Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,637 --> 00:00:06,764
This is it, Lemon.
Government.
2
00:00:06,906 --> 00:00:08,567
The true seat
of American power.
3
00:00:08,708 --> 00:00:10,198
This all happening
so fast.
4
00:00:10,343 --> 00:00:12,641
I mean, last week you were
at GE, and this week you're...
5
00:00:12,779 --> 00:00:14,110
What are you
in charge of exactly?
6
00:00:14,247 --> 00:00:15,407
We're sharing the load.
7
00:00:15,548 --> 00:00:17,641
It's a bit
of Homeland Security...
We still have that?
8
00:00:17,784 --> 00:00:19,911
...extreme weather preparedness,
and the War on the Poor.
9
00:00:20,053 --> 00:00:21,111
You mean
the War on Poverty.
10
00:00:21,254 --> 00:00:22,414
Yeah, okay,
let's go with that.
11
00:00:22,555 --> 00:00:23,852
So you're never
coming back?
12
00:00:23,990 --> 00:00:26,424
I'm sorry, Lemon, but there's
nothing left for me at GE.
13
00:00:26,559 --> 00:00:28,618
Sure, Geiss could come out
of the coma and say,
14
00:00:28,762 --> 00:00:30,229
"Jackie Boy,
you're the next CEO."
15
00:00:30,363 --> 00:00:31,421
But that's not likely.
16
00:00:31,564 --> 00:00:34,226
The cryogenecists are already
sharpening their head saws.
17
00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:35,857
This is all so weird.
18
00:00:36,002 --> 00:00:37,629
It's making me sick
to my stomach.
19
00:00:37,771 --> 00:00:39,170
Lemon, it's 8:00
in the morning.
20
00:00:39,305 --> 00:00:41,068
Are you eating
those Mexican cheese curls?
21
00:00:41,207 --> 00:00:43,141
Hey, don't knock
my Sabor de Soledad.
22
00:00:43,276 --> 00:00:45,767
I found a prize in here
the other day... I hope.
23
00:00:45,912 --> 00:00:49,279
Lemon, I have to go.
It's time for my freedom search.
24
00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:55,312
Liz Lemon, do these look
like wizard nipples to you?
25
00:00:55,922 --> 00:00:57,150
Well,
I don't know.
26
00:00:57,290 --> 00:00:59,417
Are the lightning bolts
supposed to be going in or out?
27
00:00:59,559 --> 00:01:01,686
Exactly!
It's all wrong.
28
00:01:01,828 --> 00:01:03,853
These worlds are so clear
in my head!
29
00:01:04,464 --> 00:01:06,898
Oh, are these the characters
for your porn video game?
30
00:01:07,033 --> 00:01:07,931
The working title is
31
00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:11,629
"Goregasm... colon...
The Legend of Dong-Slayer."
32
00:01:11,771 --> 00:01:13,500
Sorry about the wizard,
Tracy.
33
00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:15,130
I'll call
the Korean animators.
34
00:01:15,275 --> 00:01:17,243
Yeah, you fixulate this!
35
00:01:17,377 --> 00:01:18,173
I'm sorry.
36
00:01:18,311 --> 00:01:20,176
Liz Lemon, do you know
what it's like
37
00:01:20,313 --> 00:01:22,406
to be the only one
who cares about your job
38
00:01:22,549 --> 00:01:24,676
when everybody else around
is goofing off
39
00:01:24,818 --> 00:01:26,251
like a bunch of goof-offs?
40
00:01:26,386 --> 00:01:27,683
Yes.
41
00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:29,721
Uh-oh.
Emotions.
42
00:01:29,856 --> 00:01:31,346
You having
your woman times?
43
00:01:31,491 --> 00:01:35,018
What? No. I just had
my woman times last...
44
00:01:35,161 --> 00:01:36,685
Oh, boy.
45
00:01:59,986 --> 00:02:02,648
Why don't I cross off the days
like people in the movies?
46
00:02:05,992 --> 00:02:09,951
I think you're supposed to take
all of them, like, in a row.
47
00:02:10,563 --> 00:02:11,689
Thank you, Cerie.
48
00:02:11,831 --> 00:02:14,391
But I have been sexually active
since I was 25.
49
00:02:16,936 --> 00:02:19,234
Mr. Hornberger, I was wondering
if I could ask you
50
00:02:19,372 --> 00:02:21,397
to write a recommendation
for me to be a page
51
00:02:21,541 --> 00:02:24,032
at the XXIX Summer Olympics
in Beijing.
52
00:02:24,177 --> 00:02:24,871
Sure, Kenneth.
53
00:02:25,011 --> 00:02:27,206
Have you ever wanted to go
to the Olympics, Mr. Hornberger?
54
00:02:27,347 --> 00:02:29,042
I almost went once.
55
00:02:29,182 --> 00:02:30,649
Bad news, archers.
56
00:02:30,783 --> 00:02:34,742
President Carter has decided
to boycott the Moscow Games.
57
00:02:36,222 --> 00:02:37,246
Peanut farmer.
58
00:02:37,390 --> 00:02:39,984
Anyway, I was wondering when you
were gonna come to me for this.
59
00:02:40,126 --> 00:02:41,616
You know the applications
are due today.
60
00:02:41,761 --> 00:02:42,750
Today, sir?
61
00:02:42,896 --> 00:02:45,387
The memo I got said
they were due in two weeks!
62
00:02:45,532 --> 00:02:46,794
No, it's today at 5:00.
63
00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:49,834
I have to write
my personal essay!
64
00:02:51,437 --> 00:02:53,200
Donny?
65
00:02:53,339 --> 00:02:54,533
Parcell.
66
00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:56,505
I thought you'd
be coming out of that door.
67
00:02:58,211 --> 00:03:00,736
Did you get my memo about
the Olympic applications
68
00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:02,108
being due
two weeks from now?
69
00:03:02,248 --> 00:03:03,340
Saboteur!
70
00:03:03,483 --> 00:03:05,781
Looks like you'll be staying
here in New York all summer,
71
00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:08,387
fighting the crowds,
smelling the hot garbage
72
00:03:08,521 --> 00:03:11,786
while I travel to beautiful,
breezy Beijing.
73
00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:13,790
The day's not over yet.
74
00:03:30,276 --> 00:03:32,836
Hey.
Y-You must be Jack Donaghy.
75
00:03:32,979 --> 00:03:35,140
Cooter Berger,
vice chair of Farm Subsidies,
76
00:03:35,281 --> 00:03:38,182
acting head of FEMA,
temporary acting head of the FBC
77
00:03:38,318 --> 00:03:39,546
while the acting head
is on trial.
78
00:03:39,686 --> 00:03:41,677
Wow, you've had a lot
of shake-ups around
here lately, huh?
79
00:03:41,821 --> 00:03:43,254
I couldn't
disagree with you more.
80
00:03:43,389 --> 00:03:45,118
The administration
has been streamlined.
81
00:03:45,258 --> 00:03:46,691
And the media
are so obsessed
82
00:03:46,826 --> 00:03:47,884
with the current election,
83
00:03:48,027 --> 00:03:49,585
they've completely forgotten
we're here.
84
00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:50,855
It's an exciting time.
85
00:03:50,997 --> 00:03:51,929
I'm glad to hear it.
86
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:54,226
I don't like to think of
this President as a lame duck.
87
00:03:54,367 --> 00:03:56,995
I think of him
as a lame eagle.
88
00:03:59,505 --> 00:04:01,496
The, uh, ceiling
appears to be leaking.
89
00:04:01,641 --> 00:04:02,573
No, it's not.
90
00:04:02,709 --> 00:04:04,108
We've looked into it,
and it's not.
91
00:04:05,011 --> 00:04:07,878
If you have any questions, I'll
write down my extension for you.
92
00:04:13,486 --> 00:04:14,384
Do you need a pen?
93
00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:15,987
Nope, I've kind of
gotten used to it.
94
00:04:16,122 --> 00:04:17,020
You don't have pens?
95
00:04:17,156 --> 00:04:18,214
We're not in a recession.
96
00:04:18,358 --> 00:04:20,849
Boy, we've got to crack the whip
around here, Cooter.
97
00:04:20,994 --> 00:04:22,825
You don't have pens.
The roof is leaking.
98
00:04:22,962 --> 00:04:25,157
No, it's not.
I'll show you the study.
99
00:04:25,298 --> 00:04:27,129
Hey, we have a meeting with
the Appropriations Committee
100
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:27,995
like now.
101
00:04:28,134 --> 00:04:29,226
Oh, no,
I'm not prepared.
102
00:04:29,369 --> 00:04:31,769
I know, I'm not drunk, either,
but we'll manage.
103
00:04:45,084 --> 00:04:46,051
Mother!
104
00:04:47,754 --> 00:04:49,278
Oh, I'm sorry!
105
00:04:49,422 --> 00:04:52,482
I don't know
why I even came up here.
106
00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:54,752
I mean,
I know Jack's not here.
107
00:04:54,894 --> 00:04:56,794
Boy, I am really
going a little crazy.
108
00:04:58,097 --> 00:05:00,759
I don't suppose you want
to be my sounding board.
109
00:05:06,906 --> 00:05:09,773
You're busy.
I'll come back another time.
110
00:05:11,711 --> 00:05:15,545
Warrior, you have defeated
the snake-elf.
111
00:05:15,682 --> 00:05:18,082
Now join me
in the orgy chamber.
112
00:05:18,217 --> 00:05:19,741
The poets will sing
of this night.
113
00:05:19,886 --> 00:05:21,854
Stop! Stop!
It's not working!
114
00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:22,920
It's not...
115
00:05:23,056 --> 00:05:24,819
Not you, Grizz.
You're doing great.
116
00:05:24,957 --> 00:05:26,356
I memorized all my lines
at home.
117
00:05:26,492 --> 00:05:28,619
But, Jenna, you're not
doing good acting.
118
00:05:28,761 --> 00:05:30,058
Don't overthink it.
119
00:05:30,196 --> 00:05:32,721
I don't need
another Judi Dench situation.
120
00:05:32,865 --> 00:05:34,162
Let's just skip ahead
to the list
121
00:05:34,300 --> 00:05:36,359
of player sensuality
options.
122
00:05:36,502 --> 00:05:39,403
These avatars need to be able
to do anything to each other.
123
00:05:39,539 --> 00:05:41,666
Touch my cheek.
124
00:05:41,808 --> 00:05:43,207
Touch my chest area.
125
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:44,674
Now give me
a little robot.
126
00:05:44,811 --> 00:05:46,938
Touch my butt.
Now like it's a secret.
127
00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:48,172
Touch my knees.
128
00:05:48,314 --> 00:05:50,248
Sexy. Yes.
Touch my knees-butt.
129
00:05:50,383 --> 00:05:53,011
Good.
Touch my feet
with your knees.
130
00:05:53,152 --> 00:05:54,050
Now that we're in the zone,
131
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:56,314
I want you to give me
some random sex sounds.
132
00:05:56,456 --> 00:05:57,320
Ahh.
133
00:05:57,457 --> 00:05:58,515
Ohh.
134
00:05:58,658 --> 00:05:59,852
Oh!
135
00:05:59,992 --> 00:06:01,016
Ah. Whoa.
136
00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:02,923
Ah.
137
00:06:03,062 --> 00:06:04,689
Ohhh.
Wonderful, wonderful.
138
00:06:04,831 --> 00:06:06,162
Let's take it again
from the top.
139
00:06:06,299 --> 00:06:07,960
This time, let's record.
140
00:06:09,001 --> 00:06:11,299
Hey, Jack, it's Liz.
141
00:06:11,437 --> 00:06:13,928
Um, maybe you're busy
spreading democracy.
142
00:06:14,073 --> 00:06:15,370
Anyway, give me a call.
143
00:06:15,508 --> 00:06:18,477
Aah!
Things are happening!
144
00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:22,011
Our first order
of business...
145
00:06:22,148 --> 00:06:25,311
The city of Portland
has requested $9 million
146
00:06:25,451 --> 00:06:27,316
to shore up
its dam system.
147
00:06:27,453 --> 00:06:29,614
I can't support that.
"Dam" is a swear word.
148
00:06:29,756 --> 00:06:31,656
I'd support it
if instead of dam,
149
00:06:31,791 --> 00:06:32,951
we called it
a God finger.
150
00:06:33,092 --> 00:06:36,892
Randall, must you bring religion
into everything?
151
00:06:37,029 --> 00:06:38,519
We need pens.
152
00:06:38,664 --> 00:06:39,528
Excuse me?
153
00:06:39,665 --> 00:06:41,360
Gentlemen, madam.
154
00:06:41,501 --> 00:06:43,628
We all know that Rome
wasn't built in a day.
155
00:06:43,770 --> 00:06:44,896
Well,
that's one theory.
156
00:06:45,037 --> 00:06:49,201
But... we have a chance to make
this country great again.
157
00:06:49,342 --> 00:06:51,708
We need hope.
We need change.
158
00:06:51,844 --> 00:06:54,369
We need experience.
159
00:06:54,514 --> 00:06:56,072
We need pens.
160
00:07:08,194 --> 00:07:10,389
Kenneth,
where have you been?
161
00:07:10,530 --> 00:07:12,157
I had to put on my jeans
by myself.
162
00:07:12,298 --> 00:07:13,424
I'm sorry, Miss Maroney.
163
00:07:13,566 --> 00:07:15,727
I'm trying to finish
this application for Beijing.
164
00:07:17,870 --> 00:07:19,861
Did someone
say "Donny"?
165
00:07:20,006 --> 00:07:21,530
No.
No.
166
00:07:21,674 --> 00:07:23,869
Oh.
It's pretty muffled in there.
167
00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:25,875
You'll never get that
application done in time,
168
00:07:26,012 --> 00:07:26,842
Parcell.
169
00:07:37,256 --> 00:07:39,349
That's the only thing I know
how to say in Chinese.
170
00:07:39,492 --> 00:07:41,756
41/2 hours, Hee-Haw.
171
00:07:47,733 --> 00:07:49,064
Donny's right.
172
00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:51,432
I'll never finish
this application in time.
173
00:07:51,571 --> 00:07:53,835
The personal essay is way harder
than I thought
174
00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:56,134
'cause it's just not
in my nature to brag on myself.
175
00:07:56,275 --> 00:07:57,537
Not even
a back-door brag?
176
00:07:57,677 --> 00:07:58,701
What's a back-door brag?
177
00:07:58,845 --> 00:08:00,608
Sneaking something wonderful
about yourself
178
00:08:00,746 --> 00:08:02,304
into everyday conversation.
179
00:08:02,448 --> 00:08:04,211
Like when I tell people,
"It's hard for me
180
00:08:04,350 --> 00:08:06,545
to watch 'American Idol,'
because I have perfect pitch."
181
00:08:06,686 --> 00:08:07,653
Oh.
182
00:08:07,787 --> 00:08:08,754
Ew.
183
00:08:08,888 --> 00:08:09,752
Now you try.
184
00:08:09,889 --> 00:08:11,948
It's hard for me
to watch "American Idol"
185
00:08:12,091 --> 00:08:14,355
'cause there's a water bug
on my channel changer.
186
00:08:15,595 --> 00:08:17,187
Ugh. It's no use.
187
00:08:26,539 --> 00:08:28,973
Oh, no. Someone's gonna get
more attention than me.
188
00:08:29,108 --> 00:08:30,234
That was amazing.
189
00:08:30,376 --> 00:08:32,844
"Give us pens."
I mean, how do you do it?
190
00:08:32,979 --> 00:08:34,879
Cooter, I used to work
for a man named Don Geiss.
191
00:08:35,014 --> 00:08:36,242
He taught me
how to be proactive.
192
00:08:36,382 --> 00:08:37,644
I'm going to teach you
the same thing.
193
00:08:37,783 --> 00:08:39,250
I'm so happy
you're here.
194
00:08:39,385 --> 00:08:41,250
I haven't felt this energized
at work
195
00:08:41,387 --> 00:08:43,446
since the two weeks when
they tried to teach us Farsi.
196
00:08:46,058 --> 00:08:46,922
Cool phone.
197
00:08:47,059 --> 00:08:48,026
Excuse me.
198
00:08:50,830 --> 00:08:51,797
Jonathan?
199
00:08:52,598 --> 00:08:53,997
Geiss spoke.
200
00:08:54,133 --> 00:08:56,658
What?
He's not out of the coma,
but he spoke.
201
00:08:56,802 --> 00:08:57,860
What did he say?
202
00:08:58,004 --> 00:08:59,528
He said...
203
00:08:59,672 --> 00:09:01,037
Jackie Boy.
204
00:09:05,411 --> 00:09:06,844
Cooter, this is my letter
of resignation.
205
00:09:06,979 --> 00:09:08,708
Would you make sure that it
gets into the right hands?
206
00:09:08,848 --> 00:09:09,712
What?
207
00:09:09,849 --> 00:09:10,975
No!
No way.
208
00:09:11,117 --> 00:09:12,482
What do you want
to do that for?
209
00:09:12,618 --> 00:09:14,313
I just received
a very important phone call.
210
00:09:14,453 --> 00:09:15,317
I've got to back.
211
00:09:15,454 --> 00:09:17,149
But we're gonna
do great things together.
212
00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:18,689
Look, the leak stopped.
213
00:09:20,359 --> 00:09:21,917
I have to get back
to New York.
214
00:09:22,061 --> 00:09:23,119
This is my only chance.
215
00:09:23,262 --> 00:09:24,320
Resignation denied.
216
00:09:24,463 --> 00:09:25,794
You can't deny
my resignation.
217
00:09:25,932 --> 00:09:26,830
Actually I can.
218
00:09:26,966 --> 00:09:29,628
As acting head of the FBC,
I oversee the EWPC,
219
00:09:29,769 --> 00:09:31,168
and I'm denying
your resignation.
220
00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:32,896
You'll stay here
and serve your country.
221
00:09:33,039 --> 00:09:34,836
The head of GE
serves his country.
222
00:09:34,974 --> 00:09:37,033
He provides jobs,
fuels innovation.
223
00:09:37,176 --> 00:09:39,770
He brings good things
to light!
224
00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:42,576
Cooter, I'm begging you.
225
00:09:42,715 --> 00:09:43,647
Please let me go.
226
00:09:43,783 --> 00:09:45,011
Hey, it's not up to me.
227
00:09:45,151 --> 00:09:47,483
Even if I let you resign,
my boss wouldn't.
228
00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:49,588
They don't want people
leaving here anymore.
229
00:09:49,722 --> 00:09:52,054
You're not going anywhere,
buddy!
230
00:09:52,558 --> 00:09:54,219
Hey, the pens are here!
231
00:09:57,463 --> 00:09:59,090
U.S. A!
232
00:09:59,231 --> 00:10:00,425
U.S. A!
233
00:10:00,566 --> 00:10:02,329
U.S. A!
234
00:10:02,468 --> 00:10:03,901
U.S. A!
235
00:10:06,505 --> 00:10:07,767
Hello, friend.
236
00:10:07,907 --> 00:10:09,772
Oh, my God,
you're pregnant.
237
00:10:09,909 --> 00:10:11,001
What?
238
00:10:11,143 --> 00:10:12,838
Yes!
How can you tell?
239
00:10:12,979 --> 00:10:14,173
I just can.
240
00:10:14,313 --> 00:10:16,907
People always underestimate my
instincts because of my looks.
241
00:10:17,049 --> 00:10:19,108
This is no time
for back-door bragging!
242
00:10:19,251 --> 00:10:21,845
I'm just so happy for you.
This is what you wanted.
243
00:10:21,988 --> 00:10:23,012
Yeah, but not like this.
244
00:10:23,155 --> 00:10:25,089
Why not like this, Liz?
245
00:10:25,224 --> 00:10:28,250
As my mom used to say,
"You never want this to happen."
246
00:10:28,394 --> 00:10:29,918
Have you
called Floyd yet?
247
00:10:30,062 --> 00:10:30,858
What?
Floyd.
248
00:10:30,997 --> 00:10:33,090
You couldn't ask for a better
guy to make a mistake with.
249
00:10:34,533 --> 00:10:36,933
Oh, no.
It is Floyd, right?
250
00:10:40,439 --> 00:10:43,567
Whoo! Those margaritas
were strong.
251
00:10:44,677 --> 00:10:45,837
Can you come inside?
252
00:10:45,978 --> 00:10:47,570
I need a couple light bulbs
changed.
253
00:10:47,713 --> 00:10:49,203
Yeah.
254
00:10:49,348 --> 00:10:51,248
Oh, my God.
255
00:10:52,018 --> 00:10:54,213
How could you have slept
with Dennis?
256
00:10:54,353 --> 00:10:57,049
It was before he tried to
throw me under the subway train.
257
00:10:57,189 --> 00:10:58,486
Oh, my God.
258
00:10:58,624 --> 00:11:00,592
Oh, so you're the only person
in the world
259
00:11:00,726 --> 00:11:02,250
that's allowed
to make sex mistakes?
260
00:11:02,395 --> 00:11:04,761
You had a three-way
with Roseanne and Tom Arnold.
261
00:11:04,897 --> 00:11:06,296
That was two years ago.
262
00:11:06,432 --> 00:11:10,391
Fine. So I made one extremely
unfortunate coupling decision.
263
00:11:10,536 --> 00:11:11,628
So, what are you
gonna do?
264
00:11:11,771 --> 00:11:13,568
Well, obviously Dennis
can't be involved
265
00:11:13,706 --> 00:11:15,333
because he is
a class-A moron.
266
00:11:15,474 --> 00:11:19,103
So I am just gonna be
a kick-ass single mom,
267
00:11:19,245 --> 00:11:22,737
like Erin Brockovich
or Sarah Connor.
268
00:11:22,882 --> 00:11:25,680
Listen to you. You're actually
excited about this.
269
00:11:25,818 --> 00:11:28,218
Yeah, I am,
even though it's Dennis'.
270
00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:29,821
I must really want a kid.
271
00:11:29,955 --> 00:11:32,480
Go to the doctor and get a
blood test so you know for sure.
272
00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:34,490
And while you're there,
try to get me some Adderall.
273
00:11:38,731 --> 00:11:40,631
I'm trapped here.
I can't believe this.
274
00:11:40,766 --> 00:11:43,462
Well, I can't believe the
best friend I've ever had
would try and leave me.
275
00:11:43,602 --> 00:11:44,864
Cooter,
look at this place.
276
00:11:45,004 --> 00:11:46,562
This can't be
what you want in life.
277
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:47,968
Haven't you ever thought
of leaving?
278
00:11:48,107 --> 00:11:49,131
Of course.
279
00:11:49,275 --> 00:11:50,742
Every day.
280
00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:52,741
Every day for two years.
281
00:11:53,479 --> 00:11:55,208
Look at these
resignation letters.
282
00:11:55,881 --> 00:12:00,147
They're written in ketchup,
dirty rock, leak water.
283
00:12:00,286 --> 00:12:01,275
But now you're here.
284
00:12:01,420 --> 00:12:03,217
You're here, and everything's
gonna be better.
285
00:12:03,355 --> 00:12:04,982
We've got pens!
286
00:12:05,124 --> 00:12:07,149
Glorious pens!
287
00:12:11,297 --> 00:12:13,527
Oh, my God!
288
00:12:13,666 --> 00:12:14,655
Oh, my God.
289
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:16,825
They're caps,
nothing but caps!
290
00:12:16,969 --> 00:12:17,731
Cooter.
291
00:12:17,870 --> 00:12:19,428
That's not my name!
292
00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:21,665
My name is James Reilly!
293
00:12:21,807 --> 00:12:22,831
Cooter Berger?
294
00:12:22,975 --> 00:12:24,806
What do you think I am,
a cartoon dog?
295
00:12:24,944 --> 00:12:26,172
The President
named me that.
296
00:12:26,312 --> 00:12:27,540
He gave you
two nicknames?
297
00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:29,409
Cooter because
I look like a turtle
298
00:12:29,548 --> 00:12:33,348
and Berger because he saw me
eating a hamburger one time.
299
00:12:33,486 --> 00:12:34,418
We have to
get out of here!
300
00:12:34,553 --> 00:12:35,542
Now, that's the spirit.
301
00:12:35,688 --> 00:12:37,485
But if they're
not taking resignations,
302
00:12:37,623 --> 00:12:38,817
there's only one way out.
303
00:12:38,958 --> 00:12:41,256
We have to work together
to get fired.
304
00:12:41,393 --> 00:12:44,851
It wasn't even a hamburger.
It was a sandwich.
305
00:12:53,806 --> 00:12:55,068
Hello, Elizabeth.
306
00:12:55,207 --> 00:12:56,902
Dennis,
what are you doing here?
307
00:12:57,042 --> 00:12:59,067
I don't have to
explain myself to you.
308
00:12:59,211 --> 00:13:01,406
Look, I told my mom I got a job,
so I've been coming here
309
00:13:01,547 --> 00:13:02,946
for the past couple weeks
during the day.
310
00:13:03,082 --> 00:13:04,447
What?
How come you're not at work?
311
00:13:04,583 --> 00:13:05,777
Because I forgot
my computer.
312
00:13:05,918 --> 00:13:07,681
No, why am I...
This is my apartment!
313
00:13:07,820 --> 00:13:09,981
There something
you want to tell me?
No.
314
00:13:11,557 --> 00:13:13,081
Elizabeth, this is Melinda
315
00:13:13,225 --> 00:13:14,715
from Dr. Beauvoir's office.
316
00:13:14,860 --> 00:13:16,293
We'll tryto reach you again later.
317
00:13:17,329 --> 00:13:18,921
I know that message
and I know that tone.
318
00:13:19,064 --> 00:13:20,429
Every one of my sisters
got that message
319
00:13:20,566 --> 00:13:22,124
junior year in high school...
You're pregnant!
320
00:13:22,268 --> 00:13:23,235
What? No.
321
00:13:23,369 --> 00:13:24,267
Really?
322
00:13:26,105 --> 00:13:27,094
Prenatal vitamins?
323
00:13:27,239 --> 00:13:29,070
Yeah, I know
what "prenatal" means.
324
00:13:29,208 --> 00:13:31,438
Pre... before.
Natal... ruined.
325
00:13:31,577 --> 00:13:32,566
Oh, my God.
All right.
326
00:13:32,711 --> 00:13:34,303
First things first,
we're gonna have this baby
327
00:13:34,446 --> 00:13:36,744
at the same hospital I was born
at on Coney Island, all right?
328
00:13:36,882 --> 00:13:37,974
Oh, my God.
329
00:13:38,117 --> 00:13:39,209
Secondly, if it's a boy,
330
00:13:39,351 --> 00:13:41,216
we're gonna name him Morpheus
like that guy in "The Matrix."
331
00:13:41,353 --> 00:13:43,878
If it's a girl... Ooh,
yeah, I used to boff
this chick named Judy,
332
00:13:44,023 --> 00:13:45,115
and I would love
to honor her.
333
00:13:45,257 --> 00:13:46,383
Get out of my apartment!
334
00:13:46,525 --> 00:13:47,822
Don't talk to me
like that.
335
00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:50,087
Morpheus hears everything
that you say.
Out!
336
00:13:51,163 --> 00:13:53,188
Your boobs
are gonna get bigger.
337
00:13:57,303 --> 00:13:59,635
You must have been
such a pretty monkey.
338
00:14:01,140 --> 00:14:02,107
What's that,
Miss Maroney?
339
00:14:02,241 --> 00:14:05,335
It's your personal essay,
Kenneth.
340
00:14:08,948 --> 00:14:10,415
Oh, hello.
341
00:14:10,549 --> 00:14:12,574
I didn't see you there.
342
00:14:12,718 --> 00:14:15,744
I was just thinking about
my friend Kenneth Parcell
343
00:14:15,888 --> 00:14:19,153
and how much he personifies
the Olympic spirit.
344
00:14:19,291 --> 00:14:21,225
He's involved
in charity work.
345
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:22,622
You needed me,
Miss Maroney?
346
00:14:22,761 --> 00:14:23,921
Yes.
347
00:14:24,063 --> 00:14:25,428
Kenneth,
can you take this money
348
00:14:25,564 --> 00:14:27,998
to the many charities
I support anonymously?
349
00:14:28,133 --> 00:14:29,464
Of course.
350
00:14:30,302 --> 00:14:31,963
Oh, Miss Maroney,
this is empt...
351
00:14:32,104 --> 00:14:34,664
He knows the importance
of physical fitness.
352
00:14:34,807 --> 00:14:38,368
I mean, he can lift
almost 100 pounds!
353
00:14:38,510 --> 00:14:39,238
Shh, shh.
354
00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:42,643
Mind, body, spirit?
355
00:14:42,781 --> 00:14:47,741
Kenneth,I see myself in you?
356
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:50,481
So brave?
357
00:14:50,623 --> 00:14:52,488
So ready?
358
00:14:52,625 --> 00:14:58,029
To be all that you can do?
359
00:14:58,163 --> 00:15:03,066
So beautiful in every way?
360
00:15:03,202 --> 00:15:09,232
I see myself in you?
361
00:15:09,375 --> 00:15:11,741
Miss Maroney, thank you!
362
00:15:13,012 --> 00:15:15,310
I have 20 minutes.
I'm gonna make it.
363
00:15:19,118 --> 00:15:24,784
I see myself in you?
364
00:15:27,192 --> 00:15:29,285
Oh, Kenneth,
someone was looking for you.
365
00:15:29,428 --> 00:15:32,124
They need 12 boxes
of copier paper on stage one.
366
00:15:42,574 --> 00:15:44,439
Whatever we come up with
has got to be wasteful,
367
00:15:44,576 --> 00:15:46,305
embarrassing
to the administration,
368
00:15:46,445 --> 00:15:47,707
and upsetting
to the voters.
369
00:15:47,846 --> 00:15:49,336
Holy smoke.
370
00:15:49,481 --> 00:15:50,709
What have you got?
371
00:15:50,849 --> 00:15:54,649
In 1994, the Pentagon
explored the possibility
372
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,379
of a nonlethal
chemical weapon
373
00:15:56,522 --> 00:16:00,117
that would, "reduce
enemy soldiers' combat posture
374
00:16:00,259 --> 00:16:02,955
by making them totally gaybones
for each other."
375
00:16:03,529 --> 00:16:04,393
How gay?
376
00:16:04,530 --> 00:16:05,724
It doesn't say.
377
00:16:05,864 --> 00:16:07,855
The project was abandoned
in the planning stages.
378
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:08,864
Of course it was.
379
00:16:09,001 --> 00:16:10,662
It would have been expensive,
impractical,
380
00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:12,361
and offensive
to both the red states
381
00:16:12,504 --> 00:16:13,698
and the gayer blue states.
382
00:16:13,839 --> 00:16:15,363
This is exactly
what we're looking for.
383
00:16:15,507 --> 00:16:16,974
A guaranteed disaster.
384
00:16:17,109 --> 00:16:18,940
Like eating a burrito
before sex.
385
00:16:19,078 --> 00:16:20,340
But where would we
get the money?
386
00:16:20,479 --> 00:16:22,709
No congressman in his right mind
would support this.
387
00:16:22,848 --> 00:16:24,611
Don't worry.
I've got a friend in Congress.
388
00:16:24,750 --> 00:16:26,411
But not your best friend,
right?
389
00:16:28,087 --> 00:16:29,452
Yo, Frank.
390
00:16:29,588 --> 00:16:31,385
Oh, my God.
Is that...
391
00:16:31,523 --> 00:16:32,547
Yes.
392
00:16:32,691 --> 00:16:33,715
It's just a prototype.
393
00:16:33,859 --> 00:16:37,158
But I want you to be the first
to play it.
394
00:16:37,296 --> 00:16:38,228
Tell me what you think.
395
00:16:38,364 --> 00:16:39,626
This is such an honor.
396
00:16:41,467 --> 00:16:44,095
I got an
"Additional Filth By" credit.
397
00:16:45,104 --> 00:16:46,162
You earned it.
398
00:16:55,347 --> 00:16:57,474
Good job, Parcell.
399
00:16:59,818 --> 00:17:01,809
Too bad it cost you
a trip to China.
400
00:17:01,954 --> 00:17:03,922
Wait a minute.
Who's this paper for?
401
00:17:04,056 --> 00:17:05,421
No one.
402
00:17:05,557 --> 00:17:08,287
Looks like
you only have 30 seconds
403
00:17:08,427 --> 00:17:10,452
to get your application
to the 27th floor.
404
00:17:11,463 --> 00:17:13,488
And you're not
gonna make it.
405
00:17:16,468 --> 00:17:18,459
Ow! Oh! Oh!
406
00:17:18,604 --> 00:17:19,764
Oh, oh!
407
00:17:19,905 --> 00:17:21,338
Run, Kenneth, run!
408
00:17:27,446 --> 00:17:29,573
He knows!
Oh, God, call me, Jack!
409
00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:31,444
This a disaster.
410
00:17:31,583 --> 00:17:33,881
This baby's
gonna have a father!
411
00:17:34,019 --> 00:17:35,316
Look out!
412
00:17:37,856 --> 00:17:38,982
What?
413
00:18:23,368 --> 00:18:25,529
A gay bomb?
414
00:18:25,671 --> 00:18:27,832
You dragged me out of a meeting
for this?
415
00:18:27,973 --> 00:18:29,270
I was gonna meet Bono.
416
00:18:29,408 --> 00:18:30,272
C.C.
417
00:18:31,343 --> 00:18:34,437
Representative Cunningham.
We'll keep this professional.
418
00:18:34,580 --> 00:18:37,378
I did certain things for
you in bed that you were
going to reciprocate.
419
00:18:37,516 --> 00:18:40,110
But then we broke up before
my birthday, so you owe me.
420
00:18:40,252 --> 00:18:41,446
Jack.
421
00:18:41,587 --> 00:18:43,020
This could take weeks
to get approved.
422
00:18:43,155 --> 00:18:44,782
I'll take my chances.
423
00:18:44,923 --> 00:18:48,586
And that would mean I would be
spending my birthday here, so...
424
00:18:48,727 --> 00:18:50,558
All right.
425
00:18:50,696 --> 00:18:51,890
I will help you get fired.
426
00:18:52,030 --> 00:18:54,021
Yes!
I am so on a roll!
427
00:18:54,166 --> 00:18:56,157
No crying in my bath tonight.
428
00:19:05,844 --> 00:19:07,835
Hey, Jack, it's Liz.
429
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:10,346
Um, maybe you're busyspreading democracy.
430
00:19:10,482 --> 00:19:11,972
Anyway, give me a call.
431
00:19:12,117 --> 00:19:14,642
Aah!Things are happening!
432
00:19:14,786 --> 00:19:16,549
Hey, it's Liz Lemon.
433
00:19:16,688 --> 00:19:19,156
Funny story...I think I'm pregnant
434
00:19:19,291 --> 00:19:21,191
with Dennis Duffy's baby.
435
00:19:21,326 --> 00:19:23,851
Thought you'd be super proud.
436
00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:26,430
Ahh, in a way,it's what I wanted.
437
00:19:26,565 --> 00:19:28,226
Yeah.It's gonna be fine.
438
00:19:29,568 --> 00:19:31,433
He knows!Oh God, call me, Jack!
439
00:19:31,570 --> 00:19:33,060
This is a disaster.
440
00:19:33,205 --> 00:19:34,968
This baby'sgonna have a father!
441
00:19:35,107 --> 00:19:37,507
What? Kenneth just did a flipinto the elevator.
442
00:19:38,644 --> 00:19:42,478
Jack, I've spent the last hourlooking at cribs online.
443
00:19:42,614 --> 00:19:43,512
It's crazy.
444
00:19:43,649 --> 00:19:44,980
Even withall this Dennis stuff,
445
00:19:45,117 --> 00:19:47,449
all I can think aboutis baby hair
446
00:19:47,586 --> 00:19:51,784
and converting my laundry andnewspaper pile into a nursery.
447
00:19:51,924 --> 00:19:53,915
So I-I don't want youto worry about me
448
00:19:54,059 --> 00:19:55,788
'cause, um, I'm happy.
449
00:19:57,262 --> 00:19:59,560
Oh, and yes, you hear meeating Sabor de Soledad
450
00:19:59,698 --> 00:20:01,359
'cause I can eatwhatever I want now.
451
00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:03,024
Ooh, hang on.
452
00:20:03,168 --> 00:20:04,294
That's my doctor.
453
00:20:06,572 --> 00:20:08,301
Never mind.
454
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:10,169
I am not, um...
455
00:20:10,309 --> 00:20:11,571
Never mind.
456
00:20:21,820 --> 00:20:23,014
Lemon, how are you?
457
00:20:23,155 --> 00:20:24,986
It was the cheese curls.
Pardon?
458
00:20:25,123 --> 00:20:28,217
Causing the false positives
on my home pregnancy tests.
459
00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:32,820
Apparently, Sabor de Soledad
gets its special tangy flavor
460
00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:34,523
from evaporated bull semen.
461
00:20:34,666 --> 00:20:37,499
Oh, that explains
your hair's thickness and shine.
462
00:20:37,636 --> 00:20:38,830
I guess in Mexico
women use it
463
00:20:38,971 --> 00:20:41,303
to stop their periods
before Cinco de Mayo.
464
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:44,068
I'm a little afraid to ask
if you're still eating them.
465
00:20:46,979 --> 00:20:48,139
They're so good.
466
00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:50,874
Lemon, I'm sorry you had to
go through this by yourself.
467
00:20:51,016 --> 00:20:52,313
No, it's okay.
468
00:20:52,451 --> 00:20:55,545
I was actually ready
to have Dennis Duffy's baby.
469
00:20:55,687 --> 00:20:58,588
I guess I'm getting to
that age where I don't care
what anybody thinks of me.
470
00:20:58,724 --> 00:21:00,419
You're going to want to get
a very short haircut.
471
00:21:00,559 --> 00:21:01,423
Resist that urge.
472
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:04,358
And I know now
that I'm definitely ready.
473
00:21:05,130 --> 00:21:06,154
I want to adopt.
474
00:21:06,298 --> 00:21:08,198
Are you sure? What about
artificial insemination?
475
00:21:08,333 --> 00:21:09,664
No, I can't go
to a sperm bank.
476
00:21:09,801 --> 00:21:11,735
The Duffy men use those
like ATMs.
477
00:21:12,771 --> 00:21:16,207
Then, Lemon,
I want to assist you.
478
00:21:16,341 --> 00:21:17,205
What?
479
00:21:18,176 --> 00:21:19,108
With an adoption.
480
00:21:19,244 --> 00:21:21,542
Oh, good Lord, Lemon.
With an adoption.
481
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:23,511
I know a lot
of well-connected people.
482
00:21:23,649 --> 00:21:26,049
Okay, then, yeah.
Help me. Thanks.
483
00:21:26,184 --> 00:21:27,617
Uh, how was your day?
484
00:21:27,753 --> 00:21:28,879
It was good.
485
00:21:29,021 --> 00:21:30,682
The President
gave me a nickname.
486
00:21:30,822 --> 00:21:31,948
"The Jacker."
487
00:21:34,059 --> 00:21:35,083
Yeah.
488
00:21:38,997 --> 00:21:42,194
Gentlemen, I regret
to inform you that the gay bomb
489
00:21:42,334 --> 00:21:44,063
could not
be effectively weaponized.
490
00:21:44,202 --> 00:21:47,035
The chemical
dissipates harmlessly
491
00:21:47,172 --> 00:21:48,730
in open tactical environments
492
00:21:48,874 --> 00:21:51,570
and, frankly, could only work if
somehow we could get the enemy
493
00:21:51,710 --> 00:21:53,905
into a closed,
unventilated space.
494
00:21:54,046 --> 00:21:55,479
Ooh, pens!
495
00:22:00,185 --> 00:22:01,516
I feel weird.
496
00:22:02,254 --> 00:22:03,482
Let's do this.
497
00:22:07,626 --> 00:22:09,958
Dude, I played this thing
for a couple hours.
498
00:22:10,095 --> 00:22:11,289
It's okay, I guess.
499
00:22:11,430 --> 00:22:13,796
Frank, you've been
in your office for three months.
500
00:22:14,666 --> 00:22:15,758
What?!
501
00:22:15,901 --> 00:22:18,699
Yes! I'm gonna be
a billionaire!
36195
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