Original subtitles

Are you blonde? Are you blonde, with...

No, but I love Hitler.

People like you would be dead today.

Your mothers, your forefathers, would be gassed.

Do you have a problem?

With you. You're ugly.

John Galliano, former Creative Director of Christian Dior,

was convicted of a hate crime...

Drunken anti-Semitic tirade against a woman at a cocktail bar...

- This is huge. - It's huge.

He was a rockstar of the fashion community...

Shameful. Absolutely shameful.

I'm so against anyone that could say something anti-Semitic...

Natalie Portman put out a statement saying, 'Enough is enough...

I am deeply shocked and disgusted

as an individual who is proud to be Jewish... '

Galliano arrived in court by a back door,

but still couldn't avoid the inevitable media frenzy.

He faces a potential six-month prison sentence

and a 22.000 Euro fine, if found guilty.

The prosecution are alleging he's a drunk and a racist.

It was a disgusting thing, foul thing, that I did.

It was just horrific.

Can you tell me how you think you ended up in that place?

Yeah, I'm going to tell you everything.

Yeah.

I've got the shakes. I need a cigarette, sorry.

Mm.

Oh...

Maggie out! Maggie, out!

During the Thatcher years, I wasn't joining marches and things like that.

I was into sketching and drawing.

I ended up prepping a portfolio for Saint Martin's School of Art.

They took on very few people.

The competition was really strong,

but they gave me a place and a grant.

I saw like-minded people. It was like,

..thank God I'm not the only one!

There was one amazing character called David Harrison.

Has he got that... Putting on that posh accent still?

He was very shy when I first met him.

And I sort of loosened him up a bit.

I always felt like I was his big sister.

Malcolm McLaren wanted David to front the Sex Pistols,

because he was so outrageous.

And I guess he was expressing things that I wished I could, I don't know.

I mean, I was still living at home.

Yeah, I... not the peacock that I later became.

He was very suburban, even the way he dressed.

You know, he was into labels and stuff.

I introduced him to Vinted.

It was just good old clothes shops in those days.

To go clubbing, I'd have to get a bus to the world of Soho,

Old Compton Street.

The girls, the styling, the music.

Ah! As a teenager, I was unaware of all this before that.

John had a vicious tongue.

He used to have like half a pint of lager and he'd be drunk.

He'd always get a little bit out-of-control drunk.

You had to sort of look after him.

He loved flashing his little bum off.

It was the beginning of the New Romantics.

There was a theatre that had a huge sale.

You could buy an eighteenth-century cloak, and you could buy a frilly blou...

You know what I mean?

So, they all stormed that, and they were the ingredients

they took to start building up this New Romantic look.

And then I took a job as a dresser at the National Theatre.

You saw clothes in an environment.

One was interested how that character moved or smelt.

All those things came in, the accessories,

you know, the total look, I suppose you'd call it today.

And then I remember I went to see Abel Gance's Napoleon at The Barbican.

It blew me away.

That little shot of him running, when he falls in the snow and gets up,

and the lashes are covered in snow, I mean, obsessed!

You don't know how obsessed I am.

Of course, it had an influence.

Of course, it did.

That's when I embarked on doing my research

and preliminary sketches for my graduation show, 'Les Incroyables.'

I was being a French revolutionary,

sketching, drawing, aquarelleing,

creating stories.

The way I wrote changed. It became very eighteenth-century.

And when it was too easy to draw with my right hand,

I'd put the nib and the quill and the ink in my left hand to get that quizzical,

curious line. You know, obsessed, obsessed.

And I didn't know how to cut, I didn't know how to sew...

I could draw, and it was my teacher...

Yeah, I remember him saying, "Just stop. Look at your drawings.

Cut like you draw the line."

The door opened. I was off.

We knew that something very exciting was happening.

I mean, there was just such a buzz in the college about John's graduation show.

Those ten looks really stand out in memory

as the top five fashion shows I've ever seen.

It was absolutely astonishing.

It was quite revolutionary.

Coats could be worn the right way, inside out, upside down.

The boys could wear skirts, girls could wear skirts. Long...

Genderless!

It was just this incredible energy and passion.

And you just thought,

"Here's someone who is touched with genius."

I'm sitting with John Galliano,

one of London's numerous, and hottest stars.

John, can you tell me a little bit about your background?

Well, I just graduated from Saint Martin's in July.

I showed a collection called "Les Incroyables",

which was based on the French Revolution,

and that went down really well.

So, straight away, I was here at Olympia, showing my spring/summer things.

Where do you get your inspiration from?

Well, for this collection,

it was based on a paragraph which I read about Afghanistan,

where King Amanullah forced his subjects to wear European dress.

Of course, they revolted.

I tried to capture that sort of tension and the romance of it all.

Have you started to plan, or any ideas of what you'll be doing next?

- Uh-huh. - You have?

Yes. The Winter Collection. And I'm hoping to actually have a catwalk show,

'cause I feel that I have very strong statement to make.

I was going out with this girl who was a model,

and she said to me, "Come and see this fashion show.

There's this guy, John Galliano, and he's incredible."

And my girlfriend comes out, and she's got a tree in her hair,

and she's got clogs on.

And she's got two dead mackerel.

And then she's coming down the catwalk like this.

And the girl started throwing the dead fish at the audience, right.

And people are like ducking and

I'm going, "This is great!" I loved it. I was literally like, "Uh?"

I go backstage afterwards.

And John comes up to me and he says, "I love what you do,

I really want to work with you."

He genuinely didn't care about money at all.

He just wanted me to be able to facilitate.

"Just make sure I can continue making my fantasy."

That was it.

I can remember one particular moment in one show

where the girls came out in the finale in the white muslin dresses

that he'd chucked water over, so they would cling to their bodies.

And he had this logo that was a rubber stamp.

He'd stamped it on the girls' foreheads.

The dye ran down their faces and onto their white dresses.

It was amazing.

And so, so beautiful that it made me cry.

After the show, he would ask, "Did the editors cry?

Did you notice whether Polly had a tear in her eye?"

So, it was about the emotion.

It was just a quest to produce the most beautiful thing we could.

The 1987 winner of the British Designer of the Year Award

is John Galliano.

We're really pleased to have

John Galliano here today.

He only left Saint Martin's four years ago.

- So, um... - Three...

Three? Oh, well, there you go, you see?

Possibilities for you all.

An inspiration for you all, really.

Because of the power of the shows,

John was already within a fashion crowd, a superstar.

But at that point, we had an issue.

It's been quite difficult with John's clothes,

because they are a little more complicated to wear

than some of the other designers, and quite hard to sell.

Do you find sometimes that the cut and the shape

doesn't have the necessary hanger appeal?

Yeah, um, yeah, people have said that before.

But then sometimes it actually clinches a sale,

'cause it looks so interesting on the hanger that it attracts someone to it.

Even though the clothes were beautiful,

the sales were dropping.

The overheads were going sky high.

He could feel that this was not commercially working.

Whenever I'd talk about things like sales, he would actually say to me,

"I have difficulty believing that you're a serious fashion person."

So, that was it.

I ended with John...

I never actually understood him.

After every collection he would crash.

And I'm talking totally crash.

You'd go into the office,

he would sit there and drink.

And he would watch the video of the show

again and again and again.

As a person, he was bruised, I'd say.

Vulnerable.

The name Galliano doesn't sound like you're British at all.

Um, well, I was born in Gibraltar.

Mother's Spanish, my father's from Gibraltar.

But you were actually brought up in South London?

Yeah, I came over when I was six.

Yeah, and in fact, you weren't actually christened John at all, were you?

No, it's Juan Carlos.

Very impressive.

So, I mean, your dad is actually a plumber, isn't he?

That's right.

I grew up in a place called Sephardi Passage.

I don't know if it still exists or not.

The streets are so narrow

that you could look into other people's homes.

I spoke English with Dad, and Spanish with Mum.

But being taught English,

I think that definitely happened when we moved to South London.

It was so grey.

Grey, grey, grey...

Immacula was still a baby, really.

So, Mum was dealing with her, and I was just playing with Rosemarie...

I was always having to look after John.

I couldn't go anywhere,

any parties,

because he was quite disruptive.

Always spoiling games.

He wanted attention all the time.

Mum loved clothes.

Always immaculately dressed.

And that has fed through to John, actually.

Because even to his school uniform,

the cuffs of the shirt

had to be exactly the same size on either side

before he ventured to school.

The way she put herself together, I mean, she was a lively spirit.

Mum was definitely the one that would mix a little bit of red wine

in the lemonade to encourage me to start dancing flamenco.

¡La fiesta!

What was your father's character?

Very strict.

Very strict.

I didn't really get on with him,

possibly because I wasn't very honest with myself.

I mean, I knew from a very early age I was gay.

Sometimes I would lock myself in the bathroom,

where my mother would leave her makeup,

and I would start to fantasise and apply it.

I guess I was inspired by those early films I'd seen.

There'd be raps on the door like, "How long are you in there, then?

When are you coming out?"

"Oh, just washing my face." Getting it all off, you know?

Done in secret, as well. I don't know,

I wonder if there was the thrill of being caught as well?

And then what would you have done, Juan Carlos?

But I never did.

So, I knew I was different,

but it wasn't something that was accepted by him,

or that Spanish culture at the time.

Could he be violent?

Yes.

Yes, if I stepped out of line.

I do remember, one day I made a comment.

Something like, "Oh, he looks really gorgeous."

Woah!

That was the wrong thing to say, 'cause Dad was there.

And I think that was one of the earliest signs

that one shouldn't communicate such feelings,

not without getting the result, you know, what came after that.

There was a good beating, and expletives.

¡Maricón, maricón!

There was no escape, as well.

When you're little, you think you can cower and...

hide behind the protection of an armchair, don't you?

You think... but no, you know,

he was strong enough to move that armchair and carry on.

Um, yeah.

How would your mum react to that?

Sometimes she would join in

and sometimes she would try pulling him off.

And she would use words that were like...

I couldn't even repeat them in Spanish, they're so hurtful.

I knew I had to confess the thoughts I'd had,

praying for my sins.

Damnation, you know? And rotting in hell.

More than terrifying.

If you're getting that message from home,

and you're getting that message from school,

and you're getting that message from a representative of God,

what can you do, where can you go?

You start to make-believe.

I started to create another life,

and I lived here,

and would create places and stories and...

um...

Because it was nicer in my head.

It was just nicer.

He was always drawing and sketching.

And he made me first dress.

It was long, chiffony, peach colour.

And tiny, tiny little white pearls that he'd sewn.

He sat with a friend, and he actually sewed that dress.

He ate, he breathed, he lived fashion.

He'd found a passion.

It seduced me.

And whenever I could, I'd be in that room just drawing or designing.

Escape!

Escape.

This season, two of England's top designers,

Katharine Hamnett and John Galliano,

have forsaken London and decided to show their collections here in Paris.

At that time, it was difficult finding finance in England.

So, I thought, you know, Paris is the centre.

You know, it's where all international buyers and press come.

When he arrived in Paris,

he lived at my house with Steven, because he couldn't afford rent.

They camped on my settee.

And they destroyed my washing machine.

John would have an idea, and Steven would bounce on it right away.

There was this great creation exchange.

Steven understood John so well.

That's not to say they didn't fight.

Amanda would come down from Wales.

And it was poetry when she spoke, and she ignited the fire in me.

I remember trying to explain to a French woman

that you put this pair of tights on that we'd converted into

like a tattooed t-shirt,

and literally cut the hole out of the gusset.

So, you put your head through the gusset, and your arms through the footless legs.

She turned to me and said,

This is not fashion!

And so disapproving, like she was smelling shit under her nose.

So, there was also that determination to prove to Paris that we were good,

because Paris looked down on us.

It was Amanda that drove me to produce the bias cuts.

When you cut clothes on the straight of grain, you get...

When you cut things on the cross,

so you lay your pattern pieces on that grain...

Do you see the difference?

It has its own elasticity.

The fibres react to the body heat,

so they become even more sensuous, even more mercurial on the body.

We used to have such fun backstage.

We'd have to rub all the girls, quickly before they went on,

you know, to create some friction and heat and energy.

And the dresses would just melt.

My first show in Paris, I was so nervous.

And they didn't even know that I was a model.

And they were like, "Walk!" And they would teach me how to walk.

And I still remember them teaching me how to walk.

He said, like, "Put your hips, your pelvis, forward.

And lean back."

He said, "So, you're Lolita and you're a girl from Croydon,

and you've never been fucked,

and you really want it!"

So, I was like going down the runway like, "Oh!"

Like all like that.

I was nervous just walking, let alone playing a character.

- Hey! - Hello!

- Alright? - Oh, girl...

John was my friend and he's a fashion designer,

and the other shows, they're just jobs.

Ooh, girl...

I felt part of his family.

The lift, you can come down in the lift.

The doors open.

No-one gives you directions like John.

There was always a story in every show.

It's fantasy, and that's what fashion should be.

For other designers, they were just models.

But with John, they became actresses.

He would take them on a journey through countries, through time...

And they would come up feeling so enthused, so excited.

I remember many storylines that were about, you know,

you got washed up on a shore, because you were on a boat

and you were fleeing your wealthy family.

But constant theme of escape.

Okay.

Yes, Kate! Go, go! Yes!

Wicked, wicked, wicked, wicked.

He said, "You're a princess, and you've just escaped the castle.

"And the wolves are after you. You've got to run, Kate. Run!"

I mean, he was born, obviously, to be a fashion designer.

He's got magic.

In Paris people saw the genius

there is in John Galliano.

But in the end, it's about selling clothes.

That time, it was creatively exciting, financially unstable.

There were moments that were really quite tough.

Rough.

Did you think that you might never be able to make

a proper living out of it?

Yeah, I did have moments of thinking that, and feeling that.

I thought my dreams weren't going to be realised.

- Thank you so much. - Hi, there you are.

Great show.

- Can I just get a drink first? - Sure, sure.

He's talented,

but a lot of talented people aren't really business people.

Like, he's shy and I'm shy. So, we were both a bit shy and awkward.

Until we've had a drink.

Mr Galliano, what inspires you?

- Do you have a light? - Sorry.

There is definitely two Johns.

There is a shy John, and there is a quite mad John.

He was a bad drunk who really want to get wasted until he drops.

We used to go to clubs, and I remember John one night,

there was a little stage, and he was standing on the edge of the stage.

And he was just pissing on everybody.

Just kind of standing there, pissing.

He was just so off it.

I just thought, "Boy, that guy's unhappy."

He'd done well and made a splash, and then it had collapsed, business-wise.

For two or three years, he didn't have a backer.

There was no money for fabrics.

It was André Leon Talley who sort of stood up and said,

"This is outrageous" in the press.

Fashion will have a future with people like John Galliano.

People who have great imagination

and create entire collections with no money,

no financing, no heavy perfume behind them.

This has been hand-made, with people who are passionate.

Young students from Saint Martin's sitting on the floor, sewing bustles,

eating McDonalds at three in the morning.

This man has no money!

Of course, I'd heard of him,

but it really wasn't until André and I started to help him

with the shows in Paris that he and I became friends.

You look adorable. Look at you.

Isn't often that you meet a great designer.

I mean, if you think about the great designers

that have really changed the way women dress or look,

or how we think about fashion.

But immediately, when you saw what John was doing,

you realised that he was one of them.

So, we had to help him.

- Stella Tennant is wearing this? - So, so unexpected.

Look how important it is.

I remember, after that Lucretia Collection,

I missed a whole season,

because I was penniless.

André was like, "Can't miss another season, John.

What are you going to do?"

And then they kicked in, and they found some money for a show.

It was like maybe five weeks before the allotted show deadline.

We tried to find a fabric, but I mean, it was like

you couldn't have the fabric woven or made,

there was no time.

Had to be off the shelf.

So, we just chose black, satin back crepe.

I thought, "let's get that," 'cause I can use the wrong side and the right side.

And I can make the dresses look different,

'cause I can mix the shiny side and matte side, and so on.

But we didn't have a venue.

We didn't have an office, we didn't have anything.

This is more you.

- You have short clothes. - Mm.

André was introducing me to different society ladies.

There was one in particular, Sāo Schlumberger, and he said,

"You know, she's got this fantastic hôtel particulier and she's not using it."

And I remember her saying, "Yes, John can have it."

Genius! We had a venue, we had some black fabric.

The rest is kind of history.

I mean, the girls rallied round. Christy, Linda, Naomi, Kate.

All free, all free. No charge.

By hook, by crook, this show happened.

We all flew in.

We all had little things to bring.

I think I brought over stockings and shoes.

That whole show was more sentimental to me than any,

because just how much we wanted it to happen for him.

You wanted to be part of that creativity, magic.

That dream, that fantasy, that story that he was going to tell next,

you wanted to be part of it.

We physically created a world of lost luxury,

but then of something beautiful emerging out of that.

A new way of seating people,

so that it wasn't on benches in the tent in the Louvre.

The girls were walking in front of you,

where you could really admire the cut.

You could smell the perfume they were wearing.

You could hear the rustle of the taffeta, of the silks.

He put a lot of the girls

into those incredibly sexy black slip dresses.

And for the next ten years, women went out in a slip dress.

He's an endangered species and we must support endangered species.

An endangered species being a top talent.

We have to support the top talents of our world.

Of our environment. This is fashion and he is one of the great talents left.

I so hope for John Galliano that he gets the respect and...

John should have a couture house.

So what are you going to do now?

Um... Have a drink.

The day after, we were like, "We'll now what?"

But I didn't know...

what was coming.

It seems as though most of us, at one time or another,

have worn, or consumed, something produced by a thirty-billion-dollar conglomerate

controlled by a man called 'The Sultan of Chic.'

Fashion industry consultant, Christy Ferrer,

says Bernard Arnault is the most talked about man

in the fashion world today.

This car was sent to pick me up.

Bulletproof glass, tinted,

really James Bond. I thought, "What's going on here?"

And then before I knew it, I was outside Mr Arnault's office.

I remember my secretary said to me,

"Mr Galliano is here but I don't think I can let him in to your office,

"because of his hair - you'll see, I can't tell you.

But, Mr Arnault, if you insist, I'll let him in."

John enters. And, indeed, he looks like a rasta.

I was offered the position of Artistic Director

at The House of Givenchy.

At that time, Givenchy was a bit dowdy,

boring...

There was a need for bringing new clients,

younger people,

into haute couture.

The last time an Englishman

had been the head of a fashion house in Paris

was Federick Worth, who started couture.

So, it hadn't happened in a hundred years.

Suddenly, John was there, and people went on about,

"Oh, you know, he's outside of like the traditional Parisian fashion milieu."

Some people were not very happy bunnies at all.

Like, "Who's this punk that just moved into Givenchy?"

We have so many good designer in France

that it's a pity that we have to do it with an English person.

At my first haute couture presentation they were all there.

The powers that be, the shakers and makers of the industry.

The haute bourgeoisie.

So, I had to prove my mettle, do you know what I mean?

I always think it was like a trial.

It was a testing ground for the next job offer I got.

I went to the show, secretly.

Nobody expected John to understand haute couture.

But I didn't know that the guy was a master.

That day, I think he convinced everybody.

Givenchy was a small house compared to Dior.

The House of Dior is like the Arc de Triomphe.

But that day, I said, "He's the right man for Dior!"

We got that call on a Friday afternoon.

There, I did fall off my chair.

That same car came for me.

I had to go and see Mr Arnault again,

who, um...

offered me the job,

um,

as Artistic Director of The House of Dior.

Something awoke in me.

I don't know. I felt like Rocky, you know.

It was like, "Right, I'm really going to go for this."

As it was confirmed that Galliano would take the helm at Dior,

his replacement at The House of Givenchy

is none other than the firebrand English designer, Alexander McQueen.

All of a sudden fashion was, like rock and roll.

They were brilliant designers,

but John was the best of his generation.

If you have an English guy

and you give him the Arc de Triomphe,

he's going to paint it with the English flag.

Don't forget I was doing both Galliano and Dior.

There was a lot of work.

Oh, here's one.

Er, yeah.

It's not right in peach, but I thought it wasn't ready.

The first weeks and months was just Steven and myself.

That guy was just incredible.

He was able to give me more and more creative space,

because he could take things on, and the responsibility.

Here, as well.

If we can put this all back, and as flat and clean as possible?

I think you want to...

Everything got filtered through Steven.

He had a strong aesthetic input.

He was one of those people who just made himself invaluable.

Hey, Steven.

To the point, John couldn't really operate without him.

Steven was a very clever person.

Some people just felt he had a plan,

and that plan involved pushing other people out,

so that he could have total control.

When we started at Dior, Steven rang me about my contract.

He said Dior were not prepared to pay me any more.

And I just remember saying, "Please, don't sell me down the river."

So, I left.

Of course, I was heartbroken. I mean, John was like a brother,

and it shouldn't have been like that.

We can ad-lib a bit. I mean, we can come over a bit with some rail.

Fantastic.

You'd want to stop the beading around there, wouldn't you, you'd...

Then it's going to look really crude. The black dress, with this...

nude colour.

John's imagination, it was amazing.

When he sees, maybe, an old pair of trousers,

and they've been worn and worn,

when he looks at it, he's not seeing something ugly.

He's like; "Oh, my God, this is amazing."

He's not looking down on it.

He really had...

the high-low.

He knew how to balance those two.

John and Steven would go on research trips.

On one of those trips, they brought back this white sweatshirt.

Very, very cheap.

And there was like a horse head on it that went...

It was like a horse, and the head goes here.

It was, it was nasty.

It was like one of those fun things.

It was like a sweatshirt, fifty-pence sweatshirt,

and on each arm, it had this profile of the horse.

Like so.

With its removable feathers.

It was re-done

through the filter of John's brilliant imagination,

it just turned into a masterpiece.

My research trips became more and more adventurous and far-flung.

Are we sure about this?

Are we sure?

He is a very peculiar designer in where he found his source of inspiration.

He's the only one working like that.

He has an inspiration board

onto which he pinned paintings,

Xerox copy of whatever he found in a magazine,

a swatch of fabric...

Everything is like a composite

according to the sensibility he had at the time.

But believe me, you cannot find a logic.

There is no logic.

But then he creates from that...

a total vision.

The makeup, the hair, the headpiece,

all the accessories,

the music, the flowers.

No other designer did that.

Sometimes, I think when he errs,

he errs too much on the side of fantasy, and it becomes such a costume party

and you think to yourself, "Who would ever wear this, and where?"

John was forged in the cauldron

of a very different fashion world.

One that was based on the idea that designers

could pull inspiration from anything they wanted, really.

That everything was fodder for the creative mind.

That is how he thought about the world.

And it did not occur to him to think, "This might offend somebody else."

I realised that John only see things

which influence him, that he chooses,

but not what was behind. He only sees the surface of things.

Really big, yes!

There was a show which remained famous

because he went to the extreme.

'The Tramps'.

It was inspired by my romantic vision of Charlie Chaplin,

the ragtime balls of the twenties and thirties,

and the people I came across

when I was jogging in the morning around the Seine.

Amazing people.

Proud people.

Who'd possibly chosen to live like that, who knows?

He knows how to dress a queen.

How to dress the 'tramps'.

This is, I must say, very English.

The French designers are more bourgeois.

And John was everything except a bourgeois.

But we had a lot, lot of problems with this show, after.

Galliano! Bastard! Galliano! Bastard!

Galliano needs to apologise in the press!

That's what we want, because we are nice,

but who knows if we will always be this nice!

Galliano, you bastard!

I was in the car, going to Dior.

And they were like, "Turn back, turn back.

Whatever you do, don't come in today."

There was like mounted police horses, and hordes with placards.

What were they saying on their signs?

That I was, you know, taking the piss out of homeless people.

Which was not my intention at all.

I didn't understand it.

It was more, you know, creativity being, you know...

a necessity.

The idea of subverting a newspaper print and turning it into a dress,

and deconstructing clothes, and just showing the raw beauty of it.

The insight was so beautiful.

Julia had one too many drinks.

I remember, I was at Dior, and it was haute couture fittings.

And I got a call from my father,

and he was on his dying bed.

So, he told me he loved me.

Um, which I'd never heard before.

Um, and the next day, he passed away.

He said he'd be at the funeral.

All of a sudden, he says, "Well, I don't think I'll be able to make it."

I had to beg him to come.

He has kept his life so, so separate.

You know, he's not forgotten us, but I've not seen him for years.

Mr Arnault arranged a private jet, so I could...

go, do what I had to do, bury my father,

and then come back that evening.

And carry on with the fittings.

That collection was a tribute to your father?

Yeah, he died yesterday.

So, I went to the funeral and it was the most amazing funeral,

and everyone danced flamenco.

- And, um... - I'm amazed you're here.

Yeah, it was Mr Arnault.

Like, I could fly there and come back and...

The organisation was excellent, and my dad's brilliant and...

Going to the gym would help me get through difficult periods like that.

I needed to do that.

At first, it was just to take on this enormous responsibility.

Clear my head. Stay focused, disciplined.

Then, of course, it got the better of me.

The gym, it was... became an obsession.

I cared about how I looked.

And then vanity kicked in.

Around about that time, I met Alexis.

Woo, woo, woo, woo!

I worked in celebrity dressing for Dior.

So I was in charge of all the movie stars when they wanted to be dressed

for a premiere, or for an awards ceremony.

This dress is so awesome. Who are you wearing?

This is haute couture.

John Galliano made this for me, for Dior.

John is not like all the other fashion designers.

There was something about him that was so odd and unique.

He was just so into it.

I always saw this little kid in him.

Always searching and trying to learn more.

Full of energy and passion.

One day, I told him, "We're getting married."

And it was like a very natural reaction from John and Alexis.

It was..

"I'll do your dress, of course." I mean, I didn't even get to ask.

That dress, for me, was so charged with love

and, yeah, the amount of time and dedication to details.

It was incredible.

Galliano had the ability to treat a fashion show

as a pure theatrical production.

And that drew more eyes.

You could just sort of see the industry inflate.

When you hear the name Christian Dior, what comes to mind?

John.

I'll do anything for Galliano.

He's an artist. It's beyond fashion.

It's something else.

I'm in love with the guy. What can I say?

The fashion industry has never seen a showman like this.

Since John arrived, we sell 50% more every six months.

So, I hope it will continue.

I got a lot of critics at the beginning for having chosen him.

But I always thought that was the right thing to do.

John is laying the seeds for the future.

He is a genius of fashion.

Not only of this age, but really since fashion began.

He was fashion's greatest success story.

He emerged when fashion was very small.

And his career paralleled its evolution into a global industry.

And so, John is a good metaphor.

Very exciting time for the House of Dior.

We're still working very closely with the merchandising and the marketing.

With Mr Arnault's...

..approval,

I'm involved now with the windows and the advertising,

and that's all working very well.

It has a coherence with the way the clothes are delivered, etc., etc.

Fashion was becoming very demanding.

And markets were becoming more demanding.

And the collections were increasing.

And I had to keep feeding this monster with this appetit...

You know, constantly feeding it and feeding it.

I would see a lot of designers under pressure,

because they had to produce such a monumental amount of work.

Sometimes I used to giggle and look at the planning,

because it reminded me of the Underground map in London.

I was doing two ladies' ready-to-wears.

Two men's ready-to-wears.

There was a second line, twice a year.

There was a children's line, twice a year.

Shoe collection twice a year.

Bag collection twice a year.

Costume collection, twice a year.

Fine jewellery, twice a year.

Watches once a year.

That's just Galliano.

That's just Galliano.

Over to Dior,

two haute coutures.

Two ready-to-wears.

Two pre-collections.

Two cruise wear collections.

Bag collections. Shoe collections.

Jewellery collections. Fine jewellery collections.

Sunglass collections.

I mean, I've just talked about the collections.

Don't forget, there was huge demands made on the press as well.

There was interviews and lunches and dinners,

where I had to entertain.

The shows were bigger, the attention was more, the stars were bigger.

And then after-shows.

It became, like, "Oh, John's got to go behind this screen

and do loads of interviews."

So, whoever at Dior would be like,

"Look, the driver's outside, the restaurant's booked.

You go down there. John'll join you."

So, a group of us would find ourselves in some fabulous place waiting for John.

And he would come, and he would join us.

And then he kind of would come later and later and later,

until eventually he just didn't come, because he was too exhausted.

You're right, it looks kind of not full enough, a bit too long,

and not really grooving at all.

It was just work, and the outside life became less and less.

And it was all-consuming.

You set that bar and then,

"What are you going to do next time, John?" And then the bar gets set higher.

Shapes, volumes, structures, sizes.

Dresses with no waist seam, dresses on the bias.

The detail, the 'finissions'.

The cut, the line,

the casting.

The length of the eyelash.

I became obsessed.

That amount of work is a colossal amount of work.

But then you get to the end of every single show,

boom, there's a huge void that you drop down.

And all those questions, you know, "Did I do it right?

Da, da, da, was it this? Was it that?"

The voices, da, da, da, da...

Yeah.

That's not healthy.

After the show I would just want to escape.

Drinking for days.

At the end of that cycle, throwing myself in the gym.

You know, trying to get sober to go in to work.

It was this vicious circle.

I was in denial, but I am an alcoholic.

I remember Steven calling me from London.

And he said, "Sidney, this is too much. I cannot handle it."

When John was under alcohol,

he was not aggressive against people but he could destroy a room.

Did you have to deal with those sort of things,

sort of phone up hotels and say...

I had to fix some. Yeah, it happened.

He got banned from about twenty hotels in London,

because he used to do mad things.

I remember, once, I went down to The Ritz to meet him,

And I'm like, "Er, I've come to see Mr Galliano."

"He's not here." I'm like, "What do you mean he's not here?"

- "He's not here." - "Er, where is he? Where is he, then?"

"I don't know. Go, go away."

I was like, "What's happened to him, like?" So, I find out

he was in the lift,

with no clothes on, for four hours,

and he was telling everyone he was a lion, right?

He was a lion, and he was growling at people who were trying to get in the lift.

So, Sidney had to pay for the whole weekend for all the guests,

'cause they couldn't use the lift, 'cause the naked lion was in there.

But sometimes you think that everything is okay.

Then the people were like, wow,

standing ovation...

So you could not feel the guy had problems

because he never said, "I'm not feeling well."

That's common in all addicts,

they can't see the reality of it, because the disease has eaten them.

Couldn't tell anyone I'd started to lose touch with reality.

It kind of crept up on me, I think.

People did act strangely around me. I mean, it was strange.

You know, backstage, there's a queue of five people.

And one's holding your cigarettes, the other one's holding the lighter.

The third one's holding the ashtray, the fourth one takes the cigarette out,

the fifth one puts it in your mouth.

Back to number one, who lights it for you.

Yeah, that's not normal. I get it now.

I started to self-will and make decisions that maybe only God could make,

thinking that I could make them.

I mean, I played into that as well, don't get me wrong.

Someone else would put a crown on and sit on a...

I did it.

He'd come out at the end of his shows.

Drove me fricking nuts...

'cause it seemed so arrogant.

I didn't understand why he needed security guards

walking the runway with him.

And the crowd ate it up. People loved that.

People would wait for that.

It was authentic at the beginning.

Afterwards, it became something that was more constructed.

Um, yeah, you don't usually walk out looking like an astronaut, but, um...

You know when you come out, you have to command.

You have to inspire them to believe.

Was it a Napoleonic display of ego?

Here we go again! You're obsessed with that!

That, that I might put...

No, because you've mentioned this a couple of times.

No, I was not Napoleonic at all.

Steven was the guy who sort of held it together

while John was losing it.

Steven Robinson, he was his alter ego,

the only person who was really close to him.

John was very dependent on Steven, and vice-versa.

There was a conjunction of dependencies.

This co-dependency was... had some very toxic aspects.

Steven wasn't a very attractive man.

And he needed John to be the frontman.

And John needed Steven to look after the studio

because John was definitely losing himself along the way.

Yee-hee!

Woo!

After the show, when he was a bit, you know, losing it,

then Steven would come at John's place and try to help him to recover.

And we had to inflate the bed,

because he wanted to sleep in front of the television.

Steven with, you know, sweets and crisps.

Can you imagine the scene?

We're not ageist at Dior.

Bring in the dead, we'll embalm them!

John needed to be protected and to have somebody doing the job.

So Steven, he transferred all his hardworking,

all his own talent in couture, everything he transferred into John.

Was there ever anything romantic or sexual between them?

Oh, God, no. Oh, God, no.

No, no, no.

But I think he was in love with John.

I really believed he was an angel,

and he was here to help me through that.

I really...

Even today, I still believe it, he was on a mission.

He gave up everything of his personal life

to put into the creations that we were creating, you know?

It's only one piece.

And it's just going to do that, literally like that, and so on.

Free-hand.

Sometimes John would not be nice to him,

but sometimes Steven would not be nice to John

because John showing up at the end of the day,

when Steven is ready to go home and rest,

and now he had to do double shift.

Exhausted at times.

I had figured out he would probably

need to use...

..uppers

to be able to continue to work the way they did.

I think he reached a point where he had enough.

His health was not good.

The level of the cocaine.

I mean, I never went to a party at his place,

but it was pretty famous for being cocaine-land.

- Hooray! Well done, Steven. - Yes!

- Did you get everything you needed? - Oh, fantastic.

It looks amazing, thank you.

After the couture show in 2007,

I said, "Steven, this show, I don't know what to say.

I mean, I've never seen something so beautiful."

And he said, "Oh, it's going to be probably my last one."

I'd always bring him with me on holidays to kind of keep an eye on him,

a check on him that he was eating correctly or what...

And this one time, I don't know where I was...

And Steven had persuaded me that he was going to stay on

and get things all organised for me for my return.

And I made about nine phone calls, and he wasn't getting back to me.

My PA at the time, I said,

"Look, it's really weird, Steven's not ringing me back.

Have you seen him? Like, what's up?"

"Let's get the number of the governante."

"Fatima, do you mind just going to check?"

Nobody could get hold of Steven.

We started to worry a lot. So, we asked the firemen to come.

The firemen had opened the door.

When we arrived, Steven was lying on

you know, was lying down, with some blood on the staircase.

Then I got that phone call the next day,

and it was Fatima in a state that...

I couldn't understand what she was saying,

but she'd found Steven, and he was dead.

I just screamed out so loud, and I don't know where it came from.

And I was so helpless, and so on my own, in the middle of fucking nowhere.

Like, so far away.

I just couldn't believe what I was hearing,

I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

I had to have some drinks to steady my nerves.

Managed to get on a plane, come back to Paris.

His loss was devastating,

and I just couldn't handle it.

No, I think that really pushed me over the edge.

I think, I just felt so lost.

The amount of pressure at work was too much.

The questions,

they were coming directly to me,

now Steven wasn't there to help me

fend off some of those questions, or deal with them.

And I just couldn't handle it. And my head was gonna explode.

I had become what they call a blackout drinker.

I mean, I'd wake up, in another part of the country sometimes,

and not know how I got there.

When you've got more alcohol in your body than...

Or prescrip... you know, mixed as well with prescription drugs.

What was the prescription drug?

Valium, bromide.

Um, er, Lexomil,

um...

Things to calm me down.

Sleeping pills to help me sleep,

pills to help me get up in the morning.

I couldn't get into that bed, unless I had all those bottles,

surrounded, around the bed, and the pills all laid up.

So, if I did pass out or come to, I could get back to that state.

Sometimes, I spent the night awake just next to him to make sure he breathes.

Yeah, I was really worried. Scared.

You try to do your best

to get help but he wouldn't want help at the time.

He was completely in denial.

Did Dior start to notice and try to intervene?

Yes, they had started to notice I was becoming emaciated.

I mean, how could you not tell?

- Hey. - That was so much fun.

- Thank you. - So, so...

Doing interviews just became torture.

He was being literally put together by people,

before he could even be presented.

Um, I'm really happy it's going well...

He stopped coming in the studio.

He probably felt completely trapped.

I don't think he could handle it any more.

You know, she's very Marie Claire.

Like, really fucking mediocre, magazine thin.

And they have this old...

Forget about it.

No, just talk about that bitch that called me trash.

No, I don't want to hear about that!

He could say ugly things about people.

He started to be a little bit mean.

It's true, that when I told Sidney Toledano about it,

it was a heartfelt cry.

"You have to look after him. It's over.

Send him to rehab, now! He's going to die."

I told Sidney, Sidney told John.

John told me, "You're fired."

I lost my job because I spoke the truth.

I was very, very concerned.

And I said, "Maybe the solution is to put him in front of Monsieur Arnault."

So I organised this meeting.

Monsieur Arnault comes, he said, "John, you have a problem.

And frankly, you can even stop working for six months. Even more.

But be careful because if you continue like that,

you may have a serious problem.

Kill yourself.

Beat somebody, violence. You should be very, very careful."

And John...

stands up like that,

opens his shirt

and he said, "Do I have the body of an alcoholic?"

John could have been a big, big actor.

This is a torero attitude.

Olé!

They have a face.

You have to be proud.

Viva la muerte.

How you take a person like that

and bring him, by force, for rehab?

He was pushing to the limit.

The work doesn't bring you to the burnout.

But it is what you have inside.

And sometimes you work a lot to escape.

I have to be honest,

I don't remember ever being offered six months out.

Sidney said, "It's John own inner drives,

rather than outer pressures."

Well, I was only applying my professionalism and inner drives

to what I was requested to do,

which was up to 32 collections a year.

I don't think I need to say any more.

There's something really interesting about designers

and their relationship with their house and like their top management.

As long as the designer is going to produce and make money,

and do the public-facing type of requirements, then great.

So, based on that, were they going to get rid of him?

I don't think so.

It's too much.

How can you be so creative all the time and stay sane?

Alexander McQueen, the darling of British fashion,

has been found dead, after apparently committing suicide.

I could relate to that, of course.

Towards the end, I just wanted the voices to stop and no more questions.

I could have a conversation with a water pipe.

I understood what that water pipe was saying.

I was committing suicide slowly.

I just wanted to sleep forever.

We arrived at the bar at around 8 o'clock.

And it was around that time that Galliano arrived.

He sat right next to Geraldine.

Geraldine and I were talking.

And then he got in close and in her ear he said,

"Speak less loudly, your voice is bothering me."

Then he started touching her hair saying, "You don't have any hair."

"You're ugly. You're dirty."

"Your ugly Jewish face. You dirty Jewish face."

And he repeated that tens of times.

I got up, picked up my chair like a golf club

and told him to shut up.

At that moment, he became very aggressive.

[] What did he say?

"Fucking Asian bastard, I will kill you!"

I decided to call the police.

After that, we went to the police station.

And we filed a complaint.

Did you know who he was?

No.

But the next day Geraldine called me and said,

"Our names are everywhere."

I was in Los Angeles.

I had a phone call that something happened with John in a bar.

So I flew back to Paris.

What was it like when you got back?

I think he was in bed.

He was still...

drinking.

Not realising what happened, at all.

Following day, I got the train to Paris.

Went to John's apartment in the Marais.

What can best be described as a scene from Alice in Wonderland.

John was in a real state,

physically shaking.

I then was introduced to John's French lawyer,

and he told me that, in fact, John was the victim,

and that they were planning on starting defamation proceedings

against the accusers.

With that in mind, I then obviously saw what happened that evening,

which was that the Sun put up a film of another incident.

It sounds like there was these two separate incidents,

separated by, I don't know, a couple of weeks or something, was it?

Do you remember that?

Two separate incidents?

Weren't there two separate incidents?

There was just one incident at Rue de la Perle.

Remind me, Alexis. Did you hear that one?

No, it was two different incidents.

Oh, tell me about the first incident then.

- I can't believe you... - Only beautiful people.

- It's not the same. - No, I'm sorry.

Are you blonde? Are you blonde, with...

No, but I love Hitler.

People like you would be dead today.

Your mothers, your forefathers would've been gassed

and dead.

Oh, my God.

Do you have a problem?

With you, you're ugly.

All people.

You don't like peace? You don't want peace in the world?

- Not with people that ugly... - Where are you from?

Where, where are you from?

Your .

"Your "?

Oh, I thought the video was of that night?

- No. - But it was? No?

Well, because I've seen the video, and what I say it's...

The lady... There was an incident with a lady in Cafe La Perle

And then a couple of days later the video emerged on the net.

But it was a different night.

But the incident's the same, wasn't it?

No.

So, you're right? Um...

Okay, then.

And they were both at the same bar?

- Yes. - Yeah.

Before the video, he filed for defamation.

At that point I told myself, "We're finished, we're dead".

Because we can't live with the whole world knowing our names

and saying we are liars.

So when I saw the video, I told myself, "It's a miracle".

And you have no recollection of that day?

I mean we've pieced bits and pieces together from what I've...

..I heard.

Seeing yourself like that was the most frightening.

I couldn't recognise that person.

I felt horrified.

Ashamed.

Embarrassed.

I myself am Jewish

and I lost a lot of family in the concentration camps.

And for me, this is totally unforgivable.

We have a famous expression 'In vino veritas'

because wine reveals the truth.

He used anti-Semitic words, this is what he was feeling inside.

There are people here who are absolutely disgusted by him.

I hear there are going to be protests today against him.

Natalie Portman has come out because she's the face of Dior...

She put out a statement saying, "Enough is enough..."

"I'm deeply shocked and disgusted. As an individual who is proud to be Jewish,

- "I will not be associated..." - Galliano is out of Christian Dior...

- John Galliano... - The victim of his own...

- ..appalling behaviour... - Christian Dior started firing...

- ..against his chief designer... - Now he's been axed, he's gone.

I took the decision by myself but anyone else would

have taken the same decision.

The president of Dior agreed, 100 per cent, with my decision.

Maybe because I am Jewish

you say in your heart,

"Was he my enemy?"

"Was he feeling hate against me?"

You wake up in the middle of the night you say,

"I've done so much with the guy. I believed in him."

And you feel betrayed.

If John was coming to me the same day,

I would have put him in a room

may be like a father can be angry with his kid who did something terrible.

But I didn't talk to John.

I don't know who advised him not to call me.

Did you speak to Sidney Toledano,

or anyone else at Dior, during that period?

No.

I think I tried to reach out

at the beginning,

but my calls weren't accepted.

He didn't apologise to me.

I thought, until he comes to me, looks in my eyes and apologise,

I will never forgive.

John, what do you have to say to your Jewish friends? Anything?

At that point, a number of people

rallied round to get him to rehab.

This is a person that I've grown up with, that I love,

that's opened my mind in this world that I knew nothing about.

And I wasn't going to see him go down like that.

But what did you think when you saw

the horrible video from that bar?

I didn't watch that video.

- You never watched it? - No.

I didn't watch that video.

- Why did you not watch it? - Because I know him.

I didn't need to watch that video.

Disgraced fashion designer, John Galliano's in court today,

facing charges of anti-Semitic behaviour.

He faces a potential six-month prison sentence

and a €22,000 fine, if found guilty.

I got a phone call from a lawyer.

Who said to me, "Listen, I am defending John Galliano

and I would like you to examine him."

This man had a triple addiction.

Alcohol, prescription drugs

and a dependence on his work.

In my opinion, it could have only ended in this terrible explosion.

People say a lot of stupid things about addiction.

There are a lot of false ideas.

In particular, they take the Latin phrase 'In vino veritas', in wine the truth.

I call it 'In vino, disgust'.

By that I mean, you can really say anything

when you are no longer controlling what you are saying.

I spoke very badly at the trial.

The room inside was full to bursting.

I was stressed, I don't know.

What did you say?

I said he was not racist.

I am annoyed at myself now.

I am annoyed because I believe he is racist and anti-Semite.

That is why I am doing this interview today.

Why do you now think he's a racist?

Firstly, because he never apologised.

If he wasn't racist, he would have apologised

by saying "Yes, what I said was wrong. I am sorry"

But now, it has been ten years, he never apologised.

Not even a call or a letter. Nothing.

Why did you say it at the trial?

Why did you say he was not racist?

Mm...

I felt bad for him.

I did feel bad for him.

Did you ever apologise to Philippe and Geraldine?

One of the only things I wanted to say as soon as I got in there,

but I had to wait till the end.

And then the judge says, "Do you have anything to say?"

And, and, and, and I said,

"I want to apologise for all this hurt I've caused."

Did they accept your apology?

I think so.

There was eye contact. They looked at me, while I was...

I don't remember him apologising.

I don't think he is sincere. He is not a sincere person.

How did it affect you? Has it affected your life?

Yes.

I became ill after the trial.

I became ill.

I don't want to talk about it actually.

He has lost the desire to enjoy life.

For things we sometimes think are harmless,

an insult out of nowhere and for no reason,

can have huge consequences.

It can deeply affect a person to have their identity called into question.

Hello, John?

I very quickly realised, there were people who would react to me.

It wasn't because it was John Galliano, the couturier,

but because of what had happened.

Fucking racist!

I remember, a couple of boys...

I was just crossing the road, minding my own business,

and they recognised me.

And then a lot of vitriol came out, and I agreed.

I said, "Yes, it was terrible what I said.

I'm really sorry, I didn't mean it."

The walls of my house were defaced.

"Now you know how it feels to be a Jew."

Sober, we just felt it was safer to go somewhere really remote.

Just walking with Alexis was good.

And it was peaceful, and removed.

Did you start to ask yourself where that anti-Semitism

came from?

Yeah, you, you do ask yourself, um...

I had some hypothesis. I said, maybe...

his Spanish, Catholic roots

because I knew that very well.

Having spent so many vacations in Andalusia.

We had so many trips where they said, "You know, people in Andalusia,

they still believe that we killed Jesus Christ

that we have a tail."

I knew those stories.

Never talked about that with John but...

you know, sometimes you keep things in your...

in your mind that yourself you don't realise.

I can say I'm not racist.

But every day, you learn that actually all of us are a bit.

But we just need to unlearn it and..

Like immigrants, I'm...

I am one, I was one.

But like that whole them-and-us...

"They, well, that's their problem. That's what they're like."

That's what life was in South London.

All that has a bearing on a child, of course it does.

He knew I was imprisoned

by the Nazis when I was six years old.

He came searching for an explanation.

He told me about his life.

His childhood.

When someone was abused as a child as Galliano was

by his father and by the culture.

So for him, success is revenge.

Freud said, "Success is a secondary benefit of neurosis".

When we are hurt in childhood,

we are compelled to prove the wound wrong.

To go and say something anti-Semitic is the horror of horrors.

You can't stoop lower than that.

So, what he did, was destroy his own image.

The equivalent to social suicide.

I will never make excuses for him.

It was despicable, disgusting behaviour.

But it's really, really hard to kind of explain circumstances

that another person has never been in.

Now, I've never been there, but I've witnessed that.

My father wanted to shoot me.

So, the concept of like, "Oh, you cannot do bad things..."

This illness is so beyond what I think a lot of people

can even wrap their heads around.

I don't have the answer.

I've listened to the experts, and some of it sounds,

"Well, yeah, it could be. And that, yeah. Oh, I see now and..."

But I don't...

I don't know.

But I think it might be hard for people to understand

that you don't know.

But that is the truth.

I don't think he is anti-Semitic.

He had an outburst using a stereotype

that was in his head, but in our culture too.

And he regretted it.

He wanted to pursue his career,

and he needed forgiveness.

He called me to apologise for his behaviour.

To express his remorse and his deep regret.

We met, and he said, "You know, I don't know what to do."

"I've apologised, and I want to move on in some way."

That's when I got involved.

I thought it was important for the industry.

Here was this great, great talent

who got caught in the grip of alcoholism,

partly brought about by the relentless pressure of the fashion industry.

Frankly, what Condé Nast was doing was part of that system.

Putting all of these creative souls under tremendous pressure.

And so, I set my mind to try to help John.

The first thing I did was I spoke to a man named Abe Foxman.

When the story broke, I criticised him, I condemned him.

Which is what we do to racism, bigotry, anti-Semitism.

And then I got a call from Jonathan Newhouse, and he said,

"Would you want to meet with him?"

And so, weeks later, we met.

And he said he's sorry.

And I said, "Well, what does that mean? "What are you sorry about?

"You could have criticised the Buddhists, the Chinese, the French.

Why the Jews?"

And he listened, and he said, "You know what?

I don't know."

Abe turned to me and said,

"Look, we're not just going to let this guy off the hook.

He has to really understand the meaning of what's happening here."

Abe gave me a list of names of Jewish leaders to reach out to.

Well, they were not sympathetic.

They were not receptive.

I remember one leader here in Britain said,

"Well, you know, even if he's contrite, and even if he was ill,

whatever you say, I'm not going to give him a seal of approval."

Then I talked to another leader, this one in France,

and he said, "You know, maybe it's better that he remains in disgrace."

Then I had a conversation which changed everything.

I called upon Rabbi Barry Marcus,

And he said, "Bring him to me."

You try and understand what's the motive here?

Is the motive one of genuine sorrow,

of wanting to make amends,

or is it because your income has been so badly affected

that you will do anything in order to be rehabilitated?

So, obviously, there was that, at the back of my mind,

whether I am being used.

But it was clear to me from very early on

that he had very little knowledge of the Holocaust.

Which made me think that he'd just said something

that he may have seen, may have heard, but that wasn't done with intent.

So, yeah, I decided on creating a special course

trying to give him an understanding of what he'd said and done.

He was feeding me different Jewish literature

for me to better familiarise myself.

He wanted me to understand what had happened,

to realise.

I met Harry,

who was a concentration camp survivor,

and I would go there and sit with him.

And I would tell him my story,

and he would tell me his story.

I found it really hard to forgive myself.

I found it really hard to deal with the shame.

He was prepared to subject himself to this process.

You know, he openly said, "Look, I made a mistake."

So, who are we to condemn somebody who says they made a mistake?

I am trying to make amends in the best way that I can.

Trying to come to grips with Juan Carlos, Antonio Galliano Guileme,

the young child that I lost somewhere along the line.

I will be in recovery for the rest of my life,

and I bear that on my soul forever.

Do you worry that that creativity,

you can't find that again?

I did worry about that, especially when I was in rehabilitation.

I couldn't even pick up a pencil,

because it just brought back, the memories flooding back.

I equated creation with the things I'd said.

I've worked on that since.

I mean, I'm able to create, I'm ready to create.

I hope that through my atonement that...

I'll be given a second chance.

But I am not an anti-Semite, and I am not a racist.

Um, I...

I know I'm not.

I was like, "I'm getting married.

Can you ask John if he wants to do the dress?"

And he said, "Yeah."

So, we made it happen.

Somehow, we got it together and...

It was all secret. Like, very cloak-and-dagger.

That was my creative rehab.

In my head, I didn't think I could do it.

I had lost all my confidence.

And Kate, God bless her, didn't give up.

When those things happen, it's like you think the whole world

hates you.

You read the papers, and you think, is that what everyone thinks of me?

When you read those things about yourself.

And I've been there, so I know.

Before she came out, held my hand, I mean she was shaking.

"Who am I? Who am I?"

I said, "You're fabulous. I need some pout.

Discover your wanton past!"

The rest was Kate.

Kate!

Even at that moment, she needed a character to get down the aisle.

"Who am I?"

Her dad got up and did a speech that was so moving.

About how close we were, and how he'd trusted Kate with me.

That was amazing, to feel that love, that warmth, that...

..made me feel very humble,

and that people out there were,

"Alright, John, you don't need to be so afraid."

And then Oscar de la Renta

invited me to be like Artist in Residence, in New York.

That was my first foray back into fashion.

Fashion has a very short memory.

Maybe that's part of its...

charm?

I wasn't particularly surprised that he was able to come back that quickly.

He had powerful people, who had long been his supporters

and continued to be.

And he's a white man.

Did you ever worry about

the cost to your own reputation for supporting John?

No, never.

Never. Because as I said, I knew that was John's illness,

his addiction, and...

I knew that's not who he is, and...

and I just wanted to help him.

But there was a bit of a drama.

The New York Post published a front page photo of John

in one of his get-ups, and they said that this is a Hasidic get-up,

he's making fun of the Jews.

It was a fashion look.

I mean, it's a little bit his fault. Because you know, why do that?

You know, I don't know what he was thinking that day, but that's John.

If you're wearing an outfit like that,

and if you are professing to have really studied Judaism

and done the work to come to New York,

which has a very healthy Hasidic community,

it maybe raises some questions about how much work you actually did.

We got out of New York as fast as possible.

He said, "I'll volunteer. There's a fashion school in Israel.

"Without any cost I'll go once a year, twice a year.

I'll give courses."

They said no, they didn't want to be tinged by that image and name.

Do you think society should forgive Galliano?

I never forgave the Nazis.

I never forgave the people who killed my family.

And wanted to kill me when I was six years old.

Because they never asked for forgiveness.

Whereas Galliano said something anti-Semitic and he regretted it,

and he asked for forgiveness.

But I didn't have to ask for an apology.

It's the people he hurt who need the apology.

I knew he has been apologising.

I heard, people were telling me, "Yes, but he met a rabbi in London".

Even the people from the Anti Defamation League.

I said, "It's not enough."

In Judaism, if you hurt somebody, you have to apologise to the person.

One day, after seven years, he came, he did.

Very clearly.

So for me,

I forgive him.

My heart is racing now.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

I think it's because it's like the route I used to take.

Brings it all back again? You've got it, right?

Oh, look at her.

See some accessories already.

Perhaps, would you like to see the garments and...

- Just in... - Yes, I would.

- You can... - This is it.

This is the one that pushed me over the edge. Let's see her.

Well...

That's the last one, isn't it?

- My heart's going really fast. - Yeah, yeah.

Look at her!

Look at the shading through the pockets. Fab, isn't it?

And when they're hung like that...

stunning.

We okay to do this?

It's fab.

Beautiful.

Each bead we had to choose, when so many were offered.

Wow!

Amazing.

The feeling is that I'm back there.

That's how it feels.

This feels good for the soul.

- Sure. - Yeah.

Sure.

Ah!

Fatima.

Oh my God, it's been a long time. It's hard.

Too many memories. Are you okay?

Are you sure?

I'm so happy to see you.

Merci.

I don't know what to say.

We miss you. XXX

- We all miss you. - Merci.

Everyone thinks of you.

Steven is up there.

I just want you to be well.

I'm happy.

Merci.

- I'll see you very soon. - Yes.

A bientot.

I just need a moment because Fatima found Steven.

So, I just need a moment.

Can I have a moment?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Four years after he was banned from the Paris fashion scene,

John Galliano has made a comeback with Maison Martin Margiela.

If you believe that he should be able to move on,

and believe in giving him another chance,

you also still can feel deeply for what he said.

It's possible to hold these two conflicting thoughts in your mind

at the same time.

He just doesn't realise the impact that he's had on fashion.

I can't tell you how many young designers that have said to me,

"I'm in fashion because of John Galliano."

He's a very complex man.

He's a complex story.

But I think he will be in the history of fashion.

What we did together for Dior,

will never happen again.

Thank the Lord, Alexis was there all the way through.

He could see the pain.

And he stuck by me.

That's love.

Some people will forgive me, and some people will never forgive me.

I realise that now.

Today, I'm clean, sober, have been for eleven years now.

I am in a much happier place,

and creating.

Some of the most beautiful prose, poetry, paintings

are sometimes produced by artists and poets and writers that are grieving.

And what they produce is just joy.

No?

I don't know how long we'd been driving.

All I knew as that we were heading into the setting sun,

and the desert looked all glowing and orange in the dying light.

I knew we was running, but I didn't know what from,

and hell if I knew where we was running to.

Don't ever imagine you can flee from his wrath and judgement!

Don't be misled that he will ever forgive the iniquities of his peoples.

Suddenly, the sky darkened, and I could feel a storm coming.

I heard somebody behind me, and I feared it was him.

You'll do as I say!

This is my house now!

You're going to pay for this, boy!

Do you believe in God's judgement?

When bad things happen to you, is it 'cause you already did a wrong,

and now you're being punished for it?

I'm frightened I won't be forgiven.

We're heading into the sun, honeybun.

Yeah, just like in the movies.

Just like the goddamn movies.

Bravo!

Oh, my God.

Oh, God.

Oh!