Original subtitles

[Victor] To lifeguard...

is to guard life.

These trials will test speed, strength...

and your response to danger.

Wearing the red swimsuit is a privilege.

We stand on the sun-kissed shoulders

of the greats who came before us:

Pamela Anderson.

David Hasselhoff.

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.

Yup.

Are we ready?

Set...

[whistle trills]

- [splashing] - [yelling & cheering]

Swim! Swim! Swim!

- [man] Come on! - Bring it, girls!

- Come on, girls, come on! - Keep breathing!

[shouting continues]

Why is everyone so amped for lifeguarding certifications?

'Cause, man! Lifeguards rule the beach.

They got the cash, they got the bods,

they got unlimited access to the Boathouse.

I'm sorry, were you a lifeguard?

No. My love handles and Maisy being captain

- meant that was never to be. - You barely sound bitter.

Yeah, I know. I need a new emotional diuretic.

But we're celebrating, because of Ulrika and the board

are voting against Maisy's reno.

- So you finally beat Maisy! - Yes, but ladies don't brag.

[chuckling]

Come on, Killian!

Come on, girls! Haul ass!

Go hard!

That should be you out there.

Oh, I know. I'm three seconds faster than Killian.

- Yes, you are. - But he can have it this year.

"This year"?

As in, there's gonna be a next year?

Ah, I don't know.

There's no sport in beating the Quads.

- Mmm? - And if you run Maisy

off the lake, Killian goes too.

He's a part of the set.

Fine.

When I get the cottage,

we will workshop your cottage-share idea.

- For real? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're making me a better person and it's disgusting.

[gasps] It looks like Killian's leading.

- I'm gonna go watch up close. - Okay.

I was so stanning her and Olive...

I want to introduce you to someone.

This is Gilson Fishburne, our local county councillor.

- [Justin] Oh. - And he's running for mayor.

- Oh! - This is Justin Lovejoy,

my stepfather's son.

- Yeah, hello. - Gil.

- Gil "The Thrill." - Oh, dear.

Will you be joining us tonight at Maisy's farmhouse cookout?

- ...Farmhouse cookout? - Yeah, I thought

it would be a fun theme for a fundraiser.

I'm also helping with Gil's campaign.

And I'm learning so much about local law.

Like, a farmhouse can actually be bulldozed without a permit!

And architecture is so subjective.

Who's to say what's a cottage, what's a farmhouse?

Actually, I do. I make that decision.

- [laughing] - Yes, yes you do!

[forced laughter]

So how does our new Boathouse president feel about this idea?

Ulrika gave us the green thumbs-up.

- Oh! - [Maisy] Yes! It turns out

some of her garden's more exotic crops

don't have the necessary paperwork,

but Gil here was kind enough to let that slide.

Glad I could be of help.

Well, it's an election year.

Gotta go press some flesh.

- Interesting choice of words. - [Gil] That's right. Bye.

[Maisy] Take care.

That's why you gave Ulrika your spot in the election!

That's why you did it, because you knew that you could

use Gil to screw her. But if you lost to Wayne,

you would've actually been screwed. Ha!

- Uh, whoa! I just... - [Victor] And our new

Junior Lifeguard: Killian Lin!

- [all cheering] - [screaming] No!

- Way to go, baby! Woo! - [clapping]

[Victor] Oh, I'm so proud of you!

Oh, come to the cookout tonight.

It'll be fun! We'll be celebrating Killian's victory.

And... mine too, I guess!

She always wins.

She always fucking wins!

[easygoing pop music]

Killian Lin! You are now a Junior Lifeguard.

Here are the keys to the Boathouse.

You are guarding the Bifrost

so that only true heroes may enter!

Also Riley, he has a spare set.

I'll guard them with my... uh, Thor.

- Good! - [laughs]

The Boathouse's first Chinese-Canadian

Junior Lifeguard! I'm so proud of you!

My boy's breaking barriers like his dad broke bones on the ice!

[Killian] Okay, I'm gonna go hang out with Billie now.

You're coming with me!

Don't be late for the cookout! You're the guest of honour.

- Bravo! - So, how much did this

little farmhouse loophole cost us, babe?

I offered my services as an expert brand manager

for Gil's campaign!

And the cash for one of our bathrooms.

The one with the butt fountain?

It's called a bidet, honey. It's French.

[Victor] Ugh! Can't we lose something else?

The sauna?

You know my hockey injuries are only soothed

by steam and Alaskan yellow cedar.

- [Maisy] Right. - How about Opal's walk-in?

Only if you're the one to tell him.

- [Maisy sighs] - This is Justin's fault.

He cost me the election.

Stay frosty.

♪

[Justin] Where the frick are my carbs?

- [rustling] - [gasps]

[exhales]

- [bag crinkling] - I wouldn't.

It's been a really rough morning.

Those... those have been there since before my time.

[Justin crunches]

Want some sour cream and listeria chips?

No. And why are we eating our feelings?

- [groans] - Because,

my stepsister is gonna bulldoze my family cottage

and there's nothing I can do about it.

I'm sorry. That... sucks.

Yeah, it sucks. Everything sucks.

[Grindr notification chimes]

Whoopsie. I swear, I turned Grindr off

- when I came up to the lake. - Never turn it off.

Slim pickings up here.

What's your handle?

JustinTimbersnake91.

- [laughs] Okay. - Yours?

Riley.

That tracks.

[Grindr notification chimes]

What did I say?

Shall we see what horny truckers seek our company?

- Huh. - Ah...

[Justin] Bold choice, posting his age.

No, that's 4-3.

- Dude's into threesomes. - Oh...

And "Mayor_Naise" is because he's running for mayor.

Did you hook up with that Gil guy?

- Ish. Ish! - [groaning]

Again, very small pool.

- Oh, God! - Hey, no, no, no! No.

You're okay.

Do you want some real carbs?

Always.

I know the perfect place.

You are fierce. You're an animal!

- [camera shutter clicking] - You devour your prey

and wait 30 minutes before getting in the water.

[both laughing]

You know, you'll have to watch your back next year.

I'm thinking of trying out.

That's if we're back next year.

The new cottage may not be finished yet.

- Your reno's back on? - [Killian] Yeah.

But I thought the Boathouse Board nixed it.

Nope. Mom found a loophole because she's obsessed.

It just sucks.

My whole life's been moving city to city

'cause of my dad's hockey.

Grandpa Derek's cottage was the only place that never changed.

[sad chuckle]

- Yeah. - I'm sorry.

[Ulrika] Ugh. Lifeguard!

Please. Go down to the beach and get the other coolers

and bring them to the Lifeguard Lounge.

[grunts] Someone is coming to test these fish in the morning.

- Skynda! Please. - Okay.

[whispers] Uh, hey! Hang later?

Yeah.

What are the fish being tested for?

[Ulrika] Herpes.

There's an outbreak over on Selkie Lake.

We must act quickly to make sure that the infection

has not spread to our fish stocks.

What happens if our fish have herpes?

Do they call every fish they've ever spawned with?

No, we stop all activity that slows the lake's recovery.

Weeks of boats, waterskiing, roadwork, construction...

- Construction? - [Ulrika] Mm-hmm.

Oh, and fish communicate with farts, not phones.

How would they text with their tiny little fins?

[footsteps receding]

Fishing?

Selkie Lake?

♪ So don't tell me to shut my eyes ♪

♪ I'm not a girl ♪

♪ Not yet a woman ♪

[Jayne, whispering] You and gluten...

why can't I quit you?

Hey, Jayne. Doin' okay?

Everything was fine until you showed up.

Putting ideas in my head.

"Why don't you run against Maisy?"

"Why did you settle for Wayne?"

- I never said that... - "Summer of Jayne"?

This is summer of pain.

My girls will never make lifeguard captain now.

Not with Killian lapping them.

[whispers] I won't let her take it from us.

The next time I see Maisy, I'm gonna tell her...

- Tell her what, Jayner? - How excited I am

for Maisy's cookout tonight! I'm gonna make my crab cakes.

- Everyone loves them. - Lookin' forward to it.

Touch less cilantro this time, okay, Jayner?

Hey, would you mind giving J-spot and I a hot sec?

Nailing down that gay vote, hardest part of the campaign.

- Cost me my presidency. - Ooh.

You know I can't vote, right?

The only vote I want from you is...

[imitating Grindr notification] Vrrt. Vrrt. Vrrt.

You tappin' back, Timbersnake?

- [scoffs] - Why don't you tap Maisy's ass?

You're already way the hell up there.

Oh, meow! Kitty likes to scratch.

[hisses]

I see why Maisy brought in my big guns.

- Oh... - I see it all the time

up here, J-spot. One kid wants to knock the cabin down,

the other one wants to turn it into a museum,

and here's poor little Gil.

Actually not so little, and surprisingly attentive...

- [quietly] Oh, God. - Stuck in the middle,

and all I want is what's best for the lake.

Okay. Well, as if you haven't already made up your mind, Gil.

I'm currently fielding several counteroffers.

Well, I don't have Maisy's kind of cash.

I take other currency.

- I mean sex... - Yes, that was clear.

Thank you, but I have a date,

and I don't want to make any early withdrawals,

if you know what I mean, in case it goes well.

If you include Riley, we got a done deal.

How did you know it was Riley?

Gay-P-S. Keeping the community together.

- You wanna stick it to Maisy? - Yeah.

- I get to stick it to you. - [hushed] What?

And then you're gonna stick it to me,

and then I'm going to stick it to Riley.

We don't have to decide the order right now.

Do we have a deal?

[exhales]

Let's make a manwich!

Don't do it.

♪

I think we may have a problem.

Gil was all over Justin this morning.

We may have to prepare for contingencies.

Like?

The juicing island.

But we've already given so much!

I know, I know! I...

Well, Gil does take other currencies.

Bitcoin? Stock options?

Livestock.

A blue chip, like an ex-pro hockey player,

may tip the balance if we need to counter.

It's no different than the strap-on!

It's just like we practiced.

Listen, no pain, no stain.

Right?

♪

Well, you are the cutest fisherwoman I have ever seen!

And that is the gayest plaid I've ever seen.

- [laughing] - [phone ringing]

[gasps]

- Hi! - Hi!

Oh, someone's in a good mood!

I'm going fishing with a friend.

- [Naomi] Is that code? - No, actual fishing.

- No fishiness on my watch. - And who is this friend?

Oh, just her cousin. Totally age-appropriate.

- [Billie] Justin! - I will give you some privacy.

- It was lovely to see you. - [Oliver] Okay, bye, Justin!

[parents giggling]

Can I get some advice on something? I have a quandary.

Oh, yes, please. We love a good quandary.

Okay, so they're gonna destroy something

- that's always been here. - [Naomi] Like old-growth trees?

Totally, that. So, where do we, like,

stand on doing something a little wrong

to save something like old-growth trees?

- We stand with you. - Fight big lumber!

Billie Bear, I wish you could be here.

- The sushi is so good. - [chuckles]

- Ready? - Uh-huh.

Mmm!

Hey, did you know that fish can get herpes?

- Have fun in Kyoto! - [smooches]

♪

Oh, boy. Your dry cleaner's gonna love you.

[Killian laughs] What... you were serious.

I thought fishing was code or something.

Why does everybody think that? I'm very literal.

Here, let me help you. Which...

- For you. - Thank you.

I better show you how to cast, then.

Okay, so first, you've gotta pick the lure.

Actually, no...

let the lure pick you.

I watched some YouTube tutorials.

♪

[moans]

[Justin] Oh, my God.

Fuck keto!

- Do you two need to be alone? - Don't judge me.

[phone chimes]

Oh! It's gonna be Billie.

She's very, very in...

invested in our date.

How is that whole...

kind-of-being-a-dad thing going?

I don't know. Kinda weird.

Kinda good.

It's just the most time we've ever spent together.

[Riley] She's a cool kid.

- Very together. - She is.

Very together. Too together. I sometimes worry, like,

"Adderall valedictorian" together.

But listen, I am way too fresh and dewy

to be some baby-bjorn-gayby-daddy who's

just droning on about his kids. I wanna know about you.

So what's Riley about, besides being

the handiest man on the lake?

I just do all that to support my photography.

Okay! She's an artiste, huh?

So, what do you shoot? Like, landscapes?

Portraits?

I use roadkill to recreate iconic crime scenes from CSI.

I call it "RKI: Roadkill Investigations."

Is that, like, fan fic, or, like...

like, fur fic?

It's to bring awareness to the animals' deaths.

- Yeah. - [Justin] Okay.

[Riley] Speeding kills.

It's actually why I brought you here.

This is where I scout most of my models.

Hmm...

- Wow. - [phone chimes]

Uh...

Great.

So, uh, what's your, um...

what's your spicy Mayor_Naise story, huh?

I met him. Kind of cute in, like,

a hot-for-vice-principal sort of way.

I almost hooked up with him and his husband.

- Oh! - But, uh,

Joe Rogaine there didn't tell his hus-bear at first.

[Justin] Yikes.

Which is why I prefer sex parties over threesomes.

- [phone chimes] - [Justin] Yeah.

[Riley] It's far more democratic.

Sure. Yeah. You've gotta get the democracy going.

Billie wants a picture of the food truck.

Do you wanna take a selfie with me?

Sure.

[camera shutter clicks]

She's gonna love it.

Our presence is being requested at Maisy's cookout.

What do you mean? You want to go now?

Well, the sooner we make an appearance...

the sooner we can leave.

Okay.

♪

Okay. Yeah. I'll just, um...

We gotta... we gotta leave.

We gotta go. We're gonna do this.

Yeah, just start the car.

[water splashing]

Are those sores?

Gross. Let's toss it back...

- Oh, wait, no. I need it! - [Killian] For what?

[Billie] To, uh...

find a cure.

For fish herpes?

Mm-hmm.

There's not even a cure for human herpes.

Which is why we owe it to the mouth sore community

to explore all forms of the disease.

The cure is out there.

- [laughs] - What...

I'm trying to make it look like our lake

was infected with herpes.

Ulrika said if the fish had herpes,

construction on the lake would stop.

And I know how much our grandpa's... ew...

your grandpa's cottage means to you.

I thought maybe this could save it.

That's environmental sabotage.

Yeah.

[Killian] I'm touched.

Really.

I wasn't gonna actually infect the lake.

Just swap out a fish

that was going in for testing with this one.

But it's insane, so we can

- just toss it back. - [Killian] Or...

We could Greenpeace this shit.

Let's do this.

[jovial fiddle music]

Hey!

♪

I'm watching you three.

Hey, you two. How are you?

[air kissing]

Oh! Becky-Sue, Becky-Sue, Becky-Sue.

Say goodbye to Grandpappy's farm.

Looks like the bank finally called in Daddy's loan.

Oh, well, hopefully this will take care of Daddy's debts.

Oh, actually, Becks, the, uh, price has gone up...

threefold,

I'm fielding some interesting counteroffers.

Well, we're happy to match any price.

Maisy...

that's what I love about you.

- There goes our juicing island. - And our custom clawfoot.

Unless "three" means...

- Oh... - No, babes!

We haven't had a threesome since my rookie year.

Don't you remember our Tampa Bay Triangle?

I barely remember Tequila Bay Triangle.

You did have a lot of mescaline that night.

Just sit back, relax, and think of your sauna.

No pain, no stain.

Know what's better than one fiddle?

- What? - Two fiddles.

[laughing]

[overlapping chatter]

[Jayne scoffs]

Love your scrunchie.

I think there's more room in the kitchen.

[whimpers] Mm-hmm.

[stifled sob]

- Sweet. - [zipping]

Hey, sorry, babe. Had to take a waz.

Whoreen and Saggy Balls are still in the shitter.

[tearful] Nobody wants my crab cakes!

Our girls aren't lifeguards.

And you let me wear this stupid scrunchie!

Hey, I love your scrunchie, babe.

And you know I love your crab cakes.

[Jayne] I used to be captain,

until Maisy stole it from me!

[sobs] It was three to one in our favour!

Where did... where did I go wrong?

[spits]

It's too much cilantro, babe.

Okay? Just adjust the ratios and it's fine.

Our girls, babe.

I failed them.

Jaynie... you are the greatest mom ever.

Hey, our girls?

They got your smokin' bod. They got my super smarts.

And one day, they are gonna follow in

their mom's MILF-y footsteps

and they're gonna marry a great guy... or girl...

like me.

First time I saw you,

I knew I was gonna spend the rest of my night with you.

Then you got pregnant.

And I thought, "I'm pretty sure she said she was on the pill."

Then you said, "I'm getting an abortion."

Ugh, that's when I knew you were the girl for me, Jaynie!

And now six IVF treatments later, here we are!

So who gives a shit if Killian won lifeguard

or if Maisy still looks fit as hell?

You are my girl, Jaynie. Forever.

[breathing shakily]

I... I have to go.

Whew. Check out the height on that tushy.

Gotta get me some Spanx.

[spits]

[overlapping chatter]

♪

Ugh.

Oh, God, there's that hornt-up creep.

Bleh. You know what the worst part is?

They're usually great in bed.

Oh, God, curses! [chuckles]

Sure, yeah. Nothing beats a dirty hate-fuck, but...

Threesomes are a fourth-date thing?

I thought we were vibing, but, hey, if you want

to have a three-way with "Mayor_Naise"...

We are, we are. We're... we're vibing.

There's... there's total vibes.

It's just that, um...

[Gil] Oh!

- Hello. - Hello.

Shit. Just give me a sec, okay?

Don't go anywhere.

Oh, look who finally decided to show up to the party.

You just missed it. Maisy made a huge donation to my campaign.

Oh!

[sighing] I'm gonna miss this old barn.

Justin, I am so pleased that you and Riley showed up.

Enjoy the crab cakes.

What the fuck, Gil? We had a deal!

It was just feeling like you weren't gonna deliver.

Oh, I deliver. I can Pony Express-deliver.

I just thought that I had a little bit more time.

Well, now that Maisy's fat check is burning a hole in

my back pocket, time is not an asset you have, Ponyboy. But...

[whispering] If you and Riley want to get funky in the bunky

in about ten minutes, I'll see to it that Maisy won't be able

to screw in so much as a lightbulb

unless I give her a permit in this town. Or else...

[imitating bulldozer] Beep. Beep. Beep.

[high voice] "Oh no, my cottage.

No, not my cottage. Not the cottage!"

[imitating explosion]

That's not my voice.

- Oh! - Family always helps.

Staff uniforms are in the kitchen.

Opal, I'm not...

- [snaps] Ándale! - God...

♪

[sighs]

I'm sorry, Jaynie.

I let you and the dance crew down.

We had such dreams...

Cosmetology, real estate...

advanced cosmetology.

Can you ever forgive me?

- [approaching laughter] - [gasps]

[indistinct chatter]

[Billie sighs]

Should we put him with the others?

No. What if the others don't have herpes?

Mmm... take out one of Ulrika's fish

and put Herpie Hancock in instead.

Aww, you named our fish?

[laughs] Shut up.

[Killian] Okay. Uh...

[Killian grunts]

There are no empty coolers,

so where do we put the clean fish?

[gasps]

Back in the lake.

Then we make our little Herpie Hancock comfy here,

and we have ourselves an outbreak!

[giggling]

Jailbreak's what you're in for when I tell your parents!

You two need to come with me.

[Riley] Oh, yee-haw!

I, uh... I could get into this little roleplay.

Well, I hope so,

'cause what I was trying to say earlier was...

um... I... I...

I haven't had sex in such a long time,

and I am so freaked out about it.

Aw, it's like riding a bicycle.

Yes, but my last bicycle had sex

with 24 other bicycles and fat-shamed me.

We don't have to have sex.

No, no, no, I wanna have sex with you, Riley.

I wanna have sex with you. I wanna have so much sex.

It's just that I don't want my first time in...

let's just round down to a year... to be bad.

Not if it's with somebody that I like, 'cause then, honestly,

I'm just gonna get so in my head about it.

But I was thinking that maybe if there was, like, a...

if there was, like, a buffer, you know?

Like, a buffer boy who could just kind of get between us

or under us, whatever, just to take some of the pressure off!

Are you asking me to have a threesome on our first date?

Yes. But only because I really, really like you.

Everyone, if I could just get your attention.

[chuckles] I want to make a toast

to new beginnings, and to the lake's future mayor.

[chuckles] I'm a simple man,

a simple man, a simply handsome man

with a full head of hair. All mine.

- I have a dream... - [hushed] I'll do it.

- Wait, really? - Yeah.

You know, working with death a lot makes you appreciate life,

and sex is the one thing we get for free.

So...

Hey, second date, full sex party.

- Lots of dicks. - Thank you, Maisy,

for your hospitality and your vision

for the revitalisation of our lake. Hear, hear!

- [all] Hear, hear! - I would also, uh,

like to make a toast!

We are... so excited

to get behind a man

who rises to a challenge.

Adversity, as they say,

makes excellent bunk fellows.

Yeah.

To the thrill of Gil!

- [man] Yeah! - [Ulrika] The Thrill of Gil!

- Yeah! - [scattered applause]

♪

Tight hip flexors can really ruin a threesome.

[phone chimes]

You know, I wanna stretch it out.

- [Justin] ...Yeah. - [Riley] Yeah.

[Riley grunts]

[Justin exhales]

- You okay? - Yeah. So good, so good.

You got a new bike to ride.

- Yeah. - Easy, breezy.

- [gasps] - Squeeze me.

- [panting] - [door opens]

Okay.

- [door slams] - Daddy likes what he sees.

I think talking's not our friend here.

I caught these two breaking into the Lifeguard Lounge

with this skanky little fish

they were smuggling in from Selkie Lake.

They were trying to give our lake herpes.

Jayne, are you feeling okay?

Did you use fresh crab?

Go ahead. Ask them.

All right. Killian?

I didn't want you to tear down grandpa's cottage.

No, it... it wasn't his fault, it was my idea. I, um...

I tricked him into coming with me.

But as Boathouse staff,

it was Killian's responsibility.

He must surrender the tank top.

- [Maisy scoffs] - The keys will be fine.

Are you really going to fire the Boathouse's

first Chinese-Canadian lifeguard?

It was a mistake.

[Ulrika] This is not about race!

This is about an individual.

I am sorry, kladdkaka.

Thank you.

So now, the position goes to, uh...

eh, uh...

I don't know any of their names, just pick one.

[squealing & giggling]

Okay, so, next barbecue at our house?

Celebrate the girls getting lifeguard?

I just have to break it to Keri.

Or Teri. Or Jeri.

It's probably safer for everyone if they just share it.

Get over here.

[Jayne] Great cookout!

[giggles]

Okay, well, I'm gonna leave this here for Maisy,

and I will see you around.

That's such a nice colour on you. Okay.

Yeah. [panting]

What's, uh... what's going on, J-spot?

Why's the pole at half-mast? Who died?

It... it was just there, I swear.

I was... it was, like, it was just there...

- He was just there. - I was there.

I thought, uh, sticking it to Maisy

would've stiffened your resolve. [chuckles]

What does Maisy have...

This was never about riding the bicycle.

No, no, wait, Riley, come on. I'm sorry!

I can explain if you... Well, actually,

you've pretty much got it all.

This just became a party for two.

All right! Sorry, Timbersnake.

The deal was for three.

Welcome to the farmhouse.

- With "Mayor_Naise"? - [door slams]

Damn it.

[Maisy] Oh, there he is.

Where were you? I called and texted.

I'm sorry, I was with...

None of that matters. What happened? What's wrong?

Your birth daughter coerced my son into committing a crime.

Okay, take it easy, Dateline.

I don't think that Billie and Killian

should see each other anymore.

They obviously don't bring out the best in each other.

What are you talking about? Billie's a great kid.

Under the watch of her parents, sure.

But she obviously hasn't had the best example

- this summer, has she? - I am really, really sorry.

Do you ever get tired of winning?

Or being the fucking worst?

Okay. Whoa.

Billie, I am really sorry that things went this way too.

Please tell your parents that

I'm a really big fan of their work.

You left me alone with that sociopath

- and I texted and texted you! - I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I got caught up with Riley...

It doesn't matter. What happened?

I was trying to help Killian.

[sniffles] He loves your stupid cottage too,

so when Ulrika said that if the lake had herpes,

it would stop construction, I thought if it looked like

our lake was infected, then...

- [whimpers] I don't know. - Oh, my God.

That's genius.

Not so genius that we got caught and Killian got fired!

Yeah, but you were doing it for someone that you care about!

I'd have done the same thing. I mean, here's dumbass me,

I'm trying to stop the reno by having a threesome

with this slimy politician, but your plan?

Simple, elegant, scientific?

Oh, my God. Maisy was right.

- You are a terrible influence! - [Justin] What?

[Billie] I will not be infected by your herpes anymore!

[Justin] Billie!

Looks like you lost your canoe ride.

Lucky for you, I, uh, have a soft spot for roadkill.

Come on.

[boat thudding against dock]

[crickets chirping]

[Justin sighing]

Thanks for the ride.

I know it sounds insane,

but I did it to save the cottage for Billie.

I mean, putting out for your kid's real estate?

That's gotta be a parenting first.

Yeah.

I just wish you would've been honest about it.

All right. So if I'd said,

"Hey, will you bang this skeezy guy with me

to save our cottage?" would you have done it?

I hope you find a guy who'll

suck a politician's dick for you.

[motor rumbles]

[emotional instrumental]

♪

Billie?

Billie, I'm sorry. I...

I will do better, I will be better.

I will be a better birth father, or friend,

or whatever it is that you...

[sobbing] - [softly] He's trying, baby.

I know, I know.

- [Billie sobbing] - It's gonna be okay, honey.

It's gonna be okay. Tummy mummy's here.

Shh. It's okay, sweetie.

It's okay.

♪ Love is for lovers and old men ♪

♪ Who know when to fold ♪

♪ And go home ♪

♪ Bet nobody told ya ♪

♪ You should find someone to trust ♪

♪ And you're dumb and young ♪

♪ You're dumb and young ♪

♪ Love is for lovers and old men ♪

♪ Who know when to fold ♪

♪ And go home ♪

♪ Bet nobody told ya ♪

♪ You should find someone to trust ♪

♪ And you're dumb and young ♪

♪ Before you're dead and gone ♪

♪ You better find someone to trust ♪

♪ When you're dumb and young ♪

♪ Before you're dead and gone ♪

♪ You better find someone to trust ♪

♪ When you're dumb and young ♪

♪ Before you're dead and gone ♪