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♪ I don't want your money, honey ♪

♪ I only want you

♪ when you're not around me, baby ♪

♪ mmm, I'm so blue

♪ I'm a real handy girl, and I'll treat you right ♪

♪ hold you in my arms and love you every night ♪

♪ I don't want your money, honey ♪

♪ oh, I only want you

♪ I don't want your money, honey ♪

♪ ooh, I only want you

♪ please, be nice and gentle to me, baby ♪

♪ and I'll be true

♪ I told you I love you, that's what I mean ♪

♪ you the sweetest man that I've ever seen ♪

♪ I don't want your money, honey ♪

♪ ooh, I only want you

♪ I don't want your money, honey ♪

♪ daddy, oh, I only want you ♪

♪ you can go where you want to, do as you please ♪

♪ I'll be waiting for you on my bended knees ♪

♪ I don't want your money, honey ♪

♪ ooh, I only want you

[Sighs]

Oh, man! Ooh!

You know, we really should find someone for Amy.

I don't know why she has such a hard time meeting guys.

You'd think that wouldn't be a problem.

You worry about her too much.

Well, she's all alone here.

Her ex-husband really did a number on her, let me tell you.

Yeah?

Oh, god. Peter was a real mess--

affairs and all sorts of prescription drugs...

Oh, god.

He was a divinity student.

Though now, I think he works for perot.

Uh, I think i'm gonna get going.

Already? Are you su-- you don't want another drink or..?

No. I have to get some sleep tonight.

I just got a look at the bags under my eyes

in your bathroom mirror and...

Oh, the light in there is just terrible.

What you need is a big bay window with natural light.

Sure. I'll request that in my next Grant application, I think.

After I finish begging for food and shelter,

I'll just petition the English department

for 40 grand in construction funds. No big deal.

[Telephone ringing]

So, Danny says you're not seeing anyone.

He does? Well, I know my social life

is Danny's pet project, but--

it's bleak, that's true,

but not completely unfamiliar.

Well, I don't really know you that well,

but there are some men around campus who aren't that bad--

professors, grad students...

No. I, uh... I mean, you're right.

There are men. I see them around.

But they just all turn out to be jerks

or in love with somebody else or something.

Ok. That was Alan. Another reading Sunday night.

Oh, god. He's such an awful writer.

You can't expect US to sit through that--

he really is terrible,

and I just sound like an idiot trying to find something nice to say,

searching for something--anything--

that sounds remotely sincere.

I just ramble... Uncharacteristically.

Thanks.good night.Bye.

Bye.

Oh, Alan's awful.

"Perhaps part of the problem was how he saw himself."

Oh, he's so into himself, it's disgusting.

It's all about him.

Shh. It's almost over.

"His rogue good looks, so apparent to all those around him,

"had only in recent years become visible to Philip.

"And now, watching himself in action--

"his athleticism, his understated sexuality,

"and what he liked to call his graceful self-possession--

"brought him the same pleasures as would Mozart,

a good book, or a heavy rain."

Did he just say "heavy rain"?

Yes. Or "heavy cream." I'm not sure.

Wh-what I meant to say was--yeah?

That your stuff has a real quality, you know?

Like, some people might call it self-involved or narcissistic,

but why is that a bad thing?

I, for one, think that it is very daring

to be consumed with yourself like that.

And that quote's available

for the book flap, if you're interested.

Hey, Danny. How you doin'?I'm great.

Thanks for coming.Hey, you bet.

Hi. Very nice, Alan.

So, Danny, when are your exams?

2 weeks. Amy and I,

we both have 2 weeks to learn 400 years of English literature.

Ah, well, this isn't college, my friend.

This is graduate school. You have to keep up all along.

Oh, ok. Thanks for the tip, coach.

I feel much better now. The pressure's completely lifted. Thank you.

I'm really glad you came tonight.

I don't know if Danny told you,

but I'm teaching a seminar this term.

Hersey taught it, and penn Warren before him,

but if you're around, if you have time,

I'd really like you to come talk to the class.

Come on, you're joking.

I mean, that's ridiculous.

You've never even read my stuff.

No, that's true, but from what Danny says, I'm sure it's great.

It's wonderful. It is.

And you always seem in such pain when I read.

I figure your stuff must be terrific.

Yeah, well, I don't know.

I don't think I have any great pearls to pass on.

Think about it, ok? I'll get your number from Danny.

Just consider it. That's all I'm asking.

Hi.hey, sweetie.

Hey, Molly, you remember these people, don't you?

Sure. Hi. Hey, Molly.

I saw you out there.

Danny, I think I'm gonna go home.

Um, excuse me for a second.

Thanks for coming. Hey...

Why couldn't I have just said, "very nice"?

You ok? Is everything all right?

No. I'm getting my period, my head hurts.

I just want to take a 3-pound midol and get in the bath.

You know I don't do well at these things.

Don't let me spoil it for you.

Well, I'm just gonna hang out for a little while longer,

and then I'll stop by afterwards, ok?

Ok...see you later.

Bye.

Oh, my sister... Let me tell you,

she's not much for learning, you know?

She hardly made it through high school.

She reads Garfield calendars.

Not even the books.

Her idea of heavy reading is a month with 31 days.

I think i'm a little drunk from that wine.

I mean, she's happy. She's completely...

I mean, I envy-- I envy her, really.

I would gladly trade 30 I.Q. Points

for the ability to enjoy rollerblading.

I'm flush, I'm flush.

God, I can't remember the last time I was drunk.

You gonna make it?

Yeah. You ok?

Yeah.

You are not still worried about the exams, are you?

Yeah. Of course.

That is so silly. You know as much as I do.

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.

Maybe I'm not graduate material.

I reread Hamlet the other day.

The only question I could come up with was

did the prince of Denmark masturbate as much as I do?

It's not exactly thesis material.

Before I forget.

This is for me? Really?

What's the, uh..?Just open it.

Ok. An unexplained gift.

Am I ill? Do you know something about me that, uh...

My god...

Goodbye, Columbus. A first edition.

Amy, this is, uh... This is expensive.

No, it's not, really.

I mean, it's a first edition,

but it's only a second printing.

It's kind of nicked up.

I saw you looking at it the other day,

and I knew, of course, you wouldn't buy it for yourself, so...

Hey, do you wanna come over?

I got a bottle of wine just sitting there waiting,

and a terrific buzz on. I'd hate to lose it at 9:00.

Uh...god, actually, I can't.

Oh, we could just-- we don't have to drink, if you don't want to.

No, no. I told Zoey I'd stop by afterwards.

You know, she's expecting me.

Right. Yeah, well...

I probably shouldn't drink anyway, you know.

I mean, maybe I'm not that drunk, actually.

I don't know.

Anyway.

Well, look, I'll see you this weekend, right?

Yeah...that's fine.

Ok.ok.

Good night.Good night.

Oh, um...

Thanks for the book.

No. Sometimes, those things depress me,

but tonight went... Very well, I think.

Yes.i think it went very well.

It did. It went great.

Some of your students,

they're younger than me, and they know so much.

They mentioned writers I'd never even heard of.

I think they were writers.

See, I don't even know.

Look at this. We forgot to pay the water bill.

You're a creative person, Alan.

What do I do? I take some night classes

when i'm not bartending. What's that?

Hey, you understand art.

Oh, right.

No. I'm serious. Not a lot of people do.

And you appreciate good writing, like mine. That's what's important.

Don't laugh.

There are so many women around here

you probably have so much more in common with.

Oh, that's right, I forgot.

Those fantastically interesting grad school girls.

Please, miss peabody, deconstruct Milton for me one more time.

I'm not completely asleep yet.

You shouldn't worry.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

I know.

Hey, you know that song

at the beginning of the Mary Tyler Moore...

You know, it goes like...

"She can take a nothing date,

and suddenly, make it all seem worthwhile"?

How does she make a nothing date worthwhile?

Does that mean, at the end of the night,

she just blows the guy?

"I know this was a crappy date, but...

This should make it worthwhile."

"Nothing day."

What?

"Nothing day." Not "nothing date."

No guy.

Oh.

Well, that explains it.

Hey, Tim, can I ask you a question?

Yeah.

What is this?

Shit. God, I wish you hadn't found that.

Well, captain Nemo, do you want to... Explain this?

Well...there's this girl--woman--

who lives in the apartment across the way.

She likes to walk around a lot in lingerie.

Sometimes naked even. Anyway, that's it.

Right. So, where does the naval technology come in?

So she won't look out the window and see me and get scared.

Great. So instead, she'll be scared she's gonna get hit by a torpedo.

Look, it's not like I'm videotaping her or anything.

Yes, yes, we all commend you for that, but, uh...

A little restraint, huh?

Ok, Tim?

Are you really sure you want me there?

Well, it's your class, but...Ok.

Right. And what time?

8:00 to 10:00. Ok.

Yeah, ok... And good-bye.

Hey, uh, I been looking at your crossword puzzle here.

Um...i think you made a mistake on 6 down.

I could be wrong, but I don't think "slim" is a biblical name.

You got a little sun today.

Yeah. Another productive day of studying.

Anyway, I shouldn't be too late tonight.

Alan just wants me to sit in and get a feel for it

if I'm going to give the lecture next month.

Then I'll come back and sleep here, ok?

And, um, you know what?

That story I've been working on is going really well.

It's really turning out well, I think.

What?

You look pretty.

No.

Yes, you do.

You really do.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I'm just reminded of that old adage:

"Those who can't do, teach."

But you're a terrific teacher...

I have to admit.

And you're a writer and a teacher.

You seem to be having your share of success.

Well, you, too. That fellowship is great.

I'm envious.

Please, don't start sounding like Danny.

What, I sound like Danny?

No. He's always trying to convince me of my own worth.

I know what I have going for me.

I know what I have and what I don't have,

and I'm perfectly fine with it.

And you and Danny, boy, you guys seem very...

Yeah, he's wonderful.

He's a great guy.

When I came here for the fellowship,

I didn't know a soul.

It could've been a really lonely--

terrible, lonely year,

and it's been-- it's been wonderful.

It's funny, you know...

The, uh, people we're with.

I just think that you always have this perfect type,

I mean, in your head, and then everyone goes off and gets married,

and how many times have you heard them come back and say,

"he's not who I expected I'd be with,"

or, "she's not at all who I'd have seen myself with."

And then when they say that, what do I say?

I say, "well, congratulations.

"You're very lucky to have found someone

so completely wrong for you."

I mean, I didn't mean--i wasn't--

oh, no.

I just think someone like you...

Deserves...

Well, you know.

Maybe.

It's 11:30.

Is it?

Yeah.

Maybe we should, um...

Get back to our respective lives about now.

Yup.

Well, there must be someone--

someone healthy and sane.

Gee, let's not make our standards too impossible, ok?

I just don't know why you can't meet a nice fella.

I'll tell you why.

Because there are a bunch of losers and weirdos out there.

Actually, I kind of like the losers.

It's the weirdos that are more of a problem.

I have a friend who only dates guys she doesn't like.

She said she used to date guys she liked,

but she gets so nervous alternately trying to make a good impression

and worrying what they thought about her

that she would just become this nervous wreck and scare everyone off.

But now, dating guys she doesn't like,

she feels relaxed, in control, and great about herself.

Isn't that weird?

It's weird. Um... It's not interesting, but it's weird.

Hey, wait a-- I forgot. Oh, this is perfect.

My friend Tim.

I mean, the two of you guys. What do you think?

I don't know. Tim? He seems so odd to me

with the satellite dish with the 500 channels.

I mean, he's always watching TV.

True, true, but a couple of years ago,

before he dropped out,

he was a real big deal in the physics department.

I mean, really, he's a very bright guy.

I know. I thought you said he was seeing someone.

Seeing someone. Um...

Technically, yes,

but not in the traditional sense, believe me.

Look, the four of US will go out--me and Zoey, you and Tim.

I'll probably just end up talking to you the whole night.

I think you guys might--

Zoey, don't you think they'd like each other?

I didn't know she was there.

Yup. See? She agrees with me.

So, let's just do it and not think about it so much, ok?

Ok...all right.

Ok. Anyway, I'll talk to you later, all right?

Hey, Danny? Yeah?

Uh, do you think it's possible there's a third sex out there

that's really good at relationships?

Yeah, I met him. He cuts my hair.

All right. Good night.

Ok, good night. Bye.

Amy and Tim.

Hmm...

Maybe it'll work out with them.

[Ringing]

Hello?

I'm running out of reasons to call you.

Hello?

It's Alan.

I know.

I thought about calling to ask

what you're gonna talk to my class about,

but I didn't want to be pushy.

Oh, no. You're not being.

I--i don't know what it'll be yet.

No, I know. Um...

Look, can I see you?

Now?

Yeah. You doing anything?

No.

Do you wanna meet me somewhere?

Ok.

Do you know where my office is?

It's the first floor of the English building-- room 106.

Give me half an hour.

Alan?

Yeah, ok. Um...

So, you're gonna, uh... We're gonna see each other?

Yeah. Good-bye.

Bye.

Hi. You found it.

Hello.

Well, this, uh... This is um...

I have all this extra energy.

What is the word for that?

Um...i feel, uh... What is that?

Punchy. Do I seem that way to you?

A little.

They say weather has something to do with that.

It's cooling off. The change in the seasons.

That couch is really good for napping on.

It doesn't look it, but it's very...

Molly thinks, uh...

Molly. God. No, that's, uh... No. That's not good.

Well...molly, you know? Um...I don't know.

I wonder what we have in common sometimes.

Is that for my sake?

What?

Because to be honest, Alan, I really don't care.

All that, that's entirely your business.

You know Danny and I are friends.

Hmm. Again, your business.

Look, we both know why you called me, and why I'm here.

And I'm not trying to make this hard on you,

but I refuse to coax you or talk you through it.

I came here to see you.

I'm glad you came. I wanted you to come.

Yeah? Well, I don't get that from you.

You seem nervous and guilty.

And if you're trying to set the proper mood,

there are probably some better emotions to choose.

Yes, um...

You're right.

Hey, um... I guess I just...

I like to think I'm a little suaver than I actually am.

You'll, uh...

You'll permit me that, ok?

God...i just think you're beautiful, you know?

I think you're wonderful, honestly.

Danny, listen to this...

Danny?

Hey.

I took out a personal ad once.

I'm not ashamed of it.

You never told me this.

Yeah. It was after my divorce,

and I wasn't meeting anyone,

and so I took out the ad.

What'd it say?

The ad?

It started with, uh...

"Come march in my parade."

"Come march in my parade."

Now, I know it wasn't the most clever,

but the guy at the paper liked it, and so, you know, I...

Anyway, then it went on from there.

"Come march in my parade."

Did anyone answer it?

Yeah, a couple of guys.

And 3 high school bands.

Hey!

Hey. Hi.

Alan, look.

Hey, Danny, hi-- oh! Everyone.

Hi.hello.

Oh, this is my brother Rick and his wife candy.

You wanna join US? We can pull up a table.

Oh, we're just on our way out.

We ate back over there.

They're heading back up to the lake tonight.

What part of the lake are you going to?

Do you know the area?

Actually, no.

I just always hear people ask that question,

so your answer won't matter anyway.

We should get going.

They wanna head back before it gets too late.

Nice seeing you guys.

Have a good night.Bye.Nice to meet you.

Good to meet you. Bye.

Very domestic looking.

I know. I wonder if he stops screwing freshmen

when her family comes into town.

Can I get you all anything else?

Uh, yeah. You want another one?

Oh, sure. I can sleep in late.

Zoey?

Tim: Uh, I'll have another.

Zoey?

Uh, no. Nothing.

Tim really liked her.

He said he thought Amy was a dynamite lady.

"Dynamite lady." Jesus.

The guy's been watching too many Sinatra movies.

Wasn't that bizarre? Do you think that was really bizarre

that we all ended up in the same place tonight?

Did Amy happen to say anything to you about Tim

when you guys were in the bathroom together?

It's a Saturday night. We're all in the same place. We happen to see them.

You think she'd say something.

She didn't happen to say anything about Tim? Nothing at all?

She's hardly going to confide in me. She's your friend.

I just think it's so weird.

How many dozens of restaurants are there to eat at?

Jesus, in walks Alan and Molly

and their cousins from wherever the fuck knows where.

Why is everyone so insular in this place?

We all have to eat at the same restaurant,

same time, on a Saturday night.

That's so claustrophobic.

Maybe there's a problem, trying to set two people up in that place.

Jesus, if my landlord hasn't fixed the thermostat...

Oh, no, of course not. It's horrible.

It's still like there's a harbor in here.

Uh...look, I'm still kinda hungry.

Do you mind? I know you have a can of ravioli here someplace.

I've been seeing it around for months.

Huh! You'd think there would be a restaurant in this town

where people could eat without the whole world filing past.

Aha!

You ok?

Yes.

No.

No. It's been an awful week,

and I don't really understand why you'd want to be around me

when I'm like this.

Well, i-- I find mood swings very endearing.

Danny, maybe we need to reevaluate things.

"Reevaluate"?

As in, uh...

"Don't eat my ravioli"

or...

"Reevaluate" as Stalin might've used the word?

God...

I can't feel so responsible for someone.

I'm not capable of it.

I can barely make myself happy

dragging myself out of bed and through the day.

I can't feel this responsible for someone else.

Look, I appreciate the attempt

to make yourself look less attractive,

but--

it's not an attempt.

It's just...

Something's not right, Danny.

You must know that.

Zoey...

What are you trying to say?

Yeah...

That's what I thought.

Excuse me, uh...

Can I have another, please?

Don't I know you from someplace?

You look very familiar.

Yeah. I served you your first 4 drinks also.

Oh, that's right.

It's an awful line, isn't it?

Yeah, I know.

You know, friends of mine get divorced,

their predatory skills come right back

to when they were 22. Me, uh...

Actually, I'm not divorced.

Hmm. You know, when you're over 40 and you're single,

women want to hear that you've been divorced once

so they don't think you've been living with your mother

the whole time, which is, uh...

Certainly not the case.

So, what, are you dropping your daughter off or something?

My daughter. Oh, no,

but that's very sweet of you, thank you.

No, I'm teaching a course this semester.

Writing for television.

No kidding.

No kidding.

You know, Alan--

Alan?

My boyfriend.Oh.

He hates television like he's above it or something,

but I really like it. I mean, I always have.

Do you write?

What do you mean, television writing?

Well, let's not keep saying television writing.

Let's say the long form for the small screen.

The long form for the small screen.

Well, that's interesting.

Man: Here we go!

Man, panting: Hold--hold it a second.

What kind of university teaches a course in TV writing?

Huh? What's next, they got a symposium on...Welding?

Come on. I thought you'd be happy for me.

I feel like crap.

Well, maybe if you get some sleep

instead of staying at your office till god knows when, hmm?

And Bruce, you know, he hasn't just written for TV.

Bruce? Ha ha!

He writes plays and all sorts of stuff.

Bruce! Bruce!

And I told him all about you.

Oh, I'm sure Bruce is real interested in me.

He was.

Yes, Bruce was fascinated with me

and my writing process,

your tits...

Don't tell me you're jealous.

Jealous?

Good! I like that.

If only I felt like this after the stairmaster.

My god, you are so hot.

You know, sometimes I sit at my office,

and I think about your body.

For hours.

I get no work done.

I have a stack of midterms on my desk

that should've been graded weeks ago.

It's...it's crazy.

You know, I am gonna leave her.

Uh-huh.

I am. It's just a question

of finding the right time,

you know, finding...

That...time, and...

Timing.

This is very much about timing.

Ha ha!

If you're going to treat me like the other woman,

at least treat me like an intelligent woman.

I mean, "timing"?

I know, I know.

At least, tell me you stay together for tax reasons.

Now, that'll be good.

I know. I'm a prick, but I'm not gonna stay with her

and drive her crazy like I've been doing.

Look, I may be a bastard for all the obvious reasons,

but if you look at me, I mean, really examine

how I struggle with these things,

then I think I'm a pretty considerate guy.

But if I don't leave her right away, that's ok, too.

Right?

Ok. You got the assignments.

See you next Thursday.

No. Because you got to stick...

Everything is, uh...

Stick to the facts, all right?

[Running steps]

Molly?

Hi.

Hi.

So, was it everything you hoped it would be?

Oh, it was amazing.

Yeah?

Yeah. I had no idea so much goes into every script,

scenes and acts and...

I don't know, I guess I just used to think

actors just made it up as they went along.

Yeah, well, so do they.

Well, let me cleverly turn the conversation around on me.

I mean, how was I? Was i--was I boring?

Did I talk too much?

Was I too handsome and distinguished standing in front of the class?

It was--it was great, really.

Yeah?

Yeah. I mean, so exciting.

I can't wait and try and write something.

Yeah? You have an idea?

No...

Well, you know, I mean, I think I do.

I get one and then, phfft!

I'm not really a writer, you know.

Why not?

I think you could be.

I mean, you seem like a person who has a lot to say.

Maybe nobody to say it to.

You know, I really wouldn't say that.

I mean, no, I'd have to say

that you're wrong about that.

What, you have nothing to say?

Ha ha! No.

I mean, I've someone to say it to.

And he listens?

Yeah, he listens.

I quit.

Ahh...i want to make love to you.

Do you hear me?

I want to make love to you.

You're so proper. You can say "fuck."

Ok.

Fuck, I want to make love to you.

Ha ha!

I mean, was there someone else?

Was she seeing someone, or...

Danny: Well, she didn't say.

I mean, I don't think so, but...

God, maybe I should've seen it coming.

She's been so moody lately.

How long's she been moody for?

Well, we've been together for about a year,

so...

10 months.

I don't know, I don't know. Maybe--maybe--

maybe I'm just drawn to unstable women.

You know, I was watching

splendor in the grass the other day.

Gotta admit,

I found Natalie wood much more attractive

after she was institutionalized.

I mean, those--

those cute little smocks they put her in just...

Danny, I think it's just a bad idea

to give someone that much importance that you give to Zoey.

Yeah, I know.

I mean, people don't want to know that they can hurt other people

because, inevitably, they will.

We are not a kind species, you know. We just...

Every chance we get, we weed out a few more of US.

In prehistoric times, it was the guy with the devil,

and then, you know, it was people with the black lung or scurvy

and now it's men who love the wrong women. I mean,

in a couple of years,

all thinking people will be gone.

The only people left

are gonna be baseball players' wives.

Hmm.

Yeah, thanks.

I mean, I didn't come at it quite so...

Anthropologically, but, uh...

I just know I don't feel so good.

Hey...

Hey, how's this?

Why don't we skip dinner--

I haven't put the chicken in yet--

and let's get stoned?

Uh...no, I don't think so, no.

Come on, it'll be great!

No, I've got this pot from when Peter and I split up.

You have pot?

Really, you have got pot?

Yes. I've had it for, like, 3 years.

Hold on, I'll get it.

You got pot.

Yeah, I never touch it.

When Peter gave it to me, he was trying to quit for...Anyway...

Hey, by the way, your friend Tim called me.

Yeah, yeah. He really likes you.

I mean, he really--

he left a message on the machine.

You know, I never called him back, but I...

I feel bad about this. He seems so sweet, you know, but I'm just--

I'm really not interested.

God, I can't remember the last time I smoked.

Holy shit!

I know. I mean, there's a lot, you know.

Peter was a really big--

Christ, look at this!

Oh, my god!

What was he trying to do,

corner the market and drive up the price

like the hunt brothers or what?

Ridiculous. I mean, I never use it, you know,

and i--there's enough here, right?

Enough? Um...

You're in cheech and Chong territory here, ok?

You probably shouldn't keep all this

in your apartment.

How much did your ex-husband smoke?

Oh, a lot, a lot. I mean,

and this was on top of all the seconal.

Well, um, ok.

Uh, boy. Uh...

Ha. If you wanna smoke this,

do you have any rolling paper--

well, this is a large amount. Um...

Maybe a flour tortilla?

There's a pipe in the bag.

A pipe in the bag.

Jesus. Um...

All right.

All right, all right, good.

Can you please lock the door? And, uh...

Please, draw the shades, too.

Make sure, because we do have quite a bit here,

and I'm fairly sure that if we're caught with this...

We can get the death penalty.

[Folk music playing]

Mmm...

Hi.

You just wake up?

Yeah, I guess. Was I asleep for long?

Uh...i don't know.

I dozed off a little, too.

Getting old, you know.

I mean, we smoke a milligram of pot,

and we act like glaucoma patients.

[Laughs]

Well, I feel...

Very relaxed.

[Laughs]

Mmm...

Are you ok?

Yeah.

You know, I lose my stipend since I dropped out.

I'd forgotten about that.

I have to earn some money.

You know, if I want to keep living indoors.

This song always makes me a little sad.

Mm.

It's nice.

You know, it's funny.

I mean, when you're a kid and you like a boy--

I was just thinking about this--

you don't actually tell him,

because that's not the way it's done,

but you, you know,

tease him or call him names or something

then pretty soon he gets it,

and if a boy likes you back,

then he'd punch you or pull your hair--

I forget the exact trend--

but the point is that as ridiculous as it seemed

and as primitive as it was,

it got the job done.

He knew you liked him, and you knew the same.

The sad thing is-- I'm 28 now--

when it comes to telling a man how I feel about him,

I was more articulate when I was 9.

I'm sorry. Oh!

Me with my theories.

Every twinge of emotion

has to be transcribed and categorized like...

I love you, Danny.

I do.

And I have just been holding it in for way too long.

I'm just...You know,

impulsiveness goes against all my natural instincts,

and saying this is just this terrific...Release,

this rush of...

Will you please say something,

because if I keep going on, I'm gonna cross that line

between endearingly neurotic

and just plain annoying.

Amy...

I...

I'm--I'm flattered.

I, uh...

Oh, Jesus!

No, really, I am.

I...

Amy, i--

now, just don't insult me.

Ok, I'm a mess. I'm a mess.

I mean, look, look at me, my life is--

I'm in no--

god, I feel ridiculous!

I'm in no condition...

I'm--oh, boy...

Teach me to act on--

I mean, to actually act on something I'm feeling.

Oh, god...

Excuse me, I'm gonna have to throw up now.

Molly: Alan?

Alan?

Alan?

♪ Alan

Alan! Ha ha!

Hi!

Hi.

So, what did you think?

Did I write it well?

Yeah. You know, it's, um, hard to--

it's a start. It's 2 pages.

Come on. Tell me, really.

It's hard to say. It's 2 pages.

It's...missing the middle and end

and most of the beginning. What?

Wouldn't it be easier just to say

you don't like it?

Honey, it's 2 pages! What do you think,

you're gonna sit down the first time and write Moby dick?

Oh, no, it's not a novel. It's for television.

Oh, ok, the television equivalent of Moby dick.

What is that, the jeffersons?

You're so funny, Alan.

Honey, what do you think I do all day?

Do you think I write 2 pages and pat myself on the back?

I mean, it, uh...

No, I'm sorry, you know?

You're right. Jesus, what was I thinking? This...

You know, I think you should retire on these 2 pages.

Really, because I must've been out of my mind,

'cause I think...

You have reached insights here

that just have eluded the great...

"I like being a kid.

No one expects anything of me."

Oh, boy, that just...Really...

What do you want me to say? It's 2 pages!

I--aah!

Fuck! God damn it!

You ok?

Fucking lamp!

You want me to get you some ice?

I'm fine! It's just like this fucking--

like knitting needles and it's just like

you stub your toe on everything, right?

It's like a full household of--

a household minefield of household disasters.

[Sighs]

I should walk around on stilts in this place. Really, it's like--

it's a fucking pigsty, see? Look at it.

Leave it there. It's my shirt. Don't pick it up.

Well, it's just a few things.

Yeah, it's my mess. Don't pick it up. They're mine.

You don't have to pick it up. You don't have to clean up.

I'm putting them in the hamper, ok?

Well, don't put them in the fucking hamper!

[To himself] Jesus Christ, listen to me.

No, don't listen to me. I...

Why do you put up with me? Jesus Christ,

I lecture you on your writing like, I mean,

what do I know? I can't con anyone into publishing my stuff.

I come home late, I don't call you...

This place is a fucking pigsty, and it's my fault!

It's my mess, and you clean it up.

It's not that bad.

I mean, everything is my fucking fault.

Why don't you get angry at me?

Really?

Why don't you just tell me,

"Alan, you are a real prick, you know that?"

Because you're not! You...

Why would I say that?

I am a prick. You know that.

Well, you should stop saying that.

You know, sometimes I wonder what it would take

for you to get angry at me. Really.

What it would take for you to say,

"Alan, you are a real prick!"

I mean, if there is such a thing,

if there is such an act that could be perpetrated.

Alan, do me a favor

and tell me what it is you've done.

Done? No, i--i haven't--

tell me!

Ok.

Ok,

I met someone.

You know, someone else.

I don't want you to think it's you. It's not...

You know, some shortcoming in you.

Goddamn toe...

Why do you want to marry me?

Why do you think I'd be any better at marriage

than I am in anything else in my life?

I...oh, Jesus Christ...

I--i feel nothing but full of these...

Horrible clichés right now.

And what a crime to be unoriginal,

right, Alan?

Look, I don't want you to worry.

I'll move out. I want you to keep the house.

We're paid up to the end of the month,

and I'll... I'll get out,

and I'll steer clear.

I'll have a place by morning.

I'll have a great fucking place.

Sorry, i--i just didn't know where else to go.

You'd think if you live in a place for 2 years,

you'd have options, friends or something.

No, look, i'm glad you came here.

I guess he was just bored with me.

Bored? Oh, no.

I mean, Alan was the one with all the experience.

He was it for me. He was my experience.

Mm.

I guess people aren't too impressed

when all you know is them.

Well, how could he not see what you're about?

I mean...

You mind me sitting here?

It's your place.

Look,

Molly, I see someone who's smart

and intuitive

and has a wonderful heart and all sorts of other qualities

which you probably don't even recognize

because you've been seeing yourself

through him for years.

So, instead, you're saying

I should see myself through you.

No.

Look,

maybe Alan isn't the one.

I mean, I know that destiny is a...

Popular concept with people your age,

but trust me.

There's lots of people out there for everybody.

Well, if that's true,

how come you're alone?

Well, i'm not talking about me. I'm talking about you.

Ha ha!

I figure...

In a few years, after I've given up completely,

I'll just, um...

Have a bride shipped from Korea.

Right. Yeah.

Well, you'll know when you get the invitation,

'cause it'll say, "Dr. Samuel foreman invites you

"to celebrate the wedding of his son Bruce Michael

"to...

Ho Yang pak."

That's funny. I can't tell

if you're really smart or really screwed up.

Well, I used to be really screwed up,

but when you hit 40,

they reclassify it all as wisdom.

That's--

you're gonna be ok.

Oh, my god! Do you know-- what time is it?

Oh! You know what, I have this appointment

I'm supposed to be at, but I'm so stupid.

I'm supposed to meet this person. I'm...

Just totally forgot. I'm sorry.

Thank you for the water, ok?

Thanks.

[Door shuts]

Uh... Kung pao chicken?

You said kung pao beef.

Oh, all right, all right, ok. Uh...

But... Won ton soup, right?

Egg drop.

Great. Thanks.

See you soon.

Hmm.

Tim.

Oh, hey.

Dinner?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Dinner?

Yeah.

Yeah, I usually do the takeout thing.

It's a little less depressing that way.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean any--

oh, no. It is depressing.

Insulting and depressing.

I meant to call you back. I--i just--

you know, I got your message, and--

oh, it's ok, it's ok. It's...You know.

And you know how it is. You wait

and then it's a couple of weeks

and then you're embarrassed

that you didn't call back right away

and then you just never...

Well...

Good night.

Hey...

Uh...

I know you probably have plans, but--

no. No plans.

No, wait, you may want an excuse,

but I was wondering if you, uh...

Wanted to...

Have dinner with me.

[Song starts]

♪ As we

♪ run through

♪ if you call me up, I'll try to come ♪

♪ and don't just disappear ♪

♪ you and me in a 3-way crowd ♪

♪ I see it now

♪ when you're working a crowd ♪

♪ and you keep me around ♪

♪ 'cause I help you stand out ♪

[Door rattles]

♪ Pushing me down

♪ 'cause it makes you feel proud ♪

Alan?

♪ And you, you take the soul from me ♪

Alan?

♪ Just me

♪ I want to make

♪ you're full of air, and you're half awake ♪

♪ pass me

♪ I wanna be

♪ the boy in your head ♪

♪ just someone

[Telephone rings]

Hello.

Hello.

[Coughs]

♪ Kiss on the chin...

You got some nice girl-on-girl stuff back there.

What's that?

The lesbo stuff.

Real good.

Thanks. Um...

That will be...

$23.

Could I get a receipt?

For my taxes.

[Tears register tape]

[Door jangles]

Hello.

Uh...hi.

I didn't hear you come in.

I heard you left the program.

Yeah.

Well, you know how hard it is

to balance school and a career.

You look great.

Well, you always...

[Door jangles]

Alan: Danny.

Hey! God, I haven't seen you in a long time.

Yeah. You look good.

You working here now, huh?

Uh, no, actually, I acquired it in a hostile takeover.

Yeah. This and the laundromat around the corner.

Man, this is amazing.

I've been here almost a month, no one comes by.

First Zoey, now you.

I thought you were going to wait for me at shorty's.

There's nothing but undergraduates there.

I haven't seen Danny in, god, what?

It seems like for ages.

We were...

Just, uh...

We were just walking.

We were walking.

So, uh...

So, Danny, what, uh...

What's the plan? Are you sticking around?

You taking off for Europe?

Uh, what?

Uh...

I don't--um...

There's a lot of 'em.

[Laughs]

Not sure.

Alan, could you just give US a second?

Yeah. Sure.

Sure.

Well, uh... Good luck, you know,

with whatever happens. I mean it.

Thanks.

Oh, hey, uh, did you get

the new colossus review in yet?

Colossus review. What is that?

It's a literary magazine. Very prestigious.

It's big in the southwest. The hopi--

or is it sioux? Some tribe puts it out.

But they picked one of my stories for the new issue.

I haven't seen it yet.

You know what? We're fresh out.

Try in next week.

Next week.

Well, if you get a chance,

I'd like to know what you think.

Zoey, I'm gonna be in front.

Good seeing you.

Oh, god, i'm sorry about that.

Hmm. Yeah.

I asked him to wait outside.

Yeah. Well...

Thanks for stopping by.

I got a lot of work to do.

[Sighs]

[Staple gun pops]

I need to borrow your car.

Yeah?

I just need to get out of town

for a couple of days,

clear my head, that's all.

A couple days? What if I need it?

You? For what?

You never leave this place.

You live like Anne frank here,

Anne frank with a satellite dish.

Please.

Well, let's try to find the keys.

They should be here somewhere.

His generation marked the de-evolution of the species,

Philip thought.

50 years ago young men defeated Hitler.

Today, his contemporaries' sole aim

is to get their lives together.

At this rate, in a century or two,

man will scrape his knuckles and run from fire.

[Vacuum cleaner whirs]

Zoey: You knew I had work to do.

I didn't hide that from you.

Well, it would've been nice

to have had you there tonight, that's all.

Have we eaten yet?

I haven't eaten yet.

I ate.

Does our pithy little interaction

mean you want to fight or you don't want to fight?

Just clue me in.

I specifically asked you to wait at shorty's,

not to come in with me.

What?

I mean, he's so brilliant.

And he's a hard worker.

And he could've been a wonderful professor.

And to see him like that.

And for him to see US and realize--

Jesus Christ, is this about Danny?

Oh, and the stupid colossus review.

Please, very prestigious.

With a circulation of what, 12?

That's a well-respected journal.

Yes, another great literary contribution

from the sioux nation.

You know what seems strange to me?

You went out with Danny for over a year.

And by your own admission, you gave him nothing.

You treated him like shit half the time.That's not true.

And now suddenly he's the greatest guy

to whom you've done a horrible wrong.

And you look at him-- don't think this escapes me.

You look at him almost reverentially.

You know nothing about Danny.

I know how you looked at him.

What is all this? How I looked at him?

I am with you now. We're together.

Do you ever look at me that way?

Do you ever extend me the compassion,

the support that you're suddenly summoning up for Danny?

I see what this is about: Insecurity.

Fuck goddamn insecurity.

To you that, what, is the dirtiest word in the English language.

What is it that you want from me, Alan?

What is the unconditional support that you want?

You want to hear you're a great writer?

You're a great writer.

You want to hear you're a great lay?

'Cause you're a great fucking lay.

What has been the request I've so unjustly denied?

Oh, yeah, I would like to hear all of that.

I'd like to be with someone who thinks

I'm the greatest thing that ever happened to them.

That without me, they didn't know if they could go on.

Well, as soon as you pry your mother away from her second husband,

I think you'll have just what you nee.

I'm going to take a bath.

Why don't you eat something?

It would've been nice to have had you there tonight.

[Whispering] Jesus.

Well, it's nice to know

they've instituted a neighborhood watch program.

I feel much safer.

Yeah, well,

ideally you wouldn't have found me like this.

I'd rather not be remembered as a sociopath

or a narcoleptic.

So, uh, you're in love with Alan.

How's that for a segue, huh?

I'm not in love with Alan.

God, do I seem so unable to bring meaning into my life,

that I have to fall back on what a man will provide?

Jesus, listen to me.

Am I really this hard?

Is everyone else just too damn earnest?

It's funny.

Alan leaves his girlfriend for you.

And he's probably slowly going insane

trying to make you love him the way Molly did.

It's a nice story like othello

and the Saul wachler case.

[Car door opens and closes]

I almost forgot.

I've been carrying this around for weeks.

I think it's yours.

Oh, yeah.

Gee, um, thank you.

Thanks a lot.

Molly?

Hi.

I haven't seen you in class.

Oh, gosh,

you know, I've just been very busy

with many things. It's--

didn't you get my messages?

I did. Yes, I did.

You know what?

I apologize if you think I've been avoiding you.

I've just been really very busy with many things and--

I just wanted to make sure

you had somewhere to go on Friday.

Friday?

Yeah, didn't you say your lease was up

on the 30th?

No, uh-uh.

My lease runs through...

Oh, shit.

You don't have to worry about that.

I have many people I can stay with.

Actually I've got 2 apartments

I'm supposed to see this afternoon.

I thought maybe you could stay with me

until you get settled.

I don't think that's a good idea.

Well, just till you get settled.

I mean, uh, you get your own place,

pfft, you're out.

That's really-- it's very nice of you.

But i-I've--

I've got to go to this--

you're very busy with many things.

Look, um...

I mean, honestly, what is it?

If you just want to sleep with me,

I don't really think

I'm worth all the effort.

And if it's not that,

what is it you can't resist,

my sparkling personality?

Actually, it's your high self-esteem.

No, it's--

it's not an illicit offer.

I just--you could have the couch.

You know, I'm no fun at all these days.

I mean, all I do all day long is think about Alan.

I'd be staying at your place with you.

Mm-hmm.

Is that what you want?

Danny.

So, I guess we're the big losers.

No.

What else is there to say?

We're the big losers.

I think losers says enough really.

I don't think we need to modify it with big.

You know, this might sound stupid,

but I used to think that Amy was your girlfriend, not Zoey.

Yeah?

Yeah. I never knew you that well.

And you and Amy always seemed to be having such a good time together.

Then Alan said, "no, his girlfriend's the other one."

I guess I've had friendships like that.

Where people thought we were sleeping together

and we weren't.

Yeah, I've had friendships like that.

I've had relationships like that.

We all want the ones who are wrong for US,

don't we?

I mean the good ones,

never even give them a chance.

Ok, come on,

let's talk about something else, all right?

We are 2 relatively bright people

with a fair amount of things in common.

Surely we can find something else to talk about

than our failing relationships. Am I right?

Yes.

You're right.Am I right?

All right, so let's not even dwell

on how I never gave Amy a chance, ok?

Oh, no, but I didn't say that.

Yeah, you said, "Amy was the one

"that I never gave a chance--"

no, I said that we never give the good ones a chance,

not Amy.

Oh.

You're thinking about her though, aren't you?

Yeah, you are.

[Laughs]

I think you're still a little afraid of me.

No, no, no, no, mm-mmm.

No, no, no?

Afraid?

Nah, I wouldn't say that.

No?

Oh, I don't know.

Ok, maybe still a little.

Well, anything's an improvement over that first time

in my apartment with that mad dash for the door.

Oh, god!

Remember that pucker?

Come on.

And the shock that that kind of stuff

can still happen to me.

That drama, I mean.

I thought those days were over for me.

Maybe not.

Maybe they never end.

Maybe somewhere in Florida there's an 80-year-old woman

running out of my father's apartment.

Course she probably doesn't move as quickly as you do.

Yeah.

So, you don't mind me staying with you this long?

Yeah, I kind of do.

I have this thing about, um,

sharing my bed with a beautiful, young, sweet woman.

Seems kind of wrong somehow.

Mmm, unnatural.

Unnatural.

Well, that's what I like best about it.

I don't know what's taking Tim so long.

I meant to call.

I know it's no excuse.

But I've been thinking about you.

Daniel, it's fine.

Daniel?

What's that?

You, uh, just called me Daniel.

You never call me Daniel.

Danny.

Daniel, Danny, ok?

You know, I get the feeling that you think

that I'm waiting for you to apologize for something.

And it's not the case.

There's nothing to--

things are good in my life.

My research and Tim and there's--

what?

Does that disappoint you?

That my life is--

that I'm not angry at you?

Are you disappointed with that?

Yeah.

Yeah, you are.

No.

Uh, no.

I meant no.

Look, all right,

I might as well just say it.

Um, and I wish I had known this months ago.

But...

I think we should give it a shot with US.

Give it a shot with US.

Yeah.

Give it-- is that the--

give it a shot with US?

Is that something they say from the school yard?

I mean, I don't hear from you for months.

And then suddenly--

I know, I know, I blew it.

Are you so used to getting what you want,

that you think that the feelings of others

can be disregarded?

I handled it badly. Tim is my friend.

And I admit it confuses the situation.

But I am trying to tell you,

you know...

That I love you.

Jesus, Danny.

Do you--

do you still feel the same way about me

that you did or...

Hey, can you--

can you look at me?

I mean, I'm asking you if--

if you still feel--

my life's going well.

I have my research and Tim.

God, I hate these seats.

My back is just totally numb.

You know, this is not a good time, Danny.

I mean, really it's just not--

Tim: Hi.

Hey, hey, Timmy, here,

take this seat. I'm just--

hmm?

No, thanks.

♪ If I give devotion...

You know, you're a very beautiful girl.

Have I ever told you that?

Yes, 10 minutes ago.

Hmm.

Because if I hadn't,

I would be remiss certainly.

You're drunk.

Nonsense.

I've seen you drink 3 of those.

Please, I've been drinking these for 25 years.

It takes a little more than 3 to get me drunk.

25 years ago you were 9.

♪ 'Cause you know what I want it to be... ♪

You know, you, um--

come here.

You got a little something in your hair.

What?

My god, look at this.

You just have fantastic hair,

you know that?

Did you get it out?

All gone.

You know, hair like that,

you got to be careful.

'Cause a lot of guys are going to try to get you into bed

just to see what that hair looks like

bouncing up and down over your back.

I'm not kidding.

There's a lot of real scumbags out there.

You know, your girlfriend's looking at US.

She is?

Mm-hmm, she is.

The girl you came in with over there.

I find that hard to believe.

Is she looking now?

Alan: You see? Woman: No.

She doesn't mind if I touch your hair.

She's very good like that.

Probably thinks I'm throwing myself at you.

Just some undergraduate whore.

She doesn't care.

She doesn't care what I write.

She doesn't care what I do.

You know, in fact,

I don't even think she likes me anymore.

You're joking, right?

No, no joke.

I disgust her.

See, unfortunately I also turn her on.

She hates me.

She hates herself for wanting me.

It's absolutely true. Word to god.

I'll tell you what.

Let's see if you and I can't make her come over here.

No, I don't--

we're going to talk some more.

She's going to come over.

She's got to win me away from you.

How does that sound?

It sounds like I lose.

Hmm.

Maybe I should just go.

No, no, wait, wait.

Do you have a boyfriend?

Do you have a...

Sort of.

Only sort of? What's his name?

Oh, wait, let me guess.

Um...

Alan.

[Laughs]

That's your name.

Then I give up.

It's Jackson.

Jackson his first name?

Mm-hmm.

Mm-mmm. Black guy?

Why is he only sort of a boyfriend?

What is he, a faggot?

No.

He's just kind of a jerk.

Ah, a jerk.

See, but I think--

I think a girl like you would like a jerk.

No, I don't like jerks.

No, I think you do like jerks.

Because jerks make you feel things, right?

Jerks make you want.

And in the bedroom, right?

I mean, no comparison.

Did you ever fuck a nice boy?

Come on, this is a game.

Did you ever fuck a nice boy?

Maybe.

Ah, well, you see, that's exactly it.

You fuck a nice boy.

You get fucked by a jerk.

You lay back with a nice boy.

You think, "this guy's going to love me when I'm 40."

And 20 minutes later,

you're coming station wagons

and p.T.A. Meetings

and I.R.A. Accounts.

Which is like not coming at all.

But with a jerk...

You're not sure what you're allowed to have.

You want him to see it differently.

You know, not like you see yourself.

Not like how you know you are: Weak and ordinary.

But strong, capable.

So, you hold it in.

And it's got to force its way out.

And when it does--

and when it does force its way out,

it feels...

How does it feel?

How does it feel?

Good.

No, no, no, it feels...

Very good.

Very good because you're getting fucked.

And all your worldly concerns,

all your ideals are reduced to this moment,

to this feeling,

to this power that could swallow up all the boys

in math club.

And you say to your god, you say,

"thank you, god.

"Thank you for giving me a pussy.

"Thank you for filling this hole between my legs.

"Thank you for letting me feel this.

"Thank you.

"Thank you.

Thank you."

[Whispering] God.

You want to do something?

Do I want to do something?

Of course I want to do something.

We could go someplace.

Well, we could.

But what about Jackson?

Who?

Hmm, we don't want to hurt him like that.

Uh, we see other people and stuff.

Ah.

Well, you see,

my girlfriend and I, we don't see other people

or stuff.

That's a shame.

I know it's very inconvenient at times like this.

Oh, she left.

She's not here anymore.

What?

Fuck.

Why the fuck didn't you say something?

I didn't know. Was I supposed to?

Fuck! Goddamn! She wouldn't say a word

if I fucked you right here. Fuck!

Where did she go?

Can we help you?

Yeah, where did she go?

The girl you were talking to.

Brad?

What girl, just before?

Yeah, where'd she go?

I don't know. She left, I think.

She left?

She left?!

Fuck!

Are you leaving?

Which way the fuck--fuck!

Jesus fucking Christ.

What the fuck are you doing?

Let go of me.

Where are you going?

You just walk out like that, just leave?

Let go of my arm.

What the fuck is this? You just walk out?

Yes, I walk out.

But you arrived someplace with someone,

not just someone, and you leave them there.

You just leave them like that.

Hey, don't walk away from me.

I'm talking to you.

I'm fucking talking.

Will you fucking listen to me?

Let go of me.I'm talking to you!

Fucking hitting me now? Is that it?

All of a sudden you're getting angry?

You're showing emotion all of a sudden?

Oh, I made you feel something.

Isn't that fucking amazing?

You're so fucked up, incredibly fucked up!

You're the one who fucking walks out

and doesn't tell someone they're leaving. That's fucked up.

You want to talk about fucked up?

You were going to let me fuck that girl.

What girl?

Inside, the one I was talk--

what girl? You saw me talking to her.

And you walked away.

You were going to let me fuck her.

You weren't going to fuck her.

I could've. She wanted me to.

She wanted me. And you walked away.

You weren't going to touch her.

You don't know what you're talking about.

She wanted me. She loved wanting me.

And she was fucking wet when I walked away.

You weren't going to do anything with her.

You'd have been bored with her before you got her dress off.

Look what you fucking did to my life.

I mean this isn't me.

This isn't me here.

This is your creation.

I used to be somebody else.

I'm a fucking drunk now, too.

You shouldn't have left without me.

Tim: So, who can we fix Danny up with?

Amy?

Hmm?

What friends of yours can we fix Danny up with?

Tim, it's unnecessary.

No, we want to return the favor.

Amy?

I--i don't know.

Well, you see the problem is

you're too picky.

You know, and all the women you like

are with much cooler guys than you.

Thank you, thank you.

No, no, it's true.

Since you started selling magazines for a living,

you've got to lower your standards.

You know, those beautiful, mysterious writer types

you like so much,

well, they're just not big on guys who sell swank.

That's where you're wrong.

No, no, no.

You've got to broaden your horizons.

Maybe start considering the aged,

crippled, maybe men.

No, no, think about it: Guys.

There's an upside, you see.

Because if it doesn't work out with a woman,

it's depressing, tragic even.

But if it doesn't work out with a guy,

you know, big deal, it's just Jim.

Jim doesn't like me.

There's no one to set him up with.

So, it's just stupid.

We must know somebody--

no, if you actually knew somebody, then fine.

But otherwise it's just chatter, it's nothing.

Tim: What are you getting so upset about?

♪ Don't ask me about love...♪

Hey, come on, Timmy, people are dancing.

Let's dance.

No, you know I don't like to dance.

Come on, it'll be great.

Just one.

Why don't you dance with Danny?

No, Danny doesn't dance.

I know Danny doesn't dance.

I dance.

He dances.

No, just forget it, ok? It was a bad idea.

Why don't you just go dance with Danny?

No, I don't want to.

Just go dance with Danny.

That way you get to dance.

You won't be mad at me

for not dancing with you, ok?

Please?

Ok.

Ok.

♪ And I don't know how to love her ♪

♪ and I don't know why ♪

♪ I analyze...

Ahem, here.

♪ And that's not bad

♪ but I never find love

♪ I always find...

Am I wrong

or are you not happy to see me?

♪ I'm ok

♪ for a fantasy...

Have you thought about what I said?

What I said to you,

have you thought about it?

You hurt me and, uh--

and I just know I should be able to, but--

I, uh--i just think about it, you know?

And i--

no, I can't see it happening.

Though I am curious

why I'm so important to you now.

When 6 months ago,

you could just take me or leave me.

Well, I could probably ask you the same question.

♪ Don't ask me about love ♪

♪ 'cause i'm the wrong guy... ♪

My sister's engaged again.

Third time in 5 years.

I admire her.

You know, she never worries

about meeting the right person.

'Cause every 8 months, she does.

Little matter it's a different guy every time.

She believes things work out.

Amazing quality that, uh...

That kind of faith...

Or stupidity.

♪ But for the truth about love ♪

♪ ask him, not me

♪ for this is your mind

♪ and I'm not the one

♪ you must have to hide

May I help you, sir?

Oh, well, just looking at--

waiting for someone, actually.

Oh, there she is. Hi. How you doing?

Good.

It was a hectic day.

You think this is the right place?

Why don't we get something to eat?

Maybe we can come back some other time.

Oh, come on.

I don't know why you're so resistant

to the idea of getting nice clothes.

I mean, all your jackets smell like cigarettes.

Of course, if I don't have my credit card...

[Snickering]

Look, I want you to look nice.

I do. You're wonderful. You really are.

You--you deserve to have nice things.

I mean, you treat yourself like...

You'll look nice in a...

Cute new jacket.

Ok.

Ok.

I--i shaved this afternoon.

I got that aftershave on you like. Here.

Hmm?

[Laughs nervously]

What's the matter?

I made a point to put my credit card in my wallet

so that in my checkbook--and i--

you're not gonna pay for this.

You don't think I'd let you pay for this

out of your own money, huh?

Did you ever have one of those days

where you just keep forgetting everything,

and you keep losing things, and...

What?

Tears?

What?

He wants me back.

Alan?

He said he wants me back.

You've been seeing him?

He came by the bar a couple of times.

You know, he's such a jerk.

He--he goes and has this fling, and...

It falls apart just like everyone knew it would, and...

You know, he thinks the world revolves around him,

that he says what he wants and...

Everybody jumps.

You gonna jump?

Well, sir,

you about ready for some help now?

Uh, in a minute, please, all right?

I'm just curious.

Hey, I love you.

I do. I just...

I'm just curious about what it would be like

with him again this time.

It-it's just curiosity, that's all.

Well, in my experience,

I've learned that, um...

[Sighs]

Love can't compete with curiosity.

I mean, sooner or later,

curiosity's gonna win.

Let's go home.

[Birds tweet]

So everything seems to have worked out for you.

Yeah, I guess.

Come on, now. You're back with Alan,

you have a beautiful new dog.

Yeah. Miles was a birthday present from Alan.

The dog.

Miles is the dog, not Alan.

Though I guess that's open to debate. Ha ha.

Oh, you had a birthday?

Yeah, last month.

29.

Oh, god. You're so young.

You've really got so much time.

Like you're so old.

Ha. No, but, unfortunately, I peaked at 14.

I mean, after the braces came off,

it was all downhill from there.

Ha ha.

Though I am back in school.

Oh, that's great.

Yep. Not so bad.

And I've actually decided to read some of the books this time, so...

Important.

Yeah. Ha ha.

And--oh, you'll be thrilled to hear this.

I got a postcard from Zoey last week.

She's living in Italy now,

uh, studying something or other,

probably the effect a beautiful withholding woman has

in a mediterranean climate.

Mmm.

You ever talk to Amy?

Not for a long time, no.

She broke up with Tim.

Of course, now he won't talk to me.

And with Amy, uh...

I made many attempts, you know?

But after everything, she said she didn't want a boyfriend.

She just wanted to be alone.

So we drifted apart, like we said we wouldn't,

and it's been about 4 months now,

and, uh...

That's the last I've seen of her.

Hmm. God, that's great.

I mean, good for her.

Hey, what--

no, I'm sorry.

No, I just--

you know, I just, um...

I used to think it would take some heroic effort

for Alan to win me back

after what he did, you know?

But all it took was him showing up.

It's pretty pathetic, huh?

No. Yeah.

No, no, because...

When you love someone,

there are really only 2 choices:

Being with them or...

Thinking about being with them.

Not a whole lot of options, you know?

It's good to see you.

Yeah, it was great to see you, too.

Tell Alan I don't say hi.

Ok.

[Door slams]

Hey, Molly.♪ I'm the one

♪ that taught you how to sing ♪

Molly?

♪ I showed you the world

mol?♪ not just the morning rain ♪

Molly?♪ I'm the one

♪ oh, now

♪ that turned you loose

♪ now I'm a coward

♪ oh, what's the use?

♪ My bed ain't right 1

♪ I wonder every night

♪ of where are you

♪ oh, come on home, baby Lee ♪

♪ oh, I mean it

♪ I'm in need

♪ I need your love

♪ a little more every day

♪ but one more time

♪ I wanna hear you say

♪ I love you

♪ I was the one

♪ that gave you a taste of life ♪

♪ I was the one

♪ that taught you wrong from right ♪

♪ I just can't stand it

♪ all the love you're probably giving ♪

♪ I can't stand it

♪ the way that I'm living

♪ my bed ain't right

♪ I wonder every night

♪ where are you?

♪ Come on home

♪ oh, baby Lee

♪ well, now, baby

♪ I'm in need

♪ I need your love

♪ a little more every day

♪ one more time

♪ I wanna hear you say

♪ I love you

♪ I need you

♪ I adore you

♪ I want you

♪ oh, baby Lee

♪ oh, come on home, right today ♪

♪ I need your love

♪ in every way

♪ whoa, baby Lee

♪ you're my baby

captioning made possible by vidmark entertainment

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit, shit,

shit, shit, shit.

Shit.

Oh, shit. Don't call the cops.

Just don't, uh, don't call the cops.

I, uh...

Say it wasn't me. I was, uh...

I was out of town.

My cousin was staying here.

Oh, shit.

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