Original subtitles

[upbeat music]

[rooster clucking]

[Justin] Coming!

God.

Noise makers.

[Ulrika] They make wonderful nest mates, no?

Sven wets the bed and Lars grinds his beak.

Not really the hard cocks I want to wake up to.

Sven and Lars are hens.

Hey, Ulrika, thanks for letting me sleep here.

Billie's going to let me back in the cottage soon, probably.

You are welcome to stay until the next full moon.

- Then I tend to get primordial. - You mean primal?

No, when I take peyote, I regress fully.

Oh dear.

If you are going to stay, you may earn your keep.

I need someone to put up the decorations

at the talent show tonight.

You're asking me to decorate because I'm gay?

I'm asking you because your family hates you.

So you've got free time.

Ow.

You should take peyote with me.

It might help with your intense self-hatred.

Heard it makes you shit yourself.

Well, I have extra buckets.

[♪ Humans: "Beggin"]

- I'm gonna go home now. - Okay.

[chickens clucking]

[Ulrika imitates clucking]

♪ And I pull myself up ♪

♪ From on these begging knees ♪

♪ And I keep wondering, babe ♪

♪ If it's love or some disease ♪

Sweet Bobby Burke.

It was a little bleak, so we zhuzhed it up.

You guys didn't ask me to help? I love decorating.

Gay, hello.

Ow! What the...

What is this...

gorgeous safety hazard doing here?

We found it on a hike yesterday.

Come on, we're late for Riley's.

Oh, you guys are going to Riley's?

Mm-hm. He's showing us

his next roadkill investigation series.

He's doing Miami this year.

Oh man, that's the best one.

Just digging the shiv right in.

Can't Justin come?

Ugh, Riley and Justin have herstory.

The "I Never Want to See You Again kind."

Do you know what? It's fine.

I think it's going to be fine. I'll come.

I'll just get changed. The arts are under-funded.

Everybody deserves a second chance.

Oh, it's invite-only.

Okay. Yeah, I mean, I... I got you, sis.

Nope, sorry. "Paris Is Burning," we steal everything.

God...

Billie...

Just... just give her more time.

Birth mama's got this, okay?

When are we going to get to hang out?

Soon. Soon.

Okay. Because you were my best friend first.

[door opening]

[door closing]

I drank those.

- Me. - [Teesa] Are we really going

to a roadkill exhibit?

I was just messing with Justin.

How long are you going to keep him in the doghouse?

Well, he left me to rot

with a knockoff Gwyneth, reeking of Herpes fish.

- So forever then. - Mm-hm.

But it wouldn't hurt to just take

the higher plane on this, love.

Look, I know forgiveness isn't cheap, but...

Yeah, and Justin's hella bankrupt.

Then I'll stay for as long as forever takes.

[sighs]

Ah...

Forgot how beautiful this place was.

[Billie] Yeah.

So will I get to meet

the boy you've been drooling over all summer?

Yeah, maybe from 50 feet,

Maisy says we can't hang anymore.

She thinks I bring out the environmental terrorist

- in Killian. - You can choose your crush,

but you can't choose your crush's parents.

Come on.

[♪ Hamzaa: "Sunday Morning"]

♪

Why does the light always look so good on them?

God damn.

[ringing]

Oh, oh.

Hey, guys.

- Billie's out. - Oh, Justin,

if she forgot our call, that means Teesa arrived.

You guys knew Teesa was coming?

Well, she finished recording her album

and wanted to see Billie,

so we told her she was with you.

I mean, we texted, but, you know,

cell service in Cyprus...

- [laughing] - How's Teesa?

Oh, I mean... great.

You know, so great. They're doing so great.

They're having a blast together, decorating, hiking,

just taking in the local art scene.

So, we're working through some feelings of jealousy.

She was my best friend first.

We felt the same when Teesa took Billie

- to see Beyoncé at Coachella. - Oh, and Paris.

- Ugh! - Man, just like... [sighs]

it just looks so easy for them.

Well, it is, you know,

Billie has been raised by two emotionally healthy adults,

and Teesa is incredibly intuitive.

But you were emotionally abandoned as a child,

so you leverage humour to mask a deep sense of unworthiness.

I'm not feeling a whole lot better here.

Well, that could take years of cognitive therapy.

Decades, even.

- [Oliver] At least. - Oh.

Okay, well, should we maybe book another session?

Guys?

Oh, shit, I think you're frozen.

I can see you moving.

[call disconnecting]

[Jeri] So if someone's like hardcore drowning,

what do we do?

You save them.

Like all of us, or just the person that saw them?

[Teri] Wait, what about sharks?

[Keri and Jeri] I don't know.

[talking over each other]

I'm not going in there!

[Keri] Well, you're the fastest swimmer.

[Teri] Well, you're the oldest.

- Is that your guy? - [Billie] Mm-hm.

He's cute!

In a narcoleptic kind of way.

Ew, what?

[laughing]

Lord love a duck! Teesa!

- You're back! - Teesa!

First Justin, then Billie.

The whole not-really-a-family's back together.

Hey, are you going to sing in the talent show?

Because I could do backup vocals for you and Justin,

like last time.

It was back up maracas.

Right? Yes, yes, yes. And I still got 'em, babe.

- So I... Teesa, I mean. - [Jayne] Yeah.

Anyway, oh, I got rhythm.

My vocal range has improved.

I'm pretty sure I'm a velvet mahogany now.

So I mean, if you need any help with those backing vocals...

Actually, Billie and I will be performing together.

- [Wayne] Oh. - Yeah.

- We will? - Uh huh.

Oh, we would love to perform with our kids.

We have four perfect girls now,

but Waynikins and I host the show every year.

I hope there are spots left.

The sign-up sheet went up like weeks ago.

- We'll get you in. - We better grab the last ones.

- [Wayne] Yes! - See you at the show.

- Yeah. Wow. - Okay, bye.

Are we really singing? Because the show's tonight

and that's like not enough time to rehearse.

You don't need to. Trust me, honey.

Once you open your mouth on stage,

it'll be the last thing anyone remembers, even Wayne.

- [Jayne] Come on. - [Wayne] Babe, I love you.

[upbeat music]

Babe, babe! I'm out.

- I can't take it anymore. - Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You got to get back on the ice.

The deal was we trade off talent shows

so we don't murder Opal. You can do this.

You dummied Terry "The Mountain" McGuinness.

Yeah, yeah... yeah, I can do this.

[Opal] Daddy, where's my coconut water?

No, I've been broken by a ten year old.

I'll make it up to you. Promise.

[sighs]

[Teesa] Nothing to worry about.

Yeah, no.

- [Teesa] Billie! - [Billie] Mm-mm.

Teesa.

What a nice surprise.

Nice to see you too, Mimsie.

Oh, it's Maisy. Mimsie's my mother.

Oh, Mimsie, Maisy, whoopsie daisy.

Yeah, they kind of sound the same.

[Teesa] Yeah.

Oh, you're performing in the talent show?

Yeah. With Billie.

She has so much more spare time now that she can't see Killian.

Yeah, I know, that was really hard on everyone.

But you know what? Sometimes setting boundaries

really helps them make better choices.

Every parent has their own style.

My little Opal is performing, too.

He's doing a really cute dance number.

He's so independent, practically emancipated.

Well, it was so nice to see you M... Maisy.

- I'm losing fluids. - Oh.

[Opal] Who was that?

That is Teesa. That's Billie's birth mom.

She's going to be performing in the talent show with Billie.

I know you were hoping to sweep this year, sweetie, but...

Save your sympathy for my runner-up.

Billie's no match for "Mulan Rouge."

♪

[clicks tongue]

That's my boy.

♪

♪

Hey! Hi!

Went all the way over to Riley's

but there wasn't anybody there.

Yeah, because we came here instead.

Okay, so I just paddled across the lake for nothing.

That's cool.

Guess who signed us up for the talent show?

Are you serious? The three of us singing together.

We're going to be like the Supremes,

TLC, Destiny's Child...

Nope, totally sorry, "Paris Is Burning," we steal everything.

Actually, just Teesa and I are going to be singing.

We're gonna grab her guitar and rehearse.

Okay, yeah, maybe I can hang out backstage.

Watch you guys rehearse,

be your own personal stan club.

Aren't you helping Ulrika with decorations?

Don't want to stand her up, too.

I know you're trying to set a good example.

[whispering] More time.

I set a good example. I do. I... I...

I taught her to paddle.

I did that. Me.

[♪ Cristina Aguilera, Lil' Kim, Mya, Pink: "Lady Marmalade]

And one, two three, four five, six, seven, turn.

Two, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, kick.

Two, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

Slide, two, three, four, five, six, seven, fan!

- Nice, great job, honey. - Great?

I gave you sultry 19th century Paris-Sui-dynasty realness.

I just have one tiny suggestion.

Oh, I don't tuck for rehearsals.

I think we should workshop the choreo a little bit.

You know, bring out the Disney. A little more Mulan,

a little less Rouge.

Why are you tone policing my art?

Because it's a little spicy for a fifth grader.

You know, most 19th century sex workers were dead by 20.

- So I'm already middle aged. - Honey...

the talent show is really just card tricks and dumb skits.

It's not erotic can-cans from fifth graders.

Actually, drag's all ages now.

Thanks to RuPaul, subverting gender roles

is wholesome family fun.

- Finally, someone who gets it. - Why, thank you.

Do you want to maybe do that somewhere else?

We're rehearsing.

No, I think Justin should stay

to get the community's perspective.

Ooh...

There is no bigger ally than your mother.

Who watched "It's A Sin" with you? Twice.

Um, I'm sorry, L-Gay-BTQIA+...

I live to dance.

- He stays. - To slay.

Yay.

Now, shall we take it from the top?

Yes, all right, where do you need me?

- Sit there and be quiet. - Okay.

[singing scales]

Okay? Your turn.

No way am I following that.

Don't get in your head about this.

We sang this all the way to Coachella and back.

That was just us! This is in front of

- an audience. Like tonight. - That's why we're rehearsing.

Come on. The stage is ours for another half hour.

That's not enough time. And if I push too hard,

I could get vocal nodes or lose my voice.

Do you really want to silence me at a time when we,

as Black women should be supporting each other?

Baby! You're going to be fine. Okay?

You got your tummy mummy's singing genes.

Which means I've also got Justin's screw-up genes.

Okay, why don't we see if there's space

in the boathouse to rehearse?

It'll be more private there...

Nuh-uh! Justin's in there.

Sorry, but you are insane

if you think I'm performing when my DNA

is 50% hysterical Muppet!

Like, I'm happy to be alive and all.

But seriously, how drunk were you to sleep with Justin?

All right, sulky Sally.

That track's been skipping long enough. Let's go.

[whimpering]

- Go. - We got a few minutes

while Opal's laminating his brows,

so I was thinking that it should be maybe something

a little bit like smile, turn, chassé, lick the fan.

Yeah, no. I was thinking more of like

a tidy pirouette instead of all the pelvic grinding.

Mm-hm, mm-hm. Yeah. Just lacks a whole lot of drama.

And instead of licking the fan,

we could do a cute little shimmy, kick ball-change

and a Motown, Motown.

I mean, I'm just marking it.

No, you're just pandering.

I am mothering, excuse me.

There's a time and a place

for dick dominance through dance,

and ten years old is not it.

Oh, my God, this is just like that time

that you stopped my dad

from seeing my Spice Girls tribute concert.

You stole my swimsuit and covered it in glitter.

Because I was Ginger!

Dad wasn't ready for a three hour lip sync,

and the lake is not ready for Mulan Rouge.

A mash-up between a cross-dressing

Chinese warrior and a dying Parisian hooker is genius.

Sex worker, excuse me,

and consumption is a horrible way to die.

You basically drown in your own blood.

I don't know what part

of fuck-up-Maisy's-reno-plan this is,

but my baby is talking pyrotechnics.

I need to manage his expectations.

Or you could try believing in his vision.

If Opal showgirls down the stairs, Maisy,

whatever, at least he goes down dancing to his own beat.

Just because you gave up your kid doesn't mean

I have to give up on mine.

Enough!

Sorry, Mom, but this isn't working out.

Justin and I can take it from here.

[laughs]

Oh, you can't fire your own mother.

Yes, I can. You're straightwashing my art.

Don't you come for me, Harvey Milk.

I gestated you for 10 months, okay?

I'm the only one in this room

whose pussy's actually been on fire.

Ew.

Good luck when he asks for a snow leopard.

[scoffs] Snow leopard. Lame.

I was actually thinking like a dragon python.

How about like a trapeze entrance?

Like, whoosh from the air. "There he is."

Dramatic. Jumps down.

I don't think our stage has that kind of load capacity.

[Billie] What is it with people trespassing on this lake?

This is your family cottage, remember?

- Now dig. - Come again?

Dig. Here. Come on!

[gentle music]

We buried this after you were born.

♪

Justin found the adoption agency

and we picked your parents together.

He always supported my choice to give you a better life,

even if neither of our parents did.

Justin's dad sent me that letter before you were born.

Justin threw it away, but I saved it.

Derrick threatened to take me to court to keep you.

Said I'd ruined Justin's life and yours if I gave you up.

What a dick.

You can choose your crush,

but you can't choose your crush's parents.

Justin never forgave his dad for that letter.

I never thought I would, either, but with time...

I realized Derrick was scared of losing his son,

his granddaughter, his hair.

Yeah, sounds like a lot of people wanted to keep me.

- We all loved you very... - Except you.

Hey, I gave you away, but I never gave up on you.

Neither did Justin.

Yeah, but you've always been here for me.

Justin just ran away.

Hey, I checked out plenty of times too.

We were kids, Billie,

just trying to figure out how to ride sidecar

to our baby's parents without getting in the way.

You and me have had years to figure out

who we are to each other.

Justin's putting in overtime

just to make up for the time he missed.

Yeah, by making a mess of everything.

He gets better with practice.

He abandoned me for a threesome.

Didn't he get herpes?

No, I tried to give the lake herpes.

So maybe you need a little practice too.

Hm?

[♪ Ngaiire: "Closer"]

♪ In the summer ♪

♪ Meet you on the corner streets ♪

♪ Sweat on your shoulders ♪

Thanks for saving our seat.

Those are for your brother, right?

Absolutely.

Tell him you chose them. He hates lilies.

You need to calm down, sweetie.

I can't.

If Opal loses, it's Maria Callas on repeat

for the rest of the summer.

[clearing throat]

Can I talk to you for a minute?

Oh, sure.

Hi, I'm Teesa. I'm Billie's birth mom.

- Nice to meet you. - Hey.

Good choice. Billie loves lilies.

Traitor.

Why are you stopping Billie

and Killian from seeing each other?

Because they're step cousins.

There's nothing weird about...

Okay, maybe it's a little weird,

but you know what it's like to be an outsider on the lake.

What's it going to take just to let them hang out?

Don't sing tonight.

And I will drop the restraining order.

It's not fair to have a ringer in the game.

Fine, you can take me out,

but if our kids need us to win, we're not doing our jobs.

I just made it so Opal can't lose.

Justin said I was a terrible ally.

Mom worries that you'll kill me in my sleep.

But you're the only woman for me.

But leave out the ally part,

or Opal will blast you for virtue signalling.

[gentle ukulele music]

Virtue signaling...

- Oh, my God. - Here.

Ah. Why is my makeup running?

- Did you bake your face? - What?

Got it! Bake your face?

It means, set your foundation with powder.

Watch a tutorial, please.

- I'm good. - Okay.

[moans]

Oh!

well, look what the dead cat dragged in.

It's a taxidermy joke and a bad one.

Are there good ones?

Cool shirt.

Okay, sure.

Thank you.

Is that the herstory?

Fuck yeah.

- Damn. - God, I know.

You know my girl is going to kill yours, right.

Not with this train.

- A train? - Choo motherfucking choo.

[upbeat music]

♪

[applause]

- Hey, everyone, this is Wayne. - This is Jayne.

And welcome to the Boat House's

47th edition of...

[both] The Lake's Got Talent!

[applause]

First up, we have

our very own Swedish meatball.

She's ready to Ragnarok you

with her scandi comedy stylings.

- Please welcome IKEA... - Ulrika.

Ulrika. Ulrika. Ah!

- Come on. - [applause]

Ha-ha.

Hello.

They say that insects are the food of the future.

Now that's what I call good grub.

[man clearing throat]

Who likes Abba?

Hey, everybody.

[quirky music]

♪

♪

This is Rile-E-Coyote.

[silly voice] Oh hey, Riley.

Can you believe my boyfriend told me I had a flat ass?

[Justin giggling]

[regular voice] Ouch.

[silly voice] You're telling me,

doing squats ain't going to fix

getting railed by an 18 wheeler.

For my next trick, I will make my sister disappear.

[Maisy exhaling]

Abra-cadabs!

[screams]

I'm right here, Keri.

[screams louder]

[indiscernible whispering]

Keri's fine. Nothin mama's Ativan couldn't fix...

Sorry, baby. [laughing]

All right, everyone,

the moment we have all been waiting for.

So put your hands together and welcome

- the incredible Teesa. - And Billie.

Sure, and I'm going to assist on maracas.

No, you're not.

Okay. It's all you, baby.

- Go. - What?

Good luck, Teesa.

[applause]

[deep breath]

[♪ Des'ree: "You Gotta Be" cover]

♪

♪

♪

♪ Listen, as your day unfolds ♪

♪ Challenge what the future holds ♪

♪ Try and keep your head up to the sky ♪

♪ Lovers, they may cause you tears ♪

♪ Go ahead, release your fears ♪

♪ Stand up and be counted ♪

♪ Don't be ashamed to cry ♪

♪ You gotta be ♪

♪ You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser ♪

♪ You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough ♪

♪ You gotta be stronger ♪

♪ You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm ♪

♪ You gotta stay together ♪

♪ All I know, all I know, love will save the day ♪

♪ Herald what your mother said ♪

♪ Read the books your father read ♪

♪ Try to solve the puzzles in your own sweet time ♪

♪ Some may have more cash than you ♪

♪ Others take a different view ♪

♪ But my, oh, my ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ Time asks no questions, it goes on without you ♪

♪ Leaving you behind if you can't stand the pace ♪

♪ The world keeps on spinning ♪

♪ Can't stop it if you tried to ♪

♪ The best part is danger staring you in the face ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold ♪

♪ You gotta be wiser ♪

♪ You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough ♪

♪ You gotta be stronger ♪

♪ You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm ♪

♪ You gotta stay together ♪

♪ All I know, all I know, love will save the day ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ All I know, all I know, love will save the day ♪

[cheering]

Nice job!

Whoa, whoa, what? Dua, who? Miley, where?

That was unbelievable... - No.

No, definitely more time, I understand. No problem.

Stop it.

- Hi. - Go.

Maisy and I worked it out.

Mm-hm.

[♪ Luna Shadows: "nite swim"]

You were amazing.

♪ Meet me in the garden ♪

Thank you, they're beautiful.

I know you weren't pumped about coming to the lake, but...

Bella wasn't pumped about going to Forks, either.

Bella?

Like in Twilight?

Yeah. She found true love.

Yeah, by becoming a vampire child bride.

Well, I only read the first...

four.

- I read all of them. - [snickers]

All right?

Have you guys seen Opal?

He's up next, but we can't find him.

- Maybe he got scared. - No, Opal does not get scared.

He's been rehearsing for like two weeks.

Olive won't hold the curtain for much longer.

It's okay. I think I know where he is.

Where?

Probably living his best Liza in the boat house.

- Let's go. - Opal needs more

than just an ally. He needs his community.

Okay? Fix this.

Don't jazz hands at me.

Okay, I will jazz hands if I...

See how he talks to me?

[gentle piano music]

♪

♪

[applauding]

This is a private rehearsal.

It's too bad because that train deserves a premiere.

Relax, it's a blend.

So, what happened tonight?

Just not feeling the fantasy?

Everyone was drooling over an acoustic duet.

The lake just isn't ready for Mulan Rouge.

Ooh, they're a lot more ready than when I was a kid.

If I have to listen to one more old gay

crying about not being able to wear a dress to school...

Old gay? I'm barely thirty...

five.

Okay, yes.

Maybe your elders do get a little bit jealous

watching you kids get to do drag

while we had to hide in the library.

This one time, I was hiding from tetherball,

and I was reading about the Samurai Code

and how the Samurais could control their emotions.

And I remember thinking that if

I could just figure out how to do that,

that nobody would see how scared

I was of being different.

So your internalized homophobia was culturally appropriating?

Nice.

Yeah, "Paris Is Burning." I know, we steal everything.

I wasn't scared. Billie deserved to win.

If I won, it would've only been because I'm ten.

And I won't be pitied.

No, of course not.

Grandpa Derrick would've wanted Billie to win.

He never got to meet her.

Oh, well that, um...

That's a very big, very not ten thing that you did.

Do you miss him?

Sometimes.

Yes.

Me, too.

You know, he always let me beat his face.

Dad let you hit him?

Do his make up. You sure you're only 35?

Wuh... Wow.

That, uh...

That really sounds like you brought out the best in him.

Even if I'm not his real grandson.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, you got to walk that back, Nicole.

Now I'm Billie's birth dad, but I'm not her real dad.

There's room enough for both.

Grandpa Derrick used to say I reminded him of you.

But I don't see it. You don't know Cocteau or your colours.

You are such a dink.

All right. Spin her around one more time, let me see this.

I only got half the show.

All right.

[♪ Petit Biscuit: "Sunset Lover"]

♪

- Do you have to go? - You'll be fine.

You learned how to canoe,

how to jump off a cliff,

and you won the talent show all on your own.

Yeah, because you literally abandoned me on stage.

You and Justin need to find another move.

You cannot leave me alone with him

for the rest of the summer.

You and Justin both have a hard time letting go.

But if you do, he will too.

And I think it's time that you let him sleep inside again.

Give me one good reason.

You're pregnant.

So in 16 years,

when this one comes running to you about some dumb shit I did,

I hope you'll fight for me like I'm fighting for you.

That's why you came.

I wanted to tell you in person.

And I hope that you'll want to be a part of their life.

Just as much as Justin wants to be a part of yours.

[crickets chirping]

[door opening]

- Hiya. - Hi.

Guess we're not gonna hang out, huh?

Next time, I promise.

- Did you tell her? - Hm?

Please, you're, what, like, four months along?

What gave it away?

You went up a cup size, you only packed maxi dresses,

and you're getting all those tiny little baby zits

- on your ass again. - [giggling]

That and you've done like zero cocaine

the whole time you've been here.

- Stop... - Get over here.

Take care of her.

I'm trying, I swear.

- I know. - Real hard.

I know.

So, who's the father?

A sangria surprise.

Oh!

[laughing]

But...

We're figuring it out. You'd like him.

- Oh yeah? - Mm-hm.

All right.

He's not gay, right?

Cause I lost my gold star for you,

and that's got to count for something.

Stop.

You're my one and only.

[♪ "You Gotta Be" acoustic cover]

I know I am.

♪

♪

[door opening]

[floor creaking]

[door closing]

[knocking]

Can I come in?

Wow.

So, you got some big news, huh?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

I'm going to be a big sister.

So cool.

You know, it's okay if it's not.

No, I can't wait to tell mom and dad.

Teesa's going to be such a good mom.

This was the day we gave you to Oliver and Naomi.

It was a really hard day.

But that was a really happy one too.

[sighs]

[♪ Twin Flames: "Battlefields"]

♪

♪ Maybe I haven't put in the time ♪

♪ Maybe I haven't paid my dues ♪

♪ This life full of deception ♪

♪ Which reflection is true ♪

[singing in Inuktitut]

♪

♪ We've all got battlefields in our minds ♪

[singing in Inuktitut]

♪ Things we run from and leave behind ♪

♪ We've all ♪

♪ We've all ♪

♪ We've all ♪

♪ We've all ♪

♪ We've all ♪