Original subtitles

[Theme - "love boat theme"]

Theme song: Ooh.

Love, exciting and new.

Come aboard, we're expecting you.

And love, life's sweetest reward, let it flow.

It floats back to you.

The love boat-- soon we'll be making another run.

The love boat promises something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure, your mind on a new romance.

And love won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile on a friendly shore.

It's love!

Welcome aboard.

It's love!

[Music playing]

This is our lido deck.

It's fabulous.

The whole ship is.

No, fabulous isn't good enough.

It's outrageous.

Yes, but do you like it?

[Laughs] I'm sure gopher has given you your duties.

Oh yeah.

That's right, sir.

You're taking pictures of the passengers coming on board

and then at your welcome aboard party,

the acapulco lounge, and various candid shots around the ship.

Very good.

Captain, I'd like to thank you from the bottom of my heart

for the opportunity to work here.

Oh, gopher's the one to thank.

He went to bat for you.

I know.

And I'll never forget it, huh, gopher?

Aw, heck.

It's the least like I could do, knowing your family that long.

I don't know, ace, why you would ever want to work.

Hmm?

He stands to inherit half the state.

Goph, I told you how I feel.

I want to make it on my own.

That's admirable.

Yes.

Stupid, but admirable.

Well, sir, your busy purser has a lot of work to do.

So good luck, ace.

What a great guy.

That he is.

Oh, it was so much fun.

Oh, good.

I wish you could have come.

Oh, will you look at that?

[Laughter]

That'd be nice.

Oh, wow.

Who is that with your father?

Is my father there too?

That's Julie, our cruise director.

And my daughter Vicki's on the social staff.

Hmm.

They're lovely.

Come on.

Vicki, Julie, I'd like to have you meet ace.

Hi.

Ace.

Of hearts?

The name my parents nailed me with is Ashley Covington Evans.

But it's a lot easier if you just use my initials, a. C. E.

Ace is our new ship's photographer.

Oh, well, welcome aboard.

Well, thank you very much.

Say hello, Vicki.

Hi.

Hi.

Uh, the passengers will be boarding soon.

Do you want to get ready?

I'm already gone.

[Music playing]

I know I'm going to love working here.

Well, what do you think?

Well, sir, if you approve, I approve.

Mm-hmm.

And you, Vicki?

Uh, I just have one question.

Would you like to give me away or just perform the ceremony?

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

[Music playing]

Crew 1 (over pa system): Attention

passengers-- the pacific Princess

is now ready for boarding.

Good morning.

[Camera clicking]

There you are.

Smile, please.

Thank you.

You'll love that one.

Hello.

Beautiful-- you're gonna love that.

Enjoy your cruise.

There we are.

Excellent.

Hello, sir.

There we go.

Enjoy your cruise. - Yeah.

You look great.

Thank you.

Excuse me, but, uh, you look familiar.

Joseph stobble.

No, you're not.

You're uncle Joey.

Well, I see I still have one fan left.

One fan? Are you kidding?

The kids in my neighborhood loved

to watch your television show.

(Singing) Marshmallow, popcorn, chocolate cake,

say "please" and "thank you" for goodness sake.

You still remember that?

Oh sure.

Oh, I'm Isaac Washington.

Oh, hi.

How are you?

Good to meet you.

You know, I loved your television show.

I don't know why they took it off the air.

Kids today would love it.

Uh, I'm afraid not, Isaac, kids today

speak a different language.

I wouldn't know how to talk to them.

Well, you sure know how to talk to me.

Well, thanks for remembering.

Susan Russell: Excuse me.

Hi.

Could you tell me where fiesta 230 is, please?

Oh, yeah.

That's through the lobby, turn right, and down one deck.

- Ah, thank you. - Hi.

What's your name?

[Game beeping]

Scott?

Hi.

He's a little shy.

Oh, no problem.

Scotty-- Scott.

If you like, later on I can show you around the ship.

No thanks.

Come on, mom.

[Sighs]

It-- it's nothing personal.

He just misses his dad.

His father passed away about a year ago,

and Scotty's having a hard time adjusting to it.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Are you sure they're coming?

Doc, relax.

If you were two beautiful sisters

and you had a chance to take a romantic cruise with two guys

like us, would you stand us up?

No way.

But I never met them.

My-- my date doesn't even know what I look like.

Don't worry.

I lied.

Hold on to your heart, doc.

Here they come, cute and cuddly, the Colby sisters.

- Gopher! - Gopher!

- Hi, girls. - Hi.

How are ya?

How are ya?

Listen, I want you to meet Dr. Adam bricker.

Hi.

Hi.

Doc, this is Caroline, and this is Jeannie Colby.

Caroline, what a pleasure to meet you.

- Thank you. - Jeannie, welcome aboard.

Thank you.

Now, was I exaggerating or what?

It'd be impossible.

[Laughter]

Excuse me, gentlemen.

Ladies, may I take your picture?

You can take anything you want.

Jeannie Colby: Mm-hmm.

Well, it's such a nice day out.

I think we might work over here on the stairs.

Uh-- let's see.

Why don't you go on up there?

You right there.

That'll be perfect.

Now this is what I call pulchritude, huh?

Ok. Let's see.

Why don't you get up there? That's it.

Perfect. Right there.

Mm, mm!

Who is that guy?

He's the new ship's photographer.

[Camera clicking]

Oh.

I got him the job.

Brilliant.

Ace Evans: Flash those pearlies.

- How about over here? - Perfect.

What do you say?

- Perfect. - Hi.

- Hi. - Hello.

Uh, has Jessica Chapman--

oh, I mean Jessica Elliott--

boarded yet?

I'll see.

No, not by either name.

I'm sorry about my confusion.

I'm Larry Chapman.

I'm just not used to calling my mom by her new name.

She just got remarried. - Oh.

Oh, how nice.

Yeah.

This is a "get acquainted" cruise for us.

I haven't met the lucky guy yet.

Oh, well, I'm sure this will be a happy cruise for you.

I'm happy for mom too.

It's been a long, long time.

Jessica Elliott: Larry.

Mom!

Oh.

[Squeezing hug]

You look terrific.

[Laughs]

Married life must agree with you.

Well, seeing as I have only been married

for two days, that's quite a compliment for my husband,

isn't it?

Oh, honey, you're gonna love him as much as I do.

Uh, I'm new at this.

Do I call you Brad or--

or dad?

Welcome to the family.

Larry, i--

I'm s-- sorry.

I should have tol--

I'm sorry.

That's not Brad.

Oh.

I'm sorry.

Brad.

Hey, Larry.

Oh.

Or should I call you son?

[Ship's horn]

[Crowd shouting goodbyes]

[Music playing]

[Chatter in background]

Oh.

So where are these two beautiful sisters I've

been hearing so much about?

Oh, they're putting on their bikinis.

How long can that take?

[Laughs]

Ooh.

Oh, hey.

- That's them, man. - Yeah.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Now, look, Isaac, we don't need this, you understand,

but anything that you can say to make us look good, you know.

Yeah.

Oh, i-- I got you.

I got you.

Ladies, welcome to the fashionable lido deck bar.

Adam bricker: Hi.

Right this way.

Hi there.

Sorry you couldn't find anything to wear.

[Laughter]

You guys-- you guys, I want you to meet

one of our closest friends.

Isaac Washington, this is Caroline and Jeannie Colby.

- Hello, Caroline-- - hi.

--Jeannie.

Well, now that I've met you two, I

can see that the things that gopher and doc were saying--

oh yeah, like what?

Oh, Isaac, now, come on.

Don't be doing that. - Now, now.

You'll just embarrass us. - Oh, come on.

Come on. We want to know.

Oh, well, they were saying things like, uh, you

two are the only women they could

ever really be serious about.

[Gasps] Oh, and what else?

And that they would really love

to have pictures to brighten up their lonely rooms.

Oh, you would?

Uh-huh.

And our ship's photographer is around here somewhere.

- He is? - Where?

Isaac Washington: Oh, there he is.

Just flash those pearlies.

Beautiful. You're going to love that one.

One more, ok?

A little closer together this time, ok?

Oh.

Well, come on, Jeannie.

Let's go.

What did you do?

You sent them to him.

Is that your idea of making us look good?

You guys aren't worried about ace, are you?

He's just a kid.

You are a smooth, sophisticated, medical man of the world.

And you-- are his friend.

Relax.

Hmm.

Colby sisters: Flash those pearlies!

Caroline Colby: That's the one.

Jeannie Colby: That's great.

[Laughs]

That's great.

Just what I always wanted for my lonely room--

a picture of ace.

How-- how could you marry a man so young, mother?

[Sighs] Mother?

What ever happened to good old "mom"?

You only call me "mother" when you're

going to be disapproving.

Mom, he's my age.

It's embarrassing.

Not to me.

Besides, you don't even know Brad yet.

Jessica-- watch this.

This is going to be the classic swan dive.

Ah!

[Laughs]

You think that's funny?

It's juvenile.

Larry, please.

I haven't been this happy in a very long time.

What do your friends say?

If they're really my friends, they're happy for me.

[Sighs] Oh, I know some of them snicker behind my back.

But they go to sleep alone.

Honey, I love him very much.

But does he love you?

Or is it your money?

Hey, Larry.

How are you doing?

[Inaudible]

- Ooh, sorry. - Well--

[laughs]

--I think I'll scout around.

I'm sure there's a lot of girls here in our age bracket.

It's all right.

He'll, uh-- he'll come around, I'm sure.

Yes, well, maybe by that time I will be old enough for you.

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

Uncle Joey, you used to tell some of the best

jokes on your TV show--

and some terrible puns.

Oh.

Remember this one?

What kind of milk is this?

Isaac and Joseph: "Past your eye."

[Laughs]

[Game beeping]

Uncle Joey, you see that kid over there?

Joseph stobble: Yeah, I see him.

You know, uh, his father died last year.

And his mom was telling me that he's having kind

of a tough time bouncing back.

Oh, that's a shame.

Yeah, I was thinking that maybe he could use a little

of that old uncle Joey magic.

Oh, now wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

That was a long time ago.

Yeah, I know.

But I thought maybe--

no.

Kids are no longer a part of my life.

Let's-- let's keep it that way.

[Music playing]

Hello, Vicki.

Are you looking for someone?

Oh, no, i--

I was just gonna post this ship's directory up

on the bulletin board in case one of the crew

needs to find something.

Oh, that's a good idea.

They are always getting lost, aren't they?

What's the candy for?

In case one of them gets lost and hungry.

That's a nice fruit basket, isn't it?

Is that your afternoon snack?

I thought I heard voices.

Anything I can do for you?

No.

No.

[Music playing]

Hi, uncle Joey.

Oh, hi, Isaac.

Look, Isaac, I, uh--

I don't want you to think that i'm

some kind of an ogre about not wanting to help that kid.

Oh, that's ok.

I had no right to ask.

This is your vacation.

No, it's not that.

It's just that I'm out of touch.

Kids don't respond to me the way they used to.

Yes, they do.

I do.

Well, it's nice to hear.

But you're not a kid.

Am I too old to ask for an autograph?

Well, no, not if you really want one.

Good.

Would you put it on this?

What's this?

Open it.

Flapjack.

[Music playing]

Where did you get this?

Don't you remember?

Three boxtops from toasty oaties?

Oh, I haven't seen him in years.

Look, the butter hasn't even melted yet.

[Laughter]

Flapjack has been all over the world with me--

Australia, the Greek isles, Japan, China.

Oh, you little rascal.

Why didn't you take me with you?

Because it would have been too crowded in Isaac's cabin.

He meant a lot to me.

So did you.

See you later.

Oh, Isaac, you forgot flapjack--

Uncle Joey (voiceover): So long, kids.

Uncle Joey and flapjack'll see you tomorrow.

Flapjack (voiceover): And if he can't make it,

I'll do the show alone.

[Children laughing]

[Applause]

[Music playing]

[Chatter in background]

How about racquetball?

Do you play?

Yeah, but i--

I'm more into jogging lately.

I-- you know.

So am I. In fact, i'm running in a 10k next week.

Oh, is that right?

That's terrific.

Well, to the three of us.

You know, I've been thinking of going into videos.

There is a fortune to be made there.

I agree with you a hundred percent.

I mean, there's gotta be, what, 20 new shows

devoted totally just to videos.

It's unbelievable.

Well, if you're interested in music--

and who isn't-- it's a fantastic form of expression.

[Clears throat] I wonder where an alien would

go to register around here.

What?

Well, i'm--

I'm just not too sure what you fellas are, uh, saying.

Well, uh, better get used to it, mom.

This is what young people talk about.

Oh, just think--

we're having dinner in the middle of the ocean.

Isn't it exciting?

Mom?

Yes, dear?

Do I have to eat my spinach?

Well, not if you don't want to.

We're on vacation.

Boy, am I hungry.

What do we got for dinner?

Turkey, yea!

I used to play baseball with a Turkey,

but he could only hit "fowl" balls.

[Laughs]

Oh, look at that-- corn.

Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy.

Say, what does an ear of corn get when it has dandruff?

Corn flakes!

[Laughs]

All right. All right.

Now behave yourself.

Behave yourself.

I'm afraid you'll have to forgive flapjack.

He only knows bad jokes.

Well, hello, flapjack.

I'm Susan Russell, and this is Scott.

Hi.

And I'm uncle Joey.

Scott.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Etch.

Etch who?

Gesundheit.

Yea!

Come on, now.

That's enough of that. Come on.

Come on. Behave yourself.

Oh, no.

More.

More?

You mean you really like his jokes?

Yeah, they're funny.

Well, all right.

I'll tell you what--

after dinner, he'll tell you some more.

Great.

- See you later. - Bye.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

Well, good evening.

Well, good evening.

Good evening.

Are we dining privately tonight?

We aren't.

We are.

Oh, of course, romance--

the cobra sisters, right?

Colby.

Natural mistake.

You'll just have to survive this meal

without our scintillating presence.

Oh, well, don't worry.

There are other crew members around.

Get the-- [clicks] --Picture?

Gopher and doc: [Disappointed moan]

[Laughs]

- Good evening. - Hey.

Good evening.

Hi.

- Oh, you both look so lovely. - Oh, thank you.

Thanks.

Is tonight a special occasion of some kind?

Oh, no.

Just having dinner with a few fellow workers.

[Chuckles]

Well, let's see what we have tonight.

See anything you like?

On the menu?

- Hi, guys. - Good evening.

Well, hi. Good evening.

I saw these two beautiful creatures

outside and wanted to make sure they

found their way to your table.

Thank you.

Oh, well, thank you.

Enjoy your dinner.

Well, won't you join us?

No.

Ace has other plans tonight.

Don't you, ace?

Well, as a matter of fact, I, um--

well, I'm sorry, but this is just a table for four.

Here.

Ok.

There's plenty of room if we all just squeeze in.

I hate pushy women.

[Music playing]

[Chatter in background]

Hey, you want to join your mother and me?

[Scoffs]

What'd you do?

Put those on my mother's tab?

Hey, I can pay my own freight, Larry.

Oh, you're going Dutch treat?

I'll ignore that.

Good.

And I'll ignore you.

Here we go.

I saw you talking to Larry.

Yeah, well, we were chatting a moment.

You were chatting.

He looked as though he was snarling.

I'm afraid that he's not coming around as I hoped.

Well, Jessica, he's young.

Well, he's young young, you know?

[Laughs]

I've had enough.

Oh, sure, goph.

We have to talk.

I'll be right back.

What?

Is something wrong?

A lot is wrong, ace.

Come on, goph, huh?

Flash those pearlies.

This is serious, guy.

I don't know what you thought you were

supposed to be doing around here,

but you were hired to take pictures.

Come on, goph.

I took over 400 pictures today.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah, well, it also seems like you're

trying to take over every woman on the ship, you know?

I wasn't trying to take over.

I was trying to be nice to the passengers.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Well, Caroline and Jeannie are two passengers that doc

and I are trying to be nice to.

Oh, well, you mean--

right.

And besides, when were you planning

to process these pictures?

They're supposed to be posted in the purser's

lobby tomorrow morning.

I know.

I dropped them off at the darkroom to be developed.

Well, who's going to develop them?

Elves?

Ace, this is your job.

You better go do it.

[Laughter]

I got one.

Yeah, what?

If athletes have athlete's foot, then what do astronauts

have? - I don't know.

What? - "Missile toes."

[Laughs]

Ah! Well.

[Laughs]

[Applause in background]

Well, young man, it's bedtime for you.

Say good night to uncle Joey.

Oh, can't I stay up a little longer?

Oh, come on.

You get a good night's sleep, and then we'll

have the whole day together tomorrow.

Ok.

Excuse me, Mr. Stobble.

Yes.

Good evening.

A lot of our passengers grew up watching you on television,

and they've been asking me if you were going to perform.

Would you, please?

Can, um, Scott stay up a few minutes longer?

Why, sure, sure.

I'd be glad to.

Thank you.

[Chatter in background]

Ladies, and gentlemen, and children of all ages,

it's my pleasure to introduce to you tonight everybody's

favorite uncle, uncle Joey.

[Applause]

Thank you very much.

This trip has been very special for me.

I met a lot of old friends.

And I can tell you it's nice to be remembered.

I used to end my show every night with a--

with a little song.

I'd like to sing it for you tonight, especially for

my new friend, Scott Russell.

[Applause]

[Music playing]

(Singing) Good night.

Good night.

It's time to say good night.

Sleep tight, and then I'll be with you again.

Remember that I love you.

That's all you need to know.

And keep that love inside you, no matter--

make him stop!

(Singing) --Where you go.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

[Applause]

[Sighs]

Not as easy as you thought it would be, is it?

[Scoffs] I don't know why, but i--

I never thought Larry would be this upset.

You're not sorry you married me, are you?

I should be asking you that.

Well, isn't that sweet?

Young love.

Larry.

You need help there, pal?

Oh, no, no, no.

I'm just affected by these may-December romances.

They're so touching.

Larry.

[Sighs] He's never been a drinker.

Well, listen-- you know, for a beginner,

he shows great promise.

[Sighs] Oh.

Larry, you look terrible.

Let me get you to bed.

I-- i-- I'll meet you back at the cabin, all right?

Great honeymoon.

Brad, he's my son.

I guess blood is thicker than water, even if it is,

uh, 50% gin, right?

Oh.

Come on.

Come on.

Oh.

[Sighs]

[Phone ringing]

Yes.

Crew 2 (on phone): Ace?

Yeah.

Ace, your ship-to-shore call is on the line.

Thank you. Hello.

Mr. Hendricks (on phone): Hello. - Hello.

Is this mr Hendricks of Hendricks photo finishing?

Mr. Hendricks (on phone): [Inaudible]

This is ace Evans, the little guy with the crew cut

who used to come in with his mother all the time.

You remember me.

Mr. Hendricks (on phone): [Inaudible]

Yes, I know it's very late.

I'm sorry.

I apologize.

But you see-- [laughs] --I'm in the middle

of the pacific ocean right now.

And I was wondering if maybe you could tell me

how to develop a roll of film?

[Line goes dead]

Hello?

[Music playing]

H-- hello?

Mr.-- Mr. Hendricks?

[Music playing]

Crew 3: Buenos d as and welcome to acapulco.

It's a sunny 84 degrees today, perfect for fishing, water

skiing, or soaking up rays on one of the world's

most glamorous beaches.

Whatever your pleasure, we're sure you'll

find acapulco one giant fiesta.

Ok, I'll put you down for the fiesta land tour.

Why don't you take this brochure?

It'll explain it all.

All right.

[Phone ringing] - Gopher.

Sir?

[Clears throat]

[Telegraph and chatter in background]

Is there a problem with ace?

Not that I'm aware of, sir.

Well, a few of the passengers have

asked me where they can see the pictures he took yesterday.

Doesn't he know he's supposed to post them

every morning in the lobby?

Check into it right away, sir.

Remember, gopher-- we hired him on your recommendation.

[Phone ringing]

Right, sir.

But I was hired on yours.

Uh--

[music playing]

[Knocking]

May I come in?

Oh.

Yes, of course.

[Sighs] You deserve an explanation

for Scott's behavior last night.

Oh, no, no. That's all right.

- Oh, please. - You don't have to--

please.

Listen.

You've been wonderful for Scott.

Yeah.

I could tell.

No, really.

You made him laugh.

You made him come alive.

You're the first person who's done that.

When Scott ran out last night, it wasn't you.

It was your song.

It has a very special meaning for him.

My song?

Well, you see, every night when

Scott's father would tuck him into bed,

he would sing him your song.

It was their lullaby.

Scott hasn't heard that song since the night

before his father died.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I just wanted you to know.

[Music playing]

[Chatter in background]

Hey, um, sourpuss.

Come on.

Smile.

Brad, I'm sorry about last night, but--

well, you-- you were sound asleep

when I got back to the cabin.

I--

yeah, I know.

[Sighs] Darling, please try and understand.

He was so sick.

So I'll-- I'll make it up to you.

I promise.

Larry!

[Sea gulls crying]

I only came over to apologize.

Thanks.

Not to you-- to my mother.

Larry, why don't you just drink your black coffee?

Because it's great for a hangover.

I remember from when I was a kid.

Well, I think I'll go inside and get some fresh air.

Now, would you be a love and take our picture with ace?

Oh, it's been my burning ambition.

Ok, put your heads close together and [inaudible]..

[Camera click]

Would you excuse us a moment, please?

We have some ship's business to discuss.

Sure.

You're the ship's business we have to discuss.

Me?

Well, whatever you say, goph.

Don't you keep him all day.

We'll meet you at the pool, ok?

All righty.

Ah.

Ace--

yeah?

There's not a single picture in the purser's lobby.

There hasn't been one this whole cruise.

Now, how are people gonna buy 'em if they can't see 'em?

Ace Evans: [Sighs]

Gopher: What's the story?

You want the truth, right?

Or a very entertaining lie.

I didn't develop the film.

I hope that's the very entertaining lie.

Or maybe you were too busy last night?

No.

I don't know how to develop film.

Gopher and doc: Huh?

Gopher: I got you this job, and you're not even a photographer?

I am, and I'm a good one.

But I've never developed my own film.

I-- I didn't know it was part of the job.

I don't want to be the one to tell the captain.

Neither do I.

That makes three of us.

But I did hire you.

So I guess it's my job to tell the captain.

No.

Hold on, goph.

No reason to put yourself on the spot.

I goofed.

I'll tell him.

[Music playing]

[Knocking]

It's open.

Hi.

Look, I'm gonna make this short and sweet, ok?

You're acting like an idiot.

Just as short and just as sweet--

get out of here.

Larry, you're hurting your mother.

Yeah?

Well, better I hurt her now than you hurting her later.

Larry, this is the 20th century.

Women marry men younger than they are.

Yeah?

Yeah.

And they divorce them too.

Then let her decide that.

Look, who made the rules anyway that women gotta be younger

and the men older?

Or women gotta be shorter, men taller?

A woman stays at home; The man goes to work?

Come on, Larry.

Grow up.

Times change.

Not entirely.

Some men still marry women for their money.

I'm not going even honor that remark with an answer.

Hit a nerve, didn't I?

If you weren't my wife's son, i'd

knock you right on your butt.

- Really? - Yeah.

Yeah, well, I don't think you're big enough.

Hey.

Don't-- don't press your luck with me, kid.

Kid?

Why don't we settle this like men?

All right, come on.

Come on.

I really know how to pick 'em here.

Actually hired a photographer who does

not know how to develop film.

Well, what was he planning to do?

Take the film to a drugstore in acapulco?

[Grunting and thumping]

Hey, wait a minute!

Cut that out!

Guys, come on!

Guys, cut it out. Hey, hey, come on.

Cut it out. Cut it out.

- Come on. - Come on.

All right. Ok?

Hey, come on. Cool it.

Any time you wanna continue this,

you know where you can find me.

I'll be with your mother.

Oh, no, no.

No, no, no.

No, no, no.

Take it easy.

You all right?

Yeah.

[Music playing]

[Knocking]

Joseph stobble: Scotty?

It's uncle Joey.

Hi.

I've been looking for you all day.

I was in acapulco with my mom.

Oh.

Well, i'm-- i'm glad you're back.

Uh, flapjack has a problem, and i--

I think I might need your help.

What's the matter with him?

Well, he made a very good friend yesterday,

and he was very happy.

But today, that friend is gone, and he's very sad.

He lost a very special friend.

And he won't talk to me about it.

Well, I can't.

It hurts too much.

Well, I know, but that can't be avoided.

Sure it can.

I have a secret way.

Oh?

What's that?

I can't tell you.

It's a secret.

Well, then maybe you could tell Scotty.

Flapjack: All right.

Scotty, guess what?

I'm not really here.

Huh?

Flapjack: That's right.

I've crept into a tiny little space inside myself.

And I won't let anyone else in.

That way no one can ever hurt me again.

I won't even let uncle Joey hug me.

Only thing is, though, it doesn't

make me feel any better.

Yeah, I know.

I think I know something that might help.

Oh?

What's that?

You could cry.

Flapjack: Puppets can't cry.

No, that's true.

But luckily, little boys can.

Now, Scotty, you can only hold those tears in just so long.

Then you gotta let them out.

No.

Scotty, you're a wonderful boy.

And your daddy loved you very much.

He was a very special man.

But he's gone.

It's not fair.

No.

No, it isn't fair.

You miss him, and it hurts.

But you've gotta let all that hurt out of you so that you

can remember him with love.

Won't.

I won't.

Here.

Let me help you.

(Singing) Good night.

Good night.

It's time to say good night.

Sleep tight, and then--

[crying]

(Singing) --I'll be with you again.

Remember that I love you.

That's all you need to know.

And keep that love inside you, no matter where you go.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

[Chatter in background]

[Scoffs] I still can't believe it--

the two of you fighting like a couple of children.

I-- I expected more of you.

Why?

I'm the same age as your kid.

Now you even sound like him.

Look, maybe Larry was right.

I mean, maybe I am too young for you.

Do you really mean that, Brad?

Or do you mean that I'm too old for you?

Jessica, I just don't want to pull a mother and son apart.

Look, when I married you, I wanted to become part

of a family, not destroy one.

This is just not working out the way either of us wanted.

[Music playing]

Gopher (over pa): The captain has pulled up anchor and is now

departing from acapulco.

For those of you don't want to leave,

mutinies are usually staged in the purser's lobby around 9:00.

Ms. Russell?

Someone to see you.

I love you, mommy.

Oh.

[Chuckles] I love you too, Scotty.

Thank you for my son.

Oh.

Well--

[chatter in background]

Congratulations.

Your mother may be put in the "guinness book of records"

thanks to you for the world's shortest marriage.

What?

I think Brad's leaving me.

I'm sorry.

[Scoffs]

No, I'm not.

It's for the best.

It isn't.

I love Brad.

For now, but what about down the line 20 years from now?

I was willing to put my faith in him, in his love for me.

Mom, did you ever consider that maybe

he married you for your money?

He didn't.

Ask him.

I don't have to.

Listen to me, young man.

The money your father left me I put into a trust fund.

You'll start receiving payments when you're 35.

You didn't have to do that.

I never intended to.

It was Brad's idea.

He thinks we should live on the money he makes.

By the way, son, he does very well.

Very, very well.

[Music playing]

The captain was rough on you, huh?

I haven't had a chance to tell him yet.

He's been tied up.

Well, looks like somebody just untied him.

Good evening, gentlemen.

Sir.

Good evening.

Now, about your pictures, ace--

well, sir, the truth of the matter is, you see, when i--

sir, the truth of the matter is

that you just can't judge someone's

ability the first time out.

Right.

You can't Polish a diamond overnight.

Right.

Some things just take more time.

Whatever you two are talking about, hold on.

Now, you were late in getting them up,

but your pictures in the lobby look good.

My pictures looked good?

Very good.

Now, uh, what were you two talking about?

Oh, nothing, nothing. Nothing at all.

Nothing.

We don't have anything to say, zip.

[Talking over each other]

Let's go.

[Music playing]

Adam bricker: I thought you didn't

know how to develop film.

I don't.

Don't tell me there are elves.

Julie McCoy: In a manner of speaking.

You two did this?

How?

Well, we girls have our little secrets.

How will I ever repay you?

Well, I know a really nice restaurant in Los Angeles.

We eat like birds.

Wait a minute, hold everything.

Doc.

[Phone ringing]

Very sneaky, but clever.

Hmm.

How old were you when this was taken?

Mm, 12.

Mm-hmm.

(Whispering) You mean these are all old pictures?

They're unclaimed pictures from previous cruises.

I was wondering why I didn't recognize any of the people.

You know you guys are too much?

Thanks.

I'm still gonna have to tell the captain.

I might lose my new job.

But I hope I never lose my new friends.

[Music playing]

Larry Chapman: Brad.

I owe you an apology.

You owe your mother a bigger one.

He's already apologized to me.

Look, I've said some terrible things to you and about you.

Well, I'm young, I can handle it, right?

Not as young as I am.

I got a lot of growing up to do.

Yeah, well, I guess we all do.

I don't.

[Laughter]

Sweetheart, I do love you.

Oh, I know, and I love you, my darling.

Hey.

Hey, hey.

Just do me one favor--

make her happy.

I didn't marry her to make her happy, Larry.

Huh?

I married her to make me happy.

Darling.

[Music playing]

Bye-bye.

I'm gonna get you that.

Julie-- our compliments to the crew staff.

It was a fantastic trip.

Aw, thanks.

You look like one big happy family.

That we are.

Hey, let's go, because i'm, uh, dying

to take my son fishing here.

And I'm dying to tell one of my friends,

"my father can lick your father."

And believe me-- he can.

[Laughs] Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

Isaac, Scotty and I would like to thank you for all your help.

This has been a wonderful trip.

Oh, good.

You come back and see us real soon, ok?

Ok. We'll see you next week.

[Laughter]

Not that soon, honey.

There he is--

uncle Joey! - Oh.

Over here, uncle Joey.

Hey, Scotty.

How's my boy, huh?

Say, Isaac, this is yours.

You know, uncle Joey, I've been thinking.

I've been doing a lot of traveling,

and a ship isn't a proper home for flapjack.

You know, you're right.

Say-- Scotty, how would you like to take

care of flapjack for us?

Gee, thanks, uncle Joey.

Boy, am I glad to get rid of that old geezer.

[Laughter]

Well, Scott, we better get going, huh?

Goodbye.

Bye.

We'll never forgot you.

Come on.

Bye, uncle Joey.

Susan Russell: Bye-bye.

Bye.

Scott Russell: Bye.

Uncle Joey, you still got your touch with kids.

You got a great touch with old geezers.

[Music playing]

Gee, it's too bad we didn't get to spend more time

with you ladies on this cruise.

Yeah, but why don't we all just get together on shore?

Oh, it sounds like fun.

Great.

How about tomorrow night?

Oh, we can't.

Tomorrow night we're seeing ace.

Yeah, sorry. Oh.

- Goodbye. - Bye.

- Thank you for sailing with us. - Bye.

Hope you had a nice cruise.

Come back and see us again.

You're a very understanding man, captain.

No, don't let that get around.

I want my crew to think I've got a mean streak.

Oh, you do.

I mean, they do.

I-- I mean, they have great respect for you, and so do I.

Yes.

Well, tell me-- how long will this accelerated course take?

Well, sir, I figure with studying full-time I should

know all there is to know about developing

and printing in three weeks.

Good.

Then that's when we'll see you back on the job.

Thank you, sir.

Oh, in the meantime, the emergency team will help out.

Hey, right here.

Smile.

[Chuckles]

Vicki and Julie: Flash those pearlies.

[Camera clicks]

[Theme - "love boat theme"]

[Music playing]