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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,280 --> 00:00:05,749 It's typical for young people to admire rock stars. 2 00:00:05,750 --> 00:00:08,960 For my sister, it was Cyndi Lauper. 3 00:00:11,500 --> 00:00:13,539 For my brother, it was Bon Jovi. 4 00:00:13,540 --> 00:00:15,280 Well, Jon, we look good. 5 00:00:15,300 --> 00:00:17,630 ♪ Oh, we're livin' on... ♪ 6 00:00:19,100 --> 00:00:23,179 For me, the rock star I admired most was... 7 00:00:23,180 --> 00:00:25,260 Albert Einstein. 8 00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:30,940 Did you know Einstein loved playing the violin? 9 00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:32,000 So? 10 00:00:32,020 --> 00:00:34,940 He believed music helped him formulate his theories. 11 00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:36,479 So? 12 00:00:36,480 --> 00:00:39,000 Einstein was arguably the greatest scientific mind 13 00:00:39,020 --> 00:00:40,309 of the 20th century. 14 00:00:40,310 --> 00:00:42,480 If music helped him, maybe it could help me. 15 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:44,020 So? 16 00:00:45,320 --> 00:00:47,240 I got to go talk to my mom. 17 00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:49,069 - Everything okay? - Yeah, 18 00:00:49,070 --> 00:00:50,940 she's just got some problems she's dealing with. 19 00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:53,000 Kind of personal. Will you make the kids lunch? 20 00:00:53,010 --> 00:00:54,959 - Ah, do I have to? - George? 21 00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:56,319 Happy to. 22 00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:57,800 Be right back. 23 00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:01,660 What do y'all want for lunch? 24 00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:03,480 Peanut butter and jelly, please. 25 00:01:03,500 --> 00:01:04,510 Great. Missy? 26 00:01:04,530 --> 00:01:08,179 Tuna salad on rye toast, 27 00:01:08,180 --> 00:01:09,840 with sliced pickles and... 28 00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:11,560 Two PBJs, got it. 29 00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:14,149 What is going on? 30 00:01:14,150 --> 00:01:16,150 - Well... - Well, what? 31 00:01:16,220 --> 00:01:18,820 - I'm trying to say it. - You woke me up. 32 00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:20,500 Spill it or I'm going back to bed. 33 00:01:20,540 --> 00:01:22,400 I'm pregnant. 34 00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:24,820 I'm awake now. 35 00:01:38,540 --> 00:01:43,390 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com -- 36 00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:44,959 Are you sure? 37 00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:46,379 Yes. I'm late. 38 00:01:46,380 --> 00:01:48,179 - How late? - Two days. 39 00:01:48,180 --> 00:01:50,099 Oh, two days. That's nothing. 40 00:01:50,100 --> 00:01:53,019 Last time I was two days late, I had the twins. 41 00:01:53,020 --> 00:01:55,859 Last time I was two days late, I had menopause. 42 00:01:56,940 --> 00:01:59,080 Just trying to lighten the mood. 43 00:02:00,220 --> 00:02:02,149 So do you have... 44 00:02:02,150 --> 00:02:05,279 reason to think that you might be? 45 00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:08,460 Well, we try to be safe, but... you know, 46 00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:09,900 heat of the moment. 47 00:02:09,920 --> 00:02:12,569 Still? After three kids and that beer belly 48 00:02:12,570 --> 00:02:14,329 - hanging over his pants? - Mom? 49 00:02:14,330 --> 00:02:17,879 I think you might be getting way ahead of yourself. 50 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:20,200 I'm telling you, I just know. 51 00:02:20,220 --> 00:02:23,970 You were also convinced that Georgie was gonna be a girl. 52 00:02:23,980 --> 00:02:26,089 That's true. 53 00:02:26,090 --> 00:02:29,200 Although he does have very pretty hair. 54 00:02:31,940 --> 00:02:32,950 Hello. 55 00:02:32,980 --> 00:02:34,149 Hi, Sheldon. 56 00:02:34,150 --> 00:02:36,100 I'd like to learn to play the violin. 57 00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:39,649 Really? Well, that's terrific. 58 00:02:39,650 --> 00:02:42,349 Do you have any experience with stringed instruments? 59 00:02:42,350 --> 00:02:43,989 Stringed instruments, no. 60 00:02:43,990 --> 00:02:45,760 String theory, yes. 61 00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:49,910 That was a joke. I'm a joker. 62 00:02:49,940 --> 00:02:52,249 I think I have an old violin you can take home 63 00:02:52,250 --> 00:02:53,359 and get the feel of. 64 00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:54,830 That's great. 65 00:02:54,860 --> 00:02:55,920 Thank you. 66 00:02:55,950 --> 00:02:57,420 But I have to warn you, 67 00:02:57,440 --> 00:02:59,519 it can be a frustrating instrument to learn. 68 00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:01,520 - Can you play it? - Yes. 69 00:03:01,540 --> 00:03:02,780 I'll be fine. 70 00:03:13,180 --> 00:03:15,469 I don't see them. 71 00:03:15,470 --> 00:03:16,889 Excuse me. 72 00:03:16,890 --> 00:03:18,649 Where do you keep your pregnancy tests? 73 00:03:18,650 --> 00:03:19,670 Mom. 74 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:21,340 Behind the counter at the pharmacy. 75 00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:22,810 Thank you. 76 00:03:22,860 --> 00:03:24,810 Would you please be a little more discreet? 77 00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:26,559 She doesn't know it's for you. 78 00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:28,559 Well, it sure isn't for you. 79 00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:30,279 Come on. 80 00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:32,200 Ow. No. 81 00:03:32,250 --> 00:03:33,450 Well, go ahead. 82 00:03:33,460 --> 00:03:34,839 - I can't. - Why not? 83 00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:36,919 His daughter goes to Missy's school. 84 00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:39,300 You are being ridiculous. 85 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:41,480 I don't need the world knowing my business. 86 00:03:41,500 --> 00:03:42,560 Okay, fine. 87 00:03:43,550 --> 00:03:45,540 - Hello! - Oh! 88 00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:47,299 Excuse me. 89 00:03:47,300 --> 00:03:49,049 - Hi, can I help you? - Yes. 90 00:03:49,050 --> 00:03:51,559 Uh, I need a... pregnancy test. 91 00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:52,639 Sure. 92 00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:53,719 We have a few options. 93 00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:55,309 Hey, Connie. 94 00:03:55,310 --> 00:03:57,380 Oh, hey, Brenda. 95 00:03:57,420 --> 00:03:59,229 Oh, you-you pick. 96 00:03:59,230 --> 00:04:00,720 Is that a pregnancy test? 97 00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:03,279 Uh, yeah. 98 00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:04,650 It's for me. 99 00:04:04,700 --> 00:04:07,520 - Really? - Yes. 100 00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:10,450 I come from a long line of really fertile women. 101 00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:12,489 My mother had me when she was 57. 102 00:04:12,490 --> 00:04:13,580 Can you believe it? 103 00:04:13,660 --> 00:04:15,659 I don't think I can. 104 00:04:15,660 --> 00:04:17,180 Dr. Sturgis and I have been dating 105 00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:19,400 for some time and we really try to be careful, 106 00:04:19,420 --> 00:04:21,749 but you know how it is. 107 00:04:21,750 --> 00:04:23,700 Heat of the moment. 108 00:04:24,380 --> 00:04:26,080 Hi, Mrs. Cooper! 109 00:04:27,420 --> 00:04:29,010 Hi, Billy. 110 00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:31,010 Are you playing hide-and-seek? 111 00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:33,179 Um, yeah. 112 00:04:33,180 --> 00:04:35,220 Don't tell anybody. Shh. 113 00:04:35,820 --> 00:04:37,260 Bye, Mrs. Cooper! 114 00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:38,599 Oh! 115 00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:42,110 Thank you so much. Bye. 116 00:04:42,900 --> 00:04:45,440 Wish me luck. 117 00:04:45,490 --> 00:04:48,700 It's a bit worn. But it's fine for a beginner. 118 00:04:52,700 --> 00:04:54,619 That was unpleasant. 119 00:04:54,620 --> 00:04:56,780 It just takes some practice. 120 00:04:56,840 --> 00:04:59,169 Very well. When is my first lesson? 121 00:04:59,170 --> 00:05:01,940 I'm... pretty busy right now. 122 00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:05,500 But I can give you this in the meantime. 123 00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:07,880 Anyone Can Play Violin. 124 00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:09,900 They don't set the bar very high. 125 00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:14,519 You know what you need to do? 126 00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:15,700 Yes. 127 00:05:18,190 --> 00:05:19,559 How's it going? 128 00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:22,199 It'd be a lot easier to pee if you'd stop talking. 129 00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:23,600 Sorry. 130 00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:30,520 Now it's too quiet. Say something. 131 00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:34,039 I know you didn't expect this, 132 00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:36,829 and you still might not be, but... 133 00:05:36,830 --> 00:05:40,159 but if it turns out you are... 134 00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:42,460 I'm here for you. 135 00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:44,840 Thanks, Mom. 136 00:05:44,900 --> 00:05:47,469 You're not the one I'm worried about. 137 00:05:47,470 --> 00:05:50,089 If I'm pregnant, George is gonna flip out. 138 00:05:50,090 --> 00:05:52,679 I'm sure he would at first. 139 00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:54,809 Then he would calm down. 140 00:05:54,810 --> 00:05:57,760 Take a few beers. 141 00:05:58,770 --> 00:06:00,399 Maybe some malt liquor. 142 00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:02,989 I suppose. 143 00:06:02,990 --> 00:06:06,409 The truth is, he and I were both 144 00:06:06,410 --> 00:06:08,239 freaked out about having twins. 145 00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:11,249 But now I can't imagine life without them. 146 00:06:11,250 --> 00:06:13,159 Well, see, there you are. 147 00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:17,029 So, no matter what that test says, 148 00:06:17,030 --> 00:06:18,949 you're gonna be okay. 149 00:06:18,950 --> 00:06:20,000 You're right. 150 00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:23,500 What's it say? 151 00:06:25,060 --> 00:06:27,220 I'm gonna go buy that malt liquor. 152 00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:33,499 To get started, 153 00:06:33,500 --> 00:06:35,939 place your violin in rest position. 154 00:06:35,940 --> 00:06:37,560 Your feet should be together. 155 00:06:37,580 --> 00:06:39,240 Your right arm should be 156 00:06:39,260 --> 00:06:40,619 over your instrument, 157 00:06:40,620 --> 00:06:43,560 not touching the strings or the bridge. 158 00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:45,760 - Put your left hand... - What are you doing? 159 00:06:45,820 --> 00:06:47,480 What does it look like? 160 00:06:47,500 --> 00:06:49,200 Like you're looking for another excuse 161 00:06:49,220 --> 00:06:50,739 for kids to pick on you. 162 00:06:50,740 --> 00:06:52,880 Now, you are ready to position your feet. 163 00:06:52,900 --> 00:06:55,850 Zip your feet open and step forward 164 00:06:55,860 --> 00:06:57,940 with your left foot. 165 00:06:57,960 --> 00:06:59,520 - Your feet should... - What are you doing? 166 00:06:59,580 --> 00:07:02,520 I was gonna watch DuckTales, but this looks funnier. 167 00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:04,759 ... procedure for positioning the violin on your shoulder. 168 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:08,220 Hold your violin above the left foot 169 00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:10,229 with the neck of the instrument pointing up. 170 00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:12,099 Left foot, neck up. 171 00:07:12,100 --> 00:07:14,019 Now rotate the neck of the instrument 172 00:07:14,020 --> 00:07:16,840 counterclockwise, so that the neck points 173 00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:18,440 at your left foot. 174 00:07:18,460 --> 00:07:20,740 - Oh, boy. - I was right. 175 00:07:20,770 --> 00:07:23,189 Bend your left elbow so that the violin 176 00:07:23,190 --> 00:07:24,880 rests on your shoulder 177 00:07:24,900 --> 00:07:26,800 and place your head on the chin rest. 178 00:07:26,820 --> 00:07:29,860 Now try dropping your left hand. 179 00:07:29,880 --> 00:07:31,480 See if you can hold your instrument 180 00:07:31,500 --> 00:07:33,180 without your hands. 181 00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:35,300 - Time yourself at this... - What's going on? 182 00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:38,120 I'm learning to play the violin. 183 00:07:38,140 --> 00:07:40,020 It's my new favorite show. 184 00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:42,679 Once you feel you have control of your instrument, 185 00:07:42,680 --> 00:07:45,900 try moving your hands around. 186 00:07:53,550 --> 00:07:55,490 Repeat this procedure until you can position 187 00:07:55,500 --> 00:07:58,100 your instrument comfortably and quickly. 188 00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:05,260 He'll just be another minute. 189 00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:06,940 Thank you. 190 00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:12,620 - What's that about? - Oh... 191 00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:15,480 just trying not to breathe the smoke in. 192 00:08:15,540 --> 00:08:16,929 Come on. 193 00:08:16,930 --> 00:08:19,549 It already went through the filter and my lungs. 194 00:08:19,550 --> 00:08:22,049 This stuff is squeaky clean. 195 00:08:22,050 --> 00:08:23,820 Well, still. 196 00:08:23,890 --> 00:08:27,439 He's all yours, your highness. 197 00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:28,860 All right. 198 00:08:30,700 --> 00:08:32,459 Hey, Mare, what's up? 199 00:08:32,460 --> 00:08:34,110 Other than the big guy. 200 00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:35,309 God joke. 201 00:08:35,310 --> 00:08:39,899 Actually, um, I could use some guidance. 202 00:08:39,900 --> 00:08:41,369 I got some news today, 203 00:08:41,370 --> 00:08:44,140 and I'm not quite sure how I feel about it. 204 00:08:44,210 --> 00:08:46,440 Of course. Sit. 205 00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:53,719 Well... I am... 206 00:08:53,720 --> 00:08:55,669 um... 207 00:08:55,670 --> 00:08:57,169 with child. 208 00:08:57,170 --> 00:08:58,979 That's wonderful! 209 00:08:58,980 --> 00:09:00,500 Congratulations! 210 00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:02,160 How far along are you? 211 00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:04,089 Uh, could you keep it down just a little? 212 00:09:04,090 --> 00:09:05,759 I haven't exactly told George yet. 213 00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:07,929 Got it. And why not? 214 00:09:07,930 --> 00:09:09,340 It is his, right? 215 00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:11,019 Of course. 216 00:09:11,020 --> 00:09:12,700 Apologies. 217 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,649 Hey, I'm a pastor in a small town. 218 00:09:14,650 --> 00:09:18,180 You wouldn't believe the juicy things I hear. 219 00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:22,609 This just wasn't part of our plan. 220 00:09:22,610 --> 00:09:25,329 Well, luckily... it's part of God's plan. 221 00:09:25,330 --> 00:09:27,499 And let me tell you about another Mary 222 00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:30,249 who didn't know how to tell her husband she was expecting. 223 00:09:30,250 --> 00:09:33,200 And her story is way weirder than yours. 224 00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:38,429 In order to practice this, move your bow 225 00:09:38,430 --> 00:09:41,759 in a counterclockwise direction. 226 00:09:41,760 --> 00:09:45,460 Keep your hand moving right with the tip of the bow. 227 00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:46,560 For our next song, 228 00:09:46,580 --> 00:09:48,080 "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star," 229 00:09:48,100 --> 00:09:51,080 remember, posture is our most important thing. 230 00:09:51,100 --> 00:09:52,609 Set, play. 231 00:10:05,220 --> 00:10:07,320 Did you hear that? I did it! 232 00:10:07,410 --> 00:10:08,990 I don't think you did. 233 00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:12,780 And now we see how it helps my science. 234 00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:16,380 Hmm. 235 00:10:16,460 --> 00:10:19,060 Hmm... 236 00:10:21,420 --> 00:10:23,460 Come on, think. 237 00:10:25,100 --> 00:10:27,160 Probably needs more "Twinkle, Twinkle." 238 00:10:27,180 --> 00:10:28,860 ... for learning new songs. 239 00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:30,899 You can play them along with me. 240 00:10:40,190 --> 00:10:41,689 What the hell is that? 241 00:10:41,690 --> 00:10:44,609 Sheldon's learning to play the violin. 242 00:10:44,610 --> 00:10:46,940 Oh. Well, that's unfortunate. 243 00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:48,109 Mm-hmm. 244 00:10:48,110 --> 00:10:50,180 I'm gonna go change. 245 00:10:52,860 --> 00:10:54,220 Hey, Dad. 246 00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:56,789 Can you believe I only started playing today? 247 00:10:56,790 --> 00:10:58,540 I really can. 248 00:11:10,970 --> 00:11:12,889 Hey, so there's something 249 00:11:12,890 --> 00:11:14,689 I've been meaning to talk to you about. 250 00:11:14,690 --> 00:11:15,889 Sure, what's up? 251 00:11:15,890 --> 00:11:19,609 Now, before I say it, um, 252 00:11:19,610 --> 00:11:22,649 I want to tell you a story of another Mary. 253 00:11:22,650 --> 00:11:24,369 Um... 254 00:11:24,370 --> 00:11:25,979 Okay, anytime... 255 00:11:25,980 --> 00:11:28,539 Are you kidding me? 256 00:11:28,540 --> 00:11:30,159 Keep your voice down. 257 00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:31,540 Are you kidding me? 258 00:11:31,570 --> 00:11:34,440 Look, I was a little thrown, too, but Pastor Jeff said... 259 00:11:34,460 --> 00:11:35,989 Pastor Jeff? 260 00:11:35,990 --> 00:11:37,680 Pastor Jeff knows before me? 261 00:11:37,690 --> 00:11:40,540 Well, yeah, I needed someone to talk to, 262 00:11:40,550 --> 00:11:42,660 - and, you know, my mom... - Your mom? 263 00:11:42,680 --> 00:11:43,780 Shh! 264 00:11:43,820 --> 00:11:45,480 Does the whole damn town know? 265 00:11:45,500 --> 00:11:48,940 No. Just my mom and Pastor Jeff. 266 00:11:49,010 --> 00:11:52,220 And maybe Brenda Sparks. 267 00:11:52,260 --> 00:11:54,140 Probably Peg... 268 00:11:55,010 --> 00:11:57,899 and whoever she told, but that is it. 269 00:11:57,900 --> 00:11:58,929 Oh, is that it? 270 00:11:58,930 --> 00:12:01,099 Great news! 271 00:12:01,100 --> 00:12:02,399 Not a good time, Sheldon. 272 00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:04,360 But it's really important. 273 00:12:04,380 --> 00:12:05,880 Ugh. 274 00:12:07,580 --> 00:12:10,850 I figured out why the violin worked for Einstein 275 00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:12,329 and not for me. 276 00:12:12,330 --> 00:12:14,600 I need to become a Jewish person. 277 00:12:20,660 --> 00:12:23,480 - Sheldon, dinner! - Coming. 278 00:12:26,070 --> 00:12:28,800 Sorry I'm late. Shalom. 279 00:12:32,470 --> 00:12:33,809 What's on your head? 280 00:12:33,810 --> 00:12:35,980 - A yarmulke. - A yama-what? 281 00:12:36,040 --> 00:12:37,660 It's a special Jewish hat. 282 00:12:37,680 --> 00:12:40,519 It reminds the wearer that God is always over you. 283 00:12:41,850 --> 00:12:43,269 Mom. 284 00:12:43,270 --> 00:12:44,880 Oh, come on, it's funny. 285 00:12:44,900 --> 00:12:47,040 It's not funny and it's not a yarmulke. 286 00:12:47,060 --> 00:12:49,400 It is a coaster I crocheted at Bible camp. 287 00:12:50,860 --> 00:12:52,409 Are you gonna say something to him? 288 00:12:52,410 --> 00:12:55,420 Normally I would, but I got bigger problems right now. 289 00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:00,119 - Let's just say grace. - Hold on. 290 00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:02,199 Are these hot dogs kosher? 291 00:13:07,760 --> 00:13:09,190 Over the next few days, 292 00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:11,280 I continued to play the violin 293 00:13:11,300 --> 00:13:15,120 in an effort to replicate the mental prowess of Einstein. 294 00:13:15,180 --> 00:13:18,100 I was asked to confine my practice to the garage 295 00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:21,140 by my father, mother, sister and brother. 296 00:13:21,180 --> 00:13:23,600 Meemaw was fine with me practicing in the house, 297 00:13:23,620 --> 00:13:26,120 but why would she care? She doesn't live with us. 298 00:13:28,030 --> 00:13:29,559 Hey, George. 299 00:13:29,560 --> 00:13:31,369 Hey, Herschel. 300 00:13:31,370 --> 00:13:32,960 Let me guess, you're here to complain 301 00:13:32,980 --> 00:13:34,500 about Sheldon's violin playing. 302 00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:36,630 Under normal circumstances, I'd say yeah, 303 00:13:36,660 --> 00:13:37,959 but since he started, 304 00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:41,120 my chickens been dropping eggs like crazy. 305 00:13:42,130 --> 00:13:44,010 - That's weird. - Hey, uh, 306 00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:46,380 I hear congratulations are in order. 307 00:13:46,420 --> 00:13:47,880 What's that you hear? 308 00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:50,139 Maybe I didn't hear it. Never mind. 309 00:13:50,140 --> 00:13:51,339 It's all right. 310 00:13:51,340 --> 00:13:53,759 Seems like everybody knows. 311 00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:56,169 You don't seem terribly enthusiastic. 312 00:13:57,640 --> 00:13:59,509 It's the money, Herschel. 313 00:13:59,510 --> 00:14:01,179 It's all about the money. 314 00:14:01,180 --> 00:14:04,429 Well, there's only one solution to that. 315 00:14:04,430 --> 00:14:05,900 Which is? 316 00:14:05,910 --> 00:14:07,519 You got to make more money. 317 00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:09,620 - Thank you. - Welcome. 318 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:11,109 Hey, I got to ask, 319 00:14:11,110 --> 00:14:14,739 did that fiddle playing increase the fertility in all the females 320 00:14:14,740 --> 00:14:17,779 around here or just my chickens? 321 00:14:17,780 --> 00:14:20,249 I was just throwing it out there, never mind. 322 00:14:20,250 --> 00:14:22,669 Wait here, I'm-a go get you some eggs. 323 00:14:22,670 --> 00:14:25,340 - That's okay. - You're getting eggs. 324 00:14:25,380 --> 00:14:27,760 Guess I'm getting eggs. 325 00:14:27,820 --> 00:14:29,800 All right, George, 326 00:14:29,820 --> 00:14:33,129 - what's so damn important? - Well... 327 00:14:33,130 --> 00:14:35,709 I don't want to get into the why's and wherefore's, 328 00:14:35,710 --> 00:14:38,299 but I'm gonna need a raise. 329 00:14:38,300 --> 00:14:40,019 Is this 'cause Mary's pregnant? 330 00:14:40,020 --> 00:14:42,189 You got to be kidding me. 331 00:14:42,190 --> 00:14:44,439 Does everybody in this damn town know my business? 332 00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:46,389 I just... it was taking a guess. 333 00:14:46,390 --> 00:14:48,660 - Tom. - My wife told me. 334 00:14:49,810 --> 00:14:52,229 Doesn't matter. What do you say? 335 00:14:52,230 --> 00:14:54,570 Are you threatening to quit if you don't get it? 336 00:14:54,620 --> 00:14:56,600 No, Tom, I'm threatening to rob a bank. 337 00:14:56,620 --> 00:14:59,140 Okay. All right, well, let's not do that. 338 00:15:00,820 --> 00:15:02,869 $100 a week do the trick? 339 00:15:02,870 --> 00:15:05,840 Yes. Thanks. Bye. 340 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:13,339 Temple Judea, 341 00:15:13,340 --> 00:15:14,499 how can I help you? 342 00:15:14,500 --> 00:15:16,469 Hello, I'd like to become Jewish. 343 00:15:16,470 --> 00:15:18,309 Who would be in charge of that? 344 00:15:18,310 --> 00:15:19,640 How old are you? 345 00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:22,139 - I'm ten. - Please hold. 346 00:15:27,850 --> 00:15:30,149 Hello, this is Rabbi Schneiderman. 347 00:15:30,150 --> 00:15:31,650 To whom am I speaking? 348 00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:33,609 Hello, this is Sheldon Cooper. 349 00:15:33,610 --> 00:15:37,189 Hello, Sheldon. Um, how can I help you? 350 00:15:37,190 --> 00:15:38,674 I'm currently a Baptist 351 00:15:38,675 --> 00:15:41,000 and I'd like to convert to Judaism. 352 00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:43,669 A Baptist named Sheldon. 353 00:15:43,670 --> 00:15:45,869 Okay. 354 00:15:45,870 --> 00:15:47,699 And why do you want to convert? 355 00:15:47,700 --> 00:15:48,780 Very simple. 356 00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:51,000 It's my intention to become a great scientist 357 00:15:51,020 --> 00:15:52,254 and I couldn't help but notice 358 00:15:52,255 --> 00:15:54,360 most of the great scientists are Jewish, 359 00:15:54,380 --> 00:15:57,560 so logic dictates it's time to switch teams. 360 00:15:57,600 --> 00:15:59,209 Well, I'm sure there are 361 00:15:59,210 --> 00:16:02,429 many Baptist scientists you could emulate. 362 00:16:02,430 --> 00:16:03,769 That's kind of you to say, 363 00:16:03,770 --> 00:16:06,219 but other than Cornelius Drebbel in the 1500s, 364 00:16:06,220 --> 00:16:07,769 it's pretty slim pickings. 365 00:16:09,470 --> 00:16:12,279 Well, Sheldon, you sound like a very smart young man. 366 00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:14,059 Oh, you have no idea. 367 00:16:14,060 --> 00:16:16,899 Can I ask how your parents feel about this? 368 00:16:16,900 --> 00:16:19,480 Well, when I presented them with my plan, 369 00:16:19,500 --> 00:16:21,780 the words "over my dead body" were used. 370 00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:24,659 I'm not surprised. 371 00:16:24,660 --> 00:16:26,780 But they were similarly resistant 372 00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:28,209 when I wanted to get an ant farm 373 00:16:28,210 --> 00:16:29,989 and eventually they came around. 374 00:16:29,990 --> 00:16:34,049 All right, here's what I'm gonna tell you to do. 375 00:16:34,050 --> 00:16:35,550 Read your Bible. 376 00:16:35,580 --> 00:16:37,389 Already did, cover to cover. 377 00:16:37,390 --> 00:16:39,339 - Really? - Quiz me. 378 00:16:39,340 --> 00:16:42,669 No, that's okay, I believe you. 379 00:16:42,670 --> 00:16:45,889 All right, my advice to you 380 00:16:45,890 --> 00:16:49,099 is to stay with the faith of your parents. 381 00:16:49,100 --> 00:16:51,429 - What else you got? - Okay. 382 00:16:51,430 --> 00:16:53,899 Then I'm gonna tell you 383 00:16:53,900 --> 00:16:55,769 to be your own man. 384 00:16:55,770 --> 00:16:58,939 But I want to be a great scientist like Albert Einstein. 385 00:16:58,940 --> 00:17:00,109 Sheldon, 386 00:17:00,110 --> 00:17:02,409 when your days are over, 387 00:17:02,410 --> 00:17:05,199 God will never ask you, 388 00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:08,779 "Why weren't you Einstein?" 389 00:17:08,780 --> 00:17:11,660 But he might ask you, 390 00:17:11,700 --> 00:17:14,100 "Why weren't you Sheldon?" 391 00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:24,549 What's going on? You all right? 392 00:17:24,550 --> 00:17:27,360 I'm not feeling great. 393 00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:28,860 Is it a pregnant thing? 394 00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:31,060 'Cause I got some good news on that. 395 00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:33,690 I got a decent raise. 396 00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:35,340 It doesn't matter. 397 00:17:35,360 --> 00:17:36,859 What do you mean it doesn't matter? 398 00:17:36,860 --> 00:17:38,540 We can pull this off now. 399 00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:43,140 I lost the baby. 400 00:17:45,980 --> 00:17:48,700 Oh. 401 00:17:58,330 --> 00:18:00,520 You're probably relieved, huh? 402 00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:05,280 Actually... 403 00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:07,920 ... no. 404 00:18:12,940 --> 00:18:15,269 I love the first three. 405 00:18:15,270 --> 00:18:17,440 Fourth one's a charm, right? 406 00:18:21,740 --> 00:18:23,940 Dad? 407 00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:26,160 Mom? 408 00:18:28,250 --> 00:18:30,419 Yeah, Shelly? 409 00:18:30,420 --> 00:18:32,225 I just thought you should know 410 00:18:32,226 --> 00:18:33,749 I'm not going to be Jewish. 411 00:18:33,750 --> 00:18:37,420 I'm going to remain the atheist Baptist you've come to love. 412 00:18:39,210 --> 00:18:41,539 Good to hear. 413 00:18:41,540 --> 00:18:43,340 Are you crying? 414 00:18:45,550 --> 00:18:48,520 Yeah, but don't worry, everything's okay. 415 00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:53,220 Good. 416 00:18:57,640 --> 00:18:58,760 Once again, 417 00:18:58,780 --> 00:19:00,699 I brought my mother so much joy 418 00:19:00,700 --> 00:19:02,560 she was moved to tears. 419 00:19:02,580 --> 00:19:04,960 I don't know how I do it. 420 00:19:10,810 --> 00:19:12,990 Tom, George Cooper's here for you. 421 00:19:13,010 --> 00:19:14,839 Send him in. 422 00:19:14,840 --> 00:19:17,160 Hey, Tom, you got a minute? 423 00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:19,149 Pretty busy. 424 00:19:19,150 --> 00:19:20,820 Make it quick. 425 00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:24,240 It turns out I don't need that raise. 426 00:19:24,260 --> 00:19:25,899 What happened, you win the lottery? 427 00:19:25,900 --> 00:19:28,020 No, no. 428 00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:36,340 Aw, George, I am so sorry. 429 00:19:36,380 --> 00:19:39,020 Well, what can you do? 430 00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:42,340 Listen, I cleared your raise already, 431 00:19:42,360 --> 00:19:43,599 why don't you just keep the money. 432 00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:45,689 - Oh, no, I couldn't do that. - No. 433 00:19:45,690 --> 00:19:48,480 No, I mean it. It's yours. 434 00:19:49,980 --> 00:19:51,860 Okay. 435 00:19:51,900 --> 00:19:54,400 Thanks. Bye. 436 00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:59,540 Thank you, but I will no longer be needing these. 437 00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:02,520 You're giving up so soon? What happened? 438 00:20:02,540 --> 00:20:04,159 - Did it hurt your fingers? - No. 439 00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:07,079 I'm following the advice of a very wise Rabbi Schneiderman 440 00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:08,960 from Temple Judea in Houston. 441 00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:11,840 Is this another one of your jokes? 442 00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:14,380 No. If it were a joke, your mouth would be open 443 00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:17,510 and the sound "ha-ha" would be coming out. 444 00:20:18,970 --> 00:20:23,970 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com -- 30186

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