Original subtitles

Hey, what's the matter, Sid? Walking all over

my floor. What do you want us to do, fly?

I've just washed it.

Hey, not look very clean to me.

No, it won't. Not when you're not traveling all over it.

Come along, you three, back to your desks. Come on. I'll be with you in a minute.

Get on. Hey, where you go?

If you must know, I'm going to see a man about a dog.

In you go. Right.

Ah, sorry.

Oh!

Good I told you to wash this door.

You did, but... But do it immediately, as it's graceful.

Hi, everyone back.

I must say, it's nice to see you all working hard for a change.

Si, Senor Brown. We study for our eggs and ham.

Eggs and ham?

Si. In few weeks, we have eggs and ham.

The word is exam.

Ah, sorry, rock number.

Excuse me, Mr Brown. Yes, Miss Courtney.

I am extremely worried about the forthcoming examinations,

particularly so far as your English class is concerned.

Another failure would be unthinkable.

Oh, don't worry, Miss Courtney. This time we will sail through.

You heard better. However, in order to reassure myself,

I am visiting each class in order to check on its progress.

I am just on my way to the woodwork class,

but I shall be back in a few moments to give your students an oral test.

And I do expect some correct answers.

We'll do our best.

I just hope your best is good enough.

Do not worry, Viv, you'll be surprising Miss Courtney.

Well, that's exactly why I'm worried.

Por favor.

Yes, one.

Eh, did you buy the dog?

What dog?

The one you go see man about.

I went to spend a penny.

Ah, very cheap dog.

All right. Now, I've checked your homework last night,

and you're still making far too many elementary

mistakes. For example, Ali. Yes, please.

The letters O-H-M-S stand for On Her Majesty's Service, and not for Only Hindus,

Muslims and Sikhs. Jolly good.

Finally, a sex step has absolutely nothing to do with orgies.

You're wrong.

You're wrong.

I beg your pardon?

See, last week I see a film, Swedish sextet.

Well, never mind what you saw. A sextet means six people.

See, like in the film.

There were six big Swedish girls with the big... Yeah, don't argue.

Just look it up in the dictionary and write it out ten times.

Right, right.

Sully, to complete the phrase as wise as,

you could have put an owl or even Solomon, but not Chairman Marr.

Well, that's your opinion. Anna, a sorcerer is a wizard,

and not something you put a cup on.

Danielle, congratulations. Absolutely perfect.

Thank you. But what about my homework?

I was referring to your homework.

Giovanni, the correct word to describe a relative by marriage is in-law,

as in brother-in-law, and not, as you put, out-law.

It's the same thing. It is not the same thing. An

outlaw is a bandit. Well, so is my brother-in-law.

Yes, well, I hope you find Miss Courtney's questions as amusing.

She'll be here any minute. Don't interrupt.

I tend to tolerate your frivolous attitude,

but you'll find that Miss Courtney is a horse of a different colour.

Oh, blimey.

You should not be calling Miss Courtney a horse.

I wasn't, although there may be a certain resemblance.

Mr. Brown, please.

Just a minute, Daniel. I haven't finished yet. As I was saying,

Miss Courtney will not be as tolerant as I, but on the other hand,

you mustn't let her intimidate you. She may

be a bit of an ogre, but she's only human.

Excuse me, Mr. Brown. Why are you constantly interrupting me?

I think they are trying to indicate... Ah, Miss Courtney, I didn't hear you come in.

Obviously. How long have you been here? Long enough.

And now, Mr Brown, if you don't mind, this horse of a different colour,

this human ogre, would like to find out how clever your students are.

Yeah, well, certainly. They're all yours.

Now, who would like to be first?

Well, don't all rush to volunteer. Oh, very well. I will ask a question,

and anyone who wishes may answer.

Now, then.

What is a circumflex?

Oh, come along. Circumflex.

C-I-R-C-U-M-F-L-U-X. Surely somebody knows what a circumflex is?

Yes, please.

What is it?

No milk today.

I beg your pardon.

So sorry.

Circumflex is an accent mark.

Would you bring me that piece of paper, please?

Which piece of paper?

The piece you are hiding in your hand.

You are meaning this one?

Thank you.

Mr. Brown?

Mr. Brown. Yes?

Would you wait in the corridor until I have finished with your students?

Well, I... Good, and shut the door after you.

Oh, and Mr. Brown. Yes?

You might as well take this. You may need it for your milkman. Now, to continue.

I am a foreigner. Right. You are English.

Let us imagine that I am a foreigner.

Please, Miss Courtney, what kind of foreigner

are you being? Does it matter? Oh, yes.

How can we be imagined when we are not know what to be imagined?

Oh, very well. I am Russian.

And if anyone says, well, am I Russian too, I shall scream.

Now, Miss Schmidt. Yeah.

I approach you in the street and I say, please will you tell me the time?

What is your reply?

Time you bought yourself a watch.

That is extremely rude. I do not like Russians.

Let's try it with some general knowledge.

Mr. Singh, where is Sydney?

Outside, cleaning the corridor.

Not the caretaker, the city.

Thousand apologies.

Anybody? Australia.

Good.

Mr. Nakazumi.

Ah, so? What can you tell me about the Duke of Windsor?

Which one?

There is only one Duke of Windsor.

Not so.

Near where I live, there are three Duke of Windsor,

two Dukes of Cambridge, and one Prince of Wales.

I was referring to the person, not a public house.

Does anyone know what the letters GC mean?

Giovanni Cupello.

George Cross.

What class is he in?

I don't think I can stand anymore.

Mr. Brown.

Finished already? I am leaving while I still retain some shred of sanity.

Well, you obviously didn't give her very good answers.

Not our fault. The questions were too difficult.

Well, you just have to work harder, right? It's almost time to go now.

Don't forget your homework, please. See you tomorrow.

Oh, God, not again!

Haven't you finished yet, Sidney? I've washed it

twice. Well, wash it again. It's still dirty.

Time to go home, Ernie.

Oh, blimey. I'm not wanting to go. What's the matter?

Can I be speaking to you most confidentially? Yes, of course you can.

Hire away.

What's your problem?

You see, my wife, Rihanna, she's becoming another person. Oh, dear.

Have you tried hormones?

What are you meaning?

I don't know much about these sex changes.

Oh, no, she's not doing anything like that.

No, but you just said she was becoming another person.

Yes, she's becoming another lady person, not man person. Oh, I see.

You mean she's behaving differently.

Yes, please. She's making phone calls, and when I am coming in,

she's hanging up chop-chop.

And at night times, she's going out, leaving me in the house with the baby.

Ah, I'm beginning to see daylight.

Of course, it is not being dark yet.

Now, you have just had a baby.

No, my wife had the baby.

But that's it, don't you see? Lots of women change after they've had babies.

It's called post-natal depression. I'm sure she'll get over it.

Some night, she's not letting me sleep with her.

Have you thought about getting an au pair?

Oh, blimey.

She would not be letting me sleep with an au pair.

I need to help with the baby.

Sorry, please. I also think she ought to see a doctor.

Oh, no, she's not liking doctors very much. But she ought to talk to somebody.

Perhaps you could talk to her. Me?

Yes, please. I hardly think I'm qualified.

You must be helping me. All right,

I'll come home with you tonight and we'll see

what we can do. Jolly good. All right, yes.

It's probably nothing. Good night, Sid. Good night, Sid. Good night.

Hello, my beloved.

Baby is fed. Curry is in oven. I am going out.

Where are you going?

Pleased to be minding your own business.

Eh?

I'm bringing Mr. Brown home.

Hello, Mr. Brown. It is good of you to be keeping Ali company.

Yeah, well, actually, I came to... Well, have a nice evening.

Do not be waiting up for me, Ali.

See? See what I am meaning? Where is she going? What is she doing?

Who is she seeing? Well, you wait here. I'll follow her and see where she goes.

I cannot be staying late tonight. I think Ali is getting suspicious.

Santa!

I brought the stop room keys back.

Oh, thank you, Sidney.

If you see Gladys, tell her she can take my tray. Eh?

Take my tray.

Where to?

Not you, Gladys.

Oh.

Oh, you're wearing a black tie, Sidney.

Yes, I'm in mourning.

28 years to the day it happened. Oh, dear, the death

of a loved one. No, I got married. LAUGHTER

You're a real male chauvinist, Pig. Pardon? Pig. Oh, you've met the wife, have you?

That will do. Sit there.

Just the fella I want.

I want some advice from a man with experience.

Oh, well, I've been about a bit. What do you want to know? Well,

I need your help as a married man. Oh, I'm sorry.

You catch it dark. I'm not married. You are. Oh, don't remind me.

Look, son, if you're thinking of taking a plunge, forget it.

It's worse than doing porridge.

Now, what can I give you some advice on? I've changed my mind.

I don't think you are qualified to help me. I'll ask Miss Courtney.

Is it time then?

What time are you referring to? Lesson time.

Oh, no. Rehana is coming to see Mr. Brown.

This is Sid, our chaotic man.

This is Mrs. Nadeem, the wife of Ali. Very nice, too.

Good morning, Ali. I have been here.

We are making for him a surprise.

It is thank you party for being such good husband and giving me beautiful baby.

But we are not wanting him to be finding out. No,

already he is most suspicious with me going out to arrange everything with Ranjit.

Oh, don't worry. I won't tell a dicky.

Never mind this dicky.

You should not be finding out. That's what I just said.

When's the surprise?

Tonight.

You are welcome to be coming if you are wishing.

Oh, charm.

Jamila is making lovely food, and Gladys is making delicious cakes.

Please, where is Mr. Brown?

He's in Miss Courtney's office.

Good. I must be asking him to be keeping Ali late after class so

all students can be arriving for party before he is getting home.

Ah.

While you are seeing Mr. Brown, I go to be speaking with Gladys. Oh, good,

and you can buy me a nice cup of tea.

See you later, love.

See who that is, Mr. Brown.

What did he tell his wife?

I wonder what she wants?

Are you sure you didn't tell Ali about her affair?

Positive. I just told him I'd lost her.

Well, perhaps he wants to confide in you because you are Ali's friend.

Well, couldn't she confide in you?

Certainly not. If it is your problem, you will deal with it.

I'll leave you alone.

Mr. Rowan will see you now.

Sorry about that. Come in, sit down.

I am wanting to be asking you something.

Before you do, I've got something to tell you. Please sit down.

I have been waiting.

Firstly, tell me something.

Do you love Ali?

Oh, yes, very much indeed.

Good, good.

Well, what I have to say is rather delicate, but you

and Ali are both sensible, intelligent people.

Thank you.

And you've been married for almost two years now,

and you've now got a lovely little baby.

Yes.

Well, I want you to know that I understand how these things can happen.

What things?

Well, not babies, but... Let me put it another way.

When two people have been married for a while, sometimes familiarity creeps in.

Two people living together, doing the same things day after day,

seeing the same faces. It's only natural that occasionally

one of the parties feels that something is missing,

some excitement, perhaps.

So it's not unusual in these occasions for one of the parties to meet somebody else,

to try and recapture the first flush of romance.

Mr Brown... Please, let me finish.

Let me say just one thing.

The vital question you must ask yourself is whether to likely throw away what you

have already for some passing infatuation or to rise above it and start afresh.

To err is human and to forgive, divine.

That's all I have to say.

Oh, I see.

Now, what was it you wanted to ask me?

No, it is not important now.

Well, Mr Brown, how did you manage?

Extremely well, I think. Oh, sorry. I was very tactful,

and I think she got the message.

Are you all right?

It is Mr Brown. He is telling me something terrible.

What is it?

It is my Ali. He is having affair with another woman.

Hello, Ranjit.

Good evening, oh most wise and illustrious one.

Yes, well, I wish I could say the same about you. Incidentally,

before the other students arrive, I have something to tell you.

I know everything. That is why I'm calling you most wise and illustrious.

I mean about what you and Ali's wife have been up to.

Thousand apologies? Well, I think it's Ali you should be apologising to.

Why should I be apologising to Ali? For your behaviour.

After all, she is his wife. I am knowing that.

That is why we are keeping it secret from him.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Oh, no. I am very pleased to be doing it.

I bet you are.

I am sure if she's asking you to do the same, you'd be most happy to apply.

I hardly think... Please, not to be telling Ali.

Well, I won't. For his sake, not yours. Good.

We are not wanting him to be finding out before tonight.

But why tonight? Tonight, he'll be knowing everything.

Are you going to tell him? No, he'll be seeing for himself.

Good Lord! It'll be a big surprise. I think it'll be a big surprise.

You are also coming to the party tonight. What party?

The one we have been arranging for Ali.

I'm getting a bit confused.

You are saying you are knowing everything? Yeah, well,

I just realised I don't know quite as much as I thought I did. Now,

tell me something, Ranji. Have you been seeing Ali's wife?

Most certainly. To be arranging the party for him tonight at ten o'clock.

And that's all? Just a party?

Oh. Ha, ha, ha.

Buenas noches, señor Brown.

One.

Si, señor.

This is an English class. When you arrive here, I expect you to speak English.

No more buenas noches. Good evening.

It's all right.

Good evening, señor Brown.

That's better.

Buenas eras.

No, buenas eras. Speak it in English.

Can't you tell me to speak it in English, you great Spanish onion? No.

I punch your head in, you Italian ice cream.

All right, I can do.

Sit down. You tell him, signore.

I'm telling both of you, you sit down.

All right, all right.

And I'll tell you what I told Juan. This is an English class,

and when you arrive here, I expect you to speak

English. No more buona sera. Good evening.

Okie, okie. Good.

Buonas veras.

Guten Abend. Bonsoir, Monsieur Brian.

I give up.

Ah, good evening, Jamila.

I have knit for you a scarf.

Oh, very kind of you.

Very patriotic.

Quite long.

It is bestart as pair of sockies, but I forget to turn round heel,

so I make it little bit more longer. Well, thank you very much.

I'm sure it'll come in useful.

Ah, good evening, Suey.

Carol.

Good evening. Yes.

Right, now, before we go... Before we go any further this evening,

the educational authority are taking some kind

of census and require these forms for the year.

So it's self-explanatory if you'd complete them now,

and then if you have any problems, don't hesitate to ask,

because that's what I'm here for.

I have problems.

Paan, how can you have a problem? You haven't even looked at your form yet.

No pen.

Right, anybody else got a pen? Good, right, now,

all you have to do is fill in your surname, your first name,

your address in England, your birth, occupation, sex, marital status,

and what subject you're taking.

Excusez. Yes, Giovanni. I've had a problem with

my first names. Well, surely you know them.

Sure. Giovanni, Vincenzo, Marco, Dino, Alberto, Lena. Yeah, all right,

so what's the problem? I can't get them on the paper!

LAUGHTER Just put as many as you can.

Okey-cokey.

Monsieur Brown, please, I do not know the name of the hospital where I was born.

You don't have to put the hospital, just the town.

Just the town?

Have you put the hospital too?

No. Place where born?

Bed.

Finish.

Good.

Direction not so good.

Por favor.

The correct answer to sex is not at least once a week.

You should put male or female.

Eh, not sex with male.

Only female.

Squeeze, please.

I'm being late. You almost missed the census.

Rihanna is still being very mysterious. Oh, look, don't worry.

Everything will be all right.

Tonight at ten o'clock, all will be revealed.

Are you really sure Ali's knocking about with another bird?

Yes. Mr. Brown would not be telling me lies.

Oh, they're all alike, these men.

Doesn't deserve a party like this.

I am being so unhappy. I know what I would do. What? Kick him out.

Anna is right. He is being unfaithful. He behave like an animal.

He deserves what he gets.

He does. Hello, my beloved.

Don't you beloved me, you... What are you doing that for?

You very bad man, you...

Mr. Brown is telling me you are having a girlfriend.

You damn fool! Why are you saying that for? I didn't.

You've obviously misunderstood me.

You are nearly breaking up my marriage.

Oh, I am sorry, Harry.

It is you I should be throwing cakey at.

Please, you cannot be throwing cakey at Mr. Brown.

I will do it.