All language subtitles for 30 Rock (2005) - S03E18 - Jackie Jormp-Jomp.eng

- Okay.

Now, you're all here
because you've been

suspended from work
for sexual harassment.

But through this seminar,

you will learn the skills
to keep you from making

the same kinds of
mistakes that got you here.

- Excuse me, Mr. Winerslav...

- It's pronounced
"weener-slave."

- Okay, Jeffrey.

Is there anything I can
do to speed this process up

so I can just get back to work?

- I'm afraid not.

But someone who's in a
rush to get back to work?

That's somethin' you
don't see every day.

Now, that is an example

of a very appropriate

and very, very funny joke.

[Laughing]

- [Laughs]

- Jenna, I need
to speak with you.

- Jack, I did not
hit that Asian page.

I was just swinging my
arm and she walked into me.

Twice.

- Jenna, it's not about that.

It's about your

Sheinhardt-universal
Janis joplin biopic.

- Wait. We can
call her Janis joplin?

We got the life rights?

It's not Janie Jimplin anymore?

- Apparently,
neither name cleared.

It looks like your
character's going to be called

Jackie Jormp-Jomp.

- Oh, okay. So
what's the good news?

- I didn't say there was any.

Sheinhardt-universal did
some focus testing this week.

- We got 100?

- You're holding
that upside-down.

- Oh, no.

- Yes. I was afraid of this.

It turns out not
having the life rights

or any Janis joplin songs
was a negative for audiences.

- But what about my duet with
jimi hendrickson at woodstocks?

♪ We're all here at woodstocks ♪

♪ someday there will
be a black president ♪

- Uh, Jenna,
Sheinhardt-universal

does not wanna
release the picture.

- And how will that
affect my Oscar chances?

Adversely.

Unless we get
independent distribution.

To do that, "sing
dem blues, white girl:"

"The Jackie Jormp-Jomp
story" has gotta get some buzz.

I'm gonna need
your help for that.

- Do you need a
sex tape released?

'Cause I got a weird one.

It's night vision

and you can see that
his buddy is robbing me.

- No, Jenna, I want
you on the PR warpath.

If there's a red carpet, I want
you on it talking up the movie

starting Monday.

- The kids' choice awards?

Fine.

I'll set aside my feud with
Raven Simone for one day.

But she knows what she did.

[Exciting jazz music]

♪ ♪

- Miss Lemon, you aren't
supposed to be here.

You're on s-e-x probation.

- Yeah, I know, I just wanted
to stop by and check in.

Kenneth, stop.

I just want a script
or a rundown, okay?

Put that down.

You give that to me, Kenneth.
Did you hear what I said?

- [Blows whistle]

Mr. Donaghy,
help! Rule breaking!

- This is sad.

Lemon, come with me.

Lemon, you know
you're supposed to

go home after your
pervert seminars.

- I'm going. I just
hate not being here.

- You have to rehearse!

- No!

Passive resistance!

I learned that from
Dr. King! I'm brave!

- You sure you miss this?

- Yes.

As crazy and stressful
as this place is,

not being here is worse.

- I feel for you.

Remember that time I came
back from the world economic forum

with mono and
missed a week of work

and I wanted to pull my hair out

but I couldn't
because it's too thick?

People like us,
we need the stress.

We're only happy when
we're overcoming obstacles.

You take that away,

we start bouncing off the walls,

spend our days
jabbering at doormen.

- Hey, I brighten their day.

Before I go, can I at least
find out what Frank's hat says?

- "Constant craving."

- He could do better.

- Has anyone looked at this

sexual harassment
stuff they gave us?

- I don't need to read it.

The whole thing is loosely based

on a evening I spent
with Isiah Thomas.

- No wonder Liz got busted.

According to this,

you can't do anything without
it being considered harassment.

Did you know you have to
report in-office relationships?

- Is that true?
- It's the first thing listed.

Have you read this?

- Well, I wanted to,
because it's full of rules,

but Ms. Vieira made
me throw it away.

And said pretty boys
like me shouldn't be

filling their heads with ideas.

- Uh-oh.
- Hi, Frank.

- Hello. Coworker.

[Groans]

- Oh.

Ms. Vieira...

- Of course my job is annoying,

but that doesn't
mean I don't love it.

I'm sure your job
can be annoying.

Not all the tenants
are as fun as me.

I get it.

Hey, would you mind if I
brought a chair down here?

Yes, my job is
stressful. Very stressful.

But in the end, I get paid
to make people laugh.

We have a saying that
laughter is the best medicine,

so I'm kind of
like a doctor here.

Like you were, in Poland.

We have a show tonight.
I've never missed a show.

Not even the time
I had that virus

they kept saying
only raccoons get.

I can't believe I'm not there.

Hey, I've... uh, I've picked
up some Polish from you guys.

It's kinda cold out for a jog.

- Oh, I'm just going
downstairs to the fitness center.

- What? This building has a gym?

- Yeah, it's the door right
next to the vending machines.

- Vending machines? What kind?

- I don't know, sorry.

I'm Emily. Are you
new to the building?

- No, I'm Liz. I've lived
here for four years.

I usually work
crazy, long hours,

but I'm on leave right
now for normal reasons.

- And you're
feeling a little lost.

- I am.

Right now, I should be
standing in a toilet stall

so nobody bothers
me while I eat lunch.

God, I miss it.

- I was an investment
banker for 15 years.

80-hour workweeks,

corner office, secret
candy drawer...

- And a decoy candy drawer
to throw others off the trail?

- Smart.

The point is you get
addicted to the stress.

Think it gives
your life purpose.

And then when you stop...

- For normal reasons...

- You see how stupid you were.

It just takes time to realize

there are much better
ways to be happy.

- Wait for me... lady.

- [Knocks]

- Kenneth, what can I do for ya?

- Well, sir, I recently learned

that company policy
requires that employees

disclose their relationships
with their coworkers

to their immediate supervisor.

- I am not your
immediate supervisor.

There are perhaps
40 people between us.

Pete, for instance.

- Oh, I just don't trust
Mr. Hornberger, sir.

He has a Ridge on
the section of the skull

associated with deviousness.

- Okay. So there's a girl.

- Yes, sir.

Her name is Daphne. She's
one of the TGS dancers.

And when I watch her
dance, my heart skips a beat.

And not because of
my acute ventralitis.

[Rock music]

- Wait.

You're dating one
of the dancers?

- Oh, no, sir.

I actually haven't
spoken to her yet,

but I have a long-term
plan to marry her,

and I wanted the company
to be aware of my intentions.

- I see.

I'll be sure to mention that
at the next board meeting.

- Thank you, sir.

Oh, also,

I don't know if
this is harassment,

but someone at The Today Show

made me eat an unripe
banana in front of her.

- Hey, Ken.

Do you know who our
immediate supervisor is?

[Rock music]

- I will not be able to
attend your wedding.

Because of a prior conflict.

- Oh, what's the
special occasion?

- Weekday.

- All: [Laugh]

- Wow, so this is normal?

This is, like, your version
of sweatpants and pop-tarts?

Not too shabs.

- Short for shabby. Hilarious.

- This could be
your life too, Liz.

Just short the housing market.

- Or write a
cookbook specifically

for mixed-race children.

Or marry a rich,
old dude who dies.

Clive, I wanna say?

- Or have mild lupus
and great insurance.

- So, here is the
plan for today.

Start with facials
and massages...

- Yes, please.
- Fabulous.

- Then private
shopping at Bergdorf,

swing by the
dermatologist for a tune-up.

- Fabulous.

- Dinner at Jewel bako,

then a nightcap back here.

- Oh...
- Wow, that is a plan.

But, uh, I don't
think I should go.

- Oh, Liz is still stressed
about her old job.

- All: Oh.

- It's just...

It's Friday, and at my
job that is our biggest day.

I don't think I'd
be good company.

But thank you for inviting
me. I'll have one drink here.

- Have two.

- But then I really
should go home,

'cause I, you know...
I'm still in work mode,

I'm not really in
spa/shopping mode.

- Oh, get ready.

- I wouldn't be
able to enjoy myself.

And I don't wanna crash
your day together and ruin it.

- We're always together.
- Thank you.

- Cocktails.
- Mmm.

It's just so stressful
thinking about my employees

trying to do
everything without me.

- Those look great on you.

- Then I'm buying them.

I guess I'm just one of
those people that needs work.

You know, I thrive there.

I...

And it's gone just like that?

- Just like that.
- Thank you, Dr. Binderman.

My point is, you are
so sweet to include me.

Believe me, I'm jealous,
but today's just not the day.

So, you know, I'll hang out
with you guys for a little bit,

and I'll have my
one drink, and...

What time is it?

- Almost midnight.

If we're gonna get up in
time for our mani/pedis,

we really should turn in.

- Bye.

[Kissing]

- I forgot to watch my show.

- I'm prepared to do a
nipple slip if you need it.

- Just talk about the movie.

- Hi, I'm Ethan
from Nick magazine.

Whose mom are you?

- Thank you.

Well, tonight's about fun.

I'm wearing Taylor
Dayne for express,

- and my peace sign, of course,

is a nod to Janis
joplin, who, I'm so...

- Dora the explorer's backpack!

Backpack, is map in you tonight?

- Crowd: [Cheering]

- Here are your
lunches, gentlemen.

Dotcom, I forgot to
get you extra mustard.

- All right, enough!

This fighting stops now!

- I am sorry.

Mr. Slattery hurt me,
and now I'm hurting him.

He'll never get mustard.

Except for the mustard that
comes with the sandwich.

- I said I was sorry, Ken.

I didn't even mean to hurt you.

- Oh, really? I love
you too, Dotcom.

- I didn't say...

- I knew this would
happen someday.

A woman would come between us.

Well, I'm not standing by.

I'm taking action.

- Oh, sir, before miss
Lemon left, I promised her

I wouldn't let you
start any adventures.

- Yeah, well, Liz
Lemon's in jail now.

And somebody has to step up
and take charge around here.

Let the problem solving begin.

Are you Daphne?

Yeah, you're fired.

- First a backpack upstages me,

then the paparazzi kept
calling me Dina Lohan,

and now the Cyrus
family has decided

to rock a bunch of funky hats.

- You can't give up now.

Did Jackie Jormp-Jomp give up

when those vampires
attacked woodstocks?

- Nobody even knows I'm here.

- From Dreamworks's
upcoming feature film

on top of spaghetti,
Helen Mirren.

[Applause]
- Good evening.

And now we take a moment...

[Gurgling sound]

[Laughter]

- Oh, that's horrible.

- You got me.

And now we take a
moment to remember

those we lost this year

in the kid
entertainment industry.

[Soothing classical music]

[Applause]

- Was that me?

Did they just say I'm dead?

I thought you spoke
to the producers.

- Look, Connor, if we
don't get some traction,

Jenna Maroney's picture's dead.

We need your help.

- Maroney. Picture.
Dead. Got it.

- This is a disaster.

- [Laughs] No, no.

We hit the jackpot.

You being dead is the best thing

that ever happened
to this movie.

Jenna.

I wanna Tupac you.

- Fine. But I have to pee first.

- No. No, no, no, Tupac
Shakur, the rapper.

He sold ten times more albums

when he was dead
than when he was alive.

That's what we're going
to do with this movie.

- Die young, become a
legend. Just like Janis.

Or rusty, the bear
from The Magicals.

- Yes. Now...

You just need to stay
dead while I sell the movie.

- Oh, I can play dead.

I watched my whole church
group get eaten by a bear.

- Congratulations, miss Lemon.

You've completed
your sensitivity training.

Your suspension is up,
and here is your certificate.

- Wow, so I can go
back to work tomorrow?

That's soon.

- Well, I know how eager
you are to return to work.

- I guess so.

- But coming back to
work isn't always easy.

Work means stress.

And stress can make you
fall back on old behavior.

So tonight,

I want you to really think
about that first day back.

Visualize everything
that's facing you.

Think about walking
through that door

and immediately
dealing with 100 different

problems and responsibilities.

Your coworkers' demands
on you, the long hours,

the pointless meetings
and endless phone calls.

Think of the
frustration, the futility,

and the time that
you will never get back

as you creep closer
and closer to the grave.

Okay.

Any questions for me?

- Just one.

Why don't you drop those dockers

and gimme a piece
of that sweet ass?

What're we doing today, ladies?

- More of the same.

- All: [Laugh]

[Phone rings]

- Chell-o?

- Lemon, what the hell happened
at your reinstatement hearing?

Jeffrey weener-slave said you
put your fingers in his mouth.

- Did I? Or did he put
his mouth on my fingers?

It's gonna take at least
six weeks paid leave

to get to the bottom of this.

- I'm very busy right now

faking Jenna's death
to sell her movie.

- I'm not going to
engage on that. Mantra.

- But I am calling H.R.

And getting you back
for the next show.

- No, I just... I need
a little more time off.

I'm on humanity leave.

- Good god, what indigo
girls song is that from?

Syllabus of us off
vagabonds, martyrs, and quilts.

The point is I have met the most
amazing group of women, Jack.

They just live.

And they spin every morning,

and they go to museums.

- Lemon, you are
not a rich divorcee.

- I know.

But I have some money
saved... enough for two years.

Maybe four if I give up cable.

So I will come back to
the show in four years.

- You're fooling yourself.

You know you
can't live like that.

- Yes, I can.

Emily and her friends are happy.

- Believe me, there is
no solace in their luxury.

Only deep despair.

- How do you know all
these indigo girls songs?

Listen, you are
wrong about Emily.

Oh, god, there's a spider
nest in my yoga mat!

- [Sighs]

- Mr. Jordan.

Mr. Jordan, what did you do?

You fired Daphne?

- I had to.

Friendship and
trust in the entourage

is the most important thing.

Like that HBO show.

John Adams.

- Well, me and Dotcom are
back to being best friends.

- We were never...

- But the other dancers
are refusing to come to work

out of solidarity with Daphne.

- Hmm.

Usually, this is the
point in my process

when Liz Lemon steps in
and takes care of everything.

Heavy is the head
that eats the crayons.

I'm gonna take a nap.
See you in ten hours.

- Kenneth.

Have any of the dancers
come in yet today?

- Pete. A word.

Jenna's dead.

- I don't feel anything.
What's wrong with me?

- No, no, it's a marketing ploy.

For her new movie.

But it means you won't have
her for the show on Friday.

And you need to put together
some sort of on-air tribute.

- We actually already have
an obituary reel for Jenna.

We put it together after
she cheated on that mobster.

- That's good.

- Oh, eating right,
working out, sleeping...

Boy, is anybody else
BM-ing like a rock star?

- All: Mm-hmm.

- All right, all right.

What's the hump day
schedule look like?

- Oh, it's not Wednesday,
Liz, it's Thursday.

- I read somewhere it's Tuesday.

- All: Oh.

- Mr. Jordan, it's Friday.

We really need to
tell Mr. Hornberger

that the dancers quit.

- No we don't. He's not even
gonna notice they're gone.

- Oh, my.

- These are the
new dancers, kid.

Say hi to velvet.

- Hello, miss velvet.

- Just think, an hour ago they
were brawling in a parking lot,

but tonight, they're
gonna be stars.

Show Ken here what we worked on.

Oh, boy.

- Oh, boy, I am
really starting to feel

the benefits of massages
and yoga five days a week.

Check this out.

- Look at you.

Last week you were flipping
out about missing work.

- Oh, no, that's old Liz.

My boss kept trying
to tell me that I would

go crazy living
a life of leisure,

that it's unhealthy.

- Well, he's actually right.

- No, no, he's not, Emily.

- No, I used to be
a neurosurgeon

before Jasmine guy
and I wrote our cookbook,

and the human brain needs
stimulation or it atrophies.

And your pleasure
center literally shrinks.

That's why we do
our special activity.

To combat that.

- What, like, sudoku?

- All: [Laugh]

- Uh, we did a games
night for a couple of weeks.

Didn't last.

- So charity work?

- No, charity work sucks.

- Should we tell her?

- Erin, it's too soon.

- Punch me in the face, Liz.

- I'm sorry, what?

- You heard me.

Punch me as hard as you can,

and then I am coming
at you like an animal.

- Oh, god, is this a fight club?

- The pain proves we're alive.

- Oh, this is very
disappointing!

- Come on, hit me.

Get a taste.

- I brought a roll of
quarters to hold in my fist.

- Oh, god.

Jack was right.

Oh, I have to get
back to my show.

I need the show.

- You want out, Liz?

You're gonna have
to fight your way out.

- As we celebrate the
life of Jenna Maroney...

- The coast guard won't
officially declare her dead yet,

but what the pirates
did to that boat!

Well, it's a very
generous offer.

We'll be in touch.

Jenna, what the hell
are you doing here?

- Shh. They're talking about me.

- I'm really better today.

- So's the laundry,
thanks to cling-free.

[Applause]

- That was some of Jenna
Maroney's earlier work.

It's hard to believe that both
of those women outlived her.

Especially the
woman on the right.

We'll be right back.

[Applause]

- A coupla gay guys were crying.

Oh, Jack, this is just
the greatest night of my...

What the hell is that?

- Well, it's you.
What's the problem?

- It has the year
I was born on it.

The real year, not
the actress year.

Now almost a million people
are gonna know that I'm f...

F...

- It's too late to
change it, Jack.

- Jenna, calm down.

I'm selling the movie
in the next 12 hours.

Your movie.

Think about what matters here.

- In five, four, three...

- And finally tonight,

what more fitting way to
say good-bye to our friend

than with the gifts
she gave all of us...

Her music.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Itzhak Bemelmans and
the Tracy Jordan dancers.

- [Playing cello]

♪ ♪

- Gimme me a microphone.

♪ Whole grain, low fat ♪

♪ I know you want
a piece of that ♪

♪ but I just wanna dance ♪

Still alive. Not yet 32.
Sorry, Jack. Worth it.

- I'm back.

- What did it turn
out to be? Lesbians?

- No. Fight club.

- ♪ I know you
wanna get with this ♪

- This is a disaster.

- ♪ But I'm just here to dance ♪

- What is wrong with you two?

You guys mess up
everything you touch,

and then I have to
come in here and fix it.

I am so mad.

- Why are you smiling?

You're freaking me out.

- Oh, you two troublemakers.

Come here!

- She's gonna do
something to us.

- You're crazy!

- I'm back, nerds.

- ♪ My muffin top is all that ♪

♪ whole grain, low fat ♪

♪ I know you want
a piece of that ♪

♪ but I just wanna dance ♪

♪ ch-checkin' out
my sweet hips ♪

♪ my sugar-coated Berry lips ♪

♪ I know you
wanna get with this ♪

♪ but I'm just here to dance ♪

♪ so back up off of me ♪

♪ you're weirding me out ♪

♪ - oh, oh ♪

- [Spoken] I'm an
independent lady

so do not try to play me

I run a tidy bakery

the boys all want
my cake for free

but if you can't
shake your fakery

then kiss my muffin top