All language subtitles for The Mentalist - 5x06 - Cherry Picked.HDTV.en

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I'm killing it!

Yeah, I wish we looked
as cool dancing in clubs

as we do right now.

Don't worry, this is
exactly how you look

when you're dancing in clubs.

You're welcome, ladies.

Paradigm-shifting
news, gentlemen!

Dude!

I was about to Bollywood
this bitch.

Earlier today, I invited

Professor Stephen Hawking
to join me

in the popular online game
Words with Friends.

Moments ago,
he accepted my request.

Do you understand
what that means?

That somewhere right now
Stephen Hawking is saying,

"Damn it.

I meant to click no."

I'll walk you through it.

The game is not called
Words with Strangers.

No, it's not
even called

Words with Acquaintances.

It is called

Words with...

I'm not finishing your sentence.

You pulled the plug on my funk.

Friends!

It's Words with Friends!

Which Stephen
Hawking and I

officially are.

Now all I need is
a bunk bed with a slide;

I'll have everything
I've ever wanted

since I was six years old.

That's really nice,
Sheldon.

I'm happy for you.

And I'm happy for you, too.

You are now friends with someone

who is officially friends
with Stephen Hawking.

Enjoy it, boys.

You may have peaked.

Sheldon, I know
Stephen Hawking.

I worked with him.

And if they ever come out
with a game called

Words with People
You Once Worked with,

you'll be off to the races.

Sheldon, I don't think
this actually means...

Hold that thought!

Professor Hawking
has made a move.

Boy, oh, boy.

Oh, it's only a matter of time

before we're coming up with
fun nicknames for each other.

I'll be Coop.

He'll be Wheels.

If he's okay with that.

All right.

Crank up the AC, boy!

It's gonna get hot in here!

♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪

♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪

♪ The Earth began to cool

♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪

♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪

♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪

♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪

♪ Bang! ♪

♪ The Big Bang Theory 6x06 ♪
The Extract Obliteration
Original Air Date on November 1, 2012

So, I was taking
a shower this morning,

and when I got out, I
started to dry off with

what I thought was a towel
but turned out to be

Howard's mom's underwear.

I had to take another shower.

It wasn't enough.

Nothing will ever be enough.

I once looked in Sheldon's
underwear drawer.

He yelled at me.

But now I know
what it looks like

and he can never take that away.

There's a book
under here.

Oh, I'll get that.

I got it. I got it.
No, no, it's...

Why do you have
a history textbook?

It's not a big deal.

Just taking a class

at the Pasadena
Community College.

That's great.

I didn't know you wanted
to go back to school.

It's just one history class.

Look, I didn't finish college,

so I thought
I would give it a try.

Not to mention,
your acting career

is going south like Sherman.

Read about it in your book.

Why would you be embarrassed
to tell us?

No, I'm not embarrassed.

I just didn't want
anyone to know

because I haven't
told Leonard yet.

Why wouldn't you tell Leonard?

Because it's me
going back to school,

and he's gonna be all "you can
do it," and "how can I help?"

and "I'm so proud of you."

Ugh!

I just can't believe you could

keep something like that
from him.

You guys have got to be
the weirdest couple I know.

Really?

You can't think
of anyone weirder?

I can,

but she's sitting right there.

Yes!

I play the word "quiver "
with a triple letter

and a double word
score for 72 points.

That ought to let the air
out of your tires, Hawking.

Wow, my boyfriend is friends
with Stephen Hawking

and my new dandruff shampoo
doesn't smell like tar.

Everything really is
coming up Amy.

It is glorious.

One of the greatest intellects
of our time

has agreed to engage with me
in a gentlemanly battle of wits.

And I'm spanking him so hard

his grad students
won't be able to sit down.

You know, when one male
dominates another,

his testosterone level rises.

What's your point?

It's exciting to think you might
be getting a testosterone level.

Ooh!

My friend Stephen just played
the word "act" for 18 points.

That's right, I call
him Stephen now.

Because I checked, and he
was not okay with Wheels.

Oh, you could turn
his "act" into "extract,"

and it would be
for double points.

Amy.

Why would you
give me a word?

Now, if I play "extract"
it would be cheating.

Sorry.

Although, I could play

the completely unrelated
and better word "extract"

Ethical conundrum
avoided.

Thanks, brain.

Spaghetti okay?

It's crunchy.

Just the way
I like it.

Yeah, I don't think
the water was really boiling.

It's great. I love it.

Okay, listen, there's something
I need to tell you.

I've been thinking about going
back to school for a while now.

So a couple months ago,
I started taking a history class

at the community college.

Oh.

That's great!
Great, great, great!

Why wait so long
to tell me?

I don't want you
to make a big deal out of it.

Why do you think
I'd be like that?

I get it, you're taking
one class. It's nice.

Maybe if it goes well,

you take another,
you enroll full-time.

Ooh, be sure to
keep an eye on

which credits transfer
to a four-year college.

You're making it a big deal.

Sorry. Whatever.

It's all good.

Anyway, that's it.

I just thought
you should know.

Am I allowed to ask
how the class is going?

It's really good.

We've been talking about
the origins of slavery.

Turn in
my first paper tomorrow.

Great topic. I can
help with that.

There are lots of different
perspectives you can take:

economic, sociological,
political...

Hey, this is my paper.

And my perspective
is that slavery is bad.

Oh, and my professor's black,

so I'm pretty sure
that's the right answer.

Can I take a look?

No, Leonard,
this is my thing.

Okay, I get it.

Thank you.

It's like when I
started doing chin-ups;

I didn't want you to see
until I could do one.

FYI, really close.

Thank you.

Now behave yourself
and eat your dinner.

Maybe later, if you're lucky,

you get to sleep with
a college girl.

Really?

'Cause I went to
four years of college

and five years of grad school,
that never happened once.

I think the next time I have to
speak to a call center in India,

I'm going to try using
an American accent.

Why?

Because when I use
my regular voice,

I feel like
I'm making fun of them.

That's ridiculous.

Not to mention, your
American accent is terrible.

Dude, my accent is brilliant.

Hey,
my snow-white American friends,

let's put some cow meat
on the barbecue

and eat it
until we're all obese.

This is what you sound like.

I think I'm talking

in an American accent,
but it really sounds like

I'm wearing a set
of giant dentures.

Sheldon, do I really
sound like that?

Tell him he sounds like that.

Sheldon, you okay?

It's been three days.

Why hasn't Stephen
Hawking played a word?

The guy's a genius.

Maybe you weren't
challenging enough for him.

Not challenging?

I was humiliating
the man.

I was thinking of writing a
book called A Brief History of

the Time I Made Stephen Hawking
Cry Like a Little Girl.

There's the problem.

You can't beat Hawking
like that.

He hates to lose.

Everyone knows the
guy's a big baby.

I mean, forget the wheelchair,
he should be in a stroller.

Really?

One time when I was
working with him,

he said that Johnny Depp
was in The Matrix.

I told him he was wrong,
but he kept insisting.

So I looked it up
online and showed him.

Well, the next day,
he had a pizza party,

and everyone got invited but me.

And then he was all,

"Your invitation must have

gotten lost in the matrix."

Good Lord,
what have I done?

Good Lord, what have I done?

Terrible.

All right, hotshot,
let's hear your Indian.

I can't sit on that elephant,

ass is on fire
from eating all this curry.

Okay, yeah, that's pretty good.

Please be good.

Please be good.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Okay.

She writes like she cooks.

Play.

Play. Play.

Play.

Play.

What are you doing?

Trying to use a Jedi mind trick

to control Stephen Hawking.

Play.

Play.

Oh...

He must be wearing
a tinfoil hat or something.

I did a bad thing.

Does it affect me?

No.

Then suffer in silence.

Play.

Play. Play.

Stephen Hawking...

Stephen Hawking...
Stephen Hawking.

Penny started taking a class.

She wrote a paper,
she didn't want me to read it,

I went behind her back
and I read it anyway.

Stephen Hawking hates me.

I don't know what to do.

I mean, the paper's terrible.

But if I tell her,
she'll know that I read it

and she'll get really mad.

I was beating him so bad,

he doesn't want
to be friends anymore.

Why does everyone love me
except Stephen Hawking?

Is it possible we're having
two different conversations?

How would I know?

I'm not listening to you.

Hang on.

Okay.

Here's what we're gonna do.

Chess clock.

We each get five minutes
to talk about our problems.

We'll take turns.

Each turn will consist of

a statement and a helpful
response from the friend.

Begin.

I humiliated Stephen Hawking

in a game of Words with Friends.

He stopped playing.

And now we're not
friends anymore.

He's probably busy.

You're worried about nothing.

Give it
a couple more days.

I'm sure he'll play, and you'll
see that everything's fine.

My turn.

I can't let Penny
hand in a bad paper,

but how do I tell her it's bad

without letting her know
that I read it?

Hmm.

Beats me. Now...

I know Hawking's not busy

because I can see he's playing
other people right now.

Maybe since you're so good,

he's taking his time
to meet the challenge.

I want Penny to enjoy school...

Wolowitz told me
he's a big baby!

But I didn't know that,

and I played "extract"
for 82 points.

It's all Amy's fault.
She told me to play it.

I have got to cut her loose.

Sheldon, I wasn't done talking.

She hands in the paper tomorrow.

I know I could help her.

And she's my girlfriend...

I-I should be
allowed to help her.

Why aren't I allowed
to help her?

Yeah, I hear you, brother.

No.

You need to give me some advice.

Fine. Women, huh?

No...

Specific to my situation.

Blonde women, huh?

Empathetic!

It sucks to be you.
I quit.

Leonard, wait. No.

I listened to your dumb thing.

Leonard, come back.

Leonard,
come back.

Leonard, come back.

What?
Oh, of course,

it only works
on the weak-minded.

Good morning,
sunshine.

Leonard.

It's 8:00 a.m.

It's like the middle
of the night.

I know, but I have
to go to work,

and I made you
breakfast.

Oh, wow,
that's so sweet.

Hey, what's this?
Uh,

before you open that, um,
are you familiar

with the story of
"The Shoemaker and the Elves"?

Elves? Come on, Leonard.

- It's too early for Lord of the Rings.
- No, no.

Listen, um...

Once upon a time,
there was this shoemaker

and when he went
to bed at night,

elves would sneak in

and they would make
all these amazing

shoes for him.

And when the shoemaker
woke up in the morning,

he-he would be super happy,

not mad at the elves at all.

Open it.

Okay.

"An examination
of the economic, cultural,

and political roots of slavery

in the Old South:
1619 to 1865."

What the hell is this?

Don't ask me.
A little elf did it.

So let me get this straight.

You just assumed my paper
would be bad

so you wrote one for me?

No, I assumed it would be good.
Then I read it.

What?!
No, I...

I mean, it was good.

There were just a few things
that needed a little polishing.

W... You changed every word.
That's not true.

Uh...

"Slavery."

"1619,"

your name at the top--
that's all you.

You are such an ass.

This is exactly why
I didn't want to tell you

I was taking a class
in the first place.

Please don't be upset.
I-I just...

I didn't want you ending up
with a bad grade

and get discouraged
and give up on the idea

of going back to school.

Right, because me
being in school

is so important to you.

That way, you wouldn't have
to be dating someone

who's only a waitress.

Oh, come on, you know
that's not true.

Do I? Listen to me.

I need to do this on my own.

If I fail, I fail.
If I pass, I pass.

Do you get it?

I'm sorry.
I was just trying

to help.
Yeah, well, next time don't.

Oh, and since
you like stories so much,

this is not "The Shoemaker
and the Elves," okay?

This is, "Give a man a fish,
he eats it.

"Teach a man to fish, he...

sells it or something."
Whatever, I don't know!

It's just a lot better
than what you did, you big jerk!

You ever hear back
from Hawking?

No.

It would appear
as if I've lost him.

Stupid brain.

It'll be okay.

How can it be okay?

Stephen Hawking's a genius

and he talks like a robot.

It's everything I've ever wanted
in a friend.

Yeah, but if he's
a sore loser,

maybe you're better
off without him.

You're right.

I guess I just have to make
lemonade out of the two of you.

He played!
He played!

Coop and Rolling Thunder
are together again.

He was okay with that nickname.

So, now all you have to do
is let him win.

Yeah,
way ahead of you.

I will play the word "at"

for two measly points,
throwing the game

and thus securing my friendship

with the smartest man
in the world.

What are you waiting for?
Hit "send."

I can't.

Losing on purpose
is intellectually dishonest.

So don't do it.

Oh, but I want
to be Hawking's friend.

So do it.

No, but if I do,
I'll be a phony,

a sellout,

a Hollywood poser.

Then don't do it.

I won't.

This feels right.

My mother always said,
"To thine own self be true."

Good for you.

'Course she also told me
that every animal in the world

got on one boat, so what does
she know? And send.

Oh, hey.

Haven't heard from you
in a couple days.

You still mad at me?

Nope.

I have no reason to...

"B" mad at you.

Minus.

Wow.

That's right.
On my paper.

Not yours, mine,
you punk-ass elf.

I don't know what to say.

Hmm, how about,

"Gee, Penny, you're smarter
than I thought.

"You may be the one in school,

"but I'm the one
who learned a lesson.

I'm so stupid, Penny.
Duh..."

She sounds exactly like you!

How'd it go
with Leonard?

I don't think he'll be making
that mistake again.

Good.

So,

I know this goes
without saying,

but if either of you
tell Leonard

you helped me rewrite
this paper,

I will beat you both
with a bag of oranges.

Got it.
Understood.

Now, ladies, we got a
B-minus on this paper.

I think if we put
our heads together,

on the next one
we could get an "A."

Uh, but we got you a B-minus on
purpose to make it believable.

Believable?

You saying I'm not smart?

No, no!
You're smart.

That's better.

I feel like I'm in
high school again.

Yeah, doing the prom queen's
homework so she'll like us.

I know.

It's finally working.

It's Stephen Hawking.

Answer it.

I want to hear.

Professor Hawking,

how nice of you to call.

Hello.

I really enjoyed our game,
Dr. Cooper.

Oh,

me, too.

Or should I say Dr. Loser?

Ha, ha, ha.

Yes,

congratulations.

You won fair and square.

Uh, very impressive, sir.

Do you like brain teasers?

Oh, I love brain teasers.

What does Sheldon Cooper

and a black hole have in common?

They both suck.

Neener neener.

JT