Original subtitles

Oh, look at you all dressed up.

I got a date.

-Hey, check this tie out, huh? -Oh, sure.

I think this lady's got a thing for ties.

Really?

Or is it Thai food?

C.J.; Could you not ride the scooter in the house?

Things you never thought you'd say to a 35-year-old man.

Listen, just put some fat tires on her.

I want to see how she corners.

Hey, guys. Rory, how was the minimart?

Yeah; How's your slurpee/gas/hot dog girl?

She also develops film.

And, no, I didn't see her

because these two wouldn't take me.

Oh, girls.

What? We ran out of time. We had to get outkast tickets.

Don't you remember what I told you when I bought the new car?

You can share the minivan,

but you have to drive your brother around, too.

We did! We drove him around all day.

Not to the minimart.

Look, you guys, I am working full time,

I'm trying to run the house, and I'm trying to have a life.

This is the one thing you could do

that would make my life easier.

This is why you should have given me the car.

I would have driven the lad to the ends of the earth.

C.J.; We've been all over this.

But I really need a car.

The scooter's fine, but it's tough to pick up chicks.

It's not impossible,

it's just they have to be a certain height

and wearing a helmet when I meet them.

Look, I'm trying to teach them to be responsible.

It's not working out real well.

Okay, I'm out of here.

-Me too! -Where are you going?

Picking up a friend at the airport. Door me!

Mom; Can you take me to the minimart?

Oh... Actually, no, honey,

I'm late for the Book Club and I'm bringing the beer.

But I'm sure one of your sisters

would use her driving turn to take you.

Yeah, mom, I can't. I'm really busy...

Like I said, one of your sisters will take you.

Love ya!

So, which one of you ho's is taking me?

Kerry... after she drops me off at Tanya's party.

Actually, I'm not going to waste my turn on a Rory run.

I am going to walk to Heather's,

and she will drive me to the library. See ya!

Minimart time, dog. Let's hit it!

Uh, no, I'm not wasting my turn on you, either.

I'll walk down to Erica's.

She'll drive me to Tanya's party.

Hey, go hang those on the hook...

If you can reach.

Hello?

Dude, I've been trying to get there all day!

She's wearing what?

No, I'm not afraid to talk to her...

I don't have a ride.

Hello?

Yeah, I went.

I'm just getting back.

Are you kidding? She was all over me.

I ordered a large, and she charged me for a small.

Damn, I spilled.

Let me call you back.

Hey, buddy! What's going on?

Nothing.

Step away from the vehicle.

It was like that when I found it.

Uh-huh. Come on!

I smell slurpee...

And foot-longs...

And gas...

And film.

I didn't go to the minimart.

Who said anything about the minimart?

Fine. You caught me.

I drove to the minimart,

and when I got back, I hit the garage.

You drove?! That's awesome, dude...

I mean, oh, my God!

What am I gonna do, C.J.?

-Skip town. -What?

Yeah, a life riding the rails is its own reward.

I don't want to be a hobo!

Nobody wants to be a hobo, dude.

What if I just go to mom and tell her the truth?

Well, it would make her proud.

And it is the mature thing to do.

Run! I'll meet you in Reno!

Hey, dad!

Hi, babe!

How was your Book Club?

Oh, my God.

We just went on and on and on all night

and then fought over the ending.

How was your date?

Pretty much the same.

I'll get the paper.

Hey, dude.

About last night with the car...

The more I think about it,

the more I think we handled it badly.

Me too.

I'm just gonna tell mom.

Yeah; That's smart 'cause you can't run away from this thing.

It's not like income taxes or the army.

Here I go.

Just remember two things...

a) It was a total and complete accident,

and b) I had nothing to do with it.

[Cate:] What the hell happened to the minivan?!

Start with "b".

This is the most irresponsible thing

anyone in this family has ever done!

Mom; Can I say something?

Rory; Not now.

All right! Which one of you girls wrecked the car?

-I swear it wasn't me. -Me either.

Okay, fine.

Just lie about it and make it worse.

Didn't we teach you honesty in this house?

-Mom; I really want to... -Rory, please.

Did you really think that you could get away with this?

Mom; I didn't do it.

I went to the library with Heather,

and she drove... ask my friends.

Oh, ask her friends... Like they won't lie for her.

So where were you?

Tanya's party. Ask my friends.

Mom; please, I really want to...

Honey, please.

All right, so this is the way it's gonna be?

Well, you're both grounded.

-Mom! -What about the concert?!

Oh, that's right.

You're supposed to go to a concert.

You're not going to any concert,

and neither one of you is driving!

-Mom! -Mom!

In fact, let's try this...

I'm gonna put C.J. in charge of the minivan,

and he can drive Rory around to wherever he needs to go.

Now, sweetheart...

Sweetheart, what did you want to say?

Me and C.J. Are going to the minimart.

Anybody need anything?

Hello, innocent one. Hello, guilty one.

To whom am I speaking?

I don't know.

-She's the guilty one. -She is.

Oh, I can see we're making progress.

This is so unfair!

Yes, it is.

Being grounded...

Losing privileges...

Not being able to go see outkast

perform their chart-topping hits

like "Hey ya!" And...

"Roses."

This is just so unfair... For one of you.

-Me! -Me!

I don't know what would be more maddening...

The guilt of having known I'd done it,

or the anger at being hung out to dry by my very own sister.

Must be unbearable.

Toodles.

You know, it is so obvious what happened.

Yeah, mom wrote the name of that song on her hand.

No, you got a ride to Tanya's party,

then you snuck back here and took the car.

Oh! Like I could ever think of something that smart.

Oh, right, that's proof enough for me...

-I must have done it! -I knew it!

-I didn't do it, you idiot! -I'm not an idiot!

Then maybe you are smart enough to think of that plan.

Oh, I'm not falling for that one...

I'm an idiot!

This is unbelievable.

Something actually went my way.

I mean, I've read about it, and I've heard about it,

but I've never actually experienced it.

I think this is what the fortunate people call "Good luck."

And I could get used to it, too! Ha ha!

Hey, ladies!

Oh, don't laugh. It's paid for!

Dude, come on.

Dude, come on, you were brilliant back there.

We're doing the right thing, aren't we?

Of course! I mean, technically,

we should have some Bettys in the back seat, but...

No, it's just, this morning you thought I should confess.

Well, that was before the Gods handed you this gift.

Buddy; Nobody gets off the hook like this.

-So I shouldn't feel guilty? -No!

When the Gods hand you a gift, you never turn it down.

You don't anger the Gods. All right?

For the record, I told the kid to 'fess up.

You're right, this is pretty cool.

And if you ever hook up with that slurpee girl,

you'll want access to some wheels

to take her around in, right?

She's pretty hot, huh?

She's a looker.

I don't know how to impress her.

I mean, I'm already eating nine hot dogs a day.

Yeah? Hmm, that should work.

I don't know. What does she like?

Maybe, you know, get her a gift.

Well, she loves outkast, but the show's sold out.

I got it!

Get those scratchers, man, you know?

Every girl loves a millionaire.

What?

Come on, the Gods are with us right now.

Give it a shot.

Oh, check that out... A beautiful girl in a helmet.

The one day I don't need her.

Okay. Okay, I have a plan.

Say for the sake of argument, neither one of us did it.

Okay, listen.

It's stupid for both of us to be getting punished.

If one of us confesses, at least the other one can go to the concert.

True. I'm just wondering with this little plan of yours

which one of us confesses?

Yes, yes, that is the tricky part, my friend.

But I think I may have a solution.

What number am I thinking of?

- 4 -Damn!

Two out of three.

- 4 -Damn!

Okay, all right.

I'm gonna go confess.

- 4.

Ugh!

Uh, no, I'm sorry, Tanya,

but Bridget's not allowed to talk on the phone.

For how long?

Well, that's really up to her.

Uh, no, honey, I haven't seen your retainer,

but I'll look.

I suppose you have a reason to leave your room?

Let's just say, hypothetically,

one of us was to confess.

How would you feel?

I'd be angry.

But I'd be proud that one of you did the right thing.

And might you be grateful that this brave person

had finally straightened out this whole mess?

I'd be very grateful.

And might you be so proud and grateful

that you would let this generous soul go to the concert?

Bridget; If you have something to say,

just come out and say it.

This is killing me.

Kerry did it.

So, what's up, grandpa?

You're in a good mood.

Well, why not? The gods are smiling on me.

That's great. That's great.

What do you know about this?

That's, uh, a spaw.

-Spaw? -Yeah

A combination spoon-straw.

You're talking crazy, son.

Everybody knows that's a stroon.

Okay, we're done here.

Not quite so fast.

You know, I came in from my date last night,

and I noticed the minivan was parked a little funny.

So I did a little snooping around,

and I noticed the front bumper was all torn up.

I found this on the front seat.

-So? -So...

Stroon, slurpee.

Slurpee, minimart.

Minimart, minivan.

And here we are.

Fine, I'm the one who wrecked the car!

Don't cave so easy.

It's the only fun I get around here.

I was gonna tell mom everything, I swear.

Then when she got mad at Bridget and Kerry,

I thought that was payback for them picking on me.

First of all, I don't care what your sisters did,

you shouldn't be driving the car.

And second,

you messed up, and they're taking the hit for it,

and you know that's not right.

I know.

-You gonna tell mom? -No, I'm not.

'Cause I know you'll do the right thing.

You are a despicable backstabber.

You are the lowest of the low.

At least I didn't wreck the car.

-Neither did I! -All right. That's enough.

First you two lie to me about the car,

and now you are trying to scam me

so that you can go to some concert?

Well, you know what?

Give me those tickets.

Neither of you are going under any circumstances.

Then who's going?

Mom; I have something to say.

So do I.

Enjoy the show.

Tickets to outkast?

Yes.

And I'm sure you can find somebody that's dying to go.

Now, what were you gonna say?

Hey ya!

Hey, C.J.; Thank you so much

for taking Rory and his girlfriend to that concert.

I'll just be here at the Hennessy lockdown

trying to get one of the girls to confess.

Listen, all you need is a bucket of water,

a car battery, and a creed C.D.

Come to think of it,

you don't even need the bucket of water or the car battery.

Are you okay?

Oh, yeah.

You know, C.J.; sometimes, the kids tell you stuff.

Stuff that they don't want to tell me.

You don't know anything about this, do you?

No.

And if you did, you'd tell me, right?

Of course.

I know you would.

It's so great to have you in this family.

Hey! What do you think of the hair?

Dude, you can't go.

What, too much product?

Forget about the hair, but yeah.

Listen, I've been thinking about this,

and I think we've pushed this thing as far as it can go,

you know, and the gods are starting to turn on us.

Turning? Are you kidding?

We got the car. I got the tickets. The Gods love me.

No, you got to confess.

What?

Yeah! We had a taste of the good life.

We had the Van, we had the trips to the minimart,

we lived large, and we drank extra large.

But the party's over, dude.

We can't do this to your mom and the girls.

I'm not gonna confess.

I'm about to have the best night of my life.

Well, dude, you're gonna have to do it by yourself,

'cause i'm not driving you.

What?

I'm considered an important part of this family now,

and I can't betray your mom's trust.

-You understand. -I understand.

It's gonna break her heart

when she finds out you knew all along.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You think I'm gonna let some

86-pound, greasy-haired, little punk intimidate me?

You look so great.

Thanks.

I always wondered what you'd look like

without your uniform on.

I mean, not without clothes.

I mean, something other than...

Is this mango?

You're cute.

Thanks.

It's a little cold in here.

Oh, I'll talk to my driver.

Uh, 'Ellwood'?

I'm pretending to tell you to turn the heat up,

but just keep it cold so I can warm her up,

Rory style.

It's not too late to turn around and go home.

Bite me.

Thank you, 'Ellwood'

It'll be toasty in no time.

So where are we sitting at the concert?

What concert?

Outkast.

You're funny, too.

Excuse me.

I forgot the tickets.

I know about these things, man.

The Gods are turning on us.

The Gods aren't turning on us.

I just left the tickets at home.

Now let's go get them.

In the meantime, turn up the A.C.

The Gods, Rory. The Gods!

Ellwood's a very religious man.

I've been expecting you.

I forgot my tickets.

They're right here.

You left them on the coffee table.

I guess you haven't had time to talk to your mom yet.

I'm gonna get to it, grandpa, I swear.

Um, can we go?

Ellwood's kind of freaking me out.

I'm gonna do it, grandpa. Just not tonight.

[Kerry] Why don't you just pick which one of us is guilty?

We don't even care anymore.

No! And how would I possibly figure out which one it was?

Pick a number?

You want to know the truth?

I'm not even mad anymore.

I'm just sad.

After all this family has been through,

we have got to stick together, not hang each other out to dry.

I can't take it anymore.

I want it to stop. I did it!

I did it, all right?

I'm the one who wrecked the car!

Did you hear that?

Your brother is so upset

that he is willing to take the blame

for something that he didn't even do.

Just to keep this family together.

Rory, I'm so proud of you.

Honey, you'd better hurry.

You're going to be late for the concert.

I'm not going.

I'm the one who wrecked the car... really.

You?

Seriously?

You drove the car?

You little...

No one would take me to the minimart, so I drove myself.

There's no law against that.

Uh, yes, there is.

It's called the law.

Oh, my God, girls, I don't even know how to make this up to you.

Leave us alone with him for five minutes.

Give me those tickets.

You are going to the concert.

You, go to your room!

I'm really sorry.

You took your mom's car?

I had no idea you were this cool!

I hide it pretty good.

Call me when you get out.

He'll be 40.

Dude, I don't know how long I'm grounded for,

but it was worth it.

She is so hot!

What did I tell you about the cell phone?

-Dude, I gotta go. -Give me that.

Well, I don't know, Jake, let me ask him.

Did you kiss her?

I'm not telling you.

Doubtful.

Rory, you have pulled a lot of stupid stunts,

but never anything like this.

What were you thinking?

I don't know.

"I don't know" doesn't cut it, Rory.

This is serious.

We both know that you never

would have done anything like this

if your dad was around.

I know.

So why'd you do it?

Maybe because everybody else in this household

gets to do whatever they want, and I come last.

Nobody even listens to me.

That is not true. I listen to you!

No, you don't!

I tried to confess three times.

I got a car, a girl, and concert tickets.

All right, maybe I'm not giving you my full attention.

But, look, Rory,

as good as grandpa and C.J. are at child-rearing,

I am basically doing this by myself...

and, maybe, sometimes you do

fall through the cracks.

I'm sorry.

Mom; I just want to feel

like what I say matters.

I hear you.

And I promise,

from now on, whatever you say matters.

Okay...

I don't think I should be grounded

because I've been punished enough.

Doesn't matter.

But my friends are going out tomorrow.

Doesn't matter.

-But there's a concert next weekend! -Doesn't matter!

---oOo---