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1
00:00:00,140 --> 00:00:03,220
I had no idea that word is
even in a woman's vocabulary.
2
00:00:03,255 --> 00:00:06,057
I can only imagine the
distress it caused to both crew
3
00:00:06,092 --> 00:00:08,825
and members of the audience
unlucky enough to hear it.
4
00:00:08,860 --> 00:00:12,420
I'm so sorry. In my defence, sir
-I don't want to hear your defence.
5
00:00:12,455 --> 00:00:15,380
I don't want to hear anything
coming from your gutter mouth.
6
00:00:16,580 --> 00:00:18,700
You have displayed a
degree of moral turpitude
7
00:00:18,735 --> 00:00:20,997
that is absolutely unacceptable.
8
00:00:21,032 --> 00:00:23,260
You have
single-handedly set fire...
9
00:00:25,180 --> 00:00:27,385
...to everything this
network stands for.
10
00:00:27,420 --> 00:00:31,020
As of today, you are
suspended from your duties.
11
00:00:31,055 --> 00:00:33,025
No!
12
00:00:33,060 --> 00:00:36,505
But... But who'll be
in Jim and Barbara?
13
00:00:36,540 --> 00:00:38,860
Clive Richardson will
continue in his role as Jim.
14
00:00:40,100 --> 00:00:41,065
What?!
15
00:00:41,100 --> 00:00:43,140
He wasn't the one
that used foul language.
16
00:00:43,175 --> 00:00:45,145
But he was the one
who did the foul deed.
17
00:00:45,180 --> 00:00:48,320
We have issued a press
release citing inability to work
18
00:00:48,355 --> 00:00:51,460
due to sudden illness as the
explanation for your absence.
19
00:00:56,740 --> 00:00:58,740
Your Network pass.
20
00:01:09,820 --> 00:01:11,785
You can see yourself out.
21
00:01:11,820 --> 00:01:15,500
? Sous aucun pretexte je ne veux
22
00:01:15,535 --> 00:01:19,145
? Avoir de reflexes malheureux
23
00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:22,780
? Il faut que tu
m'explique un peu mieux
24
00:01:22,815 --> 00:01:24,820
? Comment te dire adieu
25
00:01:27,060 --> 00:01:30,640
? Mon coeur de
silex vite prend feu
26
00:01:30,675 --> 00:01:34,427
? Ton coeur de
Pyrex resiste au feu
27
00:01:34,462 --> 00:01:38,180
? Je suis bien
perplexe, je ne veux
28
00:01:38,215 --> 00:01:40,580
? Me resoudre aux adieux
29
00:01:42,580 --> 00:01:44,580
? Je sais bien qu'un ex...
30
00:01:46,140 --> 00:01:49,380
? Amour n'a pas
de chance, ou si peu...
31
00:01:50,780 --> 00:01:54,620
? Mais pour moi,
une ex... plication
32
00:01:54,655 --> 00:01:56,660
? Vaudrait mieux
33
00:01:58,380 --> 00:02:01,940
? Sous aucun pretexte je ne veux
34
00:02:01,975 --> 00:02:05,500
? Devant toi surexposer mes yeux
35
00:02:05,535 --> 00:02:07,557
? Derriere un Kleenex
36
00:02:07,592 --> 00:02:09,545
? Je saurais mieux
37
00:02:09,580 --> 00:02:11,620
? Comment te dire adieu
38
00:02:17,060 --> 00:02:19,060
? Comment te dire adieu ?
39
00:02:23,260 --> 00:02:25,940
I'm going to need a
three-Martini lunch after this
40
00:02:25,975 --> 00:02:27,980
to get over the shock.
41
00:02:32,860 --> 00:02:34,900
- Patsy?
- Yes, darling?
42
00:02:36,260 --> 00:02:38,225
Call Dr Woodcock and ask him to
43
00:02:38,260 --> 00:02:40,460
scribble one of his special
sicknotes, would you?
44
00:02:40,495 --> 00:02:42,500
Will do, darling.
Nothing too terminal.
45
00:02:42,535 --> 00:02:44,505
Roger.
46
00:02:44,540 --> 00:02:46,545
The press must never find out.
47
00:02:46,580 --> 00:02:49,225
I'm merely trying to
salvage the situation.
48
00:02:49,260 --> 00:02:51,660
How am I meant to make
a living in the meantime?
49
00:02:51,695 --> 00:02:54,220
- The Carry On film?
- Oh, yeah?
50
00:02:54,255 --> 00:02:56,225
It's gone.
51
00:02:56,260 --> 00:02:59,980
They just cast a bubbly little
blonde called Barbara Windsor.
52
00:03:00,015 --> 00:03:04,260
Besides, obviously you
can't work. You're infectious.
53
00:03:04,295 --> 00:03:06,300
Orthorubulavirus?
54
00:03:07,620 --> 00:03:11,180
- Roger that.
- Thank you so much, Dr Woodcock.
55
00:03:11,215 --> 00:03:13,425
Yes, will do. Bye-bye.
56
00:03:13,460 --> 00:03:15,465
- What have I got?
- Mumps.
57
00:03:15,500 --> 00:03:18,140
Oh, great. Now I have to go
around looking like a hamster.
58
00:03:18,175 --> 00:03:21,180
You're in quarantine. You
don't GO AROUND anywhere.
59
00:03:29,340 --> 00:03:32,460
Darling, let me help
you. Where will you go?
60
00:03:33,940 --> 00:03:37,300
- Probably just go home.
- Go in disguise.
61
00:03:37,335 --> 00:03:39,545
- Oh, I'll go in disguise.
- As what?
62
00:03:39,580 --> 00:03:42,660
Some woman who's been
shat on from a very great height.
63
00:03:45,980 --> 00:03:47,980
They've met, in that case.
64
00:03:58,820 --> 00:03:59,340
Morning.
65
00:03:59,346 --> 00:04:02,240
It's Len. Len Phillips, Evening
Gazette. Remember me?
66
00:04:02,275 --> 00:04:05,660
Wondered if you had any news
on when she'll be back on the box?
67
00:04:05,695 --> 00:04:09,260
Sorry, Mr Phillips.
Len. No, not yet.
68
00:04:09,295 --> 00:04:13,060
She's very poorly with ortho...
69
00:04:13,095 --> 00:04:15,065
Mumps! She's got mumps.
70
00:04:15,100 --> 00:04:18,025
Face like a bowling
ball! It's a terrible...
71
00:04:18,060 --> 00:04:21,220
Send the best from us, and tell
her we're sorry about her and Clive.
72
00:04:24,620 --> 00:04:26,620
Right, OK.
73
00:04:43,780 --> 00:04:45,780
Morning.
74
00:05:10,740 --> 00:05:12,985
It's like wearing a
pair of wet trousers.
75
00:05:13,020 --> 00:05:15,540
Feels horrible, but there's
nothing else you can do
76
00:05:15,575 --> 00:05:17,545
apart from wait
for them to dry out.
77
00:05:17,580 --> 00:05:19,625
Well, she should have
thought of the consequences
78
00:05:19,660 --> 00:05:22,069
before she went off effing
and blinding in front of her boss!
79
00:05:22,075 --> 00:05:24,492
I knew her toilet mouth would
get her into trouble one day.
80
00:05:28,380 --> 00:05:30,400
I'm sorry I let you down.
81
00:05:30,435 --> 00:05:32,385
You didn't let me down.
82
00:05:32,420 --> 00:05:35,380
- You were provoked, love.
- I'm not saying. I'm just saying...
83
00:05:35,415 --> 00:05:37,420
She should have
stuck with Aidan.
84
00:05:39,500 --> 00:05:41,305
Listen...
85
00:05:41,340 --> 00:05:43,380
Miss you, Bubble. Chin up.
86
00:05:44,500 --> 00:05:46,465
Yin tan iddle I po.
87
00:05:46,500 --> 00:05:48,540
? Tin tan iddle I po ?
88
00:06:03,980 --> 00:06:05,945
All right, this is
fucking ridiculous!
89
00:06:05,980 --> 00:06:08,460
You've made your point. Are
we literally seven years old?!
90
00:06:08,495 --> 00:06:10,937
We still need to get a
show on the air this week.
91
00:06:10,972 --> 00:06:13,345
Yeah, well, we had a
show, but thanks to Clive
92
00:06:13,380 --> 00:06:16,265
and his incredible performing
cock, we don't have a Sophie.
93
00:06:16,300 --> 00:06:18,965
Yes, well, let's pick ourselves
up - and move on as best we can.
94
00:06:18,971 --> 00:06:19,180
- No.
95
00:06:19,215 --> 00:06:21,985
Bill's right. Clive fucked it.
96
00:06:22,020 --> 00:06:24,420
The rest of us manage to
keep our private lives separate.
97
00:06:24,455 --> 00:06:26,820
- Why can't you?
- Because he's sexually incontinent.
98
00:06:26,855 --> 00:06:29,060
We had the biggest
hit of all our careers,
99
00:06:29,095 --> 00:06:31,065
and Clive had
to jizz all over it.
100
00:06:31,100 --> 00:06:33,705
And you had Sophie
Straw. She's a goddess.
101
00:06:33,740 --> 00:06:36,540
Where the fuck do you get off
lecturing me about relationships?!
102
00:06:36,575 --> 00:06:38,866
If Ted Sargent knew about
Bill hanging around in toilets,
103
00:06:38,872 --> 00:06:41,135
he would shut down the
whole fucking - Leave Bill alone.
104
00:06:41,141 --> 00:06:43,369
Says the man who's so confused
about which way to swing,
105
00:06:43,375 --> 00:06:45,345
he can't even get
his own wife pregnant.
106
00:06:45,380 --> 00:06:47,569
Here's a tip, Tony - try fucking - her.
- Shut up, Clive.
107
00:06:47,575 --> 00:06:49,580
Oh, I'm sorry, was that
some big secret, was it?
108
00:06:49,615 --> 00:06:51,585
Bill, what have you said?
109
00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:52,132
Nothing.
110
00:06:52,138 --> 00:06:55,140
Come on, you know what
Bill's like after he's had a few.
111
00:06:55,175 --> 00:06:58,497
- Tone, Tone... Fuck off!
- Wait... Don't listen to him!
112
00:06:58,532 --> 00:07:01,785
- I trusted you!
- Stop this! This is not productive.
113
00:07:01,820 --> 00:07:04,980
Oh, it's Dennis, the great
peacemaker, makes everything better,
114
00:07:05,015 --> 00:07:07,657
except the dark hole at the
centre of his own marriage.
115
00:07:07,692 --> 00:07:10,156
Whoa, Jesus, Bill, take it
easy. Don't have a go at Dennis.
116
00:07:10,191 --> 00:07:12,585
Thank you, Clive. I'm quite
capable of defending myself.
117
00:07:12,620 --> 00:07:15,540
Then how is it you haven't noticed
Edith's making a fool of YOU?
118
00:07:17,060 --> 00:07:20,140
I'm only saying what everyone in
the entire building already knows.
119
00:07:20,175 --> 00:07:22,180
She's banging
Vernon Whit... bait.
120
00:07:23,220 --> 00:07:24,665
Whitbait...
121
00:07:24,700 --> 00:07:26,660
Vernon... Vernon...
122
00:07:26,695 --> 00:07:28,505
Uh...
123
00:07:28,540 --> 00:07:30,940
Whit... Whit... Whitshire...
124
00:07:30,975 --> 00:07:33,305
Whitchstable... Whitstable...?
125
00:07:33,340 --> 00:07:35,940
Whit... Vernon Whit...
Vernon Whitfuck?
126
00:07:37,180 --> 00:07:39,180
Vernon... It's Whitfield.
127
00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:42,060
BOTH: Not the face!
128
00:07:43,940 --> 00:07:46,305
Did you just try and
punch me, Dennis?!
129
00:07:46,340 --> 00:07:48,700
- Yes, and I'd like another go.
- No, no, no, no, no!
130
00:07:48,735 --> 00:07:50,940
? THE KINKS - You Really Got me
131
00:07:54,260 --> 00:07:56,265
Leave it! Leave it!
132
00:07:56,300 --> 00:07:58,860
Stop this! This is so silly.
133
00:07:59,900 --> 00:08:02,145
Silly? You're silly.
134
00:08:02,180 --> 00:08:05,345
? Yeah, you really got me now
135
00:08:05,380 --> 00:08:08,780
? Got me so I don't
know what I'm doing
136
00:08:08,815 --> 00:08:11,705
? Oh, yeah, you
really got me now
137
00:08:11,740 --> 00:08:13,985
? You got me so I
can't sleep at night
138
00:08:14,020 --> 00:08:17,100
? You really got me,
you really got me ?
139
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:22,300
Bill, put the knife down.
140
00:08:30,460 --> 00:08:32,460
You little shit.
141
00:08:35,780 --> 00:08:37,780
You fucking killed him.
142
00:09:00,780 --> 00:09:02,780
Dennis?
143
00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:11,120
OK, who do you want to be?
144
00:09:12,020 --> 00:09:14,500
Sandie...
145
00:09:14,535 --> 00:09:15,945
or Cilla?
146
00:09:15,980 --> 00:09:17,985
Can't have you stuck in
here for weeks on end.
147
00:09:18,020 --> 00:09:19,738
You need to take these
puppies for a - walk.
148
00:09:19,744 --> 00:09:20,449
- Does it suit me?
149
00:09:20,455 --> 00:09:24,700
Um... It's a touch
Mediaeval monk.
150
00:09:24,735 --> 00:09:26,865
Well, that's my favourite look.
151
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:31,740
I feel so stupid. Why didn't
I just keep my trap shut?
152
00:09:31,775 --> 00:09:34,557
Uh, no. Why didn't Clive
keep his trousers shut?
153
00:09:34,592 --> 00:09:37,340
In my women's workshop,
we've got a technical word
154
00:09:37,375 --> 00:09:39,345
for men who behave like that.
155
00:09:39,380 --> 00:09:41,420
- Oh, yeah?
- Arseholes.
156
00:09:42,700 --> 00:09:45,345
It is unfair dismissal, though.
157
00:09:45,380 --> 00:09:47,700
So you can complain to
your union. Marj is right.
158
00:09:47,735 --> 00:09:49,705
Why didn't Dennis
cover your back?
159
00:09:49,740 --> 00:09:51,745
Andrew O'Shea would
have stuck up for me.
160
00:09:51,780 --> 00:09:55,060
Dennis didn't know. Ted got
me on my own, and that was that.
161
00:09:56,660 --> 00:10:00,425
You go back in to Ted Sargent,
and you demand your job back.
162
00:10:00,460 --> 00:10:04,260
You look him straight in the eye -
Imagine him taking a great big shit.
163
00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:09,140
Trust me, it works.
164
00:10:09,175 --> 00:10:11,145
It does.
165
00:10:11,180 --> 00:10:14,860
I've been banned from TV
Centre. They took away my pass.
166
00:10:14,895 --> 00:10:16,900
I wouldn't get through the door.
167
00:10:27,860 --> 00:10:29,860
MUSIC: Sandi Shaw
- Don't Run Away
168
00:10:32,020 --> 00:10:34,020
? Run away, run away
169
00:10:35,300 --> 00:10:37,300
? Run away, run away
170
00:10:38,740 --> 00:10:40,740
? Run away, run away
171
00:10:42,580 --> 00:10:45,105
? Darling baby
172
00:10:45,140 --> 00:10:47,745
? Baby, I am so much...
173
00:10:47,780 --> 00:10:51,100
- Can I see your pass, Miss?
- Haven't seen you here before.
174
00:10:51,135 --> 00:10:53,260
- What show are you on?
- Top of the Pops, innit?
175
00:10:56,100 --> 00:10:58,392
- She's taller than I thought.
- Who? Sandi Shaw, innit?
176
00:10:59,780 --> 00:11:02,540
Hang on, don't they film Top
of the Pops in Manchester?
177
00:11:02,575 --> 00:11:06,420
? .. each and every o-other day
178
00:11:06,455 --> 00:11:08,945
? You are on my mind
179
00:11:08,980 --> 00:11:12,800
? But I know you have been
180
00:11:12,835 --> 00:11:16,620
? The wandering kind... ?
181
00:11:16,655 --> 00:11:18,625
Sophie, wait!
182
00:11:18,660 --> 00:11:21,105
Dennis. What
happened to your face?
183
00:11:21,140 --> 00:11:23,860
- What are you doing here?
- Getting my job back.
184
00:11:26,300 --> 00:11:28,265
It was unfair dismissal.
185
00:11:28,300 --> 00:11:30,600
Going to give old bully
boy Ted Sargent a mouthful.
186
00:11:30,635 --> 00:11:32,900
This is not the way to
do it. And what is this?
187
00:11:34,940 --> 00:11:37,260
Dennis... Ah, Eunice.
188
00:11:37,295 --> 00:11:39,265
May I help you?
189
00:11:39,300 --> 00:11:43,980
Uh, I just wanted to let Ted know
that everything is under control.
190
00:11:46,540 --> 00:11:48,505
All right?
191
00:11:48,540 --> 00:11:50,545
Come along, dear.
192
00:11:50,580 --> 00:11:56,500
? Now that I've found
you, don't run away...
193
00:11:56,535 --> 00:11:58,625
Oi? Oi, you!
194
00:11:58,660 --> 00:12:02,385
? Tell me to stay, baby
195
00:12:02,420 --> 00:12:05,780
? Tell me you're
mine all of the time...
196
00:12:06,980 --> 00:12:07,302
Soph?
197
00:12:07,308 --> 00:12:09,460
I leave you for five
minutes, and you end up
198
00:12:09,495 --> 00:12:12,145
looking like the
Bash Street Kids.
199
00:12:12,180 --> 00:12:14,639
You can talk. You look like
Nana Mouskouri in a wind tunnel.
200
00:12:14,655 --> 00:12:16,660
I'm so sorry I've
messed everything up.
201
00:12:16,695 --> 00:12:18,717
Soph, Clive was being a wanker.
202
00:12:18,752 --> 00:12:20,705
If only that was all he'd been.
203
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:23,700
- What are we going to do?
- Just keep a low profile.
204
00:12:23,735 --> 00:12:25,705
For the time being, at least.
205
00:12:25,740 --> 00:12:29,300
I'll talk to Ted. You'll
be back in the show.
206
00:12:29,335 --> 00:12:31,340
I promise.
207
00:12:34,580 --> 00:12:36,580
Ah, Dennis, Look, I...
208
00:12:36,615 --> 00:12:38,620
You there?
209
00:12:40,220 --> 00:12:42,425
Soph...
210
00:12:42,460 --> 00:12:44,465
Oi, there she is!
211
00:12:44,500 --> 00:12:47,660
? Run away, run
away... Come here!
212
00:12:47,695 --> 00:12:50,060
? Run away, run away
213
00:12:51,780 --> 00:12:54,860
? Run away, run
away... That way, chaps.
214
00:12:54,895 --> 00:12:56,900
? Run away, run away
215
00:12:59,340 --> 00:13:01,305
? Darling baby... ?
216
00:13:01,340 --> 00:13:03,860
Have I got spinach in my teeth?
217
00:13:07,700 --> 00:13:09,665
Only a little bit.
218
00:13:09,700 --> 00:13:13,300
Anyone missing a
crucial clipboard?
219
00:13:13,335 --> 00:13:15,305
I think that's the producer's.
220
00:13:15,340 --> 00:13:17,625
Oh, is that the duty
log? I love reading that!
221
00:13:17,660 --> 00:13:20,300
Some of the calls we get are
hilarious. What does it say?
222
00:13:22,540 --> 00:13:25,660
"As a keen gardener, I am
deeply offended by your presenters
223
00:13:25,695 --> 00:13:27,745
referring to tomatoes
as a vegetable.
224
00:13:27,780 --> 00:13:30,300
They are a fruit. "Thank
God we finally cleared that up.
225
00:13:30,335 --> 00:13:32,305
Oh, yeah, I have to
agree with this one.
226
00:13:32,340 --> 00:13:35,200
"Andrew O'Shea's
garish ties look like sick. "
227
00:13:35,235 --> 00:13:38,025
Hey, leave my ties alone.
I think they're snazzy.
228
00:13:38,060 --> 00:13:41,980
"Get that woman off our
televisions. Can't you find a de...
229
00:13:42,015 --> 00:13:43,985
decent White girl?"
230
00:13:44,020 --> 00:13:46,620
Can you not leave things like
this lying around? Thank you.
231
00:13:47,780 --> 00:13:50,020
Going live. Five, four...
232
00:13:56,060 --> 00:13:58,025
Oh, my God,
Marjorie, is it true?
233
00:13:58,060 --> 00:14:00,460
She's not going to be
in the show any more?
234
00:14:00,495 --> 00:14:03,580
- She's just off sick.
- What with?
235
00:14:03,615 --> 00:14:07,345
VD? Why would you say that?
236
00:14:07,380 --> 00:14:09,460
Clive Richardson is a
notorious naughty boy.
237
00:14:09,495 --> 00:14:11,465
I wouldn't mind
catching a dose off him.
238
00:14:11,500 --> 00:14:14,585
A friend of a friend knows
someone who knows Clive.
239
00:14:14,620 --> 00:14:19,220
And they said that the real story
is that Sophie Straw's been fired.
240
00:14:25,260 --> 00:14:27,225
Whoops. My hand slipped.
241
00:14:27,260 --> 00:14:30,065
Every day you look
at these papers, yeah,
242
00:14:30,100 --> 00:14:32,980
and you just gossip about how
much you fancy all the fellas,
243
00:14:33,015 --> 00:14:36,380
and how all the women
are just useless sluts.
244
00:14:36,415 --> 00:14:39,500
Why can't you be
nice about other girls?
245
00:14:39,535 --> 00:14:41,505
Sophie Straw is my friend,
246
00:14:41,540 --> 00:14:46,020
and a person that you know, an
actual person with actual feelings.
247
00:14:47,180 --> 00:14:49,900
Sorry. I didn't realise
you were a lesbian.
248
00:15:01,700 --> 00:15:03,665
Whoops.
249
00:15:03,700 --> 00:15:05,740
My hand slipped.
250
00:15:05,775 --> 00:15:07,745
Oh!
251
00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:16,840
MUSIC: ? Nico - These days
252
00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:32,085
? I stopped my rambling
253
00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:37,400
? I don't do too much
gambling these days
254
00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:45,485
? These days I
seem to think about
255
00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:47,560
? How all the changes
came about... ?
256
00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:52,800
Thank you, Andrew. Well, in light
of the weather we've been having,
257
00:15:52,835 --> 00:15:54,960
I went in search of
the perfect umbrella.
258
00:15:54,995 --> 00:15:56,965
A simple task, you might think.
259
00:15:57,000 --> 00:16:00,480
But let me tell you, umbrellas
range from the sublime...
260
00:16:00,515 --> 00:16:02,520
to...
261
00:16:04,100 --> 00:16:06,065
...the ridiculous.
262
00:16:06,100 --> 00:16:08,660
I bet you could make even
that hat look beautiful, Diane.
263
00:16:17,860 --> 00:16:21,100
There. Oh. Pretty as a picture.
264
00:16:23,420 --> 00:16:25,385
Oh, my God.
265
00:16:25,420 --> 00:16:27,780
The state of this place.
What are you doing here?
266
00:16:27,815 --> 00:16:29,937
I've got my women's
group coming round.
267
00:16:29,972 --> 00:16:32,060
- Sorry.
- I've got it, I've got it.
268
00:16:35,020 --> 00:16:37,940
Sorry, Marj. I'll go in the
bedroom. You don't have to go.
269
00:16:37,975 --> 00:16:39,945
Oh...
270
00:16:39,980 --> 00:16:42,940
- I think she does.
- She can join in if she likes.
271
00:16:42,975 --> 00:16:46,140
- Really?
- Yeah. You got a hand mirror?
272
00:16:48,380 --> 00:16:50,345
Will a compact do?
273
00:16:50,380 --> 00:16:52,385
- Perfect.
- Are we doing make-up?
274
00:16:52,420 --> 00:16:54,460
We're going to make
friends with our fannies.
275
00:17:00,580 --> 00:17:02,545
OK, gather round.
276
00:17:02,580 --> 00:17:04,620
I never knew it was
so busy down there.
277
00:17:04,655 --> 00:17:06,625
I think mine even winked at me.
278
00:17:06,660 --> 00:17:10,420
Mine looked a bit
like David Niven.
279
00:17:10,455 --> 00:17:12,477
All right, settle down.
280
00:17:12,512 --> 00:17:14,500
Who wants to kick off?
281
00:17:14,535 --> 00:17:16,505
Marj?
282
00:17:16,540 --> 00:17:18,580
No, do you want to...?
283
00:17:20,980 --> 00:17:23,100
I finally walked
out on my husband.
284
00:17:30,140 --> 00:17:32,140
And I walked out on the kids.
285
00:17:32,175 --> 00:17:34,145
Oh, my God.
286
00:17:34,180 --> 00:17:36,820
I love my children, but...
287
00:17:38,260 --> 00:17:40,260
...I didn't choose
to be a mother.
288
00:17:43,260 --> 00:17:45,260
He's not a bad man, it's just...
289
00:17:46,580 --> 00:17:48,580
It was all just so wrong.
290
00:17:49,740 --> 00:17:51,705
Made me ill.
291
00:17:51,740 --> 00:17:55,860
The grief at leaving my kids
292
00:17:55,895 --> 00:17:57,865
is...
293
00:17:57,900 --> 00:17:59,940
spectacular.
294
00:18:02,100 --> 00:18:04,100
I've been called heartless.
295
00:18:05,340 --> 00:18:07,340
Negligent. Scum.
296
00:18:10,740 --> 00:18:12,740
But I had to get
out, otherwise...
297
00:18:16,180 --> 00:18:18,580
...those kids wouldn't
have a mum at all.
298
00:18:21,460 --> 00:18:24,820
People think motherhood's
mandatory, and fatherhood's voluntary.
299
00:18:24,855 --> 00:18:27,340
- Too bloody true.
- We're not here to judge.
300
00:18:36,820 --> 00:18:39,380
Here, how's Barbara?
301
00:18:40,780 --> 00:18:42,785
You want to be
looking after her, mate.
302
00:18:42,820 --> 00:18:44,865
- She's a diamond.
- Yeah, she certainly is.
303
00:18:44,900 --> 00:18:47,540
Tell her to get well soon,
yeah? Will do, mate, will do.
304
00:18:51,740 --> 00:18:54,460
I'm sick of people thinking
that I'm responsible for
305
00:18:54,495 --> 00:18:57,217
the wellbeing of a
fictional character.
306
00:18:57,252 --> 00:18:59,940
I think the lines
are slightly blurred.
307
00:19:01,380 --> 00:19:04,345
Fucking hell. What's the
title of this week's show?
308
00:19:04,380 --> 00:19:05,746
Mayhem at the Morgue?
309
00:19:05,752 --> 00:19:07,900
Bombay - Calling.
- I wish it was.
310
00:19:07,935 --> 00:19:09,905
Love to be out of this dump.
311
00:19:09,940 --> 00:19:12,500
Barbara is away, and
Jim is hosting high tea
312
00:19:12,535 --> 00:19:15,025
for his political
counterpart from Bombay.
313
00:19:15,060 --> 00:19:19,140
- Is this your idea, Den?
- No. It's Ted Sargent's suggestion.
314
00:19:19,175 --> 00:19:22,237
And that means we've got
no fucking choice in the matter.
315
00:19:22,272 --> 00:19:25,406
Who's going to play it, then?
Jim's Indian counterpart?
316
00:19:25,441 --> 00:19:28,540
Oh, please! Not some bloke
with boot polish on his face.
317
00:19:28,575 --> 00:19:31,017
Absolutely not. There'll
be no minstrelsy.
318
00:19:31,052 --> 00:19:33,460
I've a very good actor
in mind for the role.
319
00:19:33,495 --> 00:19:35,500
- Good.
- I, um...
320
00:19:39,380 --> 00:19:41,705
Um...
321
00:19:41,740 --> 00:19:43,745
I should, um...
322
00:19:43,780 --> 00:19:46,620
OK... No... I should, um...
323
00:19:46,655 --> 00:19:49,077
Before I went... had a...
324
00:19:49,112 --> 00:19:51,465
Maybe just a bit... What...
325
00:19:51,500 --> 00:19:55,220
What -Clive, are you coughing
up a furball or trying to apologise?
326
00:19:55,255 --> 00:19:57,225
Yes. That.
327
00:19:57,260 --> 00:19:59,300
The last one. You know, um...
328
00:20:02,940 --> 00:20:04,940
I am sorry.
329
00:20:06,900 --> 00:20:11,980
Yes, well, I don't suppose any
of us covered ourselves in glory.
330
00:20:21,300 --> 00:20:23,300
Very good.
331
00:20:25,620 --> 00:20:27,620
All right.
332
00:20:31,620 --> 00:20:33,620
Ha, yes...
333
00:20:45,620 --> 00:20:47,640
Good, right...
334
00:20:47,675 --> 00:20:49,660
Oh, thanks, Tone.
335
00:20:52,020 --> 00:20:54,780
Chaps? This is Harinder Singh.
336
00:20:58,060 --> 00:21:00,025
- Hello.
- Tony Holmes.
337
00:21:00,060 --> 00:21:02,100
Bill Gardener. Are
you all right, mate?
338
00:21:02,135 --> 00:21:04,140
- You know Clive Richardson.
- Ah.
339
00:21:04,175 --> 00:21:06,197
Who's in charge here?
340
00:21:06,232 --> 00:21:08,220
Very good. Point already.
341
00:21:08,255 --> 00:21:10,260
Take a seat, please.
342
00:21:11,580 --> 00:21:14,305
Thank you so much for
coming in. My pleasure.
343
00:21:14,340 --> 00:21:18,100
Before we start, is there anything
you'd like to ask about the part?
344
00:21:18,135 --> 00:21:20,431
No, I think it's all
pretty - self-explanatory.
345
00:21:20,437 --> 00:21:20,780
- Good.
346
00:21:20,815 --> 00:21:22,785
Actually, I do have a question.
347
00:21:22,820 --> 00:21:24,860
I've always... What
is under the hat?
348
00:21:26,740 --> 00:21:28,705
What's under yours?
349
00:21:28,740 --> 00:21:31,100
Uh... I'm not wearing a hat.
350
00:21:31,135 --> 00:21:33,945
Nor am I.
351
00:21:33,980 --> 00:21:36,020
Oh, right, well...
352
00:21:38,300 --> 00:21:40,320
So, why don't we try the scene?
353
00:21:40,355 --> 00:21:42,367
So if we get it on its feet.
354
00:21:42,402 --> 00:21:44,380
You come through the door.
355
00:21:45,580 --> 00:21:47,580
It's off-book.
356
00:21:48,900 --> 00:21:53,060
So, Harinder, yes, if you come
in from the other side. Thank you.
357
00:21:53,095 --> 00:21:55,100
Um... Right.
358
00:21:58,460 --> 00:22:00,460
Hello! I am Jim.
359
00:22:04,220 --> 00:22:06,600
You... have... good... journey?
360
00:22:06,635 --> 00:22:08,980
Yes, I... have good journey.
361
00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:11,720
But I don't have
hearing problem.
362
00:22:11,755 --> 00:22:13,725
Please, come in.
363
00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:15,800
May I take off my shoes?
364
00:22:17,940 --> 00:22:19,905
? Smile...
365
00:22:19,940 --> 00:22:22,380
"Dear Dad, today,
for entertainment,
366
00:22:22,415 --> 00:22:24,785
I watched a fly lay
eggs on a sausage,
367
00:22:24,820 --> 00:22:27,500
and then raced two raindrops
down the window pane.
368
00:22:28,900 --> 00:22:30,900
I can't stop thinking
about what I'm missing.
369
00:22:35,540 --> 00:22:39,420
Dennis said to hold tight, and
that he'll get me back on the show.
370
00:22:39,455 --> 00:22:42,705
But I don't think even
Dennis can work miracles. "
371
00:22:42,740 --> 00:22:47,545
He's concerned for the moral
fibres of his beloved country.
372
00:22:47,580 --> 00:22:53,060
"Please write again soon. If I
sound desperate, it's because I am.
373
00:22:53,095 --> 00:22:55,065
Yin tan iddle I po. "
374
00:22:55,100 --> 00:22:59,480
? .. see sun come
shining through... ?
375
00:22:59,515 --> 00:23:03,825
Oh, Vernon's cocktail
parties are legendary!
376
00:23:03,860 --> 00:23:08,220
His ideas on Wittgenstein
are absolutely mind-blowing.
377
00:23:12,100 --> 00:23:14,100
You barely spoke.
378
00:23:16,700 --> 00:23:19,100
Why did you want me
to come with you tonight?
379
00:23:19,135 --> 00:23:21,500
Everyone was desperate
to meet the producer
380
00:23:21,535 --> 00:23:23,940
of the hilarious Jim
and Barbara show.
381
00:23:25,420 --> 00:23:28,620
Well, I'm sorry if they were
expecting Norman Wisdom.
382
00:23:34,900 --> 00:23:37,820
Did you want me to see you?
383
00:23:37,855 --> 00:23:39,860
What do you mean?
384
00:23:41,620 --> 00:23:43,620
Edith, I saw you with Vernon.
385
00:23:46,940 --> 00:23:49,820
Well, you haven't kissed
me like you mean it for years.
386
00:23:53,060 --> 00:23:56,185
Well, if I've been
negligent in any way...
387
00:23:56,220 --> 00:23:58,660
Negligent?! Oh, Jesus
Christ, Dennis, you sound like
388
00:23:58,695 --> 00:24:01,105
you're dictating
a legal document.
389
00:24:01,140 --> 00:24:05,100
Be angry! Shout at me!
Where's the passion?
390
00:24:05,135 --> 00:24:07,265
All right! You're my wife.
391
00:24:07,300 --> 00:24:08,268
I love you.
392
00:24:08,274 --> 00:24:11,420
But you're not IN LOVE
with me any more?
393
00:24:12,660 --> 00:24:14,660
Are you?
394
00:24:19,180 --> 00:24:21,180
Too long a pause, Dennis.
395
00:24:26,180 --> 00:24:28,180
Are you in love with Vernon?
396
00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:31,405
As a matter of fact, I am.
397
00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:34,525
And he's very much
in love with me.
398
00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:38,040
And when we fuck,
he makes me feel like...
399
00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:41,445
...Aphrodite.
400
00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:43,564
MUSIC: ? The Casinos -
Then You Can Tell Me Goodbye
401
00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:57,880
? Kiss me each morning
402
00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:03,800
? For a million years
403
00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:08,480
? Hold me each evening
404
00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:12,160
? By your side
405
00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:20,660
? Tell me you love me...
406
00:25:20,695 --> 00:25:24,120
? For a million, a million years
407
00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:31,560
? Then if it don't work out
408
00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:35,285
? Then if it don't work out...
409
00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:39,240
- Let's go! Come down!
- We're going out.
410
00:25:41,120 --> 00:25:45,005
Come down!
411
00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:47,080
? .. goodbye ?
412
00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:51,040
Come on, you two.
413
00:25:52,160 --> 00:25:55,205
Bloody hell, I was all
set for an early night.
414
00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:58,480
- You and my grandma.
- Dennis said to keep a low profile.
415
00:25:58,515 --> 00:26:00,920
You can't get much lower
than this. You'll be fine.
416
00:26:00,955 --> 00:26:03,720
Are we going for a night out in?
417
00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:07,320
- Hi.
- Welcome to the munge.
418
00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:23,360
MUSIC: ? Jefferson
Airplane - Somebody to Love
419
00:26:23,395 --> 00:26:25,365
? Tears are running
420
00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:28,560
? They're all running
down your dress
421
00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:32,965
? And your friends, baby
422
00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:36,720
? They treat you like a guest
423
00:26:36,755 --> 00:26:40,457
? Don't you want
somebody to love
424
00:26:40,492 --> 00:26:44,306
? Don't you need
somebody to love
425
00:26:44,341 --> 00:26:48,750
? Wouldn't you
love somebody to love
426
00:26:48,785 --> 00:26:53,160
? You'd better find
somebody to love
427
00:26:53,195 --> 00:27:00,440
? Oh oh ?
428
00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:34,280
? You don't own me
429
00:27:35,520 --> 00:27:39,280
? Don't try to
change me in any way
430
00:27:39,315 --> 00:27:41,320
? You don't own me
431
00:27:42,760 --> 00:27:44,725
? Don't tie me down
432
00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:47,320
? Because I'll never stay
433
00:27:49,320 --> 00:27:52,580
? I don't tell you what to say
434
00:27:52,615 --> 00:27:56,447
? I don't tell you what to do
435
00:27:56,482 --> 00:28:00,141
? So just let me be myself
436
00:28:00,176 --> 00:28:03,765
? That's all I ask of you
437
00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:07,560
? I'm young, and
I love to be young...
438
00:28:07,595 --> 00:28:11,125
? I'm free and I got to be free
439
00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:15,100
? To live my life
the way that I want
440
00:28:15,135 --> 00:28:19,040
? To say and do
whatever I please...
441
00:28:44,400 --> 00:28:46,365
I really miss her.
442
00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:50,645
? Oh, don't tell me what to say
443
00:28:50,680 --> 00:28:53,980
? And please,
when I go out with you
444
00:28:54,015 --> 00:28:57,245
? Don't put me on display... ?
445
00:28:57,280 --> 00:28:59,320
MUSIC: ? Interstellar
Overdrive - Pink Floyd
446
00:29:01,200 --> 00:29:03,200
Tony?
447
00:30:52,080 --> 00:30:54,760
I mean, I'd worked
it out about Bill, but...
448
00:30:55,880 --> 00:30:57,880
- Well done, Sherlock.
- But you...
449
00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:02,925
What about June?
450
00:31:02,960 --> 00:31:05,000
I mean, are you
going to tell her?
451
00:31:06,400 --> 00:31:08,445
Soph, um...
452
00:31:08,480 --> 00:31:10,560
It was June's idea.
453
00:31:10,595 --> 00:31:12,600
What?
454
00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:18,960
She wanted me to get out and
try it, find out once and for all,
455
00:31:18,995 --> 00:31:21,000
she said.
456
00:31:22,760 --> 00:31:24,800
She must really love you.
457
00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:29,400
I really love her.
458
00:31:31,040 --> 00:31:33,480
We just can't seem to...
459
00:31:33,515 --> 00:31:35,520
You know?
460
00:31:39,720 --> 00:31:41,740
And did you?
461
00:31:41,775 --> 00:31:43,760
Find out?
462
00:31:46,880 --> 00:31:49,640
I found out that I like both.
463
00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:55,040
I don't even know
what that is. Fuck!
464
00:31:57,600 --> 00:32:01,160
In a way, I envy Bill.
465
00:32:02,600 --> 00:32:05,280
Life is not easy for him at all,
466
00:32:05,315 --> 00:32:07,320
but at least it's clear.
467
00:32:08,560 --> 00:32:10,805
Who says it has to be clear?
468
00:32:10,840 --> 00:32:13,960
It's nobody's business what
goes on between you and June.
469
00:32:13,995 --> 00:32:16,000
Do what you want.
470
00:32:19,800 --> 00:32:22,200
I'm not as brave as you...
471
00:32:22,235 --> 00:32:24,205
- Sophie.
- Me?
472
00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:29,240
Brave? I just make
it up as I go along.
473
00:32:32,920 --> 00:32:35,640
And I've no idea
what happens next.
474
00:32:35,675 --> 00:32:37,645
Mm.
475
00:32:37,680 --> 00:32:39,685
So, where are
we with the script?
476
00:32:39,720 --> 00:32:41,920
- Morning, Frank.
- It's been rather difficult
477
00:32:41,955 --> 00:32:44,045
to find the right
dynamic without Sophie.
478
00:32:44,080 --> 00:32:47,965
The chaps have worked
incredibly hard on a temporary fix.
479
00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:48,807
As I'd expect.
480
00:32:48,813 --> 00:32:51,200
We've had a bit of
good fortune with casting.
481
00:32:51,235 --> 00:32:54,857
Ah. For the role of
Guneet the politician?
482
00:32:54,892 --> 00:32:58,480
Yes. The chap we've
got, he has great timing.
483
00:32:58,515 --> 00:33:00,485
Quite a find.
484
00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:02,525
Yes, he certainly is.
485
00:33:02,560 --> 00:33:04,600
Oh, you've heard of
Harinder Singh? Who?
486
00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:08,205
I thought we'd
discussed Spike Milligan?
487
00:33:08,240 --> 00:33:10,880
Spike's a huge star. I don't
imagine that he's affordable.
488
00:33:10,915 --> 00:33:11,585
Or available.
489
00:33:11,591 --> 00:33:13,485
Then I shall put a
call in to his agent.
490
00:33:13,520 --> 00:33:17,680
Well, it wasn't just that, sir. I
thought it would be more... authentic
491
00:33:18,880 --> 00:33:20,845
and fun to have
Harinder in the part.
492
00:33:20,880 --> 00:33:23,400
Spike does an hilarious
turn as a Pakistani.
493
00:33:23,435 --> 00:33:25,685
Yes, well, our
character is Indian.
494
00:33:25,720 --> 00:33:28,325
He was born in India, for
goodness sake. He can do the lot.
495
00:33:28,360 --> 00:33:31,360
Harinder Singh is very funny,
and I'd like to give him the part.
496
00:33:35,720 --> 00:33:39,920
If you wish me to seriously
consider reinstating Sophie Straw,
497
00:33:39,955 --> 00:33:41,960
Spike will star in the show.
498
00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:46,080
Just something to think about.
499
00:33:52,760 --> 00:33:55,360
Careful with that supine
spinal twist, darling.
500
00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:03,760
I say, this woman seems to
think she's Barbara's mother.
501
00:34:05,720 --> 00:34:10,560
Someone should tell her
that Barbara is entirely fictional.
502
00:34:10,595 --> 00:34:13,117
- Oh!
- No, Barbara is her real name.
503
00:34:13,152 --> 00:34:15,640
You created Sophie
Straw, darling.
504
00:34:15,675 --> 00:34:17,645
Oh, so I did.
505
00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:21,525
How thrilling. I feel
like Dr Frankenstein.
506
00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:21,858
Mm.
507
00:34:21,864 --> 00:34:25,085
I think we should show
this one to Sophie, darling.
508
00:34:25,120 --> 00:34:29,520
No, I very much don't think she
can deal with the distraction right now.
509
00:34:30,760 --> 00:34:33,880
Why don't you throw it into
the wacky wastepaper basket?
510
00:34:33,915 --> 00:34:35,920
Very well.
511
00:34:40,800 --> 00:34:42,800
Mm.
512
00:34:47,100 --> 00:34:49,660
Now they're at the
bloody back door.
513
00:34:50,060 --> 00:34:52,620
Told you, she's not here!
514
00:35:01,460 --> 00:35:03,460
Oh, Dad, I'm impressed.
515
00:35:08,780 --> 00:35:11,460
I like cooking, as it turns out.
516
00:35:12,980 --> 00:35:16,060
There's your egg all nice
and runny, as you like it.
517
00:35:20,900 --> 00:35:22,362
Are you crying?
518
00:35:22,368 --> 00:35:26,340
Well, on TV, Barbara
doesn't like dippy egg.
519
00:35:26,375 --> 00:35:30,260
So... everyone thinks
I don't like dippy egg.
520
00:35:30,295 --> 00:35:32,265
I'm crying cos...
521
00:35:32,300 --> 00:35:34,340
you know how I like my eggs.
522
00:35:37,500 --> 00:35:39,625
Aw!
523
00:35:39,660 --> 00:35:41,700
It's all right.
524
00:35:44,300 --> 00:35:46,320
What's she doing here?
525
00:35:46,355 --> 00:35:48,305
This is her home, Marie.
526
00:35:48,340 --> 00:35:50,380
She's just here
while it blows over.
527
00:35:50,580 --> 00:35:53,940
What, sitting here fit as a
fiddle, pretending to be poorly?!
528
00:35:53,975 --> 00:35:56,897
I'm telling you, the local
press will be straight onto it.
529
00:35:56,932 --> 00:35:59,396
We've already had them
knocking on the door day and night!
530
00:35:59,431 --> 00:36:01,905
- How do you think that feels?
- I know how it feels.
531
00:36:01,940 --> 00:36:04,380
Well, you've only yourself
to blame. You went after it.
532
00:36:04,415 --> 00:36:07,100
You had a fiance and a
future here in Blackpool,
533
00:36:07,135 --> 00:36:09,380
but oh, no, you wanted more.
534
00:36:10,500 --> 00:36:12,700
- Just like your mother.
- Marie...
535
00:36:12,735 --> 00:36:15,377
Can't you just be
on my side for once?
536
00:36:15,412 --> 00:36:18,020
- We are on your side.
- On your side?!
537
00:36:19,060 --> 00:36:22,225
I've been stuck to
your side all your life.
538
00:36:22,260 --> 00:36:25,345
- Come on, Marie.
- Don't come on Marie me, brother!
539
00:36:25,380 --> 00:36:29,620
You spoilt her. You stuffed her
head with all that funny business.
540
00:36:29,655 --> 00:36:32,505
She doesn't know
the sacrifices I made.
541
00:36:32,540 --> 00:36:35,500
I never had the chance
to have a family of my own
542
00:36:35,535 --> 00:36:38,060
because I was always...
saddled with her!
543
00:36:40,420 --> 00:36:44,140
And then we had a brief
moment where it felt like...
544
00:36:44,175 --> 00:36:47,900
maybe, maybe it's
worth it, but oh, no...
545
00:36:47,935 --> 00:36:50,105
Boom!
546
00:36:50,140 --> 00:36:52,180
She went and ruined everything.
547
00:36:55,420 --> 00:36:57,420
And where's my egg and dippies?!
548
00:36:59,260 --> 00:37:01,940
Harinder's a find. Haven't
resorted to some White actor
549
00:37:01,975 --> 00:37:04,620
doing ridiculous caricatures.
It's a small victory.
550
00:37:04,655 --> 00:37:06,660
It is a fucking huge victory.
551
00:37:06,695 --> 00:37:08,985
This is really good.
552
00:37:09,020 --> 00:37:11,705
Hey, who's that with Dennis?
553
00:37:11,740 --> 00:37:14,980
Hey, only the fucking
Godfather of comedy!
554
00:37:15,015 --> 00:37:18,220
Meet Spike Milligan. 'Allo!
555
00:37:22,020 --> 00:37:26,140
Mr Milligan, what a tremendous
honour it is to meet you.
556
00:37:27,220 --> 00:37:29,220
I have good journey,
557
00:37:29,255 --> 00:37:31,260
but I not have hearing problem.
558
00:37:33,340 --> 00:37:35,340
He'll be playing Guneet.
559
00:37:37,820 --> 00:37:40,665
Madam here can clear up the
mess while we're at the doctor's.
560
00:37:40,700 --> 00:37:43,740
Oh, George, don't forget your
muffler, or you'll catch your death.
561
00:37:43,775 --> 00:37:46,065
George, don't
forget your muffler.
562
00:37:46,100 --> 00:37:49,580
- I heard that.
- I wasn't doing you, Auntie Marie.
563
00:37:49,615 --> 00:37:52,100
I was doing... Aggie
from number 22.
564
00:37:54,060 --> 00:37:56,620
- I wish I could come.
- Well, you can't. They're still here.
565
00:37:58,660 --> 00:38:02,620
- See you later, Aggie.
- See you later.
566
00:38:02,655 --> 00:38:04,677
Excuse me!
567
00:38:04,712 --> 00:38:06,665
Excuse me.
568
00:38:06,700 --> 00:38:07,160
George?
569
00:38:07,166 --> 00:38:10,220
Can you let me through? George,
George? What's happening?
570
00:38:10,255 --> 00:38:12,540
No idea where she is.
Haven't you got homes to go to?
571
00:38:16,180 --> 00:38:18,555
MUSIC: ? George Fornby -
My Little Stick of Blackpool Rock
572
00:38:20,420 --> 00:38:23,700
? Every year when
summer comes round
573
00:38:23,735 --> 00:38:27,665
? Off to the sea I go
574
00:38:27,700 --> 00:38:31,420
? I don't care if I
do spend a pound
575
00:38:31,455 --> 00:38:35,025
? I'm rather rash, I know
576
00:38:35,060 --> 00:38:38,660
? See me dressed
like all the sports
577
00:38:38,695 --> 00:38:42,225
? In my blazer
and a pair of shorts
578
00:38:42,260 --> 00:38:46,260
? With my little
stick of Blackpool rock
579
00:38:46,295 --> 00:38:49,865
? Along the promenade I stroll
580
00:38:49,900 --> 00:38:53,345
? It may be sticky
but I never complain
581
00:38:53,380 --> 00:38:57,060
? It's nice to have a
nibble at it now and again
582
00:38:57,095 --> 00:39:00,477
? Every day, wherever I stray
583
00:39:00,512 --> 00:39:03,860
? The kids all round me flock
584
00:39:05,140 --> 00:39:08,505
? One afternoon the band
conductor up on the stand...
585
00:39:08,540 --> 00:39:10,248
- All right, Aggie.
- George.
586
00:39:10,254 --> 00:39:12,300
Come on in, I'll
pop the kettle on.
587
00:39:12,335 --> 00:39:15,980
? So I jumped in his place
and then conducted the band
588
00:39:16,015 --> 00:39:18,940
? With my little stick
of Blackpool rock ?
589
00:39:20,540 --> 00:39:22,920
Joan's sleeping
with Harold Pinter.
590
00:39:22,955 --> 00:39:25,265
Lucian Freud's
had everyone else.
591
00:39:25,300 --> 00:39:27,340
It's quite the
sophisticated thing to do.
592
00:39:27,375 --> 00:39:29,380
Well, then, consider
me a Philistine.
593
00:39:30,740 --> 00:39:33,900
- I don't want an affair.
- Are you sure about that?
594
00:39:35,180 --> 00:39:37,980
If you said now that you
wished to leave Vernon,
595
00:39:38,015 --> 00:39:40,020
and stay married, I
would honour that.
596
00:39:40,055 --> 00:39:42,025
Well, how gallant.
597
00:39:42,060 --> 00:39:44,385
I don't want a man
who's with me out of duty.
598
00:39:44,420 --> 00:39:47,180
I want a man who can't
live another day without me.
599
00:39:48,300 --> 00:39:50,265
You're a coward, Dennis.
600
00:39:50,300 --> 00:39:53,180
At least I've admitted
how I feel, and acted on it.
601
00:39:57,260 --> 00:39:59,585
It's infra dig, I know.
602
00:39:59,620 --> 00:40:02,105
But I thought it best
to keep you informed.
603
00:40:02,140 --> 00:40:06,500
I thought Ted and the press
department had control of the story.
604
00:40:06,535 --> 00:40:10,860
To a degree. The wretched papers
held back the photographs of the...
605
00:40:10,895 --> 00:40:12,865
liaison.
606
00:40:12,900 --> 00:40:16,380
But unfortunately, the scoundrels
still want something in return.
607
00:40:17,460 --> 00:40:19,920
What? What do they want?
608
00:40:19,955 --> 00:40:22,345
Jim and Barbara reunited.
609
00:40:22,380 --> 00:40:26,780
Preferably with a large
rock of ice on her finger.
610
00:40:26,815 --> 00:40:29,900
Jim and Barbara,
or Sophie and Clive?
611
00:40:29,935 --> 00:40:31,905
Oh, thank you very much.
612
00:40:31,940 --> 00:40:34,980
Well, it's one and the
same thing to them, really.
613
00:40:36,540 --> 00:40:39,300
Either way, they get an
exclusive front-page scoop.
614
00:40:42,580 --> 00:40:45,260
Well, anyway, I don't think
Sophie would even take me back.
615
00:40:45,295 --> 00:40:47,265
She was... She was
pretty damn angry.
616
00:40:47,300 --> 00:40:50,280
The poor girl clearly
still has feelings, and...
617
00:40:50,315 --> 00:40:53,260
What girl wouldn't want
to be swept off her feet
618
00:40:53,295 --> 00:40:55,300
by Clive Richardson, hm?
619
00:40:57,500 --> 00:41:01,100
However, if you and Sophie WERE
reunited as love's young dream,
620
00:41:01,135 --> 00:41:04,940
then Ted Sargent would
undoubtedly recant.
621
00:41:08,860 --> 00:41:10,860
Look...
622
00:41:12,420 --> 00:41:15,500
- I know I messed up.
- Oh, an indiscretion, dear boy.
623
00:41:15,535 --> 00:41:17,540
- We all have them.
- BUT...
624
00:41:19,900 --> 00:41:22,780
...if I am going to win her
back, it's going to be genuine,
625
00:41:22,815 --> 00:41:24,820
and on my own terms.
626
00:41:26,700 --> 00:41:30,780
Not because I'm being
coerced by some filthy tabloid.
627
00:41:34,740 --> 00:41:36,740
Thank you for the drink.
628
00:41:38,140 --> 00:41:40,140
You're very welcome.
629
00:41:43,300 --> 00:41:46,940
Can you get me a wider shot of
Spike when he comes through the door?
630
00:41:46,975 --> 00:41:48,945
Shot 40, camera 2 next.
631
00:41:48,980 --> 00:41:51,340
I'd like to use your facilities.
632
00:41:58,540 --> 00:42:01,200
I wondered where
I'd left my toothbrush.
633
00:42:01,235 --> 00:42:03,825
Congratulations. Excellent show.
634
00:42:03,860 --> 00:42:08,020
Spike was absolutely terrific. Let's
book him for the rest of the series.
635
00:42:08,055 --> 00:42:10,060
In addition to Sophie Straw?
636
00:42:10,095 --> 00:42:12,100
Sophie who?
637
00:42:14,220 --> 00:42:15,397
We had an agreement.
638
00:42:15,403 --> 00:42:17,660
The agreement was
that I would consider.
639
00:42:21,300 --> 00:42:23,760
I can't help but think
you have a rather
640
00:42:23,795 --> 00:42:26,220
over-inflated
opinion of Miss Straw.
641
00:42:28,380 --> 00:42:32,140
It makes me wonder, Dennis, if
your impulses are entirely professional.
642
00:42:38,300 --> 00:42:41,220
Somewhere, deep inside,
643
00:42:42,260 --> 00:42:46,740
the fact that Sophie is a
beautiful and funny woman
644
00:42:46,775 --> 00:42:48,780
really offends you,
doesn't it, Ted?
645
00:42:51,780 --> 00:42:54,300
I will accept your resignation
with great sadness.
646
00:42:54,335 --> 00:42:56,305
I've already written the letter.
647
00:42:56,340 --> 00:42:58,465
MUSIC: ? The Spencer Davis
Group - Gimme Some Lovin'
648
00:43:12,340 --> 00:43:14,340
? Hey
649
00:43:17,540 --> 00:43:20,700
? My temperature's rising
and my feet on the floor
650
00:43:20,735 --> 00:43:23,860
? Crazy people knocking
cos they wanted some more
651
00:43:23,895 --> 00:43:27,025
? Let me in, baby, I
don't know what you got
652
00:43:27,060 --> 00:43:30,260
? But you'd better take
it easy, this place is hot
653
00:43:30,295 --> 00:43:32,980
? And I'm so glad we made it
654
00:43:34,580 --> 00:43:36,545
? So glad we made it
655
00:43:36,580 --> 00:43:38,620
? Why won't you
gimme some lovin'
656
00:43:41,220 --> 00:43:43,185
? Gimme some lovin'... ?
657
00:43:43,220 --> 00:43:47,597
So, Aggie, I hear you've been
for a - big hike around the town.
658
00:43:47,603 --> 00:43:48,020
- Yes.
659
00:43:48,055 --> 00:43:50,025
You must be very tired.
660
00:43:50,060 --> 00:43:53,560
- How do you feel?
- How do I feel?
661
00:43:53,595 --> 00:43:57,060
I put my hands out,
and I go like this.
662
00:43:57,095 --> 00:43:59,500
Ah! Very good.
663
00:44:05,620 --> 00:44:07,620
Oh, God, sweetheart...
664
00:44:08,940 --> 00:44:10,940
You're born to
do this, you know.
665
00:44:12,620 --> 00:44:14,740
Mr Mahindra says you're
a natural, doesn't he?
666
00:44:18,580 --> 00:44:22,920
When we're doing the
show, it's hard to explain, Dad,
667
00:44:22,955 --> 00:44:27,260
but... there's nowhere else
in the world I'd rather be.
668
00:44:27,295 --> 00:44:30,997
You'll get back there,
Bubble. You'll find a way.
669
00:44:31,032 --> 00:44:34,646
? My temperature rising
and my feet on the floor
670
00:44:34,681 --> 00:44:38,260
? Crazy people knocking
cos they wanted some more
671
00:44:38,295 --> 00:44:41,305
? Let me in, baby, I
don't know what you got
672
00:44:41,340 --> 00:44:45,900
? But you'd better take
it easy, this place is hot
673
00:44:45,935 --> 00:44:50,460
? And I'm so glad we
made it, so glad we made it...
674
00:44:50,495 --> 00:44:52,465
Dennis?
675
00:44:52,500 --> 00:44:54,540
? .. gimme some lovin'
676
00:44:55,500 --> 00:44:57,500
? Gimme some lovin'...
677
00:44:59,460 --> 00:45:01,460
What brings you to Blackpool?
678
00:45:03,740 --> 00:45:05,740
I've come to see a friend.
679
00:45:05,775 --> 00:45:07,745
You?
680
00:45:07,780 --> 00:45:11,340
Well, I mean, I've... I've been an
absolute shag-wanking arsehole.
681
00:45:21,660 --> 00:45:25,340
? Well, my head's all splinting
and I'm floating to sound...
682
00:45:25,375 --> 00:45:27,380
Do they ever give up?
683
00:45:27,415 --> 00:45:30,025
All right, yes! I'm here!
684
00:45:30,060 --> 00:45:32,900
Will you leave us alone
if I give you a picture...
685
00:45:35,300 --> 00:45:37,300
Hello, Soph.
686
00:45:37,900 --> 00:45:39,940
Will you marry me?
687
00:45:40,040 --> 00:45:44,020
? .. so glad we made it,
won't you gimme some lovin'?
688
00:45:46,060 --> 00:45:48,060
? Gimme some lovin'
689
00:45:49,260 --> 00:45:52,300
? Gimme some lovin' every day...
690
00:45:55,980 --> 00:45:57,980
Will you say yes, Sophie?
691
00:45:59,100 --> 00:46:01,100
Sophie, what are
you going to do?
692
00:46:01,135 --> 00:46:03,140
? Hey
693
00:46:04,340 --> 00:46:08,065
? Well, I feel so good,
everything is getting hot
694
00:46:08,100 --> 00:46:10,820
? You better take some
time off cos the place is on fire
695
00:46:10,855 --> 00:46:14,017
? Better stop, baby,
cos I have so much to do
696
00:46:14,052 --> 00:46:17,180
? We made it baby,
and it happened to you
697
00:46:17,215 --> 00:46:19,220
? And I'm so glad we made it
698
00:46:21,500 --> 00:46:23,500
? So glad we made it
699
00:46:25,180 --> 00:46:28,580
? Gimme some
lovin' every day... ?
700
00:46:28,630 --> 00:46:33,180
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