Original subtitles

Good evening dear patients,

just a little wider please,

that's quite wide enough, you see, I suffer from acrophobia,

now let's see,

some of my patients are inclined to get nasty,

fortunately I keep both hands completely anesthetized,

while I�m in the office, I admit this makes for some rather sloppy work,

since my fingers aren't quite as deft as they might be,

but I save a great deal of suffering,

and while we are on that subject,

perhaps we should pass the novocaine around,

this next minute promises to be rather painful.

BURGLAR PROOF

All right send him in,

five minutes, five minutes is all I can give you,

got a date to meet Wilton's dog at 10 o'clock.

Oh dear mr Stark,

I suppose the object of your meeting is to discuss,

a new account executive for the Holdwell account.

You guessed it well I gave you the facts last week, Harrison,

stock wants you off the account and that's all there is to it, you and your group,

haven't come up with a good advertising idea for a safe in years,

wait a minute, look, I�ll show you, now look at this,

six months of work and not one campaign sold,

stock says you just don't understand the safe business,

and with this new safe that he has coming out he's...

She, that is exactly why I�m here,

I have an idea that is going to revolutionize the promotion of safes.

Harrison we've been all through this before.

Not through this bale of hay we haven't, chief I have found the needle,

and I am going to stick it right in the sales map,

this is the greatest safe advertising idea you ever heard,

oh just let me get this one off the launching pad sheet but two,

this new safe they're putting into orbit, what's it called?

The 801 burglar proof.

Ah that's right the 801 burglar proof.

-Oh what's this? -Look at it.

-Am I supposed to know this man? -You'll get to know him chief,

because he's my candidate, for the first, 801 testimonial,

read it,

out loud if you please.

Sammy 'the touch Morrissey',

you mean you want to put him in a Holdwell ad?

Chief, what good is a testimonial from a satisfied user?

now there is a man who really knows whether or not a safe is burglar proof,

the best safe cracker in the business.

-Are you serious Harrison? -Well of course I am,

don't you get it chief? we'll hire Sammy Morrissey himself,

to try to crack the 801 in public,

with reporters, the works, everything,

imagine the publicity,

think of the ad campaign.

But the man's in jail.

He's out,

paroled a year ago,

crime wise he's been a good boy ever since,

he still has the know-how,

I mean if he can't crack open the 801,

who can?

Well I can't call it a bad idea.

Tell the truth chief, it's a blockbuster.

Let me talk to stock,

-see what he thinks of the idea. -And I�ll tell you right now you'll love it.

-Yeah? -Mr Morrissey, I am Harrison Fell,

-I called you yesterday. -Oh yeah,

-come here mr Fell. -Thank you thank you very much.

Uh this is my daughter.

Dorothy, this is mr Fell.

-How do you do? -How do you do?

I didn't quite understand what you meant on the telephone,

you know, about that business proposition.

Well I understand, but it's not very complicated at all,

you see, I work for an advertising agency: Bliss and Bakersfield,

we have a client, the whole well safe company,

they have a new product,

which they feel is completely burglar proof,

we want your help prouving their claim valid.

Oh um Dorothy, do you want to get me and this gentleman some coffee?

Oh yes daddy.

I don't like to talk about safe cracking in front of her you understand how it's?

Perfectly all right but I can assure you that there is nothing illegal about this,

police-wise, it's absolutely legitimate,

you see, we feel a man of your,

great reputation.

I�m trying to leave that down mr Fell,

I�m an entirely different line of work now.

Sammy, but, may I call you Sammy?

-Yeah. -You know what an advertisement is, don't you?

Yeah I read ads all the time.

Well that's all we're talking about Sammy,

we want you to appear in the advertising,

for the whole well safe company,

-we want your testimony. -Testimony? Now look...

Now wait, no not like in court,

we want you to endorse the whole well safe,

you will go around telling people that you tried to,

crack the 801 safe and found it absolutely burglar proof.

Oh mr Fell, no safe is burglar proof,

-How's that? -Well there ain't no such thing,

I mean to say,

if you got enough time on the tools you can bust any box,

anyhow I�m not interested, I�m an entirely different line of work now.

Sammy now please try to understand,

we are willing to offer you five hundred dollars,

just to try and crack open the 801,

we'll give you three hours to do it in,

use every trick you know,

there'll be plenty of witnesses,

reporters, cops.

-Cops? -Just as witnesses,

to make sure your effort is genuine,

the 801 isn't a very big save, Sammy,

it's about two by two by four,

but,

it has a new time lock mechanism,

and the hold well people feel it's completely burglar proof,

they are so sure that you can't crack the safe,

that they're going to make it a real challenge,

they'll put an envelope containing,

50 000 inside the safe,

if you can crack the safe,

the money is yours.

Oh mr Fell, you're kidding,

50 grand just for cracking a box? crackers, a box of cracks,

we have a box of crackers in the kitchen,

uh would you like some crackers with your coffee?

No thank, you I�m not hungry. Well I am,

-um Dorothy uh will you start fixing supper I�m hungry. -Sure daddy.

Come on mr Fell, you were saying something about 50 grand?

Well they claim it's burglar proof,

I mean expert, but if you have sensitive fingers,

any tumbler will tumble for you,

of course I once remember a tumble that wouldn't tumble for me,

it was a little oriental dumbbell,

I met her... may I have one of those?

Notice this marvelous door?

Notice how gently the dial turns,

and this my dear is the new time lock mechanism,

the thing of true beauty,

safe-wise that's the best there is.

Yes Harrison, really had a brain wave.

we're gonna make advertising history tonight.

You better.

Looks like a good turnout, all right, did all the newspaper people show up.

Every single one of them. I tell you WS, coverage wise we've got it made,

I just can't wait to get the 801 off the launching pad,

Harrison please it's almost nine o'clock, don't you think you better get started?

Oh yes, yes, uh ladies gentlemen may I have your attention please,

your attention please ladies and gentlemen,

uh young lady would you please step over here,

uh ladies and gentlemen may I have your kind attention please ladies and gentlemen,

I want to thank you all for this splendid turnout,

I know you'll all be glad you came this evening so without further,

let me introduce to you the honored guests of the evening,

in this corner at two thousand three hundred and seventy pounds,

the whole well edo won the world champion burglar proof safe,

and in this corner, ladies and gentlemen,

at 150 pounds,

Sammy the touch Morrissey,

as you all know, safe cracking wise Sammy,

holds the world's record in every division,

but the Holdwell corporation,

believes that the 801 safe will defy Sammy�s best efforts,

so strong is their belief, in this burglar-proof safe,

that they are willing to make this amazing challenge,

in this envelope ladies and gentlemen is fifty thousand dollars,

fifty thousand dollars, mr Grady would you please step forward,

would you please examine the contents of the envelope?

is the money all there?

Fifty thousand dollars.

Mr Grady if you will please open the safe,

would you place the envelope inside the safe,

now would you close the door of the safe,

and set the time mechanism for nine o'clock in the morning.

All set, sir.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the gauntlet is thrown,

the die is cast,

the whole well corporation,

hereby challenges Sammy 'the touch Morrissey' retired,

to try to open the 801 safe,

before 12 o'clock midnight which is only three hours hence,

and if mr Morrissey succeeds,

the contents of the 801,

are his exclusive property,

are you ready Sammy?

Yeah I�m ready.

Mr Grady would you please bring forward the tools? let mr Morrisey be requested,

well mr Morrissey please examine the contents of the table and see that everything is ready.

I already checked it.

Do you have everything?

-Bits? -Bits. -Drills? -Drill.

-Chisels? -Chisels. -Levers? -Levers.

-Hose? -Hose. -Acetylene gas containers. -Cylinder gas chambers?

-Explosives? -Explosives.

Then gentlemen we can blast off,

it's all yours Sammy,

may the best man win...

Harrison, you don't think we made a mistake?

you don't think he might actually open it?

Oh he couldn't achieve it's guaranteed,

it is guaranteed, isn't mr Sark?

Don't worry about it he'll never be able to crack that baby.

He look very confident.

That drill won't get in any place,

that metal is specially forged and it's eight inches thick.

Oh he had me worried there for a minute.

Oh relax Bliss,

-I�m not worried why should you be? -Yeah chief relax relax.

-Have a drink Bliss? -No no I�ll have a drink when this is all over.

I�ll join your WS.

Gentlemen here's to crime.

Well your boy's really in trouble now,

he's used just about every trick in the book except explosives,

that's about all he's got left.

You think I�d better clear the room, WS?

No no it won't be much of a concussion, just tell everybody to stand back.

You don't think you can really blow that safe open?

Not with the amount of nitro is using,

we've used 10 times that amount several times in the laboratory,

and it simply won't work.

Uh back to the exits everybody, everybody back please.

Ladies and gentlemen your attention please,

I want to thank everybody for their kind attention and patience,

and especially want to thank Sammy Morrissey,

for a gallon, gallon performance,

now mr Wilton Stark of the Holdwell corporation,

will present Sammy with a 500 dollars in cash,

the losers share.

Here you are Sammy with the best wishes of the Holdwell corporation.

-Thank you. -And now Sammy what is your considered opinion of my safe?

It's discouraging,

about all I can say sir,

-you got a mighty fine box sir. -Thank you Sammy.

How's that folks sportsmanship wise.

Chief,

we certainly hit the jackpot last night didn't we?

I never saw wooden stock so happy.

Oh wait till the publicity starts to break...

-Good morning Wilton. -Good morning Douglas.

-We were just talking about last night. -Good morning gentlemen,

I�ve just come from a Holdwell warehouse,

I wanted you two to be the first to know,

when the time lock mechanism on my safe open this morning,

we took a look inside, and what do you think we found?

this,

the envelope we put in last night with fifty thousand dollars,

-remember? -Of course.

When we opened it this morning,

what we found?

was this.

Paper?

Paper?

Paper,

not money just paper,

50 000 has disappeared Bliss and it's coming right out of your hand.

But how could it happen, how could such a thing happen?

Okay let's go.

-Oh sorry mister. -Oh that's okay miss.

Well?

Dorothy that was pretty good,

but it could be just a little bit smoother,

let's try it again shall we?

here, give me the envelope, hold up,

I�ll put it in this pocket, right?

are you ready?

all right,

-let's go, huh? -Sure pop,

oh gee I�m sorry mister.

Well that's okay miss.

-There... -Hey, that's perfect,

you're gonna be as good as your old man,

how about having a drink to celebrate?

-you want to mix one of those specials? -Sure.

-I�m glad you decided to change your line of business -Yeah,

picking pockets is a lot cleaner than cracking safes,

sometimes it pay is pretty good too.

I should say so 50 000 dollars,

it's only paper.

I�ll show you that trick next week.

That film gave me some excellent suggestions for opening stubborn mouths,

of course Sammy�s triumph was rather brief,

but I think he deserves some time off for ingenuity,

perhaps the judge will agree,

now we shall pause, a minute for the filling to dry,

after which I shall return,

if you need anything just call.

I would like you to know that I was not defrocked,

I quit,

it was a photograph of the Grand Canyon that did,

it the sight of that unfilled cavity left me with a feelingof complete inadequacy,

I shall return next week at the same time,

and I see that you too have an appointment,

I hope you keep it, until then, good night.