Original subtitles

SHAW BROS (HK) LTD. A SHAW STUDIOS PRODUCTION

Bravo!

COSTUMES BY LAU KWAI-YAU MAKE-UP BY WU HSU-CHING

Mr. Duan, what a show! That was really good!

Thank you, thank you.

- Good show! - Good show, right?

- That wasn't too bad, right? - It was really great!

Hey, darling? That Monkey King's kung fu isn't bad at all.

And that female lead? She's simply gorgeous.

Of course. That's why you've been coming here to see her every night.

You must have the hots for her!

But, darling, you promised me.

Sure, but you promised me something, too.

But of course!

Once you hook me up with her, I'll get you something.

You can have anything you want.

Hey, you two...

- Mr. Chen? An invitation from Mr. Duan. - Him again?

- Another great show tonight, Master Chen. - Thank you, thank you all.

- Sister? - Come in.

Sister, Mr. Duan's invited us to dinner again.

Look at you. Always a mess when you take off your own make-up.

Sister, let's not go again tonight.

But we should go. That was our final show here.

We should thank him for his support before we leave tomorrow.

- Alright, then. - Hey!

Just remember, don't get drunk again this time.

Got it!

- Cheers! - Cheers!

Here's to you two, again.

You're too kind, Mr. Duan.

We've done some good business here, thanks to you getting the word out.

- We really appreciate it. - Don't mention it.

The truth is, I am not a big opera fan,

but my wife here loves your singing.

As for myself,

I love watching you both performing kung fu the most.

Well, that's very kind of Mr. Duan. Let's offer a toast to him.

Cheers!

- Brother, don't drink too much. - What now?

We still have to pack for tomorrow.

Oh! So you're leaving us tomorrow?

Who knows when we'll get to see you here again? More reason to drink.

- Caihe, wine! - Yes, sir.

Sister, Mr. Duan is right.

Master Chen, I've heard that everything done on stage is fake,

and all those kung fu moves are just for show.

It sounds like it's all a sham.

- What did you say? - Brother...

Sister, he said our kung fu was a sham, that it wasn't real.

Well, Mr. Duan's own kung fu must be very good, then.

Thank you, thank you.

- Li Han! - Sir?

Choose a couple of men so Master Chen can teach them.

Please teach us, Master Chen!

Hey, stop!

Master Chen, would you call that real kung fu?

They were doing the reverse hand technique.

Sure, but tell me, how is it different from what you do on stage?

- It's quite different. - Oh?

- Brother... - Sister, I can't let this opportunity pass.

- Don't... - Please...

Mr. Duan, their arm movements are too wide.

And their horse stances are too stiff.

Besides, you move too slow!

Watch. Stand here.

Come on!

If your elbow is here, then his reverse hand will be useless.

Got it?

Am I right, Mr. Duan?

Also, your "Lion Rebounding Kick"...

Watch.

His horse stance is too high. It's not low and deep enough.

- Am I right again, Mr. Duan? - Right!

More wine for Master Chen!

Brother! Brother!

Drinking wine while discussing kung fu is one of life's pleasures.

You're so right, Mr. Duan.

And Mr. Duan, since you admire my kung fu skills so much...

...and since I'm in a good mood this evening...

...fine, I'll give you a demonstration.

No need to move, everyone. Just stay where you are.

Easy now.

I hope I didn't frighten you just now.

Still, demonstrating by myself isn't much fun.

Fine, fine. Any two of you go and have some fun with Master Chen.

And if two's not enough, then four. We can even give you ten men.

Master Chen, I reckon ten men would be enough for you.

It doesn't matter. Two or ten... it's all the same.

Brother! You...

Oh, I'm not drunk. I'm just having some fun.

Exactly. It's just fun, nothing more.

Hurry up, then!

Your need more power in your waist, kid.

Can you catch my fan?

That's my hand.

Terrible.

Who's your master?

Good! Good!

More wine! Another drink for Master Chen.

Master Chen, you sure can drink.

- Sister! - Brother, no more wine. Let's go!

Oh, Miss Chen...

All this "men's talk" about kung fu must be boring for a lady.

- Right, Master Chen? - Brother!

- Ha Li? - Yes?

Listen, take Miss Chen to your room and discuss girly things, will you?

Of course.

We must leave now, Mr. Duan.

You don't have to go just yet. Let's talk inside.

- Brother, you're drunk. - Drunk? I'm not drunk.

Of course he's not drunk.

Sister, these folks here are being most hospitable.

Besides, I haven't seen Mr. Duan's kung fu yet.

Brother! You're not listening to me again!

Sister, I...

Come on now, Miss Chen, let's leave the men to their business.

We can have girl talk. Come, let's go inside.

- Brother! - Go on.

Sister, I'm fine. You go.

Come on!

Master Chen, please teach me.

Come on...

- Forgive me! - No need. It's just a friendly match.

Come on.

Very good. That was some real kung fu.

Pretty skillful.

You're too kind.

Well, now it's my turn to show you what my real kung fu is like.

I'd better not use the fan, it's not fair.

You...

Where are you off to, Mr. Duan?

Me?

I was just getting you some more wine.

- Hey, bring more wine! - Wine? Hurry, let's go!

Excellent, Master Chen, excellent!

Your kung fu is amazing.

You're fast, you're strong, and you're nimble.

- Almost like a monkey... - What's that?

Like Monkey Fist!

Cheers!

Mr. Duan... your waist is stiff as wood.

But my waist is agile!

Still, my kung fu calls for a very firm waist.

You see?

Mr. Chen, here's to you.

Firm is good.

But being soft...

You have to combine the two.

Cheers!

That was sneaky of you.

That was "Stealing A Monkey's Grapes".

Miss Duan, it's getting rather late now.

I'm worried my brother will get drunk out there and cause trouble.

- He won't. - I'd better take a look.

Oh, Miss Chen, please don't worry.

My husband treats him like his own brother.

Even if he gets drunk, there won't be any problem.

You don't understand, Mrs. Duan, whenever my brother gets drunk,

he always gets into trouble.

Oh, is that so?

I'll tell my husband not to offer him any more wine, then.

- Good. - And Miss Chen?

I've prepared some ginseng soup to help Master Chen sober up.

Look after Miss Chen.

- I'll show you some more Monkey Fist. - Please do.

Bravo, bravo!

- But I'm not finished. - There's more?

Now comes the most important part.

"Four Moves in One Palm".

"Four Moves in One Palm..."

That was the hardest...

He's drunk for sure now.

Darling? You know what to do.

Miss Chen, I'm very sorry. Your brother is drunk.

He's running around like some crazed monkey.

Even I don't know where he's gone.

My brother is too much. It's so late now.

Where could he be?

Don't worry. I've got my men looking for him.

Where's your wife?

I was looking for your brother. I have no idea where she went.

- I'll go look for him. - Oh, there's no need.

They'll let us know as soon as they've found your brother.

- What did you say? - It's true!

- Impossible! - I saw it myself.

My brother...

- Very well, let's go and see. - Yes, sir.

Master Chen!

Master Chen, you...

Mrs. Duan!

- What's all this? - Brother!

Sister, I...

Brother!

You slut!

How could you do this to me? You've disgraced my family name!

It wasn't my fault, Master!

I was making some ginseng soup,

and Master Chen broke into the room, and then he...

I did nothing! Mr. Duan...

Say no more!

And I thought you were an honorable man.

You're nothing but a drunk rapist!

- Brother! - Restrain him!

You rascal! How dare you? All the evidence is right here!

Mr. Duan, my brother would never have done this if he wasn't drunk.

But, sister, I...

But you did molest her, brother! Why are you still arguing the fact?

Miss Chen, when it comes to cases like this,

our village's customary punishment is death by drowning.

My brother knows he's done wrong. Please forgive him.

Who could forgive such a thing?

Then how can I make amends, Mr. Duan?

Silence!

Miss Chen, we must follow our custom. I have no choice.

Quiet!

Fine, Mr. Duan. Do whatever you must.

- Brother! - Just forget you ever had a brother!

- Let me take his place instead. - How?

I can be your concubine or your maid. I'll do anything.

As long as you let my brother go, Mr. Duan.

- Sister! - Brother, I've made up my mind.

Please say yes, Mr. Duan.

- But how can I? - Please say yes!

Very well, then. But we'll have to cripple your brother's hands.

But why?

Because your brother's kung fu is so good.

What if one day he gets drunk again and comes after me?

No...

- Duan! - Brother! Please don't.

Stop!

This little monkey here can even do somersaults!

One, two, three, four!

Now that you've seen him do all of those somersaults,

all of you, old and young, big and small,

please buy some of my candy.

Let's buy some!

He's got plenty more tricks, so please buy some candy. Come on!

- Buy, buy! - They're really sweet.

Come on. Buy some!

Buy some. What about you, sirs?

Hey, mister, buy some! They're really sweet.

Then why don't you buy some?

- Hey, you got any money? - No. You guys got any money?

- No! - Fine, each of you will get one free.

Help yourselves.

There's plenty for everyone. Get some before they're gone.

They're really sweet.

You haven't got much.

Well, the day is still young. Why don't you guys come back later?

In that case...

Listen, pal, I just started my show. It's too early for you to take my fee.

Do we look like we care? We'll be back for more later!

- Let me help you. - Thanks.

Hurry up!

Let's go!

Hey, we got it. Let's go!

- The chow fun here is excellent! - Boss!

- You guys collected from everyone? - Yes, it's all there.

Have a seat. Get some drinks.

- Waiter! - Waiter!

- Coming! - We should go back and store the money.

- Let's go. - Have some tea.

We got quite a lot of money today. Chief must be happy with us.

I don't know how to swim! Pull me up! Hurry!

What are you doing?

Chief is in the water! Let's help him!

Help! Help!

Pull me up! Quick!

- Get that crab off his nose! - Those crabs! Get them off me!

Hurry!

Find that kid!

Where did he go?

Hey, watch it!

Sir, where does that street performer live?

- The one with the monkey? - Yeah.

- That boat over there. - Thanks.

Uncle Chen!

- Good evening, Uncle Chen. - Evening.

I suppose you've come to see the show. I don't perform in the evenings.

Oh, I'm not here for that.

I brought you some food.

And this wine is very good. Try it.

What's that for, Uncle Chen? This is vintage wine.

Get out!

I didn't know you don't drink.

Have some food, then.

Don't use your filthy hands.

Use this.

- So what's your name, kid? - Monkey.

- Monkey? - Well, my parents died when I was a baby.

Everyone calls me Monkey, so I just roll with it.

No wonder you act like one. Sit down.

Monkey, sorry for my outburst just now.

- But whenever I see wine... - I understand, you can't drink wine.

That's right. Hey, your food is delicious.

Of course! I had them made specially just for you.

- It must've cost you a fortune. - Not my money.

I took it from those thugs that bullied you.

- So you stole it, then? - Well, I can't beat them.

So, "Beat them if you can, steal from them if you can't."

This world we live in is full of evildoers.

Filled with thieves, scammers and bullies.

Uncle Chen, why don't you eat your food?

Right. You, too.

Uncle Chen, all street performers like to drink.

How come you don't?

What's wrong, Uncle Chen?

Nothing.

It's the food. It's a bit rich.

And it's giving me heartburn.

Have a seat.

Go on, eat.

Uncle Chen, a chicken leg for you.

Thanks.

Why are you holding the chopsticks like this?

My hands... they were injured long ago.

- Did a monkey bite you? - No.

A rat, then?

A snake?

Must've been a woman, then.

Uncle Chen! Uncle Chen!

What's with you?

Are you having a seizure, Uncle Chen?

No...

Ah, you must've spent too much time with your monkey.

Because when monkeys mate, this is how they act.

- What do you think, Uncle Chen? - That's not how real monkeys act.

Listen, don't mention wine and women ever again.

Now eat.

Hey, baldy, this leaf here will keep you cool.

You can use it as a fan and wave, wave...

And also, you can use it as a hat,

if you want your hair to grow back.

Here.

I forgot to introduce you to my fist.

How do you like that?

Oh, five? I got five.

Now it's ten...

Oh, none?

Five again!

You bastard!

You won't steal from me again!

You got caught this time, Monkey?

So what? It's only just this once.

You got into trouble and you're still trying to deny it?

I've got no food for you. I'm sorry.

That's alright.

But if you keep stealing, you'll end up dead.

What? If I don't steal, I'll starve to death!

I don't steal. Do you see me starving?

That's different. You've got a monkey show.

I don't have any skills, so I have to steal.

Well, at least you're stealing from the bad people.

It's late. Get some sleep.

You can sleep with Ah-Mo.

That's one marvelous songbird!

- And it's so cute. - Mine can't even compare.

Morning, Boss.

What are you up to now, Monkey?

Oh, nothing. I no longer pick pockets anymore.

And I thought maybe you could let me work here.

You want to work here?

People like you have no skills and no work experience.

What do you think you could do?

Well, I could start picking up the dishes.

You've paid us nothing for two days!

I'll pay you, I promise. Now give me back my monkey.

If everyone here acted like you, we'd be out of business!

No, I...

No, don't! He's gonna die!

No, please! Give him back to me!

How dare you fight back? Get him!

Hey, are you alright?

This is outrageous! You killed his monkey and you wanna kill him, too?

What did you say? Be quiet!

Hey, we're outnumbered. Let's get out of here.

We might get hurt.

- Alright, let's go! - Get out of here!

Are you alright?

- Waiter, check, please! - Coming!

The check?

Let me throw a few bowls in the water.

That way, the waiter won't know how many bowls we've really had.

Hey, buddy! You can't wash our dishes in the dirty water!

Others may get infected!

What is this? Who the hell are you?

Hey, let's see how much you've actually eaten!

Nine more dishes from table three, so that's another 21 cents.

So, including these here, that's 40 cents altogether!

Well done, Monkey.

Of course!

Uncle Luk, why isn't Uncle Chen here?

It was awful. Those bastards beat up Uncle Chen and killed his monkey.

What a tragedy!

Uncle Chen! Uncle Chen!

Uncle Chen...

I heard they caught up with you, Uncle Chen.

Ah-Mo, rest in peace.

We'll get the men who killed you.

It's alright, Uncle Chen, I'll find you another monkey tomorrow.

Even if I can't find you one, I can be your monkey!

- Monkey! Are you hurt? - No.

I've got a pretty tough ass!

Uncle Chen, don't worry. I'll go after them for you!

Monkey, don't do anything stupid.

If you go after them, you've got a death wish!

Don't you worry. I won't fight them openly.

But I do have a few tricks up my sleeve.

Tricks? I'm afraid your tricks aren't good enough.

What do you mean, not good enough? I'll hover over them like a fly.

Then I'll fiddle with them like strings on a guitar.

They're like worms in a manure pit, hiding in their own shit.

But once they come out, I'll make them look like shit!

- You're something else. - Hey, Uncle Chen, I got $2.00 today.

- You're stealing again? - What do you mean, stealing?

- I earned it myself! - Earned it?

I worked like a dog and earned it with my sweat.

Well, that's more like it.

Come on, let's go eat.

Right. We haven't buried Ah-Mo yet.

Ah-Mo, you passed away before your time, but you must be in heaven by now.

Say hello to Monk Pig for us.

Uncle Chen, would you like to look at him one last time?

Ah-Mo!

Uncle Chen?

Monkey, it's you.

For a minute there, I thought you were Ah-Mo.

And you said I don't act like a monkey! You mistook me for Ah-Mo.

But you...

I watched and learned all his moves. Watch!

Ah-Mo somersaults.

Ah-Mo taking a piss.

Ah-Mo scratches. Also...

...Ah-Mo walks.

- It still wouldn't work. - Still wouldn't? Why not?

- Because a monkey is hairy. - Hairy? Sure!

Make way, make way!

Now, folks, this is no savage beast.

And it's not the legendary Monkey King either.

What do you think it is?

Monkey! It's a monkey!

That's right! It's a monkey!

But it's portrayed by a man.

And he acts just like the real thing. He can scratch himself!

And he knows how to greet all of you!

He can also jump.

Good, right? And he can even wield a staff!

Everyone, he can also sell candy!

Please support us.

- Don't worry. There's plenty to go around. - Thanks, thanks.

That guy's doing great business.

Looks like he's new here. Come on.

- Don't worry, everyone will get some. - Out of the way! Move it!

Move!

- So, it's you again, huh? - Yes, boss.

- You're doing well. - Yes, yes.

- Don't touch it, or I'll eat you alive! - So, it's you, kid?

You're playing the monkey now?

- We're just trying to make a living. - Sure.

Old rules, then.

One dollar a day, right?

No, there are two of you now. It'll be two dollars.

But it's one dollar for every merchant!

Since you're here, we'll charge a dollar more!

Don't fight! Don't fight!

Stop fighting!

- Don't start any trouble! - He's got some skills. Use your knives!

I have no skills to speak of.

Fine, I'll pay you two dollars.

Uncle Chen...

That's more like it. Now hurry up and pay us!

Grab some.

Brother Fook, this is all he's got.

Well, how about it?

So, you've been hiding all this money, huh?

Right, grab it. Let's go!

Monkey, I've been doing this for five years.

I'm used to getting extorted.

But that's not fair.

What do you know? Some have to pay bribes from birth.

When they go to school, they pay bribes.

And when they look for jobs, they also have to pay bribes.

But that's not right. Ouch! Those bastards!

We work our asses off just to pay them.

No way! I have to get it back!

- It's useless. - Why?

If you mess with them, then they'll kick your ass.

I don't care. I'm going!

If you go after them, you'll end up getting killed.

- Fine with me! - Still so arrogant!

Oh, so it is true!

- What's true? - That you know kung fu!

- Says who? - Those guys we fought today!

- Nonsense. - It's not!

I've been with you for weeks. You could've taught me some kung fu.

Instead, all I've learned is a monkey act!

Monkey! The monkey act is how we make a living!

Exactly! Otherwise, no one would dare to beat us up!

The monkey act is all I know.

I don't know any Monkey Fist. So if you want to learn that...

...find someone else!

I quit!

Boss.

Boss.

- Boss. - Out of our way!

- Move! - Waiter, check, please!

- Manager! - Coming! Coming!

- Let's play some chess. - Coming!

Hold it!

Extorting businesses in broad daylight?

- You're no different than a thief! - Oh, you again, huh?

What are you up to now?

Listen up! I am no longer Monkey. I now go by the title Monkey King.

Haven't you heard?

No, I haven't. Have you?

I've never heard it, either.

I think he's gone completely nuts.

Sorry, sorry. Monkey, don't cause any trouble here.

Boss, until we get rid of them, we'll have no peace here.

Hold it! You're no match for me. Tell your leader to come here.

- You mean Boss Cai? - That's right.

We'll see what you've really got.

"Crossroad"?

"Four Horses Gallop".

"Restraining The Horse By The Cliff"?

"Strike From Bottom And Hit The Middle!"

"Surrounded By The Enemy"? "Break The Jade With Force"!

Kill him!

"Monkey King Storms The Heavenly Palace"!

Boss! It's me!

Stop it, please! You're trashing my place!

Monkey!

Over here! I'll smash him!

I have to stop this.

Here's your money, sir. Stop hitting him or he'll die.

Please, have mercy on him and spare his life.

He's just a kid and doesn't know any better. Here's five more dollars.

- Will you let him go? - Let him go!

Goddamn it! I'm not afraid of you!

You're awake, Monkey.

I wish I wasn't! I'd rather die fighting!

It would've been better if I'd died!

It's not that I don't want to teach you.

It's just that... I don't want you to end up like me.

I am already like you! I get bullied, insulted and beaten up!

- Learning kung fu is tough! - So what?

- I'm afraid you'd give up half way! - I'd rather die than give up!

- Then do you know the first rule? - Bow to your master! Master!

- This is no place to train. - Where should we go, then?

To the mountains!

All ten of your fingers are uneven.

Monkey Fist requires strength, so you must have strong fingers.

And also...

...strong wrists!

Master, how long will this take?

It hurts, and it's so uncomfortable.

You can still hold on to things.

See? And if you want to eat?

What's so uncomfortable about that?

- But, I... - Say no more!

From now on, your hands will be tied until it's time to sleep.

But, Master...

And the stones must not touch the ground!

Lift your hands higher!

Turn around!

Now, jump like a monkey.

Jump!

- Master, I got you some potatoes. - Put them down.

Sit down.

Use your hands!

Come again.

A monkey would've been quicker than you.

But I'm tied up with two stones. Of course I'm not as quick.

- Then you'll go hungry. - Huh? Well...

Again!

Monkey? Tonight's chicken sure smells good.

- Indeed! - Want to try some?

- No, thanks. - Aren't you hungry?

Of course, but I'm not as quick as you, so I'll stick with my potato.

- You're being very humble tonight. - I have to be.

I can only grab two potatoes from you. I can forget about a third.

You can have it, then.

You're right, Master. It sure tastes great.

"The faster monkey gets the chicken!"

- Not bad, huh? - You little rascal.

Master, why are we hanging laundry at this late hour?

- What laundry? It's for you. - Huh? For me?

Why is it for me?

You're a quick learner. Your monkey hands are getting fast.

But your arm strength isn't there yet.

Arm strength?

What does that have to do with the ropes?

Monkeys have strong arms because they always swing from tree to tree.

Sure, sure.

So starting tonight, you'll sleep on the ropes.

- Huh? Sleep on the ropes? - That's right.

What if I fall off?

Come with me.

Easy, right? If you're afraid you might fall...

...you can hold on to this.

You'll get used to it.

- Get up there. - Whatever you say.

Stop it...

- Why did you let go? - You tickled me! It's itchy!

A monkey gets tickled by branches all the time.

- Does he ever fall? - No.

Get back up!

What's that? Slacking off again? Keep going!

My fingers, my wrists and my arms are all getting stronger.

Master, how am I doing?

You want to learn Monkey Fist? You still have a long way to go.

What? A long way to go? Are you kidding me?

Well, Master?

See what I mean?

But of course! What do you expect when you push me?

You look nothing like a monkey the way you fall.

How do they fall, then?

A monkey would somersault and stand back up.

Master, I've trained with you for so long.

- I am getting better, right? - Not really!

Well, I've mastered the techniques for fingers, wrists, arms, waist,

and the somersaults, and I can even swing from trees.

- I'm almost there, right? - Hardly!

What?

If you don't believe me, then fight me.

Master, fighting with you is pointless. You're not like those guys.

So you think you can fight those guys now?

Of course.

Sounds like you want to leave the mountain, then?

That's what I want.

- When do you want to go? - The sooner, the better!

I mean, the sooner I go, the better for the town.

I want to go tonight.

Very well.

Student!

What is it, Master?

Monkey, if you insist on going down the mountain tonight,

then I, your master, will not stand in your way.

But remember, there will always be a stronger opponent out there.

Now go.

Master, please accept these three bows from your student!

Once.

Twice.

Three times.

Master, please take care of yourself.

Hold it!

Master, have you changed your mind?

I don't have much, but here's a little gift for you.

But, Master, it's just an old hat.

Don't underestimate it.

Once you start wearing it, you'll never want to take it off.

It's that powerful? Thanks, Master!

What the...? My vegetables!

He's crazy, don't mess with him.

Boss.

Boss.

Boss.

Hey, don't mess with my sugar cane! Put it back!

You're crazy!

Him again? He's like the kid that refuses to die.

And now he's teaching other kids.

- You're all bastards! - You're all bastards!

He's even taught them to swear at us.

You really aren't afraid to die, huh?

I wanted to die, but the Underworld wouldn't accept me.

That's easy. We'll accept you on its behalf.

Hold it! You two are so pathetic.

Always pushing your lackeys in front of you.

Of course. That's what they get paid for.

- Right. - Enough talk. Get him.

Wait! It's hard for the audience to see us fight as a group.

- Let's fight each other one on one. - Fine. Ah Dua, fight him.

Hey! One more thing. Not in front of the kids.

Go on, kids. Get going.

Hey, he's good.

Fighting just one is boring.

How about two?

Itchy?

Which side? I'll go that side.

Now let's try this side!

An orange for you. So sweet and juicy.

Oh, that's sour!

Strike! Two down!

- The odds seem good. - We'll fix him.

Now that's better. Let's do three.

Red! Green! White! Go!

Wow! You guys are named after Mahjong tiles?

Hold it! The three of you are way too slow.

Mahjong is bad for your health!

You should've learned the Monkey Fist!

And your fingers are weak!

Wait, there's more!

Hey, it's your turn now.

- Right. Hey, it's our turn. - Who goes first?

You, of course.

- But I'm holding the money. You go. - Me?

Hey, either one of you will do.

That's out of style now. No one wants to see that anymore.

See? This is what they want to see now!

That's my hat!

That's my pipe!

He's going to choke to death!

It's me!

Be considerate. Please don't smoke.

I'm riding a bull!

Your smoking pipe...

Delicious?

Where did my hat go?

Hey, don't move!

What's this, Drunken Snake Style?

That's right. Drunken Snake Style!

"Lazy Monkey Stretches"!

What's this?

Having trouble?

You're breaking my arm!

- So, how much did you collect today? - Not me, him!

- Him? - Not much.

- I don't care. Give it all back! - What?

Give it back. Give it all back!

- Take me to your boss, Mr. Cai! - No, please...

- Fine, fine. - Fine? Then let's go!

Thank you for coming. Please come back soon.

Thanks! See you next time.

Come back soon!

Hey! Why are you all just standing there?

Get to work! Tonight's customers will be here soon. Go!

Master Duan, business has been really good lately.

- Not bad. - But of course, Master Duan.

Since I've been running the place on your behalf,

business has been going through the roof!

Come on now, Brother Cai. Give credit where credit is due.

The truth is, we have to thank our two ladies here.

But of course!

You must be joking.

These two are always making jokes.

Master Duan, I've prepared dinner for all of us downstairs.

- Shall we? - Sure, sure.

We're here.

Please, come on in.

We have a customer!

- Out of the way, all of you! - Get him!

- Who is he? - Uh, he...

Cai, you and your men have been extorting our merchants

and running gambling dens and whorehouses!

That's why I'm here to settle a few scores with you!

Damn you!

Hang on, Cai. This young man seems pretty bright.

- Who is he? - He's just some...

Save your breath! I'm Monkey and I use the Monkey Fist!

- You know the Monkey Fist? - My ass! He's just a rascal!

He thinks he's a real monkey.

The truth is, Master Duan, some stranger taught him some monkey tricks.

No wonder he looks like fun, just like a real monkey.

Fun? I'm here to teach you a lesson!

Ah Cai, why don't you put on a show for us to watch?

Sure. I'll pretend to be his master.

Hey, it only takes one jump to die.

I won't jump, then.

Charge!

Hey, I'm over here!

Thanks.

You stink!

Hold it. Your band-aid's moved.

A little higher.

- That's it. - Much better!

You little bastard...

Hey, he's over there!

Boss Cai, watch this!

Ouch!

- Single horse clamp! - I'm done for.

Ox pulling the cart!

- Now you really look like a pimp. - Help me...

It's me!

Now turn around!

Good. Good. You do have some skills.

All of you, stand back.

You fight very well.

Boss Cai, now there's the real expert.

Monkey tricks? Mine is the real Monkey Fist!

Yours isn't real Monkey Fist, more like Monkey-shaped.

What?

- Who's he? - He's my boss.

- I thought you were the boss? - I'm Number Two.

So he's the real boss, then.

So, Cai, you were just pretending to be the boss.

Boss, I sort of took over whenever you were away.

Real boss, I thought you would've known better.

- This is the real thing! - Of course I know Monkey Fist.

Tell me, who is your master?

Oh, are you interrogating me now?

Never question a kung fu guy!

Right, right.

- Take our guest to the VIP room. - Yes.

Ah Cai, prepare dinner.

Yes, Boss, right away!

Dinner? Hey, do you know what my favorite food is?

I know. A Manchu feast.

You know Monkey Fist, too?

Hey, this might actually be worth my time!

Sister, let's go downstairs.

Ladies, Master Duan's kung fu is really not bad!

Sister, doesn't his fighting style remind you of someone?

My brother?

Not at all.

Ah Cai, bring the table outside.

- I will have my Manchu feast here. - Sure. Hurry up!

Hey, that's OK, I'm not eating. I'm not hungry.

You're not eating? Well, I am.

Hold it, hold it! Stand back!

I have to serve a prestigious dish first.

I'm sitting down first? You're too kind.

I know this dish, Boss. It must be live monkey's brain.

- Bring me the ingredients. - Yes!

Hey, isn't this a bit much?

Not at all. Just in time for winter season.

- Sit down. - Ladies, please.

Have a seat.

Now then, little monkey, you've caused my men a lot of trouble.

Who's your master, really? What's his name?

The winner has won, and I have been defeated.

But I will not disgrace my master. I won't tell you.

You asshole!

Before we eat the monkey's brain, we must cleanse his head.

Then we sanitize it with alcohol.

After that, we have to shave his head.

Then... we smash its skull!

- Who is your master? - No idea!

Very well. Ah Cai?

Smash his skull as slowly as you can.

I'm so embarrassed!

Get him! Don't let him get away!

Watch where you're going!

I left my master's hat back there.

He's got to be Chen's student!

Look at you! You let Chen go, and now you're scared.

Huh? Me, scared?

I'm not afraid of him! His student escaped because of you.

What? You think I pulled down my skirt on purpose?

You like Monkey Fist practitioners, remember?

What did you say? You set Chen up back then, and you know it!

Oh, so you're blaming me now?

I paid you quite a lot at the time.

That's right. You did give me this brothel to manage.

However, you promised me that when you were done,

you would let Chen's sister be the main attraction of the brothel.

But you keep dragging your feet, and I still can't have her!

- Why did you come back here? - I had to get my master's hat back.

- Who's your master? - His name's Master Chen.

- That's my brother. - My master is your brother?

That's right.

I just overheard them talking about how Duan had tricked my brother.

In order to save his life, I became Boss Duan's mistress.

Duan!

You!

You bitch!

So it was you who helped him escape.

And now you dare to fight on his side?

You beast! You tricked my brother and me back then!

I'm going to kill you!

That's good!

- Get out of here! - No way!

Madam!

Please, stop fighting! Stop...

Madam, why is the monkey kid back?

- Chen's helping him fight Master Duan! - Men, get him!

Get out of here!

Don't let him get away!

Get him!

Get him! Don't let him get away!

Catch him!

After him!

Hey, Monkey.

Master.

You're back so soon.

You must've missed your master.

Yes.

Actually, I...

You were full of vigor when you left.

What's wrong?

- Why the sad face? - Well... Ow!

- Headache? - No.

- Was the hat too tight? - No.

- Maybe someone hit you on the head? - Yes, Master.

Didn't you say your kung fu was great? How could you have let that happen?

Well, Master, I was doing really well at first.

I used my finger and wrist and arm techniques...

I beat up Ah Cai and his gang of thugs

from the streets to the brothel.

But then, the big boss appeared and said my Monkey Fist was fake.

That really pissed me off.

So I used everything, even my somersaults.

- But then... - He defeated you?

Yeah.

Your head is all wrapped up in bandages.

Why didn't you use my hat to cover it?

Your hat? Master, I saw your sister!

- My sister? - Yes. Just last night.

- Where? - At a brothel.

- She wouldn't! - Master, she doesn't work there.

- She's the boss' concu... - Wait!

- Is the boss' name Duan? - That's the bastard!

Hey, Master! She said that...

- She said what? - She said Duan framed you back then.

I knew it!

She tried to save me by fighting Duan too, but we were both no match for him.

- Master, where are you going? - I have to find her!

- You can't! - Why not?

Duan is cunning. Besides, your hands...

My hands are like this because of him!

Don't worry, Master, he wouldn't harm her if she's his concubine.

Besides, you don't have the strength to use Monkey Fist against him.

You wouldn't stand a chance.

- Monkey, you know your kung fu... - ...is no good.

- What, then? - More training!

This is one stance you must master, the "Four Moves in One Palm".

Hit it!

Again!

Master!

Master!

- You're so pretty, Miss. - Really?

Don't be so anxious. The night is still young.

Is there any particular girl you fancy, sir?

- Yeah. - Which one?

- Your mother. - My mother?

Please.

We have Su-hung, Su-man, Su-win, Su-ying, Su-tsai.

They come in all shapes and sizes. What kind do you fancy?

Don't be shy, just tell me.

- I want you. - You want me? Oh...

I didn't know you were into... Ow!

Why did you do that?

- So, you really want a man? - Yes. I want all the men here.

You want them all?

That's right. And your boss, too.

Well, my boss isn't interested in men.

And it's not part of our service.

However, now that you're here, we don't want to disappoint you.

I'll make sure I get you someone good.

- Ah Fau! - Yes?

What is it, Boss Cai?

One's not enough. Bring me more.

- No problem. Take care of him. - I'll...

- That was fast. - I told you, one's not enough.

I'll get you two more. Ah Shun! Ah Hai!

Go on.

What's wrong?

And I thought you were all tough guys.

Whatever happened to your stamina?

- Hey, are you really that good? - Of course I am.

- Four more men! - Coming!

- What is it? - This gentleman here likes men.

Take care of him, will you?

Hey, it's still business. No discounts.

Hey, what are you guys doing there? Get a room first!

Hey!

Hey... don't I know you?

What trick are you trying to pull?

MONKEY

Hey! Hey!

- What's this word? - "Monkey."

"Monkey"?

Aargh! It's Little Monkey! Stick with the plan!

Guard the four posts and get the four ropes!

The net will trap him. Alert the boss!

Where are my two guards?

Bring all the men you want, but clear the place out first.

Those of you who are not involved, leave now before you get hurt!

Go now! Go on!

Hey, don't go! Don't go!

Don't let them go, ladies! They haven't paid their bills yet!

You've chased all our customers away!

Mr. Cai, I'm helping you to clean up your image.

Because as martial arts practitioners...

...we must be mindful of ethics and our behavior.

We cannot use martial arts to assemble thugs and hooligans

and commit evil deeds.

Those who do so bring shame on the martial arts community.

That's it.

Hey, who taught you that?

MY MASTER

- "My Master"? - That's right.

So your master sent you here to preach, huh?

- Is everyone here yet? - I've been waiting far too long.

They're here.

When it comes to fighting, positioning is paramount.

Positioning? Don't you worry.

We have one just for you. Get him!

Trying to test my "Bridging Arm"?

How long have you been practicing?

Five months?

No way. I'd say three months at the most.

We got him. Use your swords on him!

- No! We're on your side! - Slash him!

Slash him, I said!

Everyone, stop!

What a mess! Ah Cai, where is Monkey?

We've got him, Master Duan.

Out of my way!

Where is he?

Ah, there you are!

It's me!

Looks like the main attraction has showed up.

Well, Little Monkey, I must admit your skill has gotten much better.

Thank you.

Monkey Fist will always be Monkey Fist.

I knew you'd come back to look for me, once you'd finished your training.

Of course.

I've come here to carry out three goals.

First, to remove the local evil.

Second, to avenge my master.

And third, I'm here to take his sister, Cuihong, away from here.

Cuihong?

She tried to save you last time.

I'm afraid that she's dead.

Monkey, even if you were the Monkey King, you wouldn't be able to escape this time.

Cut him to bits!

You four, get in there!

- They caught him, Master Duan! - They caught him!

Even your master couldn't defeat me. Why do you think you can?

You think I'm caught that easily? My master will come and help me!

Take him outside! Don't make a mess here.

Master's here!

Master!

Master Chen.

- Long time, no see. How are you? - Fine.

Madam Duan.

Master Chen, even though your hands have been crippled,

you've still taught him very well.

Enough small talk.

Where's my sister?

Master, they killed her!

Wait!

There's nothing to fear. He's just a crippled monkey.

Master, what took you so long?

If I'd got here sooner, I'd be stuck in the net, too.

Right.

Still as skilled as ever.

Your hands are crippled. Haven't you forgotten?

But mine aren't!

Attack!

Attack! Attack! Go!

Don't be scared! Attack! Attack!

Oh, my hands!

Hey, let's get out of here, come on!

Well, now, Duan, have my skills improved?

More like he hasn't improved.

Come on!

Out of breath?

The moral of this story is that martial artists

should always avoid sexual temptation and carrying out evil deeds.

Keep practicing your kung fu and you'll maintain good health!

Understand?

Painful? It's just what you deserve. An eye for an eye.

Master, am I right?

And now, I shall avenge the death of Sister Cuihong!

Monkey!