Original subtitles

Good morning, Harry.

Good morning, Brewster.

Good morning, Pavlo.

Good morning, Harry.

Sid wants a sequencer.

He asked me to get your signature on this paper.

He's on duty in the emergency room this week.

I hate paperwork.

I sympathize with you Harry, and any time

that you'd like to give up control of 800,000 bucks

in funding, I'm sure Sid'll be very

happy to take over for you.

Another of the dilemmas in which we are all, Pavolo,

is that are too many damn machines around here.

We're all missing the big picture.

Please, Harry, not today.

Just sign the paper, OK?

A sequencer?

But Sid doesn't need a sequencer, Pavlo.

Once he's done the labeling his experiment is over,

and he doesn't have the room for it anyway.

Oh, he put all of his animals in my lab.

Sid may have the only biology lab in the world

that has nothing alive in it.

I'll tell Sid it's on your desk, Harry.

Pavlo, tell Sid, the big picture.

Morning, Mrs, Pruitt.

How are we today?

We're splendid, Dr. Wolper.

Ready, set, go.

Dr. Novak called, he says that your proposed address

of the medical congress on the profit

incentive and misdiagnosis is really not very funny at all.

He wants a new title, and he says

for you to, quote "come off it, stop the nonsense,

and" et cetera, et cetera.

I am at a very delicate stage in my research, Mrs. Pruitt.

Any news on that student assistant I want?

Oh, yes.

Mrs. Gonzalez from the registrar's office

called with regard to your request for another slave

and wanted me to remind you that she is still waiting to hear

why exactly is it that you permitted

Dennis Scoffman to submit the Bible for his dissertation.

Quote, "it will be a cold day in hell

before I subject another graduate student

to the kind of zoo that," and then she

started speaking in Spanish.

Tell Mrs. Gonzalez I want someone serious-minded

but with some life in him.

BORIS: Wake up.

I want you so much.

Take my body, Boris.

I'm yours.

(RETURNS TO NORMAL VOICE) If you ever wake up, Lafkin.

Let's go, move your ass.

Time to resume your quest for the ultimate female.

Countdown.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

Today is September 1st, young master Lafkin.

On this date in history, Mozart completed his 3th symphony.

Mozart was most likely eight years old at the time.

So far, what have you done with your life, Lafkin?

Have you even answered one cosmic question?

Have you discovered the meaning of life?

Have you at least picked up your clean laundry,

which was ready last week.

You look less than happy today, Paul.

Well, there's been a lot of talk about how happy we'd all

be if you were transferred out to Northfield with the rest

of the old codgers.

They've been giving me a rough time of it, Harry.

But you're so very good at surviving rough times, Paul.

That's how you got to be chairmen.

PAUL: So what's new?

I'm close to a major breakthrough, Paul.

Oh?

I'm near I need a personal student assistant.

Well, don't they count?

Well, they're near graduation.

I need a fresh, new kid.

Preferably someone who's never heard of you, hmm?

Mm.

BORIS (ON RECORDING): Xeno's paradox

for today, if guys are always doing it

and girls are never doing it, how does it ever happen?

And When, exactly was the last time you got laid, Lafkin?

You keep holding out for that special lady

to bring you the Brady Bunch, and you'll

be 105 before you do it again.

All the Spanish Fly in the world won't get up your pecker.

I'm not that patient, Lafkin.

I want my vacuum cleaner.

For three years now you've been promising

me this gorgeous Hoover.

I want my Hoover, Lafkin.

I want my Hoover now.

We're supposed to be getting our lives together, Lafkin.

And forget it if you think graduate school is

going to make one damn bit of difference.

Graduate school--

Hi.

Hi.

Hey.

When did you get back?

About a week to go.

Who'd you get for physiology, Kullenbeck?

No.

I'm not in a single one of his classes this year.

Isn't that great?

BARBARA: You lucked out.

BORIS: Uh, excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me, I'm looking for Dr. Kullenbeck's lab.

"Cool-en-beck."

Kullenbeck, right.

Do you know--

He's downstairs, end of the hall.

Oh, great, because he's my new advisor.

Did you say Dr. Sid Kullenbeck?

Right. Yeah.

I'm sure I'll find him.

Were you to be his new student graduate?

Yeah.

Pretty girl.

Oh, dear.

Dr. Kullenbeck can't take on any new graduate students

for a while, he's just run out of money.

I just spent six hours in line at the registration.

HARRY: Well, come here to me and your luck may change.

It happens that I have an opening for one student.

Thank you.

HARRY: Not at all.

Dr. Wolper.

Harry.

Oh, you have to approve my course card.

Well, Boris, you can forget Kepplmen's Chemistry 300,

Bernestein's Physiology 211, Wolch's Microbiology 245,

and whatever you learn of Cavelli's Genetics 101 will

be redundant by the final exam.

Dr. Wolper, I have to take at least 12 credits to--

Harry.

You worry far too much.

Watch-- Introduction to The Big Picture, 12 credits.

That's it?

One course in The Big Picture, 12 credits?

It's very big.

12 credits probably isn't enough it's so big.

I think I'll go back down to registration.

HARRY: There are no exams.

Grades ares based on interest and participation.

It's OK with me, I like exams.

My assistantships pay 3,500.

So do everybody else's.

Also, I know the name of the girl you followed into the lab.

I need to think.

Think there.

OK, Harry, where the hell is the?

Doctor Kullenbeck.

Cut the Dr. Kullenbeck back crap.

Where the hell is my new graduate student?

I'm paying him.

I own his ass.

Oh, no you don't, Sid.

You have just blown the last of your money on a sequencer.

(GRUMBLING) Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

You didn't tell me I was out of money.

Did you ask?

Come on, Harry, I need him.

I'm running a tight, well-oiled machine over in my lab,

and every insignificant little cog counts.

Now, where the hell is the little fucker?

The little fucker is over here, sir.

Good God, he's prime, grade A material,

and you stole him, Harry.

He stole you, didn't he, kid?

Well, the truth is, sir, that ever since I was a little kid,

I've been dreaming of working with Doctor Wolper one day.

It's true, he did steal me.

But not today-- he captured my heart

long ago when I first heard of his wonderful work

with the Guinea Pig.

Rabbit.

Rabbit.

Harry, I'm going to lay you whale shit for this.

Welcome.

MRS. MALLORY: That's it.

That's it.

Good, good.

HARRY: --cell dance merrily around the centrifuge.

Add cassium, or maybe cyclic AMP, and lo,

new romances are flourishing between enzymes and proteins.

Mrs. Mallory, this Boris Lafkin.

Over the next few years we will be making him in our image.

So see that the boy eats well.

Hello, Mrs. Mallory.

Nice to me you.

Humph.

You've got two labs?

HARRY: Each has its place.

At the University I try to please the federal government.

Here I negotiate with God.

What do use these animals for?

Companionship.

I feed them, they keep me company.

Are you hungry, Boris?

Not really.

What are you working on now?

Lucy.

Lucy?

What does Lucy stand for?

HARRY: It stands for my late wife.

Since she died, 30 years ago, I've

been cultivating her cells.

Each nucleus has the information to make

an exact duplicate of her.

Would you like to see her?

Nah, I don't want to see her.

I'd like to get back on the registration line.

Her picture.

BORIS: She was something.

HARRY: She was-- everything.

You are going to get me in a lot of trouble, aren't you?

Look, Harry, one night a week, from now on, I need a bed.

You know, mattresses with pillows and sheets and stuff.

I will not encourage slothfulness, Boris.

Look, the first day of classes.

Undergraduate graduate female bottoms

as far as the eye can see.

Look, Harry, I want to know the name of the girl

I followed into your lab.

In two weeks time, all the really choice bottoms

will be in the hands, so to speak, of the varsity athletes.

I'm not interested in her anatomy, Harry.

I mean, I want someone special.

If we click, her ass can sag a little here and there,

I don't mind.

Now, what's the girl's name.

Lucy had a devastating bottom.

Good for Lucy.

Harry, what's-- you don't know her name, do you?

Help!

Help!

Come on, Boris.

Sides on duty.

You are about to have another wonderful

educational experience.

No, I'm not, Harry.

I can't.

SID: This isn't a person.

This is a monkey.

The most important step in diagnosis,

determine the species of your patient.

SID: I'm not going to treat a monkey.

It's like a child to me.

Give me hand, Sid, and we'll have this fellow

out of here in no time at all.

Boris, I need your help.

SID: No, No!

Harry, under no condition shall a patient

received treatment without full and informed consent

in writing.

Hand me that hypodermic, Boris.

I don't want this fellow waking up.

And a standard razor.

Harry, be reasonable.

No!

Look, we don't want word to get around that we

are treating monkeys now.

One of God's creatures, Sid.

Don't start on God in the cosmos again.

God, no.

Here, Boris, you see an example of how academic

medicine can lead to total paralysis.

No more action-- it's look, watch, test.

Take Sid, we're all becoming voyeurs,

leering through microscopic keyholes

and drooling over biological bottoms and tits.

Give it a rest, Harry, will ya?

I tell you, Boris, that one of these days

we will look in our microscopes and find ourselves

staring right into God's eyes.

And the first one who blinks is going to lose his testicles.

Come on, Boris, let's operate.

You are absolutely crazy, Harry.

If you cut into that monkey in my operating room,

and I swear to God, I'll have your butt out of here

before the end of the semester.

You too, you little, smart-ass.

Fair warning, you cut that monkey and it's all over.

Scalpel.

Scalpel.

Oh, no, no, no.

Boris--

Boris!

What?

This cell that you gave me has no intention

of ever growing into Lucy.

It just looked like another cell to me, Harry.

How am I supposed to know what its intentions are?

All right, which one of you guys wants to grow into Lucy Wolper?

Ah, yes, the bright, cheerful cell on the right.

Watch out, Harry, she's very enthusiastic.

Better.

Much.

Thank you. You know, Harry--

Amino acids.

We're very close to getting Lucy back,

but her amino acids are not in the right sequence.

How do we get her amino acids in the right sequence, Harry?

We get her a sequencer, Boris.

We do?

We do.

And I fancy I know where we can find one.

Come on, Sancho.

It must be tough fixing these things, huh, Dr. Wolper?

Very tough.

It could take months.

Well, that'll do it.

Good night, Dr. Wolper.

Sorry about pulling the guns.

Harry, you know, we could go to jail for something

like this.

If we don't get killed first.

Science is a global enterprise, Boris.

It's all community property.

Does Dr. Kullenbeck know that, Harry?

Let me tell you something about regrowing your dead wife,

Lucy, Harry.

It's probably illegal, potentially dangerous,

and definitely crazy.

Good morning, Dr. Wolper.

Good morning.

In regard to your escapade in the emergency room,

doctor Wittier has asked me to inform you

that your surgical privileges are now restricted,

and that if you, quote, "even look at another non-human

in his hospital, he will have your rear end

out in Northfield before you can even," et cetera, et cetera.

The fall of of justice is terrible swift

around here, Mrs. Pruitt.

Isn't it.

Along those lines, I have been asked

to deliver the annual plea on behalf of our department.

Quote, "this semester, you will be presenting our grants

to the site review committee.

The money from these grants pays for the salaries of absolutely

everyone, myself included.

Husbands, wives, small children, mothers, and their pets

are counting that your personal urges and obsessions will

temporarily be set aside in order to benefit

the" et cetera, et cetera.

Ah, yes, money.

Moving right along, Mrs. Gonzales

asked me to convey her displeasure at Boris

Lafkin's kidnapping and wants me to tell you,

you will get yours.

No good quotes in English.

LAB STUDENT: Harry, do you remember

the DNA cloning experiment?

Uh-huh.

I have found the big picture.

And it's so big, so bloody big.

My dad's dead.

Oh.

Then my mom got sick.

Everything we owned went in to trying to save here.

I hate funerals.

I'm glad you came.

You know what keeps going around and around in my head?

How I never--

I never thought much of my father.

I never liked the way he looked.

I never thought he said the things I wanted him to tell me.

Never liked the jobs he had.

And now, I just want him back, just the way he was.

HARRY: I looked behind into the room, right there.

And there was Lucy, stark naked and pregnant as a pelican,

holding her Miss New Jersey bathing suit, tears tumbling

down her face because she couldn't fit into her swimsuit

anymore, her girlhood gone forever.

And I think I loved her more at that moment than I thought

it was possible to love anyone.

I really hope you get her back, Harry.

I'm sorry you lost your father.

BORIS: Hey, Harry, want to come up?

It's a nice night.

Nearer, my God, to thee.

It's said, Boris, that when science finally

peers over the crest of the mountain,

it will find that religion has been sitting there all along.

Do you really believe in God?

Yes, Boris, I believe in God.

I'm not sure what I believe.

You know what I want more than anything in the world, Harry?

HARRY: What?

I want to be like you.

I want to know as much as I can about everything.

I want to understand people.

I want to believe in God.

I want to know what makes life have meaning.

I'm not sure that the planet Earth is ready for two of me.

You know what happened the other night?

I was dreaming about you and Lucy.

How you met at the beach and how much you loved

each other and everything.

I woke up, and I was crying.

All these tears were just--

I want to love someone like that so bad, Harry, it hurts.

Barbara Spencer.

What?

Well, it's not much, but it's all

I have for you at the moment.

What is?

The name of the girl you followed into the lab.

It's Barbara Spencer.

Here, let me give you a hand with that.

BARBARA: No, that's OK.

I have it.

No, no, no no.

It's nothing, really.

It's nothing.

It's all a matter of leverage.

Yeah.

But-- um.

You see, there's nothing to it.

BARBARA: Um, it just up here.

Up here.

It's just a little bit-- just up here.

A little bit farther.

Sorry.

You really didn't have to do that.

That's OK.

Leverage.

Oh, Penelope, don't be a bad girl.

Ulysses!

Classics major, huh?

No, biology.

BORIS: Really? I am too.

I'm in-- whoa!

Oh, are you OK?

I lost the leverage.

Holy shit.

BARBARA: Don't do that Agamemnon!

HARRY: Don't you do that Agamemnon!

Whoa!

BARBARA: Oh!

Are you OK?

Oh, no.

Oh, this is Larry, my roommate.

And this is--

BORIS: Boris.

Boris.

Love is dead, Harry.

How depressing.

Never mind, Boris, women's liberation will run its course

and we will prevail.

Stone cold dead.

Which reminds me, Dr. Kullenbeck wants to see you.

Damn it.

What now?

Hey, Boris, glad you could make the time.

Try a 3K test on those.

LAB HELPER: OK.

Take a look at these results.

This little fellow will do covariance,

multiple regression, path analysis in one pass.

It is smarter than God.

If this thing told me to quit my job and lead a tribe of Ubangis

across the desert, I'd have to give

it very serious consideration.

It's a nice system, Dr. Kullenbeck.

SID: Sid.

Yeah, it is.

I got it to run the new sequencer.

The sequencer's gone, disappeared.

Poof.

Hey, why don't we play some racquetball.

Well, I really don't play racquetball, Sid.

Boris, I wear a number of hats around here--

scientist, physician, friend and confidant to my students.

But right now, I want to talk to you in my capacity as chairman

of your degree committee.

Harry's never understood that there is no big picture, Boris,

just a lot of little pictures.

Reduce everything to its most elemental form, molecules.

And then, you know what it all means?

HARRY: That's a really neat theory, Sid.

I'd like to go home and think about.

SID: So, tell me, Boris, what's going on

out there in Harry's backyard.

Backyard?

Yeah.

You know, little place out behind the house,

little shack where most people grow plants, pot tomatoes.

Unless, of course, you're Harry Wolper, and then who knows what

hell's being potted out there.

You got me, Sid.

I will, Boris.

I will.

How many laps was that?

Uh, 100, Sid.

10 raised to the second power.

How many did you do altogether?

Altogether-- three, Sid.

Can I go home now, I'm kind of jocked out.

No, come on.

Bottom line.

Thank God.

Harry Wolper is crazy, and I want him out of here.

Transferring him out to Northfield

with the other old farts is probably the easiest

way to get rid of him.

But sooner or later, you are going

to tell me what he's doing out in his back yard,

or so help me God, I'm going to squeeze your nuts

until they crack wide open.

Forget it!

I'm not going to help you get rid of Harry.

You just don't like him because he's

the only one around here who cares about the big picture.

What the fuck is the big picture?!

I don't know what the fuck the big picture is!

And one of these days, when Harry thinks I'm ready,

he's going to tell me.

Now, leave me alone.

I know what I'm doing.

When Lucy and I first met, Paul, the world was a pet.

It came along with us wherever we went, like a good dog.

Obedient, loyal, friendly.

The world responded to our commands.

Remember?

Mm-hmm.

I need an egg, Paul.

What kind of egg?

A human egg--

a live one.

If I can put the nucleus from one of Lucy's cells

in place of the nucleus from an ovum, it will grow into Lucy.

I need an egg, Paul.

Oh, come one.

Harry, how hell are you going to get

some girl to give you her egg?

Advertise?

Why didn't you take out a full page ad in "The Times?"

They wanted a minimum run of six days-- very expensive.

Sid is smelling blood, Harry.

He's scared to death that you're going

to do one of your patented weird things

in front of the site review committee

and just blow all of our money.

This poster won't help me convince

anyone that he's wrong.

Excuse me.

Are you all right?

Do I look like I'm all right?

I'm miserable is what I am.

I'm sorry to hear that.

MELI: Why?

I could be crying because I'd just drowned my cat.

Anything I can do?

Two weeks ago my boyfriend took off.

And I think maybe he got me pregnant.

But I'll be damned if I'm going to go to one of those who are

lousy six-at-time welfare clinics

and get another stupid lecture from some fat nurse

on my reproductive system.

On how I can keep my ovaries from making eggs if only I let

them put those diaphragms, and loops, and coils,

and God knows what else inside of me.

And I don't have enough money to see a private doctor to find

out if I'm pregnant, even if I had a private doctor,

which I don't.

So there.

Now you know.

Maybe I could help.

MELI: This is awfully damn nice of you Dr. Wolper.

Not at all.

Happy to help.

Are you going somewhere?

MELI: Nope, just got here.

You see, I got this intellect, and all my friends from Oregon,

which is where I live, keep telling me

that this intellect needs a college really bad.

Anyway, I figure, what the hell.

Why not come down here where they are and do

some waitressing, which isn't so bad except for all

the pinching, until I can make enough money

to see if this college and I are mutually compatible.

Meli, you didn't do use one of those drugstore tests

to find out if you were pregnant or not, did you?

Didn't have to.

A woman knows these things.

I missed my period, ain't that enough?

Not this time.

You mean I'm not pregnant?

That's what I mean.

Wow!

Oh, that's fantastic!

Oh, Dr. Wolper, is there anything

I can do for you in return?

Just name it.

Go ahead, name it.

You must have loved your wife a whole lot to grow

her for all these years.

I've done it, Meli.

I've done it.

Me too, Dr. Wolper.

Dr. Wolper, why do I orgasm all the time

from absolutely everything?

I mean, I feel like a goddamn battery

charging and discharging and charging up again.

I think I'm a nymphomaniac.

You seem to be fairly healthy.

MELI: That's just it.

I mean, what guy is going to feel good about having sex

with you if you've already come six times

between his ringing the doorbell and my opening the screen door?

Many would think you to be a joyfully lucky young girl.

An orgasm is the fun of creation.

You don't really think that all those people out there are

going crazy over each other just so they

can play hide the salami has anything to do with creation.

Ultimately, I do.

It's love, Meli.

Nah.

Love is very quiet and tender mostly.

It's like this beautiful light that lets you see things

that no one else can see.

Barbara Spencer?

Are you crazy?

You don't have a chance.

BORIS (ON RECORDING): Barbara Spencer?

Are you crazy?

You don't have a chance.

You got to be really nuts to get all worked up about some girl

you don't even know.

What's with you?

If you're going to live this, why stop half way.

It's unimaginable to Christie Brinkley to think suicide

if she doesn't mail you her bikini bottom.

HARRY: Boris, what in Earth is going on?

The [inaudible] was running at 500.

300, Harry!

300!

300, Harry.

Not 500, 3.

Remember, 3?

I'll try to remember, Boris.

OK, because one of these days, if I get lucky,

I may not be available in the mornings, OK?

Because just because you live like a monkey, doesn't--

son of a bitch!

One world, sonabitch.

Son of a bitch!

Sonofabitch-- accent on the last syllable.

Do you see, Boris, Friedrich Hegel left us

with two important ideas, that nothing

great has ever been accomplished without passion,

and sonofabitch.

Hegel's a son of a bitch.

You know, Kullenbeck is a lunatic.

He's a very dangerous man.

You overestimate him, Boris

The hell if do.

You watch, you'll see.

I'll tell your Dr. Wolper, your sofa

is worse than a back seat of a Volkswagen.

Who the hell is she?

I'm Meli, Dr. Wolper's 19-year-old

nymphomaniac who's helping him grow his dead wife.

You will excuse me.

Who are you really?

- Really? - Really.

I'm Meli.

I'm Dr. Wolper's fiance.

Well, I'm not exactly his fiance.

But I am going to marry him.

Only, don't tell him/ I don't want him

to get all nervous about it.

Harry!

What are you up to Harry?

Son of a bitch.

Son of a bitch!

Keep practicing.

Boris, have you got a girl?

Hey, Boris.

Hey.

I've been looking all over for you.

I'm sorry about the refrigerator.

And I tried to tell you about Larry.

But then Agamemnon, I thought he was tied upstairs.

And then the cats.

I'm still taking out cat hairs from that.

BARBARA: Larry kept telling me that it would just

be roommates and nothing more.

And I wasn't there a week until he was trying

to get me to sleep with him.

BORIS: That's terrible.

I know.

And I've tried to talk to him, but he won't even listen.

He just keeps making me feel like there's

something wrong with me.

That's terrible.

I know.

I had a room lined up at his girlfriend's house,

but it fell through.

BORIS: You know, Barbara, I've got lots of room

in my apartment.

And I won't bother you.

Really.

BARBARA: Wow, that's nice of you, Boris,

but I'm sure I'll find something soon.

BORIS: Well, as soon as you do you can move right out.

Boris, I don't even know you.

You know me.

I'm harmless.

Besides, I don't know why, but I feel like I've

known you a long time.

It's weird.

Do you know what I mean?

BARBARA: Yeah, I know what you mean.

OK, I'll do it.

BORIS: That's terrific.

Now, just until I find another place.

Absolutely.

I mean it, Boris.

This business with Larry has been bad enough.

So don't try and make me.

Now, you have to promise.

I promise!

I really mean it, Boris!

Me too!

MELI: (SINGING) Get up at 6:00 and start all over again.

Because I'm a woman--

W-O-M-A-N. Tell you again.

I'm a woman.

W-O-M-A-N.

Oh!

Don't get hysterical.

I'm not going to attack you.

I'm hot, that's all.

You know, Dr. Wolper, there are probably

1,000 guys that'd give their left nut

to be where you are right now.

Meli, be reasonable

OK, 100 guys.

Look, Dr. Wolper, maybe when I'm as ancient as you

and there's some 19-year-old guy lying on my sofa,

I'll talk to him about being reasonable.

But God, I hope not.

Mei, soon I shall need a fresh egg from you.

Fat chance.

It means a great deal to me, Meli.

OK, Dr. Wolper.

I'll tell you what, you give this thing between us

half a chance, you'll get my egg.

What do you want me to do?

Well, first of all you can put on one of those

records up there.

Anything in particular?

Start with A. Well, you wouldn't prefer B?

Bach, Beethoven.

And then

MELI: When we're done with B, we can go on to C, and then D,

and all the way through the alphabet.

It will be kind of like a special school

for musically retarded people.

Uh-uh, that is not the deal.

By me.

BORIS: I'm really glad you decided to come.

Well, I really appreciate all your help, Boris.

No, no.

No, don't shut that, there's this great breeze that goes--

BARBARA: I guess, basically I'm just a shy person, you know?

And Larry never understood that.

Barbara, I'm kind of shy too, you know?

Hey, do you want another pillow?

You can have this one if you want.

Oh, it's all right. I'm OK.

You sure? BARBARA: No, no.

I'm fine.

It's hard being shy, don't you think?

Larry says that a guy wants a girl

who's really free and open, especially with her body.

Well, I think that a girl who is tender and gentle

is very sexy also.

You want another blanket?

I've got more in the closet.

No, I'm fine.

I'm fine.

If you want one, you tell me.

BARBARA: See, Larry says that there

is a lot of women today who are really horny all the time,

just like guys.

And they spend all night long just

crawling all over their men like they can't get enough.

Well, I think that a girl's personality is very important.

And I like to think of the whole relationship.

I mean, what girl wants some guy going

over every inch of her body all night long just

because it feels good, right?

BARBARA: Um, right.

Good night, Boris.

BORIS: Good night, Barbara.

Come on, Einstein, Mrs. Mallory has got chow on.

Meli, a minute.

You must have a peep at this.

It's Lucy-- the first day of her life.

I'm keeping a pictorial record, a sort of family album.

I don't believe this.

Woo-hoo.

Humph.

Want to get married?

It's not that simple, Meli.

Epistemologists have been trying to prove

that we exist for centuries.

But if we didn't exist, how could we do anything?

Yes, but the question is, Meli, how do we know we exist?

How could we even think about it if we didn't exist?

Maybe we only think we're thinking about it.

Look, why don't you start out thinking you don't exist

and see where that gets you.

Why don't we just stroll over and take a look.

Because I know whatever Harry's got in there will get him

in so much trouble the dean will ship him

to Northfield in 10 minutes.

You'll need probable cause for a search warrant, Sid.

And you don't have any.

Come on, Paul.

It's time to bite the bullet.

Harry starts ranting to the site review committee about God's

testicles and it's all over.

Why don't you just ship him to Northfield?

My position is no different this year than any other.

Harry is going nowhere as long as I'm chairman.

God, we're going to miss your consistency, Paul.

Dinner!

I really mean it, Dr. Wolper, I want us to get married.

Meli, you still call me Dr. Wolper.

So?

What's that supposed to mean?

When I met you, you were Dr. Wolper,

and that's the way I got to know you.

So don't go making any big goddamned deal out of that too.

I'm just a formal type person.

If I were sleeping with the King of France,

I'd say, that was very nice sex, your highness.

Thank you for banging me, your majesty.

Now that's what I call respect, fellas.

You think the and knows any tunes that

weren't written by dead people?

Unlikely.

Who is she, Harry?

I keep her in the shed in the backyard.

Well, don't you wish.

I got to hand it to you, not bad.

Uh, is it OK if I take a stab at her, so to speak?

Or is she all yours?

Meli belongs only to Meli, Sid.

Thank you, Harry.

You're a real sport.

Cigar, Paul?

Mm.

Professor Brauer, kind of you to come

to our little faculty frolic.

Something of a command performance, Harry.

Sid brought me.

PAUL: Oh, this is fascinating.

What is it you are supposed to do?

PROFESSOR BRAUER: Invite Harry out to Northfield,

show him a good time, tell him what he's missing.

Want to come, Harry?

Absolutely.

But what good is my yacht, and my Porsche,

and my European ski villa.

Not to mention my reputation as a world class scientist,

without having a woman.

That's so true, Sid.

Without a good woman there's nothing.

Nothing.

But as soon as us lesbians start telling people

that, oh, they start calling us dykes

and cracking jokes about oral sex.

I got to call my service.

Excuse me.

Hey, Sid, I really hope you find

a good woman for your Porsche.

"Por-sha."

HARRY: You must see this.

Jesus Christ.

Harry, you've got half our lab here.

You got to return all his equipment.

And I will, any day now.

Do you know who that is?

PAUL: It's Sid.

No.

It's Lucy.

Uh, I'm sorry, Harry.

It's been over 30 years, you know?

She's lost a lot of weight.

Paul, I don't think that I would want to be God.

Not that I'm turning down any recent offers,

but that are 4,000 million humans on this earth,

and yet I still feel alone.

I can't imagine how it must feel to be one God.

Harry, you going to keep this business of Lucy to yourself.

I mean, you start talking about your dead wife

and how you're regrowing her, by the time you get

to the part about how lonely it is being God,

people begin to lock up their sharp objects.

Mm.

That's Lucy.

MRS MALLORY: Humph.

From ice to incubator.

Come in from out of the cold, Lucy,

and into the world of Boris's little bottle.

Harry, how did you know you were in love?

I mean, with you and Lucy.

how did you know it wasn't just infatuation?

Scientifically, of course.

By using the love formula.

The what?

Love formula.

Add up the number of times that you think about the lady

each day, subtract from the total

the number of times that you think about yourself each day.

If the remainder is more lady and less yourself,

then it's love.

Well, I've been thinking about Barbara a lot lately.

What's so very neat about this particular form

is that a lot plugs into it beautifully.

Boris, would you and the subject of your computations

care to join me at the beach house for the weekend?

Thank you, Harry Great.

Hey, I've got great news!

Hello.

We're off to the beach house this weekend.

Not me, I just got a waitressing job.

I start tonight.

You're not coming?

Nope.

MELI: It'll do you good to struggle along without me

for a couple of days.

Under other, more extreme conditions,

the love formula is replaced by Heisenberg's Uncertainty

Principle, we can never know anything.

See you later, children.

Meals are fend for yourself.

Don't count on fish.

Oh, here's one.

One bedroom, newly furnished, no lease required.

Barbara, you don't have to move out of my apartment.

That's very nice of you, Boris.

But I don't feel like living with anyone again.

This would really be like a roommate.

You know, just business.

It sounds like fun.

Look, we could share everything.

It would be really good financially too.

We could share the rent, the food,

the utilities, the laundry.

Oh, shit, my laundry.

You know, you're right, it would really

cut down on our overhead.

I get lots of magazines, we could share them.

Sounds good.

What religion are you?

Oh, we get to share God too?

I'm Catholic.

Really Catholic?

I mean, like you say hail Mary's and eat the communion,

and confession, and all that.

Yes, really Catholic.

But I promise not to pray out loud

when your friends come over.

I race you to the blanket.

Last one there puts suntan lotion all over the other!

I'll beat you on one leg, lady!

BARBARA: Oh!

BORIS: Son of a gun.

You beat me.

This is some bet.

Barbara, have you ever thought about what kind of a guy

you'd be interested in marrying some day?

I don't mean right away.

You know, maybe, in a few years?

Sure.

Somebody who's very stable, very secure,

and with lots of self-esteem.

Jesus Christ.

Well, it serves you right for putting

you on the spot like that.

Oh!

Oh, God!

BORIS: No way!

BARBARA: Oh, you!

Oh!

Truce!

Truce.

OK, truce.

Do you think there's life on other planets.

Are we about to have a significant discussion?

I was just wondering.

What do you think is happening between us?

Do you think it's real or just temporary?

Boris, I absolutely insist that we

do not start analyzing our relationship

until we've had one.

Gone in to town, back late.

Don't wait-- Friar Wolper.

BARBARA: I'm taking a shower.

I'll save some hot water for you.

I was 15, and she was 27.

I don't know what the hell I was doing.

BARBARA: Boris, would you grab me an extra towel, please.

Sure.

I think there's one in my bag.

Thank you.

She drew this diagram, you know, with everything lettered,

and she taped it at the head of the bed.

And all night long, she kept saying, letter B, Boris.

Letter C, Boris.

Letter B, B.

So I suppose there's been a lot since then, hmm?

(MUTTERING) Son of a bitch.

Well, I don't know if you could say lots.

BARBARA: I bet.

Come on, Boris.

How many girls have you slept with?

Well, not a lot.

Really.

I don't believe you.

Oh, my God, Barbara

Boris, go take your shower.

All my life I've wanted to do that to a guy!

Come here, Barbara.

BARBARA: No, thank you, Boris.

BORIS: Come here, Barbara!

We'll discuss this later.

BARBARA: Boris.

Yes?

BARBARA: You've got a nice body.

So do you, Barbara.

You're gorgeous.

Want to come in the shower with me?

BARBARA: I just took a shower.

I'm clean.

You still got some sand on your back.

I saw it as you were running away.

I hate not getting all the sand out.

It gets on the sheets and feels like you're

sleeping on sandpaper.

It's very aggravating.

I've never taken a shower with anyone before.

Neither have I. But I do know one thing though, you

probably won't need this.

I can't believe I'm doing this.

This is an excellent decisions you've made,

Barbara.

I can't believe I'm doing this!

It's so middle class, two people soaping

each other in the shower.

The socioeconomic implications are mind boggling.

It's not like me at all, Boris.

It's so, middle class.

I'm very middle class.

I go crazy over station wagons and Little League.

You do, huh?

Yeah.

Middle class is fun!

I'm so sick of people who are liberal.

Me too.

Fuck group sex.

Fuck cocaine.

And fuck gas-o-haulics.

Just fuck it.

Fuck solar heat.

And four wheel drives.

Fuck 10-speed bikes.

And macrame.

Fuck macrame.

And the whales.

Fuck those whales.

Mm, mm, fuck them.

Fuck.

Fuck.

BORIS: Oh, Barbara.

I don't want this to end.

Not ever.

BARBARA: Me neither, Boris.

BORIS: Oh.

Barbara, I think we should definitely get married someday.

Will you marry me?

BARBARA: Yes, but can we please this first?

BORIS: Oh, sure.

Did you really mean it when you said that?

That you'd marry me one day?

Yes, I did.

Thank you, Barbara.

Thank you very much.

You're welcome, Boris.

Barbara would you mind if I made love to you

again just for a little while.

I love you so much, Boris.

I love you, Barbara.

HARRY: We shall be putting out another load on Friday, Sid.

I'll try to leave something incriminating for you.

Meanwhile, would you care for a cup of Mrs. Mallory's coffee?

Oh, no, I was just, uh--

Oh, come off it, Sid.

You can't possibly have had breakfast by now.

Sugar?

I'm sorry, Harry.

I'm getting desperate.

Look, the funding committee meets next week.

You could save me a lot of time and trouble

if you'd just transfer to Northfield on your own.

I like it where I am, Sid.

Thanks.

But I'm having lunch at Northfield on Thursday.

I'll let you know if I change my mind.

Milk?

I'm supposed to spell out to you the many advantages

of working in Northfield.

But so far, I haven't been able to think of a single one.

The most exciting thing so far has

been Hartwig watching food particles

form out of his dentures.

Hartwig's still doing that?

Three times a day.

That's gruesome.

An Institute for Advanced Research with no funds

for research. It's a provocative concept.

Well, as near as I can tell, the thinking

of the administration has been that if we

are all that advanced, we shouldn't need money.

I hope you'll accept this advice as the word of a scholar

and a lover of truth.

Absolutely.

Whatever you do, Harry, don't use your own money.

HARRY: Good God.

This may be the time for you and your God

to have a little chat, Harry.

I can't believe you did it, Harry.

That's a real, live, little person.

It's Lucy.

Help me cover her, Boris.

Let's keep her out of the light.

We cannot be too careful that this little human.

BORIS (ON RECORDING): Count down--

BARBARA: Boris!

BORIS (ON RECORDING): 5, 4--

BARBARA: Oh, oh, Boris!

BORIS (ON RECORDING): 3, 2--

BARBARA: Oh!

BORIS (ON RECORDING): 1.

BARBARA: We're going to be electrocute!

BORIS (ON RECORDING): 1/2, 1/4, 1/5, 1/6, 1/7, and so on.

Fooled you.

first law, never make love with anyone

crazier than yourself.

Something has definitely got to be done about that machine.

Machine?

That's Xeno, my friend.

Xeno, don't worry.

She's just kidding.

Boris, come on.

Let me up.

Boris, I'm serious.

Come on, I'm going be sick.

You've been getting sick a lot in the mornings,

Barbara I thought you said you were on the pill.

I am on the pill, but it's not 100% effective, you know?

God, I don't want to have a baby now, Boris.

Stop, stop, stop!

No!

Get out of here!

Get off.

You're offsides!

Offsides!

Offside this.

Down, set, hut, hut.

Harry, Kullenbeck's out to kill again.

I thought you were going to do something about it, huh?

Oh, Boris, you continually worry about Dr. Kullenbeck.

Hey, you feeling OK?

Not really.

You don't look so hot.

I'm going to go home and get some rest, OK?

I'll see you after the massacre.

OK.

I don't like Kullenbeck.

He plays dirty.

Sid?

And you haven't beaten these guys?

Not even once?

Not even a draw.

Let me play.

I can beat these guys.

I know it.

Come on, Dr. Wolper, let me play.

We'll need permission.

Uh, Dr. Kullenbeck?

Four guys under there, you couldn't get the ball.

HARRY: Dr. Kullenbeck?

Huh?

HARRY: May Meli play?

Sure.

I guess so.

HARRY: Thank you, Sid.

The man says you can play.

Goodie.

OK.

BORIS: All right, let's go.

MELI: OK, I'm get open, Boris.

BORIS: OK.

So you're playing an end position, huh?

Didn't know you were interest4ed in fielding

passes, angel cakes.

Only from guys you can get it up really high.

BORIS: Hike!

Sorry, sugar. Are you OK.

Playing a little rough for a friendly little game,

aren't we?

Girls always think it's rough.

Second down.

OK, huddle!

Come on!

OK, he wants to get physical.

I'll get physical with him.

Throw me the ball, Boris.

No, Meli. Kullenbeck's all over you.

We're going to score the fucking

touchdown on this play, Boris.

Throw me the ball no matter what, OK?

Meli, he's all over you.

Throw her the ball, Boris.

That's a good idea.

Break.

Big play, huh?

Gigantic.

Boris!

If I took my pants off, I could beat Green Bay Packers.

BORIS: There he goes!

He's got the penguins, he's got it--

oh, shit.

Hey!

You can't do that!

Put all that stuff back!

Hey, come on.

This is private property!

Dr. Wolper, tell them to stop!

Come on.

This is against the Constitution.

I'm sorry about all this, Dr. Wolper,

but the orders came straight from the dean.

MELI: This is your last chance!

If you don't put all that stuff back, and I'm

calling the Supreme Court.

I mean it!

Put it back!

Come on!

Shit.

HARRY: Lucy's gone.

Her cells are still vital.

She's alive.

Well, I guess that's it.

You're going to Northfield, and I'm getting kicked out.

"If it be now, 'tis not to come.

If it be not to come, it will be now.

If it be not, now yet it will come--

the readiness is all.

You've got a philosophy for everything.

The love formula, the big picture.

Oh, I'll take my big picture now, thank you.

Where is it?

We are resourceful men.

I will write a grant, and we will take it.

- We, Harry? - We.

We? We!

No more we, Harry!

I came here for an education.

You're getting one!

No, I'm not!

I'm playing sandbag to professor Sidney Kullenbeck.

Sid Is an excellent physician!

And what can we rip-off next?

- We're merely liberating a-- - And screw the university!

For science!

I am not interested in god's testicles, Harry.

Then you are a fool!

No, I'm not.

I was just trying to get my life together.

He will be back.

I don't think he will, Dr. Wolper.

Hey, what do you say we get away from all this and get married?

Have a regular family, like everyone else?

Meli, I know you're upset.

I'm not upset Dr. Wolper, I'm pissed off.

Upset is something little old ladies

get when their cakes fall.

I'm pissed off, understand the difference?

I do.

But there is no need.

Nobody but us knew that Lucy was hooked up.

Oh, I hate Lucy!

Hate her, hate her, hate her!

Oh, I see!

Marriage?

What sort of marriage?

Monogamy, polygamy?

There are many primitive cultures with no marriage

at all.

They hunt, they farm, they have children.

Not in this tribe, Dr. Wolper!

Maybe when you start hunting antelopes in the bushes,

then I'll cover myself in sheep ..

And walk around nursing babies on my "National

Geographic" boobs.

We can forget all about marriage.

It's probably too hot for it anyway!

My work with Lucy--

Lucy is dead!

Why someone with the brains to win a Nobel Prize

can't figure that out is beyond me.

You're not making life in here, you're making death.

So cut it the hell out, will ya?

Don't humph!

Your humphing is driving me crazy.

Take English at night school, or see a throat doctor,

but stop humphing.

Humph.

Do come back in, Meli.

Let's talk.

I don't really want to talk anymore, Dr. Wolper.

Well, I got to go.

You know, I'm going to miss you goddamn,

classical musical heart breaker.

Dean Harrington, how are you.

Tom, what's this?

Paperwork?

If you'll just sign here, Harry,

you will now irrevocably be Professor

Emeritus at Northfield.

Oh.

Here.

Thank you.

I see no reason for any further action,

assuming, of course, that your presentations to the committee

are restrained, articulate, and demonstrate

a convincing simulation of sanity.

Now, wait a minute, present--

I'm going to do the-- - Sid, I'm sorry.

The committee insists on having the principal investigator

who's named on the grants do the presenting.

As you know, our research here relates

to the biochemical mechanisms of disease.

And I am pleased to announce this morning that God has

agreed to provide us with all the answers we

need for just under $800,000.

Which, in turn, will yield new data

on membrane-binding properties, which

will lead us to major breakthroughs in disease,

malnutrition, and energy.

Thank you.

That's very impressive, Dr. Wolper.

Very impressive.

You are certainly going to have

your hands full with $800,000 in research projects.

Actually, Dr. Wolper has just become the Professor Emeritus

out at our Northfield facility.

Irrevocably.

Well, well, well.

So you finally managed to get some research

funds for Northfield.

Good for you.

It's about time.

Oh, no.

See, just Dr. Wolper is going to Northfield.

The research money is for here.

Isn't Dr. Wolper the principal investigator on these grants?

Well, technically, yeah.

But--

Human beings do research, not institutions.

So we award funding to a person, not a place.

Now, the money goes where the principal investigator goes.

Even if the principal investigator is bit of a wacko

every once in awhile.

Let's see, that's the Northfield Institute for Advanced--

No!

Yes.

I mean, yes.

You son of a bitch.

Look, we can ask for reconsideration.

We can refuse the money.

The chairman of your department can.

And I'm the chairman of your department.

You can't do this, Harry.

That money's for here.

Look.

this is just a little, technical problem.

Well, I don't see the technical problem

in giving a brilliant man money to do his research.

Whatever it happens to be.

God, no!

You can't give this man any money!

He's a lunatic!

He thinks he's regrowing his dead wife in his backyard.

This is no joke.

He's been cloning a dead person without a license.

HE took all our lab equipment without any authorization,

got a teenage girlfriend, flashes her tits!

Sid, Sid.

Boris, what are you doing here?

- Look, Sid. - Yeah?

Do you think you could get someone

to take a look at Barbara?

I mean, we've been waiting a long time.

I mean, she keeps saying, you know--

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'll take a look at her.

But let me get those clothes first.

Mary, we'll be in the ER.

BORIS: And today right after she threw up she passed out.

We were wondering if she might have done pregnant somehow.

Somehow?

Don't blink for me.

Just look straight ahead.

That's good.

Ah.

Does the light hurt you?

Yeah.

How are you feeling now?

Not too good actually.

And I feel like I'm going to throw again.

My head is killing me.

Hmm.

Do me a favor, Barbara, squeeze me

fingers with your right hand.

That's it.

Real hard, real hard.

That's good.

I'm sorry, Boris.

Left hand now.

Real hard.

Squeeze, squeeze.

Hold on. Are you left-handed?

No.

No, she's right-handed.

Huh.

Do that again with your right hand.

Real tight. Come on, come on.

Harder.

Oh, God.

Boris, this hurts so bad. - OK.

OK. Just--

I'd like some help in here.

Just relax.

SID: Excuse me, if you could put on that goddamn

I asked for some help.

Boris!

We've got a code here!

What's going on.

SID: Boris, take a hike.

Get out of here!

Get out of here, Boris!

Hello.

Boris?

Barbara?

Um, Barbara, certainly has been writing a lot of letters

this fall.

She's very much in love with you, Boris.

I'm very much in love with her, Mrs. Spencer.

NURSE (ON INTERCOM): Dr. Pippasian,

report to ward C. Dr. Pippasian, report to ward C.

The CVA, Cerebral Vascular Accident,

is just devastating to the brain.

If Barbara starts to breathe on her own, which is not likely,

she could remain in a coma for five,

10 years, which would be a living hell for everyone

concerned.

We feel very strongly that it is in your best interest

to permit us to shut off Barbara's life support system.

I'm very sorry-- - Sid?

--to this to you so bluntly.

Sid?

Can I talk to you for minute?

This is not a good time, Boris.

Sid, I was just down the hall and I was talking to this girl,

and two days ago she had brain surgery, and she's fine now.

She looks great, Sid.

I mean, she's all better.

She had a very small tumor, Boris.

Yeah, but maybe an operation would help Barbara too.

There's nothing to operate on.

She's not going to die.

Boris, we're pretty sure that Barbara is already dead.

Sid, we were just talking to her this morning.

What are you talking about?

Huh?

Where's Harry?

I don't know.

Why don't you call him?

I tried to call him.

He's not home.

He's not at the lab.

We would like you to think very

seriously about allowing us to turn off Barbara's respirator.

What?

What are you talk--

you can't do that!

That's crazy!

We need a little more time Dr. Kullenbeck.

I'm never going to let them touch you, Barbara.

Now, now, Mrs. Pruitt.

Northfield is a lovely, pastoral setting.

There is no need for tears.

That's not what I'm crying about, Dr. Wolper.

You've had that coming for years.

It's this message from Boris Lafkin.

MR. SPENCER: We want you to know we've thought

this over very seriously.

No, no, Mr. Spencer--

MRS. SPENCER: We feel that Barbara will

be very happy in God's kingdom.

No, no.

Please, don't.

We've talked it over with the doctors and Father Morrissey,

and we've given permission.

Mr. Spencer.

We've known Barbara all of her lief.

She was always a--

No, please, don't do this.

We know how much you love each other.

But we think that the Barbara we've all loved is gone.

No, she's not.

She's not, Mr. Spencer.

Look, she's still here!

Look, look-- you've just got to give us a chance.

That's all.

Mrs. Spencer, please.

Just give us a chance!

Sid, I'm begging you not to do it.

Please, I'll do anything.

Anything.

Just don't turn it off.

Look, Boris, stay with me for a minute.

Barbara is like a very complicated

machine that somehow-- listen, listen.

No.

It somehow got broken.

No, listen to me.

Hang on, hang on.

It really is that simple.

Sid, listen to me.

I've been sitting here all night long,m and I've been

holding Barbara's hand.

And every once in a while, she tightens her grib

around my head.

Do you understand?

She's trying to tell me that she's alive.

She's trying to say, don't let anybody do

anything terrible to me.

Grasping is an instinct.

It's a reflex. - It's-- no!

Infants have it.

It's not a reflex, Sid!

Here fingers, they move.

She's trying so hard to hold my hand.

She's working her goddmaned ass off.

Sid, look-- no, look.

Sid, touch her.

Look, Sid, just touch her.

Just feel her.

There's all this life in her, Sid.

You've just got to put your hands on her.

Sid, look, you put your hand in hers,

and she'll try to grab it, Sid.

It's not a reflex.

Sid, please, honest to God.

It really moved.

Boris, don't make this harder for everybody.

Sid she wants some more time.

There is no more time, Boris.

Don't you understand, she wants more time.

This isn't magic, it's medicine.

I can't just snap my fingers and make her better.

Sid, please, put your hand on her.

Just go touch it.

Boris, there is no more time.

Please, give her more.

For Christ sake's, a little charity, huh?

Come on, I'm begging you with all my heart.

Please, Sid, do this for me!

Just do for me!

Boris will you get up, you're making a fool of--

I'm a fool! I don't care!

I'm a fool!

Whatever you're saying I am, Sid.

Just give us some more time, please.

Father Morrissey.

No!

I mean, for Christ's sakes, a little charity.

Sid.

Sid!

Hold your horses, father, you are about to commit

one hell of a sin.

SID: No, you don't, Harry.

Barbara's my patient.

You don't even have privileges.

HARRY: I had a little chat with the dean.

SID: Spencer ICU, has been transferred to Dr. Wolper.

This gives you two days.

Thank you, Sid.

I'll be back.

Mm-hmm.

Well, now, haven't you put yourself

into a pretty old pickle?

Harry, she's in a coma.

Comas confuse me.

She's not asleep.

She is not dead.

She must be alive, don't you think?

Yes.

But what we need around here is some consciousness.

Come on, Boris.

Let's go to work.

I'll be back.

HARRY: Does it check?

Yes, it checks.

They all check.

They're coming out just the way they did when Sid ordered them.

You're right, he does good work.

Also, he is an asshole.

How's Meli?

Meli has flown the coop.

BORIS: I'm really sorry to hear that, Harry.

You know, she'd be really good for you.

So I've heard.

Well, our understanding of the infinite variables

of the human brain's behavior stops right here.

Welcome to the Dark Ages of enlightened science.

Barbara's cells.

BORIS: I've been thinking about it a lot, Harry.

I probably could get Barbara back, couldn't I?

Like you with Lucy.

If you think the world's ready for another Harry Wolper.

But I can't do it.

It'd never be Barbara at the beach.

That was an accident.

I'd spend the rest of my life trying

to make that accident happen again, and it never would.

If Barbara dies, then she dies.

It follows that our next step is well-informed, blind belief.

You want know something really crazy, Harry?

Always.

For the first time ever I believe in God.

This has been the worst week of my life.

I love her a lot, Harry.

I can't imagine having a family with anyone else.

I keep picturing what our kids are going to look like,

how we'll go to those open school

nights and sit on little chairs, and the teacher will show us

how our kids just learned to make

the letter K. Do you ever think about things like that, Harry.

Once, there was a time I thought of little else.

You know, Harry, I'm still trying to find the big picture.

But I just keep missing it, because I'm so full of love

for Barbara that I just--

nothing else matters.

What makes you think that you're missing it?

Barbara, I must be off.

But for the next two days, and all for your delight,

you will be in the care of this young lover

who tells me that he sees his unborn children in your eyes.

He will talk to you of this, this loving

that you both share.

He will sing, shout, murmur to you.

He will tell you awful jokes.

He will read to you.

He will strive with all his might

to communicate with you from the highest

level of his sensibility.

And nothing will stop him but you.

We're going do it, Harry.

Oh, no.

You are going to do it.

Talk to Barbara.

Words can be wonderful things.

Barbara, we've got a whole lot to talk about.

First of all, you've got this blue and white tube

in your mouth, and you look ridiculous.

There's these big cracks that people

fall in if they're not careful.

And then we all have to fall down and we have to save them,

because they fall in.

So there's this guy, this German guy, named Wolfgang,

and he's taking a picture of a glacier crack.

My, God.

My, God.

Her eyes widened and the warm color ebbed from her cheeks.

That looks ghastly.

Barbara, I know you can hear me.

People in comas can hear.

I don't know if you think this is a dream or something,

but it's not.

It's all really happening.

And this is the only book I could get.

I borrowed from the lady next door.

If you don't come out of this thing,

I got to keep reading it.

Where's your boyfriend now?

He's away looking for the dog.

No, I read that already.

You got to do it, Barbara.

You got to do it.

I mean, first of all, I am not carrying

that damn refrigerator of yours back down those stairs.

No way.

No way.

And that dog.

I can't stand that dog of yours.

And I'm going to get rid of them.

Agamemnon.

There is another woman, Lucy.

Meli.

Meli is extraordinary, Lucy.

You would like her, you would.

She has your spirit.

Bold as hell.

I will always love you.

You have always been with me.

But I love Meli too.

Let me go, please. Let me live.

Last dance?

Goodbye, Lucy.

Goodbye.

OK, stop putting up these goddamn posters and I'll

mart you for Christ's sake.

Oh, damn it, Meli, I've been rehearsing a formal proposal.

Mrs. Mallory warned me.

I couldn't wait.

Will you walk with me to the water?

Sounds wonderful.

Back to the sea?

Back to the sea.

I love you, Meli.

I love you too, you sentimental dope.

BORIS: I'm scared, Barbara.

I get really scared sometimes.

The first time I asked to move in with me, I was scared.

The first time we made love I scared--

God, I was scared.

Barbara, I wish we could go home.

Because I know you'd make me feel better.

Barbara, I couldn't stand it if you died.

I need you a lot, Barbara.

I mean, there's so many things I want to do with you.

And if I don't ever get a chance to do them,

I'm going to be really heartbroken, Barbara.

Please, Barbara.

You got to do something to show them you're alive.

You go and do something, Barbara.

You got to show them.

You got to do it for me, Barbara.

Please.

Just show them.

Just help me, Barbara.

I need you, Barbara.

Please.

Help me, Barbara.

For me-- do it for me.

Boris.

Barbara!

Boris, why don't you go home and get some rest.

Help me, Barbara, please. Help me!

Come on, Boris there's nothing you can do here.

You got to do it.

You can do it.

Show them, Barbara.

Please!

Help me, Barbara.

Please!

Sid, she's grabbing my hand!

Sid, she's crying!

She's alive!

Barbara is alive!

Look, Sid.

Barbara.

Barbara!

No, no! No, Sid!

No!

Why dud you turn it off?

We're going to kill her!

Let me go!

She's gagging!

She can't breathe by herself with the respirator

still going!

She's breathing by herself.

Yes, Boris.

She is.

Well, that means she's out of the coma now, right?

Yeah, yeah.

Well, that's a good sign, isn't it?

Yes, Boris.

It's an excellent sign.

It is absolutely outstanding.

Son of a bitch.

Barbara, you're outstanding! Do you hear that!

You're outstanding.

You did it!

Barbara, you did it.

Your parents-- I'm going to tell your parents, OK?

Now, don't go away.

I'll be right back, OK?

I'll be right back!

She's alive! Barbara's alive!

She's alive!

She's alive!

I can't believe it!

She's alive!

She's alive!

She's ALIVE!

Son of a bitch!

Hello.

Boris.

Oh, Barbara.

Harry!

Harry!

I don't know how the hell you did it, Harry.

Everybody is going to Northfield.

The golden rule of Arts and Sciences,

Boris, never forget it.

What's that?

He who has the gold makes the rules.

I'll never forget it, Harry.

Good morning, Dr. Kullenbeck.

Yeah, morning.

Did Harry happen to mention how long I'm going

to stay out her at Northfield?

He says's you can come right back as soon

as you get the big picture.

Optional flight.

I was thinking last night of the future good of all penguins.

MELI: Guess what?

I've got great news.

I'm going to have a baby, you goddamned, fertile antique.

Those penguins can choose to float through the air!

Oh, no you don't, Harry Wolper.

If you think I'm going to have--

If Meli has a child, I'm going to be a father.

I'm going to be a father!

I'm going to be a father!