Original subtitles

Good evening,

before we begin our play I would like to demonstrate the,

training method we use here at the Hitchcock actors studio,

you see, we give the students symbols or certain,

images to assist them in portraying character,

because of the type of character our miss Schmeltz was to portray,

we suggested that she think of herself as a tree,

I think she projects it very well,

thank you miss Schmitz,

our next student mr Blackwood,

was asked to portray a large jowly captain of industry,

and to help him, we suggested that he think of himself as an elephant,

excellent,

in all honesty I must admit that mr Blackwood,

has been with us longer than miss Schmelz,

and now after this brief acting demonstration,

we bring you tonight's story preceded by tonight's commercial,

thank you mr Blackwood, that will be all, mr Blackwood,

I said that we'll be all mr Blackwood,

mr Blackwood...

BAD ACTOR

Bart, Bart you there?

hey Bart, open up,

it's me Ed,

hey Bart...

Hey Robert...

Not again.

just about had it,

Bart,

come on Bart wake up,

Bart!

Hey cut it out!

what is this the Johnstown flood?

Looks like a disaster area to me.

Well I had a little eh,

bash up here last night, I was,

entertaining a couple of old buddies.

So I see...

You won't tell Marge will you?

I’m your agent not your bodyguard.

Sure my agent so what do you want, 10 % of my hangover?

All I want is you dressed and sober for that audition.

Audition?

so help me anyone clean out of my mind.

Yeah I’ve been out of my skull trying to get hold of you.

-So how'd you get in? -Marge gave me your key.

- Good girl. - Yeah, why don't you marry her?

Well the audition huh,

- how much time we got Ed? - We're an hour late already.

- I'll take some showers in 10 minutes. - You sure you feel all right?

Well there's nothing wrong with me that a good embalm couldn't fix.

Bart listen though an audition with Wellman is important,

believe me you could use a partner hit play.

Yeah I know it eh, my landlord told me,

look don't worry probably will be sitting in a Wellman's lap in half an hour.

Yes mr Robinson I do realize you've called several times,

but you must understand he's terribly busy...

45 minutes we've been hanging you know, where's the action?

Relax baby you kept him waiting he keeps you waiting.

You want to bet?

excuse me Cleopatra, thought I heard your boss calling me?

- Oh he didn't ring. - Well of course not, he's uh too impatient,

uh just can't wait to see his old friend Bart Collins all the way from Hollywood,

- But he doesn't like to be disturbed. - Oh sure he does, now you go ahead...

...and see my people. - Yes sir I certainly do.

Bad boy, it's good to see you,

- hello Ed. - Mr Wellman please forgive us, I’m sorry we were late.

You both know jerry lane don't you?

No I’m not,

Jer was the life of my party last night, weren't you Jer?

oh this guy drinks straight orange juice like it was water,

he's wild.

Many thanks mr Wellman.

I’II contact your agent tomorrow,

- that's a nice reading Jerry. - Thank you sir. - Very nice.

That boy's an interesting actor.

Too bad there isn't something to play for him.

I’m not so sure.

- Well there's only one part open. - That's right.

- The lead, my part, wait a minute... -Now hold it Bart...

you'll get your chance,

mr Wellman this boy went to the expense of flying,

all the way back from California just to audition for you.

I appreciate that Ed, and I want very much to hear him,

but that doesn't mean I can't consider other actors,

let's go inside, shall we?

Bart come on.

I think you've had enough.

Yeah I’ve had it, all right, all the way up to here,

let's face it Marge things are getting rough,

I bombed that on the television, I goofed on the movie,

and now I’m following up on a play.

Come on Bart it's not the end of the world,

now you'll get another chance.

I had my chance today until Jerry Lane got into the act.

But didn't you tell me Wellman hasn't decided yet?

and jerry has a perfect right to try he's a good actor.

What are you his lawyer or something?

hey, wait a minute,

don't tell me that you and old Jerry have been,

swinging while I’ve been out on the coast.

Of course not,

we've just had a few dates together, fun things.

Fun things, huh?

you an old Jer, oh,

hey lady Chatterley why don't you get us another jolt, huh?

Not for me thank you.

Well I’m celebrating.

There's nothing to celebrate yet.

Oh yes there is, chick, there's lots to celebrate,

here's to you and my good friend Jerry Lane he's just the guy for the part,

thank you little Lidia,

hey why don't you drop back here after you knock off maybe we can work out,

and a fun thing together, huh?

Hello boy.

- Hello creep. - Mind if we uh sit down?

I don't care if you drop dead.

Oh yeah, I want to explain about the audition,

you mentioned the part last night but I never gave it another thought then,

this morning my agent called and said he'd set up an audition with Wellman,

that's how it happened.

Sure.

Say uh,

not to change the subject but you owe me 10 bucks.

-10 bucks? - Yeah don't you remember the other night at the party?

you borrowed it for the dice game.

Oh yeah, and I got total,

sorry chum no bread today,

come on let's get out of here let's go someplace where it's quiet,

we go to my place, I can't stand these crazy drums.

Come on Bart knock it off,

hey Bart...

What's the matter don't you dig the classics?

it's Beethoven’s fifth,

- and speaking of fifth. - Hey come on lay off Bart.

Don't you think I’m close enough?

you see the encyclopedias?

Marge gave me tomes for my birthday last year,

never opened,

I don't have to because I got it all right up here,

-Marge is a wonderful girl. -Yeah she's a real swinger.

when I got back last week she gave me that,

that's the best ice bucket in the world,

that's what I call really a useful gift,

'Alas, poor Yorick',

'I knew him, Horatio',

-'a fellow of infinite jess'. -Come on Bart let's cut all this jazz.

What's matter don't you appreciate my acting?

what do you know about acting anyway?

I’m learning.

Learning what how to steal somebody else's part?

Now look let's not start that again!

I told you, as my agent who sent me up there.

Look you have no right to read for a Wellman,

because you're a rotten actor Jerry, you're rotten.

-Look who's talking. -Yeah well, at least I know what I’m doing,

I live my roles, that's the big secret you got to feel the part.

Wwith all that booze floating in you you're too numb to feel anything.

That's a lie, look, you've seen my pictures you know that I can project.

Sure, so to the critics, that's why you're here.

I’m here because I’m right for that part, and Wellman knows it,

you couldn't play that part in a million years.

Yeah? why not?

Because you haven't got the guts,

it takes guts feeling and emotion,

now listen Jerry this uh,

this character's got a temper, hasn't he?

-huh? -I visualize him as a,

an emotional type, yes.

Yeah well never mind there never mind visualize but you got to live it,

I take the scene where he flips his wig.

You mean the one where he chokes his father-in-law?

Yeah he really means it,

he wants to strangle him,

-here let me show you. -I’m not up on the lines Bart come on.

Who needs the lines? it's a feeling that counts, you play for real,

you want to show hate and you think hate that's that's the secret,

here I’II demonstrate,

now I’m not thinking about any lines now,

-because I have come on the real hate. -Hey come on,

-let go. -Now you're feeling Jerry? the real hate,

now because you drink your orange juice like a good boy,

and you wake up younger than fresh for the audition,

hey, because you're taking my part Jerry, my last chance,

huh?

cause I hate you Jerry, you feel it Jerry?

do you feel it?

Jerry...

Jerry...

Mr Collins...

maid service mr Collins.

-I don't need, you go away. -But it's Friday.

So let it go until Monday.

Don't you even want your beds made and fresh towels for the bathroom?

Don't worry about the bathroom I clean up the mess in there myself.

Hello,

oh yeah Marge,

I know you couldn't reach me I had the phone shut off,

I told you I’d be busy for a couple of days,

maybe I could see you this afternoon,

where are you now?

downstairs in the lobby?

Marge wait,

wait...

Bart...

Bart are you there?

Bart...

Just a minute,

sorry I was uh just straightening up.

Sure you weren't hiding another woman.

Now why would I hide anyone around here?

Well you managed to hide yourself pretty good.

Oh hello Ed I didn't expect to see you.

He came with me.

What gives here you two ganging up on me?

I couldn't reach you by phone so I thought I better get in touch through mine.

Hey where are you going?

Powder my nose if that's all right with you.

Not in there.

Why not?

Bart have you got somebody hidden?

Nobody, go ahead.

Thanks.

Hey level with me,

what's been happening?

I just been straightening out that's all.

By straightening out you mean uh,

getting stiff?

No Ed, that's finished uh, I’ve sworn off.

Well fine that's the only thing I was worried about,

Bart I’ve got some good news for you.

Let me tell him,

Wellman’s changed his mind darling he's giving you the part,

we're gonna celebrate,

thank you it's heavy.

That's full of ice cubes.

-I don't yoy see too excited by the news. -No, I am, I am,

I’m just stunned sort,

of this grand central station.

Lieutenant Gunderson in special detail, like talk to you for a moment.

Sure come in.

Oh I didn't realize you had company.

Quite all right lieutenant this is uh,

my fiancé miss Ridgeway,

and my,

agent Ed Bowling.

Lieutenant.

Hot day isn't it?

uh tell you why I’m here,

we're checking up on a friend of yours named Jerry Lane.

Jerry, what's the matter?

is he in trouble?

Well that's just it, miss, we don't really know,

he seems to have dropped out of sight since last Thursday evening,

his agent asked us to try to locate him.

Well I wish we could help you lieutenant.

Oh maybe you can,

according to reports you were the last person he was seen with.

-Me? -Thursday evening at the Empty Room cafe,

you and he left there together around 11 o'clock.

That's right,

poor guy was so loaded I had to help him into a cab.

Go on.

That's all, he climbed into a cab and I came home.

You sure Jerry lane didn't come home with you?

-Why should he? -Now you tell me, I have the night clerk's word for it,

he saw you and another man come in downstairs around midnight last Thursday,

the other man answers Jerry Lane's description but nobody's seen lane come out.

Well in that case lieutenant must still be here,

why don't you take a look around.

-Well thanks, if if you don't mind. -Be my guest,

the bedroom through the alcove,

the bath and the, kitchen.

Bart ,

Jerry wasn't up here was he?

Of course not.

I’ve been so worried about you lately I just didn't know what to think.

Well now you know I was fighting off the temptation of that demon run,

it's as simple as that.

I’m glad,

funny isn't it?

here I spend all my hard-earned money to buy you this,

beautiful ice bucket and then you swear off drinking,

-maybe I better take it home with me. -No!

I was only kidding.

I want it for sentimental reasons,

-Bart is something wrong? -Bart,

I’m worried about Jerry,

where do you think he disappeared to?

Well that doesn't seem to be anything here,

thanks for letting me look around.

Anytime lieutenant.

I’II have to have another talk with that night clerk.

Don't lean on him too much, no, we all make mistakes.

Would you care for a drink before you go, lieutenant?

-we're celebrating getting a job. -Yeah well thanks but I’m on duty.

You see, nobody wants a drink.

Well I do.

Bart if you've really sworn off you'll just,

have to get used to watching other people drink.

Sure you won't change your mind lieutenant? after all it is a celebration.

Just one, lieutenant.

Well maybe I will have a glass of ice water,

that isn't too much trouble.

-What are you doing? -Just getting some ice for the lieutenant.

-Well I’II get some ice cubes out of the refrigerator. -But darling,

don't you remember you told me this was stirred up...

I told you keep your hands off!

How did you dispose of the rest of the body?

Mr Blackwood, mr Blackwood this is most upsetting,

especially to miss Schmaltz, he had a date to take her to dinner after class,

perhaps you should give me another minute, mr Blackwood

next week we should be back with another story,

as for this incident,

I have become philosophical about it,

after all, we may have lost a student,

but we have gained a mascot, good night.