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1
00:00:04,964 --> 00:00:07,925
[rain patters]
2
00:00:11,095 --> 00:00:14,223
[thunder rumbling]
3
00:00:15,891 --> 00:00:18,561
[crows caw in the distance]
4
00:00:25,568 --> 00:00:29,196
So, there's the bathroom,
kitchen, the living room,
5
00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:31,282
Justin sleeps in there
6
00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:33,951
and... this,
7
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:36,996
this is my bedroom.
8
00:00:37,079 --> 00:00:38,330
[he chuckles]
9
00:00:40,082 --> 00:00:41,375
[he sighs] Cool.
10
00:00:41,459 --> 00:00:43,461
Yeah.
Bedrooms are... are great.
11
00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:44,879
I have one too.
12
00:00:46,255 --> 00:00:48,090
[chuckles]
13
00:00:49,508 --> 00:00:51,719
So, do you want to,
like, do something?
14
00:00:51,802 --> 00:00:53,471
Justin
and your parents should be
15
00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:55,890
at the euchre tournament
for a few more hours, so...
16
00:00:55,973 --> 00:00:57,433
Ah, all away.
17
00:00:57,516 --> 00:00:59,268
We could...
We could watch a movie.
18
00:01:00,102 --> 00:01:02,188
The Wi-Fi got fried
in the storm last night.
19
00:01:02,271 --> 00:01:03,939
Riley's coming
by to fix it later.
20
00:01:04,815 --> 00:01:08,736
Oh, we do have this Croatian
bootleg of Dharma and Greg.
21
00:01:08,819 --> 00:01:10,029
[chuckles]
22
00:01:10,112 --> 00:01:11,655
- Season four.
- Oh, great.
23
00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:14,116
- [both chuckle]
- [she sniffs]
24
00:01:14,825 --> 00:01:17,828
Or you could
just kiss me.
25
00:01:21,749 --> 00:01:23,000
Maybe that.
26
00:01:26,796 --> 00:01:28,547
[front door clicks open]
27
00:01:29,507 --> 00:01:32,510
- What up, fam?
- We interrupting?
28
00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:35,346
- Kind of.
- Yeah, well, we're bored.
29
00:01:35,971 --> 00:01:38,182
[tense music]
30
00:01:38,265 --> 00:01:40,546
Who wants to find out why this
is called the murder cabin?
31
00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:45,189
- [he scoffs]
- Ooohh...
32
00:01:48,234 --> 00:01:49,860
Put your fingers
on the board.
33
00:01:53,364 --> 00:01:56,325
We are attempting contact
with the spirit world.
34
00:01:56,408 --> 00:01:59,078
Lost souls trapped
between our world and the next.
35
00:01:59,161 --> 00:02:01,872
So, close your eyes,
clear your mind.
36
00:02:01,956 --> 00:02:03,123
Any tips, Keri?
37
00:02:04,375 --> 00:02:06,752
White eyeliner
makes eye shadow pop.
38
00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:08,781
That's actually
a really good tip.
39
00:02:12,550 --> 00:02:15,886
- Is there a spirit among us?
- Ooooh.
40
00:02:15,970 --> 00:02:17,513
Guys, focus.
41
00:02:18,514 --> 00:02:21,183
Is there
a spirit among us?
42
00:02:26,230 --> 00:02:28,691
[eerie whooshing]
43
00:02:32,570 --> 00:02:33,863
Welcome, spirit.
44
00:02:34,947 --> 00:02:36,991
We come
seeking answers.
45
00:02:38,033 --> 00:02:40,536
When will Billie
and Killian go to Bone Town?
46
00:02:40,619 --> 00:02:42,913
- [snickers]
- So dumb.
47
00:02:42,997 --> 00:02:45,040
Ah, keep your finger
on the board
48
00:02:45,124 --> 00:02:46,484
or you'll invite
an evil spirit in.
49
00:02:50,629 --> 00:02:53,507
Do you have a name,
wandering spirit?
50
00:02:56,927 --> 00:03:00,723
[uptight music playing]
51
00:03:18,157 --> 00:03:21,201
Y-S-I-A-M.
52
00:03:22,411 --> 00:03:23,913
Yes, I am?
53
00:03:26,749 --> 00:03:28,042
What do you want,
Ysiam?
54
00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:36,216
B-L-U-D.
55
00:03:41,138 --> 00:03:42,473
Do you mean blood?
56
00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:50,981
There's six of us.
57
00:03:52,524 --> 00:03:54,151
[they gasp]
58
00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:57,279
[exhales] Weed break.
59
00:04:01,492 --> 00:04:03,494
Which one of you bitches
finished my stash?
60
00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:05,037
In our defense...
61
00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:08,415
- Yeah, we did.
- [both laughing]
62
00:04:09,124 --> 00:04:11,210
I'm going to Ulrika's
to borrow a cup of bud
63
00:04:11,293 --> 00:04:13,253
while she's
at the tournament.
64
00:04:13,337 --> 00:04:15,464
- Won't she notice?
- [chuckles]
65
00:04:15,547 --> 00:04:17,424
Who do you think
taught me how to roll?
66
00:04:19,051 --> 00:04:20,302
BRB.
67
00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:23,722
[deep sigh]
68
00:04:25,391 --> 00:04:27,559
Okay,
which one of you moved it?
69
00:04:27,643 --> 00:04:30,604
- Don't look at me.
- Keri can barely spell.
70
00:04:32,398 --> 00:04:34,149
I'm better
with shapes.
71
00:04:34,233 --> 00:04:37,778
[♪ Gordon Lightfoot:
"If You Could Read My Mind"]
72
00:04:38,862 --> 00:04:42,074
♪ If you could
Read my mind, love... ♪
73
00:04:43,325 --> 00:04:44,743
What's taking
her so long?
74
00:04:44,827 --> 00:04:46,996
Ready to stick
pins in my eyes.
75
00:04:47,079 --> 00:04:49,206
We could watch
Dharma and Janko
76
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:50,499
‘til she gets back.
77
00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:53,043
- Janko's hilarious.
- [loud bang]
78
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,629
What was that?
79
00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:58,674
♪ Or a fortress strong ♪
80
00:05:01,051 --> 00:05:02,428
Holy shit.
81
00:05:02,511 --> 00:05:04,096
What the hell
is that?
82
00:05:05,597 --> 00:05:07,141
Are those
Olive's jeans?
83
00:05:09,893 --> 00:05:12,646
“One down.
Five to go.”
84
00:05:18,569 --> 00:05:22,448
[dramatic slasher film music]
85
00:05:22,531 --> 00:05:27,411
♪
86
00:05:32,166 --> 00:05:34,043
[Teri] I bet Olive's
just messing with us
87
00:05:34,126 --> 00:05:36,104
- for stealing her weed.
- Or stealing her homework.
88
00:05:36,128 --> 00:05:37,796
Or toasting her lizard.
89
00:05:39,590 --> 00:05:40,632
He looked cold.
90
00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:46,889
- [Billie] Wait, what?
- What the hell is that?
91
00:05:46,972 --> 00:05:50,142
- Is that a fucking crossbow?
- [they scream]
92
00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:55,147
- Oh, nice shot!
- [girls crying]
93
00:05:56,273 --> 00:05:58,233
[Billie] Oh, my God.
Go, go, go, go, go.
94
00:05:58,317 --> 00:06:00,611
[indistinct
exclamations and screaming]
95
00:06:01,945 --> 00:06:03,405
[Billie] Go, go,
go, go, go, go, go.
96
00:06:03,489 --> 00:06:05,115
Killian, lock the other door.
Call 911.
97
00:06:06,492 --> 00:06:08,911
No signal.
Wi-Fi's still down.
98
00:06:11,246 --> 00:06:12,998
Aah!
How does this thing work?
99
00:06:13,082 --> 00:06:14,666
They're going back
into the woods.
100
00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:17,878
- Oh, God. Oh, God.
- Do you think Olive's dead?
101
00:06:17,961 --> 00:06:20,005
No, Olive's a stoner.
102
00:06:20,089 --> 00:06:21,882
They always survive
until the last act.
103
00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:23,777
- You need them for comedy.
- This isn't a movie, nerd.
104
00:06:23,801 --> 00:06:25,928
Guys, we have to make a run
for the dock right now.
105
00:06:26,011 --> 00:06:28,597
Do you want to be the dumb jock
that eats it in the first act?
106
00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:31,058
- You can't outrun an arrow.
- If he's the jock who are we?
107
00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:33,644
I'm the final girl,
so you guys are the dumb slu...
108
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,562
Fun girls.
You guys are the fun girls.
109
00:06:35,646 --> 00:06:37,481
- [panting]
- What are we going to do?
110
00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:41,902
Well, the killer always tries
to separate us, right?
111
00:06:41,985 --> 00:06:45,280
Makes us easier to pick off,
so we stick together
112
00:06:45,364 --> 00:06:48,367
until the signal comes back
or until our parents come home.
113
00:06:48,450 --> 00:06:49,660
Okay.
114
00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:51,036
Yeah.
115
00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:53,163
[disturbing instrumental]
116
00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:03,602
Shouldn't you fill that
with boiling water?
117
00:07:04,341 --> 00:07:05,926
Why?
Do you want soup?
118
00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:08,178
- [rattling]
- Can anyone hear that?
119
00:07:09,304 --> 00:07:10,722
Guys?
120
00:07:11,682 --> 00:07:13,350
- [screams]
- Keri!
121
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:15,102
No, no, no, no.
Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.
122
00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:16,645
No, no,
let me go, okay?
123
00:07:16,728 --> 00:07:18,230
I was bullied
by my imaginary friend.
124
00:07:18,313 --> 00:07:20,566
- Ghosts hate me.
- [Killian] No, no, no.
125
00:07:20,649 --> 00:07:22,526
It's just
the wind or something.
126
00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:25,237
- [they scream]
- Holy shit!
127
00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:27,364
- [screams]
- [Killian] Keri!
128
00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:30,075
Keri! Keri! No!
I will not be an only child.
129
00:07:30,159 --> 00:07:31,535
They're weird
and self-obsessed.
130
00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:33,453
- I'm an only child.
- Yeah, see?
131
00:07:33,537 --> 00:07:35,289
- [sighs]
- [banging]
132
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,750
- [banging continues]
- [gasps]
133
00:07:38,834 --> 00:07:40,377
Everything
will be just fine
134
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:42,004
if we just
stick to...
135
00:07:43,505 --> 00:07:45,065
- [Billie] Together.
- [door slams shut]
136
00:07:45,507 --> 00:07:46,884
[sighs]
137
00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:50,971
[slow paced banging]
138
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,311
[banging on door]
139
00:07:57,394 --> 00:07:59,021
[Riley] Open up!
Is anyone there?
140
00:07:59,104 --> 00:08:00,439
Oh, Riley, thank God!
141
00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:03,150
- [Riley] Oh, God.
- [door slams shut]
142
00:08:04,109 --> 00:08:05,736
What the hell
is going on?
143
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:07,739
Some crazy crossbow freak
chased me off the deck.
144
00:08:07,779 --> 00:08:09,281
I barely
made it inside.
145
00:08:09,364 --> 00:08:10,967
We know, we've been
trying to call for help,
146
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:12,367
but the signal's
still down.
147
00:08:12,451 --> 00:08:14,453
- Can you fix it?
- I brought your cable.
148
00:08:14,536 --> 00:08:16,413
but there is no way
I'm going out there
149
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,916
with a crossbow
bathrobe psycho.
150
00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:20,459
[sighs]
151
00:08:22,544 --> 00:08:24,004
Fuck.
152
00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:26,715
Did you use that?
153
00:08:26,798 --> 00:08:28,008
In here?
154
00:08:29,384 --> 00:08:31,845
Does the name Ysiam
mean anything to you?
155
00:08:33,805 --> 00:08:35,390
Shit, shit.
156
00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:39,895
Local legend says
that this rock was once
157
00:08:39,978 --> 00:08:41,563
a witch coven's
party pad.
158
00:08:41,647 --> 00:08:44,691
Some locals
drowned the coven
159
00:08:44,775 --> 00:08:46,443
and the head witch
cursed this place,
160
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:50,113
asking for blood
if anyone disturbed their rest.
161
00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:54,117
I thought
it was bullshit, but...
162
00:08:55,827 --> 00:08:57,955
the head witch's name
was Ysiam.
163
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,333
- [scared panting]
- [Killian] Fuck.
164
00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:04,711
Story has it the only way
to send her followers back...
165
00:09:06,588 --> 00:09:08,382
is with the blood
of six virgins.
166
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:12,844
- Keri's a virgin?
- Such a liar.
167
00:09:15,013 --> 00:09:17,140
- Where's Keri?
- Too soon.
168
00:09:18,934 --> 00:09:20,143
[door bangs shut]
169
00:09:21,270 --> 00:09:23,522
We can't just stay here
and let them pick us off.
170
00:09:24,356 --> 00:09:25,816
Okay.
171
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,695
All right.
We make a run for my boat.
172
00:09:29,778 --> 00:09:31,506
We'll get to the Boathouse,
we'll call for help.
173
00:09:31,530 --> 00:09:33,198
If you don't die,
come back for us, ‘kay?
174
00:09:33,282 --> 00:09:35,033
And bring us some snacks.
Yours suck.
175
00:09:35,826 --> 00:09:37,077
[door slams shut]
176
00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:40,539
How many
of those freaks did you see
177
00:09:40,622 --> 00:09:41,957
when you were
on the roof?
178
00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:45,377
I wasn't on the roof.
179
00:09:54,136 --> 00:09:56,763
[distorted music playing]
180
00:09:59,558 --> 00:10:01,435
[Riley] Ah!
Well, fuck me in half.
181
00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:02,870
- Why? What's wrong?
- My boat's gone.
182
00:10:02,894 --> 00:10:04,896
- [Killian grunts]
- Okay. Okay.
183
00:10:04,980 --> 00:10:07,232
We need to go back
to the cabin like now, alright?
184
00:10:07,316 --> 00:10:09,318
- [thud]
- [screams] Ah, fuck!
185
00:10:09,401 --> 00:10:11,111
Oh, my God! Fuck!
186
00:10:11,194 --> 00:10:13,363
Holy shit, Riley!
187
00:10:13,447 --> 00:10:16,158
- Killian! Oh, fuck.
- Go! Go!
188
00:10:16,241 --> 00:10:18,076
- I'm right behind you.
- [Billie] Okay.
189
00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:20,537
[Killian] Get inside.
Get inside. Get inside.
190
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:22,998
[screams]
191
00:10:23,999 --> 00:10:26,001
- He's gone.
- Who's gone?
192
00:10:26,084 --> 00:10:28,003
- Riley!
- Did he fix the internet?
193
00:10:28,086 --> 00:10:30,505
- What?
- [Justin] Billie! I'm coming!
194
00:10:30,589 --> 00:10:32,442
- [Billie] Justin?
- [Killian] No, no, no, no, no.
195
00:10:32,466 --> 00:10:34,259
Move.
I have to go after him.
196
00:10:34,343 --> 00:10:36,261
No, in New Moon when
Bella hears Edward's voice,
197
00:10:36,345 --> 00:10:38,638
it's just... it's just
her mind playing tricks on her.
198
00:10:38,722 --> 00:10:40,932
- Is this Twilight again?
- It's a horror movie too.
199
00:10:41,016 --> 00:10:42,976
[sighs]
Well, falling in love's scary.
200
00:10:43,894 --> 00:10:46,396
Man, the shit we take
from you horror purists online.
201
00:10:47,272 --> 00:10:50,025
- [he sighs]
- Online. Riley's cable.
202
00:10:50,108 --> 00:10:51,610
We can replace it
and call for help
203
00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:53,528
- without a phone signal.
- Where's the modem?
204
00:10:53,612 --> 00:10:55,238
In the crawlspace
under the cabin.
205
00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:57,157
Of course it is.
206
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:58,825
I'll just
run down there and swap it.
207
00:10:58,909 --> 00:11:01,203
And then when I get back,
we can bring up FaceTime
208
00:11:01,286 --> 00:11:03,126
and bunker down
until someone comes to help us.
209
00:11:04,623 --> 00:11:08,293
- There's more of them now.
- Okay. Distract them.
210
00:11:08,377 --> 00:11:10,253
Not that kind of fun girl.
211
00:11:12,255 --> 00:11:15,175
- [Teri] Yeah. Go.
- [Billie] Be careful.
212
00:11:15,258 --> 00:11:16,718
[tense music]
213
00:11:16,802 --> 00:11:18,053
[sigh] Be fast.
214
00:11:26,645 --> 00:11:29,272
Come get me
you Volturi sons of bitches.
215
00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:31,733
[he roars]
216
00:11:33,068 --> 00:11:34,903
Thank God he's hot.
217
00:11:34,986 --> 00:11:36,613
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
218
00:11:37,489 --> 00:11:41,159
[Killian] Come on!
Let's go! I'm right here!
219
00:11:41,243 --> 00:11:43,412
- [Killian banging on pot]
- Bring it on, motherfucker!
220
00:11:43,495 --> 00:11:45,831
Okay. Okay, Billie.
We're gonna do this.
221
00:11:45,914 --> 00:11:47,999
You're not gonna die
in this shitty fucking cabin.
222
00:11:48,834 --> 00:11:50,961
God.
Oh, my God!
223
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:53,422
Oh, God. Okay.
Oh, shit. Shit.
224
00:11:53,505 --> 00:11:55,674
[squeals]
Okay. Killian!
225
00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:58,844
- Killian?
- Open the door!
226
00:11:58,927 --> 00:12:01,096
- Killian!
- Come on, come on!
227
00:12:01,972 --> 00:12:04,141
- [Billie whimpers]
- Open the door, Teri!
228
00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:05,464
[Teri]
Did you reboot the modem?
229
00:12:05,517 --> 00:12:07,018
No,
there's too many of them.
230
00:12:07,102 --> 00:12:08,770
Maybe they'll leave
once they have you.
231
00:12:08,854 --> 00:12:10,564
You're the final girl.
232
00:12:10,647 --> 00:12:12,774
Aah! Come on!
Come on, I have an idea.
233
00:12:12,858 --> 00:12:15,819
[tense music]
234
00:12:18,155 --> 00:12:19,322
We can jump.
235
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:21,658
Are you nuts?
236
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:23,553
Jumping is always scarier
than the water, remember?
237
00:12:23,577 --> 00:12:25,704
At Raven's Rock,
not the Cabin in the Woods.
238
00:12:25,787 --> 00:12:27,289
Okay, on three.
239
00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:28,832
Okay.
240
00:12:28,915 --> 00:12:30,083
One.
241
00:12:30,167 --> 00:12:31,418
Two.
242
00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:33,170
[sighs]
243
00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:38,425
[romantic music plays]
244
00:12:44,556 --> 00:12:46,141
Cabin in the Woods.
245
00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:48,310
Do you have a name,
wandering spirit?
246
00:12:48,393 --> 00:12:49,478
Are those
Olive's jeans?
247
00:12:49,561 --> 00:12:50,687
- Y.
- BRB.
248
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:52,314
- S.
- Open up!
249
00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:54,357
Do you want to be
the dumb jock that
250
00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:55,775
- eats it in the first half?
- I.
251
00:12:55,859 --> 00:12:57,277
This isn't a movie.
252
00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:58,987
- I thought it was bullshit...
- A.
253
00:12:59,070 --> 00:13:00,489
The head witch's
name was Ysiam.
254
00:13:00,572 --> 00:13:02,324
- M.
- You're the final girl!
255
00:13:02,407 --> 00:13:03,742
Cabin in the Woods.
256
00:13:04,367 --> 00:13:05,577
Cabin in the fucking woods!
257
00:13:05,660 --> 00:13:07,162
No, Billie, wait!
258
00:13:15,086 --> 00:13:17,380
[Olive over radio]
Hey, Opal Bader Ginsberg.
259
00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:18,965
- You there?
- Go ahead, Olive.
260
00:13:19,049 --> 00:13:20,884
[Olive] I'm clear
of the cabin.
261
00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:23,053
Ouija board's in place,
phone jammer's on.
262
00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:25,847
I'm heading to Ulrika's
until Prank Day is over.
263
00:13:25,931 --> 00:13:27,432
Do they suspect
the gag of it all?
264
00:13:27,516 --> 00:13:28,892
[Olive]
Not a clue.
265
00:13:28,975 --> 00:13:30,602
My generation
is screwed.
266
00:13:30,685 --> 00:13:32,229
That's a go,
everyone.
267
00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:33,912
Walkies stay on
for further instructions.
268
00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:35,607
Jane, prep the arrow.
269
00:13:35,690 --> 00:13:37,317
Don't skimp
on the blood.
270
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,027
Copy that Opie-dopes.
Question.
271
00:13:39,110 --> 00:13:41,071
Am I just sticking
the arrow into the door
272
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:42,548
or am I actually
firing the crossbow?
273
00:13:42,572 --> 00:13:44,074
What?
274
00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:45,784
[Opal] Shooting would be
more immersive.
275
00:13:45,867 --> 00:13:47,702
That's what I said.
Told you, Jayner.
276
00:13:47,786 --> 00:13:49,496
- This is a bad idea.
- Mm, it's a beauty.
277
00:13:49,579 --> 00:13:51,706
No. Wayne, stop.
All right?
278
00:13:51,790 --> 00:13:53,500
Nobody is shooting
anyone with anything.
279
00:13:53,583 --> 00:13:56,545
Opal, when did blood
and crossbows come into this?
280
00:13:56,628 --> 00:13:58,588
Guys, I want Billie
to remember Prank Day
281
00:13:58,672 --> 00:14:00,715
with a smile, okay,
not regression therapy.
282
00:14:00,799 --> 00:14:02,342
She's not gonna
come back next year
283
00:14:02,425 --> 00:14:03,694
if she's still having
nightmares about it.
284
00:14:03,718 --> 00:14:04,820
This isn't your high school's
285
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:06,054
dinner theatre, Justin.
286
00:14:06,137 --> 00:14:08,014
It's my opus.
287
00:14:08,098 --> 00:14:10,308
[sigh] Did you hear that?
288
00:14:10,392 --> 00:14:12,686
Justin wants to come
back next summer with Billie.
289
00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:14,145
That would be
a real win for him.
290
00:14:14,229 --> 00:14:15,855
And a real loss
for us.
291
00:14:15,939 --> 00:14:17,357
Since Justin
has been here,
292
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,609
we have lost an election,
a bathroom,
293
00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:21,903
and our son might lose
his virginity to his cousin.
294
00:14:21,987 --> 00:14:23,405
- Step-cousin.
- Ugh.
295
00:14:23,488 --> 00:14:24,864
Still gross.
296
00:14:24,948 --> 00:14:26,616
We cannot lose
anything else to Justin.
297
00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:28,451
We have to make sure
they never come back.
298
00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:30,078
How?
299
00:14:30,161 --> 00:14:31,871
By scaring
Billie so much
300
00:14:31,955 --> 00:14:33,707
that she calls her parents
to come get her.
301
00:14:33,790 --> 00:14:36,042
There's no way they'll
let her come back after that.
302
00:14:36,126 --> 00:14:37,377
Sounds a little harsh.
303
00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:38,628
It was Justin's idea
304
00:14:38,712 --> 00:14:39,796
to bring back
Prank Day.
305
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:41,047
He made
his own bed.
306
00:14:41,131 --> 00:14:44,551
[girls scream]
307
00:14:44,634 --> 00:14:46,720
- [grunts]
- Oh, nice shot!
308
00:14:46,803 --> 00:14:48,930
- That's my boy!
- Victor!
309
00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:51,099
- That's our boy.
- Oh, my God!
310
00:14:51,182 --> 00:14:52,368
- [scream]
- Get inside! Go, go!
311
00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:54,019
Wayne! Come on!
312
00:14:54,102 --> 00:14:57,355
Okay. Okay. Hold on.
What happened back there?
313
00:14:57,439 --> 00:15:00,442
- You got hit with a rock.
- Was I there for that?
314
00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:02,444
You were supposed
to wait like we practiced.
315
00:15:02,527 --> 00:15:04,571
- You never listen.
- Okay, okay, okay.
316
00:15:04,654 --> 00:15:06,948
Next time you get hit
in the head with a rock.
317
00:15:07,032 --> 00:15:08,658
- Thank you.
- Great. Come on, come on.
318
00:15:08,742 --> 00:15:10,535
- We gotta go.
- No, this way.
319
00:15:10,619 --> 00:15:12,245
Right. Okay.
320
00:15:12,329 --> 00:15:14,372
- What happened back there?
- Oh, my...
321
00:15:14,456 --> 00:15:16,058
[Opal] They barricaded
themselves inside the cabin
322
00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:17,917
right on schedule.
323
00:15:18,001 --> 00:15:19,562
Dad, you in position
for Operation Ouija Magnet?
324
00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:21,046
In the hammer lane,
little buddy.
325
00:15:21,129 --> 00:15:22,714
[Opal] Spy talk,
not trucker talk.
326
00:15:22,797 --> 00:15:24,633
That's like
asking a fish not to swim.
327
00:15:24,716 --> 00:15:26,360
[Opal] Magnets in the
planchette are pretty snappy
328
00:15:26,384 --> 00:15:27,969
so don't work
too hard.
329
00:15:28,053 --> 00:15:29,929
- 10-4.
- [Opal] Second warning.
330
00:15:30,013 --> 00:15:31,640
Whatever.
331
00:15:31,723 --> 00:15:33,558
Maisy,
what the fuck?
332
00:15:33,642 --> 00:15:35,810
This is supposed to be
Scooby-Doo scary.
333
00:15:35,894 --> 00:15:37,312
Shh, shh, shh.
334
00:15:37,395 --> 00:15:39,356
It'll all be over soon,
sweetie.
335
00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:40,958
Hey, hey, Assassin's Creed,
she can't breathe.
336
00:15:40,982 --> 00:15:42,984
- Sorry.
- Can't be too careful.
337
00:15:43,068 --> 00:15:44,944
There are witches
in these woods.
338
00:15:45,028 --> 00:15:46,631
All right, this shit's
getting out of hand.
339
00:15:46,655 --> 00:15:48,114
Maisy, this is exactly
why Prank Day
340
00:15:48,198 --> 00:15:49,532
was cancelled
in the first place.
341
00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:50,742
No, you're the reason
342
00:15:50,825 --> 00:15:52,243
that Prank Day got cancelled.
343
00:15:52,327 --> 00:15:54,371
Who can't handle
a fake alien abduction?
344
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:56,456
You told them
to eat me first
345
00:15:56,539 --> 00:15:58,083
because
I had more meat.
346
00:15:58,166 --> 00:15:59,852
- And I stand by that decision.
- Oh, my God.
347
00:15:59,876 --> 00:16:01,753
You wanted
to bring Prank Day back
348
00:16:01,836 --> 00:16:03,230
because Billie
is this huge horror fan,
349
00:16:03,254 --> 00:16:04,673
but if it
doesn't feel real,
350
00:16:04,756 --> 00:16:06,841
she's going to be
the first to clock it.
351
00:16:06,925 --> 00:16:09,678
So just sit back
and let Ysiam work her magic.
352
00:16:09,761 --> 00:16:10,988
Should have been
my name backwards.
353
00:16:11,012 --> 00:16:12,430
It was my idea.
354
00:16:12,514 --> 00:16:14,349
Nitsuj sounds
like a lice shampoo.
355
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:17,686
Come on, honey,
Opal's got snacks in the car.
356
00:16:18,895 --> 00:16:20,355
You can bring
your kettle.
357
00:16:23,274 --> 00:16:24,901
[scoffs]
358
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,778
Wayne Eunice
Beverly Moore,
359
00:16:26,861 --> 00:16:28,405
you get your ass down!
360
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:30,949
I was supposed to do
the roof walk.
361
00:16:31,032 --> 00:16:32,784
The roof
can't handle your weight!
362
00:16:32,867 --> 00:16:35,745
- You can't go rogue like that.
- Hey, I'm Wayne.
363
00:16:35,829 --> 00:16:37,664
Don't remind me.
364
00:16:37,747 --> 00:16:40,166
[chuckles]
That's a cool dress.
365
00:16:41,751 --> 00:16:43,461
[Opal] Falcons
have fled the nest.
366
00:16:43,545 --> 00:16:45,145
Riley and the kids
are leaving the cabin.
367
00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:47,090
We got to hustle
if we want to beat the kids
368
00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:48,758
to the Boathouse
for the hood reveal.
369
00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:50,844
We're not doing
the Boathouse thing anymore.
370
00:16:50,927 --> 00:16:52,405
Yeah, there have been
some last-minute rewrites.
371
00:16:52,429 --> 00:16:54,222
What do you mean?
What kind of rewrites?
372
00:16:54,305 --> 00:16:55,825
Opal and I thought
that ending the prank
373
00:16:55,849 --> 00:16:57,434
with the hood reveal
was a bit tame.
374
00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:59,286
Relax, we're just
shooting and abducting Riley,
375
00:16:59,310 --> 00:17:00,955
and then we're surrounding
the kids so they think
376
00:17:00,979 --> 00:17:02,814
- that Ysiam is coming.
- And then what?
377
00:17:02,897 --> 00:17:04,834
Are you going to sacrifice
them into the fire pit?
378
00:17:04,858 --> 00:17:07,068
- Do you think it's deep enough?
- All right, that's it.
379
00:17:07,152 --> 00:17:08,862
I'm calling it,
Joan Carpenter.
380
00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:11,156
This just went
from Goosebumps to Saw 5.
381
00:17:13,867 --> 00:17:15,744
Billie?
I'm coming!
382
00:17:15,827 --> 00:17:17,579
- [Maisy] Hi-yah!
- [grunts]
383
00:17:17,662 --> 00:17:19,289
God,
what the hell, Maisy?
384
00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:20,749
Don't even think
about moving.
385
00:17:20,832 --> 00:17:22,667
MI-5 once tried
to recruit me.
386
00:17:22,751 --> 00:17:25,670
- Oh, as if!
- I know! Me, a public servant?
387
00:17:25,754 --> 00:17:27,589
- What a waste.
- Maisy, please come on.
388
00:17:27,672 --> 00:17:29,191
I'm begging you here.
Please let me go.
389
00:17:29,215 --> 00:17:30,842
You got to stop this.
390
00:17:30,925 --> 00:17:32,528
You don't think
we had better things to do
391
00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:34,179
than play make-believe
392
00:17:34,262 --> 00:17:35,906
while you paper over
your failures with Billie?
393
00:17:35,930 --> 00:17:37,700
Of course we did,
but we're here because of you.
394
00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:39,326
- I just wanted it to be fun.
- Mission accomplished.
395
00:17:39,350 --> 00:17:41,186
- I'm having a blast.
- [grunts]
396
00:17:41,269 --> 00:17:42,621
I'm going to need
some bungee cords.
397
00:17:42,645 --> 00:17:43,813
The Dalai Drama's
gone rogue.
398
00:17:43,897 --> 00:17:45,356
Well,
the joke's on you
399
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:46,920
because I'm putting that
on a T-shirt.
400
00:17:46,983 --> 00:17:48,610
[muffled] Oh, God,
401
00:17:48,693 --> 00:17:50,904
why do you taste
like lavender?
402
00:17:50,987 --> 00:17:52,280
Riley, please.
403
00:17:52,363 --> 00:17:53,948
I know
we're in this
404
00:17:54,032 --> 00:17:56,201
not-talking-cause-Justin's-hot
garbage phase,
405
00:17:56,284 --> 00:17:57,786
but would you
please untie me?
406
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:00,038
Riley, come on.
407
00:18:00,121 --> 00:18:01,623
Billie's probably
really scared.
408
00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:05,043
- That's what you wanted.
- That is not what I wanted.
409
00:18:05,126 --> 00:18:06,795
I was trying to do
something special
410
00:18:06,878 --> 00:18:08,755
so that
she'd come back next year.
411
00:18:08,838 --> 00:18:10,632
In my prank,
you got to be the hero.
412
00:18:10,715 --> 00:18:12,509
You got to save
the kids.
413
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:14,612
In Maisy's, you get nailed
in the leg with an arrow.
414
00:18:14,636 --> 00:18:16,054
Why are you
helping her?
415
00:18:17,222 --> 00:18:19,015
You pimped me out...
416
00:18:20,391 --> 00:18:21,518
to Gil the Thrill.
417
00:18:24,145 --> 00:18:25,396
I know.
418
00:18:27,190 --> 00:18:28,399
I know I did that.
419
00:18:33,988 --> 00:18:35,031
Riley...
420
00:18:37,242 --> 00:18:39,494
having Billie again,
Maisy getting the cottage,
421
00:18:39,577 --> 00:18:42,747
this chance that I got to get
back everything that I lost?
422
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:46,751
I just went crazy,
I went...
423
00:18:48,044 --> 00:18:50,088
really crazy and you got
caught in the middle.
424
00:18:56,094 --> 00:18:57,136
I'm sorry.
425
00:19:01,558 --> 00:19:02,725
I'm really sorry.
426
00:19:05,895 --> 00:19:07,605
Please don't help
Maisy win.
427
00:19:09,274 --> 00:19:13,403
[rain patters]
428
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:18,950
I never did this...
429
00:19:19,993 --> 00:19:21,160
for Maisy.
430
00:19:23,079 --> 00:19:28,501
[♪ Gregory Dillon:
"Plastic Ferrari"]
431
00:19:30,545 --> 00:19:35,341
♪ Killing the quiet
You know so well ♪
432
00:19:38,136 --> 00:19:43,057
♪ Insecurities
I curse myself ♪
433
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:49,355
♪ I'm bitter and shaken
The sweetest temptation ♪
434
00:19:49,439 --> 00:19:51,649
♪ Checkin' if you call... ♪
435
00:19:51,733 --> 00:19:54,819
Bondage, threesomes...
436
00:19:54,903 --> 00:19:56,529
I think
you're going to need
437
00:19:56,613 --> 00:19:58,698
to update your profile,
there, Tindersnake.
438
00:20:01,326 --> 00:20:02,952
[Billie]
Cabin in the fucking woods!
439
00:20:03,036 --> 00:20:05,121
- [Killian] Billie, wait!
- Oh, Billie.
440
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:07,874
Busted, busted, busted,
busted, all of you!
441
00:20:07,957 --> 00:20:09,709
Ysiam is Maisy
spelled backwards.
442
00:20:11,461 --> 00:20:14,088
- [manic chuckle]
- Mom? Dad?
443
00:20:14,172 --> 00:20:17,050
[Opal] We've been made.
Stand down.
444
00:20:19,010 --> 00:20:21,137
- [tentative chuckles]
- [Maisy] Surprise.
445
00:20:21,930 --> 00:20:23,139
Whoa. What the fuck?
446
00:20:25,975 --> 00:20:27,852
[panting]
447
00:20:29,145 --> 00:20:31,314
- Are you serious?
- What the fuck, Boomers?
448
00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:33,274
- Hey, girls.
- It's not a prank!
449
00:20:33,358 --> 00:20:35,526
It's torture!
Oh, good, you're all caught up.
450
00:20:36,361 --> 00:20:38,613
[♪ Vampire Weekend:
"White Sky"]
451
00:20:38,696 --> 00:20:41,282
- [sighs]
- [Billie chuckles]
452
00:20:41,366 --> 00:20:46,245
♪
453
00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:51,459
That was pretty low
using your evil genius
454
00:20:51,542 --> 00:20:53,002
against your older brother.
455
00:20:53,086 --> 00:20:54,754
I think
you mean 'thank you.'
456
00:20:54,837 --> 00:20:56,756
For scaring
the shit out of me?
457
00:20:56,839 --> 00:20:59,884
For dragging your mopey ass
romance into the second act.
458
00:21:00,885 --> 00:21:02,679
I was waiting
for the perfect moment.
459
00:21:02,762 --> 00:21:05,306
Did you or did you not get
your first kiss with Billie?
460
00:21:06,516 --> 00:21:07,558
Yes.
461
00:21:08,643 --> 00:21:09,686
You're welcome.
462
00:21:09,769 --> 00:21:12,689
♪
463
00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:14,482
Wow. [sighs]
464
00:21:14,565 --> 00:21:16,234
And that,
twisted sisters,
465
00:21:16,317 --> 00:21:18,236
is why you should
never steal my weed.
466
00:21:18,319 --> 00:21:19,404
- Sorry.
- Okay.
467
00:21:19,487 --> 00:21:21,030
Won't happen again.
468
00:21:21,114 --> 00:21:22,865
We need to tell mom
that Justin and Maisy
469
00:21:22,949 --> 00:21:24,367
are the witches' bitches.
470
00:21:25,118 --> 00:21:27,537
It... it was fake, Keri.
471
00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:28,705
All of it.
472
00:21:29,956 --> 00:21:31,916
How high up
does this thing go?
473
00:21:33,710 --> 00:21:35,003
You have no idea.
474
00:21:35,086 --> 00:21:38,131
♪ You waited since lunch ♪
475
00:21:38,214 --> 00:21:40,675
♪ It all comes at once... ♪
476
00:21:41,342 --> 00:21:42,635
[Billie]
What is wrong with you?
477
00:21:42,719 --> 00:21:43,886
What's wrong
with all of you?
478
00:21:43,970 --> 00:21:45,221
You people are insane.
479
00:21:45,304 --> 00:21:47,432
In what universe
did you think
480
00:21:47,515 --> 00:21:49,118
- this would be okay?
- [Justin] I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
481
00:21:49,142 --> 00:21:50,494
[Billie]
Do you think abuse is funny?
482
00:21:50,518 --> 00:21:53,271
Do you?
I mean, unbelievable.
483
00:21:53,354 --> 00:21:56,232
Absolutely unbelievable.
I almost jumped off the deck.
484
00:21:56,315 --> 00:21:58,317
My parents
are going to freak, Justin.
485
00:21:58,401 --> 00:22:00,028
And I thought Olive was dead.
Keri, too.
486
00:22:00,111 --> 00:22:01,380
I was legitimately
fucking scared.
487
00:22:01,404 --> 00:22:04,073
- I know, I'm sorry.
- Good.
488
00:22:04,782 --> 00:22:06,325
Because remember,
the body count
489
00:22:06,409 --> 00:22:07,827
is always higher
in the sequel.
490
00:22:10,038 --> 00:22:11,497
The sequel?
491
00:22:11,581 --> 00:22:14,125
Oh, yeah,
you're a dead man next year.
492
00:22:14,208 --> 00:22:16,836
[gasps]
You are a good little actress.
493
00:22:16,919 --> 00:22:19,672
- [Justin] I felt terrible.
- [Billie chuckles]
494
00:22:19,756 --> 00:22:21,966
♪ The sins of pride and envy ♪
495
00:22:22,050 --> 00:22:23,634
♪ And on the second floor ♪
496
00:22:23,718 --> 00:22:25,136
♪ The Richard Serra
Skate Park... ♪
497
00:22:25,219 --> 00:22:27,180
Maureen, hi,
do you have a second?
498
00:22:28,222 --> 00:22:31,142
Has it been 20 years since
I called you by your real name?
499
00:22:31,225 --> 00:22:33,144
No, I want to float
something by you.
500
00:22:33,227 --> 00:22:34,645
I am sorry.
501
00:22:35,354 --> 00:22:36,814
I'm sorry
that I left you with Maisy
502
00:22:36,898 --> 00:22:39,233
when I was off
getting off.
503
00:22:39,317 --> 00:22:41,944
Riley said you got tied
to a tree for me, so...
504
00:22:42,820 --> 00:22:43,905
say we're even.
505
00:22:45,948 --> 00:22:48,201
- And I heard you calling me.
- Yeah.
506
00:22:48,284 --> 00:22:49,884
I'd be dead because
you were beyond late.
507
00:22:49,952 --> 00:22:51,454
Right.
508
00:22:51,537 --> 00:22:52,872
You came for me.
509
00:22:54,082 --> 00:22:56,292
[sighs]
Of course I did.
510
00:22:57,585 --> 00:23:01,672
♪ Imagining your wolfords in a
Ball upon the sink there... ♪
511
00:23:01,756 --> 00:23:03,508
See, it's not just
about the crossbow
512
00:23:03,591 --> 00:23:04,717
or the roof, Wayne.
513
00:23:05,551 --> 00:23:07,845
It's you campaigning
for Boathouse president
514
00:23:07,929 --> 00:23:09,639
after I was humiliated.
515
00:23:10,389 --> 00:23:12,642
It's you obsessing
about Teesa.
516
00:23:14,143 --> 00:23:17,730
It's not sharing
the Astral Nebula.
517
00:23:17,814 --> 00:23:19,273
I think
I have a concussion.
518
00:23:19,357 --> 00:23:21,776
See,
it's always about you.
519
00:23:24,445 --> 00:23:28,366
[Wayne gagging]
520
00:23:33,871 --> 00:23:36,290
- [knock on door]
- Hey.
521
00:23:37,959 --> 00:23:39,127
Can I come in?
522
00:23:39,836 --> 00:23:41,462
So you can
tie me up again?
523
00:23:41,546 --> 00:23:43,589
[scoffs]
So I can apologize.
524
00:23:43,673 --> 00:23:45,591
I might have gotten
a bit too method today.
525
00:23:45,675 --> 00:23:47,844
Psycho, the word
you're looking for is psycho.
526
00:23:47,927 --> 00:23:49,512
Well,
it was good for the role.
527
00:23:49,595 --> 00:23:51,347
But I am sorry
about tying you up.
528
00:23:51,430 --> 00:23:54,058
- That was not cool.
- [sighs]
529
00:23:54,142 --> 00:23:56,644
Well,
your sociopathy aside,
530
00:23:56,727 --> 00:23:58,396
Prank Day
was a huge hit.
531
00:23:59,147 --> 00:24:01,190
Billie wants to make it
an annual tradition.
532
00:24:01,274 --> 00:24:02,483
Wonderful.
533
00:24:03,568 --> 00:24:04,861
You guys
better start looking.
534
00:24:04,944 --> 00:24:06,654
Places go fast
around here.
535
00:24:06,737 --> 00:24:08,340
Yeah, well, you know,
we've actually grown kind of
536
00:24:08,364 --> 00:24:09,824
fond of this
little hellhole,
537
00:24:09,907 --> 00:24:11,409
so I'm going to call
Whoreen manana
538
00:24:11,492 --> 00:24:12,743
about renting it
next summer.
539
00:24:13,452 --> 00:24:14,537
Oh, no.
540
00:24:15,454 --> 00:24:16,622
Whoreen's selling.
541
00:24:17,248 --> 00:24:19,333
What?
What the fuck.
542
00:24:19,417 --> 00:24:21,335
Oh, man.
543
00:24:21,419 --> 00:24:23,087
This place is cursed.
544
00:24:23,171 --> 00:24:25,631
Teesa's Insta post
got so much attention.
545
00:24:25,715 --> 00:24:27,383
And you and Billie
are the first ones
546
00:24:27,466 --> 00:24:29,385
to rent it
and not disappear or die.
547
00:24:29,468 --> 00:24:30,761
That's huge curb appeal.
548
00:24:33,014 --> 00:24:35,975
And I wonder who gave
Whoreen the idea to sell.
549
00:24:37,143 --> 00:24:38,644
The lake's changing.
550
00:24:38,728 --> 00:24:40,771
You can't stay stuck
in the past forever.
551
00:24:42,231 --> 00:24:43,858
But it was fun
having you guys here.
552
00:24:44,650 --> 00:24:47,737
Killian and Opal are really
going to miss their cousin.
553
00:24:52,283 --> 00:24:54,785
Great idea for Prank Day,
by the way.
554
00:24:54,869 --> 00:24:56,078
Best one ever.
555
00:24:58,039 --> 00:24:59,874
- [sighs]
- [door bangs shut]
556
00:25:01,292 --> 00:25:03,836
She wins.
Every time.
557
00:25:04,670 --> 00:25:08,549
[♪ Dickie Goodman:
"Horror Movies"]
558
00:25:09,592 --> 00:25:12,470
♪ I took my baby
To a horror show ♪
559
00:25:13,596 --> 00:25:16,307
♪ That's the only place
She wants to go ♪
560
00:25:17,266 --> 00:25:20,436
♪ She thinks that
Dracula is so divine ♪
561
00:25:20,519 --> 00:25:24,190
♪ And she wants to go spinning
With the Frankenstein ♪
562
00:25:25,274 --> 00:25:28,277
♪ My baby loves
A horror movie ♪
563
00:25:29,070 --> 00:25:32,198
♪ My baby loves
A horror movie ♪
564
00:25:32,949 --> 00:25:36,202
♪ My baby loves
A horror movie ♪
565
00:25:36,285 --> 00:25:38,746
♪ Yeah, well
Ow ♪
566
00:25:39,830 --> 00:25:43,668
♪ She's mad about the monster
From the Black Museum ♪
567
00:25:43,751 --> 00:25:47,588
♪ The Invisible Man
And she can't even see him ♪
568
00:25:47,672 --> 00:25:51,133
♪ I'd better do something
To get close to her ♪
569
00:25:51,217 --> 00:25:55,054
♪ Or I'll lose out
To Godzilla or Tarantula ♪
570
00:25:56,055 --> 00:25:59,433
♪ My baby loves
A horror movie ♪
571
00:25:59,517 --> 00:26:01,560
♪ Yeah, well
Ow ♪
41429
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