All language subtitles for Small.Engine.Repair.2021.MAX.WEB-DL.en

Manch. Vegas (n.) - Alternative name
for the city of Manchester, NH. USA.

Juxtaposing Las Vegas's
glitz and glamour

with Manchester's lack of either.
Used derisively.

You have a collect call from an inmate
at Hillsborough correctional facility.

This call may be monitored.

To accept this call,
please press zero. If you do not�

- Frankie.
- Hey.

- Frank, you're there?
- Hey, can you hear me?

Frankie, I can't fucking hear you,
be clear.

It's just real loud in here.
Hold on a sec.

- Can you hear me now?
- Yeah.

How are you, do you
want us to come get you?

No, listen, I got my truck.

I wanna head straight over
to the shop at five o'clock.

Shop, all right, yeah,
now we'll meet you there.

Yeah, okay.

How is Crystal doing?

She's good, she made a pancake,
she's watching cartoons with Pack.

Hey, daddy's coming home.

Stay, stay.

Hey sweetie.

How'd she do?

Yeah, she did all right.

- You wanna go see daddy?
- Hey, Crystal, sweetie.

Come on, come on.

Okay, stay with her.

I get it.

It's okay, it's okay.

Come on.

All right, look, this morning�

This morning what?

I should have fed the dog?
I should have put gas in the truck?

Because I did all that shit.

I know, I messed up.

You shit all over Saturday morning
is what you did.

You just completely destroyed
the love of the day,

you left a fucking crater, like�

sadness.

Look, I know that it's expensive

and I know that we're poor, but�

- We're not, we're not, we're not poor.
- All right, fine.

We're clinging to the last branch
of the lower middle class, whatever.

- It's where I want to go.
- It's not just the money.

Is it because the school
is closer to her?

Yeah.

All right, fine.

I'll go to UNH Manchester,
five blocks away.

But start compromising now
so it won't be such a shock

when I'm a balding 49 year
old supermarket checkout girl

with carpal fucking tunnel.

- All right, good, then it's settled.
- Fuck you. You're not funny.

All right, look.

Just fucking do it, okay?
I'll take out loans and all that.

All right?

Just fucking do it.

You know someday I'm gonna
make a lot of money, dad.

You won't have to
work so hard, okay?

Yeah, I don't mind
working hard, but thank you.

- So can you go now or?
- Hold on a second. Let me ask you.

Oh definitely, no, look at this,
it's disgusting.

How did you know that's what
I was going to ask you about?

How about you can put
on the shirt I bought you.

Hey, do you mind if I borrow that jacket
if I ever get a date?

Fucking protein powder.

- Hey!
- Wow, so gorgeous.

- Hey, it's nice to see you.
- Nice to see you.

Look at your hair, it's nice.

- You want to give me a hit?
- Of what?

Of what, of what?

Frank's not even here,
you're not going to get in trouble.

- Yeah, you're good out here I bet.
- Just one hit.

Whoop whoop.

- Tell me where I can get it, you know.
- Don't smoke.

It's good.

What's going on out here?

- Hi Frankie.
- Nothing. Hey, Frank.

Crystal, it's way too cold,
put something warmer on.

I don't want you out here like this.
Why are you laughing?

What'd you cook?

Hey, hey, where are you going?

I'm not burning no sausages.

I'm telling you right now.
That's the protein of the fucking meal.

You don't burn the sausages.

Hey, you guys take a look
at the Christmas tree yet?

Fucking gorgeous.

Perfect, that's good,
I love these sweet sausages.

- Hey, you want this fine wine?
- One legged duck swim in a circle.

Crystal, I love that Christmas tree,
it looks beautiful.

- This looks beautiful.
- Let's eat, I'm starving.

- Make a room, you want more?
- Yeah.

- This are delicious.
- That's a nice shirt, Frank.

Thanks.

- They made that for men?
- Hey, I bought him that.

Yeah, I like it.

Old man don't smoke anymore.
I got him to quit.

Did you?

Yeah, I posted photos of rotten cancer
infested lungs all over the house.

Oh, maybe one night,
we don't fucking drink so much.

Come on, Frank,
It's Christmas.

You see how wound up he is,

could you maybe like take him out,
and meet somebody or something.

- Like what, for his penis?
- Take it easy.

All he wants to do is
be here or at his shop.

It's true.

Because every time
I go to a bar with you too

you get wasted
and fucking start shit.

And thus, you never meet anybody.

As far as meeting somebody though,
you did mean like a female, right?

Swaino, you know who you are?

You're the guy who makes
one too many gay jokes.

You know what, I got nothing
but love for you tonight.

'Cause we're having a
beautiful dinner at Frankie's.

You're a good man, Packie.

It's good, all of us together, right?

How's that school search coming?

Those college essays
turned out good, right?

Yeah, thanks for your help on those
Packie. They turned out real well.

I don't know.

What, what's the matter?

No, nothing's wrong.

- Hey, what'd you fucking say to her?
- I don't know, I'm sorry.

- Packie, what's going on?
- Hey, Chris.

Hey, fuck this school.

I was the same way, you know,

you just kind of have to find
your own path to knowledge.

Congratulations.

It says you got in.

Did I get in, did I get in?

How's early acceptance
motherfuckers?

Did you fucking know?

Of course I know, I'm paying for it.

Of course he fucking knew!

Hey, hey, hey,
merry fucking Christmas!

- Merry Christmas.
- Merry fucking Christmas.

- UCLA�
- You're smart.

Los Angels could be a dangerous place,
trust me.

You got to keep your
head on a swivel.

You ain't been on
a fucking airplane.

- Not the point here.
- All right, you're right.

- So if a guy comes at you with a knife.
- Yeah.

You just pivot your wrist like this.

You've got to try to stab me.

Well, an attacker is not going to tell you
he's gonna stab you.

I'm just putting that out.

Let's do it, you're right.
You're right, I'm wrong.

So then you pivot the wrist like that.

I'm not playing anymore.

- Are you okay?
- Yeah.

Dad, can I have one cigarette?

Thought you quit with me.

It's just one.

- What about the cancer?
- Oh, shut up, Packie.

Going to UCLA, she's
gonna cure cancer.

- Frankie, give her a cigarette.
- Give her one.

- No.
- Just give her one.

Fuck it.

You know you owe me
after this morning.

What happened this morning?

Got into an argument
and he punched a hole in the wall.

At least he didn't beat you�

Hey Swaino, can I wear brown
boots with a black jacket?

- I gotta see the boots.
- Why are you asking him?

Once I start buying my clothes from
a fucking garbage can I'll ask you.

Thank you, Sensei.

Hey, so listen to me.

So Karen's coming over
tonight to bring Crystal out.

- Oh my God.
- Tonight?

- She's coming here?
- The fucking cunt is back in town.

Don't use that language
in front of Crystal.

What the fuck should I call her then?
Bitch, whore?

What, I'm just trying to help, skank?

It's the mother of my child,
can you show some fucking respect?

- She don't fucking deserve respect.
- So do it for Crystal then.

This is fucking bullshit, Frankie.
You should've told us.

Hey Frank, Frank,
don't look directly into her eyes.

Hey.

Hey.

Jesus Christ.

How are you doing?
How's things Frank?

I'm actually pretty good, actually.

- How long are you in town?
- A couple of days, we'll see.

So, you still not drinking
and doing your push ups?

You look good too.

Oh, and I didn't
need to quit shit.

How are you faggots doing?

I'm doing good?

Really?

- You act like I'm the devil or something.
- Kind of fucking worse.

Ma.

Oh, look at you.

Oh my God.
You're goddamn gorgeous.

Look at this hair, oh my God, it grew.

- It's been a year, Karen.
- Okay, thank you.

We've got some catching
up to do, don't we?

Tonight is your night,
I'm gonna spoil you so bad.

You've got fake tits, Karen.

I know they look good, don't they?

No, it's just this bra that I'm wearing.
Did you want to see them?

Ma.

Okay.

Okay, well, like show
him, like you miss them,

like you want to peek.

Hey, remember when we were all
friends before I grew tits.

All right, well this was fun.

Anyway, do you want to go
shopping for Christmas?

Yeah, oh, I want to hear about
everything about the boys.

I want to hear where you like to go.
I want to hear everything, okay?

Let's get him the fuck out of here.

Hey Frank, let's go get
a drink somewhere, huh?

- Come on, Frankie.
- Come on.

We'll have fun, you'll have a seltzer.

- Let's go.
- All right, fine.

Yeah, that's what I'm talking
about Frankie, let's go.

- Keep the change, Tommy.
- Thanks, Frank!

All right, enough with
the fucking talk, okay?

To Crystal.

To Crystal.

Who knew that accidental orgasm

in a Hampton Beach bathroom
would go to fucking college?

If you only pulled out that night

your whole fucking life, your whole life
would have been different.

- Okay, enough.
- Fucking college.

- I'm so proud of us, man.
- Us, the fuck you ever do?

I did a lot back in the day.

- Bullshit, you ever change a diaper?
- You?

What?

I've been changing diapers
since I was nine years old.

My sisters have babies
coming out of their asses.

I love babies. Everybody fucking
knows this about me.

Look at the blonde at the bar.

Shit, her tits are perfect.

I think it's C-cup.

She's all right.

You okay?

I'm at McGarvey's with the boys.
Yeah, okay, I'm headed out.

- All right, I'll be right there.
- Is she okay, Frank?

Yeah, she's fine,
she just needs something.

Hey, I tell you
my cough drop thing?

I go up to a girl and
I just start coughing.

Are you listening?

I go up to a girl and I start coughing
and she gives me a cough drop.

Wait, we hitting on girls?

Sorry.

For what?

- I was just kind of staring.
- Stare all you fucking want.

I do Pilates.

- Got a light?
- Yeah, I do.

My hero.

And I don't even smoke anymore,
I just carry a lighter, it's like a habit.

- It's kind of, it's weird.
- It's a great story.

- Are you fucking with me?
- A little bit, yeah.

- I'm a Ducati guy.
- My brother's a Ducati guy.

You should see my Ducati, try to explain
to this gentleman, I say to him, look,

Ducati is constantly fine tuning
engines for performance.

You can't compare it.

It's like a donkey with a Jaguar, right?

Seriously, nobody got
a fucking cough drop?

This guy, you know,
he's sitting there, he's like,

you know, he's like a fucking
weekend warrior, right?

Running around like
you're Sonny fucking Barger.

Meanwhile, he's probably
a dental hygienist from Derry.

- That guy was like 70 years old.
- Hey look, it's a leprechaun.

Not so good at this whole
flirting thing, are you?

- No.
- I'm Dottie.

Oh, nice to meet you, Dottie.
I'm Frank.

- Who's this?
- It's my daughter.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Can I borrow your credit card?

She really is your daughter.

- She doesn't have a card?
- She maxed it out shopping for me.

Can I get one of those?
Thanks.

Who carries a light
if he doesn't smoke?

Real fun time this guy.

Huh, you don't know the half of it.

- Oh, hello.
- Hello.

Sorry. Who the fuck are you?

Yeah, I'm just going to go
over there, wait for my Uber.

Oh, Uber, fancy.

Hey Ma, you want to just wait in the car,
I'm talking to dad for a bit.

- Hey just go stay warm.
- I'm gonna go pee-pee.

- She's fucking wasted.
- Yeah, well, she hasn't eaten yet.

And I'm driving so, I already know
what you're going to say.

You're gonna tell me that
she doesn't respect me

and that I deserve better.

And you know what, you're right.

But she's still my mother
and I haven't seen her in a long time.

I just want to have dinner, okay?

Let me see that.

Don't let her walk away with it.

I love you, dad.

- Hey.
- Yeah.

You're gonna give my dad
your number or what?

Yeah.

- There you go.
- Yeah, thanks.

He takes a shot, you know,
I parry it,

I turn over a hot right hand
and pop, pop, pop.

I dropped the fucker, right?

Why do you always gotta
make shit up to sound cool,

Swaino, he didn't hit the dude.

How'd you get caught jerking off
in your cousin's panties? Excuse us.

Point being�

Why you sleep with a He-Man
doll until you were 13?

Why do you still live
in your granny's basement?

When we're in the fifth grade, we had
a sleep over in Frank's backyard,

Swaino called his parents
at two in the morning

because he pissed
his fucking tightey whiteys.

So his father shows up
shitfaced as always,

he called him a pussy
and slaps Swaino

across the face and Swaino,
he cried like a little bitch.

Dude, he just bitch slapped that guy.

You all right?

All right.

Packie, listen.

Packie, listen.

I'm sorry.

Take it outside please.

What the fuck are you laughing at?

Hurt your girlfriends feelings?

Hey why don't you mind
your own fucking business?

Shut the fuck up.

Mind your own fucking business
before you get fucking slapped,

you're next, you fucking
string bean motherfucker,

what's the problem?

What about you with
these fucking shoes.

Where the fuck did you
get these from, faggot?

That's homophobic.

- Where'd I get the shoes?
- Yeah.

I don't know, maybe same place
I fucked your mother, how about that?

I'm right fucking here.
Stop fucking looking at me.

You wanna fuck me or
you wanna fight me?

- I'm right the fuck here.
- Don't touch me.

I swear to God,
I'll knock your fucking lights out.

Hey, hey! Stop it.
Back the fuck off.

Now my fucking boy's here,
motherfuckers.

Listen, Crystal's here and I don't
want to get into this shit right now.

Let's go.
All right man, just settle down.

Don't fucking touch me,
bitch, that's my boyfriend.

No, that's my
fucking husband, bitch.

Fuck you, bitch.

Kick his ass Frank,
whoop his ass.

Fuck him up, hit him.

Hey Frank,

Frankie enough.

Frank.

Frank, you're gonna
kill him, Frankie.

Daddy stop!

Crystal.

- Come on, Frankie, let's go.
- Don't fucking touch me.

I fucking knew this
was gonna happen.

Hey, hey, hey, Frankie.

You stay away from me and
you stay away from my family.

I don't want to see again I don't want
to ever fucking see you again.

Come on, we gotta go.

Come on.

You got another text from Frank.

Again? Fuck him.

I think it's sad,
they've been friends forever.

What's the text say?

Jesus Christ!

I'm coming, Frankie.

He wants you to come by tonight.
He's hiring strippers as an apology.

Frank Romanowski is
hiring strippers, fuck him.

He's extending an
olive branch here.

- It's a fucking sexist olive branch.
- Suck a tiny dick, Judy.

If you don't know how important
this is to our baby brother�

- What if I don't want to go?
- Stop being a fucking pussy.

Frankie.

Frankie.

Okay, just let it out.

All right, your brain, your lungs,
what stage is it?

Does that hurt?

Does your dick still work?

I don't have cancer.

What the fuck?

So are you mad at me
for not having cancer?

You know my cousin Larry died
from fucking lymphoma.

Hey, where'd you get your TV?

- Costco.
- How much was it?

- I don't remember.
- It's nice.

Oh Jesus Christ, we haven't
seen each other in months

and the first thing you
do is fucking lie to me.

All right, look, you're to promise me
you're not going to freak out.

What?

Swaino's coming over.

Here?

No, he's going to the Stop & Shop
to buy a fucking sandwich.

- Of course, here.
- I don't want to see that asshole.

Because he slapped you?

A slap is insult
and it's not the first time

in our history that happened either.
It's like the 11th, actually.

- Okay, come on.
- No, you come on.

You should be mad
at me and not him.

No, I'm mad at the both of you, Frank.

Three months, nobody fucking calls me,
I'm wasting away.

Okay, so you're gonna
ride this shitty BMX by him

and give him ammunition
to bust your balls

for the next hundred
fucking years.

Is that what you want?

Hey.

Packie, hey, Packie,
that's the closet.

No shit, I know it's the closet.

How are you doing, man?

It's really good to finally
good to see you.

I'm sorry, I just, I can't
quite make out what you saying.

It's good to�

Fuck this.

Fuck you.

Aw, yeah.

- You seem a little bit tense.
- It's work shit.

- Yeah?
- How you've been?

Got blown an hour ago.

Where's my guy?

Where's my guy?

Oh, oh, could you be here?

Could you be here?

There's my guy.
There's my baby boy.

Look at my baby boy.

Who's my guy?

Oh yes, oh yes.

Who's my sexy man?

Did I miss you so fucking much?

God, I missed this man.

- You got a new TV, huh?
- I did.

Yeah, mine's bigger,
but that's good.

What the fuck was that?

What's that?

So you got a chihuahua?

Hardy har.

Surprised, you spent all that money
on a designer Mexican toy breed.

If I'm a Chihuahua then
you're a fucking Corgi.

Was that a fucking
burn, Packie?

You see, you got to one
up me with a smaller dog.

A Corgi is a smaller dog.

A Corgi's practically
regular size dog.

They just got wicked short legs.

Should have said like
a Yorkshire Terrier.

A Yorkshire aint smaller
than a Chihuahua, I should know,

me and my Grammy
used to have one.

What do you mean, fucking Falcor?

That maniac was a fucking Maltese
and it was a mix.

He was not.

He had white fucking fur.
Jesus, Packie�

Trading barbs with you is like
throwing rocks at a retard.

Hey, he knows my uncle Gary
has fucking Down syndrome.

You're right.

Should've said trading barbs with you
was like throwing rocks at your uncle.

- Knock it off, Swaino, knock it off.
- Ain't knockin' shit off.

Fuck this fucking Leprechaun.

As an Irish American,
I fucking take offense to that.

What does that even fucking mean
I'm half Irish.

Exactly, you're a fucking traitor.

You're magically delicious.

All right, all right, all right.
Knock it the fuck off, okay?

Come here, come here.

Can't let 30 years of history
go down the fucking toilet

over some fucking bullshit.

What the fuck are you
talking about, Frank,

you're the one that
said you were done.

Yeah, Frank.

I know, and I was wrong.

All right?

Okay.

Yeah, let's do it.

How are we doing this?
What time do they get here?

- Who, who's getting here?
- The strippers.

What strippers?

What do you mean what strippers,
Frank fucking ordered strippers.

- How are we doing this?
- Frank, you ordered strippers?

There's no strippers coming.

What do you mean there's
no strippers coming?

I stopped, I got 30 fucking
dollars in singles here.

You lied
to him too, Frank?

The hell is going
on here, Frank?

I got fucking plans tonight,
I got fucking friends.

We ain't friends?

No, I mean like adult friends,
not fucking childhood friends.

- We're adults, we're adults.
- You're in your 40s, Packie.

That's like nursery school
age for leprechauns, right?

Get off me.

When did you start
drinking again?

Today.

Why?

- I'm sick and tired�
- 'Cause I'm just curious.

I have feelings.

I come from a long line
of proud Irish immigrants.

My people have been
oppressed by white people

for far too long to be putting up
with this and marginalized.

But you fuckers that
I call my friends�

Made fun of and fucking laugh,
what, what?

- Don't fucking laugh.
- Listen to you.

- You're right, you're right, you're right.
- I know I'm right.

Hey, hey.

Hey,

you okay?

Yeah, I'm okay, yeah.

- You good?
- Yeah.

All right, listen.

I got steaks, I got
booze, I got beer.

The fight on Pay-Per-View,
we are hanging out tonight.

You in?

Yeah, I'll watch a fight.

- Me too, I can do it.
- Me too, I'll stay for the fight.

Hey, I got a surprise
for you pussies.

It that fucking blue?

That's the holy grail right there.

He's right there
he's got fight, fight, fight.

Choke that motherfucker out.

I fucking can't fucking look at it.

Hey Frank.

Hey, to friendship.

- Frank.
- Right?

Thank you, Frank.

Aw, God is that fucking good.

- How's your grandma doing?
- Oh, she's amazing.

- How the fuck old is she now anyway?
- 99, can you believe it?

Remember the time in third grade
when we all seen her a bush.

Remember that?
We come walking downstairs,

she's cooking flap jacks,
she turns around,

what do you know,
fucking, no pants.

That's the first real bush I ever saw.

Why you always got to bring that up?

Packie, how do you not bring that up?

Like a fucking baby gray squirrel.

- To your grandma.
- To baby gray squirrels.

You know when I took that picture?

Frank's Small Engine Repair
signature fucking image.

I mean rarely does an image
capture someone's personality

so good. God, is she beautiful?

Hey Frank, you know something,
I oughta get residuals

for that fucking picture.

You're drinking your residuals.

- Wave to him� Wave!
- Is this really for me?

That's just enough for you,
wave to daddy!

Happy birthday!

Because I'm six?

You're now six years old,
you need your own vehicle.

- Hey, Swaino, hit the light.
- Yeah, you got it.

- Look at the lights, look at the lights.
- So beautiful.

One, two, three, dismount.

Give her something,
give her like a tool or something.

Look who's the most beautiful.
Look at you.

- Perfect.
- Make a smile.

Tell her you got a future
or something.

Oh, look at this.

Oh, we got it, we got it,
that's so good.

Hey, boss, come on, come on.

The moment we've been waiting for.

I think about telling Crystal,
when she goes to UCLA,

she should get a degree in marketing
or technology or something.

- The fuck do you know about it?
- It's called social networking.

- My ball's got social networking.
- Fuck you.

I bet your phone
don't even have apps on it.

Check this shit out.

That's the Galaxy S9, bitch.

I got everything on this
little fucking gadget.

I got the fucking Google.

I got Facebook. I got the weather.

That's not an S9, that's an S6.

The fuck you talking about,
it's an S9, I just fucking bought it.

Yeah, an S9 has a bigger screen.

You're like a fucking Asian teenager,
you know that?

How many Instagram followers
you got?

How much can you fucking
bench press?

Frank bench presses more than you.

"Frank bench presses
more than you."

Does Frank fucking bench press
more than you?

I'm just wondering if Frank benches
more fucking weight than you.

- I'm just wondering.
- I hope you saved your receipt.

Hey, Frank, let's fucking eat.
You know what I mean?

Fuck! You guys want to hear
some crazy fucking shit?

You guys remember it was
like a couple of summers,

it was at Crystal's birthday party.
Remember at the Landmark?

Remember how I brought
that chick?

She's like 26 years old
from fucking Pelham.

- Pakistani girl.
- That fucking Pakistani.

- Afnahn was her name.
- That's the fucking one.

We had a great discussion
on Reza Aslan.

Hey, wait, the fucking point is,
we kind of lost touch, right?

Couple of weeks ago,

I'm going out with a couple
of buddies from work.

We're getting fucking hammered

and unlike you pussies,
these motherfuckers, they go.

I mean, they fucking go, right?

Old friends and new friends.

- Big love to family.
- Wait, wait, wait�

Let me, let me get a drink,
Let me get a drink.

Hey, hey, big
fucking love, right?

To family.

And who do I see across the bar?

It's fucking Afnahn,
she's there,

she's making eyes at me.

So, I'm like,
hey, it's time

to fucking get
to work, right?

I walk over, I'm like, hello?

Hello, this is unbelievable.

How are you?

And this fucking chick,
she pretends

that she doesn't remember me.

Do I know you?

Yeah.

She gives me like this
fake name.

- I'm Judy.
- So I'm like, fuck it.

I give her a fake name.

Fuck it, I'm Eddie, right?

Hello? Hello, Judy.

- Hi, Eddie.
- Hi.

- Nice to meet you.
- Wow, it is nice to meet you.

And then I realize what
this tricky girl is up to.

She's playing like one
of these fucking sex games.

Right?
I have to be honest with you.

It's fucking turning me on,
right?

So I make up this whole
fake backstory, right?

I'm� I'm like
from fucking Connecticut.

I'm from fucking Connecticut.

Yeah. I like rowing.

She's eating it up.

We hang out,
we're getting hammered.

We go back to her place,
and, oh, my God, oh, my God.

The fucking performance,

there's something
about being a character.

I'm the fucking
heavyweight champ, right?

She passes out,
I fucking pass out,

great night, right?

I wake up the next morning
and I'm a mess.

I'm hungover as shit.

And I take a look at her
in the morning light.

I can get you a car, show you
where the bus stop is.

I can give you a ride,
whatever works for you.

Is, um, is that my shirt?

And I look.

It finally fucking
dawns on me�

It's a different girl.

Right?

Hey, how did you know that?

Afnahn, she� she got engaged.

Me and her, we follow
each other on Insta.

That is some vintage fucking
Terrance Swaino shit right there.

Ah, here we go, here we go.
You got to fucking judge me, Frank.

When's the last time you went
on a fucking date, huh?

Matter of fact�

Oh, shit, I�

- What do you mean, hold on.
- I'll tell you the story.

Tell us the story, who is it?

It's, uh, it's Crystal.

Tell her we said hello.
Let me talk to her.

This could take two seconds,
keep an eye on the meat.

Keep an eye on the meat.

I've got to keep an eye
on the meat.

Hey, Packie, my eye's on the meat.

It's just not worth the amount
we're talking about.

Hey, hey, look, I totally get it, man.
Let's just double it.

Double it?
Are you serious, okay?

I'm hanging with my man Packie
Who looks like an owl

You know my man Packie
got a dick like a yard

- I'll hit you up when I'm on the road.
- Alright, man, thanks.

Let me ask you something, man.

All this fucking Instagram shit,
you know.

I don't know, maybe you can like,

show me how that shit works.

Everybody's getting laid
that way these days.

Are you?

Who, me?

Let me see your phone.

Hey, give me your phone.

You just, you take a pic.

- Hang on, hang on, hang on.
- Hm-hm?

And then, you just,
you open your Instagram app.

Where's your app?
You don't have any apps.

Fucking stop with the apps.

There it is, good.

Then�

you pick a cool filter.

Sepia makes it look artsy, right?

Fuck, I didn't know you could do that.

And then you go here
and you press this.

You go there and you press that.

Is there like a filter
you can use to get the tiny homo

out of the picture or just�

I can tell you think it's cool, Swaino.

Then I tag the location.

So everybody knows we're
at Frank's shop together, right?

Shop together

Shop together

Who the fuck is this?

Karen Delgado's calling you.

Why the fuck is Karen calling you?

Hey, give me
my fucking phone back, Packie.

- Is Karen back in town?
- Just give me�

Yeah, she's back in town,
just give me the phone.

- Are you banging Karen?
- What's the matter with you?

Why would she fucking,
why would she fucking call you?

Just fucking stop.

We had coffee.

- How's the meat?
- It's good.

- It's good.
- Yeah.

- It's good.
- Yeah.

- Two more minutes.
- Good.

Thirty-five years old,
divorcee from Derry,

she's got this four-year-old son.
So, we go on this date and�

Still is fucking depressing.

She had wicked big tits.

Go on, sir.

So, we end up back at her place.

Thanks for the dinner.

It's like maybe our third date.

There you are, thanks very much.

- You want to come inside?
- Yeah.

I go inside,
she pays the babysitter.

- How'd he do?
- You know?

Punched me in the face
a couple of times.

You want me to walk you home?

It's just next door.

The sitter goes home
and then we go into her bedroom.

You haven't drunk a lot, huh?

Oh, shit.

- Sorry.
- It's okay.

She tells me she has not been
with a guy since her kid was born.

So she's all over me.

She takes my hand

and she pushes it
into her pants.

She, I shit you not,
has got a huge,

unkempt,
like 1970's Playboy bush.

- My watch gets stuck there.
- Oh, stop kidding.

Oh, relax, let's be careful.

- Oh.
- Just�

- Just easy.
- Oh, my God.

- It's your watch. Yeah.
- Here you go. Hold on. Sorry.

So I pulled my hand out.

She goes,
"I'm really embarrassed, Frank."

- I was gonna trim.
- No, it's okay, it's fine.

- Yeah?
- Yeah, yeah.

We just start laughing,
fucking laughing our asses off.

Was kind of fun.
We're just laughing.

But it was so loud
that we wake up the kid.

Momma, mommy,
come and get me, I'm scared.

So she gets off the bed
and she says�

I'll be right back, I just have
to put him to sleep.

Totally, go.

Being a single parent,

it ain't easy.

So, she says, hey�

Still want to fuck?

Yeah, I'd love to.

Of course, I still want to fuck.

Yeah.

Oh, good,
I'm looking forward to it.

So then she leaves
and I'm lying there,

in her bed, for, like, half an hour.

My hard on is a distant
fucking memory at this point.

So I get up
and I go down the hallway�

and I see she's lying there

on this, like, race car bed�

asleep with her son.

So I watched
for a couple of minutes.

It was kind
of a sweet image, you know.

A mom like that
with a kid like that�

is the way everything
should be.

So�

I let myself out, I go home�

and I watched TV.

Never heard from her again.

- You ever consider killing yourself?
- That's a beautiful story, Frank.

Tragic, but beautiful.

The fuck is so beautiful about it?

Frank doesn't think he can
be of value in a relationship

unless they're broken
and he could fix them.

Like Karen,
she's in pieces, right?

She's Humpty Dumpty, always
need something to be fixing.

This woman, she had
her life together,

Frank didn't know what to do with her,
so he, he just let himself out.

Are you done, can we eat?

Eat your food.

Frank, Karen's back in town.

- How did you know that?
- So you knew?

She's the mother of my child,

you don't think I'd know
she's in fuckin' Manch-Vegas?

Yeah.

- You seen her?
- Why does it matter?

Fucking cycle begins.

Enough.

Well, I'm sorry, are we supposed
to be happy that Karen is back in town?

Gee, I can't wait to deal
with your anger issues again.

You know, you don't got to deal
with shit anymore

because you got your
new fucking work friends, right?

God, ah, for fuck's sake,
don't do that.

Look, all I'm saying is
Karen's fucking toxic.

It's what she does.
Swoops in, she plays the wife,

she plays the mother, she pulls you in,
and then she tears you the fuck apart.

And you go on a bender,

start throwing strangers she flirts with
through plate-glass fucking windows,

and I get to stay up with Crystal
all night.

Tell her her father
ain't going back to jail.

This is shit you know,
even Crystal knows it, alright?

There are two things in your life

that consistently fuck you up,
it's Karen,

and it's your fucking temper.

I mean, think about it,
you� you live your life,

you've got a daughter
who spends half the fucking time

being terrified of you.

That's just a fact.

At least I accepted responsibility

for raising my kid instead
of sticking my diseased cock

in a bunch
of half-dumb fucking girls.

What are you gonna do,
Frank, you want to hit me?

You want to hit me just
because I told you the truth?

Fuck it, I love you.

And I hate what she does to you.
I hate fucking watching it.

So, yeah, I fucking hate her.

Alright, I hate
what she fucking does to you.

So if I fucking said
something that makes you want

to fucking bash by skull
and then just fucking do it, Frank.

I'm just, I'm just
fucking being honest with you.

So, go ahead.

I'm right fucking here.

At least I know
I said my piece, I'm here.

Hey, Frank,
it could be Crystal again.

Maybe you want to get that.

- I can get it.
- No, no, no, no.

I'll get it.

Hey, what's up?
It's Frank.

Yeah, you just, you just keep
going on 93 North for a while

and then you, you'll take
the Mammoth Road exit,

just gonna go like four miles,
you know, it'll bring you around

and, you know, you'll see
my shop kind of tucked away

there on the left and see,
it's the only place that has light on.

Alright, man.
Yeah. Well, I'll see you soon.

Hey.

I'm sorry.

For what?

For calling your cock diseased.

I'm sorry.

By the way, I mean, just,

I don't know, with that,

you know, I did take a needle
for that situation.

So I just, I don't know,
just kind of feel like

if you are going to make fun
of my cock,

you, like refer to it as like
as a formerly diseased cock,

I'm just saying
you should do that.

Deal.

- Alright.
- Alright, Frank.

Let me clean this shit up.

Who's coming over, Frank?

- Oh, this kid.
- What kid?

He's from Northeastern,

played pickup basketball
with him a few times.

He's coming by.

Why the fuck would you have him
come over here, for what?

I'm buying Molly off of him.

- Nice flip phone.
- Yeah.

That's my work phone.

- Catch you up later. Alright.
- Alright.

- Since when you do Molly?
- I don't.

I figured I'd try it tonight
with you guys.

And then what?

We have a fucking dance with
each other in your lawnmower shop.

We ain't seen each other
in a long time.

And I wanted tonight
to be special.

Come on, what's the big deal?

Come on, Swaino, don't be a pussy.

- Ah, I'm fine, fuck it, why the fuck not?
- Why the fuck not?

Look, if we're gonna party,
I'm gonna fucking spark up.

Anybody else?

Is there still an Old Lady
in that closet?

Hey, you know what?

Give me fucking hit off
the Old Lady.

- Hey, alright.
- Huh, man.

I like this new,
out-of-control Frank,

it's been a long time
since you let your hair down.

Let your hair down?

Yeah, it means like relax.

We know what it means,

but who without a vagina
actually fucking says that?

What?

I think you forgot.

I think Frank forgot
how to do it.

Dude, I fuckin'�

I'll tell you what,

that's fucking precision
crafting right there.

- Oh, fuck.
- Fuck!

- What're you doing with that?
- Jesus�

One, two, three.

My fucking secret to youth,
beyond all else,

I only fucking fuck pussy
26 years old or younger.

A woman doesn't know how to make
love until she's 30 years old.

I can prefer a girl who doesn't
know how to fuck.

- I like that.
- So she won't be disappointed.

That's fine, look, women have
fucking sexual issues, right?

And what they do is
they bring that with them

into the fucking bedroom.

They have bad
fucking experiences, right?

- I wanna be there in the beginning.
- You want to be the bad�

What the fuck is that?
Jesus fucking Christ!

Three months ago
at my cousin's bachelor party,

uh, this stripper, she put a pinky finger
right in my ass.

Are you laughing at me
or with me?

What?
I thought we was all sharing.

- Just trust us, fucking trust us.
- It's fine, we'll clear the fire.

- No, you know how to land.
- No, listen to me.

Just bend your knees,
bend your knees, here we go.

- Let's give it a good� one.
- Good fucking throw, Frankie.

And three.

So our Molly's here.

Hey, listen, listen.

I don't want him to know
that I have a daughter.

Afraid your drug dealer
won't think you're cool?

Just do me this favor, okay?

We let our hair down too?

So we like laugh
at everything you say?

Fuck you. I'll leave that up to you.

What's up, man?

- What's up, man?
- Good to you see, man.

Really appreciate
you coming on all this way.

Yeah, no, it's cool.

I really do, it means a lot.

Hey, come on over here.

Meet my boys.

This is Packie
and this is Swaino.

- Hey.
- Guys, this is Chad Walker.

You should see this fucking
kid play basketball, man.

So should we, uh,
deal with the�

- Do you mean this?
- Yeah. Wow.

- Just like out in the open like that, huh.
- What do you mean?

It's Frank's first big drug deal,

I think he thought there would be like
code words or some shit, you know?

I'll get your money.
Hold on to them.

How much you wanna
bet Franky's got the money

like in a Manila envelope.

Yeah, like a, like a rubber,
rubber band wrapped around it.

You guys live here?

We've got a bunk bed.

How much you bench press, Chad?

I don't use free weights,
it slows you down.

I'm training with plyometrics
and Pilates right now.

How tall are you?

Six-three, six-four.

- One or the other.
- Somewhere in between.

- Got it.
- You got a nice eyes.

- Polo, huh?
- Yeah, like Ralph Lauren.

Ralph Lauren.
Oh, yeah, I got it.

I like how the scarf
kind of hides that, huh?

I mean, you don't wanna fuckin'
just throw it out there for people, right?

What kind of car do you drive?

- Ah, G-wagon.
- How much is it?

I don't know, my dad got it
for me as a gift. I don't�

- Can I drive it?
- No.

Oh, hey, you guys gonna
give me a hit of that thing?

- Oh, you don't have to ask us twice.
- Alright.

So is that like your first time
you ever took PCP?

Hey, Chad, why don't you
come on inside,

have a real man's drink?

That'll show you.

Alright, Chad, this is some good shit,
you are in for a treat.

Oh, God, that is good.

Ah. It tastes like shit.

You, my friend, are what a doctor
would refer to as Uncle Gary.

That's for you.

Manila envelope.

So why is it so important
for old dudes to like scotch?

In ten years, I'm gonna ask you
the same question,

you know what you're gonna say?

What?

I started out thinking I could come up
with something wicked funny,

but it just never liked gelled.

Hey, Frank, this is only half.

Oh, shit, that's right, I'm sorry.
Ah, let me get the rest of your money.

Hey, what kind of filter you got on there?

- Nashville.
- I like Perpetua.

- Did you tag Frank's shop?
- Yeah, I tagged him.

When you guys were my age,
it was like�

no internet.

No, it was fucking crazy.

We did this thing,
it was called going outside.

Right, man.

How about you, Mr. Fucking
Big Time Drug Dealer, huh?

You, uh, you carry the cabbage?

Yeah, yeah, I got you.

What the fuck is that?
It's a fucking mason jar.

Yeah, it's called white champagne.

Genius, let's see what
you're fucking packing, huh?

You know what,
speaking of scotch,

you guys remember
the night at the game six?

- This fucking story again.
- The Buckner game?

That's right, 1986.

Sox gave New England something
they hadn't had in a long time, hope.

What is this,
a fucking Ken Burns documentary?

I got it on YouTube.

Sox lead the series going in.

Me, Frank and Swaino,
we're at Frankie's basement,

watching on this shitty
little black and white

with aluminum foil
on the antenna.

Nearly home here.

Let's see what Clemens
comes back with.

It was our own little
club house.

Nobody ever caught us
down there.

Very good.

Fucking old men,
they're upstairs

watching the same game
on a fucking color TV.

Our fathers spent their lives
watching the Sox lose.

They used to get wicked
fucking hammered down east.

We knew we need
to leave them alone.

It was unbelievable,
because this is the night

the curse of the fucking Bambino
was about to be fucking broken.

Then something
historic happens.

Hey, fuckheads,
histories happening,

get your asses upstairs.
Let's go.

They never asked us up
there before, we're all like,

"What!"

Come on, sit right here,
right next to your old man.

And we're all sitting there,
fucking just like this.

Right.

We never felt lovefrom
our fucking fathers before

in our whole fucking lives,
right?

Hey, now, hey, keep your eyes
on this game,

this is fricking
history here, okay?

This was it.

The Sox were going
to win the World Series

and we were all gonna be
in the room together.

Mookie Wilson
gets a slow roller

right up the
first baseline.

Bill Buckner squares up,
drops his glove

and the fucking ball rolls
right between his goddamn legs.

One of the worst errors
in baseball history.

The Mets score.

Fuck. Jesus.

But it doesn't end there for us.

We find ourselves
in a den of fucking lions.

The problem is, we had
to walk through the kitchen

to get through
the back door

and Frank's old man, he
was standing right there.

Now, let me tell you something.

We ain't never seen
a grown man cry before.

It was terrifying.
Frank's pop�

What the fuck are you doing here?

Grabs him, slams him
up against the fridge.

This ain't like your generation
of millennials.

This is when
you got fucking slapped.

I told you to stay downstairs.
What did I say?

So what did Swaino do?

Stop!

Grabs Frank's pop's arm,
tries to get him to stop.

Now, this type of kid-on-adult attack
was unprecedented in our world,

and highly ineffective

since Swaino was like
all of a bony ten-year-old.

Swaino's old man, he runs in,
throws Swaino off.

So I'm standing there
watching my two best friends

get demolished by their fathers
and there's my old man.

I looked at him, he looked at me,

then he shrugged,
reaches out,

guess he figured he should get
on the kid beating business too.

So I did the only thing
I could do.

Fled, like a fucking streak
of midget lightning,

he bolts like a bitch
out the front door.

But not before
I grabbed a bottle of scotch.

Except the screen door
was fucking locked.

Well, finally, Packie just burst
through the motherfucker, right?

He got the fucking screen wrapped
around his fucking head,

and everybody's just stops to
look at him across the fucking lawn.

And me and, me and Swaino,
we use that moment

as a diversion to get
the fuck out of the house.

Then we all met in the fucking woods
by that big rock where we'd go.

Just a big fucking rock
in the woods.

'Cause that's all it fucking
took back then.

We passed around that fucking bottle.

It was the first time
any of us ever had scotch.

And you wanna know
something, Chad?

It tasted like shit.

Didn't you, boys?
Didn't you, boys?

You fucking motherfucker,
you motherfucker.

So fucking beautiful.

It was so fucking beautiful.

Fucking genius.

I gotta take this real quick.

Ah, hey, Chad, you can hang out
for a bit, right?

No, I can hang for a few.

Hey, boys, entertain, uh,
entertain our guest, please.

Hey, Chad,
what does your father do?

He's partners
at Landon and Wilkins.

What the fuck is that?

It's like the biggest

fucking law
firm in Boston.

So, what's that like,

having a father
you're not ashamed of?

Good, I guess.

Fucking call me Karen.

Fuck.

Hey, you�

That's why you've been stuck
for three years in a row.

You don't gotta be like a
fucking shot at point guard,

you know what I mean?

I'll tell you what I wanna
know about, Chad.

How about
that Northeastern pussy?

Being on the crew team
plus in the fraternity

definitely has its benefits.

You got nice eyes too,
don't discount that.

That's what I thought.

Well, you know, you don't need

any of that shit
these days to get laid.

Getting pussy, man,

it's all through social media.

I've been trying
to tell him that.

It's, how's that fucking work,
what do you do?

You send fucking pictures
of your cock and shit?

That's not a good idea.

Whatever you
put out there,

that shit's gonna haunt you,
dude.

How so?

I saw like a couple of days ago,

my dad had to fire a junior attorney
because of a pic.

I mean, the guy was
at a gay resort in Los Cabos,

wearing a Speedo, fucking
tongue kissing some Mexican dude.

Wait, a lawyer can't be gay?

What, you know
my Aunt Connie is a lesbian.

She rides a trike,
grows her own weed.

Oh, yeah, no dude,
that's� that's nice and all.

We can be
all politically correct.

But the dudes
running this country,

like my dad
and his clients, man,

their mindset is back in 1955.

My dad has a bunch
of billionaire clients

who don't want to pay
some fucking faggot

in a Speedo $2,200 an hour
for legal advice.

What kind of lawyer
makes $2,200 an hour?

The good ones.

- Hello?
- Finally, you dumb fuck.

Fucking where the fuck are you?
I'm about to call the police.

Just calm down.
Sorry, I've been busy.

- Are you fucking serious?
- Calm down. Where are you?

I'm in the house.

In my house?
How the fuck did you get in?

I jimmied the fucking door,
how'd you expect me to get in?

Where the fuck is Crystal?

Crystal doesn't wanna talk to
you right now. Alright?

She's moving to fuckin' California.

- What'd you say to her?
- Stop, please.

I'm working really hard here, Frank.
I'm trying to change.

Don't fuck this up for me.

Fuck this� Fuck.

Gotta be fucking careful, bro.

You can't put that stuff out.

Here we go.

Bob Keats, motherfucker.

What, you don't fucking
believe me?

Boy, fucking take him,
gotta be careful.

Oh, no, no, no. I got a,
I got a fucking story for you.

So a few months ago,
I find this chick on Instagram.

She's� she's really young
and really cute.

And I DM and I ask her
to come to a fraternity party.

What the fuck is DM?

- Direct message.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So she shows up,
I get her totally fucking hammered.

I'm trying to shove my dick
in her mouth,

but she ends up being like

a total fucking cock tease,
alright?

She gives me one
of those like half-ass,

like falling asleep hand jobs,

and I'm like,
wake the fuck up, you know?

Like it doesn't matter, man.

A waste of a goddamn night,
you know.

I totally forget about it, it
doesn't fucking matter, right?

But she's still into me
and she� she's sending me pics.

- Naked pictures?
- No, no, no.

Well, not at first, tame at first,
you know?

So I coaxed her.
I worked her and she sent 'em.

But� but that's not
the weird thing, right? The�

Here, hold on.

Um, she's got this condition.

- Her, her nipples are like�
- Holy fuck.

Her nipples are fucking gigantic.

Goddamn it,
that's a big fuck again�

- Look at that!
- I've seen bigger.

I'm not, I'm kind of worried
this chick has a medical condition,

so I'm showing some of my buds.

- Sure, you gotta get their opinion.
- Exactly, yeah, yeah.

These big nip pics, I mean,
they're like, oh, my God,

they're striking a chord
with the boys,

and so I'm getting her
to send me more.

Like send all kinds
of fucking pictures to me, man.

And I'm sending them like
to everyone in the house

and they're sending
them to everyone.

So we call that going viral.

Thank you for the clarification,
Professor Cuntface.

So, Pancake shows up to another
one of our fraternity parties.

- Pancake, who's Pancake?
- Pancake.

That's what I nicknamed her.

'Cause of the size of�
Yeah, yeah, you get it.

Ah, that is so fucking
fucked up. I know, I know.

Yeah, so she shows up and she's
like famous now, right?

Like she's a fucking star.

We all know her, here she comes.
Yeah, yeah.

And these drunk dudes,
they, uh, they start chanting,

"Pancake, Pancake, Pancake."

- Oh, fuck.
- Everyone joins in, everyone.

Like fuck, she joined in.

She didn't know
what was going on.

She's like,
"Pancake, Pancake, Pancake.

Pancake, Pancake."

It was fucking terrible.

But she, but she finds out,
she finds out why

and she fucking storms out of
the house, just devastated, man.

Yeah, young girls, everything's
the end of the fucking world.

Everything's the end
of the fucking world, yeah.

She goes back to her home,

takes a bottle of pills�

- Tries to fucking kill herself.
- Jesus.

That fucking took
a turn for the dark.

What, whoa?

- I mean, she okay or�
- I don't know.

My dad told me
not to get involved.

I can't get caught up
in that shit.

I mean, I feel bad, but�

it's like my dad says,
you can't�

She shouldn't have sent the pics
to begin with.

Hey, guys, it's fucking
cold out there. Come on in.

That's my whole fucking point.
Gotta be fucking careful.

Internet's forever, bro.

- I� I got to split.
- Oh, no, come on.

- Do one shot with me.
- Listen, I'm late, I'm late.

Look, one shot,
you'll be on your merry way.

A little baby shot.

- Alright.
- Yeah. One shot.

One for the road.

Actually, I'm done partying.

- No, I'm kidding.
- Ahh�

Frank almost had
a fucking heart attack.

I mean, he's actually�

For you.

Alright.

- Oh, take a big one.
- Thank you.

Yeah. Like etiquette�

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

- Hey, hey, hey.
- Hey, hey.

- Cheers.
- Alright, alright, alright.

Hey.

Hey.

What were you talking
about out there?

Maybe jokin' about something.

Was it like funny?
You was laughin'.

- Hey, g� give me my keys back.
- Oh, no, no. I'll get you�

You're not getting these,
you're not getting these,

you're not getting these
until you tell me

what you guys
were, were laughin' at.

Maybe just show him
the Pancake pic, I don't know.

A picture?

It was a stupid story, Frank.

Frank, give the fucking kid
his keys back.

I want to see his picture.

Frank, it's a stupid
fucking story.

No, no, just�

Hey, Frank, take it easy, man.

You take it fuckin' easy.

Show me the fuckin' picture.

- What do I do here?
- Hey, Frank!

What are you
fucking doing?

Show me the fucking
picture right now.

Swaino and Karen had coffee.

Oh, for Christ's sake!
Fucking idiot!

My Karen?

- Yeah.
- And�

What do you mean "and?"

Yeah, we� we� we fucking
had coffee.

Did you fuck her?

How could you
fucking ask me that?

No, fuck you for asking me that.

- Fuck you, Frank.
- Okay so, why did you meet?

She took a fuckin' red eye,
alright?

She couldn't fucking find you
in your shop

or in your,
or in your house.

So, she came to my work,
she freaked out

'cause she's
fucking Karen.

What did you tell her?

I told her that I could fuckin'

care less if she's
fuckin' sober now.

And that she said
that all she wanted

was to see her daughter.
It's her fuckin' daughter.

Oh, by the way,
Frank's got a daughter.

You still think he's cool?
Fuck.

I'm lookin' out
for you and Crystal.

That's all I'm fuckin' doing,

it's all I'm ever fucking doing.

Cr� Crystal?

Jeez, you just killed
Chad Walker

with a wrench, Frank.

What the fuck
did you do that for?

He's not dead.

Hey, Frankie,
I'm gonna ask you again.

What the fuck are you doin'?

That story that
he was telling you about�

it's Crystal.

That fucking picture
that he� he� he showed us,

that was Crystal?

Is she gonna be okay, Frank?

It's been two weeks�

and she hasn't woken up yet.

We don't know the extent
of the brain damage.

It's different every day.

When she came to me�

when she needed me the most�

Just�

What the fuck were you thinking?

He said they were just for him.

You're supposed to be
smarter than that, Crystal.

Dad, please.

You are gonna turn out to be

just like your fuckin' mother.

Fuck!

I didn't know�

I don't fuckin' understand this.

Pictures were online.

Everybody in her high school
passing them around.

Everybody making fun of her.

Even her best friends,
relentless.

So she had enough.

Hey, hon, I'm comin' in.

Crystal!

Crystal! Crystal!

Baby. What did you do?

His fuckin' father.

His fucking father is connected.

He made it all go away.

I mean, Crystal is just
the poor girl from Manch-Vegas.

Nobody fucking cares.

Nobody but us.

So, what are we gonna do?

I'm gonna kill him.

I'll pull the trigger.

That's on me.

But I needed you two
here with me.

There's a lot of work
with the disposal.

The disposal?

Yeah.

I planned it all out.

I prepped the room.

That's your fucking plan?

- Yes.
- What about the G-Wagon?

We drive it to Hyde Park,

smash the window, put some
of his blood on the front seat.

Come on.

It's not the first time
that a drug deal

went bad in that fucking town.

The kid's fucking,
he� he's 19 years old.

Pe� people ain't gonna fuckin'
give up on a kid like that.

- He's a fucking drug dealer!
- Come on.

He's a very casual
fucking drug dealer.

The kid ain't fucking Scarface here.
I mean, just�

- You called him on your phone, right?
- It was a burner.

What the fuck is a burner?

You don't watch
"The Wire?"

You took the fucking Molly,
didn't you?

Frank. Frankie, I just�

I� I� I think
that we need to think here.

I think that we're just,
we're going too fucking fast.

He ruined Crystal's life
over a fuckin' joke.

Okay? Our Crystal.

That's all that we should be
thinkin' about right now.

When you're right,
you're right.

I'm in, Frank.

I'm in.

Yeah, alright.

Give me a hand.

Fuck, this is fucking crazy, Frank.
This is fucking crazy. I�

Could you guys just fucking
stop for one fucking second?

Frankie, how are we gonna
fuckin' get out of this?

You didn't fucking
think about it.

Wait, where are you�

Pack?

Fuck!

You're fucking outta your mind.

Swaino, if you wanna go,
now's the time to go.

Yeah, like you said,
it's fucking easy, Frankie.

I never fucking it was easy.

What am I supposed to do?
I'm an accomplice, huh?

I'm here.

- What am I supposed to do?
- Guys, Chad Walker's awake.

You wanna say something?

Please, please don't do this.
Please�

Your ass is definitely not
talking out of this shit, Chad.

Swaino, Swaino, help me, please.

No, no, I'm not,
I'm not a part of this, okay?

I'm not a part of it.

Wait, just let me, let me,
let me say something, please.

What?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I made a mistake,
I'm just a kid.

My parents, and the internet,
the fucking internet.

I� I know I hurt her.

I didn't mean it.
I didn't mean it.

I've been workin' in this shop

almost every day

for over ten
fuckin' years,

trying to give
my daughter a future.

But then you came along.

And you treat
her like a�

You treated her
like a piece of garbage.

I didn't know she was
in high school.

Hey, was it funny
passing around that picture

of my� my little baby girl,
huh?

Huh? Bet you all got
a big fucking laugh, right?

I'm sorry! I'm sorry.

I'm gonna
fuckin' kill you.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

No. No, no. Please.

No, no, no.

Please, no.
No, no.

No, please.

Please, no.

No, please, please.

Oh! No, no.

- No, please, don't kill me.
- Oh, God.

Let me say goodbye
to my mom and dad, please.

Let me say goodbye to them.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

No, no! No!

Wait. Instagram!
Instagram!

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

What the fuck?

He posted on Instagram.

- We all did, Frankie.
- Man, what the fuck!

He fuckin' posted
on� on� on the internet.

It's gone out into,
like, the fucking world.

Yeah, we all did.

Oh, this is unbelievable.

All a cop's gotta do

is look on his fucking Instagram
and he knows that he's here.

- Swaino's right.
- And we are all fucked.

I have 2,854 followers.

Hey, you shut the fuck up!

You're so fucked.

Oh, my God, I'll tell you
what you're gonna do.

- You're gonna untie me.
- Shut up.

- And I'm gonna call the cops.
- Shut up!

- Attempted murder.
- Shut up!

Oh, my father's gonna
sue the shit out of you.

You guys are gonna get,
get fucking ass-raped in jail.

Get ready, boys!

Start stretching those
fucking assholes.

Shut the fuck up!

You should've taught your

whore fucking daughter not to�

Hey, hey!

Frankie, no! Frankie, no!

No, don't! No!
No, Frankie.

Fuck.

Frankie, listen carefully.

Help, fucking help!

Shut the fuck up!

- You alright, man?
- Yeah.

I'll go, I'll go.

I can see you right there, Swaino,
you fuckin' chimpanzee!

Open the fucking door.

Karen, you better get
the fuck outta here.

What the fuck is going on, Frank?

I swear I'll throw my fist
through the fucking window.

- Karen, just go�
- Alright, I'm kicking.

Alright, alright,
alright, alright, get in.

What is going on?

Jeez, why the blood all over you?

What is this,
a fight club or something?

- You guys finally fucking each other?
- What the fuck are you doing here?

I went on Instagram,
I saw this jackass checked in here.

If you think that you can keep
my daughter away from me,

I swear to God,
I'll get a lawyer.

- I'll get a fucking lawyer.
- Calm the fuck down.

Okay. You told him that
we talked this morning, right?

And you asked if
we� we� we fucked, right?

- Do you think I would do that?
- Listen�

Do you think I'm that
kind of a fucking person?

Would you please just
stop fucking talking?

- Shut the fuck up, Swaino.
- Okay.

- Karen�
- Where the fuck is my kid?

Where the fuck
is my fucking kid?

Something happened to Crystal.

What?

- What the fuck happened?
- I need you to calm�

Tell me what fuckin' happened,
Frank.

Sit the fuck down, please.

I fucked up. I� I�

I need you to get in your car
and get the fuck out of here.

Just go away�

right now.

Where the fuck is he?

Just, just�

So, what are we gonna do?

I'm gonna cop a plea.

And turn myself in.

Tell 'em you guys
had nothin' to do with this.

What?

Now, listen.

Give me a half-hour head start
before you let him go.

Okay?

I gotta say goodbye to her,
before I turn myself in.

You can count on us, Frankie.

I'm sorry. Alright.

You gotta take care
of her now, Karen.

Wait, what? Hang on, Frank.

- She's her mother.
- I'm gonna be here.

- She's her mother.
- It doesn't matter.

What's she gonna do?
She's gonna run off again.

I promise you.
You gotta trust me.

- Frankie, you gotta be kidding.
- You got to fucking trust me.

Fuck her and the fucking
horse she walked in on.

It's not about growing the fuck up.
I've been there�

Alright, just stop it, just stop it!

Goddamn it, enough!

You're just gonna give up?

The fuck we supposed to do,
Karen?

I don't know!

I don't know.

But on top of everything else
that piece of shit did to her,

he's gonna take her father
away from her, too?

Crystal needs her father.

She needs you.

Karen.

If they stay�

you're all going to jail.

You're saying we can't outsmart
some soft fuckin' pretty boy?

You don't understand
who his father is.

Fuck his fuckin' father!

Fuck his entire fuckin' family!

He ain't gonna win this time,
not today.

Guys, we've
gotta be smart.

We've gotta use
our fuckin' heads.

We just gotta think.

Now we just gotta work together.

Packie, you're smart.

You're the smartest guy I know.

He ruined her life
with a picture.

So what?

Hey, guys.

I think I've got an idea.

- Pack.
- Hmm.

- You want to keep Frankie out of jail?
- Yeah.

I don't know about this.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, Pack.

- You can fucking do this.
- Why me?

Because yours is, by far,
the most photogenic.

- Packie.
- You got it!

- You can do it, Pack.
- You can do it. That a boy.

- That a boy, Pack. Come on.
- You got it.

I don't know, guys, just�
it seems a little homophobic.

It's a lot fucking homophobic,

but that's kind of
the fucking point, am I right?

Am I right?

You got it, Pack.

Ah, Karen, can you turn around,
please?

Okay, Pack, take it off.

Not your shirt,
the� the� the pillowcase.

That's it.

What the fuck is this?

- Holy shit, Packie.
- Open your mouth.

No way, no fucking way!

- Open your mouth.
- No fucking way.

Open your fucking mouth.

Atta-boy.

- Uh, wh� what's the passcode?
- One, two, three, four, five, six.

- I think I'm on the wrong screen.
- Just get the fucking picture.

Okay, okay, okay.

I got it. I got it. I got it!

Right there.

Show him.

Hey, can you tell it's me?

Only if someone's seen your cock, Pack.
I think you're safe.

Yeah, and what the fuck
are you gonna do with that?

Okay, Chad.

Now the way we see it,

there's two options
in how we move forward.

Option one, you go, you run
like the little bitch you are,

you run to your father,
run to the cops.

You're all fucked.

Excuse me, young man.
You interrupted me.

Now you can go
to the cops,

but I'm gonna
tell you right now,

my friend right there,

he's a social networking
fucking genius.

And he will post this picture.
It'll go everywhere.

I mean, everywhere.
It'll do that thing.

What's that thing called, Pack?

- Going viral.
- It'll go fucking viral.

It'll go fucking viral.

No, I'll tell the truth.

And when that comes out,
they'll believe me.

It won't make a fucking
difference, Chad,

and you know it.

Truth will make 'em share it
even more, probably.

- Probably.
- Know something, Chad?

No one's gonna pay you
that $2,200 an hour.

Shit, you'll be unhirable, Chad.

Your father, those bullshit
billionaire clients of his,

they're gonna
laugh at you.

Every single time you walk out
of a room, they're gonna laugh.

Maybe your friends will
come up with a nickname

for you this time.

Yeah, like Captain Dick Sucker.

Yeah, hopefully, a little
more creative than that,

but, yes, something
along those lines.

Option two.

You want to hear option two?

You walk out of here�

and you never, ever mention
this night to anyone,

anywhere, and it'll be
like this whole night,

including this very
provocative photo�

never fucking happened.

What's it gonna be, Chad?

Option two.

Goddamn right.

Cut him free.

Get the fuck out of my shop.

Your family's here.