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1
00:00:06,350 --> 00:00:08,040
Hello, pussycat!
2
00:00:08,070 --> 00:00:09,140
Oh, really?
3
00:00:09,150 --> 00:00:12,960
Lot of ladies get right in the car
after that line, you creepy piece of--
4
00:00:12,970 --> 00:00:14,670
Jack!
5
00:00:16,990 --> 00:00:19,600
- What are you--
- Oh, I'm sorry.
6
00:00:21,230 --> 00:00:22,830
When did you get back from D. C.?
7
00:00:22,840 --> 00:00:24,590
How did you get out
of your government job?
8
00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:26,690
Um, I'm not at liberty to discuss that.
9
00:00:26,710 --> 00:00:28,350
That information is classified.
10
00:00:28,360 --> 00:00:30,830
At least until Cheney dies, which
is gonna be a long time from now.
11
00:00:30,840 --> 00:00:32,300
That man is mostly metal.
12
00:00:32,310 --> 00:00:37,010
The important thing is that I'm here,
and I'm gonna get my old job back.
13
00:00:37,030 --> 00:00:40,010
Yes, please come back, Jack!
Devin is the worst.
14
00:00:40,020 --> 00:00:44,340
It's like he doesn't he even care when we should have
cake for people's whose birthdays are on the weekend.
15
00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:47,240
The Friday before. At lunch.
16
00:00:47,790 --> 00:00:48,660
So what's with the outfit, Lemon?
17
00:00:48,700 --> 00:00:51,330
Did the people from that makeover
show finally respond to your letter?
18
00:00:51,350 --> 00:00:57,320
No, I am dressed up because the adoption
agency is doing my home evaluation today.
19
00:00:57,340 --> 00:00:58,530
Just be yourself, Lemon.
20
00:00:58,540 --> 00:01:00,100
I'm gonna be better than myself.
21
00:01:00,110 --> 00:01:01,520
My apartment is spotless.
22
00:01:01,540 --> 00:01:03,100
I have practiced all my answers.
23
00:01:03,110 --> 00:01:06,350
I got rid of all my Colin Firth movies
in case they consider them erotica.
24
00:01:06,380 --> 00:01:07,510
That man can wear a sweater.
25
00:01:07,540 --> 00:01:09,640
There is no chance
that I'm blowing this.
26
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:16,350
-=http://sfile.ydy.com=-
proudly presents
27
00:01:17,550 --> 00:01:24,960
-=http://sfile.ydy.com=-
sync:ßÇÈâÈâ ÎÒÊÇÈç´Ë½ÃÇé
28
00:01:25,970 --> 00:01:28,050
30 Rock
Season03 Episode01
29
00:01:29,220 --> 00:01:30,460
What can i do for you, Jack?
30
00:01:30,470 --> 00:01:32,670
Devin, I know we've had
our battles in the past,
31
00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:35,100
But I want to offer my
assistance to you and Kathy.
32
00:01:35,110 --> 00:01:38,150
Oh, that's funny, Jack.
33
00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:41,250
You see, the only thing that
Kathy and I need assistance with
34
00:01:41,260 --> 00:01:45,160
is deciding which John
Mayer song to do it to.
35
00:01:45,170 --> 00:01:46,880
Oh, come on, Banks.
36
00:01:46,890 --> 00:01:48,330
You sold off small appliances.
37
00:01:48,340 --> 00:01:50,940
Sheinhardt wigs missed
projections for last quarter.
38
00:01:50,950 --> 00:01:55,710
I hear that that theme park fire didn't
destroy any of the stuff it was supposed to.
39
00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:58,190
Rumor has it you're in over your head.
40
00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:00,750
Well, you know what they
say about rumors, Jack.
41
00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:03,500
They make a "ru" out of "mor" and "s."
42
00:02:03,510 --> 00:02:05,170
Yes, we've had some setbacks.
43
00:02:05,190 --> 00:02:08,610
But Kathy and I have
everything under control.
44
00:02:08,620 --> 00:02:10,370
No!
45
00:02:10,900 --> 00:02:14,290
Don't even think about talking
to her when her soaps are on!
46
00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:15,650
Seriously, she will bite you.
47
00:02:15,660 --> 00:02:17,370
You owe me a job, Banks.
48
00:02:17,380 --> 00:02:20,600
You know her father wanted me to
takeover before he slipped into that coma.
49
00:02:21,340 --> 00:02:26,000
If there's one thing I learned from
you, Jack, it's keep your friends close...
50
00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:31,170
And your enemies so close
that you're almost kissing.
51
00:02:36,060 --> 00:02:39,690
So-- ahem-- that's why
I'm gonna offer you a job.
52
00:02:39,700 --> 00:02:42,550
In the mailroom.
53
00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:46,130
I'll take it.
54
00:02:46,140 --> 00:02:47,580
Great news, guys.
55
00:02:47,590 --> 00:02:51,020
I just got a residual check from
that Japanese commercial I did.
56
00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:58,510
I still don't know how that
advertised Tokyo University.
57
00:02:58,540 --> 00:03:03,690
But I'm gonna use this $300 to
buy us all some new boots for me.
58
00:03:03,700 --> 00:03:05,250
It's official!
59
00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:06,350
I'm a genius.
60
00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:09,260
My video game is selling
through the rizznoof.
61
00:03:09,270 --> 00:03:11,640
Well, how far through the riznoof?
62
00:03:11,660 --> 00:03:13,000
Whoa, that's not slang.
63
00:03:13,030 --> 00:03:14,960
He has a speech impediment.
64
00:03:14,980 --> 00:03:18,510
61 million copies at $60 each.
65
00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:22,230
Well, you know you didn't make
this video game alone, Tracy.
66
00:03:22,250 --> 00:03:23,740
A lot of people helped.
67
00:03:23,750 --> 00:03:25,980
I don't know. I think I did it alone.
68
00:03:25,990 --> 00:03:30,130
And this check is the prizznoof.
69
00:03:31,190 --> 00:03:34,580
Now that one was just
him being obnoxious.
70
00:03:38,850 --> 00:03:40,460
Thank you.
71
00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:41,510
Jack?
72
00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:43,010
I'm back, Lemon.
73
00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:44,640
Devin thought he could humiliate me,
74
00:03:44,650 --> 00:03:47,010
But he doesn't understand that I
worked my way up from the bottom before,
75
00:03:47,020 --> 00:03:47,940
And I can do it again.
76
00:03:47,970 --> 00:03:51,370
The last time took me 22 years, but
I know so much more now this time.
77
00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:52,640
I think I can do it in nine.
78
00:03:52,660 --> 00:03:54,230
So you're gonna be a mailroom guy.
79
00:03:54,250 --> 00:03:56,470
I'm the head mailroom guy.
80
00:03:56,500 --> 00:03:58,360
I've already been promoted
once since this morning.
81
00:03:58,370 --> 00:03:59,210
That's pretty fast.
82
00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:02,260
With a little hard work, I think i'll
be back to VP status before I'm 60.
83
00:04:02,300 --> 00:04:06,440
And if my home evaluation goes
well, I will be a mother by 50.
84
00:04:06,470 --> 00:04:09,220
- We really can have it all.
- Yeah.
85
00:04:13,240 --> 00:04:15,440
What was your reason
for wanting to adopt?
86
00:04:15,450 --> 00:04:17,130
Thank you for that question, bev.
87
00:04:17,150 --> 00:04:23,110
The world is a troubled place, and with so many children in need of adoption worldwide
- So...
88
00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:25,610
"infertility" or "other?"
89
00:04:25,620 --> 00:04:27,480
Other.
90
00:04:27,860 --> 00:04:29,980
- How old are you, Liz?
- 37
91
00:04:29,990 --> 00:04:33,320
I should tell you right now it's
important that you don't lie.
92
00:04:33,330 --> 00:04:36,940
How often do you entertain
gentlemen sex guests?
93
00:04:36,950 --> 00:04:39,570
Oh, boy, that's once a year, maybe.
94
00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:41,330
But I'd be open to cutting that down.
95
00:04:41,350 --> 00:04:43,790
Is that a safety thing?
Because I can fix that.
96
00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:46,140
You ever run a webcam
ring out of here, Liz?
97
00:04:46,150 --> 00:04:48,150
Gentlemen tell you what to do, you do it?
98
00:04:48,160 --> 00:04:50,410
At first with some feigned hesitation?
99
00:04:50,420 --> 00:04:53,740
No! Is that on the form?
100
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:56,900
Have you ever been convicted of a crime?
101
00:04:56,910 --> 00:05:00,320
I was arrested once in
Germany for public nudity.
102
00:05:00,330 --> 00:05:03,890
I thought it was a topless
beach. It was a shipyard.
103
00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:07,780
You're a TV writer, Liz.
104
00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:09,590
How many hours per week do you work?
105
00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:12,210
Between 60 and 80.
106
00:05:14,050 --> 00:05:16,020
- Is that a work call?
- Could be.
107
00:05:16,030 --> 00:05:18,900
Or it could be my annual sex guest.
108
00:05:19,290 --> 00:05:21,370
Your work life seems very demanding.
109
00:05:21,390 --> 00:05:24,240
Maybe I should pop by there tomorrow.
110
00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:29,360
Uh, Ms. Geiss, I have
your soap opera digest.
111
00:05:30,610 --> 00:05:32,530
Kathy, this can't be easy for you.
112
00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:36,280
Your father, such a great
leader, trapped in a coma.
113
00:05:36,290 --> 00:05:39,990
All this responsibility
heaped on your...
114
00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:41,460
Young shoulders.
115
00:05:41,470 --> 00:05:46,280
With all due respect to Devin, he's
a party boy with a grown man's job.
116
00:05:46,310 --> 00:05:48,080
He can't handle it.
117
00:05:48,100 --> 00:05:49,620
I want to be of service.
118
00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:52,960
Let me help you.
119
00:06:01,650 --> 00:06:04,280
Can I have everyone's attention, please?
120
00:06:04,300 --> 00:06:09,010
Hi,there's-- there is a woman
coming by the office today...
121
00:06:10,060 --> 00:06:16,590
No, stop it. Uh, her name is Bev, and
she is evaluating me for an adoption.
122
00:06:17,410 --> 00:06:19,120
Morons.
123
00:06:19,130 --> 00:06:22,050
I need everyone to be
on their best behavior.
124
00:06:22,060 --> 00:06:26,920
No cursing. Please take down any
pornography that you have in your office.
125
00:06:28,230 --> 00:06:29,460
Nothing weird.
126
00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:31,540
Oh, come on. It's movie party Thursday.
127
00:06:31,550 --> 00:06:33,390
I brought in my tape
of circus accidents.
128
00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:34,320
No, no.
129
00:06:34,340 --> 00:06:36,860
Please, a lion eats a sad clown.
130
00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:37,640
Tomorrow.
131
00:06:37,650 --> 00:06:40,570
Please just be
normal-sauce for one day.
132
00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:43,000
And change that hat.
133
00:06:43,790 --> 00:06:48,540
Pete, I need you to call the set design guys and
have them make the green room into a nursery.
134
00:06:48,580 --> 00:06:51,260
I may have lied about some stuff.
135
00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:53,270
Liz.
136
00:06:53,290 --> 00:06:54,590
I have a serious issue.
137
00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:57,130
Oh, I told you not to
write back to your stalker.
138
00:06:57,150 --> 00:06:59,390
Oh, no, this is not about Yolanda.
139
00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:03,790
Listen, Tracy keeps bragging about all the
money he's making off of his stupid video game.
140
00:07:03,820 --> 00:07:07,900
Meanwhile, those of us who did the
voice acting weren't even compensated.
141
00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:11,590
I mean, I don't do anything for Yolanda,and
she sends me those headless dolls.
142
00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:16,910
Well, I was not supposed to say anything,
but he has something very special planned.
143
00:07:16,940 --> 00:07:17,960
Oh, I'll believe that when I see it.
144
00:07:17,970 --> 00:07:21,340
Well, you will see, and then you are gonna
be embarrassed that we had this conversation.
145
00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:24,460
Can I hide this box of penis
pasta in your dressing room?
146
00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:27,140
Lemon.
147
00:07:28,270 --> 00:07:29,640
- She touched me.
- Who?
148
00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:33,070
Kathy Geiss. She touched
me in my swimsuit area.
149
00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:34,730
No! Kathy?
150
00:07:34,740 --> 00:07:36,520
It made me very uncomfortable.
151
00:07:36,530 --> 00:07:38,870
It's not all erotic and fun,
like when men do it to women.
152
00:07:38,890 --> 00:07:40,620
Have you ever been sexually harassed?
153
00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:41,880
- Of course not.
- Of course not.
154
00:07:41,890 --> 00:07:44,770
I mean,how far would I have to
let her go to get my old job back?
155
00:07:44,780 --> 00:07:46,570
Are we talking over the
shirt? Frontsies, backsies?
156
00:07:46,580 --> 00:07:49,730
Or would I really have
to give her my gift?
157
00:07:49,740 --> 00:07:52,280
Oh, what am I talking about?
I can't go through this.
158
00:07:52,290 --> 00:07:56,020
If I pleasure Kathy to get my
old job, I'm no better than Devin.
159
00:07:56,030 --> 00:07:58,710
The only path is the virtuous path.
160
00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:00,050
Even if it takes five years.
161
00:08:00,060 --> 00:08:01,030
I thought you said nine years.
162
00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:04,530
I was promoted again this morning.
I'm now director of mail systems.
163
00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:12,920
Nice work, Hornberger. Are these dolls?
164
00:08:12,930 --> 00:08:14,740
Are they?
165
00:08:14,750 --> 00:08:15,820
Mommy!
166
00:08:15,830 --> 00:08:17,720
They're called little creepers.
167
00:08:17,730 --> 00:08:20,700
Oh, is it so wrong that I just want to
have one of these to grow up and resent me?
168
00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:23,430
Oh, you will.
169
00:08:27,530 --> 00:08:31,900
Hey, Tracy, did you see that thing in
the paper today about how Lil Wayne--
170
00:08:31,910 --> 00:08:34,010
That's a person, right?
171
00:08:34,030 --> 00:08:38,980
Anyway, Lil Wayne, every
time one of his albums drops,
172
00:08:38,990 --> 00:08:42,940
He buys diamond watches for
everybody that worked on it.
173
00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:46,040
I know what you're hinting at, Liz Lemon.
174
00:08:46,050 --> 00:08:47,950
I should get my rap career going again.
175
00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:49,400
All in due time.
176
00:08:49,410 --> 00:08:53,600
No, I want you to get presents for everyone
who helped you with your video game.
177
00:08:53,610 --> 00:08:55,270
Especially Jenna.
178
00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:58,720
Noblesse oblige, yes.
179
00:08:58,730 --> 00:09:01,850
Let's go shopping. To the Batmobile!
180
00:09:02,730 --> 00:09:05,110
Don't worry. He's just leasing it.
181
00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:07,200
Oh, good.
182
00:09:07,220 --> 00:09:10,280
What I'm saying is don't
dress for the job you have.
183
00:09:10,310 --> 00:09:13,130
Dress for the job you
want to have. So now, Manny--
184
00:09:13,140 --> 00:09:17,070
tomorrow I'll show up for work
dressed as a Mexican wrestler.
185
00:09:17,080 --> 00:09:18,870
Well--
186
00:09:19,530 --> 00:09:21,140
Banks?
187
00:09:21,150 --> 00:09:23,570
Good god, what are you dog
here? Where are your shoes?
188
00:09:23,580 --> 00:09:25,220
Oh, damn it.
189
00:09:25,230 --> 00:09:27,610
Must've left them in
my business meeting.
190
00:09:27,620 --> 00:09:30,410
Banks, you've gotta get a hold of
yourself. You've got a company to run.
191
00:09:30,420 --> 00:09:32,160
Oh, I'm running it.
192
00:09:32,180 --> 00:09:34,710
I have a plan to quadruple
profits by the year 2015.
193
00:09:34,730 --> 00:09:36,390
How are you possibly going to do that?
194
00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:38,820
The old-fashioned way, Jack.
195
00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:41,280
I'm gonna shut it down.
196
00:09:41,290 --> 00:09:43,420
I'm gonna shut the whole
thing down for two years.
197
00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:45,800
I mean, imagine how badly
people'll want light bulbs then.
198
00:09:45,810 --> 00:09:47,240
Are you insane?
199
00:09:47,250 --> 00:09:50,040
Think about the jobs,
the economy. This is GE!
200
00:09:50,050 --> 00:09:53,600
It's just "G" now,jack. I sold the
"E" to Samsung. They're Samesung now.
201
00:09:53,610 --> 00:09:55,500
I was supposed to be at a
board meeting five hours ago.
202
00:09:55,510 --> 00:09:57,720
Which way's
Connecticut-- oh!
203
00:10:03,900 --> 00:10:06,070
May I help you.
204
00:10:06,080 --> 00:10:07,270
Ah, I'm Bev.
205
00:10:07,290 --> 00:10:09,400
I'm here to do Liz's
adoption evaluation.
206
00:10:09,410 --> 00:10:11,070
Oh, of course.
207
00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:13,620
I think adoption is a wonderful thing.
208
00:10:13,630 --> 00:10:16,290
Three of my nine siblings were adopted.
209
00:10:16,300 --> 00:10:18,880
And someday I'm gonna find them.
210
00:10:18,890 --> 00:10:21,410
Bev, hi! Thank you, Kenneth.
211
00:10:22,370 --> 00:10:24,650
So this our studio.
212
00:10:24,660 --> 00:10:28,280
It would be a really fun
place for a kid to grow up.
213
00:10:28,290 --> 00:10:31,410
Lots of
costumes and--
214
00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:34,320
- Watch out, idiot!
- Nice job, jackass!
215
00:10:34,330 --> 00:10:36,990
We're like a big family here. Hey, Rick!
216
00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:40,030
I'm Fred. Rick is the other black guy.
217
00:10:40,930 --> 00:10:42,620
Happens to everyone, right, Bev?
218
00:10:42,630 --> 00:10:46,480
Yeah, happens all the
time to my black husband.
219
00:10:49,770 --> 00:10:52,150
Well, I first met Liz in 1993.
220
00:10:52,210 --> 00:10:55,590
She was fresh out of college, and I
had just broken up with O.J. Simpson.
221
00:10:55,680 --> 00:10:57,030
And can I just say something?
222
00:10:57,090 --> 00:10:58,660
Total gentleman.
223
00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:01,000
Liz is a really, really mature person.
224
00:11:01,070 --> 00:11:03,960
And she totally deserves
to get custody of her kids.
225
00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:07,300
It's not a custody case. Liz
is trying to adopt a child.
226
00:11:07,380 --> 00:11:09,900
Then who were those kids that
you were yelling at the other day?
227
00:11:09,980 --> 00:11:15,460
Those were some child actors who had
lied about being able to break-dance.
228
00:11:15,750 --> 00:11:18,720
Actually, I lived with Liz while
I was separated from my wife.
229
00:11:18,780 --> 00:11:20,320
In a platonic way.
230
00:11:20,420 --> 00:11:22,640
Um, but I haven't lived
there for a couple months now
231
00:11:22,710 --> 00:11:24,280
Because I've been in an anger
management treatment center
232
00:11:24,340 --> 00:11:27,100
'Cause I shot one of my
coworkers with an arrow.
233
00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:31,290
I think it's a circus
in the Philippines.
234
00:11:31,340 --> 00:11:34,660
The lion goes nuts and
attacks this older clown.
235
00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:36,330
How did we get started
talking about this?
236
00:11:36,390 --> 00:11:38,030
Did you bring it up?
237
00:11:40,670 --> 00:11:43,970
I'm so sorry. Would you
excuse us for a moment, please?
238
00:11:44,010 --> 00:11:45,900
- How is your thing going?
- Not terrific.
239
00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:48,640
I'm not sure that she's--
Lemon, I don't have five years.
240
00:11:48,700 --> 00:11:50,490
- What?
- Devin's lost it.
241
00:11:50,530 --> 00:11:52,780
I've gotta stop him before
this whole thing implodes.
242
00:11:52,860 --> 00:11:55,600
- He wants to shut down the entire company.
- What are you talking about?
243
00:11:55,660 --> 00:11:58,150
I've gotta go now while
Devin's in Connecticut.
244
00:11:58,200 --> 00:11:59,580
I'm doing this for the greater good.
245
00:11:59,640 --> 00:12:00,630
What are you saying?
246
00:12:00,710 --> 00:12:02,380
I'm going upstairs...
247
00:12:02,460 --> 00:12:04,460
To doink Kathy Geiss.
248
00:12:09,570 --> 00:12:11,490
Tracy Jordan's not here right now.
249
00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:13,610
But he's great. It's a shame
you won't get to meet him.
250
00:12:13,670 --> 00:12:15,050
Attention, everyone!
251
00:12:15,130 --> 00:12:16,140
Hey, great.
252
00:12:16,220 --> 00:12:20,740
I'd like to take this opportunity to thank
everyone involved in making my video game
253
00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:24,120
The most profitable thing
since the war on terror.
254
00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:26,460
Yes, I am provocative.
255
00:12:26,540 --> 00:12:31,420
Frank,for all your hard work,please
accept this set of solid gold nunchakus.
256
00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:34,440
I will use these only for good.
257
00:12:37,610 --> 00:12:41,180
Petey Pete, for letting
us use the sound booth,
258
00:12:41,240 --> 00:12:43,410
please accept this chinchilla coat.
259
00:12:44,230 --> 00:12:47,480
You're gonna get so much nice-nice in that
you're gonna have to grow an another ding--
260
00:12:47,540 --> 00:12:49,110
Tracy, this is Bev.
261
00:12:49,190 --> 00:12:50,460
The lady from the adoption thing.
262
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:51,910
Bev...
263
00:12:53,390 --> 00:12:54,860
Now you look out for my girl, Liz Lemon,
264
00:12:54,920 --> 00:12:58,400
'Cause me and her go way back
like spinal cords and car seats.
265
00:12:59,230 --> 00:13:01,000
That's not really an expression.
266
00:13:02,690 --> 00:13:04,060
Mr. Banks?
267
00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:05,960
I thought you were going
to Connecticut today.
268
00:13:06,020 --> 00:13:06,950
I blew it off.
269
00:13:07,010 --> 00:13:08,430
Nice to see you, Liz. Let's
chitchat. What's that?
270
00:13:08,490 --> 00:13:10,950
Man trouble, boot-cut jeans? Fun,bye!
271
00:13:11,650 --> 00:13:15,340
Kenneth, it is imperative that you keep Mr.
Banks down here until I can get to Jack.
272
00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:16,930
Do you know what "imperative" means?
273
00:13:16,990 --> 00:13:17,920
Tell me, tell me!
274
00:13:17,990 --> 00:13:20,270
Rock important. It means important.
275
00:13:21,020 --> 00:13:22,830
I'll just be a minute, Bev!
276
00:13:22,870 --> 00:13:25,790
Mr. Banks, look how
many pushups I can do.
277
00:13:34,780 --> 00:13:36,270
Devin's here!
278
00:13:37,930 --> 00:13:39,470
Cover yourself.
279
00:13:49,500 --> 00:13:51,320
You smell like strawberries.
280
00:13:51,420 --> 00:13:55,840
That's the lip gloss she put on
me so I could be her fancy boy.
281
00:13:57,230 --> 00:13:59,710
Is this the way my life
was supposed to play out?
282
00:13:59,770 --> 00:14:02,230
The kid who walked four
miles every saturday to caddy
283
00:14:02,290 --> 00:14:04,960
because mother said that golf
was a game for businessmen?
284
00:14:05,030 --> 00:14:07,660
Paid his way through Princeton by
working the day shift at that graveyard
285
00:14:07,740 --> 00:14:10,630
And the graveyard shift at the days inn?
286
00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:14,670
22 years of single-mindedly fighting
my way to the top of this company.
287
00:14:14,750 --> 00:14:17,480
Thank god I don't have your
biological need for children.
288
00:14:17,560 --> 00:14:20,000
- That would make success impossible.
- Thanks.
289
00:14:20,060 --> 00:14:22,120
This job was all I've ever wanted, Lemon.
290
00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:25,940
And now it hinges on how far I'm willing to
go with a woman in Dora the Explorer panties
291
00:14:26,020 --> 00:14:28,230
that were clearly made
for an obese child.
292
00:14:28,290 --> 00:14:30,820
Are you sure she wants sex? Maybe
she's just looking for attention.
293
00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:34,150
I mean, her whole world is
stuffed unicorns and soap operas.
294
00:14:34,210 --> 00:14:36,430
- Aren't soap operas all about sex?
- No, no way.
295
00:14:36,510 --> 00:14:39,790
No, the best part of a soap opera is
when someone's twin interrupts a wedding
296
00:14:39,850 --> 00:14:42,470
or somebody pulls a gun
at the fitness center.
297
00:14:42,530 --> 00:14:43,700
Hold on a second.
298
00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:44,810
Kathy's texting me now.
299
00:14:44,890 --> 00:14:47,420
She's wondering where
my strawberry mouth is.
300
00:14:47,670 --> 00:14:49,390
Oh, nerds, it's bev.
301
00:14:49,470 --> 00:14:50,580
Please be charming.
302
00:14:50,660 --> 00:14:51,580
Hello, Bev. I'm Jack Donaghy.
303
00:14:51,580 --> 00:14:54,040
Have you had a tour of
our magnificent studio?
304
00:14:54,100 --> 00:14:55,790
- I have not.
- Right this way.
305
00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:59,190
This is what you're giving me as a "thank
you" gift-- Some coupons for free hugs?
306
00:14:59,250 --> 00:15:01,820
I'm suing you for my share of
your video game profits, Tracy.
307
00:15:01,820 --> 00:15:02,820
You're gonna sue me?
308
00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:04,300
Would you like to see the green room?
309
00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:06,330
Who do you think you
are, the San Diego zoo?
310
00:15:06,390 --> 00:15:08,410
You mean the nursery!
311
00:15:09,500 --> 00:15:12,700
We gotta get this stuff back
to the rental place by 5:00.
312
00:15:12,740 --> 00:15:15,450
I love you! Mommy, I love you!
313
00:15:15,530 --> 00:15:16,650
Rock dear god.
314
00:15:16,730 --> 00:15:19,530
Ms. Lemon, did you lie to me
about there being a nursery here?
315
00:15:19,590 --> 00:15:20,680
No!
316
00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:21,850
Rick, what are you doing?
317
00:15:21,930 --> 00:15:24,450
Bitch, my name is Fred.
318
00:15:25,620 --> 00:15:27,290
This is very disturbing, Liz.
319
00:15:27,370 --> 00:15:29,410
This is a very serious breach of trust.
320
00:15:29,470 --> 00:15:30,890
Bev, allow me to explain.
321
00:15:30,950 --> 00:15:33,030
I've been mentoring
Lemon for some time now.
322
00:15:33,090 --> 00:15:34,050
Are you her boss?
323
00:15:34,110 --> 00:15:35,700
No, I work in the mail room.
324
00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:41,710
Kathy, Bev and I are just friends!
325
00:15:42,540 --> 00:15:45,210
Kathy's the new CEO of our company.
326
00:15:45,250 --> 00:15:46,290
Bev, you better run!
327
00:15:46,340 --> 00:15:48,200
She's surprisingly strong!
328
00:15:57,430 --> 00:16:00,480
Frank, I told you to change that hat!
329
00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:02,920
Oh, god, how can I have a kid here?
330
00:16:02,980 --> 00:16:06,250
I can't even keep a grown
woman safe in this place.
331
00:16:06,260 --> 00:16:08,320
"Unsatisfactory"?
332
00:16:08,830 --> 00:16:10,060
Are you okay,Bev?
333
00:16:10,140 --> 00:16:12,520
You had quite a fall there.
334
00:16:13,230 --> 00:16:14,350
Ah, I'm Bev.
335
00:16:14,430 --> 00:16:17,090
I'm here to do Liz's
adoption evaluation.
336
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:19,540
Why, yes, hello, Bev.
337
00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:20,560
Did you just get here?
338
00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:23,470
Yes, I'm here to do Liz's
adoption evaluation.
339
00:16:23,730 --> 00:16:25,180
Where's my clicky pen?
340
00:16:25,980 --> 00:16:27,260
I get a do-over.
341
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:28,790
No, we have to take her to a hospital.
342
00:16:28,850 --> 00:16:29,870
No, 20 minutes.
343
00:16:29,930 --> 00:16:31,430
Just give me 20 minutes.
344
00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:34,920
Do-over, do-over!
345
00:16:35,020 --> 00:16:36,770
She doesn't remember anything.
346
00:16:36,820 --> 00:16:38,070
You heard what the lady
said. We're taking a Mulligan.
347
00:16:38,070 --> 00:16:39,990
Let's make this one count now.
348
00:16:40,050 --> 00:16:41,090
It's time, Lemon.
349
00:16:41,150 --> 00:16:42,800
Kathy's texting me that Devin's
gone.I have to go upstairs.
350
00:16:42,840 --> 00:16:44,210
What are you gonna do?
351
00:16:44,290 --> 00:16:47,350
I'm gonna give Kathy the full soap opera while
you try to trick a lady with a head injury.
352
00:16:47,390 --> 00:16:48,610
We might not be the best people.
353
00:16:48,670 --> 00:16:49,790
But we're not the worst.
354
00:16:49,870 --> 00:16:52,260
Graduate students are the worst.
355
00:16:52,310 --> 00:16:54,360
Hi, I'm Bev.Let's get started.
356
00:16:54,420 --> 00:16:56,170
Right this way!
357
00:16:56,540 --> 00:16:58,560
I know Liz would be
a wonderful mother...
358
00:16:58,620 --> 00:17:01,120
Because she's intelligent and kind.
359
00:17:01,180 --> 00:17:03,400
She reminds me of my own mom.
360
00:17:03,550 --> 00:17:07,990
Tough love, consistency, a little
mustache in a certain light.
361
00:17:08,050 --> 00:17:10,060
And other kids really like her.
362
00:17:10,690 --> 00:17:12,050
What?
363
00:17:12,110 --> 00:17:13,160
Hey, Fred!
364
00:17:14,650 --> 00:17:17,230
Well, I think I've seen
everything I need to see.
365
00:17:17,310 --> 00:17:18,880
Man, do I have a headache.
366
00:17:18,990 --> 00:17:20,220
Let's get down to brass tacks.
367
00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:25,400
Liz, as a single woman with a
demanding job working in such a, well,
368
00:17:25,450 --> 00:17:27,930
Nontraditional environment,
369
00:17:27,990 --> 00:17:30,830
I'm sorry, but you're
not an ideal candidate.
370
00:17:31,110 --> 00:17:33,150
But we did everything
perfectly this time.
371
00:17:33,230 --> 00:17:34,530
Bev, listen to me.
372
00:17:34,590 --> 00:17:36,190
Yes, I work very hard.
373
00:17:36,250 --> 00:17:37,660
Almost all the time.
374
00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:41,210
But i feel like my life
will open up and make room
375
00:17:41,270 --> 00:17:45,480
just the same way that my heart will open
up and make room when I meet this baby.
376
00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:49,600
And,yes, this place is not ideal, but
these weirdoes are family to me.
377
00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:51,860
And so if this job is a deal-breaker,
378
00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:56,010
Then you tear up my application and
I will start over someplace else.
379
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:05,550
I wish there were a box on these forms
where I could check off "passion."
380
00:18:05,610 --> 00:18:10,470
Because that is exactly the kind of warmth
and assertiveness that we are looking for.
381
00:18:10,550 --> 00:18:13,330
I am going to reconsider
your recommendation.
382
00:18:13,390 --> 00:18:14,830
Oh, Bev, thank you!
383
00:18:15,530 --> 00:18:16,810
Rock thank you, Bev!
384
00:18:21,810 --> 00:18:22,900
I'm Bev.
385
00:18:22,950 --> 00:18:25,380
I'm here to do Liz's
adoption evaluation.
386
00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:26,800
Gargh!
387
00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:28,950
All right, take her to the hospital.
388
00:18:31,780 --> 00:18:33,400
Let's get started.
389
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:36,980
What are you doing? Get upstairs.
390
00:18:36,980 --> 00:18:38,360
Jonathan, not now.
391
00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:40,310
Yes now! Jack kicked
me out of the office.
392
00:18:40,370 --> 00:18:43,190
He's about to debase
himself to save the company.
393
00:18:44,380 --> 00:18:47,090
Don't do this! If you do,you'll
be just as bad as Devin.
394
00:18:47,150 --> 00:18:49,390
Liz, what are you doing here?
395
00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:54,370
I thought you were at the
fitness center with your twin.
396
00:18:54,430 --> 00:18:55,760
What?
397
00:18:57,010 --> 00:18:58,620
Liz, it's not what you think.
398
00:18:58,710 --> 00:19:00,220
Kathy and I are just working together.
399
00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:02,600
Kathy, you know my lover, Liz.
400
00:19:03,050 --> 00:19:06,140
That better be true, Jack, or
I'll make both of you disappear,
401
00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:09,180
Just like I did with Vivienne and Patch.
402
00:19:09,710 --> 00:19:11,680
Don't be ridiculous, Liz.
403
00:19:11,780 --> 00:19:14,220
You know you're the only
woman I've ever really loved.
404
00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:17,610
Kathy's my partner.
405
00:19:17,710 --> 00:19:20,300
She's hiring me to advise her
in all her business matters.
406
00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:22,190
Isn't that true, Kathy?
407
00:19:22,940 --> 00:19:24,560
I'm sorry, darling.
408
00:19:24,630 --> 00:19:29,020
I've just been paranoid ever since
that incident with the weather machine.
409
00:19:29,770 --> 00:19:31,890
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
410
00:19:37,620 --> 00:19:39,150
No, that's--
411
00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:40,700
- No, I don't think so.
- No thank you.
412
00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:45,020
Got any mail for me, Donaghy?
413
00:19:45,100 --> 00:19:46,550
It's all over, Banks.
414
00:19:47,170 --> 00:19:50,640
Kathy has hired me privately to
advise her on all business matters.
415
00:19:51,130 --> 00:19:53,030
My god. That's her signature.
416
00:19:53,110 --> 00:19:54,410
Yeah.
417
00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:56,140
Well, I'm not stupid,jack.
418
00:19:56,460 --> 00:19:57,940
I saw this day coming.
419
00:19:58,420 --> 00:20:01,120
But I've already made provisions
for my financial future.
420
00:20:02,500 --> 00:20:03,870
Check this out.
421
00:20:08,830 --> 00:20:10,000
I'm gonna sue you!
422
00:20:10,060 --> 00:20:11,940
I've gonna sue the
entire city of New York!
423
00:20:12,020 --> 00:20:13,100
I'm gonna sue you.
424
00:20:13,180 --> 00:20:14,130
You can't sue me!
425
00:20:14,210 --> 00:20:15,490
I'm already being sued!
426
00:20:15,550 --> 00:20:17,070
Double indemnity!
427
00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:20,010
No, no, no!
428
00:20:27,630 --> 00:20:29,440
Lemon, how's your friend Bev?
429
00:20:29,510 --> 00:20:32,170
Unfortunately, Bev has
made a full recovery.
430
00:20:32,230 --> 00:20:35,220
So I have to start over
with another agency.
431
00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:37,350
This might take a long time, actually.
432
00:20:37,410 --> 00:20:39,580
The semi-virtuous path.
433
00:20:40,050 --> 00:20:41,450
You won't regret it.
434
00:20:49,230 --> 00:20:50,800
Did you need something else, Lemon?
435
00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:51,670
No.
436
00:20:51,750 --> 00:20:53,450
I just like seeing you in there.
437
00:20:53,450 --> 00:20:55,050
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