All language subtitles for Megamind.Rules.S01E07.1080p.WEB.h264-DOLORES

- Huh?
- Hello.

♪ Supervillain,
ahead of his time ♪

♪ Incredibly handsome
genius, criminal mastermind ♪

♪ But now he's all cleaned
up and fighting crime ♪

♪ A superhero that
you stream online ♪

♪ It's Megamind ♪

♪ Oh, it feels good
to be good this time ♪

♪ It's Megamind ♪

♪ Oh, it's Megamind ♪

♪ Rules! ♪

Megamind: Welcome to "Megamind's
Rules For Defending Your City!"

Today, we're
sprucing up the lair

and cleaning out our
emails from the onternet.

My number-one fan
Terry Sasko writes,

"How important to crime
fighting is handsomeness?"

Why, it's like the
number one thing!

Myself aside,

keeping your heroic lair
handsome is critical,

and the secrets are simple.

Elbow grease, a huge
army of brainbots,

and a compassionate supervisor.

Double time, brainbots!

I wanna be able to make a
sandwich on a toilet seat!

- Sir!

I was cleaning the Gallery of
the Vanquished when I noticed

that Machiavillain's golden
hairbrush was missing!

- Machiavillain's golden hairbrush...

Keiko: Uh, Earth to Megs.

What the heck is a
Mack-a-blah-blah's golden hairbrush?

Dear Keiko, that
hairbrush belonged

to my villain shool
master, Machiavillain.

He was the greatest
bad guy who ever lived.

Cunning and cruel, with
long, luxurious hair

and the voice of
a glam rock angel.

He ruled the world of
villainy with wicked schemes,

power chords, and, most of all

presentation!

He still sends
shivers down my spine.

And then
I defeated him,

which completed my
training and bada-bing,

I'm the world's
greatest villain!

And now, I'm a hero but I'd
still really like to know

where that brush went.

Now, where was I?

- Happy birthday, girl!

Oh, you got me a drone?!

Yeah. You can use your
phone to control it

and talk through it.
Hide behind your couch,

and you can use it to scare
the new city comptroller.

- Not that I tried that.
- So cool, Roxie!

Thank you so much.

And me?

I have... a very big surprise.

It's a, a very surprising thing,

even to me.

It's okay you forgot

because I know exactly what
I want for my birthday.

You told me you'd train
me to be a crime fighter.

- That's what I want.
- I never told you that. Ow!

You help me,

I'll train you to
be a crime fighter.

You have my word.

Well... it appears I did.

Sadly, I don't
think you're ready.

You might have to put in
a little more work first.

Or a lot more. Actually,

I need you to sweep the
curbs around the lair,

lest Roxanne send her
filth police after me.

I don't have filth police. But

- Memo. Patrol
cars with mop wheels.

Little brooms in holsters.

I don't wanna sweep
curbs on my birthday!

Uh, maybe I'm one of those

make-you-do-chores-until-surprise!

You-know-how-
to-do-everything teachers.

Oh, but really, I'm
not a teacher at all.

Self-teaching is the best.
That's what I've always said.

But you had a teacher!
The hairbrush guy!

Trust me, you're better
off teaching yourself. Bye!

That was shockingly harsh.

Would you like me
to invite her back

and destroy her surprise?

Which is? I'm so excited to hear

what you make up
right this second.

I'm gonna, uh, make a cake.

A cake for Keiko! Nailed it.

Come on.

You don't know how to
make a glass of water.

How hard can it be?

Have you ever heard the
term "piece of cake"?

Chum! To the hot refrigerator!

-New drone
camera check. Looks good.

Welcome to "Keiko's Rules
For Defending Your City!"

So, Megamind thinks I'm
not ready for training.

Well, I'm not ready
to not be ready.

And since he wanted
me to teach myself,

I borrowed this. Boom!
Disguise generator.

To prove I'm hero material,

I'm gonna infiltrate
the Doom Syndicate

and find out their
next big moves.

Luckily, Megamind just put
shadow boy in the slammer, so

- : What up!

I'm Nighty-Knight. I'm
dumb and think I'm scary,

and Keiko Morita is awesome.

To find their hideout,

I encircled their
metadata to pinpoint

- the exact location of... Wait.

That's their secret hideout?

- Man, these guys are do of uses.

- Look at me! I am kicking your derriere! Ho, ho, ho!

Come on, guys!

This is a communal workspace!

We're supposed to
be a community!

Quiet! Behemoth having
hard time with 'puter.

- I'm gonna call the cops on you!

Then, I'll be the one laughing!

Ha, ha, ha... Ah!

Behemoth say quiet down!

You no listen, so you go up!

You guys are a bunch of bullies!

His feet are dangling!

Keiko-As-Nighty-Knight: Dark
tidings! And other dark... things.

Yes, I have freed
myself from prison.

Now, what's our next dark plan?

Nighty-Knight, where
are the sandwiches?

Uh... the what?

Has prison made you dumb-dumb?

When one of us escape, they
bring sandwiches for all.

Oh! Yeah. I was
gonna pick some up,

but, you know,
darkness and... stuff.

So,

what are we gonna do next
to bring old Megamind down?

Let me get this straight.

You go to jail for a day,
forget the sandwiches,

and think we're gonna start
letting you in on planning? No!

We plan, you do chores.

Drop my lucky beret
at ze cleaners.

- Actually, we all have filthy outfits to go there.

That's right.

Of all the villains I
could've impersonated,

I picked the one
that gets chores.

- Ah! The cake is ready.

Sir, perhaps you should've used,

you know, a recipe.

If a birthday is going
to be a surprise,

shouldn't the
ingredients be as well?

Now, let's marvel at its
sponge-like fluffiness.

Well, that certainly
was a surprise.

Now, with a slight adjustment...

And a pinch of love!

This first layer will be about
as moist as a cake can be.

- Ah!

Achilles' high-tops!

Are you okay?

Eh, it's all going
according to plan.

Ah, so 12-degree burns
were part of your plan.

Oh, well done, Sir!

You see, Chum? With
trial and error,

one can accomplish anything.

- Chum: Wah!

- Help! Get it off! Get it off!

- Just to be clear,

this is for Keiko's
birthday this year, right?

- Behemoth appreciate help.

Didn't know you
knew about 'puters.

Keiko-As-Nighty-Knight: Are you sure you
have to print this entire collection?

Behemoth: It Behemoth's
favorite comic strip.

Funny cat keeps Behemoth
temper in check.

- You know, all
of your failed print jobs

- are jamming up the queue.

You be patient

or Behemoth crush
and melt your bones!

See? Behemoth need all 10,000
pages of Happy Pizza Cat.

- Control alt delete,

and print-a-doodle-doo.

Behemoth thank you.

- Oh! Ah!

Hey, I just want to apologize

for the behavior
of my coworkers.

Thanks. That means a lot.

I'm grateful one of you
is capable of kindness.

- Huh?

Who are you?

I work for Megamind!

Can you get my
back if I need it?

Well, I would,
but I'm too afraid

of what these bullies
are capable of.

Come on. You're
the former mayor!

- You got a little cutthroat in you.
- Huh.

Well, I suppose I did
crush Bulldog McGoo

in that runoff election.

Look, if Megamind can help
put these guys back in prison,

then I'll do what I can to help.

And call me Jody.

Jody Smelt. I do it all.
Taxes, food delivery...

Oh! And blown-glass
figurines, huh?

- These are cool.
- Lady Doppler: Nighty-Knight! We need you!

- Gotta go.

We saw you typing out
there, and we thought,

"Yes! One of us finally
learned how to type!"

- Me make big ideas

to help big boss take
down Megamind. You type.

Keiko-As-Nighty-Knight: Big boss?
Who's bigger than us? Am I right?

- Oh, mais oui, mais oui!

He's much funnier now
that he knows how to type.

- D'accord!

To take down Megamind,
we should first...

Nighty-Knight: What in
the blazes is going on?!

Keiko-As-Nighty-Knight: Uh,
I'll tell you what's going on!

- I'm the real Nighty-Knight!
- Nighty-Knight: No,

I'm the real Nighty-Knight.

Well, this one
brought sandwiches.

Yeah, but this one
knows how to type.

Keiko-As-Nighty-Knight: As the
real, actual Nighty-Knight,

I can totally throw
my shadow, right?

N-No way this loser
impostor can shadow-throw.

Nighty-Knight: Let's
see if this imposter

can conjure up an
entire unicorn.

- Made of darkness!

- What?
- Weak shadow, bro.

Keiko-As-Nighty-Knight: So weak. Do
I even need to throw mine?

I mean, you can pick
him if you want,

but you'll lose these
magic typing fingers.

I declare the Nighty-Knight
who can type is the real one.

- Nighty-Knight: No! Let me go again.

Machiavillain: What is going on?

I can hardly hear
myself scheming.

Keiko-As-Nighty-Knight: Whoa...

Machiavillain: Either
Nighty-Knight has a twin sibling,

and Heaven help
us if that's true,

or we have an
impostor in our midst.

We cannot figure out
who is the real one!

Hm. Wild guess,

maybe not the one wearing
Megamind's disguise generator.

- Sacre bleu!
- Why didn't we see that?

Honestly,
if I had a head,

I'd shake it in disappointment.

Now, let's see who
our surprise guest is.

Busted. Huh?!

Hi, Busted. Me Behemoth.

- Megamind: Okay, look.

Roxanne: Megamind. That's

beautiful.

Oh... Mind if I
take a little taste?

Don't move a muscle!

Sorry. Just look at it
for a few more seconds.

Close your eyes even
tighter than before.

Believe in me,

knowing in your heart
that I have the ability

to create a perfect
cake for Keiko.

- Something's fishy.
- Sorry. That's me.

I'm a bit overdue
for a bowl cleaning.

- No, not you, Chum.

Oh, gimme a break!

A cardboard cutout of a cake

might not be the mind-blowing
surprise you'd hoped for.

I don't know. It's a
pretty nice picture.

I'd love that for
my birthday, Sir.

Fine.

Making a cake is
actually hard for me.

There, I said it.

It's okay.

You know, I can teach
you how to make a cake.

You? You can't bake!

Those muffins you made tasted
like charred hair follicles.

I'll have you know I've
been taking online classes,

and my food is much more edible.

So, do you want my help?

I don't need help
from you or anyone!

Believe me, self-teaching
is the best.

If you teach me, the
only way I can be sure

I've mastered cake-making is
if I defeat you in battle,

and I really don't
want to do that to you.

I-I think your last teacher

may have given you the
wrong idea about teaching.

- Oh, so many wrong ideas.

Machiavillain was
villainy incarnate.

Pure evil.

Evil...
Evil... Evil...

Machiavillain: Can I get
you some gum? Boba tea?

Oh, silly me.
You must be so lost.

I'm Machiavillain, an
old friend of Megamind's.

It is a pleasure to finally
make your acquaintance, Keiko.

It's very clear to me that
you're a gifted student

in desperate need of
the right teacher.

Actually, Megamind promised...

Machiavillain:
Megamind.

He could've been
the greatest villain

the world has ever seen.

He had so much potential.

It must be heartbreaking

he doesn't see yours.

That's... actually why I'm here.

Figured I'd give evil a shot.

And you'd be a much better
teacher than Megamind.

How do we know she's not
just trying to spy on us

- for her old boss?
- Machiavillain: Hm...

She's right. You'll have
to prove your loyalty

before we can start
your training.

Yeah, sure. Okay.

What do you want me to do?
Rob a bank? Destroy the moon?

- I want you to steal.

Megamind's baby binky.

That's it. Seriously?

Machiavillain: Think
of it as a small test

before we let you in
on our bigger plans.

But know this.

You try anything funny,

and you will force
me to do something

- most regrettable.

Maybe I will take that boba.

Soft enough that you
can't use it for hockey,

and it's not walking
off on its own power.

Clearly, I have nailed this!

Maybe
it needs more salt.

How can it be that bad?

Maybe when
we can move again,

you finally let me teach
you how to make a cake.

That might be a good idea.

Okay, drone. Let's do this.

Keiko Recording : Yoo-hoo!
Drones rule! Brainbots drool!

- Whoa!

This is more than just a binky.

This has some kind of... power.

I can't just hand
this to Machiavillain,

but I have to find
out what his plan is!

Oh, think, Keiko. Think!

If you want an exact copy,

it's gonna take
me about an hour.

I don't have an hour!

I'm giving the Doomers the fake,

then I gotta get the OG back
to Megamind lickety-split.

So, this is to pull one
over on those creeps, right?

I'll do it in the 15 fastest
minutes of your life.

What's the real reason
you won't train Keiko?

That's personal.
I'll never tell.

Oh, you better tell, or
I'm gonna tickle you.

Good luck. We can't move.

Well, look at this.

Stop!
Ah! Please stop!

Not until you fess up.

Now, what's more tickly
than your armpit?

- Please! Not my ears!

So, why won't you train her?

Because I don't want
to put Keiko through

what I went through!
Especially the whole...

defeat-me-to-prove-her-mastery
thing!

Oh! Oh, thank goodness.

Just because that's
the way you were taught

doesn't mean you'll
do the same to Keiko.

Look, if I teach
you to make a cake,

I promise you won't
have to defeat me.

Okay, okay. You have a deal.

Great. I'll gather ingredients.
Uh, you regain mobility.

Wait. How did it wear
off on you so quickly?

I was faking. You really think

I'd swallow
something you cooked?

Come on...

Fake's in your hand.

I've marked it with a
little lightning bolt.

- See?
- Keiko: Cool.

The original is in your
backpack. Good luck.

- Mm, yes.

I can sense the power.

The binky has entered the room.

- Mission accomplished.

Huh?

Well, you've done well, Keiko.

Come. You've earned the coveted
Seat of Dishonor at our table.

- Nighty-Knight: Aw...

Aw, yeah.

Now you're ready to hear the
details of my genius plan.

In fact, you're an
integral part of it.

Keiko Morita,

the "expert in all
things Megamind,"

didn't know that this binky

is one of the most powerful
energy sources in the universe!

- Huh?
- And it is the final component needed

to restore my body to its
stunning and glamorous glory.

Power up the
regeneration machine!

Lady Doppler: Thanks to
Megamind's nincompoopery

when he was playing mayor,

we acquired the perfect
vessel for the machine.

Ta-da!

Nighty-Knight: While Megamind was
obsessing over his social media,

I managed to steal this
genetically modified starfish

with enhanced regeneration
powers from the aquarium.

Pierre: Merci to Megamind,

we not only managed
to get ze isotopes

we needed to fuel ze machine...

Behemoth: Evil friend steal
brush with hair sample.

We use DNA from hair sample
to rebuild big boss' body.

And now, we have the
power of the binky

to bring my plan to fruition.

Hate to interrupt your long
cliché villain explanation,

but I just gave you
a fake binky, dude.

And I got the real one
right here. See ya!

- Get her!

She's around here somewhere!

Keiko: Megamind!
It's Keiko! Bad news.

- I'm in a jam and need your help.

I'm behind a fire truck
parked on the corner of...

- Seize her! Huh?

Keiko : Maybe you guys
should be called the Dumb Syndicate!

Ha, ha! Smile for
the blooper reel!

Lady Doppler: How did
she get so slippery?!

Tricky girl turned
into flying machine!

Ah! Oh no!

- Whoa!

Ah!

- Whoa!

- Ah, ha!

- Ah!
- Ho, ho!

- You will
double-cross your friends.

You will double-cross
your friends.

Uh, if I insist.

- Have at you!
- Nighty-Knight: Ah!

Not cool, bro! Ow!
Personal space, man!

Keiko, you're
just too smart for 'em.

Nighty-Knight: We
failed you most darkly.

The child escaped.

And why would that matter?

It's the fake!

You see, a long cliché
villain explanation

is always a good distraction

when swapping out fake
binkies for real ones.

When Megamind finds out
what his little pupil did,

it'll rip their team to
shreds!

Megamind, I-I have to
tell you something.

Megamind: No, no,
no! Not a word,

as I am about to present
your birthday surprise.

- But this is really...
- Shushie shush shushles.

I present to you

your very own cake!

You really shouldn't
have. Believe me.

But, I made it myself!

You deserve every crumb.

- Will you do us the honors?
- I-I really shouldn't.

- Ugh, just cut the cake.
- Oh, come on, Keiko! It's your birthday!

If you insist.

- Um...

Something's in there.

Well, reach in and find
out what!

A hero costume?

I apologize for earlier.

You're ready to
begin your training.

No. I'm not ready
for this at all.

Keiko, are you alright?

Uh, totally. I...

My mom has a thing for me
at home, so I gotta go.

Just gonna leave
this here for now.

Thanks, but... I don't
deserve you guys.

Machiavillain: Now we
can really get to work.