Original subtitles

Hello, is that Parkers?

Look, I'm going fishing this weekend and I need some bait

No, just on the Thames, the maggots will do

I'll send somebody round to collect them

Oh by the way, those trout flies I bought from you have been very successful

Especially the cochy-bondu

Seems to attract the trout like a magnet

Yes, thank you again

Bye

Excuse me

You startled me

Would you mind knocking before you barge in?

Sorry

Is that better?

- I've lost it - Lost what? Is that better?

- I've lost it - Lost what?

I've lost my favorite fly

I had it in my hand a moment ago! I must have dropped it

Can you see it anywhere?

What does it look like?

It's about two inches long; red and black with a curly tail

Perhaps it's flown out of the window

It's a fishing fly! A cochy bondu

- A cochy what? - Bondu

- It must be here somewhere - If it's here, we'll find it

Perhaps I should come back later

Ah Mr. Brown, you can join in

Well I'm not really that religious

We're looking for a fly

A fly?

Yes! It's 2 inches long! Red and black with a curly tail

Sounds quite lethal

- Would you mind helping us look for it - No, not at all

- I found it - Where?

It's here! Just under the desk

- I'll get it - No, stand back Sid! Leave this to me

What are you doing Mr. Brown?

Stay where you are Miss Courtney! It could be dangerous

Yeah that's right! It's not moving!

- Mr. Brown... - Just a moment

Better to be safe than sorry

I've just remembered! I've been expecting the boiler

Have you quite finished Mr. Brown?

Or would you like to borrow a hammer?

One can't be too careful where strange insects are concerned

Have you any idea where it came from?

- Yes! W. Parker and Son - Pardon?

- Fishing tackle suppliers - Fishing

- It wasn't... - It was

Oh dear!

Got any glue?

I don't think trout are particularly fond of glue

No I suppose they're not!

- I'll buy you another - See that you do

Excuse me

Hello... Speaking

Pardon?

Is it you?

Is it really you?

It is you... It's him

Coming here?

You're not coming here

You are coming here... He's coming here

Yes, yes, yes... Half an hour

You'll be here in half an hour

He'll be here in half an hour

Very well... until then

- Is everything all right? - It was him

Yes and he's coming here in half an hour

But who is him... I mean who is he?

A man I never thought I'd see again

My ex-fiance

You mean you were actually engaged at one time?

There's no need to sound so surprised

It was over 25 years ago... I was just...

I was very young

I met him at Oxford in the high!

It was raining and he offered me shelter under his umbrella

Then he insisted on buying me a cup of tea and a sticky bun

- How romantic - Yes, that was how it all started

- Why didn't you get married? - It was awful! He left me

- At the church? - No, in the lurch

Mr. Brown, I have never told anyone this before

- Well if you'd rather... - No, sit down

For years, I've kept this terrible secret to myself

Now he's coming back into my life I must tell someone

And I think I can trust you Mr. Brown

I'd rather not if it's going to cause any embarrassment

- It won't embarrass me - It might embarrass me

I'm sure it won't

Anyway, he asked me to go down to Brighton with him

For one of those, you know, weekends

- Double room, Mr. And Mrs. Smith? - Exactly

- And you refused? - Oh no, I went

I even remember the hotel

- The Bellavista, opposite the abatoir - Very Bellavista

Well, we booked in and Albert, like the thoughtful man he was

He let me go upstairs first to prepare myself as it were

While he had a drink in the bar

- Getting up a bit of dutch courage - I beg your pardon?

Not that he needed it with such a lovely person waiting to be

- What happened then? - He didn't turn up

He got drunk, passed out and spent the night on a settee in the resident's lounge

How despicable!

I went home and refused ever to see him again

I heard later that he was working in the Far East

But I must admit

I have always cherished a secret hope that he might one day come back

- Excuse me please - Yes Ali, what is it?

Come quickly please we are having plenty trouble in classroom

- What do you mean, trouble? - Max and Giovanni

They are murdering each other

- I'm ready when you are - I am ready when you are

You come on

You're gonna be sorry

We see whose gonna be sorry

Okay, I'm waiting for you to come on

Stop this brawling

It's lucky for you! Professori stop me from giving you a black eye

I will not have fighting in class

Fighting! It was more like dancing I will not have fighting in class

Fighting! It was more like dancing

- I was just warming up - Me too

- What was this all about? - I tell you professori

He was calling me a wop

And he's calling me a grease boy

Go on, sit down everybody

I wish you could pick up proper English as quickly as you pick up slang

I have enough trouble with Ali and Ranjeet without you two start falling out

Now shake hands, come on

Right! Now, tonight I want to concentrate on English conversation

The sort of things you have to say during the course of the day

For example Ranjeet

- Where would you take a cheque? - To Czechoslovakia For example Ranjeet

- Where would you take a cheque? - To Czechoslovakia

- Not that sort of Czech - A thousand apologies

A cheque for a certain amount of money

- Where would you take it? - To a bank

- Thank you! Juan - S�, se�or

- If you felt ill, what would you do? - Go to bed

- Before that - Take the clothes off

- You would go to the doctor's - No, no, no

Doctor kill my uncle in Madrid

- Really? - S�

My uncle, he has pain in the chest! He goes to see doctor

Doctor he looks at him and say... It's alright

Ten minutes later, in the street, my uncle... finito

- He got a heart attack? - Motor car

You could hardly blame the doctor for that

S�, the doctor, he was driving the motor

- Taro - Ah so

Although we have news metrics in this country

We still use an old system which is known as what?

- Sorry not know - Does anybody know?

Avoirdupois

- Excellent - Merci

- Does avoirdupois ring a bell now Taro? - Yes

Avoirdupois is French for have you some peaso

Taro, I can't believe you're that stupid

Sorry, justjoko

Well in future, kindly leave your joke's at homo

- Zoltan, I'm gonna ask you a question - Yes please

- Which shop... - Yes, shop, shop

Which shop would you go to to buy a packet of cigarettes? Cigarettes

No shop

Come on Zoltan! You must go to some sort of shop

Zoltan no smoke

Excuse! Zoltan, where you go for chewing gum?

- Ah, sveet shop - Sweet, sweet

- Anna tells me sveet - No, sweet, sweet

Sveet, sweet! What's the difference?

The difference Anna is that you must learn to say wer, not Ver! Wer

Verwer

You nearly got it then! Try again

Verwer

Try saying Verwer without the Ver

Erwer

Almost! Try again but this time don't say Erwer, just wer

- Wer - Wer

- Wonderful - Wonderful

- Wednesday - Wednesday

- A wet weekend in Winter - A wet weekend in Winter

- Very good - Werry good

- Ali - Yes please

- You have a headache - No sir

Assume you have a headache! Where would you go to get some aspirin?

Tanduri takeaway

- No Ali - Yes please

My jelly good friend who's working there always have plenty aspirin

I meant to buy some aspirin

Why should I be buying them when I can be getting them from my friend for nothing done

Alright, where do you go for aspirin when the tanduri takeaway is closed?

Oh Blimey, Taj Mahal curry house

Jamila, would you please tell Ali where would you go to get aspirin

- Ok, the chemist - Thank you

- Where are you going now? - To buy some aspirin for headache

- But you said you don't have a headache - Oh blimey, I got one now

Oh go and sit down

Excuse me Mr. Brown, the old dragon wants you

Please Sid, do be a little more respectful

Especially in front of the students Please Sid, do be a little more respectful

Especially in front of the students

It's up to us to set a good example

Sorry

What does the old dragon... Miss Courtney want?

I've no idea, but I don't think she's very well

She actually smiled at me

Enter

- Are you feeling alright? - Yes, why?

- You sounded as if you were in pain - I was singing

I am sorry to bring you away from your class Mr. Brown

But before you leave this evening, would you mind checking...

that Sid's locked up properly

Absolutely, so should be

I was referring to the building

You see, it's quite likely that I may be leaving early

To think he's come back into my life after 25 years

I think I might need another cherry to settle my stomach

- What's the matter? - He's here! Look

- Where? - Down there

You stupid fool! You have crowned my Albert

- How do you feel? - I feel terrible

I've got a splitting headache

I'm sorry! It was an accident! This is Miss Courtney's office

Wait, wait! Look, have you got somewhere where I could comb my hair?

And brush myself down

I must look presentable for our first meeting after twenty five years

- Yes of course! It's down there on the right - Thank you

Enter

Hello darling

Pardon?

It's you

Where's Albert? You haven't pushed him down the stairs, have you?

No, no! He's just gone to comb his hair

Is he all right? No damage done I hope

- I'm afraid there is - Oh dear, is it bad?

The plantpot's broken

I was referring to Albert

Oh Albert, he's fine

I'll get it

Darling! Oh it's you

This is darling... Miss Courtney

- Albert - Dolores

Dolores?

Haven't you a class to attend to?

Yes of course darling... Dolores... Excuse me Haven't you a class to attend to?

Yes of course darling... Dolores... Excuse me

I've dropped a two p. It must have rolled away somewhere

I'm glad to see you're all working hard

What are you studying Ingrid?

"How to improve your bust line"! Very educational

- You can borrow it if you wish it - No thank you

What's keeping you occupied Juan?

"Gals Galore"

There's not much English in this

No, but some beautiful pictures

Zoltan

"Gorgeous Chicks"

I'm sure this isn't about poultry farming

- But... - Nevermind

Anna! "True Romances"

Max, "Football Review"

Danielle, "Toujours L'Amour"

Don't the French ever think about anything else other than love?

To the French, there's is nothing else

Giovanni, "L'Amore"

In Italy, we're just like the French

Ranjeet, "Cartoon Capers"

I am reading all about Bugs the Bunny and Woody the pecker

Ali, "The World's Most Exotic Dishes"

I didn't know you were interested in cookery

Oh Blimey, when I am buying it I didn't know it was about cookery!

Jamila

"Knitting made easy"

Taro, "The confessions of a Geisha girl"

You can all learn English much more quickly

If you began by reading a better class of litterature

As you're obviously so keen to learn English

I'll give you extra homework tonight

Quiet! It's time you took these lessons seriously

Now before we break for tea, I'm going to ask you each a question

And anyone who gives an incorrect answer will be fined 10 p.

The money will go to charity

Who's this bird charity you're giving our money to?

Charity is not a bird

It means an organization... a deserving cause

- Juan, spell "quiet" - Por favore

- Quiet! - Ah quiet

No spell "quiet"

- How much we pay if we're wrong? - 10 p.

Ingrid, give me an example of a preposition

Will you to dinner take me?

I said a preposition not a proposition

A preposition shows the relation between a noun or pronoun

And some other word

A gift from Mary, a house for sale

- A date with teacher - Yes all right! I'll accept that

- Good, tonight we go - I meant I'll accept your answer

Ranjeet, how do you pronounce the following?

B O U G H, C O U G H, T O U G H

You are trying to be catching me out

- B O U G H - Buff

- T O U G H - Toff

- C O U G H - Cow

Three out of three wrong

Thousand apologies

Giovanni, what is meant by vice versa?

On second thoughts, I won't ask you that

- What is a diphtong? - Is it like a dipstick?

What do you think?

I think I owe you ten p.

Ali what does the term coup de grace mean?

And don't you dare say cutting the lawn

I'm never hearing of it

It means the final stroke! It's French

Oh blimey, I am having enough worries learning the English

It's a phrase that's in common usage

Ten p. Please

Thank you

- Taro - Ah so

Decline the verb to jump

I jumpo, you jumpo

He jumpso, she jumpso

We jumpo, they jumpo

Very good Taro

But you must try not to end every word on O

- Ok? - Oko

Jamila, as oil is to water so chalk is to...

Blackyboard

Cheese! 10 p. Please

- I am not understanding - It's a fairly common phrase

They are as alike as chalk and cheese - I am not understanding - It's a fairly common phrase

They are as alike as chalk and cheese

But chalk and cheese are not being alike

Exactly, so it means they are not alike

I'm thinking it is easier to say they are not alike

Than to be talking about chalks and cheeses I'm thinking it is easier to say they are not alike

Than to be talking about chalks and cheeses

Yes I admit we do tend to complicate our language

Max, give me an example of a principal clause

Santa Claus

Quiet

Just for that Max you can write out 20 times

A clause is as sentence which is part of a longer sentence

Hockay

Not now, in your own time

And you can give me 10 p.

Thank you

Danielle, as handsome as a Prince! As ugly as?

A Swede

As ugly as sin

- 10 p. - It was worth it

Anna give me two different meanings of the word blow

You can blow like so

Or you can give somebody a blow

Thank you Anna

- Zoltan - Yes please

Can you give me the past tense of the verb to see

- See, saw - Ah, seesaw

No Zoltan

Today I see, yesterday I saw

It's not really fair to take one from you

Alright then

80 p. In 3 minutes

At this rate, we'll soon have a small fortune

- Another cup of tea, Albert? - No thank you Dolores

- A glass of cherry perhaps? - No, I don't drink now! I've given it up

- It's a very bad habit - You're so right

I only keep it for visitors

Oh dear

Come on Dolores! Think of something a little more sparkling

- I wonder... - Yes

- Will you... - Oh I will

Pour me another cup of tea

- Tea? - Yes please

- You said you didn't want any more - I've changed my mind

As a matter of fact, there is something else I'm going to ask you

Yes

I know it might seem silly after all this time and not writing and everything

- But I never forgot you Dolores - Yes

I couldn't believe my good fortune tonight when I discovered you hadn't married

I never married either

- Didn't you? - No

- Would it be too much to expect... - No

- I mean would you consider... - Yes

- I mean will you marry me? - This is so sudden

- Oh Albert, my cup is overflowing - So is mine

Oh dear, I'm so sorry

It doesn't matter!

- Well what do you say? Will you marry me? - Yes please

I'll get a special license! We can be married next week

So soon?

We've already wasted 25 years! We don't wanna waste any more time

- Wait - What's the matter?

We can't! We'll have to wait

My money's still tied up abroad

It'll take several weeks to transfer it over here...

I've got enough money

Dolores, I couldn't let you pay for the wedding and honeymoon and everything

- What's mine is yours - No, it wouldn't be right

Nonsense, don't be so proud

I'll tell you what I'll do

I'll use your money on the strict understanding

That I pay you back when mine comes through

- Very well, if you insist - I most definitely do That I pay you back when mine comes through

- Very well, if you insist - I most definitely do

Oh Albert, I'm so excited

So am I

Just a moment, I...

I have a little engagement! I've got to meet a fellow down the road

A little business! Lt'll only take a few minutes

Then I should come back and take you to dinner somewhere... just the two of us

That would be lovely

- Don't go away - Never

Mind where you're going

- Albert? - Is everything alright Sid?

Is everything alright?

I've just seen a fellow I haven't seen for years! Albert Collins

Albert! Miss Courtney's boyfriend

- Never - It's true

He's a crook, a con man

You must be mistaken! He's just come back from the Far East

He's been away for over 20 years

He's been away all right, doing porridge

He's been in prison?

He was in the nick with my brother-in-law

He's in and out of there like a fiddlers elbow

Do you know what his specialty is?

Finding lonely women, asking them to marry him

Taking their life savings and scampering Finding lonely women, asking them to marry him

Taking their life savings and scampering

I'm getting married in the morning

Enter

Ah Miss Courtney, I've got some rather disturbing news

Nothing you could say to me today would disturb Mr. Brown

- I think this might! It's about Albert - Ah Albert, my future husband

I've just been speaking to Sid and... Husband?

Yes, we're getting married by special license

Oh no

Now Mr. Brown, I know you were fond of me

But you mustn't take it too hard

Has he tried to borrow any money from you?

I fail to see what business that is of yours

He has... I hate to have to tell you this Miss Courtney

But your future husband is a crook

- Don't be so impertinent - It's true I'm afraid

He's a con man! He specializes in proposing to lonely women and taking their money

Nonsense! I don't believe it

Ask Sid, his brother-in-law was in prison with him

- Prison? Are you sure? - I'm afraid so

- Perhaps he's reformed - You don't really believe that, do you?

No, I thought it was too good to be true

He's coming back to take me out to dinner

- What shall I do? - Don't worry Miss Courtney He's coming back to take me out to dinner

- What shall I do? - Don't worry Miss Courtney

I'll deal with him

Leave everything to me

I've got a message for you from Miss Courtney

- Oh yes - Push off

What?

We know all about your little games

So I'd advise you to get lost quick, before I throw you out

- You and whose army? - Me and this army

Yeah, well... perhaps I had better be going

All right Miss Courtney, he's gone

Oh thank you Mr. Brown