Original subtitles

Theme song: Love exciting and new, come aboard.

We're expecting you.

And love, life's sweetest reward.

Let it flow.

It floats back to you.

The love boat.

Soon, we'll be making another run.

The love boat promises something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure, your mind on a new romance.

And love won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile on a friendly shore.

It's love.

Welcome aboard.

It's love.

Here we go.

Hey, wait a minute.

I-- I can handle 'em.

Besides, that heavy.

It's ok.

No, no, no.

They're no problem. Really.

- Honest? - Yeah.

Well, no big problem.

No, no.

That-- that's all right.

I was just trying to help.

I can get it.

I understand.

I appreciate to too, but me Tarzan and you Jane.

Sorry, Tarzan.

I didn't recognize you without your muscles.

Are you suggesting that I don't have muscles?

Have you suggested I don't?

I never fight with ladies I don't know.

Do you fight with ladies you do know?

Sometimes?

Stacy banks.

Tom Joseph.

You're making a puree out of my fingers.

Sorry.

Oh, that's ok.

I can eat with my left hand.

You made your point, Tarzan.

See you, Jane.

Hey, sailor.

I can get you a great deal on a tattoo.

Uncle Jimmy, how are you?

Hello.

Ah, you look good, kid.

Great to see you! Thank you.

Listen, I want you to meet my pals over.

You guys, you guys.

This is the world's greatest salesman.

My uncle. - That's right.

Jimmy morrow. This is Isaac.

This is doc. - How do you do?

Hello, Isaac. Hello, doc.

World's greatest salesman, huh?

Well, remember those pyramid parties a while back?

Yeah, are you the guy that started that?

Well, no.

He's in jail.

But I'm the guy that sold that guy the idea.

[Laughter]

Listen, Jimmy, you are in aloha, 276.

Aloha 276.

Got it.

Is that your luggage?

Those?

Oh, no, no, no.

Those are not mine.

You know, I travel light, in case

I have to make a quick getaway.

See ya.

Uh, I'm just playing a little gag on my nephew over there.

Here you are.

Take this down to aloha 276.

Oh, hi there.

We're not open yet, but you're welcome to look around.

Thank you.

I like what I see.

And those watches aren't bad either.

Well, I'll be open as soon as we sail,

if you'd like to buy one.

The watches, I mean.

I would, but now that I've met you, i--

I feel as though time has stopped.

Oh, brother.

Who's the salesman around here, you or me?

You and me.

Jimmy morrow, best salesman in the world.

Shirley wash, best salesman on this ship.

Right on.

Well, Shirley, I'll have to think about those watches,

but I certainly do hope I can get to see you later.

Yeah, I'd like that.

- Julie. - Hm?

How come if there's supposed to be someone for everyone,

there's no one for me?

There will be.

But when?

I'm 16 years old.

I'm not getting any younger.

I wish he'd hurry up and get here.

Vicky, just be patient.

He'll come along.

You're right.

Hm?

I was patient, and here he comes.

Well, enjoy the cruise.

Welcome aboard.

I'm captain stubing.

Hello, I'm Andrea Hammond, and this is my son, Mark.

Hello, Mark.

Hi.

Hi, I'm Vicky stubing, the captain's daughter.

Hi.

Andrea: Well, this is working out fine.

Now Mark will have someone to keep him company

while I catch up with all this work.

I'm chairwoman of a huge charity dinner dance

to be held just a month from now.

Well, those affairs must involve a lot of details.

Oh, my, yes.

Just seeing to it that divorced couples

aren't seated at the same table is a job in itself.

Well, Mark, hope I'll see you later, huh?

Could be.

What do you do for fun around here?

There's lots to do.

Swimming, shuffleboard, ping-pong.

Terrific, for kids.

You like that stuff?

Well, sure.

It's fun.

If that's your idea of fun, I don't know how much

we'll be seeing of each other.

That's right.

Two trays of small sandwiches, coffee cake, and an urn

of coffee.

Just leave it outside of my cabin.

Thank you.

[Humming]

Ok, ok, ok.

We're open for business, big business.

[Horn blowing]

Hi.

Nicely, nicely.

Funny, you don't look strong.

Funny, you don't either.

Now, wait a minute.

Indian wrestle?

You're kidding.

You're a girl.

I appreciate the observation.

I outweigh you.

Noted.

I could wrench your shoulder or hurt your wrist.

You could lose.

Loser buys drinks?

Whatever you say.

Whoa!

I wasn't ready.

I am.

For the drink, that is.

Let me help you.

Guess I'm not as strong as I thought.

You're cute, real cute.

Now I'm gonna let you buy me that drink.

Mom, feel like doing something?

That's nice, dear.

Julie.

Hm?

When do you think Mark will notice me?

When this ball explodes.

Vicky, I think you can stop.

Sorry.

Well, how am I gonna get his attention?

Oh, I know it sounds crazy, but why

don't you get up, walk over to his table and say "hi, Mark"?

Gee, I wonder why I didn't think of that.

Hi, Mark.

Oh, hi.

I thought maybe you'd like me show you around the ship.

Sure, sure.

Mom, Vicky and I are gonna jump overboard.

Have fun, dear.

Is your mother always that busy?

Yeah, she does a lot of fund raising and volunteer work

for the family guidance center.

She's got time for every family but her own.

Hold on a second, ok?

Is there something wrong?

I just have a little headache.

The gang threw me a beer bust last night

as a going away present.

Beer bust?

Yeah, you've had beer, haven't you?

Sure.

Well, then you know what it's like.

Why don't we start off the ship's tour

at the doctor's office, ok?

Ok.

Great.

Hello, folks.

Pardon me for interrupting, but if you're ever in Los Angeles

and need some great merchandise, beautiful price, look me up.

As a matter of fact, if you need anything onboard,

aloha deck 276.

Knock twice.

Pardon me.

Uh?

Light a $5 cigar with a $0.50 matchbook?

You need a gold lighter.

Maybe you're right.

Know where I can find one?

No, but I know where you can buy one.

Aloha deck 276.

Knock twice.

See ya.

Well, well, well, my old friend Shirley.

How's business down in the gift shop?

Just fine.

I didn't think you'd remember me.

You kidding?

You're the nicest item in that place.

Hey, can I buy you a drink?

Oh, I'd love to, but I have to get back to the shop.

My break is almost over.

Ah, foiled again.

You get a break for dinner?

Looks like I do now.

Good.

I'm buying.

Jimmy, my meals come with the cruise.

That's why I'm buying.

[Knocking on door]

Maybe he's in there.

[Knocking on door]

Doc?

He's not here.

Come on, let's go find him.

Why don't you go, and I'll stay here in case

he comes back?

And leave you alone in your moment of need?

Hi, Vicky.

Hi, doc.

This is Mark Hammond.

Hello, Mark.

Hi.

I'm afraid he's not feeling very well.

It's just a headache, probably from too much beer last night.

Well, you are a little too young,

but that's been known to happen.

Well, I'll have a look at you anyway.

Take your shirt off.

I'm not used to undressing in front of strange women.

Ok, I'll leave.

See you later?

Sure.

Ok.

Ok, I'll scrub up and be right with you.

Ok.

Tom: Pull.

[Gunshot]

Pull.

[Gunshot]

Tsk, Tsk, Tsk.

And just what does "Tsk, Tsk, Tsk" mean?

The literal translation from the Latin,

it means that this man knows zilch about shooting.

Really, zilch?

I'm an easy marker.

And you're obviously an expert marksman.

No, markswoman.

Two, please.

Pull!

[Gunshots]

You are good.

Don't be mad.

Who's mad?

I shouldn't have horned in.

You're obviously a good shot, and I've never

done it before in my life.

It's ok.

No, it's not, is it?

Will you cut it out?

Let me make it up.

Let's have dinner together.

The man invites, the woman accepts.

- You inviting me to dinner? - Yes.

I accept.

7:30 ok?

The man suggests the time.

Sorry.

How does 7:30 sound?

It'll be a scramble, but I'll try.

Hi, Shirley, how's business?

Oh, terrible.

Your pack of gum is one of the biggest

sales I've made all day.

Gee, that's strange.

It's usually so busy in here.

Yeah, I know.

I guess people are just not in the buying mood today.

Jimmy: All right, my friends, all right.

You can't beat these prices.

You just can't beat 'em.

I don't care what sale you've ever been to.

Am I right? Do you agree?

Huh?

Have you ever seen anything like this in your entire--

what are you looking at, lady?

Ah.

These earrings are practically gold.

Of course, if the price is a little steep,

I have some earrings that are practically silver I

could let go a little cheaper.

Well, what do we have here?

That's a quality item.

Only 9.50.

Finest Swiss army knife money can buy.

Made in Japan.

It's a sale.

And for me.

And here you are, young man. $0.50 for you.

Thank you.

All right, just look around, folks.

How you doing, uncle Jimmy?

Hello, nephew.

Gee, it sounds like you got a party going in there, huh?

Oh, no. There's no party going in there.

Just a few people I met onboard.

Oh, I like to meet new people.

Oh, actually, I was just gonna tell 'em to leave.

I'm a little tired from the big trip.

Oh, ok.

Well, listen, don't spend all your time in your cabin.

There's a lot of action around deck.

Don't worry about me.

I won't miss any of the action.

Ok, friends.

Ok, if you don't see what you want, just ask me.

Everything's for sale.

Even the suit.

We didn't order any wine.

Oh, I called from my room.

The custom is for the man--

I know, I know.

But it's something special.

I thought you might like a surprise.

Stacy.

Peace offering?

Stacy.

My treat.

Stacy!

Cancel the wine, and bring us some champagne.

It's my treat.

You look fabulous tonight.

I'm glad somebody thinks so.

What do you mean by that?

Nothing.

Vicky, how are things going with you and Mark?

I don't know.

He doesn't seem to be all that interested in me.

He thinks I'm too young.

I wish I knew how to act older.

You just act your own age, Vicky.

If he doesn't like you for yourself,

then he isn't a very good judge of character.

Some boys take more time than others, anyway.

Vicky: I hope so.

Anyway, last time I saw him, he wasn't feeling that great.

Yeah, he had a pretty bad headache,

so I gave him some aspirin.

Ah, the family stubing.

Thou lookest dynamite this evening.

I guess those aspirin you gave him worked.

I'm sorry we're late, captain.

I had work to do.

That's quite all right, Mrs. Hammond.

You were well worth waiting for.

You're very gallant, captain.

I didn't want your son to outdo me.

If you don't mind, captain, I thought the fair Victoria

and I could share a table for two.

Oh, please, dad?

Mayhap my daughter doth need time alone with eager swain.

Shall we?

I'm so glad Mark and Vicky are hitting it off so well.

Your daughter is charming, captain.

Thank you.

Your son Mark seems to be a fine young man too.

I guess they must take after their parents.

So my father told me, you're doing it all wrong.

Here's how you sell glasses.

You put the frames on 'em, you look 'em right in the eye,

and you say "that'll be $100."

If they don't blink, you say "for the frames."

That's wonderful.

Wait, wait.

There's more.

Then you say "it'll be an extra 100 for the lenses."

And they still don't blink, you say "each."

I ought to try that at the gift shop.

Oh, what am I laughing about?

I have had three customers in there all day.

Maybe I ought to take some salesmanship lessons from you.

Oh, well, see that was my father.

I'll tell you the whole trick of selling.

You've gotta get the customer in an agreeing mood.

Well, how do you do that?

That's easy.

You just keep asking 'em questions

they have to answer "yes" to.

Like what?

Well, like, wasn't this a terrific meal?

Yes.

And wasn't the wine delicious?

Why, yes.

And aren't we going dancing together after dinner?

Oh, yes.

Bingo.

[Laughter]

Oh, this table for two is terrific.

And I'm glad you're feeling better.

All I needed was my vitamins.

Great for you.

Keep you healthy.

By the way you take 'em, you must be the healthiest

boy in the world.

I feel embarrassed.

Why?

You're a better dancer than I am.

You're a fine dancer.

I could dance with you all evening.

Uh-huh.

You're very musical.

You make it flow.

It's a wonderful evening.

Why don't we go for a walk?

I would have asked you.

I was thinking about asking you.

- Ask me. - Would--

yes.

Oh, this is so nice.

It's just what I need to get my mind off business.

Yes, and get it back where it belongs.

On me.

[Chuckling]

Oh, that man seems to be trying to get your attention.

Who?

That man.

What was that all about?

Oh, nothing.

I helped him fix his lighter this afternoon.

He wasn't very bright.

He kept trying to strike it on a matchbook.

Let me.

Thank you.

Well, that was fun.

Yeah, you're a terrific dancer.

Oh, thank you.

I love to dance.

I hate it.

Why?

Oh, I don't know.

I guess it's because when I was a little kid,

I used to ask my governess where my mother was.

And she was always at a dance.

Hey, come on.

They're playing our song.

Oh, I'd love to, but I'm really tired.

I think I should get some sleep.

Oh, past your bed time, little girl?

What you need is a vitamin?

Oh, I don't like to take pills.

Oh, come on.

It's only a vitamin pill.

Believe me.

It's ok.

Well, I don't know.

I mean--

oh, there you go, the little girl again.

Will you stop calling me that?

See?

Nothing to it.

I'd like to make love with you.

Would you?

I would.

Your cabin or mine?

Stacy.

Ok, ok.

Your cabin or mine?

You choose.

Your cabin.

I don't care.

My cabin.

I don't care.

Your cabin, then my cabin.

I like it.

To the loveliest woman on the pacific.

And to the smoothest talker on the pacific.

I'll drink to that.

You know, Jimmy, you haven't deceived me.

What do you mean?

Well, I only met you this afternoon,

and here I am drinking champagne in your cabin.

You really are a super salesman.

Not only that, I have a great product to sell.

Ah.

I think you're wonderful, my dear.

I never wanna be without you, my darling, never.

I want you with me always.

Do yo hear me, my love?

Ever!

[Chuckling]

What a night.

Yeah.

You know, i--

I really feel different.

That was some vitamin you gave me.

Let me give you something else.

That was nice.

Oh, yeah?

Let's try it again.

Ok.

What's the matter?

Oh, Mark, I feel awful.

Well, do you wanna sit down?

No, I wanna go.

I really feel sick.

My head is just spinning and my stomach feels terrible.

Hi, Tom.

Come on, join the crowd.

Didn't you get enough exercise last night?

Oh, you were wonderful last night.

I've been around 12 times already.

Of course you have.

Want me to give you a push?

Death is not on my agenda this morning.

Meet you at breakfast in 15?

Now you're speaking my language.

Terrific.

Maybe we can play some ping pong later.

I found a table.

Store service.

Ah, hi, Jimmy.

Here we go.

Coffee, cream, and cheese Danish.

You didn't have to do that.

Well, that's me, love above and beyond the call of duty.

How'd you sleep last night?

Like a baby.

Had a dream about you.

Did you?

Mm-hm.

We were in my cabin, the lights were low,

the champagne was sparkling, and you were in my arms.

Oh, that's very funny.

I had the same dream. - Hm.

How'd yours end?

It hasn't.

I must still be dreaming.

Jimmy morrow, that's the smoothest talking I've

ever heard.

But don't you dare stop.

Listen, when we dock today at Mazatlan,

I'm taking you to the greatest little cafe on the beach.

Oh, I'd love to, but I can't.

I have to stay here and do inventory.

All day?

Yeah.

Although business has been so terrible on this cruise,

I don't even know why I'm bothering.

But I guess if it's been that bad up till now,

it's got to be better tomorrow.

Hm, do you like cheese Danish?

What?

Yeah.

Oh, yes, of course I do.

Good.

Let's eat.

Ok.

Morning.

Hi.

Still not feeling very well?

Not really.

I was kind of sick last night.

I thought those vitamins were supposed to make you feel good?

They do.

I feel great!

That's because before one vitamin can wear off, I

hurry up and take another one.

That's what you need, a refill of vitamin s.

Vitamin s?

What's that?

I don't know if I should tell you or not.

Just how mature are you?

I'm mature enough.

Promise not to tell anybody what I'm gonna tell you?

If you don't promise, I won't tell you.

Ok, I promise.

Vitamin s is speed, uppers.

You do know what uppers are, don't you?

Uppers are some kind of drug.

You gave me a drug?

Just wanted you to feel good.

Here.

This'll pick you up.

You keep 'em yourself.

The less for you, the more for me.

You can see how well made this is.

Look, it's all hand-sewn.

It's worth much more than $40.

That's a little more than I plan to spend.

37.50?

No, thank you.

Captain: Hello.

Good morning.

Oh, captain.

Good morning, sir.

Good morning, Shirley how's business today?

Well, you just missed my best customer.

You know, that lady actually came in here

and touched an item before leaving.

That slow, huh?

You know, gopher foretold me sales were down.

"Down" is putting it mildly.

I don't understand it.

All of a sudden, it's like we're selling the plague in here.

Do you think we should lower the prices?

Oh, no.

I've already done that.

We lower them anymore, we'll be losing money.

Yes, we certainly don't need any help in that department.

Shirley, I don't want to interfere

in the way you run the shop, but you've gotta do something.

Yes, sir.

I'll do my best.

Oh, boy.

And if you can come up with an idea to boost sales,

I'll put you on commission.

Bienvenidos, and welcome to glorious Mazatlan,

Mexico's seaside paradise.

Skies are clear and sunny, and it's 82 degrees.

Perfect conditions for having the time of your life.

Hey, come on.

Don't be such a for sport.

Why shouldn't my behavior match my game?

Tom, don't let it get to you.

Somebody has to lose.

Yeah, did that somebody always have to be me?

Besides, I didn't lose.

I was humiliated.

You got 10 points.

A total of 10 points.

We played six games!

It's only ping pong.

Did I hear somebody mention ping pong?

I'd love to play, if there are any takers.

No, thanks.

I think we've had enough for today.

Oh, well.

Who won?

Sorry I asked.

Why didn't you play him?

You pros get bored beating more than one amateur a day?

Tom, for your information, I am not a professional ping pong

player.

You're not?

No, I'm a professional tennis player.

Oh.

Tom.

Vicky, mind if I join you, or are you having

too much fun by yourself?

Sorry.

Is it Mark?

Julie, I wanna ask you something.

Well, there's something about Mark that really bothers me.

What is it?

He doesn't wanna go steady with you?

It's more important than that.

Sounds serious.

It is.

Ok, go ahead.

Well--

talking about me, ladies?

As a matter of fact, we were.

Hey, you know, I should get back to my studies.

I'll see you later, ok, Mark?

Bye, Vicky.

Ok.

So what was Vicky saying about me?

Girl talk.

She really likes you, Mark.

Is that all she said?

Well, she seems concerned about you.

Concerned?

What's to be concerned about?

I'm fine.

So what if business is a little off?

I bet you, tomorrow sales will double.

Oh, are you planning to buy two packs of gum?

Ah, don't worry about these things, Shirley.

I mean, what's the worst thing that could

happen if things don't pick up?

I could get fired.

You're right.

You definitely should be worried.

No one's gonna fire you?

Oh, no?

The captain came into the shop this morning

to see how things were going.

That's the first time he's done that since I've been here.

Did he at least buy something?

I think I'll go and see Jimmy.

Maybe he'll cheer me up.

Can I have your attention for a moment, please?

It's closing time right now.

Fine.

No, you can come back a little later.

Everything is gonna be here.

I may even lower the prices.

Ok, thank you.

Thank you.

Bring some friends.

Thank you very, very much.

Thank you.

Oh.

Closing time.

Ok, you can come back a little later.

Thank you very, very much.

Thank you.

Bye.

Oh, Shirley, what are you doing here?

Do you have any bargains left?

Or am I too late?

Oh, Shirley--

you know, Jimmy, last night, I really

thought you cared about me.

I do.

Sure, enough to cost me my job.

You know what really hurts?

You deceived me.

But I guess integrity is just one of those little items you

keep hidden in the back room, along with all

your other surprise packages.

Shirley, wait.

Look, save it.

This customer's not buying any more.

I just wanted a vacation.

A few days away from the pressures of the office,

a little peace and quiet.

That's not asking for a lot, is it?

Of course, it isn't.

A little time away from the phone

calls, interoffice memos and tuna fish

sandwiches and traffic jams.

I mean, a fellow is entitled to that, isn't he?

You're damn right, he is.

I wasn't looking for love.

Furthest thing from my mind.

Well, maybe not the furthest thing.

But humiliation?

Believe me, that was not in my plans.

Well, look, you've been a big help,

but I don't wanna talk about this anymore.

Steve?

Yes, sir?

Two orange juices, please.

Coming up.

I must say, I feel very fortunate that Mark has

had Vicky to pal around with.

Well, it's been good for all of us.

The only thing Vicky lacks being aboard ship

is the company of other young people.

That worries me.

That and the fact that I can't spend as much time with her

as I want.

Oh, I don't know if that's so terrible.

I've always felt children need to be left to their own devices

more.

It helps them develop self-reliance and confidence.

Perhaps.

I guess I'm just a little overprotective.

I like to know where she is, what she's doing.

Andrea: The years fly by.

One of these days, she'll be out of the nest.

And before long, she'll be married or living on her own.

Then what?

I don't even wanna think about that.

What happened to you?

I must be some sort of idiot.

Why didn't you tell me you played tennis at wimbledon?

I don't trade on it.

I was looking for you all over the ship.

What do you need me for?

I must be the idiot.

I don't understand the question.

You're obviously a famous person.

You undoubtedly make a lot more money

than I could ever hope to.

You beat me at everything.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Suppose we write the script your way?

You beat me at all sports, you make more money,

more people know you.

A man and a woman, that's the way it usually works.

Oh, I see.

So it's fine if you're better than I am at everything,

but it's not so fine if I'm better than you?

Tom, I love you.

I don't love you because I can beat you at all sports,

or because I make more money than you.

I love you because you're cute, and because i'm

sexually attracted to you.

And you make me laugh.

I love you because you're a nice man.

I love you because your kisses make me feel

like I wanna kiss you again.

Ladies usually lose when they play guys.

Evonne goolagong was wimbledon champion.

She can beat her husband at tennis.

She's more famous, and she makes more money.

But that didn't stop them from getting

married and having a family.

Listen, don't sell yourself a bill of goods.

Go out and find someone better than you.

You'll feel better.

You-- you'll feel more natural.

I've changed my mind.

You're right.

I have been selling myself a bill of goods.

I thought you were a man.

But you're not.

You're a child.

I'm sorry I won your marbles, little boy.

Take 'em back.

Shirley, I've gotta talk to you.

There's nothing to talk about.

At least let me explain.

Why?

And give the world's greatest salesman

another chance to snow me?

Ok, I deserve that.

Now will you listen?

I got this idea before I met you.

Business has been bad, and I couldn't afford

to take a vacation this year.

So I figured there's lots of people here with money.

Maybe I can sell enough to pay for the cabin

and-- and make a little profit.

Sure, at my expense.

Shirley, I never meant to hurt you.

Well, you did!

Now, look, if-- if you're not gonna buy anything, will

you just please get out?

No, Mrs. Hammond.

I haven't seen him for hours.

[Doorbell rings]

Right, bye.

Hi.

Mark, your mother's looking for you.

Well, that's what mothers are for.

I'm sure Eve was always looking for her kids.

"Now, Cain, stop throwing rocks at your brother!"

Mark, I wanna have a serious talk with you.

Oh, I don't like serious talks.

Now, if you wanna have a foolish talk, then count me in.

Mark, I really think you're hurting yourself

taking all those pills.

Come on, I know more about these things

and what they do than you do.

I feel fine.

Maybe.

But you don't look fine.

Heh.

When I don't look fine is when I feel my finest.

Vicky, you didn't tell my mother I was taking these pills,

did you?

No.

But the way you're acting, she's gonna find out.

Yeah, maybe she will.

But she doesn't care what I do.

Yes, she does.

And I care too.

Ok.

All right, I'll stop taking 'em.

Are you sure?

Yeah, I'm sure, if you stop lecturing me!

Heh.

Mr. Harris!

What's the matter with him, doctor?

I really don't know, Mrs. Hammond.

Mrs. Hammond, is your son taking any sort of medication?

Well, he had the flu a week ago.

He did take medication for that.

No, I mean something heavier than that.

What do you mean, "heavier"?

Excuse me.

Vicky, when you were with Mark last night or this morning,

did you see him take any sort of pill or anything?

A drug?

Dr. Brooker, my son does not take drugs.

Well, he's been taking something, Mrs. Hammond.

Vicky?

Andrea: Will you stop that?

Mark is ill, and you're talking about drugs?

He's a good boy.

He doesn't take drugs.

[Sobbing]

These are amphetamines.

And they're from my office.

Vicky?

I stand corrected, doctor.

My son never took drugs until he met the captain's daughter.

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, we

are now leaving Mazatlan and heading home

for the port of Los Angeles.

Just because we're leaving Mexico doesn't mean the fun

has to stop.

Enjoy your evening dining, dancing or taking a romantic

stroll under the stars.

[Knocking on door]

Go away.

I am out of business.

Gopher: Uncle Jimmy, it's me, gopher.

Oh.

Hi.

Hi.

How are you, kiddo?

How'd my favorite nephew?

Oh, for a favorite nephew, I sure haven't seen much of you

this cruise.

Well, you know how it is when you're a social butterfly.

Well, then what are you doing, sitting

all around here in your cocoon?

Yeah, well, it's Shirley.

What's the matter?

I thought you guys were a pretty hot item.

Hm.

Right now, I would say we are slightly

below room temperature.

We had a little--

oh, with your gift of gab, you should

smooth things over in no time.

No, I think my luck has run out this time.

She won't listen to one word I say.

So don't say anything.

Do something to show her how you feel.

Great advice.

But what?

I don't know.

Whatever you're doing, do the opposite.

That's it!

It's great to know that genius runs in the family.

I'd ask you to explain that to me,

but I don't wanna blow my image.

You got nothing to worry about, kid.

I got it up here.

[Sobbing]

Go away.

You're cold.

I have a coat.

This must make you feel terrific.

Makes me feel like a fool.

I-- I'm a lousy cook.

So what?

How's your cooking?

The worst!

But I'll learn.

I mean, I can be a great cook!

Don't you dare!

Whatever you say, coach.

You're cold.

You're shivering. Here.

Here's your coat. - Not on your life.

Here, you put that back on.

Whatever you want.

Anything you say.

Come on, we can both wear it.

No.

How are you at skiing?

Never skiied.

Thank god.

Shirley, good, there you are.

The captain wanted me to find you and congratulate you.

Congratulate me?

What you did in the store today was remarkable.

I don't understand.

Well, what else would you call it?

You sold out the entire store in one day?

Nobody else has ever done that!

Jimmy: She made such a great sales

pitch, I just couldn't resist.

Congratulations.

Thank you, Jimmy!

Hey, they say a smart businessman

doesn't sit on his profits.

He invests them.

So I took everything I had, and i--

I invested it in somebody I really believe in.

You did all this for me?

Well, actually, I had a selfish motive.

I'm in love with you.

I couldn't bear to lose you.

So i-- so I had the whole story sent to my cabin.

Sue me.

Oh, Jimmy.

Did you really have the whole store sent to your cabin?

Oh, no.

No, not everything.

There's one little item i'm gonna take down there myself.

Vicky, are you sure you don't know how these pills

were stolen from doc's office?

No, dad, I don't.

Don't you believe me?

Of course I believe you.

Mrs. Hammond, if Vicky swears she doesn't

know anything about these pills, I know

she's telling me the truth.

I'm sure you do, captain.

As to how they got into her jacket, perhaps

they just mysteriously jumped into her pocket

as she was passing Dr. Brooker's office.

As far as circumstantial evidence goes,

Mrs. Hammond, your son gives every sign of having taken

a lot of those amphetamines.

Vicky, did you take any of those pills?

Yes, one.

Only one, Vicky?

I swear, but I thought they were vitamins!

I suppose you believe that too, captain?

Vicky, I was gonna let you take the rap for this,

but I can't.

I stole those pills from your office.

Those are all my pills, the ones in the container,

the ones in me, all of 'em.

I just can't believe it.

Why?

How did it start?

Mom, why don't we just sit down and talk about it

for a couple of years, ok?

Mark!

Mark!

I'm sorry, dad, but I gave Mark my word of honor.

Vicky, you have to be very careful how

you give your word of honor.

You can't give it on something that's gonna hurt someone.

I'm sorry.

I'll never do it again.

My word of honor.

Jimmy, congratulations.

I can't believe it.

After all these years, you're finally getting

married and settling down.

Well, I know a good deal when I see one.

- Mm-hm. - Gopher?

Mm-hm?

How do you like my engagement ring?

Oh, that's a beauty.

Oh, I agree.

[Chuckling]

Yes, and Jimmy let me have it at a very good price.

You're kidding.

I let her have it at a great price.

Well, so long, kiddo.

See you at the wedding.

You bet.

I'll sell you a gift.

Bye.

The lady is some kind of arm wrestler.

The lady is some kind of skeet shooter.

The lady never loses at anything.

You're right.

I won again.

Ah, me Tarzan, you Jane.

We had a wonderful time, didn't we, dear?

Yes, sir.

Bye.

Bye.

Vicky, I'm sorry about everything.

And it will never happen again.

Mark's volunteered to go into a drug treatment program.

Good.

Those programs have saved many lives.

Yes, good luck, Mark.

Thank you, captain.

And we're gonna be spending a lot more time together.

I think that'll help more than anything.

Thank you so much for everything.

It was a beautiful cruise.

- Thanks for sailing with us. - It was wonderful.

Goodbye, captain.

Bye-bye.

Dad, I'm sorry I caused you so much worry.

Oh, Vicky.

Sometimes, a crisis can pull a family apart.

We're lucky it just brought us closer together.

Oh.

[Theme music]