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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,055 --> 00:00:02,295 Ever wondered what it'd be like if your 11-year-old kid 2 00:00:02,375 --> 00:00:04,935 earned more in a week than you do in a year? 3 00:00:05,023 --> 00:00:06,514 Welcome to my world. 4 00:00:06,539 --> 00:00:08,701 I'm Tony Carter, and this is my house in Milton Keynes, 5 00:00:08,781 --> 00:00:10,261 the one with the yellow shed. 6 00:00:10,341 --> 00:00:12,661 That's where my son Harry came up with Honc, 7 00:00:12,741 --> 00:00:14,501 an app to help him talk to girls. 8 00:00:14,581 --> 00:00:17,421 It used to be my shed. Oh, I miss my shed. 9 00:00:17,501 --> 00:00:20,621 Anyway, I don't really get social networking. 10 00:00:20,701 --> 00:00:23,181 If I did, I wouldn't drive a minibus for OAP's, 11 00:00:23,261 --> 00:00:25,741 but it seems to have gone massive. 12 00:00:25,821 --> 00:00:28,621 Harry still can't talk to girls, though. 13 00:00:28,701 --> 00:00:31,461 Now, some big tech company wants to pay millions for it. 14 00:00:31,541 --> 00:00:33,108 But will it change us? 15 00:00:33,133 --> 00:00:35,573 - Cannonball! - Nah. 16 00:00:37,940 --> 00:00:40,021 I usually like to be blindfolded in 17 00:00:40,101 --> 00:00:42,181 the comfort of my own bedroom, Oliver. 18 00:00:42,261 --> 00:00:44,701 Oh, but I have a rather super surprise for you. 19 00:00:44,781 --> 00:00:46,579 Oh, my God, are we at Disneyland? 20 00:00:46,604 --> 00:00:48,493 We've only been in the car ten minutes, Ellie. 21 00:00:48,518 --> 00:00:51,111 Now, mind your step and that discarded prophylactic 22 00:00:51,136 --> 00:00:53,261 and three, two, one, 23 00:00:53,341 --> 00:00:55,421 ta-da! 24 00:00:55,501 --> 00:00:58,021 Welcome to Honc HQ! 25 00:00:58,101 --> 00:01:00,061 Looks like somewhere you'd dump a body. 26 00:01:00,141 --> 00:01:02,221 Well, yes, but imagine it transformed. 27 00:01:02,301 --> 00:01:05,741 Slides between floors, ball pools for creative thinking sessions, 28 00:01:05,821 --> 00:01:07,181 mini golf on the roof. 29 00:01:07,261 --> 00:01:08,741 It's amazing. 30 00:01:08,821 --> 00:01:11,371 Just think, all of this was something that came out of your head. 31 00:01:11,396 --> 00:01:13,596 Honc is on the up and up! 32 00:01:13,621 --> 00:01:16,341 Hearty congratulations, Carters. 33 00:01:16,421 --> 00:01:18,061 ALL: Yay! 34 00:01:18,141 --> 00:01:20,301 [TELEPHONE RINGS] 35 00:01:20,381 --> 00:01:22,101 Oh, Trent, hello. Right. 36 00:01:22,181 --> 00:01:26,541 Understood. Save your whoops and hollers. You're being sued. 37 00:01:26,621 --> 00:01:29,266 Another child is claiming to have co-created Honc. 38 00:01:29,291 --> 00:01:30,891 What?! 39 00:01:32,021 --> 00:01:34,260 Save the whoops, got it. 40 00:02:01,312 --> 00:02:04,898 Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb www.addic7ed.com 41 00:02:04,981 --> 00:02:07,061 William Gosling, 11, 42 00:02:07,155 --> 00:02:11,115 claims he met Harry two years ago at a summer computer camp. 43 00:02:11,181 --> 00:02:13,061 I remember him, he was the weird one. 44 00:02:13,141 --> 00:02:15,741 Tony, it was a computer camp, all the kids were weird. 45 00:02:15,821 --> 00:02:17,854 - Mum... - Oh, come on, son. 46 00:02:17,879 --> 00:02:20,621 You arrange your vegetables in alphabetical order. 47 00:02:20,701 --> 00:02:24,265 William is claiming that the two of you became 48 00:02:24,290 --> 00:02:26,165 best BFF's forever 49 00:02:26,221 --> 00:02:27,941 and created Honc together. 50 00:02:28,021 --> 00:02:30,181 He's lying. We weren't even friends. 51 00:02:30,261 --> 00:02:33,421 He had a pet moth and kept on showing everyone his willy. 52 00:02:33,501 --> 00:02:35,101 Reminds me of being at Eton. 53 00:02:35,181 --> 00:02:37,701 This is all obviously a big misunderstanding. 54 00:02:37,781 --> 00:02:39,501 Harry invented Honc on his own. 55 00:02:39,581 --> 00:02:41,193 But how to prove it? 56 00:02:41,218 --> 00:02:43,833 Just use my notebook. The one I have all the Honc code in. 57 00:02:43,858 --> 00:02:45,621 I can dig it out, it's all the proof we need. 58 00:02:45,701 --> 00:02:47,741 And that is all you need to do. 59 00:02:47,821 --> 00:02:49,858 Trent has some of his top men on this. 60 00:02:49,883 --> 00:02:52,101 ELLIE: You're one of Trent's top men? 61 00:02:52,181 --> 00:02:54,741 OLIVER: No, no, if anything I'm one of his bottom men. 62 00:02:54,821 --> 00:02:59,021 My role is merely to ensure that you do not contact the Gosling family. 63 00:02:59,101 --> 00:03:02,965 So, whatever you do, do not approach them. 64 00:03:02,990 --> 00:03:05,148 Is that clear? 65 00:03:05,941 --> 00:03:08,421 We'll just tell them straight, "We think you made a mistake." 66 00:03:08,501 --> 00:03:11,381 Yeah, if you don't back off I'm going to damage you with my hands. 67 00:03:11,461 --> 00:03:14,037 Liz, if you can't control your temper, 68 00:03:14,062 --> 00:03:15,596 then I'm going to send you back to the car. 69 00:03:15,661 --> 00:03:17,221 Do you want to go back to the car? 70 00:03:17,301 --> 00:03:19,023 - No. - Do you? 71 00:03:19,613 --> 00:03:21,750 - No. - Good. 72 00:03:21,783 --> 00:03:24,946 Because we're going to deal with this like civilised adults. 73 00:03:27,621 --> 00:03:28,741 Hello? 74 00:03:28,821 --> 00:03:31,116 BOTH: Argh! 75 00:03:31,141 --> 00:03:32,701 Don't mind us, we were hiding. 76 00:03:32,781 --> 00:03:34,868 We thought you were the social worker. 77 00:03:34,893 --> 00:03:37,981 Get away, you're not taking my child! 78 00:03:38,061 --> 00:03:40,301 Anyway, how's it hanging, Carters? 79 00:03:40,381 --> 00:03:43,424 Yeah, we haven't seen you guys since the boys were at computer camp. 80 00:03:43,471 --> 00:03:46,461 And now you're suing us for millions of pounds. 81 00:03:46,541 --> 00:03:48,741 I know, isn't it weird? 82 00:03:48,821 --> 00:03:50,541 So funny how things turn out. 83 00:03:50,621 --> 00:03:51,861 Life. 84 00:03:51,941 --> 00:03:54,101 Actually, that's what we wanted to talk to you about. 85 00:03:54,181 --> 00:03:56,381 Look, just because we're taking you to court 86 00:03:56,461 --> 00:03:57,981 doesn't mean we can't be buddies. 87 00:03:58,061 --> 00:04:00,901 You're just in time for the Gosling family music hour. 88 00:04:00,981 --> 00:04:03,381 Guess who's on triangle? 89 00:04:03,461 --> 00:04:05,978 We're playing the songs of Destiny's Child. 90 00:04:07,541 --> 00:04:11,458 Question, tell me what she thinks about me. 91 00:04:11,809 --> 00:04:13,981 Do you think we could come in and talk about this? 92 00:04:14,061 --> 00:04:15,381 No! 93 00:04:15,461 --> 00:04:18,101 OK, then, why don't you come to us? 94 00:04:18,181 --> 00:04:19,901 Tomorrow night, dinner, eight o'clock. 95 00:04:19,981 --> 00:04:21,701 BOTH: It's a date! 96 00:04:21,781 --> 00:04:25,101 Brillo pads, we can put all this silly Honc nonsense to bed. 97 00:04:25,181 --> 00:04:26,741 Later, Carters! 98 00:04:30,701 --> 00:04:32,021 What did you do that for? 99 00:04:32,101 --> 00:04:33,381 Now I've got to cook for them. 100 00:04:33,461 --> 00:04:35,204 I panicked, he had a ukulele. 101 00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:42,943 I don't believe it. 102 00:04:42,968 --> 00:04:44,270 You found my notebook? 103 00:04:44,295 --> 00:04:46,941 Even better, it's Mr No, You Shut Up. 104 00:04:47,021 --> 00:04:49,621 - No, you shut up. - TOY: No, you shut up. 105 00:04:49,701 --> 00:04:52,864 See? That's his name cos that's what he always says to me. 106 00:04:52,889 --> 00:04:56,181 But his name could be anything because it records whatever you say. 107 00:04:56,261 --> 00:04:58,541 No, his name is Mr No, You Shut Up. 108 00:04:58,605 --> 00:05:00,545 - TOY: No, you shut up. - No, you shut up. 109 00:05:00,570 --> 00:05:02,221 - TOY: No, you shut up. - See? 110 00:05:02,301 --> 00:05:04,021 We'd argue like this for hours. 111 00:05:04,115 --> 00:05:05,272 Fine. 112 00:05:05,297 --> 00:05:07,499 Right, that's the last from the loft. 113 00:05:07,541 --> 00:05:09,061 Dad, look what I found. 114 00:05:09,141 --> 00:05:10,803 Liz, she found it! 115 00:05:10,828 --> 00:05:12,468 Hide the batteries. 116 00:05:12,901 --> 00:05:14,981 Dad, I don't want to go to school tomorrow. 117 00:05:15,061 --> 00:05:17,473 Really? You've never not wanted to go to school. 118 00:05:17,498 --> 00:05:19,501 Not even when those big kids set fire to your backpack. 119 00:05:19,581 --> 00:05:20,741 I can't find my book, 120 00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:23,181 and everyone's going to think I'm a liar. 121 00:05:23,261 --> 00:05:25,821 Harry, Harry, Harry. 122 00:05:25,901 --> 00:05:27,781 Listen, you've got nothing to hide. 123 00:05:27,861 --> 00:05:29,261 You did create Honc, 124 00:05:29,341 --> 00:05:31,661 so you need to go into that school with your head held high. 125 00:05:31,741 --> 00:05:35,461 No-one is going to think you're a liar. 126 00:05:35,541 --> 00:05:40,181 THEY CHANT: Liar! Liar! Liar! Liar! 127 00:05:40,261 --> 00:05:41,839 You've let me down, Carter. 128 00:05:41,864 --> 00:05:43,581 You're a fake and phony. 129 00:05:43,661 --> 00:05:45,347 I've lost all respect for you. 130 00:05:45,372 --> 00:05:47,061 You beat me up on a daily basis. 131 00:05:47,141 --> 00:05:49,356 Yeah, out of respect. 132 00:05:52,158 --> 00:05:54,296 Did you do my maths homework? 133 00:05:58,221 --> 00:06:00,804 I thought you might've been the one. 134 00:06:07,581 --> 00:06:09,061 Are you all right, Ellie? 135 00:06:09,141 --> 00:06:10,941 Yeah, I'm thinking. 136 00:06:11,021 --> 00:06:13,821 Oh, well, careful, you know what happens when you think too much. 137 00:06:13,901 --> 00:06:15,621 I get really tired. 138 00:06:15,701 --> 00:06:19,075 Really tired. You slept for a week after your SATs. 139 00:06:21,741 --> 00:06:25,141 Dad, if we lose Harry's money, what's going to happen to us? 140 00:06:25,221 --> 00:06:27,461 You know, you don't need to worry about this. 141 00:06:27,541 --> 00:06:30,701 If we do lose the money, nothing will change. 142 00:06:30,781 --> 00:06:33,581 Dad, I know you're just trying to stay strong, 143 00:06:33,661 --> 00:06:37,701 and that's very nice of you, but that won't pay the bills. 144 00:06:37,796 --> 00:06:40,556 I've decided I'm going to get a job. 145 00:06:40,621 --> 00:06:42,701 What about school? Nailed it. 146 00:06:42,781 --> 00:06:45,221 It's time for a new challenge. 147 00:06:45,301 --> 00:06:47,421 All right, what are you going to do? 148 00:06:47,501 --> 00:06:50,141 Well, I saw this advert in a phone box... 149 00:06:50,221 --> 00:06:51,673 - Oh, God. - And it sounds perfect 150 00:06:51,698 --> 00:06:52,749 because I like dancing 151 00:06:52,774 --> 00:06:54,821 and I googled exotic and it just means foreign. 152 00:06:54,901 --> 00:06:57,301 I'm just going to... I'm just going to stop you there, Ellie. 153 00:06:57,381 --> 00:06:59,301 I don't think that's the job for you. 154 00:06:59,381 --> 00:07:02,741 I don't know, Parville seemed really enthusiastic, 155 00:07:02,821 --> 00:07:06,341 I just have to get somewhere called Pandora's Box tomorrow night. 156 00:07:06,421 --> 00:07:09,461 No, no, no, no, no, something else. 157 00:07:09,541 --> 00:07:12,181 - Definitely something else. - Like what? 158 00:07:12,261 --> 00:07:13,985 Well, you know what, Ellie? 159 00:07:14,010 --> 00:07:16,285 I think at this moment it's very, 160 00:07:16,356 --> 00:07:19,236 very important that you stay in school. 161 00:07:19,301 --> 00:07:22,061 Fine. I'll stay in school, 162 00:07:22,124 --> 00:07:24,835 as long as you promise to stay strong 163 00:07:24,860 --> 00:07:26,468 and keep the money coming in. 164 00:07:26,541 --> 00:07:28,181 OK, Ellie. 165 00:07:28,261 --> 00:07:29,960 I promise. 166 00:07:32,541 --> 00:07:34,774 Why aren't you wearing your nice red shirt? 167 00:07:34,799 --> 00:07:36,141 Cos you can see my nipples through it. 168 00:07:36,221 --> 00:07:37,941 I don't want to send Sue over the edge. 169 00:07:38,021 --> 00:07:39,461 She's already over the edge. 170 00:07:39,541 --> 00:07:43,341 No, what I mean is, she's got a thing for me. 171 00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:46,381 [SHE LAUGHS] 172 00:07:46,461 --> 00:07:49,021 Oh, bless you. 173 00:07:49,101 --> 00:07:50,245 She so hasn't. 174 00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:53,076 Oh, trust me, I remember it from before. 175 00:07:53,101 --> 00:07:56,501 She keeps giving me this sideways look. 176 00:07:56,581 --> 00:07:59,541 - How does it go? - Like this. 177 00:07:59,621 --> 00:08:01,341 What, she had a stroke? 178 00:08:01,421 --> 00:08:04,221 No, trust me, girl, she thinks I'm sexy. 179 00:08:04,301 --> 00:08:07,579 Well, she's clinically insane, so maybe. 180 00:08:08,621 --> 00:08:12,447 I'll tell you what I think is sexy, a man who can cook. 181 00:08:12,478 --> 00:08:14,301 No, no, no, no. 182 00:08:14,381 --> 00:08:16,381 - I'm not falling for that. - Yes, you are. 183 00:08:16,406 --> 00:08:18,297 - Oh, no, I'm not. - Oh, but you so are. 184 00:08:18,322 --> 00:08:21,109 No, I'm not cooking the dinner just because you're promising me sex. 185 00:08:21,134 --> 00:08:22,470 Yeah, but we both know that you will, 186 00:08:22,495 --> 00:08:24,175 so I need to go upstairs and get changed 187 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:27,564 and in about five minutes' time, I will be completely naked. 188 00:08:29,221 --> 00:08:30,971 - Completely? - Yeah, totally. 189 00:08:30,996 --> 00:08:33,141 - Baby oil? - Oh, yeah. 190 00:08:33,221 --> 00:08:35,659 Five minutes, can you make it ten? 191 00:08:35,684 --> 00:08:37,164 I don't want to burn the rice. 192 00:08:37,189 --> 00:08:40,069 [RHYTHMIC BANGING] 193 00:08:41,381 --> 00:08:42,541 [DOORBELL RINGS] 194 00:08:42,621 --> 00:08:44,231 Kids, get the door! 195 00:08:44,256 --> 00:08:45,741 Why can't you get it? 196 00:08:45,821 --> 00:08:47,421 We're putting up the picture! 197 00:08:47,501 --> 00:08:50,061 Weird, they usually only put up pictures on Sunday mornings. 198 00:08:50,141 --> 00:08:52,381 Ellie, I don't think they're putting up a picture. 199 00:08:52,461 --> 00:08:54,621 Well, what's he banging then? 200 00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:58,842 Quickly! It's the Goslings, we'll be down in a minute! 201 00:09:02,501 --> 00:09:05,295 Sorry, the risotto is a bit burnt. 202 00:09:07,101 --> 00:09:09,981 So, Harry, how's the Alma Mater? 203 00:09:10,006 --> 00:09:12,021 HARRY: I'm going to guess at fine. 204 00:09:12,101 --> 00:09:13,861 Talking about school, young fella. 205 00:09:13,941 --> 00:09:15,381 Do you not study Latin? 206 00:09:15,461 --> 00:09:17,541 William does, and Mandarin. 207 00:09:17,621 --> 00:09:20,619 - ELLIE: The little orange? - No, Chinese. 208 00:09:20,644 --> 00:09:22,221 It's the language of the future. 209 00:09:22,301 --> 00:09:24,541 Quite right, Peter. [HE SPEAKS MANDARIN] 210 00:09:24,621 --> 00:09:27,067 - What was that? - Mandarin? 211 00:09:27,092 --> 00:09:29,685 No, I mean, you just called your dad Peter. 212 00:09:29,741 --> 00:09:31,701 Oh, but he's Peter and I'm Sue. 213 00:09:31,781 --> 00:09:33,501 I mean, Mummy and Daddy, 214 00:09:33,581 --> 00:09:36,581 they're just Victorian constructs that perpetuate gender stereotypes. 215 00:09:36,661 --> 00:09:38,421 Yeah, yeah. 216 00:09:38,501 --> 00:09:40,661 Harry calls me Elizabeth all the time. 217 00:09:40,717 --> 00:09:42,848 Why? Your name's Liz. 218 00:09:42,873 --> 00:09:44,716 Which is short for Elizabeth. 219 00:09:44,861 --> 00:09:48,036 Wow, game changer. 220 00:09:48,061 --> 00:09:51,501 OK, so, Harry's just won his school's chess tournament. 221 00:09:51,581 --> 00:09:53,541 Only me and the headmaster entered. 222 00:09:53,621 --> 00:09:55,308 William is the under 13 chess champion, 223 00:09:55,333 --> 00:09:57,461 and he swept the board at prize giving. 224 00:09:57,541 --> 00:10:01,756 I won everything, apart from most popular pupil, that is. 225 00:10:01,781 --> 00:10:04,061 Well, Harry's got loads of friends, haven't you, Harry? 226 00:10:04,141 --> 00:10:07,348 - Two. - William also has 227 00:10:07,373 --> 00:10:10,653 - a lot of friends. - WILLIAM: They're all moths. 228 00:10:11,021 --> 00:10:14,661 Don't mention the moths, we discussed this. 229 00:10:14,741 --> 00:10:17,478 So, Harry, have you got any friends who are moths? 230 00:10:17,503 --> 00:10:20,021 William is the lead soprano in his local gospel choir. 231 00:10:20,101 --> 00:10:22,221 - Sing, darling. Sing! - WILLIAM: No, I'm... 232 00:10:22,301 --> 00:10:24,301 When Jesus says yes 233 00:10:24,381 --> 00:10:26,221 Nobody can say no 234 00:10:26,301 --> 00:10:28,517 When Jesus says yes 235 00:10:28,542 --> 00:10:30,620 Nobody can say no 236 00:10:30,645 --> 00:10:32,605 When Jesus says yes 237 00:10:32,685 --> 00:10:34,645 Nobody can say no 238 00:10:34,724 --> 00:10:36,684 When Jesus says yes 239 00:10:36,764 --> 00:10:39,564 Nobody can say no... 240 00:10:42,855 --> 00:10:44,735 What's the RAM on this thing? 241 00:10:44,815 --> 00:10:45,816 12 gigs. 242 00:10:45,841 --> 00:10:47,291 When we're rich from my Honc money, 243 00:10:47,316 --> 00:10:49,800 I'm going to get the new one with 16, 244 00:10:49,825 --> 00:10:53,895 full HD, water cord and over-clocks of 4.14 gigahertz. 245 00:10:53,975 --> 00:10:57,208 William, why are you lying about co-creating Honc? 246 00:10:57,233 --> 00:10:59,375 Peter told me not to discuss it with you. 247 00:10:59,455 --> 00:11:02,732 Look, if you just tell the truth, I won't be angry. 248 00:11:03,655 --> 00:11:05,192 Harry, 249 00:11:06,100 --> 00:11:08,357 do you want to see my willy? 250 00:11:09,537 --> 00:11:11,577 Daddy bird's home. 251 00:11:11,656 --> 00:11:13,696 Does baby bird want her din-dins? 252 00:11:13,777 --> 00:11:14,985 Yes. 253 00:11:16,297 --> 00:11:20,227 OK, right, let's get down to brass tacks. 254 00:11:20,777 --> 00:11:22,977 Harry says William didn't help him invent Honc 255 00:11:23,057 --> 00:11:25,217 because he'd invented Honc before he even met William. 256 00:11:25,297 --> 00:11:27,087 And William says he and Harry invented Honc together 257 00:11:27,137 --> 00:11:28,897 during lunch breaks at computer camp 258 00:11:28,922 --> 00:11:31,272 so they didn't have to talk to girls. 259 00:11:31,297 --> 00:11:33,470 - Yeah, that, I can believe. - Look, one of them's lying, 260 00:11:33,495 --> 00:11:34,775 and it's not my son. 261 00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:37,200 Harry is prone to the odd tall tale. 262 00:11:37,225 --> 00:11:40,797 He told William his dad was actually the Stig. 263 00:11:41,137 --> 00:11:43,177 You're not the Stig. 264 00:11:43,257 --> 00:11:46,024 How do you know I'm not? Could be anybody under that helmet. 265 00:11:46,049 --> 00:11:48,777 And anyway, all parents tell their kids little white lies. 266 00:11:48,857 --> 00:11:50,664 Yeah, I mean Ellie thinks her rabbit ran off 267 00:11:50,689 --> 00:11:52,617 to join the other animals at Farthing Wood. 268 00:11:52,697 --> 00:11:54,460 - And did it? - No... 269 00:11:54,485 --> 00:11:56,321 Tony ran over it with the lawn mower. 270 00:11:56,377 --> 00:11:59,711 When William's rabbit died, we dissected it. 271 00:11:59,736 --> 00:12:02,805 So did I, technically, because half of it ended up as shit. 272 00:12:05,297 --> 00:12:06,650 You know, when you're upset, 273 00:12:06,675 --> 00:12:08,968 there's better things you can do than show people your willy. 274 00:12:08,993 --> 00:12:11,360 You'll end up on the special list they put DJs on. 275 00:12:11,385 --> 00:12:12,970 The tablets take the edge off, 276 00:12:12,995 --> 00:12:16,032 but being an only child is hard, you know. 277 00:12:16,057 --> 00:12:18,673 Peter and Sue expect so much from me. 278 00:12:18,698 --> 00:12:21,696 I think my parents are a bit more easy-going than yours. 279 00:12:21,777 --> 00:12:24,232 Don't you sometimes just want to run up a big hill 280 00:12:24,257 --> 00:12:27,060 and scream and scream at the top of your voice, 281 00:12:27,085 --> 00:12:30,864 "I am the moth king, watch me fly"! 282 00:12:32,217 --> 00:12:34,577 - Where are you going? - To hang out with my sister. 283 00:12:34,657 --> 00:12:37,680 I never thought I'd say this, but she makes more sense than you. 284 00:12:43,856 --> 00:12:46,616 I'd happily go over her with the lawn mower. 285 00:12:46,641 --> 00:12:49,571 We just need to stay calm and approach this rationally. 286 00:12:49,618 --> 00:12:51,314 You've met them. 287 00:12:52,509 --> 00:12:55,777 We're not going to fix this by being rational. 288 00:12:55,857 --> 00:12:58,297 Hey, you might be right. 289 00:12:58,377 --> 00:13:01,977 This might be time for a bit of the old Tony charm. 290 00:13:02,057 --> 00:13:04,377 - Oh, yeah, that'll do it. - I'll sweet talk her, 291 00:13:04,457 --> 00:13:06,657 and get her to admit this is all nonsense. 292 00:13:06,737 --> 00:13:08,157 I mean it shouldn't be hard, look, 293 00:13:08,182 --> 00:13:10,057 she's been giving me the eye all night. 294 00:13:10,137 --> 00:13:12,079 Will you stop it with all this, Tony? 295 00:13:12,104 --> 00:13:13,937 She doesn't fancy you. 296 00:13:14,017 --> 00:13:16,228 - You're not all that. - Well, you didn't say that earlier 297 00:13:16,253 --> 00:13:18,017 when we were putting up that picture. 298 00:13:18,042 --> 00:13:21,446 Oh, well, maybe that particular painting was a fake. 299 00:13:24,297 --> 00:13:27,097 I brought us some coffee, where's Peter? 300 00:13:27,177 --> 00:13:28,775 Peter's having a poo. 301 00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:31,196 He'll be gone for at least eight and a half minutes. 302 00:13:31,228 --> 00:13:33,751 OK. Well... 303 00:13:34,217 --> 00:13:37,008 seeing as Peter is busy, uh, 304 00:13:37,033 --> 00:13:38,761 I thought you and I could talk. 305 00:13:38,817 --> 00:13:40,417 I would love that. 306 00:13:40,497 --> 00:13:42,266 Do you like me, Tony? 307 00:13:43,977 --> 00:13:45,461 Yes? 308 00:13:45,486 --> 00:13:47,364 What do you like most about me? 309 00:13:47,389 --> 00:13:50,617 Oh, your hair. 310 00:13:50,697 --> 00:13:51,937 I really like your hair. 311 00:13:52,017 --> 00:13:53,377 You should see my chest. 312 00:13:53,457 --> 00:13:56,097 - I sort of can. - I think we should have sex. 313 00:13:56,177 --> 00:13:58,417 Well, this has escalated way quicker than I imagined. 314 00:13:58,497 --> 00:14:01,017 Whoops, did I say that out loud? 315 00:14:01,097 --> 00:14:03,377 But I think it would be fun, don't you? 316 00:14:03,457 --> 00:14:06,217 - Please? - Now, Sue, we're both married. 317 00:14:06,297 --> 00:14:09,137 Ah, but this was Peter's idea. 318 00:14:09,224 --> 00:14:12,944 Oh, listen, you're a really nice lady but... 319 00:14:13,017 --> 00:14:15,617 - Look... - What the hell is going on? 320 00:14:15,697 --> 00:14:17,017 I did say. 321 00:14:17,097 --> 00:14:21,137 Liz, your husband, my husband and I are going to make love. 322 00:14:21,217 --> 00:14:23,668 - Tony? - I can't just switch it off. 323 00:14:23,693 --> 00:14:26,082 I see you've started without me. 324 00:14:27,272 --> 00:14:29,511 Whoa, Peter, 325 00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:32,016 I'd love to say that this isn't how it looks, but... 326 00:14:32,057 --> 00:14:33,617 But nothing, Antonio. 327 00:14:33,642 --> 00:14:36,151 We all know what's going on here. 328 00:14:36,457 --> 00:14:38,897 - It's getting hot in here - So hot 329 00:14:38,977 --> 00:14:40,777 So take off all your clothes 330 00:14:40,857 --> 00:14:43,137 I am getting so hot 331 00:14:43,217 --> 00:14:45,573 I want to take my clothes off... 332 00:14:45,598 --> 00:14:47,377 - Mahogany! - What? 333 00:14:47,457 --> 00:14:50,617 - Her head or the banjo? - It's a ukulele. 334 00:14:50,697 --> 00:14:52,417 What have you done?! 335 00:14:52,497 --> 00:14:54,617 Played right into our hands. 336 00:14:54,697 --> 00:14:58,537 - That's what you've done. - Thanking you very much, indeedy-doo. 337 00:14:58,617 --> 00:15:00,297 So, you were lying. 338 00:15:00,377 --> 00:15:01,857 Of course we were lying! 339 00:15:01,937 --> 00:15:03,620 William's actually a very basic child, 340 00:15:03,667 --> 00:15:05,257 he could never have invented Honc. 341 00:15:05,337 --> 00:15:06,817 But no-one's going to believe you now 342 00:15:06,897 --> 00:15:09,377 because you've just struck me and my wife. 343 00:15:09,457 --> 00:15:12,137 Come on, William. We're leaving! 344 00:15:12,217 --> 00:15:16,226 I'm the moth king, watch me fly! 345 00:15:16,617 --> 00:15:20,657 Livid, whole-heartedly livid. 346 00:15:20,682 --> 00:15:22,046 In fact... 347 00:15:23,819 --> 00:15:25,257 apoplectic. 348 00:15:25,282 --> 00:15:28,401 They're saying you invited them over, 349 00:15:28,457 --> 00:15:31,023 poisoned them with bad rice, 350 00:15:31,048 --> 00:15:33,226 sexually harassed Sue, 351 00:15:33,251 --> 00:15:37,702 and when that didn't work, assaulted them with a... 352 00:15:38,337 --> 00:15:39,897 small guitar. 353 00:15:39,977 --> 00:15:42,377 It does sound bad when you put it like that. 354 00:15:42,457 --> 00:15:44,897 We've been trying to keep this out of the courts. 355 00:15:44,922 --> 00:15:46,515 But they confessed they made the whole thing up. 356 00:15:46,540 --> 00:15:49,030 William didn't help co-create Honc at that camp. 357 00:15:49,055 --> 00:15:50,935 He was too busy getting his winky out. 358 00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:52,857 Yes, but we've got no proof. 359 00:15:52,937 --> 00:15:54,835 [TELEPHONE RINGS] 360 00:15:55,937 --> 00:15:57,780 Hello? Yes. 361 00:15:58,657 --> 00:16:00,777 Righty-o, yes. 362 00:16:00,802 --> 00:16:03,882 No, no, I completely, completely understand. 363 00:16:03,907 --> 00:16:07,219 All right, then. Yes, thank you, Trent. 364 00:16:07,977 --> 00:16:09,329 All the best. 365 00:16:10,337 --> 00:16:12,262 Well, I've been sacked. 366 00:16:13,097 --> 00:16:15,442 Trent doesn't need a, quote, 367 00:16:15,467 --> 00:16:19,129 "a big, dumb, English dumbass 368 00:16:19,154 --> 00:16:22,285 "with a pumpkin for a head, 369 00:16:22,318 --> 00:16:24,216 "screwing things up..." 370 00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:27,377 - ... end quote. - But you didn't do anything. 371 00:16:27,457 --> 00:16:28,465 Precisely. 372 00:16:28,490 --> 00:16:31,605 My only task was to keep you from interfering, and... 373 00:16:31,630 --> 00:16:33,364 I failed. 374 00:16:33,817 --> 00:16:36,293 Well, thank you, Carters. 375 00:16:37,017 --> 00:16:39,824 You've been like a second family to me. 376 00:16:42,737 --> 00:16:44,334 Oh, I feel awful now. 377 00:16:44,359 --> 00:16:46,737 Look, maybe this is a good thing. 378 00:16:46,817 --> 00:16:50,577 Maybe it's best that we didn't find that notebook. 379 00:16:50,657 --> 00:16:53,576 This is our chance, we can go back to normal. 380 00:16:53,732 --> 00:16:56,457 We don't need all that money. 381 00:16:56,537 --> 00:16:58,685 We're the Carters. 382 00:16:58,710 --> 00:17:00,576 We've got each other. 383 00:17:01,337 --> 00:17:03,331 Do we really need more than that? 384 00:17:06,401 --> 00:17:09,137 Right, search this place from top to bottom! 385 00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:11,628 Drawers, cupboards, boxes, 386 00:17:11,653 --> 00:17:13,440 look in absolutely everything! 387 00:17:13,465 --> 00:17:16,017 Careful, Liz, you're going to knock my figurine off. 388 00:17:16,097 --> 00:17:17,657 - My mum bought me that. - Oh, yeah. 389 00:17:17,737 --> 00:17:19,448 That'd be terrible. 390 00:17:19,473 --> 00:17:22,370 MUSIC: Diamond Hoo Ha Man by Supergrass 391 00:17:45,892 --> 00:17:48,321 No, nothing. 392 00:17:48,819 --> 00:17:50,938 - [BAGPIPES WAIL] - Tony! 393 00:17:54,629 --> 00:17:56,938 - Tony! - Yeah, yeah, just looking. 394 00:17:57,697 --> 00:18:00,257 - Anything? - No, it's not out here. 395 00:18:00,337 --> 00:18:01,617 I've looked everywhere. 396 00:18:01,697 --> 00:18:03,937 Have you properly looked or have you looked like a man? 397 00:18:04,017 --> 00:18:05,297 Oi. Properly looked! 398 00:18:05,377 --> 00:18:06,568 I even looked in the bin. 399 00:18:06,593 --> 00:18:08,577 You know how much I hate bin juice. 400 00:18:08,657 --> 00:18:10,201 Looked there, did you? 401 00:18:12,857 --> 00:18:14,697 Ah! 402 00:18:14,784 --> 00:18:16,845 Just the chap I was looking for. 403 00:18:18,257 --> 00:18:20,642 Gosh, you remember when I asked you for eggs Benedict 404 00:18:20,667 --> 00:18:22,424 and you brought me scrambled eggs? 405 00:18:22,449 --> 00:18:24,048 How we laughed. 406 00:18:24,073 --> 00:18:25,657 Are you staying here, then? 407 00:18:25,737 --> 00:18:27,602 Oh, I see, yes, very good. 408 00:18:28,227 --> 00:18:31,321 Golly, I shall miss our verbal sparring. 409 00:18:36,057 --> 00:18:38,446 Oliver! Oliver, thank God we caught you. 410 00:18:38,471 --> 00:18:40,750 We found my coded notebook. 411 00:18:45,457 --> 00:18:50,210 Now, I'm not normally one to urinate on fireworks, but... 412 00:18:50,235 --> 00:18:53,057 I'm afraid this notebook proves nothing. 413 00:18:53,137 --> 00:18:56,217 There's no dates, no provenance of when it was written. 414 00:18:56,297 --> 00:18:57,737 Harry could have done it yesterday. 415 00:18:57,817 --> 00:18:59,097 But I didn't. 416 00:18:59,177 --> 00:19:02,313 There must be some way of proving how old it is. 417 00:19:02,338 --> 00:19:05,552 I'm sorry, Harry, but it's pointless. 418 00:19:05,577 --> 00:19:09,095 The Honc dream is, well, finished. 419 00:19:09,120 --> 00:19:11,576 I'll have my usual, Carl, and make it a double. 420 00:19:11,657 --> 00:19:13,497 I've never seen you before in my life. 421 00:19:19,049 --> 00:19:23,497 Well, being a millionaire was fun while it lasted. 422 00:19:23,577 --> 00:19:26,537 I'll talk to work tomorrow and see if I can pick up some extra shifts. 423 00:19:26,617 --> 00:19:30,257 I can never show my face at coding club ever again. 424 00:19:30,337 --> 00:19:32,440 Oh, well, every cloud. 425 00:19:35,417 --> 00:19:37,017 RECORDING: Of course, we were lying, 426 00:19:37,097 --> 00:19:38,977 William's actually a very basic child, 427 00:19:39,057 --> 00:19:40,537 he could never have invented Honc. 428 00:19:40,562 --> 00:19:42,443 ELLIE: What's wrong with Mr No, You Shut Up? 429 00:19:42,468 --> 00:19:43,920 And no-one's going to believe you now 430 00:19:43,945 --> 00:19:45,639 because you've just struck me and my wife. 431 00:19:45,664 --> 00:19:48,139 I didn't know you were married. 432 00:19:48,457 --> 00:19:49,896 You know what this means? 433 00:19:49,921 --> 00:19:52,850 Yeah, you punched my hamster. 434 00:19:53,537 --> 00:19:55,357 Well, that's wonderful news. 435 00:19:55,382 --> 00:19:58,162 OK, stay exactly where you are and whatever you do, 436 00:19:58,187 --> 00:20:00,352 do not talk to the Goslings. 437 00:20:00,377 --> 00:20:02,217 RECORDING: Of course we were lying, 438 00:20:02,297 --> 00:20:04,177 William's actually a very basic child, 439 00:20:04,257 --> 00:20:06,257 he could never have invented Honc. 440 00:20:06,337 --> 00:20:08,217 Look, can we just talk about this? 441 00:20:08,297 --> 00:20:09,857 There's nothing to discuss. 442 00:20:09,937 --> 00:20:12,170 Either you drop the lawsuit, or you're going to jail. 443 00:20:12,195 --> 00:20:13,842 And I'm sure there's plenty of inmates 444 00:20:13,867 --> 00:20:16,697 would love to pluck your ukulele on the inside. 445 00:20:16,777 --> 00:20:18,177 Good prison talk. 446 00:20:18,257 --> 00:20:20,967 - Thanks, babes. - In your weird faces, Goslings. 447 00:20:23,577 --> 00:20:27,263 Sue, Sue, just want to check something, Sue. 448 00:20:28,057 --> 00:20:30,224 Did you find me attractive? 449 00:20:31,977 --> 00:20:34,209 Nope, all right then, good. 450 00:20:35,457 --> 00:20:38,271 Actually, Tony, I would. 451 00:20:40,697 --> 00:20:42,777 Liz! Did you hear that? 452 00:20:42,857 --> 00:20:44,497 She thinks she would? 453 00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:46,777 Liz? Oi, don't pretend 454 00:20:46,857 --> 00:20:48,388 like you can't hear me. 455 00:20:49,888 --> 00:20:52,941 One more bottle 456 00:20:52,966 --> 00:20:55,121 and then we'll tidy up. 457 00:20:55,177 --> 00:20:56,380 All right, all right, right. 458 00:20:56,405 --> 00:20:58,561 Hey, I would like to say a few words. 459 00:20:58,617 --> 00:21:01,897 I would like to raise a toast to my animal magnetism 460 00:21:01,977 --> 00:21:04,989 and to your mum's anger management issues. 461 00:21:05,014 --> 00:21:07,130 ALL: To Dad's animal magnetism 462 00:21:07,155 --> 00:21:10,020 and Mum's anger management issues. 463 00:21:11,897 --> 00:21:13,537 And to still having a job. 464 00:21:13,617 --> 00:21:15,497 [THEY CHEER] 465 00:21:17,297 --> 00:21:18,963 Oh, more good news. 466 00:21:18,988 --> 00:21:20,831 The Goslings have dropped the case 467 00:21:20,856 --> 00:21:24,777 and need never darken your doorstep again. Well done. 468 00:21:24,857 --> 00:21:28,174 Oh, and Trent has asked that I transcribe exactly the confession 469 00:21:28,199 --> 00:21:30,159 as recorded on Mr You Be Quiet 470 00:21:30,184 --> 00:21:33,784 as it is our only proof that the Goslings were lying. 471 00:21:34,991 --> 00:21:38,026 In your weird faces, Goslings. 472 00:21:39,097 --> 00:21:42,217 Right, oh, well. 473 00:21:42,297 --> 00:21:46,268 Before I'm fired again, there is one other thing we ought to discuss. 474 00:21:46,293 --> 00:21:49,096 - This is awesome. - Should it be bigger? 475 00:21:49,177 --> 00:21:50,768 No, I think it's about the right size. 476 00:21:50,793 --> 00:21:52,557 You would say that. 477 00:21:52,582 --> 00:21:55,571 Right, who fancies Chinese? My treat. 478 00:21:55,596 --> 00:21:58,177 I think you're beginning to enjoy being a millionaire. 479 00:21:58,257 --> 00:21:59,657 It has its perks. 480 00:21:59,737 --> 00:22:01,337 Can we have prawn crackers? 481 00:22:01,417 --> 00:22:02,659 May I join you? 482 00:22:02,684 --> 00:22:04,724 ELLIE: Let's get it from China. 483 00:22:04,749 --> 00:22:08,191 Harry, yes, Oliver, no, Ellie, why? 484 00:22:08,217 --> 00:22:10,299 So you can come to us. 485 00:22:10,324 --> 00:22:13,503 You know what, Ellie? Let's do it. 486 00:22:13,808 --> 00:22:18,292 Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb www.addic7ed.com 487 00:22:18,342 --> 00:22:22,892 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 36741

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