Original subtitles

[Theme - Jack Jones, "the love boat theme"]

Theme song: Love, exciting and new.

Come aboard.

We're expecting you.

And love, life's sweetest reward.

Let it flow.

It floats back to you.

The love boat, soon we'll be making another run.

The love boat, promises something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure, your mind on a new romance.

And love, won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile on a friendly shore.

It's love!

Welcome aboard.

It's love!

[Music playing]

[Barking]

That's a good dog.

A good dog!

Oh, what do we have here?

Here's to you.

Happy anniversary.

Thank you, sweetheart.

Aunt Tanya!

Uncle Charles! - How are you?

Happy anniversary.

Oh, it's not until tomorrow, but thanks anyway, Isaac.

How are you doing, uncle Charles?

Just fine, Isaac.

Say, listen, I don't know they allowed dogs on the cruise.

This is the exception.

They're having a big dog show.

Oh, great.

I love dogs.

Good.

Listen, I'll see you both later on.

I've got to take care of some business.

Ok?

Ok, sweetheart.

Say, what kind of anniversary present

are you going to buy with that money I gave you?

I've already bought something.

Say that's a marvelous purse.

You made a good choice.

This purse is five years old.

I've bought what is in the purse.

You bought a dog?

What would you want to buy a dog for?

You know how much trouble it is to raise a dog?

But you told Isaac you love dogs.

I love other people's dogs.

Dogs are like children.

I love other people's children and other people's dogs.

Well I'm other people, and you're going to love this dog.

Don't you worry, snookems.

Daddy's going to learn to love you just like your mommy does.

Enjoy the cruise.

Well, I never thought i'd end up being the captain

of a floating kennel.

Oh, captain, I think this is going to be an exciting cruise.

It would be more exciting if I were a collie.

Or a collie owner.

I wonder which one of these lucky dogs

is going to win that $10,000 prize?

That decision is Mr. Honeycutt's.

This is his party.

I can't wait to meet him.

I like a guy that can throw a $10,000 party.

[Knocking]

Come in.

You wanted to see me, sir?

Who are you?

I'm Howard pack.

I work in the mail room.

Oh, yeah.

Come on in.

I want you to hop over to pier 93, the pacific Princess.

Give these entry blanks to the captain.

Stubing, I believe his name is.

Yes, sir.

Oh, and tell the captain I'll meet the ship in acapulco

before the dog show.

Something's come up.

I've got to fly over to Las Vegas with my wife.

You'll meet the ship in acapulco.

Got it.

Marital responsibilities always come first.

Remember that.

Hurry up, sugar.

We'll miss our flight to Vegas.

Sorry.

Mrs. Honeycutt looks different in person.

Son, let me-- let me give you a little piece of advice.

Yes, sir.

You see, I started in the mail room,

worked my way all the way to the top by doing

one very important thing.

What's that, sir?

Keeping my mouth shut.

Yes, sir.

Nice timing.

[Music playing]

Hello, welcome aboard.

I'm Gary Wells, and this is the Napoleon.

Don't tell him he's a dog.

He thinks he's the emperor of France.

All right, Napoleon.

You're in the fiesta deck, cabin 285.

Napoleon, are you going to win all of that money

and get your picture on the can?

Come on.

I'm with you.

Nobody ever talks to me.

What a handsome animal.

Yeah, and the dog's not bad, either.

Sparky!

Sparky!

Oh, I don't believe it!

I've found you at last!

Excuse me, miss.

His name is Napoleon.

I'm afraid you've made a mistake.

Oh, no, this is my dog.

I lost him two years ago.

Just look at the way he responds to me.

Oh, sparky.

You could do that to me and I'd respond, too.

Come on, boy.

Excuse me.

Yes?

Hi, I'm Wendy carr, and this is Morgan.

Does he come with a saddle?

No, but he eats like a horse.

Could you tell me where the aloha deck is?

Yes.

Up the stairs and to the left. - Thanks.

Enjoy the cruise.

I will.

I hate to say this, merrill, but I think

this ship is going to the dogs.

I would hate to say that, too.

I wonder where Mr. Honeycutt is?

We're getting close to sailing.

Whoa!

Excuse me.

If you wanted to take him for a walk, all you had to do

was ask.

You can take me for a walk.

Excuse me? - Yes.

- Captain stubing? - Yes

hi. Jack honeycutt--

oh, Mr. Honeycutt!

Welcome aboard.

I was afraid you were going to miss the ship.

Oh, no, no, no--

Mr. Honeycutt, I'd like to have you meet Adam

bricker, the ship's doctor.

Oh that's quite a prize you're offering to the winning dog,

Mr. Honeycutt.

Well, actually--

if you like, I'll have a steward show you to your suite.

Captain, honestly, I'm not really--

look at my dog. Isn't he cute?

Isn't my dog cute?

He's cuter than hers!

Isn't' he gorgeous?

You're not sure about what, Mr. Honeycutt?

I'm not really ready to go to my suite yet.

Picking a winner is going to be more of a challenge

than I thought.

Excuse me, sir.

If that's your only bag, your tuxedo's

going to be very wrinkled.

Gopher!

What are you doing, man?

I've been looking all over for you.

Did you buy us a dog we can enter into the show?

Oh, hey, did I buy us a dog?

Isaac, I got us a beauty.

I've got him down in the cabin right now.

That $10,000 is in our pockets.

All right!

What kind is he?

I don't know. He didn't say.

What about the place you bought him from?

Didn't they know what kind he was?

Hey, when you buy a dog for $8,

you don't get the family tree.

$8?

I talked them down from $9.

$8 for a dog?

He can't be much of a dog for $8.

Where did he come from?

Queen Elizabeth.

When she was done paying for prince Charles' wedding,

she was too broke to keep the dog.

[Barking]

[Ship horn blaring]

[Music playing]

Oh, hey, maybe I should have left some papers for the dog.

He reads?

Just a little dog joke.

Well tell it to the dog.

Maybe he'll laugh.

[Barking]

[Barking]

Can our dog do that?

Isaac, I bought a dog for $8.

I didn't hold auditions.

[Music playing]

Well, where is he?

I don't know.

[Whistles] Dog! Where are you?

Dog!

You were right.

He's a beauty!

I'm telling you, man.

This dog is going to win it all.

This dog is a champion.

Well, let's not get carried away.

For $8, you don't get a champion.

For $8, you get a mutt.

Shh!

Don't say that!

You'll hurt his feelings.

[Barking]

Well, we've got to figure out a name for this dog.

Hmm.

Here, boy.

Come on, boy! Come on, boy!

Come on, boy!

Here boy! - Gopher.

What?

Let's not call him "boy."

Hey.

Let's call him whitey.

Hey!

Hey.

He is white.

Well, he is a boy.

Gopher, he's white, but he is a girl.

Yeah, I guess I should have known by the long hair.

[Music playing]

Excuse me.

Hi.

I'm Pam hodgekins.

Remember, we met when we first boarded?

How could I forget?

Gary Wells.

Do you mind if I ask you a question?

Yes, I am free for dinner tonight.

Actually, it's about my dog.

You mean my dog, don't you?

Look.

About two years ago, I was moving out of town

and I stopped at a gas station to ask directions.

I only left the car for a minute, but when I got back,

sparky was gone.

He must have jumped out the window.

That's terrible.

Oh, Gary, I looked everywhere for him.

I even offered a reward with no luck.

I know how you must have felt. I

don't know what I'd do if anything

ever happened in Napoleon.

Well the thing is, your Napoleon

looks exactly like my sparky.

Pam, I've had Napoleon since the day he was born.

My folks have a labrador, and he was the pick of her litter.

I'm sorry to disappoint you, but you're

barking up the wrong tree.

Ok.

Sorry.

I guess I just have the wrong dog.

But you may have the right owner.

And how's my little honey-woney

enjoying the cruisey-woozy?

Will you please stop talking to that dog like that?

Stop talking to him like what?

Like baby talk.

"Cruisey-woozy."

He's not a baby.

He's a dog.

Not much of a dog, but still, a dog.

I wish you would stop talking about little Charles like that.

Little Charles?

You gave him my name?

Well, this way I figure if I call Charles, at least one

of you might come.

Where are you going?

I'm going to the bar to celebrate my anniversary.

And I might get myself a little drinky-winky,

and I may stay until I get drunky-wunky.

Hi.

- Hi, hi. - Remember me?

Uh--

well, hello, Mr. Honeycutt.

How are you? - Oh--

did you find your cabin all right?

Yeah, it was--

did you see my dog?

Isn't he cute?

Did you see mine?

He's cuter.

See you.

Bye bye.

Bye.

Mr. Honeycutt, you're not going to get

much of a tan in that suit.

I have a little bit of a problem, Julie.

You see, my luggage never arrived.

Some dumb mail room kid probably forgot to send it down.

That's terrible.

Well, we've got a great men's shop on board.

I'm sure you can find everything you need.

Just charge it to your cabin.

- Charge it? - Well, sure.

Why not?

You're giving away $10,000.

I'm sure your credit's good.

Yeah, it is.

Yeah.

[Music playing]

Hi.

Oh, hi.

Listen, when we were tangled up back there,

I didn't get a chance to introduce myself.

I'm Wendy carr.

Yeah, I'm Jack honeycutt.

Yeah, I know.

I saw those girls falling all over you.

That was a little embarrassing.

Not altogether distasteful, but a little embarrassing.

Good morning, Mr. Honeycutt.

Hey, captain.

Good morning.

I'd like to invite you to dine at my table tonight.

Thank you, captain.

Is it all right if I bring a friend?

Absolutely.

See you then.

Ok.

Want to be my friend?

I'd love to.

Great.

Woman (over pa): Attention please--

owners may now exercise their dogs on the promenade deck

for the next half hour.

Yeah, that dog's too big.

Way too big.

Oh, this is a beautiful dog!

Thank you.

What's her name?

Tundra.

That's because she reminds us of Alaska.

And her nose is cold, too.

Oh, dad.

Come look at gopher and Isaac's dog.

I didn't know you bought a dog.

Well, it's sort of an investment, sir.

I wish I had one.

Well, maybe you dad will buy you one.

Would you, dad?

You should have mentioned it before.

It's a little too late now.

Oh, sir, come on.

You can get a dog in puerto vallarta like that.

Easy.

Oh, could we, dad?

We'll see, Vicki.

You know, when I was a kid, whenever my father said,

"we'll see," that meant no.

[Music playing]

Do you mind?

Sorry.

[Music playing]

[Whining]

[Barking]

What's the problem?

Oh, you can't reach the lock, huh?

Here, let me help you.

There you go, you handsome devil, you.

And if you're a real good dog, I'll

let you borrow my aftershave.

[Knocking]

Come in.

[Barking]

I didn't know we allowed dogs in the passageway.

Well, sir, you know, we do allow them some time

to exercise with their owners.

Oh.

Well, when that owner gets finished exercising,

please see that the dog is put back in the kennel.

[Whining]

Napoleon, you rascal.

What are you doing?

- Oh, hi. - Pam.

Hi.

I thought I heard somebody scratching.

Hi, puppy.

That was me.

Oh, Gary, you really should try knocking.

It's so much easier on your nails.

What's up?

What's up?

Oh, well, since you didn't ask me to dinner,

I thought I'd come by and ask you.

Does he always take you along when he asks somebody out?

Sure.

That way if I get rejected, I can

always say she didn't like him.

Oh.

Yeah.

Well, he blames it on me when he strikes out in the park.

All right.

I don't want either of you getting a complex.

[Barking]

[Inaudible]

A toast to Mr. Jack honeycutt, whose

generosity is responsible for this wonderful event.

[Inaudible]

Thank you.

I really admire you, Mr. Honeycutt.

You've achieved so much at such a young age.

How'd you do that?

I guess you could say I've been lucky.

Don't be so modest.

You couldn't achieve as much as you have on just luck.

You'd be surprised.

Mr. Honeycutt, I bet you own a lot of great dogs.

No, I don't own any.

Oh, but what about the famous honeycutt kennels?

I don't own those dogs.

You see, in my tax bracket I found

it's cheaper to lease them.

You know, my dad's going to buy me a dog

when we get to puerto vallarta.

No kidding.

What kind are you going to get her, sir?

Vicki, I said I might buy you a dog

and we get to puerto vallarta.

My dad might buy me a dog when we get to puerto vallarta,

but knowing what a wonderful dad my dad

is, I'm sure he will buy me a dog

when we get to puerto vallarta.

Your wonderful dad will think about it.

Thank you.

I still can't figure out why you decided to ask me to dinner.

Well, I figured as long as we have the same taste in dogs,

we might have other things in common.

Do you like football?

Hate it.

And then again, we may not.

Gary, I just can't get over it.

Your Napoleon even barks like my sparky.

What did you expect, a French accent?

I guess you're right.

I just can't help hoping that some day I'm going to find him.

That's natural.

No one likes to lose something they care about.

Mr. and Mrs. Evans, champagne, compliments

of your nephew, Isaac.

Oh, why, thank you, Julie.

That was very nice of Isaac.

Certainly was.

Well, Isaac's sorry he couldn't be here,

but, you know, duty calls.

Happy anniversary.

To our trip.

To our trip.

Isn't Isaac one of the most loving and thoughtful

relatives we have.

He certainly is.

And don't you think that Isaac--

I think that the champagne is getting warm,

and if we don't drink it, it's going to start to boil.

To us.

To us.

You see how nice it is with just the two of us,

without that silly dog around?

You're absolutely right, darling.

[Barking]

What was that?

Oh, that champagne's got some kick.

[Music playing]

Look at all this stuff.

A comb, a brush, chew stick, shampoo,

flea powder, a bowl, a coat--

you bought the dog a coat?

No.

It's a sweater.

This is a coat.

You bought the dog a coat and a sweater?

Why didn't you just buy it a matching purse?

[Inaudible],, vitamins, Cologne, dog treats--

[whining]

--Collars, ok.

How much did all this come to?

Just a minute.

Exactly $138.

Ok.

Half of $138-- $69?

You expect me to chip in $69 for all this junk?

No it's $138 a piece.

All of this "junk" came to $276.

$276 on an $8 dog?

Oh, I forgot.

That's another $4 you owe me.

$142 on a mutt!

[Whining]

Hey, wait a minute!

You agreed with me.

You said she looked like a champion.

For $4 she looks like a champion.

For $142, she looks like a mutt.

[Music playing]

I'm beginning to feel like that dog is welded to you.

Charles, our whole life we wanted to have a baby.

Now we have one.

Yeah, but I wanted one with two legs.

This is twice as good.

Jack, I like you.

I just don't want you to get the wrong idea.

The wrong idea about what?

You know, that I'm playing up to the famous Mr. Honeycutt

so that my dog will win the prize.

Please. I would never think that.

Well, you wouldn't and I wouldn't, but a lot

of the other dog owners might.

Well, I guess we'll just have to take that chance.

Ok.

I just don't want you to do anything

to compromise your integrity.

Thank you, but don't worry.

Integrity is my middle name.

Gary, I'm sorry about pestering you about your dog.

I guess I just wanted to believe that Napoleon

was really my sparky.

There are things I like to believe in, too.

Like?

Like fate, for instance.

You mean maybe this whole dog mix up is fate's

way of bringing us together?

They say dog is man's best friend.

I'll drink to that.

Well, merrill, are you going to break

down and get Vicki a dog when we dock in puerto vallarta?

I don't know, Adam.

She's been begging me for one.

What would you do if you were in my shoes?

Throw gopher overboard.

It was his idea.

Hey, guess what?

Mrs. Honeycutt just called, and said

that she's going to meet the ship in puerto vallarta

and surprise her husband.

Oh, I'm sure he'll get a big kick out of that.

Yeah.

You're not still mad about the dog, are you?

No.

Well, our anniversary is almost over.

There's still time to celebrate.

Happy anniversary, darling.

Where's the dog?

Forget the dog!

How can I forget the dog?

Little Charles?

Here, little Charles!

Stop calling him little Charles.

I told you not to call him little Charles!

Little Charles, where are you, baby?

Little Charles, come to mommy.

Oh, there's my baby!

Oh. Now we'll have to lie very still,

so we don't crush the poor little baby.

Here we go.

Mommy almost lost you.

What a happy anniversary.

Say, let's fix up a blanket in the bathtub.

That's a great idea.

Then I won't have to worry about squashing the dog.

Yeah.

There's plenty of room and now way to fall out.

Good night, sweetheart.

Happy dreams.

You're thinking about the dog, aren't you?

Yes, I can't help it.

Maybe I should have gotten another dog after he left,

but I felt I couldn't replace him.

It was like losing a child.

You think I'm silly, don't you?

No, not at all.

He was just so much fun.

I used to just love to pet and snuggle with sparky.

Well, listen, whenever you get that urge,

I'd be more than happy to fill in.

How about now?

But, you know, you should feel flattered.

I never kissed sparky on the lips.

Well, to show you how flattered I am,

I promise never to chew up your sneakers.

That is one thing I don't miss about sparky.

I know what you mean.

The day I found him, he turned my loafers into shredded wheat.

Found him?

Yeah.

Well, I mean found him in the litter.

Did you-- just save your litter story,

Gary, and all the rest of the garbage you've been telling me.

[Music playing]

Gopher, why did you wake me?

Tundra couldn't sleep.

I thought maybe a walk on deck would tire her out.

At 3:00 in the morning, it only takes

one person to walk the dog.

Hey, co-owners share everything, insomnia included.

Yeah, but we're not going to share the prize money.

Let's face it-- this dog is not a champion.

She doesn't even have a pedigree.

Well, maybe we could teach her to do some tricks or something?

Like what?

I don't know.

Scratch her nose.

Maybe we could get her to roll over.

Yeah.

Maybe we could teach her how to crawl.

Maybe we could teach her to crawl backwards.

We can't teach her all that in one day.

Yeah, you're right.

We're dead.

[Music playing]

Well, I have an appointment at the beauty salon.

What are you going to do?

I think I'll go back to the cabin and take a little nap.

Sleeping in the bathtub is great,

except when you roll over.

Why don't you take care of little Charles

while I'm in the beauty salon?

You two charleses ought to get to know each other.

Here's his toy.

Do I have to?

Hi, Pam.

How are you doing?

Look, Pam, I know you've got a right to be mad at me,

but, please let me explain.

The only explanation I care about

is when I'm going to get my sparky back.

And, Gary, until I do, just stay away from me

wait, Pam, I didn't steal your dog.

He followed me home.

I tried to contact you from the number on the collar,

but the phone had been disconnected.

I thought the dog been abandoned,

so I took him in and gave him a home.

Well that's all very touching.

You still lied to me.

Put yourself in my place.

I love Napoleon.

Sparky!

I didn't want to risk losing him.

You can forgive me for that, can't you.

All right.

I'll forgive you.

Great

as soon as I get my dog back.

[Barking]

[Music playing]

Here you go.

Oh, great.

This is just what I need.

Listen, I heard about this great restaurant

we can go to for lunch when we get to puerto vallarta.

What do you think?

I've got a better idea.

Why don't we find a secluded beach and pack a picnic lunch?

What a good idea.

[Barking]

On one condition-- let's leave the dog here.

That can be arranged.

Come on, boy.

[Whining]

Oh, wait.

What is it?

Look at this.

Look at this.

Oh!

Well, this is certainly one way of getting

on board without a ticket.

Woman (over pa): Attention please--

we will be arriving in puerto vallarta in 20 minutes.

Gopher, look.

Tundra is beautiful.

I know that.

But beauty is only fur deep.

All the other dogs are beautiful, too,

and they can all do something.

Tundra cannot do anything.

We'll win no prizes with this dog.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Hey, you know what we ought to do?

What?

We ought to give tundra to Vicki.

Hey, that's not a bad idea.

And finally we'll get a good night's sleep.

Too bad we're going to have to lose all that money, though.

Yeah, but just think about how happy

we're going to make Vicki.

There's a great joy in giving.

[Knocking]

Come in.

Gopher.

Isaac.

Sir.

Gopher, thanks to you, ever since Vicki

fell in love with tundra, she's had

her heart set on getting a dog.

No kidding.

Well, sir, as a matter of fact, Isaac and I have just decided--

that can wait.

And since I'm too busy to get into puerto vallarta,

I want you to go in and buy her a dog.

You want to buy her a dog?

No, I'm going to pay for it.

You're going to buy it.

Well, actually, sir--

well, actually, sir, Isaac and I

feel responsible for the dilemma that you're in.

And if it's ok with my partner here,

seeing as how Vicki loves tundra so much,

why don't we just sell you the dog?

Would you?

Well, sir, I feel it's the least we can do after all

the trouble we've caused.

Why thank you.

Thank you both.

So, how much money do you want for the dog?

Well I'd say at least--

well the dog cost $8, sir.

$8?

What a deal!

There's $276 worth of accessories, sir,

but you will never have to buy another thing for the dog

for as long as she lives.

Come on, tundra.

Thank you.

Here, sir, I'll get the dog for you.

I'll send down a check.

Fine.

No hurry.

Thank you sir.

Good bye, sir.

What happened to the gift idea?

You know, the great joy of giving.

You can look a gift dog in the mouth for just so long.

Woman (over pa): Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to puerto vallarta, the flower of Mexico,

known for it's palm-fringed beaches.

Puerto vallarta is a vacationer's dream.

If you haven't tried para-sailing,

you're really missing a treat.

It's the next best thing to having wings.

Have fun.

Thank you.

Excuse me.

Yes?

I'm looking for Jack honeycutt.

I'm Mrs. Honeycutt.

Oh, well, how do you do, Mrs. Honeycutt?

Nice to have you with us.

Why don't you try your son's cabin, promenade 346.

My son?

I'm his wife!

Hi.

Ready to go?

What was that for?

Ask your wife.

What?

She just got here.

My wife?

Mrs. Honeycutt.

I'm dead.

[Music playing]

Pardon me.

Yes, ma'am.

I'm looking for Mr. Honeycutt.

Have you seen him around?

Mr. Honeycutt.

I think I saw him on the promenade.

Thank you.

[Barking]

Oh, bosley, I've got something for you.

Wait a minute.

Isaac told me to give you this.

Here we go.

Yep.

Here we go.

A little hair of the man that bit you.

[Barking]

That's all right.

We'll just put it on your tab.

What was that?

A Martini.

Hit me again.

Yes, ma'am.

No salt this time.

Which way did you say he went?

Promenade deck.

Hi, Mr. Evans.

Where's your wife today?

She's in the beauty parlor, and I'm here with the beast.

Hi.

Hi.

What do you serve a guy who lost his last $400 playing

gin rummy?

A glass of water.

It's probably all you can afford.

What are you, the staff fun stick?

Down on your luck, huh?

You could say that.

I just did.

You out to go with the guy who left and form a comedy team.

Look, I hate to see a fellow walking around

with no bucks in his pocket.

How would you like to make a fast $100?

Oh, that's what the guy said who asked me to play gin rummy.

What do I have to do for $100?

Simonize the boat?

No, just take care of my dog.

What is it?

It's a great Dane, working with the CIA.

Look, what do you say?

All you have to do is keep him out of the sight of my wife

until the cruise is over.

Where's the key to wind him up?

Does he bite?

No, no, no.

As long as you don't say, "attack."

Or he'll go right for your throat.

Well, ok.

Oh, here, you'd better take this.

I'd have for him to get homesick.

It's embarrassing what a guy will do for $100.

You know, I'm really beginning to enjoy this cruise.

Oh, good.

Maybe next, we can have a cat show.

I'm not enjoying it that much.

But I must, admit these dogs are very well-behaved.

Better than a lot of our passengers, don't you think?

You know, it amazes me how many dogs

actually resemble their owners.

Well, not all of them.

Nice and easy.

Shoulders relaxed.

[Barking]

Hey, you want to do this?

Here, Doreen, hold this.

Come on, blue. Come on.

Come on, blue.

Here we go.

And all right, up, and up.

[Applause]

Pardon me.

I'm looking for my husband.

I'm Mrs. Honeycutt.

You're Mrs. Honeycutt?

I mean, so you're Mrs. Honeycutt.

Was your husband surprised to see you?

Well I'll be surprised if I ever see him.

I've been looking for him for hours.

Have you tried the kennels?

He may be down there looking over the dogs.

Thank you.

Mrs. Honeycutt!

That way.

Thank you.

And thank you.

[Music playing]

Hiya, guys.

How are you doing?

Hey, cute.

Love that bow.

Napoleon-- Napoleon?

Damn!

She stole my dog.

Jack?

[Barking]

Jack, are you in here?

[Barking]

Woman (over pa): Ladies and gentlemen,

we hope you've enjoyed your stay in puerto vallarta.

There's more fun ahead.

Our next port of call is acapulco.

Little Charles!

Little Charles, where are you, baby?

Oh, where are you?

Oh, sweetheart, where--

Tanya, I tell you he's no where in this room.

How could you have lost him?

Did you look in your pockets?

You see?

No where.

Maybe he went down the drain of the tub.

Well, he's got to be some where!

Little Charles, where are you, little Charles?

Come to mommy.

Oh, baby.

Tanya!

Tanya, Tanya.

Tanya, please, don't get so upset.

Here, here.

I want you to go and buy yourself a nice pair of shoes.

Oh, my baby is lost.

Oh, little Charles, come home to mommy

before you break her heart.

[Crying]

Buy yourself a nice, new dress.

Oh, I'll never see him again, my life is over!

Buy yourself a fur coat for your wedding anniversary.

[Sobbing]

Let me speak to the captain, please.

Cabin stubing?

Charles Evans.

Mrs. Evans' dog is missing, and I

want to post a reward for the return of our beloved pet.

$500.

On second thought, make it $1,000.

Thank you, captain.

Oh, Charles!

You must love our little baby as much as I do.

What kind of daddy would I be if I didn't?

Don't you worry, sparky.

I'm never going to let go of you again.

Once this boat gets to acapulco, you and I are flying home.

[Knocking]

Who is it?

Steward, ma'am.

Did you order a traveling kennel for your dog?

Yes, I did.

Bring it right in.

I'm sorry, sparky, but they're not going to let you sit

with me on the plane, honey.

That box isn't big enough for my dog.

Why don't I take him in for a fitting?

No!

Come back here!

Come back here!

Dog-napper!

I don't understand, Adam.

A woman just doesn't disappear into thin air.

Well, I told you, merrill, the last I saw Mrs. Honeycutt,

she was searching for her husband,

and I told her he might be in the kennel are.

Well, let's get to the bottom of this mystery.

Well, it looks like the mystery has been

solved, by Sherlock Holmes.

Mrs. Honeycutt?

Are you all right?

Where am I?

You're in the kennel.

Oh, I must have dozed off.

I was looking for my husband.

Yes, I think you should go to bed, Mrs. Honeycutt.

Maybe your husband's back in your cabin.

Maybe he is.

Thank you.

You guys keep in touch.

I didn't know that they lived so well.

[Laughing] They have their own houses!

I can't even find mine.

You know something?

I really miss tundra.

Oh, yeah.

But you and Isaac did a nice thing.

You made Vicki happy.

And we got our money back.

And that made you happy.

And besides, we were crazy to think we could

win a contest with that mutt.

Hi.

Hi, Vicki.

Hi, Vicki.

Oh, listen, goph, I wanted to thank you again

for selling tundra to my dad.

My pleasure.

Vicki, what are you going to do

with tundra after the contest?

Well, if I can't keep her on the ship,

she's going to stay with my aunt.

Where is she now?

Oh, she's tagging along behind me somewhere.

Tundra!

What happened to her?

Hey, Vicki, listen, I swear, she was fine

when we sold her to your dad.

She's fine.

Tundra, come.

Good dog. Sit.

Good dog.

I knew she was smart.

I taught her that.

Don't tell my dad.

I want to surprise him.

Ok.

Oh, watch this.

Tundra.

Tundra, sit.

Good dog!

Good girl.

Thanks again, gopher.

Tundra, heel.

You did the right thing, gophy.

Isaac?

Isaac, I have good news and bad news.

Good news-- Vicki taught tundra 100 tricks.

Bad news-- Vicki taught tundra 100 tricks.

[Music playing]

Wendy, I have to talk to you.

Oh, forget it, Jack.

Go talk to your wife.

I don't have a wife.

My name isn't Jack.

What are you trying to pull now.

Look, my name is really Harold pack.

I work in the mail room for Mr. Honeycutt's company.

He went to Las Vegas with some girl,

so I had to come and tell the captain that he was going

to join the ship in acapulco.

Somehow everybody thought I was honeycutt.

Before I knew it, the ship sailed.

Now Mrs. Honeycutt is here looking for Mr.

Honeycutt, who is not here.

That's a ridiculous story.

It certainly is.

So ridiculous, it has to be true.

I'm so glad you believe me.

I haven't even told you the worst part.

There's more?

When Mr. Honeycutt gets here tomorrow,

I'm going to lose my job for sure.

Mrs. Honeycutt is asleep in my cabin

because she thinks it's his cabin,

so I don't even have any place to stay tonight.

Well, I can't help you with your job,

but I think I know a place where you can stay tonight.

You think we'll ever see little Charles again?

I'm sure we will.

Now give daddy another little kiss.

You're so good to me, Charles.

That's because I love you.

[Knocking]

You stay right here, sweet pea.

I'll be right back.

[Knocking]

Hi there.

I found your dog.

I come to claim the reward.

You've got to be out of your mind.

What a nice man you are!

Oh, what a good person.

Darling, give him the $1,000 reward.

You're a Saint!

$100, $200.

I'm going to get you for this if it's the last thing I do.

That's no way to talk to a Saint.

[Music playing]

Woman (over pa): Bienvenidos, acapulco.

Have a leisurely lunch on a beautiful beach,

then all you dog lovers join us this afternoon

for the honeycutt dog show.

- Mr. Honeycutt. - Sorry.

I don't talk to any dog owners until after the show.

No, no, no. I'm not a dog owner.

I'm Harold pack from the mail room.

Pack?

Right.

What the hell are you doing here?

How as your trip to Las Vegas, sir?

Wait a minute.

I didn't go through with that.

When I got to Las Vegas, I said to myself, Jack,

what are you doing here?

You've got a lovely wife.

So I caught the first plane to acapulco.

Now, wait a minute.

Don't change the subject.

What are you doing here?

Excuse me.

Mr. Honeycutt, are there any last minute

details you'd like me to take care before the dog show?

No, thank you, Julie.

Fine.

Excuse me.

Pack, are you posing as me?

Sir, your wife is here.

I don't care about that.

Are you posing as me?

My wife is here?

She's been here since yesterday.

Yesterday?

I'm ruined.

She'll divorce me.

I'm gonna be eating dog food all the rest of my life.

Maybe so, sir, unless--

unless what?

Pack, you get me out of this mess

and I'll get you out of the mail room.

How far out, sir?

How far?

Well, far enough that you'll be comfortable

the rest of your life.

Far out.

Gopher, this isn't right.

$10,000, Isaac.

$10,000.

Then again, it isn't wrong.

[Knocking]

Come in.

Isaac, gopher. - Sir.

Sir.

Problem?

Well, sir-- sir, gopher has something he wants to tell you.

Right.

Sir, we don't want to upset you, and we

have decided that honesty is the best policy.

When we sold you tundra, we did not know that the dog limped.

Oh.

She limps?

Yes, sir.

Well, I'm sure you wouldn't have sold her to me

had you known that.

Both; No, no sir.

No, not at all.

But we feel that it's only fair that we

give you your money back.

All of it.

Oh, and, naturally, you'd like me to give back the dog.

Hey, I hadn't thought of that, but--

what a good idea.

Well, I appreciate your consideration,

but I'm afraid I can't do that to you.

Why?

You see, besides limping, tundra has many other problems.

Crawling, rolling over, playing dead.

Yeah sir, we--

biscuit flipping.

Look, sir, we--

I know, gopher. I know.

You thought Vicki was going to surprise me at the show.

But she was so excited she couldn't keep the secret.

So, why don't you two come over to the show

and look at the new tricks Vicki taught tundra.

Ok, final offer--

Gopher, Isaac-- nice try, guys.

Oh, what a night!

I haven't had that much fun since I stayed

up for my high school prom.

I beg your pardon!

What are you doing in my cabin?

Excuse me, madam.

This happens to be our cabin.

I was told this was my husband's cabin.

You wouldn't happen to know where Mr. Honeycutt's cabin is,

would you?

Mrs. Honeycutt.

I'm sorry. I've never had the pleasure.

I'm Harold pack.

I work with your husband.

Geez, they must have gotten the cabins confused.

This is Wendy here.

I think Mr. Honeycutt is in aloha 360.

Are you sure?

I'm positive.

Oh, good.

I'd better get right over there.

I would.

I've been all over this boat looking for that man.

[Inaudible]

I really appreciate this.

Sorry to inconvenience you.

I just used a little soap.

Oh, no problem.

We did it!

She's on her way to my cabin.

I can only hope she has as much fun as I had last night.

[Barking]

[Knocking]

Darling, where have you been?

I have looked over this ship for you for the past 24 hours!

Oh, Jack!

I made a mistake.

I slept in the wrong cabin!

Please, please forgive me.

Where would a marriage be without forgiveness.

Oh, darling.

Of course I forgive you.

Oh, Jack!

I'm such a lucky woman.

Let's go inside.

Come on in.

Man (over pa): Attention please--

buses and limousines are now awaiting

dockside to transport owners and their dogs to the showgrounds.

Passengers are invited to come see

which dog will be judged most beautiful, personable,

obedient, and talented.

That dog will walk off with $10,000.

All right, Napoleon, this is the big day.

One thing to remember is don't get nervous.

$10,000, 60/40.

He likes it better under the chin, like this.

Thanks for the tip.

Listen, are you going to come to the show?

Yes, I thought it was important that I be there.

I'm glad.

Surprised, but glad.

Despite all that's happened, you're still

going to come and root for him.

Well, Gary, I'm just full of surprises.

I talked to my lawyer today, and we're

filing a suit against you.

Good luck in the show.

Thanks, but if you're suing me, how come

you're wishing me good luck?

I was talking to sparky.

Come on.

Oh, darling, aren't you thrilled

that we entered our little darling in the dog show?

Ecstatic.

Hey, I don't want you to think I'm a dishonest man.

I forgot to give you the dog's toy.

You gave it to me when you gave me the dog.

He didn't get lost.

You gave him to that man.

Only so you and I could be alone together

without the dog being around.

That's impossible.

Whenever you're here, there's always a dog around.

A dirty dog!

Charles, we are finished.

[Music playing]

Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please?

Please take your seats.

It's time for the dog show to begin.

[Fanfare]

Dog owners, would you please parade

your dogs past the judges.

It's time to begin the beauty competition.

[Music playing]

[Applause]

That's my wife's dog.

Really?

It's so cute!

Oh, isn't that sweet?

Yeah, sparky!

That's my dog, sparky.

[Applause]

The dogs will now be judged for obedience.

[Music playing]

[Applause]

And now, ladies and gentlemen, the last entry

in the talent category.

Vicki stubing with tundra.

[Music playing]

Tundra, sit.

Tundra, sit.

Hi-yo, silver!

Hi-yo, silver.

Good girl.

Sit.

Sit.

Hold it.

Tundra, hold it.

Give a cheer!

[Barking]

[Applause]

Good girl!

Tundra, heel.

Stand.

Tundra.

Hold it.

Steady, girl.

Easy girl.

Easy.

Steady, tundra.

Steady, girl.

Careful.

[Applause]

Tundra, heel.

Tundra, sit.

Bark!

[Barking]

Good dog!

[Inaudible]

[Sneeze]

[Barking]

And now, ladies and gentlemen, the moment we've

all been waiting for.

Mr. Honeycutt will announce the winner of the $10,000.

Come on, Mr. Honeycutt.

Excuse me.

Everybody's waiting, Mr. Honeycutt.

Here he is.

Why do they think he's you?

Shh.

I'll tell you later.

When?

New year's Eve.

What?

Ladies and gentlemen, I am not Mr. Honeycutt.

I was posing as him so that he could stay out of the limelight

and make as impartial a decision as possible.

Jack!

My name is Harold pack.

I'm Mr. Honeycutt's new vice president.

Isn't that right, jh?

Yeah, oh, absolutely.

And now Mr. Honeycutt himself will announce

the winner of the $10,000.

[Applause]

Boy, you know, i'm torn between Morgan,

that English sheep dog, and Napoleon, that yellow lab.

I was really hoping you'd pick the chihuahua.

Please!

But--

I don't want to appear prejudiced,

but how can you overlook Vicki's dog, tundra.

Adam, please.

Well, you see--

I like the chihuahua.

The chihuahua is precious.

Tundra is so talented.

No, Adam, really.

Chihuahua.

Right.

The chihuahua.

Chihuahua.

Please, please.

After careful consideration and deliberation,

I have made a decision.

The winner is Napoleon!

Yay!

That's my dog!

Ho-ho-ho, and Morgan, and little Charles, and tundra.

Ho-ho-ho.

It's a four-way tie.

They'll all split the money, and all four dogs'

pictures will be on the can.

[Music playing]

[Whining]

Ah!

What's this?

[Inaudible]

Hey, Tanya, listen.

I know this is kind of a silly thing to do,

but ever since you threw me out, I've been

leading a dog's life as a man.

So I decided, well, maybe I should

lead a man's life as a dog.

Woof, woof, I love you.

I love you, too, Charles.

Wait a minute.

I think it's his night to sleep in the tub.

Woof, woof.

Hi.

Hi.

Congratulations on winning the show.

Thanks.

Listen, Pam, I've been thinking.

Since Napoleon used to be your dog,

I think it's only fair that you get the prize money.

I want you to have it.

That's very sweet of you, Gary.

But the money isn't what I want.

I know, but I really love that dog.

You can understand that, can't you?

I guess after two years, you would get attached to him.

I think it runs in the family.

I'm starting to feel very attached to you, too.

Isn't it a shame that two people who

like each other so much have to get

involved in a custody battle.

I have an idea.

Why don't we both keep the dog?

You mean six months a year at my house

and six months a year at your house?

No, 12 months a year at our house.

[Music playing]

Ok, Holmes.

Now don't forget to tell Watson I said hello.

See you later.

Bye-bye.

Did Charles enjoy his little cruisey-woozy?

Huh?

Did you like riding on the--

uncle Charles, I see you and the dog

have become fast friends.

Oh, yeah.

We became friends just as soon as we figure

out our respective roles.

That's right, Isaac.

Little Charles is still our favorite little dog,

but Charles is the top dog in the family.

Woof-woof, baby.

Julie, I want you to know we both decided to keep the dog.

Which means we're going to have to keep each other, too.

Well, that's one of the nicest compromises I ever heard.

Well, if you're sharing, are you going

to call him Napoleon or sparky?

Napoleon.

I see you won out on that point.

Not really, doc, because from now on I'm calling him, sparky.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

Oh, Mr. Honeycutt.

I can't tell you how wonderful I think it is that you

made so many dogs winners.

We'll second that.

Oh, my Jackie's a very generous man.

That reminds me, jh, how are you

going to put four dogs onto each little can of dog food?

I don't know.

But as my new vice president, that's your first job.

Isn't he wonderful, my Jackie.

He's so generous.

Thank you, captain.

Well, this was a great cruise.

Lots of winners.

And some losers, sir.

Oh, yes, I forgot about that.

Tundra!

What's this?

Open it up.

This is a check for $1,250.

Your share of the prize money.

Thank you, sir.

Boy, I bet Isaac was pleased when you gave him his check.

That's for both of you.

[Barking]

[Theme music]