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1
00:00:49,223 --> 00:00:52,748
Gentlemen,
me and Hannah had sex.
2
00:00:52,791 --> 00:00:54,402
No way. Hannah? Yeah.
3
00:00:54,445 --> 00:00:55,901
And I'm just gonna
tell you right now,
4
00:00:55,925 --> 00:00:58,058
if you ever have
the experience to,
5
00:00:58,101 --> 00:01:00,321
like, lose your
virginity in a car,
6
00:01:00,364 --> 00:01:04,847
the Acura MDX, where it's at.
Spacious as fuck.
7
00:01:04,890 --> 00:01:06,433
- That was a little unnecessary.
- I'm just doing to you
8
00:01:06,457 --> 00:01:07,806
what you did to Hannah!
9
00:01:07,850 --> 00:01:09,765
- And I also got you this.
- Is that a bong?
10
00:01:09,808 --> 00:01:11,071
Yeah, man.
11
00:01:13,290 --> 00:01:15,901
Dude, happy virginity day.
12
00:01:15,945 --> 00:01:17,401
I'm dedicating
this bong right now.
13
00:01:17,425 --> 00:01:18,513
To what?
14
00:01:18,556 --> 00:01:20,384
It's to the four of us.
15
00:01:20,428 --> 00:01:24,258
We will only smoke it on days on
which one of us loses our virginity.
16
00:01:24,301 --> 00:01:25,694
So we're smoking it four times.
17
00:01:25,737 --> 00:01:26,869
Yes.
18
00:01:26,912 --> 00:01:28,958
Until the last nut
has been busted.
19
00:01:29,785 --> 00:01:31,308
But I don't smoke weed.
20
00:01:31,352 --> 00:01:32,807
Okay, Matt... JACOB: We'll work
something out.
21
00:01:32,831 --> 00:01:34,442
It's not really
about the high any more.
22
00:01:34,485 --> 00:01:35,941
I like that we're just putting
it away for special occasions.
23
00:01:35,965 --> 00:01:37,445
Yeah, it's ceremonial, you know?
24
00:01:37,488 --> 00:01:39,708
There's a spiritual bond
between the four of us.
25
00:01:40,970 --> 00:01:41,990
To virginity! JUSTIN: Goodbye.
26
00:01:42,014 --> 00:01:43,842
Okay. ZACK: To goodbye virginity!
27
00:01:46,976 --> 00:01:49,109
She's back. JACOB: All right.
28
00:01:49,152 --> 00:01:53,287
Zack, Zack, Zack. Anything
strange happen in your life recently
29
00:01:53,330 --> 00:01:55,115
that we should know about?
30
00:01:57,421 --> 00:01:58,596
My man.
31
00:01:58,640 --> 00:01:59,945
Look at that.
32
00:02:06,213 --> 00:02:08,171
Oh, oh! Boom! Oh!
33
00:02:09,825 --> 00:02:10,956
Oh, shit.
34
00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:13,089
Oh!
That was fucking...
35
00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,612
Nasty. Nasty.
36
00:02:14,656 --> 00:02:16,266
Wow.
37
00:02:16,310 --> 00:02:21,097
Hey, pal! You must open the V-card.
Let's do this.
38
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:24,840
Smoke that shit. Oh! Oh!
The virginity hit!
39
00:02:26,711 --> 00:02:27,862
Whoo! First hit. JACOB: Congratulations!
40
00:02:27,886 --> 00:02:29,323
Congrats, dude. Thank you.
41
00:02:29,366 --> 00:02:31,151
I'm so happy for you, pal. Thank you.
42
00:02:31,194 --> 00:02:32,935
I'm really proud of you. Thank you.
43
00:02:32,978 --> 00:02:34,521
Justin, will you just
grab the camera really quick?
44
00:02:34,545 --> 00:02:35,633
Yeah.
45
00:02:35,677 --> 00:02:36,852
Best friends forever!
46
00:02:36,895 --> 00:02:38,201
Mr. Man.
47
00:02:38,245 --> 00:02:39,811
I'm so proud of you...
48
00:02:39,855 --> 00:02:41,030
So proud of you.
49
00:02:41,073 --> 00:02:42,423
For getting that nut off.
50
00:02:42,466 --> 00:02:43,791
I'm proud of you,
Justin. Very important.
51
00:02:43,815 --> 00:02:44,860
Matt, you're next.
52
00:02:44,903 --> 00:02:47,602
Matt.
You're next, brother.
53
00:02:47,645 --> 00:02:48,796
When is it
going to happen, man?
54
00:02:48,820 --> 00:02:49,884
"I'm going to have sex soon!"
55
00:02:49,908 --> 00:02:51,083
"I'm Matt!"
56
00:02:56,872 --> 00:02:59,309
Hey, what are we doing?
57
00:02:59,353 --> 00:03:02,834
It's my anniversary with Nicole,
58
00:03:02,878 --> 00:03:06,490
and, you know, you know, we thought
we'd spice it up a little bit
59
00:03:06,534 --> 00:03:09,711
and actually have sex this time.
60
00:03:09,754 --> 00:03:11,539
Which condoms do you
think are the best?
61
00:03:11,582 --> 00:03:12,714
Really, I just need...
62
00:03:12,757 --> 00:03:14,237
How big is your penis?
63
00:03:14,281 --> 00:03:17,675
You want lubricated,
non-lubricated, spermicidal?
64
00:03:17,719 --> 00:03:21,201
Dude, it's just condoms.
Why are you freaking out?
65
00:03:21,244 --> 00:03:23,899
We're filming...
He's losing his virginity.
66
00:03:23,942 --> 00:03:25,770
He's telling
everyone, basically.
67
00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:36,085
Did you get it? JUSTIN: Yeah.
68
00:03:36,128 --> 00:03:38,043
I think it's really good.
69
00:03:38,087 --> 00:03:40,350
Nicole, what is it about Matt?
70
00:03:40,394 --> 00:03:41,873
What is it?
71
00:03:41,917 --> 00:03:45,355
That you're willing to give
yourself to him so readily?
72
00:03:45,399 --> 00:03:47,444
Well, he's funny... Mmm-hmm.
73
00:03:47,488 --> 00:03:48,619
That's one.
74
00:03:48,663 --> 00:03:50,230
And attractive.
75
00:03:50,273 --> 00:03:51,622
Two.
76
00:03:51,666 --> 00:03:53,537
Oh! That's much better, actually.
77
00:03:56,584 --> 00:04:00,065
How did you get
such a great girl, Matt?
78
00:04:00,109 --> 00:04:02,154
I mean, honestly.
I mean, come on.
79
00:04:02,198 --> 00:04:07,856
Well, I mean, by using my
wit and my charm, my skills.
80
00:04:07,899 --> 00:04:09,945
My heart just
melted after that.
81
00:04:11,686 --> 00:04:13,035
That's so gay.
82
00:04:13,078 --> 00:04:14,210
So gay.
83
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,386
It's, like, borderline awesome.
84
00:04:16,430 --> 00:04:17,561
I'm happy for you guys.
85
00:04:17,605 --> 00:04:18,736
Me, too.
86
00:04:18,780 --> 00:04:20,260
Thank you.
87
00:04:20,303 --> 00:04:22,087
♪ Oh, Nicole
88
00:04:22,131 --> 00:04:23,741
♪ Oh, Nicole
89
00:04:23,785 --> 00:04:27,267
♪ You're so wonderful to me
90
00:04:27,310 --> 00:04:29,399
♪ To me
91
00:04:29,443 --> 00:04:30,748
♪ You're so
wonderful to me
92
00:04:30,792 --> 00:04:32,881
♪ Oh, Nicole
93
00:04:32,924 --> 00:04:34,075
That's it? MATT: Yeah.
94
00:04:34,099 --> 00:04:35,579
That's $2.50.
All you gotta do
95
00:04:35,623 --> 00:04:38,582
is just take it slow
and enjoy yourself.
96
00:04:38,626 --> 00:04:41,281
You'll have a good night, sir.
Enjoy yourself.
97
00:04:41,324 --> 00:04:42,847
You, too.
98
00:04:42,891 --> 00:04:44,849
What are you
guys doing this for?
99
00:04:44,893 --> 00:04:48,418
So, you just decided you
wanted to record your journey?
100
00:04:48,462 --> 00:04:49,941
He records everything.
101
00:04:51,421 --> 00:04:54,772
Matt, trust me
when I say this.
102
00:04:54,816 --> 00:04:58,689
As a filmmaker,
and as your best friend,
103
00:04:58,733 --> 00:05:03,390
I'm gonna do to your virginity
what Alfred Hitchcock did toBirds.
104
00:05:03,433 --> 00:05:04,956
It's gonna be scary?
105
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:07,959
No. Matt,
it's gonna be beautiful!
106
00:05:08,003 --> 00:05:13,443
My whole life, I wanted to get
things on camera or in a picture.
107
00:05:14,662 --> 00:05:15,967
Oh, my God!
108
00:05:16,011 --> 00:05:17,317
Find your own refrigerator!
109
00:05:19,754 --> 00:05:22,147
But you losing
your virginity
110
00:05:22,191 --> 00:05:25,325
is the most exciting thing
that's ever happened.
111
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:30,025
This is gonna be
our best movie ever.
112
00:05:41,645 --> 00:05:45,170
What do you got planned
for the big night, man?
113
00:05:45,214 --> 00:05:48,957
He's trying to, like,
keep it a secret from me,
114
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:52,917
but, like, he asks me
really obvious questions...
115
00:05:52,961 --> 00:05:54,266
Like what?
116
00:05:54,310 --> 00:05:55,267
So, like,
I know what we're doing.
117
00:05:55,311 --> 00:05:56,704
What did he ask you?
118
00:05:56,747 --> 00:05:58,836
He's like, "What's
your favorite restaurant?"
119
00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:02,492
Like, "If you were gonna go
on a really fancy date,
120
00:06:02,536 --> 00:06:03,687
"what restaurant
would you go to?"
121
00:06:03,711 --> 00:06:05,365
He literally
asked that question?
122
00:06:05,408 --> 00:06:07,367
Yeah, he really did.
123
00:06:07,410 --> 00:06:10,370
Wow. These are sexy.
Check these out.
124
00:06:10,413 --> 00:06:11,501
I want to wear a dress.
125
00:06:11,545 --> 00:06:12,676
Right, right, right.
126
00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:14,286
Do you like it? Yes?
127
00:06:14,330 --> 00:06:16,201
Yes, very much so.
128
00:06:16,245 --> 00:06:20,162
Hey, Nicole, you know, when
Matt's been kissing you, how is he?
129
00:06:20,205 --> 00:06:21,598
He's been getting better.
130
00:06:21,642 --> 00:06:23,010
- Yeah? It's okay.
- It'll be okay.
131
00:06:23,034 --> 00:06:25,254
I'm relaxed.
I'm relaxed.
132
00:06:25,297 --> 00:06:27,624
Just, you know, sometimes
he gets a little stiff, like...
133
00:06:29,563 --> 00:06:31,018
Where exactly
does he get stiff?
134
00:06:31,042 --> 00:06:32,402
Because that
might be a good thing.
135
00:06:33,697 --> 00:06:35,133
Sometimes he doesn't really know
136
00:06:35,177 --> 00:06:36,570
what he's doing with his hands.
137
00:06:36,613 --> 00:06:38,615
Yeah,
where does he put them?
138
00:06:38,659 --> 00:06:40,835
Nowhere. MATT: Uh.
If you show me where...
139
00:06:40,878 --> 00:06:42,813
You should know where the hands
go, dude. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Calm down.
140
00:06:42,837 --> 00:06:46,231
Can you instruct Matt on how
this would come off, you know, easily?
141
00:06:46,275 --> 00:06:49,626
You would take it from this
area and just pull it...
142
00:06:49,670 --> 00:06:52,237
I just can't wait for you
guys to make love to each other,
143
00:06:52,281 --> 00:06:56,720
because that is just gonna be
such a fucking release.
144
00:07:07,035 --> 00:07:08,732
Oh, shit, the string snapped.
145
00:07:08,776 --> 00:07:11,735
Well, you ruined the song,
you dickhole.
146
00:07:11,779 --> 00:07:13,824
Come on. Mom! MOM: Yeah?
147
00:07:13,868 --> 00:07:14,999
Can you do me a favor?
148
00:07:15,043 --> 00:07:16,348
I call top.
149
00:07:16,392 --> 00:07:17,567
That's what she said.
150
00:07:17,611 --> 00:07:19,569
Oh! Oh!
151
00:07:19,613 --> 00:07:21,353
Justin, up here. DAD: Throw a ball.
152
00:07:21,397 --> 00:07:22,442
Got it. You got it?
153
00:07:22,485 --> 00:07:23,704
I got it. You're good.
154
00:07:23,747 --> 00:07:24,942
Everybody wave.
Everybody wave.
155
00:07:24,966 --> 00:07:26,663
Hi!
156
00:07:26,707 --> 00:07:31,451
Hey, Mom, will you describe
to me how we inherited Matt?
157
00:07:31,494 --> 00:07:34,062
How we inherited Matt?
158
00:07:34,105 --> 00:07:35,411
What?
159
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:38,109
Your unfortunate
inheritance that is Matt.
160
00:07:38,153 --> 00:07:39,763
Matt's mother and I
worked together.
161
00:07:39,807 --> 00:07:41,373
When you guys were
in the first grade,
162
00:07:41,417 --> 00:07:43,114
that's when we
started working together.
163
00:07:43,158 --> 00:07:44,681
Good job, Zack.
164
00:07:44,725 --> 00:07:47,205
And you've been
inseparable ever since.
165
00:07:47,249 --> 00:07:48,946
Yeah! Score, score, score!
166
00:07:48,990 --> 00:07:52,907
When you guys were about nine or
10, that's when Lois got sick,
167
00:07:52,950 --> 00:07:55,562
and she'd been receiving chemo,
168
00:07:55,605 --> 00:07:59,566
and one day, I was taking Lois
home from one of her appointments,
169
00:07:59,609 --> 00:08:04,745
and she turned to me with a
tear in her eye and she said,
170
00:08:04,788 --> 00:08:09,619
"Take care of my little boy."
And she died three weeks later.
171
00:08:09,663 --> 00:08:11,578
Yeah. That's how we have Matt.
172
00:08:11,621 --> 00:08:13,318
She knew how much
we all loved him,
173
00:08:13,362 --> 00:08:14,929
and your father and I love Matt
174
00:08:14,972 --> 00:08:16,713
as much as we love
you and Krysta.
175
00:08:16,757 --> 00:08:18,517
All right, well,
I'll shoot for her. Is it my shot?
176
00:08:18,541 --> 00:08:20,519
Yes, it's your turn. Well, nobody's
taking my shot for me.
177
00:08:20,543 --> 00:08:21,543
Hey.
178
00:08:23,415 --> 00:08:27,768
I feel like Nicole has
become, like, part of the family.
179
00:08:27,811 --> 00:08:32,294
Not like a mom or sister,
but, like, crazy aunt.
180
00:08:32,337 --> 00:08:33,425
Yeah.
181
00:08:33,469 --> 00:08:34,818
I mean, even though two years
182
00:08:34,862 --> 00:08:37,560
and our relationship
isn't as intimate
183
00:08:37,604 --> 00:08:40,128
as other people's,
184
00:08:40,171 --> 00:08:43,566
I know that nothing would
ever come between us.
185
00:08:43,610 --> 00:08:44,872
Ever.
186
00:08:55,883 --> 00:08:59,495
I was taking a pee
the other day on C floor,
187
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:03,543
and two guys came in, and they
were talking about Nicole.
188
00:09:04,674 --> 00:09:05,849
All right.
189
00:09:05,893 --> 00:09:07,590
This guy was like,
190
00:09:07,634 --> 00:09:11,899
"I heard she did something with
some dude at a college party."
191
00:09:14,031 --> 00:09:15,642
It's funny.
It's really funny.
192
00:09:15,685 --> 00:09:18,209
I'm not...
I'm not lying.
193
00:09:18,253 --> 00:09:22,126
I'm putting you on speakerphone.
Yeah, we just said...
194
00:09:27,262 --> 00:09:29,240
- But it's just a rumor, man.
- That's what I heard.
195
00:09:29,264 --> 00:09:32,025
Remember last year when
everyone thought I was moving to Canada?
196
00:09:32,049 --> 00:09:33,592
Everybody believed it. Could you
pull over, man?
197
00:09:33,616 --> 00:09:35,618
I'll see you there. Man...
198
00:09:35,662 --> 00:09:37,248
Try and keep your head up, Matt.
You need a baseball bat?
199
00:09:37,272 --> 00:09:38,534
Don't give him that!
200
00:09:40,231 --> 00:09:41,581
And she cheated on me!
201
00:09:41,624 --> 00:09:42,906
Hey, I had a girlfriend,
too, all right?
202
00:09:42,930 --> 00:09:44,496
We all go through this. JUSTIN: Hey!
203
00:09:44,540 --> 00:09:45,846
It's a rumor, man!
204
00:09:45,889 --> 00:09:47,804
We will find out
if it's real, okay?
205
00:09:47,848 --> 00:09:49,240
Just call. I just can't...
206
00:09:49,284 --> 00:09:51,155
I can't picture her doing
this to me, all right?
207
00:09:51,199 --> 00:09:52,983
I know, I know.
But you need to call...
208
00:09:53,027 --> 00:09:56,073
We were gonna lose our
virginities to each other.
209
00:09:56,117 --> 00:09:58,989
Clearly,
she wasn't a virgin.
210
00:09:59,033 --> 00:10:00,227
Get the fuck out. ZACK: Okay, okay.
211
00:10:00,251 --> 00:10:01,339
Slow down.
212
00:10:01,383 --> 00:10:02,427
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
213
00:10:02,471 --> 00:10:03,864
Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys!
214
00:10:03,907 --> 00:10:05,256
Calm down!
Calm down!
215
00:10:05,300 --> 00:10:07,041
Grab him, grab him.
216
00:10:07,084 --> 00:10:10,087
This is for your
own good, buddy.
217
00:10:10,131 --> 00:10:11,587
Look at me. We'll get
to the bottom of it.
218
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:12,655
Okay.
219
00:10:12,699 --> 00:10:14,091
Calm. I got it.
220
00:10:14,135 --> 00:10:15,655
You got it? JACOB: Cool heads prevail.
221
00:10:20,315 --> 00:10:25,189
Okay, Matt. I'm here to find
out if Nicole fucked that dude.
222
00:10:25,233 --> 00:10:28,192
Excuse me.
Hey, are you Harry?
223
00:10:28,236 --> 00:10:29,541
No, man.
I'm not Harry.
224
00:10:29,585 --> 00:10:30,717
Oh, thank God.
225
00:10:43,991 --> 00:10:45,470
We had a
party three days ago,
226
00:10:45,514 --> 00:10:46,776
and she never left.
227
00:10:46,820 --> 00:10:48,319
She's trying to shake
us down for more money.
228
00:10:48,343 --> 00:10:50,693
As soon as you give me
my $300, I'll leave.
229
00:10:50,737 --> 00:10:53,435
No, we paid you already, so...
230
00:10:53,478 --> 00:10:54,891
Hey, man. Anyway, what was I...
231
00:10:54,915 --> 00:10:56,960
We were talking about Nicole.
232
00:10:57,004 --> 00:10:58,570
Thank you.
233
00:10:58,614 --> 00:11:00,790
Dude, back to Nicole.
234
00:11:00,834 --> 00:11:02,594
- Hey, I got pickle
juice all over me now. - Harry!
235
00:11:02,618 --> 00:11:04,161
Are you happy? I don't know who
they're talking about.
236
00:11:04,185 --> 00:11:06,293
That better be the best
fucking pickle you've ever had.
237
00:11:06,317 --> 00:11:10,234
Hey! Hey, Harry,
Harry, Harry. Can you...
238
00:11:10,278 --> 00:11:13,673
Sorry, man. I just... I need to
know what happened with Nicole.
239
00:11:16,023 --> 00:11:17,807
Just tell your buddy
I'm sorry, okay?
240
00:11:17,851 --> 00:11:19,809
Dude, you gonna
have to tell him yourself.
241
00:11:19,853 --> 00:11:21,289
Sure. How?
242
00:11:21,332 --> 00:11:22,658
Just look into the camera. Just like this?
243
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:23,726
Yeah.
244
00:11:24,858 --> 00:11:26,816
Matt.
245
00:11:26,860 --> 00:11:29,340
Matt. Matt.
246
00:11:29,384 --> 00:11:31,342
I really am sorry
about what I did
247
00:11:31,386 --> 00:11:32,517
with your girl.
248
00:11:37,305 --> 00:11:38,654
Okay?
249
00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:39,742
Okay.
250
00:11:39,786 --> 00:11:41,352
What did you do?
251
00:11:41,396 --> 00:11:42,527
I can't get into that.
252
00:11:42,571 --> 00:11:43,703
That's frat policy.
253
00:11:43,746 --> 00:11:46,706
Here's what I can say.
254
00:11:46,749 --> 00:11:49,839
Matt, Nicole is
a very nice girl,
255
00:11:51,058 --> 00:11:53,016
and she likes to party.
256
00:12:09,032 --> 00:12:12,340
Looks yummy. Cookies?
257
00:12:12,383 --> 00:12:14,690
You used to make
cookies all the time...
258
00:12:15,343 --> 00:12:17,301
They're good.
259
00:12:19,173 --> 00:12:22,872
Hey. Sweetheart,
what's the matter?
260
00:12:22,916 --> 00:12:24,874
She cheated on me.
261
00:12:24,918 --> 00:12:26,180
I'm sorry.
262
00:12:27,572 --> 00:12:29,357
Hey, guess what? Yeah.
263
00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:31,751
I talked to your sister. She's
gonna come here this weekend.
264
00:12:31,794 --> 00:12:34,014
That's great.
265
00:12:34,057 --> 00:12:36,756
These cookies are really good.
266
00:12:36,799 --> 00:12:38,758
Zack, zip it!
267
00:12:38,801 --> 00:12:41,412
Can't you just back off
for a little while?
268
00:12:41,456 --> 00:12:45,416
Do you have to always be in
everybody's face constantly?
269
00:12:45,460 --> 00:12:47,568
I'm just trying
to get this so he'll realize
270
00:12:47,592 --> 00:12:49,005
how silly he was later.
Yeah, I can't understand
271
00:12:49,029 --> 00:12:50,876
anything you're saying
with your mouth full of food.
272
00:12:50,900 --> 00:12:52,206
Your mouth... Uh!
273
00:12:53,468 --> 00:12:56,079
Hey, dick-munch!
Krys is here.
274
00:12:56,123 --> 00:12:57,777
Grab the camera.
275
00:12:57,820 --> 00:12:59,126
You got it? JACOB: Yeah.
276
00:13:00,823 --> 00:13:05,262
Hey, hey! Krys is here.
Krys is here. Heads up.
277
00:13:09,266 --> 00:13:10,920
Hey!
278
00:13:10,964 --> 00:13:12,617
Hey! KRYSTA:
Hey, what's up?
279
00:13:12,661 --> 00:13:14,706
How are you, lady? Come on. No. Jesus!
280
00:13:14,750 --> 00:13:17,797
Zack! Shit!
Zack, stop! You...
281
00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:19,426
Just so you know,
this is not my idea.
282
00:13:19,450 --> 00:13:20,930
Out of the way!
That's for me!
283
00:13:20,974 --> 00:13:22,845
Hey! Stop!
284
00:13:22,889 --> 00:13:24,412
Oh, my God.
285
00:13:25,456 --> 00:13:27,023
Jacob, take the keys! No!
286
00:13:29,330 --> 00:13:30,548
Yeah!
287
00:13:30,592 --> 00:13:31,767
You're such a...
288
00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,049
I'm such a dick!
Did you hear that?
289
00:13:33,073 --> 00:13:34,117
Welcome home, honey.
290
00:13:34,161 --> 00:13:35,292
Oh, my God.
291
00:13:35,336 --> 00:13:36,816
Welcome home.
292
00:13:36,859 --> 00:13:38,774
Krysta.
Want to dry off?
293
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:39,862
Thank you, Matt.
294
00:13:39,906 --> 00:13:41,864
Hey, dickhole!
295
00:13:41,908 --> 00:13:44,736
Matt's the only person in this
whole house that's nice to me.
296
00:13:45,607 --> 00:13:47,043
Thank you.
297
00:13:47,087 --> 00:13:48,218
Oh!
298
00:13:48,262 --> 00:13:50,481
So wet and disgusting.
299
00:13:50,525 --> 00:13:52,875
I know. I'm a wet girl.
300
00:13:56,618 --> 00:13:57,837
Very athletic.
301
00:13:57,880 --> 00:13:59,229
You've been waiting for this for
302
00:13:59,273 --> 00:14:01,405
however long that you guys
have been going out?
303
00:14:01,449 --> 00:14:02,624
Two years.
304
00:14:02,667 --> 00:14:04,321
Two years.
305
00:14:04,365 --> 00:14:06,149
You've been waiting
for this for two years,
306
00:14:06,193 --> 00:14:09,283
and now she
fucked somebody else?
307
00:14:09,326 --> 00:14:12,852
You should go on that
date you were talking about.
308
00:14:12,895 --> 00:14:14,331
Have sex with her there.
309
00:14:14,375 --> 00:14:16,203
Go on the date.
310
00:14:16,246 --> 00:14:19,467
Go do all the things, and the carriage
and the flowers and the hotel,
311
00:14:19,510 --> 00:14:20,947
and then have sex with her.
312
00:14:20,990 --> 00:14:22,905
You get all of
those feelings out,
313
00:14:22,949 --> 00:14:24,389
and then you get
out of it unscathed.
314
00:14:24,428 --> 00:14:25,777
I'm becoming aroused, yes.
315
00:14:25,821 --> 00:14:27,364
I don't want to
do that to her, though.
316
00:14:27,388 --> 00:14:28,800
- She meant
too much to me. - Why not?
317
00:14:28,824 --> 00:14:31,218
There's no revenge.
It's just making it right.
318
00:14:31,261 --> 00:14:32,959
His girlfriend
cheated on him. Damn!
319
00:14:33,002 --> 00:14:35,067
Look, you get to pick
how this song ends, okay?
320
00:14:35,091 --> 00:14:38,268
I think you're gonna
feel better if you do.
321
00:14:38,312 --> 00:14:42,403
Hey, Nicole.
It's Matt. How are you?
322
00:14:42,446 --> 00:14:43,621
Um...
323
00:14:43,665 --> 00:14:48,061
I'm sorry I missed
your calls before.
324
00:14:48,104 --> 00:14:50,846
I was feeling kind
of sick, kind of ill.
325
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:55,546
But I'm much better, and I
can't wait until Saturday.
326
00:14:55,590 --> 00:14:57,505
I am very excited.
327
00:14:57,548 --> 00:15:00,812
So, give me a call back.
All right, see you.
328
00:15:02,814 --> 00:15:04,729
Did that sound phony?
That was fucking awesome.
329
00:15:06,383 --> 00:15:07,471
What're you doing?
330
00:15:07,515 --> 00:15:09,082
I'm calling it off.
331
00:15:11,127 --> 00:15:13,173
I just don't
think I can do it.
332
00:15:13,216 --> 00:15:15,175
I don't love her any more, dude.
333
00:15:15,218 --> 00:15:19,135
Sex isn't about love.
Sex is about sex!
334
00:15:19,179 --> 00:15:22,095
Who's your favorite porn star?
335
00:15:22,138 --> 00:15:23,498
What does it matter? Just tell me.
336
00:15:23,531 --> 00:15:24,749
Sunny Leone.
337
00:15:24,793 --> 00:15:28,623
Okay, close your eyes
and think about Nicole,
338
00:15:28,666 --> 00:15:31,495
and visualize her body, okay?
339
00:15:31,539 --> 00:15:35,804
Put Sunny Leone's head
on her body.
340
00:15:35,847 --> 00:15:37,458
That's someone you love, right?
341
00:15:37,501 --> 00:15:40,200
Sunny Leone, yes.
342
00:15:40,243 --> 00:15:41,897
Have sex with her.
343
00:15:43,551 --> 00:15:44,856
I'll try.
344
00:15:44,900 --> 00:15:47,598
Nice fucking place, dude.
Good choice.
345
00:15:47,642 --> 00:15:48,948
Thank you.
346
00:15:48,991 --> 00:15:50,862
You got style.
347
00:15:50,906 --> 00:15:55,171
I thought it would be, like, a really
romantic setting for our first time.
348
00:15:55,215 --> 00:15:57,043
Whatever, dude.
You're here now.
349
00:15:57,086 --> 00:15:58,870
We're gonna make the best of it.
350
00:15:58,914 --> 00:16:00,234
You ready? JUSTIN: Yeah, let's go.
351
00:16:01,873 --> 00:16:05,312
I'm here to check out the
rooms under the name "Matthew."
352
00:16:05,355 --> 00:16:06,835
Matt, check how many rooms.
353
00:16:06,878 --> 00:16:08,532
Two rooms.
354
00:16:08,576 --> 00:16:11,579
Two rooms? Are y'all
gonna throw a party?
355
00:16:11,622 --> 00:16:13,015
No. I'm not.
356
00:16:13,059 --> 00:16:14,364
What?
357
00:16:14,408 --> 00:16:16,714
This is a great place to party.
358
00:16:16,758 --> 00:16:17,802
I'm very good.
359
00:16:19,848 --> 00:16:21,154
Adjoining rooms.
360
00:16:21,197 --> 00:16:22,503
Very nice.
361
00:16:22,546 --> 00:16:24,070
Here's the other one.
362
00:16:24,113 --> 00:16:26,463
Yeah, this is great!
363
00:16:26,507 --> 00:16:28,422
Very nice, sir.
Very nice indeed.
364
00:16:28,465 --> 00:16:30,337
Wow! Yeah,
we get this room.
365
00:16:30,380 --> 00:16:33,818
Can you check
how sturdy it is, Jacob?
366
00:16:33,862 --> 00:16:35,255
Yeah. ZACK: Fuck on it.
367
00:16:35,298 --> 00:16:37,431
Yeah!
368
00:16:37,474 --> 00:16:38,562
Is that a good fucking?
369
00:16:38,606 --> 00:16:39,713
Jacob, is that the way
that you fuck?
370
00:16:39,737 --> 00:16:41,435
It is when there's
no one to fuck.
371
00:16:41,478 --> 00:16:45,656
I want y'all boys to know all
these beds are up to snuff.
372
00:16:45,700 --> 00:16:49,182
My wife and I have
tried out every bed
373
00:16:49,225 --> 00:16:51,619
and couch and cot
in this whole hotel.
374
00:16:51,662 --> 00:16:53,012
Really?
375
00:16:53,055 --> 00:16:55,231
Your wife sounds
like a truly amazing woman.
376
00:16:55,275 --> 00:16:59,018
Well,
she's got Alzheimer's,
377
00:16:59,061 --> 00:17:01,107
and that's no fun when you...
378
00:17:01,150 --> 00:17:02,238
I'm sorry.
379
00:17:02,282 --> 00:17:03,370
For sex.
380
00:17:03,413 --> 00:17:04,501
Yeah.
381
00:17:04,545 --> 00:17:07,374
Anyway, I'll bring back
some champagne.
382
00:17:07,417 --> 00:17:08,636
Excellent.
383
00:17:08,679 --> 00:17:09,961
Thank you, thank you. Thank you very much.
384
00:17:09,985 --> 00:17:11,204
I have a big...
385
00:17:11,247 --> 00:17:13,075
Oh, my God, he's back.
386
00:17:13,119 --> 00:17:16,252
I have a really strong
connection with you guys,
387
00:17:16,296 --> 00:17:20,430
and I don't know what it is, and I
hope we can be friends for a long time.
388
00:17:20,474 --> 00:17:21,562
All right.
389
00:17:22,998 --> 00:17:25,087
Okay. All right.
I'll be seeing you.
390
00:17:25,131 --> 00:17:27,089
Thanks, buddy.
391
00:17:27,133 --> 00:17:28,438
Oh, my God.
392
00:17:28,482 --> 00:17:30,092
Do not drink
anything he gives you.
393
00:17:30,136 --> 00:17:31,374
All right,
this is what's gonna happen.
394
00:17:31,398 --> 00:17:34,705
You're gonna be fucking
over here. On the bed.
395
00:17:34,749 --> 00:17:37,578
Then we are gonna be
over in this room,
396
00:17:37,621 --> 00:17:39,406
and we're gonna
have speakers set up
397
00:17:39,449 --> 00:17:41,277
all over the place
so we can all hear it.
398
00:17:41,321 --> 00:17:44,802
Now, once you're done,
you're gonna knock twice,
399
00:17:44,846 --> 00:17:47,631
so we'll be like...
400
00:17:47,675 --> 00:17:49,329
Busted!
401
00:17:49,372 --> 00:17:50,958
And you're gonna break
up with her on film.
402
00:17:50,982 --> 00:17:53,028
Okay.
403
00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:55,204
I'm so happy you're doing this.
404
00:17:55,248 --> 00:17:57,380
Okay, could you just give me
a little bit of room?
405
00:17:57,424 --> 00:17:58,860
Guys. JACOB: Yeah, no problem.
406
00:17:58,903 --> 00:18:00,446
All right, man. Come on. We need to set up
407
00:18:00,470 --> 00:18:02,081
how I'm gonna, like,
tape shit down.
408
00:18:04,257 --> 00:18:05,910
Do you think I should
really do this?
409
00:18:05,954 --> 00:18:10,045
Yes. She cheated on you.
Remember that. Okay?
410
00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:12,134
Okay.
411
00:18:12,178 --> 00:18:13,831
Hey, Matty, Zack. Hey, sir.
412
00:18:13,875 --> 00:18:15,659
Hey! How are you today?
413
00:18:15,703 --> 00:18:17,052
Good, good, good.
414
00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:18,749
Why are you so dressed up?
415
00:18:18,793 --> 00:18:20,360
Well, you know,
it's our anniversary,
416
00:18:20,403 --> 00:18:21,491
so I just wanted to...
417
00:18:21,535 --> 00:18:23,145
Your anniversary of what?
418
00:18:23,189 --> 00:18:25,060
We're going out.
419
00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:26,322
Nothing. Just...
420
00:18:26,366 --> 00:18:27,541
Please. Please don't.
421
00:18:27,584 --> 00:18:29,195
No. No, I couldn't.
422
00:18:29,238 --> 00:18:30,848
Here we are.
Here, just take it.
423
00:18:30,892 --> 00:18:32,372
I don't feel right.
424
00:18:32,415 --> 00:18:36,680
It's not for you, Matt. It's
for my daughter, all right?
425
00:18:36,724 --> 00:18:38,769
Let me show you something.
426
00:18:40,423 --> 00:18:41,598
There it goes.
427
00:18:43,209 --> 00:18:44,993
Forty miles an hour!
428
00:18:48,953 --> 00:18:53,044
Here, now drink a glass
of this, and tell me...
429
00:18:53,088 --> 00:18:54,307
Matt, don't drink that.
430
00:18:54,350 --> 00:18:56,570
Go ahead, go ahead.
431
00:18:56,613 --> 00:18:58,180
What do you think?
432
00:18:58,224 --> 00:19:00,095
Frothy. It's...
433
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:01,792
It's definitely...
434
00:19:08,886 --> 00:19:10,888
Oh, my God. That's a really good...
435
00:19:10,932 --> 00:19:13,195
Does that shit
turn you into the Hulk?
436
00:19:13,239 --> 00:19:14,414
It's good.
437
00:19:16,067 --> 00:19:17,393
Is she beautiful or what?
438
00:19:17,417 --> 00:19:18,896
Very beautiful.
439
00:19:20,768 --> 00:19:21,875
Hey. You look great. NICOLE: Thanks.
440
00:19:21,899 --> 00:19:23,510
Hubba-hubba.
441
00:19:23,553 --> 00:19:24,704
Well, listen.
Y'all have a good time tonight.
442
00:19:24,728 --> 00:19:26,165
Thank you, sir.
443
00:19:26,208 --> 00:19:28,230
Call me if you
need anything, all right?
444
00:19:28,254 --> 00:19:30,145
You look great. NICOLE'S DAD:
You look fantastic.
445
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:31,257
Y'all have a good time.
446
00:19:31,300 --> 00:19:33,998
Bye, bye. I love you.
447
00:19:34,042 --> 00:19:35,957
I love you,
too, David.
448
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:37,611
Are you excited?
449
00:19:37,654 --> 00:19:38,742
Uh. Yeah.
450
00:19:42,006 --> 00:19:45,532
Can't wait. After all
the planning and secrecy.
451
00:19:45,575 --> 00:19:47,229
Yeah, I know.
452
00:19:47,273 --> 00:19:50,450
Oh!
You guys are so cute.
453
00:19:50,493 --> 00:19:52,887
I cannot wait to
hear how this goes.
454
00:19:52,930 --> 00:19:54,018
Bye.
455
00:20:06,466 --> 00:20:09,425
You're fucking like this.
You see a fucking mike!
456
00:20:09,469 --> 00:20:11,775
Let's just put it in her vagina.
457
00:20:11,819 --> 00:20:14,256
Can you hear that?
Squeaking?
458
00:20:15,562 --> 00:20:16,998
Is it, like, white noise,
459
00:20:17,041 --> 00:20:18,236
or does it sound
like they're fucking?
460
00:20:18,260 --> 00:20:19,300
No, no.
It's clear as fuck.
461
00:20:26,050 --> 00:20:28,357
Test, test.
462
00:20:28,401 --> 00:20:31,665
"Oh, baby, that's the
wrong hole." Sounds good.
463
00:20:31,708 --> 00:20:35,146
This one is perfect. If
she squirts, we're gonna hear it.
464
00:20:36,365 --> 00:20:37,540
Come on, let's go.
465
00:20:55,210 --> 00:20:57,299
For you.
466
00:20:57,343 --> 00:21:00,302
All right. Should I pop
this or should you pop this?
467
00:21:00,346 --> 00:21:01,564
Let them pop it.
468
00:21:01,608 --> 00:21:03,305
This is gonna be so good! This is so good!
469
00:21:03,349 --> 00:21:05,394
This is, like,
the peak of our genius.
470
00:21:05,438 --> 00:21:07,396
We got it!
471
00:21:08,658 --> 00:21:09,983
Hey! Hey, you want
to see me jump over...
472
00:21:10,007 --> 00:21:11,748
♪ Matt's gonna get fucked
473
00:21:11,792 --> 00:21:14,011
Hell, yeah!
Jump over this.
474
00:21:16,362 --> 00:21:19,234
Nice, nice.
475
00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:21,976
Don't watch me while I do that.
That's me time.
476
00:21:22,890 --> 00:21:25,196
All right, guys.
So what's happening
477
00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:27,460
is we're gonna
fucking make Nicole
478
00:21:27,503 --> 00:21:29,375
feel like the bitch she is.
479
00:21:29,418 --> 00:21:31,377
Bitch. Slut, whore.Slut.
480
00:21:31,420 --> 00:21:34,118
And then fucking
break it online.
481
00:21:35,685 --> 00:21:37,034
Hell, no!
482
00:21:37,078 --> 00:21:38,360
Who's excited for
Matt losing his virginity?
483
00:21:38,384 --> 00:21:40,951
Whoo! Yeah!
484
00:21:40,995 --> 00:21:43,084
Can we go check the mikes?
485
00:21:43,127 --> 00:21:45,173
Checking. We're by the bed.
Can you hear this?
486
00:21:45,216 --> 00:21:46,759
We're having sex now.
This is so much fun.
487
00:21:46,783 --> 00:21:48,394
Oh, my God.
488
00:22:03,322 --> 00:22:05,672
Shut up! Shut up, guys.
Guys, shut the fuck up.
489
00:22:05,715 --> 00:22:07,674
Hey, Matt. Hey, man.
490
00:22:10,416 --> 00:22:15,246
What are you talking about?
Yes. Yes. Are you almost here?
491
00:22:15,290 --> 00:22:19,555
No. Nicole...
Then that's perfect.
492
00:22:21,122 --> 00:22:25,256
Okay, okay, okay. Hey, guys,
they're leaving right now.
493
00:22:43,666 --> 00:22:46,277
Champagne?
That's so sweet.
494
00:22:48,889 --> 00:22:50,412
To us.
495
00:22:50,456 --> 00:22:51,935
Cheers.
496
00:22:51,979 --> 00:22:54,764
Do you want to
take a shower with me?
497
00:22:56,940 --> 00:22:58,507
See, actually,
I'm good right now.
498
00:22:58,551 --> 00:23:00,248
I just actually...
I took a shower.
499
00:23:00,291 --> 00:23:04,165
Come on. I hate... I hate him.
500
00:23:06,341 --> 00:23:07,647
Fuck.
501
00:23:08,865 --> 00:23:10,911
Hey. Get these off.
502
00:23:10,954 --> 00:23:12,303
Okay.
503
00:23:13,348 --> 00:23:14,393
What?
504
00:23:17,047 --> 00:23:19,093
Is everything okay?
505
00:23:19,136 --> 00:23:20,790
Fine.
506
00:23:20,834 --> 00:23:23,532
Maybe you're trying too hard?
507
00:23:24,881 --> 00:23:26,056
Oh, no!
508
00:23:26,100 --> 00:23:28,232
Dude, he can't get it up.
509
00:23:28,276 --> 00:23:32,889
Do you want... How about you lie down?
Let me take care of you.
510
00:23:32,933 --> 00:23:35,065
Oh, my God.
511
00:23:35,109 --> 00:23:36,303
Can you hold that thought? I have
to run to the bathroom really fast.
512
00:23:36,327 --> 00:23:37,764
Okay.
513
00:23:37,807 --> 00:23:39,200
Okay. Really fast.
Just one minute.
514
00:23:42,246 --> 00:23:43,683
Is he...
515
00:23:43,726 --> 00:23:45,336
He's jacking off.
516
00:23:45,380 --> 00:23:46,860
No, we'd hear it. Shh.
517
00:23:46,903 --> 00:23:48,949
I hear nothing.
What's going on?
518
00:23:53,693 --> 00:23:54,824
Fuck.
519
00:23:57,740 --> 00:23:58,785
Oh!
520
00:24:00,351 --> 00:24:01,614
Oh, no.
521
00:24:01,657 --> 00:24:02,876
What did they eat at the...
522
00:24:02,919 --> 00:24:04,704
Oh! Poor guy.
523
00:24:07,184 --> 00:24:08,403
Oh, my God.
That's a problem.
524
00:24:08,447 --> 00:24:09,535
That's a machine gun.
525
00:24:11,537 --> 00:24:12,886
Are you okay?
526
00:24:12,929 --> 00:24:14,409
Yeah, I'm fine.
527
00:24:14,453 --> 00:24:15,932
Actually not.
I have to go back...
528
00:24:15,976 --> 00:24:18,587
I have to go back
to the bathroom.
529
00:24:18,631 --> 00:24:20,023
Oh, my God.
He's not done.
530
00:24:21,198 --> 00:24:22,504
Oh, my God.
531
00:24:26,552 --> 00:24:28,118
That's what they
call a dirty job.
532
00:24:28,162 --> 00:24:30,425
It doesn't get
nastier than that.
533
00:24:30,469 --> 00:24:32,079
Oh, my God.
534
00:24:32,122 --> 00:24:33,472
What is wrong with him?
535
00:24:33,515 --> 00:24:34,995
He could burn his asshole.
536
00:24:38,781 --> 00:24:40,870
What's wrong?
537
00:24:40,914 --> 00:24:42,959
Fuck this.
This is wrong.
538
00:24:43,003 --> 00:24:44,483
What do you mean?
539
00:24:47,398 --> 00:24:48,704
What are you talking about?
540
00:24:48,748 --> 00:24:50,097
Oh! Shit!
541
00:24:50,140 --> 00:24:51,490
Open!
542
00:24:51,533 --> 00:24:53,840
No comprende.
I am from Mexico.
543
00:24:53,883 --> 00:24:55,145
Is that Zack?
544
00:24:55,189 --> 00:24:58,714
All right, Zack, come on.
I can't do it.
545
00:24:58,758 --> 00:25:00,586
Hello. What the fuck?
546
00:25:00,629 --> 00:25:04,372
Nicole, where you going? I just want
to tell you, you look beautiful.
547
00:25:05,765 --> 00:25:07,375
Nicole, stop.
548
00:25:14,295 --> 00:25:19,169
I know that what I did was stupid, okay?
But I didn't fuck him.
549
00:25:19,213 --> 00:25:21,432
And I was drunk, and I
know that if I wasn't drunk
550
00:25:21,476 --> 00:25:25,393
I wouldn't have let it happen, but
it just seemed like it wasn't so bad.
551
00:25:25,436 --> 00:25:29,310
I put two years into this relationship,
and I thought it was going...
552
00:25:29,353 --> 00:25:30,529
It was working very well.
553
00:25:30,572 --> 00:25:32,531
And you fucked it up.
554
00:25:34,184 --> 00:25:36,056
Okay?
555
00:25:36,099 --> 00:25:39,233
I know that I fucked up, but, like,
what is this with all the cameras?
556
00:25:39,276 --> 00:25:44,107
Like, are you fucking kidding me?
Like, you would do that to me?
557
00:25:44,151 --> 00:25:47,110
I didn't do anything on
purpose just to hurt you.
558
00:25:47,154 --> 00:25:52,028
You're doing this on purpose
just to hurt me, Matt.
559
00:25:57,860 --> 00:26:01,995
It's over, Nicole. I'm breaking
up with you, all right?
560
00:26:02,038 --> 00:26:03,474
It's done. I get it.
I get it, Matt.
561
00:26:03,518 --> 00:26:04,563
Do you?
562
00:26:06,956 --> 00:26:09,698
Matt, kick his ass.
Fuck you, old man!
563
00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:14,181
Kick his ass, Matt!
564
00:26:15,748 --> 00:26:17,532
Ow! Oh!
565
00:26:35,550 --> 00:26:39,510
Why the fuck would you post this?
I look like an idiot.
566
00:26:39,554 --> 00:26:40,642
It's you in the video.
567
00:26:40,686 --> 00:26:41,817
What's funny about it?
568
00:26:41,861 --> 00:26:45,125
Everyone thought
she fucked Harry.
569
00:26:45,168 --> 00:26:46,288
She just got her tits sucked!
570
00:26:47,301 --> 00:26:49,564
Matt. What's that?
571
00:26:49,608 --> 00:26:52,088
What? What are you doing?
572
00:26:52,132 --> 00:26:54,308
Some Asian dude responded.
573
00:26:56,397 --> 00:26:59,618
Hi, Matt.
What you did to that girl?
574
00:27:01,054 --> 00:27:03,360
It disgust me!
575
00:27:03,404 --> 00:27:07,843
All she wanted to do
was get her titties sucked.
576
00:27:07,887 --> 00:27:09,018
Like this.
577
00:27:09,062 --> 00:27:12,152
Suck it, baby.
578
00:27:14,154 --> 00:27:16,373
Maybe, you know,
maybe I need to grow up,
579
00:27:16,417 --> 00:27:19,202
maybe I'm a bit of a baby, but at
least I'm not a cheater, you know?
580
00:27:19,246 --> 00:27:20,943
Right? Good way to look at it.
581
00:27:20,987 --> 00:27:22,336
Sure, dude.
582
00:27:22,379 --> 00:27:24,164
Hey! MOM: Take a bite.
583
00:27:26,949 --> 00:27:29,299
Seth,
when did you start balding?
584
00:27:29,343 --> 00:27:31,954
When did I start balding?
585
00:27:31,998 --> 00:27:35,436
When I was 22.
586
00:27:35,479 --> 00:27:38,395
Matt, you're gonna
start balding at 22.
587
00:27:38,439 --> 00:27:40,528
No. Matt has
a great head of hair.
588
00:27:40,571 --> 00:27:41,679
I think I get it from my mom.
589
00:27:41,703 --> 00:27:43,574
Yes.
590
00:27:43,618 --> 00:27:46,882
Look it, I got something kind of
special. A little something for you.
591
00:27:47,709 --> 00:27:49,145
Check it out.
592
00:27:51,365 --> 00:27:53,367
Is there something I'm...
593
00:27:54,803 --> 00:27:56,196
It's a sobriety chip.
594
00:27:56,239 --> 00:27:58,087
Is that a poker chip?
It's a sobriety chip.
595
00:27:58,111 --> 00:27:59,634
No, that's a sobriety chip, man.
596
00:27:59,678 --> 00:28:01,070
That's amazing.
597
00:28:01,114 --> 00:28:02,613
It's six months? ZACK:
You got a sobriety chip?
598
00:28:02,637 --> 00:28:04,726
Yeah, absolutely. MATT: I'm proud of you.
599
00:28:04,770 --> 00:28:07,903
Thanks, Matt. It's been hard.
Did it for you.
600
00:28:07,947 --> 00:28:10,340
Happy birthday.
Here's a six-month chip.
601
00:28:11,733 --> 00:28:12,821
Wow!
602
00:28:12,865 --> 00:28:14,431
How many months do you have?
603
00:28:15,781 --> 00:28:17,565
Who wants more cake? I'll have some.
604
00:28:17,608 --> 00:28:20,176
Dude, dude, dude.
It's a big deal, you know?
605
00:28:20,220 --> 00:28:21,874
He's a good kid. Thank you.
606
00:28:21,917 --> 00:28:25,094
In spite of the fact that
you're his dad. Father.
607
00:28:25,138 --> 00:28:27,183
That's kind of un-cool,
but whatever.
608
00:28:27,227 --> 00:28:29,620
Yeah, I know, I'm real un-cool.
609
00:28:29,664 --> 00:28:32,449
He didn't have to come.
At least he made the effort.
610
00:28:35,235 --> 00:28:36,279
Yeah.
611
00:28:37,716 --> 00:28:39,021
I love you.
612
00:28:42,024 --> 00:28:43,156
Yeah, I can do that.
613
00:28:43,199 --> 00:28:45,071
I got you something.
614
00:28:45,114 --> 00:28:46,681
Oh, Zack, that's sweet!
615
00:28:50,903 --> 00:28:52,643
Panties? DAD: What the heck is that?
616
00:28:52,687 --> 00:28:54,341
They're Sunny Leone's.
617
00:28:54,384 --> 00:28:55,777
Sunny Leone?
Who's...
618
00:28:55,821 --> 00:28:57,170
These are Sunny Leone's panties?
619
00:28:57,213 --> 00:28:58,737
Yeah. SETH: Who's Sunny Leone?
620
00:28:58,780 --> 00:29:01,696
Dude, open the... It's
your son's favorite actress.
621
00:29:01,740 --> 00:29:03,785
She's an
adult film star.
622
00:29:03,829 --> 00:29:05,178
Oh, yeah. Oh, God.
623
00:29:05,221 --> 00:29:07,833
That's her wearing them.
Show the picture.
624
00:29:07,876 --> 00:29:09,617
Oh, my God!
625
00:29:09,660 --> 00:29:11,706
"This is to attest to the
fact that these panties
626
00:29:11,750 --> 00:29:13,969
"are genuine
Sunny Leone panties,
627
00:29:14,013 --> 00:29:16,755
"as worn by Sunny herself.
This is awarded to Matt."
628
00:29:16,798 --> 00:29:18,104
Signed by Sunny.
629
00:29:18,147 --> 00:29:19,429
Couldn't you
have just gotten him
630
00:29:19,453 --> 00:29:20,893
an autographed
baseball or something?
631
00:29:21,847 --> 00:29:23,065
Matt?
632
00:29:25,067 --> 00:29:28,462
It's good. It's a good present.
Thanks, man.
633
00:29:32,858 --> 00:29:35,121
Time to wake up, dirt bag!
634
00:29:35,164 --> 00:29:37,210
No!
635
00:29:37,253 --> 00:29:39,952
It's your lucky day.
Do you always have a boner?
636
00:29:39,995 --> 00:29:41,475
What the fuck is that, dude?
637
00:29:41,518 --> 00:29:43,346
Morning wood.
It's called morning wood.
638
00:29:43,390 --> 00:29:46,480
Dude, I've got the biggest
surprise you've ever seen in your life.
639
00:29:46,523 --> 00:29:48,656
Click on the video.
640
00:29:48,699 --> 00:29:51,137
Hi, my name's Becca.
641
00:29:51,180 --> 00:29:54,662
I saw a video yesterday
called "Matt's Big Night,"
642
00:29:54,705 --> 00:29:58,144
and Matt, if you see this,
I want to make you an offer.
643
00:29:59,754 --> 00:30:01,277
I thought that it
was pretty shitty
644
00:30:01,321 --> 00:30:02,975
what happened with
your ex-girlfriend,
645
00:30:03,018 --> 00:30:06,717
and I thought I'd offer
myself to your cause.
646
00:30:06,761 --> 00:30:08,371
I want to be your first.
647
00:30:09,242 --> 00:30:11,897
So I'm 25.
648
00:30:11,940 --> 00:30:13,899
I'm very sexual,
649
00:30:13,942 --> 00:30:15,509
very experienced woman,
650
00:30:15,552 --> 00:30:19,426
and I'm also a direct
descendant of Cleopatra,
651
00:30:19,469 --> 00:30:22,472
and I'm 100% confident saying
652
00:30:22,516 --> 00:30:24,735
I embody her sensuality.
653
00:30:24,779 --> 00:30:25,954
I hope that you contact me
654
00:30:25,998 --> 00:30:27,303
and we could take this further,
655
00:30:27,347 --> 00:30:30,132
and I promise
you won't regret it.
656
00:30:30,176 --> 00:30:31,525
All right, thanks.
657
00:30:33,962 --> 00:30:35,311
Fucking awesome.
658
00:30:35,355 --> 00:30:36,443
No way.
659
00:30:36,486 --> 00:30:37,574
Yeah.
660
00:30:37,618 --> 00:30:38,837
No.
661
00:30:40,403 --> 00:30:42,231
You're such a fucking idiot.
662
00:30:42,275 --> 00:30:43,842
I can't do it.
663
00:30:43,885 --> 00:30:47,149
I don't want to fuck a stranger.
664
00:30:47,193 --> 00:30:48,281
Why not?
665
00:30:48,324 --> 00:30:50,544
Strangers kill other strangers.
666
00:30:50,587 --> 00:30:53,895
Strangers also blow other strangers.
You're not making sense.
667
00:30:53,939 --> 00:30:58,334
Maybe this lady is,
like, your long lost love,
668
00:30:58,378 --> 00:31:02,861
and you guys were
meant to be together.
669
00:31:02,904 --> 00:31:05,689
This is exactly why God
invented the Internet.
670
00:31:05,733 --> 00:31:08,257
No, he invented
the Internet for porn.
671
00:31:08,301 --> 00:31:10,738
How is this not porn? This
is porn that comes home.
672
00:31:10,781 --> 00:31:12,261
Porn is safe!
673
00:31:12,305 --> 00:31:15,830
Having sex leads to babies,
leads to STDs...
674
00:31:15,874 --> 00:31:17,310
Dude, porn is
your last priority...
675
00:31:17,353 --> 00:31:18,746
leads to commitment,
marriage.
676
00:31:18,789 --> 00:31:21,705
And me walking in.
Okay? That's what porn is.
677
00:31:21,749 --> 00:31:24,447
Porn is me seeing
you every day, sad.
678
00:31:26,841 --> 00:31:29,583
Okay, I know
this isn't your thing,
679
00:31:29,626 --> 00:31:34,327
but you really need something
to help you forget about Nicole.
680
00:31:36,155 --> 00:31:39,375
I mean, it's whatever you decide, okay?
It's up to you.
681
00:31:39,419 --> 00:31:41,638
I don't even know
anything about her.
682
00:31:41,682 --> 00:31:43,858
Not yet you don't.
683
00:31:48,776 --> 00:31:52,998
Okay, guys, this is a phone
conversation between Becca and her doctor.
684
00:31:55,261 --> 00:32:00,179
TB, HIV, syphilis,
gonorrhea, chlamydia, all negative.
685
00:32:00,222 --> 00:32:03,530
You have no transmittable
diseases of any kind.
686
00:32:03,573 --> 00:32:04,966
Good.
687
00:32:05,010 --> 00:32:07,055
You do, however,
have high cholesterol.
688
00:32:07,099 --> 00:32:10,319
That's something we should
maybe talk about getting you...
689
00:32:10,363 --> 00:32:11,993
It's no big deal, right?
That doesn't affect...
690
00:32:12,017 --> 00:32:13,627
It's pretty hot, actually.
691
00:32:13,670 --> 00:32:14,909
Remember Matt?
I told you about that guy?
692
00:32:14,933 --> 00:32:16,978
Yeah.
693
00:32:17,022 --> 00:32:18,980
He's losing his virginity.
He's nervous.
694
00:32:19,024 --> 00:32:21,765
He's worried. Tell him
what I'm like in bed.
695
00:32:21,809 --> 00:32:23,245
If this is your first time,
696
00:32:23,289 --> 00:32:24,812
and it's gonna be with her,
697
00:32:24,855 --> 00:32:26,295
you're the luckiest guy
in the world.
698
00:32:28,163 --> 00:32:30,949
She'll get on top of you and
throw you around like a rag doll,
699
00:32:30,992 --> 00:32:33,212
which is something
that most men love.
700
00:32:33,255 --> 00:32:38,826
She's just like... She's like a stripper.
Like, arms, legs, tongue.
701
00:32:38,869 --> 00:32:40,654
It's fucking amazing.
702
00:32:40,697 --> 00:32:45,006
"Hey, Becca, it's Matt.
703
00:32:45,050 --> 00:32:49,358
"Please send me
some naked photos."
704
00:32:55,190 --> 00:32:57,410
"Why?" She wants to know why.
705
00:32:57,453 --> 00:32:58,759
I don't know.
706
00:32:58,802 --> 00:33:02,806
"To make sure you
are without penis."
707
00:33:05,722 --> 00:33:07,898
I think that's good.
708
00:33:07,942 --> 00:33:11,206
Yeah, is there anything else
that you can say to help young Matt
709
00:33:11,250 --> 00:33:13,556
feel more comfortable, maybe?
710
00:33:13,600 --> 00:33:18,431
Well, in addition to being
disease-free, you're on birth control,
711
00:33:18,474 --> 00:33:20,650
so the risk of pregnancy
is very low,
712
00:33:20,694 --> 00:33:23,218
and, Matt should feel good
about that as well.
713
00:33:23,262 --> 00:33:25,307
What more
could you ask for?
714
00:33:25,351 --> 00:33:27,911
You're not going to find many other
girls who don't have diseases.
715
00:33:29,268 --> 00:33:30,704
What the fuck!
716
00:33:30,747 --> 00:33:32,160
What...
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
717
00:33:32,184 --> 00:33:34,186
- Enlarge it, enlarge it.
- There's her vagina.
718
00:33:34,229 --> 00:33:37,189
She has a vagina.
719
00:33:37,232 --> 00:33:39,713
"Well, are we going to do this or not?
Last chance."
720
00:33:39,756 --> 00:33:40,975
It's up to you, pal.
721
00:33:41,019 --> 00:33:44,979
All right. Good night.
Have a happy...
722
00:33:46,241 --> 00:33:48,287
Good night.
723
00:33:48,330 --> 00:33:52,247
She wants me to buy a suit.
Ralph Lauren, Black Label.
724
00:33:52,291 --> 00:33:57,035
She said if I want to fuck like a
man, I have to dress like a man.
725
00:33:58,949 --> 00:34:00,081
I get that.
726
00:34:00,125 --> 00:34:01,691
God!
727
00:34:01,735 --> 00:34:04,172
I'm actually gonna do this.
728
00:34:04,216 --> 00:34:08,568
Hey, I need to get a suit.
Ralph Lauren, Black Label.
729
00:34:08,611 --> 00:34:09,699
Sure, this way. Okay.
730
00:34:09,743 --> 00:34:11,353
You're, like, a 36?
731
00:34:11,397 --> 00:34:13,181
I guess so.
732
00:34:13,225 --> 00:34:16,532
Okay. So, this is a Black Label suit.
And they usually run in the...
733
00:34:16,576 --> 00:34:19,057
This one's $1,795.
734
00:34:19,100 --> 00:34:22,190
And that's the price point right
there for Black Label suit.
735
00:34:22,234 --> 00:34:24,714
Seventeen...
$1,700.
736
00:34:24,758 --> 00:34:27,195
Becca, I want to go for it,
737
00:34:27,239 --> 00:34:31,199
but it's all just super,
super expensive,
738
00:34:31,243 --> 00:34:35,464
and if we could just
not worry about this...
739
00:34:38,685 --> 00:34:41,601
Yeah. I understand.
I got you.
740
00:34:42,602 --> 00:34:44,560
All right, see you. Bye.
741
00:34:44,604 --> 00:34:45,779
What did she say?
742
00:34:45,822 --> 00:34:47,563
She said,
"No suit, no sex."
743
00:34:47,607 --> 00:34:48,758
So we'll
get you the suit.
744
00:34:48,782 --> 00:34:50,088
It's not the end of the world
745
00:34:50,131 --> 00:34:51,630
that I'm not gonna
have sex with Becca.
746
00:34:51,654 --> 00:34:53,134
I've never met a single girl...
747
00:34:53,178 --> 00:34:54,614
Look at me.
748
00:34:57,791 --> 00:34:59,140
What?
749
00:34:59,184 --> 00:35:02,752
After that.
I mean, come on, dude.
750
00:35:02,796 --> 00:35:04,600
It's not like you don't have
the money. I don't have the money.
751
00:35:04,624 --> 00:35:09,107
You have a college fund
that's overflowing with money.
752
00:35:09,150 --> 00:35:12,066
Your mom would
want you to do this.
753
00:35:14,677 --> 00:35:18,507
Matt, this is your last tape,
754
00:35:18,551 --> 00:35:20,292
and I just
wanted to let you know
755
00:35:20,335 --> 00:35:22,424
that I've put away
a little money for you.
756
00:35:22,468 --> 00:35:24,165
I hope it will help with college
757
00:35:24,209 --> 00:35:27,212
and make your life just
a little easier, okay?
758
00:35:29,344 --> 00:35:33,653
I wish I could be at your graduation.
I'm really proud of you.
759
00:35:35,655 --> 00:35:37,004
I love you.
760
00:35:39,659 --> 00:35:44,446
Sir, it looks as if your
account has been liquidated.
761
00:35:44,490 --> 00:35:46,883
That's...
That's impossible.
762
00:35:46,927 --> 00:35:48,711
I mean, nobody has
access to my account.
763
00:35:51,018 --> 00:35:54,282
So, I went to take
money out of my bank account,
764
00:35:54,326 --> 00:35:58,373
and apparently my dad had cleaned
out all my funds for college.
765
00:35:58,417 --> 00:36:00,027
Oh, my God.
766
00:36:01,550 --> 00:36:03,509
Poor Matt.
I'm so sorry.
767
00:36:05,511 --> 00:36:07,643
Maybe we should call the cops.
768
00:36:07,687 --> 00:36:09,689
I don't want to
have him arrested.
769
00:36:12,082 --> 00:36:15,303
Maybe you should just punch him
in the face and ask for the money back.
770
00:36:15,347 --> 00:36:17,175
Okay, yeah, that's
gonna do a lot of good.
771
00:36:17,218 --> 00:36:19,046
Let's just punch
people in the face.
772
00:36:19,089 --> 00:36:21,179
Why don't you just
call him? Maybe...
773
00:36:21,222 --> 00:36:24,182
He's on this path to recovery.
Maybe he'll give it back.
774
00:36:24,225 --> 00:36:25,705
Well, he doesn't have a phone.
775
00:36:25,748 --> 00:36:27,228
He's living in
the swamps right now.
776
00:36:27,272 --> 00:36:28,751
Well, then, let's go.
In the swamps?
777
00:36:28,795 --> 00:36:29,926
Yeah.
778
00:36:29,970 --> 00:36:31,841
Can we go there?
779
00:36:31,885 --> 00:36:32,929
Let's go.
780
00:36:32,973 --> 00:36:34,061
Well, I'll confront him,
781
00:36:34,104 --> 00:36:35,193
and we will talk about it.
782
00:36:35,236 --> 00:36:36,759
I think that's a great idea.
783
00:36:36,803 --> 00:36:39,762
I'd like to see you
confront someone.
784
00:36:39,806 --> 00:36:41,851
There he is, right there.
All right, Zack, ready?
785
00:36:41,895 --> 00:36:43,070
Come on!
786
00:36:44,724 --> 00:36:46,247
Come on!
787
00:36:46,291 --> 00:36:47,857
Road trip, motherfucker!
788
00:36:47,901 --> 00:36:50,730
Get the fuck in
the car, you fucker!
789
00:36:51,731 --> 00:36:52,862
All right, drive.
Drive!
790
00:36:52,906 --> 00:36:53,907
Go!
791
00:36:55,300 --> 00:36:57,040
Everybody wave.
792
00:36:57,084 --> 00:36:59,129
Say hello to that guy.
793
00:36:59,173 --> 00:37:01,088
We're going!
Where am I going?
794
00:37:14,275 --> 00:37:16,538
I'm trying to think more in
the moment, and right now,
795
00:37:16,582 --> 00:37:18,279
I need to stop
thinking about Nicole
796
00:37:18,323 --> 00:37:20,063
and start thinking about Becca.
797
00:37:20,107 --> 00:37:21,891
I understand that.
798
00:37:21,935 --> 00:37:25,243
Some of the best sex I've ever
had is with people I don't know.
799
00:37:25,286 --> 00:37:26,722
That's really sketchy.
800
00:37:26,766 --> 00:37:28,115
It's true!
801
00:37:29,029 --> 00:37:30,596
Who wants water gators?
802
00:37:30,639 --> 00:37:32,119
What in God's name is this?
803
00:37:33,120 --> 00:37:35,253
Ow! Oh, what the fuck?
804
00:37:35,296 --> 00:37:37,167
Get excited, man.
805
00:37:37,211 --> 00:37:40,562
There's nothing more fun than
something a little wrong.
806
00:37:40,606 --> 00:37:45,915
And what you're doing is so
fucking wrong that it's awesome.
807
00:37:45,959 --> 00:37:49,136
Before you know it, you're doing
shit you would have never imagined.
808
00:37:53,662 --> 00:37:54,794
Snooker Island?
809
00:37:54,837 --> 00:37:56,119
Do you know where
Snooker Island is?
810
00:37:56,143 --> 00:37:58,276
Untie this little
rope around here.
811
00:37:58,319 --> 00:37:59,407
Oh, shit! Oh, shit.
812
00:37:59,451 --> 00:38:00,452
You ain't going nowhere.
813
00:38:15,510 --> 00:38:16,772
Hey, Dad.
814
00:38:16,816 --> 00:38:20,167
Hey, hey.
What's up, Matt?
815
00:38:22,343 --> 00:38:28,349
How's it going there? Loving it?
You loving this baby?
816
00:38:28,393 --> 00:38:32,440
So, I kind of put some
extra care into outfitting it.
817
00:38:32,484 --> 00:38:34,355
I'm just so grateful
to have this in my life.
818
00:38:34,399 --> 00:38:39,142
It's the only thing that I
have that's mine, you know?
819
00:38:39,186 --> 00:38:42,494
But someday it'll be yours.
820
00:38:43,582 --> 00:38:45,845
Thank you.
821
00:38:45,888 --> 00:38:49,022
Dad, do you have a minute that
we can go talk in private?
822
00:38:49,588 --> 00:38:51,894
Yeah.
823
00:38:51,938 --> 00:38:53,655
I'm sorry. Are you
saying I stole money?
824
00:38:53,679 --> 00:38:57,639
I wasn't talking to you.
I was...
825
00:38:57,683 --> 00:38:59,380
Did you do this?
826
00:38:59,424 --> 00:39:00,599
Um...
827
00:39:01,556 --> 00:39:02,644
What are you? A moron?
828
00:39:02,688 --> 00:39:04,080
No.
829
00:39:04,124 --> 00:39:05,734
You know something
about your dad?
830
00:39:05,778 --> 00:39:07,103
I don't know if you
know this or not,
831
00:39:07,127 --> 00:39:08,476
but your dad is a little bitch.
832
00:39:08,520 --> 00:39:10,609
Did you know that? You
probably do know that,
833
00:39:10,652 --> 00:39:12,674
'cause you lived with him for a while.
If people weren't here...
834
00:39:12,698 --> 00:39:14,352
Just fucking get that
shit out of my face.
835
00:39:14,395 --> 00:39:18,051
We came all the way out
here just for that, and I...
836
00:39:18,094 --> 00:39:22,360
Do I look like a bank? I
mean, I can't press a button
837
00:39:22,403 --> 00:39:25,406
and money's gonna just
fucking pop out of nowhere.
838
00:39:25,450 --> 00:39:27,669
You could, you know,
have some compassion for me
839
00:39:27,713 --> 00:39:28,864
and stuff like that.
I mean...
840
00:39:28,888 --> 00:39:30,585
I have plenty of
compassion for you.
841
00:39:30,629 --> 00:39:32,587
Can I just say something?
842
00:39:32,631 --> 00:39:36,504
I just wanted you to
know that, you know,
843
00:39:36,548 --> 00:39:38,941
the person who did whatever
it is that you think I did
844
00:39:38,985 --> 00:39:40,465
was not really me,
845
00:39:40,508 --> 00:39:43,598
'cause that was a person
who was on drugs who did that.
846
00:39:45,557 --> 00:39:48,037
So, let me get... Are you
using drugs right now?
847
00:39:48,081 --> 00:39:49,691
No, of course
I'm not using drugs.
848
00:39:49,735 --> 00:39:51,258
You're clearheaded?
849
00:39:51,301 --> 00:39:54,392
Yeah. No. I mean,
yeah. Absolutely.
850
00:39:54,435 --> 00:39:56,481
And you have no intention
of paying me back?
851
00:39:58,483 --> 00:40:01,050
Well, I'm a drug addict, man.
852
00:40:01,094 --> 00:40:03,792
Matt, let's get
the fuck out of here.
853
00:40:05,751 --> 00:40:07,535
All right, you guys ready?
854
00:40:07,579 --> 00:40:09,276
Wait, Matt,
where you going?
855
00:40:30,515 --> 00:40:32,212
That was awesome.
856
00:40:33,518 --> 00:40:37,217
Thanks for nothing, dickwad!
857
00:40:41,003 --> 00:40:42,570
Matt,
let's go get drunk.
858
00:40:42,614 --> 00:40:44,267
Yeah.
859
00:40:44,311 --> 00:40:46,922
Party's all inside. Bring
us a beer on your way out.
860
00:40:46,966 --> 00:40:48,054
Okay.
861
00:41:01,546 --> 00:41:04,984
I want to grow up to be him.
862
00:41:09,031 --> 00:41:11,991
Hey! Who has a match?
Who has a match?
863
00:41:15,690 --> 00:41:19,302
Smoking's bad.
Smoking's bad.
864
00:41:53,598 --> 00:41:54,860
You're so good.
865
00:41:54,903 --> 00:41:56,644
Oh, thank you.
866
00:41:56,688 --> 00:41:58,167
You're good.
867
00:41:58,211 --> 00:41:59,255
Hey.
868
00:42:11,267 --> 00:42:12,660
You guys into incense porn?
869
00:42:12,704 --> 00:42:13,748
Incense?
870
00:42:13,792 --> 00:42:15,533
Zack, stop it! Stop it!
871
00:42:15,576 --> 00:42:17,186
Incest porn?
872
00:42:17,230 --> 00:42:19,711
You guys into incest porn?
873
00:42:19,754 --> 00:42:22,670
Like you've never
gotten a boner off of me.
874
00:42:22,714 --> 00:42:24,411
Like you've never
seen me in the buff.
875
00:42:24,454 --> 00:42:25,891
I've never gotten your...
876
00:42:25,934 --> 00:42:27,588
What the fuck? JACOB: I have.
877
00:42:27,632 --> 00:42:29,068
Thank you, Jacob.
878
00:42:29,111 --> 00:42:30,567
Zack, why are
you so upset, buddy?
879
00:42:30,591 --> 00:42:32,550
I mean, think about it,
now. Be honest.
880
00:42:32,593 --> 00:42:35,901
They're not really
brother and sister.
881
00:42:35,944 --> 00:42:37,705
They're not related. It's
not like you and Krysta.
882
00:42:37,729 --> 00:42:39,557
But they're my
brother and sister.
883
00:42:39,600 --> 00:42:41,559
But they're not related.
Admit it.
884
00:42:41,602 --> 00:42:44,562
They're not really
brother and sister.
885
00:42:44,605 --> 00:42:45,911
There's no blood shared there.
886
00:42:47,608 --> 00:42:51,177
That is why I wouldn't make
out with my brother and Krysta.
887
00:42:54,006 --> 00:42:55,747
Fuck. Jesus!
888
00:42:56,965 --> 00:42:58,184
Write...
889
00:43:00,665 --> 00:43:02,101
Nice.
890
00:43:05,278 --> 00:43:06,366
Justin. What?
891
00:43:06,409 --> 00:43:09,021
I think Matt and Krysta
are hooking up.
892
00:43:26,778 --> 00:43:28,040
Zack.
893
00:43:28,083 --> 00:43:29,607
Oh, what the fuck?
894
00:43:29,650 --> 00:43:32,914
Just get up. Look,
there's something you gotta see.
895
00:43:32,958 --> 00:43:34,307
Did someone die?
896
00:43:34,350 --> 00:43:35,961
There's a situation.
897
00:43:39,312 --> 00:43:40,942
No, no, don't go that way.
Zack, come here,
898
00:43:40,966 --> 00:43:42,620
come here, come here, come here.
899
00:43:42,663 --> 00:43:44,622
Just open up that tent.What...
900
00:43:45,100 --> 00:43:46,188
Shh.
901
00:43:47,973 --> 00:43:53,021
This is pathetic. She's still sleeping.
It's not funny.
902
00:43:55,110 --> 00:43:56,459
Stop it.
903
00:43:56,503 --> 00:44:00,333
Why are you guys naked?
Oh, no, no, no. Matt, out.
904
00:44:02,814 --> 00:44:04,685
Hey. Now. Get out of here.
905
00:44:04,729 --> 00:44:06,295
Everybody calm down.
906
00:44:07,688 --> 00:44:09,821
It's all good.
907
00:44:13,520 --> 00:44:14,956
It's all good!
908
00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:16,175
Whoa! Whoa!
909
00:44:16,218 --> 00:44:17,916
Other tent.
Now. I'm serious.
910
00:44:17,959 --> 00:44:20,024
I will fucking hit you. KRYSTA:
Mind your own fucking business.
911
00:44:20,048 --> 00:44:21,180
I'm sorry?
912
00:44:21,223 --> 00:44:23,356
Yes! Mind your
own business!
913
00:44:25,358 --> 00:44:26,489
Good night, Matt.
914
00:44:26,533 --> 00:44:27,665
And Krysta.
915
00:44:27,708 --> 00:44:28,796
What? Stop it.
916
00:44:28,840 --> 00:44:31,146
I'm very disappointed in you.
917
00:44:31,190 --> 00:44:33,671
Well, I can do
whatever the fuck I want.
918
00:44:33,714 --> 00:44:35,673
I don't think
you want to fuck Matt.
919
00:44:41,548 --> 00:44:43,158
Krysta? KRYSTA: What?
920
00:44:43,202 --> 00:44:45,770
Can we make a new rule?
921
00:44:45,813 --> 00:44:48,033
No more attempted sibling sex?
922
00:44:50,296 --> 00:44:51,732
Deal.
923
00:44:51,776 --> 00:44:56,345
Hey, just so you know,
I was really drunk last night.
924
00:44:56,389 --> 00:44:59,566
That's... It's not ever
gonna happen again.
925
00:45:01,002 --> 00:45:03,831
I... Yeah, I...
I understand. It's cool.
926
00:45:03,875 --> 00:45:06,355
Listen.
927
00:45:06,399 --> 00:45:09,663
You're not gonna lose your
virginity with me, okay?
928
00:45:12,884 --> 00:45:15,756
Get up, baby.
We're gonna get you that suit.
929
00:45:15,800 --> 00:45:18,411
Yeah.
930
00:45:32,599 --> 00:45:34,708
Sorry, dude. ZACK: Dude, everybody's
in the position.
931
00:45:34,732 --> 00:45:36,734
Ready to go.
Are you ready?
932
00:45:36,777 --> 00:45:38,300
Hey, dude. Okay.
933
00:45:38,344 --> 00:45:39,737
Don't even worry.
934
00:45:39,780 --> 00:45:44,045
The guy out front
goes on break right now.
935
00:45:44,916 --> 00:45:46,221
I look okay?
936
00:45:46,265 --> 00:45:47,590
You look like
a child pornographer.
937
00:45:47,614 --> 00:45:48,789
Thanks.
938
00:45:48,833 --> 00:45:50,835
How can I sustain
$40,000 right now?
939
00:45:50,878 --> 00:45:53,663
I'm not a fucking bank!
Dumb motherfucker!
940
00:45:53,707 --> 00:45:58,016
I'm gonna start counting. I get
to three, one, two, three...
941
00:46:01,628 --> 00:46:03,238
Fuck! We're dead!
942
00:46:05,284 --> 00:46:06,459
Sorry.
943
00:46:08,461 --> 00:46:11,290
Rape! Rape! Rape!
944
00:46:26,696 --> 00:46:27,935
♪ How many spots
are on a baby giraffe?
945
00:46:27,959 --> 00:46:30,700
♪ A baby giraffe
A baby giraffe
946
00:46:30,744 --> 00:46:33,355
♪ Let's count
the spots on a baby giraffe
947
00:46:33,399 --> 00:46:35,140
♪ Let's start with one
948
00:46:35,183 --> 00:46:38,578
♪ One. One, two, three ♪
One, two, three, four, five
949
00:46:38,621 --> 00:46:41,799
♪ Four, five, six, seven ♪ Six, seven,
eight, nine, 10 ♪
950
00:46:41,842 --> 00:46:43,801
I'm gonna be
completely honest right now.
951
00:46:43,844 --> 00:46:45,846
I thought you were
gonna fucking pussy out.
952
00:46:45,890 --> 00:46:47,935
You did so good, dude.
It was fucking awesome.
953
00:46:47,979 --> 00:46:51,025
I... I don't know.
I've... I've never...
954
00:46:51,069 --> 00:46:54,202
I've never felt
anything like this before.
955
00:46:54,246 --> 00:46:55,421
What?
956
00:46:55,464 --> 00:46:56,964
Not even when
I was with Nicole, man.
957
00:46:56,988 --> 00:47:01,819
I've... I've never felt this close to...
To having sex.
958
00:47:03,516 --> 00:47:05,126
I'm excited for you.
959
00:47:05,170 --> 00:47:06,693
Thanks, man.
960
00:47:14,527 --> 00:47:15,833
Hey, Becca.
961
00:47:17,486 --> 00:47:19,575
Becca. Wow! BECCA: What's going on?
How you doing?
962
00:47:19,619 --> 00:47:23,318
You look even prettier...
You look even prettier than...
963
00:47:23,362 --> 00:47:25,514
Than the pictures that you sent.
You're prettier in real life.
964
00:47:25,538 --> 00:47:30,848
Oh. Thank you. I like your glasses.
Hi, honey! How are you?
965
00:47:30,891 --> 00:47:32,327
Hey, little guy.
966
00:47:32,371 --> 00:47:34,460
That's my son, Renner.
967
00:47:34,503 --> 00:47:35,853
Can you say hi, Renner? Son?
968
00:47:35,896 --> 00:47:37,811
Hi. Renner, you remember...
969
00:47:37,855 --> 00:47:40,161
Do you remember
Matt from the video?
970
00:47:40,205 --> 00:47:41,597
You showed him my video?
971
00:47:41,641 --> 00:47:44,513
Is this the guy
that had diarrhea?
972
00:47:44,557 --> 00:47:47,952
Yes, I did have diarrhea once.
973
00:47:52,870 --> 00:47:56,786
Sure. Renner,
do you want a photo?
974
00:47:56,830 --> 00:47:58,832
Okay. Okay. All right.
975
00:47:58,876 --> 00:48:00,878
You ready? Say cheese.
976
00:48:05,317 --> 00:48:08,233
You guys look great.
You look like a family.
977
00:48:11,932 --> 00:48:16,763
Hey, Renner, have you ever
seen your mom naked? I have.
978
00:48:23,248 --> 00:48:24,684
So, I will
see you tomorrow. Okay.
979
00:48:24,727 --> 00:48:26,555
All right, great.
So, I'll just get a...
980
00:48:26,599 --> 00:48:28,383
Sounds good.
I'm gonna give you this.
981
00:48:28,427 --> 00:48:30,211
Oh. Thank you.
982
00:48:30,255 --> 00:48:31,952
There's that.
Just a...
983
00:48:31,996 --> 00:48:33,040
Thank you.
984
00:48:33,084 --> 00:48:34,259
I'll see you.
985
00:48:39,742 --> 00:48:42,920
I could be a dad.
986
00:48:42,963 --> 00:48:45,574
It says, "Please be showered,
shaved, and no pubic hair."
987
00:48:46,793 --> 00:48:48,142
Holy shit.
988
00:48:48,186 --> 00:48:50,318
I mean, we talked
about it a little bit.
989
00:48:50,362 --> 00:48:53,843
She said pubic hair, you know,
prevents people from getting as deep
990
00:48:53,887 --> 00:48:56,411
as... You know,
as possible.
991
00:48:56,455 --> 00:48:58,370
Then do it.
992
00:48:58,413 --> 00:49:00,174
I'm kind of... I have butterflies
in my stomach right now.
993
00:49:00,198 --> 00:49:02,156
You should have
butterflies in your penis.
994
00:49:02,200 --> 00:49:08,206
I feel... I feel... I feel happier than
I have since I broke up with Nicole.
995
00:49:08,249 --> 00:49:09,903
High-five.
996
00:49:09,947 --> 00:49:11,383
Kickflip.
997
00:49:17,084 --> 00:49:20,783
You need to control every single
thing that happens in that room.
998
00:49:20,827 --> 00:49:24,091
Not only will it make you feel
better, it's gonna turn her on.
999
00:49:24,135 --> 00:49:26,615
I would actually be more
comfortable if I didn't have
1000
00:49:26,659 --> 00:49:27,810
to be in control.
I like letting it...
1001
00:49:27,834 --> 00:49:28,942
I would be
more comfortable
1002
00:49:28,966 --> 00:49:30,286
if my brother
wasn't an old woman.
1003
00:49:31,751 --> 00:49:32,970
Shall we check further along?
1004
00:49:34,232 --> 00:49:35,755
Dude,
you're being a pussy.
1005
00:49:37,061 --> 00:49:40,455
Slightly, yes.
I mean, very slightly.
1006
00:49:40,499 --> 00:49:41,998
I don't know where
to begin with her, though.
1007
00:49:42,022 --> 00:49:43,086
What do I say? What do I...
1008
00:49:43,110 --> 00:49:44,198
You say...
1009
00:49:44,242 --> 00:49:46,374
You say anything
you want to say.
1010
00:49:46,418 --> 00:49:48,550
You have no reason to freak out.
1011
00:49:48,594 --> 00:49:52,119
I... I'm... I'm... I'm
thinking of all the possibilities.
1012
00:49:52,163 --> 00:49:55,470
She could, you know, get on
top, take the initiative,
1013
00:49:55,514 --> 00:49:58,996
and, you know, just... Just be a man for...
Just this once.
1014
00:49:59,039 --> 00:50:00,495
You need to
grow a pair of balls.
1015
00:50:00,519 --> 00:50:02,564
I have balls. Fucking give it to her.
1016
00:50:02,608 --> 00:50:04,653
I have the balls
to give it to her.
1017
00:50:04,697 --> 00:50:06,351
She's gonna fuck
your brains out.
1018
00:50:07,961 --> 00:50:09,006
Yeah.
1019
00:50:13,967 --> 00:50:15,142
Oh, that's gonna hurt.
1020
00:50:15,186 --> 00:50:16,666
All right,
I got a razor, buddy.
1021
00:50:19,364 --> 00:50:21,018
You ready?
1022
00:50:21,061 --> 00:50:24,847
Such a... This is, like, the
weirdest situation I've ever been in.
1023
00:50:25,848 --> 00:50:26,893
Let's do this.
1024
00:50:30,462 --> 00:50:32,159
Why is that funny? It's not a massage.
1025
00:50:32,203 --> 00:50:34,292
You rub it around
the fucking hairy parts,
1026
00:50:34,335 --> 00:50:36,337
not your whole dick, you weirdo.
1027
00:50:37,164 --> 00:50:38,687
Just keep shaving, man.
1028
00:50:38,731 --> 00:50:39,949
It's tedious work, dude.
1029
00:50:39,993 --> 00:50:42,343
You're not really
getting very much off.
1030
00:50:42,387 --> 00:50:43,518
Can't see what I'm doing.
1031
00:50:43,562 --> 00:50:45,651
Just push hard.
Push harder.
1032
00:50:49,394 --> 00:50:53,354
Hey, you got this.
You're golden.
1033
00:50:53,398 --> 00:50:54,529
I can't do it.
1034
00:50:54,573 --> 00:50:57,054
Yes, you can, dude.
Get up.
1035
00:50:57,097 --> 00:50:58,533
You can do this.
1036
00:50:58,577 --> 00:51:00,187
I can't. Yeah, I'll do it with you.
1037
00:51:01,101 --> 00:51:03,538
Could you?
'Cause I really can't.
1038
00:51:03,582 --> 00:51:06,541
No, my hands are
shaking too much.
1039
00:51:06,585 --> 00:51:12,199
So, when you're fucking her tonight,
you know what you should say?
1040
00:51:12,243 --> 00:51:16,725
I was thinking about this
last week. You should say,
1041
00:51:16,769 --> 00:51:20,860
"Girl, I'm gonna fuck the
taste right out of your mouth."
1042
00:51:22,340 --> 00:51:26,474
No. No, I'm not
saying that to anyone.
1043
00:51:26,518 --> 00:51:28,215
It's classy. It's not classy.
1044
00:51:28,259 --> 00:51:29,869
It's very classy.
That's something...
1045
00:51:29,912 --> 00:51:32,393
That's like holding
the door for a woman.
1046
00:51:32,437 --> 00:51:33,762
Saying that I want
to fuck the taste
1047
00:51:33,786 --> 00:51:35,092
out of the woman?
1048
00:51:35,135 --> 00:51:36,658
Absolutely.
1049
00:51:36,702 --> 00:51:38,443
I am good at this.
1050
00:51:40,401 --> 00:51:42,969
You ready? This is it.
1051
00:51:45,276 --> 00:51:46,364
Let's go.
1052
00:51:48,105 --> 00:51:49,236
Becca?
1053
00:51:51,760 --> 00:51:52,979
Becca!
1054
00:51:55,242 --> 00:51:56,591
Hey!
1055
00:51:56,635 --> 00:51:59,377
The lock is messed up.
I'll lower a key to you.
1056
00:51:59,420 --> 00:52:00,465
Okay.
1057
00:52:06,123 --> 00:52:07,211
Got it.
1058
00:52:07,254 --> 00:52:08,299
Okay, come on up.
1059
00:52:10,562 --> 00:52:11,606
Wow.
1060
00:52:20,311 --> 00:52:21,486
All right.
1061
00:52:25,751 --> 00:52:26,969
Okay, bye.
1062
00:52:27,013 --> 00:52:29,233
Bye. I'll see you
guys later. Have fun.
1063
00:52:32,149 --> 00:52:33,454
Bye, Zack.
1064
00:52:35,630 --> 00:52:38,285
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I
was just finding the stairs.
1065
00:52:38,329 --> 00:52:40,244
I found them.
They're here.
1066
00:52:44,335 --> 00:52:47,207
Your suit's nice.
1067
00:52:47,251 --> 00:52:54,649
You look good. I jacked off
twice today thinking about you.
1068
00:52:54,693 --> 00:53:00,786
Oh! Yeah, you know, right back
at you. I've just been, like, 24-7.
1069
00:53:00,829 --> 00:53:03,136
That's flattering.
1070
00:53:03,180 --> 00:53:06,139
Did you do everything
that I asked you to do?
1071
00:53:06,183 --> 00:53:07,836
Yeah. Yeah?
1072
00:53:07,880 --> 00:53:08,881
Mmm-hmm.
1073
00:53:09,708 --> 00:53:11,144
Clothes off.
1074
00:53:12,232 --> 00:53:14,147
Mmm? Sorry?
1075
00:53:14,191 --> 00:53:18,630
Take your... Take your clothes off.
Let's see. I mean, you know.
1076
00:53:22,721 --> 00:53:24,201
How was your day?
1077
00:53:24,244 --> 00:53:25,332
It was good. Good.
1078
00:53:25,376 --> 00:53:26,377
Yeah?
1079
00:53:33,340 --> 00:53:37,692
All right. Come on in.
Have a seat on my bed.
1080
00:53:38,693 --> 00:53:40,652
Little champagne? No?
1081
00:53:40,695 --> 00:53:44,395
Don't have any. So, what
do you want to do to me?
1082
00:53:46,484 --> 00:53:49,400
Good sex requires
good communication.
1083
00:53:52,925 --> 00:53:56,581
All right, what if
I started off with...
1084
00:53:58,409 --> 00:54:00,715
Massaging your shoulders.
1085
00:54:00,759 --> 00:54:03,152
Okay, that's...
That's a good start.
1086
00:54:03,196 --> 00:54:04,719
And...
1087
00:54:04,763 --> 00:54:05,851
What else?
1088
00:54:09,202 --> 00:54:11,900
I'm not sure. That's all...
That's all for right now.
1089
00:54:11,944 --> 00:54:13,380
That's all I can think of.
1090
00:54:13,424 --> 00:54:18,733
Okay. That's... That's what
you fantasize about 24-7,
1091
00:54:18,777 --> 00:54:21,519
jacking off to massaging?
Massaging my shoulders?
1092
00:54:21,562 --> 00:54:25,044
Yeah, but then, whatever happens, happens.
Right? You know?
1093
00:54:25,087 --> 00:54:29,701
Goes from there to the
lower back to the buttocks.
1094
00:54:31,355 --> 00:54:32,573
Yeah. You know what?
1095
00:54:32,617 --> 00:54:35,707
I'm not really getting
hot from that. Sorry.
1096
00:54:35,750 --> 00:54:38,405
No, wait, no.
1097
00:54:38,449 --> 00:54:42,975
Okay, what if after all that,
1098
00:54:45,543 --> 00:54:48,763
I fuck the taste
out of your mouth.
1099
00:54:48,807 --> 00:54:50,069
That's good?
1100
00:54:50,112 --> 00:54:51,244
What? What...
1101
00:54:53,899 --> 00:54:59,296
Okay. Tell me, why would I need
the taste fucked out of my mouth?
1102
00:54:59,339 --> 00:55:00,993
I don't...
What does that mean?
1103
00:55:01,036 --> 00:55:02,927
Well, I... If you need...
If, like... I don't know.
1104
00:55:02,951 --> 00:55:05,780
Do you think that I need the
taste fucked out of my mouth?
1105
00:55:05,824 --> 00:55:08,435
I don't think... No.
I don't think you need it.
1106
00:55:08,479 --> 00:55:11,308
I'm just saying that
maybe it's, like, a...
1107
00:55:13,005 --> 00:55:15,050
No. No.
1108
00:55:15,094 --> 00:55:19,620
Just forget I said it.
Let's start at the beginning.
1109
00:55:19,664 --> 00:55:20,795
Sorry.
1110
00:55:22,144 --> 00:55:23,470
Okay, you know what
we're gonna do?
1111
00:55:23,494 --> 00:55:24,973
What are we gonna do?
1112
00:55:25,017 --> 00:55:28,325
Have you ever gone down on a girl?
Given a girl head?
1113
00:55:28,368 --> 00:55:30,631
I mean, I got really close.
1114
00:55:30,675 --> 00:55:31,956
It was, like,
inches away from my face.
1115
00:55:31,980 --> 00:55:33,068
Okay. Yeah.
1116
00:55:33,112 --> 00:55:34,635
Well, that's where
we're gonna start.
1117
00:55:34,679 --> 00:55:36,333
Okay.
1118
00:55:36,376 --> 00:55:40,467
Bend over here, and we're just
gonna pretend that this is me.
1119
00:55:40,511 --> 00:55:43,731
That's...
That has a penis.
1120
00:55:43,775 --> 00:55:48,475
So, yeah. Just follow me over here.
She can just lay right here.
1121
00:55:48,519 --> 00:55:52,174
And, you know, we're just
gonna start from the basics.
1122
00:55:52,218 --> 00:55:54,133
Okay, if you need some support,
1123
00:55:54,176 --> 00:55:57,484
pretend that the asshole is a pussy.
If you need to.
1124
00:55:57,528 --> 00:55:58,703
Get on your knees first.
1125
00:56:00,182 --> 00:56:03,142
On your knees.
On your knees.
1126
00:56:07,233 --> 00:56:10,671
Okay, take her legs up.
There you go.
1127
00:56:10,715 --> 00:56:13,805
Pretend... Pretend that's me.
All right.
1128
00:56:15,981 --> 00:56:18,375
Yeah. There you go.
1129
00:56:20,246 --> 00:56:24,206
Now, just start kissing.
There you go.
1130
00:56:24,250 --> 00:56:28,515
Now, take your hand and move
it to the inside of her leg.
1131
00:56:28,559 --> 00:56:32,476
Yeah? It's a little
happy spot, just the top.
1132
00:56:35,043 --> 00:56:38,133
Lick and caress me.
How does that feel?
1133
00:56:38,177 --> 00:56:40,068
Oh, my God. ZACK: Don't
fucking laugh. That's not funny.
1134
00:56:40,092 --> 00:56:42,616
You like that? You just
gotta stay with that for...
1135
00:56:42,660 --> 00:56:45,140
I've seen enough. Can
we please turn it off, now?
1136
00:56:45,184 --> 00:56:49,014
Wait. It gets worse.
1137
00:56:49,057 --> 00:56:53,801
Hi, my name is not actually Becca.
My real name is Kelly.
1138
00:56:53,845 --> 00:56:55,716
Becca was a persona
that I created
1139
00:56:55,760 --> 00:56:57,501
for my graduate thesis this year
1140
00:56:57,544 --> 00:56:58,893
on the simplicity of men.
1141
00:56:58,937 --> 00:57:01,722
I never returned
to the loft last night.
1142
00:57:01,766 --> 00:57:05,509
Matt was so desperate for sex
and had so little self-respect
1143
00:57:05,552 --> 00:57:10,209
that he waited for my return
for 162 minutes.
1144
00:57:10,252 --> 00:57:13,168
None of my other test subjects
waited for more than 50.
1145
00:57:13,212 --> 00:57:17,434
Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky,
Louisiana, Maine, Maryland.
1146
00:57:17,477 --> 00:57:20,219
♪ Eleven, 12, 13 spots
1147
00:57:20,262 --> 00:57:23,091
♪ Thirteen spots
are on a big giraffe
1148
00:57:23,135 --> 00:57:25,485
♪ A baby giraffe,
a baby giraffe
1149
00:57:25,529 --> 00:57:28,662
♪ Let's count
the spots on the baby... ♪
1150
00:57:28,706 --> 00:57:30,925
If you would like any more
of this information,
1151
00:57:30,969 --> 00:57:34,451
you can find it at my website,
male-animal.info.
1152
00:57:34,494 --> 00:57:38,455
That's male-animal.I-N-F-O.
Thanks very much.
1153
00:57:40,500 --> 00:57:45,897
And also, I borrowed that kid.
He's not really my kid. Thank you.
1154
00:57:45,940 --> 00:57:47,464
How did we miss this?
1155
00:57:47,507 --> 00:57:48,769
He looks like an idiot.
1156
00:57:48,813 --> 00:57:50,684
Yeah, that's... That's his own fault!
1157
00:57:50,728 --> 00:57:52,445
Is it his own fault?
Yeah, I didn't tell him
1158
00:57:52,469 --> 00:57:53,774
to eat out
a fucking tranny doll!
1159
00:57:53,818 --> 00:57:55,123
Yeah, well, you told him...
1160
00:57:55,167 --> 00:57:56,951
He waited around
for 162 minutes.
1161
00:57:56,995 --> 00:57:58,431
What...
You told him!
1162
00:57:58,475 --> 00:58:00,128
Because he's a guy!
1163
00:58:00,172 --> 00:58:01,758
He doesn't know how
to deal with women. His fault.
1164
00:58:01,782 --> 00:58:04,132
You told Matt to have sex
with a girl on the Internet.
1165
00:58:04,176 --> 00:58:05,501
Low on the
priority list right now.
1166
00:58:05,525 --> 00:58:06,720
You're appalled?
You're appalled?
1167
00:58:06,744 --> 00:58:08,136
I... I am
absolutely disgusted.
1168
00:58:08,180 --> 00:58:09,486
You have a camera
attached to you
1169
00:58:09,529 --> 00:58:11,226
at all times.
1170
00:58:11,270 --> 00:58:12,532
Yeah, man. This is true.
1171
00:58:12,576 --> 00:58:14,447
This is what you are doing.
1172
00:58:14,491 --> 00:58:15,970
Jesus.
Where's the camera?
1173
00:58:16,014 --> 00:58:17,494
Right there.
1174
00:58:18,582 --> 00:58:20,235
No! Oh, fuck!
1175
00:58:22,281 --> 00:58:23,848
I told you not to show anybody!
1176
00:58:23,891 --> 00:58:25,850
Where did you come from?
1177
00:58:25,893 --> 00:58:29,854
Guys, stop it. Fight like men!
My God!
1178
00:58:29,897 --> 00:58:33,031
Matt, why the fuck
are you so mad?
1179
00:58:33,074 --> 00:58:34,354
Because you
ruined my life!
1180
00:58:34,380 --> 00:58:35,642
No, I didn't!
1181
00:58:35,686 --> 00:58:37,949
You were just Rickrolled!
Calm down!
1182
00:58:37,992 --> 00:58:40,517
You're just Chocolate Rain!
This will pass!
1183
00:58:42,736 --> 00:58:46,348
Matty? Can we come in?
1184
00:58:46,392 --> 00:58:49,438
Maybe he just needs
some time to sort things out.
1185
00:58:49,482 --> 00:58:52,572
You can't let him
just sleep all day.
1186
00:58:52,616 --> 00:58:55,314
He won't show his face over
there anymore. Can you blame him?
1187
00:58:55,357 --> 00:58:57,664
Good Lord,
what that girl did to him.
1188
00:58:57,708 --> 00:58:59,599
Well, you know,
the school year's almost over,
1189
00:58:59,623 --> 00:59:03,365
so maybe he can
just get his GED.
1190
00:59:09,110 --> 00:59:10,938
Matt! Come on!
1191
00:59:10,982 --> 00:59:12,810
Matt, come in the pool, man.
1192
00:59:12,853 --> 00:59:13,898
No.
1193
00:59:25,823 --> 00:59:30,436
This is how you have sex. You have to
have your whole body on the inside.
1194
00:59:30,479 --> 00:59:32,046
Matthew.
1195
00:59:32,090 --> 00:59:33,395
Stop it. Stop!
1196
00:59:34,179 --> 00:59:35,615
Dude, what the fuck?
1197
00:59:37,356 --> 00:59:40,011
Matt, you can fuck
the taste out of my mouth!
1198
00:59:42,666 --> 00:59:46,278
I'm a descendent of Cleopatra.
1199
00:59:53,677 --> 00:59:56,636
This video is fucking bullshit,
1200
00:59:56,680 --> 00:59:59,639
that you fucking give men
a fucking bad name, Matt.
1201
00:59:59,683 --> 01:00:02,207
I don't care how big
of a fucking nerd Matt is.
1202
01:00:02,250 --> 01:00:04,688
Matt, you're a fucking nerd,
and you know it!
1203
01:00:04,731 --> 01:00:09,649
You're licking the fucking ass of
a fucking male... What the fuck?
1204
01:00:09,693 --> 01:00:12,043
Do you want to
explain these dolls to me?
1205
01:00:12,086 --> 01:00:14,349
Well...
Jesus Christ, Mom!
1206
01:00:17,396 --> 01:00:20,529
Hey, Matt?
You know I'm sorry, right?
1207
01:00:24,142 --> 01:00:25,404
Dude, come on!
1208
01:00:25,447 --> 01:00:26,884
Dude, they're my muffins!
1209
01:00:26,927 --> 01:00:28,407
This isn't even my fault.
1210
01:00:28,450 --> 01:00:31,062
Maybe you should stop
feeling sorry for yourself
1211
01:00:31,105 --> 01:00:34,065
and get off your ass
and do something.
1212
01:00:34,108 --> 01:00:36,241
That's easy for you to say, man.
1213
01:00:36,284 --> 01:00:40,549
You don't have a dead mother
and a prick father.
1214
01:00:40,593 --> 01:00:44,031
You have two wonderful parents who
do whatever you ask them to do.
1215
01:00:44,075 --> 01:00:45,772
They're your parents, too!
1216
01:00:45,816 --> 01:00:49,863
They're not my parents. They're
just two people who took pity on me
1217
01:00:49,907 --> 01:00:53,737
because their own biological
son was such a fuckup
1218
01:00:53,780 --> 01:00:57,741
that he should have been aborted
the second he was conceived.
1219
01:00:57,784 --> 01:01:00,439
You know what?
That's not nice.
1220
01:01:00,482 --> 01:01:03,007
So, fuck you,
and fuck your muffins.
1221
01:01:19,850 --> 01:01:21,199
Everyone say "suck it!"
1222
01:01:21,242 --> 01:01:22,679
Suck it! Suck it!
1223
01:01:24,376 --> 01:01:26,291
What the fuck?
1224
01:01:27,858 --> 01:01:31,470
Wait, wait, come back.
We have to rap.
1225
01:01:33,341 --> 01:01:35,300
Oh, fuck!
1226
01:01:35,343 --> 01:01:37,258
Fuck-you cam!
1227
01:01:37,302 --> 01:01:39,434
Why do you always fucking
bring the camera around?
1228
01:01:39,478 --> 01:01:40,566
It's so fucking gay!
1229
01:01:40,609 --> 01:01:44,091
Fuck-you cam!
Fuck-you cam!
1230
01:01:48,182 --> 01:01:50,184
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
1231
01:01:50,228 --> 01:01:52,230
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
1232
01:01:57,844 --> 01:01:59,759
That's my hat.
When did you get my hat?
1233
01:01:59,803 --> 01:02:00,978
It's a nice hat.
1234
01:02:01,021 --> 01:02:03,632
Yeah, you're fucking...
1235
01:02:03,676 --> 01:02:05,634
Matt can talk to me himself.
1236
01:02:05,678 --> 01:02:09,682
He's not going to. He hasn't
left his room in two weeks.
1237
01:02:09,726 --> 01:02:13,207
Well, that's his fault.
I couldn't fix it.
1238
01:02:13,251 --> 01:02:15,862
You fucking cheated on Matt.
1239
01:02:15,906 --> 01:02:20,998
I think he's so insecure
that his heart is so broken
1240
01:02:21,041 --> 01:02:25,393
that he's never gonna be able to
forgive me, and it's never gonna work.
1241
01:02:27,831 --> 01:02:32,487
So, Nicole, why haven't
you and Matt had sex yet?
1242
01:02:32,531 --> 01:02:33,837
Ask him.
1243
01:02:33,880 --> 01:02:35,229
No, I'm gonna ask you.
1244
01:02:35,273 --> 01:02:37,536
It's okay. I...
You know, it's my fault.
1245
01:02:37,579 --> 01:02:41,061
I just want it all
to be perfect.
1246
01:02:41,105 --> 01:02:45,196
It's gonna be perfect. I don't know
why you worry about it so much.
1247
01:02:45,239 --> 01:02:48,155
Can we just change
the subject, please?
1248
01:02:50,636 --> 01:02:51,744
Yeah. I just don't want
to complicate it,
1249
01:02:51,768 --> 01:02:53,857
you know?
1250
01:02:53,900 --> 01:02:55,728
Yeah.
1251
01:02:55,772 --> 01:02:57,706
Nicole, do you think
Matt's over-thinking this?
1252
01:02:57,730 --> 01:02:58,949
Yes. Absolutely.
1253
01:02:58,992 --> 01:03:00,602
Yeah.
1254
01:03:00,646 --> 01:03:01,797
You're just,
like, get it out of the way.
1255
01:03:01,821 --> 01:03:03,431
Yeah.
1256
01:03:03,475 --> 01:03:07,696
Matt has fallen ill with
two acute medical conditions.
1257
01:03:07,740 --> 01:03:13,746
Blue balls and a broken heart.
And my associate, Jacob, and I
1258
01:03:13,790 --> 01:03:16,009
have found a way to
cure this problem.
1259
01:03:16,053 --> 01:03:18,707
With all the bad shit
that Matt's been through,
1260
01:03:18,751 --> 01:03:23,190
this is the perfect way to turn his frown
upside down and just get him fucked.
1261
01:03:23,234 --> 01:03:27,804
Yeah. I completely agree. There we go.
There she is. Sunny Leone.
1262
01:03:29,457 --> 01:03:32,112
We spoke to Sunny,
we agreed on a price,
1263
01:03:32,156 --> 01:03:34,419
and now we just need
to raise the money.
1264
01:03:34,462 --> 01:03:37,378
The one thing is,
she's also very expensive.
1265
01:03:37,422 --> 01:03:38,945
We both really
want him to be happy,
1266
01:03:38,989 --> 01:03:40,860
and I think this is
one of the only ways,
1267
01:03:40,904 --> 01:03:42,993
if not the only way,
this is actually gonna happen,
1268
01:03:43,036 --> 01:03:45,865
so we have to get
the money together
1269
01:03:45,909 --> 01:03:48,781
to get this girl to
just fuck his brains out,
1270
01:03:48,825 --> 01:03:51,828
and hopefully he'll just shit
the stick right out of his ass.
1271
01:03:51,871 --> 01:03:53,003
It'd be good for him.
1272
01:03:53,699 --> 01:03:56,093
Not bad.
1273
01:03:56,136 --> 01:03:58,965
We need you all to look as
attractive as you possibly can.
1274
01:03:59,009 --> 01:04:00,880
Which isn't very hard.
1275
01:04:00,924 --> 01:04:02,839
Car wash! Whoo!
1276
01:04:04,710 --> 01:04:06,364
Would you like some chocolate?
1277
01:04:06,407 --> 01:04:07,689
We're raising money
for our friend Matt.
1278
01:04:07,713 --> 01:04:09,976
He's a virgin,
and we're trying to...
1279
01:04:10,020 --> 01:04:12,239
hire his favorite
pornographic film star...
1280
01:04:12,283 --> 01:04:13,501
You know, Sunny Leone...
1281
01:04:13,545 --> 01:04:15,329
Do you know who Sunny Leone is?
1282
01:04:15,373 --> 01:04:16,916
To spend some time
with him, if you know what I mean.
1283
01:04:16,940 --> 01:04:18,332
We want to get him laid.
1284
01:04:18,376 --> 01:04:20,769
Happy Christmas!
1285
01:04:20,813 --> 01:04:23,555
A friend is losing his
virginity to a porn star,
1286
01:04:23,598 --> 01:04:26,863
and I'm hiring her,
so I need some money.
1287
01:04:26,906 --> 01:04:28,299
All right,
how much is a chocolate?
1288
01:04:28,342 --> 01:04:30,170
No, I'm not... Let me see if
I got something.
1289
01:04:30,214 --> 01:04:32,105
All right. That's
what I'm talking about. Come on.
1290
01:04:32,129 --> 01:04:33,628
No, no, it's for the...
It's for the kid.
1291
01:04:33,652 --> 01:04:35,088
Don't!
1292
01:04:35,132 --> 01:04:36,220
Are you kidding me?
1293
01:04:36,263 --> 01:04:37,351
Twenty.
1294
01:04:39,571 --> 01:04:40,615
Five dollars.
1295
01:04:44,054 --> 01:04:45,533
Happy Christmas!
1296
01:04:54,412 --> 01:04:59,417
Have you ever lost your virginities?
You want to meet my friend?
1297
01:05:00,635 --> 01:05:02,594
We raised all the money.
1298
01:05:02,637 --> 01:05:05,379
Now the only problem is
getting Matt out of the house.
1299
01:05:05,423 --> 01:05:07,009
- That's the goal.
- What's going on?
1300
01:05:07,033 --> 01:05:08,513
Matt won't come
out of his room,
1301
01:05:08,556 --> 01:05:11,646
so we're about to get Jacob
some army clothes.
1302
01:05:11,690 --> 01:05:13,822
You're actually
going to join the army?
1303
01:05:13,866 --> 01:05:14,998
Absolutely.
1304
01:05:15,041 --> 01:05:16,303
Really?
1305
01:05:16,347 --> 01:05:18,262
No, no.
1306
01:05:18,305 --> 01:05:20,960
I'm just gonna give him some
initiative to get out of the house
1307
01:05:21,004 --> 01:05:23,528
and do something, so he can
get his life back together.
1308
01:05:23,571 --> 01:05:26,400
If he doesn't come out
for that, that's the straw, bro.
1309
01:05:26,444 --> 01:05:28,402
I think he'll do it. JACOB: Yeah.
1310
01:05:28,446 --> 01:05:32,102
Where are most
of the uniforms?
1311
01:05:32,145 --> 01:05:34,495
Fucker!
1312
01:05:34,539 --> 01:05:35,646
Oh, hello!
I'm liking these.
1313
01:05:35,670 --> 01:05:36,802
Exactly.
1314
01:05:36,845 --> 01:05:40,066
Dude,
that's a boy scout uniform.
1315
01:05:40,110 --> 01:05:42,895
Ooh! Hello! ZACK: I like black.
1316
01:05:44,288 --> 01:05:45,724
♪ Working all night
1317
01:05:45,767 --> 01:05:47,682
- Perfect. Let's go.
- That's nice. Sexy.
1318
01:05:47,726 --> 01:05:48,921
Thanks, baby. JUSTIN: I just want
to rape you
1319
01:05:48,945 --> 01:05:50,076
up the butt right now.
1320
01:05:50,120 --> 01:05:51,904
Put the sailor hat on.
Dingbat!
1321
01:05:51,948 --> 01:05:53,601
I'm here.
1322
01:05:53,645 --> 01:05:56,300
Everybody ready? All right, ladies.
Fuck that. Come on.
1323
01:05:56,343 --> 01:05:58,345
This is very,
very important.
1324
01:05:58,389 --> 01:06:00,173
I can't believe
you joined the army.
1325
01:06:00,217 --> 01:06:02,480
Hey, buddy. I'm really
going to miss you, bro.
1326
01:06:02,523 --> 01:06:03,892
You know, if I don't
do it, who will?
1327
01:06:03,916 --> 01:06:06,484
Do I want to die?
No. Of course not.
1328
01:06:06,527 --> 01:06:08,529
Do I want to kill somebody?
Fuck, yeah.
1329
01:06:08,573 --> 01:06:09,791
Hook me up, Zack.
1330
01:06:09,835 --> 01:06:11,793
Dude, you know
where you're going yet?
1331
01:06:11,837 --> 01:06:14,579
Yeah, I'm going all over the place.
I'm going all over the world.
1332
01:06:14,622 --> 01:06:18,452
I mean, fucking many places.
I'm doing a full 10, 12...
1333
01:06:18,496 --> 01:06:20,063
I'm gonna do a 15-year tour.
1334
01:06:20,106 --> 01:06:22,195
After I ship out, we might
never hang out again.
1335
01:06:22,239 --> 01:06:25,720
That's why tonight we're gonna
have the best night of our lives.
1336
01:06:25,764 --> 01:06:27,113
Fucking-A.
1337
01:06:27,157 --> 01:06:29,594
Yeah, let's make
a to... Okay.
1338
01:06:29,637 --> 01:06:30,899
Fuck toasts.
1339
01:06:30,943 --> 01:06:32,945
I'll pour another one,
I'll pour another one.
1340
01:06:32,989 --> 01:06:37,123
Freedom of the Iraqi people that I will
help bring, 'cause that's one of the...
1341
01:06:37,167 --> 01:06:38,907
Just cheers to it. Yeah! Yeah!
1342
01:06:38,951 --> 01:06:40,257
Cheers! ALL: Cheers!
1343
01:06:40,300 --> 01:06:42,607
Whoo! You sound like
a bunch of maniacs.
1344
01:07:15,161 --> 01:07:19,470
Hey, guys, let's send this
fucker off to Iran, huh?
1345
01:07:19,513 --> 01:07:20,925
Let's do it. Ready for
a good time, Matty?
1346
01:07:20,949 --> 01:07:22,081
Yes, absolutely.
1347
01:07:22,125 --> 01:07:23,430
Matty boy!
1348
01:07:23,474 --> 01:07:25,234
All right.
We're on the VIP comp sheet.
1349
01:07:25,258 --> 01:07:26,390
I know.
1350
01:07:26,433 --> 01:07:28,000
Okay. Let's go.
1351
01:07:29,393 --> 01:07:31,569
♪ Do your feet don't follow?
1352
01:07:31,612 --> 01:07:35,051
♪ Talking with your mouth,
but your head is hollow
1353
01:07:35,094 --> 01:07:38,402
♪ Maybe when the circus comes
I'll buy you bubblegum
1354
01:07:38,445 --> 01:07:40,099
♪ Show you where to stand
1355
01:07:40,143 --> 01:07:42,928
♪ Hold your hand
till your mama comes ♪
1356
01:07:45,452 --> 01:07:46,714
Whoo-hoo!
1357
01:07:54,331 --> 01:07:56,115
All right,
ladies and gentlemen,
1358
01:07:56,159 --> 01:07:58,248
this is what you've
been waiting for, boys.
1359
01:07:58,291 --> 01:08:00,511
Very special treat
for you on the stage
1360
01:08:00,554 --> 01:08:03,514
is triple-X superstar,
the Vivid contract girl.
1361
01:08:03,557 --> 01:08:05,385
You might have
seen her in such films
1362
01:08:05,429 --> 01:08:08,258
asDark Side of Sunny,
It's Sunny in Brazil,
1363
01:08:08,301 --> 01:08:11,348
andSunny & Cher. Guys, coming
up here on the main stage.
1364
01:08:11,391 --> 01:08:13,567
Let's give a huge, warm welcome
1365
01:08:13,611 --> 01:08:17,093
to the one and only
Miss Sunny Leone!
1366
01:08:33,848 --> 01:08:35,937
Leave the camera off.
1367
01:08:35,981 --> 01:08:37,983
It's off. It's off. It's off.
1368
01:08:56,523 --> 01:08:58,153
Ladies and
gentlemen, we are looking
1369
01:08:58,177 --> 01:09:00,440
for that big round of applause.
1370
01:09:00,484 --> 01:09:03,835
People, put those hands together right now.
Better make some noise.
1371
01:09:03,878 --> 01:09:06,490
That is Sunny Leone herself,
stepping down
1372
01:09:06,533 --> 01:09:08,187
on to the main stage
for you there.
1373
01:09:08,231 --> 01:09:09,928
It doesn't get
any better than that.
1374
01:09:14,062 --> 01:09:15,194
What?
1375
01:09:15,238 --> 01:09:17,196
Let's go!
1376
01:09:17,240 --> 01:09:18,806
Matt, we fucking
hooked you up.
1377
01:09:18,850 --> 01:09:20,373
Hooked you up.
1378
01:09:21,505 --> 01:09:24,247
I don't understand.
1379
01:09:24,290 --> 01:09:27,511
Dude, we got... We got you
something that's, like, fucking insane.
1380
01:09:27,554 --> 01:09:28,705
I don't know
how to explain it.
1381
01:09:28,729 --> 01:09:29,924
It's nothing
but good things.
1382
01:09:29,948 --> 01:09:31,079
Hey. Um...
1383
01:09:31,123 --> 01:09:32,211
Does it mean...
1384
01:09:32,255 --> 01:09:33,299
No. Fuck it.
1385
01:09:37,695 --> 01:09:38,870
Come on, dude.
1386
01:09:38,913 --> 01:09:40,045
Just be yourself.
1387
01:09:40,088 --> 01:09:41,307
Hi.
1388
01:09:41,351 --> 01:09:44,180
How's it going, guys?
Hi, Matt.
1389
01:09:44,223 --> 01:09:45,616
It's really nice to meet you.
1390
01:09:45,659 --> 01:09:47,444
It's nice to meet you.
1391
01:09:47,487 --> 01:09:52,318
Sunny, anytime I walk
in on Matt masturbating...
1392
01:09:55,495 --> 01:09:56,583
Aw.
1393
01:09:56,627 --> 01:09:57,715
It's true.
1394
01:09:57,758 --> 01:09:58,909
It's nice. I'm glad
I can help you out.
1395
01:09:58,933 --> 01:10:00,674
Thank you. Did you guys
like the show?
1396
01:10:00,718 --> 01:10:02,372
Yes. Yes. ZACK: It was amazing.
1397
01:10:02,415 --> 01:10:04,069
You were great. Poignant.
1398
01:10:04,112 --> 01:10:05,853
Could I have
one of these DVDs?
1399
01:10:05,897 --> 01:10:07,551
Do you got $20, sailor?
1400
01:10:07,594 --> 01:10:08,702
No. I don't even
have any pockets.
1401
01:10:08,726 --> 01:10:10,249
Then you gotta put it back down.
1402
01:10:10,293 --> 01:10:12,358
Well, I'm going to
get undressed and re-dressed,
1403
01:10:12,382 --> 01:10:13,837
and I'll see you in
a couple of minutes.
1404
01:10:13,861 --> 01:10:15,254
All right. Okay.
1405
01:10:15,298 --> 01:10:16,995
You guys are awesome.
1406
01:10:17,038 --> 01:10:18,692
Little cute boy.
1407
01:10:26,309 --> 01:10:30,704
Oh, my God. This is, like,
the Millennium Falconof buses.
1408
01:10:34,055 --> 01:10:35,970
What's up, guys?
Come on in. Hey.
1409
01:10:38,321 --> 01:10:41,889
Hi. This is my
boyfriend, Dirty.
1410
01:10:41,933 --> 01:10:43,127
Dirty. JACOB: What's up?
Pleasure to meet you.
1411
01:10:43,151 --> 01:10:45,066
Hey, Dirty.
1412
01:10:45,110 --> 01:10:47,417
Heard about your shitty
situation with your girl. Sucks.
1413
01:10:47,460 --> 01:10:49,114
Thanks, man.
1414
01:10:49,157 --> 01:10:52,422
I wrote you something.
I want to play it for you.
1415
01:10:52,465 --> 01:10:53,858
You know, give a listen.
1416
01:10:55,468 --> 01:10:56,730
♪ Oh, Matty
1417
01:10:58,732 --> 01:11:00,734
♪ Got fucked over by Nicole
1418
01:11:03,389 --> 01:11:05,609
♪ Oh, Matty
1419
01:11:05,652 --> 01:11:08,002
♪ Got fucked over by Nicole
1420
01:11:11,528 --> 01:11:14,400
You like it? Yeah?
Work in progress, though.
1421
01:11:14,444 --> 01:11:15,880
I appreciate the song. Yeah.
1422
01:11:15,923 --> 01:11:17,098
Thank you.
1423
01:11:17,142 --> 01:11:19,100
I like the
chord progressions.
1424
01:11:19,144 --> 01:11:22,713
Do you guys want to
know how romantic Daniel is?
1425
01:11:22,756 --> 01:11:27,413
He sent me flowers all across
the country just to win me over.
1426
01:11:27,457 --> 01:11:30,242
And this is before we banged,
just to let you know.
1427
01:11:30,286 --> 01:11:34,202
This is how men get women.
They're very romantic.
1428
01:11:34,246 --> 01:11:37,205
That's right,
be good to your girls.
1429
01:11:37,249 --> 01:11:42,036
You know, when Zack first came
to me and told me what happened
1430
01:11:42,080 --> 01:11:44,125
and everything
that you went through,
1431
01:11:44,169 --> 01:11:46,911
I thought that, you know,
maybe we could do this,
1432
01:11:46,954 --> 01:11:49,609
but Daniel and I talked it over,
1433
01:11:49,653 --> 01:11:52,220
and I can't do this.
I'm sorry.
1434
01:11:54,484 --> 01:11:55,789
You're really sweet, but...
1435
01:11:55,833 --> 01:11:57,051
It's just not right, dude.
1436
01:11:57,095 --> 01:11:58,183
Are you kidding?
1437
01:11:58,226 --> 01:11:59,750
Why? Is it...
1438
01:11:59,793 --> 01:12:02,013
When you have sex with
somebody for the first time,
1439
01:12:02,056 --> 01:12:04,494
it should be with
somebody special
1440
01:12:04,537 --> 01:12:07,366
and someone that you care
about, maybe in love with.
1441
01:12:07,410 --> 01:12:09,455
I love you. DANIEL: Oh, boy.
1442
01:12:09,499 --> 01:12:11,414
You don't love me.
You don't know me.
1443
01:12:11,457 --> 01:12:15,505
I do. I've read all of your
interviews, I've seen all of your movies.
1444
01:12:15,548 --> 01:12:18,551
You're smart and funny.
1445
01:12:18,595 --> 01:12:24,296
Making love to you tonight would
be a memory I could cherish.
1446
01:12:24,340 --> 01:12:25,665
Kid, you're
embarrassing yourself.
1447
01:12:25,689 --> 01:12:29,693
Sunny, Matt has
been through so much shit.
1448
01:12:29,736 --> 01:12:31,477
I mean, terrible, terrible shit.
1449
01:12:33,174 --> 01:12:36,656
You have to help him
fuck away the tears.
1450
01:12:36,700 --> 01:12:39,050
Zack, that's...
Not appropriate.
1451
01:12:39,093 --> 01:12:40,399
"Fuck away the tears"?
1452
01:12:40,443 --> 01:12:42,532
No matter how much you have sex,
1453
01:12:42,575 --> 01:12:45,099
you can never
fuck away the tears.
1454
01:12:45,143 --> 01:12:47,101
Trust me, I know.
1455
01:12:49,408 --> 01:12:51,584
You're a really sweet kid,
1456
01:12:51,628 --> 01:12:54,761
but you shouldn't lose
your virginity like this.
1457
01:12:56,589 --> 01:12:58,765
If I...
1458
01:12:58,809 --> 01:13:03,683
If I can't do this, do
that, you know, with you,
1459
01:13:03,727 --> 01:13:07,339
could I just spend, like,
five minutes with you alone?
1460
01:13:07,383 --> 01:13:09,994
Just...
Only just five minutes.
1461
01:13:10,037 --> 01:13:11,212
We're not gonna have sex.
1462
01:13:11,256 --> 01:13:12,605
Right.
1463
01:13:12,649 --> 01:13:13,737
We're just gonna talk.
1464
01:13:13,780 --> 01:13:14,912
Yes, I got that.
1465
01:13:14,955 --> 01:13:16,043
Okay. Okay.
1466
01:13:26,358 --> 01:13:28,467
You all right in there, baby?
It's been five minutes.
1467
01:13:28,491 --> 01:13:30,362
Okay.
Everything's fine.
1468
01:13:31,537 --> 01:13:33,234
What did they say?
1469
01:13:33,278 --> 01:13:34,801
They're good.
1470
01:13:38,022 --> 01:13:39,502
Can you move over, man?
1471
01:13:39,545 --> 01:13:41,068
Oh. Yeah. Sure.
1472
01:13:41,112 --> 01:13:43,810
I saw this shit on ESPN2,
where, like,
1473
01:13:43,854 --> 01:13:46,422
these little
Asian kids stack cups.
1474
01:13:48,815 --> 01:13:52,471
It's like... They do,
like, like, crazy-ass shit.
1475
01:13:53,994 --> 01:13:55,407
Thanks again. SUNNY: All right.
1476
01:13:55,431 --> 01:13:58,477
Hey, what happened?
What happened?
1477
01:13:58,521 --> 01:14:00,063
Sorry, excuse me. JACOB: What the fuck?
1478
01:14:00,087 --> 01:14:01,698
Thank you very much, sir.
1479
01:14:01,741 --> 01:14:03,502
- Yeah, no problem.
- I really appreciate it.
1480
01:14:03,526 --> 01:14:05,155
All right, guys, let's get
out of here. Come on, let's go.
1481
01:14:05,179 --> 01:14:06,877
Okay. Fine. Whatever. All right, guys.
1482
01:14:06,920 --> 01:14:08,840
Good luck to you. MATT:
Thanks again, everybody.
1483
01:14:08,879 --> 01:14:12,056
Matt? Dude?
What happened? Matt.
1484
01:14:12,099 --> 01:14:15,146
After I talk with Nicole,
I promise, everything will be...
1485
01:14:15,189 --> 01:14:17,149
What? What does Nicole
have to do about that?
1486
01:14:19,455 --> 01:14:20,717
Uh, Matt? MATT: Yeah.
1487
01:14:20,760 --> 01:14:24,198
Did you have sex
with Sunny Leone?
1488
01:14:24,242 --> 01:14:28,028
All right.
I sucked her tits.
1489
01:14:28,072 --> 01:14:30,901
$2,500, and all you
did was suck her tits?
1490
01:14:30,944 --> 01:14:33,104
Can we just please stay
focused on finding Nicole?
1491
01:14:33,686 --> 01:14:35,471
Be aggressive.
1492
01:14:44,741 --> 01:14:46,786
What did he say, dude?
1493
01:14:46,830 --> 01:14:49,243
He said he was going to take my
glasses and shove them up my rectum.
1494
01:14:49,267 --> 01:14:51,027
Yeah, I don't feel
like getting molested today.
1495
01:14:51,051 --> 01:14:52,662
Let's get the fuck out of here.
1496
01:14:52,705 --> 01:14:55,273
Where you going?
What are you doing?
1497
01:14:55,316 --> 01:14:56,927
Hey, man... Hey, what are you doing?
1498
01:14:56,970 --> 01:14:58,668
Go, go, go, go, go.
1499
01:15:13,683 --> 01:15:15,683
Yeah, yeah. That's what I thought.
All right.
1500
01:15:16,337 --> 01:15:18,122
Put that there.
1501
01:15:19,993 --> 01:15:21,081
Fuck!
1502
01:16:03,820 --> 01:16:05,517
Where is she?
1503
01:16:05,561 --> 01:16:08,215
Her keys aren't even here.
What the fuck, dude?
1504
01:16:08,259 --> 01:16:09,913
Did you even call her or...
1505
01:16:09,956 --> 01:16:12,524
Well, I wanted to talk to her in person.
I said...
1506
01:16:12,568 --> 01:16:14,047
Yeah, but you... I... I couldn't...
1507
01:16:14,091 --> 01:16:15,731
You never assume
someone's at their house.
1508
01:16:16,615 --> 01:16:18,791
Maybe she's in your room.
1509
01:16:21,185 --> 01:16:24,318
Holy shit! Fuck! Fuck!
1510
01:16:24,362 --> 01:16:26,233
Oh, God. Oh, God.
1511
01:16:27,147 --> 01:16:28,279
I don't...
1512
01:16:28,322 --> 01:16:29,759
Open this door now!
1513
01:16:33,066 --> 01:16:34,851
I'm gonna call the police!
1514
01:16:34,894 --> 01:16:36,374
Hang on! I got it.
I got it.
1515
01:16:36,417 --> 01:16:37,810
That was my finger!
1516
01:16:39,333 --> 01:16:41,253
Open the door! We gotta get
the fuck out of here.
1517
01:16:44,295 --> 01:16:45,794
Fuck you, Justin. JUSTIN: Out the window?
1518
01:16:45,818 --> 01:16:47,618
- Will you be okay?
- Yeah, whatever.
1519
01:17:02,008 --> 01:17:03,357
Okay. Okay.
1520
01:17:11,583 --> 01:17:12,932
Guys, run!
1521
01:17:12,976 --> 01:17:14,542
Look out!
There's a puppy.
1522
01:17:18,198 --> 01:17:19,591
Dude! Run, now!
1523
01:17:19,635 --> 01:17:21,593
We gotta go? Yeah!
1524
01:17:21,637 --> 01:17:23,203
Holy shit.
1525
01:17:23,247 --> 01:17:27,904
Hey, all of you, shut up.
Hey, cheese. What?
1526
01:17:27,947 --> 01:17:33,300
Where is it? Okay, bye.
She's going to a party.
1527
01:17:33,344 --> 01:17:37,391
Wait.
What kind of a party?
1528
01:17:49,752 --> 01:17:53,059
Anybody seen
a girl named Nicole?
1529
01:18:08,422 --> 01:18:10,816
Harry! Harry!
1530
01:18:10,860 --> 01:18:13,079
Hey, it's Zack.
1531
01:18:13,123 --> 01:18:16,953
You remember, uh,
my brother Matt?
1532
01:18:16,996 --> 01:18:19,782
You sucked my brother's
girlfriend's tits?
1533
01:18:21,827 --> 01:18:23,307
They're not letting
us into the party.
1534
01:18:23,350 --> 01:18:25,091
You must be Matt.
Is that right?
1535
01:18:25,135 --> 01:18:26,266
Yeah.
1536
01:18:26,310 --> 01:18:27,920
Yeah? What's up, buddy?
Nice to meet you.
1537
01:18:29,095 --> 01:18:30,836
Matt. Yeah.
1538
01:18:32,795 --> 01:18:34,535
Hey, it's Jacob.
1539
01:18:34,579 --> 01:18:38,061
These four are good. One, two, three, four.
No, no, no, no?
1540
01:18:40,933 --> 01:18:42,456
All you guys,
we're going in this way.
1541
01:18:42,500 --> 01:18:44,763
We're going down there.
Let's go.
1542
01:18:44,807 --> 01:18:46,460
Follow my voice.
1543
01:18:48,288 --> 01:18:49,463
Hello.
1544
01:18:50,029 --> 01:18:51,422
Awesome.
1545
01:19:04,609 --> 01:19:05,653
Hey, Nicole?
1546
01:19:07,568 --> 01:19:09,440
Oh, my God! I'm sorry.
1547
01:19:09,483 --> 01:19:11,790
What kind of fucking
frat house do you run here?
1548
01:19:13,009 --> 01:19:14,227
Is that her right there?
1549
01:19:14,271 --> 01:19:15,402
Where?
1550
01:19:15,446 --> 01:19:18,362
Right there, in the green.
1551
01:19:18,405 --> 01:19:19,905
The green talking
to the guy in the white?
1552
01:19:19,929 --> 01:19:21,017
It's not her.
1553
01:19:21,060 --> 01:19:22,496
Nicole!
1554
01:19:25,499 --> 01:19:26,979
Matt! MATT: Nicole.
1555
01:19:31,592 --> 01:19:33,594
What are you doing here?
1556
01:19:43,300 --> 01:19:44,344
Okay.
1557
01:19:44,997 --> 01:19:46,085
Uh...
1558
01:19:52,352 --> 01:19:54,224
I don't care, Matt.
1559
01:19:55,965 --> 01:19:59,011
I don't care about
you and Harry any more,
1560
01:19:59,055 --> 01:20:03,015
'cause I had my own,
you know, uh, event.
1561
01:21:17,089 --> 01:21:19,091
Matt, I know I said
I wouldn't film,
1562
01:21:19,135 --> 01:21:21,528
but you're gonna thank me later,
1563
01:21:21,572 --> 01:21:23,052
'cause your dick looks huge.
1564
01:21:27,012 --> 01:21:28,971
Oh!
1565
01:21:29,014 --> 01:21:30,755
Hi. JACOB: You all right?
1566
01:21:33,453 --> 01:21:35,325
Where are we parked?
1567
01:21:35,368 --> 01:21:37,631
Matthew!
1568
01:21:37,675 --> 01:21:42,419
Put it to your lips. On your lips.
Just inhale. Take a deep breath and rip it.
1569
01:21:42,462 --> 01:21:44,551
Oh! Whoo!
1570
01:21:44,595 --> 01:21:46,640
Hold it. Hold it.
Release.
1571
01:21:49,078 --> 01:21:50,470
Welcome to the club, man.
1572
01:21:50,514 --> 01:21:52,255
Virginity... I thank you, sirs.
1573
01:21:52,298 --> 01:21:53,580
Completed. Virginity lost.
1574
01:21:53,604 --> 01:21:54,779
I...
1575
01:21:54,822 --> 01:21:56,476
Virginity depleted.
1576
01:21:56,520 --> 01:21:58,043
I feel... JACOB: Virginity...
1577
01:21:58,087 --> 01:21:59,305
Virginity done, son.
1578
01:21:59,349 --> 01:22:00,480
Give us the details.
1579
01:22:00,524 --> 01:22:02,439
Yeah.
So, what was it like?
1580
01:22:02,482 --> 01:22:04,069
These are the rules, you know.
What are the details?
1581
01:22:04,093 --> 01:22:05,964
Oh. Come on.
1582
01:22:06,008 --> 01:22:11,491
Hey, respect his privacy. He just got laid.
Give him some minutes.
1583
01:22:11,535 --> 01:22:13,102
Thank you.
1584
01:22:13,145 --> 01:22:15,384
You just need to promise
me you'll tell me one thing.
1585
01:22:15,408 --> 01:22:17,671
Just one thing,
that's all I want to know.
1586
01:22:17,715 --> 01:22:19,282
I'll try. I will.
1587
01:22:19,325 --> 01:22:22,328
Does she squirt?
1588
01:22:22,372 --> 01:22:25,679
Did she have a geyser? 'Cause
she totally looks like...
1589
01:22:25,723 --> 01:22:27,812
Her vagina was like Old Yeller.
1590
01:22:27,855 --> 01:22:31,947
No, not Old Yeller. Old Yeller's
a dog. Yellow, you're thinking of...
1591
01:22:31,990 --> 01:22:33,557
Yellowstone Park. Yeah.
1592
01:22:33,600 --> 01:22:34,688
Old Geyser.
1593
01:22:34,732 --> 01:22:35,820
No, not...
1594
01:22:35,863 --> 01:22:37,430
Old Yeller.
Old Yeller was the dog.
1595
01:22:37,474 --> 01:22:38,997
Old Yeller is the dog.
1596
01:22:39,041 --> 01:22:40,781
What's the name of the geyser?
1597
01:22:40,825 --> 01:22:42,566
Old Geyser. No.
1598
01:22:43,262 --> 01:22:44,524
Old face...
1599
01:22:44,568 --> 01:22:45,786
Face/Off!
1600
01:22:47,397 --> 01:22:48,964
Jacob, close it out!
1601
01:22:49,007 --> 01:22:50,617
Good man.
1602
01:22:50,661 --> 01:22:53,533
Here's, here's a better question.
Did Matt pull out?
1603
01:22:53,577 --> 01:22:54,752
No. JACOB: Hell no.
1604
01:22:54,795 --> 01:22:55,883
Nicole.
1605
01:22:55,927 --> 01:22:57,146
Nicole's not here. Nicole!
1606
01:22:57,189 --> 01:22:58,427
You didn't
really bring Nicole.
1607
01:22:58,451 --> 01:22:59,539
Guest of the hour.
1608
01:22:59,583 --> 01:23:00,845
That is so sweet.
1609
01:23:00,888 --> 01:23:02,586
Can Nicole take
her first hit, too?
1610
01:23:02,629 --> 01:23:04,042
Nicole, will you
take your first hit? Should I do this?
1611
01:23:04,066 --> 01:23:05,719
Yeah, come on. Make love to you.
1612
01:23:05,763 --> 01:23:10,072
First time fuckers. Big rip.
Big rip. Big rip. Pull out.
1613
01:23:11,769 --> 01:23:13,075
Get in there.
1614
01:23:13,118 --> 01:23:16,600
All right. You got it? Lock lips.
Like, air tight.
1615
01:23:16,643 --> 01:23:20,169
It's all about the air tightness.
Right here.
1616
01:23:20,212 --> 01:23:22,823
Yeah!
1617
01:23:22,867 --> 01:23:24,390
We did it!
1618
01:23:24,434 --> 01:23:28,351
If I had to impart any of my
wisdom from this experience,
1619
01:23:28,394 --> 01:23:31,310
I just want to say, "Do it
with somebody that you love."
1620
01:23:31,354 --> 01:23:35,880
But when you do it, do it
hard and do it long. And fast.
1621
01:23:36,446 --> 01:23:37,577
Ow!
1622
01:23:39,144 --> 01:23:40,600
♪ Oh, my God
Oh, you think I'm in control
1623
01:23:40,624 --> 01:23:42,321
♪ Oh, my God
Oh, you think it's all for fun
1624
01:23:42,365 --> 01:23:45,150
♪ Oh, my God
Oh, you think I'm in control
1625
01:23:45,194 --> 01:23:47,892
♪ Oh, my God
Oh, you think it's all for fun
1626
01:23:47,935 --> 01:23:50,808
♪ Find a cure
Find a cure for her life
1627
01:23:50,851 --> 01:23:53,637
♪ Find a cure
Find a cure for her life
1628
01:23:53,680 --> 01:23:56,379
♪ Find a cure
Find a cure for her life
1629
01:23:56,422 --> 01:23:59,338
♪ Find a cure
Find a cure for her life
1630
01:23:59,382 --> 01:24:02,080
♪ Put a price
Put a price on my soul
1631
01:24:02,124 --> 01:24:04,865
♪ Put a price
Put a price on my soul
1632
01:24:04,909 --> 01:24:07,738
♪ Put a price
Put a price on my soul
1633
01:24:07,781 --> 01:24:10,654
♪ Put a price
Put a price on my soul
1634
01:24:10,697 --> 01:24:13,352
♪ Oh, my God
Oh, you think I'm in control
1635
01:24:13,396 --> 01:24:16,051
♪ Oh, my God
Oh, you think it's all for fun
1636
01:24:16,094 --> 01:24:19,054
♪ Oh, my God
Oh, you think I'm in control
1637
01:24:19,097 --> 01:24:21,882
♪ Oh, my God
Oh, you think it's all for fun
1638
01:24:21,926 --> 01:24:24,755
♪ Put a price
Put a price on your soul
1639
01:24:24,798 --> 01:24:27,540
♪ Put a price
Put a price on your soul
1640
01:24:27,584 --> 01:24:30,369
♪ Put a price
Put a price on your soul
1641
01:24:30,413 --> 01:24:34,025
♪ Put a price
Put a price on your soul ♪
1642
01:24:35,070 --> 01:24:36,636
Come on, get him!
1643
01:24:44,296 --> 01:24:48,648
My favorite thing that I
ever saw on the Internet,
1644
01:24:48,692 --> 01:24:53,610
on the YouTube, was a horse
getting hit by a train.
1645
01:24:53,653 --> 01:24:55,133
What?
1646
01:24:55,177 --> 01:24:57,179
Wow! You saw that?
1647
01:24:57,222 --> 01:25:01,183
Yeah. It was almost as good
as chimp-frogging,
1648
01:25:01,226 --> 01:25:07,145
where the monkey was being
given head by the frog.
1649
01:25:28,384 --> 01:25:31,691
♪ You call my name
1650
01:25:31,735 --> 01:25:35,130
♪ When I'm leavin'
1651
01:25:35,173 --> 01:25:38,568
♪ I think about
all the time, fallin' out
1652
01:25:38,611 --> 01:25:41,136
♪ Before I believe it
1653
01:25:42,006 --> 01:25:45,357
♪ You call my name
1654
01:25:45,401 --> 01:25:48,882
♪ When I don't need it
1655
01:25:48,926 --> 01:25:52,321
♪ I know the night,
when the timin' is right
1656
01:25:52,364 --> 01:25:54,888
♪ I want to see you
1657
01:25:55,759 --> 01:25:59,415
♪ Set it up
1658
01:26:02,722 --> 01:26:06,248
♪ Set it up
1659
01:26:09,555 --> 01:26:12,993
♪ I hear your name
1660
01:26:13,037 --> 01:26:16,301
♪ In conversation
1661
01:26:16,345 --> 01:26:18,521
♪ They don't know what I know
1662
01:26:18,564 --> 01:26:22,264
♪ And I know
I'm gonna see you
1663
01:26:23,221 --> 01:26:25,484
♪ I call your name
1664
01:26:26,703 --> 01:26:29,184
♪ When I'm leavin'
1665
01:26:30,185 --> 01:26:33,536
♪ I surprise myself again
1666
01:26:33,579 --> 01:26:36,060
♪ I wanna see you
1667
01:26:37,017 --> 01:26:40,543
♪ Set it up
1668
01:26:43,850 --> 01:26:47,332
♪ Set it up
1669
01:27:07,744 --> 01:27:10,225
♪ Call my name
1670
01:27:11,182 --> 01:27:14,620
♪ When I'm leavin'
1671
01:27:14,664 --> 01:27:18,015
♪ I know the night,
when the timin' is right
1672
01:27:18,058 --> 01:27:21,410
♪ I think about
all the time, fallin' out
1673
01:27:21,453 --> 01:27:25,022
♪ I think about
all the time, fallin' out
1674
01:27:25,065 --> 01:27:27,503
♪ Before I believe it
1675
01:27:28,417 --> 01:27:31,855
♪ Set it up
1676
01:27:31,898 --> 01:27:34,553
♪ Set it up
1677
01:27:35,293 --> 01:27:36,990
♪ Set it up
1678
01:27:37,034 --> 01:27:38,818
♪ I want to see you
1679
01:27:38,862 --> 01:27:40,298
♪ Set it up
1680
01:27:40,342 --> 01:27:42,169
♪ I want to see you
1681
01:27:42,213 --> 01:27:43,693
♪ Set it up
1682
01:27:43,736 --> 01:27:46,739
♪ I'm gonna see you
1683
01:27:52,832 --> 01:27:55,574
♪ Hey, girl
1684
01:27:55,618 --> 01:27:59,186
♪ Can you hear me
knocking on your door?
1685
01:27:59,230 --> 01:28:03,495
♪ And you know
just what I came here for
1686
01:28:03,539 --> 01:28:06,324
♪ Hey, girl
1687
01:28:06,368 --> 01:28:09,893
♪ Can I have
the icin' on the cake?
1688
01:28:09,936 --> 01:28:15,202
♪ 'Cause there's still
some noise we need to make
1689
01:28:15,246 --> 01:28:19,119
♪ I can think of some ways
we can get through the day
1690
01:28:19,163 --> 01:28:22,340
♪ Just say yes to this play
1691
01:28:22,384 --> 01:28:26,126
♪ If you call, I'll come,
it's a million to one
1692
01:28:26,170 --> 01:28:27,954
♪ We can get some things done
1693
01:28:27,998 --> 01:28:30,783
♪ And there's no time
like today!
1694
01:28:30,827 --> 01:28:34,309
♪ Kiss me, king me,
get me high
1695
01:28:34,352 --> 01:28:37,877
♪ Take me
to your Slip 'N Slide
1696
01:28:37,921 --> 01:28:41,403
♪ I'll say
what you want to hear
1697
01:28:41,446 --> 01:28:46,146
♪ Anything to get you near
1698
01:28:46,190 --> 01:28:48,975
♪ Hey, girl
1699
01:28:49,019 --> 01:28:52,544
♪ Can you feel me
tuggin' on your sleeve?
1700
01:28:52,588 --> 01:28:56,809
♪ There's important goals
we can achieve
1701
01:28:56,853 --> 01:28:59,638
♪ Hey, girl
1702
01:28:59,682 --> 01:29:03,207
♪ 'Cause it's getting hard
for me to wait
1703
01:29:03,250 --> 01:29:08,473
♪ And you are
the master of my fate
1704
01:29:08,517 --> 01:29:10,475
♪ You be Meg, I'll be Tom
1705
01:29:10,519 --> 01:29:12,303
♪ It's a silly rom-com...
1706
01:29:13,522 --> 01:29:14,740
♪ Oh, Matty
1707
01:29:16,699 --> 01:29:18,875
♪ Got fucked over by Nicole
1708
01:29:21,399 --> 01:29:22,661
♪ Oh, Matty
1709
01:29:24,533 --> 01:29:27,057
♪ I thought
I'd give you Sunny's hole
1710
01:29:28,711 --> 01:29:31,714
♪ Oh, Matty
1711
01:29:31,757 --> 01:29:33,169
You know, I'm still
writing it, but you get the point.
1712
01:29:33,193 --> 01:29:35,021
Whoo!
1713
01:29:35,065 --> 01:29:36,129
- Dirty, that was beautiful.
- So that's a verse?
1714
01:29:36,153 --> 01:29:37,233
That was so romantic.
123371
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