All language subtitles for whites.s01e04.1080p.web.h264-strife_track3_[eng]

- Beep, beep.

- Being a dick?
- What?

- You, playing detective.

- Oh, right.

No, I was just taking some
shots of the new dish.

- Oh, well take one of me.

That looks good.

- Yeah, you can have that.

I'm done with it.
- Ooh!

Yep, yep, yep.

- What can I do for you, Celia?

- How are we looking for the
Health and Safety assessment?

- Good, fine, yeah.

Did most of it last night.

Grease traps, drains.

Got rid of the dead body.

- That's what I like to hear!

Did I ever tell you how Jack

and I found a dead body in San Domingo?

- Er, possibly.

- One of our investment properties.

Hadn't been there for over a year.

And there he was, our house manager.

Ripe as a melon.

Teeth digging through skin,

maggots in the eyeballs,

like something out of Indiana Jones.

It took us weeks to get the
stink out of the cushions.

- Right, weeks.

- We don't want anything like
that happening today, do we?

- No, no we don't.

- Excellent, excellent.

I knew I could count on you.

- Celia?

- Yes?

- Nothing, fine, nothing.

- Yes, I will, I'll see you
this afternoon, I promise.

I, Yes.

But, yes, baby.

No, I have to go.

No, not because of you, because I have to.

Just okay, okay.

Bye-bye, mm?

No, I can't.

I love you more than
sunshine and raindrops.

When you've, when you've,
when you've, when you've,

when you've finished that,

I want you to scrub the walk-in fridge.

- No.

- Pardon?
- I said no.

- We have a Health and
Safety assessment today,

I need you to scrub the walk-in fridge.

- Do you?

- OK, Skoose, you do understand
how this works, do you?

I tell you what to do and you do it,

because you're an apprentice.

- And you're a virgin.

Okay, I'm married.

Scrub the fridge!
- No.

- Scrub it!

Please!

Right, you...

Warning.

I'll...

I'll scrub the fridge this time!

But noted.

- Bye!

- What are you doing?

- I'm scrubbing the
fridge for the assessment.

- What are you doing that for?

Get Skoose to do it.

- He won't do it.

- What do you mean he won't do it?

- I mean I asked him to
do it and he said no.

- Tell him to do it.

- I did.

And he called me a virgin.

It's not funny, Roland.

You can't see what he's doing!

- Bib, stop.

Stop, Bib!

Just leave that, calm down.

Don't worry about the assessment.

It'll be Colin Sampson again.

I'll just bung him a
bottle of vintage red,

it'll be tick, tick, tick.

- It's not just that!

I...

- Oi, you.

Stop giving him a hard time.

- What, Chef?

- Stop picking on your sous-chef,

he's meant to be picking on you.

- Yes, Chef, sorry, Chef.

Sorry, Bib.

I was bang out of order.

Verging on disrespectful.

- There!
- What?

- There, he hid it within the
sentence, did you hear it?

I'm a virgin!

- What is wrong with you today, Bib?

- I need a holiday.

- You what?

- I need to go on holiday with my wife,

because we are trying to have a baby

and I'm never gonna be
able to give her one

all the time I'm coming
in here every single day,

standing at that hot stove,

burning my balls to oblivion.

So if you could please
just check the roster,

let me know as soon as it's convenient,

that would be most
appreciated, thank you, Chef.

- You've just had a holiday.

- My last holiday was four years ago.

- You went to Marrakesh.

- Yes, four years ago, for three days.

- How long do you need for Marrakesh?

Buy a fez, look at the bloke
with a monkey on his head.

- Roland, can you just
look at the roster, please?

For me.

I really just need to get away somewhere.

- All right, Charley
Boorman, I'll have a look.

I haven't got time now, got an assessment.

Big day.

Come on, chop, chop.

- Kiki, what exactly is this?

- It's a magical snail archer.

- Yes, I can see what it is,

but what's he doing in
my reservations book?

- He's shooting an arrow
into that starling's eye.

Yeah, of course.

- Stand by your beds.

Oh they're good, Caroline.

- I didn't do them.

- No, of course not, if you'd
done them they'd be of robots

and industry and a little
girl trapped in a tower.

- Kiki drew them in my reservations book.

- Well done, Kiki, very talented.

I like the little French spider.

- Did you get that from his jumper?

- And the onions.

- Did you see that his
bike's got eight pedals?

- Roland, what do you want?

- Just wanted to make sure
everything's shipshape

on your end for the assessment.

- Yes, yes, we're all
fine in here, thank you.

- Well you say that, but I've
spotted one breach already.

- What?

- Jewelry.

- This?

- You're not above the rules, Caroline.

Lose it.

- This isn't jewelry, Roland,

this is a charity wristband.

- Yeah, a charity wristband that

could drag you into that blender.

- That has not and will
not ever happen to anybody.

- Yeah, probably what she
said, just before she slipped

and put her hand in a deep fat fryer.

Look at this guy.

Mamma mia!

- Roland, this is for Parkinson's disease,

it's National Parkinson's Disease Day.

- And?

- And my father was recently
diagnosed with the disease.

But no, you're quite right, of course,

I wouldn't want to end up in a blender.

- Sorry.

I'm a knob.
- Yes, you are.

- I had no idea.

- It's fine, why would you?

- Exactly.

How is he?

- He has good days and bad days.

- Does he?

Poor old dad.

- Yes.

- How are you coping?

- I'm okay.

I mean, thank God I've got Robin.

He's been amazing.

- Has he?

Good old Robin, and his wellies.

- Yes, I don't know what I would

have done without him actually.

- You'd have been all right.

- I don't know how he does it, really,

caring for dad and keeping work going.

He's got a farm to run.

- Well, farm let.

Well, you've always got me.

So, Dad, is he...

really, you know...

shaky?

- Roland, you don't
have to pretend to care.

- No, I do care, I think it's awful.

It's a terrible, terrible disease,

the way it can just
strike anyone at any time.

I remember how shocked I was when

I heard about Michael J. Parkinson.

- It's Michael J. Fox.

- Fox.

- Ah!

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

- I'm sorry, did I get you?

- Did you get me?

You're in big trouble now, my man.

- Oh, what you gonna do, tell Chef?

You spangle.

- Right, right, now
you listen to me, okay?

You little...

I have been doing this for
12 years, Skoose, 12 years!

Yes?

I have been cut, burned, screamed at,

I have sweated and bled
to get behind this pass,

and if you think I'm gonna
let some jumped up little...

tit-gypsy get the better of me

then you are way off, buddy!

Way off!

I have cooked more
dinners than you have had.

- Did you just call me a tit-gypsy?

- Everything all right?

- Yes, Chef, just cleaning down.

- No, no, why are you
pretending everything is okay?

We are not in a prison film!

- Bib?

Can I have a word?

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Settle down, Billy the bin-kicker.

- If I ever get a tumor,
I'm naming it after him.

- Do you want me to get rid of him?

- Pardon?

- Is that what you want?

- Would you?

- Absolutely, yeah, not a problem.

He's gone, he's out of here.

I mean I can't, not really,
because we need everyone,

but I would, for you, if
it would make you happy.

But I can't.

Look, go home.

- What?

- Take the rest of the day off.

In fact, don't come back
till Monday morning,

I can manage without you for a few days,

we'll shuffle a few people.

Go and have your holiday.

- Really?

- Yes.

Really.

- Thank you, Roland.

- Oh, who scored a goal?

Roland, Health and Safety officer
is waiting in your office.

- Good, good.

Get this over and done with.

Send me a postcard.

Colin.

You're not Colin.

- No, I'm not.

- Where's Colin?

- If you're referring to
Mr. Samson, he was fired.

- What?

Why?

- For taking bribes.

- What a dirty, dirty man.

- I will be conducting the
assessment today, Mr. White.

My name is Heather Critch.

- What a lovely name.

Could I offer you a coffee, Mrs. Critch?

- It's Ms.
- Of course.

- Milk, no sugar, thank you.
- Right.

- So, Mr. White, I'm sure
you've done this before,

but just for the record,
I will need you to take

me through your major food
preparation areas one by one.

- No clean mugs.

Can I get you anything else at all?

Cake or a biscuit?

I think I've got a Penguin
in a drawer somewhere?

Burr!

- And then I will conduct
a thorough evaluation

of your major safety
drills and procedures.

- Fun.

- So, perhaps we should get on.

- Where do you want this fella?

Got a bit lively, this one.

Old Steve McQueen here tried
to make a break for it.

Shouldn't affect the taste too much,

but you might want to pick the shot

out of his arse before you cook him.

- Thanks, Melvin.

- Oh, and make sure you get
the bag back to me, yeah?

I've got squash on Thursday.

♫ If we took a holiday, oh, yeah, uh-huh

♫ Took some time to celebrate

♫ Come on and

- You quit?

- No.

- Shame.

- No, I'm just going away for a few days.

- Oh, where you going, gay land?

- Ha!

No.

- I'll tell you where's good.

Playa de las Americas, Tenerife.

I've got a mate out there who owns a bar.

You know Lineker's Bar?

It's three doors down from that.

- Right.

- It's called the Bell Jar.

- After the Sylvia Plath novel?

- Wouldn't have thought so.

I'll give you his number, if you like,

sort you out with anything you need.

Pills, bit of toot.

- Mmm, that is tempting.

But, um, I think we're probably

just gonna stay in this country.

Sarah's a little concerned
with our carbon footprint.

- Your what?

- Doesn't matter.

- So where are you going, then?

- Thinking about Derwentwater,
up in the Lake District.

Lots of castles and old forts,

might even catch the tail-end
of the egret migration.

- The what?

- The egret migration.

- Right, so you're going
somewhere freezing cold

where it pisses down all day to watch

a load of ducks leave that place

to go somewhere nice and hot?

- Egrets aren't ducks!

- Amazing, isn't it, how much
electricity's in one of those?

- Antibacterial gel hand dispenser.

That's the third one I've found empty.

- Yes, I had those emptied.

- Really, may I ask why?

- Same reason they're getting
rid of them in hospitals.

Tramps.

- Pardon?

- Tramps coming in, drinking
from them for the alcohol,

using them as optics.

Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug.

It's awful, that.

- Get a lot of tramps passing

through here, do you, Mr. White?

- You'd be surprised.

- Let's move on to your
fire-drill procedures.

So who is your fire officer?

- I thought if I illustrated
the dangers of fire,

people would take it more
seriously, like on cigarettes.

- Cigarettes?
- Yeah.

I got the idea from my cousin Michael.

- Right.

- You know those pictures on the packets

of cigarettes with a pair of horrible,

blackened lungs with all
pussy ooze coming out?

- Er, yes.

- They're Michael's.

Our famous cousin.

♫ If you wanna be a singer or play guitar

♫ Man, you gotta sweat
or you won't get far

♫ 'Cause you're never too
late to work nine to five

♫ If you

♫ Or just compromise

♫ You can work real hard or just fantasize

♫ 'Cause you never start
living till you realize

♫ I gotta tell ya

Hello?

Hey, baby.

Yes, yeah, nearly home.

Halfway there.

Hm?

The camera?

It's, at work.

Roland used it, didn't he, for the...

Yeah.

Oh, you really think we'll need it?

Egrets, right, yes.

I'm...

Yeah.

Yeah, I could go back and get it.

Yeah.

No, no, that's not annoying at all.

Yeah.

No, I just, um...

I'll just swing it around.

- You love that pad, don't you?

Lots of writing.

- Lots to write about.

- Can't be that bad, can it?

Nobody's died.

- Can I use some of your
gaffer tape, please, Chef?

- Use the official blue plasters

from our well-stocked and
lockable first-aid cabinet.

- The what?
- The tin.

The biscuit tin.

- Oh, uh, yes, Chef.

- I'll cut to the chase, Mr. White.

I've already seen several things here

today that breach health
and safety regulations,

16 counts in all, five of them serious.

- Right.

So what's the worst
that's going to happen?

We just do a big clean?

- The worst?

- No, the worst that can happen is that

you'll be closed down and prosecuted.

- Oh.

Oh, I need a drink.

Do you drink, Heather?

- On occasion.

- Would you like some of this drink?

- I'll ignore that last
comment, Mr. White.

So I will be submitting my
full report in the morning,

and you'll be hearing
from us in due course.

But if you could just sign there.

- Is that Parkinson's?

- Pardon?

- The wristband.

- Uh, yes, it's National Parkinson's Day.

- I see.

- My mother is a sufferer.

- Really?

Oh, that must be really,
really terrible for you.

I know how you must feel
because I'm in the club.

- I can just come back.

I can just come back.

No.

- Your brother?
- Yeah.

There he is.

That's us, me and Bob.

Alton Towers, '05.

I'm his carer, you see.

I look after him.

- Really?
- Yeah.

It's a bloody tough thing to do,

trying to care for someone
and keep work going.

- Indeed.

- But I just love him so much.

- Of course, of course you do!

And it's really hard when
it's close family, isn't it?

- Yeah.

This is a bit weird.

Who'd have thought we'd bond
over something like this?

- Is it very advanced?

- Oh, you know, he has
good days and bad days.

Look, Ms. Critch, Heather.

I think it's time for me
to be honest with you.

Maybe I have taken my eye
off the ball a bit recently.

But it's been a real strain, you know,

juggling this place with looking
after him at the same time.

- Oh, yes!

Yes, I can imagine.

- Roland, sorry. I, um...

- Oh, what are you doing here?

- I've, uh, left Sarah's camera.

- What a lovely surprise.

Come to see your big brother at work?

I thought I told you to stay at home, Bob.

- Pardon?

- Come on, you, give me a hug.

Pretend you've got Parkinson's.

- What?

- Here he is in person, my
little Parkinson's brother.

Like I said, he has
good days and bad days.

This is a really good day.

Bob, this is Heather, the
health and safety officer.

- So lovely to meet you, Bob.

- It's lovely to meet you, too.

- Look, Roland, I know
it's hard at the moment.

Just try and keep an eye
on these things, okay?

It is important stuff.

- Yeah, I know it is, Heather.

Thank you for everything.

- And, Bob, you stay brave!

- Yeah.
- All done?

How did we do?

- Good.

- What's the matter with you?

Ants in your pants?

I'm only joking.

I'm sure there are no ants in our kitchen.

The rats have probably eaten them all!

- Right, Bib?

- Bob.

- No, seriously, though, why
are you shaking like that?

Are you drunk?

- No.

I've...

I'm...

- Mr. White's brother
has Parkinson's disease.

- Does he?

Parkinson's?

Your brother?

Well, that is really,
really, really shitty.

- Yeah.

What a shitty disease.

Morning, Caroline.

Morning, Robin.

- Hello, Roland.

- She ignoring me?

- She might be.

- How's things?

- Good, thank you, yeah.

- Great and how's everything
with Caroline's dad?

- Yeah, yeah, fine, fine.

He seems to be having a good day today.

How's Bob?

- Yeah, that all seems to have cleared up.

- Bye, darling.

- She was gonna close us down!

♫ Oh, what do you know

♫ Since there's nothing above

♫ There must be something below

♫ So take those pictures off the wall

♫ No-one will believe you

♫ Till your world starts to fall down