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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: {116}{196}Narrator: There are stories,|epic and grand stories {197}{272}that are forever lost|in the sands of time, {273}{360}forgotten or changed|by cruel kings {361}{422}who can hear only the whispers|of these lost legends. {423}{490}Right there, Scottie.|Take her down. {537}{607}Narrator: Still, other tales|become too frightening {608}{686}for future generations|to impart to their young. {710}{758}But other stories|are lost to us {759}{834}because they don't test well|with recruited audiences {835}{885}or because a movie|is too long {886}{943}and the story|must be cut for time. {944}{1034}This is one of those tales. {1035}{1079}This is the chaff|from the wheat, {1080}{1124}the skim from the milk... {1155}{1238}the pudding from|the all-you-can-eat lobster buffet, {1239}{1317}and the surgeon guy|from Prince & the Revolution. {1351}{1409}This is the lost movie {1410}{1477}''Wake Up, Ron Burgundy.'' {1580}{1658}Don't worry, San Diego,|Daddy's here. {1796}{1848}Hey, Ron Burgundy! {1849}{1912}- You're the best!|- Looking good, San Diego. {1913}{1987}I just met Ron Burgundy,|and he gave me a cup! {1988}{2039}Hey, Ron Burgundy! {2040}{2088}You should do story about me. {2089}{2153}You're a riot, Mikos. {2239}{2287}Hey, Ron. Bottoms up! {2288}{2341}Well, hello, booze. {2456}{2513}Peace, brother.|I'm where you're at. {2546}{2595}Hey, I like that fanny. {2596}{2646}Oh, Mr. Burgundy. {2647}{2702}I'm Sue, I'm in the book. {2745}{2800}Narrator: Ron Burgundy|was at the peak of his power {2801}{2846}as an anchorman. {2847}{2898}I got you, old glory. {2899}{2951}Walking tall|and sharing a desk {2952}{3011}with his beloved|Veronica Corningstone. {3012}{3080}Wait a minute,|who's that handsome devil? {3106}{3151}Narrator: The city of San Diego {3152}{3206}now had a king and a queen, {3207}{3255}and they ruled with a mighty, {3256}{3303}and sometimes sexy hand. {3379}{3440}Veronica, however,|had recently been nominated {3441}{3522}for a National Excellence|in Broadcasting Award {3523}{3558}and was out of town. {3559}{3652}For one night only,|it was just Ron and the boys. {3653}{3700}So, Champ, did you|get lucky last night? {3701}{3761}Oh, no. Last night-- {3762}{3850}Oh, I stayed home for a while,|drank about six bottles of white wine, {3851}{3931}pissed my pants,|so I drove down to Mexico, {3932}{3974}and shot some stray dogs. {3975}{4049}You know, pretty much|standard Tuesday night. {4050}{4127}Hey, you guys...|what is that word? {4128}{4208}- ''Because.''|- Bee-cose... {4209}{4267}- Because. Because.|- ls that even a word? {4267}{4353}All righty, news team, whose drink|needs a freshening up? Anyone? {4354}{4450}Helen, I'll have a Beefeater|and tonic, hold the tonic. {4511}{4547}Ron, oh... {4547}{4595}I know. {4596}{4667}I know I'm bad.|I've been a bad boy. {4720}{4768}I know, it's silly. {4769}{4842}All right, gang, it's almost 6:00.|Let's do what we're paid to do. {4959}{5006}Da, da, da. {5007}{5055}Unique New York. {5129}{5184}Unique New York. {5254}{5342}A tarantula enjoys|a fine chewing gum. {5343}{5382}Ron:|Chewing gum, chewing gum. {5383}{5467}Snoopy was stabbed by a spear. {5468}{5528}The Human Torch|was denied a bank loan. {5574}{5627}The arsonist has|oddly-shaped feet. {5628}{5679}The arsonist. The arsonist. {5680}{5742}Cue it. {5743}{5794}Ready, Phil. {5971}{6022}We're on in five, four... {6143}{6214}Announcer:|It's Channel 4 News at 6:00. {6269}{6353}Good evening. I'm Ron Burgundy, {6354}{6413}and this is what's happening|in your world tonight. {6414}{6474}An international coalition|of countries {6475}{6540}has banded together|to investigate and solve {6541}{6596}the mystery of the Bigfoot {6597}{6646}once and for all. {6647}{6694}The conference held|in Munich {6695}{6770}included some of the top scientists|from the United States... {6771}{6846}Ron Burgundy.|Oh, boy. {6870}{6918}If I were only|30 years younger... {6943}{7010}By that I mean|I'd blow him. {7011}{7084}...with some interesting new|and shocking statistics {7085}{7146}out of Washington,|here's Brian Fantana {7147}{7195}with a report|you won't want to miss. {7196}{7250}Tonight, I conclude|my five-part series {7251}{7298}on the evils of breast-feeding. {7299}{7400}So remember, let's leave|those ho-hos to us big kids, moms. {7401}{7477}Well, it looks like it's gonna be|another great weekend. {7478}{7554}Here to tell us all about it is|Brick Tamland with the weather. Brick? {7555}{7634}Now, it got all the way up to 97� {7635}{7706}in some of the outlying areas today,|and that, my friend, {7707}{7754}is really, really hot. {7755}{7803}And I always make|the same plea {7804}{7877}every year at this time.|If you've got pets {7878}{7966}and you're going to leave them|in the car in this kind of heat, {7967}{8010}make sure they have|a lot of chew toys, {8011}{8093}and be sure to roll up the window,|so that heat doesn't get into the car. {8095}{8144}Lots going on|in the world of sports. {8145}{8211}Champ Kind is gonna let us know|what's going down. Champ? {8212}{8256}Big night tonight for the Padres {8257}{8315}finishing up a three-game|series with the Dodgers. {8316}{8358}They lost the game 4-2. {8359}{8403}Here's the pitch,|it's a curveball, {8404}{8457}and what happens?|I'll tell you what happens. {8458}{8508}And... whammy! {8509}{8567}Dave Winfield takes|Burt Hooten deep. {8567}{8623}Box seven,|let's ready three. {8624}{8696}From here at Channel 4 News,|I'm Champ Kind. Back to you, Ron. {8697}{8774}There was a special addition today|at the San Diego Zoo {8775}{8826}as Linda the giraffe gave birth {8827}{8887}to a 42 lb. baby boy. {8888}{8952}Officials at the zoo|say the baby giraffe {8953}{9002}will be named Freedom. {9003}{9081}Looks like the Clippers|might have themselves a new center. {9082}{9134}- Man, that's hilarious.|- ( all laughing ) {9163}{9226}For all of us here|at News Center 4, {9227}{9306}I'm Ron Burgundy.|You stay classy, San Diego. {9379}{9417}All clear. {9418}{9487}Ed:|Ron Burgundy scores. {9488}{9526}You're my boy. {9527}{9579}Hey, Ron,|Deacon Charlie, the weatherman {9580}{9644}over at Channel 2 News,|is having a pool party. {9645}{9693}Every anchor in town|is gonna be there. {9694}{9771}Well, I think it's time|to show the fine gals of this city {9772}{9826}what a number-one-rated|news team looks like. {9891}{9926}News team! {10224}{10297}Narrator: And with Veronica gone,|and another broadcast done, {10298}{10343}it was time to do one thing-- {10344}{10417}socialize... hard. {10475}{10538}I couldn't do that. {10539}{10586}I couldn't do that. {10587}{10634}- Woo!|- Hey, Ron, {10635}{10701}- do you know what chlamydia is?|- No, but it sounds like fun. {10702}{10752}- Hey, Ron.|- Hey, Garth. How's the divorce? {10753}{10807}Oh, not so good.|My kids don't even remember me-- {10808}{10867}Listen, I don't have time.|You done with that? {10867}{10915}I think you are now. {10916}{11003}Well, hello, Pete.|You look good. So do you. {11004}{11048}Konnichiwa. {11049}{11122}- Cannonball!|- Champ: Hey, everyone! {11170}{11262}Orgy! {11416}{11487}Sorry, I misread the vibe. {11488}{11541}Just go back|to what you were doing. {11542}{11604}Narrator: But even in the midst|of this supposed bliss, {11605}{11682}trouble can step forward and say,|''Hey! Don't forget about me.'' {11683}{11726}Everybody get down! {11727}{11805}This is a robbery!|We are The Alarm Clock! {11876}{11962}- It all begins today!|- Heroes get blasted! {11963}{12042}Shoot, I'm havin' a good time!|This is a party! Come on! {12043}{12090}It's a revolutionary|sure shot. {12091}{12139}We're taking it all back. {12140}{12209}Y'all better wake up,|'cause The Alarm Clock's ringin'. {12210}{12274}Ding-a-ling-a-ding-ding-dong! {12275}{12326}You've got a real reason|to be afraid! {12327}{12366}Hurry up! {12422}{12497}We are liberating this money|so that the truth can be set free, {12498}{12593}and the people of this city|can wake up! Dig it! {12691}{12754}We are The Alarm Clock! {12926}{12993}Oh, that was one crazy party. {12994}{13058}I feel awful. {13059}{13106}I had about 70 beers. {13107}{13150}I mean, literally. {13151}{13218}I ate a whole bunch|of fiberglass insulation. {13219}{13286}It wasn't cotton candy|like that guy said. {13287}{13346}My stomach's itchy. {13347}{13398}I woke up this morning, {13399}{13462}and I shit a squirrel. {13463}{13526}The hell of it is,|the thing was still alive. {13527}{13593}So now I got|this shit-covered squirrel {13594}{13670}down there in my office,|don't know what to name it. {13671}{13734}You should name him Shawn. {13735}{13797}Garth: All right, guys,|let's focus up. {13798}{13847}Morning, everyone. {13848}{13908}Here are the stories|we're gonna be chasing today. {13943}{14017}The radical protest group|called The Alarm Clock {14018}{14077}robbed their third bank|this morning. {14079}{14142}Let's keep on top of this story.|If it gets any bigger, {14143}{14191}the network|could need coverage. {14191}{14276}Narrator: Veronica had gone straight|from the airport to the newsroom... {14277}{14326}- Hello.|- and Ron's heart nearly leapt {14327}{14422}out of his chest when he saw|his sweet, sweet lady. {14423}{14504}Oh, Ron,|you are a big deal. {14505}{14591}Take me. Take me right now|on this conference table. {14592}{14658}It's jazz. It's jazz, baby! {14735}{14782}Ron, control yourself! {14783}{14826}Not-not with the lights on! {14827}{14871}Ron:|Let's make a baby! {14872}{14926}Veronica:|This feels sexy! {14964}{15002}Ron:|I am engorged! {15027}{15081}He's like|an unleashed animal, run! {15082}{15122}Put it back in! {15123}{15216}No, no, he didn't mean that!|Take it out! {15534}{15582}- Look at this.|- Brad: Yeah. {15583}{15624}Must be 20 Gs here, {15625}{15686}plenty of money|to start the revolution. {15687}{15749}We got enough bread|to arm the people, feed the people, {15750}{15805}get people riotous|in the streets. {15806}{15852}Know what we should|do with this money? {15853}{15933}I think we should buy|a big bag of grass. {15934}{15974}What about the revolution? {15975}{16019}Our mission... {16020}{16075}is clearly stated|in the manifesto. {16076}{16131}Where the hell is|that manifesto, man? {16132}{16191}I am writing the manifesto. {16191}{16266}I'm beginning to start|to think you just here for the --. {16267}{16314}You wanna know|what our cause is? {16315}{16358}Yeah, we wanna know. {16399}{16457}Narrator:|The group was at a crucial juncture. {16458}{16541}For months, Paul had put off|writing the manifesto {16542}{16614}by smoking skunkweed|and jacking banks. {16615}{16678}But now it was time|to state ''the message'' {16679}{16770}or lose his hold on this band|of dropouts and outsiders. {16771}{16837}The TV! That's right! {16838}{16888}The TV! {16889}{16969}This... this propaganda box, {16970}{17034}if we don't control|this propaganda box... {17068}{17142}the man... will always|control our minds {17143}{17191}and the minds--|the minds of the people. {17192}{17246}Just look at some|of the lies they're telling. {17333}{17374}Oh, hello. {17375}{17436}I'm beloved anchor|Ron Burgundy. {17437}{17514}You know, lately I'm hearing|all this talk about kids {17515}{17590}smoking pot, or marijuana--|reefer. {17591}{17652}Hey, what's the deal with that? {17653}{17741}What happened to just getting high|on good old clean life? {17742}{17814}Maybe enjoying life|looking at a rainbow, {17815}{17864}or sitting underneath a waterfall, {17865}{17920}enjoying a big glass of Scotch, {17921}{18009}or enjoying a pack of cigarettes|on a hot summer day. {18010}{18067}What happened to those|simple pleasures? {18068}{18136}Did they die with the dinosaurs|and the Tyrannus rex? {18137}{18201}In my book, they didn't. {18202}{18259}And there's only one book-- {18260}{18308}that's the Bible. {18309}{18372}So, give it a read|when you got a chance. {18373}{18454}Hey, last time I checked,|Bibles were in libraries. {18455}{18499}Hey, good night. {18500}{18562}The following has been|a public service announcement-- {18563}{18611}Listen to this shit! {18611}{18659}That Ron Burgundy is the devil. {18659}{18699}We gotta take back|the airwaves! {18700}{18778}Yo, I'm telling you, Ron Burgundy|don't even know the hell awaitin' him. {18779}{18863}But he sure is handsome. {18887}{18931}Frame up two. {18963}{19003}Give me a tighter one on two. {19004}{19051}Good evening,|I'm Ron Burgundy. {19051}{19115}Here's what's going on|in your world tonight, San Diego. {19116}{19167}The group|of bank-robbing radicals {19168}{19224}who call themselves|The Alarm Clock {19225}{19269}have struck yet again. {19270}{19334}Let's go to Brian Fantana|who's live on the scene {19335}{19422}with a Channel 4 News exclusive.|Brian? {19423}{19517}Police are still baffled by this string|of politically-motivated robberies. {19519}{19569}They have little evidence,|and few leads. {19570}{19649}- All they can do now is sit and wait--|- What is that stench?! {19650}{19729}Smells like a biker threw up|on a pile of rotten shrimp. {19730}{19803}Hey, jag-off, why don't you|keep it down? I'm on TV. {19860}{19908}Back to you, Ron. {19909}{19981}Which proves yet again|that even a blind man {19982}{20030}and his pet|Japanese devil owl {20031}{20105}can find true happiness|in this world we live in. {20195}{20243}Let me take a moment here... {20244}{20294}just to collect... {20366}{20458}A story like that makes this job|hard and great all at the same time. {20555}{20607}A lot of emotion right now. {20608}{20654}A lot of emotion. {20728}{20771}Well... {20772}{20849}that's gonna do it|for all of us here at Channel 4 News-- {20850}{20897}God, I'm still shook up. {20899}{20940}Still shook up. {20941}{21014}That's gonna do it|for all of us here at Channel 4 News. {21015}{21110}I'm Ron Burgundy.|You stay classy, San Diego. {21312}{21374}What's that? {21375}{21450}Just a little song I heard,|made me think of a special lady {21451}{21524}that I happen to be|driving with right now. {22021}{22102}Ron, it's making me very nervous|that you're not looking at the road. {22103}{22150}Don't worry. {22151}{22218}I know these streets|like the back of my hand. {22329}{22402}Mr. Burgundy, please,|would you look at the road? {22403}{22482}Woman: ...gonna get killed... {22483}{22538}'Cause it's really|making me very, very nervous. {22539}{22593}This is a Pontiac Catalina,|by the way. {22594}{22650}It really handles well|on the open road. {22651}{22700}Mr. Burgundy, please,|watch out. {22775}{22838}Hold on.|All right. {22839}{22918}You have captivating eyes, {22919}{22999}like a...|like a unicorn or a princess. {23050}{23113}Has anyone ever told you that? {23114}{23183}No. Thank you. {23210}{23265}I've never crashed... {23266}{23350}this month.|And earlier last year-- {23351}{23413}There's a Spanish family|trying to get across the road-- {23414}{23507}- No, I know, the Rodriguez family.|- Veronica: Ah! {23508}{23556}Do you like Thai food? {23557}{23606}You should look|at that place over there. {23685}{23749}And if you're looking|for a good supermarket... {23787}{23826}that place is not bad. {23968}{24029}Oh my God. {24063}{24117}How do you do that? {24118}{24173}It's okay, we're almost there. {24223}{24275}Ron:|Let me just parallel park here. {24605}{24653}- There you have it.|- Oh... {24738}{24779}Oh my... {24780}{24833}what a beautiful view,|Mr. Burgundy. {24834}{24874}I know. {24899}{24962}It always takes my breath away. {25007}{25061}Over there is|the San Diego Observatory. {25062}{25135}It's on the highest point|of the city. {25136}{25221}I've always had a dream|of doing a broadcast from there. {25222}{25274}Bouncing a telecast {25275}{25366}off the planets and the stars,|through the Milky Way {25367}{25427}and onto Jupiter's arrow. {25515}{25575}Broadcasting... {25576}{25635}with the gods, I like to call it. {25660}{25734}Reaching people|for hundreds and millions of miles. {25769}{25817}So, is this where|Ron Burgundy goes {25818}{25901}when he's tired of being|San Diego's number one anchorman? {25902}{25969}You are a firecracker. {26139}{26192}Ron: How is everyone tonight?|Good to see you. {26193}{26262}So, here it is. {26263}{26313}My little sanctuary, Tino's. {26314}{26405}- Like I said, it's not much--|- Oh, no, to the contrary, {26406}{26464}- it's quite charming and colorful.|- Well, good. {26465}{26514}- Mr. Burgundy...|- Yes. {26515}{26606}because of the story you did|last year about delinquent landlords, {26607}{26686}- we had heat for Christmas.|- That was October 11th, {26687}{26767}Tuesday night, I was wearing|a red tie with white speckles... {26768}{26815}are you Paula Tran? {26815}{26890}You are a national treasure,|Mr. Burgundy. {26891}{26971}Well, thank you. We'll try to get you|some air conditioning this summer. {26972}{27031}Take care. {27031}{27086}Oh, this city really|seems to love you. {27087}{27144}Well, it's like having|one million children, {27145}{27205}7% of which are|predominantly Asian. {27206}{27285}Narrator: Meanwhile, as Ron|and Veronica's romance blossomed, {27286}{27359}the team found themselves|even more alone... {27384}{27423}and confused. {27500}{27579}I saw the funniest thing|the other day. It was this balloon, {27580}{27652}it was just popping around|in this string. {27653}{27726}I would hit it with my hand,|it would just keep popping back up. {27727}{27801}You guys would have loved it. {27914}{27971}Let's do something.|I'm bored. {27972}{28040}Hey, I got an idea. {28041}{28108}Let's tear up the Channel 9|News teams' lawn, huh? {28109}{28180}Whammy? Huh?|Whammy. {28215}{28265}Eh, why the hell not? {28602}{28649}Hell's bells, not again! {28650}{28742}You sons of bitches!|That's the fifth time this month! {28743}{28827}I'm getting tired of it.|I was in Korea! {28828}{28868}I miss Ron. {28983}{29056}You know, I have an admission|to make, Mr. Burgundy. {29057}{29120}When we first met, I-- I-- {29121}{29183}thought that you were just like|every other anchor. {29184}{29240}But... you're not. {29241}{29324}God, I was|so tongue-tied that night. {29325}{29410}I kept wishing there was|a Teleprompter for life. {29472}{29526}It's ridiculous|to think about now. {29690}{29739}What about you, Veronica? {29740}{29846}What are your hopes?|What are your dreams? {29847}{29920}- What are your passions?|- Well... {29921}{30021}believe it or not,|we share the same dream. {30048}{30119}I, too, want to be|a network anchor. {30120}{30174}Oh boy! {30175}{30242}And I'd like to be|king of Australia. {30243}{30294}Seriously, you sound like|an insane person. {30295}{30353}No, I'm very serious,|Mr. Burgundy. {30354}{30415}You see, I've always been... {30416}{30518}cursed with a talent for pursuits usually|dominated by men. {30519}{30595}When I was a little girl,|instead of playing house, {30596}{30675}I would play drill sergeant|or butcher. {30676}{30769}Later on in high school, instead|of trying out for cheerleading, {30770}{30828}I was president|of the bow hunting club. {30873}{30967}One morning, I read|the announcements over the PA, {30968}{31066}just the sound of my voice... {31067}{31110}so powerful, {31111}{31179}commanding|all of those students, {31180}{31245}grabbing their attention,|I just-- {31246}{31326}I knew I had|but one destiny, {31327}{31382}and that was to be|the first female anchor. {31430}{31500}Yes, the road has been lonely,|and... {31501}{31544}difficult... {31568}{31602}and lonely. {31643}{31711}You are electric. {31815}{31897}Now, Ron,|friend to friend, {31899}{31954}sounds to me like you|better just be careful. {31955}{32021}Just take some caution|with this, 'cause... {32022}{32117}you're really making a lot of us|feel uneasy with this type of talk. {32119}{32197}Well, this morning... {32198}{32247}when I woke up... {32248}{32310}and I saw Veronica|lying there next to me... {32311}{32385}for a split second... {32386}{32485}I actually cared about someone|more than Ron Burgundy. {32486}{32540}That doesn't make any sense! {32541}{32615}You're you,|she's a whole different person. {32616}{32698}You care about her?|That's just crazy. {32699}{32798}Well, if love is a form of madness,|then lock me up {32799}{32869}and throw away the key.|( chuckles ) {33006}{33046}Ron: Hey, gang! {33075}{33123}Papa's home! {33147}{33245}Oh, honey, I am so glad|you're home. {33246}{33319}My alabaster doll,|mmm. {33320}{33386}Gentlemen, {33387}{33445}you look great.|No eye contact! {33543}{33593}Oh, darling, oh! {33619}{33722}I've spent all day cleaning your Emmys and|preparing dinner in the nude. {33723}{33770}Oh, let's make whoopee. {33822}{33874}- Oh, yes!|- You are a bad boy! {33875}{33936}I'm bad! I need to go|to the principal's office. {33937}{33964}I love my life! {33988}{34036}You take that back|right now, Ron. {34037}{34114}Or you tell me right now that|you're under some kind of spell {34115}{34173}or witchcraft or you|got bit by a horrible bug. {34174}{34246}- That's crazy!|- So where is Veronma-- {34247}{34285}Veronamaca now? {34286}{34342}She's off to go do|her first story, {34343}{34394}The Feline Fashion Show. {34395}{34460}I hope she can handle it.|This is big time. {34461}{34485}( applause ) {34486}{34542}Oh, next we have|a popular favorite-- {34543}{34590}the bride and the pirate. {34591}{34651}Yes, it's time for a pirate wedding, {34652}{34694}enacted by cats. {34756}{34863}Emcee: And now here's|Felinus Maximus, ready to do battle. {34864}{34935}All right, let's just do|my sign-off and get out of here. {34936}{34979}Hello, my name is Paul. {34980}{35028}Um, this is so cool,|what you do. {35029}{35106}Maybe we can get an Orange Julius later|and you can tell me all about it. {35107}{35182}Look, sir, I'm about to broadcast,|so if you'll excuse me, please. {35183}{35236}I noticed the cables.|They go out into your van. {35237}{35287}- ( sighs )|- I almost tripped and broke my leg. {35288}{35362}If anybody gets a van like that,|can they broadcast their own news? {35363}{35417}Sir, we're about to go live|in about 20 seconds. {35418}{35482}- You're gonna have to move off-camera.|- Hey, I can dig it. {35483}{35549}You've got to let the truth ring out,|wake up all the squares {35550}{35614}in this city of lies. How about|that Orange Julius later? {35615}{35662}Get the hell away from me|before I kick you! {35663}{35724}And we're on in three... {35755}{35817}It was quite a show down here|at the Pet Shack. {35818}{35927}And just for today,|fashion curiosity did not kill the cat. {35928}{35990}It made him look ''purr-fect.'' {35991}{36070}From the Pet Shack in Fulton,|I'm Veronica Corningstone {36071}{36108}for Channel 4 News. {36109}{36166}Nice little story. {36167}{36218}That, of course,|was Veronica Corningstone. {36219}{36290}I'd also like to share with you|that currently we are dating. {36291}{36368}And I have to tell you, she's quite|a creative partner in the bedroom. {36369}{36427}She did this one thing|on Tuesday night {36428}{36502}that involved a hula-hoop|and a lasso... {36503}{36561}- and an ice cream scooper.|- Man: Ron! {36562}{36644}What? Well, that's going to do|it for all of us here at 6:00. {36645}{36712}For the Channel 4 News team,|I'm Ron Burgundy. {36713}{36759}You stay classy,|San Diego. {36760}{36832}Oh, that's good.|That's just good. {36833}{36894}You're not eating your food. {36895}{36947}Oh, you stupid, stupid man! {36948}{37029}I can't believe that you said|that we were dating on the air, Ron! {37030}{37090}I thought you would like it! {37091}{37142}Don't you get it, Ron? {37143}{37234}Well, I doubt anyone heard it,|I said it very fast. {37235}{37286}- Besides, I think people--|- Hey, you two. {37287}{37366}- Congrats on getting it on.|- Thanks you, it really is remarkable. {37367}{37429}I bet you're both|great in the sack. {37430}{37486}Let's just say|we get the job done. {37487}{37561}And this little lady over here,|she knows how to handle herself. {37562}{37616}- Man: Yeah.|- Okay. {37617}{37697}- Are you both athletic?|- You know, I have a bad back. {37698}{37765}Bad lower back, so I have|to watch out for that. {37766}{37831}But other than that, I will do|some things in the bedroom {37832}{37891}- that'll blow your mind.|- Ron! {37891}{37963}- Shh!|- Enjoy your meal. {38005}{38062}That was very nice. {38098}{38152}I'm sorry, Veronica. I-- {38153}{38202}I truly am! {38203}{38258}I don't know what to say,|I just-- {38259}{38314}I got excited. {38315}{38375}Look, I report the news,|that's what I do. {38376}{38445}And today's top story... {38446}{38535}in Ron Burgundy's world|read something like this-- {38536}{38595}''I love Veronica Corningstone.'' {38679}{38739}Oh, Ron! {38777}{38830}Are you two about|to get it on? {38831}{38887}Oh no, no, no, no.|Not right now, maybe later. {38888}{38967}- Okay, stop answering him.|- I'm just trying to be polite. {38968}{39042}You know, 'cause getting it on's|a beautiful thing, you know. {39043}{39102}Hi, hi! {39103}{39164}Geoff Grendon. I didn't|introduce myself, Geoff. {39165}{39204}E-O-double F. {39205}{39275}- Geoff Grendon.|- If you all need photos. {39276}{39343}- If you ever need wedding photography--|- Great. {39344}{39387}Or boudoir photography. {39388}{39460}I'd love to write that down.|If you have a pen, I don't have a pen-- {39461}{39521}- You're being very inappropriate.|- Yeah, hey... {39522}{39580}Do y'all need more cheese?|I can... {39581}{39662}Honey, can I have your napkin|to write down Geoff's name? {39663}{39718}- G-E-O-F-F--|- G... {39719}{39788}- G-E-O-F-F, Grendon.|- Grendon. {39790}{39837}Well, I understand,|Mr. Dawson. {39838}{39888}But, he is my son|and I would prefer {39889}{39957}if you didn't refer to him|as ''a dirty little animal.'' {39958}{40025}Well, okay, if that|makes you feel happy. {40026}{40088}But let me just say I...|I really feel Chris is at a point {40089}{40141}that he's ready to turn|everything around. {40142}{40203}What's that? {40204}{40253}You don't?|Well, fair enough. {40254}{40291}But let me just say-- {40292}{40337}Let me just-- {40363}{40417}Let me-- okay. {40418}{40487}Well, thanks for listening|to my side of it anyway, sir. {40488}{40535}You have a nice day.|Goodbye. {40562}{40630}Um... I could come back later,|Mr. Harken. {40631}{40687}No, no, it's just|parent stuff. {40688}{40761}It seems that|our youngest Chris {40762}{40843}was joyriding with a sheet|of acid and a spear gun. {40844}{40918}Anywho, what can I|do you for? {40919}{40977}Mr. Harken, I wanna investigate|The Alarm Clock. {40978}{41013}A source of mine at the FBl {41014}{41077}says that they are planning|a citywide disruption. {41078}{41161}Take a shot at the meat loaf story,|honey, and we'll see how that goes. {41163}{41205}Well, what if I refuse? {41206}{41270}Well, then you'll|probably be fired. {41271}{41324}Garth, let me handle this! {41325}{41388}I'd probably have|to fire you, sweetpants. {41389}{41457}Well, then I would sue you, sir, {41458}{41514}for sexual harassment. {41515}{41586}Ooh, I like|the sound of that. {41587}{41669}Sexual Her-ass-ment. {41670}{41753}Mr. Harken, you have a lot to learn|about a professional work environment. {41755}{41833}''You have a lot to learn about a|professional work environment.'' {41834}{41890}That is very immature|and counterproductive. {41891}{41955}''That is very immature|and counterproductive.'' {41956}{42010}- Stop it. Stop it!|- ''Stop it. Stop it!'' {42011}{42041}- Stop it!|- No. ''Stop it.'' {42042}{42109}Oh my God, nobody has done that|to me since the sixth grade. {42110}{42177}''No one has done that to me|since the sixth grade.'' {42178}{42225}Screw you, Harken! {42227}{42272}Wait a minute, are you|coming on to me? {42273}{42347}Because if you are,|I am interested! {42348}{42433}Narrator: Veronica was doing|extremely well as Ron's co-anchor, {42434}{42504}some would even say|too well. {42505}{42603}Veronica continued to win|awards and garner praise. {42604}{42662}Ron's ego finally gave. {42696}{42783}He would love Veronica, he would even|share a news desk with her, {42784}{42870}but he would not be|outshone by her. {42871}{42927}She's got to be stopped. {42928}{43008}- This has gone too far.|- I will not be a co-anchor. {43009}{43061}Ron Burgundy is a lead anchor. {43062}{43109}She's writing|her own stories. {43110}{43157}Her own stories, Ron. {43182}{43261}Not to mention what this is doing|to your chances of going to network. {43303}{43398}It's good to have you back. That female|messed with your head big time. {43399}{43473}- I like Ron.|- Thank you, Brick. {43501}{43551}Champ: Remember|that limp-wristed fairy {43552}{43607}that was supposed to do|the financial reports? {43608}{43667}Oh yeah, we were|51�/� sure he was gay. {43668}{43762}He was gay, all right. I made out|with him at the Christmas party. {43763}{43841}- What?|- Uh, nothing. {43842}{43907}I say we run Corningstone out|like we did that girlie-boy. {43908}{43941}Well, I'm in. {43973}{44058}So, it's settled.|We declare war on Corningstone. {44059}{44136}By the way, Brick,|what is that you're eating? {44137}{44214}Oh, it's one of those... {44215}{44312}delicious falafel hot dogs|with cinnamon and bacon on top. {44313}{44357}What do you mean|''one of those''? {44358}{44396}Those don't exist. {44397}{44469}I mean, that's a used coffee filter|with cigarette butts on it. {44519}{44609}Well, I got it out of the food basket|at the end of the lunch line. {44659}{44735}- That's the garbage can.|- Mm-hmm. {44760}{44840}Although with the cooking at this place,|there's not much difference. {44841}{44916}- Whammy.|- ( all laughing ) {45035}{45098}Ron: Oh, that is true.|I didn't see that coming. {45134}{45199}An astute observation|has led to laughter. {45230}{45286}We are laughing. {45460}{45555}And it is continuing,|and then slowing down a little, {45556}{45649}- but there's still a good spirit--|- Brian: Yeah, we got it, Ron. {45650}{45709}It's getting less.|There's a little chuckle... {45710}{45776}and it's done. {45777}{45842}You really wreck moments|when you do that, Ron. {45898}{45966}Brick, please...|you're really gonna get sick. {46027}{46102}The Coast Guard|was unavailable for comment. {46103}{46182}- Veronica?|- A North Oregon man has come forward {46183}{46240}with an antique sword|he found in his basement. {46241}{46305}It turns out the sword belonged|to Christopher Columbus {46306}{46358}and may be worth $200,000.|The man said he would {46359}{46429}keep his job as a car wash attendant.|Ron? {46547}{46624}The... San Diego Padres... {46625}{46696}flew to Cincinnati. {46697}{46773}Veronica Corningstone. {46774}{46850}- ls this Veronica Corningstone?|- Yes, it is. {46883}{46954}Did you order... 10 pizzas? {46955}{47023}- No, I did not.|- Well... {47065}{47113}you got nice boobies. {47114}{47173}Excuse me? {47246}{47304}This is pathetic, Ron. {47305}{47353}Veronica:|What are you doing, Ron? {47498}{47554}She can see us. {47623}{47674}Damn these blinds,|I never figured them out. {47675}{47733}Lasers are becoming|more and more {47734}{47797}a part of our daily lives. {47798}{47872}And now here's Champ Kind|with sports. {47873}{47930}Boy, you seem|kind of weird tonight, honey. {47931}{48027}It must be that time of the month.|Whammy! ( chuckles ) {48028}{48099}Padres looking at|a double header today-- {48099}{48156}I'm just curious, Champ,|do you even know {48157}{48230}what the expression|''that time of the month'' means? {48264}{48307}Sure I do. {48331}{48419}It's when the bones...|in a lady-- {48420}{48483}lady's boobs, they get sore. {48522}{48586}Because of the... {48587}{48653}the vaginalistic cells are... {48654}{48710}expanding. {48711}{48753}Whammy. {48754}{48795}Help. {48829}{48881}Well, I'll tell you... {48882}{48967}You girls, you talk about it|a lot and you-- {48968}{49027}I know this, I know-- I know... {49028}{49105}it's your little friend, {49106}{49163}and then, you gotta wear... {49190}{49237}- protection.|- Mmm. {49239}{49275}And then, {49276}{49335}the belly button|is inflamed {49336}{49383}and... {49413}{49490}and then engorging of the... {49491}{49578}- fah-la-cule.|- ''Fallacule.'' {49579}{49643}Yeah. You might wanna|write that down, honey. {49644}{49691}- Oh, I am.|- Little lesson tonight. {49692}{49766}You didn't know you were dealing|with the science desk there, huh? {49796}{49844}Champ: And then... {49845}{49914}nine months later is the miracle|of life. Whammy, huh? {49987}{50030}Thank-- thank you, Champ. {50031}{50093}That will do it for sports.|Back to you, Ron. {50094}{50204}Well, that was Champ Kind|with a very informative sports report. {50205}{50255}Okay, it's ringing,|it's ringing. {50256}{50318}- It's ringing.|- Here she comes, here she comes. {50319}{50363}- Pick it up.|- Pick it up! {50406}{50457}Veronica Cor... {50549}{50600}Hello, Veronica. {50648}{50694}( chuckling )|Oh, Ron. {50791}{50876}Really stupid, boys!|Really stupid! {50908}{50962}Oh, you got her. {51198}{51272}Everybody get down,|this is a robbery! {51326}{51383}Paul:|We are The Alarm Clock. {51384}{51434}It's time to let|the truth ring out {51435}{51492}and wake up|all the squares {51493}{51558}in this city of lies! {51582}{51654}We got guns,|now fill this sack with cash! {51690}{51739}What do your masks mean? {51740}{51802}Just fill the sack|with cash! {51803}{51858}Just what point|are you trying to make? {51859}{51934}- Do you not like Lincoln?|- Yeah, of course we like Lincoln. {51935}{52029}- He freed the slaves.|- So you like Lincoln and... {52031}{52080}Nixon and... {52081}{52124}werewolves? {52125}{52190}- What?|- I mean, Nixon, whatever. {52191}{52242}He's kind of a creep,|but werewolves? {52243}{52290}Werewolves are|the walking undead. {52291}{52340}They're bloodthirsty killers. {52341}{52415}- Who likes werewolves?|- We don't like werewolves, man! {52416}{52487}- We hate werewolves!|- Well, you've got a werewolf mask on, {52488}{52525}- so...|- I can see that. {52527}{52566}Are you bloodthirsty killers? {52567}{52641}No, we are not bloodthirsty killers,|okay? We're pacifists! {52642}{52725}That's not a really smart thing to tell|somebody when you're robbing them, {52727}{52782}'cause now I know|that you're not gonna kill me. {52783}{52833}- Man, somebody shut her up!|- No, no, listen. {52834}{52916}You've got it all wrong, okay?|They're just to cover our faces. {52917}{52991}No, I'm not gonna give you money,|because you didn't deserve it. {52992}{53051}You say you're a political group?|You come in here {53052}{53104}with a Nixon mask,|and a werewolf mask {53105}{53164}and a Lincoln mask--|I'm gonna make connections. {53165}{53216}So, what's your statement? {53217}{53265}And this guy's not even|wearing a mask! {53267}{53310}'Cause I don't give a shit. {53311}{53353}That's scary to me. {53354}{53386}That works. {53387}{53442}I will give that gentleman|a little bit of money. {53443}{53483}But the rest of you, beat it! {53484}{53531}What's going on?|Just get the money! {53532}{53606}Hey, listen.|Our commitment is to truth, {53607}{53686}not consistency.|Now fill the sack with cash! {53687}{53757}Fine, your commitment is to truth?|Here's some truth for you. {53758}{53813}The Alarm Clock|is a ridiculous name. {53814}{53877}- It's not scary.|- Man, she's pissing me off, {53878}{53939}- let's shoot her!|- Excuse me, sir, {53940}{53994}- could you lower your voice?|- Oh, hell no. {53995}{54043}Now you're calling me sir? {54044}{54098}I am a ma'am, ma'am. {54099}{54174}I'm sorry, I didn't know what sex|the werewolf was. {54175}{54246}How many werewolves do you see|around here wearing a skirt... {54247}{54291}and a gun? None! {54292}{54375}You know what? Get out of here,|you dicks! You're a bunch of dicks! {54376}{54438}I told you we should've|worn stocking masks. {54439}{54492}All right, let's get out of here! {54493}{54553}All right, let's go. Come on. {54554}{54612}It's been a pleasure|doing business with you. {54613}{54676}I'm coming back for you.|You got a bad attitude. {54677}{54723}You've got a bad attitude, sir. {54724}{54786}You-- you're a jerk. {54852}{54923}( Mouse sighs ) I'm sick of this.|I'm gonna move to Tahoe. {54923}{54982}Paul: No! I mean,|be cool, baby, {54983}{55040}we're gonna get our message|on TV, I promise. {55041}{55118}I would like the next person|in line, please. {55119}{55195}Everybody get down! {55196}{55278}We are The Alarm Clock,|it's time to let the truth ring out {55279}{55375}and wake up all the squares|in this city of lies. {55376}{55435}We got guns, now fill|this sack with cash! {55436}{55479}Turn it off. {55503}{55551}This was their sloppiest|robbery yet, {55552}{55604}which could mean|they're getting desperate. {55605}{55647}- How new is this?|- Forget it. {55648}{55700}Channel 9 already aired it|as an exclusive. {55701}{55756}- Aw, man nipple!|- ''Man nipple?'' {55757}{55822}- ls that a curse word?|- I'm pretty sure it is. {55823}{55901}It's too bad, Ed.|We could've used a scoop like this. {55962}{56055}''Wake up all the squares|in this city of lies.'' {56056}{56132}God, I've heard that|somewhere before. {56133}{56202}Really?|Doesn't ring a bell to me. {56264}{56332}Veronica:|Donna? Donna? {56333}{56386}- Donna?|- ( gasps ) Oh! {56387}{56442}- I'm sorry. You okay?|- Yes. {56443}{56494}Listen, Donna,|I need the unedited tape {56495}{56551}of the cat fashion show|that I did a while back. {56552}{56601}- Do you have that?|- Sure, Ms. Corningstone. {56602}{56657}Oh, wonderful.|( clears throat ) {56681}{56723}- Here we go.|- Oh, good, thank you. {56724}{56773}Can I just say that I think|you're fantastic? {56774}{56855}- Oh...|- I see you, and you're just going. {56856}{56912}And you're a girl. {56913}{56969}It just makes me|want to yell, ''Keep going, girl!'' {56970}{57028}or ''You go, girl!'' {57029}{57084}Keep working on that. {57085}{57143}''Keep it up, lady.''|I don't know. {57167}{57223}- That's probably silly.|- Are we done here? {57224}{57282}- Oh, oh yeah.|- Oh good. All right, thank you, Donna, {57283}{57355}- very much.|- And you're pretty. {57356}{57393}And I'm bisexual. {57427}{57474}I'm having a fondue party... {57475}{57535}in my pants. {57536}{57602}- You're gonna have to move off-camera.|- Hey, I can dig it. {57603}{57672}You've got to let the truth ring out,|wake up all the squares {57673}{57721}in this city of lies. {57797}{57858}Garth, put Harken|on the phone right now, {57859}{57934}he's gonna wanna hear this. {57967}{58015}Sons of bitches. {58078}{58125}Ed? {58127}{58179}Can you spell ''award''? {58220}{58264}You can't? {58265}{58327}You're watching Channel 4 News {58328}{58420}with Ron Burgundy,|and introducing our new lead anchor, {58421}{58470}Veronica Corningstone. {58471}{58566}It's Channel 4 News at 6:00. {58567}{58651}- I'm Ron Burgundy.|- And I'm Veronica Corningstone. {58652}{58749}Tonight's top story.|A chemical spill outside of Temecula {58751}{58827}has closed down all lanes|of lnterstate 15. {58828}{58876}CHP has evacuated the area, {58877}{58930}and has reported|that there are no injuries. {58931}{58979}Local officials are concerned {58980}{59034}about the long-term|environmental effects {59035}{59087}and are looking|where to place the blame. {59088}{59124}Yeah, that's nice, Billy. {59125}{59194}I've witnessed train wrecks|that weren't this ugly. {59195}{59278}Also, in other news today, if you're|planning on taking the city bus, {59279}{59323}it's gonna cost you extra. {59324}{59377}City officials have raised|bus fares {59378}{59454}from 25� a ride to 35�, {59455}{59511}so you're gonna have to|dig a little deeper. {59537}{59591}Fine! {59592}{59644}Ed: I know this has been|real hard for you, Ron. {59645}{59713}I'm not gonna lie to you, Ed,|it's been a bear. {59714}{59770}- You aren't crying, are you?|- Nope. {59771}{59826}I wouldn't think|any less of you if you did. {59827}{59877}- I'm not gonna cry, come on.|- All right. {59878}{59932}If it's any consolation, Ron,|this girl is good. {59933}{59978}She is damn good. {59979}{60027}- She is a dynamic anchor.|- Yeah. {60028}{60093}What's more, she is a hell|of a journalist in the field. {60094}{60151}- I know you don't wanna hear it.|- I get it, I get it. {60152}{60228}Now look, I think it's time|that I get out on the streets {60229}{60290}and do some real hard-hitting|journalism, you know? {60291}{60341}I wanna-- I wanna-- {60342}{60423}I've really been pondering, and I think|I'd make a hell of a reporter. {60424}{60526}Oh, boy, Ron,|I think that is a bad idea. {60527}{60587}You know, you don't do well|without a Teleprompter. {60587}{60636}Well, that's just a rumor, okay? {60637}{60708}Now look, let me put together|a weekly feature {60709}{60781}where I rip the lid off|of some big story. {60821}{60903}Hey Harken, nice suspenders, dick. {60956}{61027}- What was that all about?|- That's my son. {61055}{61120}Look, Ron, people seem|to like you. I'm not sure why, {61121}{61202}but I'll tell you what. I'll put you|in the field if that's what you want. {61203}{61254}- Great.|- But you've got to do this right. {61255}{61318}I mean, follow leads,|confirm sources. {61319}{61386}I am talking real journalism,|my friend. {61387}{61434}Great. Right on. {61435}{61483}Now, what's a lead? {61484}{61554}Well, Ron, a lead|is when you find information {61555}{61630}that ''leads'' you|to larger stories. {61631}{61688}- Of course, you know what a source is.|- Easy. Yes. {61689}{61737}No, I lied,|I don't know. {61739}{61818}Well, a sour-- oh, Jeez. Why don't you|just watch Corningstone? {61819}{61872}- She has a handle on what's going on.|- Okay. {61873}{61929}She's always on the phone,|she's viewing tapes. {61930}{61981}She's probably got|dozens of juicy leads. {61982}{62054}- I'll watch her like a hawk.|- You do that. I have confidence in you. {62055}{62125}- Now, I'm gonna go grab some steam.|- Great. {62126}{62173}Ron, ''I'm'' gonna go grab|some steam. {62175}{62230}- Right. See you, Ed.|- See you back at the office. {62231}{62271}I won't let you down. {62301}{62346}Helen? {62347}{62405}Helen, has anyone|been at my desk? {62406}{62473}Because I am missing some|very important papers that I need {62474}{62533}- for a story that I'm working on.|- Yes, Ron came by, {62534}{62587}he said there were|some naked pictures of him {62588}{62642}he wanted to get them|back from you, so... {62643}{62701}What? He did what? {62702}{62761}Oh, that... man! {62762}{62832}I hope that crazy gypsies|castrate him {62833}{62883}and feed it to the dogs! {63078}{63154}- May I have some tea?|- Yes, of course. {63155}{63197}You have such passion. {63255}{63309}All right, team, I've got|a hot lead right here. {63310}{63354}Really? Where'd you get it? {63355}{63426}- Stole it from Corningstone.|- Oh cool, what is it? {63427}{63496}It says Paul Hauser,|a tropical fish clerk at Pet Shack, {63497}{63569}is head of the radical political group|known as The Alarm Clock. {63571}{63630}Has his home address|and everything. Oh my golly. {63631}{63690}- This is great.|- Wow. {63691}{63754}This is a big story.|You could win the Wurlitzer for this. {63755}{63799}Hey, look, a camera. {63800}{63874}Hey, if I win the Wurlitzer,|you guys are all coming to the dinner. {63875}{63981}- What do you say we do it, gang?|- Sweet sugar brown. {63982}{64069}Step on it, Brian. We're about|to rip the lid off of this thing. {64402}{64449}I'm Ron Burgundy, San Diego, {64451}{64500}and it's time to rip|the lid off of it! {64501}{64594}I'm Ron Burgundy, reporting to you|from the mean streets of San Diego. {64595}{64668}So mean, in fact,|I feel frightened for my life. {64669}{64730}Guess what, citizens?|A political radical {64731}{64813}who's been eluding authorities|for months is living here, among you. {64814}{64893}But I'm now going to--|rip the lid off of it! {64919}{64977}Ron:|Let's go. Hurry up. {64978}{65046}Be swift. Be swift. {65047}{65086}Stay close, guys. {65124}{65170}Let's go, guys,|stay sharp. {65199}{65272}Well, if it isn't Mr. Hauser.|How are you today, devil? {65273}{65321}- What?|- You heard what I said. {65322}{65369}You are the devil incarnate. {65370}{65464}What is that, a devil sandwich|made of lies and hubris? {65465}{65534}I think you must have|the wrong house. {65535}{65634}- Do I have the wrong house?|- Yeah, Hauser lives across the street. {65635}{65687}Oh, that's a deceptive ploy,|isn't it? {65688}{65737}I ought to knock you in the hip. {65738}{65783}My name is Anthony Caltran. {65784}{65862}Why don't you shut your mouth,|you filthy piece of trash? {65863}{65946}Go to back to prison where every pervert|can pass you around for cigarettes. {65947}{66003}I don't understand.|What's happening? {66004}{66086}Would you like to tell the fine people of San|Diego what you've been up to? {66087}{66136}Lies, corruption, deceit? {66137}{66188}- Thuggery, buffoonery.|- Me? {66189}{66238}I don't like the way|you're looking at me. {66239}{66306}You should avert your gaze,|because you are a low-life scum {66307}{66382}who doesn't pay taxes and, as far|as I'm concerned, is a Communist. {66383}{66449}- No, not I.|- What would you say {66450}{66519}if I boxed you in the ears|for San Diego? {66520}{66568}This-- this ring right here|that says RB. {66569}{66655}I'd knock and break both of those--|the pair of spectacles you have on. {66656}{66722}I got problems already with my ears.|I don't need anymore. {66723}{66801}I'll give you more problems.|I'll give you problems in your kidneys. {66802}{66881}I'm gonna batter your kidneys.|Champ, hold on to the microphone here. {66882}{66926}- I'm going to town.|- Champ: Hey, Ron? {66927}{66986}- This is gonna be good.|- Champ: Ron, he's right. {66987}{67051}The mailbox, it says Caltran.|We got the wrong house. {67101}{67164}My apologies. Sorry,|you have a great day. Wrong house. {67165}{67238}We make mistakes, that's okay.|That's what happens in the news biz. {67239}{67316}All right, let's try over here.|Stay focused, guys. {67317}{67375}Stay focused,|pick up the pace! {67376}{67481}On behalf of Channel 4 News|and the ''Rip the Lid Off of It'' gang, {67482}{67529}I'd just like to say thank you {67530}{67587}for letting us interview you|on such short notice. {67588}{67635}I don't know why you guys|wanna talk to me, {67636}{67701}- I just sell tropical fish.|- Duly noted. {67702}{67797}As a real journalist,|I have to start with one question... {67823}{67934}Are you the leader of a radical group|known as The Alarm Clock? {67935}{67992}- No.|- Sorry to have bothered you. {67993}{68055}All right, let's get that cable up|and shove out of here. {68056}{68106}I think we should... {68107}{68140}Oh, yes. {68179}{68249}Then how do you respond|to these security photos of you {68250}{68316}outside the bank five minutes|before it was robbed {68317}{68377}by four members of the group? {68379}{68442}You're touching his face,|Brick. Look alive. {68503}{68547}Well, that happens|to be my bank. {68548}{68625}Just because I go there doesn't|make me a dangerous radical. {68626}{68720}By that logic, you could arrest anybody|who's ever been to a bank. {68768}{68819}Paul:|You know, like I just-- like I said, {68820}{68869}I just-- I work in a pet store,|you know? {68870}{68932}Pet Shack, you know? {68933}{69000}- I sell tropical birds.|- Right. {69042}{69094}I'm not even--|I'm not much for politics. {69095}{69153}Once again, I am sorry.|Big hearty handshake there. {69154}{69206}All right, let's bring the van|around the front, {69207}{69269}- and maybe get lunch at Lancer's.|- ( clearing throat ) {69270}{69332}I'll have a veal chop.|Would you stop coughing, Brian? {69333}{69392}- Look at these.|- Do you need a lozenge? {69393}{69462}Oh, right.|How could I forget? {69495}{69550}Then how do you explain|this clear voice match {69551}{69631}between you and the man|in the security cam footage? {69669}{69723}A lot of guys talk like I do. {69755}{69814}- Maybe it's my brother.|- Your brother? {69815}{69882}- Hadn't thought of that.|- Paul: Or... {69923}{70003}Or maybe The Alarm Clock|is going off! {70004}{70065}You're gonna pay for this,|Ron Burgundy! {70067}{70118}Let the truth ring out! {70119}{70165}Follow him with the camera! {70166}{70220}Ron:|Oh boy, he's fast. {70260}{70317}Boy, we really ripped|the lid off of that! {70501}{70541}He took the van. {70542}{70610}Oh my God.|He is a member of The Alarm Clock. {70611}{70661}Ron's voice:|This is fun! {70662}{70706}All right,|what do we do now? {70707}{70765}Since this report was filed, {70766}{70824}Paul Hauser has disappeared. {70825}{70921}Unfortunately, police were|just days away from arresting him, {70923}{70990}but now must start|from scratch. {70991}{71077}Well, that was|quite a story, Ron. {71078}{71130}Well, I appreciate that,|it sure was. {71131}{71196}I really kind of found myself {71197}{71240}as a reporter, as journalist. {71241}{71310}But, that's my job.|I'm a journalist, {71311}{71362}I'm a very good journalist. {71363}{71409}I'm a damn fine journalist. {71410}{71474}And right now,|I'm sensing some jealousy. {71522}{71569}But, that's part of the game. {71571}{71646}And sometimes some people|are better, and other people aren't. {71647}{71719}So, coming up|after the commercial break, {71720}{71802}Brick Tamland, he's gonna|have a little weather report for you. {71803}{71891}We have a hot one in store|over here in Fallbrook. {71892}{71946}It's 100, and you can expect|on Tuesday-- {71947}{71994}Not yet, Brick. {71995}{72062}- We'll be right back.|- We'll be right back. {72143}{72192}Huh? That's|how you do it... {72193}{72278}- by the way, P.S.|- Unbelievable. {72279}{72322}Unbelievably good. {72323}{72388}Champ: That was great,|that came off really well. {72389}{72449}Thank you, I couldn't|have done it without you guys. {72496}{72554}Narrator:|lmpeding a federal investigation, {72555}{72606}stealing another reporter's lead {72607}{72690}and not to mention|losing an $80,000 news van, {72691}{72770}Ron was fired that night|by Ed Harken. {72771}{72868}And once again,|he hit bottom... fast. {72869}{72941}Driver:|You bastard, we trusted you. {72974}{73061}Narrator: In fact, Ron bottomed out|as fast as just about anyone. {73093}{73167}He sometimes bottomed out|when he couldn't find a parking place {73168}{73263}or if the sports section|was missing from the paper. {73264}{73323}Anyway, I feel like|I'm explaining this too much. {73478}{73528}Narrator:|Sharon! Damn it, Sharon, {73529}{73643}I'm recording narration,|turn that phone off. {73644}{73738}Sorry about that.|So anyway, he hit bottom. {73739}{73881}? You got me going in circles. ? {73882}{73971}Announcer:|It's Channel 4 News at 6:00. {73972}{74063}Good evening, San Diego.|I'm lead anchor, Veronica Corningstone. {74064}{74116}This just in. {74117}{74182}The group The Alarm Clock,|using the Channel 4 News van, {74183}{74255}- ran an armored car off the road today|- Ron: Damn it, Harken! {74255}{74303}and stole nearly $50,000. {74303}{74363}- Oh, for crying out loud!|- The group has been using the van {74364}{74426}ever since they stole it|from former anchor, Ron Burgundy. {74427}{74475}I hope you're happy. {74476}{74542}I'm trying to just enjoy my ribs. {74694}{74760}From all of us here|at Channel 4 News, {74761}{74809}I'm Veronica Corningstone {74811}{74870}and you stay classy, San Di--|( clears throat ) {74903}{74966}Thanks for stopping by,|San Diego. {75015}{75053}Man:|All clear. {75124}{75189}Charlie, I needed|that research last week. {75190}{75271}Well, get it to me|as soon as possible. Thank you. {75272}{75316}- Miss Corningstone?|- Yes? {75317}{75389}I tried calling the mayor's office,|but they won't call me back. {75390}{75440}Well, try again.|Tell them that it's me {75441}{75496}and that he owes me something.|He knows that. {75563}{75639}Why do you have to keep|typing this in Chinese, Lloyd? {76000}{76054}Helen, would you put Ron|on the phone? {76098}{76170}You know what? Forget it. {76171}{76241}It's all right, no.|I'll call him later. {76474}{76524}The Vs aren't working|on my typewriter. {76525}{76620}It's ''eronica Corningstone.''|That's horrible, they can't say that. {76666}{76724}My name's not Eronica. {77116}{77182}What did I do wrong? {77344}{77409}Ron's voice:|? I'm not home right now ? {77410}{77467}? I am not home ? {77468}{77522}? I am out, so leave a message ? {77523}{77578}? When the machine goes beep. ? {77579}{77686}Ron, this is your mentor,|Jess Moondragon. {77687}{77730}I thought maybe|you'd like to talk. {77731}{77805}Jess... {77806}{77858}help me. {77882}{77932}Ron:|You've done well for yourself, Jess. {77933}{78002}Yeah, I dreaded|retirement forever, {78003}{78062}until I found this piece|of land. {78063}{78148}- It's God's country.|- Magnificent. {78149}{78232}Mother Nature sure got up|on the right side of bed today, huh? {78282}{78359}She's a giving lady,|Mother Nature, she is. {78360}{78408}She didn't even bother|to put on makeup. {78506}{78587}You know, I'd deeply like|to take her and... {78588}{78644}- make love to her.|- Mmm. {78645}{78705}She's an elusive goddess,|Mother Nature. {78706}{78754}Yeah. {78755}{78802}Still, to... {78803}{78879}feel her succulent breasts|pressed against me... {78880}{78933}- Mmm.|- and my breath, {78934}{78993}whispering hot in her ear... {79018}{79065}''Yeah, baby...'' {79104}{79152}while I fumble|with my belt. {79176}{79227}You get my drift, friend? {79228}{79284}Yeah, yeah I do. {79285}{79347}I do, but therein|lies the rub, {79348}{79409}for she turns away|all suitors. {79410}{79480}I'd like to take Mother Nature|to a sleazy motel, {79481}{79534}get in the shower and... {79559}{79612}wash each other all over, {79613}{79702}then go in the bedroom and do things|you can only do in Bangkok. {79703}{79755}All right, I'm gonna|have to stop you there. {79756}{79811}You're making me|very uncomfortable. {79812}{79862}Sorry, Ron Burgundy, I-- {79863}{79923}Mother Nature|does that to me. {79948}{80045}So I guess you heard|what happened to me. {80046}{80103}I did indeed, old friend. {80104}{80158}Everyone hates me, Jess. {80159}{80220}I can't work anywhere. {80221}{80310}My dream of going network|is all but dead. {80311}{80373}Now you listen to me, {80374}{80428}the world always needs|a good anchor, {80429}{80491}and Ron Burgundy|is a damn fine one, {80492}{80545}so you just hang in there. {80610}{80689}That's your advice?|''Hang in there''? {80690}{80738}Look, I don't know why {80739}{80796}you ever looked up to me|so much in the first place. {80797}{80839}I'm not all that great a guy. {80840}{80908}Well then, I guess|I'll be going. {80909}{80955}You know, it's funny. {80956}{81030}I always wanted to do a broadcast|from the observatory. {81031}{81103}I bet you could reach|a million homes from up there. {81151}{81219}Now I'd be happy|to reach just one. {81220}{81307}Why don't you take|a naked nature walk with me? {81308}{81382}- It'd cheer you up.|- Yeah, I'm not gonna do that. {81407}{81486}I tell you, you get out there|and everything's just hanging free... {81487}{81572}- Kind of weird.|- The deer come up, sniff you... {81573}{81643}- Not my style.|- It's neat. Bend over to pick a flower {81644}{81720}- and that cold nose--|- Okay. Now I'm getting uncomfortable. {81721}{81774}I got extra sandals. {81775}{81830}- I bet you do.|- No, really, I mean, come on-- {81831}{81890}- Nope. Nope.|- You'd like it. It'd make me happy. {81890}{81938}- Nope.|- Make an old man happy. {81939}{81989}- Not gonna do it.|- Come on. {82084}{82148}Well, hello,|Miss Anchor-liar. {82149}{82211}Guess what? Now you're gonna|read the real news. {82212}{82307}I hope you don't mind,|I ate some of your cottage cheese. {82398}{82450}Hey, what're you doing?|Give me the whistle. {82451}{82494}Let's go.|Come on, come on. {82494}{82542}- Move!|- Move it. {82631}{82686}Chris, how many times|have we had this conversation? {82687}{82775}- About a million times.|- I guess it'll be a million and one, {82776}{82860}so listen up. You cannot|hang around people's houses at night {82861}{82942}- wearing a ski mask.|- I'm not hanging out, I'm doing stuff. {82943}{83022}- Well, it makes them nervous.|- Sorry, Dad. God. {83022}{83072}If you have to be back there,|take a look, {83073}{83132}see what you gotta see|and then leave like a gentleman. {83133}{83178}- Bitch.|- And if they start to scream, {83179}{83263}- don't try to ''shut them up.''|- ls it cool if I smoke a joint? {83264}{83302}Now what do you think? {83303}{83374}Oh, sweet. Thanks, dude. {83398}{83445}Will you put that thing out? {83470}{83536}Shut up! You're not|the boss of me anymore, I'm 14! {83537}{83600}See the hair on my chest?|It means I'm a man now. {83601}{83657}I'm sorry I didn't see it.|You think you're tough? {83658}{83698}Take a swing.|I'll hit you so hard {83699}{83757}you'll be wearing a catheter|as a charm bracelet. {83758}{83816}I'm right here!|I'm gonna kill myself! {83817}{83879}Oh, promises, promises! {83880}{83943}- Ed! I'm sorry to interrupt.|- It's all right. We were {83944}{83995}just having a little|father and son chat. {83996}{84069}Veronica's MlA. The police found|this note in her apartment. {84104}{84169}''Dig it, at long last,|Miss News Witch {84170}{84253}will read the truth.''|Signed The Alarm Clock. {84254}{84311}See, Dad? I told you I wasn't|part of that group. {84312}{84376}Okay, it looks like|I owe your mother $10. {84377}{84412}Always accusing me. {84413}{84488}Hey, don't ''boge'' on my jay!|What's up? {84489}{84538}Oh... never mind! {84539}{84613}I'll hold that as evidence.|You take this down to fingerprinting. {84615}{84674}We don't have fingerprinting,|do we? Just file it. {84735}{84782}You'd do well|to emulate that young man. {84783}{84831}He's pulled himself up|by his bootstraps. {84832}{84900}''Garth, take this down|and put it in the files.'' {84901}{84971}- ''Garth, do everything I say.''|- Oh, that's a nice mouth. {84972}{85018}I suppose you wanna|be like your friend {85019}{85095}who's so proud of himself|'cause he's considered a model prisoner. {85096}{85156}Spider at least|has a good heart. {85157}{85225}In local news... {85254}{85325}Dr. Jim Bavelick {85326}{85405}grew the world's largest tomato. {85406}{85451}Hey, fella, {85452}{85511}you need to take a bath.|You're starting to stink. {85512}{85579}You don't talk to me like that,|I'm an anchorman. {85580}{85645}You take care of that stink,|or I'm gonna call the police. {85646}{85692}- You hear me, Ace?|- Yeah, I hear you, Ace! {85693}{85759}I'll crush your balls|in these two cups here. {85783}{85841}- What did you say?|- I said I'll crush-- {85842}{85902}This is Wes Mantooth reporting|live from the residence {85903}{85982}of rival anchorperson|Veronica Corningstone, {85983}{86059}where last night she was|apparently kidnapped by The Alarm Clock. {86060}{86093}Veronica. {86094}{86173}Police believe that the group|is trying to get Miss Corningstone {86174}{86265}to anchor a pirate broadcast|from an unknown location {86266}{86333}of their sick, twisted message. {86334}{86414}And while it is not my job|to speculate, {86415}{86482}odds are... {86482}{86540}she's probably already dead. {86541}{86598}Bartender:|I wonder where those hippies took her. {86599}{86676}It must be somewhere|with a big enough broadcast radius-- {86677}{86757}Eli Whitney's nose! {86758}{86822}I know where they are!|The San Diego Observatory. {86823}{86894}- It's the highest point in the area.|- You need to call the cops, {86895}{86945}- there's a phone right by the door.|- No. {86946}{86998}If they go up there|with their sirens blaring, {86999}{87045}those crazies could panic. {87046}{87136}I did this.|Now I have to make it right. {87358}{87408}Good evening, I'm Ron Burgundy. {87409}{87464}Son of a man nipple. {87465}{87519}Mother-flippin'|Ron Burgundy is back. {87546}{87638}If I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna need|my news team at my side. {87823}{87870}Ron:|News team... {87870}{87930}assemble! {87955}{88004}I'm sorry we turned|our backs on you, Ron. {88005}{88054}Champ:|I'm sorry, Ron. That was horrible. {88055}{88098}Hey, all is forgiven, all right? {88099}{88152}I'm just glad we're|back together as a team. {88204}{88266}- We love you, Ron.|- Thanks, man. {88313}{88357}I love you, Ron. {88435}{88482}I said I love you, Ron. {88518}{88563}Why is everyone ignoring me? {88602}{88655}I love you, Ron. {88693}{88771}And I think we should|adopt a child together in Vermont. {88772}{88811}Answer me! {88812}{88861}So... {88862}{88907}the car's running great. {88908}{88966}- Oh, yeah, yeah.|- Take it in for a tune-up? {88967}{89032}- Yeah. Changed the oil and...|- Good. {89033}{89103}Answer me! Ron! {89133}{89181}Ron... {89182}{89229}I know you heard me. {89231}{89290}I love you. {89291}{89353}And I wanna be with you... {89354}{89426}like men.|I wanna be inside you. {89472}{89517}I want you inside me. {89566}{89642}- Brian: Anybody up for the radio?|- I would love to hear the radio. {89642}{89730}No radio!|I have something to say to Ron! {89731}{89816}You know I've had feelings|for you for a long time. {89857}{89917}We'd be good together, Ron,|I-- I-- {89919}{89953}I'm a good cook. {89954}{90016}Do you like|your feet rubbed? I bet you do. {90017}{90099}I'll rub 'em,|and maybe we could... {90100}{90190}get married in a ceremony|presided over by Roger Staubach. {90191}{90248}I already called him last week,|I hope that's okay. {90249}{90286}Mexican food on me? {90287}{90351}- Brian: Thanks. Sounds okay.|- Brick: Yeah, burrito. {90352}{90399}Say it! {90400}{90467}Say, ''Champ Burgundy.''|Say it! {90468}{90524}Tostada. {90525}{90575}- Tostadas would be great.|- Brian: Oh, man. {90576}{90649}I am in love|with Ron Burgundy! {90650}{90712}I'm always thinking|about you, Ron. {90713}{90789}I have dream journals|about you. {90790}{90838}Filled pages. {90839}{90924}When I make love to women,|I close my eyes {90925}{90977}and think of you|when I finish. {90978}{91037}? Ron Burgundy... ? {91038}{91092}? ls in love with me ? {91093}{91164}? Ron Burgundy ? {91165}{91223}? And Champion Kind ? {91224}{91338}? Oh, let's be|so beautiful together ? {91339}{91390}? Running in the grass ? {91391}{91453}? In the summer and the fall ? {91454}{91510}? And wintertime, too. ? {91511}{91598}- How much longer do you think, Brian?|- It's gotta be another five minutes. {91599}{91651}- The problem is the altitude.|- Right. {91652}{91729}Champ: Ron?|I know you can hear me. {91730}{91777}I wanna... {91778}{91834}I wanna kiss you|on the mouth. {91858}{91907}I wanna... {91908}{91961}Ron... {91962}{92026}Ron. {92203}{92257}Ron... {92258}{92312}- It's good to get my parking spot back.|- Brian: Yeah. {92313}{92348}I love you! {92349}{92408}Don't ignore me! {92409}{92486}I am in love with Ron Burgundy! {92975}{93014}Paul:|Hey, girl. {93039}{93086}Man, the transmitter's|all set up. {93087}{93182}From this altitude,|we can overlap into every channel, {93183}{93244}every station, every frequency. {93245}{93316}Dig it. It's time|to light this bad boy up. {93343}{93388}I'm gonna tell you. {93656}{93712}Hello, gentlemen. {93713}{93763}Everything is ready for you. {93787}{93830}Thank you, Jess Moondragon. {93830}{93907}Boy, you should really|put some pants on. {93908}{93950}It's all right. Now remember, {93950}{94012}the observatory|is directly over that mountain pass. {94013}{94070}- Right.|- That's some rough country, {94071}{94157}- How're we gonna get up there?|- As I said... {94199}{94247}everything is ready for you. {94412}{94478}God be with you,|Channel 4 News Team! {94478}{94529}God be with you! {95008}{95121}This is serious, this is not a-- {95122}{95179}No, don't do that to him. {95501}{95569}Ron:|Let's go, fellas. Give 110�/�. {95570}{95636}Come on! We've almost got it! {95781}{95828}Ron:|Stay close, gang. {95875}{95922}This is treacherous country. {95958}{96016}My ankle. {96017}{96070}Gentlemen... {96071}{96138}bad news.|I believe we're lost. {96139}{96207}Ron, what're we gonna do?|We don't have any food or water. {96208}{96283}Take it easy!|Just everyone relax! {96284}{96374}If we panic, we die!|Okay? Easy! {96511}{96554}Now... {96618}{96698}Okay, let's check|the wind direction. {96698}{96761}And f--|No, no, shut up! {96762}{96820}Everyone shut up!|We've got... {96821}{96893}some very tough decisions|to make in the next couple of hours... {96894}{96949}or maybe even months. {96950}{96998}Or even years, I don't know. {96999}{97078}Just spit it out, RB.|You're talking about cannibalism. {97079}{97139}Am I? ls that|what I'm talking about? {97163}{97230}I guess I am.|I'm talking about cannibalism. {97257}{97334}Developed by the Japanese|in the 1800s, {97335}{97383}and now we're|going to use it {97384}{97454}in present day time. {97455}{97541}The eating of flesh|for the sustention of life. {97542}{97582}What do you think of that? {97583}{97631}It's about to happen! {97632}{97686}Champ:|It'll have to be the weakest one. {97687}{97769}Sweet Lord, I don't know|if I can eat a friend. {97770}{97853}I once ate|an entire bowl of Legos. {97854}{97906}I don't care, Brick! {97906}{97954}I just don't care! {97981}{98035}How's that twisted ankle|of yours doing, Brian? {98036}{98114}It's fine. I barely|even feel it anymore. {98247}{98321}Please, Brian, please. {98322}{98372}- Don't struggle.|- What are you guys doing? {98373}{98422}Come on.|It's for the good of the group. {98423}{98485}Just lay down|so we can eat you. {98552}{98599}- Oh no.|- Ron: Don't make this any harder {98600}{98658}- than it has to be.|- Stay away from me, you bastards! {98659}{98746}Let me do it, Ron. Don't need you|being implicated in this murder. {98747}{98831}? Hush little baby,|Daddy's coming to eat you ? {98832}{98929}? Mamma's gonna buy you...|a back of your calf. ? {98930}{99005}Wait, don't eat me, don't eat me.|Eat Brick, he won't care. {99006}{99042}No, that's fine. {99043}{99113}- You're a lot leaner.|- Brian: Stop it. Guys. {99138}{99186}Please relax. {99186}{99249}Think of something|relaxing, like a stream {99250}{99311}- or a meadow.|- Stay away from me! {99312}{99375}- Stay away from me!|- Okay, yeah. {99376}{99444}- Back, back, back!|- Let me do it. {99445}{99513}I've wanted to do this|for a long time. {99514}{99601}Dreamt of it.|Dreams of Fantana! {99602}{99666}- Stay away!|- I'm gonna eat your face {99667}{99727}off your bones, Fantana! {99728}{99774}Let me do it, Ron! {99774}{99839}You say it,|and I'll kill this man! {99840}{99908}- Do it, Champ. Drop the rock.|- No, guys, come on! {99909}{99965}Drop the rock.|Drop the rock. {99966}{100032}- It was an accident, that's all.|- Pretend I'm a wolverine. {100089}{100158}- We had to eat him! We had to!|- Don't struggle. It's for the group. {100158}{100217}Brian:|I've never even slept with a lady! {100218}{100296}Hey, you guys.|Look at the big white bubbly building! {100338}{100416}Ron: Good work, Brick.|All right, team. Let's move out. {100417}{100463}Ron:|Keep a tight perimeter. {100502}{100537}Nice job. {100866}{100919}All right, gang, {100920}{100966}it's real simple. {100966}{101024}Just like when we were|back together in 'Nam in '64. {101025}{101070}I'll take the point... {101071}{101117}Stand down,|Corporal Burgundy. {101118}{101166}I'm running this show now. {101167}{101231}- Affirmative, a-ffir-ma-tive?|- Affirmative. {101270}{101359}I'll take point.|Champ, right flank. {101360}{101433}Gator Dirty Teacup.|We will fan out, {101434}{101498}to a cobra|double-helix formation. {101499}{101558}If we encounter|any hostiles, {101594}{101641}silent throat cuts only. {101642}{101706}On my... mark. {101763}{101815}Looks like the captain's back. {102156}{102205}Any word yet from the police? {102206}{102270}Nothing. No sign of her. {102270}{102330}No one's heard from the rest|of the news team either. {102330}{102377}Well, I hope they find them soon. {102378}{102437}These weekend anchors|we have to fill in are... {102438}{102486}just not cutting it. {102487}{102554}- One of our own is missing.|- Ready two. {102555}{102641}Miss Corningstone|of this station, this very station, {102642}{102718}is missing. We are looking for... {102718}{102824}any information|we have on the lady. {102825}{102903}And you can call--|you can call this number. {102904}{102979}- Where's the friggin' number?|- Man: Ready two. {102980}{103041}I do have a message|for one of our viewers. {103042}{103115}Mommy, if you're watching,|don't be scared. {103116}{103188}I didn't know I was coming to work|today, they called last minute. {103189}{103246}I left spaghetti on the stove,|and I swear to God, {103246}{103295}I will cut your hair tomorrow. {103296}{103350}I want them off the air now! {103391}{103458}Why don't you think|about losing the beard? {103458}{103543}Her name-- I can't-- lan! {103544}{103593}I can't find the number! {103631}{103699}You see, Mamma?|You see, I told you I was for real. {103700}{103751}When that anchor witch|reads our manifesto, {103752}{103800}this city's gonna go crazy|with the truth. {103801}{103887}- Have you finished the manifesto?|- Yeah, it's almost done. {103888}{103982}I gotta get a new typewriter ribbon.|It's all up here. {103982}{104066}Ron! Ron, be careful. {104067}{104149}Blink and you're dead,|'cause we're in Rome now. {104150}{104244}Well, if it isn't|Whitey McWhitington. {104332}{104411}Oh Ron, I can't believe|you came for me. {104412}{104484}I've been thinking|about you every second. {104514}{104587}Part of the time wanting to kill you,|because of my hatred. {104630}{104701}Another time,|wanting to make love to you {104702}{104745}in a 24-hour endless cycle. {104787}{104847}Ron, there's something|that you should know. {104848}{104914}Shh, shh. You needn't|say a word. {104915}{104964}But Ron, I wasn't myself. {104965}{105048}I was angry, I was consumed|with ambition and I'm sorry. {105049}{105102}I'm sorry, my little chinchilla. {105103}{105174}If it wasn't|for my stupid pride, {105175}{105219}we wouldn't be here right now. {105220}{105292}Okay, here's what's gonna happen,|Miss Corningstone. {105293}{105339}In 10 minutes,|we're going live. {105340}{105397}At that point, you will read|our statement. {105398}{105447}The hell I will. {105448}{105496}Then we kill you. {105497}{105553}Go ahead. I am an anchor {105554}{105618}and I would rather die|than lose my credibility. {105619}{105676}I'll do it. {105718}{105772}I've just been informed|by law enforcement {105773}{105838}that this is the largest|search-and-rescue operation {105838}{105918}ever to be conducted|in the San Diego metropolitan area. {105918}{105979}ls this worth our tax dollars? {105980}{106053}Maybe it is. You decide that. {106054}{106113}One thing here today|is for sure, though, {106114}{106198}this is a frightening|and confusing story. {106199}{106270}But I'm here for you, San Diego. {106270}{106353}Go on, pull up a chair.|Put your hand on the TV set. {106354}{106422}We'll get through|this thing together. {106422}{106471}I am Wes Mantooth, {106472}{106523}journalist, friend... {106524}{106572}human being. {106618}{106706}Brad: Listen up, everybody. We're going|live on the air in two minutes. {106706}{106749}Ron:|I'm ready to go here. {106750}{106798}But I have to be honest with you-- {106799}{106879}this copy you've handed me,|it's not your best work. {106880}{106966}It's awful. But I can't possibly|read this on the air. {106967}{107050}Besides, it needs to be typed|and preferably double-spaced. {107051}{107124}Courier, Helvetica, Monaco,|I don't know. {107125}{107194}Okay, all right, enough.|I'm-- I'm almost finished. {107195}{107250}I'm almost done.|I've just got to... {107251}{107346}- do this one part here.|- Man! What the hell, Paul? {107347}{107411}You been writing that manifesto|for three months, man. {107412}{107485}- Read it before I kick your ass.|- Yeah, you jive turkey, read it. {107486}{107572}You wanna hear the manifesto?|Okay, fine, here it is! {107573}{107676}Here is how The Alarm Clock|will change the world forever! {107779}{107846}All right, you know how|when we... {107882}{107929}drink beer or soda, {107930}{107990}and then we throw out|the bottles and cans? {108029}{108098}Well, how about we start saving {108098}{108154}those bottles and cans? {108155}{108202}Reuse them. {108203}{108266}You are a lunatic. {108267}{108350}Yeah, you'd need a whole 'nother|garbage can for the bottles. {108351}{108415}- People would never do that.|- Well, wait, what about-- {108416}{108474}you didn't let me get to the part|about electric cars {108475}{108544}so we don't have to be|dependent on foreign oil! {108545}{108608}Electric cars? {108609}{108661}Man, are you high right now? {108662}{108742}You are, aren't you?|I know you took some of my weed! {108742}{108798}- Oh, oh, oh!|- Some of my weed is missing {108799}{108868}out of my purse.|It was you! {108869}{108929}I would just shoot him|right now. {108930}{108983}We gotta-- we gotta|let the people know {108984}{109054}that meat is good for you, {109054}{109111}and potatoes make you fat! {109112}{109167}Oh, man. {109168}{109246}You know what? I cannot believe|I did you in the hammock. {109247}{109323}I gave you all my Juicy Fruit,|and then you treat me like this. {109324}{109411}- I have had it!|- We can't read this crap on the air. {109412}{109494}We should all have computers {109494}{109589}in our houses, every one of us,|so that we could talk to each other {109590}{109673}- with the computers.|- Mm-hmm. That's gonna happen. {109674}{109730}Huh-uh, now you're talkin' crazy. {109731}{109781}Man, did you eat lunch today? {109782}{109851}Man, you'll make us look like|we some kind of joke. {109852}{109920}Man, this guy's a fake.|Hey you, anchorman. {109921}{109980}Get on the TV|and make us sound good. {109981}{110055}Matter of fact, get on there|and do some of that Newspeak {110056}{110126}so we can have the people|hear about truth and freedom. {110126}{110191}They'll believe you.|Get on there, man. {110192}{110257}It's just not that simple.|I need a Teleprompter {110258}{110297}and I need proper copy. {110298}{110369}- Then the pretty lady dies.|- Ron. {110370}{110445}Man, look, make us|sound good or the lady dies. {110524}{110608}We're on live in 10, nine, {110609}{110685}- eight, seven, six...|- I need a Teleprompter, I can't! {110686}{110766}- Ron...|- five, four, {110767}{110853}three, two, and we're live. {110853}{110862}three, two, and we're live. {110898}{110942}What's happening, Daddy? {110969}{111010}What happened to the TV? {111082}{111128}Ed: What in the Sam Hill--|what's going on? {111129}{111181}It's on all three channels,|there's not a thing I can do. {111182}{111213}They're breaking our signal. {111610}{111684}What the hell's|wrong with him? {111829}{111925}Good lord!|He's got no Teleprompter. {112014}{112096}Tino:|He... has no words. {112385}{112445}W-wash-- washcloth. {112486}{112512}Damn it. {112826}{112892}My name is Ron... {112950}{112995}Ron:|I can't think of a word. {112996}{113054}Think of any word, just say it. {113082}{113141}Camel... {113142}{113236}Process the informa--|It's just a blank slate. {113237}{113301}When I close my eyes,|it's a blank slate. {113302}{113382}Man, this guy's a fool, man!|Smoke that chick! {113382}{113421}Happy birthday to me. {113422}{113482}Ron, say something. {113482}{113546}My name is Kyle--|My name is Big Mark. {113547}{113613}It's too loud. It's too loud. {113614}{113670}My name is Big... {113670}{113732}Too loud.|I'm Ron Channely... {113733}{113821}I'm Mark A-As-Aspen. {113822}{113914}Aspen, Colorado. Mark.|Florida, pancake. {113914}{113999}Astronauts are on the moon.|There's astronauts everywhere. {114000}{114062}Watch out for the astronauts. {114063}{114104}Ron. {114155}{114217}There's no Teleprompter,|I can't do it. {114218}{114313}Ron, it's jazz.|It's jazz, baby. {114314}{114387}Let it flow. Let it flow. {114388}{114460}I can feel it.|I can feel it. {114558}{114627}Good evening.|I'm Ron Burgundy, {114628}{114722}reporting from life.|I'd first like to apologize {114723}{114810}for my past|and hateful transgressions. {114811}{114885}I am sorry, dear San Diego. {114886}{114966}First of all, I'd like you to know|that I'm safe. {114967}{115035}However, I'm under|the careful scrutiny {115036}{115133}of a group of young upstarts|who call themselves The Alarm Clock. {115158}{115247}And I have to say, although|their methods may be questionable, {115248}{115313}they are on the road {115314}{115365}to righteous truth. {115366}{115438}That's it, that's it.|Use them anchorman tricks. {115438}{115492}Have all them people follow us. {115493}{115565}A road that if you follow it|with your heart, {115566}{115655}it will lead you, oddly enough,|by the old Mobil station {115656}{115715}- near the old pickle stand...|- Wait a minute. {115716}{115764}He's giving directions|to where they are. {115765}{115837}- Take this down.|- Ron: ...to Old Gearson Road. {115838}{115896}A group that outshines {115897}{115971}- many of the radicals...|- Brad: Good, you're good. {115972}{116045}we come across today.|In fact, they are bright, {116046}{116141}pearly, shining stars,|that needn't be observed {116142}{116237}by, say, a telescope|in an observatory. {116238}{116313}- Hey, he's narcing on us!|- He's telling the cops where we are! {116314}{116414}News team! Commence|Delta, Charlie, Charlie! {116414}{116460}Yo, yo, yo!|We've been burned! {116461}{116522}What in the name of Solomon? {116566}{116604}What the shit? {116658}{116705}Ooh, I'm gonna kill these punks. {116779}{116838}- News team!|- Let's rock. {118012}{118088}- Good work, team.|- Garbanzo! {118130}{118224}It's just a new catch phrase|I was trying out instead of whammy. {118225}{118290}No, I'd stick|with whammy, Champ. {118291}{118330}Whammy works. {118331}{118390}I like whammy better.|Stick with whammy. {118414}{118463}I'm not a fake! {118464}{118522}Let the revolution begin! {118601}{118694}Veronica! {118695}{118777}Ron! {118846}{118930}Ah! Spiderman's balls,|that hurt! {119069}{119155}Oh, Mr. Burgundy,|you took a bullet for me. {119156}{119202}And I would not do that again. {119254}{119321}Let's be clear on that.|I care for you deeply, but... {119322}{119390}that-- it hurts! {119391}{119442}Oh, it hurts like a bitchy-bitch. {119467}{119546}Mr. Burgundy, there are|literally thousands of men {119546}{119598}that I should|be with instead, but... {119599}{119673}I love you. {120447}{120489}- Baby, cuff me. Cuff me back up.|- Yes. {120490}{120545}- You're gonna get cuffed.|- Cuff me back up, yes! {120546}{120632}- Oh, yeah. Oh.|- Yeah. Oh, now we're doing this. {120633}{120676}Oh, yeah. {120726}{120804}Ron: You're cutting off the circulation|to my hindquarters. {120805}{120865}- It's hypnotic...|- Ron: Release the pressure. {120866}{120930}- ...yet disgusting.|- Ron: I'm gonna pass out. {120931}{120991}- That feels good, baby.|- That feels good. {120992}{121046}Ron:|Ah, that's nice, mmm. {121047}{121107}Now it's gonna get good.|Now it's gonna get good. {121165}{121216}Veronica:|Get it off, get it off. {121217}{121277}Ron:|Get that off, get that off. {121487}{121551}- Punch me in the arm. Ooh, again!|- Did it hurt, baby? {121552}{121600}- Yes.|- Did it hurt? {121666}{121712}Ron:|Wake up the black lady. {121713}{121762}Veronica:|Cuff me, cuff me, cuff me. {121810}{121852}Oh, yes, yes, yes! {121853}{121920}- Slap it, slap me, slap me.|- Ron: What do I slap? {121921}{121969}Slap my ass, Daddy! {121970}{122020}Yes! Yes! Yes! {122021}{122097}- I'm gonna punch it now.|- Oh mommy likes those tomatoes! {122098}{122160}- Ron: I wanna bite it!|- I like those tomatoes! {122222}{122278}- I'm hungry.|- Yeah. {122279}{122351}We don't need to see this anymore.|Let's go to Charlie Lancer's {122352}{122409}- and get you a candle.|- Candle! {122410}{122478}- A nice red one.|- ( both laugh ) {122590}{122637}Narrator:|As for the news team, {122638}{122737}Brian Fantana is still|a successful reality TV host. {122738}{122804}And recently|he married Paula Abdul. {122805}{122927}The ceremony took place at Shutters|and Lorenzo Lamas was the best man. {122962}{123026}Champ Kind|has fallen on hard times {123027}{123091}since being fired|as an NFL commentator. {123092}{123203}He now sells those big crayon balloons|in the parking lot of the lce Capades. {123204}{123297}And will say ''Whammy!''|at birthday parties for $20 {123298}{123352}and a 12-pack of Stroh's. {123353}{123463}After serving as Bush's|top political advisor for three years, {123464}{123526}Brick went in|to the private sector, {123527}{123642}where he is now|the CEO of Halliburton. {123931}{123990}Mr. Burgundy, Chad Reynolds,|I'm with the network. {123991}{124063}We're doing a when-the-newsman-|becomes-the-news angle. {124064}{124121}How would you like to report|your own story? {124232}{124272}Network, huh? {124321}{124420}I'm Ron Burgundy. If you're looking|for the best coverage of this story, {124421}{124469}you need the best journalist. {124470}{124554}And that would be|this little lady right behind me. {124601}{124661}- Oh no, Ron, I can't.|- Yes, you can. {124662}{124714}You're the best I've ever seen, {124715}{124789}- and that's a fact.|- Oh, Ron. {124790}{124836}Can you feel it? {124837}{124913}This is a very, very special|and emotional moment. {124914}{124978}I've learned to accept you|for who you are {124979}{125031}and I'm a much better man|because of it. {125032}{125094}- Ron.|- It's so special. {125095}{125185}- And it's happening right now.|- Honey, you're wrecking it. {125186}{125242}Right. {125266}{125312}Have at it, my little wild flower. {125616}{125718}I'm Veronica Corningstone|reporting for Channel 4 News. {125719}{125786}Today could have been|a very dark day {125787}{125882}if not for the quick thinking|of one brave man: {125882}{125967}- Veronica: Ron Burgundy.|- Ron Burgundy, I hate you. {126013}{126064}But damn it, I respect you. {126306}{126405}Narrator: Wes Mantooth is still|in San Diego and still number two. {126406}{126468}And he still hates Ron Burgundy {126469}{126531}with an unnatural burning intensity. {126532}{126601}The Alarm Clock was jailed|for five years {126602}{126653}but, upon being released, {126654}{126720}started a little company|called Macintosh. {126721}{126785}They are now worth|six billion dollars {126786}{126856}and own the San Jose Sharks|hockey team. {126911}{126994}All photos and tapes|of Ron Burgundy {126995}{127077}have long since been|thrown away or erased. {127078}{127152}He's but a memory now|for a select few. {127153}{127218}But talk to one|of those old timers {127219}{127298}and they'll lean in|and say one thing-- {127299}{127380}Ron Burgundy|was the truth.83930