Original subtitles

Okay, okay, everybody.

Our troubles are over. You are immigrating.

Excuse me if I'm not the laugh.

We are going to make everybody rich.

Hey, I am like very much to be rich.

This time next week, we could have half a million pounds.

We're up, Banco. We win on the football pools.

You never win on them.

Sure.

We have a good system. All we gotta do is pick 11 matches. That gives us 220 lines.

We're bound to get one line, right?

All right. How much do we each be paid?

20p each.

Okay, I think.

Now, pick a match you think's gonna be a scoring draw.

Okay.

Okay, pick the match. Arsenal.

Fulham. Will. Tokyo. Who's next?

Okay, pick the match.

Hartlepool v Port Valley. Okay, okay.

And the next one. Yes, please.

My scoring match being Liverpool v. The City of Bristol.

Liverpool v. The City of the Bristol.

Okay, who's the next? What's going on here? We are doing the football puddles.

You want to join in, professori? Only 20p. You could win a half a million.

I could also lose 20p. What's a 20p? It may not mean much to you,

but it does to me. I don't exactly earn a fortune teaching English.

Why not? You ask for a lift-off.

More money.

You mean a rise. Awesome.

Forget the 20p's, we give you the free line. Now just pick the match. Yeah,

we're supposing we pick the match later, all right? Right now we've got work to do.

Now come on, in your places.

Right, now tonight we are going to concentrate on the art of conversation,

all right? We'll start with you, Ali and Anna. Do you come out here, please? Now,

you have never met before, and you are sitting on a park bench, Anna,

when along comes Ali and sits next to you and starts a conversation, all right?

Carry on.

Good morning, lady.

Come along, Anna, say something.

I never speak to strange men in the park.

Very commendable, but let us assume that this time you do. Start again.

Good morning, lady.

Guten Morgen.

It is being a very nice day. Ja.

Anna, this is supposed to be a conversation in English.

Up to now you've said Guten Morgen and Ja.

Would you try and speak in English? Please start again, Anna.

Good morning, lady.

Good morning.

Oh, blimey.

It is being a very nice day.

Yes.

It is nice weather.

Yes.

It was also very nice weather yesterday.

Yes.

Perhaps it will also be nice weather tomorrow.

Yes.

Or perhaps it could be raining.

Yes, perhaps it could be raining.

All right, that'll do. Thank you both of you. Absolutely scintillating. Right, Juan.

Si, senor.

Would you come out, please?

Now, you are sitting in a restaurant.

A Spanish restaurant.

Yes. When Sully enters.

Eh, perdon, senor.

What is a Chinese girl doing in a Spanish restaurant?

She likes Spanish food.

Ah, it's all right.

The restaurant is crowded, but there's an empty seat

at one's table. All right. Why, what are you doing?

Eh, I was leaning on the table.

Yeah, carry on. Excuse, please. This seat taken?

No, you sit, you sit.

Thank you.

Allow me to introduce myself, Chung Soo Lee.

My name is Carlos.

Juan, what do you mean, Carlos?

I never give my right name when I pick up a new name.

You're not supposed to be picking her up, just having a conversation.

You want a drink?

I don't, Link. Bad for River.

Cigarette?

I don't smoke. Bad for Rungs.

I bet you're not married, eh?

You are very lewd.

What's the matter with you?

I just make a joke?

What do you want to talk about?

We could discuss whether dictatorship or plurality are

better than dictatorship or bourgeois capatrice.

We can't do that.

Why not?

Because I don't understand what you're talking about.

So, Lee, does every conversation have to be a political rally?

Chairman Mao, he's saying we must try and use every opportunity

to spread socialist doctrine amongst unrightened people.

Yeah, well, I'd be grateful if you would keep Chairman Mao out of the classroom,

all right? Thank you, both of you, all right? Now, Max and Danielle,

would you come out, please? All right, now, let us assume that you're at a party,

and you've just been introduced to Danielle.

Now, use your imagination and make a conversation. All right.

Hello, beautiful.

Hello, gorgeous.

Hey, this party not very good, eh?

Why not we go somewhere else?

D'accord.

Let's go back to my place.

Okay.

It was a short conversation.

Mr. Brown, there's an old geezer wants to see you.

He's sitting in the canteen. What does he want?

I don't know, but he said it's very urgent. Oh, very well. While I'm away,

you can do some exercises.

Hey, I know plenty exercise.

One, three, four, six, seven, nine, ten, forty-four.

Oh, not those sort of exercises. Exercises from

your books, page 120. Sorry, wrong number.

Would you like another cup of tea, Mr... English.

No, thank you.

Oh.

Oh, you know, you do remind me of my husband.

Really?

Yeah, just before he died.

Oh! Mr. Bronstone. Brown.

Oh, Mr. Brown, yes. I'm English. Oh, congratulations.

Thank you.

No, my name is English. Oh, sorry. Can we sit down? Well, I'm rather busy.

I won't keep you a moment. After all, this

is a rather confidential matter. Thank you.

My card.

The English School of Languages, Principal H.C. English. That's right.

Now then, I shall come straight to the point. Good.

No use beating about the bush. No. After all, procrastination

is the thief of time. Absolutely.

Never put off till tomorrow what you could do today. Very true.

Now then.

Where was I?

Ah, yes, yes. Thank you very much, Mr Brownlow. Brown! Brown!

Yes. Well, now, you see, our teacher of English for foreign students

has left us rather hurriedly, and I want you to take his place.

Oh, you're offering me a job?

Your name was given to me by one of your former students, Miss Svensson.

Ah, yes, Ingrid. Ingrid.

Yes, but I'd like you to start as quickly as you can. Well,

I haven't said I'll take the job yet.

The starting salary is 5,000 a year, rising to 7,500

by yearly increments. That's very generous.

The labourer is worthy of his hire.

What do you say? Well, I'd like to think it over, if I may. Very well.

Don't keep me waiting too long.

I need to know by tomorrow.

Goodbye, Mr... Ralph.

I know, I know.

Bad news, Mr. Browns. Oh, on the contrary.

I've just been offered a job at 5,000 a year.

That's nice.

Are you going to take it? I said I'd think it over. After all,

money isn't everything. Oh, that's true.

Such a thing as job satisfaction. Yeah. That's something money can't buy. No.

So I've decided what to do.

You're going to stay here?

No, I'm taking the job.

Leaving?

Yeah, I'm sorry to spring it on you like this, Miss Courtney,

but it's too good an opportunity to miss.

I see.

And when do you propose to take up this new position?

Well, he wants me to start right away,

so I thought I'd report to him first thing in the morning.

That doesn't give me much time to find a replacement.

Yeah, I know, but I can't afford to wait and risk losing the job.

Very well, Mr. Brown, you have obviously made up your mind,

and I wish you every success.

Thank you.

I hope you'll be happy, but I think I can safely

say you won't find another principal like me.

I'm sure I won't.

Right, time's up. Would you leave your books on my desk? But before you go,

I've got something to tell you.

I shan't be teaching you after tonight.

Oh, nice to meet you.

Deary me, have you got the bag?

The bag?

Yes, please.

Has Miss Corderney given you the bag?

You mean the sack?

Jelly good. So, I shall be leaving for a better job.

Ah, no.

We are being very sad to be losing you.

I shall miss you very much.

We shall whole miss you.

Eh, maybe you change your mind, eh?

I must strike while the iron is hot.

Holy ravioli. You're going to get a job in a laundry.

I'm just choosing a figure of speech.

I should be doing the same job, but at a commercial school for a lot more money.

Well, come along. Thank you, everybody.

Well, I hope you have a da much luck. Thank you, Giovanni.

Amigo.

Da luck again.

May your days be filled with happiness. Yours too, Ali.

Auf Wiedersehen.

Anna.

May Allah watch over you.

You too, Ali.

Jory good luck, Comrade Brown.

Au revoir, Monsieur Brown, et bonne chance.

Jim Miller. Macho. Success.

Terrible.

What can I do for you?

I'm Jeremy Brown, English teacher. You offered me a job yesterday.

Oh, of course you are. Do forgive me, I'm terribly sorry.

I've got such an awful number of faces, Mr Brownlow. Brown.

Brown, Brown.

Quite all right.

But when shall I start?

Start what?

Teaching. I'm accepting the job.

Oh.

Have you left your other position, then?

Well, yes, I gave him my notice last night. Dear, dear, dear, dear.

That's most unfortunate. Why?

Well, you see, we don't need anybody now. The chap

that left came back again. Good, isn't it?

Well, not for me, it isn't.

No.

Oh, no, no, I suppose not.

No, no, I... Why, dear... What will you do now, Mr Brownstop?

Brown, Brown, Brown, Brown! Well, is there any one thing I can do? What's that?

Which way's the newest unemployment exchange?

Hello, Sid.

Hello, Mr. Brown. What are you doing here? I thought you'd left.

Yeah, well, so did I, but the job was already taken.

Ah, what did you do? Well,

I went to the unemployment exchange and told

them that I had 5A levels and was a B.A. oxon.

What did they say? Offered me a job as a road sweeper.

Here, have you ever worked on the market so I could get you a job, you know? Yeah,

doing what? Oh, are you any good in the bunny?

What bunny? The bunny rabbit, the rabbit and pork,

the spill, the chatter. Oh, the talk? Yeah.

What would I have to rabbit about? Oh, well,

hold that and I'll give you a rough idea. Now, you've got a stall in the market,

you see, and you've got the people around you.

He said, now come here, I'll tell you what I'm prepared to do.

I've got three little locks here, and the gold you get in the chain,

worth 20 pounds. The gold bracelet, worth 15 pounds.

The gold earrings, don't they look nice? Don't they look nice?

If you went into any jewellery shop in Oxford Street, it'd cost you 40 pounds.

I'm not asking you 40, 30, or even 20. A tenner would be a bargain. One price,

one price only. Speak up, speak up, shop.

First come, first serve.

I'll find you the lock. I'll tell you.

No, I'm only demonstrating.

Oh, so... What do you say?

No, I don't think it's quite me somehow. You'd have to go back on the doll then,

wouldn't you? Well, I could ask Miss Courtney for my old job back.

Do you think she'd give it to you?

Oh, I'm sure she will, if I crawl enough.

Enter.

Hello, Miss Courtney.

Mr Brown, this is a surprise. Did you forget something when you left last night?

No, no.

Then to what do we owe the honour of this visit?

Well, I, uh...

You've done something to your hair.

My hair?

Yes, it looks different somehow. Much more feminine.

Oh, really?

Yeah, if you don't mind me saying so, you really look quite attractive.

All right, Mr Brown, what are you after?

That I'm wise enough to know when I'm being softened up.

What is it you want?

A reference, no doubt?

Well, not exactly.

What is it, then?

I'll come straight to the point.

I thought about this new job last night and I've

suddenly realised that money isn't everything.

Really?

After all, you can't buy happiness.

So you've decided not to take this job.

You're very perceptive.

I tried to telephone you earlier today to ask you to bring back the register. Mr.

English said that you weren't there because

there hadn't been a vacancy after all. Ah.

So now you've come crawling back to me expecting to be reinstated.

Yeah, well, I would be grateful. I mean, after all,

it'd be much easier on the students. I mean, easier all round, really.

Do I quite agree?

Oh, good.

Except for one thing. I have already engaged a new teacher.

I'm wondering what new teacher will be like.

He won't be as nice as Mr. Brown. Maybe we'll have lady teacher.

Hey, listen, everybody. The boss is back. Mr. Brown?

That's right. She just told us he didn't get the job.

He can't be coming back here. It's too late.

We got a new teacher.

If new teacher leaves, professori can come back.

How can new teacher leave?

We fix it.

We all act astutely. New teacher thinks, I not teach these people. I leave.

That's a good idea, amigo.

We all give stupid answers.

For you, that is easy.

Sit down, everybody. Hurry up, sit down.

This is your new teacher, Mr Wilkins.

Mr Wilkins, these are your students. You'll soon get

to know them. Any problem, I shall be in my office.

Right.

I do hope we're all going to get on together extremely well.

Now, you.

Can you tell me how far you're up to? Por favor.

How far are you up to?

Ah, si, si.

I am five feet eleven-eighth. No, no, no. Not how tall you are.

Five feet, eleven inches. Never mind.

I'll soon find out what progress you've made so far.

Now you, what is the feminine of Drake?

Miss Drake.

Really?

You, spell cough.

K-O-F-F.

What is an apostrophe?

According to the New Testament, there are twelve apostrophes.

Peter, Andrew, James, the son of Zebedee, John, Philip, Bartholomew, Thomas,

Matthew, James, the son of Alphaeus, Thaddeus, Simon, and Judas.

You, give me a sentence using the word defer.

Minks are bred for defer.

You, explain the meaning of the phrase, to bury the hatchet.

To chop someone's head off.

You, complete the following proverb.

People who live in glass houses should get undressed in the dark.

Explain what is meant by a circular letter.

Most certainly, a circular letter is the letter O. You, utter O.

What is an aspirate?

It is a tablet.

You take it when you have cold.

You, could you please, please tell me, what is the opposite of a coward?

A bullard.

Well, I am appalled at your lack of knowledge of the English language.

In all my years as a teacher,

I have never come across a class as ignorant as you are.

No wonder your former teacher left. It's enough to make any ordinary man leave.

However, I am no ordinary man.

I shall look upon this task as a personal challenge.

I'm going to teach you all English if it takes me a lifetime.

Now!

Hello, Mr. Brown. What are you doing here? I'm not quite sure.

Miss Courtney called me this morning and said she wanted to see me.

You know what's it about, do you? I've got no idea.

Why don't you go in and ask her?

And Tom?

You wanted to see me, Miss Courtney?

Oh, yes, Mr Brown.

Are you still jobless?

Yeah, I'm afraid so. I was offered another job this morning, but I turned it down.

Not enough money?

No, the money was all right. On the face of it, it seemed quite attractive.

Owned office, virtually my own boss.

Just didn't like the idea of working below ground.

On the underground?

No, gentlemen's conveniences.

I see.

Well, would you like your old job back?

Yeah, but I thought you'd already offered it to someone else.

Well, I had, but he telephoned this morning to say that he had left.

Oh. Did he give any reason?

None whatsoever.

Well, Mr Brown, I suggest you start immediately.

Ah, right, Miss Corby.

On a temporary basis, of course.

The boss is coming.

Nice to see you, boss.

Three hooray kip-kips for the boss! Hooray kip-kip! Hooray kip-kip! Hooray kip-kip!

Hooray kip-kip! Hooray kip-kip! Hooray kip-kip!

Hooray kip-kip! Hooray kip-kip! Hooray kip-kip! Hooray kip-kip!

Hooray kip-kip!

Hooray kip-kip! Hooray kip-kip! Hooray kip-kip!

Hooray kip-kip!

Hooray kip-kip! Hooray kip-kip! Hooray kip-kip! Hooray kip-kip!

Hooray kip-kip! Hooray kip-kip! Hooray kip-kip! Hooray kip

Oh, blimey.

We are getting rid of Mr Willikins so that you can be returning.

You mean he left because of your behaviour? Not so.

Last night, a Monsieur English came to find you.

Ah, from the commercial school?

Yeah, he's wanting to tell you he has a job for you after all.

Oh, well, that is good news.

But now we come to the bad news.

We are be tell, Mr. English, you are not be want job with him. So instead,

he give job to Mr. Warrickins.

Hey, we plenty smart, eh?

Oh, yes, plenty.

Professori, we have the more good news and the more bad news. All right, come on.

First, the more good news.

We got eight scoring drawers on the football pools.

The bad news is we forgot to post a coupon.

Yes, well, I've got some good news and some bad news for you. Firstly,

the good news. Now that I'm back, I'm staying. Hey!

And now for the bad news. From now on, you get extra homework every night.