa Jeremy did it, I did it.

-That's what I thought. I thought that maybe... -Family tradition.

Yeah. Give me some advice or...

If you think you're gonna joining the Army, you gotta tidy this room up.

Yeah, yeah.

This would not pass inspection, let me tell you now.

Smells a bit spunky too, got to say.

Mmm-hmm, yeah.

Did you, like...

What kind of experience did you have in the Army?

And what was like the scariest thing that you ever saw?

-I saw a dog shit up a wall once, which was very unusual. -You saw what?

An explosion went off, a roadside explosion and a dog just shat...

-[Chuckles] That's... -Up a wall...

-Unusual? -That can't be the scariest thing.

-Like that... -Just...

Two days ago, I lost a buddy.

An explosion happened and...

He bled out in front of me.

I mean, I tried to stuff what was there

-into the wound, but... -Yeah.

It wasn't stopping for anything.

[Inhales] And he cried like a baby, I slapped him.

And...

"Pull yourself together," but he couldn't because he...

He was almost in two separate parts.

Yeah.

[Video call ringing]

-Richard. -Ya, Hello, Neil. Hi, hi...

-Did a bit of thinking. -Oh, yeah?

Yeah, I think I've realised

what the real issue is here.

-Okay. -And that is that I've told you

about what I did.

Oh... You don't need to worry, cause this is, these are confidential.

That just might be, but that information still exists in your head.

-That's where it's... -It's just that you can see my problem, can't you?

-Well... -I've got to get that out of your head.

I mean there's only one way I can think of to do that.

-It's gone. -It's not.

-What's not? -It's still in there.

It's not... Look you told me, yes, you told me.

And, yes, I know and I will never reveal it.

That's the first thing you need to remember.

I'm just sorry.

-That's understandable. -Sorry for your kids, really.

-No, Neil... -I'm sorry, mate.

Neil, you don't need to feel that way.

What you've done is you opened up and now you feeling vulnerable.

-Do you know what? -I know, I know. Look, I can see

this is difficult for you.

It's difficult for all of us, Neil.

Shit happens, don't it?

-So... -No, no, wait, wait...

No wait, wait, wait, Neil. No, wait, please...

-See you later. -Neil, no, wait...

Neil!

Neil!

-Pete, I need a gun. -What?

-I need a gun. -Why?

I'm worried, he is gonna find me and come and get me.

-Neil? -Yes.

-Shh... -We need to get onto...

-The dark web. -What's the dark web?

Shh...

You don't talk about... [Softly] The dark web.

You're talking about it now.

We have to think about ways of getting to the...

We have to start off with innocent things.

Get on the web looking for staplers or cushions or something.

If you go on there looking for those things,

you can find certain codes that lead you through pages

-and that will get you onto the other side. -What are you talking about?

Think about something like, I don't know...

Antique cups, jubilee mugs.

I don't know something that you want look for on the...

All right, jubilee mugs.

Antique jubilee mugs from 1977.

[Tapping keys]

-Bring up images. -[Typing] Yes.

Is there one with the Queen upside down?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Right, okay, click on that image.

-Right. -Careful.

-It says good condition, $4.99. -Okay, what else?

The seller's got a 96% rating.

-Double click on that. -[Mouse clicks]

They are in Orpington.

-We're getting there. -Where are we getting?

-It's a gateway, like Bishop's Stortford, they're gateways. -What, to Kent?

To the dark web. Will you please stop making me say it all the time?

-Is the town name in highlights? -Yeah.

-Click on it. -[Mouse clicks]

-What comes up? -The Wikipedia page for Orpington.

-Go to maps. -Yes.

Find a war memorial.

We're looking for something like Terry Godington or...

-Louie Cypher. -[Bangs table]

You don't know what you are doing, do you?

Just find a name that looks religiously suspicious.

-Okay, I found a name. -What does it say?

-Arthur Bishop. -Might work.

-Right. -Anything?

-He's from Orpington. -Oh, my God, really?

-Okay, send me the link. -[Typing]

This is dangerous stuff, Richard.

What, we might end up with a mug we don't want.

-[Video call ringing] -Fucking hell. Fucking hell!

-Oh, Hello. -Richard, I need you to help me.

-Fiona. -I feel very, very, very anxious.

-Right. -You may have seen we had a bit of a press debacle.

I am very squeezed in, Richard.

-I got to manage the PR on this. -Yeah.

And Nigel is drinking all the time, he's drunk and I'm having to drag him up.

And that's why we're doing the photo session again, Richard

-because he couldn't stand up properly. -Yeah.

-Robin's gone to Kuta Beach! -Kuta beach?

-Kuta beach in Bali. -Nigel's lover?

-Right. -Spending all of our money.

-Oh, your money? -Sitting in little beach bars,

probably sucking of all kinds of natives.

-What I wanna say is... -This is the moment when you give me the help,

the advice, the what I am fucking paying you for.

This is it, Pitt!

I understand that you're angry.

I understand that you're going through a very difficult time

And it's absolutely valid that you're feeling the way you are feeling.

Yes, well that's all well and good is it? But what are you going to do about it?

It's okay to be vulnerable, Fiona.

No feeling lasts forever.

And it's human to feel vulnerable,

-It's human to feel weak. -Yes.

It's human to feel out of control.

It's okay.

-Gonna... Gonna face the Press. -Yeah.

-I'm gonna say you... -Yeah.

-...see me... -Yeah.

-Fiona fucking Bellingham. -Yeah.

-I'm gonna to Nigel, "Fuck off." -Right.

I'm gonna come out, I'm gonna say, "Do you want a piece of me?

"You peasants!"

-Yeah. -You're a fucking genius, Richard.

I have to admit, I had my doubts when I first saw you in your shitty little house.

But you've resurrected a supreme Fiona Bellingham from the ashes.

I am your phoenix, Richard.

Well done, you have done very well.

That's very kind of you. I don't wanna talk about me, though.

What I would like to talk about, money for the sessions.

Still doesn't seem to have arrived in my bank account.

-Fucking Robin. -Robin's taken...

And he is spending it like nobody's business but...

Do you know what? There is something more important than money, Richard,

-and that's honour. -Yeah.

And I think we can join hands, can we not, across the divide

and say we stand shoulder to shoulder,

that you've helped someone far superior to you in every way,

and it just goes to show you

that people like you can do it.

-Richard. -Yes.

Richard, I don't know if genius is too strong a word, but I'm gonna use it.

-You are a genius. -So everything's worked out, for the best?

Better than I could've ever dreamed of.

And the more I think back on all our talks,

you've masterminded the whole thing from day one.

I mean you obviously understood that Izzy would come by to collect stuff,

and I would end up talking to her about my emotional debt

-about all these experiences. -Right.

And as soon as I started talking to her about these things.

It was like this veil lifted from her eyes.

And we looked at each other and we thought,

not only should we not be breaking up,

we can never be apart.

Of course, we can't.

I feel, only now, divesting myself of this

crap!

-And now I am free, and I am a man. -Okay.

I am gonna to do something now that I don't do with many

-of my clients. -Please.

I would like to give you,

an old-fashioned,

one-on-one, in person,

therapy session. Are you up for that?

-Absolutely. -Great.

What I suggest, uh, is you come here tomorrow at 2:30...

-[Laughing] -And let's talk face to face.

-Richard I can't tell... -I want to introduce you

to a couple of concepts.

[Video call ringing]

-Werner. -Hello, Richard.

-Are you all right? -Yeah, I am, to you, a very thankful person,

that you answer me.

-Where are you? -[Sighs]

So I am by the police,

in, in Zurich.

-Why? -Gene Flicks...

You know, the deal with his...

Yeah, is gone in the trousers.

There was a journalist.

He make very difficult questions.

"What is going on?

"What makes Werner Lienhard with all this money?"

-Can I please tell you? -Oh...

-Werner, is this the time for... -Maybe for me very important.

All this time I see that Karen,

-she want only to make fun with my genital... -Yeah...

-Is not true. Is not true. -There's been a lot of that.

-She doesn't wanna have fun with your genitals. -No, she is...

The most fantastish dame.

And you are very lucky man.

Are you okay?

Well I've watched many prison movies.

For example, you know Shawshake Redemptions,

and so I don't, I don't have a shower.

The sisters...

They are one after another upside your asshole.

-All right, I'll... -I love you?

-Richard. Richard. -Abs.

-Where are you? -[Gasping] I'm in a hospital.

-What? Are you all right? -Karen's collapsed.

-What? -It's okay, it's okay, it's fine. It's fine, it's okay.

-It's just nervous exhaustion. -Where is she?

She is just here, look.

-Put her on. -No, she can't. She's passed out.

Look, she's fine. Look, I just need to talk to you for a minute.

What do you... What do you mean she's passed out?

Richard, please just focus on me for a minute.

No, I will not focus on you, Abs.

-[Crying] I don't know who I am. -Abs.

Pass me to a doctor.

Where are you, Abs?

Freezenburg Municipal Hospital in Zurich.

-Freezenburg... -Please, I just need some advice.

-Please. I can't deal all this. -Abs, Abs, Abs listen to me.

-You have to, you have to look after my wife... -[Crying] I can't, I can't...

[Call drops]

[Video call ringing]

Hello, listen, I am in big trouble.

I've come to the end of my lollipop, Richard

-What? -Yes, I'm done with analysis therapy...

-No... -Psychodynamics, everything.

-No you're not. -I am done because I don't really believe...

Any of this does any good.

I'm here to tell you that is not true,

because you have achieved an enormous amount with me.

I have a much better relationship with my anus and with every anus out there.

I want you to be...

-released. -I reject the release. I reject it.

I'm not having it.

The thing is, I haven't been strictly honest with you.

I have a serious problem. A man...

A violent man, who I owe a huge amount of money to...

I've lied to my wife, I've lied to you, I've lied to my family, I've lied to...

-Shall I be more honest with you? -Yes.

You bore the shit out of me.

-What? -You bore me shitless.

You wallow in an oceanic shitfest of failure.

-So? -That's your default mode,

to be the victim, floating around in an ocean of your own shit.

I don't need the shit. I want the shit,

because I thought you wanted my shit.

You liked the shit and you listened to my shit.

I am signing off, Richard,

with a quote, as is my wont.

You

are the horror.

The horror!

The horror!

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