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1
00:00:03,046 --> 00:00:04,672
How's it going
down there, Chuck?
2
00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:08,051
Real good, babe. [groans]
3
00:00:08,051 --> 00:00:11,596
Is the Anti-Life Equation
affecting you the same way it did the chicken?
4
00:00:11,596 --> 00:00:15,141
No, babe, but I am being
affected a teensy-weensy bit... [groans]
5
00:00:15,141 --> 00:00:17,310
From all the trees
you're slamming me into.
6
00:00:17,310 --> 00:00:19,228
Oh. [chuckles] Sorry.
7
00:00:19,228 --> 00:00:21,022
Sometimes I forget
you're down there.
8
00:00:21,022 --> 00:00:24,692
- As long as you
don't say that in bed, babe. - [both laugh]
9
00:00:24,692 --> 00:00:25,777
[thuds]
10
00:00:25,777 --> 00:00:26,903
[Golden Glider yelps]
11
00:00:30,490 --> 00:00:33,201
I think you've run
long enough.
12
00:00:33,201 --> 00:00:35,620
[scoffs]
How did you find us?
13
00:00:35,620 --> 00:00:37,121
I got this, babe.
14
00:00:37,121 --> 00:00:40,041
Is it because I search
for highly rated Anti-Life Equation
15
00:00:40,041 --> 00:00:41,834
disposal options near me?
16
00:00:41,834 --> 00:00:43,711
Yes. And thank you.
17
00:00:43,711 --> 00:00:44,921
- Knew it!
- Babe!
18
00:00:44,921 --> 00:00:46,923
Sorry, babe.
I thought it was worth a shot.
19
00:00:46,923 --> 00:00:50,134
Well, we're not giving you
the Anti-Life Equation.
20
00:00:50,134 --> 00:00:52,887
Chuck and I
will die to protect it.
21
00:00:52,887 --> 00:00:54,597
- Oh, dang it!
- Chuck!
22
00:00:54,597 --> 00:00:57,225
I'm sorry, babe. I am so sorry.
23
00:00:57,225 --> 00:01:00,103
If you want it back,
I have a price.
24
00:01:00,103 --> 00:01:02,522
A talk with me, face to face.
25
00:01:02,522 --> 00:01:08,111
- My robots will escort you.
- Oh, right, so you can kill us. No way.
26
00:01:08,111 --> 00:01:10,071
I thought you might say that.
27
00:01:10,071 --> 00:01:14,242
- Which is why I brought
an olive branch. - Pass.
28
00:01:14,242 --> 00:01:17,995
All the olive branches,
olive oils, and pimento olives in the world
29
00:01:17,995 --> 00:01:22,291
won't get us there because,
newsflash, I don't like olives!
30
00:01:22,291 --> 00:01:24,419
Do you like this?
31
00:01:24,419 --> 00:01:27,422
- My kite?
- I saved it from the fire,
32
00:01:27,422 --> 00:01:29,340
which is what
I want to do for you.
33
00:01:29,340 --> 00:01:33,010
You can't spend your life
on the run, Kite Man.
34
00:01:33,010 --> 00:01:34,929
It's time you faced this.
35
00:01:35,805 --> 00:01:37,306
Trust me.
36
00:01:39,434 --> 00:01:41,310
[theme music playing]
37
00:02:06,461 --> 00:02:08,588
We've run that simulation
millions of times.
38
00:02:08,588 --> 00:02:10,381
And it always
comes out the same.
39
00:02:10,381 --> 00:02:12,592
All life in the universe
is extinguished.
40
00:02:12,592 --> 00:02:15,386
- The end of everything.
- Including my customers.
41
00:02:15,386 --> 00:02:17,096
Which is why
I don't want this to happen.
42
00:02:17,096 --> 00:02:20,850
It is inspiring how much
you care for your customers.
43
00:02:20,850 --> 00:02:23,019
- Well, they're always right.
- Mmm, unless they're dead.
44
00:02:23,019 --> 00:02:26,105
Precisely! Which is what
I'm trying to avoid.
45
00:02:26,105 --> 00:02:27,482
No matter the variable,
46
00:02:27,482 --> 00:02:30,359
the simulation
always ends that way.
47
00:02:30,359 --> 00:02:32,862
With one exception.
48
00:02:32,862 --> 00:02:35,156
You, Kite Man.
49
00:02:35,156 --> 00:02:38,284
There's a scenario where
you use the Anti-Life Equation
50
00:02:38,284 --> 00:02:40,286
and this doesn't happen.
51
00:02:40,286 --> 00:02:42,330
Uh, cool.
52
00:02:42,330 --> 00:02:43,790
- Why not?
- Yeah.
53
00:02:44,248 --> 00:02:45,333
Why not?
54
00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:46,709
I wish we knew.
55
00:02:46,709 --> 00:02:50,004
But the fate of the world
is in your capab...
56
00:02:50,004 --> 00:02:52,090
Well, your hands.
57
00:02:52,090 --> 00:02:53,633
But it won't be easy.
58
00:02:53,633 --> 00:02:55,593
Lex wants the equation
to kill Superman,
59
00:02:55,593 --> 00:02:57,261
and has no clue
he'll kill us all.
60
00:02:57,261 --> 00:02:58,721
We've dealt with Lex before.
61
00:02:58,721 --> 00:03:00,390
But you've never
dealt with Darkseid.
62
00:03:00,390 --> 00:03:01,849
He's hunting you, too,
63
00:03:01,849 --> 00:03:03,559
and if he gets the equation,
we're all dead.
64
00:03:03,559 --> 00:03:06,687
So whatever you do,
do it quickly.
65
00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:07,897
Okay...
66
00:03:07,897 --> 00:03:10,108
I can't believe I'm going
to fucking say this,
67
00:03:10,108 --> 00:03:12,735
but godspeed, Kite Man!
68
00:03:12,735 --> 00:03:14,779
[suspenseful music playing]
69
00:03:19,742 --> 00:03:22,078
Drinking light beer
these days, huh Gus?
70
00:03:22,078 --> 00:03:24,664
Yeah. I just thought
I'd switch it up, Nooman.
71
00:03:24,664 --> 00:03:26,749
- Nooman?
- [Bane] Goddam it!
72
00:03:26,749 --> 00:03:29,001
I've been tugging coffee
and prune juice,
73
00:03:29,001 --> 00:03:32,213
but I'm stuffed up
like a hydroelectric dam.
74
00:03:32,213 --> 00:03:34,257
Sometimes the best laxative
75
00:03:34,257 --> 00:03:36,342
is a little thing
called patience.
76
00:03:36,342 --> 00:03:37,593
Shove it, dickbag!
77
00:03:37,593 --> 00:03:39,595
I have no time
for your patience.
78
00:03:39,595 --> 00:03:43,057
I have to poop in the
Portal Potty right now
79
00:03:43,057 --> 00:03:47,145
so I can go back to the '80s
and find Goldilocks!
80
00:03:47,145 --> 00:03:49,439
She's probably 'lone and scared
81
00:03:49,439 --> 00:03:51,941
and this close
to trying to get famous
82
00:03:51,941 --> 00:03:53,609
by singing in a mall.
83
00:03:53,609 --> 00:03:55,737
Yeah, kids are easy to lose.
84
00:03:55,737 --> 00:03:59,198
I have one or two kiddos
wander off every field trip,
85
00:03:59,198 --> 00:04:00,533
and perish.
86
00:04:00,533 --> 00:04:02,535
[Bane] That is weird
and not helpful.
87
00:04:04,620 --> 00:04:06,622
Helen says
it's up to you to save us.
88
00:04:06,622 --> 00:04:08,374
So, what's your plan?
89
00:04:08,374 --> 00:04:10,460
Ooh, uh, I was kind of hoping
90
00:04:10,460 --> 00:04:12,879
something would
hit me on the way over.
91
00:04:12,879 --> 00:04:14,338
Uh... Oh! I know.
92
00:04:14,338 --> 00:04:15,965
Yes! That's my Chuck!
93
00:04:15,965 --> 00:04:16,966
I'll take a shower.
94
00:04:16,966 --> 00:04:18,551
That's where
I get my best ideas.
95
00:04:18,551 --> 00:04:20,636
What kind of idea
we lookin' for?
96
00:04:20,636 --> 00:04:24,974
Oh, you know,
just one that allows us to defeat two apex villains
97
00:04:24,974 --> 00:04:28,436
while also destroying
a heretofore undestroyable cosmic weapon.
98
00:04:28,436 --> 00:04:30,563
Anything coming to mind?
99
00:04:30,563 --> 00:04:33,441
Just if we're making war plans,
100
00:04:33,441 --> 00:04:36,527
we should adjourn
to the war room.
101
00:04:43,326 --> 00:04:44,494
[Sixpack grunts]
102
00:04:45,328 --> 00:04:46,829
[Kite Man] We have a basement?
103
00:04:46,829 --> 00:04:48,998
This is why you use
a real estate agent.
104
00:04:52,168 --> 00:04:55,838
[Jazzercise Instructor]
And side to side! And side to side!
105
00:04:55,838 --> 00:04:59,801
And glute and chute!
And glute and chute!
106
00:04:59,801 --> 00:05:02,512
Are you
Princess Rebecca Chen?
107
00:05:02,512 --> 00:05:05,640
You look beautiful!
108
00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:08,476
I better. If I'm gonna be
the next Sheena Easton,
109
00:05:08,476 --> 00:05:10,019
I gotta up my leg game.
110
00:05:10,019 --> 00:05:12,438
What do you want, kid?
You shit here from the future?
111
00:05:12,438 --> 00:05:15,691
I went number two
and it sent me back in time.
112
00:05:15,691 --> 00:05:18,569
And Baney told me
a story 'bout you.
113
00:05:18,569 --> 00:05:20,530
Bane? What did he have to say?
114
00:05:20,530 --> 00:05:25,743
It's a story about
your daughter on the run with the Anti-Life 'quation.
115
00:05:25,743 --> 00:05:29,497
My daughter has something
called the Anti-Life Quation?
116
00:05:29,497 --> 00:05:31,791
Mmm. Tell me more.
117
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,461
[beeping]
118
00:05:35,461 --> 00:05:38,089
Sire, this chip
was torn from Chessure.
119
00:05:38,089 --> 00:05:41,634
Now we have no way
of tracking Malice and the Anti-Life Equation.
120
00:05:41,634 --> 00:05:43,428
How is that possible?
121
00:05:43,428 --> 00:05:47,598
- That kid from Petigans, uh-
- [Ominous Choir] ♪ Brandon! ♪
122
00:05:47,598 --> 00:05:48,891
Right. Brandon.
123
00:05:48,891 --> 00:05:51,894
He guaranteed
it would never dislodge.
124
00:05:51,894 --> 00:05:55,231
He probably didn't anticipate
the giant chicken attack, sire.
125
00:05:55,231 --> 00:05:57,900
I'm sorry. But do you know
what guarantee means?
126
00:05:57,900 --> 00:06:00,403
[Ominous Choir] ♪ A promise
That certain conditions Will be fulfilled ♪
127
00:06:00,403 --> 00:06:03,030
A promise
that certain conditions will be fulfilled.
128
00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:07,076
Yes. Well, Brandon broke
his fucking promise.
129
00:06:07,076 --> 00:06:10,455
And now we don't know where
the Anti-Life Equation is.
130
00:06:10,455 --> 00:06:15,585
But I do know
exactly where to go.
131
00:06:15,585 --> 00:06:19,589
Okay, and do you have
a Petigans Plus account?
132
00:06:19,589 --> 00:06:22,925
Brandon! You guaranteed me
this tracking chip
133
00:06:22,925 --> 00:06:25,720
could never be dislodged
from my demon cat.
134
00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:27,555
Oh, I remember you. Yeah.
135
00:06:27,555 --> 00:06:30,099
You have your
Petigans Plus card? I could give you a refund.
136
00:06:30,099 --> 00:06:34,479
A refund doesn't give me
my fucking Anti-Life Equation, does it, Brandon?
137
00:06:34,479 --> 00:06:37,356
You broke a guarantee.
138
00:06:37,356 --> 00:06:41,027
And the punishment for that
is torture for 1,000 years.
139
00:06:41,027 --> 00:06:44,781
- Um, um, sire?
- Um, um, what, DeSaad?
140
00:06:44,781 --> 00:06:48,618
We probably don't have
1,000 years to find the Anti-Life Equation.
141
00:06:48,618 --> 00:06:52,246
Well, I guess every party
needs a pooper. That's why we invited DeSaad.
142
00:06:52,246 --> 00:06:54,415
[Ominous Choir chanting]
♪ Ha ha ha! ♪
143
00:06:54,415 --> 00:06:55,958
But perhaps you're right.
144
00:06:55,958 --> 00:06:58,920
Instead of being tortured
for 1,000 years,
145
00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:01,839
you will serve me on
Apokolips for eternity.
146
00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:05,093
Um... 'Kay, I could
probably start Thursday.
147
00:07:05,093 --> 00:07:07,637
I gotta tell Gary,
my boss here--
148
00:07:07,637 --> 00:07:09,722
You'll start right now.
149
00:07:11,724 --> 00:07:15,436
Yeah, so Helen says
I need to use it somehow.
150
00:07:15,436 --> 00:07:17,939
That doesn't make sense.
How the hell do you use it?
151
00:07:17,939 --> 00:07:20,983
Or destroy it when even
a nuclear blast couldn't?
152
00:07:20,983 --> 00:07:22,819
We don't have any idea. Okay?
153
00:07:22,819 --> 00:07:25,822
As far as I know,
there's no way to destroy it.
154
00:07:25,822 --> 00:07:28,157
Hey, hey, you guys
ever seen The Exorcist?
155
00:07:28,157 --> 00:07:30,660
That movie about
the little girl possessed by the demon
156
00:07:30,660 --> 00:07:32,328
and nobody can figure out
how to get rid of it?
157
00:07:32,328 --> 00:07:34,831
Yeah, right.
And then the old priest says,
158
00:07:34,831 --> 00:07:40,336
"Hey, demon, when you're done
playing with the kids, try and fuck with me."
159
00:07:40,336 --> 00:07:42,880
Oh, yeah, and then the demons
like, "It's on!"
160
00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:47,677
Right. And it jumps into him
and the priest is all like, "Joke's on you demon.
161
00:07:47,677 --> 00:07:49,846
I'm jumping out this window."
And he does.
162
00:07:49,846 --> 00:07:54,809
And he slams into
the stairs, kills himself and the demon dies inside him.
163
00:07:57,520 --> 00:08:01,774
Chuck, are you suggesting
that you invite the Anti-Life Equation inside you
164
00:08:01,774 --> 00:08:03,651
and then kill yourself
to destroy it?
165
00:08:03,651 --> 00:08:05,737
[spitting loudly]
What? Holy shit.
166
00:08:05,737 --> 00:08:09,699
No, I was just like,
"The Exorcist, that's a pretty good movie."
167
00:08:09,699 --> 00:08:13,369
It was just suggested to me
on my Villigans Crime "Watch Next" list.
168
00:08:13,369 --> 00:08:17,498
[chuckling] Kill myself?
How did you get that from that?
169
00:08:17,498 --> 00:08:19,208
[laughs in relief]
170
00:08:19,208 --> 00:08:21,961
I'm glad you think so,
because that's just crazy.
171
00:08:21,961 --> 00:08:24,255
So crazy,
it just might work.
172
00:08:24,255 --> 00:08:28,009
Whoever reads the equation,
becomes the equation.
173
00:08:28,009 --> 00:08:30,470
And like The Exorcist tells us,
174
00:08:30,470 --> 00:08:33,181
if they die, it dies.
175
00:08:33,181 --> 00:08:34,724
Newheart is right!
176
00:08:34,724 --> 00:08:37,685
Kite Man should use
the Anti-Life Equation and kill himself.
177
00:08:37,685 --> 00:08:38,936
Who's with me?
178
00:08:38,936 --> 00:08:40,354
- [Queen of Fables] I am.
- [Moe] Of course.
179
00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:41,898
- Uh what?
- [Bane] Thanks for dying, Kite Man.
180
00:08:41,898 --> 00:08:43,191
- That's a classy way to die.
- Excuse me?
181
00:08:43,191 --> 00:08:44,650
Looks like
the voters have spoken.
182
00:08:44,650 --> 00:08:47,487
Okay, so
we're really doing this then.
183
00:08:47,487 --> 00:08:50,698
Guess I'll, uh, have
to figure out the best thing
184
00:08:50,698 --> 00:08:54,702
to, uh, throw myself
to the death off of--
185
00:08:54,702 --> 00:08:56,913
Wait! What if once it's in him,
186
00:08:56,913 --> 00:08:59,415
the Anti-Life Equation
won't let him kill himself?
187
00:08:59,415 --> 00:09:03,252
Great point, Malice!
That... That is the plan's Achilles heel.
188
00:09:03,252 --> 00:09:07,090
- Well, back
to the drawing board-- - Or I'll kill you.
189
00:09:07,090 --> 00:09:09,092
That way you can't back out.
190
00:09:09,092 --> 00:09:12,095
- Boom, bam, bing, dead!
- Ooh, fuck that! You're a terrible shot.
191
00:09:12,095 --> 00:09:14,055
I'll throw the Evil Fairy
Godmother at him.
192
00:09:14,055 --> 00:09:17,767
Kite Man, I'd be happy
to 'splode you if you'd like me to.
193
00:09:17,767 --> 00:09:21,562
That is, uh, so helpful
of you guys.
194
00:09:21,562 --> 00:09:25,441
So, uh, are we thinking
quick and painless or--
195
00:09:25,441 --> 00:09:28,861
- [Bane] Well, uh, quick--
- Okay, nobody's killing Chuck.
196
00:09:28,861 --> 00:09:30,863
- Why not?
- Come on!
197
00:09:30,863 --> 00:09:32,365
- [Noonan] Who calls
the shots around here? - [Bane] I don't mind really.
198
00:09:32,365 --> 00:09:34,909
Chuck, don't let them
talk you into it.
199
00:09:34,909 --> 00:09:37,370
- I won't lose you like this.
- Yeah.
200
00:09:37,370 --> 00:09:40,289
You've always said
my power is my heart.
201
00:09:40,289 --> 00:09:43,418
My kindness.
Which used to make me so mad.
202
00:09:43,418 --> 00:09:46,713
But I didn't tell you
'cause I didn't want to hurt your feelings.
203
00:09:46,713 --> 00:09:48,840
But maybe you're right.
204
00:09:48,840 --> 00:09:52,135
Maybe kindness is a key
that opens all doors,
205
00:09:52,135 --> 00:09:57,014
but only locks one,
the door to the end of the universe.
206
00:09:57,014 --> 00:10:00,935
Which is a dooz. So, Babe,
207
00:10:00,935 --> 00:10:05,815
I have to ask.
Lisa Golden Glider Snart,
208
00:10:05,815 --> 00:10:09,318
will you take silly old me
to have and to hold,
209
00:10:09,318 --> 00:10:14,949
till death, at your hands,
do us part?
210
00:10:14,949 --> 00:10:17,285
It's... It's just,
it has to be you, babe.
211
00:10:18,327 --> 00:10:19,245
Please.
212
00:10:20,747 --> 00:10:24,333
Yes, Chuck. I'll do it.
213
00:10:24,333 --> 00:10:26,586
I'd rather be dead myself
than live without you.
214
00:10:26,586 --> 00:10:29,505
But if you can make
this sacrifice, then I can too.
215
00:10:30,757 --> 00:10:31,924
We need a minute.
216
00:10:33,009 --> 00:10:36,054
[bagpipes playing]
217
00:10:39,557 --> 00:10:43,853
Hey, after all this...
[whispers] I know a guy you might like.
218
00:10:52,987 --> 00:10:57,950
- And this pocket is too-
- Hot. I know. Jesus. Try this.
219
00:10:57,950 --> 00:11:02,371
So what you're saying
is my daughter has the Anti-Life Equation?
220
00:11:02,371 --> 00:11:06,125
Baney said it's the most
powerful weapon in the universe
221
00:11:06,125 --> 00:11:08,878
and everybody wants it.
222
00:11:08,878 --> 00:11:11,839
'cluding Darkseid.
223
00:11:11,839 --> 00:11:14,801
- The end.
- Interesting.
224
00:11:17,845 --> 00:11:20,390
Darkseid Choir auditions.
225
00:11:20,390 --> 00:11:22,558
Very interesting.
226
00:11:22,558 --> 00:11:25,895
This cuisine is too lean!
227
00:11:25,895 --> 00:11:27,897
You know, kid,
you're a real cunt.
228
00:11:28,898 --> 00:11:30,817
Uh, Darkseid?
229
00:11:30,817 --> 00:11:33,361
They said your warranty voided
as soon as you took the chip out of the cat.
230
00:11:33,361 --> 00:11:35,154
I didn't take
the fucking chip out!
231
00:11:35,154 --> 00:11:36,697
They owe me a full refund!
232
00:11:36,697 --> 00:11:40,576
Sire, perhaps your
unquenchable thirst for revenge
233
00:11:40,576 --> 00:11:44,747
is proving a fatal flaw,
that may be distracting you from your...
234
00:11:44,747 --> 00:11:46,416
Fatal what?
235
00:11:46,416 --> 00:11:50,044
Uh, let's remember
this is all because Malice lied.
236
00:11:50,044 --> 00:11:53,715
Now I know the plan was to look
everywhere but Noonan's,
237
00:11:53,715 --> 00:11:56,592
however, I took a chance.
238
00:11:56,592 --> 00:11:58,803
- God-daddy!
- She was at Noonan's after all.
239
00:11:58,803 --> 00:12:03,683
I'm hearing
the most awful rumor that you think I lied to you.
240
00:12:03,683 --> 00:12:07,854
Malice! Kite Man
and Golden Glider have the Anti-Life Equation.
241
00:12:07,854 --> 00:12:11,190
Not Lex Luthor
and Helen Villigan, like you told me.
242
00:12:11,190 --> 00:12:14,819
- Or am I wrong?
- Okay, fine. They do.
243
00:12:14,819 --> 00:12:17,488
But it doesn't matter,
because it's probably already destroyed.
244
00:12:17,488 --> 00:12:20,116
So you'll just have to find
some other stupid math problem
245
00:12:20,116 --> 00:12:21,951
to fuck or whatever
you want to do with it.
246
00:12:21,951 --> 00:12:23,453
I don't want to fuck it.
247
00:12:23,453 --> 00:12:26,581
And quite frankly, Malice,
that's just really crass.
248
00:12:26,581 --> 00:12:28,207
No human can destroy it.
249
00:12:28,207 --> 00:12:29,876
They already tried to nuke it.
250
00:12:29,876 --> 00:12:31,794
Well, they're trying
a different way.
251
00:12:31,794 --> 00:12:34,088
They're exorcist-ing it.
252
00:12:34,088 --> 00:12:35,965
They're using exorcist rules.
253
00:12:35,965 --> 00:12:37,508
Oh, yeah. Fuck, yeah.
254
00:12:37,508 --> 00:12:40,470
Where the demon enters
the priest, he kills himself,
255
00:12:40,470 --> 00:12:41,721
so the demon dies, too.
256
00:12:41,721 --> 00:12:44,599
He's all like,
"Your mother sucks cocks in hell.
257
00:12:44,599 --> 00:12:47,393
- Your mother sucks cocks--"
- Jesus Christ, Brandon!
258
00:12:47,393 --> 00:12:50,146
- This throne room isn't rated
NC-Brandon. - Sorry.
259
00:12:50,146 --> 00:12:51,981
Where... Where did
Petigans find this kid?
260
00:12:51,981 --> 00:12:53,900
Anyway, that's
what they're doing.
261
00:12:53,900 --> 00:12:57,195
[whispers] Sire, that might
actually destroy the Equation.
262
00:12:57,195 --> 00:13:00,406
DeSaad, if you're at a party
263
00:13:00,406 --> 00:13:03,159
and you can't tell
who the pooper is,
264
00:13:03,159 --> 00:13:04,869
you're the pooper.
265
00:13:04,869 --> 00:13:06,996
You're the pooper, DeSaad!
266
00:13:06,996 --> 00:13:09,373
Your friends, where are they?
267
00:13:09,373 --> 00:13:12,668
I won't tell you because
I won't let you kill them.
268
00:13:12,668 --> 00:13:15,546
You just said
they're using exorcist rules.
269
00:13:15,546 --> 00:13:19,550
Which means they're
trying to kill themselves.
270
00:13:19,550 --> 00:13:23,012
Once I have the equation,
I'll let them live.
271
00:13:23,012 --> 00:13:26,891
So it seems the only way
for you to save them
272
00:13:26,891 --> 00:13:29,102
is to tell me where they are!
273
00:13:30,686 --> 00:13:34,982
How much fiber
is one supposed to ingest before a goddam bowel-
274
00:13:34,982 --> 00:13:39,529
- Hi, Baney!
- Goldi! I was worried sick!
275
00:13:39,529 --> 00:13:41,239
I was in the '80s.
276
00:13:41,239 --> 00:13:45,159
You cannot go wandering
by yourself into the '80s.
277
00:13:45,159 --> 00:13:46,702
It is not safe.
278
00:13:46,702 --> 00:13:49,872
There are no car seats.
No one wears sunblock.
279
00:13:49,872 --> 00:13:53,000
I mean, the hairspray alone
could choke you to death.
280
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:55,795
I saw Princess Rebecca Chen!
281
00:13:55,795 --> 00:13:57,338
Did you talk to her?
282
00:13:57,338 --> 00:14:01,092
I told her the story
'bout the Anti-Life 'Quation.
283
00:14:01,092 --> 00:14:04,429
Hmm, well,
hopefully, that's no big deal.
284
00:14:13,730 --> 00:14:17,400
Well, I suppose this is as good
a spot as any for an ending.
285
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:19,736
Are you sure you wanna
go through with this?
286
00:14:19,736 --> 00:14:22,572
I'm sure, babe, and the only
thing I'm even more sure of
287
00:14:22,572 --> 00:14:25,366
is that Lisa Snart
is the prettiest,
288
00:14:25,366 --> 00:14:29,203
funniest, smartiest
doggone girl I ever saw.
289
00:14:29,203 --> 00:14:31,914
I will love you
for the rest of my life.
290
00:14:31,914 --> 00:14:36,085
And I'm not just saying that
'cause maybe there's like five minutes left in it.
291
00:14:36,085 --> 00:14:38,546
[crying] I don't want
to kill you, Chuck.
292
00:14:38,546 --> 00:14:40,965
- [sobs]
- I know you don't, babe.
293
00:14:40,965 --> 00:14:42,717
That's what
makes it hero stuff.
294
00:14:46,637 --> 00:14:47,930
[moans]
295
00:14:47,930 --> 00:14:50,683
Now remember, I'm the only one
who can read this thing.
296
00:14:50,683 --> 00:14:53,811
If it falls into anyone
else's hands, even yours,
297
00:14:53,811 --> 00:14:56,189
It is adios universe-io.
298
00:14:58,274 --> 00:15:01,360
Words, babe!
It's starting to make words!
299
00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:04,238
Okay, let's get
this party started.
300
00:15:06,324 --> 00:15:09,660
[sighs] Chuck, it's taking
kind of a long time.
301
00:15:09,660 --> 00:15:11,621
- How's it going?
- I'm not gonna lie, babe.
302
00:15:11,621 --> 00:15:13,956
Thought this equation
would have more pictures.
303
00:15:13,956 --> 00:15:15,625
Yo, oh, darn it,
I lost my place.
304
00:15:15,625 --> 00:15:18,586
Okay, I'm just
gonna start from the top.
305
00:15:18,586 --> 00:15:20,046
[sighs]
306
00:15:22,965 --> 00:15:25,218
[grunting]
307
00:15:25,218 --> 00:15:28,429
- You've got
to read faster, babe. - No need!
308
00:15:28,429 --> 00:15:31,182
The Anti-Life Equation
is mine now.
309
00:15:31,641 --> 00:15:32,558
Get it!
310
00:15:32,558 --> 00:15:34,727
- [slams]
- [gasps]
311
00:15:34,727 --> 00:15:37,271
[Bane] Nuh, uh, uh.
312
00:15:37,271 --> 00:15:39,732
If you want the briefcase,
you've got to go through us.
313
00:15:39,732 --> 00:15:43,319
Fuck you, Lex Luthor!
314
00:15:45,196 --> 00:15:46,697
- [explodes]
- [Lex groans]
315
00:15:47,323 --> 00:15:48,449
[Lex whistles]
316
00:15:51,077 --> 00:15:52,829
[Moe yells]
317
00:15:56,499 --> 00:15:58,584
- [Bane groans and thuds]
- [Noonan cackles]
318
00:16:00,169 --> 00:16:01,295
[Golden Glider yelps]
319
00:16:01,295 --> 00:16:02,714
[Queen of Fables yells]
320
00:16:04,257 --> 00:16:06,175
It's story time!
321
00:16:06,175 --> 00:16:08,219
[cackles] Cookie!
322
00:16:11,723 --> 00:16:13,391
[grunts] Thanks.
323
00:16:14,183 --> 00:16:16,769
[Noonan groans]
324
00:16:19,856 --> 00:16:23,484
[screaming and grunting]
325
00:16:23,484 --> 00:16:26,988
This just isn't making any...
Oh! Okay, look at that.
326
00:16:26,988 --> 00:16:29,198
Reading the dang thing
upside down.
327
00:16:29,198 --> 00:16:31,200
There we go. That's on me!
328
00:16:32,869 --> 00:16:34,704
[both grunting]
329
00:16:37,707 --> 00:16:39,250
Sweetheart,
buy me a drink first--
330
00:16:39,250 --> 00:16:40,835
- [electricity crackling]
- [Sixpack yelps]
331
00:16:41,794 --> 00:16:43,838
[Toyman cackles]
332
00:16:47,175 --> 00:16:48,468
Evil Fairy Godmother?
333
00:16:48,468 --> 00:16:50,386
Give 'em a happily ever after.
334
00:16:52,263 --> 00:16:53,514
[men scream]
335
00:16:54,849 --> 00:16:58,478
- [electricity crackling]
- [men yelling]
336
00:17:01,064 --> 00:17:02,565
Wow! Circle of life.
337
00:17:07,320 --> 00:17:09,072
[all laughing]
338
00:17:09,072 --> 00:17:11,240
- [exploding]
- [groans]
339
00:17:13,743 --> 00:17:16,829
[Ominous Choir chanting]
♪ Darkseid! It's Darkseid! ♪
340
00:17:16,829 --> 00:17:20,500
♪ You're totally screwed now
'Cause it's Darkseid!
341
00:17:20,500 --> 00:17:24,170
Finally!
The Anti-Life Equation is mine!
342
00:17:24,170 --> 00:17:26,381
Malice, you sold us out?
343
00:17:26,381 --> 00:17:29,550
Only because
I didn't want you to die. Okay?
344
00:17:29,550 --> 00:17:31,260
It was a...
What do you call it?
345
00:17:31,260 --> 00:17:32,595
A Sally's choice!
346
00:17:32,595 --> 00:17:34,263
Yeah!
347
00:17:34,263 --> 00:17:36,599
[Ominous Choir chants]
♪ Uh-oh he won't like that! ♪
348
00:17:36,599 --> 00:17:39,602
Keep reading, Kite Man!
We can't hold him for long!
349
00:17:44,148 --> 00:17:46,818
[Ominous Choir chants]
♪ He'll kill you all Just give up! ♪
350
00:17:51,697 --> 00:17:53,282
[Ominous Choir chants]
♪ Told ya! ♪
351
00:17:55,868 --> 00:17:56,911
Almost there!
352
00:17:56,911 --> 00:17:59,747
[screaming]
353
00:18:00,998 --> 00:18:03,292
No! No! [groans]
354
00:18:03,292 --> 00:18:06,963
[sobs] Shit!
I don't wanna kill you, Chuck!
355
00:18:06,963 --> 00:18:08,297
Don't make me do this!
356
00:18:11,259 --> 00:18:12,760
[grunts]
357
00:18:14,303 --> 00:18:17,890
[Golden Glider screaming]
358
00:18:18,766 --> 00:18:20,601
Ah! [yelps]
359
00:18:21,394 --> 00:18:23,855
No. [sobbing] No.
360
00:18:24,897 --> 00:18:27,191
[Kite Man screaming]
361
00:18:34,532 --> 00:18:36,951
[Golden Glider] Babe, hurry.
362
00:18:38,870 --> 00:18:40,705
[Ominous Choir]
♪ Rebecca Chen? ♪
363
00:18:40,705 --> 00:18:42,415
- Mom?
- Oh, hi!
364
00:18:42,415 --> 00:18:45,209
I traveled through time
when I heard you were messed up in this.
365
00:18:45,209 --> 00:18:46,878
Don't say I never did
anything for you.
366
00:18:46,878 --> 00:18:48,671
[Ominous Choir]
♪ Aw! Sweet! ♪
367
00:18:50,339 --> 00:18:52,425
[Kite Man screaming]
368
00:18:52,425 --> 00:18:53,885
[Rebecca Chen] Gotcha!
369
00:18:58,306 --> 00:19:00,266
Get that fairy tale book!
370
00:19:03,978 --> 00:19:06,814
- [Darkseid growls] Give me
that book! - Bane! Bane! Here!
371
00:19:08,858 --> 00:19:13,112
- Over here!
Throw me that book! - I'm afraid I can't do that.
372
00:19:13,112 --> 00:19:14,864
Martian Manhunter?
373
00:19:14,864 --> 00:19:16,157
Well, fuck!
374
00:19:16,157 --> 00:19:19,702
Not today, Darkseid. Kite Man
and Golden Glider,
375
00:19:19,702 --> 00:19:23,289
your bravery
has neutralized the threat.
376
00:19:23,289 --> 00:19:24,373
Good job.
377
00:19:24,373 --> 00:19:27,043
I'll take it from here.
378
00:19:27,043 --> 00:19:28,795
What the...
That motherfucker took my book!
379
00:19:28,795 --> 00:19:31,172
Martian motherfucking
Manhunter.
380
00:19:31,172 --> 00:19:32,715
There, there, Lex.
381
00:19:32,715 --> 00:19:35,676
There'll be other most powerful
weapons in the universe.
382
00:19:37,220 --> 00:19:38,763
Chuck, babe,
383
00:19:38,763 --> 00:19:42,016
oh, I'm so glad
you're not dead.
384
00:19:42,016 --> 00:19:44,352
Phew, me too, babe.
385
00:19:44,352 --> 00:19:47,313
Wow. Gus really
came through for us.
386
00:19:47,313 --> 00:19:50,066
Who would've guessed he was
a shape-shifting superhero?
387
00:19:50,066 --> 00:19:51,692
Who thinks my name is Nooman.
388
00:19:51,692 --> 00:19:54,112
You dumb shits.
He was just pretending to be Gus.
389
00:19:54,112 --> 00:19:57,865
You know what?
He's got that look and voice down for sure.
390
00:19:57,865 --> 00:19:59,242
[grunts]
391
00:19:59,242 --> 00:20:00,827
I was so close.
392
00:20:00,827 --> 00:20:04,163
Okay. Now, Lord Darkseid,
I know you're pretty steamed--
393
00:20:04,163 --> 00:20:07,208
But the good news is,
I think
394
00:20:07,208 --> 00:20:09,585
there's one fella
who can help us now.
395
00:20:09,585 --> 00:20:13,631
- And his name is-
- Lee Trevino.
396
00:20:13,631 --> 00:20:15,800
Hello, friend. [chuckles]
397
00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:20,012
So, god-daddy,
about the little fib,
398
00:20:20,012 --> 00:20:23,683
- I was only trying to--
- It's okay, Malice.
399
00:20:23,683 --> 00:20:27,145
- You come by evil. Honestly.
- Great. Thanks.
400
00:20:27,145 --> 00:20:29,772
And now that Martian Manhunter
has the briefcase,
401
00:20:29,772 --> 00:20:33,443
I'll have to spend another
millennium looking for it.
402
00:20:33,443 --> 00:20:36,612
So how long you think Gus
was Martian Manhunter?
403
00:20:36,612 --> 00:20:39,198
I'd say about eight hours.
404
00:20:39,198 --> 00:20:40,783
Good thing
somebody was smart enough
405
00:20:40,783 --> 00:20:42,827
to take that
game piece off the board.
406
00:20:42,827 --> 00:20:46,205
Hey, Noonan, hey, all,
sorry that I've been gone.
407
00:20:46,205 --> 00:20:49,667
Got called in for a shift
at the old fulfillment center.
408
00:20:49,667 --> 00:20:53,129
Working hard or hardly working.
[chuckling] Am I right?
409
00:20:53,129 --> 00:20:55,048
I think I prefer the other guy.
410
00:20:55,048 --> 00:20:58,634
[sighs] Never thought a beer
could taste so sweet.
411
00:20:58,634 --> 00:21:00,762
- I wasn't gonna do it, Chuck.
- What?
412
00:21:00,762 --> 00:21:02,096
Kill you.
413
00:21:02,096 --> 00:21:04,557
I know I said I would,
but I also knew I couldn't.
414
00:21:04,557 --> 00:21:05,892
But babe,
what were you gonna do
415
00:21:05,892 --> 00:21:07,643
once I finished
reading the thing?
416
00:21:07,643 --> 00:21:10,188
I was still working on that
when my mom showed up.
417
00:21:10,188 --> 00:21:12,023
Why do you think she did it?
418
00:21:12,023 --> 00:21:14,984
To save me or to get
the Anti-Life Equation?
419
00:21:14,984 --> 00:21:18,946
Well, if I had to wager,
I'd put everything on
420
00:21:18,946 --> 00:21:22,283
to save you
because she loves you.
421
00:21:22,283 --> 00:21:24,077
Yeah, She loves me.
422
00:21:24,077 --> 00:21:26,496
Yeah. I can't think
of any other reason.
423
00:21:35,630 --> 00:21:37,131
[Rebecca Chen cackles]
424
00:21:37,131 --> 00:21:41,135
We have worlds to destroy
my fairy tale demons.
425
00:21:41,135 --> 00:21:44,597
- Are you with me,
Gingerbread Man? - Ya!
426
00:21:44,597 --> 00:21:46,891
Are you all with me?
427
00:21:46,891 --> 00:21:48,643
[all cheering]
428
00:21:48,643 --> 00:21:51,479
Then let us begin.
429
00:21:51,479 --> 00:21:54,607
[laughs maliciously]
430
00:22:02,990 --> 00:22:06,452
Ah! There's something
about a man and a kite.
431
00:22:11,916 --> 00:22:14,293
- Can I ask you something?
- Anything, babe.
432
00:22:14,293 --> 00:22:16,504
The equation. What did it say?
433
00:22:16,504 --> 00:22:19,090
It said blue skies ahead.
434
00:22:19,090 --> 00:22:21,092
Aw, love that.
435
00:22:21,092 --> 00:22:22,260
And love you.
436
00:22:22,260 --> 00:22:23,469
Hell, yeah!
437
00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:38,818
[Ominous Choir chants]
♪ End of season one! ♪
438
00:22:39,527 --> 00:22:41,237
[theme music playing]
439
00:22:41,287 --> 00:22:45,837
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