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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:18,477 --> 00:00:21,447 Jesus Christ. 2 00:00:22,565 --> 00:00:25,483 You are my sunshine 3 00:00:25,484 --> 00:00:28,319 My only sunshine 4 00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:33,950 You make me happy when skies are grey 5 00:00:33,951 --> 00:00:39,956 You'll never know, dear, how much I love you 6 00:00:39,957 --> 00:00:43,752 Please don't take my sunshine away 7 00:00:45,713 --> 00:00:51,301 The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping 8 00:00:51,302 --> 00:00:56,848 I dreamt I held you in my arms 9 00:00:56,849 --> 00:01:02,854 And when I woke, dear, I was mistaken 10 00:01:02,855 --> 00:01:08,234 And I hung my head and I cried 11 00:01:08,235 --> 00:01:13,990 You are my sunshine, my only sunshine 12 00:01:13,991 --> 00:01:19,913 You make me happy when skies are grey 13 00:01:19,914 --> 00:01:25,919 You'll never know, dear, how much I love you 14 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:31,225 Please don't take my sunshine away 15 00:01:59,662 --> 00:02:02,631 Oh, my God. Why is it so cold? 16 00:02:03,582 --> 00:02:06,126 Get in here. 17 00:02:06,127 --> 00:02:08,720 Oh, warmth. 18 00:02:13,676 --> 00:02:15,769 Clementina. Oh, go on. Answer it. 19 00:02:17,221 --> 00:02:20,557 No. Don't tell me it's not working out already. 20 00:02:20,558 --> 00:02:22,725 - Beep. - But she's lovely, Davin. 21 00:02:22,726 --> 00:02:24,936 You've only been seeing her two months. 22 00:02:24,937 --> 00:02:28,273 Two months and a week on top of that, so that's nine weeks. 23 00:02:28,274 --> 00:02:30,576 What was it this time? 24 00:02:31,735 --> 00:02:34,112 - Her left eye... - Oh, God. 25 00:02:34,113 --> 00:02:37,532 This is serious... becomes slightly lazy when she laughs. 26 00:02:37,533 --> 00:02:39,742 - And that's it? - That is a valid reason. 27 00:02:39,743 --> 00:02:41,953 What about the last girl, Clare? 28 00:02:41,954 --> 00:02:44,539 - Gummy Anna? Purple, purple gums. - Yeah. 29 00:02:44,540 --> 00:02:47,375 - That's right. - Hey, how are you doing? 30 00:02:47,376 --> 00:02:49,085 - Mm-hm. - It's me, Anna. 31 00:02:49,086 --> 00:02:52,964 And, er, remember the Galway girl, um, how were her gums? 32 00:02:52,965 --> 00:02:55,884 Her gums are actually fine, but what was wrong with her 33 00:02:55,885 --> 00:02:59,721 was her endless humming. But not songs. No songs. 34 00:02:59,722 --> 00:03:04,309 Just endless, mindless, tuneless humming. 35 00:03:08,439 --> 00:03:12,451 Reading, driving, walking. 36 00:03:13,903 --> 00:03:15,445 These things are signs. 37 00:03:15,446 --> 00:03:18,448 No, they're not. They're normal, human characteristics. 38 00:03:18,449 --> 00:03:22,243 You are going to end up on your own, alone forever. 39 00:03:22,244 --> 00:03:24,412 Don't you want to find someone to love? 40 00:03:24,413 --> 00:03:27,582 Jesus, Fionan, who are you, my fucking mother? 41 00:03:27,583 --> 00:03:29,927 When I find someone, I'll let you know. 42 00:03:32,296 --> 00:03:34,598 Okay. 43 00:03:40,054 --> 00:03:42,805 - How's the wedding plans going? - Do you really want to know? 44 00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:45,016 - Yeah. - I'd like to talk about it. 45 00:03:45,017 --> 00:03:47,319 Still a bit stressed? 46 00:03:48,270 --> 00:03:50,438 Each detail leads to the next detail 47 00:03:50,439 --> 00:03:54,150 and each decision is as important as the last. It's exhausting. 48 00:03:54,151 --> 00:03:57,111 - You're a strange, strange man. - I know. 49 00:03:57,112 --> 00:04:00,907 Oh. I shouldn't be showing you this, but if I can't show my best man, 50 00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:02,700 - who can I show? - What is that? 51 00:04:14,505 --> 00:04:17,724 - She looks beautiful. - I am marrying this woman. 52 00:04:18,842 --> 00:04:21,010 Mm. 53 00:04:21,011 --> 00:04:23,313 Congratulations, buddy. 54 00:04:24,265 --> 00:04:27,183 I haven't shown her yet, so it's a surprise. 55 00:04:27,184 --> 00:04:29,644 - Please don't give the game away. - No, absolutely. I tell you what. 56 00:04:29,645 --> 00:04:31,896 I'm pressed for time, 'cause we've got to go through 57 00:04:31,897 --> 00:04:35,576 - the name cards and the menu fonts. - Here it is. 58 00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:49,789 - Did... Did you make this? - I'm a theatre set designer. 59 00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:52,166 Okay, that is an enormous relief. 60 00:04:52,167 --> 00:04:55,637 - So what do you think, Linda? - What I think? 61 00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:59,799 - Wow, Fionan. - Actually, it's Fion-awwwn. 62 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:02,552 Oh, I'm sorry. Fion-awn. 63 00:05:02,553 --> 00:05:06,097 - One more time, Linda. Fion-awwwn. - Fion-awn. 64 00:05:06,098 --> 00:05:07,765 Fion-awwwn. 65 00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:09,976 - Fion-awn. Fion-awn. - Fion-awwwn. 66 00:05:09,977 --> 00:05:12,312 - Awwwn. - Awn. 67 00:05:12,313 --> 00:05:14,656 - Awn. Fion-awn. - Fion-awwwn. 68 00:05:15,566 --> 00:05:18,401 - Fion-awwwn. - Thank you. 69 00:05:18,402 --> 00:05:20,987 - So sorry I'm late, guys. - Hi. 70 00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:23,531 - Work is mental. Hi! - Don't worry. 71 00:05:23,532 --> 00:05:26,418 Hey! Aw! 72 00:05:27,286 --> 00:05:31,632 - Linda, what is it? - No, no, no. Fion-awwwn. 73 00:05:32,624 --> 00:05:34,292 - Surprise. - No. 74 00:05:34,293 --> 00:05:36,461 Yes. Look. 75 00:05:36,462 --> 00:05:38,504 This is us. 76 00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:42,008 This is where we enter. The speeches take place over there. 77 00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:44,761 I don't know what to say. It's so cute. 78 00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:48,556 - Oh. - It's the florist. 79 00:05:48,557 --> 00:05:50,224 Oh, do you want me to...? 80 00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:52,027 No, I'll... Hello? 81 00:05:52,978 --> 00:05:55,521 Look at this, Linda. It's so intricate. 82 00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:57,315 Isn't it? 83 00:05:57,316 --> 00:06:00,151 Also a little mad. I know. 84 00:06:00,152 --> 00:06:05,782 He is certainly not your average groom-to-be, not your usual guy. 85 00:06:05,783 --> 00:06:08,326 - In what way? - Most guys don't give a shit 86 00:06:08,327 --> 00:06:11,079 about details. Usually they just nod and smile 87 00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:14,540 and scrub up for the day. Very few of them make a doll's house. 88 00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:17,469 - Oh, it's a diorama. - Yeah, that's the word. 89 00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:20,922 - And he is so metro. - Metro? 90 00:06:20,923 --> 00:06:23,424 Metrose... politan. Metropolitan. 91 00:06:23,425 --> 00:06:26,177 Usually, the only plans men care about are 92 00:06:26,178 --> 00:06:27,929 the ones they make for their stag weekend. 93 00:06:27,930 --> 00:06:31,233 - No, Fionan's not going on a stag. - That makes sense. 94 00:06:34,228 --> 00:06:36,979 That was the florist, Linda, saying the bouquets 95 00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:39,065 - do not have to be ranunculus. - Oh. 96 00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:40,775 Did you have a conversation about ranunculus? 97 00:06:40,776 --> 00:06:42,902 I um... 98 00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:45,029 Ranunculus. 99 00:06:45,030 --> 00:06:47,073 - I'm worried about Linda. - Oh? 100 00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:50,118 Are you listening to me? I have problems with Linda. 101 00:06:50,119 --> 00:06:52,495 - We should fire her. - What? 102 00:06:52,496 --> 00:06:54,163 We are a month from the wedding. 103 00:06:54,164 --> 00:06:58,376 A wedding that's going to look like it took place in McDonald's. 104 00:06:58,377 --> 00:07:00,336 Sit down. 105 00:07:00,337 --> 00:07:02,505 Sit down. 106 00:07:02,506 --> 00:07:05,550 Our wedding day is about me and you, 107 00:07:05,551 --> 00:07:10,888 not about... place-card fonts, or... thematic coherence. 108 00:07:10,889 --> 00:07:12,890 The theme is us. 109 00:07:12,891 --> 00:07:15,935 We've got to focus on why we're marrying each other. 110 00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:17,895 Focus on the why. 111 00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:19,981 I'm so sorry. 112 00:07:19,982 --> 00:07:22,817 I'm going nuts trying to make sure it's the best day in your life 113 00:07:22,818 --> 00:07:27,029 because... I already know it's going to be the best day in mine. 114 00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:29,916 You don't have to try and make it perfect. 115 00:07:30,826 --> 00:07:33,795 It'll already be the happiest day of my life. 116 00:07:35,247 --> 00:07:40,293 But for me, the section of the book concerning Levin and agrarian reform 117 00:07:40,294 --> 00:07:43,004 engages the heart just as much, 118 00:07:43,005 --> 00:07:48,769 because we stand rooted to the earth for far longer than we ever are... 119 00:07:49,470 --> 00:07:51,980 in love. 120 00:07:52,890 --> 00:07:55,057 So we'll leave that there. 121 00:07:55,058 --> 00:07:57,435 - Thanks, folks. - Hi. 122 00:07:57,436 --> 00:08:01,230 - Hello. - So I was just passing through. 123 00:08:01,231 --> 00:08:03,983 Passing through? Okay. 124 00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:08,571 Okay. I need you to organise a stag for Fionan. 125 00:08:08,572 --> 00:08:11,115 Fionan is not a stag guy. 126 00:08:11,116 --> 00:08:14,785 That is why I need you to organise a stag for Fionan. 127 00:08:14,786 --> 00:08:20,208 - Why do you want that? - He's too caught up in all of the... 128 00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:22,084 The wedding. 129 00:08:22,085 --> 00:08:25,588 - Okay, yes. Yes. - Yes. 130 00:08:25,589 --> 00:08:28,099 Have you any ideas what we could do or...? 131 00:08:29,426 --> 00:08:35,014 You go walking and hiking and like scaling mountains and stuff. 132 00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:37,266 Yeah, I've still got the compass you gave me. 133 00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:39,810 Oh, you still have that? 134 00:08:39,811 --> 00:08:42,489 - It's a great compass. - Yeah. 135 00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,983 Okay, well, I will float that. 136 00:08:45,984 --> 00:08:49,871 - Thank you, Davin. - You know, it is Fionan, so don't 137 00:08:50,531 --> 00:08:53,282 - get your hopes up. - I am marrying him, Davin. 138 00:08:53,283 --> 00:08:55,368 Yeah. 139 00:08:55,369 --> 00:08:58,788 But get him up a mountain. Seriously, get him up a mountain. 140 00:08:58,789 --> 00:09:01,541 - Yes, sir. - Okay. 141 00:09:01,542 --> 00:09:04,293 Thank you. Hey, I'll see you on Sunday. 142 00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:06,596 - You will. - Okay. 143 00:09:18,183 --> 00:09:21,269 Hello! How are you? 144 00:09:21,270 --> 00:09:23,896 Oh, lovely. Thank you very much. 145 00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:29,485 - Hi, everyone. How are you doing? - Hey, Davin. 146 00:09:29,486 --> 00:09:31,862 - All right? - Yeah, yeah, good. 147 00:09:31,863 --> 00:09:34,291 Cheers, guys. Cheers. 148 00:09:40,163 --> 00:09:42,206 That is the thing about walking that people don't get. 149 00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:45,626 - It's tough. It's pretty wild. - But you're still just walking. 150 00:09:45,627 --> 00:09:49,630 You are still walking, Fionan, but you're also climbing for bits of it. 151 00:09:49,631 --> 00:09:53,467 - Do you kill your food? - No, no, I bring energy bars. 152 00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:56,137 - And bananas. - In Iceland, Uli and her family 153 00:09:56,138 --> 00:09:58,889 bring hunting tools when they hike. 154 00:09:58,890 --> 00:10:00,975 They can source snacks and things. 155 00:10:00,976 --> 00:10:03,352 - Snacks? - Like reindeers and salmons? 156 00:10:03,353 --> 00:10:06,439 - Yes, that is what we kill. - Good. 157 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:08,566 What about you, Fionan, what do you do for exercise? 158 00:10:08,567 --> 00:10:13,070 - I walk to work and back daily. - Oh, punishing. 159 00:10:13,071 --> 00:10:16,198 He also gets lots of exercise arguing with our wedding planner. 160 00:10:16,199 --> 00:10:18,835 Lively collaboration. 161 00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:24,090 Actually, speaking of walking... 162 00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:29,545 Men, Simon, the Kevinses, how do you feel about a little walking holiday 163 00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:32,298 to drag Fionan here away from the wedding planner 164 00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:34,675 and out into the fresh air? 165 00:10:34,676 --> 00:10:36,677 Like a stag? 166 00:10:36,678 --> 00:10:40,014 Rugged gentlemen, alone up a mountain, sounds great. 167 00:10:40,015 --> 00:10:43,267 - I'd find a way to enjoy that. - Great, brilliant. Simon? 168 00:10:43,268 --> 00:10:47,355 - Uli knows I'm good in the wild. - You're not good in the wild. 169 00:10:47,356 --> 00:10:51,442 - Fionan? - Yeah, no. No way. No stags so... 170 00:10:51,443 --> 00:10:53,819 Fionan, have you ever even been on a stag? 171 00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,781 - No. - So not even a weekend walk? 172 00:10:56,782 --> 00:10:59,950 I don't enjoy being in exclusively male company for long periods. 173 00:10:59,951 --> 00:11:03,829 There's something forced about it and false, all that banter... 174 00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:06,874 I mean, under what other circumstances would we five 175 00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:10,002 ever agree to be in a tent in the shitting rain 176 00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:13,798 in mid-November all for the sake of some needless ritual? 177 00:11:13,799 --> 00:11:15,966 So er, so what about hens in general? 178 00:11:15,967 --> 00:11:19,804 Or my hen, is that just some stupid needless ritual? 179 00:11:19,805 --> 00:11:24,234 Oh, no, babe, but I would happily go on your hen night. 180 00:11:26,103 --> 00:11:28,405 You want to go on my hen? 181 00:11:30,774 --> 00:11:33,943 Okay, Fionan, one of my favourite things to do 182 00:11:33,944 --> 00:11:37,655 is have sex with a man and even for me that's a bit too gay. 183 00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:43,327 No, come on, guys. Leave him alone. Fionan has got his principles. 184 00:11:43,328 --> 00:11:47,257 Maybe a walking holiday's just a bit too rough and tumble for him. 185 00:11:47,999 --> 00:11:49,667 Okay, Davin. 186 00:11:49,668 --> 00:11:51,502 Yeah, okay, fine. 187 00:11:51,503 --> 00:11:53,170 Yeah, stag it is. 188 00:11:53,171 --> 00:11:55,131 Yay, stag. 189 00:11:55,132 --> 00:11:58,184 The stag! 190 00:11:59,678 --> 00:12:02,355 Well done, bro. 191 00:12:05,308 --> 00:12:07,610 Is this something that we need? 192 00:12:13,108 --> 00:12:16,578 The spoon, so you just eat. 193 00:12:27,748 --> 00:12:30,091 Argh! 194 00:12:31,001 --> 00:12:33,303 - No? - No. 195 00:12:44,181 --> 00:12:45,973 Ooh. 196 00:12:45,974 --> 00:12:49,894 - Is this our tent? - That is a tent, eh? Look at this. 197 00:13:00,030 --> 00:13:02,323 - Should we... Should we... buy it? - Yes. 198 00:13:02,324 --> 00:13:04,283 - Let's go for it. - Let's do it. 199 00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:07,495 Okay. Let's buy it. Let's pay up and get out of here. 200 00:13:07,496 --> 00:13:10,247 - Careful, are you okay? - Yeah. 201 00:13:10,248 --> 00:13:12,124 - You're fine? - I'm fine. 202 00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:14,585 Okay. It's stuck. 203 00:13:14,586 --> 00:13:16,962 - No. Just give it a tug. - Unstick it. It's a zip. 204 00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:18,756 - It's caught. - Give me a go. 205 00:13:18,757 --> 00:13:22,551 - Don't force it. - Gently. 206 00:13:22,552 --> 00:13:24,479 Just prise it. 207 00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:28,474 - Oh! - We are stuck in a tent. 208 00:13:31,228 --> 00:13:33,771 - Okay, try that one. - Got a can opener? 209 00:13:33,772 --> 00:13:36,116 One, two, three. 210 00:13:36,775 --> 00:13:38,526 Wait, wait, wait, careful. 211 00:13:38,527 --> 00:13:42,488 - Hello? - We're in the forest display! 212 00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:45,324 - Is there another exit? - Stop pushing. 213 00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,493 Help! 214 00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:49,161 Hello? 215 00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,830 Oh, Jesus Christ. 216 00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:53,374 Don't panic! Don't panic! Okay?! 217 00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:56,293 - Get me out of here. - Get off of me! 218 00:13:56,294 --> 00:13:59,338 - Hello? - Whoa! Ah! 219 00:14:02,634 --> 00:14:05,386 - What are you doing? - We're trying to buy a tent. 220 00:14:05,387 --> 00:14:08,138 Simon, you're crushing me to death! 221 00:14:08,139 --> 00:14:10,817 Simon! 222 00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:14,112 Yes, it's lovely. We'll take it. 223 00:14:15,689 --> 00:14:18,408 - Are you ready? - I'm ready. 224 00:14:19,568 --> 00:14:22,111 Woof. 225 00:14:22,112 --> 00:14:23,654 Grrr! 226 00:14:23,655 --> 00:14:26,615 Oh, don't tie me up with your rope, Mr Stag Man! 227 00:14:26,616 --> 00:14:28,534 I love it! I want it all off! 228 00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:30,911 If I'd known you were so into this, I'd have tracked 229 00:14:30,912 --> 00:14:33,122 and shot a squirrel or something. 230 00:14:33,123 --> 00:14:35,291 Hey, now you're going on a stag. 231 00:14:35,292 --> 00:14:38,928 - Yeah, baby. - You have to invite The Machine. 232 00:14:40,255 --> 00:14:42,339 - What? - Well, he's my brother. 233 00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:45,676 - He's gonna be your brother, too. - My brother-in-law! 234 00:14:45,677 --> 00:14:48,888 That's what stags are for, getting to know each other better. 235 00:14:48,889 --> 00:14:50,431 I already know him. 236 00:14:50,432 --> 00:14:52,474 - Properly. - Properly I know him. 237 00:14:52,475 --> 00:14:57,062 You guys haven't bonded. I know that he can be a bit full-on, 238 00:14:57,063 --> 00:15:00,241 but The Machine is a good man. 239 00:15:00,984 --> 00:15:03,193 You have to invite him. 240 00:15:03,194 --> 00:15:05,237 - No. - Yes. 241 00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:08,073 - No, no. - Yes. 242 00:15:08,074 --> 00:15:09,658 - This is the brother who... - Yes. 243 00:15:09,659 --> 00:15:11,785 - With the... and the... - Yup. Mm-hm. 244 00:15:11,786 --> 00:15:14,163 No. No. No. 245 00:15:14,164 --> 00:15:16,832 - We are doomed. - We'll call off the stag. 246 00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:20,878 We can't. She'll know why. There is no exit strategy here. 247 00:15:20,879 --> 00:15:23,088 - The Machine. - The Machine! 248 00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:26,759 You have no idea what it's like to spend five minutes with this man 249 00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:30,763 over drinks on Christmas Eve, let alone a whole weekend up a mountain! 250 00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:34,767 He is insane and as far as I'm concerned, it is all your fault. 251 00:15:34,768 --> 00:15:37,311 - Why is it my fault? - For suggesting the idea. 252 00:15:37,312 --> 00:15:39,480 In the first place, like an imbecile. 253 00:15:39,481 --> 00:15:41,941 - I didn't... I... - You should never dabble 254 00:15:41,942 --> 00:15:43,943 in social conventions that were not designed for you. 255 00:15:43,944 --> 00:15:47,288 Jesus, Fionan, I'm at work. I'm actually about to give a lecture. 256 00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:52,660 - You fix it. - Okay, yeah, I'll fix it. 257 00:15:52,661 --> 00:15:56,872 I'll call him. I'll say it's kind of a literary walk. 258 00:15:56,873 --> 00:15:58,832 - No, religious. - Yeah, religious. 259 00:15:58,833 --> 00:16:00,501 A religious pilgrimage. 260 00:16:00,502 --> 00:16:04,213 A religious abstinent pilgrimage to various shrines. 261 00:16:04,214 --> 00:16:08,968 A silent, religious abstinent pilgrimage to various shrines. 262 00:16:08,969 --> 00:16:12,137 - Ancient shrines. - Say the weather forecast is bad. 263 00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:14,515 - Terrible weather. - Tell him the Kevins are gay. 264 00:16:14,516 --> 00:16:18,060 - Make them trannies. - Vestite or sexual? 265 00:16:18,061 --> 00:16:20,729 - Vestite. Do it now. Make the call. - Now? 266 00:16:20,730 --> 00:16:23,232 - I can't work until it's done. - Yeah, okay, I can't either. 267 00:16:23,233 --> 00:16:26,068 - Give me your phone. - What do you mean? Why? 268 00:16:26,069 --> 00:16:28,821 No, but why can't we do it on your phone? 269 00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:30,915 Because you're the best man. 270 00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:33,993 Shit. 271 00:16:33,994 --> 00:16:35,920 Okay. 272 00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:41,551 It's ringing. 273 00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:48,757 Voicemail. 274 00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:54,105 Leave a message for The Machine on the machine! 275 00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:59,360 Hi. This is Davin. I'm a friend of Fionan's who's marrying your sister. 276 00:17:00,020 --> 00:17:02,187 This weekend we are going... 277 00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:06,191 We are embarking on a silent walking retreat 278 00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:09,987 with some transsexual friends of ours in the rain 279 00:17:09,988 --> 00:17:12,740 and we wanted to let you know that. 280 00:17:12,741 --> 00:17:16,869 Er... you can call me back if you want, but it will be just as I say, 281 00:17:16,870 --> 00:17:19,872 wet and silent and boring and weird. 282 00:17:19,873 --> 00:17:22,175 Okay, bye-bye- 283 00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:26,471 Keep me posted. Remember, this is all your fault. 284 00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:32,468 Okay. 285 00:17:32,469 --> 00:17:34,604 Dostoevsky. 286 00:17:35,889 --> 00:17:39,266 Oh! 287 00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:40,934 Hi, girls! 288 00:17:40,935 --> 00:17:42,519 Hey. 289 00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,396 We need to go, okay? 290 00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:46,356 24 missed calls. 291 00:17:46,357 --> 00:17:48,317 - My God. - Yeah. Let's go. 292 00:17:48,318 --> 00:17:50,027 Let's go, okay? 293 00:17:50,028 --> 00:17:52,330 Davin, come here. 294 00:17:53,031 --> 00:17:54,990 - Where is The Machine? - Oh, yeah. 295 00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:57,076 We've been playing phone tag, but he's got the details. 296 00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:59,745 - He's making his own way down. - He's making his own way down? 297 00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:01,839 He's making his own way down. 298 00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:05,209 Okay. He's making his own way down. 299 00:18:05,210 --> 00:18:07,086 - Have fun! - Okay, you too! 300 00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:08,754 - Bye. - Bye, have fun. Bye. 301 00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:10,881 Bye! 302 00:18:10,882 --> 00:18:12,841 Let's go! 303 00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:17,146 Okay, okay. 304 00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:31,411 This is actually going to be fun. 305 00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:34,705 Bye! 306 00:18:35,406 --> 00:18:39,544 Okay, just one call. I'm so sorry. One second. 307 00:18:44,874 --> 00:18:46,875 The Machine, hi. 308 00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:51,013 Listen, I'm just checking that you do know about this stag. 309 00:18:51,714 --> 00:18:53,882 Oh, yeah. Did he call you back? 310 00:18:53,883 --> 00:18:56,135 No? 311 00:18:56,136 --> 00:19:00,731 Well, I can give you the address. Yeah, I'll text it to you right now. 312 00:19:01,391 --> 00:19:02,975 Guys, I just want to say, 313 00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:05,185 I know I was really reluctant about the idea of a stag. 314 00:19:05,186 --> 00:19:07,521 but I think this is going to be brilliant 315 00:19:07,522 --> 00:19:10,858 and I'd just like to thank my best man and best friend Davin 316 00:19:10,859 --> 00:19:12,952 for putting it all together, okay? 317 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:18,115 Well, now that we're all here, I can tell you that 318 00:19:18,116 --> 00:19:20,367 we dodged a serious bullet today. 319 00:19:20,368 --> 00:19:24,163 - Yes, we did. - You know Ruth's brother? 320 00:19:24,164 --> 00:19:26,373 - The Machine knows about this? - Yeah. 321 00:19:26,374 --> 00:19:28,417 - The Machine? - You don't want to know. 322 00:19:28,418 --> 00:19:30,586 - Yes, I do. - Davin here took one for the team. 323 00:19:30,587 --> 00:19:35,257 And after an elaborate subterfuge and 28 missed calls 324 00:19:35,258 --> 00:19:37,467 and 24 messages... 325 00:19:37,468 --> 00:19:40,220 - Oh, play one. Play a voice mail. - Dare I? 326 00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:42,764 I've never actually heard this guy's voice, 327 00:19:42,765 --> 00:19:45,809 but the stories would make your shit turn white. 328 00:19:45,810 --> 00:19:47,352 This is genius. 329 00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:50,981 Okay, Gavin, or whatever your little name is, it's The Machine. 330 00:19:50,982 --> 00:19:55,569 I'm sitting here with an enormous, raging stag boner on me right now. 331 00:19:55,570 --> 00:19:58,906 You hear me knocking, let me in. First thought right out of the gate. 332 00:19:58,907 --> 00:20:05,120 We are going To Africa! 333 00:20:05,121 --> 00:20:07,206 Activities, harness wedgies, 334 00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:10,209 six men, three bed sheets, a pound of chicken fat 335 00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:14,087 and we don't shave his balls, we shave his asshole! 336 00:20:14,088 --> 00:20:16,173 Put a little lipstick on the ring piece. 337 00:20:16,174 --> 00:20:18,342 Might be a job for those trannies you mentioned. 338 00:20:18,343 --> 00:20:20,886 Think global here, Facebook, Twitter, 339 00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:23,722 anything that will allow it for five minutes and boom, 340 00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:26,767 the whole world's looking at Fionan's dolled-up kicker. 341 00:20:26,768 --> 00:20:31,813 Are you with me? It is insane that you have not called me back yet. 342 00:20:31,814 --> 00:20:36,244 I've done 22 tours of duty, my man. I'm gonna get nuclear on you. 343 00:20:37,403 --> 00:20:40,989 Davin, Davin, Davin. Just give it to me, Davin. 344 00:20:40,990 --> 00:20:43,292 What the fuck did you just... 345 00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:46,411 Yeah. 346 00:20:46,412 --> 00:20:47,913 - Is that... - The Machine! 347 00:20:47,914 --> 00:20:50,582 - Konnichiwa, fuck sticks. - Hello. 348 00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:54,670 I'll deal with you in a minute. Which dick slice is your commander? 349 00:20:54,671 --> 00:20:56,713 - What? - Who's the point man? 350 00:20:56,714 --> 00:20:59,299 - Is that a sports thing? - Your best man, groom job. 351 00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:01,561 This is him. 352 00:21:02,553 --> 00:21:05,180 - Kevin? - Davin. 353 00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:07,766 - Gavin? - No, Davin. 354 00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:10,060 - No, Gavin. - No, Davin with a D. 355 00:21:10,061 --> 00:21:12,813 - No, Gavin with a G. - Oh, okay. 356 00:21:12,814 --> 00:21:15,565 So Muggins here has to drop everything in his life 357 00:21:15,566 --> 00:21:17,609 and drive 220 miles on the fly, 358 00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:20,904 because this little cum sock can't answer a fucking telephone! 359 00:21:20,905 --> 00:21:24,074 - Because... No, because... - Why aren't you standing? 360 00:21:24,075 --> 00:21:26,127 Be... 361 00:21:28,788 --> 00:21:31,164 - Listen, The Machine... - And the kicker, my sister. 362 00:21:31,165 --> 00:21:33,333 That is to say the fucking bride-to-be 363 00:21:33,334 --> 00:21:37,087 has to call me her own self to fill me in on this little circle jerk! 364 00:21:37,088 --> 00:21:39,256 - Wait a second, because... - Do you have any idea 365 00:21:39,257 --> 00:21:43,135 how many rules of stag protocol you have ass-mangled in that one move? 366 00:21:43,136 --> 00:21:46,054 That is a heinous dereliction of best-man duty! 367 00:21:46,055 --> 00:21:49,266 Yo-se, the brother-in-law ese, comprendez? 368 00:21:49,267 --> 00:21:52,894 - Okay, okay. - I ought to pluck every pubic hair 369 00:21:52,895 --> 00:21:56,064 on your girly ass from your balls to your brow right here 370 00:21:56,065 --> 00:21:57,899 in this place with my teeth! 371 00:21:57,900 --> 00:22:02,904 Oh, er, I actually tried to call you. 372 00:22:02,905 --> 00:22:05,157 - Where's your phone, soldier? - What? 373 00:22:05,158 --> 00:22:07,668 Give me your goddamn phone, shit bird. 374 00:22:14,042 --> 00:22:16,344 Sorry, just a sec. 375 00:22:17,378 --> 00:22:19,680 There you go. 376 00:22:22,091 --> 00:22:23,925 - When did this take place? - Just now. 377 00:22:23,926 --> 00:22:26,678 - Why did this take place? - The phone's a really bad phone 378 00:22:26,679 --> 00:22:29,056 and I've been having a bit of difficulty with it 379 00:22:29,057 --> 00:22:33,727 and I really got just so frustrated at it, I erm... I erm... 380 00:22:33,728 --> 00:22:36,238 I fucked it in a jug of water! 381 00:22:38,358 --> 00:22:40,359 His phone's been on the blink. 382 00:22:40,360 --> 00:22:43,987 I had to call Fionan, because I couldn't get through to Davin. 383 00:22:43,988 --> 00:22:46,791 He's been quite un-contactable. 384 00:22:52,497 --> 00:22:55,174 Look at your fucking face, Gay-vin. 385 00:22:59,045 --> 00:23:01,963 You must be spitting feathers. Let me hose that down, 386 00:23:01,964 --> 00:23:06,718 because... At ease, folks! I am here now and that is the main thing. 387 00:23:06,719 --> 00:23:09,605 Reporting for duty. 388 00:23:10,473 --> 00:23:12,724 - Come here, Fionan! - Argh! Argh! 389 00:23:12,725 --> 00:23:15,477 - That really hurts, The Machine! - Good to see you. 390 00:23:15,478 --> 00:23:17,979 - Yeah, thanks for coming down. - No problem! 391 00:23:17,980 --> 00:23:21,033 - God! - Sound off. Who have we got here? 392 00:23:21,734 --> 00:23:24,236 - Who's this little choir boy? - Er, Simon. 393 00:23:24,237 --> 00:23:26,196 Hi Th-imon! 394 00:23:26,197 --> 00:23:28,031 Why do I know you? 395 00:23:28,032 --> 00:23:30,575 The Machine, this is my brother Kevin. 396 00:23:30,576 --> 00:23:33,328 Oh, that makes us huggers! Get in here, bro! 397 00:23:33,329 --> 00:23:36,799 Ha-ha! Good to see you. Get down there. What the fuck is that? 398 00:23:37,708 --> 00:23:41,044 Er, yes, The Machine. This is Kevin's... 399 00:23:41,045 --> 00:23:43,422 Dad? 400 00:23:43,423 --> 00:23:46,258 - This is also Kevin. - You're both called Kevin? 401 00:23:46,259 --> 00:23:47,926 - That's right. - That's ridiculous. 402 00:23:47,927 --> 00:23:49,928 - What do you call each other? - Kevin. 403 00:23:49,929 --> 00:23:52,764 Insane. Okay, big Kevin, little Kevin. 404 00:23:52,765 --> 00:23:57,519 - Look, I'm actually not that big. - Noted. Enormous Kevin. Tiny Kevin. 405 00:23:57,520 --> 00:24:00,981 Okay, housekeeping done. Budge up, budge up, budge up. 406 00:24:00,982 --> 00:24:03,733 Chief bridesmaid, hit me with the itinerary. 407 00:24:03,734 --> 00:24:06,570 Have it downloaded before I make party. 408 00:24:06,571 --> 00:24:09,739 I mean, I'm good, but even I couldn't decipher 409 00:24:09,740 --> 00:24:11,741 the code in your voice message. 410 00:24:11,742 --> 00:24:14,828 Religious walking retreat I presume is the pub crawl from hell. 411 00:24:14,829 --> 00:24:17,497 Am I right? That I got, but the tranny twist, 412 00:24:17,498 --> 00:24:21,126 I was all like, what the fuck are we talking here? Bangkok? 413 00:24:21,127 --> 00:24:24,754 Saigon? And then I cracked it. 414 00:24:24,755 --> 00:24:27,892 Fellas, are we going to Cardiff? 415 00:24:31,471 --> 00:24:34,306 Look at you parched little lizards. Bar Wench! 416 00:24:34,307 --> 00:24:37,517 A tray of shot glasses and a bottle yesterday! 417 00:24:37,518 --> 00:24:41,229 This little single-cell organism is getting fucking married! 418 00:24:41,230 --> 00:24:43,532 To my sister. 419 00:24:44,567 --> 00:24:47,569 - What the fuck are we going to do? - There's nothing we can do. 420 00:24:47,570 --> 00:24:49,863 - What the fuck can we do? - I'm letting you know now 421 00:24:49,864 --> 00:24:52,657 I'm leaving first thing in the morning. I'll make my excuses. 422 00:24:52,658 --> 00:24:54,910 - Fuck you! - I didn't sign up for this. 423 00:24:54,911 --> 00:24:59,122 Go fuck. Had I known that he was even a possibility? 424 00:24:59,123 --> 00:25:02,501 - Come on, Simon! - Fuck you! This is your shit. 425 00:25:02,502 --> 00:25:05,253 Fionan is getting married. Like it or not, you were on his stag. 426 00:25:05,254 --> 00:25:08,798 - Show some loyalty for fuck's sake. - Also you have to drive us home. 427 00:25:08,799 --> 00:25:10,592 Thanks, Bernard. Good man. 428 00:25:10,593 --> 00:25:13,178 - He's coming. - Well, I'm going to bed. 429 00:25:13,179 --> 00:25:16,681 - Erm, me, too. - Whoa, whoa, whoa! 430 00:25:16,682 --> 00:25:20,143 - Park it, sisters, mandatory shots. - Oh. 431 00:25:20,144 --> 00:25:22,896 We were just on our way to bed before you arrived. 432 00:25:22,897 --> 00:25:25,232 We've a long day of walking tomorrow. 433 00:25:25,233 --> 00:25:27,400 Walking whence? From pub to pub? 434 00:25:27,401 --> 00:25:30,237 No, walking. Walking like proper hiking. 435 00:25:30,238 --> 00:25:33,281 - No, incorrect. - Actually we are, The Machine. 436 00:25:33,282 --> 00:25:37,577 Walking and camping and, er, praying, mountain praying. 437 00:25:37,578 --> 00:25:41,790 Just a lot of... Got a lot of stuff. And camping. 438 00:25:41,791 --> 00:25:44,459 - Okay. - I just wanted to, you know, 439 00:25:44,460 --> 00:25:46,586 get out in the wild. 440 00:25:46,587 --> 00:25:48,964 What the... 441 00:25:48,965 --> 00:25:54,302 You rampant homosexualists. 442 00:25:54,303 --> 00:25:56,263 Wow. 443 00:25:56,264 --> 00:26:01,017 Okay, The Machine, Kevin and Kevin here are literally gay. 444 00:26:01,018 --> 00:26:03,228 So they have an excuse, but suddenly you three little geeks 445 00:26:03,229 --> 00:26:05,739 - want to start chewing cock? - Okay. 446 00:26:06,732 --> 00:26:11,027 I'm sorry about the confusion. Clearly this isn't your thing. 447 00:26:11,028 --> 00:26:14,656 So, erm, I can offer to pay for your petrol. 448 00:26:14,657 --> 00:26:16,616 Ten-hut, Private Gay-vin! 449 00:26:16,617 --> 00:26:18,994 You just narrowly survived your own court-martial 450 00:26:18,995 --> 00:26:21,162 and now you say that I go AWOL on duty. 451 00:26:21,163 --> 00:26:23,915 You have got the balls of a baboon, boy. 452 00:26:23,916 --> 00:26:26,167 Yes, it is alarmingly shit, 453 00:26:26,168 --> 00:26:28,962 but if that's what fun bags wants to do, 454 00:26:28,963 --> 00:26:33,800 to get out in the wild, then, fellas, I'm in. 455 00:26:33,801 --> 00:26:36,553 Hey. 456 00:26:36,554 --> 00:26:38,680 I'm all in. 457 00:26:38,681 --> 00:26:41,141 - Okay, good. - Yeah. 458 00:26:41,142 --> 00:26:42,684 - Brilliant. - So you little gerbils, 459 00:26:42,685 --> 00:26:45,520 snuggle down in the sawdust and I'll see you at the crack. 460 00:26:45,521 --> 00:26:50,117 This is a doozy of a stag town. Disappear from mine eyes. 461 00:27:18,512 --> 00:27:21,023 - Morning! - Shhh! 462 00:27:23,434 --> 00:27:25,736 Let's go. 463 00:27:35,154 --> 00:27:37,322 Jesus. 464 00:27:37,323 --> 00:27:39,625 Earthlings! 465 00:27:40,368 --> 00:27:43,286 - Balls. - ¿Qué pasa? 466 00:27:43,287 --> 00:27:45,288 The Machine, there you are. 467 00:27:45,289 --> 00:27:48,041 And there you all are. 468 00:27:48,042 --> 00:27:50,928 Five little Hobbits heading out from the shire. 469 00:27:51,837 --> 00:27:54,214 This way. 470 00:27:54,215 --> 00:27:56,475 The Machine, you don't have any gear! 471 00:28:01,597 --> 00:28:04,733 That is not a recognised bridle path! 472 00:28:17,613 --> 00:28:19,781 Watch for splinters. Oh. 473 00:28:37,967 --> 00:28:41,136 No signal. Wow. We're out there. 474 00:28:41,137 --> 00:28:43,888 Me neither. Rural. 475 00:28:43,889 --> 00:28:45,724 Me neither, that's my only compass. 476 00:28:45,725 --> 00:28:47,726 Well, at least you have a phone, Fionan. 477 00:28:47,727 --> 00:28:50,270 At least it isn't dead from some idiot dropping it in a pint. 478 00:28:50,271 --> 00:28:52,397 And you'd rather I'd have let what was unfolding unfold. 479 00:28:52,398 --> 00:28:55,734 Let's put our phones in this Ziploc so that we are free of the urge 480 00:28:55,735 --> 00:28:58,778 - to keep checking all the time. - Is that wise? 481 00:28:58,779 --> 00:29:01,948 Yeah, let's go offline for, like, two whole days. 482 00:29:01,949 --> 00:29:05,994 Two whole days? I'm not sure that's wise. 483 00:29:05,995 --> 00:29:09,330 - Come on. Come on, Simon. - Come on, Simon. 484 00:29:11,375 --> 00:29:15,054 Anyway, I've got this here compass to keep us on track. 485 00:29:20,843 --> 00:29:23,386 Plop. 486 00:29:23,387 --> 00:29:26,431 Oh, Jesus. No, no, no. Oh, Jesus. No, no, no! 487 00:29:26,432 --> 00:29:29,225 That was incredibly rude and annoying and also we need that. 488 00:29:29,226 --> 00:29:32,061 - We don't need it. Boom. - We need a compass to find the way. 489 00:29:32,062 --> 00:29:34,606 We need to get lost. You put that compass in the bag 490 00:29:34,607 --> 00:29:39,444 and Susan here will be like, "Let's take the compass!" Unacceptable. 491 00:29:39,445 --> 00:29:43,031 The compass dies... phew-uck! We're reborn. 492 00:29:43,032 --> 00:29:47,327 - But it's dangerous! - Of courth ith dangerouth, Thimon! 493 00:29:47,328 --> 00:29:49,579 We are going off-piste. 494 00:29:49,580 --> 00:29:53,208 That compass was handmade, you fucking oaf! 495 00:29:53,209 --> 00:29:54,876 Well, if that's your beef, I'll buy you a new one. 496 00:29:54,877 --> 00:30:01,049 No, you imbecile! It had sentimental value! It was given to me by... 497 00:30:01,050 --> 00:30:02,842 By someone! 498 00:30:02,843 --> 00:30:05,187 Oh, your old geography teacher, Mr Kennedy. 499 00:30:06,222 --> 00:30:08,223 Your husband... I'm sorry, your ex-husband. 500 00:30:08,224 --> 00:30:11,851 - Jesus, can you please... - You do not need that compass. 501 00:30:11,852 --> 00:30:14,738 You need to roam free. 502 00:30:16,941 --> 00:30:18,867 All in. 503 00:30:21,695 --> 00:30:24,206 I don't even have a lisp. 504 00:30:35,334 --> 00:30:39,128 One life, one need 505 00:30:39,129 --> 00:30:41,506 In the night 506 00:30:41,507 --> 00:30:46,094 One love, we get to share it 507 00:30:46,095 --> 00:30:52,725 Leaves you, baby, if you do not care for it... 508 00:30:55,104 --> 00:30:57,438 - Jesus, this song - I know. 509 00:30:57,439 --> 00:30:59,274 - Not digging the tunes? - Nope. 510 00:30:59,275 --> 00:31:03,036 - Why not? - I can't abide U2. 511 00:31:07,032 --> 00:31:09,284 - Lies. - Excuse me. 512 00:31:09,285 --> 00:31:12,120 - You actually do like U2. - Actually I don't. 513 00:31:12,121 --> 00:31:14,539 You don't like their music, or you don't like Bono? 514 00:31:14,540 --> 00:31:17,083 That would be a firm negative in both cases. 515 00:31:17,084 --> 00:31:22,338 All right, fingers on buzzers. Yes or no, "With Or Without you"? 516 00:31:22,339 --> 00:31:25,174 - Without you. - "New Year's Day"? 517 00:31:25,175 --> 00:31:27,343 - No. - "Mysterious Ways"? 518 00:31:27,344 --> 00:31:28,970 - Negative. - "Bad"? 519 00:31:28,971 --> 00:31:30,638 - Very bad. - "Pride"? 520 00:31:30,639 --> 00:31:32,348 - Shame. - "Vertigo"? 521 00:31:32,349 --> 00:31:34,642 - Vertig-no. - "Streets"? 522 00:31:34,643 --> 00:31:37,645 The Machine, if it's by U2, I'm not going to like it. 523 00:31:37,646 --> 00:31:39,564 - Have you seen them live? - Once. 524 00:31:39,565 --> 00:31:41,774 - You didn't cry? - I left. 525 00:31:41,775 --> 00:31:43,619 - No! - He left. 526 00:31:45,362 --> 00:31:48,114 - You are Irish, right? - What's that got to do with it? 527 00:31:48,115 --> 00:31:50,792 Ah-ah-ah-ah, Private Gav, fight your own war. 528 00:31:51,702 --> 00:31:56,956 You know, Cyborg, one day, at some point in your life, 529 00:31:56,957 --> 00:31:59,927 you are going to find yourself listening to a U2 song 530 00:32:01,003 --> 00:32:03,922 with tears pouring down your cheeks 531 00:32:03,923 --> 00:32:07,226 and on that day, for it will come, my friend... 532 00:32:08,052 --> 00:32:10,520 I want you to remember this face. 533 00:32:11,597 --> 00:32:13,973 - What the fuck is wrong with him? - Chill out. 534 00:32:13,974 --> 00:32:16,276 This face. 535 00:32:17,394 --> 00:32:19,696 I'm going to be there, Cyborg. 536 00:32:22,942 --> 00:32:24,609 - Well, I'm going back. - I'm going back. 537 00:32:24,610 --> 00:32:27,153 - No, no, you're not. - Simon, Davin, come on. 538 00:32:27,154 --> 00:32:29,456 Go, go. 539 00:32:30,991 --> 00:32:33,293 Go. 540 00:32:34,787 --> 00:32:37,121 I was reading this thing in "The Guardian" 541 00:32:37,122 --> 00:32:39,666 about the difference between mushrooms and toadstools. 542 00:32:39,667 --> 00:32:43,002 Apparently, there's only one toadstool that isn't poisonous 543 00:32:43,003 --> 00:32:46,339 and it either is red, or it isn't red. 544 00:32:46,340 --> 00:32:48,091 I can't remember. 545 00:32:48,092 --> 00:32:51,427 Fionan, have you told them your story about Bikram yoga? 546 00:32:51,428 --> 00:32:54,847 I had a panic attack and they asked me to leave. 547 00:32:54,848 --> 00:32:57,016 Why did you even do bikram if you're not obese? 548 00:32:57,017 --> 00:32:59,185 I'm not obese because I did bikram. 549 00:32:59,186 --> 00:33:01,354 You did it one time and you had a panic attack. 550 00:33:01,355 --> 00:33:03,657 Once was enough. 551 00:33:07,653 --> 00:33:10,405 "There's been a lot of talk about this next song." 552 00:33:10,406 --> 00:33:15,451 - That's a grave. - "This song is not a rebel song." 553 00:33:15,452 --> 00:33:19,956 This song is "Sunday, Bloody Sunday." 554 00:33:19,957 --> 00:33:22,041 We got a concert. 555 00:33:22,042 --> 00:33:24,761 Simon, I'll make a deal with you. 556 00:33:25,462 --> 00:33:27,588 When you design a website that has the same 557 00:33:27,589 --> 00:33:30,133 raw, emotional power as a U2 song, 558 00:33:30,134 --> 00:33:34,804 then you can climb up here and shout out the HTML code. Send. 559 00:33:34,805 --> 00:33:38,891 I do more than design websites and I don't even write HTML code. 560 00:33:38,892 --> 00:33:42,395 That, like U2, stopped being important about 20 years ago. 561 00:33:42,396 --> 00:33:44,439 In fact, like U2, it's now something 562 00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:47,775 that can be replicated by a piece of software. 563 00:33:47,776 --> 00:33:49,444 Brain or heart? 564 00:33:49,445 --> 00:33:51,654 - What? - Pick an organ, brain or heart? 565 00:33:51,655 --> 00:33:54,115 I get one? 566 00:33:54,116 --> 00:33:56,743 - You get one. - Brain. 567 00:33:56,744 --> 00:33:59,713 Okay, do you prefer machines to humans? 568 00:34:01,248 --> 00:34:03,207 Sometimes, yes. 569 00:34:03,208 --> 00:34:05,376 What do you drive? 570 00:34:05,377 --> 00:34:10,757 I drive a 2012 BMW X5. 571 00:34:10,758 --> 00:34:12,893 Show me the keys. 572 00:34:16,055 --> 00:34:18,056 Throw them up. 573 00:34:18,057 --> 00:34:20,600 When you've finished desecrating that famine memorial 574 00:34:20,601 --> 00:34:22,769 and you come down, I will let you inspect them. 575 00:34:22,770 --> 00:34:24,771 Are you afraid I will laugh at how you throw? 576 00:34:24,772 --> 00:34:27,398 If that's what you're worried about let me assure you 577 00:34:27,399 --> 00:34:29,534 that is 1,000% what I'm going to do. 578 00:34:31,570 --> 00:34:33,446 No, don't throw them, Simon... 579 00:34:33,447 --> 00:34:35,540 Argh! 580 00:34:42,081 --> 00:34:44,758 Are you kidding me?! 581 00:34:46,960 --> 00:34:49,045 Oh, Jesus! They're gone! 582 00:34:49,046 --> 00:34:51,839 - They're gone! They're gone! - Well done, Simon. 583 00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:55,060 - Why didn't you catch them? - You threw them like an idiot. 584 00:34:57,554 --> 00:34:59,648 What does your brain say you should do? 585 00:35:03,644 --> 00:35:05,770 My heart agrees with you. 586 00:35:07,272 --> 00:35:09,950 That's a big rock to start with. 587 00:35:46,520 --> 00:35:50,115 Okay, maybe we should just pitch camp here for the night. 588 00:35:51,316 --> 00:35:52,984 Yeah, let's stop for the night. 589 00:35:52,985 --> 00:35:57,572 I saw a nice little lake over there if anyone wants to clean up. 590 00:35:57,573 --> 00:36:01,617 - We are extremely filthy. - You guys go. I'll pitch the tent. 591 00:36:01,618 --> 00:36:04,954 I'll pitch the tent, Fionan. A bit more experience in that area. 592 00:36:04,955 --> 00:36:07,874 - So you go on with them. - I can pitch a tent, FYI. 593 00:36:07,875 --> 00:36:11,377 I know you can, but we're losing the light and we need to get it up fast. 594 00:36:11,378 --> 00:36:13,629 - So I'm happy to take it. - I can pitch it just as fast. 595 00:36:13,630 --> 00:36:15,923 I have a number of the relevant proficiency badges from the scouts. 596 00:36:15,924 --> 00:36:17,717 A number of what? 597 00:36:17,718 --> 00:36:21,053 Proficiency badges. Proficiency badges, erm, okay. 598 00:36:21,054 --> 00:36:24,316 Just hand it over. Give it to me. 599 00:36:24,975 --> 00:36:26,601 Okay. 600 00:36:26,602 --> 00:36:28,978 - Lads. - No, let's have this one play out. 601 00:36:28,979 --> 00:36:30,771 Okay, I'm going to take it. 602 00:36:30,772 --> 00:36:32,815 - It's going to be like that, is it? - It appears to be like that. 603 00:36:32,816 --> 00:36:35,484 - You're being a bit of a child now. - Bun, you're the child here. 604 00:36:35,485 --> 00:36:38,070 What? Why? Just give it to me. 605 00:36:38,071 --> 00:36:40,239 - Bun? - Davin's nickname. 606 00:36:42,409 --> 00:36:46,204 In primary school, someone threw a bun at his head in the canteen 607 00:36:46,205 --> 00:36:48,247 and it stuck. 608 00:36:48,248 --> 00:36:51,959 The nickname, that is. And the bun. 609 00:36:51,960 --> 00:36:54,140 Just give it to me. Oh my God, is that an eagle? 610 00:36:54,796 --> 00:36:57,548 - That was so easy. Too easy. - Fine, you can co-pitch it. 611 00:36:57,549 --> 00:36:59,300 - But I hold the plans. - I don't need plans. 612 00:36:59,301 --> 00:37:02,521 Why don't you go get the little ground pegs? 613 00:37:03,513 --> 00:37:05,982 Bun... 614 00:37:07,517 --> 00:37:09,518 Hey. 615 00:37:14,942 --> 00:37:17,244 Ah, freezing. 616 00:37:19,529 --> 00:37:21,697 Your sister's great. 617 00:37:21,698 --> 00:37:24,867 I love, Ruth. My brother is a lucky man. 618 00:37:24,868 --> 00:37:27,703 He didn't just get lucky, Tiny Kevin. 619 00:37:27,704 --> 00:37:31,207 It's more like he broke the whole fucking casino. 620 00:37:31,208 --> 00:37:33,334 You boys looking forward to the big day? 621 00:37:33,335 --> 00:37:35,711 Actually, I won't be there on the big day. 622 00:37:35,712 --> 00:37:38,547 - I thought you two were coupled up. - Six years. 623 00:37:38,548 --> 00:37:40,299 Explain. 624 00:37:40,300 --> 00:37:42,843 - It's my dad. - What's he got to do with it? 625 00:37:42,844 --> 00:37:47,139 He's never really been able to get his head around the whole gay thing. 626 00:37:47,140 --> 00:37:49,517 Continue. 627 00:37:49,518 --> 00:37:51,727 He's never really been able to accept 628 00:37:51,728 --> 00:37:55,314 my homosexuality and my partner, which is Kevin. 629 00:37:55,315 --> 00:37:56,816 And? 630 00:37:56,817 --> 00:38:01,279 My dad's an old man from a previous generation. It's different times. 631 00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:02,905 And? 632 00:38:02,906 --> 00:38:06,701 He says he won't be coming to the wedding if I'm at the wedding. 633 00:38:06,702 --> 00:38:09,287 - He doesn't approve of me. - And? 634 00:38:09,288 --> 00:38:11,455 I've never met him. 635 00:38:11,456 --> 00:38:14,583 It's a really tricky situation for Fionan. 636 00:38:14,584 --> 00:38:18,212 I mean, I've lived with this, but it's his wedding. 637 00:38:18,213 --> 00:38:22,216 I mean, if my dad doesn't go, does my mum go on her own? It's... 638 00:38:22,217 --> 00:38:24,102 It's a nightmare for Fionan. 639 00:38:25,220 --> 00:38:27,763 Yeah, Fionan needs to man up 640 00:38:27,764 --> 00:38:30,900 and bring it to the old boy. End of story. 641 00:38:34,438 --> 00:38:36,605 How do you want your steaks? 642 00:38:36,606 --> 00:38:38,816 Fiona-la-cakes. 643 00:38:38,817 --> 00:38:42,037 I was talking to the Kevs here about the wedding plans. 644 00:38:42,738 --> 00:38:45,114 I'm cooking my own if anyone wants theirs done by me. 645 00:38:45,115 --> 00:38:47,491 Why don't we ask them who they'd prefer to have cook their steaks? 646 00:38:47,492 --> 00:38:50,036 Me who did a course in barbecue science, or... 647 00:38:50,037 --> 00:38:52,547 Neither of you two clowns are going near my meat. 648 00:38:53,248 --> 00:38:56,250 - I'd rather eat it raw. - You're not getting in there. 649 00:38:56,251 --> 00:38:59,003 That's liquid ice. 650 00:38:59,004 --> 00:39:01,547 No sneaky boners. 651 00:39:01,548 --> 00:39:03,933 And I'm looking at you, Photoshop. 652 00:39:13,852 --> 00:39:15,487 He's gone. 653 00:39:19,816 --> 00:39:22,735 Yeah! Whoo! 654 00:39:22,736 --> 00:39:26,581 - No, he's back. - Come on, boys! Ha-ha! 655 00:39:35,582 --> 00:39:39,377 - Where's Adobe Illustrator? - You mean Simon? He's gone to bed. 656 00:39:39,378 --> 00:39:42,797 - That's cheating. - No, leave him alone honestly. 657 00:39:42,798 --> 00:39:44,590 It's the same rules for every man. 658 00:39:44,591 --> 00:39:46,801 He's going through a hard time at the moment. 659 00:39:46,802 --> 00:39:49,428 - How so? - His business is struggling. 660 00:39:49,429 --> 00:39:51,972 - I didn't know that. - I had a look at his situation. 661 00:39:51,973 --> 00:39:54,600 - It's not great. - Not great how? 662 00:39:54,601 --> 00:39:59,021 They're in deep shit. Poor guy can't sleep. He's taking Valium and Xanax. 663 00:39:59,022 --> 00:40:01,816 - They're worried about the house. - Did you know that? 664 00:40:01,817 --> 00:40:05,027 - No. - Come here. 665 00:40:05,028 --> 00:40:08,081 - The Machine, seriously. - The Machine, just leave it. 666 00:40:10,492 --> 00:40:14,120 - The Machine! He's going. - Go back to the fire. 667 00:40:14,121 --> 00:40:17,123 It's just me and you now. 668 00:40:17,124 --> 00:40:19,125 How are you doing? 669 00:40:19,126 --> 00:40:21,669 - Grand. - So what do you owe? 670 00:40:21,670 --> 00:40:25,005 - Owe? What are you talking about? - Your company's debt. 671 00:40:25,006 --> 00:40:27,675 - What have you been telling him? - It was Big Kevin! 672 00:40:27,676 --> 00:40:29,635 Look me in the eye and just tell me what you owe. 673 00:40:29,636 --> 00:40:31,595 - I'm not telling you what I owe. - Why not? 674 00:40:31,596 --> 00:40:33,097 Why would I tell you what I owe? 675 00:40:33,098 --> 00:40:35,224 Why wouldn't you tell me what you owe? Give me a number. 676 00:40:35,225 --> 00:40:36,725 - No. No. - Do it. Do it. 677 00:40:36,726 --> 00:40:38,894 Higher or lower than three mil? 678 00:40:38,895 --> 00:40:41,156 What? 679 00:40:41,982 --> 00:40:43,941 - Lower? - 2.5. 680 00:40:43,942 --> 00:40:46,110 - Lower. - Two? 681 00:40:46,111 --> 00:40:48,487 - Lower. - 1.5 mil? 682 00:40:48,488 --> 00:40:50,072 - Lower. - You're in a for a mil? 683 00:40:50,073 --> 00:40:53,701 - No, you're still a way off. - Okay, what, lower than a mil? 684 00:40:53,702 --> 00:40:56,078 - What, 800? - No. 685 00:40:56,079 --> 00:40:58,038 700? 686 00:40:58,039 --> 00:40:59,832 - 650? - Oh, my God. 687 00:40:59,833 --> 00:41:02,376 Six? 550? 688 00:41:02,377 --> 00:41:04,545 Five? 450? 689 00:41:04,546 --> 00:41:06,714 - Four? 375? - No! 690 00:41:06,715 --> 00:41:10,509 Look, okay, I owe just under 250,000 euro 691 00:41:10,510 --> 00:41:12,720 and that's with everything leveraged to the hilt! 692 00:41:12,721 --> 00:41:15,064 I'm finished, okay? Are you happy now? 693 00:41:15,724 --> 00:41:17,892 Okay. 694 00:41:17,893 --> 00:41:20,269 That wasn't so hard, was it? 695 00:41:20,270 --> 00:41:23,239 Honestly, I know how you feel. 696 00:41:24,316 --> 00:41:27,151 - You do? - Believe me. 697 00:41:27,152 --> 00:41:29,454 So how much do you owe? 698 00:41:30,363 --> 00:41:33,365 Like half a million or something nuts? 699 00:41:33,366 --> 00:41:35,743 North of that. 700 00:41:35,744 --> 00:41:37,536 800,000? 701 00:41:37,537 --> 00:41:39,839 Due north? 702 00:41:43,418 --> 00:41:46,304 - A million? - Keep travelling north. 703 00:41:47,923 --> 00:41:50,600 - A million and a half? - Northward. 704 00:41:51,635 --> 00:41:54,604 - One and three quarter million? - North. 705 00:41:55,430 --> 00:41:57,223 TWO 706 00:41:57,224 --> 00:41:59,350 - 2 million. - Bingo. 707 00:41:59,351 --> 00:42:02,237 My money, all of my money... 708 00:42:03,480 --> 00:42:05,147 I don't have any money. 709 00:42:06,775 --> 00:42:08,734 Oh... 710 00:42:08,735 --> 00:42:12,288 - Oh, my God. - Isn't that insane? 711 00:42:13,615 --> 00:42:15,741 Do you want a beaker of whisky? 712 00:42:15,742 --> 00:42:17,701 I do. 713 00:42:17,702 --> 00:42:19,495 You do. Of course you do. 714 00:42:19,496 --> 00:42:22,173 - Just go out and join the lads. - All right. 715 00:42:27,671 --> 00:42:29,713 Coming. 716 00:42:29,714 --> 00:42:34,969 Yes, so, erm... Yeah, it turned out to be... It was... It was... 717 00:42:34,970 --> 00:42:37,721 - Yeah, yeah. - Hey, Simon. 718 00:42:37,722 --> 00:42:39,899 Hey! 719 00:42:43,270 --> 00:42:45,104 There you go, Facebook. 720 00:42:45,105 --> 00:42:47,407 Right. 721 00:42:52,153 --> 00:42:54,539 You know, fellas... 722 00:42:56,241 --> 00:42:58,543 You couldn't put a price on this. 723 00:43:13,508 --> 00:43:15,810 Oh, boy. 724 00:43:21,057 --> 00:43:23,309 Oh, my sweet God, no. 725 00:43:25,812 --> 00:43:29,148 - You are not masturbating in here. - Why not? I can't sleep. 726 00:43:29,149 --> 00:43:32,192 Because it's disgusting is why. Just eugh. 727 00:43:32,193 --> 00:43:34,486 If I don't pull one through, I'm not getting to sleep. 728 00:43:34,487 --> 00:43:37,031 - No way. - Not here. 729 00:43:37,032 --> 00:43:40,826 Okay, look, two options. A, I crack one off nice and quick, 730 00:43:40,827 --> 00:43:44,288 just a straight-up very functional little number into a sock 731 00:43:44,289 --> 00:43:46,248 or what not and we all get to sleep. 732 00:43:46,249 --> 00:43:50,044 B, I fall asleep and my mind supplies me with fantasies 733 00:43:50,045 --> 00:43:52,796 that require me to grind against the nearest object, 734 00:43:52,797 --> 00:43:55,174 in which case that is you, but we're almost family now, 735 00:43:55,175 --> 00:43:58,394 so that's, you know... A or B, you call it. 736 00:44:00,138 --> 00:44:02,306 Outside, surely. 737 00:44:02,307 --> 00:44:05,059 Outside is the compromise here. 738 00:44:05,060 --> 00:44:07,978 I have a little hash if you can't sleep. 739 00:44:07,979 --> 00:44:10,073 I find that usually does the trick. 740 00:44:10,815 --> 00:44:12,816 It's not a neither nor, is it? 741 00:44:12,817 --> 00:44:14,485 Outside. 742 00:44:14,486 --> 00:44:16,287 Two minutes. 743 00:44:19,240 --> 00:44:21,408 - He's an animal. - He can hear you. 744 00:44:21,409 --> 00:44:24,379 It doesn't matter. He'll be flattered to hear that. 745 00:44:25,455 --> 00:44:27,757 I am flattered, hugely. 746 00:44:34,506 --> 00:44:36,674 Oh, yeah. 747 00:44:36,675 --> 00:44:38,842 Oh, sweet mystery. 748 00:44:38,843 --> 00:44:40,844 Oh, my lady. 749 00:44:40,845 --> 00:44:43,597 Oh, don't neglect the balls here. 750 00:44:43,598 --> 00:44:47,601 - Jesus Christ! - Oh, my God! Oh! 751 00:44:47,602 --> 00:44:51,397 - Come on. - Further away! Further away! 752 00:44:51,398 --> 00:44:53,700 Jesus! 753 00:45:11,376 --> 00:45:13,001 Fire. 754 00:45:13,002 --> 00:45:15,295 Fire! 755 00:45:20,677 --> 00:45:25,723 Argh! It's on my ass! It's on my ass! Fuck! 756 00:45:25,724 --> 00:45:28,851 - Is everyone okay? - Oh, my God, did you see that? 757 00:45:28,852 --> 00:45:32,479 See it? We were inside the tent, The Machine! 758 00:45:32,480 --> 00:45:35,190 - Inside the fire! - That was so beautiful. 759 00:45:35,191 --> 00:45:38,527 - It was like voodoo magic. - Okay, what the fuck did you do? 760 00:45:38,528 --> 00:45:41,697 Yeah, I suppose a hot rock must have landed on it. 761 00:45:41,698 --> 00:45:45,701 Little fucker, didn't see it. But there's a nodge left, Big Kevin. 762 00:45:45,702 --> 00:45:47,911 Enough for a few more, so that's a result. 763 00:45:47,912 --> 00:45:50,289 A result? We nearly fucking died, The Machine! 764 00:45:50,290 --> 00:45:53,500 Perfectly aware of that, Slick, and I will grant you that 765 00:45:53,501 --> 00:45:58,881 from a certain perspective that I had an involvement in it, 766 00:45:58,882 --> 00:46:01,633 but let's move on. Now, lodgings. 767 00:46:01,634 --> 00:46:03,510 You just destroyed our property. 768 00:46:03,511 --> 00:46:05,471 Officially it belonged to the Girl Guides. 769 00:46:05,472 --> 00:46:07,514 - He can't just do that! - Do what? 770 00:46:07,515 --> 00:46:10,267 Act like that! Like, like, like... 771 00:46:10,268 --> 00:46:12,102 - Like what? - We nearly died. 772 00:46:12,103 --> 00:46:15,314 Fionan, you're repeating yourself a tiny bit. You want to grab a seat? 773 00:46:15,315 --> 00:46:18,317 I would fucking kill you right now if I could. 774 00:46:18,318 --> 00:46:21,361 I hate you so much. We all do. We hate you! 775 00:46:21,362 --> 00:46:24,114 - You're ruining this whole thing! - What is this whole thing? 776 00:46:24,115 --> 00:46:26,116 A stag! 777 00:46:26,117 --> 00:46:28,669 Finally. 778 00:46:30,497 --> 00:46:33,415 Finally... What? 779 00:46:33,416 --> 00:46:35,968 Oh, my God. Look at it. 780 00:46:44,427 --> 00:46:46,970 Okay, this is just a bit freaky, 781 00:46:46,971 --> 00:46:49,723 but that looks like a pair of boobs. 782 00:46:49,724 --> 00:46:52,559 Those bright stars, that's your nipples right there. 783 00:46:52,560 --> 00:46:56,355 - Big beautiful boobs. - Go to sleep. 784 00:47:07,200 --> 00:47:10,837 - How did you do that? - I got up early. Couldn't sleep. 785 00:47:12,247 --> 00:47:14,540 Thinking about our heritage 786 00:47:14,541 --> 00:47:17,709 and what it means to me, I had to rebuild this thing. 787 00:47:17,710 --> 00:47:21,213 You didn't source some fabric and stitch us a new tent, did you? 788 00:47:21,214 --> 00:47:25,393 No, Bilbo Baggins, I did not. We should get moving. 789 00:47:28,388 --> 00:47:30,273 Mordor awaits. 790 00:47:36,563 --> 00:47:39,898 - But it doesn't make any sense. - What do you mean? 791 00:47:39,899 --> 00:47:42,192 But it's spelt see-gees. 792 00:47:42,193 --> 00:47:45,821 - Segue! - But it doesn't make... Why is it? 793 00:47:45,822 --> 00:47:49,241 It's S-E-G-U-E, so I call it see-gee. 794 00:47:49,242 --> 00:47:53,287 Sometimes things are different to the way they're spelt. 795 00:47:53,288 --> 00:47:57,958 Oh, my giddy aunt. That, my friends, is a fucking bull. 796 00:47:57,959 --> 00:48:00,252 - Erm... - Oh... 797 00:48:00,253 --> 00:48:02,555 No! 798 00:48:03,298 --> 00:48:05,465 Oh, I can't watch. 799 00:48:05,466 --> 00:48:07,768 Oh, Jesus. 800 00:48:08,720 --> 00:48:11,022 Do not look me in the eye, Mr Bull. 801 00:48:14,559 --> 00:48:17,069 - He made it. - Of course he made it. 802 00:48:18,980 --> 00:48:21,148 Come on! 803 00:48:21,149 --> 00:48:23,317 Okay. 804 00:48:23,318 --> 00:48:25,620 Let's go through the woods. 805 00:48:27,238 --> 00:48:28,739 Ow, ow, ow. 806 00:48:28,740 --> 00:48:31,116 This is what happens when we turn off our phones. 807 00:48:31,117 --> 00:48:34,036 Oh, Jesus, Kevin! Savage! 808 00:48:34,037 --> 00:48:37,256 I told you, nature is bullshit. 809 00:48:42,587 --> 00:48:45,339 Okay, okay, okay. 810 00:48:45,340 --> 00:48:49,635 Now, this, I will grant you, is a slightly different proposition. 811 00:48:52,180 --> 00:48:55,223 Does anyone want to touch it to see what we're dealing with volts wise? 812 00:48:55,224 --> 00:48:57,768 No. 813 00:48:57,769 --> 00:49:00,446 - Can you feel anything? - I can hear it. 814 00:49:01,147 --> 00:49:03,491 - Ah! Oh, fuck! - Oh, whoa! 815 00:49:04,192 --> 00:49:07,444 Whoo! How was it for you, Enormous Kevin? 816 00:49:07,445 --> 00:49:10,197 It's unbelievably electric. 817 00:49:10,198 --> 00:49:12,500 Well, we can't get under it. 818 00:49:13,201 --> 00:49:16,170 - And we can't get over it. - Wait, now. 819 00:49:18,247 --> 00:49:21,083 It's a straight-up vault, boys. I'm telling you. 820 00:49:21,084 --> 00:49:23,386 Let's see. 821 00:49:28,883 --> 00:49:31,969 We can do this. Stand back, lads. Watch yourselves. 822 00:49:31,970 --> 00:49:35,231 What you need is you need a bit of a run-up into it. 823 00:49:36,641 --> 00:49:38,600 You've got to commit. 824 00:49:38,601 --> 00:49:42,396 You've got to come at a pace with a bit of zip. 825 00:49:42,397 --> 00:49:44,490 It's physics. 826 00:49:45,942 --> 00:49:48,485 Okay. 827 00:49:48,486 --> 00:49:50,278 Yup. 828 00:49:50,279 --> 00:49:52,447 No! 829 00:49:52,448 --> 00:49:54,992 - Oh, Jesus! Argh! - Oh! 830 00:49:54,993 --> 00:49:57,160 - Oh, my God. - Argh! 831 00:49:57,161 --> 00:50:01,164 - The Machine, are you okay? - One of us has to help him. Go. 832 00:50:01,165 --> 00:50:04,084 - It's on my face! - Okay, let's... 833 00:50:04,085 --> 00:50:06,920 - Okay, come on. - Argh! 834 00:50:06,921 --> 00:50:09,673 Argh! 835 00:50:09,674 --> 00:50:13,176 Argh! Argh! Argh! Ah-ah-ah-ah! 836 00:50:13,177 --> 00:50:18,858 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! 837 00:50:19,517 --> 00:50:22,102 Oh. 838 00:50:22,103 --> 00:50:24,405 - Oh, God. - Are you all right? 839 00:50:27,191 --> 00:50:30,193 - I didn't make it, boys. - No. 840 00:50:30,194 --> 00:50:32,571 No. 841 00:50:32,572 --> 00:50:36,199 I'll follow. You go on. You go. Go. 842 00:50:36,200 --> 00:50:38,744 Yeah, but it isn't meaningless. It seems to me 843 00:50:38,745 --> 00:50:41,288 that it takes me liking something in order for you to like it. 844 00:50:41,289 --> 00:50:43,457 And then you have to like it and you have to like it more than me. 845 00:50:43,458 --> 00:50:46,001 You have to beat me at liking it. It's ridiculous. 846 00:50:46,002 --> 00:50:48,211 - It is. I'll give you that. - You should think about it. 847 00:50:48,212 --> 00:50:50,255 Okay, I will. Give me an example. 848 00:50:50,256 --> 00:50:51,840 - An example? - An example. 849 00:50:51,841 --> 00:50:54,217 Example, okay. "The Sopranos". 850 00:50:54,218 --> 00:50:57,554 You saw the show first. It doesn't mean you own it. 851 00:50:57,555 --> 00:51:00,390 I'm not saying I own it. I'm saying that your opinion of it 852 00:51:00,391 --> 00:51:03,435 was informed entirely, I think, by what my opinion was 853 00:51:03,436 --> 00:51:06,354 and just to be clear, I'm not saying I saw it first. 854 00:51:06,355 --> 00:51:09,524 You didn't decide you liked it until I decided that I liked it. 855 00:51:09,525 --> 00:51:11,318 I thought the first few episodes... 856 00:51:11,319 --> 00:51:13,111 That show emerged fully formed... 857 00:51:13,112 --> 00:51:14,905 According to you. Give me another example. 858 00:51:14,906 --> 00:51:17,282 Another example is the example of risotto. 859 00:51:17,283 --> 00:51:20,786 Okay, for a long time, I thought I was allergic to Arborio rice. 860 00:51:20,787 --> 00:51:23,538 - I thought they were little nuts. - I can't even comment on that. 861 00:51:23,539 --> 00:51:25,165 Let's talk about "Mulholland Drive". 862 00:51:25,166 --> 00:51:26,666 Let's talk about "Mulholland Drive". 863 00:51:26,667 --> 00:51:29,211 You can simultaneously love and hate that film. That's the whole point. 864 00:51:29,212 --> 00:51:31,046 - Listen to yourself. - I am listening to myself. 865 00:51:31,047 --> 00:51:33,590 What about Vespas? I get a Vespa. You get a Vespa. 866 00:51:33,591 --> 00:51:35,759 Right, bad news, Davin, other people in the world own Vespas. 867 00:51:35,760 --> 00:51:38,303 I got to Goa. You got to Goa. You love Goa. You're moving to Goa. 868 00:51:38,304 --> 00:51:40,680 You own an Indian province? When did that happen? 869 00:51:40,681 --> 00:51:42,557 Do you know what? I think I'm going to hate something 870 00:51:42,558 --> 00:51:44,559 that I actually like just to see if you start liking it. 871 00:51:44,560 --> 00:51:47,145 And I'm going to pretend to hate it. You'll have to continue pretending 872 00:51:47,146 --> 00:51:49,981 - to like the thing that you hate. - Sorry, what? 873 00:51:49,982 --> 00:51:52,493 I don't know. I'm cold. 874 00:51:55,696 --> 00:51:57,832 Risotto. 875 00:52:15,466 --> 00:52:18,009 - What is it? - It's a bothy. 876 00:52:18,010 --> 00:52:20,178 It's an old communal shelter. 877 00:52:20,179 --> 00:52:23,232 We'll build a shelter inside the shelter. 878 00:52:46,372 --> 00:52:51,960 I got electrocuted in my mouth, in the tongue. 879 00:52:51,961 --> 00:52:54,263 That shit was sore. 880 00:52:55,423 --> 00:52:57,966 Glad to be of service. 881 00:53:10,980 --> 00:53:13,732 Yeah. 882 00:53:13,733 --> 00:53:16,109 - Bun, yeah? - Yeah. 883 00:53:16,110 --> 00:53:19,779 Yeah, stupid nickname. I can see why you'd like it. 884 00:53:19,780 --> 00:53:21,990 Not that many Buns in the world. 885 00:53:21,991 --> 00:53:24,668 - No. - Ruth dated a Bun. 886 00:53:25,953 --> 00:53:29,289 A long time ago. It was brief. 887 00:53:29,290 --> 00:53:32,626 After she broke up with him, she came to me. 888 00:53:32,627 --> 00:53:35,545 This fella Bun was really cut up. 889 00:53:35,546 --> 00:53:40,008 She felt guilty about it, wanted to know if she could make it better. 890 00:53:40,009 --> 00:53:42,311 What could I say? 891 00:53:44,555 --> 00:53:47,900 It takes a man a long time to get over that kind of thing. 892 00:53:48,809 --> 00:53:52,488 Yeah, not that many Buns in the world. 893 00:53:58,986 --> 00:54:01,288 That's what I call a best man. 894 00:54:35,648 --> 00:54:41,361 Do you know, it wouldn't be a stag without some element of boldness. 895 00:54:41,362 --> 00:54:44,281 I have to be honest and say that I didn't think 896 00:54:44,282 --> 00:54:48,210 there would be a right time, but er... 897 00:54:49,495 --> 00:54:51,454 Oh! 898 00:54:51,455 --> 00:54:53,748 - What is that? - MDMA. 899 00:54:53,749 --> 00:54:55,542 What, like the bank? 900 00:54:55,543 --> 00:54:58,846 Um, this is a drug, like ecstasy. 901 00:54:59,505 --> 00:55:03,300 - I've never really done that shit. - I think you'd like it. 902 00:55:03,301 --> 00:55:08,022 It can connect people to their softer, more feminine side. 903 00:55:12,601 --> 00:55:14,894 Go on, The Machine. Go on. 904 00:55:14,895 --> 00:55:17,573 Come on. 905 00:55:19,150 --> 00:55:21,443 Yeah! 906 00:55:21,444 --> 00:55:23,528 I don't feel anything. 907 00:55:23,529 --> 00:55:25,789 It's in the post. 908 00:55:27,366 --> 00:55:30,336 Funny taste in it. It's like sherbet dip. 909 00:55:45,926 --> 00:55:48,303 - I feel like a blanket. - We don't have any blankets. 910 00:55:48,304 --> 00:55:52,432 No, I actually feel like a blanket, like I resemble a blanket. 911 00:55:52,433 --> 00:55:55,477 All furry. Do you want me to lie on you? 912 00:55:55,478 --> 00:55:58,563 That's really kind of you... but no. 913 00:55:58,564 --> 00:56:00,231 Okay. 914 00:56:00,232 --> 00:56:04,903 So what's your story, The Machine? 915 00:56:04,904 --> 00:56:07,915 - Like do you have a family? - I did. 916 00:56:08,574 --> 00:56:10,158 Oh, I'm sorry. 917 00:56:10,159 --> 00:56:12,827 No, they're totally alive, or whatever. 918 00:56:12,828 --> 00:56:14,829 I didn't know you were having problems. 919 00:56:14,830 --> 00:56:18,384 - I know you didn't. - Anything I can do. 920 00:56:19,251 --> 00:56:22,930 The first thing you can do is not mention a word of this to Ruth. 921 00:56:23,631 --> 00:56:25,632 I don't want her going up the aisle thinking 922 00:56:25,633 --> 00:56:27,550 I've just been fucked back down it. 923 00:56:27,551 --> 00:56:29,594 Yeah, sure, The Machine. 924 00:56:29,595 --> 00:56:33,890 Oh, Jesus, I've got to turn it around before your big day. 925 00:56:33,891 --> 00:56:36,193 Somehow, I mean... 926 00:56:36,852 --> 00:56:39,604 I can't pitch up solo. Just... 927 00:56:39,605 --> 00:56:41,481 So what happened, The Machine? 928 00:56:41,482 --> 00:56:47,112 Well, as I'm sure most of you overheard the other night, 929 00:56:47,113 --> 00:56:53,535 right now financially I am up shit creek with a turd for a paddle. 930 00:56:53,536 --> 00:56:57,756 - Two million. - I was under some serious pressure. 931 00:56:58,791 --> 00:57:04,587 And the drinking, well, it was... it was on an upward trajectory. 932 00:57:04,588 --> 00:57:07,132 I was invited to the races in Deauville 933 00:57:07,133 --> 00:57:09,676 in France on a bit of a corporate. 934 00:57:09,677 --> 00:57:14,472 I had two horses come in and we were poured back onto the plane 935 00:57:14,473 --> 00:57:17,725 from Paris. I needed to go to the toilet, like badly, 936 00:57:17,726 --> 00:57:21,688 and the seatbelt light wasn't going off and the stewardess is all like, 937 00:57:21,689 --> 00:57:24,441 "Le turbulence! Le seatbelt! Le turbulence!" 938 00:57:24,442 --> 00:57:27,569 And I'm like, "Je piss maintenant! Je piss!" 939 00:57:27,570 --> 00:57:32,949 "Le turbulence!" So I just kind of get up and, you know, go. 940 00:57:32,950 --> 00:57:34,451 What do you mean "go"? 941 00:57:34,452 --> 00:57:37,745 I did a Gerry Depardieu on it, if you know what I'm talking about. 942 00:57:37,746 --> 00:57:40,582 You urinated into a bottle on an aeroplane? 943 00:57:40,583 --> 00:57:42,760 Depardieu had a bottle? 944 00:57:49,175 --> 00:57:52,343 I got arrested, thrown off the aeroplane. 945 00:57:52,344 --> 00:57:55,638 I got thrown into the fucking clink for 24 hours. 946 00:57:55,639 --> 00:57:59,225 I had to get back to Ireland by land and sea and when I got back home, 947 00:57:59,226 --> 00:58:03,489 Rachel had changed the locks. Now I can't see the kids. 948 00:58:07,943 --> 00:58:12,238 Okay, so, er, what did you say to her? 949 00:58:12,239 --> 00:58:16,034 "Rachel, why are you being such a dick about this? 950 00:58:16,035 --> 00:58:19,829 "You've got a massive stick up your hole about this one issue. 951 00:58:19,830 --> 00:58:23,509 "I love the shit out of you and you know that, yeah?" 952 00:58:24,960 --> 00:58:27,337 What were the exact words you used? 953 00:58:27,338 --> 00:58:31,308 That's verbatim 'cause I wrote it down so I would totally nail it. 954 00:58:32,301 --> 00:58:34,093 Did you apologise? 955 00:58:34,094 --> 00:58:37,430 I don't think I busted out an actual apology per se, 956 00:58:37,431 --> 00:58:41,193 but she... should know that I am... 957 00:58:42,811 --> 00:58:47,232 totally... filled with regret or whatever. 958 00:58:48,859 --> 00:58:50,818 You can't say the words, can you? 959 00:58:50,819 --> 00:58:54,072 - What? - Sorry, you can't say sorry. 960 00:58:54,073 --> 00:58:56,074 - That's ridiculous. - Say it, then. 961 00:58:56,075 --> 00:58:57,951 - No. - Why not? 962 00:58:57,952 --> 00:59:00,495 - 'Cause I'm not feeling it. - Hey, I know. 963 00:59:00,496 --> 00:59:05,542 Davin... you stand up and be his lawfully-wedded wife. 964 00:59:05,543 --> 00:59:08,169 - Absolutely not. - Shut this shit down, Kevin. 965 00:59:08,170 --> 00:59:10,922 You have one week to turn this thing around. 966 00:59:10,923 --> 00:59:12,882 Bun, get up. 967 00:59:12,883 --> 00:59:15,635 Come on, Bun. 968 00:59:15,636 --> 00:59:19,347 Okay, now, look at your beautiful wife 969 00:59:19,348 --> 00:59:23,068 and tell her that you are sorry and mean it. 970 00:59:24,311 --> 00:59:27,063 - Okay. - That's Gavin. 971 00:59:27,064 --> 00:59:28,565 - Davin. - Bun. 972 00:59:28,566 --> 00:59:30,826 Just pretend. 973 00:59:31,860 --> 00:59:34,997 - This is very gay. - You have one week. Be a man. 974 00:59:38,659 --> 00:59:40,827 Yeah, okay. 975 00:59:44,081 --> 00:59:46,592 Rachel... 976 00:59:47,876 --> 00:59:50,762 - Why are you being such a dick? - No, no, no. 977 00:59:51,964 --> 00:59:53,965 Okay. 978 00:59:56,969 --> 00:59:58,928 Yeah, okay. 979 00:59:58,929 --> 01:00:00,564 Rachel... 980 01:00:03,225 --> 01:00:06,486 - The seatbelt light... - No, say it. 981 01:00:07,354 --> 01:00:09,656 Come on. 982 01:00:22,119 --> 01:00:24,421 Mistakes were made. 983 01:00:42,931 --> 01:00:45,016 There has to be music! 984 01:00:45,017 --> 01:00:47,185 I need it in my earholes. 985 01:00:47,186 --> 01:00:50,813 Please, just someone sing me anything. Just something, anything! 986 01:00:50,814 --> 01:00:53,399 He's right. What are we doing, taking this stuff without music? 987 01:00:53,400 --> 01:00:55,702 It's highly irresponsible. 988 01:00:58,322 --> 01:01:02,533 Ho, row, the rattlin' bog, the bog down in the valley-oh 989 01:01:02,534 --> 01:01:06,329 Ho, row, the rattlin' bog, the bog down in the valley-oh 990 01:01:06,330 --> 01:01:08,331 Now, in that bog, there was a tree 991 01:01:08,332 --> 01:01:10,541 A rare tree, a rattlin' tree 992 01:01:10,542 --> 01:01:12,835 The tree in the bog and the bog down in the valley-oh! 993 01:01:12,836 --> 01:01:15,046 - Hey! - Ho, row, the rattlin' bog... 994 01:01:15,047 --> 01:01:19,425 Frére Jacques, frére Jacques 995 01:01:19,426 --> 01:01:23,638 Dormez-vous? Dormez-vous? 996 01:01:23,639 --> 01:01:27,642 - Frére Jacques, frére Jacques - Sonnez les matinee 997 01:01:27,643 --> 01:01:31,437 - Sonnez les matinee - Frére Jacques, frére Jacques 998 01:01:31,438 --> 01:01:35,441 - Frére Jacques, frére Jacques - Sonnez les matinee 999 01:01:35,442 --> 01:01:39,612 - Dormez-vous? Dormez-vous? - Frére Jacques, frére Jacques 1000 01:01:39,613 --> 01:01:44,200 Ding, dang, dong, ding, dang, dong 1001 01:01:44,201 --> 01:01:47,787 The Camptown ladies sing this song, doo-da, doo-da 1002 01:01:47,788 --> 01:01:51,165 The Camptown racetrack's five miles long, oh, doo-da-day 1003 01:01:51,166 --> 01:01:54,585 Going to run all night, going to run all day 1004 01:01:54,586 --> 01:01:58,798 I bet my money on a bob-tailed nag, somebody bet on the bay 1005 01:02:02,136 --> 01:02:05,471 - Davin, don't be pussy. Your turn. - No, I can't sing. 1006 01:02:05,472 --> 01:02:07,232 - Come on! - Come on, Gav! 1007 01:02:08,434 --> 01:02:10,944 Er, okay. 1008 01:02:14,148 --> 01:02:18,735 On Raglan Road 1009 01:02:18,736 --> 01:02:25,241 On an autumn day I saw her first 1010 01:02:25,242 --> 01:02:31,038 And knew that her dark hair 1011 01:02:31,039 --> 01:02:35,418 Would weave a snare 1012 01:02:35,419 --> 01:02:41,725 That I might one day rue 1013 01:02:42,426 --> 01:02:48,556 I saw the danger yet I walked 1014 01:02:48,557 --> 01:02:54,696 Along the enchanted way 1015 01:02:55,856 --> 01:02:59,776 And I said let grief 1016 01:02:59,777 --> 01:03:03,112 Be a fallen leaf 1017 01:03:03,113 --> 01:03:08,293 At the dawning of the day 1018 01:03:09,203 --> 01:03:13,956 On Grafton Street 1019 01:03:13,957 --> 01:03:17,001 In November 1020 01:03:17,002 --> 01:03:22,766 We tripped lightly along the ledge 1021 01:03:23,801 --> 01:03:26,719 Of a deep ravine 1022 01:03:26,720 --> 01:03:31,015 Where can be seen 1023 01:03:31,016 --> 01:03:37,781 The worth of passions pledged 1024 01:03:38,899 --> 01:03:41,734 The Queen of Hearts 1025 01:03:41,735 --> 01:03:46,164 Still making tarts 1026 01:03:46,824 --> 01:03:52,078 And I'm not making 1027 01:03:52,079 --> 01:03:54,247 Hay 1028 01:03:54,248 --> 01:03:59,877 Well, I loved too much 1029 01:03:59,878 --> 01:04:03,506 And such by such 1030 01:04:03,507 --> 01:04:06,551 Is happiness 1031 01:04:06,552 --> 01:04:10,230 Thrown away 1032 01:04:11,515 --> 01:04:15,944 On a quiet street 1033 01:04:17,521 --> 01:04:21,315 Where old ghosts meet 1034 01:04:21,316 --> 01:04:27,080 I watch her walking now 1035 01:04:28,115 --> 01:04:31,200 Away from me 1036 01:04:31,201 --> 01:04:36,173 So hurriedly 1037 01:04:36,832 --> 01:04:40,135 My reason... 1038 01:04:48,468 --> 01:04:50,979 I can't remember the rest. 1039 01:04:51,638 --> 01:04:53,356 That was deadly, Bun. 1040 01:05:12,326 --> 01:05:14,044 What are you doing? 1041 01:05:17,748 --> 01:05:20,625 - We passed a lake. - Way back. 1042 01:05:20,626 --> 01:05:22,928 More of a pond, really. 1043 01:05:30,928 --> 01:05:34,105 - Where's he going? - He's going for a swim. 1044 01:05:37,225 --> 01:05:39,527 I need water on my body. 1045 01:05:56,620 --> 01:05:59,163 - Fuck it. - This is so fucking insane. 1046 01:05:59,164 --> 01:06:01,958 Why don't we walk there in our clothes and then take them off? 1047 01:06:01,959 --> 01:06:04,261 Because, Fionan... 1048 01:06:10,676 --> 01:06:12,811 Oh. 1049 01:06:16,014 --> 01:06:18,182 Wait for me! 1050 01:06:26,858 --> 01:06:28,651 Whoo! 1051 01:06:40,580 --> 01:06:42,882 Whoo! 1052 01:06:57,264 --> 01:06:59,682 - This isn't familiar to me. - I could have sworn it was here. 1053 01:06:59,683 --> 01:07:01,767 - Yeah, me, too. - Well, it isn't. 1054 01:07:01,768 --> 01:07:04,395 - Oh, God, I'm high. - Where's The Machine? 1055 01:07:04,396 --> 01:07:06,439 Maybe he's down at the lake. 1056 01:07:06,440 --> 01:07:08,983 - What are we going to do? - Find the Machine. 1057 01:07:08,984 --> 01:07:10,568 He's at the lake! 1058 01:07:10,569 --> 01:07:13,404 Find The Machine, find the lake. 1059 01:07:13,405 --> 01:07:15,781 The Machine! 1060 01:07:19,327 --> 01:07:23,757 The Machine! The Machine! The Machine! 1061 01:07:30,130 --> 01:07:33,257 Shit. What do we do? 1062 01:07:33,258 --> 01:07:35,551 - Okay, we just need to go back. - Okay. 1063 01:07:35,552 --> 01:07:37,928 Wait! 1064 01:07:37,929 --> 01:07:40,306 - Which way is back? - It's this way. 1065 01:07:40,307 --> 01:07:42,058 - It's this way. - It's this way. 1066 01:07:42,059 --> 01:07:44,310 - Come on, which way is back? - Okay, it's this way. 1067 01:07:44,311 --> 01:07:46,103 - I don't think it's that way! - Which way? 1068 01:07:46,104 --> 01:07:48,147 - Some other way like this way! - I came from this way! 1069 01:07:48,148 --> 01:07:49,815 You came from that way. I was behind you. 1070 01:07:49,816 --> 01:07:52,485 - Davin, you were behind me! - So which way did you come in? 1071 01:07:52,486 --> 01:07:55,538 I don't know. Possibly that way. No, that way. 1072 01:07:56,198 --> 01:07:59,200 Look, come on. Okay, we're going to go this way. 1073 01:07:59,201 --> 01:08:01,202 - You're winging it, Kevin! - Shut up, Fionan! 1074 01:08:01,203 --> 01:08:03,746 Oh, my God. 1075 01:08:03,747 --> 01:08:05,799 - No, it's this way. - It's this way! 1076 01:08:15,050 --> 01:08:17,426 Oh, God. 1077 01:08:19,179 --> 01:08:21,347 - What the fuck was that? - Um... 1078 01:08:21,348 --> 01:08:23,858 Guys, we're lost. Look at the moon. 1079 01:08:24,601 --> 01:08:27,520 Does the moon move? Is it a reliable instrument? 1080 01:08:27,521 --> 01:08:29,105 Yes. 1081 01:08:29,106 --> 01:08:31,982 - The moon is not reliable. - I don't know. 1082 01:08:31,983 --> 01:08:34,902 - Then why did you say yes? - Because I don't know. 1083 01:08:34,903 --> 01:08:37,655 We were just here. This is where we were! 1084 01:08:37,656 --> 01:08:40,991 No, we weren't. We were just somewhere that looks like this. 1085 01:08:40,992 --> 01:08:43,828 Maybe we should just shelter here until daylight. 1086 01:08:43,829 --> 01:08:46,997 - We are naked. - I am aware of that! 1087 01:08:50,293 --> 01:08:51,919 I'm fucking freezing. 1088 01:08:51,920 --> 01:08:54,505 I think we should keep moving and stay warm. 1089 01:08:54,506 --> 01:08:56,507 Let's do the Emperor Penguin. 1090 01:08:56,508 --> 01:08:58,634 - Yes. - Go in front of me! 1091 01:08:58,635 --> 01:09:00,803 - Go in front of me! - Right, okay. 1092 01:09:00,804 --> 01:09:02,972 Close up, go! 1093 01:09:09,437 --> 01:09:11,948 - Keep alternating! - Okay, okay. 1094 01:09:45,974 --> 01:09:49,560 Enough. Oh, I got like eight minutes sleep. 1095 01:09:49,561 --> 01:09:53,323 I simply cannot be dealing with this madness any longer. 1096 01:09:54,191 --> 01:09:56,442 Oh, God, where did you get to? 1097 01:09:56,443 --> 01:09:59,570 - Well, good morning, Fionan. - Did you kill an animal? 1098 01:09:59,571 --> 01:10:02,615 I did not, but I may have borrowed some of its clothes. 1099 01:10:02,616 --> 01:10:04,700 You're a fucking lunatic. 1100 01:10:04,701 --> 01:10:08,162 I've just decided that your Indian name is Sulks Like A Baby. 1101 01:10:08,163 --> 01:10:10,664 - How long have you been up there? - Since daybreak. 1102 01:10:10,665 --> 01:10:13,500 Gentlemen, we are in it now! 1103 01:10:13,501 --> 01:10:16,253 The bothy is nowhere to be seen. 1104 01:10:16,254 --> 01:10:19,381 - Why are you happy? - Just playing it as it lays hombre. 1105 01:10:19,382 --> 01:10:23,010 What does that even mean? Look! Look at what you've done to us! 1106 01:10:23,011 --> 01:10:25,429 We could have died of pneumonia last night! 1107 01:10:25,430 --> 01:10:28,349 But you didn't. I see you improvised a shelter, which is good. 1108 01:10:28,350 --> 01:10:29,850 Because you got us lost! 1109 01:10:29,851 --> 01:10:31,644 We all got lost, Sulks Like A Baby. 1110 01:10:31,645 --> 01:10:34,021 - Fionan, it's fine. - No, it's not fine. 1111 01:10:34,022 --> 01:10:36,565 I have to deal with this nut job for the rest of my fucking life. 1112 01:10:36,566 --> 01:10:38,943 Hey, hey, calm down. Just leave him alone. 1113 01:10:38,944 --> 01:10:42,696 - I beg your pardon! - Just... leave him alone. 1114 01:10:42,697 --> 01:10:45,241 Let me get this straight, you're mates now? 1115 01:10:45,242 --> 01:10:47,576 I think we need to accept we are where we are 1116 01:10:47,577 --> 01:10:49,954 and we've all contributed a little bit to that. 1117 01:10:49,955 --> 01:10:52,498 So let's ease up on the theatrics and move on. 1118 01:10:52,499 --> 01:10:56,418 Jesus, Davin. You're a joke! You're a total fucking pussy! 1119 01:10:56,419 --> 01:10:58,295 He never wanted you here, right? 1120 01:10:58,296 --> 01:11:01,465 He screened your calls. I'm sorry, it's true! 1121 01:11:01,466 --> 01:11:05,177 I'm sorry. That is true, but it was per your insistence 1122 01:11:05,178 --> 01:11:08,013 and it was your decision, so can we leave that now? 1123 01:11:08,014 --> 01:11:11,642 No! We can't leave it now, because the other problem we have here is 1124 01:11:11,643 --> 01:11:15,020 - you're fucking full of bullshit! - What are you talking about? 1125 01:11:15,021 --> 01:11:17,523 I think you're overtired. You need to sit down. 1126 01:11:17,524 --> 01:11:20,818 - Breathe, try not to speak. - Typical! 1127 01:11:20,819 --> 01:11:25,114 - Whatever. - You're so fucking superior! 1128 01:11:25,115 --> 01:11:28,617 You have to retain the upper hand no matter what! It's so relentless! 1129 01:11:28,618 --> 01:11:30,703 You act like you understand something 1130 01:11:30,704 --> 01:11:32,830 nobody else can possibly understand! 1131 01:11:32,831 --> 01:11:36,625 Always a little ahead of us all! Jesus, the size of your ego! 1132 01:11:36,626 --> 01:11:40,004 I mean, he's never even been in love! 1133 01:11:40,005 --> 01:11:41,505 - Fionan! - At ease, Tiny Kevin. 1134 01:11:41,506 --> 01:11:43,674 You don't know what you're talking about, Fionan. 1135 01:11:43,675 --> 01:11:46,677 Six months, Davin, your longest ever relationship. 1136 01:11:46,678 --> 01:11:48,429 You had so many chances! 1137 01:11:48,430 --> 01:11:50,931 - Six fucking months! - That is none of your business! 1138 01:11:50,932 --> 01:11:53,600 What kind of man never lets himself fall in love? 1139 01:11:53,601 --> 01:11:59,324 Even that Neanderthal man is in love whereas you always beat a retreat. 1140 01:12:00,525 --> 01:12:02,693 You let yourself experience nothing. 1141 01:12:02,694 --> 01:12:05,362 You haven't the faintest idea what it feels like 1142 01:12:05,363 --> 01:12:08,615 because you've never had the balls to be in love! 1143 01:12:08,616 --> 01:12:11,368 - You're such a fucking idiot. - I beg your pardon. 1144 01:12:11,369 --> 01:12:14,830 - You're wrong. I was in love. - Oh, which one, Una? Clare? 1145 01:12:14,831 --> 01:12:16,749 - Fucking little Brenda? - No, no. 1146 01:12:16,750 --> 01:12:21,638 The one... about Christmas six years ago. 1147 01:12:23,089 --> 01:12:25,391 - Six years ago? - Yeah. 1148 01:12:27,135 --> 01:12:29,437 Christmas? 1149 01:12:34,267 --> 01:12:36,569 Ruth? 1150 01:12:38,021 --> 01:12:40,323 You're so fucking stupid sometimes. 1151 01:12:40,982 --> 01:12:42,733 Are you telling me Ruth broke your heart? 1152 01:12:42,734 --> 01:12:45,787 No, actually, she fucking smashed it to smithereens. 1153 01:12:47,280 --> 01:12:49,374 I was a mess. 1154 01:12:50,075 --> 01:12:52,618 I was a pitiful mess. 1155 01:12:52,619 --> 01:12:54,921 My heart... 1156 01:12:55,622 --> 01:12:58,374 My heart was... 1157 01:12:58,375 --> 01:13:03,337 And you just cruise in there and sweep her away, simple as that. 1158 01:13:03,338 --> 01:13:07,100 - I didn't know. - Of course you didn't fucking know! 1159 01:13:07,801 --> 01:13:11,521 - You told me you broke up with her. - Yeah, well, there you have it! 1160 01:13:13,139 --> 01:13:14,932 Right. Did you know? 1161 01:13:14,933 --> 01:13:16,567 Yeah. 1162 01:13:18,103 --> 01:13:20,062 And you actually hid it from me? 1163 01:13:20,063 --> 01:13:22,356 - Why didn't you tell me? - The damage was done. 1164 01:13:22,357 --> 01:13:24,358 What the fuck does that mean? Why didn't you tell me? 1165 01:13:24,359 --> 01:13:26,735 - Because you started seeing her. - That was a year later! 1166 01:13:26,736 --> 01:13:28,946 Maybe I didn't feel I could tell you any of that shit. 1167 01:13:28,947 --> 01:13:31,782 Jesus! Are we actually friends at all? 1168 01:13:31,783 --> 01:13:34,952 What the fuck is going on? I mean... Wait, okay. 1169 01:13:34,953 --> 01:13:37,255 Okay, oh, Jesus, Davin. 1170 01:13:40,166 --> 01:13:42,510 Are you still in love with her? 1171 01:13:45,588 --> 01:13:47,890 Oh, Jesus. 1172 01:13:54,973 --> 01:13:56,974 Oh. 1173 01:13:56,975 --> 01:13:58,809 - Ow! - Oh. 1174 01:13:58,810 --> 01:14:00,936 Aow! Fuck! 1175 01:14:00,937 --> 01:14:04,231 This is my fucking stag! 1176 01:14:04,232 --> 01:14:08,527 This is my fucking stag and you tell me that you're in love with Ruth! 1177 01:14:08,528 --> 01:14:10,320 The love of my life! 1178 01:14:10,321 --> 01:14:13,657 And now! Now! After all these years! 1179 01:14:13,658 --> 01:14:18,671 You decide that this... this is the best time to tell me! 1180 01:14:19,414 --> 01:14:22,166 - You! - Get off me, you fuck... 1181 01:14:22,167 --> 01:14:25,002 - Ah! No! Ah! - Ah! 1182 01:14:25,003 --> 01:14:26,888 - Ow! Ow! - Stop, 1183 01:14:35,513 --> 01:14:39,516 Just stop it! Just stop now! Oh! Oh! 1184 01:14:39,517 --> 01:14:42,895 Christ! One of my lenses has rolled back into the back of my eye! 1185 01:14:42,896 --> 01:14:45,439 Good! Kevin, will you be my best man? 1186 01:14:45,440 --> 01:14:48,775 Yeah, will you, Kevin? Because there's no fucking way I'm doing it! 1187 01:14:48,776 --> 01:14:51,153 - Guys, you're being ridiculous! - You are being ridiculous. 1188 01:14:51,154 --> 01:14:52,696 The Machine, what do we do now? 1189 01:14:52,697 --> 01:14:55,240 It's pretty clear what Fionan and Davin need to do. 1190 01:14:55,241 --> 01:14:58,285 - Never see each other again! - Davin, grow a set of balls! 1191 01:14:58,286 --> 01:15:00,329 Ask your friend to forgive you for being such an idiot! 1192 01:15:00,330 --> 01:15:02,456 And then we can go, because it's getting really cold. 1193 01:15:02,457 --> 01:15:05,709 - Apologise now! Say sorry! - No! 1194 01:15:05,710 --> 01:15:07,211 - Fionan! - No. 1195 01:15:07,212 --> 01:15:10,172 - Apologise for what? - Jesus Christ, Davin. 1196 01:15:10,173 --> 01:15:12,683 - Fuck off! - Shake hands! Shake hands! 1197 01:15:18,431 --> 01:15:21,433 Gentlemen, we're on the move. 1198 01:15:21,434 --> 01:15:23,194 Follow me. 1199 01:15:41,996 --> 01:15:43,997 Right, well, we can't all go. 1200 01:15:43,998 --> 01:15:45,958 I'm naked. Simon has ivy. 1201 01:15:45,959 --> 01:15:49,294 I have one tiny piece of ivy over my balls. Worse than being naked. 1202 01:15:49,295 --> 01:15:53,057 - I am simply not going. - Right, you lads, stay here. 1203 01:16:07,438 --> 01:16:09,323 What is he doing? 1204 01:16:11,526 --> 01:16:14,412 Eggs, genius. 1205 01:16:18,408 --> 01:16:20,710 He's having breakfast. 1206 01:16:23,663 --> 01:16:25,831 Mm. 1207 01:16:32,839 --> 01:16:35,757 Easy, now. 1208 01:16:35,758 --> 01:16:37,551 Easy boy. 1209 01:16:37,552 --> 01:16:40,229 Easy, easy, okay, okay. 1210 01:16:41,723 --> 01:16:43,890 Oh, my God. 1211 01:16:43,891 --> 01:16:46,059 Okay, okay. 1212 01:16:50,773 --> 01:16:53,817 Apparently, if you forcibly insert your finger 1213 01:16:53,818 --> 01:16:56,361 into the dog's anus, it will stop attacking. 1214 01:16:56,362 --> 01:16:59,197 - God. - He's dead. 1215 01:16:59,198 --> 01:17:01,366 - Come on! - What... are you doing? 1216 01:17:01,367 --> 01:17:03,669 - Oh, my God. - Why is he doing that? 1217 01:17:06,539 --> 01:17:08,498 Easy, easy. 1218 01:17:08,499 --> 01:17:10,459 Easy, easy. 1219 01:17:10,460 --> 01:17:13,837 I just know that I'm not going to be any good at this. 1220 01:17:15,506 --> 01:17:17,183 Easy! Throw me a weapon! 1221 01:17:19,844 --> 01:17:21,938 - What the... - I'm sorry! 1222 01:17:25,892 --> 01:17:28,110 Haughey! 1223 01:17:31,564 --> 01:17:36,818 Nudey, crusty hippy bastards! I'll shoot the shit out of ye! 1224 01:17:36,819 --> 01:17:39,163 Ah! 1225 01:17:43,785 --> 01:17:45,410 I don't want to die! 1226 01:18:03,471 --> 01:18:06,390 I tell you one thing boys... 1227 01:18:06,391 --> 01:18:08,767 I am looking forward to this wedding. 1228 01:18:43,177 --> 01:18:45,512 Oh, good, I think he's letting us on. 1229 01:18:45,513 --> 01:18:48,024 Clear up the bus. 1230 01:18:49,225 --> 01:18:51,152 Hi. 1231 01:19:12,248 --> 01:19:14,332 Stay off my land! 1232 01:19:14,333 --> 01:19:16,260 Absolutely. 1233 01:19:18,963 --> 01:19:21,057 Good bye. 1234 01:19:27,638 --> 01:19:29,806 Yes! 1235 01:19:29,807 --> 01:19:32,559 Can you open this up, Simon? 1236 01:19:36,689 --> 01:19:39,575 I don't have the keys. 1237 01:19:42,153 --> 01:19:45,071 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Jesus, Jesus. 1238 01:19:45,072 --> 01:19:47,374 Oh, my God. 1239 01:19:50,036 --> 01:19:52,204 Fuck it. 1240 01:19:52,205 --> 01:19:55,540 You know what, it's a car. It's a car. 1241 01:19:55,541 --> 01:19:58,293 It's just a fucking car. 1242 01:19:58,294 --> 01:20:00,971 It's just a fucking car. A car. 1243 01:20:01,798 --> 01:20:03,965 Simon... 1244 01:20:03,966 --> 01:20:06,426 It's just a fucking car. 1245 01:20:06,427 --> 01:20:08,553 Simon... 1246 01:20:08,554 --> 01:20:10,555 It's just a car. 1247 01:20:10,556 --> 01:20:13,099 Got there! 1248 01:20:13,100 --> 01:20:14,976 Ah! 1249 01:20:14,977 --> 01:20:16,478 Oh, fuck. 1250 01:20:16,479 --> 01:20:19,856 Oh, Jesus, no! Uli is going to destroy me! 1251 01:20:19,857 --> 01:20:22,400 - How do you turn the alarm off? - I don't know! 1252 01:20:22,401 --> 01:20:24,694 You're fucking kidding me. 1253 01:20:24,695 --> 01:20:27,531 You're out here destroying your Jeep with the fucking boulder 1254 01:20:27,532 --> 01:20:31,326 and I'm inside pinching a loaf! Why didn't you wait till I came out? 1255 01:20:31,327 --> 01:20:35,330 - Wait How did you do that? - Oh, yeah. Here you go, chief. 1256 01:20:35,331 --> 01:20:37,633 I found them the morning after. 1257 01:20:47,218 --> 01:20:48,718 You're mad. 1258 01:20:48,719 --> 01:20:51,188 Seriously, The Machine, you really are quite mad. 1259 01:20:52,598 --> 01:20:54,266 Yeah. 1260 01:20:54,267 --> 01:20:56,360 See you boys at the wedding. 1261 01:21:19,250 --> 01:21:21,677 Seven new messages. 1262 01:21:24,380 --> 01:21:27,132 Hey, Dad. 1263 01:21:27,133 --> 01:21:30,176 Yeah, it was... It was interesting. 1264 01:21:30,177 --> 01:21:32,345 Listen I just need to say something. 1265 01:21:32,346 --> 01:21:35,098 Erm, the two Kevins are coming to the wedding 1266 01:21:35,099 --> 01:21:37,401 and I'd really like you to come, too. 1267 01:21:38,519 --> 01:21:41,822 Yeah, I know that. Well, of course you're still invited. 1268 01:21:42,773 --> 01:21:47,068 Well, that's up to you, Dad, but that's what's going to happen, okay? 1269 01:21:47,069 --> 01:21:51,072 Okay. Well, look, have a think about it and I'll talk to you soon. 1270 01:21:51,073 --> 01:21:53,167 Okay, bye. 1271 01:22:33,366 --> 01:22:35,533 He's alive! 1272 01:22:35,534 --> 01:22:37,327 - Hey! - Hey! 1273 01:22:37,328 --> 01:22:39,704 Thank you so much. 1274 01:22:39,705 --> 01:22:41,873 Hey, you! 1275 01:22:41,874 --> 01:22:44,176 Welcome back. 1276 01:22:46,253 --> 01:22:48,555 Don't forget the rings, yeah? 1277 01:22:57,098 --> 01:23:00,150 Rach... please. 1278 01:23:05,940 --> 01:23:08,284 I'm sorry. 1279 01:23:11,153 --> 01:23:13,831 How hard was that? 1280 01:23:17,827 --> 01:23:20,129 Oh, God. 1281 01:24:00,119 --> 01:24:05,165 Hello, everybody. I'm Davin and I'm the best man. 1282 01:24:10,671 --> 01:24:12,973 I don't have any brothers. 1283 01:24:14,508 --> 01:24:17,427 - Or any sisters, for that matter. - Aw! 1284 01:24:17,428 --> 01:24:21,190 So my friends have been my siblings 1285 01:24:22,183 --> 01:24:24,485 I love them like brothers and sisters. 1286 01:24:25,978 --> 01:24:29,689 And I've fought with them and laughed with them 1287 01:24:29,690 --> 01:24:34,277 and grown up with them and learned from them. 1288 01:24:34,278 --> 01:24:38,999 And no one more so than the man who is being married here today... 1289 01:24:40,367 --> 01:24:43,119 - Fionan. - Fion-awn 1290 01:24:43,120 --> 01:24:46,039 I've relied on him so much over the years 1291 01:24:46,040 --> 01:24:48,875 and he's always been there for me. 1292 01:24:48,876 --> 01:24:52,670 Even when I've expected far too much from him, 1293 01:24:52,671 --> 01:24:56,966 he's been able to see through my... idiot ways 1294 01:24:56,967 --> 01:25:02,764 and he's helped me to find the man that I'm supposed to be. 1295 01:25:02,765 --> 01:25:06,893 So I say congratulations, Ruth. You picked a doozy. 1296 01:25:06,894 --> 01:25:08,394 Yeah. 1297 01:25:08,395 --> 01:25:11,865 I'm so proud to call this man my best friend. 1298 01:25:12,525 --> 01:25:14,618 And... 1299 01:25:15,694 --> 01:25:17,579 with your permission... 1300 01:25:19,573 --> 01:25:21,208 my brother. 1301 01:25:24,662 --> 01:25:26,964 Marriages are not made in heaven. 1302 01:25:27,665 --> 01:25:31,126 They're made here on Earth, but you only have to take one look 1303 01:25:31,127 --> 01:25:33,670 at this amazing woman to know that for my friend Fionan, 1304 01:25:33,671 --> 01:25:36,047 this is as close to heaven as he's ever going to get. 1305 01:25:37,716 --> 01:25:41,719 So I ask you, ladies and gentlemen, to raise your glasses with me 1306 01:25:41,720 --> 01:25:45,431 to Fionan and Ruth, bride and groom. 1307 01:25:45,432 --> 01:25:47,734 Fionan and Ruth. 1308 01:26:00,656 --> 01:26:03,491 - She looked absolutely gorgeous. - Thanks. 1309 01:26:03,492 --> 01:26:06,545 Who's that man? 1310 01:26:07,997 --> 01:26:10,299 - Hi, Dad. - Hello there. 1311 01:26:12,877 --> 01:26:15,044 You must be Kevin. 1312 01:26:15,045 --> 01:26:18,423 - Mr Quinn. - Derry, please. 1313 01:26:18,424 --> 01:26:22,218 - May I get you a drink, Derry? - No, let me get you one. 1314 01:26:22,219 --> 01:26:26,940 - That's very kind of you. - Well, it is a free bar. 1315 01:26:29,351 --> 01:26:33,113 - I'll give you a hand, Derry. - Yeah, that's very kind of you. 1316 01:26:34,273 --> 01:26:37,242 - What would you like? - Thank you. 1317 01:26:39,695 --> 01:26:42,447 - Davin. - Hey there. 1318 01:26:42,448 --> 01:26:47,044 - Did you just call me Davin? - I did. I called you Davin. 1319 01:26:47,786 --> 01:26:50,339 So look, I've got something for you. 1320 01:26:50,998 --> 01:26:53,425 - You got me a present? - Oh, yeah. 1321 01:26:56,378 --> 01:26:58,680 Wow. 1322 01:27:02,676 --> 01:27:06,605 "May the best man win." 1323 01:27:13,145 --> 01:27:15,980 Can I have your attention, please? 1324 01:27:17,608 --> 01:27:20,285 This is a really special moment for me. 1325 01:27:20,945 --> 01:27:23,696 The most amazing day of my life. 1326 01:27:23,697 --> 01:27:28,451 And now my brother, The Machine, my oldest friend, 1327 01:27:28,452 --> 01:27:32,247 is giving us a present of a song. 1328 01:27:32,248 --> 01:27:34,415 Get up here. 1329 01:27:47,263 --> 01:27:48,763 Thank you. 1330 01:27:48,764 --> 01:27:51,516 Ladies and gentlemen, my name, 1331 01:27:51,517 --> 01:27:53,819 or my real name... 1332 01:27:54,603 --> 01:27:56,771 is Richard. 1333 01:27:56,772 --> 01:27:58,731 - Richard? Is it? - Yeah. 1334 01:27:58,732 --> 01:28:01,243 The reason I'm called The Machine is... 1335 01:28:03,654 --> 01:28:06,572 Well, maybe another time, yeah. 1336 01:28:06,573 --> 01:28:10,159 Ladies and gentlemen, this song is about the bride and groom 1337 01:28:10,160 --> 01:28:11,661 and about love. 1338 01:28:11,662 --> 01:28:14,706 But it's also a song about Ireland 1339 01:28:14,707 --> 01:28:17,217 and the men and women of Ireland. 1340 01:28:17,876 --> 01:28:22,014 In recent times, we've taken a hell of a beating. 1341 01:28:22,715 --> 01:28:27,385 What with the economy and Europe tearing us a new one. 1342 01:28:27,386 --> 01:28:31,180 And the Church being total assholes about everything. 1343 01:28:32,683 --> 01:28:36,019 But we've got to forgive ourselves, forgive each other 1344 01:28:36,020 --> 01:28:38,271 and learn to love ourselves again, 1345 01:28:38,272 --> 01:28:43,067 'cause the thing is we're Ireland 1346 01:28:43,068 --> 01:28:47,822 and that, my friends, is deadly. 1347 01:28:47,823 --> 01:28:49,324 Whoo! 1348 01:28:49,325 --> 01:28:53,745 I also want to dedicate this to a bunch of Comancheros 1349 01:28:53,746 --> 01:28:56,497 I once had the honour of riding with 1350 01:28:56,498 --> 01:28:59,250 out on the edge of the world. 1351 01:28:59,251 --> 01:29:01,678 I love those hombres. 1352 01:29:09,720 --> 01:29:12,397 Is it getting better? 1353 01:29:14,767 --> 01:29:17,486 Do you feel the same? 1354 01:29:20,105 --> 01:29:25,068 Will it make it easier on you now 1355 01:29:25,069 --> 01:29:28,404 You got someone to blame 1356 01:29:28,405 --> 01:29:32,408 You say one love 1357 01:29:32,409 --> 01:29:35,411 One life 1358 01:29:35,412 --> 01:29:37,538 When it's one need 1359 01:29:37,539 --> 01:29:40,375 In the night 1360 01:29:40,376 --> 01:29:43,127 One love 1361 01:29:43,128 --> 01:29:45,880 We get to share it 1362 01:29:45,881 --> 01:29:51,511 Leaves you baby if you don't care for it 1363 01:30:02,314 --> 01:30:05,534 Did I disappoint you? 1364 01:30:07,277 --> 01:30:10,747 Or leave a bad taste in your mouth 1365 01:30:12,491 --> 01:30:15,752 You act like you never had love 1366 01:30:17,621 --> 01:30:21,207 And you want me to go without 1367 01:30:21,208 --> 01:30:25,002 Well, it's too late 1368 01:30:25,003 --> 01:30:27,588 Tonight 1369 01:30:27,589 --> 01:30:32,561 To drag the past out into the night 1370 01:30:33,303 --> 01:30:37,098 We're one, but we're not the same 1371 01:30:37,099 --> 01:30:40,226 We get to carry each other 1372 01:30:40,227 --> 01:30:44,647 Carry each other, one... 1373 01:30:54,825 --> 01:30:58,754 Have you come here for forgiveness? 1374 01:30:59,913 --> 01:31:03,675 Have you come to raise the dead? 1375 01:31:05,419 --> 01:31:08,889 Have you come hereto play Jesus? 1376 01:31:10,591 --> 01:31:14,728 To the lepers in your head? 1377 01:31:15,429 --> 01:31:17,972 Did I ask too much? 1378 01:31:17,973 --> 01:31:20,808 More than a lot 1379 01:31:20,809 --> 01:31:25,980 You gave me nothing, now it's all I've got 1380 01:31:25,981 --> 01:31:30,193 We're one, but we're not the same 1381 01:31:30,194 --> 01:31:32,737 Well, we hurt each other 1382 01:31:32,738 --> 01:31:36,282 Then we do it again, you say 1383 01:31:36,283 --> 01:31:38,451 Love is a temple 1384 01:31:38,452 --> 01:31:40,828 Love a higher law 1385 01:31:40,829 --> 01:31:43,581 Love is a temple 1386 01:31:43,582 --> 01:31:46,501 Love a higher law 1387 01:31:46,502 --> 01:31:51,756 You ask me to enter, but then you make me crawl 1388 01:31:51,757 --> 01:31:58,137 And I can't be holding on to what you've got 1389 01:31:58,138 --> 01:32:00,431 When all you've got is hurt 1390 01:32:00,432 --> 01:32:02,975 One love 1391 01:32:02,976 --> 01:32:05,520 One blood 1392 01:32:05,521 --> 01:32:09,658 One life, you've got to do what you should 1393 01:32:10,984 --> 01:32:16,155 One life with each other 1394 01:32:16,156 --> 01:32:20,460 Sisters, brothers 1395 01:32:21,411 --> 01:32:25,414 We're one life, but we're not the same 1396 01:32:25,415 --> 01:32:28,417 We get to carry each other 1397 01:32:28,418 --> 01:32:30,545 Carry each other 1398 01:32:30,546 --> 01:32:33,598 One 1399 01:32:36,426 --> 01:32:39,604 One 1400 01:32:42,724 --> 01:32:46,060 Oooh-oooh 1401 01:32:46,061 --> 01:32:48,271 Ooh 1402 01:32:48,272 --> 01:32:52,275 Maybe, maybe, maybe 1403 01:32:52,276 --> 01:32:56,413 Ah-ah-ah! 1404 01:32:57,447 --> 01:33:01,376 Ah-ah! 1405 01:33:02,911 --> 01:33:07,632 Ah-ah-ah-ah 1406 01:33:08,292 --> 01:33:11,428 Ah-ah107866