Original subtitles

Well, there's my ice Fisher-man and Fisher-woman.

This sucks on a historic level.

I can't believe you're making us go ice fishing.

Yeah, I don't even like fish.

I don't even like ice.

For the last time, this is for grandpa, all right?

He loves ice fishing, and he loves his grandkids,

and you never go with him.

this is just one of those things you have to do

to be loving and generous.

That is exactly why. Thanks, C.J.

You're welcome. Why the hell do I have to go?

'Cause grandpa loves all his grandkids.

You should hear that old coot htalk in his sleep.

He's not that fond of me.

Well, gang, we all raring to go?

Whoo!

I'm so excited!

I'll bet with my grandkids with me this year,

I'm gonna nab big daddy.

I hope he's talking about a fish.

I'm gonna go get the rest of our gear,

and then we're on the road, just me and my gang.

Look how excited he is!

He's like a little kid.

In a 100-year-old body.

You know, mom, if this is so important to you,

why don't you come?

Well, I wish I could, but it's staff-and-faculty day,

and I have to be at school.

Look, I'm not gonna say it again.

This trip with your grandfather means the world to him.

The one chance to get out of this crazy nuthouse alone,

and my damn grandkids want to go with me.

Well, I can't tell them no, hstinky.

I mean, they're all excited to be with grandpa.

Well, of course I love them, but I just wish this morning

they'd have woken up with food poisoning.

Hey, there's my little fishing group.

Yes, sir. Yeah. Hi.

I was afraid you guys were gonna back out on me.

Are you kidding? Not us!

We loves our fishin'.

All right, have a great time!

Oh, yeah!

Good morning, Margaret.

Nurse hennessy.

You know, you could call me Cate.

I prefer keeping things on a professional basis.

In fact, I'd be much more comfortable

if you called me miss brandenbauerbern.

You let ed call you Margie.

What principal gibb chooses to call me has no bearing

on what I prefer to be called by you,

which is miss brandenbauerbern.

All right, then, miss...

That.

I was wondering if I could go talk to ed.

Principal gibb is extremely busy.

Perhaps I could help.

Well, it's not a school matter. It's more personal.

Oh, so that's how you want to play it.

No, I don't want to play it at all.

I would just like to talk to ed for a few minutes.

Nurse hennessy...

As principal gibb's administrative assistant,

it is my job to protect his valuable time.

It is I to whom he confides every detail of his life,

hwhich means it is I who will determine

whether or not it is worth han interruption.

Fine.

Then tell him congratulations for getting on the list.

What list?

He was named one of the top 100 high-school principals

in the state.

I didn't know about that. How did you know about that?

He e-mailed me at home.

Hoh! So that's your game.

This is ridiculous.

You can't go in there.

Principal gibb is in a conference and cannot be disturbed.

He was adamant. Principal gibb!

Margie. Hey, Cate, what a nice surprise.

Come on in. I got a bagel with your name on it.

Thanks, Margie.

Yeah.

You were voted one of the topte, 100 high-school principals deal.

In the state.

It's a big deal.

Yeah, but I was 63rd.

If it was a horse race, they'd still be nailing my shoes on.

Ed, you are too modest.

All right, I'll let you get back to work.

Oh, you know, this is my first year at the school.

What exactly do we do on staff-and-faculty day?

Honestly, nothing.

Personally, I take a master key and go through the kids lockers.

Ed.

Seriously, there's a couple of meetings

and a sexual-harassment hseminar.

We'll have your cute, little butt out of here by 1:00.

I'll see you later.

He can be so funny!

Oh, he's more than that.

He's witty, he's pithy, and intellectually engaging.

You know, I'd like you to help me out with something.

I'd like to throw him a party at lunch for getting on the list.

You're throwing him a party?

Hhow do you know I'm not throwing him a party?

Never mind. I'll do it myself.

Wait.

I'll help.

You will?

A party's actually a lovely idea.

Thank you.

All right, then, at lunchtime, you get everybody in here.

I'll bring him down the hall, and we'll all yell, "surprise!"

It'll be so much fun.

In the meantime, I'll go out and get a cake and some decorations.

Nurse hennessy, you can't just go gallivanting around town

for cakes and streamers.

Hthis is staff-and-faculty day.

Oh, come on.

You know as well as I do, we don't do a damned thing.

He told you?

All right, here we are, my little slice of heaven.

Hoh, my god! There's a hole in the floor!

Uh, that's where the fish are.

Didn't the unabomber live here for a while?

Jim: All right, look, I have baited all your hooks,

so grab a rod, stick that little worm down in the hole,

and we're gonna catch some bass.

Um, nothing's happening.

Hlean over and say, "here, fishy, fishy, fishy."

So how long's this gonna take?

It can take all day, but, hey, who cares?

Here we are, engaged in an epic struggle, as old as time.

We're gonna try to capture the wily king of the lake,

using nothing but sheer will and superior intelligence.

Here, fishy, fishy, fishy.

Here, fishy, fishy, fishy, fishy, fishy, fishy, fishy.

There you are.

It was open.

I was just making sure that, uh, uh -- what's up, Cate?

I was wondering if we could talk.

Sure, sure. What's on your mind?

Well, not here. Let's go in your office.

Okay.

Uh...

These are fine.

So what's this about? Is everything okay?

Oh, everything's fine. In fact...

Surprise!

Oh, Cate, you shouldn't have.

Hwell, where is everybody?

Well, are we in the right room?

Heverybody was supposed to be here.

This was supposed to be a surprise.

Oh, gosh, was that supposed to be today?

Everyone went to lunch and such.

Margaret.

Not much of a party, is it?

Oh, no, no, no. I-It's fine, Cate.

It was very thoughtful.

Hno, it's not fine. I wanted you to have a party.

Well, we can still have ha party.

Hey, guys, come on in here.

We're celebrating with principal gibb.

Y mírese tan bien por una persona 63 años.

W-what did he say?

He said you look pretty good hfor 63.

Oh!

Oh, Eduardo, I am not 63.

Oh. Oh.

So is there, like, a TV?

No!

Bringing a TV into a fishing shack

is worse than bringing a --

oh, that's me. Hey, Marissa.

No, I'm ice fishing...

So that I can spend quality time hhwith my grandpa.

Oh, for Pete's --

this'll just take a second.

Hey, dude, what's up?

They're selling danang pants hat 50% off,

and I'm stuck in Siberia?

But loving it.

Hdude, she is smoking hot!

Oh, for the love of --

god, it's Chelsea.

Every time I like a guy, she goes after him.

I don't want to talk to that two-face backstabber again!

Well, you don't have to.

We're out here enjoying the ice, heach other's company --

Chelsea!

You know what?

I think what they're doing his despicable.

Here we are, trying to spend a special day with you,

hthe beloved patriarch of our family, and these guys --

they're just being teenagers, hhyou know?

Oh get it!

Hello?

Do you mind? It's private.

Quite the gentleman, walking me to the door.

Hwell, thanks for taking me to dinner.

You really didn't have to.

Oh, are you kidding?

Hafter that surprise party?

That Margaret really sandbagged me.

Yeah, she can be quirky.

Deranged. Hhbetter.

Well, good night.

Good night.

Ed?

Hmm?

I had an idea.

You know, it's only 9:00, and my family is gone for the weekend.

And I have a great bottle of wine.

I just thought --

hyes! Yes, the answer's yes.

Well, I didn't even ask a question.

Oh. Continue.

Would you like to come in and watch "Lawrence of Arabia"?

Hyes. Yes, the answer's yes.

Good.

I love that movie.

Hit's -- it's like you were reading my mind.

Well, I have it in green. Hi have it in blue.

Her tongue stud got caught in his braces?

Kerry: Shut up! Shut up!

I have it in pink.

I would like to save money on auto insurance.

What are you wearing?

I have it in, like, an aqua.

You have an awful high voice hfor a dude.

All right, all right!

That's it! Give me those phones!

Come on, give them here now!

Come on! Okay!

Haah! Aah! Aah! Aah!

What are you doing?!

Are you insane?!

This is the worst fishing trip I've ever been on.

Nobody else brings their grandkids out here.

Why did you guys want to come in the first place?

We didn't. Mom made us.

Hshe thought that's what you wanted.

That's the last thing I wanted.

She thought you wanted "special time" with us.

Well, I don't, ever again!

Hwe're going home! Now?

That's right.

We'll drive all night, and we'll be home in the morning.

Should we call mom?

We don't have any phones.

What about your phone, grandpa?

I don't bring a phone.

I came here for the peace and freakin' quiet!

Shut up, egan!

Up yours, reverend!

To keep receiving quality programming

like "Lawrence of Arabia,"

please pick up your phone and make a pledge now.

Call in the next five minutes

hand receive "Ken burns on Ken burns,"

a 9-disk set.

Uh...

Hello?

Oh, my god!

Uh...

Uh, yeah, we fell asleep watching "Lawrence of Arabia."

I'm sorry about my head in your, uh...

Oh, no, no, no, never mind. Hit's fine.

I'm sure you were just reaching for a pillow in your sleep.

I'm gonna make some coffee.

Oh, my god, it's -- it's 7:00.

I-I've got a meeting downtown hat 8:00.

Downtown?

I've got to go home and shower.

Hoh, no, you'll never make that.

Well, I'll just wash the critical parts.

Look, why don't you just run upstairs and take a shower here?

What?

I'll iron your clothes, and you'll look good as new.

Oh, and here, here, wear my dad's robe.

Hoh, i-i-i don't know if that's such a good idea.

I just washed it.

Hhno, no. I mean taking a shower here.

Oh, come on.

It's not like we're showering together.

Hbesides, then you'll have time for coffee

and time to make your meeting.

Okay, okay.

I won't go through any of your personal things.

I didn't think you would.

Then I probably didn't need to say that.

Oh, when you get your clothes off, just throw them down here!

Okay!

Oh, dear god in heaven!

Oh, my -- oh!

Oh, my god.

Oh, no!

Hbridget: He's the worst driver ever.

Oh, no!

What are you guys doing home?

I don't want grandkids anymore!

What?

He threw our cellphones in the lake.

You're lucky I stopped there.

It's 7:00 A.M. what are you doing all dressed up?

I'm not all dressed up. Hwhat happened?

Ah, these kids -- they can't go five minutes

without some god-awful electronic device

stuck to their head.

C.J.'s right. Why are you all dressed up?

Can't a woman look good on a Saturday morning?

Whose shoes are these?

Gee, I don't know. Why would I know?

They're not mine. I don't wear those Nancy-boy loafers.

Why are there two coffee cups?

You know, I was trying to decide hhwhich one to use.

That one is my normal one,

but then, you know, I'm all dressed up.

I thought I'd try the fancy one.

Mom, is there somebody here?

Don't use that tone of voice hwith me,

and just what exactly are you accusing me of?

We think she gots a fella hin the house.

That is the most preposterous thing anybody could think.

More preposterous than flying pants?

Well, actually, I hired a cleaning lady

since I can't get any of you to help.

Ahh...

I'll come up and get the rest!

Gibb: If you come up here now, it's at your own risk.

Gibb!

Mom?! Mom?!

Well, don't -- it's not what it looks like.

Looks like a fox got into the hennessy house.

Hello, everyone.

I know this looks a little awkward,

but I assure you, it was completely innocent.

Thank you.

In time, this will become a treasured story

shared at family gatherings.

That's my robe.

Yes, and it's like being wrapped in a cloud.

I'll return it to you tomorrow.

Oh, glass! I'm okay, though!

Who wants waffles?

I-I'll have waffles.

Mom, did you and principal gibb have -- no.

Were you thinking about -- no.

Have you ever -- no!

Never? Not with him!

Look, I took ed out for an innocent dinner.

He kindly drove me home.

He graciously walked me to the door,

and then, as a friend, we watched "Lawrence of Arabia."

We fell asleep.

Any questions?

Are we ever gonna have Hany waffles?

If you guys get married, will my grades go up?

We are not getting married!

Well, what if you have to?

Rory!

Ew, his naked feet were on our floor!

His naked body was in our house!

His naked butt was in my robe.

If this gets out at school, we're gonna have to move.

No, nobody's gonna have to move. Nobody has to be ashamed.

Nobody has to get married.

These are two consenting adults -- he did consent, right?

Nothing happened!

All right, look, if I can't be trusted by my own family,

then just forget it!

I believe you!

I totally believe you.

Let's get that couch cleaned.

Well, hi. Hhhi.

Why are you looking at me like that?

'Cause you still have that glow from...You know.

We didn't do anything.

Right, right, right. So where are you going?

To have sex with ed in his office.

I can't get enough.

I'm going to my office.

Ooh, want me to walk in front of you, create a diversion?

What's going on?

Hthere's a rumor going around.

Apparently someone saw you and ed gibb at the restaurant.

And someone else saw the gibbster leaving our house

in grandpa's robe.

That started another kind of rumor.

This is ridiculous.

Come on, aunt Cate, Detroit's a small town with loose lips

and a hunger for scandal,

and you're dishing it out with a big, fat ladle.

Oh, please.

I'd like to see ed.

From what I've heard, you already have.

What?

I'm in love with that man...

And not just because of the juice

that comes with being the 63rd-best principal in Michigan.

I've always loved him,

and you come in, and in one night...

Bed him.

Hi.

Hi. Have you heard?

Oh, yeah.

Apparently I bedded you last night.

Well, a friend of Margie's saw us at the restaurant,

and it just grew from there.

Oh, my god.

I've heard everything from we did it at your house

to the parking lot at the mini mart.

Oh!

What are we gonna do?

Well, we're gonna stay the heck away from that mini mart.

You know, apparently someone also saw you leaving my house.

That was Margie.

What?

Apparently she'd been there since 5:00 in the morning.

I'm so sorry about all this, Cate.

No, it's not your fault.

I'm just saying, a 63-year-old hman should know better

than to start a movie at 9:00 at night.

You and I cannot seem to be just friends.

What do you mean?

Well, you wanted to date me, and I wasn't ready.

And then when I wanted to date you, you had a girlfriend.

That all gets resolved.

We get to that nice, easy place, and then this happens.

We get all this grief for a sex scandal,

and we never even did hanything.

It does not seem fair, does it?

No.

No, it doesn't.

Here's my letter of resignation.

It has been an honor and a pleasure

and, obviously, a misdirected obsession.

Hyeah, yeah. This is what it's all about --

solitude...

And basic needs.

Ahh.

Mmm.

Yeah, man...

Nature and nothing else.

Ah, ah, ah. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

All right, all right, I'm coming.

There you go, you rascal, you.

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Darn it, you -- you son of a gun!

I got you. I got you.

Oh, there you are, you rascal.

I finally got you, you old codger!

What do you say to that, huh?