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1
00:00:03,420 --> 00:00:06,150
Hi. I'm looking for an engagement ring.
2
00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:10,730
Are you sure?
3
00:00:12,540 --> 00:00:14,590
Maybe you should have had a ring the first time you proposed.
4
00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:15,940
Then Elisa wouldn't have said no.
5
00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:18,320
She didn't say no. She said we should think about it.
6
00:00:18,330 --> 00:00:20,230
Yeah, that does not mean yes.
7
00:00:20,250 --> 00:00:22,810
In my experience, "let's think about it" usually ends up
8
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with me watching solid gold in my basement on prom night.
9
00:00:25,830 --> 00:00:28,580
The point is I have thought about it,
and I haven't changed my mind.
10
00:00:28,600 --> 00:00:33,230
In fact, I've coined a new term to describe what Elisa is to me:
11
00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:34,660
The one.
The one?
12
00:00:34,670 --> 00:00:36,860
As in the only one for me.
13
00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:39,320
The one I'm meant to be with. Get it? The one.
14
00:00:39,330 --> 00:00:40,550
Yeah, you should be a writer.
15
00:00:40,570 --> 00:00:43,170
Whoa, check out the bling!
16
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Or whatever it's called now.
17
00:00:49,820 --> 00:00:51,990
Good God.
I got it!
18
00:00:52,300 --> 00:00:54,630
Oh, God, there's a vent!
19
00:00:55,930 --> 00:00:59,370
She's very... spirited. Like a show horse.
20
00:00:59,380 --> 00:01:00,400
You're a lucky man.
21
00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:02,600
Oh, no, no. She's not the bride.
22
00:01:02,610 --> 00:01:04,900
This is the one I am marrying.
23
00:01:04,930 --> 00:01:07,580
Oh, my apologies, sir.
24
00:01:07,610 --> 00:01:09,730
Please follow me to the real showroom.
Yes.
25
00:01:09,740 --> 00:01:12,060
My finger is caught in the vent.
26
00:01:16,740 --> 00:01:18,360
Hey, where are my snow balls?
27
00:01:18,390 --> 00:01:20,750
I was gonna go to the gym later, so I deserve a treat.
28
00:01:20,780 --> 00:01:24,790
Oh, miss Lemon, we can't have conut products
out anymore because of staff allergies.
29
00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:27,380
What? No, allergies are psychosomatic.
30
00:01:27,390 --> 00:01:31,590
The only reason I'm allergic to dogs is because
one bit me the first time I got my period.
31
00:01:31,620 --> 00:01:33,570
No, allergies are real.
32
00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:37,530
If I have a strawberry, my throat shuts
up faster than a girl in math class.
33
00:01:37,550 --> 00:01:39,050
I didn't know you had allergies.
34
00:01:39,100 --> 00:01:42,510
You know if my cousin Stephanie eats a walnut,
her throat shuts up faster than a filipino at a...
35
00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:44,990
Guys! Come on. Not okay.
36
00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:48,070
Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Rossitano, no unauthorized food.
37
00:01:48,080 --> 00:01:49,910
Don't worry, no food in here, Kenneth.
38
00:01:49,930 --> 00:01:52,360
Just a doughnut box with a mouse in it.
39
00:01:52,390 --> 00:01:54,830
Oh, are the pranksmen going after Lutz again?
40
00:01:54,850 --> 00:01:56,820
Someone say my name?
Hey, look.
41
00:01:56,830 --> 00:01:58,690
Awesome! Doughnuts!
42
00:02:26,010 --> 00:02:27,890
Hey, we've narrowed it down, Liz Lemon.
43
00:02:27,910 --> 00:02:29,120
Oh, great. What are we talking about?
44
00:02:29,130 --> 00:02:31,020
Tracy has to get a present for his wife.
45
00:02:31,050 --> 00:02:35,280
This Saturday is the 20th anniversary
of the night that me and Angie met.
46
00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:39,380
She was working at the dyker heights Arthur
Treacher's, and I was residing there.
47
00:02:39,410 --> 00:02:43,210
She slipped me a free shrimp combo,
and we've been together ever since.
48
00:02:43,250 --> 00:02:45,590
So this present has to be special.
49
00:02:45,640 --> 00:02:49,580
It's either gonna be a denim jacket
that says "hot bitch" in diamonds...
50
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:52,170
Or a slanket.
51
00:02:52,180 --> 00:02:54,650
Yeah, Angie doesn't want that.
52
00:02:54,700 --> 00:02:58,750
Why don't you just ask Angie what she wants
instead of spending all this money on junk?
53
00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:00,360
You are wise, Liz Lemon.
54
00:03:00,380 --> 00:03:02,950
Like a genetically manipulated shark.
55
00:03:02,990 --> 00:03:07,080
So as a token of my gratitude, I
got something specially for you.
56
00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:12,820
I'll take that slanket too if you're not gonna use it.
57
00:03:13,830 --> 00:03:15,130
Puerto rican!
58
00:03:15,150 --> 00:03:16,190
That's interesting.
59
00:03:16,220 --> 00:03:19,260
I mean Puerto Rico, where you're supposed to be.
60
00:03:19,290 --> 00:03:20,310
When did you get back?
61
00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:23,680
Actually, Lemon, three weeks ago.
What? Why doesn't Jack know that?
62
00:03:23,690 --> 00:03:25,010
Because I don't know what to do.
63
00:03:25,020 --> 00:03:28,500
I'm afraid he's gonna want to go
through with his proposings of marriage.
64
00:03:28,510 --> 00:03:31,230
Sorry, I haven't spoken english in two menses.
65
00:03:31,870 --> 00:03:36,110
Are you saying that you don't want to go
through with his proposings of marriage?
66
00:03:36,130 --> 00:03:38,130
I don't understand, Elisa. You love him.
67
00:03:38,140 --> 00:03:42,020
I do. That's why I call him "el uno."
Yeah.
68
00:03:42,030 --> 00:03:46,090
But I cannot marry him because of a terrible secret.
69
00:03:46,100 --> 00:03:47,640
Please don't ask me what it is.
70
00:03:47,660 --> 00:03:49,670
I won't. I don't want to know.
71
00:03:50,390 --> 00:03:52,270
Are you a man?
Really?
72
00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:55,240
That's your guess, a man?
You want to see me naked?
73
00:03:55,250 --> 00:03:55,990
Sort of.
74
00:03:57,370 --> 00:04:00,190
I love Jack so much.
75
00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:03,840
I don't think I have the strength to tell it to his head.
76
00:04:03,850 --> 00:04:05,550
That's why I was hoping that you...
77
00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:06,860
Oh, no, no, no!
78
00:04:06,900 --> 00:04:09,920
Oh, thank you for doing what I cannot.
79
00:04:09,930 --> 00:04:12,620
Goodbye forever, Liz Lemon.
80
00:04:18,900 --> 00:04:21,300
Well, I see why he likes it.
81
00:04:22,090 --> 00:04:23,740
I hope you guys have learned a lesson.
82
00:04:23,770 --> 00:04:26,480
Because of what you did, we almost lost a monitor.
83
00:04:31,650 --> 00:04:34,450
I'm sorry. You're a big fan of mine, and you're not gay?
84
00:04:34,460 --> 00:04:35,690
Not even bi-curious?
85
00:04:35,710 --> 00:04:38,670
I don't know what to tell you. I love your show. I read your blog.
86
00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:41,240
I've got all your albums. Even the one you did with Phil Spector.
87
00:04:41,250 --> 00:04:44,200
I still think that it would have sold much
better if he had shot me in the face.
88
00:04:44,230 --> 00:04:46,320
Well, I'm glad you didn't get shot in the face.
89
00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:48,500
Thank you.
But if you had...
90
00:04:48,510 --> 00:04:50,230
I would have liked to have gotten that call.
91
00:04:50,260 --> 00:04:51,750
That would have been nice.
92
00:04:51,780 --> 00:04:56,380
Jenna, Us Weekly is calling to confirm
a story that your animal rescue shelter
93
00:04:56,410 --> 00:04:59,290
is supplying quesadilla meat to amusement parks.
94
00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:03,560
What? I need to call my lawyer. I'll
be right back. Don't go anywhere.
95
00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:05,780
Dude, we gotta go, man.
96
00:05:05,790 --> 00:05:07,910
I stole some pens.
97
00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:10,500
Mr. Lutz, this is my telephone number.
98
00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:13,210
Please give it to Jenna Maroney.
99
00:05:13,570 --> 00:05:15,880
You okay? Good.
100
00:05:25,670 --> 00:05:27,430
Hey, Jack. Do you have a sec?
101
00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:29,210
It's over, Lemon.
102
00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:32,210
It's over before it started. Drink with me.
103
00:05:32,220 --> 00:05:34,990
I'm sorry, but I'm glad it didn't have to come from me.
104
00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:36,090
What are you talking about?
105
00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:39,000
What are you talking about
Wig-go.com,
106
00:05:39,010 --> 00:05:41,880
sheinhardt wigs' user-generated video content site.
107
00:05:41,900 --> 00:05:45,000
All anybody posted on it were penises.
108
00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:46,630
What did you want to talk to me about?
109
00:05:46,650 --> 00:05:49,170
Hey, Jack! Right, okay.
110
00:05:49,180 --> 00:05:52,450
I have been trying to figure out how to not tell you this.
111
00:05:52,460 --> 00:05:54,540
Mi amor.
Querida.
112
00:05:54,550 --> 00:05:57,010
I'm back. Let'get married.
113
00:05:57,480 --> 00:06:01,170
I'll call plunder and have them hold a table so we can celebrate in style.
114
00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:04,620
And carbo-load for the reunion sex.
115
00:06:05,260 --> 00:06:07,790
Lemon, isn't it wonderful?
116
00:06:07,810 --> 00:06:10,490
Don't dare say anything about what I told you about my secret.
117
00:06:10,510 --> 00:06:12,710
I'm not going to because you have to.
118
00:06:18,520 --> 00:06:22,220
Baby cried the day the circus came to town.
119
00:06:22,230 --> 00:06:23,710
Uh, you okay?
120
00:06:23,730 --> 00:06:26,460
Oh, I didn't see you there.
121
00:06:26,840 --> 00:06:28,700
I'm fine.
122
00:06:28,730 --> 00:06:33,290
Don't cry out loud
123
00:06:33,300 --> 00:06:34,770
You sure you don't want to talk about something?
124
00:06:34,830 --> 00:06:38,600
Well, it's kinda none of your business, but all right.
125
00:06:38,610 --> 00:06:41,030
I met this cute paramedic yesterday.
126
00:06:41,050 --> 00:06:42,550
He thinks I'm incredible.
127
00:06:42,580 --> 00:06:44,240
We're perfect for each other.
128
00:06:44,260 --> 00:06:46,060
But he left before I could get his name.
129
00:06:46,090 --> 00:06:47,640
Well, I'm sure there's a way to find out.
130
00:06:47,670 --> 00:06:50,970
I called 911 they wouldn't even connect me to their celebrity service.
131
00:06:51,010 --> 00:06:52,290
I don't know what to do.
132
00:06:52,310 --> 00:06:55,800
Huh, you know, your dilemma reminds me of a book I read once.
133
00:06:55,810 --> 00:06:57,040
Ugh, see you later, Pete.
134
00:06:57,070 --> 00:06:58,410
No, no, no. Listen, listen, listen.
135
00:06:58,420 --> 00:07:01,540
There's this question psychiatrists use to identify sociopaths.
136
00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:04,840
A woman goes to her mother's funeral,
where she meets the perfect man.
137
00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:06,090
It's love at first sight.
138
00:07:06,140 --> 00:07:08,640
But he leaves before she finds out who he is.
139
00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:11,870
So what does she do to see him again?
140
00:07:11,900 --> 00:07:15,400
She kills her father, hoping that the guy will come to that funeral too.
141
00:07:15,430 --> 00:07:17,990
That's correct. Oh, boy.
142
00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:19,290
Thanks for the advice.
143
00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:20,710
No, no, no, that wasn't advice.
144
00:07:20,730 --> 00:07:24,160
But of course, she'd also have to kill her father's
doorman and anyone else who might have seen her.
145
00:07:24,170 --> 00:07:27,610
And you for giving her the idea in the first place.
146
00:07:38,910 --> 00:07:40,440
Liz Lemon, you dummy!
147
00:07:40,470 --> 00:07:41,300
I'm wearing it as a joke.
148
00:07:41,310 --> 00:07:46,590
I asked Angie what she wanted for our anniversary,
and she wants me to get a tattoo of her name.
149
00:07:46,620 --> 00:07:48,010
Well ,okay. You like tattoos.
150
00:07:48,020 --> 00:07:50,860
And above it she wants this picture of her face.
151
00:07:50,870 --> 00:07:54,730
I can't have this on my chest scaring
off beautiful women in the clubs.
152
00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:57,440
Tracy...
You know I like to socialize, Liz Lemon.
153
00:07:57,450 --> 00:08:00,260
And you know my signature move with the ladies
154
00:08:00,300 --> 00:08:02,210
is taking off my shirt.
Taking off your shirt.
155
00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:08,360
Now it's asophie's choice.
156
00:08:08,380 --> 00:08:11,730
I can't get this tattoo, and I can't tell Angie no.
157
00:08:11,740 --> 00:08:12,770
What do you want me to say, Tracy?
158
00:08:12,790 --> 00:08:15,600
I'm sorry I made it harder for you to cheat on your wife?
159
00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:18,760
That's a start, Liz Lemon. That's a start.
160
00:08:41,710 --> 00:08:43,480
Strawberries!
161
00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:47,010
My real name is Dick Whitman.
162
00:08:47,020 --> 00:08:51,250
Oh, someone call the cute guy at 911!
163
00:08:51,260 --> 00:08:54,330
Lemon, I need to ask you something about Elisa.
164
00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:58,180
Did she say anything to you, anything at all, about a secret...
165
00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:00,770
desire to keep her maiden name?
166
00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:02,920
Oh, no. Sorry.
167
00:09:02,930 --> 00:09:07,740
Because I'd like her to be elisa donaghy, but if
she wants to be Elisa Padriera-Donaghy, then...
168
00:09:07,770 --> 00:09:09,960
Elisa Padriera?
169
00:09:10,950 --> 00:09:13,060
La viuda negra!
What?
170
00:09:13,070 --> 00:09:14,380
What does that mean?
171
00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:15,620
The black widow.
172
00:09:15,630 --> 00:09:16,830
Elisa has a terrible secret.
173
00:09:16,850 --> 00:09:19,830
My current theory is she's the
mother of those michael jackson kids.
174
00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:26,360
Okay, I searched Elisa Padriera and the black widow,
175
00:09:26,370 --> 00:09:28,190
but all the web sites are in spanish.
176
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:29,970
Blue writing on green. Why?
177
00:09:29,980 --> 00:09:31,340
Call that cleaning lady back.
178
00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:33,110
We need somebody who speaks spanish.
179
00:09:33,130 --> 00:09:34,540
I speak spanish.
180
00:09:34,550 --> 00:09:35,680
Puerto rican!
La viuda negra!
181
00:09:35,690 --> 00:09:37,420
Really, Lemon?
182
00:09:37,430 --> 00:09:39,300
Jack, let me explain.
183
00:09:39,310 --> 00:09:43,570
Elisa, there is nothing you can say
that will change the way I feel.
184
00:09:43,930 --> 00:09:48,710
I'm so sorry to tell you such a dark
tale while wearing such a silly t-shirt.
185
00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:52,380
I was married once, and I killed my husband.
186
00:09:53,750 --> 00:09:56,080
It was a crime of passion.
187
00:09:56,110 --> 00:09:58,160
He cheated on me.
188
00:09:58,180 --> 00:10:00,910
And in a rage I took my revenge.
189
00:10:00,920 --> 00:10:03,410
You know me, Jack. I'm a catholic.
190
00:10:03,420 --> 00:10:06,340
I take the bonds of marriage very seriously.
191
00:10:06,370 --> 00:10:08,090
Why aren't you in jail?
192
00:10:08,110 --> 00:10:09,800
They threw my case out.
193
00:10:09,810 --> 00:10:13,550
I couldn't get an impartial jury after that song about me came out.
194
00:10:13,910 --> 00:10:18,560
Elisa, Elisa la viuda negra Elisa...
195
00:10:19,300 --> 00:10:21,490
I guess I'm glad you know.
196
00:10:21,500 --> 00:10:24,780
I understand if this changes everything.
197
00:10:24,790 --> 00:10:26,720
It's up to you.
198
00:10:31,310 --> 00:10:36,040
My God, I already put my wedding
announcement incigar aficionado.
199
00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:42,560
How about this? You get the tattoo, but when you hit the clubs,
200
00:10:42,570 --> 00:10:45,290
You draw a mane around the face with a marker
201
00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:49,340
and make it look like a lion named "Tangiers."
202
00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:52,640
Dotcom, that is a great idea!
203
00:10:52,650 --> 00:10:55,700
If you want everyone to think I own a gay lion!
204
00:10:55,710 --> 00:10:56,830
Tangiers?
205
00:10:56,850 --> 00:10:58,300
No judgment in brainstorming.
206
00:10:58,330 --> 00:11:01,030
Look, this is my reputation we're talking about here!
207
00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:03,050
Use your heads!
208
00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:07,360
The moroccan national soccer team is the Lions.
209
00:11:07,390 --> 00:11:09,060
Tangier is in Morocco.
210
00:11:09,090 --> 00:11:11,580
So, yeah, I guess I'm an idiot.
211
00:11:12,770 --> 00:11:16,070
Have you ever met anyone that's killed somebody?
212
00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:18,650
I think my grandpa may have.
213
00:11:18,680 --> 00:11:22,110
But he never really liked to talk about what happened at kent state.
214
00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:23,540
I still want to marry Elisa.
215
00:11:23,550 --> 00:11:26,010
Wow, you do? Really?
216
00:11:26,020 --> 00:11:28,260
So she had one bad day.
217
00:11:28,300 --> 00:11:30,970
Being in a relationship means overlooking certain flaws.
218
00:11:31,020 --> 00:11:34,920
I mean, somewhere right now, a guy
is on a Jdate with Monica Lewinsky...
219
00:11:34,930 --> 00:11:36,250
Nobody's perfect.
Jack...
220
00:11:36,260 --> 00:11:40,880
I'm 50. To put it in perspective, that's like 32 for ladies.
221
00:11:41,210 --> 00:11:43,110
How many more Elisas am I going to meet?
222
00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:45,150
Okay, well, God bless.
223
00:11:45,170 --> 00:11:48,470
I guess I just really don't understand men.
224
00:11:48,490 --> 00:11:50,660
Nobody ever said you did, Lemon.
225
00:11:53,580 --> 00:11:54,770
Pardon me. Excuse me.
226
00:11:55,450 --> 00:11:57,150
I'm sorry, what are you two doing here?
227
00:11:57,180 --> 00:11:58,100
Whers the hot guy?
228
00:11:58,130 --> 00:12:00,380
Ma'am, are you taking any medication?
Yes.
229
00:12:00,390 --> 00:12:02,360
Where's the cute paramedic who was here last night?
230
00:12:02,390 --> 00:12:04,320
He was wearing a uniform. He was totally into me.
231
00:12:04,330 --> 00:12:06,540
If he was here at night, he must work the evening shift.
232
00:12:06,570 --> 00:12:08,860
So there are different shifts?
233
00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:12,760
Like on a sheik's pleasure yacht. Thank you.
234
00:12:15,190 --> 00:12:15,890
Lemon.
235
00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:17,390
It's not product placement. I just like it.
236
00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:18,590
What?
What?
237
00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:21,710
What if I marry Elisa and I accidentally cheat?
238
00:12:21,720 --> 00:12:23,010
She could snap again.
239
00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:25,690
She's very passionate, and she doesn't react well to betrayal.
240
00:12:25,700 --> 00:12:28,540
Why won't you open?
241
00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:34,220
Yes. What a quandary. Oh, wait, I have a suggestion... don't cheat.
242
00:12:34,230 --> 00:12:35,380
But you never know, Lemon.
243
00:12:35,410 --> 00:12:39,840
What if I find myself stranded in a snow
cave with a stern but comely lady geologist,
244
00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:43,790
Both of us knowing that our only chance for
survival is the heat from our naked bodies?
245
00:12:43,820 --> 00:12:45,930
Sorry, I just do not get you guys.
246
00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:47,740
Again, that is not being disputed.
247
00:12:47,770 --> 00:12:51,260
But my options for male advice around here are limited.
248
00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:53,620
So I think the pranksmen should all wear fedoras.
249
00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:55,430
Could the hats have feathers?
Yes! Yes!
250
00:12:56,500 --> 00:12:59,940
Face it, you are the closest thing to a man working here right now.
251
00:13:00,620 --> 00:13:05,650
Well, dude, I guess you gotta find a comely
geologist and a snow cave and see what happens.
252
00:13:06,610 --> 00:13:07,970
Tracy, I need your help.
253
00:13:08,010 --> 00:13:11,550
My fiancee murdered her ex-husband when he cheated on her.
254
00:13:11,570 --> 00:13:12,590
Continue.
255
00:13:12,620 --> 00:13:13,940
I love her.
256
00:13:13,950 --> 00:13:16,720
But the only way I can make sure that I won't stray...
257
00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:19,860
Is for me to arrange a test of Erotic temptation.
258
00:13:19,870 --> 00:13:21,760
Yes. Exactly.
259
00:13:22,870 --> 00:13:27,760
We're going out tonight, jackie d, and you're
gonna be tempted like jesus in the wilderness.
260
00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:33,010
Jesus is my stereo guy, and the wilderness is a club I took him to once.
261
00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:36,710
Jenna, come quick. Kenneth's passed out again.
262
00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:40,150
Oh, no, I can't believe this is happening during night shift!
263
00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:47,860
Oh, for god sakes! What is this, third watch?
264
00:13:47,870 --> 00:13:51,870
Somehow Kenneth ate strawberries again,
and now he's gone into acute strawberry hock.
265
00:13:51,910 --> 00:13:52,830
Is that a thing?
266
00:13:52,870 --> 00:13:54,680
Just ask this real emt.
267
00:13:54,710 --> 00:13:57,000
We're gonna have to cut off his hands to get the sickness out.
268
00:13:57,030 --> 00:13:59,220
He's gonna have to learn how to urinate with his feet.
269
00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:02,260
How could this have happened again?
It's my fault. I did it.
270
00:14:02,270 --> 00:14:05,670
I just wanted that hot emt to come back.
I didn't mean for it to go this far.
271
00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:09,770
Kennet I'm so sorry.
But I am not a monster.
272
00:14:09,780 --> 00:14:15,640
I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy she
poisoned so this other boy would go to town on her.
273
00:14:16,980 --> 00:14:19,070
I think she's had enough, sirs.
Aw, Kenneth!
274
00:14:19,080 --> 00:14:22,640
What's happening? Is this a trick?
I knew it! I was just playing along.
275
00:14:22,650 --> 00:14:23,960
No, serioulsy, what's happening?
276
00:14:23,990 --> 00:14:27,730
Jenna, do you feel genuine remorse? Thank God.
277
00:14:27,740 --> 00:14:30,980
Sociopath downgraded to extreme narcissist.
278
00:14:30,990 --> 00:14:33,050
Now quit it with the strawberry stuff.
279
00:14:33,070 --> 00:14:37,810
Or you might once again feel the righteous lash of the pranksmen.
280
00:14:39,970 --> 00:14:42,160
Is that a thing?
281
00:14:43,590 --> 00:14:46,400
Hey, Tray. You and your friend wanna party later?
282
00:14:46,410 --> 00:14:48,590
Sure thing, baby.
283
00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:52,510
Give the kid a call. Holla.
284
00:14:52,520 --> 00:14:54,220
This is decadent.
285
00:14:54,250 --> 00:14:56,930
And I once went to miami with Darryl Strawberry.
286
00:14:56,940 --> 00:14:59,190
Tip of the iceberg, Jackie D.
287
00:14:59,220 --> 00:15:01,330
You can have all of this whenever you want.
288
00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:05,920
Or you can marry that nice lady that
you're in love with. It's up to you.
289
00:15:05,930 --> 00:15:09,040
Look, I love Elisa.
But you love Angie, right?
290
00:15:09,050 --> 00:15:11,650
Of course I do. Angie's the one.
291
00:15:11,660 --> 00:15:13,450
The one? Where did you hear that?
292
00:15:13,460 --> 00:15:16,470
It's a thing I made up after seeing The Matrix.
293
00:15:16,510 --> 00:15:18,530
Well, Elisa is my one.
294
00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:22,450
But Tracy, sometimes I think men like us aren't built for marriage.
295
00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:27,960
Okay, this is something I've never told anyone.
296
00:15:27,970 --> 00:15:32,460
This is my in the 20 years that I've known her...
297
00:15:33,550 --> 00:15:35,860
I've never cheated on my wife.
298
00:15:35,890 --> 00:15:38,490
There. I said it.
299
00:15:39,100 --> 00:15:40,660
Don't look at me.
300
00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:43,120
Wait a minute. That can't be the truth.
301
00:15:43,130 --> 00:15:45,630
The partying is just for show.
302
00:15:45,670 --> 00:15:48,120
And because I'm a high-functioning alcoholic.
303
00:15:48,140 --> 00:15:51,710
All the phone numbers you see me
hand out, they're not even mine.
304
00:15:55,750 --> 00:15:56,950
Hello?
305
00:15:56,970 --> 00:15:59,520
No, this isn't Tracy Jordan.
306
00:16:00,090 --> 00:16:02,160
Really?
307
00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:04,580
I've not heard of that term before.
308
00:16:04,590 --> 00:16:07,140
Do you know how to get to Connecticut?
309
00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:11,570
Oh, my God. That's an inspiration.
310
00:16:11,580 --> 00:16:13,840
I mean, if you can do it...
So can you.
311
00:16:13,850 --> 00:16:16,840
Because I'm a ridiculous, unstable human being.
312
00:16:16,870 --> 00:16:18,770
What is wrong with me?
313
00:16:18,810 --> 00:16:23,700
I mean, if Elisa's only flaw is that she
demands I be faithful, then I will be faithful!
314
00:16:23,730 --> 00:16:28,580
And if Angie wants me to get a tattoo of her
to prove my love, then I'm getting that tattoo!
315
00:16:28,590 --> 00:16:30,820
Grizz, get the car. Dotcom, get the coats.
316
00:16:30,830 --> 00:16:33,540
And which one of you ladies wants to pick up the tab?
317
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:35,190
Oh, me!
Me!
318
00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:38,810
I put strawberry juice in your chickpeas.
319
00:16:38,820 --> 00:16:42,520
And in your water. And on your harmonica.
320
00:16:42,530 --> 00:16:44,040
My what?
321
00:16:44,060 --> 00:16:46,490
Oh, you mean my mouth radio?
322
00:16:46,530 --> 00:16:47,930
I am so sorry, Kenneth.
323
00:16:47,950 --> 00:16:51,410
I just want you to know that I would
not do this to you for just any guy.
324
00:16:51,430 --> 00:16:52,910
He was special.
325
00:16:52,940 --> 00:16:55,740
I really thought that he was... the one.
326
00:16:55,750 --> 00:17:00,600
Oh,miss maroney, it's horrible to think you
might have found your true love, only to lose him.
327
00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:05,280
It hurts more than my foot botox to know that
he's out there, and I have no way to find him.
328
00:17:09,610 --> 00:17:14,100
When you call 911, tell them they have to send everyone.
329
00:17:18,420 --> 00:17:20,640
Earn... This!
330
00:17:23,010 --> 00:17:26,500
You remarkable son of a bitch!
331
00:17:29,450 --> 00:17:31,900
We have an emergency!
332
00:17:31,910 --> 00:17:35,310
Workin' on my night cheese
333
00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:45,310
Jack? Do you know what time it is? I was sound asleep.
334
00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:47,840
I heard you singing "night cheese."
335
00:17:48,030 --> 00:17:50,160
Lemon, I've had a crazy night.
336
00:17:50,170 --> 00:17:52,710
We all can learn a lot from Tracy Jordan.
337
00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:56,240
We went out clubbing. His life is like Enron, 1999.
338
00:17:56,250 --> 00:17:58,390
It's wild.
I'm sure it was.
339
00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:01,500
How are you so quiet when your parades are so loud?
340
00:18:01,510 --> 00:18:04,180
You were supposed to be thinking about us.
341
00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:08,460
And you spent the whole night partying with that black guy!
342
00:18:08,490 --> 00:18:10,170
Did she not come here with you?
343
00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:11,660
Have you been following me?
344
00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:15,080
A here at 4:00 in the morning?
345
00:18:15,110 --> 00:18:19,240
I knew your relationship was too weird not to be sexual!
346
00:18:19,270 --> 00:18:20,480
Okay, everybody be cool.
347
00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:22,940
Wait a minute, you're jealous of Lemon? That's insane.
348
00:18:22,950 --> 00:18:25,010
Yeah, come on, look at me.
349
00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:28,580
Elisa, I proved to myself tonight that I would never cheat on you.
350
00:18:28,610 --> 00:18:31,840
That's why I went out with Tracy. And I came to Liz's because...
351
00:18:31,850 --> 00:18:34,030
Because she's your bro.
Exactly.
352
00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:36,760
Elisa, this is troubling.
353
00:18:36,780 --> 00:18:38,930
And how do you think I feel?
354
00:18:38,940 --> 00:18:44,600
I get a ring on my finger for one day and I
start acting like Glenn Close in Atraccion Fatal.
355
00:18:44,630 --> 00:18:46,420
Oh,that has a whole different title here.
356
00:18:46,450 --> 00:18:49,960
Lemon, isn't there a slanket somewhere
you should be filling with your farts?
357
00:18:51,630 --> 00:18:53,310
Shoo.
358
00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:55,440
Baby, this is my curse.
359
00:18:55,470 --> 00:18:57,760
I love too deeply.
360
00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:02,190
And eventually it makes me loco for choco-puffs.
361
00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:08,510
Querida, if you ever find yourself less in
love with me, I hope you'll give me a call.
362
00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:13,510
But if tonight is what it's going to
be like, obviously, engagement-wise,
363
00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:16,230
we are not going to forge ahead.
364
00:19:16,260 --> 00:19:20,200
Is it my english, or was that not a great breaking-up speech?
365
00:19:20,210 --> 00:19:23,340
It was your english. That was quite moving.
366
00:19:40,730 --> 00:19:44,010
Boy, you look happy. What,did you settle
that lawsuit over your exercise tape?
367
00:19:44,020 --> 00:19:46,500
Even better. I had an amazing date last night.
368
00:19:46,510 --> 00:19:48,280
And it's all thanks to Kenneth.
369
00:19:48,310 --> 00:19:49,880
Oh, it was nothing.
370
00:19:49,900 --> 00:19:53,710
Sure, I was legally dead for five
minutes, but I did it for true love.
371
00:19:53,740 --> 00:19:58,380
Actually, it turns out roger has sole
custody of his five-year-old son, so pffft!
372
00:19:59,450 --> 00:20:00,750
Wait a minute, you were dead?
373
00:20:00,780 --> 00:20:02,500
Oh, I'm fine.
374
00:20:02,550 --> 00:20:05,590
But I think I brought something back with me.
375
00:20:12,780 --> 00:20:15,240
Tracy, did you even go home last night?
376
00:20:15,250 --> 00:20:16,380
And where is your shirt?
377
00:20:16,390 --> 00:20:18,730
No, and at large.
378
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:21,670
I might've went out and had a little too much to drink last night,
379
00:20:21,700 --> 00:20:24,460
but you'll be proud of me, Liz Lemon cool J.
380
00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:28,530
'Cause I went out and got that tattoo Angie wanted me to get.
381
00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:31,620
Pow!
382
00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:33,890
How you like me now?
383
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:39,740
Wow, that is one gay lion.
31138
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