All language subtitles for 30 Rock (2005) - S02E12 - Subway Hero.eng

Good morning, Jack.

Lemon, I'm helping to organize a little
fundraising dinner for John Mccain this weekend,

and I need some women to attend.

So it doesn't turn into
another giant sausage fest.

Well, I don't know.

What's the committee
to reinvade Vietnam?

Just say you'll come.

Jonathan's going to round up all
the cool republican celebrities.

Like who, Chuck Norris?

No, C.Nor and I had a falling-out
after I switched to another dojo.

Ah, well, sorry, but I'm
not giving anybody money

until there's campaign finance reform.

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

Oh, and I want you to book
the subway hero onto the show.

- Who?
- The subway hero.

Do you not watch the news?

Food network doesn't have a news show.

This guy stepped in front of a train to save
a total stranger had fallen on the tracks.

He pulled him between the rails, and
the train missed their heads by inches.

- Wow, that's amazing.
- I know.

Every show wants a guest appearance by
the subway hero, but we have an advantage.

We do?

For his exceptional courage...

the city of new york bestows the
bronze medallion on dennis duffy.

Thank you, mayor bloomberger.

I accept this honor
on behalf of every--

stern rules!Baba booey!

No, no, no, no, no.

Oh, yes.

Dennis duffy, beeper salesman
and your ex-boyfriend.

And dateline predator.

Exonerated dateline predator.

The whole thing was one
big silly misunderstanding.

Like the giuliani campaign.

No way, forget about it.

Lemon, be professional.

We all have to work with
people we hate sometimes.

Jonathan, why don't you put
on more of that cologne?

when I say subway, you say hero.

- Subway.
- Hero?

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30 Rock
Season02 Episode12

I now declare this store
open for all mankind.

Hey, dummy.

Denn

i knew you'd be ck.

Yeah, I'm not back.

Jack sent me because
he wants you on tgs.

No way, this is fate.

You swe to me that you
would never see me again,

but this whole, crazy, on-again, off-again,
dennis-Liz thin it just can't be stopped.

No, we don't have a crazy thing.

Yeah, we do. We're like ross
and rachel, but just not gay.

Can I borrow those giant scissors?

We always knew this
would happen, didn't we?

I mean, that I would be somebody.

I can't believe it's happening because
of this, and not because of my band.

♪ I just want to rock ♪

well, you have had some fame
before. You were on dateline.

I knew you were gonna say
that. And it's so unfair.

I knew that girl was 18.

She told me that her
last boyfriend was asian.

And that crap doesn't
start until college.

So you want to do the show or not?

I don't know. You know.

Getting lots of offers from
news and dancing programs.

But how could I say no to you, right?

I mean, maybe we should just see where this crazy
dennis-Liz roller coaster ride takes us, huh?

Jonathan.

Who is this?

Oh, it's bucky bright, sir.

He was a major tv star in the
'40s, '50s and the fall of 1972,

and he's your republican
celebrity for the Mccain dinner.

Uh-huh, good to see you. What
happened to bruce willis?

He insists on singing.

Jim belushi?

He insists on singing.

good god. When did the
party become so boring?

The democrats have all
the good celebrities.

mr. Donaghy, this
was delivered to--

son of a married couple, bucky bright!

you know who this is?

Who doesn't?

Most people. But let me
ask you a question, Kenneth.

If mr. Bright here told you to
vote republican, would you do it?

Oh, no, sir, I don't vote
republican or democrat.

Choosing is a sin, so I always
just write in the lord's name.

That's republican--
we count those.

Well, I don't know whether
you know it or not,

but I used to do the old soft
shoe at all the eisenhower rallies.

One, two...

I'm sorry to have wasted
your time, mr. Bright.

Kenneth here will show
you out. Thank you.

Boy,30 rock.

The stories I could
tell about this place.

Eh, nobody wants to listen to me anymore.

Oh, mr. Bright, I would love to
hear about the good old days.

Oh, different back then, I'll tell you.

Yes, sir, boy, they were classy.

Yeah, ah we didn't have any of
those shirts with words on 'em,

or dungarees, or anything
like that, o sirree.

Men came to work, ties and hats.

So elegant.

Well, and you had tailor-made suits and a little
place here for a little carnation in your lapel.

And an inside monogrammed pocket, you know,
for your opium pipe and your switchblade.

I'm sorry--
what now?

Say, why don't you show
me around the old studio?

Okay, okay.

These things are so bad for me.

400% of my sodium? I
should not be eating these.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the bravest
new yorker since bernie goetz, mr. Dennis duffy.

What's with the trophy?

It's the stanley cup, honey.
It's hockey's ultimate prize.

And me and it, we're teaming
up to fight illiteracy.

Wow, I never would have had the
guts to do what that dude did.

You don't know that.

I do know. I've watched seven
different people die in subway stations.

so, dennis, tell us what it was like in the
moment. What was going through your mind?

You know, it was all instinct, Jack.

My mind, it was--
it was so clear.

All I could think about was derek jeter.

And it was like check this out, jeter,
you think you're better than me?

So you brought dennis back.

Only 'cause Jack made me.

It's just that you said
never again, but here he is.

You said, "I don't know what I see in that
guy, " but I was there when you two met.

You do have this weird connection.

Uh, why is this movie called the
hours, when it feels so much longer?

They should call this thing the weeks.

The weeks.

Liz, listen to me.

Dennis is like those
off-brand mexican cheetos.

My sabor de soledad?

I only have spanish
delis in my neighborhood.

You know those are bad for you, but
you keep stuffing them in your mouth

because it's easier to do that
than to bother to eat well.

That's a weak metaphor.

You deserve a good meal, Liz.

Subway hero!

subway hero!

Subway hero!

Tracy. My friend.

Have you ever considered becoming the
celebrity face of the republican party?

What? Hell, no.

Black people supporting republicans?

Does hot support cold?

Does rain support the earth?

Now that misperception is precisely
why the gop needs better celebrities,

and a black celebrity such as yourself
would really make us look good.

Do you like lower taxes?

If I paid taxes, I sure would.

- How about gun ownership?
- Go on.

- States' rights?
- I love states' rights.

And let none of us forget the
gop is the party of lincoln.

Lincoln was a republican?

actually, today's republican party
would be unrecognizable to lincoln.

He fought a war to preserve
federal authority over the states.

That's not exactly small government.

Dotcom, this need you have to be
the smartest guy in the room is...

off-putting.

I guess that's why i'm still single.

Damn. The republican party sounds
pretty attuned to my unique way of life.

But I'd be turning my back
on my people to support it.

You put me in a quandary, Jack Donaghy.

A quandary.

Back then, we didn't
have pages, you know.

We had what we called "sandwich girls."

Oh, 'cause they got you sandwiches?

No, no, no, two guys'd get--
hey, my old dressing room.

You know, that reminds me.

for five bucks I will.

Hey, dummy, I was just
telling these dummies

how we used to go in the park
and make fun of all the joggers.

Oh, yeah, "oh, I'm gonna run in
a circle, so I can live longer."

Hold on a second. Who orders
a salad from a burger joint?

You watching your
figure there, sweetheart?

What, are you gearing
up for swimsuit season?

Very funny.

Very funny? How would you know?

We used to call this "the jew room."

oh, here, here's some
lettuce from my burger.

Hey, chief, the, uh, the kid's birthday party that
hired the urkel impersonator is down around the hall.

- Are you gonna cry?
- Yeah, he's gonna cry.

give her some lettuce.

ELizabeth conworthy Lemon.

Okay, that's not my middle name.

Explain this.

"subway hero dennis duffy
and actress sally field."

Entertaining a guest of the show
is called being professional.

It wasn't a date or
whatever-- I paid for dinner.

You always paid for dennis.

He can't get credit cards, Jenna,

because his cousin teddy used dennis'
social to get a cell phone that

teddy then couldn't pay for because this
indian guy that he was working for...

you know what, I don't have
to explain myself to you.

oh, sir. You're back.

Well, I never left, actually.

I just wandered around
the building all night.

I didn't run into another
single living soul,

except one gigantic lesbian.

Who is conan o'brien,
and why is she so sad?

What is this place?

It's purgatory, Tracy.

Richard nixon?

I can't believe i'm dead.

There was still so much
left on my bucket lis

so many different kind of
buckets I wanted to own. Buckets.

It's never too late, Tracy.

You can't die now, your party needs you.

We've lost some prestige because
of the bush administration.

And watergate.

I'm trying to keep that
on the dl around here.

Look, I know you're worried about this,

but there's a long history of black
entertainers supporting the gop.

Just ask my old friend, sammy davis jr.

Oh, sam. Sammy.

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

You were a republican?

he sure was.

Black, jewish, one eye, a white wife.

It was a big tent back then, Tracy.

Help us...

to make it a big tent once again.

I got a mission.

- Dennis.
- Yeah, Jack.

What are your politics?

Social conservative, fiscal liberal.

You see the gop is trying to
raise its celebrity profile.

And we would love it, if the
subway hero could help us out.

Ah, no can do, pally.

I can't help Mccain. He's a navy man.

I almost joined the marines once.

All right, fine, I admit it.

Dinner with dennis last night was fun.

Oh, god, Liz.

What, I don't like a lot of people, Jenna,
but that dumb creep makes me laugh.

But you know better.

Do I? I might be an idiot.

I know I'm supposed to make myself
nice meals, instead of eating junk.

Do you know what I use my oven for?

Warming your jeans in the morning?

That'sight, and it feels good.

You know what that subway
thing taught me, Jack?

It taught me to follow my instincts
more. That's how you get ahead.

You must know what I'm
talking about--you smell rich.

Thank you.

My cologne is distilled from the
bilge water of rupert murdoch's yacht.

My point is, Jack, you've got to be a
man of action in this world, you know--

you can't overthink stuff.

I agree.

Not thinking is what
makes america great.

That wardrobe is wack.

I want a leather Jacket with a
glow-in-the-dark skeleton t-shirt

and a porkpie hat for my
head, all right. Pronto.

This photo shoot's gotta be phenomenal.

You seem like a man who
knows exactly what he wants.

Yeah, I do.

Lemon? Good luck with that, dennis.

No luck needed, Jack. She
bought me dinner last night.

- Really?
- Yeah, I'm in.

And when I grab on, I do not let go.

Like a killer whale going nuts
on his trainer at sea world.

Everything in my life is work.

But not dennis duffy.

I don't have to shave,
I don't have to bathe,

I don't have to be
clever or nice, you know.

I can just be myself.

- Isn't that what love really is?
- No.

Love is hiding who you really are at
all times, even when you're sleeping.

Love is wearing makeup to bed and going
downstairs to the burger king to poop,

and hiding alcohol in
perfume bottles. That's love.

Uh, it just sounds hard.

Being with dennis is easy.

If you give into it, you just start
to feel kind of numb and warm,

and then you just get
sleepy.That's not that bad.

That's exactly what they say it's
like when you freeze to death.

Blurgh.

Oh, whoa, whoa, look at, there I am.

Oh, is that really you?

Yeah, me and the boys. Yeah. Boy.

Men were men back then, I'll tell you.

You wanted to do something private
with another man, it wasn't gay.

No, it was just two men
celebrating each other's strength.

I'm in. Jacky D.

Nixon's ghost convinced
my ghost to help the gop.

God bless that wiretapping
bastard, this is great.

We've got to shoot a couple commercials
right away. The Mccain dinner is saturday.

Sounds good, but I can't talk now.

- I gotta get my wallet out of the toaster.
- Okay.

Yeah, you like that?

Maybe a couple photos where
you don't give the thumbs-up.

Nah, it's my thing, dummy.

You know what? Doesn't matter.
Just getting through the week.

You know, it's all
really happening for me.

My people, my city, my woman, huh?

I tell you, everything is starting to go my
way, Liz, 'cause I'm a man of action, yeah.

I gotta stop overthinking
everything like I used to.

That was never your problem.

ELizabeth
sarah Lemon--

that's not my middle name.

- Will you marry me?
- Oh, god.

wake up, dummy. Hey, space
cadet. Right here--

will you marry me or what?

No, no way.

You don't know this guy. He
is not the man you think he is.

Hey, what is your problem, Liz?

I could get any girl here i want.

And not just the fatties
and the butterfaces.

Shut up, crowd. I command you
as the subway hero-- shut up.

Unbelievable, Liz. Hey, you
know, I don't need this.

You know a stripper offered to
give me a squeezer last night.

A white stripper.

Uh, thank god i didn't fall for this.

You are not a hero, you're a loser.
And you will always be a loser.

Oh, I'm the loser.

I guess I'm the one who totally missed
catching the puck at that islanders game--

- you suck.
- No, you suck.

And so do all new
york-based sports teams.

Liz, don't say anything
you can't take back.

My fellow
blackmericans-- hey, Jack.

Can I just say black americans?
There's no such thing as blackmericans.

That's great, that's why you're here.

My fellow black americans,
dr. King once had a dream,

a dream that we all share: To build a
200 foot high wall to keep mexico out.

And he also hated the estate tax.

unbelievable.

- Jack, I don't know about this.
- What's wrong?

I get it. The republican party means less
taxes, more guns, and the end of the gun tax.

Go on.

But everybody isn't
forward-thinking like I am.

No matter what, blackmericans
are gonna always vote democrat.

They will, won't they?

Unless...

black people, don't
vote. Just don't do it.

In the amount of time it'd take for you to
vote, you could play three games of pool.

Three. And that's fresh.

I'm Tracy Jordan, and
I improve this message.

paid by the committee
to reinvade vietnam.

Sure feels good to make
a difference, doesn't it?

Yes, it does.

Now if you'll excuse me, nixon asked me to
take some stuff out of his wikipedia page.

Hey, Jack, I'm sorry, this
dennis thing is not gonna work.

I can't even be in the
same room as that idiot.

Save it for your I-village blog, Lemon.

Dennis is off the show.
I booked the 911 bird.

Winston dialed 911 with
his beak and said fire,

but only because he didn't
know the word for rape.

Well, that's fine with me, but we've
been promoting the subway hero.

The subway hero's 15 minutes are up.

Now if you could let him
know that, that would be great.

Hey, you're not bumping
dennis for my benefit, are you?

Well, of course I am.

I base all my business
decisions on your needs.

That's why G.E.'S going to be
introducing the pocket deep fryer.

That would sell, by the way.

Well, when we sobered up, we
reaLized we'd eaten the peacock

and we put the ham in
pat weaver's office.

Mr. Bright.

With all due respect, I
can't listen to this anymore.

I love television, sir,
and you are ruining it.

I love television too.

But I wanna tell you something.

If you're gonna make something beautiful,
you gotta make a mess of it first.

I don't care whether you're
making an omelet, a baby,

or a television show,
things are gonna get weird.

Well, I'm afraid the biz
has changed since your time.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to chinatown
to pick up some human growth hormones

so that mr. Jordan's tigers don't
reaLize that he's aging, and...

oh my...

there's your weird.

- A bird?
- Dennis, I'm very sorry.

Oh, really? Why?

It seems like all that stuff
you said came true. I am a loser.

My mall appearance got canceled.

The mighty ducks are mad at me because
I left the stanley cup on a water taxi.

You know, I thought I'd done
something good enough to get you back.

I can only imagine the classic
song I'm gonna write after this.

Well, that is a very disturbing story.

Aw, you're just saying that.

No, no, no, no, you've seen
some stuff, I'll tell ya.

Oh, well this one's dating
a dateline predator.

Exonerated. And we're not dating.

You don't know what you're
talking about, Kenneth.

Boy, that's one mouthy
sandwich girl, isn't it?

It was on a subway
platform just like this.

On a night just like this.

It's still daytime. And we're inside.

You know what the worst thing about
this whole hero thing has been?

Is that I got a chance to see what
my life could have really been like.

You know, if like the beeper
business had taken off,

or I hadn't failed the firefighter exam.

You failed the firefighter exam?

Yeah, it's totally biased
against the irish, you know.

You know, Liz, being
with you and being a hero

are the two greatest things
that's ever happened to me.

And I just, uh, I just
wish i could get it back.

you're gonna be fine.

If reality tv has taught us anything, it's
that you can't keep people with no shame down.

I really believe that you are gonna
do something else great in your life.

- Dennis, don't you dare.
- Liz, work with me now.Just go limp.

- It'll be phenomenal, Liz, come on.
- *******

- Come on, no, no, no, no.
- No, I don't want to.

Ah, damn, it's the wrong
track. It's stupid express.

- You thought it was this track too, didn't you?
- Jackass.

What, come on. It was just a goof.

Never again. Never!

You'll be back, Liz
Lemon. You'll be back.

you'll be back, dummy.