Original subtitles

(ORCHESTRAL MUSIC RISING)

Subtitles by explosiveskull www.OpenSubtitles.org

(SHARP BLAST)

(SOFT MUSIC)

(SUSPENSEFUL CHIMES)

Edwin!

Sadie!

Sadie, I've missed you so.

Edwin, you're making me blush.

Now, Edwin, just a few more hours

and we'll be married.

You know what they say,

mahogany before marriage.

Sadie, you're so silly.

It's monogamy.

The board game?

What about it?

Oh, Sadie.

You're just so innocent.

I'm sorry for being such a rough yin.

Apology accepted, Edwin.

But I can't wait to give you my flower.

Did I embarrass you?

Sadie, you know I'm not much

for racy language.

(GIGGLES)

Edwin, you silly.

Oh, then.

(STACCATO ORCHESTRA CHORDS)

Really pretty set of legs you got there, Skippy.

Now, you watch your language

or I'll give you a good thrash ey.

Why don't you leave us good folk alone?

You hooligan!

(DARK ORCHESTRAL HUMMING)

What's going on, Edwin?

No problem, Blondie.

Just a little joke between me and your daddy-o here.

(BURST)

(SNAP)

(CRUNCH)

Now back off, you hear?

(BACKGROUND CHIMING)

(POLICE SIRENS)

You both got really luck this time.

You hear me, chickie?

You're real lucky I'm a forgiving kind of guy.

Now get out of here before I lose my good vibes.

(DOOR CREAKS)

You've been touched.

(GROANS)

(CAR ENGINE STARTS)

(THRILLER MUSIC)

(LAUGHING)

Oh, Edwin, be careful.

I got it, Sadie.

It's tradition.

(SMOOCHING NOISES)

Oh, Edwin, you've made me the happiest bride ever.

You've made me the happiest groom, Sadie.

(GIGGLES)

It's time now, Edwin.

You mean it, Sadie?

Yes, you go make yourself comfortable.

I have a special surprise for you.

(GIGGLES)

Let me, my lady.

Aw, my prince.

(SMOOCHING NOISE)

(SHUFFLING)

(BUZZING SOUND)

I'm going to make you the gayest man alive,

Edwin Trey Harrison.

Oh, Edwin!

It's so romantic!

I hope you're ready.

Oh my, I guess you are ready.

Oh, I had no idea how big you were, Edwin.

Edwin, I thought you had shaved.

Are you still wearing clothes?

Are you wearing leather?

(SCREAMS)

(GASPS)

(WHINING)

(SCREAMS)

Scream again, bitch, and I'll turn your man here

into an Nancy and wear his testes for earrings.

(LAUGHS)

Oh, I'd heed her word, Cherry.

She has a vast collection of testicle earrings.

Who are you people?

I'm Durk Mussow.

What do you want, Mr. Lassow.

I'm not a Lassow,

I'm a Mussow.

Durk Mussow,

leader of this here gang, Touchers.

We run these parts.

I'm Beatrice, Durk's girl,

so don't get any ideas.

Shutup, you.

(LOUD SLAP)

(SYNCOPATED BEATING)

Sorry, Durk.

Damn right you are, beotch.

I'm Reggie, we met earlier

and I swing a mean staff.

I'm Poodle and I hate cats,

but I love pussy,

if you get my drift.

(GRUNTS)

(LAUGHS)

And that's Blue.

What do you want with us?

Us?

(LAUGHS)

Oh no, baby, just you.

(LAUGHS)

I'm Blue.

Blue!

What did I tell you about cutting me off?

Sorry, Durk.

Blue bad.

(GROANING)

(LOUD SLAP)

(LAUGHING)

(LOUD GROANS)

(CRUNCHING)

Please, just go and leave us alone.

(SHRIEKS)

What do you think, Edwin?

You like?

(WHIMPERING)

Stop it, you're hurting him.

He can barely breathe.

Oh, I'd worry a little more

about your sweet neck.

(SCREAMS)

I heard about your sexy little frolicking yesterday.

Reggie saw the whole thing.

(WHIMPERING)

And now I want to get a little look for myself.

Yes (CHUCKLES).

(TEARING)

(LOUD SCREAMS)

Oh, Durky likey.

Hey, Boss.

(LAUGHING)

Eddie, my boy,

you haven't pickled this mango?

Oh, you've got to be fucking kidding me.

You haven't?

And you married her?

How long have you two been seeing each other?

Two years.

Two years?

(LAUGHS HEARTILY)

Two years!

Any guy who hasn't been laid for two years

must be one of those fudgepacking queers.

(LAUGHS)

You know, Eddie,

there's tons of rotten clams out there.

You just have to make sure they have a pearl

before you steam them.

(SCREAMING)

Oh yes.

There's a sunken pirate ship here,

and I'm about to slam my key

into his treasure.

What is it, Durk?

Yeah, Boss.

What the?

Reggie, Poodle, Blue...

Blue?

What's happening?

Edwin?

(GORILLA NOISES)

What's going on?

What are you doing?

(GORILLA NOISES)

(SCREAMING)

(LOUD UPROAR)

(CRUNCHING)

(LOUD GORILLA SOUNDS)

(SCREAMING)

(SQUIRTING NOISES)

(SCREAMING)

(CRUNCHING)

(SCREAMING)

(ANIMAL SOUNDS)

(SCREAMING)

(GROANS)

(COUGHING)

The fuck?

Get up, you shitheads.

We've got to get out of here.

(GROANING)

Ugh, I don't love it.

What the fuck did I eat last night?

Oh yeah.

(GAGGING)

I don't love it.

What got into us last night?

I don't know,

but it has something to do

with this bitch's vertical bacon sandwich.

I didn't do anything.

You did something to us, Cherry Poppins.

It was like the sineva.

It changed us, made us inhumane.

(EXHALES LOUDLY)

(CRUNCHING)

We've got to get out of here.

Now listen here, Sweet Nips.

You better not say a word to anybody.

Don't make me kill you to get the point across

that I will kill you.

Yes, yes, please just go.

(LAUGHING)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(HISSES)

(GRUNTS)

(SOFT BACKGROUND MUSIC)

(SCREAMING)

Dad! Dad!

Sadie?

What happened to you?

Why aren't you on honeymoon?

Oh, Dad, it was horrible.

We were attacked by some gang

of some major bad asses.

They killed Edwin.

What? Oh my!

We need to get you to police.

Get changed, I get jacket.

(VIOLIN PLAYING)

Hello?

(PANTING)

Father?

(HISSING)

Father, no!

Hello, I'm here.

Father!

(DISTANT MOANING)

Father!

What shame to our family.

Family, my son.

You fool, you do not understand yet,

but you will.

Understand what, my father?

Vagina is sweet, the sweetest nectar.

She is your daughter.

I will have her pink tuna taco.

Don't make me kill you.

(NINJA SOUNDS)

(GRUNTING)

(CRACKING)

(GASPS)

Father, I don't want to hurt you.

I love you.

Then join me son and together,

we will run a train on this bitch.

Never!

Then I will send you to hell.

(FIGHTING NOISES)

(GASPS)

(SCREECHES)

You think you can beat me, son? (LAUGHTER)

Soon you will see the method to my madness.

(WHISTLES)

(WHIMPERING)

No, not my puppy, Jackie Poupou.

(CRACKING NOISE)

(GASPS)

Father called upon the ancient but forbidden

art of the dog.

(LAUGHS)

I know you have lost your mind.

(SLAPPING)

(CAT MEOWS)

(GASPS)

(GASPS)

No, not Peter Mitten!

You forget, Father,

you trained me in petcata.

Yes, but this student is not yet

the master.

(GROANS)

(CAT MEOWS)

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

(CAR HORN HONKS)

(SPLATTERS)

(GASPS)

Don't!

(CRUNCHING)

Hiyah!

That is one cat that didn't land on his feet.

(CHUCKLES)

(SCREAMS)

(LOUD ROARING)

No, not my hamster, too.

(GROANING)

(SCREAMING)

Father, you forced me to do this.

Shang Lee, I know, my son.

It is not your fault.

(CRYING)

Shang Lee, you have made me proud.

Sadie, Sadie, forgive me.

Father?

(CRYING)

Oh thank you, brother, you saved me.

(SCREAMING)

(SOBBING)

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

(BALLS CLACKING)

I'm telling you, boss.

We've got to knife this twat.

She's going to tell the cops.

No, she won't.

She knows better.

(LAUGHING)

Yeah, no one messes with the Touchers.

I'm with Reggie, better be safe than sorry.

Will you three retards shut up?

You're really buzzing my mood.

Besides, there's a righteous track on the juke box.

♪ And he's funky ♪

(UPBEAT JAZZ DANCE MUSIC)

Oh, come on now, baby.

Hey, boss, I think we really need

to discuss this soda pop.

(CD RIPS)

(FIGHTING NOISE)

(DARK SUSPENSEFUL INSTRUMENTAL)

(WHIMPERING)

Are you alright?

Yeah, Durk, I'm fine.

(SOBBING)

You totally arsed this song for me, Reggie.

You know I don't talk business

when there's a rocking tune on.

I'm out of here.

I'm going back to the club house.

You choads stay here.

(WHOOSHING)

Fuck you all!

If you won't get that skank, I will.

(SCREAMS)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

Sadie, my dear, what's happened?

Casparella, I don't even know where to begin.

(BELLS RINGING)

And then I came to you.

I think I know what it is.

What?

Please tell me.

You have a rare condition, Sadie.

It's called Fire Crotch.

It's when a girl's vagina has been touched by Satan.

It's like the pussy has been possessed by a demon,

the scent of it, when exposed to air,

makes men crazy.

Oh, Cass, why?

Why?

I know, Sadie, it's rare.

I don't know why Satan chose your hairy goblet

to drink from, but he has.

All men are evil.

They are greedy, they are animals.

Fire crotch makes them behave how they really are,

unlocks the real them.

What can I do about it?

Well there's one thing,

but it brings a high price.

I don't care, tell me.

Edwin is dead.

My dad is dead.

My dog, cat, and hamster, Mr. Bobo are all dead.

My brother's run away.

I want this gone.

Well, I can perform a ceremony.

Basically, I excise Satan from your cock-holster,

but in the end evil takes domain there.

What does that mean?

It means you will never know the pleasures

of the male penis again.

You will be a warrior against men everywhere.

Your hatchet wound, your most deadly weapon in the fight.

I don't care.

Do it, rid me of this fire crotch.

(DRUMS BEATING)

(SUSPENSEFUL INSTRUMENTAL)

(CHANTING)

(DEMON LAUGH)

(EXPLOSION)

(SCREECHING)

(LOUD EXPLOSION)

Cass, are you okay?

Yes, I'm fine.

Just give me a moment to recover.

Did it work?

Yes.

Are you sure?

I don't feel any different.

You won't, but yes it has worked.

Just remember, you are now a weapon against man.

You can never have sex with a man again

or that man will pay the ultimate consequence.

What are you doing?

This is all you have now, Sadie.

What?

You can never lie with a man again,

only a woman.

What?

Cass, you tricked me.

No, I told you the truth.

I just didn't tell you everything.

I couldn't, Cass, a woman?

Yuck, that's disgusting.

Two women kissing gently?

Their tongues thrusting in and out

of each other's waiting, wide open,

wanting mouths, running their hands

all over each other's bodies, exploring every

beautiful curve and crevice with their fingers,

pinching each other's rapidly hardening nipples

until their hands slide down low,

fingers slipping in and out of each other's moist

cheastings, until eventually

finally, their heads drop down low,

tongues dancing circles around each other's clitorises

before partaking in the flash nectarines.

I've always thought you were beautiful, Sadie.

Don't you think I'm beautiful?

Well, yeah.

This is all you have now.

Be with me, and I promise you the pleasure

will be incredible.

I can't.

You'll be back. (VILLAIN LAUGH)

(SUSPENSEFUL BACKGROUND MUSIC)

Sadie, I'm so sorry.

I don't know what came over me.

Please forgive me.

I do, dear brother.

I understand everything now.

It wasn't your fault.

(GRUNTS)

(LOUD HITS)

Get off my brother.

You wait your turn, bitch.

Durk thinks you can keep your mouth shut

and I'm here to make sure he's right.

Don't worry, babe, I got the perfect gag for you.

I'm going to touch the fuck out of you, bitch.

(GRUNTING)

(GAGGING)

What are you going to do,

dry hump me to death, slut?

As a matter of fact.

(GROWLING)

You bitch, what did you do to me?

My beautiful dick, what did you do to my shlong?

(WHIMPERING)

You fucking slut.

You bitches are all the same.

I'm glad we killed your man.

(TECHNO MUSIC)

What are you doing, whore?

No no no no no no...

(GAGGING)

(SLAPPING NOISES)

You men are all the same.

You think you can just take what you want,

and if you're told no, you destroy,

deny it for anyone else.

Well, not anymore.

There's a new sheriff in town

and her meat flaps are packing death.

(CRACKING NOISE)

Sadie.

Sadie.

Chang Lee loves-

- Shh. It's okay, relax.

Chang Lee loves, Chang Lee loves.

Chang Lee loves.

Just relax, I'm going to get you to a hospital.

Chang Lee loves.

Chang Lee loves.

Love, love, love.

Love.

(GROANING)

Chang Lee love.

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

(ROARING)

Damn.

Bitches gonna die.

(SOFT MUSIC)

(SCREAMING)

(LAUGHING)

(ROARING)

Blue did it!

Woman hurt Blue's friends.

Blue's smash!

(GROANING)

Blue got you.

Blue's going to get you just like he got daddy

and little mommy, because daddy, he tried to

put it in my brown eye and you don't do that to Blue.

Just remember, you are now a weapon against man.

You can never have sex with a man again

or that man will pay the ultimate consequence.

I want kill you, too.

(ROARS)

Wow, Blue, I didn't realize how big and strong you were.

You're so sexy.

You're muscles are so hard.

I like that.

Oh, I want you, Blue.

I want you right now.

(GROANING)

Where's Durk?

Fuck off, whore.

Tell me where Durk is or I'll kill you.

I love Durk, I'll never be tramp

to some future lot lizard.

(SCREECHING)

Tell me or the other one goes, too.

Okay, okay, he's in the old warehouse on Jame's Street.

Now that didn't need to be so hard, did it?

What are you doing you crazy cunt?

Are you gay, one of those vagitarians?

You'll never get to him, he has 100 cards in there.

Oh, I'll find a way.

I know man's weakness now,

his bologna pony.

Blue, are you okay?

What happened?

Blue okay.

It felt like thousands of tiny needles

shooting up Blue's special purpose.

That bitch has some crazy honey pop.

(STEADY BEAT PLAYS)

BEATRICE: Hurry, we've got to get word to Durk

before the road doctor arrives.

Blue don't feel so good.

She changed, she was strong, kickass.

Blue peepee hurts.

How'd she get so badass so fast?

Uh oh.

What is it, Blue, you got poopings again?

No, Blue think Blue just has fartings.

Oh, Blue, that was the stinkiest air biscuit

I've ever smelled.

Window broken.

What the fuck, Blue, you have to hold it in.

Blue trying, Blue can't.

Blue prairie dogging.

Blue, pull over.

Uh oh, Blue sharting.

Blue still sharting.

Blue, what are you, four?

Hold it in.

Blue can't.

(LOUD GAS)

Blue got poopoo.

Blue, your shit's clogged up the locks.

Can't stop best shit ever.

(FARTING NOISES)

Slow down!

(SQUEAL)

(EXPLOSION)

You ever dance with the devil by the pale-

(SHOTS FIRING)

(SCREAMING)

Avenge me, Bruce.

(SCREAMING)

(DARK MUSIC)

Sir.

(GROANING)

Damn it, henchman.

What did I tell you about interrupting

after I finished banging quim?

I'm sorry, sir, but this is important.

Your gang, they're all dead.

(GAGGING)

How?

When?

What happened?

It was some girl, a bartender told us.

From the sounds of it, it was the whore

from the hotel room you all raped.

Damn it.

If they're all dead, then she must be coming for me next.

Luckily, conveniently in a weird twist of fate,

I have all you henchmen.

Quickly, prepare the men.

Yes, sir.

All of you bitches out.

Except for you.

I need my thinking vagina on.

(MOANING)

(SHOTS FIRING)

(GUNSHOT)

(GUNSHOT)

(GROANING)

(ZIPPER UNZIPS)

(RIPPING SOUNDS)

(CHOKING)

(GRUNTING)

(LAUGHS)

(SMOOCHING)

Freeze, bitch.

Throw the gun away.

Turn around.

You're one hot piece.

I can't wait to rape your ass.

(GUNSHOTS)

(GROWLING)

(SCREAMING)

What the fuck are you?

Give me one good reason why I shouldn't pop you

right here right now, slut bucket.

But I came back for you, Durk.

You killed all my men.

That was just a misunderstanding.

A misunderstanding?

I just came back here for you.

They attacked me.

Well, you do have a point.

And so do you, Durk.

You know, Durk, when you first took me like that,

I felt ashamed, violated,

but the truth is, I was also a bit excited.

Oh you sluts usually are.

Yeah, you unlocked something inside of me,

made me feel a way I never imagined before.

And now, I think you're the only man

who can ever make me feel that way again.

Yeah, I do have that way with women.

Yes you do.

Take me, Durk.

Take me in every position.

Front and back?

Yes, all three.

Do me hard.

Oh come on, Durk, I'm all yours.

Wait, first how about licking me a bit

down there?

Oh, you like that, baby?

I don't know, Durk.

No one's ever licked me down there before,

but I think that if you do it, I will.

Oh you will.

Durk's tongue is legendary.

(BAND INSTRUMENTAL)

You like that?

How about a little finger action?

My finger's stuck.

What the hell?

Oh don't stop, Durk.

You're hitting my g-spot.

(MOANS)

(SQUIRTING)

Oh yeah, Sadie likey.

(FARTS)

(CALM INSTRUMENTAL)

There is no peace for you here, Sadie.

But why, Black Jesus?

I can't help it that I was cursed by this fire crotch.

It is not that, Sadie.

Is it because I sought revenge,

took the Lord's will in my own hands?

No, that is wrong, but that is not it, Sadie.

Then what is it, Black Jesus?

Why do you deny me solace in this holy place

when I seek peace?

It is because you are a lesbian now, Sadie.

What can I do, Black Jesus?

Drop to your knees before me, Sadie.

Sware you obedience to man.

That will do it?

That will be a start,

plus my 16 inch Black Jesus penis needs servicing.

What?

You must take my penis inside you, Sadie.

It is the only thing that can restore your vagina.

So that's it, Black Jesus?

I must have sex with you?

Don't look at it that way, Sadie.

You can just lay there if you want.

Is there no other way?

That's the only sure way.

I could jerk off on your ass,

but there's no guarantee that'll be enough.

Come, Sadie, you know my words to be true.

No, Black Jesus, I won't.

All men, they are the same.

They want a servant, not a partner.

They want us to wait on them hand and foot

and then lay back and spread our legs whenever they deem.

Sex, sex, sex.

That's all they care about.

Edwin, Durk, even my brother Chang Lee the third.

They mount us like mad gorillas,

always screaming, give me the juice, give me the juice.

They think just because we women own these tunnels of love,

they're entitled to a free banana boat trip

whenever they want.

Well, no.

Sorry, sir.

This here birth cannon is the river sticks

and the ferry woman's payment is due

in order to pass.

Then you have doomed yourself, Sadie.

No, Black Jesus, I have not.

It's not my fault, it's theirs.

It was their lack of control.

They're the ones doomed, Black Jesus,

and I will bring my fury down upon them.

I'm coming to get them, Black Jesus,

every one of them, and I'm bringing

my cock-killing panty hamster with me.

(SOFT MUSIC)

Did you get your revenge, girl?

Yes.

Good, now come and pay your penance.

(KISSING NOISES)

Sir, sorry to disturb you, but we just got word

the northern territory syndicate has been wiped out.

MAN: Everyone?

Yes, sir.

MAN: Rebel gang, police, military.

See, those were my first thought, too,

but no, sir.

They were done by one person, reports indicate.

A woman with a killer vagina.

Tell me more about this killer vagina.

(GROWLS)

I know you dickheads just got done with a rough night,

but plant those feet in cement because this speech

is going to be a rough fucking ride.

For those of you who have your heads stuck under rocks,

which is apparently the majority of this gang,

we have been fucking up in terms of late night looting

and the general killing of the local population.

I have literally been getting police reports

on gang members being so fucking pussy

and so fucking inept.

If you're hearing this and saying to yourself

that OMG, Durk, been having so much fun

with my boys this week, then punch yourself

right in the fucking face, so I don't have to find you

later and do it myself.

I don't give a flying fuck

about how much you love talking to your brothers.

You have 390 days out of the fucking year

to talk to your brothers, and this week is not.

I fucking repeat, not one of them.

This week is about fostering fear

in the local community, and that's not

fucking possible if you're standing around here

talking to each other and not out causing havoc.

News flash, you stupid cocks,

neighborhoods don't fear pussy gangs.

Double fucking news flash,

the locals aren't going to give us our protection

money if we're not out kicking fucking ass,

which by the way, if you're an idiot,

and need it spelled out for you, we're not kicking

fucking ass.

This also applies to you little shits

who have been playing grab ass in plain sight

in front of local rival gangs.

Are you fucking retarded?

That's not a rhetorical question.

I want you to tell me if you're mentally slow

so I can take you out of nighttime looting runs.

If another gang openly said yeah, we're going

to take over the Toucher's territory, would you be happy?

Would you?

No, you wouldn't, so why the fuck would you act

like queers in front of them?

In front of them!

(GROWLS)

First of all, you shouldn't be playing grab ass.

I don't give a fuck if you don't think they're watching

or around.

You don't do it in public.

You don't do it in public,

and you especially do fucking not

get other henchmen to do it with you.

But Durk, you say in a whiny little bitch voices,

you listen to me.

I've been kicking ass at all the local gang rigs.

Doesn't that count as something?

No, you stupid fucking asshats.

It fucking doesn't.

And do you know fucking why it doesn't fucking count?

Because you have been fucking up at local shakedowns

as well.

I've not only got reports about gang members

giving leeway to local businesses.

For example, being stupid shits and saying

something like, I'll get it next week.

It's not fucking okay.

But I've gotten reports that this lagging collections

has allowed gangs to move in on our territory.

The opposing fucking gangs.

Are you fucking stupid?

I don't give a shit about gang wars.

You collect protection fees.

You don't allow gangs to infringe on our territories.

You don't give extra time.

If they can't pay, you break legs.

Or are you so fucking dense about what it means

to make people like you that you think

if you're a good little supporter of the local community,

that will make people love us and send us money

to buy hookers and booze.

Well, I think it's time someone told you

that doesn't fucking happen.

I will fucking cunt-punt the next person I hear

doing something like that, and I don't care

if you cry your little gang member eyes out.

I will fucking assault you.

(CRIES)

Oh, Durk, I'm now crying because your speech

is making me oh so sad.

Well, good.

If this speech applies to you in any way,

meaning if you're a little ass wipe who stands

in a corner not connecting, or you're a weird little shit

who does weird shit during the day,

then this following message is for you.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Do not go to tonight's rumble.

I'm not fucking kidding.

Don't go, seriously.

If you've got any of the things that I've mentioned

in this speech, or you have some rare disease

where you're able to not do these things,

then you are horrible, I repeat, horrible muscle

for the gang.

I would rather have four gang members that can kick ass

and stab a few people and aren't fucking pussies

than 80 that are fucking faggots.

If you're one of those people who have told me

oh no, boo hoo, I can't kill anyone, I'm too sober,

then I fucking pity you

because I don't know how you got this far in life.

And with that in mind, don't fucking show up

unless you're going to stop being a god damn

cock block for this gang.

Seriously, I swear to god, if I see anyone

being a god damn boner at tonight's rumble,

I will tell you to leave even if you're packing heat.

I'm not even kidding.

Try me, and for those of you that are offended

by this speech, I would apologize,

but I really don't give a fuck.

Go fuck yourselves.

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