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1
00:00:35,578 --> 00:00:37,489
(Liquid bubbling softly)
2
00:00:43,419 --> 00:00:44,625
(Snoring)
3
00:00:49,842 --> 00:00:51,252
(Snoring continues)
4
00:01:02,438 --> 00:01:03,723
Deadpoqol: Psst!
5
00:01:03,815 --> 00:01:06,181
Wakey-wakey, frosted flakey.
6
00:01:06,651 --> 00:01:08,892
Hey, brought you
a special present.
7
00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:11,315
Come on.
8
00:01:12,282 --> 00:01:14,147
Story time, chicken nugget.
9
00:01:14,951 --> 00:01:16,782
Rise and shine, there we go.
10
00:01:16,953 --> 00:01:19,444
Clear eyes, full hearts,
can't lose.
11
00:01:20,790 --> 00:01:22,200
Welcome back.
12
00:01:23,376 --> 00:01:25,332
What's going on?
Wait a minute... what?
13
00:01:26,421 --> 00:01:27,706
Where am I?
14
00:01:29,507 --> 00:01:31,293
Who dressed me? I did.
15
00:01:31,509 --> 00:01:33,374
I'm a big fan of bears.
16
00:01:33,553 --> 00:01:34,668
I'm not wearing pants.
17
00:01:34,846 --> 00:01:36,928
When's the last time you saw
a bear wearing pants?
18
00:01:37,765 --> 00:01:39,301
What the... (Exclaims)
19
00:01:39,392 --> 00:01:40,392
Easy now. Hey.
20
00:01:40,727 --> 00:01:42,763
The only f-bomb
we're using around here...
21
00:01:42,937 --> 00:01:44,723
Is "Fred savage."
22
00:01:45,064 --> 00:01:46,929
Now, I want you to take
a deep breath...
23
00:01:47,108 --> 00:01:49,019
And listen to me
very carefully, Frederick.
24
00:01:49,193 --> 00:01:51,935
You're in a pg-13 version
of deadpool 2.
25
00:01:52,113 --> 00:01:54,445
Which means we only get two...
(Bleep) One... (Bleep)
26
00:01:54,616 --> 00:01:56,356
And a glass of white wine.
27
00:01:56,534 --> 00:01:57,899
Are you bleeping yourself?
28
00:01:58,077 --> 00:02:00,910
You bet your... (Bleep)
Little... (Bleep) I am.
29
00:02:02,248 --> 00:02:04,204
That seems weird that
you would do that yourself.
30
00:02:04,292 --> 00:02:06,203
(Bleeping)
31
00:02:06,294 --> 00:02:07,875
(Inaudible)
32
00:02:08,504 --> 00:02:09,835
Please stop that.
33
00:02:09,964 --> 00:02:10,964
Deadpool: Sorry.
34
00:02:13,968 --> 00:02:16,801
Did you reconstruct
35
00:02:16,888 --> 00:02:18,844
the bedroom set
from the Princess bride?
36
00:02:19,015 --> 00:02:20,050
Inconceivable!
37
00:02:20,141 --> 00:02:21,141
Oh, god.
38
00:02:21,225 --> 00:02:22,590
Yeah, always wanted to say that.
39
00:02:22,727 --> 00:02:23,727
Felt real good.
40
00:02:23,895 --> 00:02:24,975
Why am I here?
41
00:02:25,146 --> 00:02:27,933
Well, the reason that you're
voluntarily here...
42
00:02:28,107 --> 00:02:30,564
Is that so I could read you
the story of deadpool 2...
43
00:02:31,069 --> 00:02:33,651
Filtered through the prism
of childlike innocence.
44
00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:34,821
I'm a grown man.
45
00:02:34,906 --> 00:02:35,966
And nobody does
childlike innocence
46
00:02:35,990 --> 00:02:36,990
like you, Fred. Nobody.
47
00:02:37,075 --> 00:02:38,736
I need you almost as much
as you need me.
48
00:02:38,826 --> 00:02:39,826
I don't need you. At all.
49
00:02:39,994 --> 00:02:42,110
You need me to untie you...
50
00:02:42,497 --> 00:02:43,497
Once we're done.
51
00:02:43,581 --> 00:02:44,581
(Bleep)
52
00:02:44,666 --> 00:02:46,497
Hey! Easy, sugar mouth.
53
00:02:46,668 --> 00:02:47,853
(Rapid bleeps)
This thing will go all day,
54
00:02:47,877 --> 00:02:49,583
all right? Lithium-ion
batteries. Hey...
55
00:02:49,671 --> 00:02:51,832
You are gonna love this story.
I promise you.
56
00:02:52,006 --> 00:02:53,542
It's got fencing, fighting...
57
00:02:53,716 --> 00:02:54,716
Revenge...
58
00:02:54,801 --> 00:02:57,508
Giants, monsters, true love...
59
00:02:58,054 --> 00:02:59,385
And miracles.
60
00:03:00,390 --> 00:03:01,971
(Sighs) Now...
61
00:03:02,725 --> 00:03:05,512
Once upon a time, there was
a boy named deadpool...
62
00:03:05,687 --> 00:03:07,803
Who starred in a surprisingly
popular movie...
63
00:03:07,980 --> 00:03:09,845
Which, in an industry
dominated by
64
00:03:09,941 --> 00:03:11,421
the exploitation
of existing brands...
65
00:03:11,484 --> 00:03:13,941
(Chuckles)
Demanded an immediate sequel.
66
00:03:14,404 --> 00:03:18,693
And, believe it or not,
deadpool 2 is a family film.
67
00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:20,026
True story.
68
00:03:20,201 --> 00:03:24,035
And every good family film
starts with a vicious murder.
69
00:03:24,205 --> 00:03:26,867
Bambi, the lion king, saw 7.
70
00:03:27,041 --> 00:03:28,781
Really, anything from Disney.
71
00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:31,246
And this family film
is no different.
72
00:03:31,629 --> 00:03:35,121
Anyway, you know [I get paid
to take out bad guys, right?
73
00:03:35,299 --> 00:03:37,335
Well, this guy, oof...
74
00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:39,967
He was one of the worst of 'em.
75
00:03:42,432 --> 00:03:43,467
(Saw whirrs)
76
00:03:43,558 --> 00:03:45,298
Open up! Let me in!
He's got a...
77
00:03:45,393 --> 00:03:46,678
(Alarm ringing) (Gunshot)
78
00:03:46,769 --> 00:03:47,769
(Body thuds)
79
00:03:52,358 --> 00:03:54,815
A panic room? Really?
80
00:03:54,986 --> 00:03:57,272
Can you come out?
(Watch beeping)
81
00:03:57,363 --> 00:04:00,526
I really have to go.
It's my anniversary.
82
00:04:02,994 --> 00:04:04,575
(Guns cocking)
83
00:04:06,414 --> 00:04:07,725
Man: (On radio) Over and over,
I hear people say,
84
00:04:07,749 --> 00:04:09,184
"I just don't have
enough confidence."
85
00:04:09,208 --> 00:04:11,290
Listen, confidence is not
something you have.
86
00:04:11,377 --> 00:04:12,457
It's something you create.
87
00:04:12,628 --> 00:04:14,744
And you can create it
at any moment in time.
88
00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:16,583
A sense of confidence is nothing
89
00:04:16,674 --> 00:04:18,026
but a sense of power
within yourself...
90
00:04:18,050 --> 00:04:21,258
Deadpool: Start the car!
Start the car!
91
00:04:21,429 --> 00:04:24,171
Dopinder, start the car!
92
00:04:25,349 --> 00:04:26,349
(Screams)
93
00:04:30,646 --> 00:04:31,681
(Men shout indistinctly)
94
00:04:31,981 --> 00:04:33,471
Whoo! Oh, I shit my pants.
95
00:04:33,566 --> 00:04:35,898
Actually, that may have been me.
96
00:04:36,068 --> 00:04:37,103
Oh, mission accomplished?
97
00:04:37,278 --> 00:04:39,109
Oh, in a George w. Sort of way.
98
00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:40,770
Can't stay
in a panic room forever.
99
00:04:40,865 --> 00:04:42,342
Dopinder: Oh, you're living
the dreams, dp.
100
00:04:42,366 --> 00:04:44,152
It has been
quite the run, dopinder,
101
00:04:44,243 --> 00:04:45,403
and who'da thought?
102
00:04:45,578 --> 00:04:48,411
Now I'm talked about in the
same sentence as Jesus and ll.
103
00:04:48,581 --> 00:04:50,412
Passion of the Christ, then me.
104
00:04:50,500 --> 00:04:51,706
At least domestically.
105
00:04:51,876 --> 00:04:53,036
We beat them overseas,
106
00:04:53,127 --> 00:04:54,742
where there's no such thing
as religion.
107
00:04:54,921 --> 00:04:57,162
I do want to live
the dreams, pool boy.
108
00:04:57,340 --> 00:04:59,547
Taxiing is not as sexy
as it looks.
109
00:04:59,717 --> 00:05:01,423
I want to fill my... pockets?
110
00:05:01,636 --> 00:05:04,378
What's your poison?
A little, uh, Instagram?
111
00:05:04,555 --> 00:05:05,840
Can't maintain focus
112
00:05:05,932 --> 00:05:07,493
without buying shoes online?
(Horn honks)
113
00:05:07,517 --> 00:05:09,428
I've never experienced
that last one.
114
00:05:09,519 --> 00:05:10,599
Talk to me, goose.
115
00:05:10,770 --> 00:05:13,477
I was going to say "soul".
I want to fill my soul.
116
00:05:13,648 --> 00:05:16,606
I want to belong to something,
like you, pool, sir.
117
00:05:16,818 --> 00:05:18,228
Dopinder... hmm?
118
00:05:18,653 --> 00:05:20,769
You never cease to surprise me.
119
00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:24,731
You know, the depth of
your heart is extraordinary.
120
00:05:24,909 --> 00:05:26,524
We all need
a sense of belonging.
121
00:05:26,619 --> 00:05:28,450
We all need
a genuine sense of home.
122
00:05:28,538 --> 00:05:29,538
A place in this world.
123
00:05:29,622 --> 00:05:30,982
I want to become
a contract killer.
124
00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:32,496
I'm sorry. What did you say?
125
00:05:32,667 --> 00:05:34,623
Remember when I kidnapped bandhu
126
00:05:34,710 --> 00:05:36,104
and threatened him
with great violence?
127
00:05:36,128 --> 00:05:37,459
You kind of killed him.
128
00:05:37,630 --> 00:05:39,566
And then remember the movie
interview with the vampire?
129
00:05:39,590 --> 00:05:40,590
Don't want to.
130
00:05:40,758 --> 00:05:41,758
When Tom Cruise fed
131
00:05:41,843 --> 00:05:43,629
10-year-old Kirsten Dunst blood
132
00:05:43,719 --> 00:05:44,879
for the first time...
133
00:05:45,054 --> 00:05:46,965
And she looked up at his smooth,
134
00:05:47,056 --> 00:05:50,219
handsome face and said...
135
00:05:50,393 --> 00:05:52,133
"I want some more."
136
00:05:52,228 --> 00:05:56,096
Oh, pool, picture me,
a 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst.
137
00:05:56,941 --> 00:05:59,432
I'll never not picture that.
138
00:05:59,610 --> 00:06:01,316
But I can't wait
to never speak of this,
139
00:06:01,404 --> 00:06:03,065
as soon as possible.
140
00:06:03,364 --> 00:06:05,946
We're here. (Brakes screeching)
141
00:06:08,077 --> 00:06:09,077
You're my Tom Cruise!
142
00:06:09,245 --> 00:06:10,826
Deadpool:
And you're my Kristen Dunst!
143
00:06:10,913 --> 00:06:12,198
Kristen? Kirsten?
144
00:06:17,461 --> 00:06:18,871
Sorry I'm late.
145
00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:20,582
There was a bunch of
146
00:06:20,673 --> 00:06:22,379
handicapable children
stuck in a tree...
147
00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:23,550
Nope.
148
00:06:23,634 --> 00:06:24,874
You're right. I was rounding up
149
00:06:24,969 --> 00:06:26,154
all the gluten in the world...
150
00:06:26,178 --> 00:06:27,418
And launching it into space
151
00:06:27,513 --> 00:06:29,469
where it can't not hurt us
ever again.
152
00:06:29,557 --> 00:06:30,717
Try again.
153
00:06:31,183 --> 00:06:32,673
Diarrhea?
154
00:06:32,852 --> 00:06:35,389
We can't be sure
till I get this suit off...
155
00:06:35,563 --> 00:06:37,895
But, uh, all signs point to yes.
156
00:06:40,359 --> 00:06:42,145
Kiss me like you miss me, red.
157
00:06:42,236 --> 00:06:43,236
Well, come here.
158
00:06:57,335 --> 00:06:59,041
Aren't you gonna say it?
159
00:06:59,378 --> 00:07:00,584
Say what? You know...
160
00:07:02,214 --> 00:07:03,214
The thing.
161
00:07:04,300 --> 00:07:05,300
What?
162
00:07:05,468 --> 00:07:06,799
The part, where, you know...
163
00:07:06,969 --> 00:07:08,113
You want me to say the thing?
Yeah, from...
164
00:07:08,137 --> 00:07:09,364
Oh, you want me to say the...
From the... no.
165
00:07:09,388 --> 00:07:10,532
Deadpool:
"Is this a kissing book?"
166
00:07:10,556 --> 00:07:11,676
I'm not gonna say that. Why?
167
00:07:12,016 --> 00:07:14,507
Because I don't think that's
gross anymore. I'm not 12.
168
00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:16,721
And I think a kiss is
a very sweet, loving gesture
169
00:07:16,812 --> 00:07:17,812
between two people.
170
00:07:17,897 --> 00:07:20,809
Unlike taping someone to a bed
and kidnapping them.
171
00:07:20,983 --> 00:07:22,894
I did not kidnap you! All right?
172
00:07:23,069 --> 00:07:26,152
I like to call it "unsolicited
location enhancement."
173
00:07:26,322 --> 00:07:27,732
Whatever, ball gag.
174
00:07:27,907 --> 00:07:30,193
I'm just saying that
if you're gonna force me
175
00:07:30,284 --> 00:07:31,990
to sit here
and listen to this crap...
176
00:07:32,161 --> 00:07:33,361
I'm gonna have thoughts, okay?
177
00:07:33,496 --> 00:07:35,657
I'm gonna opine about things,
all right?
178
00:07:35,831 --> 00:07:36,934
I'm an actor, I'm a director.
179
00:07:36,958 --> 00:07:38,994
I know. I love
modern family so much.
180
00:07:40,252 --> 00:07:41,958
The point is, you need to anchor
181
00:07:42,046 --> 00:07:43,252
the story in believability...
182
00:07:43,339 --> 00:07:45,921
And I just don't believe
that she'd be kissing you.
183
00:07:46,092 --> 00:07:48,153
I mean, she's gorgeous,
and you're, like, you know...
184
00:07:48,177 --> 00:07:50,964
If rocky Dennis
had a baby with lava.
185
00:07:51,138 --> 00:07:53,504
Hey, zip it.
186
00:07:53,683 --> 00:07:56,140
We already pay someone to say
stuff like that to me, okay?
187
00:07:56,310 --> 00:07:58,266
And you're wrong
because she would kiss me.
188
00:07:58,938 --> 00:08:00,974
She loves my insides.
189
00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:02,148
Trust me.
190
00:08:02,441 --> 00:08:04,227
We all saw the first movie.
191
00:08:04,402 --> 00:08:05,858
Fred: I didn't.
192
00:08:06,028 --> 00:08:07,689
I kinda prefer marvel movies.
193
00:08:10,491 --> 00:08:11,491
We are marvel.
194
00:08:11,659 --> 00:08:14,275
Yeah, but you're, you know,
marvel licensed by fox.
195
00:08:14,453 --> 00:08:17,069
It's like if the Beatles
were produced by nickelback.
196
00:08:17,248 --> 00:08:18,283
It's music...
197
00:08:18,374 --> 00:08:19,374
But it sucks.
198
00:08:20,459 --> 00:08:22,791
Just checking the nose
for blood, there.
199
00:08:23,504 --> 00:08:24,584
I love nickelback!
200
00:08:24,755 --> 00:08:26,620
You get your dirty mitts
off Chad kroeger.
201
00:08:26,799 --> 00:08:31,042
And the joke's on you because
fox is being bought by Disney.
202
00:08:31,804 --> 00:08:32,804
Mouse ears.
203
00:08:32,888 --> 00:08:34,253
I think that puts
the joke on you.
204
00:08:34,432 --> 00:08:37,549
Ears closed. Mouth open.
You were nicer as a kid.
205
00:08:37,727 --> 00:08:39,183
Now, where was I?
206
00:08:39,603 --> 00:08:41,264
(Clears throat) Right.
207
00:08:41,439 --> 00:08:44,397
Wade swept Vanessa
into his finely toned arms...
208
00:08:44,567 --> 00:08:45,602
And she kissed him
209
00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:47,979
with an expression that could
mean only one thing...
210
00:08:48,863 --> 00:08:49,943
True love.
211
00:08:50,114 --> 00:08:53,197
I'm gonna shower and get out
of this suit. In that order.
212
00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:54,652
Don't you want your surprise?
213
00:08:54,827 --> 00:08:56,658
Do I look like
a patient burn victim?
214
00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:58,819
I got one for you, too.
215
00:08:59,623 --> 00:09:01,113
Happy anniversary, baby.
216
00:09:01,292 --> 00:09:02,873
Open, open, open.
217
00:09:04,962 --> 00:09:06,327
Skee-ball token.
218
00:09:06,630 --> 00:09:07,870
Our first date.
219
00:09:08,049 --> 00:09:09,129
Yup.
220
00:09:09,633 --> 00:09:12,466
That's genuine, high-grade lead.
221
00:09:15,264 --> 00:09:17,175
I'll keep it forever. (Chuckles)
222
00:09:17,725 --> 00:09:19,010
Thank you, baby.
223
00:09:20,728 --> 00:09:22,514
Open yours.
All right, all right.
224
00:09:23,314 --> 00:09:24,349
Oh...
225
00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:25,440
Well, that's...
226
00:09:26,025 --> 00:09:27,753
That's just the most
beautiful thing that I've...
227
00:09:27,777 --> 00:09:29,233
I don't know what this is.
228
00:09:29,403 --> 00:09:30,939
My iud.
229
00:09:31,197 --> 00:09:32,197
A bomb?
230
00:09:32,281 --> 00:09:35,193
No, dick for brains.
My birth control device.
231
00:09:35,576 --> 00:09:36,656
What, you mean that your...
232
00:09:36,786 --> 00:09:38,322
Baby factory's open
for business.
233
00:09:38,496 --> 00:09:39,576
Oh, my god! (Box clatters)
234
00:09:39,830 --> 00:09:42,993
(Vanessa laughs)
Oh, my god! I want a boy!
235
00:09:43,167 --> 00:09:45,954
Or a little girl!
Definitely one or the other!
236
00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:49,620
Oh! And I want our kid
to have only one name.
237
00:09:49,799 --> 00:09:52,290
Like Cher or Todd.
238
00:09:52,968 --> 00:09:54,674
You gotta put a baby
in me first, cowboy.
239
00:09:54,762 --> 00:09:55,762
Yes, I do.
240
00:09:55,846 --> 00:09:57,699
Let's watch some porn
and show that bed who's boss.
241
00:09:57,723 --> 00:09:58,883
Let's do that.
242
00:09:59,809 --> 00:10:01,470
(Singing) Papa...
243
00:10:01,936 --> 00:10:04,268
Can you hear me?
244
00:10:05,898 --> 00:10:08,230
Papa, can you see me?
245
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:10,641
Does this song
sound familiar to you?
246
00:10:12,947 --> 00:10:14,528
May.
247
00:10:15,157 --> 00:10:18,866
Connor, if it's a boy.
May, if it's a girl.
248
00:10:19,829 --> 00:10:21,069
(Chuckles)
249
00:10:21,539 --> 00:10:23,871
So weird. (Laughs)
250
00:10:23,958 --> 00:10:26,540
Family was always
an f-word to me.
251
00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:31,128
My pile of shit father
took off and bailed.
252
00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:34,624
I mean, it's not like I have
a lot of strong role models
253
00:10:34,677 --> 00:10:36,793
to draw off of for Todd.
254
00:10:37,638 --> 00:10:38,844
Hey.
255
00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:40,546
Look at me.
256
00:10:41,517 --> 00:10:43,724
You are not your father.
257
00:10:45,229 --> 00:10:46,514
Besides...
258
00:10:46,689 --> 00:10:51,524
I will never, ever
let our child be named Todd.
259
00:10:52,528 --> 00:10:53,528
But here's the thing,
260
00:10:53,612 --> 00:10:55,273
isn't that how it always works?
261
00:10:55,447 --> 00:10:56,937
Like in star wars,
262
00:10:57,032 --> 00:10:59,193
men are destined
to become their father...
263
00:10:59,910 --> 00:11:02,526
And then have consensual sex
with their sister?
264
00:11:02,955 --> 00:11:05,537
I think you missed big,
big chunks of that movie.
265
00:11:06,208 --> 00:11:08,290
No, I'm pretty sure
Luke nailed her.
266
00:11:08,460 --> 00:11:10,246
Baby, that's empire.
267
00:11:10,754 --> 00:11:13,211
The point is, kids...
268
00:11:14,758 --> 00:11:17,465
They give us a chance
to be better than we are.
269
00:11:18,179 --> 00:11:20,420
Better than we used to be.
270
00:11:20,890 --> 00:11:23,506
You're a lot smarter
than I look.
271
00:11:24,435 --> 00:11:26,847
I'm gonna go make dessert.
And then...
272
00:11:27,229 --> 00:11:28,969
Let's make a super baby.
273
00:11:31,692 --> 00:11:34,934
Vanessa: What about Krystal?
But with a "k"?
274
00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:36,762
(Timer ticking)
It's too stripper-y.
275
00:11:37,031 --> 00:11:38,521
Kevin with a "k"!
276
00:11:38,741 --> 00:11:40,777
No, too stripper-y, too.
277
00:11:41,410 --> 00:11:42,946
Uh, Earl!
278
00:11:43,287 --> 00:11:45,573
(In slow motion)
He's gonna go straight to jail
279
00:11:45,664 --> 00:11:47,495
if we name him Earl.
280
00:11:47,875 --> 00:11:49,831
What about Bruce?
281
00:11:50,878 --> 00:11:51,993
No.
282
00:11:52,171 --> 00:11:53,251
Get down.
283
00:11:53,422 --> 00:11:54,662
What? (Gun fires)
284
00:11:57,343 --> 00:11:59,049
(All grunting)
285
00:12:03,515 --> 00:12:05,801
(Gun firing)
286
00:12:17,071 --> 00:12:18,902
Baby? Baby?
287
00:12:19,490 --> 00:12:21,481
(Breathing heavily)
288
00:12:22,451 --> 00:12:23,531
I'm okay.
289
00:12:24,453 --> 00:12:26,739
Thank god I didn't have to use
the cream cheese spreader.
290
00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:28,411
(Both panting) (Gasps)
291
00:12:47,351 --> 00:12:49,216
(Inaudible)
292
00:13:01,699 --> 00:13:02,984
(Mouthing) Please.
293
00:13:07,871 --> 00:13:09,577
Please. Please.
294
00:13:09,748 --> 00:13:12,785
Baby, I'm so sorry.
295
00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:14,416
No!
296
00:13:20,426 --> 00:13:21,962
Fred: Wait. Wait a minute.
297
00:13:22,136 --> 00:13:23,717
You fridged Vanessa?
298
00:13:23,887 --> 00:13:26,173
Uh, "fridged." ” I don't
know what that means.
299
00:13:26,348 --> 00:13:27,463
It's a comic book trope,
300
00:13:27,558 --> 00:13:29,411
in which the wife or the
girlfriend of the hero dies...
301
00:13:29,435 --> 00:13:31,892
In order to further said
hero's motivation or story.
302
00:13:32,354 --> 00:13:34,185
Well, that sounds misogynistic.
303
00:13:34,356 --> 00:13:35,917
Yeah. It reduces the woman
to a plot device...
304
00:13:35,941 --> 00:13:37,647
Existing in the film
for no other reason
305
00:13:37,735 --> 00:13:39,575
than to serve as a source
of pain for the hero.
306
00:13:39,862 --> 00:13:42,524
(Gasps)
Like mufasa in the lion king.
307
00:13:43,115 --> 00:13:45,481
Yeah, that's right, like
mufasa from the lion king.
308
00:13:45,659 --> 00:13:46,659
You got it.
309
00:13:49,163 --> 00:13:50,163
(Dings)
310
00:14:01,925 --> 00:14:03,381
(Panting)
311
00:14:07,890 --> 00:14:10,176
(Horn blaring) (Grunts)
312
00:14:13,937 --> 00:14:15,677
(Tires screeching)
313
00:14:25,949 --> 00:14:26,949
(Thunder rumbles)
314
00:14:28,994 --> 00:14:30,825
(Breathing heavily)
315
00:14:31,246 --> 00:14:32,326
(Engine stalling)
316
00:14:35,125 --> 00:14:36,740
(Yells)
317
00:14:55,896 --> 00:14:57,727
(Melancholy music playing)
318
00:15:02,027 --> 00:15:03,858
(Thunder rumbling)
319
00:15:06,615 --> 00:15:08,105
(Horn blares)
320
00:15:20,462 --> 00:15:23,169
(Singing) Papa, can you hear me?
321
00:15:24,341 --> 00:15:25,672
Is it just me, or does
322
00:15:25,759 --> 00:15:27,559
do you want to build
a showman? From frozen...
323
00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:28,959
Sound suspiciously like
324
00:15:29,054 --> 00:15:30,635
papa, can you hear me?
From yentl?
325
00:15:30,722 --> 00:15:31,722
(Sniffles)
326
00:15:32,224 --> 00:15:34,055
(Singing) Papa, can you hear me?
327
00:15:34,226 --> 00:15:36,467
Wade, you've been here
for three days, okay?
328
00:15:36,645 --> 00:15:37,851
Go home, take a shower.
329
00:15:37,938 --> 00:15:38,938
You smell like
330
00:15:39,022 --> 00:15:40,978
rush limbaugh's couch cushions
after shark week.
331
00:15:41,191 --> 00:15:42,681
I love frozen.
332
00:15:42,985 --> 00:15:46,227
I loved her. I loved her
like an ocean loves water.
333
00:15:46,405 --> 00:15:47,611
An ocean is water.
334
00:15:47,781 --> 00:15:52,445
More importantly, I liked her.
I really liked her, you know?
335
00:15:52,953 --> 00:15:55,073
George Michael was right.
I'm never gonna dance again.
336
00:15:55,497 --> 00:15:57,033
Oh, god.
337
00:15:57,207 --> 00:15:58,617
He's dead, too.
338
00:15:59,751 --> 00:16:01,116
At least we still have bowie.
339
00:16:01,295 --> 00:16:02,785
Mr. pool, David bowie is...
340
00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:04,040
Uh, uh, uh...
341
00:16:04,131 --> 00:16:05,621
Still with us.
342
00:16:06,091 --> 00:16:08,173
We do. We still have bowie.
343
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:09,760
I'm sorry.
344
00:16:10,095 --> 00:16:11,130
Shot after shot,
345
00:16:11,221 --> 00:16:13,301
it's not gonna change the fact
that I think you're...
346
00:16:13,390 --> 00:16:14,993
Are you pissing?
Are you urinating right now?
347
00:16:15,017 --> 00:16:17,633
You're making the face that
you make when you urinate.
348
00:16:17,811 --> 00:16:19,392
Is he pissing? I'm on it!
349
00:16:19,688 --> 00:16:20,928
There you go, dopinder.
350
00:16:21,148 --> 00:16:22,888
If you want to be
a contract killer...
351
00:16:23,066 --> 00:16:25,478
You gotta handle a mop
before you handle a gun.
352
00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:26,713
Although I don't
quite understand
353
00:16:26,737 --> 00:16:27,977
how they are at all similar.
354
00:16:28,155 --> 00:16:30,441
Well, they both have handles.
Now, leave me.
355
00:16:31,366 --> 00:16:32,902
Go home, Wade.
356
00:16:33,076 --> 00:16:35,567
I don't have a home,
weas, you know. I got a...
357
00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:38,278
Okay, I'm fine.
358
00:16:38,457 --> 00:16:39,457
I'm fine.
359
00:16:39,541 --> 00:16:41,077
You know what "fine"
stands for, Wade?
360
00:16:41,251 --> 00:16:44,835
F'd up, insecure, needy,
and emotional.
361
00:16:45,005 --> 00:16:46,415
According to the...
362
00:16:47,716 --> 00:16:48,922
Kubler-Ross. Yeah.
363
00:16:49,092 --> 00:16:50,532
According to
the kubler-Ross model...
364
00:16:50,844 --> 00:16:53,836
Denial is just one of
the five stages of grief.
365
00:16:54,014 --> 00:16:55,970
Jesus Christ, buck!
366
00:16:56,391 --> 00:16:58,507
No more speaking lines for you.
367
00:17:00,771 --> 00:17:02,102
(Laughing)
368
00:17:02,606 --> 00:17:05,018
(Jack Benny scatting on radio)
369
00:17:05,442 --> 00:17:06,773
(Comedy series playing on radio)
370
00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:23,118
(Audience laughing on radio)
371
00:17:26,463 --> 00:17:27,463
"I'm thinking it over!"
372
00:17:27,756 --> 00:17:29,292
Mother...
373
00:17:30,842 --> 00:17:31,842
(Sighs in relief)
374
00:17:32,594 --> 00:17:34,175
The hell you doin' here?
375
00:17:34,346 --> 00:17:36,132
Don't you know how to knock?
376
00:17:36,306 --> 00:17:38,092
I thought you saw me...
377
00:17:38,267 --> 00:17:39,677
With your ears.
378
00:17:39,851 --> 00:17:40,954
You're lucky I didn't
shoot you in the...
379
00:17:40,978 --> 00:17:41,978
The wall?
380
00:17:42,062 --> 00:17:45,520
The refrigerator?
I'm in so much pain.
381
00:17:48,277 --> 00:17:49,733
Blind al: I heard the news,
sweetie.
382
00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:51,859
I'm very sorry. I am.
383
00:17:52,030 --> 00:17:53,816
What am I gonna do, al?
384
00:17:53,991 --> 00:17:56,107
Probably something terrible.
385
00:17:56,868 --> 00:17:58,108
Knowing you.
386
00:17:58,287 --> 00:17:59,823
It was my fault.
387
00:18:01,164 --> 00:18:02,904
I did this.
388
00:18:03,584 --> 00:18:05,575
And all I wanna do
is grab her and see her
389
00:18:05,669 --> 00:18:07,785
and tell her that I'm sorry,
and I can't.
390
00:18:09,548 --> 00:18:11,004
She's gone.
391
00:18:11,550 --> 00:18:13,962
Now, look, sugar.
You need to just keep living.
392
00:18:14,094 --> 00:18:15,094
Thank you...
393
00:18:15,262 --> 00:18:18,425
Matthew McConaughey,
your words are a treasure.
394
00:18:18,599 --> 00:18:20,430
Listen to the pain.
395
00:18:20,517 --> 00:18:23,304
It's both history teacher
and fortune teller.
396
00:18:23,478 --> 00:18:26,345
Pain teaches us
who we are, Wade.
397
00:18:27,149 --> 00:18:30,391
Sometimes it's so bad,
we feel like we're dying.
398
00:18:31,069 --> 00:18:34,061
But we can't really live till
we've died a little, can we?
399
00:18:39,077 --> 00:18:40,487
Deadpool: Precious, aren't they?
400
00:18:41,121 --> 00:18:42,406
Whoa!
401
00:18:42,664 --> 00:18:44,029
Are you a superhero?
402
00:18:44,207 --> 00:18:45,697
You bet your pigtails, sweetie.
403
00:18:45,876 --> 00:18:47,286
What's your name?
404
00:18:47,461 --> 00:18:49,247
Captain delicious pants.
405
00:18:49,421 --> 00:18:52,208
Who's captain delicious pants?
406
00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:54,669
(Kids screaming)
(Animal growling)
407
00:18:58,764 --> 00:18:59,879
No, no, no. Come on, hey.
408
00:19:00,057 --> 00:19:02,048
There's, like, a hundred
benches around here.
409
00:19:02,225 --> 00:19:03,761
Go find another... beat it.
410
00:19:03,935 --> 00:19:05,550
It's a free country.
411
00:19:05,729 --> 00:19:08,436
You're right.
It is a free country.
412
00:19:08,607 --> 00:19:11,474
Hey, I want to just say,
I loved your work in up.
413
00:19:11,610 --> 00:19:12,610
I'm sorry?
414
00:19:12,694 --> 00:19:13,854
(Chuckles) No.
415
00:19:13,945 --> 00:19:15,901
(Cocks gun) I'm sorry.
416
00:19:15,989 --> 00:19:16,989
Whoa!
417
00:19:17,074 --> 00:19:18,655
What? You don't like up?
418
00:19:18,950 --> 00:19:20,815
There's gotta be
some way to die.
419
00:19:20,994 --> 00:19:22,859
I just need to die harder.
420
00:19:23,038 --> 00:19:24,153
Trademark fox.
421
00:19:32,881 --> 00:19:34,917
(Overlapping voices)
422
00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:42,587
Wade: Your crazy
matches my crazy.
423
00:19:45,143 --> 00:19:46,474
Wade: Skee-ball token.
424
00:19:48,814 --> 00:19:50,520
(Voices echoing)
425
00:19:54,736 --> 00:19:56,442
Vanessa: I love you,
Wade Wilson.
426
00:19:56,530 --> 00:19:58,020
(Gasps)
427
00:19:58,990 --> 00:20:00,400
Wade: Ness?
428
00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:02,983
Ness?
429
00:20:03,829 --> 00:20:04,829
Ness.
430
00:20:05,497 --> 00:20:08,113
Ness, there's something here.
I can't get to you.
431
00:20:09,918 --> 00:20:12,000
Your heart's not
in the right place.
432
00:20:12,504 --> 00:20:14,335
(Stammers) Wait, hold on. What?
433
00:20:15,173 --> 00:20:17,084
Your heart's not
in the right place.
434
00:20:17,259 --> 00:20:18,374
Wait. What do you mean
435
00:20:18,468 --> 00:20:19,737
my heart's not in the right
place? What does it...
436
00:20:19,761 --> 00:20:20,796
(Timer ticking)
437
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:22,718
Turns out, I can die a little.
438
00:20:22,889 --> 00:20:24,345
I just can't stay dead.
439
00:20:24,433 --> 00:20:25,433
(Timer dings)
440
00:20:41,450 --> 00:20:44,533
I'm terribly sorry for your
loss, Wade. You're broken.
441
00:20:46,371 --> 00:20:48,407
Deadpool: Oh...
I know that voice.
442
00:20:52,669 --> 00:20:54,205
Deadpool:
"Heart's in the right place."
443
00:20:54,379 --> 00:20:55,939
"Heart's in the..."
What does that mean?
444
00:20:55,964 --> 00:20:57,625
You've been sleep
for three days.
445
00:20:57,799 --> 00:20:59,414
I took a Liberty
of dressing you.
446
00:20:59,593 --> 00:21:00,833
Deadpool: No kidding.
447
00:21:01,011 --> 00:21:02,797
Why can't I finally die?
448
00:21:02,971 --> 00:21:04,381
Colossus:
Take your mask off, Wade.
449
00:21:04,556 --> 00:21:06,092
We must talk.
450
00:21:06,266 --> 00:21:08,473
You need fresh start. (Groans)
451
00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:11,017
With training, you can be x-man.
452
00:21:11,188 --> 00:21:13,270
You're wasting your time,
shiny Jesus.
453
00:21:13,356 --> 00:21:14,471
I'm not x-man material.
454
00:21:14,691 --> 00:21:16,272
Understatement of the year.
455
00:21:16,735 --> 00:21:17,735
Wade, yukio.
456
00:21:18,195 --> 00:21:19,355
Yukio, Wade.
457
00:21:20,155 --> 00:21:22,271
What in the fudgcicle is this?
458
00:21:22,449 --> 00:21:24,189
She's my girlfriend,
you intolerant...
459
00:21:24,993 --> 00:21:26,779
Whoa! Pump the hate brakes,
fox and friends.
460
00:21:26,953 --> 00:21:28,693
I'm just surprised
anyone would date you.
461
00:21:28,872 --> 00:21:31,238
Especially pinkie pie
from my little pony.
462
00:21:31,666 --> 00:21:33,156
I like this guy.
463
00:21:33,710 --> 00:21:34,995
Give him a chance.
464
00:21:35,629 --> 00:21:36,856
It's great seeing you like this.
465
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:38,916
(Laughs sarcastically) Yeah.
466
00:21:39,382 --> 00:21:40,588
Bye, Wade!
467
00:21:40,759 --> 00:21:43,091
Now, some ground rules
while under our roof.
468
00:21:43,261 --> 00:21:46,128
"Rule number one. No killing...
469
00:21:46,306 --> 00:21:49,514
'Anyone ever, no matter how bad.
470
00:21:49,684 --> 00:21:52,391
"Rule two. Label everything
in refrigerator.”
471
00:21:52,479 --> 00:21:53,479
Wade?
472
00:21:54,356 --> 00:21:55,356
Wade?
473
00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:56,440
Wade!
474
00:21:56,525 --> 00:21:58,356
Don't try to chase me.
475
00:21:58,527 --> 00:22:00,392
(Whispers) I'm not ready
to be touched again.
476
00:22:00,904 --> 00:22:03,020
All these elderly white men
on the walls...
477
00:22:03,198 --> 00:22:04,813
Should have brought
my rape whistle.
478
00:22:04,908 --> 00:22:05,908
(Objects shattering)
479
00:22:06,159 --> 00:22:08,241
Those were already damaged
after they fell there!
480
00:22:09,037 --> 00:22:10,765
What am I supposed
to do around here, anyway?
481
00:22:10,789 --> 00:22:12,905
Sit in a share circle,
talk about my feelings?
482
00:22:13,083 --> 00:22:15,665
And how would I do that exactly?
483
00:22:16,253 --> 00:22:18,460
'Cause where the hell
is everyone?
484
00:22:18,630 --> 00:22:19,630
It's always just you
485
00:22:19,714 --> 00:22:21,275
and negasonic teenage
longest name ever...
486
00:22:21,299 --> 00:22:22,299
Enough!
487
00:22:22,384 --> 00:22:24,170
(Gasps) I said no touching!
488
00:22:28,723 --> 00:22:31,180
You'd think the studio
would throw us a bone.
489
00:22:31,351 --> 00:22:33,467
One that doesn't
end up in my mouth.
490
00:22:34,771 --> 00:22:36,011
The first movie made more money
491
00:22:36,064 --> 00:22:38,305
than the guy who invented pants.
492
00:22:38,483 --> 00:22:40,565
They can't just dust off
one of the famous X-Men?
493
00:22:40,735 --> 00:22:42,726
How 'bout that putz
with the giant pigeon wings?
494
00:22:42,904 --> 00:22:44,064
What do those do anyway, huh?
495
00:22:44,114 --> 00:22:45,474
Carry him
three feet off the ground
496
00:22:45,532 --> 00:22:47,568
to snatch up
the nearest muffin crumb?
497
00:22:47,742 --> 00:22:49,778
(Doors close) No, no, no!
498
00:22:49,953 --> 00:22:52,740
I am not x-man material at all.
499
00:22:52,914 --> 00:22:55,121
First off... (Breathes deeply)
500
00:22:55,417 --> 00:22:57,499
I'm not even a virgin.
Second and more... (Groans)
501
00:22:58,128 --> 00:22:59,584
(Grunts)
502
00:22:59,671 --> 00:23:00,706
I should have left you
503
00:23:00,797 --> 00:23:02,458
in the self-pity mess
I found you in.
504
00:23:02,632 --> 00:23:05,499
But this is what friends do.
They show up!
505
00:23:05,677 --> 00:23:07,338
Not when convenient or easy.
506
00:23:07,721 --> 00:23:11,088
When hard,
and you always make it hard.
507
00:23:12,100 --> 00:23:14,512
(Breathing heavily)
You are unwell.
508
00:23:14,686 --> 00:23:16,768
I'm sticking my neck out
bringing you here.
509
00:23:16,938 --> 00:23:18,678
(Straining) Wait.
One of the assholes
510
00:23:18,773 --> 00:23:20,183
who killed Vanessa got away.
511
00:23:20,984 --> 00:23:21,984
(Grunts)
512
00:23:22,777 --> 00:23:24,768
Oh, Jesus Christ!
513
00:23:24,988 --> 00:23:27,008
I thought you were gonna
kiss me for a second there.
514
00:23:27,032 --> 00:23:28,885
Please know I wouldn't be able
to stop you if you did.
515
00:23:28,909 --> 00:23:30,945
Wade, whoever they are...
516
00:23:31,119 --> 00:23:33,280
We track them down
and bring them to justice.
517
00:23:33,455 --> 00:23:34,786
It was me.
518
00:23:38,126 --> 00:23:39,707
I'm the asshole who got away.
519
00:23:40,837 --> 00:23:43,453
I killed every last one
of them, except me.
520
00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:45,546
Couldn't kill me.
521
00:23:48,845 --> 00:23:50,836
We were gonna start a family.
522
00:23:52,599 --> 00:23:54,681
We were, uh... (Sniffles)
523
00:23:54,768 --> 00:23:55,768
(Clears throat)
524
00:23:55,852 --> 00:23:58,218
We were gonna be a family.
525
00:23:58,355 --> 00:23:59,355
Colossus: Wade...
526
00:23:59,522 --> 00:24:02,309
Vanessa is gone.
She's not coming back.
527
00:24:03,902 --> 00:24:06,109
This may not be
family you want...
528
00:24:06,279 --> 00:24:08,565
But it's family you need.
529
00:24:08,740 --> 00:24:09,980
You have a good heart.
530
00:24:10,075 --> 00:24:11,611
It belongs here
where it can grow.
531
00:24:13,411 --> 00:24:14,992
What did you say?
532
00:24:16,456 --> 00:24:17,787
About my heart?
533
00:24:21,836 --> 00:24:22,996
(Exhales)
534
00:24:23,296 --> 00:24:25,287
I think I'm in the right place.
535
00:24:34,557 --> 00:24:36,138
(Grunts)
536
00:25:09,676 --> 00:25:11,007
(Inaudible)
537
00:25:14,264 --> 00:25:15,800
(Screaming)
538
00:25:18,768 --> 00:25:19,768
Fred: Whoa!
539
00:25:19,936 --> 00:25:23,053
Cable? You got cable?
540
00:25:23,231 --> 00:25:24,351
If I didn't know any better,
541
00:25:24,399 --> 00:25:25,980
I'd say that
you're getting into this.
542
00:25:26,151 --> 00:25:27,151
You know cable?
543
00:25:27,736 --> 00:25:30,227
Uh, the biological son of
cyclops and madelyne pryor...
544
00:25:30,405 --> 00:25:31,440
Jean grey's clone.
545
00:25:31,614 --> 00:25:33,525
Half-brother to Rachel summers
and Nate grey.
546
00:25:33,700 --> 00:25:34,906
Raised as the askani's son,
547
00:25:34,993 --> 00:25:36,273
and genetic template for stryfe.
548
00:25:36,369 --> 00:25:37,809
From a possible
alternate timeline...
549
00:25:37,954 --> 00:25:39,945
Having been taken as an
infant to the future...
550
00:25:40,123 --> 00:25:41,684
And infected with
a techno-organic virus.
551
00:25:41,708 --> 00:25:43,744
I hope you have given
this deeply-nuanced
552
00:25:43,835 --> 00:25:45,996
and richly-layered backstory
its due.
553
00:25:51,092 --> 00:25:53,128
Yeah, we're covering
the time travel stuff.
554
00:25:54,179 --> 00:25:55,614
Instructor: We have
eight weeks of boot camp
555
00:25:55,638 --> 00:25:56,638
ahead of us, men.
556
00:25:56,723 --> 00:25:58,463
That'll get us
toned and prepared
557
00:25:58,558 --> 00:25:59,718
for all matter of combat.
558
00:26:01,978 --> 00:26:05,937
Not working out at all.
559
00:26:06,149 --> 00:26:09,983
Masking tape. It is no friend
to chilled aluminum.
560
00:26:11,321 --> 00:26:12,321
Velcro.
561
00:26:12,405 --> 00:26:14,521
Color-coded. Efficient.
Environmentally friendly.
562
00:26:15,241 --> 00:26:16,651
Who's he talking to?
563
00:26:16,826 --> 00:26:18,471
And why is he dressed like
a registered sex offender?
564
00:26:18,495 --> 00:26:20,235
Can we focus for a moment,
ladies?
565
00:26:20,413 --> 00:26:22,475
Please, we need to talk about
next month's meal plan.
566
00:26:22,499 --> 00:26:24,535
Obviously, everyone hated
the ceviche.
567
00:26:24,709 --> 00:26:26,145
I read the suggestion box.
That's on me.
568
00:26:26,169 --> 00:26:27,409
I'm gonna stop you right there.
569
00:26:27,587 --> 00:26:29,623
I see through this weak act.
570
00:26:29,923 --> 00:26:34,087
You may have fooled colossus
with this nice guy shit...
571
00:26:34,260 --> 00:26:35,340
But not me.
572
00:26:35,512 --> 00:26:36,547
Don't be mean.
573
00:26:36,721 --> 00:26:37,801
Back off, ntw.
574
00:26:37,889 --> 00:26:38,889
Wade: No, no, no.
575
00:26:39,057 --> 00:26:40,217
No, let her go.
576
00:26:40,391 --> 00:26:42,928
Let her go. It's okay. She
has a right to be skeptical.
577
00:26:43,103 --> 00:26:45,719
Look at me. I'm an easy target.
578
00:26:46,856 --> 00:26:47,936
You know, historically,
579
00:26:48,024 --> 00:26:50,140
mischief has been my mistress...
580
00:26:50,318 --> 00:26:53,230
So I understand, you know.
But I like to think that...
581
00:26:54,656 --> 00:26:56,863
Well, you guys have really
rubbed off on me.
582
00:26:58,034 --> 00:27:00,320
I like to think that I've
rubbed off around you too.
583
00:27:00,703 --> 00:27:01,818
A lot.
584
00:27:01,996 --> 00:27:04,578
And for the first time
in a long while...
585
00:27:04,749 --> 00:27:06,205
I ike me.
586
00:27:08,044 --> 00:27:09,079
I accept your apology.
587
00:27:09,254 --> 00:27:10,369
I never apologized.
588
00:27:10,547 --> 00:27:11,957
I was talking to your heart.
589
00:27:12,132 --> 00:27:14,464
See? You're not
lost cause you thought.
590
00:27:14,634 --> 00:27:17,717
I'm proud. You're everything
I knew you can be.
591
00:27:17,887 --> 00:27:19,718
Thank you, colossus.
592
00:27:19,889 --> 00:27:21,489
Just trying to be
the world's best x-man.
593
00:27:21,641 --> 00:27:23,051
Sorry, x-person.
594
00:27:24,686 --> 00:27:26,551
Hmm. Something wrong
with the soap.
595
00:27:27,397 --> 00:27:29,513
It's fine. I just filled it.
596
00:27:29,649 --> 00:27:30,889
Give it a few more pumps there.
597
00:27:32,485 --> 00:27:36,649
Now, if you'll excuse me,
it's dust bunny season...
598
00:27:36,823 --> 00:27:37,823
And I'm hunting wabbits.
599
00:27:38,533 --> 00:27:39,693
Bye, Wade.
600
00:27:45,081 --> 00:27:46,161
Colossus: Wade.
601
00:27:46,749 --> 00:27:47,749
Wade.
602
00:27:48,543 --> 00:27:49,543
Wade!
603
00:27:49,961 --> 00:27:52,703
Hey, I was just taking cerebro
for a spin here...
604
00:27:52,881 --> 00:27:54,462
Looking deep into the future.
605
00:27:54,632 --> 00:27:55,792
Phew. This thing...
606
00:27:55,967 --> 00:27:57,862
That's not how cerebro works.
That's not how cerebro works.
607
00:27:57,886 --> 00:27:59,422
Yes. Yes, it is.
608
00:27:59,888 --> 00:28:01,424
We have mission.
We have mission.
609
00:28:01,598 --> 00:28:03,384
We do. You do.
610
00:28:03,558 --> 00:28:04,718
You guys be safe out there.
611
00:28:04,893 --> 00:28:07,635
No, I want you to join.
No, you want me to join.
612
00:28:09,272 --> 00:28:10,387
I'm sorry, what?
613
00:28:10,565 --> 00:28:11,600
You are ready.
614
00:28:11,774 --> 00:28:13,694
That's a terrible idea,
and it's gonna end badly.
615
00:28:13,860 --> 00:28:15,350
Be at the x-jet in five.
616
00:28:18,281 --> 00:28:20,613
Reporter: Irene merryweather,
whit news.
617
00:28:20,742 --> 00:28:22,607
Live here at
a breaking news situation
618
00:28:22,702 --> 00:28:25,284
at the essex house
for mutant rehabilitation.
619
00:28:25,455 --> 00:28:27,320
A mutant boy
is appearing to have
620
00:28:27,415 --> 00:28:28,621
some sort of an incident...
621
00:28:28,791 --> 00:28:30,561
With police here behind me.
Russell: Get away from me!
622
00:28:30,585 --> 00:28:32,826
There are two police vehicles
that are overturned.
623
00:28:33,004 --> 00:28:34,369
Russell, calm down. Freak off!
624
00:28:34,464 --> 00:28:35,524
Reporter: A scene of
absolute chaos here.
625
00:28:35,548 --> 00:28:36,788
Officer: Calm down.
626
00:28:36,883 --> 00:28:39,625
Russell: I'll burn you!
You stay back!
627
00:28:39,761 --> 00:28:41,001
Get away from me!
628
00:28:41,095 --> 00:28:42,095
(Breathing heavily)
629
00:28:57,237 --> 00:29:00,195
It appears as if
the X-Men are arriving...
630
00:29:00,365 --> 00:29:01,445
Deadpool: Scatter!
631
00:29:01,616 --> 00:29:03,607
Reporter: With what appears
to be a trainee.
632
00:29:04,118 --> 00:29:06,985
Deadpool: Everyone, calm down!
The pros are here. I...
633
00:29:07,163 --> 00:29:08,198
We're the X-Men!
634
00:29:08,331 --> 00:29:10,538
A dated metaphor for racism
in the '60s.
635
00:29:10,959 --> 00:29:13,325
So, respect.
636
00:29:13,503 --> 00:29:14,743
At ease, officer.
637
00:29:16,339 --> 00:29:18,170
What are you doing?
638
00:29:18,341 --> 00:29:19,501
My job!
639
00:29:19,676 --> 00:29:21,076
You're the one who said
I was ready,
640
00:29:21,135 --> 00:29:22,466
and I frankly disagreed
with you.
641
00:29:22,637 --> 00:29:25,049
But here we are, trying to
overcome our differences.
642
00:29:25,139 --> 00:29:28,222
Like Beyonce says, "please...
643
00:29:28,393 --> 00:29:29,724
"Please, stop cheating on me."
644
00:29:29,811 --> 00:29:30,891
Officer: Hey!
645
00:29:30,979 --> 00:29:32,219
This is the fifth incident.
646
00:29:32,397 --> 00:29:34,479
This kid needs to be
in the ice box, not here.
647
00:29:34,649 --> 00:29:36,264
Russell belongs in our care.
648
00:29:36,442 --> 00:29:38,103
Not in prison. I assure you...
649
00:29:38,194 --> 00:29:39,338
We have everything
under control.
650
00:29:39,362 --> 00:29:40,464
Russell: Stay back!
I'll burn you!
651
00:29:40,488 --> 00:29:41,648
Not getting a real
652
00:29:41,739 --> 00:29:43,400
"under control"
vibe here, Marty.
653
00:29:43,866 --> 00:29:45,777
It is Glen, isn't it? Daniel.
654
00:29:45,952 --> 00:29:47,283
I'll ask the questions, Miguel.
655
00:29:47,370 --> 00:29:48,610
Let me talk to the kid.
656
00:29:48,788 --> 00:29:53,248
You stay here with your
weird, secret sex lips.
657
00:29:54,627 --> 00:29:55,787
Russell: You wanna die?
658
00:29:55,878 --> 00:29:56,939
Deadpool.: This kid's adorable.
659
00:29:56,963 --> 00:29:58,107
I don't know why I packed
the hollow points.
660
00:29:58,131 --> 00:29:59,587
I'll burn your arms off!
661
00:29:59,757 --> 00:30:02,248
First day. (Chuckling)
I'm so nervous!
662
00:30:03,136 --> 00:30:04,626
Did you just say
"hollow points"?
663
00:30:05,346 --> 00:30:06,506
Yeah, probably should've
664
00:30:06,597 --> 00:30:08,178
brought a super soaker. (Laughs)
665
00:30:08,808 --> 00:30:10,048
Hi, there!
666
00:30:11,102 --> 00:30:13,559
Stay back or Justin bieber dies!
667
00:30:13,646 --> 00:30:17,184
(Laughs) Justin bieber.
He called you Justin bieber.
668
00:30:18,067 --> 00:30:20,058
(Russell grunts)
Hold on! Wait, wait, wait!
669
00:30:20,236 --> 00:30:23,194
Okay, let's not do
whatever that is.
670
00:30:23,364 --> 00:30:24,729
Okay? Let's just talk!
671
00:30:24,866 --> 00:30:26,151
It's Russell, right?
672
00:30:26,576 --> 00:30:28,407
Firefist. Firefist.
673
00:30:28,870 --> 00:30:30,986
Ooh, that's a great name.
Where does it burn?
674
00:30:31,164 --> 00:30:32,964
Just the fist, or all the
way up to the elbow?
675
00:30:33,666 --> 00:30:34,666
(Grunts)
676
00:30:36,252 --> 00:30:37,252
(Crowd exclaims)
677
00:30:37,337 --> 00:30:39,578
Definitely all the way
up to the elbow.
678
00:30:39,672 --> 00:30:42,254
Come quietly,
or there will be trouble.
679
00:30:42,925 --> 00:30:45,837
You stole that from robocop!
That's from robocop!
680
00:30:46,012 --> 00:30:47,593
Just stand down!
681
00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:49,671
You're embarrassing me.
Look, fire...
682
00:30:50,099 --> 00:30:51,099
(Laughs)
683
00:30:52,310 --> 00:30:54,266
I can't say it! I'm so sorry!
684
00:30:54,354 --> 00:30:55,560
(Grunts)
685
00:30:55,646 --> 00:30:57,182
(All screaming)
686
00:30:58,191 --> 00:31:01,809
Oh, my gosh! That does it!
687
00:31:02,236 --> 00:31:03,567
Put your hands behind your knees
688
00:31:03,654 --> 00:31:05,110
and get down on your head! Now!
689
00:31:05,281 --> 00:31:07,363
Wade! What was first rule?
690
00:31:07,533 --> 00:31:09,364
Label everything
in the refrigerator!
691
00:31:09,535 --> 00:31:12,072
Do not escalate!
Rules are meant to be broken!
692
00:31:12,246 --> 00:31:13,611
Colossus:
That's the exact opposite
693
00:31:13,706 --> 00:31:15,071
of what they're meant for!
694
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:17,831
Come on! Finel
695
00:31:18,002 --> 00:31:19,202
I'll start from the beginning.
696
00:31:19,545 --> 00:31:21,957
My name is deadpool,
and I'm an x-man.
697
00:31:22,131 --> 00:31:24,292
Trainee! Shut it!
698
00:31:24,967 --> 00:31:27,253
Look, I get it.
699
00:31:28,429 --> 00:31:30,420
All right, you're scared.
700
00:31:30,598 --> 00:31:31,633
Alone.
701
00:31:31,724 --> 00:31:32,759
You got no family.
702
00:31:32,850 --> 00:31:33,911
I didn't have a family, either.
703
00:31:33,935 --> 00:31:35,641
You live in this dump.
Guess what?
704
00:31:35,728 --> 00:31:38,185
I used to live in a
shithole just like it.
705
00:31:38,356 --> 00:31:40,847
But you know something?
To make matters worse...
706
00:31:41,025 --> 00:31:42,785
It's a confusing time
in your life right now.
707
00:31:42,860 --> 00:31:46,352
Your body is going through
some fiery changes.
708
00:31:46,531 --> 00:31:48,396
Too far?
I went too far, didn't 1?
709
00:31:48,491 --> 00:31:49,571
(Grunts) (All exclaim)
710
00:31:55,706 --> 00:31:57,196
That was effervescent.
711
00:31:57,750 --> 00:31:59,581
(Sighs) Stay in school, kid.
712
00:32:00,044 --> 00:32:01,534
Or don't. I didn't.
713
00:32:02,046 --> 00:32:03,582
And I'm an x-man. (Thuds)
714
00:32:03,673 --> 00:32:04,673
Trainee.
715
00:32:05,341 --> 00:32:07,457
Superhero landing coming up!
716
00:32:09,429 --> 00:32:10,429
(Grunts)
717
00:32:12,098 --> 00:32:14,589
(Groans) Ouch, ouch, ouch!
Oh, god, that hurts.
718
00:32:15,393 --> 00:32:16,428
(Grunt (gasps) 7
719
00:32:18,229 --> 00:32:19,344
(breathing heavily)
720
00:32:25,069 --> 00:32:26,069
(Groans)
721
00:32:30,074 --> 00:32:31,655
(Crowd cheering and applauding)
722
00:32:35,413 --> 00:32:37,244
I could get used
to this x-man shit.
723
00:32:37,331 --> 00:32:38,559
Negasonic teenage warhead:
Trainee!
724
00:32:38,583 --> 00:32:39,618
Deadpooqol: Trainee!
725
00:32:40,084 --> 00:32:41,824
Officer: Get a power restraint
on him. Now!
726
00:32:41,919 --> 00:32:45,002
Deadpool: Calm down, squirt.
It's over. We got ya.
727
00:32:45,840 --> 00:32:46,840
(Device whirrs)
728
00:32:46,924 --> 00:32:48,334
What's that do?
729
00:32:48,509 --> 00:32:49,965
Power-dampening collar.
730
00:32:50,052 --> 00:32:51,332
Shuts down all mutant abilities.
731
00:32:51,429 --> 00:32:54,136
You can't get it off.
Unless you've got a grenade.
732
00:32:54,223 --> 00:32:57,181
Huh. Could've used
one of those in the first act.
733
00:32:57,351 --> 00:32:58,591
Headmaster: Thank you!
734
00:33:00,354 --> 00:33:02,561
That was absolutely thrilling.
735
00:33:02,732 --> 00:33:04,723
True heroism in action.
736
00:33:04,901 --> 00:33:07,017
We are in your debt.
737
00:33:07,195 --> 00:33:08,935
We can take it from here.
738
00:33:09,113 --> 00:33:11,195
Take me to the ice box, please!
739
00:33:11,365 --> 00:33:12,525
Anywhere's better than here.
740
00:33:12,700 --> 00:33:13,815
Deadpool: Believe me, son,
741
00:33:13,910 --> 00:33:15,275
you do not wanna go
to the ice box.
742
00:33:15,495 --> 00:33:17,360
Let's get you inside, young man.
743
00:33:17,538 --> 00:33:19,278
No, wait, wait. Wait.
744
00:33:19,457 --> 00:33:20,947
You guys stay there.
745
00:33:29,717 --> 00:33:31,548
Those guys hurt you?
746
00:33:32,929 --> 00:33:33,964
Who?
747
00:33:36,015 --> 00:33:38,722
Baldilocks? Jared kushner?
748
00:33:40,186 --> 00:33:41,676
Both of 'em?
749
00:33:45,816 --> 00:33:46,976
Ah, screw it.
750
00:33:47,151 --> 00:33:48,607
Four or five moments!
751
00:33:48,736 --> 00:33:49,736
I'm sorry?
752
00:33:49,820 --> 00:33:53,028
Four or five moments!
753
00:33:54,283 --> 00:33:57,025
That's all it takes
to be a hero.
754
00:33:58,079 --> 00:34:00,070
People think
you wake up a hero...
755
00:34:00,414 --> 00:34:02,029
Brush your teeth a hero...
756
00:34:02,625 --> 00:34:05,116
Make love to
a soap dispenser a hero.
757
00:34:05,503 --> 00:34:06,834
(Speaks Russian)
758
00:34:06,921 --> 00:34:10,664
But, no, being a hero
takes only a few moments!
759
00:34:12,009 --> 00:34:13,624
A few moments...
760
00:34:13,803 --> 00:34:16,294
Doing the ugly stuff
no one else will do.
761
00:34:16,389 --> 00:34:17,424
(Groans)
762
00:34:23,813 --> 00:34:26,145
Wade, what did you do?
Colossus, no!
763
00:34:26,315 --> 00:34:27,771
That kid was abused!
You can tell.
764
00:34:27,858 --> 00:34:29,461
You can always tell!
Colossus: We have rules!
765
00:34:29,485 --> 00:34:32,147
You are not judge,
jury or executioner!
766
00:34:32,321 --> 00:34:35,154
Forget your rules!
I fight for what's right!
767
00:34:35,324 --> 00:34:36,905
And sometimes
you gotta fight dirty!
768
00:34:37,076 --> 00:34:40,159
You've let me down
for the last time, Wade.
769
00:34:40,663 --> 00:34:41,903
Officer 1: Collar him, too.
770
00:34:42,081 --> 00:34:43,742
Officer 2: And get these guys
in the pod.
771
00:34:43,916 --> 00:34:45,060
Take them to the ice box.
(Sirens wailing)
772
00:34:45,084 --> 00:34:46,369
(Indistinct chatter)
773
00:34:57,847 --> 00:35:00,589
(Prisoners shouting) (Whistling)
774
00:35:00,766 --> 00:35:02,631
(Gate buzzing)
775
00:35:04,228 --> 00:35:05,388
(Shouting continues) (Grunts)
776
00:35:06,772 --> 00:35:09,058
I wonder what gang I'll be in.
777
00:35:10,776 --> 00:35:12,937
Is there, like, a sorting hat?
(Mouths) Hi.
778
00:35:14,614 --> 00:35:15,614
I've always seen myself
779
00:35:15,698 --> 00:35:17,404
as more of
an east coast hufflepuff.
780
00:35:17,491 --> 00:35:18,491
Gol
781
00:35:19,076 --> 00:35:21,909
I've made a critical error
on my airbnb reservation.
782
00:35:22,079 --> 00:35:26,163
This is not what the website
looked like at all.
783
00:35:27,752 --> 00:35:31,290
I love the decor though. I had
no idea hopeless was a color.
784
00:35:31,464 --> 00:35:32,704
Guard: Hard left, douchebag.
785
00:35:37,178 --> 00:35:38,338
Please, after you.
786
00:35:40,556 --> 00:35:43,013
Another disgusting minority
off the streets.
787
00:35:43,100 --> 00:35:44,100
We'll sleep well tonight.
788
00:35:44,268 --> 00:35:45,268
Let's get a bagel.
789
00:35:45,353 --> 00:35:47,719
(Taser crackling) (Groaning)
790
00:35:48,898 --> 00:35:51,514
Nighty-night,
you annoying prick!
791
00:35:51,609 --> 00:35:53,600
(Continues groaning)
792
00:36:22,848 --> 00:36:26,181
Man: I'MMA tell you
what the big lie is.
793
00:36:26,352 --> 00:36:27,746
(Escape playing on radio)
Toilet paper.
794
00:36:27,770 --> 00:36:30,853
Toilet paper
is a plenty fine appetizer.
795
00:36:31,023 --> 00:36:33,139
But, then...
796
00:36:33,317 --> 00:36:35,558
Huggies natural care wet wipes.
797
00:36:35,736 --> 00:36:37,067
That's your main course.
798
00:36:37,238 --> 00:36:40,355
They're soft, they're moist.
They're for babies.
799
00:36:41,033 --> 00:36:44,070
Finally, one more pass
with the toilet paper,
800
00:36:44,161 --> 00:36:45,742
maybe clear out
that excess moisture.
801
00:36:45,913 --> 00:36:47,449
Maybe treat yourself
to a blow and go,
802
00:36:47,540 --> 00:36:48,820
if you can get you a hair dryer.
803
00:36:48,874 --> 00:36:51,206
Just about 30 seconds
will do you good.
804
00:36:54,922 --> 00:36:56,128
What the heck?
805
00:36:57,174 --> 00:36:58,209
Year?
806
00:36:59,218 --> 00:37:00,218
What?
807
00:37:01,429 --> 00:37:03,044
What year is it?
808
00:37:03,222 --> 00:37:05,213
What kind of dummy question
is that to ask?
809
00:37:06,225 --> 00:37:07,806
(Groaning)
810
00:37:08,436 --> 00:37:11,394
(Escape continues
playing on radio)
811
00:37:18,904 --> 00:37:20,519
(Vomiting)
812
00:37:24,493 --> 00:37:26,779
Russell: You're a long way
from your superpowers.
813
00:37:26,954 --> 00:37:27,954
Wade: Yeah.
814
00:37:32,543 --> 00:37:34,408
I wanted to be a superhero.
815
00:37:34,879 --> 00:37:36,870
Always wanted a real super suit.
816
00:37:36,964 --> 00:37:38,625
(Sighs) What happened?
817
00:37:38,799 --> 00:37:40,919
When was the last time you saw
a plus-sized superhero?
818
00:37:41,343 --> 00:37:42,503
Never.
819
00:37:42,928 --> 00:37:44,714
The industry discriminates.
820
00:37:45,431 --> 00:37:46,841
Forget superheroes. (Coughs)
821
00:37:47,433 --> 00:37:49,719
The first thing I wanna do
when I get out of here...
822
00:37:49,894 --> 00:37:52,010
Burn the headmaster alive...
823
00:37:52,188 --> 00:37:54,679
And then take a selfie
with his smoldering corpse.
824
00:37:54,857 --> 00:37:56,597
Who says
prison isn't reformative?
825
00:37:56,984 --> 00:37:58,190
What did he do to you?
826
00:37:58,360 --> 00:37:59,566
He thinks we're evil.
827
00:38:00,404 --> 00:38:01,769
(Whispers)
Blessed are the wicked
828
00:38:01,864 --> 00:38:04,071
who are healed by my hand.
829
00:38:04,241 --> 00:38:05,481
Your abilities...
830
00:38:07,119 --> 00:38:09,075
I know how seductive they are.
831
00:38:14,043 --> 00:38:16,159
(Electricity crackling)
(Grunting)
832
00:38:17,963 --> 00:38:21,455
Tomorrow, we'll find
the biggest guy in here...
833
00:38:22,676 --> 00:38:23,676
And we'll make him our...
834
00:38:23,761 --> 00:38:24,967
(Rumbling)
835
00:38:26,096 --> 00:38:27,096
(Wade coughs)
836
00:38:27,181 --> 00:38:28,591
What was that? (Clears throat)
837
00:38:28,766 --> 00:38:31,508
That is the biggest guy in here.
838
00:38:31,602 --> 00:38:33,558
Fun fact about the ice box...
839
00:38:33,729 --> 00:38:35,515
Though no one's ever seen it,
840
00:38:35,606 --> 00:38:37,688
they keep a monster
in the basement.
841
00:38:37,858 --> 00:38:39,564
Right next to a huge,
842
00:38:39,652 --> 00:38:41,188
steaming bowl of foreshadowing.
843
00:38:41,821 --> 00:38:42,821
Look.
844
00:38:43,823 --> 00:38:45,734
I can't protect you. (Coughs)
845
00:38:46,116 --> 00:38:47,231
With this collar on,
846
00:38:47,326 --> 00:38:50,318
my superpower
is just unbridled cancer.
847
00:38:50,496 --> 00:38:53,488
Give me a bow and arrow,
I'm basically hawkeye.
848
00:38:53,999 --> 00:38:55,955
Now, if you'll excuse me...
(Coughs)
849
00:38:56,126 --> 00:38:59,289
I've got tumors to grow.
Vanessa awaits.
850
00:38:59,463 --> 00:39:01,704
I'll start by making us a shank.
851
00:39:01,882 --> 00:39:03,668
Good listening.
I stole that guard's pen...
852
00:39:03,843 --> 00:39:05,754
And stashed it
in the old prison wallet,
853
00:39:05,845 --> 00:39:07,176
if you know what I'm saying.
854
00:39:07,805 --> 00:39:10,342
Prison wallet? (Coughs)
855
00:39:10,474 --> 00:39:13,181
I really hope I don't know
what you're saying.
856
00:39:14,019 --> 00:39:15,304
(Siren wailing)
857
00:39:18,482 --> 00:39:19,842
Reporter: (On TV)
And to update you
858
00:39:19,900 --> 00:39:21,180
on the story reported earlier...
859
00:39:21,277 --> 00:39:22,733
After a lengthy standoff
860
00:39:22,820 --> 00:39:25,402
outside the essex house
for mutant rehabilitation...
861
00:39:25,573 --> 00:39:26,858
Two mutants were arrested
862
00:39:26,949 --> 00:39:28,689
and transported
to the ice box...
863
00:39:28,868 --> 00:39:30,348
Automated voice:
Entering repair mode.
864
00:39:55,895 --> 00:39:56,895
Psst!
865
00:39:59,607 --> 00:40:01,222
Don't do that.
866
00:40:02,151 --> 00:40:04,483
What? Why are you winking at me?
867
00:40:07,197 --> 00:40:08,482
I got your back.
868
00:40:08,657 --> 00:40:09,692
Oh, my god.
869
00:40:09,867 --> 00:40:11,198
You're sick,
I gotta protect you.
870
00:40:11,368 --> 00:40:13,233
Just leave me alone, kid.
(Man whistling)
871
00:40:14,413 --> 00:40:15,448
Oh, great.
872
00:40:15,998 --> 00:40:17,078
(Wade coughs)
873
00:40:17,166 --> 00:40:19,532
Well, hello there, new fish.
874
00:40:19,752 --> 00:40:22,744
It's nice to see some
fresh faces around here.
875
00:40:22,838 --> 00:40:24,954
(Coughs) I've done some
light catalog work...
876
00:40:25,132 --> 00:40:27,623
But, really, modeling is just
a stepping stone to acting.
877
00:40:27,801 --> 00:40:29,837
I was talking to him. Oh.
878
00:40:30,554 --> 00:40:33,637
Have we met?
I can't place your mustache.
879
00:40:33,933 --> 00:40:36,470
Black Tom Cassidy.
White Wade Wilson.
880
00:40:36,644 --> 00:40:39,886
What's your superpower?
Cultural appropriation?
881
00:40:40,064 --> 00:40:42,555
You're supposed to be
the toughest con in here.
882
00:40:42,733 --> 00:40:44,564
You don't look like much to me.
883
00:40:45,235 --> 00:40:46,441
First rule of the yard...
884
00:40:46,695 --> 00:40:48,435
Find the biggest guy
and make him your...
885
00:40:48,822 --> 00:40:50,687
(Groans) (Inmates exclaim)
886
00:40:52,701 --> 00:40:54,362
Second biggest guy.
887
00:40:54,828 --> 00:40:57,114
The last thing I need
is more hepatitis.
888
00:40:57,373 --> 00:41:00,661
Oh, it's slippery, too.
This table needs a wipe down!
889
00:41:00,834 --> 00:41:02,234
Can we get a wipe down
on the table?
890
00:41:02,836 --> 00:41:03,951
(Groans) (Inmates exclaim)
891
00:41:04,046 --> 00:41:05,627
Kid, I think you picked
the wrong side.
892
00:41:06,048 --> 00:41:08,209
No, I didn't! He's my friend!
893
00:41:08,592 --> 00:41:10,548
Zip it. We're not friends.
(Inmates cheering)
894
00:41:11,220 --> 00:41:12,710
Take a seat, shit dick.
895
00:41:13,597 --> 00:41:15,508
(Inmates shouting) (Coughs)
896
00:41:17,810 --> 00:41:19,391
(Shouting continues)
897
00:41:24,733 --> 00:41:26,453
I had so much fun!
You were like... (Grunts)
898
00:41:26,610 --> 00:41:28,350
And I was like,
"take a seat, shit dick."
899
00:41:28,529 --> 00:41:29,735
Just let me die in peace.
900
00:41:30,447 --> 00:41:32,187
(Grunts) We make a great team!
901
00:41:32,700 --> 00:41:35,032
Oh, god! We're not a team.
(Coughing)
902
00:41:35,202 --> 00:41:39,286
Why'd you say that back there?
We're friends, partners.
903
00:41:39,456 --> 00:41:41,492
We're not partners or friends.
904
00:41:43,419 --> 00:41:45,501
This doesn't end with us
riding into the sunset.
905
00:41:45,671 --> 00:41:47,627
It ends with me
dying of cancer...
906
00:41:47,798 --> 00:41:49,379
And you winning
the ice box award
907
00:41:49,466 --> 00:41:51,331
for most pinchable cheeks.
908
00:41:51,719 --> 00:41:52,719
(Wade coughs)
909
00:41:53,095 --> 00:41:54,710
There's only one person
in this world
910
00:41:54,805 --> 00:41:56,511
that I care about,
and she's gone.
911
00:41:58,308 --> 00:42:00,299
You wanna survive?
912
00:42:01,520 --> 00:42:04,557
Stop trying to shank
the biggest guys in here...
913
00:42:04,732 --> 00:42:06,768
And make friends with them.
914
00:42:08,068 --> 00:42:09,649
Make friends with someone.
915
00:42:10,904 --> 00:42:12,815
Anyone but me.
916
00:42:13,449 --> 00:42:15,360
Maybe even black Tim.
917
00:42:15,909 --> 00:42:17,365
Black Evan, I don't know.
918
00:42:17,536 --> 00:42:20,027
All I remember is
he was African-American.
919
00:42:28,380 --> 00:42:29,790
(Guards groaning)
920
00:42:29,882 --> 00:42:31,242
(Breathing heavily)
(Alarm blaring)
921
00:42:39,600 --> 00:42:41,386
(Indistinct shouting)
922
00:42:42,311 --> 00:42:43,426
(Beeping rapidly)
923
00:42:44,813 --> 00:42:46,223
(Guards groaning)
924
00:42:51,403 --> 00:42:54,987
Automated voice: (On pa)
Cells 7, 12, 14, 27.
925
00:43:01,038 --> 00:43:02,038
(Beeping)
926
00:43:08,378 --> 00:43:11,962
Automated voice: System
malfunctioning. 7, 4, 3.
927
00:43:12,132 --> 00:43:13,713
System malfunctioning.
928
00:43:20,599 --> 00:43:22,214
That was our cell.
929
00:43:23,018 --> 00:43:24,098
What did I do to piss off
930
00:43:24,186 --> 00:43:26,723
a grumpy old guy
with a winter soldier arm?
931
00:43:34,154 --> 00:43:35,644
Get away from me, kid!
932
00:43:37,658 --> 00:43:38,818
Listen to me! Go!
933
00:43:42,955 --> 00:43:43,990
Hello, Russell.
934
00:43:47,042 --> 00:43:48,042
(Cocks gun)
935
00:43:51,672 --> 00:43:53,412
(Wade grunts) (Groans)
936
00:44:02,975 --> 00:44:03,975
(Grunts)
937
00:44:15,362 --> 00:44:17,478
(Guards groaning)
938
00:44:26,665 --> 00:44:27,780
(Groaning)
939
00:44:40,137 --> 00:44:41,422
(Groans)
940
00:44:41,513 --> 00:44:42,513
(Gasps)
941
00:44:44,766 --> 00:44:46,176
Hello, superpowers.
942
00:44:49,938 --> 00:44:51,644
(Grunts) (Groans)
943
00:44:52,941 --> 00:44:54,397
(Both grunting)
944
00:44:58,864 --> 00:45:00,024
Who are you?
945
00:45:00,657 --> 00:45:01,988
I'm Batman.
946
00:45:11,084 --> 00:45:12,084
(Gasps)
947
00:45:13,337 --> 00:45:14,337
Ooh!
948
00:45:14,922 --> 00:45:15,922
(Grunts)
949
00:45:18,842 --> 00:45:21,504
Oh. That's got some zip.
950
00:45:28,727 --> 00:45:32,015
Don't feel bad.
Even I can't kill me.
951
00:45:32,147 --> 00:45:33,147
Talk!
952
00:45:33,315 --> 00:45:35,055
What kind of
spineless shit stick
953
00:45:35,150 --> 00:45:36,731
tries to kill a 14-year-old boy?
954
00:45:37,736 --> 00:45:38,936
You might wanna start talking!
955
00:45:38,987 --> 00:45:41,774
'Cause I got a long history of
firing at times like this!
956
00:45:42,407 --> 00:45:43,943
The name's cable.
957
00:45:44,451 --> 00:45:47,534
I'm from the future.
Just walk away.
958
00:45:47,829 --> 00:45:48,829
Ohl
959
00:45:49,122 --> 00:45:50,658
so, you're from the future.
960
00:45:51,083 --> 00:45:53,039
I have a question then.
961
00:45:53,210 --> 00:45:54,746
Is dubstep still a thing?
962
00:46:02,344 --> 00:46:03,675
(Both grunting)
963
00:46:11,478 --> 00:46:13,514
(Breathing heavily)
964
00:46:15,732 --> 00:46:17,393
(Shouting) (Choking)
965
00:46:18,360 --> 00:46:19,360
(Groaning)
966
00:46:19,778 --> 00:46:21,643
Dubstep's for pussies.
967
00:46:21,822 --> 00:46:22,902
You're so dark!
968
00:46:23,073 --> 00:46:25,485
Are you sure you're not
from the DC universe?
969
00:46:25,993 --> 00:46:27,233
I love dubstep!
970
00:46:27,327 --> 00:46:29,443
(Dubstep music playing)
971
00:46:36,503 --> 00:46:38,289
(Grunts) (Groans)
972
00:46:50,183 --> 00:46:51,389
(Groans)
973
00:46:52,144 --> 00:46:53,475
Wade: Is that a Fanny pack?
974
00:46:53,645 --> 00:46:56,011
I used to have one of those
in 1990-never.
975
00:46:56,940 --> 00:46:58,851
Something to remember you by.
976
00:46:59,026 --> 00:47:02,564
Give me that back!
That goes with me everywhere.
977
00:47:02,738 --> 00:47:04,274
Like the memory
of your Fanny pack!
978
00:47:09,786 --> 00:47:10,786
(Groaning)
979
00:47:13,957 --> 00:47:15,288
Why are you protecting the kid?
980
00:47:15,917 --> 00:47:18,203
He's just some kid with an
are you my mother? Complex.
981
00:47:18,545 --> 00:47:20,536
I don't give a damn about him.
982
00:47:25,344 --> 00:47:26,504
What's this one do?
983
00:47:27,763 --> 00:47:28,969
(Beeping rapidly)
984
00:47:37,689 --> 00:47:39,270
Wade: In every film,
there's a moment
985
00:47:39,358 --> 00:47:41,644
when the hero hits rock bottom.
986
00:47:41,818 --> 00:47:43,729
In cool runnings,
it was when John candy's
987
00:47:43,820 --> 00:47:45,356
prized bobsled broke.
988
00:47:45,739 --> 00:47:48,355
In human centipede,
it was when those people...
989
00:47:48,533 --> 00:47:50,489
Signed on to be in that movie.
990
00:47:50,827 --> 00:47:52,283
But in this film, well...
991
00:47:53,163 --> 00:47:54,494
You're looking at it.
992
00:47:56,750 --> 00:47:57,865
Rock...
993
00:47:59,127 --> 00:48:00,492
Meet bottom.
994
00:48:01,838 --> 00:48:03,624
(Indistinct voices echoing)
995
00:48:09,971 --> 00:48:11,757
Vanessa:
I love you, Wade Wilson.
996
00:48:12,474 --> 00:48:13,474
Ness?
997
00:48:14,684 --> 00:48:16,140
Hey, ness!
998
00:48:17,020 --> 00:48:18,556
Ness, can you let me in?
999
00:48:18,730 --> 00:48:20,891
Please! Please.
1000
00:48:22,984 --> 00:48:23,984
Jeez.
1001
00:48:24,069 --> 00:48:25,149
(Sighs)
1002
00:48:27,030 --> 00:48:28,790
You're not giving me
a lot of direction here.
1003
00:48:28,824 --> 00:48:30,610
I'm at the end of my rope.
1004
00:48:30,700 --> 00:48:31,985
(Timer ticking)
1005
00:48:33,120 --> 00:48:35,361
Then I joined the X-Men.
1006
00:48:35,831 --> 00:48:37,367
I went to prison. I, uh...
1007
00:48:41,378 --> 00:48:42,959
Is it the kid?
1008
00:48:45,006 --> 00:48:47,964
Kids give us a chance to be
better than we used to be.
1009
00:48:49,219 --> 00:48:50,219
The kid! (Timer dings)
1010
00:48:53,682 --> 00:48:54,888
(Gasping)
1011
00:48:56,810 --> 00:48:58,516
(Wheezing)
1012
00:49:04,192 --> 00:49:05,648
That's exactly what she meant.
1013
00:49:05,735 --> 00:49:07,046
Your heart needs to be
in the right place.
1014
00:49:07,070 --> 00:49:08,731
I'm not gonna abandon this kid.
1015
00:49:08,905 --> 00:49:11,487
He's never had anyone, ever.
1016
00:49:11,658 --> 00:49:12,864
I need to be selfless.
1017
00:49:13,034 --> 00:49:14,865
Yeah, but what does that mean?
1018
00:49:15,036 --> 00:49:18,153
It means I'm gonna save Russell.
1019
00:49:18,331 --> 00:49:19,741
Maybe I couldn't save Vanessa...
1020
00:49:19,916 --> 00:49:22,874
But maybe I can save a robust
teenager from New Zealand.
1021
00:49:23,044 --> 00:49:25,022
Yeah, but what I mean is,
like, the world "selfless."
1022
00:49:25,046 --> 00:49:26,566
I literally don't know
what that means.
1023
00:49:26,631 --> 00:49:27,666
Jesus Christ.
1024
00:49:27,841 --> 00:49:30,457
Okay, look.
According to my guy, okay...
1025
00:49:30,635 --> 00:49:32,626
Those muties
are being transferred
1026
00:49:32,721 --> 00:49:34,177
to a supermakx, 80 miles away.
1027
00:49:34,347 --> 00:49:36,053
Great, I'll pick 'em off
along the way.
1028
00:49:36,224 --> 00:49:38,340
Hold your testicles there,
buddy, okay?
1029
00:49:38,435 --> 00:49:40,266
We're talking about
an armored convoy...
1030
00:49:40,437 --> 00:49:43,053
And a vicious super soldier
from the future...
1031
00:49:43,231 --> 00:49:45,392
Who is dead set on turning
your skull into an ashtray.
1032
00:49:45,567 --> 00:49:48,559
You know what we need to do?
We need to build a team.
1033
00:49:48,737 --> 00:49:50,523
We need 'em tough,
morally flexible...
1034
00:49:50,697 --> 00:49:52,904
And young enough to carry
this franchise 10 to 12 years.
1035
00:49:53,033 --> 00:49:54,614
We need ocean's fourteen stuff.
1036
00:49:54,784 --> 00:49:56,820
The mother of all teams.
John wick 3.
1037
00:49:56,912 --> 00:49:57,912
Cheap. But with
1038
00:49:57,996 --> 00:49:59,098
the original directors. Smart.
1039
00:49:59,122 --> 00:50:00,224
My body is an
instrument of death.
1040
00:50:00,248 --> 00:50:01,283
Not now, dopinder.
1041
00:50:01,458 --> 00:50:03,244
I could be of great use.
1042
00:50:03,418 --> 00:50:04,999
What's your superpower?
1043
00:50:06,838 --> 00:50:08,169
Courage. That's adorable.
1044
00:50:08,340 --> 00:50:10,126
All right, I'll put out
a call for resumes.
1045
00:50:10,300 --> 00:50:12,416
But we're not paying
medical or dental.
1046
00:50:12,594 --> 00:50:14,630
It's time to get back
on linkedln.
1047
00:50:15,764 --> 00:50:16,799
(Exhales)
1048
00:50:24,231 --> 00:50:26,222
(Child singing)
1049
00:50:39,871 --> 00:50:41,390
Male guard: (On pa)
Attention, all inmates!
1050
00:50:41,414 --> 00:50:44,201
Transport to cross force
maximum security
1051
00:50:44,292 --> 00:50:45,532
mutant containment facility...
1052
00:50:45,627 --> 00:50:47,413
Will begin at 0800 hours.
1053
00:50:47,587 --> 00:50:50,078
Inspection of your cells
and out-processing
1054
00:50:50,173 --> 00:50:51,504
will begin at 0600.
1055
00:50:54,886 --> 00:50:56,501
Female guard:
Attention, all inmates.
1056
00:50:56,680 --> 00:50:58,796
Transport to cross force
maximum security
1057
00:50:58,890 --> 00:50:59,951
mutant containment facility...
1058
00:50:59,975 --> 00:51:00,975
Black Tom: Oi.
1059
00:51:01,059 --> 00:51:02,390
Mutant: What do you want?
1060
00:51:02,561 --> 00:51:04,142
You stole my pudding.
1061
00:51:04,312 --> 00:51:05,802
What pudding? You like pudding?
1062
00:51:06,189 --> 00:51:07,804
(Grunts) (Prisoners clamoring)
1063
00:51:07,899 --> 00:51:09,355
(Alarm blaring)
1064
00:51:24,249 --> 00:51:25,249
Hello?
1065
00:51:27,544 --> 00:51:29,034
I know you're in there.
1066
00:51:40,098 --> 00:51:42,384
Must be hard
being the biggest guy in here.
1067
00:51:43,768 --> 00:51:45,474
Lonely at the top, eh?
1068
00:51:45,937 --> 00:51:47,973
They're moving us tomorrow.
1069
00:51:50,358 --> 00:51:52,223
Maybe I can get you out of here.
1070
00:51:53,445 --> 00:51:56,687
And we can make
the whole world our bitch.
1071
00:51:58,450 --> 00:52:00,190
We need a secret code.
1072
00:52:02,037 --> 00:52:03,037
(Imitates bird call)
1073
00:52:03,121 --> 00:52:05,863
(Softly) No,
that's stupid, Russell. Idiot.
1074
00:52:08,084 --> 00:52:09,494
(Rhythmic banging)
1075
00:52:10,295 --> 00:52:11,910
(Rhythmic banging in response)
1076
00:52:13,131 --> 00:52:14,621
We're a team.
1077
00:52:14,716 --> 00:52:16,547
We're like thugs,
we're like gangsters.
1078
00:52:16,718 --> 00:52:18,504
I'm like Tupac,
and you're like ice cube.
1079
00:52:20,472 --> 00:52:22,588
Weasel: Supposedly,
she can rap, too.
1080
00:52:22,766 --> 00:52:23,766
Deadpool: I like that.
1081
00:52:23,850 --> 00:52:25,135
Terrific,
these are all terrific.
1082
00:52:25,310 --> 00:52:26,925
Meet bedlam.
1083
00:52:27,103 --> 00:52:29,264
Cool name! Superpowers?
1084
00:52:29,439 --> 00:52:30,929
I can distort electrical fields.
1085
00:52:31,024 --> 00:52:32,059
(Electricity crackling)
1086
00:52:32,150 --> 00:52:34,232
Including the one
inside your brain...
1087
00:52:34,402 --> 00:52:36,984
Causing anxiety, confusion...
1088
00:52:37,155 --> 00:52:38,155
Pain.
1089
00:52:39,324 --> 00:52:41,189
So, basically,
you're Dave Matthews.
1090
00:52:41,368 --> 00:52:42,608
We can use him.
1091
00:52:44,412 --> 00:52:45,777
I'm zeitgeist.
1092
00:52:45,955 --> 00:52:47,115
Cool. I like it.
1093
00:52:47,290 --> 00:52:48,530
So you have the power
1094
00:52:48,625 --> 00:52:51,082
to put your finger
on the pulse of society?
1095
00:52:52,003 --> 00:52:53,209
(Stammers) No.
1096
00:52:53,380 --> 00:52:55,120
No, I spit acidic vomit.
(Sniffs)
1097
00:52:55,215 --> 00:52:56,250
Oh. Do you want me
1098
00:52:56,341 --> 00:52:57,401
to demonstrate? Deadpool: No!
1099
00:52:57,425 --> 00:52:58,819
Weasel: We'll take
your word for it.
1100
00:52:58,843 --> 00:53:01,072
Thank you. Yeah. Listen, we've
all eaten at arby's, okay?
1101
00:53:01,096 --> 00:53:03,758
And this is the vanisher.
1102
00:53:07,227 --> 00:53:08,227
But...
1103
00:53:09,396 --> 00:53:10,806
Vanisher!
1104
00:53:10,939 --> 00:53:12,475
(Laughs)
1105
00:53:13,233 --> 00:53:15,394
Nice! Right?
1106
00:53:16,111 --> 00:53:17,271
He's not here, is he?
1107
00:53:17,445 --> 00:53:19,106
He may be running late.
1108
00:53:20,532 --> 00:53:22,989
My name's rusty,
but I go by shatterstar.
1109
00:53:23,410 --> 00:53:24,490
Both: That's good, yeah.
1110
00:53:24,661 --> 00:53:26,697
"Rusty" is terrible. Toughie.
1111
00:53:26,871 --> 00:53:29,578
So, uh, where are you from?
The planet mojo world.
1112
00:53:29,749 --> 00:53:31,660
So you're an alien, I guess.
Bad name.
1113
00:53:31,835 --> 00:53:33,371
How does that, uh, help us?
1114
00:53:33,545 --> 00:53:36,332
I'm basically better
than you at everything.
1115
00:53:36,506 --> 00:53:38,226
Just once, I'm gonna find
a planet of people
1116
00:53:38,258 --> 00:53:39,714
that are worse than me
at everything.
1117
00:53:39,884 --> 00:53:41,966
A whole bunch
of functional idiots.
1118
00:53:42,137 --> 00:53:44,156
I'm gonna go there, and I'm
gonna be their Superman.
1119
00:53:44,180 --> 00:53:45,180
Isn't that Canada?
1120
00:53:45,265 --> 00:53:47,677
You shut your
goddamn trash mouth!
1121
00:53:48,852 --> 00:53:50,058
Weasel: Meet... domino.
1122
00:53:50,228 --> 00:53:52,184
Deadpool: What's your shtick?
I'm lucky.
1123
00:53:52,480 --> 00:53:53,480
That's not a superpower.
1124
00:53:53,815 --> 00:53:54,855
Yeah, it is. No, it isn't.
1125
00:53:54,899 --> 00:53:55,934
Yes, it is. No, itisn't.
1126
00:53:56,151 --> 00:53:57,231
Yeah, it is. No, itisn't.
1127
00:53:57,402 --> 00:53:58,402
Yes, it is. No, itisn't.
1128
00:53:58,486 --> 00:53:59,547
Yeah, it is. It really isn't.
1129
00:53:59,571 --> 00:54:00,686
No, it isn't. Yes, it is.
1130
00:54:00,780 --> 00:54:01,780
Told you.
1131
00:54:01,865 --> 00:54:03,355
Get out of my head!
1132
00:54:03,450 --> 00:54:04,485
I'm not in your head.
1133
00:54:04,701 --> 00:54:06,345
It looks like I'm in
an 11-year-old's bedroom.
1134
00:54:06,369 --> 00:54:08,514
If you're so lucky, then what
are you doing here with us?
1135
00:54:08,538 --> 00:54:10,266
I don't know yet.
What's that supposed to mean?
1136
00:54:10,290 --> 00:54:12,351
There's a reason why I'm here,
and I'll know when I know.
1137
00:54:12,375 --> 00:54:14,270
Everything usually just
kind of works out for me.
1138
00:54:14,294 --> 00:54:15,374
You're hired! You're hired.
1139
00:54:15,503 --> 00:54:16,834
Oh, lucky me.
1140
00:54:17,005 --> 00:54:18,005
Deadpool: She's great.
1141
00:54:19,382 --> 00:54:20,667
And last, but not least...
1142
00:54:20,842 --> 00:54:21,957
Peter.
1143
00:54:23,261 --> 00:54:25,217
Am I getting
catfished here or...?
1144
00:54:25,847 --> 00:54:27,803
Any powers you wanna
tell us about?
1145
00:54:27,891 --> 00:54:28,891
Peter: No.
1146
00:54:29,434 --> 00:54:31,015
I don't have one.
1147
00:54:31,186 --> 00:54:32,346
Um, I just saw the ad.
1148
00:54:32,479 --> 00:54:34,310
No superpowers at all?
1149
00:54:34,481 --> 00:54:37,473
I have both type 1
and 2 diabetes.
1150
00:54:37,942 --> 00:54:39,273
Ow! Oh!
1151
00:54:39,360 --> 00:54:40,566
That's all the diabetes.
1152
00:54:40,737 --> 00:54:41,897
Right, yeah, you got 'em all.
1153
00:54:41,946 --> 00:54:44,278
If you find a type 3,
let us know.
1154
00:54:44,449 --> 00:54:45,449
Yeah.
1155
00:54:45,533 --> 00:54:46,568
You're in.
1156
00:54:46,659 --> 00:54:47,774
Come on!
1157
00:54:49,996 --> 00:54:51,987
It's fulfilling work.
1158
00:55:02,926 --> 00:55:05,008
Guard: This is convoy 17
departing the ice box.
1159
00:55:05,178 --> 00:55:06,293
We are en route.
1160
00:55:14,395 --> 00:55:16,807
Cable:
Peacetime makes people soft.
1161
00:55:18,399 --> 00:55:20,264
I was born into war.
1162
00:55:21,736 --> 00:55:23,101
Bred into it.
1163
00:55:23,988 --> 00:55:24,988
Okay.
1164
00:55:25,865 --> 00:55:28,481
What's the most pain
you've ever felt?
1165
00:55:30,119 --> 00:55:31,180
These restraints are pretty...
1166
00:55:31,204 --> 00:55:32,319
Cable: I've got a list.
1167
00:55:33,623 --> 00:55:35,579
We're gonna work down it.
1168
00:55:36,459 --> 00:55:37,539
Together.
1169
00:55:38,628 --> 00:55:41,165
Number one,
I'm gonna bend something.
1170
00:55:41,631 --> 00:55:43,917
Something that was not
meant to bend.
1171
00:55:44,092 --> 00:55:45,194
I'm gonna stop you right there
1172
00:55:45,218 --> 00:55:46,403
because I'm not gonna
make it to two.
1173
00:55:46,427 --> 00:55:47,667
I won't even make it to one.
1174
00:55:47,846 --> 00:55:49,246
I don't do well with pain,
you know.
1175
00:55:49,389 --> 00:55:51,721
If I stub my toe,
I'm done for the day.
1176
00:55:52,100 --> 00:55:53,886
I cried when they
canceled Felicity.
1177
00:55:55,186 --> 00:55:56,288
I don't want you to hurt me,
1178
00:55:56,312 --> 00:55:58,553
and I'll tell you
anything you wanna know.
1179
00:55:59,774 --> 00:56:01,105
Except for where they are.
1180
00:56:01,651 --> 00:56:02,920
Russell's in a convoy
heading southbound
1181
00:56:02,944 --> 00:56:04,684
on Gerry duggan parkway.
1182
00:56:04,863 --> 00:56:06,423
The monster's with them.
I wouldn't mess with him.
1183
00:56:06,447 --> 00:56:07,508
Deadpool: You all know the plan.
1184
00:56:07,532 --> 00:56:09,898
Intercept the convoy,
grab the boy.
1185
00:56:10,076 --> 00:56:11,111
But not inappropriately!
1186
00:56:11,202 --> 00:56:12,202
Weasel: You know what,
1187
00:56:12,287 --> 00:56:13,347
I wouldn't mess
with deadpool either.
1188
00:56:13,371 --> 00:56:16,033
Because he's built a team.
He's unstoppable.
1189
00:56:16,207 --> 00:56:18,664
He has an ass pen.
He'll stab you with it.
1190
00:56:18,835 --> 00:56:21,326
Watch out for this guy, cable!
1191
00:56:21,504 --> 00:56:24,371
He's very short, 5'11".
Not like in the comics.
1192
00:56:24,549 --> 00:56:27,336
And if we succeed,
we all go home early.
1193
00:56:27,427 --> 00:56:29,713
Weasel: So if you go after
them, cable, I warn you...
1194
00:56:30,680 --> 00:56:32,295
There's a wind advisory
in effect.
1195
00:56:37,604 --> 00:56:39,219
(Wind howling)
1196
00:56:43,651 --> 00:56:45,291
Pilot: (On pa)
A little turbulent up here.
1197
00:56:52,660 --> 00:56:54,400
I don't know much
about this cable fella...
1198
00:56:54,579 --> 00:56:55,859
But I guarantee he hasn't killed
1199
00:56:55,914 --> 00:56:57,779
as many people as melanoma has.
1200
00:56:59,042 --> 00:57:00,122
We're getting close!
1201
00:57:00,501 --> 00:57:02,037
As a former x-man...
1202
00:57:02,211 --> 00:57:04,076
Trainee. Thank you, bedlam.
1203
00:57:04,255 --> 00:57:06,962
I was always appalled
by the blatant sexism
1204
00:57:07,050 --> 00:57:08,050
in the group's name.
1205
00:57:08,217 --> 00:57:09,753
X-Men! Men!
1206
00:57:10,303 --> 00:57:13,170
The point is, our group
will be forward thinking.
1207
00:57:13,348 --> 00:57:14,633
Gender neutral.
1208
00:57:14,807 --> 00:57:17,594
From now on,
we'll be known as...
1209
00:57:19,270 --> 00:57:20,635
X-force.
1210
00:57:27,195 --> 00:57:29,481
Hang the laundry out
at 1,300 feet...
1211
00:57:29,656 --> 00:57:31,362
Intercept the convoy,
and grab the boy.
1212
00:57:31,532 --> 00:57:32,718
Let's bring on
the carnage, baby!
1213
00:57:32,742 --> 00:57:34,403
Get me on the ground,
watch me go!
1214
00:57:34,494 --> 00:57:35,529
All: Yeah!
1215
00:57:35,620 --> 00:57:37,406
(All whooping)
I can't wait to kill!
1216
00:57:37,497 --> 00:57:39,158
Hey! Hey! Hey!
1217
00:57:40,291 --> 00:57:42,077
I just wanna say
how proud I am of this team.
1218
00:57:43,002 --> 00:57:45,744
You know, you guys look amazing!
1219
00:57:45,922 --> 00:57:48,664
Vanisher, I have no doubt
you look amazing too.
1220
00:57:48,841 --> 00:57:49,876
This is the family
1221
00:57:49,968 --> 00:57:51,754
that I've always dreamed
of having and I...
1222
00:57:52,303 --> 00:57:53,964
Ah, darn. I just...
1223
00:57:54,055 --> 00:57:55,055
(Sniffles)
1224
00:57:55,139 --> 00:57:56,699
I just get a little
choked up sometimes.
1225
00:57:56,849 --> 00:57:58,635
I hate to interrupt,
but is anybody nervous
1226
00:57:58,726 --> 00:58:00,011
about the high winds?
1227
00:58:00,186 --> 00:58:01,471
Gary. My name's Peter.
1228
00:58:01,646 --> 00:58:03,406
I realize that you're
new to this, but relax.
1229
00:58:03,523 --> 00:58:04,963
You've been chosen
by a higher power.
1230
00:58:05,233 --> 00:58:07,269
Did he just call himself god?
I think he did.
1231
00:58:07,360 --> 00:58:08,360
I'd like to go home.
1232
00:58:08,444 --> 00:58:10,150
I spent 10 years
in special forces.
1233
00:58:10,363 --> 00:58:11,507
You think we didn't
jump out of the plane
1234
00:58:11,531 --> 00:58:12,941
because of a light breeze?
1235
00:58:13,574 --> 00:58:15,815
You're in this shit now,
mustache!
1236
00:58:15,994 --> 00:58:17,972
(Whispers) I'm only yelling
to impress the other guys.
1237
00:58:17,996 --> 00:58:19,876
I'd never let anything
happen to you, sugarbear.
1238
00:58:20,415 --> 00:58:22,576
Leonard, hit it!
1239
00:58:22,667 --> 00:58:24,703
(Alarm blaring)
(Thunderstruck playing)
1240
00:58:31,175 --> 00:58:33,211
Gol go! Gol
1241
00:58:33,302 --> 00:58:34,917
(man singing)
1242
00:59:08,921 --> 00:59:10,286
Let's get some!
1243
00:59:10,381 --> 00:59:11,496
Whoo!
1244
00:59:11,591 --> 00:59:12,706
Oh, yeah!
1245
00:59:12,884 --> 00:59:15,717
Convoy, 12 o'clock!
On my command!
1246
00:59:16,679 --> 00:59:18,169
Deploy! Oh, hey now!
1247
00:59:18,514 --> 00:59:19,674
Whoa!
1248
00:59:25,521 --> 00:59:27,057
Little off course here.
1249
00:59:29,400 --> 00:59:31,891
Holy mommy, what the...?
1250
00:59:33,112 --> 00:59:34,602
Ah, there they are.
1251
00:59:35,073 --> 00:59:37,735
Look at these gorgeous
sons of bitches. (Blows kiss)
1252
00:59:38,242 --> 00:59:40,198
Oh, yeah! That's right, bedlam!
1253
00:59:41,996 --> 00:59:43,327
(Bedlam grunts) (All gasp)
1254
00:59:43,414 --> 00:59:44,574
(Gasping dramatically)
1255
00:59:45,124 --> 00:59:47,706
No! Tripping billies!
1256
00:59:48,294 --> 00:59:49,294
Shatterstar.
1257
00:59:50,004 --> 00:59:51,494
Okay, you got this.
1258
00:59:53,674 --> 00:59:54,674
I eft!
1259
00:59:54,801 --> 00:59:56,041
I eft!
1260
00:59:56,219 --> 00:59:58,210
No, stage left, you idiot!
1261
00:59:58,513 --> 00:59:59,548
(Gasps)
1262
01:00:00,348 --> 01:00:01,838
Well, I guess we found something
1263
01:00:01,933 --> 01:00:03,013
you're not better at.
1264
01:00:05,061 --> 01:00:06,061
Vanisher.
1265
01:00:06,437 --> 01:00:08,177
Maybe the wind can't blow
what it can't see.
1266
01:00:09,607 --> 01:00:10,607
(Grunting)
1267
01:00:10,691 --> 01:00:11,691
Oh! Really?
1268
01:00:11,818 --> 01:00:13,149
Wait, wait, wait. Was that...
1269
01:00:13,778 --> 01:00:14,778
Benjamin button.
1270
01:00:14,862 --> 01:00:16,398
Brad Pitt?
1271
01:00:16,572 --> 01:00:18,358
How'd you get Brad Pitt?
1272
01:00:18,533 --> 01:00:19,533
You're here, aren't you?
1273
01:00:19,659 --> 01:00:21,320
Yeah, but I didn't agree to...
1274
01:00:21,702 --> 01:00:23,238
Both: Oh.
1275
01:00:23,621 --> 01:00:24,621
See, Brad...
1276
01:00:24,872 --> 01:00:26,612
He's still locked
in my storm cellar
1277
01:00:26,707 --> 01:00:28,538
along with Celine Dion
and Matt Damon.
1278
01:00:29,168 --> 01:00:31,159
It's like Shawshank down there.
1279
01:00:31,254 --> 01:00:32,460
(Snickering)
1280
01:00:32,547 --> 01:00:34,037
Matt Damon's in this shit?
1281
01:00:34,215 --> 01:00:35,500
Yeah. (Laughs)
1282
01:00:35,675 --> 01:00:37,666
I suggest you go down there
first thing...
1283
01:00:37,844 --> 01:00:39,334
And just punch him
as hard as you can.
1284
01:00:39,512 --> 01:00:42,094
You wanna establish dominance
or that guy will own you.
1285
01:00:42,265 --> 01:00:44,677
And quit burning our "s" words.
1286
01:00:45,101 --> 01:00:46,621
I've always wanted
to fight Matt Damon.
1287
01:00:48,980 --> 01:00:50,040
I'm sorry, what did you say?
1288
01:00:50,064 --> 01:00:51,064
What did I say?
1289
01:00:51,149 --> 01:00:53,265
I thought you said...
(Bleep) Matt Damon.
1290
01:00:53,484 --> 01:00:54,753
I did. I wanna...
(Bleep) Matt Damon.
1291
01:00:54,777 --> 01:00:55,777
You wanna what?
1292
01:00:55,862 --> 01:00:56,862
I wanna... (Bleep) Him,
1293
01:00:56,946 --> 01:00:58,173
and then I want him to...
(Bleep) Me.
1294
01:00:58,197 --> 01:00:59,341
And then,
if I'm doing a good job...
1295
01:00:59,365 --> 01:01:00,425
I want all my friends and family
1296
01:01:00,449 --> 01:01:01,529
to come watch me... (Bleep)
1297
01:01:01,617 --> 01:01:02,617
Tell me more about that.
1298
01:01:02,702 --> 01:01:04,542
Well, I feel like, if we...
(Bleep) Each other,
1299
01:01:04,579 --> 01:01:06,444
you know, in private,
kinda work on our moves.
1300
01:01:06,622 --> 01:01:08,578
Then we kinda sell
some tickets...
1301
01:01:08,749 --> 01:01:09,949
And we get an arena, you know?
1302
01:01:10,084 --> 01:01:11,562
And then we... (Bleep)
Each other in the arena.
1303
01:01:11,586 --> 01:01:13,306
We get outfits.
You know, like cool outfits.
1304
01:01:13,421 --> 01:01:14,648
And we... (Bleep) Each other...
1305
01:01:14,672 --> 01:01:16,400
And everyone's cheering
and betting on who's gonna...
1306
01:01:16,424 --> 01:01:17,664
(Bleep) Each other the hardest.
1307
01:01:17,800 --> 01:01:19,165
And then, when it's all done,
1308
01:01:19,260 --> 01:01:20,750
there's gonna be
a champion... (Bleep)
1309
01:01:20,845 --> 01:01:22,156
And it'll be like,
I think I'll win...
1310
01:01:22,180 --> 01:01:23,615
'Cause I'm like
a really strong... (Bleep)
1311
01:01:23,639 --> 01:01:24,700
Right. Yeah, totally.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1312
01:01:24,724 --> 01:01:26,724
And they'll be like,
"wait, no, lay off Matt Damon!
1313
01:01:26,851 --> 01:01:28,182
"You're... (Bleep) Him
too hard!"
1314
01:01:28,269 --> 01:01:29,269
And I'm gonna say,
1315
01:01:29,353 --> 01:01:31,309
"no! I got a little more...
(Bleep) Left in me."
1316
01:01:31,397 --> 01:01:32,457
And then I'm gonna... (Bleep)
1317
01:01:32,481 --> 01:01:34,209
And I'm gonna... (Bleep)
And I'm gonna... (Bleep)
1318
01:01:34,233 --> 01:01:35,233
Why are you buzzing that?
1319
01:01:35,401 --> 01:01:37,129
'Cause I feel like
you're making it sound like
1320
01:01:37,153 --> 01:01:38,338
I'm saying something
I'm not saying.
1321
01:01:38,362 --> 01:01:39,362
What are you saying?
1322
01:01:39,447 --> 01:01:40,507
I'm saying
I wanna fight Matt Damon.
1323
01:01:40,531 --> 01:01:41,531
Oh! (Laughing)
1324
01:01:41,616 --> 01:01:42,901
You should've said so!
1325
01:01:42,992 --> 01:01:44,872
I thought you were saying...
(Bleep) Matt Damon.
1326
01:01:44,952 --> 01:01:45,952
No! No!
1327
01:01:46,037 --> 01:01:47,368
That's crazy! Crazy.
1328
01:01:47,538 --> 01:01:48,538
Why, did he ask about me?
1329
01:01:48,664 --> 01:01:49,664
No.
1330
01:01:49,749 --> 01:01:50,749
Okay.
1331
01:01:51,959 --> 01:01:53,915
All right,
we could do this with four.
1332
01:01:54,086 --> 01:01:56,828
Sugarbear. You got this, buddy!
1333
01:01:57,006 --> 01:01:59,122
That's the stuff!
That's the x-force spirit!
1334
01:02:00,134 --> 01:02:02,170
Never underestimate
a man with a mustache!
1335
01:02:02,345 --> 01:02:03,710
Just ask anyone in Brooklyn.
1336
01:02:03,804 --> 01:02:04,919
(Whoops) We did it!
1337
01:02:05,014 --> 01:02:06,595
You're a goddamn superhero, you!
1338
01:02:06,766 --> 01:02:07,801
X-force!
1339
01:02:08,392 --> 01:02:09,392
X-force.
1340
01:02:10,061 --> 01:02:11,392
Whoo-hoo!
1341
01:02:11,479 --> 01:02:12,594
(Screaming)
1342
01:02:12,688 --> 01:02:13,688
(Wood chipper whirring)
1343
01:02:13,773 --> 01:02:15,638
(Gasps) Oh!
1344
01:02:16,692 --> 01:02:17,772
(Exhales)
1345
01:02:19,362 --> 01:02:20,362
Peter.
1346
01:02:20,529 --> 01:02:22,174
Peter: I got you, buddy!
You're gonna be fine!
1347
01:02:22,198 --> 01:02:23,984
You got this, big guy!
Here we go, Peter!
1348
01:02:24,158 --> 01:02:26,319
Look at me.
We're x-force, right?
1349
01:02:26,494 --> 01:02:28,610
Yeah, we're x-force.
We're x-force.
1350
01:02:32,291 --> 01:02:33,906
Oh, my gosh! What the...?
1351
01:02:34,085 --> 01:02:36,041
Acidic vomit! (Screams)
1352
01:02:36,128 --> 01:02:39,120
Oh, god! I'm gonna throw up
in my mask.
1353
01:02:39,215 --> 01:02:40,215
(Exhales)
1354
01:02:41,133 --> 01:02:43,374
Domino:
Okay, I'm over the convoy.
1355
01:02:43,552 --> 01:02:45,463
Where did the rest
of the team land?
1356
01:02:46,138 --> 01:02:47,674
Deadpool:
Good news and bad news.
1357
01:02:47,848 --> 01:02:50,931
Bad news is
the whole team is dead.
1358
01:02:51,102 --> 01:02:52,102
The good news is,
1359
01:02:52,186 --> 01:02:54,142
I don't think anyone's
gonna miss shatterstar.
1360
01:02:54,313 --> 01:02:57,396
He was a bit of a prick.
Oh, but Paul!
1361
01:02:57,566 --> 01:02:58,566
Domino: Peter!
1362
01:02:58,651 --> 01:02:59,891
Peter, I'm gonna miss him most.
1363
01:02:59,986 --> 01:03:01,021
Domino: The whole team?
1364
01:03:01,153 --> 01:03:02,814
Only the main ones.
We're still good.
1365
01:03:02,905 --> 01:03:04,305
(People exclaiming)
You are so dumb.
1366
01:03:04,448 --> 01:03:06,939
Even after all this time,
I still can't talk about it.
1367
01:03:07,118 --> 01:03:08,983
Who knew these winds
would be so strong?
1368
01:03:09,161 --> 01:03:11,527
Domino: Everyone!
Everyone on the helicopter!
1369
01:03:11,706 --> 01:03:13,412
And everyone
not on the helicopter!
1370
01:03:15,543 --> 01:03:16,953
Deadpool:
Looking good, vanisher.
1371
01:03:26,262 --> 01:03:28,127
Domino: They're headed
into the tunnel.
1372
01:03:28,306 --> 01:03:29,716
I'm that kid's only hope,
1373
01:03:29,807 --> 01:03:31,763
so sit tight
and wait for my word.
1374
01:03:31,934 --> 01:03:32,934
Domino: I'm dropping in.
1375
01:03:33,102 --> 01:03:35,093
Deadpool: Uh, that's
a negative, sole survivor.
1376
01:03:35,271 --> 01:03:38,434
Luck is not a superpower!
We are so screwed!
1377
01:03:38,607 --> 01:03:41,644
No, we most certainly
are not screwed.
1378
01:03:41,736 --> 01:03:44,148
(Cars horns honking)
(Brakes screeching)
1379
01:03:45,531 --> 01:03:47,897
Deadpool: Seriously,
I don't get it!
1380
01:03:48,075 --> 01:03:50,737
What, you shoot luck lasers
out of your eyes?
1381
01:03:51,871 --> 01:03:53,577
It's just it's hard to picture.
1382
01:03:53,748 --> 01:03:55,739
And certainly
not very cinematic.
1383
01:03:57,251 --> 01:04:00,288
I mean, luck? What kind of
caffeine-chugging...
1384
01:04:00,463 --> 01:04:02,954
Diet-soda-swillin'
freakshow comic book artist...
1385
01:04:03,049 --> 01:04:04,505
Came up
with that little Chestnut?
1386
01:04:04,675 --> 01:04:06,791
Probably a guy
who can't draw feet!
1387
01:04:14,727 --> 01:04:17,594
Once again, it all falls
on my shoulders.
1388
01:04:17,772 --> 01:04:18,999
It's why I'm cursed fo be
a solo act.
1389
01:04:19,023 --> 01:04:20,103
Wander the earth... I'm in.
1390
01:04:20,191 --> 01:04:21,556
I'm sorry, what did you say?
1391
01:04:21,734 --> 01:04:22,734
I'm in.
1392
01:04:22,818 --> 01:04:25,230
How in the name of Satan
are you in already?
1393
01:04:25,321 --> 01:04:26,321
Oh, shit.
1394
01:04:26,781 --> 01:04:27,941
It's cable. 12 o'clock.
1395
01:04:28,199 --> 01:04:29,234
Deadpool: Okay.
1396
01:04:29,325 --> 01:04:31,737
New plan. Use all of your
imaginary powers
1397
01:04:31,827 --> 01:04:34,443
to stop cable
from killing that kid.
1398
01:04:34,622 --> 01:04:36,237
I'm coming up on your six.
1399
01:04:43,881 --> 01:04:45,746
That gun is amazing!
1400
01:04:45,841 --> 01:04:48,207
(Grunts) (Tires screeching)
1401
01:04:55,976 --> 01:04:57,466
Domino: Where is he?
I can't see him.
1402
01:04:57,645 --> 01:04:59,135
Deadpool: He's on the top.
1403
01:05:03,609 --> 01:05:05,224
Deadpool: He's in! He's in!
1404
01:05:05,444 --> 01:05:07,560
Russell! Russell Collins!
1405
01:05:07,738 --> 01:05:09,774
Deadpool: Hands off that kid,
John Connor!
1406
01:05:19,083 --> 01:05:20,198
Shit!
1407
01:05:21,127 --> 01:05:22,833
(Prisoner screaming)
1408
01:05:23,671 --> 01:05:24,671
(Grunts)
1409
01:05:32,763 --> 01:05:34,173
(Beeping rapidly)
1410
01:05:42,148 --> 01:05:44,059
Deadpool.:
Two can play that game!
1411
01:05:46,152 --> 01:05:47,152
Got it!
1412
01:05:47,403 --> 01:05:48,518
No, I don't.
1413
01:05:48,696 --> 01:05:49,696
Showtime, mama!
1414
01:05:49,780 --> 01:05:51,395
Lady luck, take the wheel.
1415
01:05:59,415 --> 01:06:00,415
(Gun clicks)
1416
01:06:06,088 --> 01:06:07,088
(Groans)
1417
01:06:13,387 --> 01:06:14,387
Eat me, mutant!
1418
01:06:15,055 --> 01:06:16,055
Deadpool: Ouchiel
1419
01:06:21,353 --> 01:06:22,388
(Horns honking)
1420
01:06:23,355 --> 01:06:24,355
(Domino grunting)
1421
01:06:25,441 --> 01:06:27,102
(Both grunting)
1422
01:06:39,955 --> 01:06:40,955
Hang in there, doms!
1423
01:06:42,291 --> 01:06:43,531
Oh, this is really hard.
1424
01:06:43,626 --> 01:06:44,866
(Tires screeching)
1425
01:06:54,178 --> 01:06:55,178
(Gunshot)
1426
01:06:55,262 --> 01:06:56,672
And give me back
my skee-ball token.
1427
01:07:00,184 --> 01:07:01,549
You're doing great. X-force.
1428
01:07:03,729 --> 01:07:05,720
I guess dubstep never dies.
1429
01:07:05,814 --> 01:07:07,475
(Bangarang playing)
1430
01:07:10,027 --> 01:07:11,027
Whoo!
1431
01:07:12,279 --> 01:07:13,279
(Laughing)
1432
01:07:14,698 --> 01:07:15,698
(Black Tom groans)
1433
01:07:15,783 --> 01:07:16,898
(Deadpool gasps)
1434
01:07:20,496 --> 01:07:21,496
(Growlys)
1435
01:07:22,289 --> 01:07:23,324
That's unfortunate.
1436
01:07:26,460 --> 01:07:27,700
We got no brakes!
1437
01:07:27,878 --> 01:07:29,118
(Straining) Figure it out!
1438
01:07:29,713 --> 01:07:30,953
(Both grunting)
1439
01:07:32,508 --> 01:07:34,044
There's nothing I can't kill.
1440
01:07:35,970 --> 01:07:36,970
Ooh.
1441
01:07:37,429 --> 01:07:40,717
Somebody knows karate.
1442
01:07:43,102 --> 01:07:44,638
Give me your best shot,
one-eyed Willy.
1443
01:07:55,990 --> 01:07:56,990
(Panting)
1444
01:07:57,074 --> 01:07:58,860
Those bullets are like,
super fast.
1445
01:07:59,034 --> 01:08:00,034
Here we go.
1446
01:08:00,578 --> 01:08:02,785
Domino, mind slowing us down?
1447
01:08:02,955 --> 01:08:04,661
(Sighs) Here goes nothing.
1448
01:08:04,748 --> 01:08:05,954
(Horn honking)
1449
01:08:11,130 --> 01:08:12,336
(Honking)
1450
01:08:23,309 --> 01:08:24,469
(Grunts)
1451
01:08:25,561 --> 01:08:26,561
(Groans)
1452
01:08:30,608 --> 01:08:31,814
Man: Knock, knock.
1453
01:08:37,531 --> 01:08:38,771
That's my boy.
1454
01:08:38,866 --> 01:08:40,322
(Both grunting)
1455
01:08:44,330 --> 01:08:45,695
Holy...
1456
01:08:45,789 --> 01:08:46,789
(Grunts)
1457
01:08:50,586 --> 01:08:52,076
(Only time playing)
1458
01:08:54,381 --> 01:08:55,587
(Yelling)
1459
01:08:56,175 --> 01:08:57,665
Deadpool:
I'll be first to admit...
1460
01:08:57,843 --> 01:09:00,129
This did not go
according to plan.
1461
01:09:01,513 --> 01:09:03,049
I'll also be the first
to admit that
1462
01:09:03,140 --> 01:09:04,926
that plan was written in crayon.
1463
01:09:05,392 --> 01:09:07,508
Looks like Russell found
a hew friend.
1464
01:09:08,228 --> 01:09:09,889
Turns out domino's
a bit of a badass,
1465
01:09:09,980 --> 01:09:12,972
and maybe,
possibly mildly lucky.
1466
01:09:13,150 --> 01:09:16,267
But cable? Ugh.
That guy's in a mood.
1467
01:09:16,445 --> 01:09:17,445
(Chuckles) A mood that is
1468
01:09:17,529 --> 01:09:19,315
about to get
significantly worse.
1469
01:09:20,574 --> 01:09:21,574
(Squeaks)
1470
01:09:25,579 --> 01:09:26,579
(Sighs)
1471
01:09:39,385 --> 01:09:40,966
(Groans)
1472
01:09:43,097 --> 01:09:45,338
Something is so terribly,
terribly wrong.
1473
01:09:48,435 --> 01:09:49,720
Oh. (Neck snaps)
1474
01:09:51,730 --> 01:09:53,220
Oh, man, that hurt.
1475
01:09:55,442 --> 01:09:56,932
(Groaning)
1476
01:09:58,612 --> 01:09:59,692
Russell.
1477
01:10:02,408 --> 01:10:03,488
Russell!
1478
01:10:04,201 --> 01:10:06,192
Russ, where are ya?
1479
01:10:09,832 --> 01:10:11,914
Russell. Russell, you're okay!
1480
01:10:12,084 --> 01:10:15,247
Oh, thank... oh, my god!
1481
01:10:15,546 --> 01:10:16,752
Juggernaut!
1482
01:10:16,839 --> 01:10:17,919
(Gasps)
1483
01:10:18,006 --> 01:10:19,917
I thought that was you!
1484
01:10:20,092 --> 01:10:22,174
I should've worn my white pants.
1485
01:10:22,803 --> 01:10:25,920
You probably get this a lot,
but I am a huge fan.
1486
01:10:26,765 --> 01:10:30,007
Uncanny X-Men 183. Thor 411.
1487
01:10:30,185 --> 01:10:31,345
X-Men unlimited 12.
1488
01:10:31,520 --> 01:10:33,556
You know, it has always been
a dream of mine...
1489
01:10:33,731 --> 01:10:35,471
To see my face
reflected in your helmet...
1490
01:10:35,649 --> 01:10:37,605
As you charge at me
with murderous intent.
1491
01:10:37,776 --> 01:10:39,312
I don't mean right now.
1492
01:10:39,653 --> 01:10:41,518
I'm gonna rip you in half now.
1493
01:10:41,697 --> 01:10:43,938
(Laughs) That is such
a juggernaut thing to say.
1494
01:10:44,032 --> 01:10:45,863
(Deadpool screaming)
1495
01:10:47,453 --> 01:10:48,488
Oh, my god!
1496
01:11:00,883 --> 01:11:03,249
Oh, my god!
I can't feel my legs.
1497
01:11:03,343 --> 01:11:04,343
I can't feel...
1498
01:11:05,471 --> 01:11:07,052
Oh, no, they're right here.
1499
01:11:07,598 --> 01:11:09,259
Got 'em. Russell.
1500
01:11:09,433 --> 01:11:11,014
I have a mission.
1501
01:11:11,727 --> 01:11:12,967
To get my revenge.
1502
01:11:13,437 --> 01:11:15,598
I'm going to burn
that headmaster alive.
1503
01:11:15,773 --> 01:11:17,855
You're not the revenge type.
1504
01:11:18,025 --> 01:11:19,231
Take it from a friend.
1505
01:11:19,818 --> 01:11:22,480
Friend? You said it yourself.
1506
01:11:23,280 --> 01:11:25,612
"I'm not your friend.
Find someone stronger."
1507
01:11:25,783 --> 01:11:26,989
So I did.
1508
01:11:27,075 --> 01:11:28,190
(Grunts)
1509
01:11:28,410 --> 01:11:30,492
Russell, I couldn't
protect you back then.
1510
01:11:30,662 --> 01:11:33,950
But I can now. What do you
want me to say, huh?
1511
01:11:34,124 --> 01:11:37,366
"I care about you"? 'Cause
I care about you, Russell.
1512
01:11:38,003 --> 01:11:39,914
What's juggernaut got
that I don't have?
1513
01:11:40,088 --> 01:11:42,921
Don't you say legs! I know
you're gonna say legs!
1514
01:11:43,091 --> 01:11:45,924
Legs!
Still hurts to hear out loud!
1515
01:11:48,180 --> 01:11:51,047
What is that?
That's not a real rope!
1516
01:11:51,308 --> 01:11:53,424
You get back here, young man!
(Sirens wailing)
1517
01:11:54,436 --> 01:11:55,551
Doms!
1518
01:11:56,021 --> 01:11:58,012
Doms, get me
out of here, please.
1519
01:11:58,190 --> 01:12:00,431
Use my arms as backpack straps.
1520
01:12:03,278 --> 01:12:04,358
I think we may have found
1521
01:12:04,446 --> 01:12:06,402
your cosmic reason
for being here.
1522
01:12:06,824 --> 01:12:08,405
I'm pretty sure this isn't it.
1523
01:12:08,575 --> 01:12:09,860
Deadpool: X-force.
1524
01:12:23,257 --> 01:12:24,918
Blind al: No child is hopeless.
1525
01:12:25,175 --> 01:12:28,042
Don't give up on the boy.
How could he just walk away?
1526
01:12:28,720 --> 01:12:30,961
It was the coldness in his eyes.
1527
01:12:31,473 --> 01:12:33,054
You should've heard it.
1528
01:12:33,851 --> 01:12:34,886
(Wade sighs)
1529
01:12:34,977 --> 01:12:37,263
I guess family
really is an f-word.
1530
01:12:38,105 --> 01:12:40,187
(Groans) Rub my legs, mama.
1531
01:12:40,440 --> 01:12:41,725
Why would I rub your legs?
1532
01:12:41,900 --> 01:12:44,482
Please, they hurt.
I have growing pains.
1533
01:12:44,862 --> 01:12:46,193
(Blind al sighs)
1534
01:12:47,948 --> 01:12:49,154
What in the...
1535
01:12:49,658 --> 01:12:51,899
Why is your hand so tiny again?
1536
01:12:52,411 --> 01:12:53,776
That's not my hand.
1537
01:12:54,288 --> 01:12:56,119
Oh! Mary, mother of Joseph!
1538
01:12:56,707 --> 01:12:58,493
That was nice for me.
(Door opens)
1539
01:12:58,667 --> 01:13:01,409
Wade! I heard what happened
with the convoy and...
1540
01:13:01,503 --> 01:13:02,538
(Gasps)
1541
01:13:04,172 --> 01:13:05,252
(Weasel retches)
1542
01:13:05,924 --> 01:13:07,755
Why wouldn't you cover that up?
1543
01:13:08,260 --> 01:13:10,672
A warrior has nothing
to be ashamed of.
1544
01:13:11,305 --> 01:13:12,795
Yeah, but you do. Look at you.
1545
01:13:12,973 --> 01:13:14,117
You're just straight, just...
1546
01:13:14,141 --> 01:13:15,597
Full winnie the pooh.
1547
01:13:16,059 --> 01:13:17,595
Toddler style?
1548
01:13:17,769 --> 01:13:18,769
Yes, sir.
1549
01:13:18,937 --> 01:13:20,417
Fred: Wait, hold on, hold on.
Hold on.
1550
01:13:20,647 --> 01:13:25,266
If the top half of deadpool
is growing baby legs...
1551
01:13:25,444 --> 01:13:28,436
Does that mean the bottom half
is growing a baby head?
1552
01:13:28,739 --> 01:13:30,008
Well, I don't see
why that matters.
1553
01:13:30,032 --> 01:13:31,032
I think it matters a lot.
1554
01:13:31,199 --> 01:13:33,261
I mean, if you want us to buy
the regeneration thing,
1555
01:13:33,285 --> 01:13:34,285
you gotta address it.
1556
01:13:34,369 --> 01:13:35,654
Are there two deadpools now?
1557
01:13:35,829 --> 01:13:38,036
And if so,
what's the other one doing?
1558
01:13:38,206 --> 01:13:39,206
And is he like you?
1559
01:13:39,291 --> 01:13:41,282
Does he have
the same personality as you?
1560
01:13:41,460 --> 01:13:42,495
Or the same memories?
1561
01:13:42,586 --> 01:13:43,586
And if he does,
1562
01:13:43,670 --> 01:13:44,981
then is he going to re-enter
the plot later?
1563
01:13:45,005 --> 01:13:46,461
'Cause he should.
1564
01:13:46,632 --> 01:13:48,151
You're really freaking
me out right now.
1565
01:13:48,175 --> 01:13:49,711
And if that one got cut in half,
1566
01:13:49,801 --> 01:13:50,945
then there would be
three deadpools?
1567
01:13:50,969 --> 01:13:52,729
I mean, you can see
where it all falls apart.
1568
01:13:52,888 --> 01:13:54,594
And quite frankly,
why I prefer marvel.
1569
01:13:54,765 --> 01:13:55,765
We are marvel.
1570
01:13:55,849 --> 01:13:57,885
(Laughs) Hilarious. You're fox.
1571
01:13:59,519 --> 01:14:00,519
Describe it.
1572
01:14:00,604 --> 01:14:02,040
I wouldn't ask him to
do that, if I were you.
1573
01:14:02,064 --> 01:14:03,464
Weasel: It's like, um...
Here we go.
1574
01:14:03,607 --> 01:14:05,043
It's like he's a muppet
from the waist down.
1575
01:14:05,067 --> 01:14:07,274
But this time, you can see
the muppet's twig.
1576
01:14:07,361 --> 01:14:09,213
Dopinder: Mr. weasel, I can
no longer be double-parked.
1577
01:14:09,237 --> 01:14:10,837
I've had three tickets
already. (Screams)
1578
01:14:12,574 --> 01:14:15,111
No, no, no, dp, not again!
1579
01:14:15,285 --> 01:14:16,741
This has happened before? Yeah.
1580
01:14:16,828 --> 01:14:17,828
(Dopinder retching)
1581
01:14:17,913 --> 01:14:19,265
(Door opens)
Dopinder, either vomit
1582
01:14:19,289 --> 01:14:20,809
or don't. The indecision
is killing me.
1583
01:14:20,916 --> 01:14:22,781
Why couldn't god
take my hearing?
1584
01:14:24,711 --> 01:14:26,451
Oh. Wow!
1585
01:14:26,630 --> 01:14:28,166
Cool your pits.
They're growing back.
1586
01:14:28,340 --> 01:14:29,921
I'm talking about your face.
1587
01:14:30,258 --> 01:14:32,123
I've never seen you
without your mask before.
1588
01:14:32,302 --> 01:14:34,384
Jesus Christ!
Looks like an avocado.
1589
01:14:34,554 --> 01:14:36,169
Domino: Your legs, though,
they're cute.
1590
01:14:36,515 --> 01:14:38,301
You wanna borrow
a pair of pants?
1591
01:14:39,893 --> 01:14:41,178
I'm glad everybody dropped by.
1592
01:14:44,272 --> 01:14:45,762
I'll tell you why I'm here.
1593
01:14:45,941 --> 01:14:48,102
The time traveler's wife's
husband...
1594
01:14:48,276 --> 01:14:49,504
Beat me within
an inch of my life.
1595
01:14:49,528 --> 01:14:50,688
He was torturing me!
1596
01:14:50,862 --> 01:14:53,729
But all I told him was
everything he wanted to know.
1597
01:14:53,907 --> 01:14:56,068
So, I'm here to help us gear up.
1598
01:14:56,451 --> 01:14:57,762
So we can go after him
without me.
1599
01:14:57,786 --> 01:14:58,786
Wade: No!
1600
01:14:59,204 --> 01:15:00,535
I'm doing this alone.
1601
01:15:00,706 --> 01:15:01,706
The juggernaut
1602
01:15:01,790 --> 01:15:03,030
will kill you all. Fair enough.
1603
01:15:03,208 --> 01:15:04,686
Wade: I don't care
what the kid did to me.
1604
01:15:04,710 --> 01:15:05,937
I ain't letting
cable get to him.
1605
01:15:05,961 --> 01:15:08,293
I just need a couple of hours
to get some legs under me.
1606
01:15:08,463 --> 01:15:09,498
What will you do?
1607
01:15:09,589 --> 01:15:10,650
The first order of business is
1608
01:15:10,674 --> 01:15:11,734
to get me in front of cable...
1609
01:15:11,758 --> 01:15:13,111
So I can pull all the blood
out of his body...
1610
01:15:13,135 --> 01:15:15,376
And fashion his bones
into holiday jewelry.
1611
01:15:15,554 --> 01:15:17,215
Then, I'm gonna take his skin...
1612
01:15:17,389 --> 01:15:20,472
And stretch it out
over a homemade mating drum.
1613
01:15:21,810 --> 01:15:23,471
He's standing right
behind you, isn't he?
1614
01:15:26,857 --> 01:15:27,857
(Cocks gun)
1615
01:15:32,195 --> 01:15:33,901
What in the ass?
1616
01:15:34,072 --> 01:15:37,189
Is this apartment listed
on tinder? Grindr?
1617
01:15:37,367 --> 01:15:39,358
You're much taller
in the comics.
1618
01:15:40,954 --> 01:15:43,320
Ugh. Is that really necessary?
1619
01:15:47,461 --> 01:15:49,247
Why? No.
1620
01:15:49,421 --> 01:15:50,461
What can we help you with?
1621
01:15:51,214 --> 01:15:52,829
I'm here to proposition you.
1622
01:15:54,342 --> 01:15:55,342
(Laughs) Oh, boy!
1623
01:15:55,427 --> 01:15:56,654
He's really teeing it up,
isn't he?
1624
01:15:56,678 --> 01:15:58,589
Who gets to make the first joke?
1625
01:15:58,764 --> 01:16:00,116
I think we should all
do it at the same time.
1626
01:16:00,140 --> 01:16:01,140
Good call.
1627
01:16:01,266 --> 01:16:02,326
For $45, you get succotash.
1628
01:16:02,350 --> 01:16:04,181
Both: I only do over
the pants, mouth stuff.
1629
01:16:04,561 --> 01:16:05,621
The proposition has a wonderful
1630
01:16:05,645 --> 01:16:06,645
guy pearce performance.
1631
01:16:06,730 --> 01:16:08,641
Wade: Wait, wait, wait!
I wanna do mine over.
1632
01:16:08,815 --> 01:16:11,056
Give us the line again.
I need your help!
1633
01:16:11,568 --> 01:16:13,768
Trust me, I'm even less happy
about this than you are...
1634
01:16:13,904 --> 01:16:15,184
But you unleashed
the juggernaut.
1635
01:16:15,739 --> 01:16:17,775
I can't bring him down alone.
1636
01:16:18,200 --> 01:16:19,440
So here we are.
1637
01:16:20,702 --> 01:16:22,317
We're no longer
accepting applications
1638
01:16:22,412 --> 01:16:23,492
for x-force, unfortunately.
1639
01:16:23,580 --> 01:16:24,700
We don't have a lot of time.
1640
01:16:24,831 --> 01:16:26,511
Your friend's about
to make his first kill.
1641
01:16:26,666 --> 01:16:28,146
No offense,
but if you know so much...
1642
01:16:28,210 --> 01:16:30,576
Why not travel back to when
he was a baby, kill him then?
1643
01:16:30,796 --> 01:16:32,787
I use a device
to slide through time.
1644
01:16:32,964 --> 01:16:35,376
The longer I travel,
the harder it is to control.
1645
01:16:35,550 --> 01:16:38,132
I got two charges:
One to get me here,
1646
01:16:38,220 --> 01:16:39,505
one to get me home.
1647
01:16:39,596 --> 01:16:40,631
Well.
1648
01:16:40,722 --> 01:16:41,928
That's just lazy writing.
1649
01:16:42,099 --> 01:16:44,681
Oh, yeah. I get it.
I see what you did there.
1650
01:16:45,018 --> 01:16:46,018
What?
1651
01:16:46,103 --> 01:16:48,469
Jokes about lazy writing to
cover up actual lazy writing.
1652
01:16:48,647 --> 01:16:50,558
Why don't you just write better?
1653
01:16:50,732 --> 01:16:51,938
Why don't you just shut up?
1654
01:16:52,943 --> 01:16:54,649
Your boy's gonna
kill the headmaster
1655
01:16:54,736 --> 01:16:56,146
of the orphanage tonight.
1656
01:16:56,321 --> 01:16:58,437
After that,
he gets a real taste for it.
1657
01:16:58,615 --> 01:17:00,526
Like a 10-year-old
Kirsten Dunst.
1658
01:17:00,700 --> 01:17:02,315
So he keeps killing...
1659
01:17:02,494 --> 01:17:03,950
And killing, and killing,
1660
01:17:04,037 --> 01:17:05,322
and killing. (Guns cocking)
1661
01:17:05,705 --> 01:17:08,697
Until one day,
he kills the wrong people.
1662
01:17:11,419 --> 01:17:12,784
My people.
1663
01:17:16,758 --> 01:17:17,793
Relax.
1664
01:17:17,968 --> 01:17:20,334
I'm retrieving something
from my utility bag.
1665
01:17:20,512 --> 01:17:22,753
It's a goddamn Fanny pack...
1666
01:17:22,931 --> 01:17:25,593
And you know it,
you sick son of a bitch!
1667
01:17:25,767 --> 01:17:27,428
The difference is night and day.
1668
01:17:31,565 --> 01:17:32,680
I'm sorry.
1669
01:17:33,066 --> 01:17:34,418
I said, "you remind me
of my wife."
1670
01:17:34,442 --> 01:17:35,586
No, I'm sorry
that you said that...
1671
01:17:35,610 --> 01:17:38,272
While making heavy eye contact
and applying lip balm.
1672
01:17:38,446 --> 01:17:39,606
Cable: She always struggled.
1673
01:17:40,740 --> 01:17:42,150
But she was funny...
1674
01:17:42,325 --> 01:17:44,737
And filtered her pain
through the prism of humor.
1675
01:17:45,579 --> 01:17:47,820
Something I could never master.
1676
01:17:48,623 --> 01:17:50,955
It was my fault she died.
1677
01:17:52,586 --> 01:17:55,623
It was my job
to stop people like him.
1678
01:17:56,298 --> 01:17:58,254
I came close a few times.
(Tomorrow playing)
1679
01:18:02,470 --> 01:18:04,210
He wasn't too happy about that.
1680
01:18:05,807 --> 01:18:06,887
He was trying to hurt me...
1681
01:18:07,058 --> 01:18:09,674
And he knew exactly
how to do it.
1682
01:18:11,438 --> 01:18:13,099
Older Russell:
Blessed are the wicked
1683
01:18:13,190 --> 01:18:15,556
who are healed by my hand.
1684
01:18:18,695 --> 01:18:20,526
Cable: He came into my home...
1685
01:18:21,031 --> 01:18:24,114
And took the only thing
that made it a home.
1686
01:18:26,453 --> 01:18:27,943
Sound familiar?
1687
01:18:29,039 --> 01:18:30,700
I'm sorry. Uh-huh.
1688
01:18:30,790 --> 01:18:32,530
No, I'm really sorry.
1689
01:18:34,586 --> 01:18:36,167
But that isn't Russell.
1690
01:18:36,630 --> 01:18:38,710
It doesn't have to be him.
If you knew what I knew...
1691
01:18:38,798 --> 01:18:40,538
Yeah, he's got anger issues...
1692
01:18:40,717 --> 01:18:42,127
Maybe a small
learning disability...
1693
01:18:42,302 --> 01:18:43,667
Splash of diabetes...
1694
01:18:43,845 --> 01:18:45,130
But nothing that can't be fixed.
1695
01:18:45,222 --> 01:18:46,758
If you could go back...
1696
01:18:46,932 --> 01:18:49,548
And stop the people that took
your girl, would you?
1697
01:18:49,726 --> 01:18:50,761
Of course I would.
1698
01:18:50,936 --> 01:18:51,976
But I wouldn't kill a kid.
1699
01:18:52,103 --> 01:18:54,435
I'm not asking you
to kill a kid!
1700
01:18:54,522 --> 01:18:55,853
I'll kill the kid.
1701
01:18:56,024 --> 01:18:59,391
I'm asking you to save
hundreds of other kids.
1702
01:18:59,569 --> 01:19:01,776
Russell's gonna burn down
that orphanage.
1703
01:19:01,947 --> 01:19:03,858
And I can imagine
your dead girlfriend...
1704
01:19:04,032 --> 01:19:06,819
Would want you to do the
right thing, wouldn't she?
1705
01:19:07,244 --> 01:19:09,951
So, what's it gonna be,
handsome?
1706
01:19:10,538 --> 01:19:12,119
Give me a chance to save him.
1707
01:19:12,290 --> 01:19:13,621
What? You said...
1708
01:19:13,792 --> 01:19:15,436
Once he kills someone,
he gets a taste for it.
1709
01:19:15,460 --> 01:19:17,701
If we can get to him
before that happens...
1710
01:19:17,879 --> 01:19:19,494
Promise you'll give me a chance
1711
01:19:19,589 --> 01:19:21,295
to put him on a different path.
1712
01:19:21,466 --> 01:19:22,626
Define "chance."
1713
01:19:22,801 --> 01:19:24,153
I don't know.
How long does it take
1714
01:19:24,177 --> 01:19:25,321
to save someone's soul?
That's not...
1715
01:19:25,345 --> 01:19:26,585
I'll give you 30 seconds.
1716
01:19:26,763 --> 01:19:28,594
What? No! Best I can do.
1717
01:19:28,765 --> 01:19:30,050
Take it or leave it.
1718
01:19:40,527 --> 01:19:41,967
(Cable groans)
Weasel: He's doing it!
1719
01:19:42,112 --> 01:19:43,672
Look at the little fella.
He's doing it.
1720
01:19:43,697 --> 01:19:45,528
(Retches) There he goes.
1721
01:19:45,699 --> 01:19:47,109
Cable: Jesus Christ!
1722
01:19:48,702 --> 01:19:49,702
Ugh.
1723
01:19:50,662 --> 01:19:52,152
Weasel:
There you go, little fella.
1724
01:19:52,706 --> 01:19:54,116
Go on, you're doing it!
1725
01:19:54,541 --> 01:19:57,783
My beautiful, hairless,
twizzler-legged baby boy.
1726
01:19:59,587 --> 01:20:00,667
Domino: Geez.
1727
01:20:00,839 --> 01:20:02,249
That's disturbing.
1728
01:20:02,424 --> 01:20:03,664
30 seconds.
1729
01:20:09,264 --> 01:20:10,754
Deal. Deal.
1730
01:20:13,351 --> 01:20:15,808
Blind al: I have no idea
what's happening.
1731
01:20:15,979 --> 01:20:17,560
(Softly) Probably for the best.
1732
01:20:19,232 --> 01:20:22,599
Deadpool: And that is why
you never eat a raw starfish.
1733
01:20:22,777 --> 01:20:24,438
It's just common sense.
1734
01:20:25,071 --> 01:20:26,402
Where the hell are we going?
1735
01:20:26,573 --> 01:20:27,853
Deadpool.: You said it yourself.
1736
01:20:27,907 --> 01:20:30,740
Nothing can stop the juggernaut.
We need backup.
1737
01:20:30,910 --> 01:20:33,652
I will bathe in the blood
of your enemies.
1738
01:20:33,747 --> 01:20:35,954
(Bollywood music playing
on radio)
1739
01:20:38,001 --> 01:20:39,616
Can you turn off the music?
1740
01:20:40,628 --> 01:20:42,619
You'll do no such thing.
1741
01:20:42,797 --> 01:20:44,597
Why don't you just say it
in an Indian accent?
1742
01:20:44,716 --> 01:20:46,252
I'm sorry? Apology accepted.
1743
01:20:46,426 --> 01:20:48,462
This is a side of you
I do not like.
1744
01:20:48,553 --> 01:20:49,553
Let me guess,
1745
01:20:49,637 --> 01:20:51,637
some of your best friends
in the future are Indian.
1746
01:20:51,681 --> 01:20:52,681
What the hell are you...?
1747
01:20:52,766 --> 01:20:54,597
Once again, intolerance rears
its ugly head.
1748
01:20:54,809 --> 01:20:56,265
I am so sorry. It gets better.
1749
01:20:56,436 --> 01:20:57,801
I'm not a racist, moron!
1750
01:20:57,979 --> 01:20:59,765
Precisely what a racist
would say.
1751
01:20:59,939 --> 01:21:01,554
I'm with the old white guy
on this one.
1752
01:21:01,649 --> 01:21:03,014
And that's a twist.
1753
01:21:03,193 --> 01:21:04,378
Deadpool: So what exactly do you
1754
01:21:04,402 --> 01:21:05,463
do in the future, anyway, huh?
1755
01:21:05,487 --> 01:21:06,852
Some kind of soldier?
1756
01:21:07,197 --> 01:21:08,858
Yeah, something like that.
1757
01:21:09,032 --> 01:21:11,193
Deadpool: I was a soldier.
Special forces.
1758
01:21:11,368 --> 01:21:13,825
I bet 50 years from now,
we're bestest buddies.
1759
01:21:13,995 --> 01:21:15,951
50 years from now,
you're very dead.
1760
01:21:16,122 --> 01:21:18,488
Your entire generation failed
this planet into a coma.
1761
01:21:18,666 --> 01:21:20,122
Boom! (Imitates explosion)
1762
01:21:20,210 --> 01:21:21,370
Spoiler alert.
1763
01:21:21,461 --> 01:21:22,461
(Snickers)
1764
01:21:22,545 --> 01:21:23,785
(Sighs) Planets.
1765
01:21:23,963 --> 01:21:25,248
Here's a spoiler alert.
1766
01:21:25,423 --> 01:21:26,663
I should have finished college.
1767
01:21:30,303 --> 01:21:31,530
Deadpool:
Well, I got news for you.
1768
01:21:31,554 --> 01:21:32,794
My heart is in the right place.
1769
01:21:32,889 --> 01:21:34,345
Russell's not gonna kill anyone.
1770
01:21:34,516 --> 01:21:36,535
Because of me, he's gonna know
what real love looks like.
1771
01:21:36,559 --> 01:21:37,559
We're all gonna die.
1772
01:21:37,644 --> 01:21:38,746
Because of you, I'll always know
1773
01:21:38,770 --> 01:21:40,931
what a grown man
with baby balls looks like.
1774
01:21:41,106 --> 01:21:43,017
I'm a grower, not a shower.
1775
01:21:43,191 --> 01:21:44,251
God, I wish this were a bus,
1776
01:21:44,275 --> 01:21:45,628
so I could pull the string
and get out.
1777
01:21:45,652 --> 01:21:47,313
It's a good thing
cable's not driving,
1778
01:21:47,404 --> 01:21:48,404
or you'd be in the back.
1779
01:21:48,530 --> 01:21:49,530
I am in the back.
1780
01:21:49,614 --> 01:21:50,614
Deadpool: Right here!
1781
01:21:51,157 --> 01:21:52,522
(Brakes screeching)
1782
01:21:54,077 --> 01:21:56,193
(In your eyes playing
on boom box)
1783
01:22:09,175 --> 01:22:10,836
Deadpool: I made mistakes!
1784
01:22:11,219 --> 01:22:12,925
I wanna take them back!
1785
01:22:13,096 --> 01:22:16,338
You trusted me.
I took that trust...
1786
01:22:16,516 --> 01:22:17,801
And turned it
into a toilet stall
1787
01:22:17,892 --> 01:22:18,892
in an airport bathroom.
1788
01:22:19,060 --> 01:22:22,348
The one in Minneapolis.
You know the one.
1789
01:22:22,522 --> 01:22:25,229
But even you know
I was once an x-man.
1790
01:22:25,400 --> 01:22:26,560
Trainee!
1791
01:22:27,569 --> 01:22:28,569
(Music stops)
1792
01:22:31,239 --> 01:22:33,651
You're still using
my velcro labels. Aw.
1793
01:22:33,825 --> 01:22:35,281
They do stick better than tape.
1794
01:22:35,452 --> 01:22:37,158
Hi, Wade! Please don't.
1795
01:22:37,245 --> 01:22:40,328
Say whatever it is you're here
to say. Make it quick.
1796
01:22:40,415 --> 01:22:41,780
Right. Quick. It's this kid.
1797
01:22:41,958 --> 01:22:43,323
Just like you, I let him down.
1798
01:22:43,418 --> 01:22:44,418
And just like me,
1799
01:22:44,502 --> 01:22:45,896
he's never had anyone
sacrifice anything for him...
1800
01:22:45,920 --> 01:22:48,080
Because the entire world
wrote him off a long time ago.
1801
01:22:48,173 --> 01:22:50,334
Look, he's teamed up
with the juggernaut!
1802
01:22:50,425 --> 01:22:51,631
(Gasps) The juggernaut!
1803
01:22:51,718 --> 01:22:53,446
Who's like my favorite
marvel character ever.
1804
01:22:53,470 --> 01:22:54,470
And hi, yukio!
1805
01:22:54,554 --> 01:22:56,954
That was really nice of you to
say hi, so I'm saying hi back.
1806
01:22:57,056 --> 01:22:59,422
You guys make
a super cute couple. Yeah.
1807
01:22:59,601 --> 01:23:00,636
Where was I? Oh, yeah.
1808
01:23:00,810 --> 01:23:02,788
You should never meet your
heroes, because honestly...
1809
01:23:02,812 --> 01:23:04,052
It causes nothing but problems.
1810
01:23:04,189 --> 01:23:07,352
Look, you can stop the
juggernaut. I know you can.
1811
01:23:07,525 --> 01:23:10,437
Do you know what would happen
to me if I helped you?
1812
01:23:10,612 --> 01:23:12,648
I would be disgraced.
1813
01:23:12,822 --> 01:23:14,778
You are a criminal, a fugitive.
1814
01:23:14,949 --> 01:23:18,316
But worst of all,
you broke my heart, Wade.
1815
01:23:19,871 --> 01:23:22,738
You know what? Your heart's
in the wrong place, big guy.
1816
01:23:23,708 --> 01:23:26,415
Doing the right thing
is sometimes messy...
1817
01:23:26,586 --> 01:23:29,919
And screwed up, and not
particularly convenient!
1818
01:23:30,089 --> 01:23:32,922
So stay here
in chateau de virgin...
1819
01:23:33,092 --> 01:23:35,083
While we go get our game on!
1820
01:23:38,223 --> 01:23:39,588
Domino: You're doing great.
1821
01:23:42,602 --> 01:23:44,217
(Car door closes)
(Engine starts)
1822
01:23:45,146 --> 01:23:46,665
Russell: So you wear
that helmet because
1823
01:23:46,689 --> 01:23:48,270
your brother
tries to read your mind?
1824
01:23:48,441 --> 01:23:51,558
Juggernaut: Yeah, but he's in
a wheelchair, so even-Steven.
1825
01:23:51,736 --> 01:23:54,193
Man: Someone's coming.
It's Russell, sir.
1826
01:23:54,364 --> 01:23:55,820
And he's not alone.
1827
01:23:56,324 --> 01:23:57,985
Headmaster: Secure the children.
1828
01:24:00,161 --> 01:24:02,698
They will not replace us.
1829
01:24:04,874 --> 01:24:07,331
Watch my back.
I've got the old man.
1830
01:24:07,585 --> 01:24:09,496
Amen, brother.
1831
01:24:10,255 --> 01:24:11,620
(Brakes screeching)
1832
01:24:15,677 --> 01:24:17,167
Time to make the chimichangas.
1833
01:24:17,345 --> 01:24:18,960
30 seconds.
1834
01:24:19,597 --> 01:24:21,713
I finally know why I'm here.
1835
01:24:22,141 --> 01:24:23,972
I was raised in this place.
1836
01:24:24,143 --> 01:24:26,429
Well, not raised.
I was tortured.
1837
01:24:26,604 --> 01:24:29,220
Wow! It's your cosmic reason
for being here.
1838
01:24:29,399 --> 01:24:30,639
Shall we? This is gonna be fun.
1839
01:24:30,775 --> 01:24:31,775
Deadpool: Yeah!
1840
01:24:31,859 --> 01:24:33,315
Hey! Been meaning to ask you...
1841
01:24:33,486 --> 01:24:36,273
What's with the dirty,
disgusting hobo bear?
1842
01:24:36,447 --> 01:24:39,280
It's not dirt. It's the
blood of my dead daughter.
1843
01:24:39,784 --> 01:24:42,275
Are you bear, god?
It's me, Margaret.
1844
01:24:42,453 --> 01:24:43,818
Give me some.
1845
01:24:43,997 --> 01:24:45,407
They say laughter
heals anything.
1846
01:24:45,498 --> 01:24:46,704
Except, of course, that.
1847
01:24:49,168 --> 01:24:51,375
(Rap music playing)
1848
01:25:13,234 --> 01:25:15,941
Welcome home, Russell.
We missed you.
1849
01:25:17,155 --> 01:25:18,155
Russell!
1850
01:25:18,323 --> 01:25:20,655
You don't need to do this!
Let's talk!
1851
01:25:21,701 --> 01:25:23,095
Why are you dressed
like the unabomber?
1852
01:25:23,119 --> 01:25:24,359
(Yelling)
1853
01:25:27,332 --> 01:25:28,332
That's why.
1854
01:25:28,416 --> 01:25:29,476
I told you he was too far gone.
1855
01:25:29,500 --> 01:25:31,536
Zip it, thanos! We have a
deal and you forgot...
1856
01:25:31,628 --> 01:25:32,913
(Groans) Juggernaut: Hey!
1857
01:25:33,963 --> 01:25:37,080
I'm gonna shove that cab
driver right up your tailpipe.
1858
01:25:37,508 --> 01:25:39,590
My body and my hands
are so soft.
1859
01:25:39,719 --> 01:25:40,863
You should probably
head back to the car.
1860
01:25:40,887 --> 01:25:42,207
I think I'll head
back to the car.
1861
01:25:43,389 --> 01:25:46,176
It works best when you
pull the trigger.
1862
01:25:47,935 --> 01:25:49,015
(Groans)
1863
01:25:49,103 --> 01:25:50,388
That gun is amazing!
1864
01:25:51,773 --> 01:25:53,388
Russell: Say it!
1865
01:25:55,360 --> 01:25:57,225
You are an abomination!
1866
01:25:57,320 --> 01:25:58,320
(Grunts)
1867
01:26:03,201 --> 01:26:06,193
Now, I'm gonna shove
the red guy up the old guy.
1868
01:26:06,371 --> 01:26:08,987
I believe him!
Every man for themselves!
1869
01:26:11,876 --> 01:26:12,876
Gotchal
1870
01:26:13,252 --> 01:26:14,412
juggernaut: Beat it, midget!
1871
01:26:17,423 --> 01:26:20,130
Hey, big guy,
the sun's getting real low!
1872
01:26:20,635 --> 01:26:21,635
Uh, that's not good.
1873
01:26:22,595 --> 01:26:23,595
(Screaming)
1874
01:26:33,815 --> 01:26:35,021
(Juggernaut laughs)
1875
01:26:35,400 --> 01:26:36,640
Come here, beautiful.
1876
01:26:43,366 --> 01:26:44,366
Whoo!
1877
01:26:49,664 --> 01:26:50,664
(Juggernaut laughs)
1878
01:26:52,667 --> 01:26:53,702
Russell: Say it!
1879
01:27:07,724 --> 01:27:09,715
(In your eyes playing)
1880
01:27:40,006 --> 01:27:41,006
(Mumbles)
1881
01:27:41,299 --> 01:27:42,379
You came for me.
1882
01:27:42,550 --> 01:27:43,960
I'm not giving up on you,
1883
01:27:44,051 --> 01:27:45,916
and you are not
giving up on that boy.
1884
01:27:46,095 --> 01:27:47,926
Who says that rules
aren't meant to be broken?
1885
01:27:48,097 --> 01:27:49,962
It's time to fight dirty.
1886
01:27:50,141 --> 01:27:51,472
Time to sweep the leg, Johnny.
1887
01:27:51,642 --> 01:27:54,099
Hey! Pick on someone
your own size!
1888
01:27:54,270 --> 01:27:56,306
That's such a you thing to say!
1889
01:27:56,397 --> 01:27:58,183
Go get him, tiger!
1890
01:27:58,357 --> 01:28:00,564
Big cgi fight coming up!
1891
01:28:01,152 --> 01:28:02,312
(Both grunting)
1892
01:28:02,528 --> 01:28:04,109
(Music playing)
1893
01:28:04,530 --> 01:28:05,645
(Grunts)
1894
01:28:07,158 --> 01:28:08,614
(Both grunting) (Bone cracks)
1895
01:28:08,701 --> 01:28:09,701
(Screams)
1896
01:28:17,752 --> 01:28:18,832
He's doing great.
1897
01:28:19,003 --> 01:28:20,288
Russell: Say it!
1898
01:28:24,550 --> 01:28:25,960
Russell. Deadpool: Bingo!
1899
01:28:28,638 --> 01:28:29,638
(Groaning)
1900
01:28:30,097 --> 01:28:31,097
Oh, great!
1901
01:28:31,182 --> 01:28:32,284
Orderly: There they are!
Those freaks!
1902
01:28:32,308 --> 01:28:34,328
Deadpool: A bunch of armed
pedophiles in nursing shoes.
1903
01:28:34,352 --> 01:28:35,967
Can I have one of those guns?
1904
01:28:36,562 --> 01:28:38,223
No. That's fine.
1905
01:28:38,397 --> 01:28:39,757
Get off this property,
mutant scum!
1906
01:28:39,816 --> 01:28:41,016
I'm just gonna use this brick.
1907
01:28:41,734 --> 01:28:42,734
Maximum effort.
1908
01:28:44,028 --> 01:28:45,689
Who says you
can't go home again?
1909
01:28:47,824 --> 01:28:48,904
(All grunting)
1910
01:28:50,660 --> 01:28:51,660
Children: Yeah!
1911
01:28:51,744 --> 01:28:52,779
Say it.
1912
01:28:53,454 --> 01:28:54,454
Say it!
1913
01:28:54,539 --> 01:28:57,576
Blessed are the wicked
who are healed by my hand!
1914
01:28:58,209 --> 01:28:59,540
Blessed are the wicked...
1915
01:28:59,710 --> 01:29:00,950
Who are healed...
1916
01:29:01,420 --> 01:29:02,956
By my hand.
1917
01:29:11,764 --> 01:29:13,345
(Both grunting)
1918
01:29:17,228 --> 01:29:18,934
You annoying little punk!
1919
01:29:21,357 --> 01:29:23,018
(Children cheering)
1920
01:29:23,109 --> 01:29:24,109
(Spits)
1921
01:29:24,193 --> 01:29:25,808
(Yells)
1922
01:29:31,242 --> 01:29:32,242
(Groans)
1923
01:29:35,079 --> 01:29:37,866
Only best buddies
execute pedophiles together.
1924
01:29:43,337 --> 01:29:44,337
(Speaks Russian)
1925
01:29:45,339 --> 01:29:47,546
I need a bus
to get you all out of here.
1926
01:29:47,717 --> 01:29:48,717
(Gasps)
1927
01:29:52,889 --> 01:29:53,924
Orphans.
1928
01:29:54,682 --> 01:29:55,682
Oh, geez.
1929
01:29:57,727 --> 01:30:00,309
It's time to burn
for what you've done!
1930
01:30:00,479 --> 01:30:02,970
A child should not be burdened
with such power!
1931
01:30:10,197 --> 01:30:11,482
Russell! Wait!
1932
01:30:15,995 --> 01:30:16,995
Deadpool: Oh!
1933
01:30:22,877 --> 01:30:24,583
Wait! He hasn't killed
anyone yet!
1934
01:30:24,670 --> 01:30:25,731
What more do you need to see?
1935
01:30:25,755 --> 01:30:26,755
No, he's just a kid!
1936
01:30:26,839 --> 01:30:28,830
Tick, tock. Meter's running!
1937
01:30:36,641 --> 01:30:38,256
(Colossus groans)
1938
01:30:41,479 --> 01:30:43,310
I'm gonna make a necklace
out of your teeth.
1939
01:30:49,070 --> 01:30:50,070
(Grunts)
1940
01:30:52,990 --> 01:30:53,990
(Growlys)
1941
01:30:54,492 --> 01:30:55,527
(Grunts)
1942
01:30:55,618 --> 01:30:57,358
(Electricity crackling)
(Groaning)
1943
01:31:01,749 --> 01:31:03,865
I told you! Leave me alone!
Come on!
1944
01:31:04,251 --> 01:31:05,331
Listen to me!
1945
01:31:07,588 --> 01:31:08,748
(Russell screaming)
1946
01:31:09,548 --> 01:31:10,913
(Both grunting)
1947
01:31:14,720 --> 01:31:15,720
(Grunts)
1948
01:31:26,524 --> 01:31:28,139
Colossus: (Scoffs)
That's how we do it
1949
01:31:30,945 --> 01:31:31,945
(groans)
1950
01:31:32,029 --> 01:31:34,020
They say millennials are
the hardest to reach.
1951
01:31:34,115 --> 01:31:36,606
Oh, no. You're doing amazing.
1952
01:31:36,784 --> 01:31:38,991
Damn, it feels good
to be a gangsta!
1953
01:31:42,665 --> 01:31:43,700
Deadpool: Go, go, go!
1954
01:31:43,791 --> 01:31:44,791
(Grunts)
1955
01:31:47,211 --> 01:31:49,042
He dies tonight, Wade.
1956
01:31:49,213 --> 01:31:50,749
You can't stop me!
1957
01:31:51,716 --> 01:31:53,172
Cable: He even runs
like a pervert.
1958
01:31:53,384 --> 01:31:56,251
Like an online predator
who lost his laptop.
1959
01:31:57,471 --> 01:31:58,881
There's one bullet left
in that gun.
1960
01:31:59,056 --> 01:32:00,936
Wait, wait, wait! Please,
just give me a second!
1961
01:32:01,100 --> 01:32:02,431
I got this.
1962
01:32:02,601 --> 01:32:04,717
Russell!
Stay back! Go home, Wade!
1963
01:32:04,895 --> 01:32:07,102
Let's talk. It doesn't
have to go this way!
1964
01:32:07,606 --> 01:32:08,891
That piece of shit...
1965
01:32:09,316 --> 01:32:10,956
He deserves to die
for what he did to you.
1966
01:32:11,110 --> 01:32:13,021
He hurt you badly.
1967
01:32:13,738 --> 01:32:17,731
But look,
if you kill him, he wins.
1968
01:32:17,908 --> 01:32:21,025
You become everything
he says you are, but worse.
1969
01:32:22,079 --> 01:32:23,785
You're just a kid.
1970
01:32:23,956 --> 01:32:25,571
You don't wanna hurt anyone.
1971
01:32:27,043 --> 01:32:29,659
It isn't too late. Don't do it.
1972
01:32:35,217 --> 01:32:37,208
I never should've left
you there.
1973
01:32:39,305 --> 01:32:41,421
I never should've left you
in that prison.
1974
01:32:48,647 --> 01:32:49,887
I can't trust you.
1975
01:32:52,109 --> 01:32:54,225
I can't trust anybody!
1976
01:32:55,029 --> 01:32:56,360
(Groaning)
1977
01:33:03,412 --> 01:33:04,618
Wonderful kid.
1978
01:33:04,705 --> 01:33:06,036
Russell:
You can't stop me, Wade!
1979
01:33:06,165 --> 01:33:07,165
(Deadpool groans)
1980
01:33:08,501 --> 01:33:10,617
I got one more idea.
1981
01:33:10,795 --> 01:33:13,582
It's just a really bad one,
even for me.
1982
01:33:13,756 --> 01:33:14,836
Wade, what are you doing?
1983
01:33:15,007 --> 01:33:16,622
This is for
all the marbles, kid.
1984
01:33:17,343 --> 01:33:19,129
You're gonna kill
someone today...
1985
01:33:19,512 --> 01:33:20,843
Blessed are the wicked...
1986
01:33:21,013 --> 01:33:22,924
Then it's gotta be me.
1987
01:33:24,141 --> 01:33:25,927
Who are healed by my hand!
1988
01:33:29,188 --> 01:33:30,188
(Inaudible)
1989
01:33:32,858 --> 01:33:34,644
(Tomorrow playing)
1990
01:33:35,402 --> 01:33:37,518
(Girl singing)
1991
01:34:29,874 --> 01:34:31,284
(Groans)
1992
01:34:32,209 --> 01:34:35,167
Tell me they got that
in slow motion.
1993
01:34:36,630 --> 01:34:38,040
(Deadpool coughing)
1994
01:34:40,176 --> 01:34:41,666
Oh, that's not good.
1995
01:34:43,262 --> 01:34:44,672
No, sir.
1996
01:34:51,687 --> 01:34:54,770
You sacrificed yourself for me.
1997
01:34:55,191 --> 01:34:56,191
Yeah.
1998
01:34:56,275 --> 01:34:58,140
And it was the best thing
I ever did.
1999
01:34:58,235 --> 01:34:59,235
(Coughing)
2000
01:34:59,320 --> 01:35:01,311
I told you I care about you.
2001
01:35:01,488 --> 01:35:03,149
You're a good kid, Russell.
2002
01:35:04,325 --> 01:35:05,405
Hey.
2003
01:35:06,660 --> 01:35:07,866
The bear.
2004
01:35:08,037 --> 01:35:09,322
It worked.
2005
01:35:15,336 --> 01:35:16,416
Because of you.
2006
01:35:16,587 --> 01:35:18,578
No, Wade, because of you.
2007
01:35:19,131 --> 01:35:21,087
Stop, stop, stop!
2008
01:35:21,258 --> 01:35:22,258
Stop!
2009
01:35:23,761 --> 01:35:26,298
Just let it happen, okay?
2010
01:35:26,722 --> 01:35:29,759
I guess my heart was finally
in the right place.
2011
01:35:29,934 --> 01:35:32,346
(Groans) That riddle
is so messed up.
2012
01:35:35,105 --> 01:35:37,016
(Groans, coughs)
2013
01:35:37,107 --> 01:35:39,098
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
2014
01:35:39,276 --> 01:35:41,463
Don't be. I've been trying to
make this happen for a while.
2015
01:35:41,487 --> 01:35:42,897
Please, just don't leave me.
2016
01:35:43,072 --> 01:35:44,562
I don't wanna die
without an audience.
2017
01:35:44,740 --> 01:35:45,900
We are not going anywhere.
2018
01:35:46,075 --> 01:35:48,111
Wade: Oh, god, I hope
the academy is watching.
2019
01:35:48,285 --> 01:35:49,365
Just rest, okay?
2020
01:35:51,121 --> 01:35:52,201
Papa.
2021
01:35:53,290 --> 01:35:55,201
(Singing) Papa, can you hear me?
2022
01:35:57,461 --> 01:36:00,373
Papa, can you find me in the...
2023
01:36:03,092 --> 01:36:04,377
Night?
2024
01:36:24,738 --> 01:36:25,978
Before I go... (Coughs)
2025
01:36:26,490 --> 01:36:28,230
Sorry, I got a bit more in me.
2026
01:36:28,784 --> 01:36:29,944
Domino.
2027
01:36:30,119 --> 01:36:34,613
I want you to have
my adventure time watch.
2028
01:36:34,707 --> 01:36:35,947
(Wade coughing)
2029
01:36:37,209 --> 01:36:40,076
Turns out
that I'm the lucky one.
2030
01:36:40,838 --> 01:36:41,953
Thank you.
2031
01:36:43,257 --> 01:36:46,215
Hey, Sabrina, the teenage witch.
2032
01:36:46,844 --> 01:36:48,926
It has been a pleasure.
2033
01:36:50,556 --> 01:36:53,263
Hi, yukio. Hi, Wade!
2034
01:36:53,350 --> 01:36:54,350
(Chuckles)
2035
01:36:55,144 --> 01:36:56,350
And you...
2036
01:36:56,895 --> 01:36:58,180
Chrome bone.
2037
01:36:58,897 --> 01:37:01,354
I haven't always been
the best friend to you.
2038
01:37:01,942 --> 01:37:04,183
But you've always been
that to me.
2039
01:37:04,361 --> 01:37:05,646
So thank you.
2040
01:37:07,698 --> 01:37:09,484
Say the f-word for me.
2041
01:37:10,242 --> 01:37:11,482
Just once. Come on,
2042
01:37:11,577 --> 01:37:13,097
we'll do it together.
It's no big deal.
2043
01:37:13,162 --> 01:37:14,652
Here we go. One, two, three.
F f. F..
2044
01:37:16,582 --> 01:37:17,582
(Bleep)
2045
01:37:17,666 --> 01:37:20,999
Wow! Enjoy hell, swamp mouth.
(Chuckles)
2046
01:37:22,421 --> 01:37:24,252
And you, cable. (Coughs)
2047
01:37:25,591 --> 01:37:29,254
You get back to your family.
You tell 'em Wade says hi.
2048
01:37:30,137 --> 01:37:33,345
And promise me.
Promise me one thing.
2049
01:37:33,807 --> 01:37:35,167
That you'll start
judging people...
2050
01:37:35,267 --> 01:37:36,598
Not by the color of their skin,
2051
01:37:36,685 --> 01:37:38,550
but by the content
of their character.
2052
01:37:39,271 --> 01:37:40,886
Jesus. Wade: R-dog?
2053
01:37:42,941 --> 01:37:44,021
Look.
2054
01:37:44,360 --> 01:37:46,942
Family is not an f-word.
2055
01:37:47,613 --> 01:37:48,898
All right?
2056
01:37:49,073 --> 01:37:50,938
There's one out there for you.
(Coughs)
2057
01:37:51,533 --> 01:37:53,239
Just keep looking, okay?
2058
01:37:56,288 --> 01:37:58,654
Guys, for a second there...
2059
01:38:00,000 --> 01:38:01,786
We made a pretty good team.
2060
01:38:06,256 --> 01:38:08,087
Can you see it?
2061
01:38:08,801 --> 01:38:11,087
Do you see
that beautiful bright light?
2062
01:38:12,429 --> 01:38:13,589
There it is.
2063
01:38:19,853 --> 01:38:21,059
Oh, that's the sun.
2064
01:38:21,146 --> 01:38:23,011
Don't stare directly into that.
2065
01:38:23,190 --> 01:38:24,521
I just have a few final words.
2066
01:38:24,608 --> 01:38:25,608
(Exhales)
2067
01:38:29,196 --> 01:38:31,312
Do you want to build a showman?
2068
01:39:00,102 --> 01:39:01,842
(Mellow music playing)
2069
01:39:47,608 --> 01:39:48,768
Sorry I'm late.
2070
01:39:48,942 --> 01:39:50,523
There was a bunch of
2071
01:39:50,611 --> 01:39:51,963
handicapable children
who were stuck in a tree.
2072
01:39:51,987 --> 01:39:53,193
No. No.
2073
01:39:54,281 --> 01:39:56,943
But I did have to help a kid.
Yeah.
2074
01:39:57,409 --> 01:39:59,274
He's got a terrible name.
It's just awful.
2075
01:39:59,369 --> 01:40:00,369
Ugh. I tried to tell him.
2076
01:40:02,706 --> 01:40:04,116
Is this heaven?
2077
01:40:05,000 --> 01:40:06,206
It is now.
2078
01:40:09,671 --> 01:40:11,081
I am so sorry.
2079
01:40:12,382 --> 01:40:13,622
Vanessa: It's okay.
2080
01:40:33,445 --> 01:40:35,185
I missed you so much.
2081
01:40:41,036 --> 01:40:42,697
What is it? What's wrong?
2082
01:40:44,623 --> 01:40:46,113
It's not time.
2083
01:40:46,750 --> 01:40:48,615
What do you mean it's not time?
2084
01:40:48,794 --> 01:40:50,284
I'm here, I made it.
2085
01:40:50,462 --> 01:40:52,043
You can't stay. No, no, no.
2086
01:40:52,214 --> 01:40:54,830
I'm staying. I'm not going
anywhere without you.
2087
01:40:54,925 --> 01:40:55,925
It's okay.
2088
01:40:56,426 --> 01:40:59,259
There's a time for us.
It's just not now.
2089
01:41:00,264 --> 01:41:02,721
They need you. Who?
2090
01:41:04,768 --> 01:41:06,053
Vanessa: Your f-word.
2091
01:41:07,312 --> 01:41:08,312
Wade: Why?
2092
01:41:08,689 --> 01:41:10,475
Vanessa: You'll find out.
2093
01:41:11,358 --> 01:41:12,848
I love you.
2094
01:41:13,026 --> 01:41:14,266
I love you.
2095
01:41:16,780 --> 01:41:17,940
I know.
2096
01:41:18,115 --> 01:41:19,115
Now, go.
2097
01:41:20,450 --> 01:41:22,406
Go on. Go, get out of here.
2098
01:41:23,453 --> 01:41:24,453
Go.
2099
01:41:27,249 --> 01:41:28,249
Hey!
2100
01:41:31,086 --> 01:41:33,418
Kiss me like you miss me, red.
2101
01:41:34,047 --> 01:41:35,162
Well, come here.
2102
01:41:48,478 --> 01:41:50,719
Wait, hold the mustard.
2103
01:41:50,897 --> 01:41:52,012
Are you crying? No.
2104
01:41:52,190 --> 01:41:53,230
Yes, you are. No, I'm not.
2105
01:41:53,358 --> 01:41:55,358
You got emotion juice
coming out of your eye holes.
2106
01:41:55,527 --> 01:41:56,629
It's not me. I'm not crying.
2107
01:41:56,653 --> 01:41:58,109
I think it's
this dusty soundstage.
2108
01:41:58,196 --> 01:41:59,196
Oh, really? Or bedroom.
2109
01:41:59,281 --> 01:42:00,508
It's a dusty bedroom. Thank you.
2110
01:42:00,532 --> 01:42:01,863
That's normal. Let it out.
2111
01:42:03,243 --> 01:42:05,279
(Tearfully) I am crying.
Yeah, you are.
2112
01:42:05,454 --> 01:42:07,098
And I'm caught off guard
'cause the movie's so bad.
2113
01:42:07,122 --> 01:42:08,122
Complete garbage.
2114
01:42:08,248 --> 01:42:09,454
It's very compelling. Yeah.
2115
01:42:09,541 --> 01:42:10,602
There's something that
really resonates for me.
2116
01:42:10,626 --> 01:42:11,626
It kinda gets you.
2117
01:42:13,712 --> 01:42:14,872
(Sighs) There is more.
2118
01:42:15,047 --> 01:42:17,208
I would love to read it
to you, Fred savage.
2119
01:42:17,382 --> 01:42:20,215
"Once again, Wade picked up
the love of his life
2120
01:42:20,302 --> 01:42:22,042
“in his approachably
shredded arms."
2121
01:42:29,436 --> 01:42:30,642
Vanessa: It's all right.
2122
01:42:31,313 --> 01:42:32,598
I'll be waiting.
2123
01:42:33,940 --> 01:42:35,771
It's pretty awesome up here.
2124
01:42:36,193 --> 01:42:38,275
I can have anything I want.
2125
01:42:38,528 --> 01:42:40,644
Can every day be
international women's day?
2126
01:42:40,864 --> 01:42:42,104
It is heaven.
2127
01:42:42,199 --> 01:42:43,199
(Chuckles) (Timer dings)
2128
01:42:47,996 --> 01:42:49,361
(Screaming)
2129
01:42:52,709 --> 01:42:53,915
Time to make the chimichangas.
2130
01:42:54,002 --> 01:42:55,002
30 seconds.
2131
01:42:55,087 --> 01:42:56,327
Hey. Been meaning to ask you...
2132
01:42:56,380 --> 01:42:58,746
What's with the creepy,
dirty hobo bear?
2133
01:42:58,924 --> 01:43:00,664
It's my daughter's Teddy bear.
2134
01:43:01,051 --> 01:43:02,291
Her name's hope.
2135
01:43:02,552 --> 01:43:03,552
Deadpool: Well...
2136
01:43:04,680 --> 01:43:06,466
What are you doing?
2137
01:43:06,640 --> 01:43:08,050
Somebody swiped right.
2138
01:43:08,141 --> 01:43:09,677
(Fast-forwarding)
2139
01:43:18,944 --> 01:43:19,944
(Groans)
2140
01:43:20,654 --> 01:43:23,145
Tell me they got that
in slow motion.
2141
01:43:23,657 --> 01:43:24,657
(Deadpool groans)
2142
01:43:26,493 --> 01:43:28,108
Russell: You sacrificed
yourself for me.
2143
01:43:28,286 --> 01:43:29,901
Deadpool: It would seem I...
2144
01:43:32,499 --> 01:43:33,499
Huh?
2145
01:43:34,418 --> 01:43:36,750
Genuine, high-grade lead.
2146
01:43:38,797 --> 01:43:41,584
You time-sliding son of a bitch!
2147
01:43:41,758 --> 01:43:43,339
You did this for me?
2148
01:43:45,220 --> 01:43:47,711
Wait. You can't go back.
2149
01:43:48,348 --> 01:43:49,588
You used the last of your fuel.
2150
01:43:49,683 --> 01:43:51,298
What about your girl, your wife?
2151
01:43:51,476 --> 01:43:54,718
No, my family's safe.
And I didn't do it for you.
2152
01:43:56,231 --> 01:43:58,517
No, I'm gonna stick around
for a while...
2153
01:43:58,692 --> 01:43:59,692
And make sure the world
2154
01:43:59,776 --> 01:44:01,687
doesn't shit itself
into oblivion.
2155
01:44:02,404 --> 01:44:05,271
No. You did it for me.
2156
01:44:06,032 --> 01:44:07,363
No, I didn't.
2157
01:44:07,534 --> 01:44:08,819
You did. I really didn't.
2158
01:44:08,994 --> 01:44:10,834
Pretty sure you did.
No, I'm positive I didn't.
2159
01:44:10,871 --> 01:44:12,532
Fine. All right,
let's flip a coin. Okay?
2160
01:44:12,706 --> 01:44:15,288
Heads, you did it for me.
Tails, you did it for me.
2161
01:44:15,459 --> 01:44:17,459
I'm not even gonna look,
because you did it for me.
2162
01:44:17,627 --> 01:44:19,959
We must get the collar off.
Forget it. It's no use.
2163
01:44:20,130 --> 01:44:21,441
These collars
don't just come off.
2164
01:44:21,465 --> 01:44:22,465
Wade.
2165
01:44:23,592 --> 01:44:25,173
I have an idea.
2166
01:44:25,635 --> 01:44:27,626
No, no, no!
Let's not do that. Please!
2167
01:44:27,804 --> 01:44:30,090
I'd rather die of cancer.
Let's just...
2168
01:44:30,265 --> 01:44:33,382
Oh, gosh! They do say the pen
is grosser than the sword.
2169
01:44:33,602 --> 01:44:35,638
(Collar buzzing)
Russell: We need the code.
2170
01:44:35,812 --> 01:44:37,598
Try, uh, seven?
2171
01:44:37,773 --> 01:44:39,229
Deadpool: Settle down,
captain lucky.
2172
01:44:39,399 --> 01:44:40,730
It's not gonna be one number.
2173
01:44:40,901 --> 01:44:42,061
Oh, god, that's lazy writing.
2174
01:44:42,986 --> 01:44:44,317
I still got it.
2175
01:44:45,947 --> 01:44:47,278
(Deadpool groans)
2176
01:44:47,365 --> 01:44:49,447
Put that back
in your prison wallet.
2177
01:44:51,036 --> 01:44:52,822
I don't know how to thank you.
2178
01:44:52,996 --> 01:44:54,486
But I do know how to hug you.
2179
01:44:54,915 --> 01:44:56,121
No. Yes.
2180
01:44:56,291 --> 01:44:57,747
Here we go. Bring it in.
2181
01:44:57,834 --> 01:44:58,834
Come on.
2182
01:44:58,960 --> 01:45:00,245
Pelvis to pelvis.
2183
01:45:00,420 --> 01:45:01,660
Let's go tummy to tummy.
2184
01:45:01,838 --> 01:45:04,329
There we go. The kids
call this tummying.
2185
01:45:04,424 --> 01:45:05,459
(Knife unsheatheys)
2186
01:45:05,550 --> 01:45:07,131
Is there a knife
in my lower extremity?
2187
01:45:07,302 --> 01:45:08,712
There's a knife
in your leg, yeah.
2188
01:45:08,804 --> 01:45:09,884
I'm just gonna back up now.
2189
01:45:10,013 --> 01:45:11,449
Yeah, yeah.
No need to go full yentl.
2190
01:45:11,473 --> 01:45:14,135
Gonna pretend
like that never happened.
2191
01:45:14,309 --> 01:45:15,924
Let's go home, Russell.
2192
01:45:19,898 --> 01:45:21,684
All you dirty mutants
2193
01:45:21,775 --> 01:45:24,141
are gonna rot in hell
with the boy!
2194
01:45:24,319 --> 01:45:27,277
Your souls are
beyond redemption!
2195
01:45:27,447 --> 01:45:28,607
Let's see your soul, perv!
2196
01:45:28,782 --> 01:45:31,489
No, no! No! No more!
We're better than that!
2197
01:45:31,660 --> 01:45:32,740
We're better than him!
2198
01:45:32,911 --> 01:45:35,493
No more senseless violence!
No more bloodshed!
2199
01:45:35,664 --> 01:45:37,120
We'll let Karma
take care of him.
2200
01:45:37,290 --> 01:45:40,282
The day of reckoning is here!
2201
01:45:41,002 --> 01:45:42,583
(Tires screeching)
2202
01:45:42,671 --> 01:45:43,831
(Crashing)
2203
01:45:49,636 --> 01:45:51,592
I'm gonna miss him.
He seemed great.
2204
01:45:51,680 --> 01:45:52,760
Whoo!
2205
01:45:52,848 --> 01:45:55,214
Courage is my power!
(Deadpool laughs)
2206
01:45:56,309 --> 01:45:57,995
Deadpool: I could hear you
coming the last 30 seconds.
2207
01:45:58,019 --> 01:45:59,779
I could barely keep
a straight face. (Laughs)
2208
01:45:59,813 --> 01:46:01,678
I want some more.
2209
01:46:01,857 --> 01:46:03,222
I bet you do, brown panther.
2210
01:46:03,400 --> 01:46:06,517
We should leave
before fudgernaut wakes up.
2211
01:46:06,695 --> 01:46:08,981
Good call.
You guys coming with us?
2212
01:46:09,155 --> 01:46:10,986
No, we'll get the kids
back to the mansion.
2213
01:46:11,157 --> 01:46:12,442
Besides, we're X-Men.
2214
01:46:12,701 --> 01:46:15,283
No, you're x-people.
2215
01:46:15,453 --> 01:46:16,659
You're exhausting.
2216
01:46:16,830 --> 01:46:18,491
I see what you did there. Puns.
2217
01:46:18,832 --> 01:46:19,947
Our door's always open.
2218
01:46:20,125 --> 01:46:21,885
That's kind, but I'm not
ready to date again,
2219
01:46:21,960 --> 01:46:22,960
let alone two women.
2220
01:46:23,712 --> 01:46:25,794
Bye, Wade! Bye, yukio!
2221
01:46:25,922 --> 01:46:27,537
(We belong playing)
2222
01:46:28,800 --> 01:46:29,800
Deadpool: What do you get
2223
01:46:29,885 --> 01:46:31,070
when you take
eight feet of chrome...
2224
01:46:31,094 --> 01:46:32,129
One pinch of courage...
2225
01:46:32,304 --> 01:46:33,419
A cup of good luck...
2226
01:46:33,597 --> 01:46:35,007
A dab of racism...
2227
01:46:35,181 --> 01:46:36,261
A splash of diabetes...
2228
01:46:36,433 --> 01:46:39,140
And a wheelbarrow
full of stage four cancer?
2229
01:46:39,311 --> 01:46:41,347
Answer: A family.
2230
01:46:42,063 --> 01:46:45,055
See? [ Didn't lie
what kind of film this was.
2231
01:46:45,233 --> 01:46:46,627
If there's anything
you take away today...
2232
01:46:46,651 --> 01:46:49,518
Other than the need to Google,
"what the heck is dubstep?”...
2233
01:46:49,696 --> 01:46:52,984
It's that we all need
to belong to someone.
2234
01:48:46,354 --> 01:48:47,719
Okay, there we go. Here we go.
2235
01:48:47,814 --> 01:48:49,179
(Moans)
2236
01:48:49,274 --> 01:48:52,766
After-credit scenes.
I love after-credit scenes.
2237
01:48:52,944 --> 01:48:54,184
They feel so private, you know?
2238
01:48:54,362 --> 01:48:55,881
'Cause it's just you in
the theater. Everyone's left.
2239
01:48:55,905 --> 01:48:57,145
Here's the curtain. Peek, peek.
2240
01:48:57,282 --> 01:48:58,592
Fred: But you know something,
you know?
2241
01:48:58,616 --> 01:49:00,481
(Laughs) You stayed.
2242
01:49:00,827 --> 01:49:01,827
(Deadpool sighs)
2243
01:49:17,927 --> 01:49:19,667
How something so small generates
2244
01:49:19,763 --> 01:49:21,594
enough energy
to reverse time is...
2245
01:49:21,765 --> 01:49:23,721
Oh, just fix it, eleven,
2246
01:49:23,808 --> 01:49:25,639
or I'll take it
to the genius bar.
2247
01:49:25,810 --> 01:49:27,410
Cable's gonna kill you
when he finds out.
2248
01:49:27,520 --> 01:49:28,520
Never heard of him.
2249
01:49:28,605 --> 01:49:30,061
Why do you think
I'm helping him?
2250
01:49:31,316 --> 01:49:34,308
The lord works in
mysterious ways, don't I?
2251
01:49:34,486 --> 01:49:35,942
Have a good day.
2252
01:49:36,529 --> 01:49:37,644
Bye, Wade!
2253
01:49:38,031 --> 01:49:39,146
Bye, yukio!
2254
01:49:40,450 --> 01:49:42,281
That was probably a bad idea.
2255
01:49:42,577 --> 01:49:43,577
What have we done?
2256
01:49:44,120 --> 01:49:45,951
(If I could turn back time
playing)
2257
01:50:01,805 --> 01:50:03,761
I hope we sharpened
the cream cheese spreader.
2258
01:50:03,848 --> 01:50:05,179
(Both panting) (Gasps)
2259
01:50:09,979 --> 01:50:11,435
I'll be right back!
2260
01:50:13,274 --> 01:50:16,061
We're definitely naming
our kid Cher!
2261
01:50:16,528 --> 01:50:17,528
Whoo!
2262
01:50:19,155 --> 01:50:20,395
Deadpool: Peter!
2263
01:50:20,573 --> 01:50:21,938
Whoo! X-force!
2264
01:50:22,117 --> 01:50:24,324
Walk away! Just walk away!
2265
01:50:25,203 --> 01:50:26,989
But we're x-force!
Nope, we're not!
2266
01:50:27,163 --> 01:50:28,619
X-force is just a marketing tool
2267
01:50:28,706 --> 01:50:29,850
designed by fox executives...
2268
01:50:29,874 --> 01:50:31,535
To keep Josh brolin employed.
2269
01:50:31,709 --> 01:50:32,994
It doesn't exist.
2270
01:50:33,169 --> 01:50:36,457
All right, well,
this has been pretty scary!
2271
01:50:36,631 --> 01:50:38,212
And I need to feed my cat.
2272
01:50:38,383 --> 01:50:40,749
Go home, sugarbear. Go home.
2273
01:50:40,927 --> 01:50:44,169
Okay. Will you give
domino my email?
2274
01:50:53,106 --> 01:50:55,017
Wade, is that you?
2275
01:50:57,402 --> 01:50:58,733
I guess stryker finally
2276
01:50:58,820 --> 01:51:00,276
figured out how to shut you up.
2277
01:51:03,408 --> 01:51:04,408
(Gunshot)
2278
01:51:06,786 --> 01:51:09,869
Hey! It's me! Don't scratch!
2279
01:51:09,956 --> 01:51:12,038
Just cleaning up the timelines!
2280
01:51:12,542 --> 01:51:14,157
(Whispers) Love you!
2281
01:51:16,462 --> 01:51:17,918
Welcome to the big leagues, kid.
2282
01:51:19,382 --> 01:51:20,382
(Gunshot)
2283
01:51:22,510 --> 01:51:24,421
You're welcome, Canada.
2284
01:51:24,512 --> 01:51:26,719
(If I could turn back time
continues playing)
2285
01:56:50,296 --> 01:56:52,332
Deadpool: "The end."
2286
01:56:53,716 --> 01:56:54,716
Fred: Just in time,
2287
01:56:54,800 --> 01:56:57,086
because I have lost almost
all feeling in my legs.
2288
01:56:59,514 --> 01:57:01,220
Ooh. No, they feel fine.
2289
01:57:01,390 --> 01:57:02,390
Can I go?
2290
01:57:02,558 --> 01:57:04,139
As you wish.
2291
01:57:05,269 --> 01:57:06,269
(Fred grunts)
2292
01:57:06,354 --> 01:57:07,935
That must feel good.
Yes, thank you.
2293
01:57:08,105 --> 01:57:09,105
Deadpool: Yeah.
2294
01:57:11,567 --> 01:57:13,228
Come on. Whoa! Easy, now. Hey.
2295
01:57:13,402 --> 01:57:14,983
Easy, now.
There you go. Come on.
2296
01:57:15,154 --> 01:57:16,860
Take it slow. Take it slow.
Baby steps.
2297
01:57:17,031 --> 01:57:18,550
I can't feel my legs.
I can't feel my legs!
2298
01:57:18,574 --> 01:57:19,689
Deadpool: I know. Yeah.
2299
01:57:19,867 --> 01:57:22,859
You've been asleep for
three days, buddy. Come on.
2300
01:57:23,037 --> 01:57:24,823
Fred: Three days?
Deadpool: Yeah! Three days.
2301
01:57:24,914 --> 01:57:26,314
Fred: I've been here
for three days?
2302
01:57:26,374 --> 01:57:27,851
Deadpool: (Laughs) Yeah!
Fred: Why so long?
2303
01:57:27,875 --> 01:57:29,019
Deadpool: Oh!
Fred: That's too long!
2304
01:57:29,043 --> 01:57:31,083
Deadpool: Uh, can somebody get
this guy a Starbucks?
159546
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