All language subtitles for 30 Rock (2005) - S03E12 - Larry King.eng

- Are you sure you don't
want to go to a real restaurant?

- No, this food cart is great.

[Baby crying]

- Look at this guy.

He used to be a man once.

- What is that supposed to mean?

Don't you want what
he has someday...

Family, wife, children?

- Lemon, you're a woman.
- Of course I am!

That doctor was a quack.

I don't even know why
my parents listened to him.

- I need advice.

Elisa is coming
by this afternoon

to, uh, talk about us.

- Ugh, ladies are such a bummer.

- Where is this going?
How serious are we?

[As Elisa] Why don't you listen
to my story about my friend?

- Well, where is it going?

Ladies like to know
what that next step is.

They... we can't help ourselves.

- Oh, believe me, Lemon, I
want to take that next step.

- You mean, like, marriage?

- No, the one before that.

- Moving in
together? That's huge.

- No, the thing
you do before that.

Think you in the mid-'90s.

- You haven't had sex?!
- Shh.

Elisa had a very strict,
very religious upbringing.

She does not take
that step lightly.

We have, of course...

Pleasured one another.

- No, stop! I will leave.

- But she wants me to make
some kind of commitment

before we go forward.

Obviously, I care
about her a lot.

But she keeps confusing
me with this ridiculous notion

that sex and love are
somehow connected.

- Okay, two things.
One, be honest.

If this is a big deal to her,
do not take that next step

unless you are sure.

And second, and
more importantly,

in 2009, I have done it
two more times than you!

Give it up. What, what?!

Whoo!

Do not leave a brother hanging.

Whoo!

[Exciting jazz music]

♪ ♪

- Hey, uh, you ready for
Larry King live tonight?

- You know it.

I cursed for three
hours straight

just to get it out of my
system, you dumb bitch!

Oh...

- No, listen, we have a request.

Can you please try to remember
to talk about TGS tonight?

- You only have to plug it once.

TGS, Fridays at 10:30 on NBC.

- You got it. NGS,
Fridays at C30 on TB10.

- Thank you.

[Cell phone rings]

- Oh...

This says you're calling
me. How is that possible?

Hello?

- This phone was left in my cab

by a woman wearing
the shirt of a man.

- Oh, you left your
phone in his car.

- Oh. Hi, I'm Liz.
You have my phone?

- Yes. This is Asif.

I am in queens taxi
dispatch in long island city.

You come.
- Yes, I will, thank you.

- Hey, why do you have
Tracy Jordan's phone number

in your address book?

- I work with him.

If you want, I could
bring a signed photo.

- You bring $800, rich lady,

or I throw the phone away!

- What?! Oh, yeah,
I'll definitely do that.

On opposite day!

- I'm new to this country.
Is that a real thing?

- Hi, baby.

I got you something
to remember me

while I'm in Puerto Rico.

It's a caricature of
me on a skateboard.

- So I guess you're still
planning on taking your trip?

- Well, I've been going
home every winter

for the last 15 years.

I guess I could
consider staying,

if I knew where this was going.

- And the woman talk
begins. Well played.

Look, you know
I'm serious about us.

We're great together.
We're Jack and Elisa.

"Jalisa."

- That's really lame, Jack.

- Yeah, that was just a joke.

- I don't wanna get all
Mark Anthony on you,

but I need to know how you feel.

- I love you.

I love you.

- I love you too, Jack Donaghy.

- Then you'll stay?

- Okay, I'll stay.

But if I have to
give up my trip,

then I want us to
spend that time together.

Just us... Jalisa.

Jonathan, clear my
schedule for the next week,

starting with tonight.

- You won't be coming in at all?

But what about Jackonathan?

- I think tonight is going to be

a very special night, if
you know what I mean.

- I think I do. Don't
forget your skateboard.

- But then he scores a basket,

even though he's
not a wolf anymore.

- We're here with Tracy Jordan,

who just recounted, by the way,

the entire plot of
the movie teen wolf.

What? Oh, hold on, Tracy.

My producers are telling
me there is breaking news.

The Asian financial
markets have just opened

to a huge sell-off.

And we're gonna switch
to that story right now.

- Good. I'm glad I'm here.

- Your thoughts, Tracy Jordan,

on how this is gonna
impact Wall Street.

- Larry, I'm not an expert,
but I do have a strong opinion.

New York, as we know it,

will no longer exist tomorrow.

- Expand on that.

- Look, I grew up here, Larry,
in the days before Starbuck.

And if Wall Street crashes,

it'll be the 1970s
all over again.

People will get mean.
The streets won't be safe.

It'll be graffiti everywhere.

And the movies
will only cost $3.

- Tracy Jordan, saying
three serious things,

and then a joke.

[Ding]

- Oh, Jack, have
you taken a gander

at the Asian markets?

The chuffa volatility
index is off the charts.

- Well, good luck
with that, jorgenson,

but I'm on vacation now. [Ding]

- But I have these papers.

- Hey, Jack. You you doing?

- Like a lion, ready
to take its mate.

[Cell phone rings]

How are you calling me?

- Oh, I lost my phone, and
this jagweed cabbie has it.

- Hey, stop harassing
my friends, Asif.

- Hey, Liz...

I just wanted to
let you know that

I found that special picture
that you took with your phone.

- What picture? Oh, my god!

- Yes. That one.

- There's a picture on my phone.

An adult picture of me!

- What?!
- Drew took it as a joke.

I'm making a
face like this, like...

Why am I telling you this?!

- Top and bottom?
May I speak with Asif?

- No. Okay, what do you want?

- 2,000 in cash,

or I email the picture to
everyone in your address book.

- Have you been to Asia, Tracy?

- My work has taken me there.

I was supposed to be
in that movie rush hour,

but two weeks into shooting, I
was replaced by Jackie chan.

- Okay, I'm going
to get my phone.

- You're gonna pay that guy?

- Well, you know, I need
my address book and stuff.

But I'm not going alone to meet
some creep at a taxi garage.

Will one of you guys go with me?

- No, ma'am... good luck.
- I would, but I don't want to.

- I will escort you, miss Lemon.

We pages are
accustomed to danger.

- Thank you, Kenneth.
Can you leave now?

This place is in queens.

- Oh, miss Lemon, I
can't leave Manhattan

on page business.

NBC's insurance
doesn't cover it.

I'll have to do
this as a friend.

- Okay, fine.
- Say it.

Say I'm your friend.

- Fine.

You're my friend,
Kenneth. Let's go.

- The Mumbai stock
exchange is now down

in early trading.

Is this panic becoming global?

Tracy Jordan,
talk us through this.

- Larry, what
everyone needs to do

is just take a deep
breath, calm down,

and start preparing their
bodies for the thunderdome.

That is the new law.

- That's my TV!

- This is as far as we
can get by subway.

We need to find a cab.

- Oh, miss Lemon, this is
a pretty bad neighborhood.

AAA...

Aah! Aah!

Oh, I just got tagged! Unh!

Mr. Jordan and
Mr. Larry King are right.

New York isn't
that safe anymore.

And I am not risking
your life for a cell phone.

- It's not just the phone,
Kenneth, it's what's on it.

- I don't understand.

What could be so
important? [Gasps]

It wasn't something of
sentimental value, was it?

- Yes, very sentimental.

It's a song... a lullaby
that my Nana Lemon

used to sing to me every night.

- Oh, was it "the day
is done, my sweet,

for the lambs have
been decapitated"?

- No, it was a German
song. She was German.

And my Nana got
very sick recently,

and I went to visit her,

and I had her sing it
for me one final time.

I recorded that
song on my phone.

And I'm glad that I
did because she died

a few hours later.

It was my birthday.

- Miss Lemon, I am so sorry.

Would you sing it for me?

- [Singing 99
luftballons in German]

- Stop.

Now that I know the
reason we are doing this

is not only moral,
but beautiful,

then I will not rest until I
get my friend her phone.

- Okay, come on.

- That was amazing.

- Thank you.

I watched an American masters
last night about Barishnikov.

I picked up a couple of ideas.

[Buzzer rings]

- Our Sushi.

No, no, no, no, no. I'll get it.

You'll need your rest.
We're going again in 15.

Jack, you've got company.

- Jack, why aren't you
answering your phone?

- What are you doing here?
- People are freaking out

about this Asia thing,
and we can't find Geiss.

- He's awol. Now everyone's
looking to you, Jack.

- I don't care what's
going on out there.

I'm staying here.

There are some
things more important

than a stock quote
crawling across a screen.

I am in love with this
magnificent woman,

and there is no amount of
money this company could lose

that would cause me
to... yes, that's the amount.

I'll get dressed right now.

- Bill Hewitt, under
secretary of the treasury,

what advice can
you give our viewers

in these uncertain times?

- The worst thing you
can do at a time like this

is to pull out your investments.

Don't panic because...
- Devil's avocado here, Larry.

I think people should
freak the geek out!

Withdraw all your
money and hide it.

- Interesting strategy.

- It's what I've always done.

I hide cash everywhere.

At home, at church.
Even at work.

In fact, I've hidden
so much money

that if some of it was gone, I
probably wouldn't even notice.

- Now, why would you say that?

- I don't know.

- Don't worry, miss
Lemon, I'll protect you.

Ah... it's just...

No! Aah! Aah! [Crash]

Bad young men! Shame on you!

- What is going on with people?!

They took my wallet.

- Aww, is this your Nana Lemon?

- Yeah, she's the one
we're doing this for.

She's dead. Come on.

- Wait, why is she
wearing these glasses?

This is from new years,

but you said she
died on your birthday.

That's in November.

- No, that's not a
new year's thing.

That's the year she
wanted to live to.

And she didn't make it.

- Sing that lullaby again.

- [99 luftballons in German]

- Keep going.

- ♪ Von 99 luftballons ♪
- I knew it!

That's 99 red balloons.

Nena's famous
anti-balloon protest song.

You lied to me.

- Yeah, all right,
I lied. So what!

You want the truth,
Kenneth? You want the truth?!

- I can't handle the truth.

- There is an adult picture
of me on that phone.

- Adult? You mean,
like, you're driving a car

or wearing a suit?

- It's a boobies
picture, Kenneth!

And I only kept it
because for once

they were both pointing
in the same direction!

I knew you wouldn't help
me if I told you the truth.

- So you lied to me?

That's not something that
friends do to each other.

- Well, then, maybe
we're not friends.

- But we are. You
said so before we left.

- You made me say that.

- Oh.

Well, then, I guess
I'm here as a page,

and in violation of
NBC's insurance policy.

I should probably
head back to Manhattan.

- Good.

I don't need you...

Co-worker.

[Grumbles]

[Sighs]

- [Whispering] Did
you get a hold of Geiss?

- No.
- Did you try his mistress?

- Not there.
- How 'bout his manstress?

- Nothing.

I think we should
listen to Tracy Jordan

and panic, sir.
- What?

- I'm saying the disneyfication
of New York is over, everyone.

At the stroke of midnight,

your Lexus is gonna turn
back into a high pile of rats

fighting over a human finger.

- Joining us on the phone
is G.E. vice president

Jack Donaghy.

Jack, what's your
outlook on all of this?

- I just want to
preach caution, Larry.

If there were anything
to worry about,

I would be at my office,
instead of at home right now

with my beautiful girlfriend.

She's Latin.

- Expand on that.

- Look, my point is is that

some of the things
that Tracy is saying

are just fanning the flames.

- Hang on. I know Jack Donaghy.

And that is an imposter.

Hang up. Hang up on him, Larry!

- I'm going to, but not
because you told me.

Lincoln, Nebraska,
you are on the air.

- So is this what
you'd rather be doing

instead of spending
time with me?

It smells like dude in here!

- I tried to call you.
Why didn't you pick up?

- Because I'm sick
of listening to you.

"Oh, I love you, Elisa."

This was all just
another Jack Donaghy lie!

Like when you said you
could dunk a basketball.

- I can on a regulation hoop.

Look, this is an emergency.

If I'm not here tonight...

- What? What's gonna happen?

People are gonna die? No.

You'll all just get
poor, like the rest of us.

You'll eat cereal
that comes in a bag,

and you'll keep the free
hand wipes from the casino.

You might even have to spend
some time with your children.

- Who is this woman?

Why isn't someone
shutting her up?

- Why don't you just go
back to my apartment,

and I will meet you
there eventually.

- Don't worry about it.

I'm going to Puerto Rico!

- Elisa, don't do that.
You don't understand.

What's happening here
is a once in a lifetime thing.

- So am I.

- Boy, that was kind of
neat how she just whoop...

Flipped your words
around on you there.

Sorry.

- Forget it.

We're never gonna
find Tracy's money.

- There's something under here.

Ha ha ha ha.

Aw, it's nothing but a
bunch of tarantula food.

- What... I didn't Eve
know Tracy had a tarantula.

- You know what, there's
an easier way to do this.

- Our next caller is
Pete from Manhattan.

Pete, what's your question?
- Hey, Larry.

First-time caller.
Adore the show.

- Hey, I'd recognize that
voice anywhere, Larry.

That's my friend Peter
frampton on the phone.

- Uh, sure. Listen, Tracy,

I love the idea of
hiding cash at work.

Can you be more specific
about where you hid your money?

- Of course, Pete.

I hid my money in the
safest place at 30 rock.

Without giving it away,

the place I picked
is very dry and warm.

Its top is hard, but
its bottom is soft.

And although the location
changes all the time,

the money stays
in the same place.

- If you are just joining
us, we're with Tracy Jordan,

who is giving guitar
icon Peter frampton

enigmatic clues
about a secret treasure.

Stay with us.

- Mr. Donaghy,
this just arrived.

It's from Mr. Geiss.

- Everything's
gonna be all right.

Geiss is back.

Jonathan, can we
even play this thing?

Oh, yes. I keep a VCR

so I can watch your
old football tapes.

- Jonathan, what is
that camcorder for?

- Nothing. I don't know.

- Hello. If you're
watching this,

you are an executive of the
general electric corporation,

and the unthinkable
is happening.

Capitalism is ending,

either because of the Soviets
or something ridiculous,

like a woman president.

- God, he looks so young.

- I'm speaking to
you in the year 1987,

but my message is timeless.

Avoid... the noid.

We've all worked
hard, but now it's over.

There's only one
thing for you to do.

Go to your loved ones.

Hold them close.

Because in the end,
and if you're watching this,

it is the end.

Love is all that matters.

[Mumbling] Now, how
the hell am I gonna

turn this damn thing off?

What's that gizmo?

[White noise static]

- Elisa?

I was about to do the
whole run to the airport thing,

like Ross did on friends,

and Liz Lemon did in real life.

What are you doing here?

- The taxis want 500
bucks to go to JFK,

and the buses are worse!

Everything's gone
cocoa for cuckoo-poops!

Is that right?

- Elisa, listen to me.

I meant everything I said, but
I know that that's just words.

You want commitment? Here it is.

Let's get married.

- Jack...
- I love you, Elisa.

And I don't want to
be with anyone else.

Okay.

But I want a ring so big

that it gives me back problems.

- That's my phone.
I'm Liz Lemon.

- Where is the $2,000?
- I don't have it.

I lost all my money
and my bank cards

and my retainer! Jeez!

Please, Asif, give me my phone.

- Maybe you could call
a friend to get the money.

Or, wait.

Every number in the address
book is a work number.

Work number, work
number, work number.

You have no friends.

- Yes... I... am.

- Okay.

You have $2,000?
- No.

- I'm gonna watch TV until
you come up with my money.

Maybe you get it
through sex trade.

You very pretty young thing.

- You're disgusting.

- I'm not talking to you.

- Frank, calm down!
- Ugh!

- It's not in here.

- Ugh! Aah!

This isn't about the money!

This is about my
own issues with Liz!

- Stop it!

- We have Peter frampton
on the phone again.

- Come on, Tracy, just
tell us where the money is!

Where's the safest
place in 30 rock?

- Is that Pete?
- I already told you.

It's dry and warm.

Its top is hard, but
its bottom is soft.

And although the
location changes,

it's always in the same place.

- There's nothing
like that in 30 rock!

Nothing!

- I never said it was a thing.

- It's me.

I am the safest
place in 30 rock.

I would thank you
to give the lady

its cell phone back.

- Oh, thank you for
coming back, Kenneth.

You're a good friend.

- You mean it?
- Yes.

- Because I'm having
an asbestos removal party

at my apartment on Sunday...

- Yeah, I'm in!

- Now that the U.S.
markets have opened,

unaffected by the
Asian meltdown,

many people are blaming
the panic in New York last night

on one man... Tracy Jordan.

He is here with me now.

Tracy, a lot of people are
calling you a fear monger,

and I am quoting
here, "an idiot."

What do you have
to say for yourself?

- Watch TGS, Fridays
at 10:30 on NBC! Word!

- Good morning, Jonathan.
- Good morning, sir.

Crazy night last
night. Lots of emotions.

People getting carried away.

- Yes, it was a crazy night.

Is Elisa here? We're
having a couples spa day.

- She came by earlier. She
asked me to give you this.

She said to just press play.

- Hi, Jack. I'm on my
way to Puerto Rico.

I'm sorry.

Yesterday was
crazy. Lots of emotion.

I think maybe you asked
me what you asked me

out of panic.

So I'm gonna go see my family,

and give us both a chance
to think about everything.

Okay, I'll call you.

Adios, mi amor.

Now, how do you turn
this damn thing off?

[Flute music]

- No!

That's personal!