Original subtitles

Oh, good evening, Giovanni.

Oh, it's not good anything.

Why, what's the matter?

I've got a terrible overhang.

The word is hangover. Well, whatever it is, I've got it.

I drank too much vino at lunchtime. Oh, it's fatal to drink at midday.

Oh, good evening, Max. Oh, please, don't speak too loud.

I am thinking you have been also looking on the wine too much.

That's the trouble.

He's not looking, he's drinking like me. Why did you drink so much?

It was the feast of my patron saint, Saint Maximilio. So we had a drink.

Then we drink to my patron, Saint Giovanni.

Then we have a drink for my patriarch. Then one

for the Pope. Archimedes. Leonardo da Vinci.

Melina Mercuri. Sophia Loren.

And after that, I remember nothing.

Me neither. Yeah, we better go and sit down gently. All right?

Excuse me, please.

Ah, that way.

Ali, what are you doing? I'm checking with my compass. Checking what?

I'm wanting to find out where is Mecca.

Hey, I know where Mecca is.

It's a big dance place in Amazon.

Ah, you spaghetti head. You are not understanding.

I'm explaining to you. Tomorrow,

I'm having the honor of leading the prayer in our holy mosque. So tonight,

I'm going to have a practice after the class.

Ah, waste of time.

The sea, Trinidad, is the true fight?

That's not true. Catholic religion is a true fight.

What about Greek Orthodox? What about Martin Luther?

Shinto.

What about? Religion not true.

Only state is true. Sit down, everyone. Sit down.

Actually, you're all wrong. According to the Bible,

the original true faith was the Jewish one.

I don't believe it. It's true, it's holy writ.

Who writ it?

Holy writ is the Bible.

Yeah, you can't believe everything you read in the Bible. No, why not? Well,

some of it's, how you say, fairy's tales.

You take that Adam and Eve. Now,

you're not going to tell me it was only an apple he was after. Yeah,

I know what he was after.

I'm sure you do, but we won't pursue that.

You're here to improve your English, not disprove the Bible.

Danielle is late this evening, however, we'll carry on without her.

As you know, in a few weeks' time, you will all be taking your lower Cambridge,

so tonight I thought I'd give you an oral examination.

You are wanting to look at our tooths?

No, I mean that I'm going to go round the class and ask you all

to give me some answers and hope that I get some correct ones.

We are having a quiz. Yes, sort of.

Like Mr. Mind.

It's a mastermind. Yes, please. Yes, actually, that's not a bad idea, Ali.

Let's make it competitive.

We'll have a knockout competition.

You mean like at a big punch-out?

No, no, no.

Only verbally. I'll go round the class,

and whoever fails to answer a question correctly drops out, all right?

Now, where shall we start? Yes, Jamila, I'll give you an easy one to start with.

What is the plural of goose?

Goose?

Yes.

One goose, two... Gooses?

She's knockered out.

You know, the plural of goose is geese. Oh, ha, geese.

We won't count that. Let's have another one.

Let me see.

What is the opposite of good?

Not good.

Well, I would have preferred you would have

said bad, but we'll accept that. All right.

Giovanni, what is an epistle?

That's easy.

An epistle is the wife of an apostle.

That's you out.

I'm wrong. Yes, an epistle is a letter.

Max, give me another word for forward.

MacDonald. MacDonald. Yeah, he plays forward for Arsenal.

I don't mean that kind of forward.

Another word for moving forward.

Advance. Advance, yes, good, well done.

Anna, another word for debunk.

Debed.

No, no, it means to ridicule.

Ali, correct the following sentence.

Last night, I am going to the cinema.

Last night, I am not going to the cinema. Wrong.

It is not wrong. Because last night, I am not going anywhere at all.

You should have said, last night, I went to the cinema.

But I'm telling you, I didn't went.

It doesn't matter whether you did or didn't. You're out.

All right?

I'm sorry I'm so late, Mr. Brown.

That's all right, Danielle. Were you held up by the traffic?

No, I was held up by a man.

Dovens? You mean a mugger? I do not know his name.

But he works as a woodwork teacher here in the school.

One of the teachers here tried to rob you?

No, not rob me.

Oh, well, surely not... He was trying to chatter me up.

Oh, I see. He wanted to take me out.

You want I give him a bunch of favors?

He's bigger than you, Max.

Everybody's bigger than Max. Hey, watch what you're saying, huh?

Listen, Nana Mascuri, you don't... Hockey, come outside.

All right, settle down, you two. Come on. Don't worry about it, Daniel.

I'm sure that this woodwork teacher, whatever his name is,

was only trying to be friendly.

But he was trying to be more than friendly.

He would not let me go past until I agreed to have dinner with him.

He does seem to have been rather persistent.

Then, Eureka, I have, how you say, a brainwash.

Wait.

Yes.

I tell him I cannot go out with him because I am engaged to be married. Ah,

very good. Quick thinking.

There's only one problem. What was that?

I tell him I'm engaged to be married to you.

Yes.

It was a good idea, yes?

It was a good idea, no. Did anybody overhear you?

Only Gladys.

Oh, great. That's worse than putting it on news at ten.

It'll be all over the school by now.

You say that Mr. Brown is engaged to his French student?

That's right. I heard her tell Mr. Jarvis in the tea room.

Well, this is absolutely disgraceful.

I think he might have had the decency to tell me first.

Tell you? Yes.

It's most inconsiderate.

Oh, dear.

I'm sorry, I didn't know. Didn't know what?

Oh, nothing, nothing.

I must be getting back.

Oh, Patrick, did you say anything to Miss Courtney about Danielle and me? Oh,

only in passing. Oh, great. I'll go and check it.

I didn't mean any harm. I had no idea she felt that way. What way? About you.

What are you talking about?

Oh, unrequited love. Pardon? You and her ladyship. She fancies you.

Oh, don't be ridiculous. Yeah, oh, it's true. Oh,

she was very upset when she heard about you and Danielle. Poor soul.

I don't know where you got this ridiculous story from,

but you are completely mistaken. Oh, no, I'm not.

I heard her. You mean she told you that she fancied me? Well, not in so many words,

but I knew. It was written all over her face.

I can't believe it. Yes, oh, it's not unusual, though. Oh,

lots of older women fall for younger men.

My sister ran off with a 30-year-old milkman. Really? How old was your sister? 65.

But Miss Courtney's always given me the impression that she didn't like me.

Oh, well, women are very funny, and she's at a funny age. Yeah,

you can say that again. Well, the best of luck. Thank you.

Come to think of it, you're not far off it yourself.

Enter. Miss Courtney...

Well, well, if it isn't the college Casanova.

Yes, well, I've come to explain about that.

Are you sure you can spare the time?

It's a complete misunderstanding. You see, I'm not really engaged to Danielle.

She only said that to stop one of the teachers from pestering her.

Really?

It's perfectly true. The chap who takes the

woodwork class was trying to shut her up.

Mr Jarvis? Is that his name?

Well, I've never met him. Anyway,

she concocted the whole thing just to get out of an embarrassing situation. I see.

I'm terribly sorry, especially in view of, um...

Well?

In view of what?

Yeah, well, I hardly like to mention it.

Well, you have mentioned it, so you may as well continue.

Well, let me say right away that it's a perfectly natural thing to happen.

What is?

Well, for one person to be attracted to another despite a difference in their ages.

To what two persons are you referring? Well, you and I. You and I?

Oh, Mr Brown, I've no idea you felt like that about me.

Unless you said yourself it's perfectly natural. Oh, you poor dear boy.

Oh, no, Miss Courtney, you don't understand.

Oh, but I do.

Men have always found me rather fascinating.

Yeah, I'm sure they have. Look, let me explain.

Now, there's no need to apologise for the way you feel.

Yes, but I'm... Of course, it's out of the question.

But, Miss Courtney, please. Now, don't start grovelling.

Don't get over it.

Yes, I suppose I will.

And now I suggest you go and squash this foolish

rumour about you and your French fiancée.

Right, I'll do that. Thank you.

And Mr Brown. Yes, Miss Courtney? Don't worry about this other little affair.

I shan't tell a soul.

Your secret is safe with me.

You're very kind.

Oh, come on, Daniel. It is a kiss. Come on.

Mr. Brown!

Daniel, aren't you in the classroom?

I am trying to explain to Mr. Jarvis what I said between us is not true.

Sure. It's every man for himself, is it, Brown? Look, I'd appreciate it, Mr.

Jarvis, if you stopped pestering my students, if you don't mind.

A bit sensitive, aren't we? To the green eye, is it? Certainly not.

Well, then, as they say in this lovely lady's land, firme la bouche. Shut your gob!

Don't you speak to Mr Brown like this. He will be angry with you.

Oh, really?

He is not frightened of you. Oh, aren't you? Well, I'm not. No, he's not.

And if you're not careful, he will hit you.

He couldn't hit a fly.

Look, Jarvis, I'm not in the slightest... And he is ready whenever you are.

Right.

Tonight, after class, in the yard, we'll have a punch-up.

Here you are, Mr. Brown. Thanks, Sid. Fancy a drop of tiddly?

A tiddly wink? A drink? A drink. A drop of Jack the Dandy?

Jack the Dandy.

A drop of brandy?

Get your strength up with a big fight. No, thanks. Please yourself.

I suppose it's all over the school?

Ah, the news has got around.

Here, listen, I can give you a few tips, you know. Tips? Yeah,

I used to read them right.

Oh, er, fine. You've got it, you've got it. Listen, I'll tell you what you do.

You put your hands up like that.

You stand there, and you start weaving.

All of a sudden, you do the anti-shuffle, and you're back to it!

Oh, I'm sorry!

Actually, I feel rather nervous. Oh, it's the analodin, isn't it? Analodin? Yeah.

Adrenaline? Oh, well, you should know.

LAUGHTER You should be all right once you've hit him a couple of times. Yeah,

it's him hitting me that's worrying me.

Perhaps if I had a quiet word with him, he might forget the whole thing.

Listen, you can't back out of it now. There's a principal involved. Yeah, well,

let her fight, Mr Jarvis. They're more evenly matched.

Yeah, but listen, it's a point of honour.

You mustn't let Mr Jarvis know you're frightened of him. I think he knows already.

Oh, well, I'll see you later.

Don't forget the old one, too. Hey, hey, King. All right? Professor, sorry.

Hello, Giovanni. This fight. What about it?

Well, we show you how to win.

When you get in the ring, first you smash him in the stomach.

And when his head comes down, you knee him under the chin.

No, no, no, no, no.

Much better.

No, no, no, no.

First, you hit him in the throat, and then you butt him in the stomach.

All right, all right, that'll do. You don't want any more fighting.

You're here to learn English.

Don't forget why you're here.

Right, now, who haven't I asked a question so far?

Right, Suli, give me the comparative and the superlative

of the following adjective, all right?

Rude.

Lude, luder, ludest. Right, right.

Rude.

Ranjit, complete the following proverb.

A bird in the hand... Makes mess on your wrist.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. You're out.

Thanks, Danielle. Explain the meaning of the word illiterate.

That is someone whose parents are not married.

Danielle, that's illegitimate.

Sorry. Oh.

Juan. Si, senor.

Give me the opposite of the following words. Ready?

Not ready.

Yeah, I hadn't started.

Juan. I lost.

That's enough.

That's not enough.

Stop.

Go. Sit down. Stand up. Oh, somebody stop him, please.

Silencio.

Hey, I do good, eh? Yes, good. Yo soy un talento.

Right, Taro.

Paso. Give me the following tenses of the verb to move.

Past perfect, the present perfect, the past continuous.

Well, say something, Taro.

I am out.

Right, who have you got left in? Yeah, well,

let's see how many of you can survive another

round. Jamila, can you count up to ten?

Yes?

Count up to ten. One, two, three.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

No, in English.

One.

Two.

Four. Three.

Six. Four.

Sorry, gentlemen.

Max, give me another word and explain to me what is the meaning of syntax.

Is it a tax you pay when you go to the church?

No, it means sentence construction.

Sully, spell democracy.

C-H-I-N-A.

Because if I'd asked you to spell dictatorship, you'd have spelled out England.

Or Malika.

Well, man, that leaves only you. If you can answer the next question correctly,

you will be the brain of the class,

which doesn't say an awful lot for the rest of you.

Por favor?

Never mind. Here is your question.

What is another name for a valley between two mountains?

Valley between two mountains?

Si, yes.

Pass.

All right, yes.

I win.

I am the big talent, the big brain.

Yeah, it goes with your big head. Don't stop, please.

Excuse me, please, Mr. Brown. It is home-going time. Not quite.

But you are wanting to get ready for your big

fight tonight with the woodpecker teacher.

We are wanting to be there in time to see you knock the stiffing out of him.

There's not going to be any fight.

You do not mean that. I do.

Santa Maria, what about all the money we bet?

Money? You mean betting on the result?

Sure.

We all put in one pound each.

What, ten pounds on me to win? No, we back the other thing.

Thanks a lot. No, I'm only joking. Sure we back you to win.

You ready, then? Ready?

Yeah, for the fight.

Ah, yes, the fight. Look, could I have a word with you, Mr Jarvis, outside?

Well... Look, we're both reasonable men.

I'm not.

Look, I'm sure we can settle this amicably. Yeah, I'm sure we can. Oh, good.

After I've knocked your block off.

Ah, just the two persons I wanted to see.

What's all this I hear about a fight?

It's just a private matter between Mr Brown and myself.

Nonsense. It's common knowledge throughout the whole school.

Now, step into my office, shut the door behind you, and take heed,

for I shall not tell you again.

I will not have members of my staff brawling in public.

I absolutely forbid it. You do? Most definitely.

Oh, good. I mean, what a pity. I was quite looking forward to it.

That's not the impression I got.

Do you mean to tell me that you were actually looking forward to this fight? Oh,

yes. Besides, there was a point of honour at stake. What point of honour?

Well, this person insulted Miss Danielle Favreau. He forced his attentions on her.

I see.

Male chauvinism, eh, Mr Jarvis?

Well, why not? Women like to be dominated.

Nonsense.

Oh, come now, Miss Courtney.

Man is by nature the hunted.

Oh, well, this puts an entirely different complexion on the matter.

It does?

Yes.

Much as I abhor fighting, I feel that under the circumstances,

perhaps your motives were justified.

We can have our little punch-up in the yard.

Certainly not.

Oh, thank goodness. You will settle your differences

in a much more civilised and sporting manner.

Oh, I quite agree.

How about a game of chess?

The school has a perfectly good gymnasium...

If you must knock each other about, I suggest

you do it there, tomorrow night, after class.

Where is Mr. Brown?

He's just putting his gloves on. Oh, here he comes now.

Sit down, please.

I have something for you. What's that? If you put this in his glove,

will you break his gloves?

Yeah, and probably my wrist, too. No, thank you.

Excuse, please.

No, Tara, you do that after each round.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is a three-round contest, three minutes each round.

On my right, from the woodwork department, Nigel Jarvie. And on my left,

from the language class, Jeremy Brown.

Now listen, I want a good clean fight, remember this. I want no scratching,

bulging, gouging, eating below the belt. Shake hands now, come out fighting.

Seconds out. Good luck, Mr. Grant.

No, it's not over yet!

This must be ending a fight, not a dance!

All right, all right, you've asked for it.

I'll do the old alley shuffle.

You are getting him very worried.

Yeah, he's worried he's going to kill me.

We're going to lose our money. We've got to do something. I have an idea.

Hey, that's a good idea. Hey, Mr. Woodwork, you box real good, you know.

Thanks.

Listen.

You boxed before? No, once or twice. I don't reckon your Mr.

Brown's done so much of a chance.

Well, maybe. Somehow, I don't think I'd like to be in your shoes. Yeah, no.

Five, four, three, two, one.

Good evening, everyone.

Mr. Brown, I want to thank you what you did last night. You were so brave.

Oh, it was nothing, really. Mr. Brown, Mr. Brown!

What is it? Oh, blimey, he's at it again. Who's at it again?

That Utbeker teacher, Mr. Jarvis.

He's making advantages to Jamila. Advances? Yes, please.

So I'm giving a kick in his backside, and now he's challenging me to a punch-up.

Oh, not again. I don't think you should go through with it, Ali. I mean,

with all due respect, you're not as experienced as I am.

That is what I am thinking.

So I am telling this to Mr. Jarvis. Good.

The fight is taking place tonight in the gymnasium.

I'm sorry, I thought you said you weren't fighting him.

Oh, no, not me.

But I'm naming you as my substitute.