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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,000 I know it's a software jet, never thought to fail 2 00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:09,000 I know it's a software jet, spent an night in jet 3 00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:14,000 Singing boats for women, it's just a beginning 4 00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:19,000 You haven't seen anything yet 5 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:22,000 I know it's a software jet 6 00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:28,000 Day one 7 00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:32,000 Our sisters in suffrage have gone on hunger strike 8 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:36,000 I have determined to join them in this valiant action 9 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:40,000 Already my mind is beset by hallucinations 10 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:43,000 Well once I gave a bun, scant attention 11 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:47,000 Now it haunts my every thought 12 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:51,000 I dreamt last night, I was queen of a land of buns 13 00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:55,000 My consort of Osbud, a giant bun 14 00:00:55,000 --> 00:01:00,000 With buns for cheeks, a bun loaves and small bun teeth 15 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:05,000 Oh, how the mind maddens as the body weakens 16 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:08,000 Oh, Barbara, what are you doing sin here in the dark? 17 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:12,000 Oh, Eva, I was just writing my account of our hunger strike 18 00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:13,000 In support of women's suffrage 19 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:14,000 Of course you were 20 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:16,000 It will be published in the parish newsletter 21 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:19,000 Imagine how many people will read of our suffrage starboard film 22 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:22,000 About 10, 50 in it a push 23 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:25,000 I'm all prepared for our hunger strike 24 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:27,000 How long have you been starving for? 25 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:29,000 Well, I meant to begin yesterday 26 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:32,000 Only we had a dinner engagement that we couldn't cancel 27 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:34,000 So I resolved in earnest to begin this morning 28 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:36,000 Only Cook hadn't been told 29 00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:39,000 So I felt obliged to finish the breakfast kegery 30 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:41,000 And Osbud's sausage would have gone to waste 31 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:44,000 So, in all just over an hour 32 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:47,000 Well, don't worry, I bought some of my little ones leftovers 33 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:50,000 From their 11s, in case we got hungry 34 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:53,000 Yes, well, that is rather the point, Eva 35 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:55,000 What if we're being hungry 36 00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:57,000 As a weapon of passive persuasion 37 00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:59,000 You can't do that on an empty stomach 38 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:01,000 But we meant to starve together 39 00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:05,000 I'm sure your ladies in prison sneak a little cake when no one's looking 40 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:09,000 I fasted for a whole month during Ramadan 41 00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:13,000 When I was a guest of the Sultan of Egypt and Sudan 42 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:15,000 Of course, when the sun went down 43 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:19,000 We couldn't get enough of feasting and hookers 44 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:24,000 Oh, Margaret, won't you even have a finger sandwich here? 45 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:27,000 Take out the ham, make it even thinner 46 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:30,000 Erm, no 47 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:42,000 A mortal thoughtlessly sneaks past my lips like 48 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:45,000 Me a butter sandwich, hardly an actual food 49 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:49,000 But, still, I feel a creeping cramp of guilt 50 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:52,000 It might just be the rumble, tell me some more 51 00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:55,000 Quick! Someone's coming 52 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,000 Put the food away 53 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:01,000 Good day, fellow activists 54 00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:02,000 I'll go to the fast 55 00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:04,000 No, no, no 56 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:09,000 Well done you for remembering Thomas 57 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:12,000 Yes, sir, I started two days ago as we agreed 58 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:13,000 Yes, it was 59 00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:17,000 And as you can see, I have made this aid stavwa 60 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:20,000 Yes, I'm calling it the Calendulator of famish 61 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:21,000 How does it work? 62 00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:23,000 Well, I simply enquire as to your level of hunger 63 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:25,000 And then I mark the chart appropriately 64 00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:29,000 Yes, I've categorized the stages of human hunger from replete through peckish 65 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:32,000 I could eat all the way up to a death door 66 00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:34,000 I, for example, having fasted for two days now 67 00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:36,000 Famished, almost starving 68 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:39,000 Erm, I would say I was almost hungry 69 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:40,000 I could eat? 70 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:42,000 Yes, why not? 71 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:43,000 Put me down as replete 72 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:44,000 I like the sound of that 73 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:45,000 What about you, Mertle? 74 00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:47,000 Eat a horse! 75 00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:48,000 No! 76 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:50,000 Always! 77 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:55,000 How do, er, sorry, I'm late, er, parched as cheese shop on the high street 78 00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:57,000 With having a closing down sale 79 00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:58,000 Oh, would you get anything? 80 00:03:58,000 --> 00:03:59,000 Yes! 81 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:00,000 Oh, hah! 82 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:02,000 Oh, my goodness, go in! 83 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:03,000 Is that all cheese? 84 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:05,000 Let's mark it, sir, there was quite a scrum 85 00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:10,000 Yes, sir, so I got, erm, slilting 86 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:15,000 Dovdale, Vloxsticks Blue, Van Brie Bog 87 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:17,000 Oh, oh! 88 00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:20,000 Best handle that one, Care Filly, Gwen 89 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:22,000 Oh, very good master cholos 90 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:24,000 I don't get it 91 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:35,000 Er, Red Lester, Double Gloucester, Derby, Worcester, Harroford, Joshua 92 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:37,000 That's just the hard cheese 93 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:41,000 Yeah, the leaning tower of Cheezer 94 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:45,000 Very good master cholos 95 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:47,000 I don't get it 96 00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:50,000 Only Gwen, we are somewhat on hunger strike 97 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:55,000 Oh, oh, Cleeam forgot, I'm so sorry Margaret 98 00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:59,000 Don't wiggle, I do, the, well, these softer ones won't keep 99 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:00,000 Oh, don't worry Gwen 100 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:06,000 Oh, perhaps I could do something suffragery with them, er, perhaps mould them into a bust of, er, er, millicent force it 101 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:08,000 Yes! 102 00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:15,000 I must say all this cheese chat is becoming rather grating 103 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:18,000 I come and bear it any longer 104 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:21,000 Very good master cholos 105 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:23,000 I don't get it 106 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:25,000 I must be delirious with hunger 107 00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:30,000 Would it be ever so against the rules if I was just a munch of crummer stilton 108 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:34,000 I for one can't be nearer cheese and not eat it 109 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,000 Just a taste 110 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:40,000 Oh, just cheese even counters food when it's not between bread 111 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:44,000 Yes, yes, I, I feel it does 112 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:46,000 Cheese being technically an edible solid 113 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:50,000 Yes, yes, of course, of course, we must be strong for zapfruit 114 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:52,000 Put the cheese away Gwen, put the cheese away 115 00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:55,000 I am to blame 116 00:05:56,000 --> 00:06:00,000 Oh, I'm like Satan in the wilderness, tempting our lord 117 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:01,000 Jesus Christ 118 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:04,000 Oh, very good master cholos 119 00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:07,000 I still don't get it 120 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:11,000 I'll just pop them under the bell end in the kitchen for now 121 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:13,000 The bell what Gwen? 122 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:17,000 The bell end, you know, the, the, the cheesy bell end 123 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:21,000 Give me the cheese bell jar 124 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:23,000 Do I? 125 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:25,000 I do, yes 126 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:33,000 Feeling? Strangely full 127 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:37,000 Perhaps I've reached that physical plateau of starvation 128 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:41,000 Where a body, denied sustenance, begins to eat itself 129 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:45,000 Emily, whatever's the matter? 130 00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:49,000 Mother, not content to try and depart me off on the spoon maker's son 131 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:52,000 Now plans to marry me to the spoon maker's second son 132 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:56,000 But isn't that bigger me or whatever it's called with men? Big many? Too many? 133 00:06:57,000 --> 00:07:00,000 I am not a commodity to be bought and sold 134 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:02,000 I will be made for love 135 00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:05,000 To one who is not too shy to requite to that love 136 00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:07,000 What? 137 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:09,000 Is it John T. Smith? 138 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:11,000 Bertie Smith 139 00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:15,000 John T. Smith was secretly married to an actress last month and disinherited for it 140 00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:17,000 Oh dear, and is this Bertie nice? 141 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:19,000 I don't know, and I don't care 142 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:23,000 He probably thinks that women shouldn't read or drive or weld or hunger strike 143 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:25,000 Well, I shall refuse him 144 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:27,000 What will you do Emily? 145 00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:28,000 Will you will hope? 146 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:30,000 To the Polynesian Islands? 147 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:32,000 No, I shall hide in the kitchen 148 00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:37,000 How could it help? 149 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:41,000 Expect Emily to marry a man she's never met 150 00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:47,000 Well, I didn't know my Charlie when we married and now you can hardly tell we've got nothing in common except 14 children 151 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:50,000 But Emily loves... 152 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:52,000 Toss 153 00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:57,000 Please, no, we are your allies in this endeavor 154 00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:59,000 The hunger strike, yes 155 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:03,000 No, I'm talking for... certainly young lady 156 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:04,000 Oh? Oh 157 00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:06,000 Be brave 158 00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:08,000 Love's highway is never smooth 159 00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:13,000 The tarmac atom is full of holes and highwaymen lurk at every bend 160 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:16,000 You have such a way with metaphor 161 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:21,000 Yes, I find it invaluable for conveying meaning without having to make it at all clear what it is I'm saying 162 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:27,000 Yes, so if I, for example, had something to tell someone? 163 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:31,000 Yes, you might talk about something else 164 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:36,000 As if that were the thing that you were talking about and not the actual thing at all 165 00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:39,000 What are you telling the boys? 166 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:42,000 Do you want Thomas to stay a unit? 167 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:47,000 While Emily is being spooned rigid by Bertie Smolke 168 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:54,000 I'm nearly advocating subtlety 169 00:08:54,000 --> 00:09:00,000 All the romance of words can satisfy the soul until the body is... prone 170 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:06,000 Thomas, there is nothing noble about letting your grapes wither on the vine 171 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:11,000 Whilst everyone else is like getting a regular pressy 172 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:15,000 Go in and tell her 173 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:18,000 In a roundabout way 174 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:20,000 Oh, for goodness sake, don't listen to Margaret 175 00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:23,000 Go in and tell Emily exactly how you feel 176 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:28,000 I can pull to sit down and make it into a chest rub for mother 177 00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:38,000 Have you heard Gwen? I'm to be married 178 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:41,000 Oh, congratulations 179 00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:44,000 I never thought you'd have it in you to ask, Master Thomas 180 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:46,000 He didn't 181 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:48,000 Oh dear, I am sorry 182 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:52,000 Oh, look out! Bambry Bogolart! 183 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:55,000 Best put this honk or something, I'm safe 184 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:58,000 To shield your nostrils from the pong 185 00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:00,000 What about your nostrils? 186 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,000 They can endure 187 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:07,000 In truth, they would suffer the seven solvers of hell to protect that which they cherish 188 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:10,000 Yes, and whom do your nostrils cherish? 189 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:11,000 Oh, Miss Emily 190 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:13,000 They are but simple nostrils 191 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:14,000 Neither wealthy nor ambitious 192 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:16,000 But they would gladly give all they have 193 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:19,000 Yes, but to whom would your nostrils give all that? 194 00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:21,000 Emily, I confess I'm not really talking about nostrils 195 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:22,000 I know 196 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:25,000 When I say nostrils, I mean, I mean 197 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,000 Yes, I'm here, I'm here 198 00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:30,000 Oh, I have great news 199 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:31,000 Where is Emily? 200 00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:33,000 She's at Thomas in the kitchen 201 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:34,000 What? 202 00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:36,000 Helen, might you not listen? 203 00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:37,000 No 204 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:38,000 Emily 205 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:40,000 Why is this door locked? 206 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:41,000 I'm not coming out 207 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:44,000 I refuse to be bartered like a side of beef 208 00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:49,000 Bertie Smuth is the most eligible battler in the northeast 209 00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:53,000 Now heir to the Smuth Spoon Manufacturing Empire 210 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:55,000 He's quite the finest match a butte girl could make 211 00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:58,000 He has no poodle faking wrist flop 212 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:01,000 I sure will not live an inch 213 00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:04,000 I should rather die than marry a horrible spoon tycoon 214 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:07,000 Enough of this nonsense, Thomas come out at once 215 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:14,000 As for you young lady 216 00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:17,000 Emily, Emily open this hatchet once 217 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:24,000 I blame your womany, politicking and high idealzing 218 00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:30,000 A young girl of society should be concerned with hem lines, table mats and the cost of iron ore 219 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:33,000 Not wasting her youth changing the world 220 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:38,000 Emily simply wishes for a love match 221 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:45,000 She is after all a beacon of the new generation 222 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:49,000 One who refuses to be passed like chattel from father to spouse 223 00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:52,000 And can she not through our efforts at the co-face of suffragism 224 00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:54,000 Exercise free will in love? 225 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:56,000 As in all things? 226 00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:57,000 No 227 00:11:57,000 --> 00:12:00,000 Remember whom you are addressing 228 00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:05,000 Helen, the only woman to have insisted on not marrying for love 229 00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:08,000 Yes, I made it quite clear to Lawrence 230 00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:11,000 that when I use the word love in the wedding vows 231 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:13,000 he should mentally replace it with like 232 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:19,000 I wonder what he mentally replaces it with now 233 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:25,000 Emily, you have exactly one English minute to come out 234 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:30,000 One Mrs. Beaten, two Mrs. Beaten, three Mrs. Beaten 235 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:33,000 Do not be down hearted twice 236 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:37,000 Though your ship of love is in peril on the high seas 237 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:42,000 I shall tether you to the mast, seize the rudder and steer you into... 238 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:44,000 Oh my goodness 239 00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:47,000 Good afternoon 240 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,000 Oh, it is now 241 00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:54,000 Please, forgive the interruption, I was looking for the lady's butte 242 00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:56,000 My name is Smooth, Bertie Smooth 243 00:12:56,000 --> 00:13:02,000 Oh, Master Bertie, I am Helen Butte, I am intrepid of you to find us 244 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:06,000 Yes, I am a smooth the sleuth 245 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:11,000 I followed a trail of broken twigs and disturbed leaves and the scent of... 246 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:13,000 Heliotrop? 247 00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:15,000 That is my perfume 248 00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:18,000 And I asked the Sashimaster if he knew where you were 249 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:20,000 Oh, you! 250 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,000 Come, hang on, coat 251 00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:25,000 Why, look at that 252 00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:27,000 It's rather like Emily's 253 00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:31,000 Ah, then she must be a young lady of enormously good taste 254 00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:34,000 Come, need us all 255 00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:37,000 This is my mother, I'm afraid 256 00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:40,000 I know, we look like sisters 257 00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:42,000 An honor and a pleasure 258 00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:44,000 Of course it is, thank you mother 259 00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:47,000 And this is Mrs. Eva Moore of the Cotswogne was 260 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:50,000 Oh, forgive my looking like a pudding 261 00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:52,000 I'm normally much slimmer and even prettier 262 00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:54,000 No, you are a vision 263 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:57,000 Da Vinci's Madonna and child ace for motto beauty 264 00:13:57,000 --> 00:14:02,000 No, Master Bertie, stop trying to turn my head with fancy French talk 265 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:05,000 Italian and Margaret Ahmed 266 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:08,000 Oh, hello up there, you are so tall 267 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:11,000 And Bonjour, no to you down there 268 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:13,000 Will you take tea with us please? 269 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:14,000 I should love to 270 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:15,000 What, how? 271 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:16,000 Smooth Bertie's mood 272 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:17,000 Come on, squish'n 273 00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:21,000 Sorry, did I squish your hand? 274 00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,000 No, ganglions 275 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:25,000 I am a brute 276 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:27,000 Curse these beastly paws 277 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:29,000 Ah! 278 00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:33,000 I rather hoped I might meet Miss Emily, is she not here? 279 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:36,000 Yes, she's in the kitchen, she's very domesticated 280 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,000 And also very learned? 281 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:39,000 It is nearly as pretty as me 282 00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:41,000 Look, you can see for yourself 283 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:43,000 Don't tell him I'm in here 284 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:44,000 What? Oh, worry 285 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:48,000 Mind your head on the lint hall with your astonishing tallness 286 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:50,000 Thanks awfully 287 00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:52,000 What? 288 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:58,000 Here she is, Vesta, goddess of the heart 289 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:07,000 Oh, hello, it's sorry but I'm not Vesta 290 00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:10,000 Then you are Hijia, goddess of cleanliness and health 291 00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:12,000 Oh, no, I'm not 292 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,000 I know, you are Emily, of course 293 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,000 Bertie's mood at your service 294 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:23,000 Oh, what? What a funny mistake 295 00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:24,000 How could I be Emily? 296 00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:26,000 She's there under the table 297 00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:30,000 Ah! The table, she speaks 298 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:32,000 No, no, that was Emily 299 00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:33,000 I... 300 00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:36,000 Erm, Emily, butte 301 00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:39,000 Ah, a confusion worthy of Miss Austin 302 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:42,000 Bertie's smooth at your service 303 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,000 You read Jane Austen? 304 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:45,000 I do 305 00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:49,000 But please don't tell anyone or you'll ruin my reputation as a terrible rogue 306 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:52,000 Oh, Vesta, Bertie, you can never be a terrible rogue 307 00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:55,000 Oh, you're far too smartly turned out 308 00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:59,000 What? That will not do, I shall have to rough myself up 309 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:03,000 Oh, what? 310 00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:05,000 See, an utter ruffian 311 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:06,000 Help! 312 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:14,000 I knew they'd be a perfect match 313 00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:16,000 My instinct's never wrong 314 00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:18,000 Other than always 315 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:21,000 Don't be downhearted 316 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:23,000 No, no 317 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:27,000 He may be dashing in altogether wonderful in every way 318 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:31,000 But I don't think he would make Emily happy 319 00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:32,000 No? 320 00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:34,000 Enough virginal blushing 321 00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:36,000 You were set to seduce Emily 322 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:38,000 Mrs von Hekling, I cannot 323 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:39,000 I cannot even speak 324 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:41,000 My mouth partures my tongue turns to rubber 325 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:45,000 Then right, the written word constura girls desire 326 00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:47,000 Every bit as much as a sensual whisper 327 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:50,000 Yes, perhaps something from the first Corinthians chapter 13 328 00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:51,000 Oh! 329 00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:54,000 I confess I have written a poem 330 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:56,000 It's loaded with my deepest yearnings 331 00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:58,000 Oh, could be you 332 00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:03,000 Now, John Chance Thomas, go! 333 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:09,000 Oh, he's a master-firty, the most amusing young gentleman we have ever, ever met 334 00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:11,000 And he was in the Gilbert and Sullivan society 335 00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:13,000 He has a very fine falsetto 336 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:15,000 You're too kind 337 00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:17,000 Shall I be mother? 338 00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:19,000 Oh, no, no, no 339 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:23,000 Let Gwen, I hope you see you are our most estimated guest 340 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:26,000 At least I can be chair monitor, Thomas, will you sit? 341 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:27,000 Yes 342 00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:30,000 I shall fetch another 343 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:40,000 An orange pico, I believe 344 00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:42,000 Yes, how did you know? 345 00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:46,000 I could taste a pico at 20 paces with a clothes peg on my nose 346 00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:54,000 I'm so sorry, I've only brought two ginger snaps 347 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:59,000 We're all on hungry strike, otherwise I might have offered you a poppy seed nibble 348 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:04,000 Or a rosemary fancy, or perhaps even a plate of frilled ham or a buttered finger sandwich 349 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:07,000 John Clemens relish in a spread of crust 350 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:10,000 Oh, Stoglin, you're tormenting us 351 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:12,000 Perhaps a tea will slake the void 352 00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:15,000 Oh, the tea's not the same without a biscuit to bolster it 353 00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:18,000 Just remember, Eva, we are starving for suffrage 354 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:20,000 I'm not 355 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:29,000 Adorable, but ladies, such unbearable pervasions 356 00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:34,000 I know, and we have a rye-beezington log that badly wants eating in the kitchen 357 00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:37,000 Thomas says we're not allowed 358 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:38,000 Thomas says we're not allowed 359 00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:43,000 Surely cheese is merely a hardened form of milk, therefore hardly a food stuff? 360 00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:46,000 Oh, Master Bertie, you're so clever 361 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:51,000 Was there ever a happier sound than that of ladies nibbling cheese? 362 00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,000 Master Bertie, should I fracture some? 363 00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:01,000 Yes, cheese 364 00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:05,000 Oh, very good, Master Bertie 365 00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:07,000 I get it 366 00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:10,000 Cheese! 367 00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:15,000 This whole wrist striking is much easier than they make it sound 368 00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:18,000 All right, when, but no crackers 369 00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:20,000 My father senses regards 370 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:22,000 Oh, how is dear Habakkuk? 371 00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:27,000 Quite well, his new bowl casting device has increased output from 300 to 700 spoons per day 372 00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:31,000 Well, people will always need spoons 373 00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:35,000 If you'll excuse me, I might take this moment to step out 374 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:37,000 Thomas, would you care to join me for a cigarette? 375 00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:38,000 No, thank you, I don't 376 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:40,000 Such a masculine habit 377 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:43,000 Lawrence smoked in his youth 378 00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:45,000 It was one of the many qualities I admired 379 00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:49,000 The others being punctuality, solvency and a thick neck 380 00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:53,000 I look forward to making Mr. Butte's acquaintance 381 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:57,000 Oh, rest assured, Lawrence approves wholeheartedly of the match 382 00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:59,000 He's drawing up contracts as we speak 383 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:00,000 Mother? 384 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:06,000 Well, pending the formality of a proposal, the conclusion is quite foregone, is it not? 385 00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:08,000 How very romantic 386 00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:10,000 Shall I have much to discuss my return? 387 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:11,000 Excuse me 388 00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:23,000 Yes, Cheese! Yes, Cheese! 389 00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:26,000 Are you one well, Thomas? 390 00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:29,000 No, Mrs. Unwin, I have written a poem for Emily 391 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:30,000 No! 392 00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:32,000 But I feel Butte has discovered it 393 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:34,000 Oh, no, no, this is good 394 00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:39,000 Now, Bertie will know your true feelings and leave our family 395 00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:41,000 Thomas? 396 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:42,000 Thomas? 397 00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:44,000 Might I have a word in private, please? 398 00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:47,000 He means to fight leave our family 399 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:49,000 Oh dear, he is an athlete 400 00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:55,000 You are not Thomas if you love something very much, let it go 401 00:20:57,000 --> 00:21:00,000 For goodness sake, be a man 402 00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:02,000 Tell him you stand by every word 403 00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:05,000 Or I could just stay here 404 00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:12,000 Thomas? 405 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:15,000 I found your outpouring in my pocket 406 00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:21,000 I stand by every word, you brilliant fool 407 00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:27,000 Perhaps I am a fool, but I should rather be a fool for love than for any other thing that makes me a fool for it 408 00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:29,000 You realise you can go to jail for this? 409 00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:30,000 Really? Why? 410 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:34,000 Well, if love is a crime, then lock me up and throw away the key 411 00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:36,000 For I'm guilty, my lad, on all counts 412 00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:38,000 You are very just loom-tic 413 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:41,000 Bertie will pulverise, Thomas, we mustn't leave 414 00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:43,000 Wait, wait, I wouldn't be so sure 415 00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:46,000 You would take violent advantage of a man half-starved? 416 00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:50,000 I am a holy star, but your words, Thomas, have filled my belly with death 417 00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:54,000 But God and a bud stiffened with proud beauty 418 00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:57,000 I wander through the swaying stems 419 00:21:57,000 --> 00:22:04,000 One little head catches my eye, would I could give you that head that you may smell yourself? 420 00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:06,000 Thomas? 421 00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:07,000 Thomas? 422 00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:09,000 Thomas? 423 00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:11,000 Thomas? 424 00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:14,000 Is that a wrestling maneuver? 425 00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:20,000 I knew it! Margaret, he's a Marianne! 426 00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:22,000 Who's Marianne? 427 00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:24,000 I suppose you have another lady, friend 428 00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:26,000 Thomas? 429 00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:28,000 Thomas? 430 00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:33,000 Ah! The boy fainted, and I caught him, please, that is a private doodle 431 00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:34,000 Oh, look! 432 00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:38,000 Thomas forgot to dedicate his poem to Emily 433 00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:40,000 Emily? 434 00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:45,000 Yes, poor Thomas was so love-lorn, he thought a romantic ode might help him win her back 435 00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:48,000 So the poem was not meant for... 436 00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:52,000 Thomas? 437 00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:56,000 No judging too harshly, he's a fragile soul 438 00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:58,000 But Emily does not return his affection? 439 00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:03,000 Well, she does when her head's not turned by someone altogether, more tall and astonishing 440 00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:08,000 Yes, well, I suppose the wheels are betrothed all our emotion? 441 00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:10,000 Who are we to defy the butte smooth merger? 442 00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:15,000 Please don't throw your life away on useless notions of honor and duty 443 00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:18,000 No good will come of a loveless marriage, look at Margaret! 444 00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:25,000 Would you rather gorge right plums in the sunshine? 445 00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:29,000 Or slurp briny oysters in the rain? 446 00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:31,000 Hmm, come on, not have both? 447 00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:32,000 Have one? 448 00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:34,000 Well, maybe not in the same sitting. 449 00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:39,000 Oh, Mrs. One heckling, how the Lord despises lovers of plums! 450 00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:41,000 Oh, don't you think there's anything in the statute about plums? 451 00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:42,000 I could be wrong. 452 00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:48,000 I know a place where young men are free to eat all fruits 453 00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:54,000 To go about open-shirted trousers rolled up, feet quite bare 454 00:23:54,000 --> 00:24:02,000 Oh, the sun blanches the soft downy hair of their muscular brown bodies 455 00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:07,000 And the hot nights are filled with the ozzamatoria 456 00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:09,000 Oh, of it? 457 00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:15,000 It is a place of people neither here nor there, but somewhere in between 458 00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:17,000 It's Northampton 459 00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:22,000 Careful, Lou, on the island of Sicily 460 00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:27,000 I have a friend there, Mr. Crowley, a Uranian of seat who can take you 461 00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:31,000 And coax you to full expression 462 00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:33,000 I wish 463 00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:36,000 Oh, no, don't wish, go! 464 00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:42,000 Live here. Take this book as a token of introduction 465 00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:45,000 I keep a copy with me always 466 00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:49,000 I'll have to do it 467 00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:53,000 Ciao for Lou, you say? 468 00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:55,000 I'm always said I should travel 469 00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:58,000 The Grand Tour can last a lifetime, you know 470 00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:01,000 I should explain to Mrs. Butte 471 00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:03,000 I will handle Helen 472 00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:06,000 Right, wonderful. I mean, it's for the best, isn't it? 473 00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:08,000 Goodbye, Bertie 474 00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:11,000 Thank you, thank you, and...bye 475 00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:13,000 Bye! 476 00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:16,000 Oh, fuck! 477 00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:19,000 Mertel, yes. 478 00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:28,000 You may not understand and forgive me if I shock you, but I think that Bertie might be a touch homosexual 479 00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:33,000 I know, it's shocking, isn't it? 480 00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:35,000 Who are we to condemn love? 481 00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:37,000 Be it man for man or woman for woman? 482 00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:39,000 Oh, woman for many men? 483 00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:42,000 Yes, quite. 484 00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:45,000 What are we going to tell poor Emily? 485 00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:47,000 Where my old wedding dress? 486 00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:49,000 Oh, what's this? 487 00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:55,000 Young Thomas, having challenged Bertie to fight for Emily's hand, has soundly beaten. 488 00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:56,000 Young smooth. 489 00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:58,000 What? No, it's bad he hurt. 490 00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:03,000 Er, no, he ran away. He couldn't match such mortal passion. 491 00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:06,000 Er, he said to say, erm, sorry, and...bye! 492 00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:09,000 What shall we come with, Emily? 493 00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:12,000 Do you think the smooths are made of suns? 494 00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:13,000 What's this? 495 00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:16,000 Emily's grave protector! 496 00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:23,000 Yes, he flainted clear away from the exertion of fisticuffs on an empty stomach. 497 00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:25,000 Thomas? 498 00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:27,000 Oh, Thomas. 499 00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:30,000 Wait. I know. 500 00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:35,000 What have you done, mother? 501 00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:37,000 I, Bertie. 502 00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:39,000 Bertie's smooth come back! 503 00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:41,000 Of course, some fun for a bog! 504 00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:43,000 Oh! That would wait the dead! 505 00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:45,000 That's how I go. 506 00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:46,000 He's alive! 507 00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:48,000 Thomas, I thought I'd lost you. 508 00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:50,000 I remember. Bertie's smooth. 509 00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:52,000 Holding me in his arms. 510 00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:54,000 He smelled of high-sense. 511 00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:57,000 Yes, erm, he's hallucinating. Apply more bog, Emily. 512 00:26:57,000 --> 00:27:00,000 Oh, Emily, miss Emily. 513 00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:03,000 Oh, Thomas, I'm so sorry. It's just Bertie was so strong and brilliant 514 00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:05,000 and you so flimsy and mewling. 515 00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:08,000 Now that you've made him go, I... 516 00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:10,000 I'm glad. 517 00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:11,000 Oh, do you mean that? 518 00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:12,000 Yes. 519 00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:13,000 Do you really? 520 00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:15,000 I did just say so. 521 00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:20,000 Miss Emily, you must know. I... I do so love. 522 00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:22,000 Yes? 523 00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:23,000 I do love. 524 00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:24,000 Yes? 525 00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:26,000 I do so love. 526 00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:27,000 Cheese. 527 00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:32,000 I love to use two, Thomas. 528 00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:33,000 Very much. 529 00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:35,000 Now... 530 00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:39,000 Bertie's smooth has entirely gone. 531 00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:41,000 How very queer. 532 00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:51,000 As our first hunger strike casualty recovers, 533 00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:55,000 I reflect on the hardships of self-denial. 534 00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:59,000 I have only had a small taste of the suffragettes' privations, 535 00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:01,000 but it has brought me close to our cause 536 00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:05,000 and taught me that in desires of the heart, mind and stomach, 537 00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:07,000 we are all created equal. 538 00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:10,000 A woman or man may want... 539 00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:11,000 Cheese, Margaret. 540 00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:12,000 Oh, yes, please, Bert. 541 00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:14,000 LAUGHTER 38211

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