Original subtitles

Oh.

Whoo-hoo!

That's a good meal.

It's all new to me, all of it.

But I was raised for this type of situation.

Mm, man.

Oh, it's twisted up.

This is the real deal, people.

It is cold.

There's a lot of work to do.

One of these days.

Is this really worth it?

Season after season, they talk about drop shock.

But I didn't think that that meant

they would be rethinking their lives.

Just keep pushing.

That's all I got to do, just keep pushing.

Damn it.

All the things to do. It can get overwhelming.

Never had so much trouble

getting a fire going in my life.

But it's me second-guessing myself.

- Hey, bear.

Can't wait for daylight.

I'm not tapping out.

I'd rather die.

Here goes nothing.

Whoa!

Yes!

Holy [bleep].

This is the harshest location possible.

We're 125 miles in the Arctic Circle.

Never had an environment

make me feel like a complete amateur before.

Everything is against us out here.

Mother Nature went and bitch-slapped me.

Looks like got grizzlies and wolves as my neighbors.

Holy crap.

They're just hunting the shoreline.

Mother Nature is about to dim the lights on us.

We're heading into total darkness.

- Hey, bear.

The cold and the dark is going to sap people's souls.

Really makes you wonder if it's worth it.

There is no camera crew. There's no support system.

I'm completely alone.

Yes!

People go in one way...

Stop bleeding.

And they come out entirely different.

This is the most difficult survival challenge

in the world.

Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!

$500,000.

That's completely life-changing money.

It's beautiful.

Whoever can thrive the longest.

Stay out here, you ought to be afraid of me.

- Whoever can push through...

Wins.

I hope I've made the right choice coming out here.

Morning.

You ever peed in a gas can?

It's actually quite handy, because...

it was really cold last night and windy.

Didn't even have to leave my shelter to take a leak.

Super classy.

Yeah.

If it wasn't for this sleeping bag,

last night would have been...

Would have been really tough.

That wind just kind of goes through you, so.

Yeah, we got to get moving on that other shelter.

Today is a get-stuff-done kind of day.

I don't want to get sucked down that rabbit hole

to where all I can think about is my shelter.

But right now, it's hard for me to ignore it

because winter is coming.

It's coming hard, and I have to be prepared.

All these willows and alders are sure turning yellow.

So the plan for all this is attempting to make

the warmest shelter that this show's seen.

So we're gonna be cutting out

a pretty good section of this hill.

I want to build a super shelter.

I want a large frame.

And it's just gonna get colder and colder and colder.

So what I think I'm gonna do is

a 10x10 or a 10x13 frame.

Then I'll be able to start adding walls to the inside

to provide more insulation as it gets colder.

So I can keep working on my shelter

even as the winter starts to set in.

But you got to keep in mind

we are...

I think 125 miles above the Arctic Circle.

It's about to get really cold.

Be nice once I finish the shelter,

won't have to worry so much about animals.

And this place is gonna be bomb-proof.

I'm not sure how many calories I'm burning,

but it's definitely more than I'm putting in.

So I just got to be slow--

a little slower with my movements.

Still get it done, but think it through.

Don't waste-- don't waste any energy.

This shelter, it's gonna be a challenge, for sure.

But nothing's harder than what I've already been through.

The most devastatingly terrible time in my life

was when my brother was killed by a distracted driver.

I think about Josh every day.

I haven't healed barely at all.

For me, it's just an open wound.

I try to be the tough one of the family

and handle certain things

that I don't think that they should have to see.

Like can someone go get the stuff out of his car?

But washing your brother's blood off your hands

isn't something you easily get out of your head.

But as a result,

you can't throw a challenge at me

that's gonna be harder than what I've already endured.

I'm gonna drink some water and take a break.

That's one sloppy-looking gillnet.

Gillnet deployment.

I'm sure there's a lot of people looking at

this gillnet right now saying,

"Dub, that thing looks...

like absolute garbage."

And I tend to agree with you, if that's what you're saying.

But it's gonna work.

Come on, baby.

Get down there.

It's just not sinking.

Come on, dude.

, that looks like [bleep].

Put that right there.

There we go.

Bet you there's a fish in that tomorrow.

Oh, yeah.

I feel very good about this.

But I'm starting to get delirious

'cause I'm so damn hungry.

I spent some time making this shelter.

It's semi-safe from grizzly attacks.

That's good enough for me.

So now I need to start focusing on food.

What was I getting?

I was getting my fishing lure right here.

Haven't had food to cook yet.

Just mushrooms, lots of berries.

I need some fish, man.

All right, we're live.

Food procurement day has officially begun.

I am extremely confident in my fishing.

When I was a fly fishing guide, I mean, I never,

in 15 solid years of taking

hundreds and hundreds of people,

never did I have somebody not catch a fish.

Ooh, something's coming. I can see its wake.

Come on, eat it, eat it.

Dammit.

Holy [bleep].

There's ducks coming.

.

Dang, I could have shot.

But, man, I would have been risking my arrow.

Maybe I should have just kept my mouth shut,

they might have landed right here.

Oh, dude.

Oh, [bleep].

There's something moving in the river over there.

Dude.

There's definitely something moving in the river.

Whatever it is, I want it.

Oh!

Oh.

.

Missed it.

. I need that arrow.

.

No.

Dude, I might have to swim for that.

OK.

I'm getting that damn arrow.

I cannot lose that arrow.

I'll literally have one flu-flu left.

Ah, it's gonna be so cold.

Oh.

Ooh.

Ooh!

this.

Oh.

What a disaster.

I got the arrow.

That was such an easy opportunity at ducks, dude.

I blew it.

Oh, I freaking blew it.

All three of those ducks...

were at about ten yards or less.

Super easy shot.

For some reason,

I kept waiting for that last one to clear the log,

thinking maybe I could hit two of them with one shot.

So I didn't--

that was a spur-of-the-moment bad decision.

I should have just shot the one duck.

And I would be plucking it right now.

That adrenaline rush is what gets you, man.

That's what hunters are addicted to.

I'm just glad I got my damn arrow.

All right, let's go back to fishing.

Until another opportunity presents itself.

All right, guys.

There it is.

Our table's done.

Now I can lay my stuff up here and not lose it.

Awesome.

Let's go here, smoke this squirrel.

Got him.

Little feller.

Right in the head.

All right, guys.

Today, in Dusty's soup kitchen...

we are having another fuzzy butt.

Nah, nah, nah!

My belly's been hurting since this morning.

I don't know what's going on there.

I think I'm just hungry.

What we're gonna do here,

run your knife through here...

like so.

You pull his britches and his shirt off.

Don't get no hair in it.

Try not to. You will get hair on it, though.

Can't really keep from it.

Tear the little head off.

You know what that's gonna be for...

bait.

Pull his legs out.

Like my grandpa showed me how to skin squirrel.

All right, now you take your thumb and pointer finger there

and you squeeze real hard and pull, and there's his tail.

I haven't got any fish, but...

All right. That's that, guys.

He's skinned up, ready to stick on a stick and roast.

But first...

What we're gonna do here--

ooh, me.

Nice fish hook.

And we'll sit here and file this down a little bit.

Maybe I can sew with it.

So far, I've got four squirrels,

and I'm not about wasting.

Get some of our moss...

We're gonna cram it down in Old Fuzzy Tail's britches here.

So I want to use every bit of it.

Just like so.

Just stuff him full here.

My first memory in nature is

I remember my grandpa taking me out squirrel hunting.

I mean we could have shot I don't know how many squirrels.

But we sit there and just enjoyed watching them.

Oh, yeah, that works.

It's just enjoyment of nature itself.

It's wonderful.

Y'alls heard of a hacky sack?

Well, here's my squirrely sack.

I got to do it. I'm sorry.

Perfect.

All right.

Hey, guys.

So I'm here on the edge of the lake.

I've got my duck decoys out.

And I'm waiting for a duck to come.

There's some ducks over there.

I'm gonna pack up and then start picking some berries.

I still haven't caught any protein.

I'm moving the fish net around

and I haven't found a good spot for it yet.

So I'm a little concerned.

I need more food.

I was just thinking, traditionally,

Cree people were nomadic.

And they would keep moving camp

until they found a suitable

fishing, hunting, or gathering area.

But then, of course, the treaties came in.

And the treaties forced the Cree people

to certain areas of land called reservations.

Mostly, they were not ideal pieces of land.

I was thinking of that because

I wish that I could keep moving

and find a better fishing spot.

But alas, I'm here.

I was given this plot of land, and this is where I must stay.

OK, so this is really exciting.

I am out here berry picking,

and I keep seeing this like, dead plant

that looks very familiar.

And then I realize...

this right here is burdock.

And burdock has an edible root.

So I got myself a digging stick,

and I'm going to dig it.

These roots are full of carbohydrates.

They're a really good source of energy for me.

So they've got these yellow taproots

that I can cook up and eat.

Ever since I was a child,

I've always loved having my hands in the mud.

That's just where I'm most happy at.

It's valuable that I know all these plants,

and I've taken so many years to study them

because these plants are going to feed me and heal me.

I really need these plants right now.

So there you go.

Some burdock root. Oh, my gosh, my hands.

That's what you get when you dig.

OK, let's go back and then cook up some roots.

I'm just working on a quick hand line

so I can do some fishing today.

This will work.

All right, I'm just gonna work on this fishing lure.

Got two good hooks.

Got paracord to make my gillnet,

which I'm gonna start, probably not--ah, maybe today.

Today or tomorrow.

All I need is one fish.

Once I get one fish, then I can use it as bait.

I've had, so far, nothing but food failures.

But I'm trying not to let it discourage me.

I just need one success.

Just one success, and I will feel much better.

This lure will have two treble hooks on it.

A treble hook is like three fishing hooks stuck together,

all sort of facing away from each other.

So no matter how the fish bites your lure,

it's gonna get stuck on one of those hooks.

OK. There we go.

All right, should we try it out? Let's do it.

One of my best survival skills would be fishing.

I've been fishing since I was a little kid.

You know, my dad used to take me fishing.

It's hard to explain what it is about fishing that I love.

It's kind of the thrill, you know.

You never know when you reel that rod in,

you know, it's like a chase.

It's a game, us versus them.

If there's water with fish in it,

I am 100% confident that I could catch a fish.

I'll take a few casts.

I'm probably down five pounds already.

I just need to catch that one fish.

Once I can set some lines out with bait on it,

then the fish are just gonna roll in.

Oh, God.

Did you see that?

This land takes a lot out of you.

I'm really hoping that I won't fall into

this sort of dreadfulness

where I feel like nothing is working

and then I just keep, like, failing at things.

I don't consider myself to be

a overly emotional human being.

But there's something about being out here,

surviving on your own, that makes you feel.

It's probably a good thing.

I don't think I felt enough before.

When I was a kid, I lived with my mom.

She loved having fun, you know?

Her and her boyfriend fell into some tough times,

and I was exposed to a lot of bad habits

and not nice people for a few years of my life.

Didn't last too long.

She was able to get herself out of that situation.

But for a few years there, that was tough.

And that experience really taught me that you--

you know, you're bombarded by these feelings

and you just want to not feel them anymore.

And as a parent, I want to protect my kids from sadness,

from grief, just by encouraging them

to put those emotions away, which is what I do to myself.

Oh.

Got one.

Get up here.

Oh, it's a pike. It's a pike, it's a pike!

No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, I need you.

Oh, wow!

Look. I got it.

I got a pike.

Oh, my God.

Oh.

Yes.

Oh, finally. Finally got a pike.

Oh.

You're not going anywhere. You're--you're mine.

Oh.

Oh, this pike is huge.

It's five days of feeling like all I do is fail.

Pike soup for dinner.

Late night pike soup.

I'm gonna get maybe four--

four setlines out tonight hopefully before it gets dark.

And then I'm gonna check the setlines tomorrow.

I think we're gonna be on a roll from now on.

I get one of these a day, I'm here forever.

Good morning, everybody.

It's feeling like a damn good day for some food.

Not sure how we're gonna get it yet,

but I know we're gonna get it.

It's chilly out.

But the first item

on the agenda is to check the gillnet.

I've bet my life fishing and teaching people fishing.

And I've not caught fish yet.

It's frustrating.

So I'm hoping for a steady pike supply in the gillnet,

cause I'm really hungry.

Lookit.

Whiskey jacks coming in. Coming in hot

and they're peeping my gillnet net hard, dude.

That's a good sign. They're on my gillnet.

What the hell, man?

They like something over there.

Let's go see what it likes.

We might have a fish in there, brah.

We might have a pike.

Oh. I see a fish head, dude.

Boom.

Boomshakalaka.

Check that out.

That's a big lunker.

Right there, baby.

Hell yes.

Gillnet works.

I'm excited to finally have fish to eat.

Sweet [bleep], that's a big pike.

It's hard when you're under constant pressure all day,

every day to provide food, to provide fire,

to make sure my shelter is good.

Everything that is involved with survival is hard,

and it's on your back at all times.

It never goes away.

All right, Wyatt.

Challenging you to the big pike contest.

I don't know who's winning.

I think it's a close-- it's a close call, man.

Look at that beauty.

Ooh! Big dog.

Get my pot, and we'll cook him up.

I'll take this over a duck any day.

Wow!

I'm gonna scale it first.

When it comes down to it,

it's just me competing against me.

Can I take it?

Can I be the last one to tap?

This'll be half the pike in this pot.

That's a lot of calories.

That's a frickin' lot of meat.

You notice a lot of times on the show,

a lot of people decide to try to preserve food.

And inevitably, animals get it.

So my strategy is to eat my food and not stash it.

I think the best place for my food to be safe is in my body.

At the end of the day, the more I get into my body,

the longer I last.

Let's eat.

Oh, my word.

Please just get into my mouth.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, dude.

That's so good.

Make way!

That'll do, pig.

This project is taking

a little more time than I would like,

but it's got to be done, it's got to be done.

You got to set these posts.

And then we can put the support beams across.

Let's get it.

I am starting out with digging some holes

for the four corner posts.

Pretty close.

I'm gonna need the main frame to be pretty strong

because there's gonna be a lot of weight going on it

just because of all the insulation,

everything I'm adding.

so it needs to be pretty hefty.

You know what? That's just about good.

The shelter's coming along.

It's turning out pretty good, I think.

It's a lot of work, but winter's coming.

Huh.

I have to be careful here

because season after season after season,

a lot of people go home because they spend

way too much time working on their shelter.

But everyone who's a fan of the show knows Rock House

because of how much it stood out.

And I think I can outdo it.

But this is a huge caloric expenditure.

The amount of work that I've put into the shelter

and the lack of calories I have right now,

this isn't sustainable.

Cool.

But any edge that I can get to try to win,

gonna do it.

I'm gonna do a quick tripod.

Gonna cut some wood.

Ain't gonna be fancy.

All right.

That's not bad.

I can hear something.

Every time I see a squirrel, they disappear.

Let's take a look.

Squirrel still just snacking in those trees.

Got him. Got him, got him, got him, got him,

got him, got him, got him!

Yes!

Got one.

Yeah.

Tiny little guy.

Here, wait. Uh...

let me get my--

Let me get my hat, so I look like a big game hunter.

This hat belonged to my brother, Josh.

Tell you one thing, my brother would have loved this.

I'm gonna clean him up and throw him in the pot.

When I shot him, I shot him in one of his front arms.

So I might actually spare one of the arms

and use it for bait.

Maybe we'll be able to catch a pike off of some of him.

There you go.

It is time to cook that squirrel.

I said it before that God doesn't speak to you more

when you're outdoors, it's just easier to hear him.

I didn't come here to talk to God.

I came here so I could hear my brother.

Positive my brother is watching.

100%.

I'm really looking forward to eating.

I think it's important to try to enjoy

certain moments like these.

We've been trying so much to have a baby.

We finally had Caroline. We're still trying.

But Caroline was a miracle that we had her.

Really was.

And everything goes from miscarriage

to miscarriage to miscarriage

and then two days before I left to come here,

had another miscarriage.

Stuff just sucks.

Sometimes you just need a win, you know?

Winning $500,000 would be huge to my wife and I,

because our daughter was born through IVF,

and that's a pretty expensive process.

It set us back, financially, pretty far.

If we want more kids,

the only way that we could afford to do it

is for me to win.

And so I can't afford to lose.

Let's go work for maybe another hour, call it a day.

Is it just me, or does it look like

that line might be moving?

Think we got a fish.

We got a fish, we got a fish, we got a fish.

Come on, come on, come on, come on.

Got him! Oh, yeah!

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

! Oh, no!

No, no, no, no, no!

Oh! Are you kidding me?

Ah!

Oh, are you kidding me?

I caught a pike.

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, man.

I'm one lucky guy.

Man, today is the day.

Ooh-wee.

All right, gillnet time.

Over, and over, and over again,

until we are done.

I put a lot of effort into this gillnet.

I really hope it pays off.

All right. Let's go check our gillnets and our setlines.

Got us that pike yesterday.

If there was a fish in here, I'm gonna have to definitely

consider the idea of building a smoker.

So I've got enough food for today already.

Well, there's definitely something on that setline.

Oh, my God. It's--it's a baby pike.

Let me check the gillnet.

Oh, there's a fish in my net, too.

This is great.

What's that?

That's a pike.

Something on this one, too.

Oh, yeah. Come on, come on.

What the-- it's a burbot!

Got a burbot.

Look at the size of this burbot.

Oh, that is so cool.

I'm working up a sweat. It is warm.

I'm gonna take off my sweater.

And what's on the setline?

Oh, my God!

Oh--whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Where you going? Where you going?

Oh, my God. Definitely need a smoker.

One more line to check.

Oh, it's just as big.

Oh, no. He got off.

No, no, no, no, no. Nope, nope, nope.

You're not going nowhere.

Yes!

I'm gonna say I've got 20 pounds of meat right now.

This is the biggest pike I've ever seen.

Look at the teeth...

On that pike. Do you see them?

Told you I just needed that one fish.

Well, I like when my day plans itself.

All right, let's get these fish up,

get to working on a smoker.

I wasn't expecting to get so much food so quickly.

That's a bit overwhelming.

I've caught five fish today.

And it's kind of like,

yes, I want to catch all those fish,

but it's also, like, a lot of work to keep them preserved.

So I'm just gonna build a teepee style smoker,

and then I'll weave some willows into it

and cover it with moss

and repurpose my raincoat for the top.

Just gonna use snare wire to suspend the fish from.

You know, my biggest concern now is

keeping this food from spoiling

and keeping it safe from bears.

Before, I wasn't worried about bears,

but now everything smells like fish

and I'm worried that that will attract predators.

I need to get these fish preserved,

and I need to build a way to keep them

out of reach of bears and other animals.

And I need to make sure that I'm managing the scent

and that I don't bring it back to my shelter with me.

Those fish are gonna be necessary for the long run.

You got to catch fish early

and preserve them for the winter.

I'm gonna have to build like, a real door for it,

but I think this will be good for tonight.

I'm exhausted.

And I've got all night

because I've got to stay up with the smoker,

so I'll be up for a long time.

Whoa!

Oh, yeah.

Good morning.

I'm gonna go and cook up a fish for breakfast.

But first of all, I'm gonna go and check my rabbit snares.

I get excited over nature because

I grew up in a really remote community and...

there was just nothing else to do.

There was no, like, game halls or movie theaters,

just a fish plant and houses and that was it, so...

I got two rabbit snares over here.

Oh.

Just look what I got here.

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

Look at that. That is a beautiful rabbit.

Oh.

First rabbit here in the north land,

200 kilometers north of the Arctic Circle.

Whoo-whoo!

Look at that.

Oh. Two meals, there.

Whoo.

In my community, nature brought life to people.

You're hunting and you're fishing all the time,

and this is the same food

you're bringing back into your house.

And so nature is a provider, like a joint garden.

Yes, sir.

You look after nature,

nature will always feed you back.

Marvelous. Just marvelous.

Dig a hole down in there.

And you see, I got birch bark in there

to keep it dry from the rain.

Put rocks on the outside of it

and stick the end of a tree in there as well.

This will be good for a few days yet.

Oh, breakfast.

Breakfast of berries.

Mmm.

I love berries.

And then...

I have a bunch of root soup.

Ugh.

It just has a strange flavor when you eat it like that.

Ah.

OK.

Now I have a full belly.

Well, I'm off to check the fishnet.

Hopefully there's a fish

and I can eat something other than berries and roots.

There's just limits to my body

and limits to the amount of calories that I have.

So I really hope that I can get a fish soon.

Let's see.

I have a fish in my net, guys.

I have a fish.

Holy [bleep].

There's a fish in the net.

Oh.

Look at that!

Oh.

Whoo.

Check it out, people.

I got a monster pike.

It's beautiful.

Thank you.

, Creator.

Wow.

I'm so grateful. I'm happy that I've got food.

Oh, man. I've been waiting for this.

There's something special about this place.

It feels like home in a way.

There's something about it

that I remember deep in my memories,

that I've been here before somehow.

In a way, we're all Indigenous people.

We all come from a background of living off the land.

So we're all part of it.

I feel kind of sick.

If I'm gonna puke, I better puke away from the fish.

Ugh. [bleep].

Ugh, my berry breakfast. And roots.

Well, maybe the fish will like that.

First puke of "Alone."

Oh.

I think I ate those roots too fast today.

Well, I feel slightly better.

Oh, man.

But it might come back.

Oh, that sucks.

OK, first thing is the fish head soup.

So you got to cut off the fish head.

I want to eat the fish head first

because it has the most fat.

Full of a lot of nutrients that need right now.

Would you like to know how to properly de-bone a jackfish?

Here you go.

So first thing is...

you find the center back line and cut along here.

OK. And then you feel along the middle here.

You can see these tiny, little white dots.

That is the center bone.

So start cutting along it.

With this fish, I feel physically

I can stay out here, I can keep going,

I can push myself more.

I can keep living here.

My first fish of the Mackenzie River Delta.

We are back in business.

I am so proud and I want to be a role model

not just for my family, but for my whole community.

I want to inspire them to get out into the land

and spark something in people to really push themselves.

All right, there's my first processed fish.

It's a big jackfish. I've got it all cut up.

Now I'm gonna go back to my shelter.

And then I'm gonna make a soup.

All right. Let's build us a ladder.

Keep the food out of the way of the animals.

I'm constantly worried about the smell attracting bears.

So I'm just gonna cut a real basic notch in here.

Just to hold the rung in place while I lash it.

Oh, I'm so tired.

I don't know if it's 'cause I'm working,

you know, 18 hours a day 'cause of the extra sunlight,

or if I'm not sleeping.

But here, you don't get breaks.

You're foraging, you're fishing,

you're hunting, you're building.

You're just constantly busy.

Ow.

Oh, that's a bleeder.

All right. Let's see what the damage is.

I don't know why it's bleeding so much.

I don't think it's that bad.

You know, if I was at home, my son would be in the room

asking me if I was OK and if I needed any help.

He's such an empathetic guy.

OK, now I got a Band-Aid on this one

and get back to work.

My son, Ethan, he's a very honest kid.

Not just like, telling the truth,

but he's very like, emotionally honest,

and I'm the opposite.

Oh, sorry if I sound bummed-out and tired all the time.

I'm usually a much, you know, funnier guy.

It's just exhausting, man.

I've always been the kind of person who, like,

doesn't want to show feelings.

So it's a bit weird seeing him express those feelings.

And a lot of times, I'll just try to get him to stop.

Looks like a ladder to me.

Because I think that encouraging him

to not show those emotions is the same as not having them.

Maybe if he can bury those things like I do,

then he won't be sad anymore.

I don't know if that's the right decision,

but it's a way for me to protect him.

All right.

One rickety ladder.

Oh, God, my pants are so blood-stained.

Let's go check my setlines.

I hope I have some more success with those.

I think the hardest thing out here is

just worrying about what's gonna happen next.

You wake up, you work until you go to bed,

but it's never enough.

You always got to do more work,

and you're always worrying about

what's gonna happen the next day.

Let's see what we got.

Oh, no.

Oh. I pulled him in too slow.

I lost that fish.

Let's check the next one.

Just not thinking straight. It's bizarre.

I think one of the hardest challenges

I've faced since becoming an adult

is trying to figure out how to be a good parent,

how to be a good dad for my kids.

It's pretty stressful knowing that every decision you make

is gonna impact them somehow.

You only get one chance.

And knowing that you only get one chance

is what makes being a parent so hard.

Let's try this one.

I'll try to pull this one a little faster.

There's definitely a fish on it.

Let's see what we have for breakfast.

My family means everything to me.

Everything I do, I think about,

what can I show my kids?

What example can I be for my kids?

Oh.

No? Nothing?

Oh.

All right, last one. Let's go check the last one.

And now I feel like I'm questioning,

am I treating them correctly? Am I helping them?

And my son, he feels big feelings,

and I've never been able to relate

or empathize with him.

I feel terrible.

I feel this overwhelming sense of failure.

Come on. Oh.

Nothing? Oh, no.

These emotions are taking over my mind.

Let's get back to camp.

Hang out in the shelter for a bit.

I'm trying to fight those feelings.

But it's hard.

It's like all the barriers that I've been putting up

to stop myself from feeling this way don't work here.

I have no control over my mind right now.

It's just being constantly flooded

by these feelings of just sadness and grief.

And it's just getting worse and worse.

There's nothing I can do to stop it.

Is it on? OK, good.

Just sitting by the river.

Some ducks in the water.

I came out here to test my survival skills,

and I think they're good.

My shelter is warm, my bed is comfortable,

my belly is full of fish.

But my heart, man, my heart is so empty.

Emotionally weak.

But what this is doing to me emotionally,

I can't handle every day.

It's weird, being someone who's always kept things inside.

And to have, like, eight days of just

complete emotional release, I was absolutely not--

not ready or expecting this.

Been married 15 years.

She's never seen me cry.

I'm gonna come clean.

I've cried every day since coming here.

I'm concerned it's just gonna keep getting worse

to the point where I can't function when I get home.

I need to be there for my family

and I need to fix my relationship with them.

And I feel like all those things are at risk

right now if I stay out here.

It's time to go home, I think.

Hi, this is Peter.

I'm officially tapping out.

Oh, well, you know, I came out here

because I wanted to put my survival skills to the test.

And--and it did.

And I think-- I think my skills succeeded.

It's just I was not at all prepared

for the emotional challenge of being out here.

Nothing's ever triggered anything like this,

but this experience just brought all those old memories

and all those suppressed feelings to the surface,

and I never spent any time in my life

ever trying to cope with them or managing them.

I just hid them. And now--now they're here.

I never thought that I would ever give up.

I thought that I was good enough to be out here forever.

And I didn't think I would defeat myself out here.

I guess the only one who can defeat me is me, I guess.

It's sad, just thinking that, like,

if I had just not been the kind of person

who was ashamed of feeling sadness,

none of this would be happening

and I'd still be out there.

But I feel like I've let myself down

and I feel like all of these things

that are happening to me right now are my own fault.

But I feel more like a complete human now.

I feel more like a well-rounded human

than I was before.

I've gone from elite survival robot to human.

This experience changed all of that.

From now on, I'm not going to bury emotions.

I think I'm going to bring them out.

And I'm going to deal with them as they come.

I think this is gonna help me better understand my son.

Him knowing that he can express feelings to me

without being judgmental or not understanding,

I think that'll bring us even closer.

There's no other circumstances that

would have led to me coming to any of these realizations.

It was necessary to come out here and be alone

and to discover all these things.

People are gonna look at this

and they're gonna see someone who quit on day eight

and they're gonna think that

it's an issue with survival.

But I think that most people don't realize is that

"Alone" isn't a show about survival.

"Alone" is a show about people

who just happened to be surviving completely alone.

And when you view the show in that lens,

you realize it's about ten humans

and how they're coping with themselves.

Then you truly understand what the show is about.

I'm not worried about being judged.

I just need to be better for my family...

And I'm happy with that.

What I'm gonna do to wash my clothes,

I'm just gonna boil them.

Just drop 'em in there for a minute.

Ah, [bleep]!

Oh, my god. Empty.

It's one thing getting food.

But looking after it is almost a bigger challenge.

God, please help me kill this moose.