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1
00:00:00,960 --> 00:00:03,540
(eerie sounds, music)
2
00:00:03,540 --> 00:00:09,560
♪
3
00:00:23,670 --> 00:00:26,170
(soft, dark music)
4
00:00:26,170 --> 00:00:32,230
♪
5
00:00:38,530 --> 00:00:39,990
(tense music)
6
00:00:39,990 --> 00:00:42,500
(tires squealing)
7
00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:48,760
♪
8
00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:50,390
TATUM: Wait, he sentyou to the Ambassador
9
00:00:50,390 --> 00:00:51,640
to grab hisgolf clubs?
10
00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:54,020
‐ No, no,
honey, hang on.
11
00:00:54,020 --> 00:00:55,770
♪
12
00:00:55,770 --> 00:00:57,990
He mentioned he was
thinking about playing golf,
13
00:00:57,990 --> 00:01:00,530
but that he left his
clubs at the Ambassador.
14
00:01:00,530 --> 00:01:01,660
♪
15
00:01:01,660 --> 00:01:03,160
Excuse me.
16
00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:05,080
It is not enough
to accommodate
17
00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:06,290
his whimsical desires.
18
00:01:06,290 --> 00:01:08,210
You have to anticipate
his whimsical desires.
19
00:01:08,210 --> 00:01:09,800
That is what it takes
20
00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:11,970
to get a Christmas
bonus around here.
21
00:01:11,970 --> 00:01:13,680
TATUM: But fetchinghis golf clubs?
22
00:01:13,680 --> 00:01:16,480
‐ It's like everything‐‐
everything is a test.
23
00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:17,360
Jesus!
24
00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:19,070
Heads up, man!
25
00:01:19,070 --> 00:01:20,490
TATUM:Are you okay?
26
00:01:20,490 --> 00:01:22,240
‐ I'm fine,
I'm fine, I'm fine.
27
00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:23,370
TATUM:Ted, I know you're trying
28
00:01:23,370 --> 00:01:24,330
to prove yourself to him,
29
00:01:24,330 --> 00:01:25,460
but is itreally worth
30
00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:26,840
giving yourselfa heart attack?
31
00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:29,550
‐ Honey, I'm here,
I gotta go.
32
00:01:29,550 --> 00:01:30,930
TATUM:Okay, I love you‐‐
33
00:01:30,930 --> 00:01:37,060
♪
34
00:01:37,060 --> 00:01:41,740
‐ Ted, did you just rush
off and get my golf clubs?
35
00:01:41,740 --> 00:01:42,870
‐ I did.
36
00:01:42,870 --> 00:01:45,620
ESSEX:
My Honzu Japanese Four‐Stars?
37
00:01:45,620 --> 00:01:46,960
TED:
Well, you did mention
38
00:01:46,960 --> 00:01:48,380
you were thinking about
squeezing in a round, so...
39
00:01:48,380 --> 00:01:50,090
ESSEX:
Are you mad?
40
00:01:50,090 --> 00:01:53,010
That's a $75,000
bag of clubs.
41
00:01:53,010 --> 00:01:55,390
Have you any idea what
the winter grass will do
42
00:01:55,390 --> 00:01:58,020
to the platinum‐plated
fairway driver?
43
00:01:58,020 --> 00:01:59,280
GAVIN:
Jesus, Ted.
44
00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:00,780
Even a weekend duffer
would know to grab
45
00:02:00,780 --> 00:02:04,240
his Ping G10s,
not his Honzu Four‐Stars.
46
00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:05,660
‐ I can zip
back right now.
47
00:02:05,660 --> 00:02:06,710
It'll just
take a second.
48
00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:08,460
ESSEX:
Don't bother.
49
00:02:08,460 --> 00:02:10,800
Gavin, would you pop
down to the Ambassador?
50
00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:12,220
I would ask Ted,
but I'm afraid
51
00:02:12,220 --> 00:02:14,180
he'd come back
with my polo mallet.
52
00:02:14,180 --> 00:02:15,470
(Gavin laughs)
53
00:02:17,850 --> 00:02:19,610
‐ Nice try, Ted.
54
00:02:21,490 --> 00:02:23,990
(soft music)
55
00:02:23,990 --> 00:02:27,460
♪
56
00:02:27,460 --> 00:02:28,630
‐ I apologize, sir.
57
00:02:28,630 --> 00:02:32,220
I was just trying to show
a little initiative.
58
00:02:32,220 --> 00:02:34,260
Hey, who knows,
maybe in the spring,
59
00:02:34,260 --> 00:02:35,390
I could join you
at the club
60
00:02:35,390 --> 00:02:38,390
and you can teach me
the difference.
61
00:02:38,390 --> 00:02:44,410
♪
62
00:02:55,510 --> 00:02:57,020
(toilet flushes)
63
00:02:57,020 --> 00:02:59,270
(eerie music)
64
00:02:59,270 --> 00:03:05,280
♪
65
00:03:17,930 --> 00:03:19,900
CHOIR: ♪ We wish you
a Merry Christmas ♪
66
00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:21,820
♪ We wish you
a Merry Christmas ♪
67
00:03:21,820 --> 00:03:24,030
♪ We wish you
a Merry Christmas ♪
68
00:03:24,030 --> 00:03:25,910
♪ And a Happy New Year ♪
69
00:03:25,910 --> 00:03:29,790
♪ Good tidings to you
wherever you are ♪
70
00:03:29,790 --> 00:03:34,010
♪ Good tidings for Christmas
and a happy New Year ♪
71
00:03:34,010 --> 00:03:36,010
♪ We wish you
a Merry Christmas ♪
72
00:03:36,010 --> 00:03:38,180
♪ We wish you
a Merry Christmas ♪
73
00:03:38,180 --> 00:03:40,310
♪ We wish you
a Merry Christmas ♪
74
00:03:40,310 --> 00:03:42,060
♪ And a Happy New Year ♪
75
00:03:42,060 --> 00:03:44,150
♪ We wish you
a Merry Christmas ♪
76
00:03:44,150 --> 00:03:46,160
♪ We wish you
a Merry Christmas ♪
77
00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:48,200
♪ We wish you
a Merry Christmas ♪
78
00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:50,290
♪ And a Happy New Year ♪
79
00:03:50,290 --> 00:03:52,960
("We Wish You
a Merry Christmas")
80
00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:58,970
♪
81
00:04:03,060 --> 00:04:05,110
♪ We wish you
a Merry Christmas ♪
82
00:04:05,110 --> 00:04:07,110
♪ We wish you
a Merry Christmas ♪
83
00:04:07,110 --> 00:04:09,240
♪ We wish you
a Merry Christmas ♪
84
00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:15,210
♪ And a Happy New Year ♪♪
85
00:04:19,390 --> 00:04:21,350
(glass shatters)
86
00:04:21,350 --> 00:04:24,110
(upbeat instrumental version of
"Hark! The Herald Angels Sing")
87
00:04:24,110 --> 00:04:27,150
♪
88
00:04:27,150 --> 00:04:28,910
‐ Just tell us.
89
00:04:28,910 --> 00:04:31,790
Do we get a fucking
Christmas bonus or not?
90
00:04:31,790 --> 00:04:33,420
Come on.
91
00:04:33,420 --> 00:04:34,420
But no.
92
00:04:34,420 --> 00:04:37,550
These sadists
make us sweat it out.
93
00:04:37,550 --> 00:04:40,640
♪
94
00:04:40,640 --> 00:04:42,060
Here we go.
ESSEX: Well, I wanted
95
00:04:42,060 --> 00:04:43,810
to wish you all
merry Christmas,
96
00:04:43,810 --> 00:04:48,910
but I've been told that
I must consult Legal first.
97
00:04:48,910 --> 00:04:51,700
It is good to
learn what to avoid
98
00:04:51,700 --> 00:04:55,500
by studying the
misfortunes of others.
99
00:04:55,500 --> 00:04:57,920
A bit of wisdom
from a fellow called
100
00:04:57,920 --> 00:05:01,930
Publilius Syrus
in 45 BC.
101
00:05:01,930 --> 00:05:04,650
But that ancient
Latin still makes
102
00:05:04,650 --> 00:05:07,780
very sound
business sense today.
103
00:05:07,780 --> 00:05:10,450
We've seen a number
of private equity companies
104
00:05:10,450 --> 00:05:12,660
fail in this
last year,
105
00:05:12,660 --> 00:05:14,290
and the common
thinking is
106
00:05:14,290 --> 00:05:17,460
it's something to do
with the excessive bonuses
107
00:05:17,460 --> 00:05:19,800
paid out to
those at the top.
108
00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:21,850
Well, I'm not going
to lie to you,
109
00:05:21,850 --> 00:05:25,810
it's been a tricky year
for Falconheart.
110
00:05:25,810 --> 00:05:27,480
So in the spirit
of learning
111
00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:28,820
from the mistakes
of others,
112
00:05:28,820 --> 00:05:31,450
there will be
no end‐of‐year payments
113
00:05:31,450 --> 00:05:33,370
to our executives.
114
00:05:34,450 --> 00:05:37,090
Now, I can't ask
our executives
115
00:05:37,090 --> 00:05:38,840
to do something
I wouldn't expect
116
00:05:38,840 --> 00:05:40,970
of the entire team.
117
00:05:40,970 --> 00:05:44,310
And so I've decided
to suspend all bonuses
118
00:05:44,310 --> 00:05:46,730
to the entire
company this year.
119
00:05:46,730 --> 00:05:49,320
We will all bite
the bullet together
120
00:05:49,320 --> 00:05:51,620
as any family would.
121
00:05:51,620 --> 00:05:55,120
And someone suggested
a jelly of the month club,
122
00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:57,880
but I think
you would all prefer
123
00:05:57,880 --> 00:06:00,840
the dignity
of shared sacrifice
124
00:06:00,840 --> 00:06:03,390
to some fancy jams.
125
00:06:03,390 --> 00:06:05,850
Am I right?
126
00:06:05,850 --> 00:06:07,150
Now more than ever,
127
00:06:07,150 --> 00:06:12,280
we must abide by the motto
of Falconheart Ventures:
128
00:06:12,280 --> 00:06:17,830
"Brave solutions,
steadfast commitment."
129
00:06:17,830 --> 00:06:19,960
(soft music)
130
00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:20,880
♪
131
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:22,510
Happy holidays.
132
00:06:22,510 --> 00:06:25,010
(applause)
133
00:06:30,530 --> 00:06:33,160
♪
134
00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:35,740
TATUM:I'm so sorry, sweetheart.
135
00:06:35,740 --> 00:06:37,790
‐ The dignity
of shared sacrifice.
136
00:06:37,790 --> 00:06:39,170
Are you fucking kidding me?
137
00:06:39,170 --> 00:06:41,800
At least we could have
eaten the goddamn jelly.
138
00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:43,260
TATUM:We'll figure something out.
139
00:06:43,260 --> 00:06:45,180
Don't get worked up.
140
00:06:45,180 --> 00:06:46,560
Why don't you go outside
141
00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:49,310
and take some deep breaths?
142
00:06:49,310 --> 00:06:51,690
‐ Yeah, you know what?
143
00:06:51,690 --> 00:06:53,070
I should go outside.
144
00:06:53,070 --> 00:06:54,280
TATUM:Good.
145
00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:55,780
Just don't take thistoo personally.
146
00:06:55,780 --> 00:06:58,210
I'm sure your bosssees how hard you work
147
00:06:58,210 --> 00:07:00,880
and all those extrahours you put in.
148
00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:02,670
‐ I gotta go do something.
149
00:07:02,670 --> 00:07:04,640
TATUM:Wait, what do you mean?
150
00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:06,060
Ted?
‐ I love you, sweetheart.
151
00:07:06,060 --> 00:07:07,520
TATUM:What are you do‐‐
152
00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:10,060
(eerie music)
153
00:07:10,060 --> 00:07:16,080
♪
154
00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:43,550
‐ Are you all right, Ted?
155
00:07:46,220 --> 00:07:49,730
‐ I just wanted to wish
you a merry Christmas.
156
00:07:49,730 --> 00:07:52,690
And let you know that it's
an honor to work for you.
157
00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:57,620
‐ Well, I'm glad
you came out here, Ted.
158
00:07:57,620 --> 00:07:59,370
There's something
I want to share with you
159
00:07:59,370 --> 00:08:02,960
about some changes
coming to the firm.
160
00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:05,840
I'm taking the money we
usually spend on bonuses
161
00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:09,470
and I'm using it to create
one more high‐level job.
162
00:08:09,470 --> 00:08:10,600
I'm implementing something
163
00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:12,900
called the
Opportunity Initiative,
164
00:08:12,900 --> 00:08:13,980
which will
give employees
165
00:08:13,980 --> 00:08:17,160
the chance to reach
executive status.
166
00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:18,160
Needless to say,
167
00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:22,330
a life‐changing transformation.
168
00:08:22,330 --> 00:08:26,010
‐ Yeah, yeah,
I imagine it is.
169
00:08:26,010 --> 00:08:29,220
‐ Kiwi and I are giving
a dinner at the house.
170
00:08:29,220 --> 00:08:31,600
Just a few folks
from the firm.
171
00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:33,730
I'd like you to be there.
172
00:08:33,730 --> 00:08:38,200
Ring up your wife and see
if she'd care to join us.
173
00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:39,830
‐ I...
174
00:08:39,830 --> 00:08:42,080
Yes, thank you, I will.
175
00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:44,630
(soft music)
176
00:08:44,630 --> 00:08:49,850
♪
177
00:08:49,850 --> 00:08:51,270
(phone ringing)
178
00:08:51,270 --> 00:08:53,770
TATUM: Ted.
‐ Hey.
179
00:08:53,770 --> 00:08:54,900
Are you sitting down?
180
00:08:54,900 --> 00:08:56,020
TATUM:Oh, my God.
181
00:08:56,020 --> 00:08:57,530
What did you do?
182
00:08:57,530 --> 00:09:00,030
‐ Put on something nice.
183
00:09:00,030 --> 00:09:02,910
We've been invited
to the boss's house.
184
00:09:02,910 --> 00:09:05,500
♪
185
00:09:05,500 --> 00:09:08,880
‐ This is so huge for you.
186
00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:10,010
‐ Maybe.
187
00:09:10,010 --> 00:09:11,640
I mean, you've seen
how the guy works.
188
00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:12,850
He probably thinks
this will be
189
00:09:12,850 --> 00:09:14,270
a hilarious way
to fire me.
190
00:09:14,270 --> 00:09:16,400
‐ Sweetheart,
I know this whole thing
191
00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:18,030
with the golf clubs
was humiliating,
192
00:09:18,030 --> 00:09:20,030
but you have
to get past it.
193
00:09:20,030 --> 00:09:22,790
You are incredible
at your job,
194
00:09:22,790 --> 00:09:24,540
and you deserve
a promotion.
195
00:09:24,540 --> 00:09:26,170
‐ Honey, promotions
don't go to the people
196
00:09:26,170 --> 00:09:27,300
who deserve them.
197
00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:29,420
They go to
ass‐kissers like Gavin.
198
00:09:29,420 --> 00:09:31,180
‐ I don't understand.
When you first started,
199
00:09:31,180 --> 00:09:33,020
you really
believed in yourself.
200
00:09:33,020 --> 00:09:35,810
You didn't used
to be so cynical.
201
00:09:35,810 --> 00:09:37,070
‐ Yeah, well,
I don't believe
202
00:09:37,070 --> 00:09:38,570
in Santa Claus
anymore either.
203
00:09:38,570 --> 00:09:40,660
‐ Why do you keep
looking at my earrings?
204
00:09:40,660 --> 00:09:42,660
‐ I just‐‐
‐ What?
205
00:09:42,660 --> 00:09:43,790
TED:
Nothing.
206
00:09:43,790 --> 00:09:46,420
‐ It's a holiday party.
TED: I know, I know.
207
00:09:46,420 --> 00:09:50,050
It's just‐‐we're going
to Steven Essex's house,
208
00:09:50,050 --> 00:09:54,270
and those just‐‐
they kind of scream,
209
00:09:54,270 --> 00:09:56,190
"I'm from Des Moines."
210
00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:02,530
‐ I bet he's gonna
love my earrings.
211
00:10:02,530 --> 00:10:06,420
(classical music)
212
00:10:06,420 --> 00:10:11,550
♪
213
00:10:11,550 --> 00:10:12,800
TED:
Wow.
214
00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:15,980
I can see the company
is really suffering.
215
00:10:15,980 --> 00:10:18,980
TATUM: Okay, I'm going
to take your cynicism
216
00:10:18,980 --> 00:10:20,610
and keep it in
the glove compartment
217
00:10:20,610 --> 00:10:22,610
for the rest
of the night.
218
00:10:22,610 --> 00:10:24,950
And your sarcasm.
TED: Well, now you're asking me
219
00:10:24,950 --> 00:10:26,660
to go in there naked.
220
00:10:26,660 --> 00:10:28,960
‐ They're gonna
love naked Ted,
221
00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:31,090
and they're gonna
love my earrings.
222
00:10:31,090 --> 00:10:33,430
♪
223
00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:38,860
‐ I don't get why
there are no other cars.
224
00:10:39,860 --> 00:10:42,360
(eerie music)
225
00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:46,620
♪
226
00:10:46,620 --> 00:10:48,580
(tires screeching)
227
00:10:48,580 --> 00:10:49,880
[shouting]
Jesus!
228
00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:56,890
You've gotta
be kidding me.
229
00:10:56,890 --> 00:10:58,650
‐ Are you okay?
230
00:10:58,650 --> 00:11:01,150
‐ I'm fine.
231
00:11:01,150 --> 00:11:03,360
‐ Ted.
232
00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:04,780
What are you doing here?
233
00:11:04,780 --> 00:11:06,280
‐ Well, I knew
wherever you were going,
234
00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:07,750
that's the place to be.
235
00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:10,750
‐ [whispering] Sarcasm
in the glove compartment.
236
00:11:12,130 --> 00:11:16,640
GAVIN: Uh, you guys,
this is Missy.
237
00:11:16,640 --> 00:11:19,900
Missy, these guys.
238
00:11:22,650 --> 00:11:24,280
‐ Hello there.
239
00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:29,500
Falconheart's brightest
and best have arrived.
240
00:11:31,500 --> 00:11:32,800
TATUM:
I don't understand.
241
00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:34,510
He has the same job as you,
242
00:11:34,510 --> 00:11:35,510
the same salary,
243
00:11:35,510 --> 00:11:37,510
how does he drive
a Porsche?
244
00:11:37,510 --> 00:11:39,520
‐ Like an asshole.
245
00:11:39,520 --> 00:11:41,440
ESSEX:
Good God, Missy.
246
00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:43,690
I only invited Gavin
so I could see
247
00:11:43,690 --> 00:11:45,150
what you'd be wearing.
248
00:11:45,150 --> 00:11:46,280
Mm!
MISSY: Oh!
249
00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:47,910
(Missy giggles)
250
00:11:47,910 --> 00:11:49,830
Don't wait up, Gavin.
251
00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:53,300
‐ Hello, my dear.
252
00:11:55,010 --> 00:11:58,180
KIWI: Are we entertaining on
the front lawn tonight, Steve?
253
00:11:58,180 --> 00:12:01,020
ESSEX: Kiwi's got a wild
hare up her ass tonight.
254
00:12:01,020 --> 00:12:07,030
♪
255
00:12:09,540 --> 00:12:10,830
TATUM:
Oh, hi, I'm Tatum.
256
00:12:10,830 --> 00:12:12,290
‐ Just give her your coat.
257
00:12:12,290 --> 00:12:13,460
KIWI:
Jesus, I would have thought
258
00:12:13,460 --> 00:12:15,050
you had made
drinks by now.
259
00:12:15,050 --> 00:12:17,300
I don't know how
he is as a boss,
260
00:12:17,300 --> 00:12:20,600
but he's a lousy host.
261
00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:23,860
♪
262
00:12:23,860 --> 00:12:25,480
Excuse me, I'm gonna
change my clothes.
263
00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:27,360
‐ No, you're not, my dear.
264
00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:29,120
Follow us.
265
00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:35,090
♪
266
00:12:36,050 --> 00:12:38,220
Make yourselves comfortable.
267
00:12:38,220 --> 00:12:40,100
TED:
So is it just us then?
268
00:12:40,100 --> 00:12:41,100
‐ It is.
269
00:12:41,100 --> 00:12:42,690
Are we enough for you?
270
00:12:42,690 --> 00:12:44,360
KIWI: We like to keep
these types of events
271
00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:47,070
more intimate.
272
00:12:49,990 --> 00:12:51,830
‐ What about the
people upstairs?
273
00:12:51,830 --> 00:12:53,880
KIWI:
What people upstairs, darling?
274
00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:55,500
The staff are down here.
275
00:12:57,130 --> 00:12:59,260
MISSY:
Oh, what are we drinking?
276
00:12:59,260 --> 00:13:01,220
‐ A 44‐year‐old Cognac.
277
00:13:01,220 --> 00:13:03,140
You may never get
another chance.
278
00:13:03,140 --> 00:13:04,270
(Kiwi chuckles)
279
00:13:04,270 --> 00:13:05,520
‐ You trying to get
her drunk, Stevie?
280
00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:06,900
Trust me, I'm not
leaving you alone
281
00:13:06,900 --> 00:13:08,530
with either one of them.
282
00:13:11,790 --> 00:13:13,830
TED: So tell me
about these guns.
283
00:13:13,830 --> 00:13:15,630
STEVE:
Ah, the Lee‐Enfields.
284
00:13:15,630 --> 00:13:18,880
The most successful bolt
action rifle in history.
285
00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:20,850
It came to prominence
in World War I,
286
00:13:20,850 --> 00:13:23,390
remained in widespread
British service
287
00:13:23,390 --> 00:13:26,270
until the mid '60s.
KIWI: Oh, good Christ, Steve.
288
00:13:26,270 --> 00:13:29,660
Why don't you just advertise
your erectile dysfunction?
289
00:13:32,990 --> 00:13:36,420
TED: Um, and what
about the sword?
290
00:13:36,420 --> 00:13:39,050
STEVE: Ah, a Confederate
cavalry officer's saber,
291
00:13:39,050 --> 00:13:42,680
used only once.
‐ Really? When was that?
292
00:13:42,680 --> 00:13:44,140
‐ On our wedding night,
293
00:13:44,140 --> 00:13:46,900
when Kiwi removed
my testicles.
294
00:13:46,900 --> 00:13:49,440
(Kiwi laughs)
295
00:13:53,030 --> 00:13:55,540
‐ Uh, this is Rome, right?
296
00:13:55,540 --> 00:13:57,920
I recognize the
Castel Sant'angelo.
297
00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,800
Missy and I took
our honeymoon in Rome.
298
00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:01,380
‐ In Rome?
MISSY: Yes, dear.
299
00:14:01,380 --> 00:14:04,140
It's a town in Italy.
300
00:14:04,140 --> 00:14:07,650
‐ It's a city, but I won't
hold that against you.
301
00:14:10,070 --> 00:14:11,070
Hm.
302
00:14:11,070 --> 00:14:12,820
So do you have any children?
303
00:14:12,820 --> 00:14:13,950
KIWI:
Steve has always believed
304
00:14:13,950 --> 00:14:15,830
that children
should be sacrificed
305
00:14:15,830 --> 00:14:18,170
in the interest
of occupational goals.
306
00:14:18,170 --> 00:14:20,210
‐ Behave yourself.
307
00:14:20,210 --> 00:14:21,840
♪
308
00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:23,470
‐ Define behave.
309
00:14:23,470 --> 00:14:26,560
‐ You know
exactly what I mean.
310
00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:29,860
♪
311
00:14:32,990 --> 00:14:35,490
It's so nice you're all here.
312
00:14:35,490 --> 00:14:37,210
‐ To new friends.
313
00:14:38,830 --> 00:14:41,970
ESSEX: Remember what the
Russians say about friends.
314
00:14:41,970 --> 00:14:43,340
Friends are just enemies
315
00:14:43,340 --> 00:14:46,220
that don't have
the guts to kill you.
316
00:14:48,940 --> 00:14:50,230
‐ House boy!
317
00:14:55,990 --> 00:14:58,580
(soft music)
318
00:14:58,580 --> 00:15:04,590
♪
319
00:15:11,110 --> 00:15:12,650
Aren't they divine?
320
00:15:12,650 --> 00:15:13,900
♪
321
00:15:13,900 --> 00:15:18,040
There is something
so unobtainable
322
00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:20,000
about physical perfection.
323
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:22,210
ESSEX: And I have the
plastic surgeon's bills
324
00:15:22,210 --> 00:15:23,880
to prove it.
325
00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:26,510
♪
326
00:15:26,510 --> 00:15:29,140
‐ You unbelievable prick.
327
00:15:29,140 --> 00:15:31,270
‐ I think the one
above best resembles
328
00:15:31,270 --> 00:15:33,740
my wife's true features.
329
00:15:33,740 --> 00:15:39,750
♪
330
00:15:42,500 --> 00:15:44,630
‐ Just another sacrifice.
331
00:15:44,630 --> 00:15:50,650
♪
332
00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:54,070
ESSEX:
So, where do you stand
333
00:15:54,070 --> 00:15:57,070
on climate change?
334
00:15:57,070 --> 00:15:58,830
GAVIN:
Oh, oh, okay.
335
00:15:58,830 --> 00:16:01,170
Uh, well, I guess
you've kind of
336
00:16:01,170 --> 00:16:03,420
got to take all
those "studies"
337
00:16:03,420 --> 00:16:06,300
with a grain
of salt, right?
338
00:16:06,300 --> 00:16:07,680
ESSEX:
Are you kidding?
339
00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:10,890
It's absolutely terrifying
what's going on out there.
340
00:16:10,890 --> 00:16:12,560
They say by the year 2030
341
00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:14,940
most of the planet's
wine‐producing regions
342
00:16:14,940 --> 00:16:16,400
will cease to be.
343
00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:18,320
Can you imagine a world
where Napa Valley
344
00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:20,450
can no longer produce
a single bottle
345
00:16:20,450 --> 00:16:22,710
of Screaming Eagle Cab?
346
00:16:22,710 --> 00:16:24,340
I'm not sure that's a world
347
00:16:24,340 --> 00:16:27,300
that I want to live in.
348
00:16:27,300 --> 00:16:30,220
‐ So what do you do
for a living?
349
00:16:30,220 --> 00:16:33,940
‐ I'm a mediator
for an insurance company.
350
00:16:33,940 --> 00:16:35,990
‐ Conflict resolution.
351
00:16:35,990 --> 00:16:38,110
Oh, that's a bit
counterintuitive for me.
352
00:16:38,110 --> 00:16:39,740
(laughs)
353
00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:44,080
I bet in this crazy world
it keeps you very busy.
354
00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:45,920
‐ It can get a
little hectic,
355
00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:49,350
but I don't have it
as bad as Ted.
356
00:16:49,350 --> 00:16:50,430
In the last few years,
357
00:16:50,430 --> 00:16:52,480
he's been in the office
every Friday night
358
00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:54,060
until midnight.
‐ In the office
359
00:16:54,060 --> 00:16:56,990
every Friday night
until midnight?
360
00:16:56,990 --> 00:17:00,120
I had no idea.
TED: Yeah, it's‐‐
361
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,620
it's no big thing.
362
00:17:02,620 --> 00:17:04,330
MISSY: Oh, I just
couldn't take anymore.
363
00:17:04,330 --> 00:17:06,760
Gavin is really charming
the pants off your husband.
364
00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:08,380
Steven must be
a Sagittarius.
365
00:17:08,380 --> 00:17:09,680
Gavin has always had his way
366
00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:12,390
with a Sagittarii.
367
00:17:15,650 --> 00:17:18,150
Doesn't he look
so great in that suit?
368
00:17:18,150 --> 00:17:20,830
‐ Everyone looks
just smashing.
369
00:17:20,830 --> 00:17:22,330
‐ Well, most of us.
370
00:17:23,660 --> 00:17:25,250
‐ What did you just say?
371
00:17:25,250 --> 00:17:27,630
‐ Can you show me
to the powder room?
372
00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:33,310
‐ Right this way.
373
00:17:33,310 --> 00:17:35,400
(Gavin and Steve conversing)
374
00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:38,070
TATUM:
Ted, Ted.
375
00:17:38,070 --> 00:17:40,200
She's just trying
to suck up.
376
00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:42,450
If it doesn't bother me,
it shouldn't bother you.
377
00:17:42,450 --> 00:17:44,200
‐ [whispering] Honey,
this is getting weird.
378
00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:46,330
I feel like we're just here
for their own sick pleasure.
379
00:17:46,330 --> 00:17:49,210
It's like, "Let's invite
the struggling couple over
380
00:17:49,210 --> 00:17:50,680
and wave all our
expensive booze
381
00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:53,220
under their noses and see
how much shit they'll eat."
382
00:17:53,220 --> 00:17:55,560
‐ Well, if you want to,
we can go home.
383
00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:57,860
But I know you can do this.
384
00:17:57,860 --> 00:18:00,990
And I still think
we can have a fun night.
385
00:18:04,870 --> 00:18:06,830
‐ Is it getting a little
late for you there, Ted?
386
00:18:06,830 --> 00:18:08,170
Why don't you
go on ahead?
387
00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:11,720
Don't worry, I'll have
her back by sunup.
388
00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:15,480
♪
389
00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:16,980
KIWI:
What a dump, right?
390
00:18:16,980 --> 00:18:21,740
MISSY:
Oh, you have amazing feng shui.
391
00:18:21,740 --> 00:18:24,080
It must have cost
you a fortune.
392
00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:25,370
‐ Well, luckily,
they didn't charge us
393
00:18:25,370 --> 00:18:28,080
for the feng shui.
394
00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:30,260
And of course they
gave us a nice deal
395
00:18:30,260 --> 00:18:31,510
because of the murders.
396
00:18:31,510 --> 00:18:33,600
So, the bathroom is
just through those doors
397
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:35,270
and to the left.
398
00:18:35,270 --> 00:18:37,900
‐ Wait...murders?
399
00:18:37,900 --> 00:18:39,860
‐ Oh, apparently
there was a deranged man
400
00:18:39,860 --> 00:18:41,900
who lived in the crawl
space between the wall,
401
00:18:41,900 --> 00:18:43,620
something silly like that.
402
00:18:43,620 --> 00:18:47,250
‐ Oh, I bet there are so
many auras in this house.
403
00:18:47,250 --> 00:18:48,750
(eerie music)
404
00:18:48,750 --> 00:18:51,090
I read auras, you know.
405
00:18:51,090 --> 00:18:53,090
‐ Of course you do, darling.
406
00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:59,100
♪
407
00:19:02,740 --> 00:19:05,120
♪
408
00:19:05,120 --> 00:19:08,500
TATUM: I think you're
making a great impression.
409
00:19:08,500 --> 00:19:11,300
‐ Just imagine if I
had my sarcasm back.
410
00:19:11,300 --> 00:19:13,630
KIWI:
Darling, would you be a lamb
411
00:19:13,630 --> 00:19:15,260
and make me a La Cali?
412
00:19:15,260 --> 00:19:16,770
‐ A La Cal‐‐what?
413
00:19:16,770 --> 00:19:18,180
KIWI:
Creme de cassis, vodka,
414
00:19:18,180 --> 00:19:20,440
rum, lemon,
and a lump of sugar.
415
00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:23,700
Oh, I'm sure you've
made it a million times.
416
00:19:23,700 --> 00:19:27,540
TATUM:
Um, all right, sure.
417
00:19:31,290 --> 00:19:33,510
‐ I have to say
that you've shown
418
00:19:33,510 --> 00:19:36,640
a remarkable amount
of composure.
419
00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:39,430
And don't think that
Steve and I haven't noticed.
420
00:19:39,430 --> 00:19:41,770
We have got
our eye on you.
421
00:19:44,150 --> 00:19:45,280
ESSEX:
From the look on your face,
422
00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:47,910
she's probably just
about in his lap.
423
00:19:47,910 --> 00:19:49,160
What do they say
about women?
424
00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:51,590
You can't live with them,
you can't shoot them.
425
00:19:51,590 --> 00:19:52,960
GAVIN:
I don't know what I would do
426
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:55,170
if Missy ever
cheated around on me.
427
00:19:55,170 --> 00:19:56,930
ESSEX: Well, what is it
about a beautiful woman?
428
00:19:56,930 --> 00:20:00,350
That unique ability to
make a man so miserable.
429
00:20:00,350 --> 00:20:01,940
‐ Yeah, don't get me started.
430
00:20:01,940 --> 00:20:03,980
‐ Oh, please, do tell me.
431
00:20:03,980 --> 00:20:05,860
‐ No, you don't want
to hear about it.
432
00:20:05,860 --> 00:20:07,240
ESSEX:
Of course I do, Gavin.
433
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:09,080
Why do you think
I invited you here?
434
00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:10,870
It's because I felt
it was time to find out
435
00:20:10,870 --> 00:20:14,170
just what
makes you tick.
436
00:20:14,170 --> 00:20:16,220
‐ Oh, well...
437
00:20:18,350 --> 00:20:19,850
Look...
438
00:20:19,850 --> 00:20:23,690
Missy is a necessary
part of the package.
439
00:20:23,690 --> 00:20:26,110
You know, you can't
have the sports car
440
00:20:26,110 --> 00:20:29,620
and the fancy clothes
without a trophy wife
441
00:20:29,620 --> 00:20:33,380
with a spectacular
ass, right?
442
00:20:33,380 --> 00:20:35,880
But‐‐but‐‐but
the thing is,
443
00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:38,720
she thinks she knows
more than I do,
444
00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:41,390
so I gotta sit
there and listen
445
00:20:41,390 --> 00:20:45,730
to these pearls of
wisdom from a dingbat
446
00:20:45,730 --> 00:20:48,530
with two semesters
of community college
447
00:20:48,530 --> 00:20:51,620
and a minor
in Tarot cards.
448
00:20:51,620 --> 00:20:53,040
I mean, shit, we
should talk to the guys
449
00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:54,130
in Research
and Development
450
00:20:54,130 --> 00:20:55,750
about coming up
with an off switch,
451
00:20:55,750 --> 00:20:57,380
am I right?
452
00:20:57,380 --> 00:21:00,260
‐ Absolutely magnificent.
453
00:21:02,390 --> 00:21:05,770
‐ Don't tell me it's impossible
to get a rise out of you.
454
00:21:05,770 --> 00:21:08,030
‐ Well, not as difficult
as getting a raise
455
00:21:08,030 --> 00:21:09,280
out of your husband.
456
00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:11,290
(Kiwi giggles)
457
00:21:11,290 --> 00:21:12,660
‐ Wordplay, I love it.
458
00:21:12,660 --> 00:21:14,540
I was hoping there'd
be games tonight.
459
00:21:14,540 --> 00:21:17,550
‐ Yeah, maybe a little
pin the tail on the donkey.
460
00:21:17,550 --> 00:21:20,550
Except I'm not too excited
about being the donkey.
461
00:21:20,550 --> 00:21:22,930
‐ Oh, you're not a donkey.
462
00:21:22,930 --> 00:21:26,270
You're a tiger inching your
way towards the red zone,
463
00:21:26,270 --> 00:21:28,700
and I know
you're capable of it.
464
00:21:28,700 --> 00:21:30,780
♪
465
00:21:30,780 --> 00:21:31,830
‐ I don't know
what you're talk‐‐
466
00:21:31,830 --> 00:21:33,450
‐ I want to meet
the Ted that uses
467
00:21:33,450 --> 00:21:36,630
my husband's stupid
platinum‐plated golf clubs
468
00:21:36,630 --> 00:21:39,300
to bash in the
bathroom mirror.
469
00:21:39,300 --> 00:21:40,890
♪
470
00:21:40,890 --> 00:21:42,060
Did you believe
that's something
471
00:21:42,060 --> 00:21:43,680
that wouldn't get around?
472
00:21:43,680 --> 00:21:46,690
♪
473
00:21:46,690 --> 00:21:49,780
Boo, I was hoping
you'd be more fun.
474
00:21:49,780 --> 00:21:55,290
♪
475
00:21:55,290 --> 00:21:56,670
Does Mrs. Conflict Resolution
476
00:21:56,670 --> 00:22:00,930
share your capacity
for fireworks?
477
00:22:00,930 --> 00:22:02,810
She can see us.
478
00:22:02,810 --> 00:22:05,060
Let's put on
a show for her.
479
00:22:05,060 --> 00:22:06,060
♪
480
00:22:06,060 --> 00:22:07,690
‐ Hey.
‐ Oh, I am gonna get
481
00:22:07,690 --> 00:22:09,740
a rise out of you
one way or the other.
482
00:22:09,740 --> 00:22:10,990
‐ Okay.
483
00:22:10,990 --> 00:22:13,740
ESSEX [shouting]:
You filthy slut!
484
00:22:13,740 --> 00:22:16,330
I will not allow you
to make a vile spectacle
485
00:22:16,330 --> 00:22:17,960
in front of my employees.
486
00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:19,090
(Kiwi laughs)
487
00:22:19,090 --> 00:22:20,720
‐ So if they weren't
your employees,
488
00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:22,050
you'd be fine
with me grabbing
489
00:22:22,050 --> 00:22:23,560
another man's package?
490
00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:24,970
‐ Wait, what did I miss?
491
00:22:24,970 --> 00:22:27,440
KIWI: Oh, just another episode
of Profiles in Impotence.
492
00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:29,610
ESSEX:
Shut your dirty mouth.
493
00:22:29,610 --> 00:22:30,990
‐ Or what?
494
00:22:30,990 --> 00:22:33,120
It's not like you wear
the pants around here,
495
00:22:33,120 --> 00:22:34,830
house boy.
496
00:22:34,830 --> 00:22:36,370
‐ Out of my way, Dunlop.
497
00:22:36,370 --> 00:22:38,080
I said get out
of my way right now!
498
00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:40,510
‐ No, please,
just calm down, okay?
499
00:22:40,510 --> 00:22:42,510
‐ Gavin,
it could be arranged
500
00:22:42,510 --> 00:22:44,390
for one employee
to receive
501
00:22:44,390 --> 00:22:47,140
a generous Christmas
bonus this year.
502
00:22:47,140 --> 00:22:52,780
100k and two weeks in Aruba.
503
00:22:52,780 --> 00:22:54,490
‐ [mouthing]
Move.
504
00:22:54,490 --> 00:23:00,460
♪
505
00:23:02,630 --> 00:23:04,470
‐ Oh my God.
‐ Jesus.
506
00:23:04,470 --> 00:23:08,650
♪
507
00:23:08,650 --> 00:23:11,530
‐ I will not be humiliated
in my own home.
508
00:23:11,530 --> 00:23:13,150
KIWI: I wonder if we have
something interesting to read.
509
00:23:13,150 --> 00:23:14,990
ESSEX:
Don't turn your back on me.
510
00:23:14,990 --> 00:23:17,290
KIWI: Boring!
‐ Turn around right now.
511
00:23:17,290 --> 00:23:19,420
KIWI: Stevie, why
don't you be a good boy
512
00:23:19,420 --> 00:23:20,920
and pour me a drink?
513
00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:22,130
(gunshot)
514
00:23:22,130 --> 00:23:24,680
(commotion)
515
00:23:25,550 --> 00:23:27,930
‐ This is my house.
516
00:23:31,190 --> 00:23:33,700
(ominous music)
517
00:23:33,700 --> 00:23:37,330
♪
518
00:23:37,330 --> 00:23:39,330
‐ Oh, my God.
519
00:23:39,330 --> 00:23:40,420
Oh...
520
00:23:40,420 --> 00:23:41,540
♪
521
00:23:41,540 --> 00:23:43,800
Okay, Mr. Essex,
522
00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:45,640
you need to put
down the rifle.
523
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:47,310
Mr. Essex.
524
00:23:47,310 --> 00:23:48,810
Steve!
525
00:23:48,810 --> 00:23:51,900
♪
526
00:23:51,900 --> 00:23:53,690
What have I done?
527
00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:57,950
‐ Fuck.
528
00:24:00,290 --> 00:24:03,090
‐ No, don't!
529
00:24:03,090 --> 00:24:05,470
You've got to help me.
530
00:24:05,470 --> 00:24:07,720
‐ Help you?
531
00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:08,930
Oh, my...
532
00:24:09,980 --> 00:24:11,100
ESSEX:
What are you doing?
533
00:24:11,100 --> 00:24:12,480
‐ I'm calling 9‐1‐1.
534
00:24:12,480 --> 00:24:13,730
‐ No, you can't do that.
535
00:24:13,730 --> 00:24:14,860
TATUM:
She might still be alive, okay?
536
00:24:14,860 --> 00:24:16,490
We have to find somebody
that could help her.
537
00:24:16,490 --> 00:24:17,740
ESSEX:
It doesn't matter.
538
00:24:17,740 --> 00:24:21,000
I'll lose everything,
my entire life's work.
539
00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:21,960
‐ What?
540
00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:23,960
ESSEX:
How can I get out of this?
541
00:24:26,930 --> 00:24:29,850
I would owe
you everything.
542
00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:34,110
‐ Don't just stand there,
say something!
543
00:24:34,110 --> 00:24:35,690
‐ Forget this.
544
00:24:37,110 --> 00:24:40,750
‐ Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
545
00:24:40,750 --> 00:24:42,250
You were cleaning your gun.
546
00:24:42,250 --> 00:24:43,130
You were
cleaning your gun
547
00:24:43,130 --> 00:24:45,630
and it went off
accidentally.
548
00:24:45,630 --> 00:24:49,640
‐ At 1:00 in the morning
after the Christmas party.
549
00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:51,140
‐ Give me the phone, give me‐‐
550
00:24:52,140 --> 00:24:53,400
GAVIN: Don't, don't.
551
00:24:54,860 --> 00:24:56,150
‐ She killed herself.
552
00:24:56,150 --> 00:24:57,780
‐ Suicide.
‐ Exactly.
553
00:24:57,780 --> 00:24:59,410
TED:
Yes, Gavin, yes,
554
00:24:59,410 --> 00:25:01,790
she shot herself in
the back of the head
555
00:25:01,790 --> 00:25:03,040
from across the parlor.
556
00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:05,500
Have you ever heard
of ballistics?
557
00:25:05,500 --> 00:25:07,880
ESSEX:
Okay, so what have you got?
558
00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:09,970
TATUM:
What? No. Ted...
559
00:25:09,970 --> 00:25:11,520
ESSEX:
They tell me Ted Phipps
560
00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:13,520
can think
outside the box.
561
00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:16,730
Can you alibi your way
into a VP position?
562
00:25:16,730 --> 00:25:20,120
‐ Wait, what?
ESSEX: You heard me.
563
00:25:20,120 --> 00:25:21,660
‐ Well, self‐defense.
564
00:25:21,660 --> 00:25:24,290
ESSEX:
Don't be ridiculous, Gavin.
565
00:25:24,290 --> 00:25:25,290
Come on, Ted.
566
00:25:25,290 --> 00:25:26,550
You've been
waiting a lifetime
567
00:25:26,550 --> 00:25:28,550
for an opportunity
like this.
568
00:25:28,550 --> 00:25:30,510
‐ Oh, my God.
569
00:25:30,510 --> 00:25:31,640
No.
570
00:25:33,270 --> 00:25:36,900
‐ I mean, it could work if you
thought she was an intruder.
571
00:25:36,900 --> 00:25:39,200
‐ Go on.
572
00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:40,820
‐ You were‐‐you were in bed.
573
00:25:40,820 --> 00:25:42,200
You were‐‐you were drunk.
574
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:43,790
You‐‐maybe you took
sleeping pills.
575
00:25:43,790 --> 00:25:44,960
There's all sorts
of precedents
576
00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:46,540
for the crazy shit
people do on those.
577
00:25:46,540 --> 00:25:48,300
You heard
a noise downstairs
578
00:25:48,300 --> 00:25:49,760
and you thought
you were being robbed.
579
00:25:49,760 --> 00:25:52,430
‐ Um, hello,
burglar alarm?
580
00:25:52,430 --> 00:25:53,810
TED: You forgot
to set the alarm
581
00:25:53,810 --> 00:25:54,940
because you
came home drunk,
582
00:25:54,940 --> 00:25:57,020
and you crept
downstairs in the dark.
583
00:25:57,020 --> 00:25:58,320
You felt your way
along the wall,
584
00:25:58,320 --> 00:25:59,700
you found the rifle,
585
00:25:59,700 --> 00:26:02,530
and you didn't realize
what you had done until you‐‐
586
00:26:02,530 --> 00:26:04,660
until you turned on
the lights.
587
00:26:06,540 --> 00:26:09,720
‐ Oh, uh, okay,
okay, um, uh...
588
00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:14,060
Um, what about the
rifle fell off the wall
589
00:26:14,060 --> 00:26:15,850
and discharged accidentally?
590
00:26:15,850 --> 00:26:17,730
‐ Yes!
591
00:26:17,730 --> 00:26:19,860
‐ Or drive‐by shooting.
592
00:26:19,860 --> 00:26:21,740
A stray bullet just
came through the window.
593
00:26:21,740 --> 00:26:24,870
‐ It happens every day.
594
00:26:24,870 --> 00:26:27,330
‐ I‐‐I can
chop up the body
595
00:26:27,330 --> 00:26:28,840
and bury it
in the backyard.
596
00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:30,170
They never get
a prosecution
597
00:26:30,170 --> 00:26:32,300
when there's no body.
TATUM: Did you just volunteer
598
00:26:32,300 --> 00:26:33,930
to chop up
this woman's body?
599
00:26:33,930 --> 00:26:35,730
GAVIN: Okay, maybe not,
but, hey, I can get this.
600
00:26:35,730 --> 00:26:38,310
Just give me a minute.
TED: No, no, no.
601
00:26:38,310 --> 00:26:39,230
Listen to me.
602
00:26:39,230 --> 00:26:41,570
The four of us
have to leave right now.
603
00:26:41,570 --> 00:26:43,070
If the coroner puts
the time of death
604
00:26:43,070 --> 00:26:45,870
before your security cameras
catch us driving out the gate,
605
00:26:45,870 --> 00:26:48,130
we are all screwed.
TATUM: You can't be serious
606
00:26:48,130 --> 00:26:50,590
about this,
we're accomplices here.
607
00:26:50,590 --> 00:26:51,720
ESSEX:
I promise
608
00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:53,760
you'll all be
well taken care of.
609
00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:56,270
‐ Accomplices to murder.
MISSY: So what?
610
00:26:56,270 --> 00:26:59,480
You don't even know her.
611
00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:01,740
ESSEX: Somebody's gonna
have to make sure she's dead.
612
00:27:01,740 --> 00:27:04,370
I can't possibly
go near her.
613
00:27:21,020 --> 00:27:22,400
‐ Where's my drink?
614
00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:25,030
(screaming, laughter)
615
00:27:30,130 --> 00:27:32,670
Oh, darling,
you were so brave
616
00:27:32,670 --> 00:27:35,050
right up until that
last moment there.
617
00:27:35,050 --> 00:27:36,560
‐ Wow!
618
00:27:36,560 --> 00:27:38,060
‐ Bravo.
619
00:27:38,060 --> 00:27:39,310
KIWI:
Brava.
620
00:27:39,310 --> 00:27:40,650
STEVE: Well, I don't know
about the rest of you,
621
00:27:40,650 --> 00:27:42,940
but after
a performance like that
622
00:27:42,940 --> 00:27:44,700
I need a stiff drink.
623
00:27:44,700 --> 00:27:46,320
KIWI:
Will you top mine off, darling,
624
00:27:46,320 --> 00:27:47,830
while I go
powder my nose?
625
00:27:47,830 --> 00:27:50,420
(Essex applauds)
626
00:27:52,290 --> 00:27:54,800
(soft music)
627
00:27:54,800 --> 00:28:00,560
♪
628
00:28:01,270 --> 00:28:03,820
(bell ringing)
629
00:28:03,820 --> 00:28:05,820
♪
630
00:28:05,820 --> 00:28:07,580
ESSEX:
The ultimate measure of a man
631
00:28:07,580 --> 00:28:10,670
is not where he stands
in moments of comfort,
632
00:28:10,670 --> 00:28:12,460
but where he
stands in moments
633
00:28:12,460 --> 00:28:14,920
of challenge
and controversy.
634
00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:17,720
Martin Luther King, Jr.
635
00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:19,350
Unconventional? Yes.
636
00:28:19,350 --> 00:28:21,310
Irresponsible?
Probably.
637
00:28:21,310 --> 00:28:23,480
And yet I learned more
about you two just now
638
00:28:23,480 --> 00:28:26,610
than if I'd interviewed
you for a week straight.
639
00:28:26,610 --> 00:28:27,990
As I told Ted earlier,
640
00:28:27,990 --> 00:28:31,000
there is a position
open at Falconheart,
641
00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:32,630
as I'm sure he said,
642
00:28:32,630 --> 00:28:35,170
a rather
life‐altering position,
643
00:28:35,170 --> 00:28:36,550
if you're thinking
of running off
644
00:28:36,550 --> 00:28:38,970
into the night.
645
00:28:38,970 --> 00:28:41,850
‐ We're not going anywhere.
646
00:28:41,850 --> 00:28:44,610
‐ So you're up
for continuing
647
00:28:44,610 --> 00:28:47,610
this rather unorthodox
job interview?
648
00:28:47,610 --> 00:28:50,370
I should say, Ted, you do
hold a slight advantage.
649
00:28:50,370 --> 00:28:53,750
You crushed
the alibi category.
650
00:28:53,750 --> 00:28:57,090
♪
651
00:28:57,090 --> 00:29:01,980
‐ This is wrong
on so many levels.
652
00:29:01,980 --> 00:29:07,150
But...I'm here
to support my husband.
653
00:29:07,150 --> 00:29:10,910
♪
654
00:29:10,910 --> 00:29:13,620
(Tchaikovsky's "Dance
of the Sugar Plum Fairies")
655
00:29:13,620 --> 00:29:17,760
♪
656
00:29:17,760 --> 00:29:19,760
‐ This is the library.
657
00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:22,220
Gavin, it's for books.
658
00:29:22,220 --> 00:29:26,900
♪
659
00:29:26,900 --> 00:29:29,410
GAVIN:
So? What's next?
660
00:29:29,410 --> 00:29:30,910
KIWI:
Drinks.
661
00:29:30,910 --> 00:29:33,870
If this dunce would
ever refill my glass.
662
00:29:33,870 --> 00:29:37,000
‐ I've already murdered
you once tonight.
663
00:29:39,890 --> 00:29:42,430
So here we are.
664
00:29:42,430 --> 00:29:45,900
Nobody really admits
their greatest weakness,
665
00:29:45,900 --> 00:29:47,650
and nobody
is really aware
666
00:29:47,650 --> 00:29:49,530
of their
greatest strength.
667
00:29:49,530 --> 00:29:55,080
So, Ted, why shouldn't
I give the job to Gavin?
668
00:29:57,040 --> 00:30:01,010
‐ I mean, take away
the suit and the haircut
669
00:30:01,010 --> 00:30:02,810
and what's left?
670
00:30:02,810 --> 00:30:04,560
‐ What does
that even mean?
671
00:30:04,560 --> 00:30:07,400
TED: I think under
the suit and the haircut,
672
00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:10,030
there's nothing.
673
00:30:10,030 --> 00:30:11,200
There's no soul.
674
00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:13,450
(Gavin laughs)
675
00:30:13,450 --> 00:30:15,920
‐ Please, Ted,
give us an example
676
00:30:15,920 --> 00:30:18,170
of how I have no soul.
677
00:30:18,170 --> 00:30:20,680
TED:
Okay, um...
678
00:30:20,680 --> 00:30:22,430
Do you know the
name of the guy
679
00:30:22,430 --> 00:30:24,720
who comes around
with the catering cart
680
00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:26,350
at the office every day?
681
00:30:27,730 --> 00:30:28,730
‐ No.
682
00:30:28,730 --> 00:30:30,990
Does that mean
I don't have a soul?
683
00:30:30,990 --> 00:30:33,620
‐ It's Ronaldo.
‐ Guillermo.
684
00:30:33,620 --> 00:30:36,370
‐ From Ecuador.
‐ El Salvador.
685
00:30:36,370 --> 00:30:37,830
‐ Same thing.
686
00:30:40,090 --> 00:30:42,220
‐ Have you ever
talked to Guillermo
687
00:30:42,220 --> 00:30:43,970
about his family?
688
00:30:43,970 --> 00:30:45,180
‐ Of course not.
TED: Right.
689
00:30:45,180 --> 00:30:47,980
So you've never asked
him about his son
690
00:30:47,980 --> 00:30:49,320
who has Down syndrome
691
00:30:49,320 --> 00:30:50,570
and is the
vice president
692
00:30:50,570 --> 00:30:51,820
of his high
school class?
693
00:30:51,820 --> 00:30:52,820
GAVIN: Okay,
obviously I didn't know
694
00:30:52,820 --> 00:30:54,450
the guy's kid
had Down syndrome.
695
00:30:54,450 --> 00:30:55,830
TED:
Yeah, I figured you didn't
696
00:30:55,830 --> 00:30:57,120
because of the
countless times
697
00:30:57,120 --> 00:31:00,130
you've screamed the word
"retard" near him.
698
00:31:00,130 --> 00:31:02,010
‐ You think he cares?
‐ He probably cares
699
00:31:02,010 --> 00:31:04,640
when you scream it at him.
GAVIN: What?
700
00:31:04,640 --> 00:31:07,390
No, I‐‐I never‐‐
TED: Gavin,
701
00:31:07,390 --> 00:31:09,770
you called him
a fucking retard
702
00:31:09,770 --> 00:31:12,900
last week because
he didn't put lemon
703
00:31:12,900 --> 00:31:14,870
in your Diet Coke.
704
00:31:18,040 --> 00:31:21,000
‐ Okay, I have to be
an asshole, okay?
705
00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:22,590
It's how you get
into the club.
706
00:31:22,590 --> 00:31:24,390
It's what they
expect from us.
707
00:31:24,390 --> 00:31:26,260
Do you think I want
to be that guy?
708
00:31:26,260 --> 00:31:27,390
Do you think I
want to drive around
709
00:31:27,390 --> 00:31:30,270
in a fucking Porsche
that I can't afford?
710
00:31:30,270 --> 00:31:33,780
But that is the person
that I have to project.
711
00:31:33,780 --> 00:31:35,370
That's why everything
that you see
712
00:31:35,370 --> 00:31:36,540
from my wife's dress
713
00:31:36,540 --> 00:31:39,040
to my fucking
douchebag cufflinks
714
00:31:39,040 --> 00:31:41,000
is paid for on one
maxed out credit card
715
00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:42,630
after another.
716
00:31:44,930 --> 00:31:47,260
‐ You'll always be
my douchebag.
717
00:31:47,260 --> 00:31:49,180
ESSEX:
You made good points, Gavin.
718
00:31:49,180 --> 00:31:53,070
You may now present
your critique of Ted.
719
00:31:54,190 --> 00:31:56,700
‐ He's a pussy.
720
00:31:58,330 --> 00:32:01,540
ESSEX: Is that the
entirety of your argument?
721
00:32:01,540 --> 00:32:04,550
‐ Well, like an hour ago
he wanted to go home.
722
00:32:04,550 --> 00:32:06,680
He asked Tatum
if he could go to bed
723
00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:09,430
because people
were being too mean.
724
00:32:09,430 --> 00:32:10,940
I mean, come on.
725
00:32:10,940 --> 00:32:13,070
I'd way rather have
20 dicks working for me
726
00:32:13,070 --> 00:32:15,700
than one
thin‐skinned milquetoast.
727
00:32:15,700 --> 00:32:16,950
KIWI:
Oh, what I wouldn't give
728
00:32:16,950 --> 00:32:19,410
to have 20 dicks
working for me.
729
00:32:21,710 --> 00:32:24,340
‐ Ted, did you
ask your wife
730
00:32:24,340 --> 00:32:28,560
if you could go home?
731
00:32:28,560 --> 00:32:29,470
‐ Yeah.
732
00:32:29,470 --> 00:32:30,850
‐ Do you consult
your wife
733
00:32:30,850 --> 00:32:34,610
on all big
life decisions?
734
00:32:34,610 --> 00:32:35,610
‐ I do.
735
00:32:35,610 --> 00:32:37,990
ESSEX:
Do you tell her everything?
736
00:32:37,990 --> 00:32:39,200
‐ Of course.
737
00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:41,460
STEVE:
You wouldn't keep secrets?
738
00:32:41,460 --> 00:32:43,080
‐ No.
KIWI: You wouldn't tell her
739
00:32:43,080 --> 00:32:44,920
you work every Friday
night until midnight
740
00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:47,970
if it weren't true.
741
00:32:47,970 --> 00:32:50,720
‐ Why did she say that?
742
00:32:50,720 --> 00:32:52,940
‐ Because she's trying
to get a rise out of us.
743
00:32:52,940 --> 00:32:56,240
GAVIN:
Nah, no secrets, huh?
744
00:32:56,240 --> 00:32:58,820
ESSEX: Gavin, you tell
your wife everything?
745
00:32:58,820 --> 00:33:00,120
GAVIN:
Well, I mean, I don't tell her
746
00:33:00,120 --> 00:33:01,500
what I have for
lunch every day.
747
00:33:01,500 --> 00:33:02,870
MISSY: I really don't
care what he eats,
748
00:33:02,870 --> 00:33:04,380
but it's mostly
protein and fish.
749
00:33:04,380 --> 00:33:06,760
That's why
he's so muscular.
750
00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:08,640
GAVIN:
But I certainly don't keep
751
00:33:08,640 --> 00:33:10,470
my whereabouts from her.
752
00:33:10,470 --> 00:33:12,270
ESSEX: You tell her
everything, don't you,
753
00:33:12,270 --> 00:33:15,770
because you respect
her intelligence, right?
754
00:33:15,770 --> 00:33:17,280
I mean, you were
saying earlier
755
00:33:17,280 --> 00:33:21,750
how much you appreciate her
insight into the business.
756
00:33:21,750 --> 00:33:23,750
Ooh, I forgot to be
careful with this.
757
00:33:23,750 --> 00:33:26,590
It's got a voice
activated memo feature.
758
00:33:26,590 --> 00:33:29,260
And I never know
when it's recording.
759
00:33:29,260 --> 00:33:32,140
GAVIN: No, please,
you don't have to do this.
760
00:33:32,140 --> 00:33:33,520
(shushing)
761
00:33:33,520 --> 00:33:36,360
No, please, please.
762
00:33:36,360 --> 00:33:40,280
[recording] Missy is anecessary part of the package.
763
00:33:40,280 --> 00:33:42,540
You know, you can'thave the sports car
764
00:33:42,540 --> 00:33:45,670
and the fancy clotheswithout a trophy wife
765
00:33:45,670 --> 00:33:47,510
with a spectacularass, right?
766
00:33:47,510 --> 00:33:48,760
Please.
767
00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:50,680
[recording]But the thing is,
768
00:33:50,680 --> 00:33:53,180
she thinks she knowsmore than I do,
769
00:33:53,180 --> 00:33:55,520
so I gotta sitthere and listen
770
00:33:55,520 --> 00:33:59,400
to these pearls ofwisdom from a dingbat
771
00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:02,200
with two semestersof community college
772
00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:05,160
and a minorin Tarot cards.
773
00:34:05,160 --> 00:34:06,540
I mean, shit,we should talk to the guys
774
00:34:06,540 --> 00:34:07,800
in Researchand Development
775
00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:09,260
about coming upwith an off switch,
776
00:34:09,260 --> 00:34:10,760
am I right?
777
00:34:10,760 --> 00:34:16,770
♪
778
00:34:17,730 --> 00:34:20,780
‐ How could you?
779
00:34:20,780 --> 00:34:21,910
‐ No, Missy, no.
780
00:34:21,910 --> 00:34:23,660
Missy, no.
781
00:34:23,660 --> 00:34:26,040
MISSY:
No!
782
00:34:26,040 --> 00:34:28,670
ESSEX:
I think we should all take five.
783
00:34:28,670 --> 00:34:32,430
Everybody relax,
have a drink.
784
00:34:32,430 --> 00:34:38,440
♪
785
00:34:48,170 --> 00:34:50,670
(sniffling)
786
00:34:50,670 --> 00:34:53,180
(eerie music)
787
00:34:53,180 --> 00:34:59,190
♪
788
00:35:31,920 --> 00:35:34,470
(banging on door)
789
00:35:38,940 --> 00:35:40,560
‐ Go away, Gavin.
790
00:35:40,560 --> 00:35:44,110
ESSEX:
Missy, it's Steven.
791
00:35:44,110 --> 00:35:47,080
Come on out,
I want to apologize.
792
00:35:47,080 --> 00:35:49,580
♪
793
00:35:49,580 --> 00:35:50,880
You can't stay in there.
794
00:35:50,880 --> 00:35:51,960
Well, where would you sleep,
795
00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:53,260
in the bathtub?
796
00:35:53,260 --> 00:35:55,970
You'll ruin that
beautiful dress.
797
00:35:55,970 --> 00:35:58,220
I need to apologize.
798
00:35:58,220 --> 00:36:01,230
You can't see me,
but I'm on my knees.
799
00:36:01,230 --> 00:36:03,030
I look pathetic.
800
00:36:03,030 --> 00:36:09,040
♪
801
00:36:11,120 --> 00:36:12,380
You'll have
to help me up.
802
00:36:12,380 --> 00:36:15,760
I ruined my knees
playing squash at Oxford.
803
00:36:19,350 --> 00:36:20,270
I'm really sorry.
804
00:36:20,270 --> 00:36:23,530
I am an
incorrigible bastard.
805
00:36:23,530 --> 00:36:25,150
‐ I don't think
you understand
806
00:36:25,150 --> 00:36:27,660
how important
this is to us.
807
00:36:27,660 --> 00:36:28,740
‐ But I do.
808
00:36:28,740 --> 00:36:32,500
I know the money worries
you and Gavin have.
809
00:36:32,500 --> 00:36:33,670
Do you think
I'd come this far
810
00:36:33,670 --> 00:36:35,800
without having you
vetted thoroughly?
811
00:36:35,800 --> 00:36:36,760
MISSY:
You don't know what it's like
812
00:36:36,760 --> 00:36:38,180
to have this
desperate weight on you
813
00:36:38,180 --> 00:36:40,520
every single day.
814
00:36:40,520 --> 00:36:42,810
‐ Sure you would do
absolutely anything
815
00:36:42,810 --> 00:36:45,440
to get out from under
this awful burden.
816
00:36:47,950 --> 00:36:52,040
‐ He would do
anything for this.
817
00:36:52,040 --> 00:36:54,550
‐ I said you.
818
00:36:54,550 --> 00:36:57,010
Would you do anything?
819
00:36:59,300 --> 00:37:02,560
There's only
one thing I want.
820
00:37:02,560 --> 00:37:04,060
A kiss.
821
00:37:04,060 --> 00:37:05,690
I've been thinking
what it would be like
822
00:37:05,690 --> 00:37:09,660
to have one
brief, soft kiss
823
00:37:09,660 --> 00:37:13,080
from that perfectly
lovely mouth.
824
00:37:15,040 --> 00:37:21,060
♪
825
00:37:26,110 --> 00:37:27,990
Thank you, my dear.
826
00:37:27,990 --> 00:37:31,740
That was every bit
as lovely as I'd imagined.
827
00:37:31,740 --> 00:37:37,720
♪
828
00:37:39,220 --> 00:37:43,060
There is one other thing
I've been thinking about
829
00:37:43,060 --> 00:37:45,310
since we first met.
830
00:37:45,310 --> 00:37:49,200
♪
831
00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:53,960
Trust me, the things
I've done to get where I am
832
00:37:53,960 --> 00:37:56,000
would make you blush.
833
00:37:56,000 --> 00:37:58,260
♪
834
00:37:58,260 --> 00:37:59,470
Hm.
835
00:37:59,470 --> 00:38:02,770
Now, Missy,
a girl like you,
836
00:38:02,770 --> 00:38:05,600
you know how
it goes from here.
837
00:38:05,600 --> 00:38:11,620
♪
838
00:38:24,730 --> 00:38:27,770
‐ Baby, I am so sorry.
839
00:38:27,770 --> 00:38:28,650
‐ No, it's fine.
840
00:38:28,650 --> 00:38:30,280
‐ No, hey, hey,
look at me.
841
00:38:30,280 --> 00:38:32,280
I just said what I
thought he wanted to hear.
842
00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:33,620
I didn't mean any of it.
843
00:38:33,620 --> 00:38:35,160
‐ I said I'm fine.
844
00:38:35,160 --> 00:38:37,670
(Essex humming)
845
00:38:40,130 --> 00:38:42,430
KIWI: What did you
do to her, you worm?
846
00:38:42,430 --> 00:38:44,310
‐ What are you
talking about?
847
00:38:44,310 --> 00:38:45,930
KIWI:
Look at her!
848
00:38:45,930 --> 00:38:47,440
She was
perfectly unfazed
849
00:38:47,440 --> 00:38:49,070
by me getting the top
of my head blown off,
850
00:38:49,070 --> 00:38:50,320
but you follow her
into the bathroom
851
00:38:50,320 --> 00:38:52,450
and she's completely
gone to pieces?
852
00:38:52,450 --> 00:38:54,830
She wanted to divorce
her husband five minutes ago
853
00:38:54,830 --> 00:38:57,710
and yet now she just
runs into his arms.
854
00:38:57,710 --> 00:38:59,920
What did you do to her?
855
00:38:59,920 --> 00:39:02,300
‐ You have a
fertile imagination.
856
00:39:02,300 --> 00:39:03,930
Perhaps I should
give you the job.
857
00:39:03,930 --> 00:39:06,560
Oh, wait, your
only qualification
858
00:39:06,560 --> 00:39:10,820
is 25 years of draining
expense accounts.
859
00:39:12,450 --> 00:39:14,780
(Essex humming)
860
00:39:17,330 --> 00:39:20,340
(tense music)
861
00:39:20,340 --> 00:39:26,100
♪
862
00:39:26,100 --> 00:39:28,850
(gun cocking)
863
00:39:28,850 --> 00:39:31,320
(Essex humming)
864
00:39:31,320 --> 00:39:32,490
♪
865
00:39:32,490 --> 00:39:34,490
TED:
Okay, this again.
866
00:39:34,490 --> 00:39:36,080
ESSEX:
Give it a rest, darling.
867
00:39:36,080 --> 00:39:39,120
You're not fooling anyone.
‐ Oh, I'll do it.
868
00:39:39,120 --> 00:39:40,710
I will obliterate
869
00:39:40,710 --> 00:39:43,220
those useless
testicles of yours.
870
00:39:43,220 --> 00:39:45,600
‐ Jesus.
871
00:39:45,600 --> 00:39:47,680
‐ Oh, you find this
amusing, Gavin?
872
00:39:47,680 --> 00:39:50,690
That my husband
most likely slobbered
873
00:39:50,690 --> 00:39:51,980
all over your wife?
874
00:39:51,980 --> 00:39:55,990
Are you so stupid that you
actually find that amusing?
875
00:39:55,990 --> 00:39:58,500
‐ I think stupid
would be falling
876
00:39:58,500 --> 00:40:01,000
for the same routine twice
877
00:40:01,000 --> 00:40:03,380
in the span of, like, an hour.
878
00:40:05,090 --> 00:40:07,390
(laughing)
879
00:40:07,390 --> 00:40:08,520
‐ Oh, yes.
880
00:40:08,520 --> 00:40:10,900
Just another phase
of the interview.
881
00:40:10,900 --> 00:40:14,240
Well, maybe this isn't
a test of smarts, Gavin.
882
00:40:14,240 --> 00:40:17,280
Maybe this is a test of bravery.
883
00:40:19,870 --> 00:40:21,630
Raise one hand.
884
00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:25,590
(tense music)
885
00:40:25,590 --> 00:40:28,220
♪
886
00:40:28,220 --> 00:40:31,770
I'm sure you remember
that there were two rifles.
887
00:40:31,770 --> 00:40:34,480
Is it possible
that one of them
888
00:40:34,480 --> 00:40:36,110
was loaded with blanks
889
00:40:36,110 --> 00:40:38,910
while the other
contains actual bullets?
890
00:40:38,910 --> 00:40:44,920
♪
891
00:40:46,130 --> 00:40:48,140
‐ Well, you took the
first round, Phipps,
892
00:40:48,140 --> 00:40:50,930
so I guess I don't
really have a choice.
893
00:40:50,930 --> 00:40:52,650
But with all due respect,
894
00:40:52,650 --> 00:40:55,190
I don't think either of you
should quit your day jobs
895
00:40:55,190 --> 00:40:57,950
and move to Hollywood.
896
00:40:57,950 --> 00:41:00,580
"Brave solutions and
steadfast commitment."
897
00:41:00,580 --> 00:41:02,290
♪
898
00:41:02,290 --> 00:41:03,290
(gunshot)
899
00:41:03,290 --> 00:41:04,290
‐ Oh, Jesus!
900
00:41:04,290 --> 00:41:05,760
(screaming)
901
00:41:05,760 --> 00:41:07,130
‐ Fuck!
902
00:41:07,130 --> 00:41:08,800
(vomiting, screaming)
903
00:41:08,800 --> 00:41:10,640
‐ What have you done,
you bedlamite?
904
00:41:10,640 --> 00:41:14,060
KIWI: Well, who puts their
hand in front of a gun?
905
00:41:14,060 --> 00:41:15,400
(coughing, shouting in agony)
906
00:41:15,400 --> 00:41:18,320
‐ My dear boy,
I am beyond contrite.
907
00:41:18,320 --> 00:41:21,290
Kiwi, don't we have
a first aid kit somewhere?
908
00:41:21,290 --> 00:41:23,290
I think it's with
the cleaning supplies.
909
00:41:23,290 --> 00:41:24,960
‐ Do I look like I know
910
00:41:24,960 --> 00:41:26,960
where to find cleaning supplies?
911
00:41:26,960 --> 00:41:29,050
‐ Oh, God, help us.
912
00:41:31,560 --> 00:41:34,810
TATUM:
Okay, now I'm calling 911.
913
00:41:34,810 --> 00:41:36,360
‐ No, don't, not a chance!
914
00:41:36,360 --> 00:41:37,610
I'm staying here!
915
00:41:37,610 --> 00:41:38,990
‐ What?
‐ What?
916
00:41:38,990 --> 00:41:40,740
‐ What?
TATUM: Gavin!
917
00:41:40,740 --> 00:41:42,500
You are seriously hurt.
918
00:41:42,500 --> 00:41:44,250
‐ And you are
seriously fucking crazy
919
00:41:44,250 --> 00:41:47,170
if you think I'm gonna walk away
from an opportunity like this.
920
00:41:47,170 --> 00:41:49,550
I bet‐‐I bet this puts
me in the lead now.
921
00:41:49,550 --> 00:41:51,600
‐ Okay, Gavin, you know what,
922
00:41:51,600 --> 00:41:53,100
I would be lying if I said
923
00:41:53,100 --> 00:41:54,730
I didn't enjoy that
just a little,
924
00:41:54,730 --> 00:41:58,360
but I think we need to
officially call it a night.
925
00:41:58,360 --> 00:42:00,110
GAVIN: Great, great.
I'll see you on Monday.
926
00:42:00,110 --> 00:42:02,870
Might need a little help
moving into my new office.
927
00:42:02,870 --> 00:42:04,830
‐ Yeah, he might need
you and the retard
928
00:42:04,830 --> 00:42:06,840
to carry some boxes for him!
929
00:42:06,840 --> 00:42:08,340
♪
930
00:42:08,340 --> 00:42:09,720
(Gavin breathing heavily)
931
00:42:09,720 --> 00:42:12,140
‐ Okay, that's enough.
932
00:42:12,140 --> 00:42:14,140
♪
933
00:42:14,140 --> 00:42:15,850
We're staying.
934
00:42:15,850 --> 00:42:18,400
(mumbling)
935
00:42:18,400 --> 00:42:20,610
(Kiwi screams)
936
00:42:20,610 --> 00:42:22,870
ESSEX: Kiwi, not again!
GAVIN: Fuck!
937
00:42:22,870 --> 00:42:25,410
ESSEX: Your antics
are growing tiresome.
938
00:42:25,410 --> 00:42:27,130
KIWI:
Screw you, Steven!
939
00:42:27,130 --> 00:42:28,750
This time it's for real!
940
00:42:28,750 --> 00:42:31,130
ESSEX:
You're being a very silly girl.
941
00:42:31,130 --> 00:42:32,760
(concrete scraping)
942
00:42:32,760 --> 00:42:34,270
‐ You can just go to hell!
943
00:42:34,270 --> 00:42:36,520
ESSEX: It can't be any worse
than living with you.
944
00:42:36,520 --> 00:42:38,650
KIWI: Well, you're not
gonna have to worry about that
945
00:42:38,650 --> 00:42:40,740
very much longer, are you?
946
00:42:40,740 --> 00:42:42,360
‐ Ah, come by the fire.
947
00:42:42,360 --> 00:42:43,620
(Kiwi sobbing)
948
00:42:43,620 --> 00:42:45,910
TATUM: Is she all right?
KIWI: Apparently not!
949
00:42:45,910 --> 00:42:48,670
Apparently I always
ruin everything!
950
00:42:48,670 --> 00:42:51,050
Isn't that right, Steven?
951
00:42:53,180 --> 00:42:56,940
‐ Uh, there was some
talk about first aid?
952
00:42:56,940 --> 00:43:00,400
‐ Yes, I was waylaid by
this impromptu performance
953
00:43:00,400 --> 00:43:02,200
of Lady Macbeth.
954
00:43:02,200 --> 00:43:04,200
Meanwhile,
955
00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:06,080
take these.
956
00:43:09,290 --> 00:43:11,050
‐ What are they?
‐ I don't know.
957
00:43:11,050 --> 00:43:13,130
I found them under
a sofa cushion,
958
00:43:13,130 --> 00:43:15,770
so they must do something fun.
959
00:43:16,890 --> 00:43:19,020
TATUM:
She wouldn't really...
960
00:43:19,020 --> 00:43:20,650
ESSEX:
Oh, I've lost count
961
00:43:20,650 --> 00:43:23,410
of the number of times she's
threatened to kill herself,
962
00:43:23,410 --> 00:43:25,580
but her reasons
aren't without merit.
963
00:43:25,580 --> 00:43:28,460
You see, there was
a horrific accident
964
00:43:28,460 --> 00:43:30,210
involving our son.
965
00:43:30,210 --> 00:43:31,960
A mother's worst nightmare.
966
00:43:31,960 --> 00:43:35,560
But, Tatum, you're a moderator.
967
00:43:35,560 --> 00:43:36,720
‐ Mediator.
968
00:43:36,720 --> 00:43:38,100
ESSEX:
You could go and talk to her.
969
00:43:38,100 --> 00:43:39,480
Offer some soothing words.
970
00:43:39,480 --> 00:43:40,940
[whispering]
And whilst you're there,
971
00:43:40,940 --> 00:43:43,110
give that cherub
the faintest nudge.
972
00:43:43,110 --> 00:43:45,580
KIWI [sharply]:
I heard that.
973
00:43:48,120 --> 00:43:50,710
(soft music)
974
00:43:50,710 --> 00:43:52,710
♪
975
00:43:52,710 --> 00:43:55,430
ESSEX: You may have to give up
badminton and croquet
976
00:43:55,430 --> 00:43:56,680
for a few weeks.
977
00:43:56,680 --> 00:43:58,730
GAVIN: It's cool if I leave
for workers' comp?
978
00:43:58,730 --> 00:44:00,230
KIWI: I really like your boots.
979
00:44:00,230 --> 00:44:01,860
I've been meaning to tell you.
980
00:44:01,860 --> 00:44:03,360
TATUM:
Thanks.
981
00:44:03,360 --> 00:44:04,950
I got 'em at Bergdorf.
982
00:44:04,950 --> 00:44:07,620
‐ I wouldn't necessarily
brag about that.
983
00:44:07,620 --> 00:44:09,210
♪
984
00:44:09,210 --> 00:44:10,750
‐ So...
985
00:44:10,750 --> 00:44:13,630
it seems like you're feeling
986
00:44:13,630 --> 00:44:16,470
like your husband
was a bit hard on you
987
00:44:16,470 --> 00:44:19,480
after you shot Gavin.
988
00:44:19,480 --> 00:44:25,030
KIWI: Why do we put up
with these repulsive brutes?
989
00:44:25,030 --> 00:44:26,410
We support them,
990
00:44:26,410 --> 00:44:29,870
but when it's their time
to return the favor...
991
00:44:29,870 --> 00:44:31,920
(chuckles)
992
00:44:31,920 --> 00:44:33,000
Well...
993
00:44:35,260 --> 00:44:37,890
Does he support you, darling?
994
00:44:37,890 --> 00:44:41,770
Does he believe in you
in your time of need?
995
00:44:43,900 --> 00:44:47,160
Would you be a dear
and grab me a towel?
996
00:44:47,160 --> 00:44:49,290
It's just in the cabinet room,
997
00:44:49,290 --> 00:44:50,910
just through those doors.
998
00:44:50,910 --> 00:44:52,540
(tense music)
999
00:44:52,540 --> 00:44:54,420
I've got wet feet.
1000
00:44:54,420 --> 00:44:57,300
♪
1001
00:44:57,300 --> 00:45:00,020
TATUM:
I don't see anything in here,
1002
00:45:00,020 --> 00:45:01,430
besides the tissues.
1003
00:45:01,430 --> 00:45:03,190
KIWI:
It's all the way in the back.
1004
00:45:03,190 --> 00:45:04,650
You have to reach in.
1005
00:45:04,650 --> 00:45:06,650
TATUM:
Oh, oh, okay.
1006
00:45:06,650 --> 00:45:08,320
♪
1007
00:45:08,320 --> 00:45:09,780
(screaming)
1008
00:45:09,780 --> 00:45:11,830
(intense music)
1009
00:45:11,830 --> 00:45:14,040
♪
1010
00:45:14,040 --> 00:45:15,550
(panting)
1011
00:45:15,550 --> 00:45:17,680
TED:
What? What happened?
1012
00:45:17,680 --> 00:45:19,050
‐ Somebody grabbed me,
1013
00:45:19,050 --> 00:45:21,520
in that room, in the cabinet.
1014
00:45:21,520 --> 00:45:23,440
‐ Someone in the cabinet?
1015
00:45:23,440 --> 00:45:26,030
♪
1016
00:45:26,030 --> 00:45:28,200
You really can't
hold your liquor.
1017
00:45:28,200 --> 00:45:30,030
‐ I am not drunk.
1018
00:45:30,030 --> 00:45:32,330
‐ Okay, are you sure there's
not someone else in the house?
1019
00:45:32,330 --> 00:45:33,960
Because earlier,
I really thought I saw‐‐
1020
00:45:33,960 --> 00:45:35,710
ESSEX: I'm not sure
I like the implication
1021
00:45:35,710 --> 00:45:37,970
that we've got some
poor soul locked away
1022
00:45:37,970 --> 00:45:40,050
in between the walls.
1023
00:45:40,050 --> 00:45:41,850
(tense music)
1024
00:45:41,850 --> 00:45:44,980
‐ Maybe you got your hand
snagged on something?
1025
00:45:44,980 --> 00:45:49,860
♪
1026
00:45:49,860 --> 00:45:54,120
‐ Yes, where are they
when we need their support?
1027
00:45:54,120 --> 00:45:59,930
♪
1028
00:45:59,930 --> 00:46:01,970
(splashing)
1029
00:46:01,970 --> 00:46:06,980
♪
1030
00:46:10,870 --> 00:46:13,370
(light music)
1031
00:46:13,370 --> 00:46:19,380
♪
1032
00:46:21,220 --> 00:46:22,890
MISSY:
It's okay, baby.
1033
00:46:22,890 --> 00:46:24,480
TED:
Hey. Hey!
1034
00:46:24,480 --> 00:46:26,150
TATUM: What?
TED: I'm sorry.
1035
00:46:26,150 --> 00:46:28,900
I really am.
I should've had your back.
1036
00:46:28,900 --> 00:46:30,030
♪
1037
00:46:30,030 --> 00:46:31,780
TATUM:
I guess you're not the only one
1038
00:46:31,780 --> 00:46:34,410
set up to be humiliated tonight.
1039
00:46:34,410 --> 00:46:35,660
♪
1040
00:46:35,660 --> 00:46:37,290
(Tatum sighs)
1041
00:46:37,290 --> 00:46:43,220
♪
1042
00:46:45,270 --> 00:46:46,900
(glasses clink)
1043
00:46:46,900 --> 00:46:52,870
♪
1044
00:47:06,140 --> 00:47:08,150
ESSEX:
Oh, come on.
1045
00:47:13,530 --> 00:47:14,830
How are you feeling?
1046
00:47:14,830 --> 00:47:18,830
GAVIN:
Nice, like, really nice.
1047
00:47:18,830 --> 00:47:22,050
I'm 110% committed.
1048
00:47:22,050 --> 00:47:25,180
I just want to make sure
that you know that.
1049
00:47:25,180 --> 00:47:28,650
‐ Yes, I believe you are.
1050
00:47:28,650 --> 00:47:30,940
GAVIN:
This, this is what you need.
1051
00:47:30,940 --> 00:47:34,660
You need a new
executive like this.
1052
00:47:34,660 --> 00:47:36,700
Someone who will
ride into battle
1053
00:47:36,700 --> 00:47:40,210
with total and complete loyalty.
1054
00:47:40,210 --> 00:47:42,970
‐ Would you like to try it on?
1055
00:47:44,840 --> 00:47:46,220
‐ Could I?
1056
00:47:46,220 --> 00:47:48,100
‐ Be my guest.
1057
00:47:50,100 --> 00:47:51,980
Phippses, Dunlops.
1058
00:47:51,980 --> 00:47:53,440
I have a confession to make.
1059
00:47:53,440 --> 00:47:56,200
I haven't been
entirely forthcoming
1060
00:47:56,200 --> 00:47:58,120
in describing the parameters
1061
00:47:58,120 --> 00:48:00,630
of The Initiative Agenda.
1062
00:48:00,630 --> 00:48:02,710
‐ The Opportunity Initiative.
1063
00:48:02,710 --> 00:48:04,970
ESSEX: One of you will
ring in the new year
1064
00:48:04,970 --> 00:48:08,850
with an enviable new role
at Falconheart Ventures.
1065
00:48:08,850 --> 00:48:10,730
GAVIN:
Do you have a horse?
1066
00:48:10,730 --> 00:48:12,820
I just feel like
I want to get on top
1067
00:48:12,820 --> 00:48:15,200
of the biggest
fucking horse right now.
1068
00:48:15,200 --> 00:48:18,240
ESSEX:
No, Gavin, we don't keep horses.
1069
00:48:19,870 --> 00:48:21,710
I wasn't exaggerating earlier.
1070
00:48:21,710 --> 00:48:24,720
It's been a lean year
for Falconheart.
1071
00:48:24,720 --> 00:48:28,140
What's allowing us to create
a new executive position
1072
00:48:28,140 --> 00:48:31,900
is the elimination of the two
positions you currently hold.
1073
00:48:31,900 --> 00:48:35,400
So it's a bit of an addition
by subtraction conundrum.
1074
00:48:35,400 --> 00:48:38,540
A single position,
two candidates,
1075
00:48:38,540 --> 00:48:42,420
one of whom will
become expendable.
1076
00:48:42,420 --> 00:48:44,510
♪
1077
00:48:44,510 --> 00:48:45,840
"Again and again,
1078
00:48:45,840 --> 00:48:48,140
the impossible problem is solved
1079
00:48:48,140 --> 00:48:49,720
when we see that the problem
1080
00:48:49,720 --> 00:48:53,020
is only a tough decision
waiting to be made."
1081
00:48:53,020 --> 00:48:54,650
Dr. Robert Schuller.
1082
00:48:54,650 --> 00:48:57,410
‐ "There can be only one."
1083
00:48:57,410 --> 00:48:58,990
Highlander.
1084
00:48:58,990 --> 00:49:01,540
TED: God, Gavin, would
you sit the fuck down?
1085
00:49:01,540 --> 00:49:02,880
They're lying!
1086
00:49:02,880 --> 00:49:04,880
This has all been made up.
1087
00:49:04,880 --> 00:49:06,630
The Opportunity Initiative,
1088
00:49:06,630 --> 00:49:08,800
the company having a bad year,
1089
00:49:08,800 --> 00:49:10,260
the screaming matches,
1090
00:49:10,260 --> 00:49:12,440
the tragic accident
with their child.
1091
00:49:12,440 --> 00:49:14,770
It's all made‐up bullshit!
1092
00:49:14,770 --> 00:49:16,820
(slaps)
‐ Hey!
1093
00:49:16,820 --> 00:49:18,450
(groans)
1094
00:49:18,450 --> 00:49:20,540
‐ How dare you?
ESSEX: I'll have you know
1095
00:49:20,540 --> 00:49:23,330
that only my tax returns
are made‐up bullshit.
1096
00:49:23,330 --> 00:49:24,840
‐ Yeah, you have
no right to talk.
1097
00:49:24,840 --> 00:49:26,880
We all know you're full of shit.
1098
00:49:26,880 --> 00:49:30,050
I mean, what do you do every
Friday until midnight, huh?
1099
00:49:30,050 --> 00:49:31,430
GAVIN:
Yeah, Ted,
1100
00:49:31,430 --> 00:49:33,140
'cause I'm there late on Fridays
1101
00:49:33,140 --> 00:49:36,150
and I sure as hell don't
see you there until midnight.
1102
00:49:36,150 --> 00:49:38,320
‐ You know what, he doesn't have
to explain anything to you.
1103
00:49:38,320 --> 00:49:41,080
MISSY: You have a little piece
of meat on the side, Ted?
1104
00:49:41,080 --> 00:49:42,540
I've seen the way
you look at me.
1105
00:49:42,540 --> 00:49:45,080
I can feel your stare
on the back of my neck.
1106
00:49:45,080 --> 00:49:46,840
‐ Oh, get the hell outta here.
1107
00:49:46,840 --> 00:49:48,590
‐ Or what, you're gonna
smash my head in
1108
00:49:48,590 --> 00:49:50,220
with one of the
boss's golf clubs?
1109
00:49:50,220 --> 00:49:53,100
‐ You shut your fucking mouth!
‐ Ted.
1110
00:49:53,100 --> 00:49:55,440
MISSY: Must be scary to live
with someone like that.
1111
00:49:55,440 --> 00:49:56,480
Probably a Scorpio.
1112
00:49:56,480 --> 00:49:58,320
GAVIN:
Okay, let's do this.
1113
00:49:58,320 --> 00:49:59,990
You and me, motherfucker.
1114
00:49:59,990 --> 00:50:01,950
(scoffs)
1115
00:50:01,950 --> 00:50:04,870
‐ You think that'll get
you a promotion, Gavin?
1116
00:50:04,870 --> 00:50:05,830
Huh?
1117
00:50:05,830 --> 00:50:08,170
Even though the concept of a CEO
1118
00:50:08,170 --> 00:50:10,340
having two of his employees
battle it out
1119
00:50:10,340 --> 00:50:12,220
like‐‐like pit bulls
in a basement
1120
00:50:12,220 --> 00:50:15,810
is totally beyond anything
that actually happens
1121
00:50:15,810 --> 00:50:16,810
on planet Earth?
1122
00:50:16,810 --> 00:50:18,480
They're fucking with us, man!
1123
00:50:18,480 --> 00:50:20,740
‐ Well, guess what,
I'm fine with that.
1124
00:50:20,740 --> 00:50:23,870
‐ So you would be fine
with killing another person
1125
00:50:23,870 --> 00:50:27,840
for nothing more than
their sick holiday pageant?
1126
00:50:27,840 --> 00:50:31,010
‐ I'm ready to do
whatever it takes.
1127
00:50:31,010 --> 00:50:33,390
‐ Well, are you gonna
kill my wife as well?
1128
00:50:33,390 --> 00:50:36,100
Because you would
probably have to.
1129
00:50:38,860 --> 00:50:40,030
TATUM:
Gavin,
1130
00:50:40,030 --> 00:50:42,370
I know that you feel
like you should say y‐‐
1131
00:50:42,370 --> 00:50:44,790
‐ Yes.
1132
00:50:46,500 --> 00:50:49,340
‐ What about your wife?
‐ What about my wife?
1133
00:50:49,340 --> 00:50:53,010
TED: If Essex offered you
a million dollars right now,
1134
00:50:53,010 --> 00:50:55,390
would you kill Missy?
1135
00:50:57,150 --> 00:50:58,650
‐ When you say
a million dollars,
1136
00:50:58,650 --> 00:50:59,780
you mean one million dollars,
1137
00:50:59,780 --> 00:51:02,030
or like an annual salary
of a million dollars?
1138
00:51:02,030 --> 00:51:03,660
(screaming)
1139
00:51:03,660 --> 00:51:06,370
What? I was just making sure
I understood the question!
1140
00:51:06,370 --> 00:51:07,880
‐ [shouting]
You shit!
1141
00:51:07,880 --> 00:51:10,550
The fact that you had to
even stop to think about it!
1142
00:51:10,550 --> 00:51:11,920
‐ What? What do
you want from me?
1143
00:51:11,920 --> 00:51:13,640
What if the situation
was reversed?
1144
00:51:13,640 --> 00:51:15,060
‐ What?!
1145
00:51:15,060 --> 00:51:16,560
‐ Be honest, when you do
1146
00:51:16,560 --> 00:51:18,900
your Ideal Success
Visualization Exercises,
1147
00:51:18,900 --> 00:51:20,570
am I the one you're married to?
1148
00:51:20,570 --> 00:51:22,400
‐ My what?
1149
00:51:22,400 --> 00:51:23,910
‐ She doesn't even do
1150
00:51:23,910 --> 00:51:26,410
Ideal Success
Visualization Exercises.
1151
00:51:26,410 --> 00:51:28,290
How does a person set benchmarks
1152
00:51:28,290 --> 00:51:29,960
for their personal life goals?
1153
00:51:29,960 --> 00:51:32,680
ESSEX:
I know, it's shocking.
1154
00:51:32,680 --> 00:51:34,050
Come with me, Gavin.
1155
00:51:34,050 --> 00:51:36,890
Let's find somewhere
where you can sit down
1156
00:51:36,890 --> 00:51:39,020
and relax.
1157
00:51:39,020 --> 00:51:40,190
Take it easy.
1158
00:51:40,190 --> 00:51:43,320
Take the weight off
your weary feet.
1159
00:51:43,320 --> 00:51:46,700
Here we are, tuck your
little butt in there,
1160
00:51:46,700 --> 00:51:48,920
and when you're ready,
1161
00:51:48,920 --> 00:51:50,960
press the red button.
1162
00:51:50,960 --> 00:51:53,970
And Gavin, I know you
would never lay a finger
1163
00:51:53,970 --> 00:51:55,340
on your lovely wife.
1164
00:51:55,340 --> 00:51:56,720
(chair rumbling, metal rattling)
1165
00:51:56,720 --> 00:51:59,940
Still, I do appreciate
that you even considered
1166
00:51:59,940 --> 00:52:02,230
making such a sacrifice.
1167
00:52:02,230 --> 00:52:04,360
(soft music)
1168
00:52:04,360 --> 00:52:06,990
(chair rumbling, metal rattling)
1169
00:52:08,370 --> 00:52:11,380
‐ What the hell do you
know about sacrifice?
1170
00:52:11,380 --> 00:52:14,340
What kind of a sacrifice
have you ever made
1171
00:52:14,340 --> 00:52:17,600
in your entire privileged life?
1172
00:52:17,600 --> 00:52:21,100
‐ Oh, I can tell you exactly
1173
00:52:21,100 --> 00:52:22,860
the kind of history
1174
00:52:22,860 --> 00:52:25,240
this man has had with sacrifice.
1175
00:52:25,240 --> 00:52:27,620
‐ Not now.
1176
00:52:27,620 --> 00:52:30,620
‐ I believe Steven
said something earlier
1177
00:52:30,620 --> 00:52:33,510
about our son.
1178
00:52:33,510 --> 00:52:35,630
Our Jim.
1179
00:52:35,630 --> 00:52:37,140
Our poor Jim.
1180
00:52:37,140 --> 00:52:39,220
Our beautiful Jim.
1181
00:52:40,350 --> 00:52:42,270
Did Steven mention
how little time
1182
00:52:42,270 --> 00:52:45,490
he actually spent
with our child?
1183
00:52:45,490 --> 00:52:46,530
Always working...
1184
00:52:46,530 --> 00:52:48,160
‐ I'll not have you dredging‐‐
1185
00:52:48,160 --> 00:52:50,120
‐ Always traveling.
‐ Enough!
1186
00:52:50,120 --> 00:52:52,790
‐ Yet, Steven was
home one weekend,
1187
00:52:52,790 --> 00:52:55,260
and Jim, our Jim,
1188
00:52:55,260 --> 00:52:57,510
stuck in that boarding school,
1189
00:52:57,510 --> 00:53:01,270
wanting to see
his father so badly,
1190
00:53:01,270 --> 00:53:04,400
stole the keys to
a staff member's car.
1191
00:53:04,400 --> 00:53:06,030
(somber music)
1192
00:53:06,030 --> 00:53:09,660
At only 12, he had
the wherewithal
1193
00:53:09,660 --> 00:53:11,540
to steal a car
1194
00:53:11,540 --> 00:53:14,920
and drive in the dead of night.
1195
00:53:14,920 --> 00:53:20,560
♪
1196
00:53:20,560 --> 00:53:23,270
(metal rattling)
1197
00:53:24,440 --> 00:53:26,530
It was less than a mile.
1198
00:53:26,530 --> 00:53:27,450
♪
1199
00:53:27,450 --> 00:53:30,830
Oh, just less than a mile
1200
00:53:30,830 --> 00:53:33,330
from the house when it happened.
1201
00:53:33,330 --> 00:53:35,500
♪
1202
00:53:35,500 --> 00:53:38,680
So, don't believe for a second
1203
00:53:38,680 --> 00:53:40,510
that my husband knows nothing
1204
00:53:40,510 --> 00:53:43,810
about making a sacrifice
for his career.
1205
00:53:43,810 --> 00:53:47,820
♪
1206
00:53:47,820 --> 00:53:50,030
‐ So, what happened?
1207
00:53:50,030 --> 00:53:52,040
Did the little bugger swerve
1208
00:53:52,040 --> 00:53:53,830
to avoid hitting a porcupine?
1209
00:53:53,830 --> 00:53:56,210
TATUM: Ted, would you
stop being so cruel?
1210
00:53:56,210 --> 00:53:59,050
‐ I don't know, Tatum,
will you stop being so naive?
1211
00:53:59,050 --> 00:54:00,600
Can't you grasp the idea
1212
00:54:00,600 --> 00:54:02,720
that there are twisted
people in this world
1213
00:54:02,720 --> 00:54:05,100
who might just tell
a grotesque lie
1214
00:54:05,100 --> 00:54:07,110
for their own perverse pleasure?
1215
00:54:07,110 --> 00:54:09,700
‐ So if all of this
is bullshit, Ted,
1216
00:54:09,700 --> 00:54:13,580
if you really believe
that there is no promotion,
1217
00:54:13,580 --> 00:54:15,580
then what are we doing here?
1218
00:54:15,580 --> 00:54:18,970
We're riding this out for what?
1219
00:54:18,970 --> 00:54:21,850
To prove that you're smart?
1220
00:54:21,850 --> 00:54:23,430
Okay, we get it.
1221
00:54:23,430 --> 00:54:25,350
You are smart.
1222
00:54:25,350 --> 00:54:27,440
But you don't get to talk to me
1223
00:54:27,440 --> 00:54:29,740
like I'm a rube.
1224
00:54:29,740 --> 00:54:31,320
‐ You're not a rube!
1225
00:54:31,320 --> 00:54:33,120
You're a radiant diamond.
1226
00:54:33,120 --> 00:54:35,250
Let me pour you a brandy.
1227
00:54:35,250 --> 00:54:37,750
‐ Nothing fancy for me,
I'm just a dumb hick.
1228
00:54:37,750 --> 00:54:41,590
I'm fine just drinking
out of the fucking toilet.
1229
00:54:41,590 --> 00:54:45,770
‐ [sarcastically]
Well, thank you, Kiwi.
1230
00:54:45,770 --> 00:54:49,110
Is anybody still
talking to anybody?
1231
00:54:49,110 --> 00:54:51,240
GAVIN:
I'm here!
1232
00:54:51,240 --> 00:54:54,750
‐ I think we should
all call it a night.
1233
00:54:54,750 --> 00:54:55,790
‐ But...
1234
00:54:55,790 --> 00:54:57,040
(metal rattling)
1235
00:54:57,040 --> 00:54:58,500
(groans)
1236
00:54:58,500 --> 00:55:00,760
But...
ESSEX: I'll render my decision
1237
00:55:00,760 --> 00:55:01,970
on Monday.
1238
00:55:01,970 --> 00:55:03,350
(groans)
1239
00:55:03,350 --> 00:55:05,520
Ted, you should probably go
ahead and warm up the car.
1240
00:55:05,520 --> 00:55:08,230
It seems your wife
might need a moment.
1241
00:55:08,230 --> 00:55:11,240
(dark music)
1242
00:55:11,240 --> 00:55:15,410
Gavin, there is a piece
I want to show you.
1243
00:55:15,410 --> 00:55:21,420
♪
1244
00:55:35,030 --> 00:55:36,950
I thought you'd like it.
1245
00:55:36,950 --> 00:55:42,920
♪
1246
00:55:56,790 --> 00:55:58,080
(eerie music)
1247
00:55:58,080 --> 00:55:59,540
‐ Hey!
1248
00:55:59,540 --> 00:56:05,470
♪
1249
00:56:08,980 --> 00:56:11,610
(indistinct whispering)
1250
00:56:11,610 --> 00:56:14,110
(dark music)
1251
00:56:14,110 --> 00:56:18,620
♪
1252
00:56:18,620 --> 00:56:21,330
(door handle rattling)
1253
00:56:21,330 --> 00:56:23,460
Hello?
1254
00:56:23,460 --> 00:56:25,340
♪
1255
00:56:25,340 --> 00:56:26,680
(bang)
1256
00:56:26,680 --> 00:56:29,730
(tense music)
1257
00:56:29,730 --> 00:56:35,740
♪
1258
00:56:46,510 --> 00:56:48,970
(footsteps approaching)
1259
00:56:48,970 --> 00:56:51,900
GAVIN [shouting]: I am a
powerful, successful person!
1260
00:56:51,900 --> 00:56:53,230
(smashing)
1261
00:56:53,230 --> 00:56:55,740
(Ted groaning)
1262
00:56:55,740 --> 00:56:57,870
‐ [confused]
What the fuck?
1263
00:56:57,870 --> 00:56:59,910
(dark music)
1264
00:56:59,910 --> 00:57:02,750
♪
1265
00:57:02,750 --> 00:57:04,130
(handle clatters)
1266
00:57:06,090 --> 00:57:07,890
(screaming)
1267
00:57:07,890 --> 00:57:09,970
(intense music)
1268
00:57:09,970 --> 00:57:11,390
♪
1269
00:57:11,390 --> 00:57:13,230
(Gavin screaming)
1270
00:57:13,230 --> 00:57:18,370
♪
1271
00:57:18,370 --> 00:57:20,160
(Gavin screaming)
1272
00:57:20,160 --> 00:57:22,920
♪
1273
00:57:22,920 --> 00:57:24,800
ESSEX:
Choose wisely.
1274
00:57:24,800 --> 00:57:30,770
♪
1275
00:57:30,770 --> 00:57:33,060
‐ So, you got a 50‐50 chance.
1276
00:57:33,060 --> 00:57:34,440
But guess what that means.
1277
00:57:34,440 --> 00:57:36,940
That means I've got
a 50‐50 chance.
1278
00:57:36,940 --> 00:57:39,070
So this whole night‐‐
Fuck the whole night!
1279
00:57:39,070 --> 00:57:42,330
Your whole life comes
down to a coin toss.
1280
00:57:42,330 --> 00:57:45,290
So you gotta ask yourself,
do you feel lucky?
1281
00:57:45,290 --> 00:57:47,050
(gunshot, glass shattering)
1282
00:57:48,630 --> 00:57:50,560
Shit.
1283
00:57:52,270 --> 00:57:53,770
(dark music)
1284
00:57:53,770 --> 00:57:55,270
(trembling)
1285
00:57:55,270 --> 00:58:00,780
♪
1286
00:58:00,780 --> 00:58:02,950
‐ Why stop now, Ted?
1287
00:58:02,950 --> 00:58:04,210
Let me guess:
1288
00:58:04,210 --> 00:58:06,460
Because it wouldn't
be a fair way
1289
00:58:06,460 --> 00:58:09,300
of making it to the top, hmm?
1290
00:58:09,300 --> 00:58:10,800
You know something, Ted?
1291
00:58:10,800 --> 00:58:12,220
It will never be fair,
1292
00:58:12,220 --> 00:58:16,730
because the playing field is
always tilted one direction.
1293
00:58:16,730 --> 00:58:19,110
But by simply pulling
that trigger,
1294
00:58:19,110 --> 00:58:22,330
you'll reserve yourself
a first‐class seat
1295
00:58:22,330 --> 00:58:24,620
on the tilted side.
1296
00:58:24,620 --> 00:58:27,000
(music intensifying)
1297
00:58:27,000 --> 00:58:32,720
♪
1298
00:58:32,720 --> 00:58:35,850
(Ted groaning)
1299
00:58:38,690 --> 00:58:40,860
(panting)
1300
00:58:40,860 --> 00:58:43,950
(soft music)
1301
00:58:43,950 --> 00:58:49,970
♪
1302
00:59:06,540 --> 00:59:08,790
(Ted breathing heavily)
1303
00:59:08,790 --> 00:59:12,130
♪
1304
00:59:12,130 --> 00:59:14,640
TATUM:
Ted.
1305
00:59:14,640 --> 00:59:16,100
Ted!
1306
00:59:16,100 --> 00:59:18,770
♪
1307
00:59:18,770 --> 00:59:20,650
Let me see, let me see.
‐ I'm fine, I'm fine.
1308
00:59:20,650 --> 00:59:22,780
I'll do it, I'll
do it, I'm fine.
1309
00:59:22,780 --> 00:59:24,030
MISSY:
What happened?
1310
00:59:24,030 --> 00:59:26,540
ESSEX:
Just Ted snatching defeat
1311
00:59:26,540 --> 00:59:28,630
from the jaws of victory.
1312
00:59:28,630 --> 00:59:29,420
(slams rifle)
1313
00:59:29,420 --> 00:59:30,880
I mean, really!
1314
00:59:30,880 --> 00:59:34,930
You were so close to winning!
1315
00:59:34,930 --> 00:59:36,180
TED:
No, no.
1316
00:59:36,180 --> 00:59:39,400
The only way I win is
if I don't play the game
1317
00:59:39,400 --> 00:59:41,150
because there is no promotion.
1318
00:59:41,150 --> 00:59:43,320
It's all just stories and lies
1319
00:59:43,320 --> 00:59:44,700
and make‐believe bullshit
1320
00:59:44,700 --> 00:59:46,410
so you and your psychotic wife
1321
00:59:46,410 --> 00:59:47,790
can get your rocks off.
1322
00:59:47,790 --> 00:59:48,710
(Gavin groans)
1323
00:59:48,710 --> 00:59:50,090
GAVIN:
Take it easy on 'em.
1324
00:59:50,090 --> 00:59:51,250
They lost their son.
1325
00:59:51,250 --> 00:59:52,880
TED [shouting]:
No, they didn't, Gavin!
1326
00:59:52,880 --> 00:59:54,680
It's a joke!
It's from a play!
1327
00:59:54,680 --> 00:59:56,810
Jesus Christ, maybe
if you read something
1328
00:59:56,810 --> 00:59:59,900
other than Seven Habitsof Highly Effective People.
1329
00:59:59,900 --> 01:00:03,070
ESSEX: It seems you
still need convincing.
1330
01:00:03,070 --> 01:00:04,570
I think you should wake him up
1331
01:00:04,570 --> 01:00:08,040
and invite him to
meet our guests.
1332
01:00:08,040 --> 01:00:09,290
(snickering)
1333
01:00:09,290 --> 01:00:10,330
‐ Yay!
1334
01:00:14,800 --> 01:00:16,720
‐ Do you think it's him?
1335
01:00:17,850 --> 01:00:20,350
Are we gonna have a séance?
1336
01:00:22,360 --> 01:00:25,360
‐ Hey, I'm sorry
for everything, I am,
1337
01:00:25,360 --> 01:00:26,870
but this is out of control.
1338
01:00:26,870 --> 01:00:30,250
We need to go right now, okay?
1339
01:00:30,250 --> 01:00:31,880
‐ Okay.
1340
01:00:31,880 --> 01:00:34,420
(door opening)
KIWI: Ho, ho, ho!
1341
01:00:34,420 --> 01:00:39,060
I hear there are some
naughty boys and girls in here!
1342
01:00:39,060 --> 01:00:41,060
(Kiwi laughing, chair whirring)
1343
01:00:41,060 --> 01:00:43,320
(Christmas music playing)
1344
01:00:43,320 --> 01:00:45,490
♪
1345
01:00:45,490 --> 01:00:47,120
Say hi to Santa.
1346
01:00:47,120 --> 01:00:50,120
That's it, all the way
around the room.
1347
01:00:50,120 --> 01:00:52,250
Santa's gotta see everybody.
1348
01:00:52,250 --> 01:00:54,380
(Kiwi snickering)
1349
01:00:54,380 --> 01:00:58,600
♪
1350
01:00:58,600 --> 01:01:00,270
Ahh!
1351
01:01:00,270 --> 01:01:02,770
♪
1352
01:01:02,770 --> 01:01:04,900
Ta‐da!
1353
01:01:04,900 --> 01:01:06,780
(Kiwi laughing)
1354
01:01:06,780 --> 01:01:08,660
Everyone, this is Jim.
1355
01:01:08,660 --> 01:01:10,040
Jim, this is everyone.
1356
01:01:10,040 --> 01:01:13,250
I'd go around the room,
but he's terrible with names.
1357
01:01:13,250 --> 01:01:15,630
‐ Oh my God.
1358
01:01:15,630 --> 01:01:17,340
You didn't.
1359
01:01:17,340 --> 01:01:18,760
(dark music)
1360
01:01:18,760 --> 01:01:21,020
‐ Oh, look at that, Ted.
1361
01:01:21,020 --> 01:01:23,730
He likes you, that's uncanny.
1362
01:01:23,730 --> 01:01:25,860
‐ I have so much admiration
for the both of you.
1363
01:01:25,860 --> 01:01:28,280
I can only imagine what
a burden he must be.
1364
01:01:28,280 --> 01:01:29,410
‐ Oh, don't be silly.
1365
01:01:29,410 --> 01:01:31,290
That's why we hire people.
1366
01:01:31,290 --> 01:01:33,670
MISSY: Well, he looks very
comfortable in his chair.
1367
01:01:33,670 --> 01:01:34,920
KIWI:
Well, hop onboard!
1368
01:01:34,920 --> 01:01:37,050
He'd love to take
you for a spin.
1369
01:01:37,050 --> 01:01:39,010
‐ Oh, I...
‐ Oh, no, no, no, no.
1370
01:01:39,010 --> 01:01:40,760
Just think of him as Santa.
1371
01:01:40,760 --> 01:01:44,020
You can tell him everything
you want for Christmas.
1372
01:01:44,020 --> 01:01:45,820
Come on, right on. That's it.
1373
01:01:45,820 --> 01:01:47,570
‐ Oh...sorry.
1374
01:01:47,570 --> 01:01:49,200
(Kiwi laughing)
1375
01:01:49,200 --> 01:01:50,660
‐ Please stop this.
1376
01:01:50,660 --> 01:01:55,040
KIWI [singing]: Oh, here we
go round the mulberry bush.
1377
01:01:55,040 --> 01:01:57,260
(Kiwi laughing)
1378
01:01:57,260 --> 01:01:59,050
(Jim groaning)
1379
01:01:59,050 --> 01:02:01,010
(Kiwi laughing)
1380
01:02:01,010 --> 01:02:04,520
♪
1381
01:02:04,520 --> 01:02:06,690
MISSY:
I‐‐I think I've had enough.
1382
01:02:06,690 --> 01:02:07,820
(Kiwi laughing)
1383
01:02:07,820 --> 01:02:09,450
Can you‐‐can you stop, please?
1384
01:02:09,450 --> 01:02:10,700
Please stop.
1385
01:02:10,700 --> 01:02:12,290
Please, just stop!
1386
01:02:12,290 --> 01:02:14,080
[shouting]
Please stop!
1387
01:02:14,080 --> 01:02:16,800
♪
1388
01:02:16,800 --> 01:02:18,340
(Jim groans)
1389
01:02:18,340 --> 01:02:21,350
♪
1390
01:02:21,350 --> 01:02:22,810
GAVIN:
Wow, Ted.
1391
01:02:22,810 --> 01:02:25,730
Looks like an apology
is in order,
1392
01:02:25,730 --> 01:02:28,740
or maybe even grounds
for dismissal.
1393
01:02:28,740 --> 01:02:30,950
ESSEX:
Oh, I think Ted feels awful
1394
01:02:30,950 --> 01:02:32,080
about doubting us.
1395
01:02:32,080 --> 01:02:33,330
I mean, just look at him.
1396
01:02:33,330 --> 01:02:34,750
TATUM:
Ted, it's okay to be wrong.
1397
01:02:34,750 --> 01:02:37,630
Just...just say you're sorry.
1398
01:02:37,630 --> 01:02:38,920
ESSEX:
It's all right.
1399
01:02:38,920 --> 01:02:41,470
I think if we just have a drink,
1400
01:02:41,470 --> 01:02:44,430
it'll all be water
under the bridge.
1401
01:02:44,430 --> 01:02:45,850
♪
1402
01:02:45,850 --> 01:02:48,110
‐ To water under the bridge.
1403
01:02:48,110 --> 01:02:49,230
♪
1404
01:02:49,230 --> 01:02:51,610
ESSEX:
Down the hatch, Sunny Jim.
1405
01:02:51,610 --> 01:02:55,750
♪
1406
01:02:55,750 --> 01:02:57,250
(Jim gagging)
1407
01:02:57,250 --> 01:02:58,880
Oh, he's enjoying this.
1408
01:02:58,880 --> 01:03:01,010
KIWI:
Oh, Jim!
1409
01:03:01,010 --> 01:03:05,270
Oh, my poor baby's made
a mess of himself, hasn't he?
1410
01:03:05,270 --> 01:03:06,350
Oh, baby.
1411
01:03:06,350 --> 01:03:07,520
Oh, God.
1412
01:03:07,520 --> 01:03:09,230
Oh, shh.
1413
01:03:09,230 --> 01:03:10,150
Shh.
1414
01:03:10,150 --> 01:03:12,030
That's a good boy.
1415
01:03:12,030 --> 01:03:12,910
‐ Stop it.
1416
01:03:12,910 --> 01:03:13,990
[shouting]
Stop it, stop it!
1417
01:03:13,990 --> 01:03:15,240
Get the fuck away from him!
1418
01:03:15,240 --> 01:03:17,170
ESSEX: I'll thank you
not to point a gun
1419
01:03:17,170 --> 01:03:18,790
and scream at my wife.
1420
01:03:18,790 --> 01:03:20,130
That's my job.
1421
01:03:20,130 --> 01:03:22,760
Besides, you might end
up hitting poor Jim.
1422
01:03:22,760 --> 01:03:24,140
‐ Stop calling him that!
1423
01:03:24,140 --> 01:03:25,770
His name is not Jim!
1424
01:03:25,770 --> 01:03:28,270
His name is Daniel!
1425
01:03:28,270 --> 01:03:31,780
TATUM:
Ted, tell me what's going on.
1426
01:03:31,780 --> 01:03:36,410
♪
1427
01:03:36,410 --> 01:03:38,290
(Ted groans)
1428
01:03:38,290 --> 01:03:40,380
‐ Before we were married,
1429
01:03:40,380 --> 01:03:41,800
three years ago, I guess,
1430
01:03:41,800 --> 01:03:44,640
I hadn't been at the
company that long,
1431
01:03:44,640 --> 01:03:45,930
and he sent me out
1432
01:03:45,930 --> 01:03:49,810
to get an anniversary
gift for his wife.
1433
01:03:49,810 --> 01:03:53,320
I was racing back to
bring him the earrings,
1434
01:03:53,320 --> 01:03:57,040
and I was trying so
hard to get noticed
1435
01:03:57,040 --> 01:03:58,330
and get ahead.
1436
01:03:58,330 --> 01:04:01,460
I guess I was probably
driving too fast.
1437
01:04:04,050 --> 01:04:07,430
And Daniel was riding his bike.
1438
01:04:08,560 --> 01:04:11,320
It was dark.
I never even saw him.
1439
01:04:11,320 --> 01:04:14,780
I just...heard the thump.
1440
01:04:14,780 --> 01:04:17,040
‐ Oh my God.
1441
01:04:17,040 --> 01:04:19,160
(sobs)
1442
01:04:19,160 --> 01:04:21,340
GAVIN:
Was he wearing a helmet?
1443
01:04:21,340 --> 01:04:23,460
I mean, if he was riding
his bike without a helmet,
1444
01:04:23,460 --> 01:04:24,590
I'm not a lawyer, but‐‐
1445
01:04:24,590 --> 01:04:28,730
‐ Gavin, will you
please just shut up?
1446
01:04:28,730 --> 01:04:33,190
So, this entire time...
1447
01:04:35,320 --> 01:04:37,080
...you never told me?
1448
01:04:37,080 --> 01:04:38,620
(sighs)
1449
01:04:38,620 --> 01:04:40,500
(soft music)
1450
01:04:40,500 --> 01:04:42,500
TED: They put him in
a permanent facility,
1451
01:04:42,500 --> 01:04:45,680
but he didn't have anyone, so...
1452
01:04:45,680 --> 01:04:48,850
I started going to see
him Fridays after work.
1453
01:04:48,850 --> 01:04:52,730
‐ So he did have a piece
of meat on the side.
1454
01:04:52,730 --> 01:04:55,110
♪
1455
01:04:55,110 --> 01:04:58,950
‐ How can this be
your idea of fun?
1456
01:04:58,950 --> 01:05:01,870
‐ Ted, you've forgotten
1457
01:05:01,870 --> 01:05:06,510
that opportunity is the
theme of this evening.
1458
01:05:06,510 --> 01:05:08,510
Before you is the anchor
1459
01:05:08,510 --> 01:05:11,770
that has undermined
your success for years.
1460
01:05:11,770 --> 01:05:17,240
In your hands, you have the
instrument of opportunity.
1461
01:05:17,240 --> 01:05:20,160
♪
1462
01:05:20,160 --> 01:05:22,290
Jesus Christ, Ted!
1463
01:05:22,290 --> 01:05:25,880
You'd be doing him a kindness.
1464
01:05:25,880 --> 01:05:28,220
Now, look at your beautiful wife
1465
01:05:28,220 --> 01:05:31,350
and think of the life
you're denying her.
1466
01:05:31,350 --> 01:05:35,270
♪
1467
01:05:35,270 --> 01:05:38,160
‐ I don't want a life like this,
1468
01:05:38,160 --> 01:05:40,280
a life where all
your pleasure centers
1469
01:05:40,280 --> 01:05:44,540
get so dulled, this is what
you have to do for kicks.
1470
01:05:44,540 --> 01:05:47,800
♪
1471
01:05:47,800 --> 01:05:49,550
(slams rifle)
1472
01:05:49,550 --> 01:05:50,890
Fuck this life.
1473
01:05:50,890 --> 01:05:52,520
I'm taking him back home.
1474
01:05:52,520 --> 01:05:55,310
‐ Ah, but there's the rub, Ted.
1475
01:05:55,310 --> 01:05:58,820
You see, our Jim
is already at home.
1476
01:05:58,820 --> 01:06:01,830
His care facility
was delighted to place
1477
01:06:01,830 --> 01:06:03,290
this piece of driftwood
1478
01:06:03,290 --> 01:06:05,960
in a financially
sturdy household.
1479
01:06:05,960 --> 01:06:09,430
So, you can put him
out of his misery
1480
01:06:09,430 --> 01:06:12,010
or you can leave him
to the tender mercies
1481
01:06:12,010 --> 01:06:14,650
of Kiwi and myself,
1482
01:06:14,650 --> 01:06:16,440
but what you cannot do
1483
01:06:16,440 --> 01:06:18,900
is walk out of here with him.
1484
01:06:18,900 --> 01:06:22,160
♪
1485
01:06:22,160 --> 01:06:23,580
GAVIN [enthusiastically]:
I'll do it!
1486
01:06:23,580 --> 01:06:25,460
TED: No, no, no, no,
no, no. Gavin, stop!
1487
01:06:25,460 --> 01:06:27,420
Gavin, listen to me,
you gotta believe me,
1488
01:06:27,420 --> 01:06:29,220
this will not get
you what you want.
1489
01:06:29,220 --> 01:06:31,470
‐ Get the fuck outta my way
or I'll shoot you right now!
1490
01:06:31,470 --> 01:06:33,220
‐ Wait, wait, how do you
know it's the right one?
1491
01:06:33,220 --> 01:06:35,310
‐ Because this is the gun
this shitbird used
1492
01:06:35,310 --> 01:06:37,320
to shoot the flowers
in the hallway.
1493
01:06:37,320 --> 01:06:39,490
See, I pay attention to details.
1494
01:06:39,490 --> 01:06:42,070
"It's the little details
that are vital.
1495
01:06:42,070 --> 01:06:44,620
Little things make
big things happen."
1496
01:06:44,620 --> 01:06:47,590
UCLA men's basketball
coach John Wooden.
1497
01:06:47,590 --> 01:06:50,220
TED:
Oh my God, just kill me now.
1498
01:06:50,220 --> 01:06:51,300
‐ With pleasure.
1499
01:06:51,300 --> 01:06:52,800
(gunshot, screaming)
1500
01:06:52,800 --> 01:06:56,230
(Ted groaning)
1501
01:06:59,230 --> 01:07:01,610
‐ It's like this shit
is rigged against me!
1502
01:07:01,610 --> 01:07:04,120
ESSEX: Well, that's the
first astute observation
1503
01:07:04,120 --> 01:07:06,000
you've made all night.
1504
01:07:06,000 --> 01:07:09,250
Did you know that
antique rifle magazines
1505
01:07:09,250 --> 01:07:11,130
can be remotely switched
1506
01:07:11,130 --> 01:07:14,720
from blanks to live rounds?
1507
01:07:14,720 --> 01:07:16,890
Allow me to demonstrate.
1508
01:07:16,890 --> 01:07:18,360
Gavin, would you shoot
1509
01:07:18,360 --> 01:07:21,400
the African white rhinoceros
on the wall?
1510
01:07:21,400 --> 01:07:22,530
(button clicks)
1511
01:07:24,410 --> 01:07:26,040
(gunshot)
1512
01:07:28,630 --> 01:07:30,510
Excellent, now,
1513
01:07:30,510 --> 01:07:32,630
point your rifle at Ted.
1514
01:07:32,630 --> 01:07:34,850
(rifle reloading)
1515
01:07:37,100 --> 01:07:39,770
(gunshot, screaming)
1516
01:07:39,770 --> 01:07:42,110
It's the same
with the other gun.
1517
01:07:42,110 --> 01:07:46,290
Uh, Ted, would you take
a shot at the rhino?
1518
01:07:46,290 --> 01:07:48,880
(Ted groans)
1519
01:07:48,880 --> 01:07:50,420
(Ted sighs)
1520
01:07:50,420 --> 01:07:51,920
‐ [whispers]
Oh God.
1521
01:07:56,390 --> 01:07:58,390
(gunshot)
1522
01:07:58,390 --> 01:08:01,940
‐ [unamused]
Haha, very funny.
1523
01:08:01,940 --> 01:08:05,280
Now point your rifle at Gavin.
1524
01:08:07,790 --> 01:08:09,710
(gunshot, screaming)
1525
01:08:09,710 --> 01:08:12,250
(Kiwi laughing)
1526
01:08:12,250 --> 01:08:13,380
‐ Fuck!
1527
01:08:13,380 --> 01:08:16,560
ESSEX: Oh, I just
couldn't resist it!
1528
01:08:16,560 --> 01:08:18,390
I'm sorry, Gavin,
1529
01:08:18,390 --> 01:08:20,350
but you never had a chance!
1530
01:08:20,350 --> 01:08:22,940
I'd just as soon as
give the promotion
1531
01:08:22,940 --> 01:08:24,740
to this sack of yams.
1532
01:08:24,740 --> 01:08:28,120
No, tonight was all about Ted.
1533
01:08:28,120 --> 01:08:30,000
Smart, talented.
1534
01:08:30,000 --> 01:08:32,090
The only question
is whether or not
1535
01:08:32,090 --> 01:08:34,090
he could go the extra mile,
1536
01:08:34,090 --> 01:08:37,890
and for that we needed
cannon fodder.
1537
01:08:37,890 --> 01:08:40,390
‐ I was never in the running?
1538
01:08:40,390 --> 01:08:43,610
But I leveraged my entire future
1539
01:08:43,610 --> 01:08:45,150
to impress you!
1540
01:08:45,150 --> 01:08:47,030
Dodging debt collectors,
1541
01:08:47,030 --> 01:08:50,120
praying every day you'd
make me an executive!
1542
01:08:51,290 --> 01:08:53,300
[shouting]
I'm the one that can do it!
1543
01:08:53,300 --> 01:08:54,630
Switch it back, let me show you!
1544
01:08:54,630 --> 01:08:56,220
‐ No, no, no.
TATUM: Gavin, put it down.
1545
01:08:56,220 --> 01:08:57,760
‐ [shouting]
He really wants it, Ted!
1546
01:08:57,760 --> 01:08:59,020
You'd better kill the man!
1547
01:08:59,020 --> 01:09:00,270
TED:
Gavin, put it down.
1548
01:09:00,270 --> 01:09:02,020
‐ Just, I have to have
this, let me do it.
1549
01:09:02,020 --> 01:09:03,780
‐ No!
GAVIN: I want it more than you.
1550
01:09:03,780 --> 01:09:05,110
[hysterical]
I want it more than anything!
1551
01:09:05,110 --> 01:09:07,160
‐ He makes an
interesting argument!
1552
01:09:07,160 --> 01:09:08,490
‐ Goddamnit, Gavin!
1553
01:09:08,490 --> 01:09:09,910
ESSEX:
I'm reconsidering, Ted!
1554
01:09:09,910 --> 01:09:11,540
What are you gonna
do about this?
1555
01:09:11,540 --> 01:09:13,250
‐ Ted!
GAVIN: Just let me do it!
1556
01:09:13,250 --> 01:09:14,920
‐ Show me you're the kind of man
1557
01:09:14,920 --> 01:09:17,550
who can take his future
into his own‐‐
1558
01:09:17,550 --> 01:09:20,020
(gunshot, thud)
1559
01:09:25,820 --> 01:09:27,820
(exhales)
1560
01:09:27,820 --> 01:09:32,080
‐ "Brave solutions,
steadfast commitment."
1561
01:09:34,460 --> 01:09:35,880
‐ Holy shit.
1562
01:09:37,170 --> 01:09:39,680
Are you out of
your fucking minds?
1563
01:09:39,680 --> 01:09:42,390
I never signed up
for any of this!
1564
01:09:46,820 --> 01:09:48,570
‐ Wait, what?
1565
01:09:48,570 --> 01:09:50,950
[shouting]
What the fuck?
1566
01:09:50,950 --> 01:09:53,080
That whole thing was an act?
1567
01:09:53,080 --> 01:09:56,920
‐ It wasn't supposed
to happen like this.
1568
01:09:56,920 --> 01:09:58,300
‐ Are you fucking kidding me?
1569
01:09:58,300 --> 01:10:01,930
How long have you
been plotting this?
1570
01:10:01,930 --> 01:10:04,440
‐ You could've had it all.
1571
01:10:05,980 --> 01:10:08,070
You Podunk piece of trash
1572
01:10:08,070 --> 01:10:10,370
with your cheap fucking boots!
1573
01:10:10,370 --> 01:10:12,370
(gunshot, screams)
1574
01:10:26,980 --> 01:10:28,690
(soft music)
1575
01:10:28,690 --> 01:10:32,370
(Tatum breathing heavily)
1576
01:10:32,370 --> 01:10:34,250
TATUM:
Let's go home.
1577
01:10:34,250 --> 01:10:40,010
♪
1578
01:10:50,660 --> 01:10:52,410
DANIEL:
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
1579
01:10:52,410 --> 01:10:53,790
Is it safe to come out?
1580
01:10:53,790 --> 01:10:56,040
TED:
Hey, do you have any idea
1581
01:10:56,040 --> 01:10:57,290
how twisted you are?
1582
01:10:57,290 --> 01:10:59,630
This entire time you've
just been pretending‐‐
1583
01:10:59,630 --> 01:11:01,130
‐ Ted.
1584
01:11:01,130 --> 01:11:03,220
(dark music)
1585
01:11:03,220 --> 01:11:09,230
♪
1586
01:11:13,910 --> 01:11:16,370
‐ That's weird.
1587
01:11:16,370 --> 01:11:17,920
(Tatum screams)
1588
01:11:17,920 --> 01:11:21,420
♪
1589
01:11:21,420 --> 01:11:24,560
‐ What the fuck is this now?
1590
01:11:24,560 --> 01:11:27,060
(door creaking open)
1591
01:11:27,060 --> 01:11:29,070
♪
1592
01:11:29,070 --> 01:11:31,650
(vocalists chanting)
1593
01:11:31,650 --> 01:11:37,670
♪
1594
01:11:55,790 --> 01:11:57,200
WHITE HAIR:
For a while there,
1595
01:11:57,200 --> 01:12:00,210
we thought you were
one of us, Ted.
1596
01:12:00,210 --> 01:12:01,800
What a waste.
1597
01:12:01,800 --> 01:12:03,840
SECOND EXECUTIVE:
Some men just can't put
1598
01:12:03,840 --> 01:12:05,100
the boot on the throat
1599
01:12:05,100 --> 01:12:07,100
when they have
the other guy down.
1600
01:12:07,100 --> 01:12:08,810
THIRD EXECUTIVE:
Like Boris Becker
1601
01:12:08,810 --> 01:12:11,610
at Monte Carlo in '95.
1602
01:12:11,610 --> 01:12:13,860
Maddening.
1603
01:12:13,860 --> 01:12:15,620
DANIEL:
Hey, you said
1604
01:12:15,620 --> 01:12:17,490
they'd both be shooting blanks.
1605
01:12:17,490 --> 01:12:18,870
WHITE HAIR:
What can I say?
1606
01:12:18,870 --> 01:12:22,130
Essex expected Ted
to kill Gavin.
1607
01:12:22,130 --> 01:12:24,470
DANIEL: And what if he
decided to kill me?
1608
01:12:24,470 --> 01:12:27,600
WHITE HAIR: He was 90% sure
Ted wouldn't shoot you.
1609
01:12:27,600 --> 01:12:29,230
DANIEL:
How could you do that to me?
1610
01:12:29,230 --> 01:12:31,230
I've been pretending
to be a vegetable
1611
01:12:31,230 --> 01:12:33,480
every Friday night
for three years!
1612
01:12:33,480 --> 01:12:34,860
‐ We paid you handsomely
1613
01:12:34,860 --> 01:12:36,740
for your acting services,
didn't we?
1614
01:12:36,740 --> 01:12:38,080
MISSY:
I knew you looked familiar.
1615
01:12:38,080 --> 01:12:39,830
Did you do an episode
of General Hospital?
1616
01:12:39,830 --> 01:12:41,130
‐ Hold on, hold on.
1617
01:12:41,130 --> 01:12:44,630
So you...you saw what
happened in there.
1618
01:12:44,630 --> 01:12:47,890
WHITE HAIR:
We saw everything.
1619
01:12:47,890 --> 01:12:50,650
(dark music)
1620
01:12:50,650 --> 01:12:55,360
Do you have any idea
what you've done?
1621
01:12:55,360 --> 01:12:57,660
[shouting]
Any idea?
1622
01:12:57,660 --> 01:13:03,550
♪
1623
01:13:03,550 --> 01:13:05,720
You have eliminated
1624
01:13:05,720 --> 01:13:08,640
nearly $40 million
in salary and benefits
1625
01:13:08,640 --> 01:13:11,980
off our books for
the next fiscal year!
1626
01:13:11,980 --> 01:13:17,110
♪
1627
01:13:17,110 --> 01:13:18,370
Genius.
1628
01:13:18,370 --> 01:13:21,620
Why didn't I think of it?
1629
01:13:21,620 --> 01:13:23,880
THIRD EXECUTIVE:
Let's not forget Kiwi.
1630
01:13:23,880 --> 01:13:27,680
My Lord, that woman could
abuse an expense account.
1631
01:13:27,680 --> 01:13:29,050
‐ It's a miracle!
1632
01:13:29,050 --> 01:13:30,390
‐ A Christmas miracle!
1633
01:13:30,390 --> 01:13:33,560
WHITE HAIR:
Truly a Christmas miracle!
1634
01:13:33,560 --> 01:13:35,190
(executives laughing)
1635
01:13:35,190 --> 01:13:38,070
(Christmas music)
1636
01:13:38,070 --> 01:13:40,290
‐ Merry Christmas!
1637
01:13:40,290 --> 01:13:41,450
Woo‐hoo!
1638
01:13:41,450 --> 01:13:44,080
(laughing nervously)
1639
01:13:44,080 --> 01:13:47,050
Hello, happy holidays
to you, sir.
1640
01:13:47,050 --> 01:13:48,930
THIRD EXECUTIVE:
Thank you. Great choices.
1641
01:13:48,930 --> 01:13:49,930
(laughing)
1642
01:13:49,930 --> 01:13:51,390
What a wonderful evening, huh?
1643
01:13:51,390 --> 01:13:53,060
MISSY:
Pardon my husband's appearance.
1644
01:13:53,060 --> 01:13:55,020
It's just‐‐it's been a night.
1645
01:13:55,020 --> 01:13:56,070
(overlapping conversation)
1646
01:13:56,070 --> 01:13:57,700
‐ So it seems to me,
1647
01:13:57,700 --> 01:13:59,820
in light of everything
that's happened tonight,
1648
01:13:59,820 --> 01:14:02,200
there really is a vacancy
1649
01:14:02,200 --> 01:14:03,960
at the executive level.
1650
01:14:03,960 --> 01:14:06,920
♪
1651
01:14:06,920 --> 01:14:10,050
‐ True, I suppose there is.
1652
01:14:10,050 --> 01:14:11,930
And I think it's fair to say
1653
01:14:11,930 --> 01:14:15,730
that one of you has clearly
demonstrated themselves
1654
01:14:15,730 --> 01:14:19,110
to be Falconheart
executive material.
1655
01:14:19,110 --> 01:14:25,130
♪
1656
01:14:34,480 --> 01:14:36,820
(light jazz version of
"We Wish you a Merry Christmas")
1657
01:14:36,820 --> 01:14:39,110
TED:
Guillermo! What's up, buddy?
1658
01:14:39,110 --> 01:14:45,120
♪
1659
01:15:05,660 --> 01:15:08,040
How's that hand treatin' you?
1660
01:15:09,630 --> 01:15:10,970
(Ted chuckling)
1661
01:15:10,970 --> 01:15:12,850
You diddle your mother
with that finger?
1662
01:15:12,850 --> 01:15:14,470
‐ I'll diddle your mother.
1663
01:15:14,470 --> 01:15:16,270
TATUM:
Hey!
1664
01:15:16,270 --> 01:15:18,400
Boys.
1665
01:15:18,400 --> 01:15:19,900
Get to work.
1666
01:15:19,900 --> 01:15:21,740
(bright music)
1667
01:15:21,740 --> 01:15:27,750
♪
1668
01:15:48,920 --> 01:15:52,680
(vibrant music)
1669
01:15:52,680 --> 01:15:58,690
♪
1670
01:16:42,570 --> 01:16:45,820
(upbeat instrumental version of
"Hark! The Herald Angels Sing")
1671
01:16:45,820 --> 01:16:51,840
♪
115089
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